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Title: This was a man
A comedy in three acts
Author: Noël Coward
Release date: April 14, 2025 [eBook #75864]
Language: English
Original publication: Garden City: Doubleday, Doran & Company, Inc, 1926
Credits: Hannah Wilson and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from scanned images of public domain material from the Google Books project.)
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THIS WAS A MAN ***
“THIS WAS A MAN”
_NOEL COWARD_
“THIS WAS A MAN”
A Comedy in Three Acts
[Illustration]
Garden City, New York
Doubleday, Doran & Company, Inc.
MCMXXXIII
COPYRIGHT, 1926
BY NOEL COWARD
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES
ERRATUM
_Applications regarding performing rights should be addressed to the
author, care of the publishers._
TO
JOHN C. WILSON
PALERMO, _April 1926_
“THIS WAS A MAN”
CHARACTERS
(In the order of their appearance)
EDWARD CHURT
CAROL CHURT
HARRY CHALLONER
MARGOT BUTLER
BERRY
BOBBIE ROMFORD
ZOE ST. MERRYN
MAJOR EVELYN BATHURST
BLACKWELL
SCENES
ACT I
SCENE I: Edward Chart’s studio in Knightsbridge—2.30 A.M.
SCENE II: The same. The following afternoon.
ACT II
SCENE: Evelyn Bathurst’s flat. The same night.
ACT III
SCENE: The same as Act I. The following morning.
“THIS WAS A MAN”
Act One
ACT I
SCENE I
_EDWARD CHURT’S studio in Knightsbridge is furnished with mingled opulence
and good taste—he is a successful modern portrait-painter._
[_When the curtain rises it is about 2.30 a.m. There is a faint glow
from the fireplace on the left; a table stands more or less C.,
upon which is a reading lamp illumining a decanter of whisky, some
siphons, a plate of biscuits and another of sandwiches, and two or
three glasses; there are also a box of cigarettes and matches. The
rest of the room is in comparative darkness. There is the sound of
a taxi drawing up in the street, then after a suitable pause the
noise of the front door being opened. CAROL CHURT enters, followed
by HARRY CHALLONER. They are both in evening dress. CAROL is lovely
and exquisitely gowned; her vivid personality is composed of a
minimum of intellect and a maximum of sex. HARRY possesses all the
earmarks of a social success—he is an excellent ballroom dancer,
compared with which his activities in the city are negligible._]
CAROL
Don’t make a noise.
HARRY
I wasn’t.
CAROL
I didn’t say you were—I said don’t.
HARRY
All right.
CAROL
Do you want a drink?
HARRY
Yes, please.
CAROL
Help yourself then—and give me one.
[_She takes off her cloak and lights a cigarette._]
HARRY
Say when.
CAROL
That’s enough.
[_He fills up the glass with soda and hands it to her._]
HARRY
Here.
CAROL
Thanks.
HARRY
You are a marvel.
CAROL
Why?
HARRY
You’re so steady.
CAROL
I don’t see any reason for being anything else.
HARRY
You don’t think he’ll find out?
CAROL
Of course not.
HARRY
Where does he sleep?
CAROL
[_Pointing to door, R._]
In there.
[_HARRY, with big drink in his hand, tiptoes over and listens at the
door._]
HARRY
I can’t hear a sound.
CAROL
He doesn’t snore unless he’s taken to it lately.
HARRY
[_Returning_]
Darling, do you love me?
CAROL
What a silly question!
HARRY
It’s all been so wonderful.
CAROL
[_Smiling_]
Has it?
HARRY
Well, hasn’t it?
CAROL
Yes, it has rather. [_He puts down his drink and takes her in his arms._]
Look out—
[_She is holding her glass out at arm’s length to prevent it
upsetting._]
HARRY
Put it down, darling—
[_There is a good deal of passion in his voice when he says,
“darling.”_]
CAROL
Why?
HARRY
I want to kiss you.
CAROL
Again?
HARRY
Yes, again and again and again—forever.
[_He takes her glass and slams it down on the table._]
CAROL
Shhh! Don’t be a fool.
HARRY
I don’t care—
[_He kisses her lingeringly._]
CAROL
[_Gently disentangling herself_]
I do—it’s silly to be reckless.
HARRY
I don’t believe you love me as much as you did before.
CAROL
It isn’t that at all—you know it isn’t.
HARRY
Kiss me then.
CAROL
Very well.
[_She goes up to him and quietly kisses him on the mouth. They stand
there motionless for a moment._]
HARRY
I want you—all over again—for the first time.
CAROL
[_Stroking his face_]
Darling.
HARRY
I’m crazy about you.
CAROL
You must go home to bed now.
HARRY
Will you telephone me?
CAROL
Yes.
HARRY
First thing?
CAROL
Yes.
HARRY
Promise.
CAROL
Promise.
[_They go out of the door. There is a little whispering in the hall.
Then a silence and the sound of the front door closing gently. CAROL
comes back into the studio pensively. She finishes her whisky and
soda, takes a biscuit, and flings her cloak over her arm; then she
switches off the light and goes slowly off up R. Her door closes.
After a slight pause EDWARD CHURT rises from the big armchair by
the fire in which he has been sitting with his back to the audience,
and goes over to the table. He switches on the lamp again and helps
himself to a sandwich; he munches it thoughtfully for a moment, then
with an air of determination picks up the whole plate, switches off
the lamp and—retires to his room._]
CURTAIN
SCENE II
_The scene is the same. It is an afternoon a few weeks later about five
o’clock._
[_When the curtain rises, LADY MARGOT BUTLER is seated down-stage in
a slightly picturesque attitude. She is a good-looking woman of about
thirty-five. EDWARD is working on a sketch of her and is hidden from
view behind an easel._]
MARGOT
I’m much more comfortable now, Edward.
EDWARD
Yes, I see you are. Would you mind getting uncomfortable again?
MARGOT
[_Rearranging herself_]
It _is_ a shame. Why do you insist on drawing people in such agonizing
positions?
EDWARD
It makes them feel they’re getting their money’s worth. You can rest in a
moment and have a cigarette.
MARGOT
Was Violet Netherson pleased with your malicious portrayal of all her
worst points?
EDWARD
Delighted. As a matter of fact, it _is_ one of the best things I’ve done.
MARGOT
Yes, but hardly from her point of view. I should never forgive you if you
did that to me.
EDWARD
I shall do something much worse if you don’t keep still.
MARGOT
What about that cigarette?
EDWARD
Shut up.
MARGOT
All right. [_There is silence for a moment._] Is that one by the door new?
EDWARD
Yes, it’s the Fenwick girl—her mother’s convinced that she’s a wild
woodland type.
MARGOT
St. John’s Woodland.
EDWARD
I had a bit of a tussle with her.
MARGOT
I like it.
EDWARD
There now, you can relax. I shan’t do any more to-day.
[_MARGOT rises quickly and strides about._]
MARGOT
I should loathe to be a professional model.
EDWARD
There are worse fates I believe. Would you like tea or cocktails or
anything?
MARGOT
I should like some tea now and a cocktail later on.
EDWARD
Are you going to stay a long time?
MARGOT
I told Bobbie to pick me up.
EDWARD
[_Ringing bell_]
How is Bobbie?
MARGOT
Splendid. I’m still mad about him.
EDWARD
That’s right.
MARGOT
You don’t like him, do you?
EDWARD
I hardly know him.
MARGOT
He’s such a darling, and a great comfort to me.
EDWARD
[_Standing back and regarding his sketch_]
I shall only need one more sitting.
MARGOT
I believe you disapprove of me and Bobbie.
EDWARD
Don’t be ridiculous. Why should I?
MARGOT
You must _never_ disapprove of things, Edward. It’s so second rate.
EDWARD
You don’t mean that a bit.
MARGOT
Yes, I do.
EDWARD
You secretly disapprove of the whole affair, yourself, really. That’s
why you always talk about it so much—to sort of brazen it out and put
yourself straight with yourself.
MARGOT
Edward, how _can_ you! Anyhow, why shouldn’t I talk about it. You all
know. Everybody knows.
EDWARD
Reticence as a national quality seems to be on the wane.
MARGOT
What a pompous remark!
EDWARD
Perhaps—but true. [_Enter BERRY._] Tea please, Berry.
BERRY
Very good, sir.
MARGOT
Lemon with mine, please, Berry.
BERRY
Yes, my lady.
[_He goes out._]
MARGOT
You’re an awfully difficult person to know properly.
EDWARD
Am I?
MARGOT
You don’t give an inch, do you?
EDWARD
Why should I?
MARGOT
Oh, I don’t know. Confidences and discussions of everything make life so
much more amusing.
EDWARD
Modern society seems to demand intimacy all in a minute. You all lay bare
your private affairs to comparative strangers without a qualm.
MARGOT
Oh, Edward, dear, _we’re_ not strangers.
EDWARD
We met for the first time six months ago.
MARGOT
It seems _ever_ so much more.
EDWARD
You’d told me all about Jim and Bobbie and your exact feelings toward
each of them before we’d known each other a month.
MARGOT
It’s because you’re so sympathetic; you invite confidence.
EDWARD
Nonsense.
MARGOT
You’re being perfectly horrid to-day. Has anything happened to upset you?
EDWARD
No, I don’t think so.
MARGOT
Well I shan’t sit for you again unless you’re in a better temper.
EDWARD
Don’t be cross.
MARGOT
I’m not cross. I’m hurt.
EDWARD
I think perhaps I do feel a little nervy.
MARGOT
There now, I knew it.
[_BERRY enters with tea._]
EDWARD
Here’s tea, anyhow. When Lord Romford calls, Berry, show him straight in,
will you?
BERRY
Yes, sir.
EDWARD
You’d better make some cocktails.
BERRY
Very well, sir.
[_He goes out._]
MARGOT
Do you want lemon or milk?
EDWARD
Neither, thanks. Just plain unvarnished tea.
MARGOT
Is that Katherine Loring? [_Looking at picture._]
EDWARD
Yes, unfinished.
MARGOT
She always is unfinished. She has a negligible personality, I’m afraid.
Here you are.
[_She hands him his tea._]
EDWARD
Thank you.
MARGOT
I hear Zoe’s back.
EDWARD
Yes, she rang me up this morning.
MARGOT
Where’s she been, exactly?
EDWARD
All over the place.
MARGOT
Who with?
EDWARD
By herself, I believe.
MARGOT
My dear, she must have been with _somebody_. She couldn’t have been all
alone after all that awful business. She’d have gone mad.
EDWARD
She’ll be here soon. You’ll be able to ask her about it.
MARGOT
You were engaged to her once, weren’t you?
EDWARD
Now then, Margot.
MARGOT
You were. I _know_ you were. Carol told me.
EDWARD
Well, as a matter of fact, we weren’t actually. We’ve been friends since
we were children and we did discuss marriage at one time, but without
great conviction.
MARGOT
I can’t understand why she let Kenneth divorce her. Everybody knows—
EDWARD
Zoe wished for her freedom and just went about getting it as quickly as
possible.
MARGOT
Well I don’t know how she could have faced it. I shouldn’t have dared—
EDWARD
You’re less independent than she is.
MARGOT
I believe you’re going to be horrid again.
[_BERRY enters._]
BERRY
[_Announcing_]
Lord Romford.
[_BOBBIE ROMFORD enters. He is a nice-looking, meaningless young man._]
BOBBIE
Excuse my butting in like this, Churt.
[_He and EDWARD shake hands._]
EDWARD
We were expecting you. The cocktails will be here in a moment.
BOBBIE
Hallo, Margot! How’s the picture going?
MARGOT
It’s nearly finished, but Edward won’t let me see it. He’s been
thoroughly soured up all the afternoon.
EDWARD
Margot has been trying to persuade me to brush my hair with her.
BOBBIE
[_Puzzled_]
Brush your hair?
EDWARD
Yes, metaphorically speaking.
BOBBIE
[_Relieved_]
Oh, I see.
EDWARD
Hair-brushing is a symbol of girlish confidences. Even the nicest people
do it.
MARGOT
Edward shuts up like a clam the moment I try to discuss anything in the
least interesting. Where have you been, Bobbie?
BOBBIE
Playing squash with Evie at the Bath Club.
EDWARD
Why didn’t you bring him along?
BOBBIE
He said he was coming on later.
MARGOT
I suppose he won.
BOBBIE
Yes; he always does.
[_Enter BERRY with a tray of cocktails._]
EDWARD
Put them down here, Berry. [_He clears a space on the table._] Do you
want any more tea, Margot?
MARGOT
No thanks.
EDWARD
Take away the remains, then, Berry.
BERRY
Yes, sir.
[_He piles the tea things up and takes them out._]
BOBBIE
I saw your wife in St. James’s Street, Churt.
MARGOT
[_Eagerly_]
Who was she with?
BOBBIE
Harry Challoner.
MARGOT
I love Harry. Don’t you, Edward?
EDWARD
Passionately.
MARGOT
I expect they were going to Fanny’s. She’s got a mah-jong party. She
seems to imagine it’s a novelty. I ought to be there, really, but I just
felt I couldn’t bear it—all those hot scented women squabbling over the
scores.
BOBBIE
Do you mind if I take a cigarette, Churt?
EDWARD
Of course not. I’m so sorry. [_He hands the box._] Margot?
MARGOT
Thanks, Edward dear.
[_BERRY enters._]
BERRY
[_Announcing_]
Mrs. St. Merryn.
[_ZOE ST. MERRYN enters. She is beautifully dressed and pleasantly
unexaggerated._]
ZOE
Edward! [_She takes both his hands._] I’m terribly excited at seeing you
again.
EDWARD
It’s grand, isn’t it, after a whole year.
ZOE
I’ve got so much to say I don’t know where to start. [_She sees MARGOT._]
Margot, this is lovely. How are you?
[_They kiss._]
MARGOT
You look divine, darling. Do you know Bobbie?
ZOE
[_Shaking hands with him_]
Bobbie who?
MARGOT
Romford, dear.
ZOE
[_With a swift glance at MARGOT._]
Oh, yes, of course. I’ve heard of you.
MARGOT
_What_ have you heard? You must tell me.
ZOE
I can’t remember at the moment. Edward, give me a cigarette and a
cocktail and tell me all about everything.
EDWARD
[_Ministering to her_]
Cigarette—cocktail—there.
ZOE
Thank you. Now then—
EDWARD
I don’t know where to start any better than you do.
ZOE
How’s Carol?
EDWARD
Awfully well.
ZOE
Where is she?
EDWARD
Out. She leads rather a hectic life I’m afraid—matinées, bridge,
mah-jong, dancing—
ZOE
You reel off those four harmless occupations as though they were the most
ignoble of human frailties.
EDWARD
I didn’t mean to, really.
ZOE
They’re wonderful _pis allers_ for people who don’t do things.
EDWARD
I don’t believe in _pis allers_.
ZOE
That’s not a virtue; it’s just part of your creative equipment.
MARGOT
I want to hear all about your travels, Zoe—where you’ve been and who
with.
ZOE
[_Laughing_]
It’s difficult to remember accurately who I was with all the time. You
may rest assured that I had an endless succession of lovers, beginning
with an elderly mulatto in Honolulu and finishing with a retired matador
in Seville.
EDWARD
I hope you’re satisfied, Margot.
MARGOT
Don’t be so annoying, Zoe. I really am frightfully interested.
ZOE
You always are, darling, in other people’s affairs.
