The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Independence of Claire, by
Mrs. George de Horne Vaizey
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
Title: The Independence of Claire
Author: Mrs. George de Horne Vaizey
Release Date: April 16, 2007 [EBook #21098]
Language: English
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE INDEPENDENCE OF CLAIRE ***
Produced by Nick Hodson of London, England
The Independence of Claire
By Mrs George de Horne Vaizey
________________________________________________________________________
This is a rather typical Horne Vaizey book, about the life led by young
well-brought-up women in Edwardian times. Worries about money, about
who to marry, whether to go or not to parties to be given by elderly
hostesses, about clothes, about hair-styles, and even, as so often in
this author's books, with a bit of illness thrown in as well.
There's a time when Claire seems on the way to making a big mistake, but
it all gets sorted out in the end. Make an audiobook of this book -
that is probably the best way to enjoy it.
________________________________________________________________________
THE INDEPENDENCE OF CLAIRE
BY MRS. GEORGE DE HORNE VAIZEY
CHAPTER ONE.
"I'LL HAVE TO DO IT."
Claire Gifford stood in the salon of the Brussels pension which had been
her home for the last three years, and bent her brows in consideration
of an all-absorbing problem. "Can I marry him?" she asked herself once
and again, with the baffling result that every single time her brain
answered instantly, "_You must_!" the while her heart rose up in
rebellion, and cried, "I won't!" Many girls have found themselves in
the same predicament before and since, but few have had stronger reasons
for sacrificing personal inclination on the altar of filial duty than
Claire knew at this minute.
To begin with, the relationship between herself and her mother was more
intimate than is usually the case, for Claire was an only child, and
Mrs Gifford a widow only eighteen years older than herself. Briefly
stated, the family history was as follows--Eleanor Guyther had been the
only child of stern, old-world parents, and at seventeen had run away
from the house which had been more like a prison than a home, to marry a
handsome young artist who had been painting in the neighbourhood during
the summer months; a handsome merry-faced boy of twenty-one, whose
portrait Claire treasured in an old-fashioned gold locket, long since
discarded by her mother, who followed the fashion in jewellery as well
as in dress. It was strange to look at the face of a father who was no
older than oneself, and Claire had spent many hours gazing at the
pictured face, and trying to gain from it some idea of the personality
of the man of whom her mother persistently refused to speak.
Mrs Gifford shrank from all disagreeables, great and small, and
systematically turned her back on anything which was disturbing or
painful, so that it was only from chance remarks that her daughter had
gained any information about the past. She knew that her father had
been a successful artist, although not in the highest sense of the term.
He had a trick of turning out pretty domestic pictures which appealed
to the taste of the million, and which, being purchased by enterprising
dealers, were reproduced in cheap prints to deck the walls of suburban
parlours. While he lived he made a sufficient income, and before his
death a formal reconciliation had taken place between the runaway
daughter and her north-country parents, from whom she later inherited
the money which had supported herself and her daughter throughout the
years of her widowhood.
Claire had the vaguest idea as to the amount of her mother's means, for
until the last few years the question of money had never arisen, they
had simply decided what they wished to do, without considering the cost,
but of late there had been seasons of financial tightness, and the
morning on which this history begins had brought a most disagreeable
awakening.
Mrs Gifford was seated in the salon staring disconsolately at a note
which had just arrived by the afternoon post. It was a very
disagreeable note, for it stated in brief and callous terms that her
account at the bank was overdrawn to the extent of three hundred francs,
and politely requested that the deficit should be made good. Claire
looked flushed and angry; Mrs Gifford looked pathetic and pale.
It seemed, in the first place, quite ludicrous that such a relationship
as that of mother and daughter should exist between two women who looked
so nearly of an age, and Mrs Gifford's youthful appearance was a
standing joke in the Pension. Every new visitor was questioned by
Madame as to the relationship between the two English ladies, and never
had one of the number failed to reply "sisters," and to be convulsed
with astonishment when corrected; and in good truth Mrs Gifford was a
wonderful specimen of the prolonged youth which is a phenomenon of the
present day.