MARGOT
Naturally—they all sound so much more entertaining than my own. Did you
see Jim anywhere about in Spain?
ZOE
Yes, in Barcelona. He’d just come in from a yachting cruise.
MARGOT
[_Eagerly_]
_Who_ was with him? _Do_ tell me!
ZOE
Nobody. I met him coming out of a bathroom at the Ritz.
MARGOT
Did he look more or less unattached?
ZOE
Yes. He seemed quite happy.
EDWARD
Margot’s interest in her husband is so maternal, it always makes me feel
as though I were in the presence of something sacred!
MARGOT
I’m awfully fond of Jim, really—particularly when he’s on a yachting
cruise.
ZOE
Are you definitely living apart now?
MARGOT
Oh yes—except for religious festivals like Easter and Christmas; then we
forgather and go down to Draycott with the children.
EDWARD
[_Smiling_]
It seems a comfortable arrangement, doesn’t it?
ZOE
Frightfully.
MARGOT
[_Reflectively_]
We _could_ get a divorce, I suppose, but it would make such dreary
complications. And then when you’re free there’s the awful danger of
starting the whole thing over again with some one else.
ZOE
I haven’t noticed it.
MARGOT
You will, I expect, dear—later on. [_She rises._] I’ve enjoyed my nice
cocktail very much, thank you, Edward. I must go now. Come and lunch on
Thursday, Zoe darling. I’ve only got Rebecca coming. She’ll adore seeing
you again.
ZOE
All right. One-thirty?
MARGOT
Yes. Come along, Bobbie. Good-by, Edward. Give my love to Carol.
EDWARD
I will. Good bye.
BOBBIE
Good bye.
MARGOT
[_At door_]
You’ve come back from abroad a changed woman, Zoe, if _that’s_ any
comfort to you.
[_She and BOBBIE go out._]
ZOE
What a sham Margot is, isn’t she?
EDWARD
Not really. Just a type.
ZOE
Yes, but she’s a type that couldn’t exist unless surrounded by false
values.
EDWARD
She’s making the best of a bad job.
ZOE
She’s letting everything slide—morals, dignity, and discretion. Thank
Heaven, I broke away. I might have got like that.
EDWARD
I wonder if breaking away _is_ such a very good plan.
ZOE
Of course it is. It’s the most regenerating thing in the world.
EDWARD
You’re so dashing, Zoe. Have another cigarette?
ZOE
[_Taking one_]
Thanks. I feel almost panic-stricken, you know.
EDWARD
Why?
ZOE
Coming back anywhere is always such a dreadful anti-climax.
EDWARD
Not such an anti-climax as staying still.
ZOE
To think that all this used to be my life before I let Kenneth divorce me.
EDWARD
It’s pretty futile, isn’t it?
ZOE
Futile! I return after a year’s oblivion, thrilled and excited, longing
to see all my old friends, and what do I find? Clacking shallow
nonentities doing the same things, saying the same things, thinking the
same things. They’re stale. They seem to have lost all wit and charm,
and restraint—or perhaps they never had any. Oh dear! I’ve never felt so
depressed in my life.
EDWARD
I hope I haven’t let you down, too.
ZOE
No, Edward. You’re unchanged; a little dim, perhaps.
EDWARD
Dim?
ZOE
Yes. All your vitality seems to have been snuffed out by something. I
expect it’s success. That’s always frightfully undermining.
EDWARD
Yes, I suppose it is.
ZOE
Are you pleased with everything?
EDWARD
Naturally.
ZOE
I’m sorry.
EDWARD
Why? Oughtn’t I to be?
ZOE
You oughtn’t to pretend.
EDWARD
Pretend?
ZOE
Yes. You never used to—with me, anyhow.
EDWARD
One gets into the habit of accepting things at their surface value and
not looking any deeper.
ZOE
It’s a bad habit.
EDWARD
I must pretend. Don’t you see?
ZOE
No.
EDWARD
I’m successful—prosperous. I’ve got everything I wanted.
ZOE
You haven’t. You’ve merely got what other people think you wanted.
EDWARD
[_Smiling_]
You’re wonderfully stimulating, Zoe—like a breath of Brighton air.
ZOE
You look as if you need stimulating, badly.
EDWARD
I do.
ZOE
I’m glad I came back now.
EDWARD
So am I. Devoutly glad.
ZOE
What’s wrong?
EDWARD
Lots of things.
ZOE
Carol?
EDWARD
Yes.
ZOE
I thought so.
EDWARD
You were right from the first. It’s been a dreary failure.
ZOE
I apologize. It’s so irritating being right.
EDWARD
It doesn’t irritate me in the least. With anyone else it would, perhaps.
But you’re different; you always have been.
ZOE
I know you better than most people.
EDWARD
I know you do.
ZOE
What has she been doing?
EDWARD
The obvious thing.
ZOE
I must say I consider marriage an overrated amusement.
EDWARD
I feel rather lost.
ZOE
Yes, I did, too—over Kenneth. It’s a nasty feeling.
EDWARD
It’s so difficult to know exactly the right attitude to adopt.
ZOE
Are you in love with her still?
EDWARD
I don’t know, really. Not violently like at first—that’s died down,
naturally—but somehow—things get an awful hold on you, don’t they?
ZOE
Yes, fortunately for the sanctity of home life.
EDWARD
But the hold ought to be mutual.
ZOE
Quite.
EDWARD
I have moments of fierce rage, you know; then it evaporates, leaving a
dead sort of a calm.
ZOE
How long have you known?
EDWARD
Ages, subconsciously; definitely, only a few weeks.
ZOE
Does she know you know?
EDWARD
She hasn’t the faintest suspicion. She’s always been marvelously
self-assured.
ZOE
She’s a lovely creature—governed entirely by sex. That’s why she’s
self-assured.
EDWARD
Will she always go on like this?
ZOE
I expect so. Anyhow, as long as she remains attractive—probably after.
That’s the penalty of her type.
EDWARD
It’s beastly, isn’t it?
ZOE
Yes, but quite inevitable, I’m afraid. You see she’s got no intellect to
provide ballast.
EDWARD
Poor Carol.
ZOE
I think you’re the one to be considered most at the present moment.
EDWARD
Do you think I ought to have a scene with her about it? I shrink from
that. It seems to double the humiliation.
ZOE
I honestly don’t know what to say. She’s been actually unfaithful to you?
EDWARD
Yes.
ZOE
Often?
EDWARD
[_Wearily_]
I suppose so. Harry Challoner is in possession at present.
ZOE
Oh dear! How typical.
EDWARD
Everything of that sort is made so much easier for people nowadays. I
suppose it’s an aftermath of the war.
ZOE
It’s the obvious result of this “barriers down” phase through which we
seem to be passing. Everyone is at close quarters with everyone else.
There’s no more glamour. Everything’s indefinite and blurred except sex,
so people are instinctively turning to that with a rather jaded vigor.
It’s pathetic when you begin to analyze it.
EDWARD
What fools they all are!
ZOE
[_Half smiling_]
Has being a success made you realize that?
EDWARD
Yes. There wasn’t time before.
ZOE
Why don’t you do what I did—go away?
EDWARD
It means sacrificing a good deal of work here in London. I’ve only just
got my foot in, really.
ZOE
Divorce?
EDWARD
I don’t feel equal to it at the moment—all the vile publicity, and the
lascivious curiosity leveled at Carol and me. It makes me shudder to
think of it.
ZOE
For a society portrait-painter you seem unduly sensitive.
EDWARD
If I felt vindictive toward Carol it would be so much easier. But I
don’t—I merely feel nauseated and frightfully, frightfully bored.
ZOE
The longer you allow it to drift, the worse it will become.
EDWARD
You think I ought to clinch it finally.
ZOE
Yes, I do. Once you’ve embarked you’ll feel better.
EDWARD
No, I shan’t.
ZOE
I believe you are still in love with her.
EDWARD
No; but I could be again if everything were all right. Oh, Zoe, I loathe
this age and everything to do with it. Men of my sort are the products of
over-civilization. All the red-blooded honest-to-God emotions have been
squeezed out of us. We’re incapable of hating enough or loving enough.
When any big moment comes along, good or bad, we hedge round it, arguing,
weighing it in the balance of reason and psychology, trying to readjust
the values until there’s nothing left and nothing achieved. I wish I were
primitive enough to thrash Carol and drive her out of my life forever—or
strong enough to hold her—but I’m not; I’m just an ass—an intelligent
spineless ass!
[_He flings himself into a chair and takes a cigarette._]
ZOE
All the same, being the product of an Age equips you for grappling with
it. You’ve got more chance as you are than, say, Evie Bathurst, for
instance.
EDWARD
Evie goes straight for what he wants and gets it.
ZOE
He doesn’t demand as much as you.
EDWARD
He’s a damned sight happier.
ZOE
I should imagine he misses a good deal.
EDWARD
What does that matter? This situation could never happen to him. He
wouldn’t let it.
ZOE
You mustn’t place too much faith in the strong and silent, Edward. They
crumple up quicker than any of us when confronted with something outside
their very limited range.
EDWARD
You don’t like Evie, do you?
ZOE
You forget I’ve been married to one of his species.
EDWARD
Evie’s not a cad.
ZOE
How do you know?
EDWARD
He could never behave as foully as Kenneth.
ZOE
Kenneth was never anything but an honorable, clean-living Englishman.
EDWARD
He divorced you.
ZOE
Only because I made him.
EDWARD
Why didn’t he let you divorce him?
ZOE
It would have been bad for his military career.
EDWARD
You deliberately put yourself in the wrong.
ZOE
Yes.
EDWARD
And you really think it was worth while?
ZOE
Certainly I do. Our mutual boredom was verging on hatred—there was no
hope of getting back, ever. What’s the use of going on with a thing
that’s dead and done for? I decided to break free.
EDWARD
Is one really happier free?
ZOE
Don’t be fatuous, Edward darling.
EDWARD
I don’t think I have enough initiative to do anything definite like that.
ZOE
You don’t need much initiative. All you’ve got to do is wait for your
opportunity, and grab it!
[_Enter BERRY._]
BERRY
[_Announcing_]
Major Bathurst.
[_Enter EVELYN BATHURST. He is tall, handsome, soldierly, and
essentially masculine. His gaze is frank and correct._]
[_BERRY exits._]
EVELYN
Hullo, Edward! Zoe, I haven’t seen you for years.
[_They shake hands._]
ZOE
How are you, Evie?
EVELYN
Splendid! I feel awfully guilty, though. I meant to have written and
sympathized over all your beastly divorce business. Will you forgive me?
ZOE
There’s nothing to forgive. It was all a howling success, anyway.
EVELYN
Success! Whew! You must have had the hell of a time!
ZOE
It was unpleasant but illuminating.
EDWARD
Want a cocktail, Evie?
EVELYN
No, thanks.
EDWARD
Cigarette?
EVELYN
Rather—yes.
[_He takes one._]
ZOE
How was India?
EVELYN
I don’t know. I haven’t been there.
ZOE
I’m so sorry. I thought you had.
EVELYN
No. Morocco was quite warm enough for me.
ZOE
You arrived at an opportune moment. We were just discussing you.
EVELYN
Good God! What for?
ZOE
Edward was wishing he were more like you.
EVELYN
That’s uncommonly nice and right of him. Why this sudden burst of
inferiority, Edward?
EDWARD
It’s been brewing up for a long time.
EVELYN
[_Laughing_]
Oh, well, we all come to our senses sooner or later.
ZOE
Not always, Evie.
EVELYN
My only quarrel with Edward is he doesn’t take enough exercise.
EDWARD
I’m not very good at exercise.
EVELYN
You never make any effort. Why don’t you come and play squash with me
sometimes?
EDWARD
That’s not exercise, it’s flagellation.
EVELYN
He’s looking a bit off color, don’t you think, Zoe?
ZOE
Only comparatively.
EVELYN
Been over-working, I suppose?
EDWARD
No, not really.
ZOE
[_Rising_]
I must go now, Edward.
EVELYN
I shall take it as a personal affront if you leave the moment I arrive.
ZOE
No, you won’t, Evie. Good-by.
EVELYN
[_Shaking hands_]
Come and have a bit of food sometime.
ZOE
I should love to.
EVELYN
Where are you staying?
ZOE
Claridges.
EVELYN
Right. I’ll call you up.
ZOE
Good-by, Edward.
EDWARD
Come again soon, please.
ZOE
Of course. Telephone me to-morrow morning.
EDWARD
I will.
ZOE
Give my love to Carol.
[_EVELYN opens the door for her and she goes out. EDWARD stands looking
after her thoughtfully._]
EVELYN
[_Sitting down again_]
Extraordinary woman Zoe.
EDWARD
Why extraordinary?
EVELYN
I don’t know. She’s so self-assured.
EDWARD
[_Absently_]
Yes. I think she has every reason to be.
EVELYN
She faced all that divorce business very pluckily. Kenneth seems to have
behaved like a pretty average swine.
EDWARD
Yes.
EVELYN
Why on earth did she ever marry him?
EDWARD
[_Wearily_]
Why does anyone ever marry anyone?
EVELYN
I’ve never felt the urge very strongly. I suppose I’ve seen too much of
it.
EDWARD
That doesn’t make any difference, really.
EVELYN
Women are so damned complicated to live with—specially Zoe’s sort.
EDWARD
I don’t think Zoe is particularly complicated. She’s always appeared to
me to be pretty clear-headed and direct.
EVELYN
Oh well, you know her better than I do.
EDWARD
You’re wonderfully single-minded, aren’t you?
EVELYN
Single-minded?
EDWARD
Yes. You live according to formulated codes, and you never try to look
either under or over them. I do envy you.
EVELYN
You needn’t. I have my ups and downs.
EDWARD
Do you, really? Ever since we were at school I’ve always regarded you as
being quite invulnerable.
EVELYN
[_Complacently_]
Don’t be a fool, old man.
EDWARD
I suppose it’s a remnant of hero worship.
EVELYN
Rot! I’m a bit more balanced than you, that’s all.
EDWARD
That wouldn’t be very difficult.
EVELYN
I came here to-day with a purpose. I’m a bit worried. I want to talk to
you seriously.
EDWARD
What about?
EVELYN
Lots of things.
EDWARD
All right. Go on.
EVELYN
I don’t know how to start, quite; it’s difficult.
EDWARD
Why difficult?
EVELYN
Well, you’re a bit touchy at times, aren’t you?
EDWARD
What’s the matter, Evie?
EVELYN
Nothing actually yet—at least, I hope not.
EDWARD
I know what you’re driving at.
EVELYN
Do you?
EDWARD
Yes.
EVELYN
Are you sure you do?
EDWARD
People have been talking about Carol, I suppose.
EVELYN
Exactly.
EDWARD
Well, you needn’t worry.
EVELYN
I shouldn’t, ordinarily, but somehow in this case it’s different.
EDWARD
No, it isn’t; it’s exactly the same; it’s a situation that occurs over
and over again with everybody. That’s why it’s such a bore.
EVELYN
That’s a silly sort of attitude to take up.
EDWARD
No sillier than any other.
EVELYN
Aren’t you going to do anything?
EDWARD
O God!
[_He turns away._]
EVELYN
Well, you’ll have to sooner or later.
EDWARD
What is there to do?
EVELYN
Read the riot act.
EDWARD
Do you seriously imagine that that’s in any way a final solution?
EVELYN
It ought to bring her to her senses a bit, if you did it with conviction.
EDWARD
That’s the trouble. I haven’t got a conviction.
EVELYN
Hang it all man, she is your wife!
EDWARD
I’m not a man of property.
EVELYN
How do you mean?
EDWARD
I mean I can’t look on Carol as a sort of American trunk.
EVELYN
[_Exasperated_]
What _are_ you talking about?
EDWARD
She’s a human being, not an inanimate object over which I can assert
legal rights.
EVELYN
If all husbands adopted that tone, England would be in a nice state.
EDWARD
It _is_ in a nice state.
EVELYN
You make me tired sometimes, Edward.
EDWARD
I expect I do, but it can’t be helped.
EVELYN
Yes, it can.
EDWARD
How?
EVELYN
Pull yourself together; show a little spirit.
EDWARD
I suppose you think that if I grabbed Carol by the hair of the head
and banged her about and hurled abuse at her, she’d fall at my feet in
ecstasies of adoration?
EVELYN
I shouldn’t be surprised. Anyhow, it probably would do her good.
EDWARD
For an upstanding British soldier you have an astounding sense of the
theater.
EVELYN
Oh, you can think me a red-blooded savage if you like, but I’m damned if
I’d sit down quietly and let my wife make a fool of me.
EDWARD
[_Gently_]
You haven’t got a wife, Evie. If you had you’d probably be utterly
vanquished quicker than anyone.
EVELYN
Not me. I know the game too well.
EDWARD
Only from looking on, though. That makes an enormous difference.
EVELYN
Look here, Edward. Why not be sensible about all this?
EDWARD
I am, really.
EVELYN
Nonsense!
EDWARD
It’s no use, Evie. Things will have to take their course.
EVELYN
[_Contemptuously_]
Line of least resistance, eh?
EDWARD
Yes.
EVELYN
To hell with the line of least resistance.
EDWARD
She can’t help herself; she’s made like that.
EVELYN
Rubbish!
EDWARD
It isn’t rubbish. She’s the sort of woman who must attract people all the
time. One conquest isn’t enough; she must go on and on.
EVELYN
You talk as though she were only just flirting about for the fun of the
thing.
EDWARD
Perhaps she is.
EVELYN
What’s the use of blinding yourself?
EDWARD
Oh, shut up, Evie!
EVELYN
This is more serious than you think.
EDWARD
No, it isn’t.
EVELYN
What do you feel—honestly?
EDWARD
I’ve told you—bored.
EVELYN
That’s not true.
EDWARD
All right.
EVELYN
I know it isn’t. We haven’t been pals all these years for nothing. You
can’t deceive me as easily as that.
EDWARD
What do you want me to feel, exactly?
EVELYN
You’ve got to _do_ something.
EDWARD
What?
EVELYN
If you don’t, I shall.
EDWARD
Evie, if you mention one word of all this to Carol or anyone in the
world, I’ll never forgive you.
EVELYN
You needn’t worry. I’ve got a better plan than talking.
EDWARD
What is it?
EVELYN
Leave it to me.
EDWARD
Evie—
EVELYN
She ought to be taught a lesson.
EDWARD
What sort of lesson?
EVELYN
She wants some of the self-assurance knocked out of her.
EDWARD
[_Smiling_]
Really, Evie!
EVELYN
She needs humiliating.
EDWARD
You’re positively vindictive.
EVELYN
Perhaps I am, but it’s for your sake.
EDWARD
I’d no idea you disliked Carol so heartily.
EVELYN
It isn’t that at all. I don’t like or dislike her. She never pays
attention to me, anyhow.
EDWARD
To think that there’s even a streak of feminine in you!
EVELYN
What do you mean?
EDWARD
Never mind.
EVELYN
I won’t stand by and see you let down all along the line.
EDWARD
It’s awfully sweet of you, Evie, to be so cross, but you really mustn’t
be. I’m the one to get cross if necessary.
EVELYN
It is necessary.
EDWARD
You must allow me to be the best judge of that.
EVELYN
Now look here, Edward—
EDWARD
Remember what I said—you’re not to interfere. It’s my affair, and mine
alone.
EVELYN
I know a good deal more about women than you.
EDWARD
Do you, Evie?
EVELYN
I’ve handled too many of them not to.
EDWARD
How mechanical that sounds.
[_He laughs._]
EVELYN
Oh, you’re hopeless.
[_The door opens and CAROL comes in. She is, as usual, looking
delightful._]
CAROL
Hallo, Evie! [_She shakes hands with him._] Are there any telephone
messages for me, Edward?
EDWARD
No.
CAROL
[_Taking off her gloves_]
I’m quite exhausted.
EDWARD
Where have you been?
CAROL
Playing mah-jong with Fanny, I won a good deal.
EVELYN
Splendid.
CAROL
How’s Margot’s picture going?
EDWARD
It’s nearly finished.
CAROL
Give me a cigarette, Evie.
EVELYN
[_Handing her a cigarette_]
You look remarkably fit, Carol.
CAROL
[_Smiling_]
I am fit, but I’m a tiny bit worried over Edward.
EVELYN
Why, he looks all right to me.
CAROL
You don’t know him like I do. I can always tell when he’s tired and
overworked, can’t I, darling?
EDWARD
Yes, I’m sure you can.
CAROL
It’s all these people buzzing round him all day. Let’s go away, Edward,
and have a real holiday—somewhere quiet.
EVELYN
That’s a damned good idea.
EDWARD
[_Smiling_]
I can’t—for the next six weeks, anyhow.
CAROL
[_With a slight shrug_]
There you see? It’s quite impossible to do anything with him.
EVELYN
Why don’t you chuck everything, and just go?
EDWARD
Funnily enough, Zoe suggested that this afternoon.
CAROL
Zoe? I didn’t know she was back.
EDWARD
She arrived yesterday.
CAROL
Why didn’t you tell me?
EDWARD
I didn’t know until this morning. She rang me up.
CAROL
Well, she didn’t lose much time anyhow.
EDWARD
I don’t see why she should.
CAROL
I suppose she talked and talked and talked as usual.
EDWARD
Yes, we both talked a good bit.
CAROL
What about?
EDWARD
Everything.
CAROL
No wonder you look tired.
EVELYN
She looked awfully well.
CAROL
She always does. She’s wonderfully healthy.
EDWARD
[_With faint malice_]
She sent you her love.
CAROL
[_Bored_]
Oh—give her mine when she rings up again.
EDWARD
You’ll see her to-night at the Harringtons’.
CAROL
No, I shan’t. I’m not going. They’re going to have that awful string
quartette again. I suffered so acutely last time.
EDWARD
I shall go by myself, then.
CAROL
Never mind. You’ll be able to talk to Zoe.
EDWARD
Where are you dining?
CAROL
With the Challoners at the Embassy; then we’re going on somewhere.
EDWARD
Do you want the car?
CAROL
No. They’re picking me up.
EDWARD
Right. I’ll go and dress. Don’t go, Evie. We might have a slight aperitif
at one of your disreputable clubs before dinner.
CAROL
Are you dining together?
EDWARD
No. I’m going to the Russian Ballet with Richard and Sheila. They’ve got
a box or something.
[_EDWARD goes off into his bedroom._]
EVELYN
You’re looking charming, Carol.
CAROL
[_Raising her eyebrows_]
Thank you.
EVELYN
That’s a splendid hat. Is it new?
CAROL
No—incredibly old.
EVELYN
Well, it doesn’t look it.
CAROL
I’m glad.
[_She goes toward the door._]
EVELYN
Carol—
CAROL
[_Turning_]
Yes?
EVELYN
Nothing.
CAROL
[_Surprised_]
Is there anything the matter?
EVELYN
No—honestly it’s nothing.
CAROL
Oh well, I must go and dress, too. See you later on.
EVELYN
I shall be gone when you come down.
CAROL
Really, Evie, you’re behaving very strangely.
EVELYN
Why?
CAROL
I don’t know. You seem different, somehow.
EVELYN
Won’t you stay and talk for a moment. I haven’t seen you to speak to for
ages.
CAROL
That’s your fault.
EVELYN
You’re always so engaged.
CAROL
I never seem to have a minute for anything. I _do_ wish life wasn’t so
hectic.
EVELYN
Why do you let it be?
CAROL
I don’t. It just happens like that.
EVELYN
I’d resent it a good deal if you were my wife.
CAROL
[_Smiling_]
Aren’t you glad I’m not, Evie?
EVELYN
I don’t know.
CAROL
[_Surprised_]
Well, now! I thought you disliked me thoroughly!
EVELYN
Disliked you?
CAROL
Yes. You always have such a polite preoccupied air with me. It makes me
feel terribly frivolous and shallow.
EVELYN
How can you, Carol?
CAROL
[_Gayly_]
It’s true. You’re the kind of man who despises women dreadfully—I know
you are.
EVELYN
You’re quite wrong. I adore them.
CAROL
Well, that’s a lovely surprise, isn’t it?
EVELYN
I can’t get over you imagining that I disliked you.
CAROL
I expect it’s because you’re so tremendously fond of Edward. One always
feels that with one’s husband’s friends.
EVELYN
I don’t see any reason, just because I like Edward, that——
CAROL
Don’t you, Evie?
EVELYN
Of course not.
CAROL
Well, I’m very, very glad.
EVELYN
That’s settled, then, isn’t it?
CAROL
Quite. I shan’t be frightened of you any more.
EVELYN
Frightened of me! How ridiculous!
CAROL
It isn’t ridiculous; it’s quite natural.
EVELYN
I don’t see why. I’m perfectly harmless.
CAROL
Are you?
EVELYN
Mild as a kitten.
CAROL
I wonder.
EVELYN
To think you’ve been building up the most frightful image of me in your
mind all this time and I never knew.
CAROL
You can’t blame me, really.
EVELYN
Yes, I can. It’s awfully suspicious and distrustful of you.
CAROL
It’s your own fault, for holding so aloof.
EVELYN
I don’t hold aloof a bit.
CAROL
You’ve never talked anything but commonplaces to me ever since I’ve known
you.
EVELYN
You never gave me the chance.
CAROL
What did you expect me to do?
EVELYN
I don’t know. Just be nice.
CAROL
Haven’t I been nice? I’m so sorry.
EVELYN
Yes, I suppose you have, really, but I’ve always felt you thought me
rather dull.
CAROL
You have been—up to now.
EVELYN
[_Despondently_]
There you are, then!
CAROL
[_Quietly_]
I said “up to now.”
EVELYN
Men of my sort are all wrong in society. We don’t seem to fit in, somehow.
CAROL
Are you glad or sorry?
EVELYN
Well, to be frank, I’m glad, until moments like this crop up.
CAROL
You’re awfully funny, you know.
EVELYN
Funny?
CAROL
Yes. You do despise women, after all.
EVELYN
How do you mean?
CAROL
You think we only like men who play up and talk well and dance well.
EVELYN
It’s only natural that you should.
CAROL
Oh no, it isn’t.
EVELYN
You think there’s some hope for me, after all, then?
CAROL
Now you’re fishing.
EVELYN
It’s cruel of you to snap me up like that.
CAROL
I’m sorry, Evie.
EVELYN
You’d find me a fearful bore after a bit, you know.
CAROL
Why should I?
EVELYN
I take things so damned seriously.
CAROL
That’s refreshing! Most of the men I know don’t take things seriously
enough.
EVELYN
What an extraordinary woman you are!
CAROL
Why extraordinary?
EVELYN
Making me talk like this. I never have before.
CAROL
I shall take that as a compliment, whether you like it or not.
EVELYN
I mean it.
CAROL
Yes, I know you do.
EVELYN
I see now why your life’s so hectic and why everyone runs after you so
much.
CAROL
[_Smiling_]
Why?
EVELYN
You’ve got the most amazing knack of drawing people out.
CAROL
Not always. Only people I like.
EVELYN
You’ve made me feel lonely for the first time in my life.
CAROL
How hateful of me!
EVELYN
It’s not your fault; it’s mine.
CAROL
In what way?
EVELYN
I ought to make more efforts and not be so boorish.
CAROL
You’re not in the least boorish.
EVELYN
Yes, I am—utterly wrapped up in my own affairs, then suddenly some one
like you comes along and makes me realize all in a minute what a lot I’m
missing.
CAROL
You’re not missing much, really. It’s much better to remain yourself than
try to be something you’re not.
EVELYN
It’s awfully sweet of you to say that.
CAROL
I mean it honestly. You never can guess how tired I get by having the
same sort of things said to me always.
EVELYN
Do you really?
CAROL
Of course.
EVELYN
I wish you weren’t dining out to-night.
CAROL
Why?
EVELYN
I’d like better than anything in the world for you to come and dine with
me quietly.
CAROL
I’d adore to, Evie, but, you see—
EVELYN
Oh, I know you can’t possibly; but it seems hard that the moment I begin
to get to know you properly you’re whisked out of sight again.
CAROL
[_Gently_]
There are lots of other nights.
EVELYN
Yes, I suppose there are.
CAROL
I’m certainly not frightened of you any more now—you’re an absolute baby.
EVELYN
Crying for the moon?
CAROL
I don’t rate myself quite so high as that.
EVELYN
You’re just as unattainable.
CAROL
Evie!
EVELYN
I’m sorry. I oughtn’t to have said that.
CAROL
[_After a slight pause_]
I don’t mind.
EVELYN
You are a dear.
CAROL
Am I?
EVELYN
May I ring you up to-morrow morning?
CAROL
Of course.
EVELYN
And perhaps—some time soon—?
CAROL
[_With determination_]
I’ll dine with you to-night, Evie.
EVELYN
Carol!
CAROL
Yes. I can put off the Challoners. They bore me stiff, anyway. I’d much
rather talk to you.
EVELYN
I say, it’s most terribly sweet of you to take pity on me like this.
CAROL
Don’t be silly. It’ll be a mutual benefit. I’m bored and you’re bored.
Where shall we dine?
EVELYN
Anywhere you choose.
CAROL
The awful thing is I simply daren’t go anywhere where I’m likely to be
seen.
EVELYN
We could dine at the flat if you like, but it will be fearfully dull.
CAROL
Oh, _let’s_ do that. And we can creep out somewhere afterward if we feel
like it.
EVELYN
Are you sure that’s all right?
CAROL
Positive. It will be divine being quiet for once.
EVELYN
Don’t say anything to Edward.
CAROL
[_Quickly_]
Why not?
EVELYN
Well, I got out of dining with him to-night. I wanted to be by myself,
you see.
CAROL
Well, you’re not going to be now.
EVELYN
I know. Isn’t it damnable?
CAROL
Beastly. Will you fetch me?
EVELYN
Yes. What time?
CAROL
Latish—about nine.
EVELYN
Splendid—
[_Enter EDWARD in evening dress._]
CAROL
You have been quick.
EDWARD
I’ve hurried. I know how impatient Evie is. Are you quite determined
about the Harringtons, Carol?
CAROL
_Quite!_ I simply couldn’t bear it.
EDWARD
Oh, all right, then. I’ll apologize for you.
CAROL
Do, there’s a dear. Good-by, Evie. Come and see me again soon.
EVELYN
Thanks. I will.
EDWARD
Come on. I haven’t got much time. Good-night, Carol.
CAROL
Good-night, darling.
[_EDWARD and EVELYN go off. CAROL lights a cigarette and goes to the
telephone._]
CAROL
[_At telephone_]
Mayfair 7,065 please.... Yes. [_A pause_] Hallo! Is that you, Fay....