She was slight, she was graceful, her waving brown hair was as naturally
luxuriant as that of a girl, her complexion was smooth and fair, her
pretty features were unchanged, she dressed with good taste, and, though
secretly proud of her youthful looks, was never so foolish as to adopt
kittenish airs to match. Her manner was quiet, gracious, appealing; a
little air of pathos enveloped her like a mist; on strangers she made
the impression of a lovely creature who had known suffering. Everybody
was kind to Mrs Gifford, and she in return had never been known to
utter an unkind word. She had been born with the faculty of loving
everybody a little, and no one very much, which--if one comes to think
of it--is the most powerful of all factors towards securing an easy
life, since it secures the owner from the possibility of keen personal
suffering.
At the present moment Mrs Gifford did, however, look really perturbed,
for, after shutting her eyes to a disagreeable fact, and keeping them
shut with much resolution and--it must be added--ease, for many years
past, she was now driven to face the truth, and to break it to her
daughter into the bargain.
"But I don't understand!" Claire repeated blankly. "How _can_ the
money be gone? We have spent no more this year than for years past. I
should think we have spent less. I haven't been extravagant a bit. You
offered me a new hat only last week, and I said I could do without--"
"Yes, yes, of course. It's quite true, _cherie_, you have been most
good. But, you see, ours has not been a case of an income that goes on
year after year--it never was, even from the beginning. There was not
enough. And you _did_ have a good education, didn't you? I spared
nothing on it. It's folly to stint on a girl's education.--It was one
of the best schools in Paris."
"It was, mother; but we are not talking about schools. Do let us get to
the bottom of this horrid muddle! If it isn't a case of `income,' what
can it be? I'm ignorant about money, for you have always managed
business matters, but I can't see what else we can have been living
upon?"
Mrs Gifford crinkled her delicate brows, and adopted an air of
plaintive self-defence.
"I'm sure it's as great a shock to me as it is to you; but, under the
circumstances, I do think I managed very well. It was only nine
thousand pounds at the beginning, and I've made it last over thirteen
years, _with_ your education! And since we've been here, for the last
three years, I've given you a good time, and taken you to everything
that was going on. Naturally it all costs. Naturally money can't last
for ever..."
The blood flooded the girl's face. Now at last she _did_ understand,
and the knowledge filled her with awe.
"Mother! Do you mean that we have been living all this time on
_capital_?"
Mrs Gifford shrugged her shoulders, and extended her hands in an
attitude typically French.
"What would you, _ma chere_? Interest is so ridiculously low. They
offered me three per cent. Four was considered high. How could we have
lived on less than three hundred a year? Your school bills came to
nearly as much, and I had to live, too, and keep you in the holidays. I
did what I thought was the best. We should both have been miserable in
cheap pensions, stinting ourselves of everything we liked. The money
has made us happy for thirteen years."
Claire rose from her seat and walked over to the window. The road into
which she looked was wide and handsome, lined with a double row of
trees. The sun shone on the high white houses with the green
_jalousies_, which stood _vis-a-vis_ with the Pension. Along the
cobble-stoned path a dog was dragging a milk-cart, the gleaming brass
cans clanking from side to side; through the open window came the faint
indescribable scent which distinguishes a continental from a British
city. Claire stared with unseeing eyes, her heart beating with heavy
thuds. She conjured up the image of a man's face--a strong kindly
face--a face which might well make the sunshine of some woman's life,
but which made no appeal to her own heart. She set her lips, and two
bright spots of colour showed suddenly in her cheeks. So smooth and
uneventful had been her life that this was the first time that she had
found herself face to face with serious difficulty, and, after the first
shock of realisation, her spirit rose to meet it. She straightened her
shoulders as if throwing off a weight, and her heart cried valiantly,
"It's my own life, and I will _not_ be forced! There must be some other
way. It's for me to find it!"