Yes. Can I speak to Harry? Oh yes, rather. I’ll hold on.... Harry....
Yes, it’s me. Look here, I can’t dine to-night, because I can’t, I feel
too tired. I may not have looked tired this afternoon, but I tell you
I am now.... Don’t be so annoying, Harry.... No, it isn’t that at all.
I’m going to dine in bed.... No, don’t. I shall probably be asleep....
Well, of course, if you’re going to talk like that.... I’m afraid you’re
developing into a bore, Harry. I’m _so_ sorry! [_She bangs down the
receiver._] Silly fool!
[_She picks up her bag and gloves and goes off._]
CURTAIN
“THIS WAS A MAN”
Act Two
ACT II
_The scene is EVELYN BATHURST’S flat. It is a manly apartment, furnished
with precision but no imagination. There is a door up left opening into a
small hall and thence to the front door. Up right is EVIE’S bedroom and
down left a service door. Between these two is the fireplace, in front of
which is a large sofa and a couple of armchairs. The windows occupy the
right wall. The table, center, is laid for two._
[_When the curtain rises, it is about 9.15 p.m. and BLACKWELL is
putting the finishing touches, which consist of a bowl of roses
and a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket. He is regarding his
handiwork pensively when there comes the sound of a key in the
front door. After a moment EVELYN and CAROL enter. EVELYN is
wearing a dinner jacket; CAROL, an elaborately simple dinner
dress and cloak._]
CAROL
What a nice flat!
EVELYN
I’ve been here for years.
CAROL
It’s all quite typical of you.
EVELYN
How do you know?
CAROL
Well, don’t you think it is?
EVELYN
I’ve never thought about it much.
CAROL
Solid and rather austere.
EVELYN
That sounds beastly.
CAROL
No. I like it.
EVELYN
I’m glad. Let me take your cloak. [_He takes her cloak and lays it over a
chair._] Cocktails please, Blackwell.
BLACKWELL
Yes, sir.
[_He goes off._]
CAROL
I suppose he’s been with you as long as the flat?
EVELYN
Longer, really; he was my batman when I was a raw subaltern.
CAROL
[_Smiling_]
You must have been rather nice as a subaltern.
EVELYN
Oh no, I wasn’t. You ask Edward.
CAROL
Edward adores you.
EVELYN
We’re very old friends.
CAROL
It’s always puzzled me. You’re so very different from each other.
EVELYN
Edward’s a damn sight cleverer.
CAROL
Now then—
EVELYN
But he is.
CAROL
You seem to have done very well at your job and you’re always winning
things.
EVELYN
I haven’t done anything.
CAROL
Nonsense. [_She wanders round the room, looking at photographs._] Who’s
this?
EVELYN
Mary Liddle. I was engaged to her once.
CAROL
Oh, I see.
EVELYN
I suppose you want to know why nothing ever came of it.
CAROL
Of course.
EVELYN
She ran off with some one she hardly knew.
CAROL
What a shame!
EVELYN
I expect I bored her stiff—
CAROL
Were you very much in love with her?
EVELYN
Yes. I think I was.
CAROL
I can’t imagine you in love.
EVELYN
It doesn’t happen often.
CAROL
[_Smiling and patting his arm_]
Never mind, Evie.
EVELYN
I don’t. It’s a relief really.
[_BLACKWELL enters with the cocktails; they both take them._]
EVELYN
Dinner please, Blackwell.
BLACKWELL
Very good, sir.
[_He goes out._]
CAROL
[_At another photograph_]
Is this your mother?
EVELYN
Yes.
CAROL
You’re awfully like her.
EVELYN
It’s the nose, I think.
CAROL
And the chin—so firm and unrelenting. I love firm chins.
EVELYN
They’re awfully deceptive.
CAROL
[_Sipping her cocktail_]
Are they, Evie?
EVELYN
Yes. I’m as weak as water, really.
CAROL
You’ll have to prove it to me before I believe it.
EVELYN
I’d rather not.
[_BLACKWELL enters with caviare._]
EVELYN
Come and sit down.
CAROL
[_Sitting at table_]
What divine roses!
EVELYN
They’re in your honor.
CAROL
Thank you. I hoped they were.
[_BLACKWELL helps her to caviare._]
EVELYN
[_Opening champagne_]
I feel awfully flattered at your being here.
CAROL
Why should you?
EVELYN
I just do.
CAROL
Don’t be silly. [_He fills her glass and his own._] Thanks.
EVELYN
I feel flattered because it’s something I never thought possible.
CAROL
Me dining with you?
EVELYN
Yes.
CAROL
Idiot.
[_She smiles._]
EVELYN
I’ve always seen you as a frightfully dazzling creature—always in
demand—always rushing about.
CAROL
Just because you feel flattered yourself, you mustn’t begin to flatter me.
EVELYN
Is that flattery?
CAROL
Isn’t it?
EVELYN
Well yes, and no.
CAROL
You mean you’ve never quite approved of me.
EVELYN
I didn’t say that.
CAROL
I believe it’s true, all the same.
EVELYN
I’ve wondered a bit what you were really like.
CAROL
[_With subtle pathos_]
I don’t think I know, myself.
EVELYN
You haven’t had much time to think, have you?
CAROL
No—I suppose not.
EVELYN
[_Sententiously_]
We’re all so different underneath.
CAROL
[_Laughing_]
Oh, Evie!
EVELYN
What?
CAROL
You’re awfully serious.
EVELYN
Don’t laugh at me.
CAROL
I wasn’t.
EVELYN
I don’t mind, really; it shows that you’re enjoying yourself.
CAROL
I am thoroughly.
EVELYN
I was terrified that you’d be bored.
CAROL
You’re fishing again.
EVELYN
I wish you weren’t so quick; it embarrasses me.
[_He laughs._]
CAROL
I’ll try to be slower.
[_She laughs too._]
EVELYN
I’m the plodding sort, you know—gets there in the end, but takes a long
time about it.
CAROL
Nonsense!
EVELYN
The British army doesn’t specialize in wit.
CAROL
I won’t hear a word against the British army.
EVELYN
[_With jocularity_]
Hurrah!
[_They both laugh._]
CAROL
You’re like a schoolboy.
EVELYN
I feel one with you.
CAROL
Do I look so terribly old?
EVELYN
You know I didn’t mean that.
CAROL
I’ll let you off this time, but you mustn’t do it again.
[_BLACKWELL enters with the soup; he takes away the caviare plates._]
EVELYN
How long is it since you dined quietly like this?
CAROL
Oh, ages.
EVELYN
I thought so.
CAROL
You’re looking disapproving again.
[_BLACKWELL serves the soup and exits._]
EVELYN
I think I’m envious.
CAROL
Envious?
EVELYN
Yes.
CAROL
No, you’re not, really.
EVELYN
Your life would never suit me, I know, but somehow it does sound rather
fun, for a change.
CAROL
Let’s make a bargain.
EVELYN
I know what you’re going to say.
CAROL
Change over for a bit.
EVELYN
Temptress.
CAROL
You come out to a few theaters and parties with me—
EVELYN
I can’t dance well enough.
CAROL
I’ll soon teach you.
EVELYN
I’d drive you mad.
CAROL
Have you a gramophone here?
EVELYN
Yes.
CAROL
We’ll start after dinner.
EVELYN
All right.
CAROL
And whenever I’m tired and sick of everything, I’ll come here and dine
quietly like this.
EVELYN
Will you, honestly?
CAROL
Of course, if you stick to your side of the compact.
EVELYN
I don’t believe you’ll have the patience to carry it through.
CAROL
You must despise me.
EVELYN
Despise you? Good Heavens! Why?
CAROL
You’re so untrusting.
EVELYN
No, I’m not; but it does look as though I were going to get more out of
this than you.
CAROL
Not at all. It’s a perfectly fair exchange. You’ve no idea how utterly
weary I get every now and then.
EVELYN
Poor Carol.
CAROL
This is peace, absolute peace, and I’m tremendously grateful to you for
it.
[_They look at each other in silence for a moment. EVELYN’S expression
is faintly nonplused._]
EVELYN
The compact’s on.
CAROL
Good! Shake hands.
EVELYN
Right you are.
[_They shake hands across the table. CAROL allows hers to remain in
his a shade more than is strictly necessary._]
CAROL
Do you want to come to the first night of “Round Pegs” on Thursday?
EVELYN
What on earth’s that?
CAROL
A new play by Burton Trask.
EVELYN
Who’s he?
CAROL
[_Laughing_]
Oh, Evie!
EVELYN
Well, how should I know?
CAROL
He’s only the most talked of dramatist we’ve got.
EVELYN
Sorry.
CAROL
He wrote “The Sinful Spinster.”
EVELYN
Oh, the play all the fuss was about last year.
CAROL
Yes.
EVELYN
It sounded pretty hot stuff.
CAROL
It wasn’t, really, but the woman in it fell in love with a man younger
than herself and the Church of England didn’t like it.
EVELYN
Oh, I see!
CAROL
You need educating badly.
EVELYN
I’m afraid I do.
[_BLACKWELL enters and takes away their soup plates._]
CAROL
Wasn’t it funny us talking this afternoon and you asking me to dine all
in a minute?
EVELYN
Awfully funny, but very lucky for me.
CAROL
You make me feel shy when you say things like that. It was just as lucky
for me.
EVELYN
[_With intensity_]
Was it, honestly?
CAROL
[_Looking down_]
Of course.
[_BLACKWELL enters with partridges and attendant vegetables. He serves
them during the ensuing dialogue._]
EVELYN
Edward’s looking awfully tired these days.
CAROL
[_Absently_]
Is he? I haven’t noticed it.
EVELYN
Why, you said so yourself this afternoon.
CAROL
So I did. I remember he looked very wan when I came in. By the way, what
were you two discussing so intently. I felt as though I were interrupting
a Masonic meeting.
EVELYN
Nothing particular.
CAROL
Me, by any chance?
EVELYN
Good Heavens, no!
CAROL
There’s no need to be so vehement about it; it wouldn’t have mattered if
you had been.
EVELYN
Have some more champagne.
CAROL
Thanks—just a little.
[_She holds out her glass and he fills it, also his own._]
EVELYN
[_With great boldness_]
Why did you think we were talking about you?
CAROL
You both looked so guilty.
EVELYN
Surely that proves we weren’t.
CAROL
Very good, Evie.
EVELYN
You’re embarrassing me dreadfully.
CAROL
Am I? Why?
EVELYN
Because we _were_ discussing you.
CAROL
Ah!
EVELYN
I see it’s useless to try and deceive you for moment.
CAROL
What were you saying?
EVELYN
Must I tell you?
CAROL
Certainly.
EVELYN
You’re terribly unrelenting.
CAROL
Come on—out with it.
EVELYN
I was lecturing Edward.
[_BLACKWELL goes out._]
CAROL
Lecturing him?
EVELYN
Yes. I said he was paying too much attention to his work and not enough
to you.
CAROL
And do you think that’s true?
EVELYN
Yes.
CAROL
It isn’t; it’s the other way round, really. I neglect Edward. You should
have saved your lecture for me.
EVELYN
I’m sure it’s his fault, really, he’s so damned lackadaisical.
CAROL
It was nice of you, but a little interfering.
EVELYN
I’m sorry. I suppose I deserve to be snubbed.
CAROL
I’m not snubbing you, exactly, but I’m puzzled.
EVELYN
Why puzzled?
CAROL
It seems so strange that you should have taken up the cudgels on my side.
EVELYN
That was how I saw the situation.
CAROL
I never realized there was a situation.
EVELYN
There isn’t, but there may be soon.
CAROL
How horrid of you!
EVELYN
I know Edward pretty well, you know.
CAROL
And me hardly at all.
EVELYN
Exactly. That’s why I went to him, as I told you this afternoon. I always
felt that you disliked me and thought me dull.
CAROL
How absurd!
EVELYN
You did, all the same. You’d have crushed me to the earth if I’d dared
mention the subject to you.
CAROL
You must have thought me a prig.
EVELYN
Not in the least. I quite saw your point.
CAROL
And now—?
EVELYN
Now I’m muddled.
CAROL
Have I muddled you, Evie?
EVELYN
Yes, terribly.
CAROL
I’m so glad.
EVELYN
That’s malicious of you.
CAROL
Go ahead with your lecture.
EVELYN
Certainly not.
CAROL
Whose fault do you consider this slight drifting apart—Edward’s or mine?
EVELYN
Edward’s.
CAROL
I told you it was mine.
EVELYN
I don’t believe you.
CAROL
Stubborn.
EVELYN
Is it yours?
CAROL
Yes.
EVELYN
Why?
CAROL
[_Seriously_]
Oh, Evie—
EVELYN
Tell me.
CAROL
It’s rather difficult.
EVELYN
I’m awfully sympathetic.
CAROL
I believe you are.
EVELYN
You love him still, don’t you?
CAROL
Yes—in a way.
EVELYN
But not so much as you did?
CAROL
Not quite so much.
EVELYN
I suppose that’s inevitable in married life, always.
CAROL
I expect it is.
EVELYN
It’s sad, though.
CAROL
Not if one isn’t sentimental about it.
EVELYN
Are you ever sentimental about anything?
CAROL
[_Wistfully_]
Do I seem so hard?
EVELYN
A little, I think.
CAROL
I’m not, really.
EVELYN
I’m afraid Edward’s unhappy.
CAROL
Not deep down inside.
EVELYN
Are you sure?
CAROL
He may think he is.
EVELYN
Poor Edward.
CAROL
He doesn’t love me quite so much, either, you know.
EVELYN
Perhaps he wants to, but you won’t let him.
CAROL
Evie, why are we talking like this?
EVELYN
I don’t know.
CAROL
I can’t bear to pretend about things.
EVELYN
You’re quite right; it doesn’t pay in the long run.
CAROL
But I don’t want you to blame Edward and lecture him for something that’s
not entirely his fault.
EVELYN
I see.
CAROL
I’m awfully fond of him and I always shall be, but—
EVELYN
But what?
CAROL
Don’t let’s say any more about it.
EVELYN
All right. You’re rather a dear, you know.
CAROL
Am I?
EVELYN
More than I ever suspected!
CAROL
Oh, Evie!
[_They look at each other for a moment, EVELYN intently, CAROL with a
faintly wistful smile. BLACKWELL enters to collect the plates and
serve the sweet—pêche Melba—which he does during ensuing dialogue._]
EVELYN
You don’t like Zoe St. Merryn, do you?
CAROL
Why do you suddenly ask that?
EVELYN
I felt you didn’t this afternoon.
CAROL
She’s rather obvious, I think.
EVELYN
In what way?
CAROL
She tries to be clever.
EVELYN
I always thought she was clever.
CAROL
Yes, most men do, but very few women.
EVELYN
Why is that?
CAROL
Because they see through her. All that divorce business was a put-up job.
EVELYN
I say, Carol!
CAROL
Don’t look so shocked. Of course it was. She’s been so brave and defiant
over it. Men love that.
EVELYN
Aren’t you being a little hard on her?
CAROL
No, not really. I know her type so well.
EVELYN
She’s an old friend of Edward’s, isn’t she?
CAROL
Yes, but that hasn’t anything to do with it. She tried to marry him once.
EVELYN
He seems very fond of her.
CAROL
She flatters him terribly. He’s an awful baby.