Suddenly she whirled round, and walked back to her mother.
"Mother, if you knew how little money was left, why wouldn't you let me
accept Miss Farnborough's offer at Christmas!"
For a moment Mrs Gifford's face expressed nothing but bewilderment.
Then comprehension dawned.
"You mean the school-mistress from London? What was it she suggested?
That you should go to her as a teacher? It was only a suggestion, so
far as I remember. She made no definite offer."
"Oh, yes, she did. She said that she had everlasting difficulty with
her French mistresses, and that I was the very person for whom she'd
been looking. Virtually French, yet really English in temperament. She
made me a definite offer of a hundred and ten pounds a year."
Mrs Gifford laughed, and shrugged her graceful shoulders. She appeared
to find the proposal supremely ridiculous, yet when people were without
money, the only sane course seemed to be to take what one could get.
Claire felt that she had not yet mastered the situation. There must be
something behind which she had still to grasp.
"Well, never mind the school for a moment, mother dear. Tell me what
_you_ thought of doing. You must have had some plan in your head all
these years while the money was dwindling away. Tell me your scheme,
then we can compare the two and see which is better."
Mrs Gifford bent her head over the table, and scribbled aimlessly with
a pen in which there was no ink. She made no answer in words, yet as
she waited the blood flamed suddenly over Claire's face, for it seemed
to her that she divined what was in her mother's mind. "I expected that
you would marry. I have done my best to educate you and give you a
happy youth. I expected that you would accept your first good offer,
and look after _me_!"
That was what a French mother would naturally say to her daughter; that
was what Claire Gifford believed that her own mother was saying to her
at that moment, and the accusation brought little of the revolt which an
English girl would have experienced. Claire had been educated at a
Parisian boarding school, and during the last three years had associated
almost entirely with French-speaking Andrees and Maries and Celestes,
who took for granted that their husbands should be chosen for them by
their parents. Claire had assisted at betrothal feasts, and played
_demoiselle d'honneur_ at subsequent weddings, and had witnessed an
astonishing degree of happiness as an outcome of these business-like
unions. At this moment she felt no anger against her own mother for
having tried to follow a similar course. Her prevailing sensation was
annoyance with herself for having been so difficult to lead.
"It must be my English blood. Somehow, when it came to the point, I
never _could_. But Mr Judge is different from most men. He is so good
and generous and unmercenary. He'd be kind to mother, and let her live
with us, and make no fuss. He is as charming to her as he is to me.
Oh, dear, I _am_ selfish! I _am_ a wretch! It isn't as if I were in
love with anyone else. I'm not. Perhaps I never shall be. I'll never
have the chance if I live in lodgings and spend my life teaching
irregular verbs. Why can't I be sensible and French, and marry him and
live happily ever after? _Pauvre petite mere_! Why can't I think of
_her_?"
Suddenly Claire swooped down upon her mother's drooping figure, wrapped
her in loving arms, and swung her gently to and fro. She was a tall,
strikingly graceful girl, with a face less regularly beautiful than her
mother's, but infinitely more piquant and attractive. She was more
plump and rounded than the modern English girl, and her complexion less
pink and white, but she was very neat and dainty and smart, possessed
deep-set, heavily-lashed grey eyes, red lips which curled mischievously
upward at the corner, and a pair of dimples on her soft left cheek.
The dimples were in full play at this moment; the large one was just on
the level with the upward curl of the lips, the smaller one nestled
close to its side. In repose they were almost unnoticed, but at the
slightest lighting of expression, at the first dawn of a smile, they
danced into sight and became the most noticeable feature of her face.
Claire without her dimples would have been another and far less
fascinating personality.
"Mother darling, forgive me! Kiss me, _cherie_--don't look sad! I
_have_ had a good time, and we'll have a good time yet, if it is in my
power to get it for you. Cheer up! Things won't be as bad as you fear.