EVELYN
Thank Heaven I haven’t got your feminine intuition. It must complicate
life dreadfully.
CAROL
It’s very useful sometimes.
EVELYN
Do you size everyone up so mercilessly.
CAROL
[_Laughing_]
Perhaps.
EVELYN
I’m trembling visibly.
CAROL
Nonsense! You’re not frightened by anything, really.
EVELYN
You don’t know!
[_BLACKWELL goes out._]
CAROL
Well, you shouldn’t be, anyhow.
EVELYN
That’s different.
CAROL
Why did you ask me not to tell Edward I was dining with you?
EVELYN
[_Nonplused_]
Did I?
CAROL
You know you did.
EVELYN
Perhaps I was afraid he’d think I was interfering again.
CAROL
Did he tell you that, too?
EVELYN
Yes.
CAROL
[_Smiling_]
Never mind.
EVELYN
I don’t. I’m used to Edward.
CAROL
So am I.
EVELYN
But when you tell me I’m interfering, I feel beastly.
CAROL
You are, you know.
EVELYN
There! You’ve done it again.
CAROL
People like Edward and me should be left to manage our own troubles.
EVELYN
All right. From now on I won’t say a word.
CAROL
Cheer up.
EVELYN
I’m a blundering fool, anyhow.
CAROL
[_Laughing_]
Yes.
EVELYN
And instead of making you like me, I’ve made you laugh at me.
CAROL
That’s not quite true.
EVELYN
I’m afraid it is.
CAROL
You don’t know a bit what I’m really like.
EVELYN
No.
CAROL
Do you want to?
EVELYN
Yes.
CAROL
I’m not sure that it’s wise.
EVELYN
Why not?
CAROL
You might be shocked.
EVELYN
As bad as that?
CAROL
Yes—as bad as that.
EVELYN
I don’t believe it.
CAROL
Good.
EVELYN
You’re too sensitive to behave really badly.
CAROL
That’s nonsense.
EVELYN
No, it isn’t.
CAROL
Sensitiveness hasn’t anything to do with it.
EVELYN
Yes, it has.
CAROL
Don’t contradict me.
EVELYN
[_With truculence_]
Why shouldn’t I?
CAROL
Because it infuriates me.
EVELYN
[_Slowly_]
We’re almost quarreling.
CAROL
Yes.
EVELYN
I’m sorry.
CAROL
Antagonism is a bad sign.
EVELYN
What do you mean?
CAROL
[_Suddenly burying her face in her hands_]
Oh, Evie!
EVELYN
[_Alarmed_]
What on earth’s the matter?
CAROL
[_Muffled_]
Nothing.
EVELYN
Carol, don’t—please—
[_He gets up and comes to her._]
CAROL
No, no. Sit down. Your man will be in in a moment.
EVELYN
Do tell me what’s wrong.
CAROL
Sit down, please.
EVELYN
All right.
[_He sits down._]
CAROL
Give me my bag, will you? It’s over there. I want to powder my nose.
[_EVELYN rises. When his back is toward her, an expression of extreme
satisfaction flits across CAROL’S face. By the time he has turned
she is once again bravely melancholy._]
EVELYN
Here.
[_He gives her her bag._]
CAROL
Thank you.
[_She looks up at him with a weary smile. BLACKWELL enters and takes
away the remains of the sweet._]
EVELYN
Serve the coffee at once, Blackwell; then I shan’t want you any more.
BLACKWELL
Very good, sir.
[_He goes out._]
CAROL
I feel better now.
EVELYN
I don’t suppose you’ll ever want to dine with me again.
CAROL
Don’t be silly. Of course I shall.
EVELYN
I seem to have depressed you terribly.
CAROL
No—it’s not your fault, really.
EVELYN
I wish I understood you a bit better.
CAROL
I’m glad you don’t.
[_BLACKWELL enters with coffee and liqueurs, which he places beside
EVELYN._]
EVELYN
Thank you, Blackwell. Good night.
BLACKWELL
Good night, sir.
[_He goes out._]
EVELYN
Coffee?
CAROL
Yes, please.
EVELYN
[_Pouring it out_]
Sugar?
CAROL
One.
EVELYN
[_Handing it to her_]
There. Cointreau or brandy?
CAROL
Cointreau—just a little.
EVELYN
The brandy’s very good.
CAROL
All right. Brandy, then—you’re so dominant.
EVELYN
Don’t laugh at me any more.
CAROL
I must a little.
EVELYN
Here you are.
[_He gives her some brandy and takes some himself._]
CAROL
Next time I come I’ll try to be more amusing.
EVELYN
I don’t want you to be amusing if you don’t feel like it.
CAROL
You’re awfully kind and gentle.
EVELYN
I want you to relax completely.
CAROL
I am relaxing completely.
EVELYN
I feel you need it.
CAROL
No one else has ever taken the trouble to feel that.
EVELYN
They’re all too occupied in enjoying themselves.
CAROL
But I don’t think they do, really.
EVELYN
That’s true, but they wouldn’t dare admit it.
CAROL
Put the gramophone on.
EVELYN
Now?
CAROL
Yes, please, or I shall cry again.
EVELYN
[_Rising_]
What shall we have?
CAROL
Something blaring and noisy.
EVELYN
What a baby you are!
CAROL
Am I? [_He puts on a foxtrot and stands by the machine looking at her.
After a pause she speaks._] I love this tune.
EVELYN
It’s not very new, I’m afraid. I must get some more of the latest ones.
CAROL
Are you ready for your lesson?
EVELYN
Lesson?
CAROL
Yes, your dancing lesson.
EVELYN
If you are.
CAROL
Of course I am! Come on.
[_She rises._]
EVELYN
I’ll push the table back. [_He does so._] There.
CAROL
Now then.
[_They begin to dance._]
EVELYN
Is the time all right?
CAROL
A scrap too fast.
EVELYN
Wait a minute.
[_He stops for a second and regulates the time._]
CAROL
That’s better.
[_They dance again._]
EVELYN
I’m so sorry. Did I kick you?
CAROL
No.
EVELYN
I warned you, didn’t I?
CAROL
Hold me a little tighter.
EVELYN
All right.
[_They dance in silence for a moment._]
CAROL
This is divine.
EVELYN
You’re not teaching me a thing.
CAROL
You don’t need it.
EVELYN
You’re just being polite. I dance like an elephant.
CAROL
Don’t be ridiculous. It would be terribly funny if anyone suddenly came
in and found us.
EVELYN
There’s not the least chance of it.
[_They dance in silence for a little._]
CAROL
Oh!
EVELYN
What is it?
CAROL
We nearly crashed into that chair.
EVELYN
I’m afraid I wasn’t concentrating.
CAROL
That’s very naughty of you. You must.
EVELYN
All right.
[_The record comes to an end._]
CAROL
Put on another.
EVELYN
Very well.
[_While he does so, CAROL looks at herself carefully in the glass over
the mantelpiece._]
CAROL
I’m enjoying myself frightfully.
EVELYN
Are you, really?
CAROL
Aren’t you?
EVELYN
You know I am.
[_He takes her in his arms again._]
CAROL
You really must hold me a little tighter—it’s so much easier to follow.
EVELYN
Like that?
CAROL
Yes—like that.
[_They stand still, she surrendering herself to him, and holds up her
face deliberately to be kissed._]
EVELYN
[_Softly_]
Carol!
[_He kisses her. They stand tightly clasped for a moment; then he
firmly disentangles himself and turns off the gramophone._]
CAROL
[_Sinking onto the sofa and passing her hand across her eyes_]
Oh, Evie!
EVELYN
[_In a different tone_]
I thought so.
CAROL
[_Looking up quickly_]
What do you mean?
EVELYN
It’s unbelievable.
[_He strides about a little._]
CAROL
[_Alarmed_]
What on earth are you talking about?
EVELYN
I was right. I knew it.
CAROL
[_Becoming exasperated_]
Knew what?
EVELYN
I’m not quite such easy game as all that.
CAROL
[_Rising_]
Evie!
EVELYN
What a little rotter you are.
CAROL
[_Outraged_]
What!!
EVELYN
Yes, you may well look surprised. I, unfortunately, am _not_ surprised.
CAROL
[_After a pause_]
I’m beginning to understand.
EVELYN
I’m glad.
CAROL
Very clever. I must congratulate Edward.
EVELYN
It’s nothing to do with Edward.
CAROL
Liar!
[_She goes and takes up her cloak._]
EVELYN
You’re not going yet.
CAROL
On the contrary, I’m going immediately.
EVELYN
Not until I choose.
CAROL
Don’t speak to me like that.
EVELYN
I’m going to speak to you as you’ve never been spoken to before.
CAROL
Pompous ass!
[_She flings her cloak over her arm and goes toward the door. EVELYN
stands between her and the door._]
EVELYN
You’re going to stay here.
CAROL
[_Contemptuously_]
Don’t be so ridiculous.
EVELYN
I mean it.
CAROL
Are you quite mad?
EVELYN
No, not at all; I’m unflatteringly sane.
CAROL
Do you intend to use force to keep me here?
EVELYN
Yes, if necessary.
CAROL
Evie—what have you been reading?
[_She flings down her cloak and returns to the sofa._]
EVELYN
That’s right.
CAROL
[_Helping herself to a cigarette_]
I always thought you were a fool.
EVELYN
Thank you. I’m sorry I was less of a fool than you hoped.
CAROL
I didn’t hope for much, whatever happened.
EVELYN
You’d forgotten I was Edward’s best friend.
CAROL
You’re very, very sure of yourself.
EVELYN
I can afford to be. I live decently.
CAROL
Rubbish!
EVELYN
And I’ve got a little honor left.
CAROL
Even after living decently.
EVELYN
You would say a thing like that.
CAROL
I did.
EVELYN
I should like to say one thing—
CAROL
Please do.
EVELYN
If you and I were alone on a desert island I wouldn’t touch you.
CAROL
That would be very silly of you.
EVELYN
[_Rapidly losing his temper_]
Haven’t you any modesty or shame anywhere?
CAROL
[_Smiling_]
Oh dear!
EVELYN
Stop being flippant; it’s only a mask to cover your humiliation.
CAROL
How discerning you are!
EVELYN
I know you much better than you think I do.
CAROL
Idiot!
EVELYN
Flinging epithets at me won’t help.
CAROL
Fatuous prig.
EVELYN
Shut up.
CAROL
[_Rising_]
May I go now please?
EVELYN
[_Almost shouting_]
No.
CAROL
[_Sitting down_]
Very well.
EVELYN
I’m Edward’s best friend.
CAROL
You’ve said that before.
EVELYN
And I’m damned if I’m going to stand by and see him cheapened and
humiliated by you.
CAROL
You’re insufferable.
EVELYN
That’s beside the point.
CAROL
[_Suddenly furious_]
It is _not_ beside the point! How dare you behave like this! If you were
Edward’s Siamese twin you’ve no right to ask me here and insult me. You
surely don’t imagine that by talking until you’re blue in the face you
could ever alter my life one way or another. You’ve played a filthy
second-rate trick on me and you think you did it for Edward’s sake, but
all the time it was only to prove to yourself how clever you are. You’ve
got to let me go now—at once. Do you hear? If not I’ll scream the place
down. [_She rises and makes a dash for the door. He intercepts her. She
struggles. He grasps her wrist._] Let me go. Help! Help!
EVELYN
Shut up, you little fool!
[_He puts his hand over her mouth and drags her back to the sofa, upon
which she collapses, sobbing._]
CAROL
[_Almost hysterical, in muffled tones_]
How dare you! Oh, how dare you! It’s outrageous! It’s—
EVELYN
Do you want some brandy?
CAROL
Don’t speak to me.
EVELYN
[_With emphasis_]
Do you want some brandy!
CAROL
No.
EVELYN
You’d better have some. Stay where you are. [_He goes over and pours out
a glass of brandy and brings it to her._] Here—sit up.
CAROL
Go away. Don’t come near me.
EVELYN
You’re hysterical. Drink this and pull yourself together.
[_He puts his arm round her to lift her up. She wriggles free of him,
sits up quickly by herself, snatches the glass from his hand and
flings it into the fireplace._]
CAROL
I don’t want your filthy brandy.
EVELYN
That was childish.
CAROL
Why are you doing this to me? Why? Why? What have I ever done to you?
EVELYN
You’re on the verge of ruining the life of one of the best men that ever
lived.
CAROL
[_Tearfully_]
How?
EVELYN
You know perfectly well how.
CAROL
It’s no business of yours—what I do—ever.
EVELYN
I’ve made it my business. What you attempted to-night with me you’ve
accomplished with other men—you’ve flirted and encouraged them to make
love to you, and in many cases you’ve given yourself to them—
CAROL
Evie!
EVELYN
I don’t want you to deny it or affirm it. I _know_ it’s true, but I don’t
think Edward does; he loves you too much to believe it possible, and my
object in playing on you this second-rate trick, as you call it, is to
make you realize what a hideous mess you’re making both of his life and
your own. [_During this speech CAROL is looking at EVIE intently. He
begins to stride up and down while he talks._] Edward’s too sensitive and
reserved to fight for his own rights. I’ve known for ages that he wasn’t
happy—that something was weighing on his mind. To-day I asked him plump
out and he admitted—
[_He pauses._]
CAROL
What did he admit?
EVELYN
That he was worried and miserable about you.
CAROL
[_Calmly_]
And what did you advise him to do?
EVELYN
Give you hell.
CAROL
How crude of you!
EVELYN
Women of your sort require a little crudity occasionally.
CAROL
What do you mean “women of my sort”?
EVELYN
Do you want me to tell you?
CAROL
No; I don’t want you to say any more at all.
EVELYN
You have the soul of a harlot!
CAROL
[_Suddenly bursting out laughing_]
Oh, Evie!
EVELYN
[_Losing control_]
Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh.
CAROL
[_Continuing to laugh_]
What do you expect me to do? You’re so ridiculous—
EVELYN
I suppose you consider anyone with decent ideals ridiculous?
CAROL
[_Laughing helplessly_]
Oh dear! Oh dear!
EVELYN
[_Working himself up more and more_]
You think it funny that I should make an attempt to defend the honor of
my best friend, who is too shamed by your utter wantonness to defend
himself—
CAROL
[_Growing hysterical_]
You’re mad—quite, quite mad—
EVELYN
You’re deliberately ruining his reputation and wrecking his happiness
because you never make the slightest effort to control your rotten
passions—
CAROL
[_Rising, trying to control her hysteria_]
How dare you say that—how dare you—
EVELYN
Dare! I’ll say it again and again. Rotten passions! All you live for, all
you think of—women of your type can’t exist without men—men—nothing but
men all the time—
CAROL
[_Frantically_]
Stop! Stop! You shan’t say any more. [_She gives him a ringing slap on
the face. He stands quite still._] Cad! cad! unutterable cad! [_She
gives him another slap between each word. He remains motionless. They
stand facing each other. CAROL puts her hand to her head._] I think—I
think I’m going to be ill.
[_She falls in a heap at his feet. He carries her back to the sofa. He
deposits her there and rushes to get some more brandy. When his back
is turned she lifts her head sharply and looks at him, then lets it
drop attractively against the side of the sofa. He returns and
ministers the brandy. After a slight pause she opens her eyes and
sits up and finishes the brandy._]
EVELYN
Be careful. Don’t spill it on your dress.
CAROL
I’m awfully sorry to be so stupid.
EVELYN
I didn’t mean to make you ill.
CAROL
[_Meekly_]
Please may I go home now?
EVELYN
You’d better wait a moment until you feel stronger. I won’t say any
more—I promise.
CAROL
My head aches.
EVELYN
Would you like some aspirin? I think I’ve got some somewhere.
CAROL
No, thanks.
EVELYN
It wasn’t out of any personal spite, you know—
CAROL
It doesn’t matter—it—
[_She bursts into tears._]
EVELYN
I say, don’t cry—please.
CAROL
I can’t help it.
[_She cries a little more._]
EVELYN
Please! Please!
CAROL
Leave me alone. I’ll be all right in a minute.
EVELYN
I had no intention of losing my temper. I apologize.
CAROL
[_With a fresh burst of tears_]
It’s all so—so horrible!
EVELYN
Carol—please, please don’t!
CAROL
[_Sobbing bitterly_]
I’d no idea—anyone could think of me like that.
EVELYN
I was only trying to show you, for Edward’s sake—
CAROL
Don’t—don’t say any more. You promised.
EVELYN
All right, but you see I—
CAROL
I understand why you did it. It’s not that I’m crying for. It’s—it’s— O
God!
EVELYN
[_Appealingly_]
Carol—
CAROL
I’m crying because I’m so bitterly ashamed—
EVELYN
[_Gently_]
Carol—
CAROL
I don’t want you to despise me utterly—
EVELYN
It’s all right. Don’t think any more about it.
CAROL
The things you’ve said to me are right—I have been shallow and cheap; but
there’s a reason that you don’t know.
EVELYN
Reason?
CAROL
You’ve heard Edward’s side of the story and you’ve mixed yourself up in
our lives—more than ever now. It’s only fair for you to hear my side,
too—
EVELYN
Now look here, Carol. Don’t let’s say any more about it at all.
CAROL
Do you mean that?
EVELYN
Yes.
CAROL
[_Rising_]
Very well—I suppose I deserve it. Good night.
[_She walks sadly toward the door._]
EVELYN
Carol—
CAROL
[_Turning_]
Yes?
EVELYN
I’ll hear your side if you want me to, but what’s the use of going on any
further?
CAROL
Only that unless I explain now I can never look you in the face again.
EVELYN
Carol, don’t be so absurd.
CAROL
There are circumstances that justify me more than you realize.
EVELYN
Come back, then, and sit down.
CAROL
[_Wearily returning_]
I feel so horribly tired.
[_She comes back to the sofa and leans against it, looking at him. Her
face is pale and she looks extremely sad and quite lovely._]
EVELYN
Do sit down.
CAROL
No, but I want you to. Sit here where you needn’t look at me.
EVELYN
Very well.
[_He sits down on the sofa and stares into the fire. CAROL stands just
behind him with her hands resting on his shoulders. Both their faces
are half turned to the audience. She speaks very slowly._]
CAROL
You’ve been pretty brutal to me to-night and some of the hard things you
said I deserve, but not all of them. I’m selfish and occasionally cheap
and rather vain—and I have been unfaithful to my husband, but not before
he had been unfaithful to me—
EVELYN
[_Starting_]
What!
CAROL
[_Pressing him down_]
Keep still, please. I’m telling you the truth—
EVELYN
You mean that Edward—
CAROL
I mean exactly what I say. I was completely faithful to Edward until
eighteen months ago, when I discovered that he was having an affair with
Zoe St. Merryn—
EVELYN
Good God!
[_He moves again, but the holds him firmly._]
CAROL
That broke me up, rather.
EVELYN
I don’t believe it.
CAROL
I can’t help that; it’s true, all the same.
EVELYN
How did you discover it? What proof have you?
CAROL
I suspected for a little while and said nothing until I could bear it no
longer; then I asked Edward and he admitted it—
EVELYN
[_Twisting round_]
I _must_ look at you.
CAROL
[_Firmly, looking into his eyes_]
He admitted it.
EVELYN
It’s incredible.
CAROL
Why? Edward’s awfully weak, and Zoe—[_She laughs sadly._] Will you turn
around again now, please. [_EVELYN does so and buries his face in his
hands._] Don’t be upset about it, Evie—it’s between Edward and me,
really, and nobody knew—until now. I made him swear never to tell a soul,
otherwise he’d have told you ages ago—he always tells you everything.
I’ve behaved rather badly since then, I know, but something went dead,
inside me and—well, it doesn’t seem to matter much, does it?
EVELYN
[_After a pause_]
May I get up now and get a drink?
CAROL
There’s nothing more to say, anyhow.
[_EVELYN goes over and pours himself out a drink. He turns suddenly._]
EVELYN
You wouldn’t lie to me, would you?
CAROL
[_With dignity_]
Even I have a little decency left.
[_She turns to go again._]
EVELYN
Carol!
CAROL
[_Turning_]
Yes.
EVELYN
What can I say to you?
CAROL
Nothing.
EVELYN
I’m desperately sorry.
CAROL
All right.
EVELYN
I’ve been an abject, blundering fool. It wasn’t my business, anyhow.
CAROL
[_With a wan smile_]
Your motives were sound.
EVELYN
Can you forgive me?
CAROL
Yes, of course.
EVELYN
I mean really forgive me?
CAROL
[_Holding out her hand._]
Completely.
EVELYN
You’re very generous.
[_He takes it._]
CAROL
There’s one more thing I want to clear up.
EVELYN
What?
CAROL
I came here to-night for one reason only.
EVELYN
Yes?
CAROL
I love you!
EVELYN
[_Dropping her hand_]
Carol!
CAROL
It’s all right—don’t be afraid. I’m going now—but I didn’t want you to
think me too cheap—that’s all.
EVELYN
I’m utterly bewildered.
CAROL
It hasn’t been very easy for either of us, has it?
EVELYN
You can’t mean what you say.
CAROL
You know I do—you’ve known it all along, subconsciously.
EVELYN
Carol—I’m dreadfully—horribly embarrassed.
CAROL
Poor old Evie.
EVELYN
I don’t know what to do.
CAROL
We’ll both laugh over to-night one day, won’t we?
EVELYN
Will we?
CAROL
[_With beautifully forced gayety_]
Yes—you see.
EVELYN
You are an extraordinary woman.
CAROL
Just rather silly, I’m afraid. Good night.
EVELYN
I’m going to see you home.
CAROL
No, please. I’d rather go alone. Please, I mean it, honestly.
EVELYN
But—
CAROL
It’s only just round the corner.
EVELYN
I can’t let you go alone.
CAROL
[_With gentle firmness_]
You must—please.
EVELYN
[_Looking down_]
All right.
CAROL
We’re friends, aren’t we?
EVELYN
[_Still looking down_]
Yes.
CAROL
In spite of everything?
EVELYN
Yes.
CAROL
Because of everything?
EVELYN
Oh, Carol!
CAROL
Good night, my dear. [_She comes to him and kisses him gently on the
mouth. Suddenly he crushes her to him. After a moment she disentangles
herself._] No, no! I didn’t mean it, really. I’m not going to be cheap
any more. Stand quite still where you are, not looking. I don’t want you
to move until I’ve gone.
[_She goes out quietly, leaving him standing stock-still. After a
moment the front door slams. EVELYN turns in the direction of the
sound._]
EVELYN
[_Emotionally_]
Carol—O God!
[_He goes over to the sofa and flings himself down on it, with his
face buried in his hands. CAROL comes softly in again. Her cloak is
over her arm. She gives one look in his direction and then goes
noiselessly into his bedroom, closing the door after her._]
CURTAIN
“THIS WAS A MAN”
Act Three
ACT III
_The scene is the same as Act I. It is about twelve o’clock in the morning.
One night has elapsed since Act II._
[_When the curtain rises the studio is empty. There is the sound
of the front-door bell ringing with some violence. BERRY enters,
R., and crosses over L. He exits and reappears in a moment,
ushering in EVELYN. EVELYN is looking extremely white and
strained._]
BERRY
Can I offer you anything to drink, sir?
EVELYN
No, thanks.
BERRY
The master’s sure to be in soon, sir.
EVELYN
All right, thanks.
BERRY
He’s only taking a walk in the Park.
EVELYN
I think I will have a drink, after all.
BERRY
Very good, sir. Whisky and soda?
EVELYN
Yes, please.
[_BERRY goes out. EVELYN proceeds to pace up and down the room a
little. BERRY returns with a whisky and soda._]
EVELYN
Oh, thanks.
[_He takes it._]
BERRY
Would you like the papers, sir, or have you seen them already?
EVELYN
I’ve seen them, thanks.
BERRY
Shall I tell Mrs. Churt that you are here, sir?
EVELYN
No—no. Please don’t disturb her.
BERRY
Very good, sir.
[_He goes out again. EVELYN once more proceeds to pace up and down with
the whisky and soda in his hand. He is obviously extremely agitated.
After a moment CAROL enters from R. She looks fresh and charming. She
gives a slight start on seeing EVELYN._]
CAROL
Evie!
EVELYN
[_Jumping—he turns_]
I’ve come to see Edward.
CAROL
What’s the matter?
EVELYN
I’ve come to see Edward.
CAROL
[_With faint apprehension_]
I know—you just said so. Aren’t you going to say good morning?
EVELYN
Good morning.
CAROL
[_Going over to him_]
No more than that?
EVELYN
No—no more.
[_He turns away._]
CAROL
[_Biting her lip_]
I see.
EVELYN
I want to see him alone.
CAROL
[_Putting her hand on his arm_]
Evie, what’s wrong?
EVELYN
You can seriously ask me that?
CAROL
Why are you behaving like this?
EVELYN
[_Turning away_]
You’re hopeless.
CAROL
You’re not going to do anything foolish, are you?
EVELYN
I’m going to do the only thing possible.
CAROL
[_Swinging him round_]
Evie!
EVELYN
Leave me alone.
CAROL
But listen—
EVELYN
[_Wrenching himself free from her_]
Don’t touch me, please.
CAROL
[_Pleading_]
Evie—please—why are you being so horrid?
EVELYN
I don’t want to look at you—or see you again ever!
CAROL
Why—why—what have I done?
EVELYN
[_Sinking into a chair with his face in his hands_]
Leave me alone. Leave me alone.
CAROL
You don’t love me at all, then?
EVELYN
For God’s sake stop!
CAROL
You don’t—you don’t—
EVELYN
Shut up! Shut up!
CAROL
You coward!
[_She goes over to the window._]
EVELYN
Please go away. You’ll only make everything much worse.
CAROL
Why have you come here this morning?
EVELYN
To tell Edward about last night.
CAROL
What will you tell him?
EVELYN
The truth.
CAROL
You’re insane.
EVELYN
I was—but I’m not any more.
CAROL
[_Coming quickly back to him_]
You can’t mean this.
EVELYN
I do mean it.
CAROL
But why! Why!! Why!!!
EVELYN
I don’t expect you to understand.
CAROL
Evie, listen. Be sensible for a moment.
EVELYN
It’s no use going on like that. I’ve made up my mind.
CAROL
Evie—
EVELYN
[_Rising_]
Go away! Go away!
CAROL
[_Following him_]
I love you.
EVELYN
Be quiet.
CAROL
I love you—I love you. Tell what you like—shout it from the housetops. I
love you!
EVELYN
[_Catching hold of her_]
Shut up—you must. Some one will hear.
CAROL
I don’t care.
EVELYN
You don’t love me—you never did for a moment—it was all a trick.
CAROL
[_Outraged_]
Evie!
EVELYN
I can see it all now—I can see it all.
CAROL
You’re talking nonsense.
EVELYN
For God’s sake go away from me.
CAROL
[_Helplessly_]
I don’t know what to do.
EVELYN
Leave me alone. I’ve got to tell Edward the truth.
CAROL
In Heaven’s name, why?
EVELYN
Can’t you see why?
CAROL
No. What good will it do?
EVELYN
I’ve betrayed him.
CAROL
That’s no reason for you to betray me as well.
EVELYN
He trusted me—completely.
CAROL
Well, why not let him go on trusting you?
EVELYN
Because I’m unworthy of it forever.
CAROL
And what about me?
EVELYN
It was your fault.
CAROL
How chivalrous.
EVELYN
You lied to me.
CAROL
[_Firmly_]
I did _not_ lie to you.
EVELYN
You said you came last night because you loved me.
CAROL
So I did!
EVELYN
You came out of curiosity and stayed out of revenge.
CAROL
What a fool you are!
EVELYN
You determined to get even with me.
CAROL
Evie!
EVELYN
It’s true—it’s true—you know it is.
CAROL
Why have you built up this ridiculous story in your mind?
EVELYN
It’s true.
CAROL
[_With great firmness_]
It’s nothing of the sort, and if you calm yourself and think seriously
for a moment, you’ll realize the complete absurdity of it. You must be
sensible. Do you hear—you _must_ be sensible. You’re on the verge of
wrecking everything out of sheer hysteria.
EVELYN
Everything is wrecked already. I’ve got nothing left—no honor, no
decency—
CAROL
[_Quietly_]
I gave myself to you last night, Evie—
EVELYN
Don’t—don’t—
CAROL
I gave myself to you completely and for one reason only—I loved you. I
love you now.
EVELYN
Carol, please—
CAROL
If you tell Edward—I shall go away and never see either of you again.
EVELYN
I can’t help it. I—
CAROL
You _can_ help it. What you’re contemplating is utterly without reason.
If you’re trying to vindicate your honor, you can’t seriously achieve it
by betraying mine. We’ve both behaved abominably, I admit. We’ve both
been weak and uncontrolled and given way completely and we shall suffer
for it accordingly, you needn’t doubt that for a minute. We’re in a
terrible mess, but we’re in it together and together we must remain—
EVELYN
I shall never be able to look Edward in the face again.
CAROL
Will you be able to face him any better after you’ve told him?
EVELYN
Yes.
CAROL
Why?
EVELYN
Because I shall have done the only decent thing left to me.
CAROL
You’ll only succeed in making him suffer as well as yourself and me.
Can’t you see the uselessness of it?
EVELYN
I can’t see him and talk to him with this shame between us.
CAROL
You must—so must I. It’s the just penalty for what we’ve done. You said
just now you never wanted to see me again. Well, I promise you you never
shall—alone. You at least can go away. I can’t—I’ve got to stay and get
through the next few months as best I can—
[_There comes a ring at the front-door bell._]
EVELYN
[_Pacing the room_]
O God! what am I to do?
CAROL
[_Quickly_]
Nothing—nothing yet, anyhow. Think sensibly and quietly—everything
depends on your keeping calm—
[_BERRY enters and crosses over L. and exits._]
EVELYN
Is that Edward?
CAROL
Yes, I expect so. He’s always forgetting his key.
EVELYN
[_Terribly undecided_]
Carol, I—
CAROL
Promise you’ll do nothing yet.
EVELYN
I can’t—I—
CAROL
[_Whispering violently_]
Promise me—wait a little—promise me. Will you promise me?
EVELYN
[_Helplessly_]
Yes.
[_BERRY re-enters._]
BERRY
[_Announcing_]
Mrs. St. Merryn.
[_ZOE enters briskly._]
ZOE
Good morning, Carol. I haven’t seen you for months. How are you?
CAROL
[_As they kiss_]
Splendid. I heard you were back.
ZOE
Hallo, Evie!
EVELYN
[_Coldly_]
Good morning.