We won't allow them to be bad. ... How much does the horrid old bank
say that we owe? Three hundred francs. I can pay it out of my own
little savings. Does it mean literally that there is nothing more,
nothing at all--not a single sou?"
"Oh no. I have some shares. They have been worthless for years, but
just lately they have gone up. I was asking Mr Judge about them
yesterday. He says I might get between two and three hundred pounds.
They were worth a thousand, years ago."
Claire brightened with the quick relief of youth. Two or three hundred
English pounds were a considerable improvement on a debit account. With
two or three hundred pounds much might yet be done. Thousands of people
had built up great fortunes on smaller foundations. In a vague,
indefinite fashion she determined to devote these last pounds to
settling herself in some business, which would ensure a speedy and
generous return. School teaching was plainly out of the question, since
two gentlewomen could not exist on a hundred and ten pounds a year. She
must think of something quicker, more lucrative.
All through dinner that evening Claire debated her future vocation as
she sat by her mother's side, halfway down the long dining-table which
to English eyes appeared so bare and unattractive, but which was yet
supplied with the most appetising of food. Claire's eyes were
accustomed to the lack of pretty detail; she had quite an affection for
the Pension which stood for home in her migratory life, and a real love
for Madame Dupre, the cheery, kindly, most capable proprietor. Such of
the _pensionnaires_ as were not purely birds of passage she regarded as
friends rather than acquaintances; the only person in the room to whom
she felt any antagonism was Mr Judge himself, but unfortunately he was
the one of all others whom she was expected to like best.
As she ate her salad and broke fragments of delicious crusty roll,
Claire threw furtive glances across the table at the man who for the
last weeks had exercised so disturbing an element in her life. Was it
six weeks or two months, since she and her mother had first made his
acquaintance at the tennis club at which they spent so many of their
afternoons? Claire had noticed that a new man had been present on that
occasion, had bestowed on him one critical glance, decided with youthful
arrogance: "Oh, quite old!" and promptly forgotten his existence, until
an hour later, when, as she was sitting in the pavilion enjoying the
luxury of a real English tea, the strange man and her mother had entered
side by side. Claire summoned in imagination the picture of her mother
as she had looked at that moment, slim and graceful in the simplest of
white dresses, an untrimmed linen hat shading her charming face. She
looked about twenty-five, and Claire was convinced that she knew as
much, and that it was a mischievous curiosity to see her companion's
surprise which prompted her to lead the way across the floor, and
formally introduce "My daughter!"
Mr Judge exhibited all the expected signs of bewilderment, but he made
himself exceedingly amiable to the daughter, and it was not until a week
later that it was discovered that he had concluded that the relationship
must surely be "step," when fresh explanations were made, and all the
bewilderment came over again.
Since then, oh, since then, Claire told herself, there had been no
getting away from the man! He was, it appeared, an Indian merchant
spending a few months on the Continent, at the conclusion of a year's
leave. He had come to Brussels because of the presence of an old school
friend--the same friend who was responsible for the introduction at the
tennis club--but week after week passed by, and he showed no disposition
to move on.
Now Brussels is a very gay and interesting little city, but when Paris
looms ahead, and Berlin, Vienna, to say nothing of the beauties of
Switzerland and the Tyrol, and the artistic treasures of Italy--well! it
_did_ seem out of proportion to waste six whole weeks in that one spot!
At the end of the last fortnight, too, Mr Judge declared that he was
sick to death of hotels and lonely evenings in smoking rooms, and
approached Madame Dupre with a view to joining the party at Villa Beau
Sejour. Madame was delighted to receive him, but Claire Gifford told
her mother resentfully that she considered Mr Judge's behaviour "very
cool." How did he know that it would be pleasant for them to have him
poking about morning, noon, and night?
"It isn't _our_ Pension, darling, and he is very nice to you," Mrs
Gifford had said in return, and as it was impossible to contradict
either statement, Claire had tossed her head, and relapsed into silence.