ZOE
I gather that Edward is expected?
CAROL
Yes, he’ll be back at any minute.
EVELYN
Good-by.
[_He goes out abruptly._]
ZOE
[_Surprised_]
That was one of the most sudden exits I’ve ever seen.
CAROL
[_Carelessly_]
I think Evie’s upset about something.
ZOE
I didn’t think he was capable of it.
CAROL
[_Conventionally_]
Are you glad to be back?
ZOE
Delighted. London’s looking so pretty with all the roads up.
CAROL
[_Absently_]
Are they? I hadn’t noticed.
ZOE
I don’t see how you could fail to unless you travel exclusively in the
underground.
CAROL
Where are you staying?
ZOE
Claridge’s.
CAROL
Oh!
ZOE
It’s so beautifully austere.
CAROL
What?
ZOE
[_Patiently_]
I said it was so beautifully austere.
CAROL
Oh yes, it is.
ZOE
You’re looking awfully well.
CAROL
I am, frightfully well.
ZOE
Don’t you think I’m looking frightfully well?
CAROL
Yes, you certainly are. Traveling obviously agrees with you.
ZOE
It’s so comforting to know that we both look so awfully well. Can I have
a cigarette?
CAROL
Yes, of course. I’m so sorry. Here—
[_She hands her a box open._]
ZOE
Thank you, dear. There aren’t any in this box, but it doesn’t matter.
CAROL
How annoying! Wait a minute. [_She takes another box off a table, left._]
Here—
ZOE
[_Taking one_]
You seem a little distrait this morning, if I may say so.
CAROL
I’ve got rather a headache.
ZOE
I’m so sorry. You don’t look very well.
CAROL
I think, if you’ll forgive me, I’ll go and take some aspirin.
ZOE
Of course. I should lie down until lunch if I were you.
CAROL
Perhaps I will. Edward’s certain to be in soon.
ZOE
I’ll be perfectly happy waiting.
CAROL
You must come and dine one night.
ZOE
I’d adore to.
CAROL
Good-by for the present, dear.
[_She kisses her._]
ZOE
Good-by. I’m sorry you’re so seedy. I’m afraid you’ve been overdoing it
lately.
CAROL
[_Irritatedly_]
Overdoing what?
ZOE
[_Vaguely_]
Oh, everything.
CAROL
No, I haven’t.
ZOE
I’m so glad.
[_CAROL goes out. ZOE wanders round the room, smiling to herself,
examining various portraits, etc. After a moment EDWARD enters._]
EDWARD
Zoe! How long have you been here?
ZOE
Only a few minutes.
EDWARD
I’ve been out in the Park.
ZOE
I didn’t know it was still there.
EDWARD
I’m afraid you’re finding the old town sadly changed.
ZOE
I’m sure it’s much more hygienic now.
EDWARD
Have you seen Carol?
ZOE
Yes. She’s just gone to bed.
EDWARD
Gone to bed?
ZOE
She said she had a headache.
EDWARD
How do you think she’s looking?
ZOE
[_Laughing_]
Awfully well.
EDWARD
What are you laughing at?
ZOE
Carol always makes me laugh.
EDWARD
Why?
ZOE
She’s so consistent.
EDWARD
Are you lunching with me?
ZOE
If you like. I’ve got to go to Sloane Street first and look at Mary
Phillip’s house. She wants to let it to me.
EDWARD
Pick me up here on the way back.
ZOE
I really came to ask you to dine to-night and go to a play.
EDWARD
I’d love to. What do you want to see?
ZOE
A nice clean play, please, Edward.
EDWARD
Splendid. We shan’t have any trouble getting seats.
ZOE
I’m so old-fashioned—I like love stories without the slightest suggestion
of sex.
EDWARD
You ought to be a critic.
ZOE
You’re an awfully nice person to come back to!
EDWARD
[_Smiling_]
Am I?
ZOE
Yes. One picks up the threads exactly where they were dropped.
EDWARD
They were never dropped.
ZOE
Carol’s an awful fool.
EDWARD
Why?
ZOE
She could hold you if she wanted to.
EDWARD
Don’t be tiresome, Zoe.
ZOE
What are you going to do about it?
EDWARD
About what?
ZOE
Do you really want me to be explicit?
EDWARD
No. I know perfectly well what you mean.
ZOE
You’re wasting time.
EDWARD
Not at all. I’m working hard.
ZOE
You said that yesterday and it was no more convincing then than it is
now.
EDWARD
It’s true.
ZOE
Perhaps, but rather beside the point.
EDWARD
What is the point?
ZOE
Your happiness.
EDWARD
What beautiful thoughts you have, Zoe.
ZOE
Don’t be flippant.
EDWARD
Flippancy alleviates my boredom with the whole subject.
ZOE
Are you sure you’re not confusing boredom with lack of moral courage?
EDWARD
Possibly.
ZOE
Well, don’t.
EDWARD
I refuse to be dominated, Zoe—even by you!
ZOE
[_Smiling_]
That’s right, dear.
EDWARD
And don’t laugh at me.
ZOE
I always have. I fail to see why I should stop now.
EDWARD
I resent it bitterly.
ZOE
Dear Edward.
EDWARD
What do you expect me to do?
ZOE
Deliver an ultimatum.
EDWARD
That would be stepping out of my character.
ZOE
Nonsense!
EDWARD
I am essentially a weak-minded man.
ZOE
Nothing of the sort—you’re a lazy idealist.
EDWARD
That sounds delightful.
ZOE
So it is in theory; in practice it’s sterility personified.
EDWARD
You’re terribly didactic.
ZOE
I’m trying to rouse you.
EDWARD
Why?
ZOE
Because you’re discontented and unhappy.
EDWARD
I never said so.
ZOE
You don’t need to—it’s written all over you.
EDWARD
You think I’d be happier if I bashed about making scenes and delivering
ultimatums?
ZOE
Certainly—you at least might achieve something.
EDWARD
What, for instance?
ZOE
Freedom!
EDWARD
That’s a myth.
ZOE
Oh no, it isn’t.
EDWARD
In this case it’s impossible.
ZOE
Why?
EDWARD
[_Turning away_]
Oh, don’t let’s discuss it any more.
ZOE
You _are_ annoying, Edward.
EDWARD
Evie went on like that for hours yesterday.
ZOE
Evie?
EDWARD
Yes. He seemed to advocate violence as being the best method.
ZOE
He would.
EDWARD
He even offered to teach Carol a lesson.
ZOE
What sort of lesson?
EDWARD
He didn’t explain.
ZOE
Poor Evie.
EDWARD
You needn’t despise him so utterly. He’s a good sort.
ZOE
He’s the quintessence of masculine complacency.
EDWARD
I’m sure it’s a great comfort to him. I wish I was.
ZOE
Evie will get into trouble one of these days. He’s too worldly.
EDWARD
If I were free, Zoe, would you marry me?
ZOE
Edward!
EDWARD
I suddenly thought of it.
ZOE
[_Laughing_]
This is terribly sudden.
EDWARD
Don’t be silly.
ZOE
You must give me time to think.
EDWARD
Do shut up and be serious.
ZOE
I have a vague feeling that your proposal is a little previous.
EDWARD
It wasn’t a proposal—just an idea.
ZOE
Not exactly an original one. We discussed it all ages ago.
EDWARD
And whose fault was it that it never came off?
ZOE
[_Promptly_]
Yours.
EDWARD
Zoe, how can you? It was entirely yours.
ZOE
Nonsense! I was dead set on it.
EDWARD
You refused me and rushed off to Africa.
ZOE
You can’t call Algiers Africa.
EDWARD
It is, all the same.
ZOE
If you’d loved me enough, you’d have followed me.
EDWARD
I was waiting for you to come back.
ZOE
Let’s stop talking about it—it’s rather painful.
EDWARD
We weren’t in love, really, anyhow.
ZOE
Weren’t we?
EDWARD
I don’t know.
ZOE
It’s all very difficult.
EDWARD
Yes.
ZOE
I think I shall go away again soon.
EDWARD
Oh, Zoe, please don’t!
ZOE
It’s going to be awkward if I stay.
EDWARD
No, it isn’t.
ZOE
We’re both on rather dangerous ground.
EDWARD
I don’t see why.
ZOE
Yes, you do, perfectly.
EDWARD
I do not.
ZOE
If I stay, we shall probably fall in love properly—we’re both at a
perilous age.
EDWARD
What if we do?
ZOE
It would be too horrible, with all this Carol business going on and
everything.
EDWARD
You’re crossing your bridges before you come to them.
ZOE
I shall go, all the same.
EDWARD
That is rank cowardice.
ZOE
No, it isn’t; it’s sound sense.
EDWARD
It will be beastly for me.
ZOE
Not so beastly as if I stayed, really—in the long run.
EDWARD
What could happen?
ZOE
Oh, the usual thing, I suppose—we should have an affair and spoil
everything.
EDWARD
I don’t see why.
ZOE
You’re being very obstinate this morning.
EDWARD
If I were in love with you at all, it would be in a very nice, restrained
way.
ZOE
We should both tire of that very quickly.
EDWARD
Zoe, how can you be so unpleasant?
ZOE
I’m only facing facts.
EDWARD
We’ve been together a good deal in the past.
ZOE
I know.
EDWARD
And everything was above reproach.
ZOE
Entirely.
EDWARD
Well, why can’t we go on like that?
ZOE
Because even if we do, people will say we don’t.
EDWARD
What does that matter?
ZOE
It matters a lot. I’ve had enough squalor in the past few years to last
me for life.
EDWARD
Yes, but I don’t see—
ZOE
Also I have a strange aversion to coming between man and wife.
EDWARD
Oh, shut up, Zoe.
ZOE
It’s true. I suffer from a pre-war conscience.
EDWARD
There’s no question of that, really.
ZOE
Don’t be silly. Of course there is.
EDWARD
Carol wouldn’t care.
ZOE
What difference does that make? Really, Edward, you’re being horribly
flaccid over the whole thing!
EDWARD
Don’t let’s argue about it.
ZOE
All right.
EDWARD
But please don’t go away again—just yet.
ZOE
I’ll think it over, Edward.
EDWARD
You’ve depressed me terribly.
ZOE
I’m sorry.
EDWARD
It’s all such a hopeless muddle.
ZOE
It needn’t be.
EDWARD
I’d no idea you were so designing.
ZOE
What a horrid thing to say!
EDWARD
It’s true though, isn’t it?
ZOE
Absolutely.
EDWARD
Oh, Zoe—
ZOE
I must go.
EDWARD
Remember lunch.
ZOE
I’ll pick you up here.
EDWARD
No, don’t—I’ll meet you.
ZOE
Where?
EDWARD
Berkeley—one o’clock.
ZOE
I’m sure to be late.
EDWARD
So am I.
ZOE
Good-by, dear.
[_She goes up to him and kisses him lightly._]
EDWARD
Zoe!
ZOE
That was part of the design!
[_She goes out. EDWARD walks up and down irritably for a moment, then
lights a cigarette and flings himself into an armchair. The telephone
rings. He gives an exclamation of annoyance and rises to answer it._]
EDWARD
[_At telephone_]
Hallo!... Yes—yes.... Who is it speaking?... No, I’m afraid you can’t.
She isn’t very well—
[_CAROL enters in time to catch the last sentence._]
CAROL
Who is it?
EDWARD
Oh.... Hold on, please.... Harry Challoner.
[_He hands her the telephone curtly and goes over to the window._]
CAROL
[_At telephone_]
Hallo!... Yes, it’s me.... No—no, I can’t. I’m sorry.... All right, if
you like.... I’ll be in between six and seven.... Yes.... Good-by.
[_She hangs up the receiver and looks toward EDWARD who has his back
turned. She is about to go out again, when he turns._]
EDWARD
Carol.
CAROL
Yes?
EDWARD
I want to talk to you.
CAROL
Is anything the matter?
EDWARD
Yes. Sit down, will you?
CAROL
[_Sitting_]
If you like.
EDWARD
I want to get things settled.
CAROL
Get things settled?
EDWARD
Yes.
CAROL
What sort of things?
EDWARD
Our exact relationship.
CAROL
What _do_ you mean?
EDWARD
Just that.
CAROL
I don’t understand.
EDWARD
I think you do.
CAROL
[_By now extremely apprehensive_]
I don’t Edward, honestly.
EDWARD
Do you intend to pursue your present course indefinitely?
CAROL
What are you talking about?
EDWARD
Infidelity.
CAROL
Are you insinuating that I—
EDWARD
I’m insinuating nothing. I’m stating that you have been unfaithful to me.
CAROL
[_Rising_]
Edward!
EDWARD
[_Firmly_]
Sit down. This is not a scene—it’s a process of readjustment. Please let
us keep it as brief as possible.
CAROL
[_Sinking down_]
How can you be so horrible!
EDWARD
Do you deny it?
CAROL
Of course I do.
EDWARD
Carol, let me disillusion you. I’m not bluffing. I _know_. I’ve known for
ages. It’s no use wasting time denying and arguing. We must decide what’s
to be done about it.
CAROL
How can you be so foul!
EDWARD
[_Wearily_]
Oh, Carol, do stop acting.
CAROL
You’re insufferable.
EDWARD
Once and for all will you be sensible?
CAROL
I hate you.
EDWARD
That would be beautifully definite if you weren’t so unreliable.
CAROL
Do you want me to hate you?
EDWARD
To be honest with you, I really don’t mind.
CAROL
[_Outraged_]
Edward!
EDWARD
Don’t be a fool, Carol.
CAROL
How dare you! How dare you!
EDWARD
We will face facts, please.
CAROL
[_Rising_]
I’m not going to stay here and be insulted.
EDWARD
You’re not being insulted—it’s I who have been insulted. You’ve been
publicly underrating my intelligence for months.
CAROL
That’s what’s upsetting you, is it?
EDWARD
Certainly it is. I wish you’d sit down.
CAROL
I’m going to my room.
EDWARD
You’re only temporarily evading the issues by doing that.
CAROL
What’s the object of all this?
EDWARD
The object, as I said before, is to get our relationship satisfactorily
defined.
CAROL
[_With grandeur_]
It’s satisfactorily defined now as far as I am concerned.
EDWARD
I would prefer the satisfaction to be mutual.
CAROL
You think you’re very clever, don’t you?
EDWARD
What a common remark! You’ll be sticking your tongue out at me in a
minute.
CAROL
I suppose Zoe has been putting you up to this.
EDWARD
Meaning that I have no initiative of my own anyhow?
CAROL
Exactly.
EDWARD
That’s charming of you—and fits in beautifully with your behavior during
the last year.
CAROL
Are you in love with me still?
EDWARD
Do you expect me to be?
CAROL
Are you?
EDWARD
No, Carol.
CAROL
I see.
EDWARD
All of which is beside the point.
CAROL
No, it isn’t. If you loved me you’d never say such things to me.
EDWARD
I admit that it would be more comfortable for you if I just suffered and
suffered in silence.
CAROL
You’re too unemotional to be capable of any suffering.
EDWARD
Do you imagine you’re putting up a good defense for yourself?
CAROL
I’m not attempting to.
EDWARD
That brings us to my ultimatum.
CAROL
[_With a forced laugh_]
Ultimatum! Really Edward!
EDWARD
You’ve been unfaithful to me three times during the past year—Maurice
Verney, Geoffrey Poole, and now Harry Challoner!
CAROL
[_Blanching slightly_]
Edward!
EDWARD
All three married men, which adds considerably to the general sordidness
of the whole business.
CAROL
[_Losing control_]
I will _not_ be spoken to like this!
EDWARD
[_With sudden force_]
Be quiet! Do you still deny it?
CAROL
[_More dimly_]
No.
EDWARD
That’s better.
CAROL
[_Sullenly_]
I’m sorry.
EDWARD
That’s too sudden to be convincing.
CAROL
[_Breaking up slightly; after a long pause_]
What are you going to do?
EDWARD
Wait until next time.
CAROL
Next time?
EDWARD
Yes.
CAROL
And what then?
EDWARD
I shall divorce you.
CAROL
Edward!
EDWARD
I mean it. Whether the man happens to be married or single will not make
the slightest difference.
CAROL
[_Looking down_]
I see.
EDWARD
Is that quite clear?
CAROL
Quite.
EDWARD
Incidentally, I wish you to give up Harry Challoner entirely. I object to
you even being seen with such a second-rate bounder.
CAROL
[_Looking at him_]
Very well.
EDWARD
We’ll both do our best to forget the whole thing. We can get along
perfectly well together with a little effort.
CAROL
There’s no more, is there?
EDWARD
No, that’s all.
[_CAROL goes slowly toward the door in silence. Her expression is very
thoughtful. When she reaches the door she turns._]
CAROL
[_In a different voice_]
Edward.
EDWARD
Yes?
CAROL
Please forgive me.
EDWARD
Forgiveness in this case is surely rather unimportant.
CAROL
Oh, please, please—
[_She bursts into tears and goes toward him_]
EDWARD
Now then, Carol—
CAROL
[_Standing in front of him weeping_]
You must forgive me—you must!
EDWARD
All right.
CAROL
I didn’t love any of them—I swear I didn’t.
EDWARD
[_Turning away irritably_]
Oh, Carol—
CAROL
You’ve been utterly indifferent to me for ages.
EDWARD
Naturally.
CAROL
No, but before—I mean before—last year you stopped loving me.
EDWARD
Please don’t go on like this.
CAROL
It’s true—it’s true. I was lonely.
EDWARD
Don’t talk such utter nonsense.
CAROL
[_Working herself up_]
It isn’t nonsense—it’s you I love really all the time. I hate Harry
Challoner, really. I’ve been trying to break with him for ages. I made a
vow weeks ago that I’d never be unfaithful to you again—honestly I did,
I swear it. I’m sick of everybody. I wanted to ask you to take me away
abroad somewhere, but I didn’t dare—you had so much work to do—and you
were so cold and horrid. Edward—Edward—you’ve got to love me again—you
must. I shall go mad if you don’t. Please—Edward darling.
[_She flings herself into his arms._]
EDWARD
[_Gently disentangling himself_]
There now—it’s all right. Do stop.
[_He kisses her dutifully_]
CAROL
I feel so bitterly ashamed.
EDWARD
Stop crying.
CAROL
I swear I’ll be good. I swear I will.
EDWARD
That’s right. Now control yourself.
CAROL
I’ll never see Harry again.
EDWARD
Very well. For Heaven’s sake stop crying.
CAROL
I do love you really, you know. That’s what makes it so awful.
EDWARD
Pull yourself together.
CAROL
[_Dabbing her eyes_]
I’ll try.
EDWARD
Go and lie down and take something.
CAROL
What shall I take?
EDWARD
Aspirin, I should think.
CAROL
I had some just now.
EDWARD
Have some more.
CAROL
All right. Oh, God!
[_She goes out slowly, still half sobbing. EDWARD heaves a sigh of
mingled relief and irritation, he again flings himself into an
armchair. Then comes the sound of the front-door bell. He groans.
BERRY enters from R._]
EDWARD
Whoever it is, Berry, I’m out.
BERRY
Very good, sir. [_He goes out L. After a moment he re-enters._] I’m very
sorry, sir; it’s Major Bathurst. The porter downstairs told him you’d
just come in; he’s called already this morning.
EDWARD
Nobody told me. You’d better show him in.
BERRY
Yes, sir. [_He goes out and returns, announcing_] Major Bathurst.
[_EVELYN comes in. He looks more harassed than ever. BERRY goes out._]
EDWARD
Hallo, Evie!
EVELYN
[_Haltingly_]
Edward—I—I’ve come to say good-by.
EDWARD
[_Surprised_]
Good-by!
EVELYN
Yes. I came earlier this morning, but you were out.
EDWARD
But where on earth are you going?
EVELYN
Australia.
EDWARD
Why Australia?
EVELYN
[_Weakly_]
I’ve always wanted to go to Australia.
EDWARD
What _do_ you mean?
EVELYN
I mean I’ve got to go there on business.
EDWARD
It’s very sudden, isn’t it?
EVELYN
Yes. I had a wire from my brother.
EDWARD
I didn’t know he was in Australia.
EVELYN
He isn’t. He’s in Cheltenham, but he sent me a wire saying I ought to go
out there at once.
EDWARD
What’s the matter with you, Evie?
EVELYN
Nothing.
EDWARD
You’re not only telling me extremely fatuous lies, but you look like
death.
EVELYN
They’re not lies. I—
EDWARD
Don’t he an ass. Have a drink.
EVELYN
No—I don’t want a drink.
EDWARD
What’s wrong?
EVELYN
There’s nothing wrong.
EDWARD
You’d better tell me, you know.
EVELYN
I want to tell you.
EDWARD
Come on, then.
EVELYN
I’ve got to tell you.
EDWARD
Out with it.
EVELYN
But I can’t.
EDWARD
Surely that’s rather silly.
EVELYN
I tried to shoot myself this morning.
EDWARD
You what!!!
EVELYN
Tried to shoot myself.
EDWARD
[_Alarmed_]
In God’s name, why?
EVELYN
[_Brokenly_]
Oh, Edward!
EDWARD
Evie, what _has_ happened?
EVELYN
I’m the filthiest cad in the world.
EDWARD
Don’t be ridiculous.
EVELYN
Our friendship is over forever.
EDWARD
[_With irritation_]
Do stop all this melodrama, Evie, and tell me what’s the matter.
EVELYN
I’ve betrayed you, utterly.
EDWARD
[_In great astonishment_]
Betrayed _me_?
EVELYN
[_Looking down_]
Yes.
EDWARD
How?
EVELYN
[_Brokenly_]
Carol!
EDWARD
Carol! Well, what about her?
EVELYN
Carol dined with me last night.
EDWARD
Oh, did she?
EVELYN
And—and—O my God!
[_He sinks into a chair by the table and leans his head on his arms._]
EDWARD
[_In amazement_]
You don’t seriously mean to tell me—
EVELYN
[_In muffled tones_]
Yes.
EDWARD
You and Carol!
EVELYN
Yes.
EDWARD
This is too much!
[_He bursts out laughing._]
EVELYN
[_Looking up astounded_]
Edward!
EDWARD
I can’t bear it.
[_He laughs louder._]
EVELYN
[_Rising_]
Edward—old man—please—
EDWARD
[_Helplessly_]
It’s unbelievable—incredible. Oh dear!
[_He collapses on the window seat._]
EVELYN
[_Approaching him_]
Edward—for God’s sake—
EDWARD
[_Weakly_]
Don’t come near me. I shall be all right in a minute.
EVELYN
[_With growing anger_]
You must be mad.
EDWARD
I certainly feel very strange.
[_He goes into fits of laughter again._]
EVELYN
[_Outraged_]
Edward—do you realize what I’ve just told you?
EDWARD
[_Trying to control himself_]
Yes—perfectly.
EVELYN
And you can laugh!
EDWARD
Will you hand me a cigarette, please?
EVELYN
[_Irately_]
Look here, Edward—
EDWARD
[_With sudden firmness_]
Will you hand me a cigarette, please.
EVELYN
Here.
[_He offers him his case._]
EDWARD
Thanks. [_He takes one._] Light.
EVELYN
Here.
[_He strikes a match._]
EDWARD
Thanks. I feel better now.
EVELYN
Well! What are you going to do about it?
EDWARD
Ring that bell, will you? By the door.
EVELYN
I can find my own way out.
EDWARD
[_Firmly_]
You’re not going yet. Ring the bell, please.
[_EVELYN looks at him and then goes and rings the bell._]
EVELYN
Look here, Edward, I came here this morning because I felt I owed it to
our friendship to confess the truth to you—
EDWARD
You’re out of your depth, Evie—far, far out of your depth.
EVELYN
I don’t know what you mean.
EDWARD
This is reality, not fiction.
[_BERRY enters._]
BERRY
You rang, sir?
EDWARD
Will you ask your mistress to come down immediately, please, Berry? It’s
very important.
BERRY
Yes, sir.
[_He goes out._]
EVELYN
[_Panic-stricken_]
Edward, this is not fair of you.
EDWARD
[_Unceremoniously_]
Shut up.
EVELYN
This is between us.
EDWARD
The three of us, Evie—what’s known, I believe, as the eternal triangle.
EVELYN
Let me tell you one thing—what happened was not deliberate.
EDWARD
You prefer to be thought a fool rather than a cad!
EVELYN
Yes, if you like to put it that way.
EDWARD
How typical!
EVELYN
I only asked Carol to dine, in the first place, for your sake.
EDWARD
For my sake?
EVELYN
Yes, I intended to teach her a lesson.
EDWARD
And she ended up by teaching you one.
EVELYN
[_Utterly shocked_]
Edward!
EDWARD
Men of your sort should stick to athletics and not attempt physiology.
EVELYN
I deserve that.
EDWARD
[_Agreeably_]
Fully.
[_CAROL enters from R. She starts visibly on seeing EVELYN._]
CAROL
What’s the matter?
EDWARD
Don’t look so surprised, Carol. It’s terribly irritating.
CAROL
I don’t understand.
EDWARD
I gather that you and Evie—
EVELYN
[_Wounded by such frankness_]
Edward!
CAROL
[_Looking at EVELYN_]
You cad!
EDWARD
It was very unpleasant of you, Carol—
CAROL
[_Appealingly_]
Edward, please—
EDWARD
I should like to know how it all happened.
EVELYN
I told you—I—
EDWARD
Carol will you explain, please?
CAROL
Certainly not.
EDWARD
Very well. You must allow me to reconstruct it for myself.
EVELYN
Surely this is unnecessary.
EDWARD
That is entirely for me to decide.
CAROL
You’re being unbelievably cheap.
EDWARD
[_Mildly_]
Really, Carol—keep a slight grip on your values.
EVELYN
Say what you like. I don’t care.
EDWARD
It wouldn’t make the slightest difference if you did.
EVELYN
Damned ungenerous.
EDWARD
Shut up and don’t be an ass. You and Carol have brought about this
abominable situation. It’s up to you to keep quiet and let me straighten
it out in my own way.
EVELYN
[_Turning away_]
Very well.
EDWARD
Thank you. Now then—Evie, you asked Carol to dine with you alone at your
flat?
EVELYN
Yes.
EDWARD
Why?
EVELYN
I told you.
EDWARD
In order to teach her a lesson.
CAROL
Oh, this is insufferable.
EDWARD
You’re perfectly right, it is. I gather that the first part of the
lesson, Evie, necessitated you making love to her. Am I right?
EVELYN
[_Impatiently_]
Oh yes—
EDWARD
And then what?
[_Turning_]
EVELYN
Look here, Edward, I’m damned if I’m going to listen to this any longer—
CAROL
Neither am I!
EDWARD
Tell me the truth, then, Carol. It will simplify matters considerably. Do
you love Evie?
CAROL
No.
EDWARD
Then why, if it’s not an indelicate question, did you—
CAROL
[_Violently_]
Because he insulted me and tried to humiliate me and I determined to show
him that he wasn’t as clever as he thought he was.
EDWARD
Admirable. You, Evie, had the ineffable conceit to pit your meager
experience of the world against an extremely attractive and obviously
unscrupulous woman. You then give in to her completely despite the
fact that she is the wife of your friend; and not content with that,
you turn on her afterward, work yourself up into a frenzy of false
melodramatic values, rush round here and blurt it out to me doubtless
under the delusion that by uncovering the whole shameful business you are
vindicating your own honor! Oh, Evie, what a pitiful fool you are!
EVELYN
It’s no use blackguarding me any more, is it? What are you going to do
about it?
EDWARD
I don’t quite know yet.
CAROL
There’s nothing to be done.
EDWARD
You’re too sure of yourself, Carol—you always have been.
EVELYN
I wish to God I had shot myself.
EDWARD
It’s a little late to think of that now.
EVELYN
You’re being unnecessarily cruel, Edward.
EDWARD
I’m afraid I’m a bitter disappointment to you both. You see emotionally
I’m unmoved. The capacity for feeling very deeply over Carol died a long
while ago.
EVELYN
I should have thought that for the sake of our friendship—
EDWARD
That’s sheer cant. You’ve considerably over-estimated our friendship for
years. If you care to analyze it honestly you’ll discover that we both
bore one another stiff and always have. We were at school together—in
different forms—since when we’ve dined together on an average of once
a month. We’ve confided our troubles superficially for the want of
something to talk about. We’re poles apart mentally and physically; we’ve
built up this so-called great friendship on a basis of false tradition,
and the only reason I realized it first is because my brain functions
quicker than yours—
EVELYN
[_Shattered_]
Edward!
EDWARD
And I should like to add—having naturally a more acute sense of sex
psychology than you—that the reason you took such a fatal interest in
Carol’s morals was not on my account at all, but because she’d snubbed
you severely several times and you were probably very much attracted to
her.
EVELYN
It’s not true. You’re disgusting.
EDWARD
Be that as it may, the solution to the whole thing is obvious.
EVELYN
What do you mean?
EDWARD
I’ll tell you. Carol, you must go away immediately.
CAROL
[_Horrified_]
Edward—
EVELYN
[_Stricken_]
But—I—I—
EDWARD
Wait a moment. Let me explain. Carol, you and I have no longer the
slightest justification for living together. If you go away abroad
somewhere I will make it perfectly easy for you to divorce me. If you
don’t agree to this, I shall file a petition against you at once, naming
Evie as corespondent. That’s the second ultimatum I’ve delivered this
morning and I’m feeling extremely tired.
[_He sits down._]
CAROL
Edward, you can’t mean this—you can’t.
EDWARD
I do. I mean it more than I’ve ever meant anything in my life.
CAROL
[_Bursting into tears of rage_]
I won’t stand it. I won’t!
EDWARD
You’re not being very polite to Evie.
EVELYN
You think you’re being damned clever.
EDWARD
That’s been hurled at me so often just lately that I’m honestly beginning
to believe I am.
CAROL
You utter beast.
EDWARD
Well—what’s the decision?
CAROL
[_Wailing_]
I’ll never speak to you again—never—never—never.
EDWARD
[_Rising_]
Evie?
EVELYN
[_Gruffly_]
You’d better give us time to think.
EDWARD
What is the time now, anyhow?
EVELYN
[_Looking at his watch_]
Twenty past one.
EDWARD
My God! I knew I should be late. I’ll be at the Berkeley if you want me.
[_EDWARD goes out. EVELYN and CAROL look after him and then at each
other._]
[_CAROL after a pause walks over and sits next to EVIE._]
CAROL
Evie.
EVIE
What?
CAROL
[_Sweetly_]
There’s still time for you to shoot yourself!
CURTAIN
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