For the first weeks of her acquaintance with Mr Judge, Claire had
thoroughly enjoyed his attentions. It was agreeable to know a man who
had a habit of noting your wishes, and then setting to work to bring
them about forthwith, and who was also delightfully extravagant as
regards flowers, and seemed to grow chocolates in his coat pockets. It
was only when he spoke of moving to the Pension, and her girl friends at
the tennis club began to tease, roll meaning eyes, and ask when she was
to be congratulated, that she took fright.
Did people really think that she was going to _marry_ Mr Judge?
Lately things had moved on apace, and as a result of the unwelcome
revelations of the morning's post, Claire was to-day asking herself a
different question. She was no longer occupied with other people; she
was thinking of herself... "Am I going to marry Mr Judge? Oh, good
gracious, is that _My Husband_ sitting over there, and have I got to
live with him every day, as long as we both shall live?"
She shuddered at the thought, but in truth there was nothing to shudder
at in Robert Judge's appearance. He was a man of forty, bronzed, and
wiry, with agreeable if not regular features. Round his eyes the skin
was deeply furrowed, but the eyes themselves were bright and youthful,
and the prevailing expression was one of sincerity and kindliness. He
wore a loose grey tweed suit, with a soft-coloured shirt which showed a
length of brown neck. The fingers of his right band were deeply stained
with tobacco. During _dejeuner_ he carried on a conversation with his
right-hand companion, in exceedingly bad French, but ever and anon he
glanced across the table as though his thoughts were not on his words.
Once, on looking up suddenly, Claire found his eyes fixed upon herself,
with a strained, anxious look, and her heart quickened as she looked,
then sank down heavy as lead.
"It's coming!" she said to herself. "It's coming! There's no running
away. I'll have to stay, and see it out. Oh, why can't I be French,
and sensible? I ought to be thankful to marry such a kind, good man,
and be able to give mother a comfortable home!"
But as a matter of fact she was neither glad nor thankful. Despite her
French training, the English instinct survived and clamoured for
liberty, for independence. "It's my own life. If I marry at all, I
want to choose the man for no other reason than that I love him; not as
a duty, and to please somebody else!" Then she glanced at her mother
sitting by her side, slim, and graceful, with the little air of pathos
and helplessness which even strangers found so appealing, and as she did
so, a shiver passed through Claire's veins.
"But I'll have to do it!" she said to herself helplessly. "I'll have to
do it!"
CHAPTER TWO.
TOO SUCCESSFUL!
The next few days passed by slowly enough. It is a great trial for a
young creature to realise that a change is inevitable and, at the same
time, that one must be cautious about making it. The impulse is always
to rush into action, and it is difficult to sit still and agree with the
elderly precept in favour of consideration and delay. If matters had
been left to Claire she would have started out forthwith to search for a
cheap Pension, and would have also despatched a letter to Miss
Farnborough by the first post, to inquire if the school post were still
open, but her mother vetoed both proposals, and pleaded so urgently for
delay, that there was nothing left but to agree, and compose herself as
best she might.
The weather was too hot for tennis, and in truth Claire was not in the
mood for games. With every hour she realised more keenly that she had
come to the parting of the ways, and in the prospect of a new life old
interests lost their savour. Her mother seemed to share her
restlessness, but while Claire preferred to stay indoors, in the privacy
of her own room, Mrs Gifford seemed to find relief in action, and was
often out for hours at a time, without vouchsafing any explanation of
her absence.
Claire was not curious. She was content to close the green shutters of
her windows, slip into a muslin wrapper, and employ herself at some
simple piece of needlework, which kept her hands busy while leaving her
thoughts free.
Where would she be this time next year? It was a question which no
mortal can answer with certainty, but many of us are happy in the
probability that we shall be still living in the same dear home,
surrounded by the people and the objects which we love, whereas Claire's
one certainty was that she must move on to fresh scenes. Bombay or
London--that seemed the choice ahead! Matrimony or teaching. On the
one hand a luxurious home, carriages and horses, a staff of servants,
and apparently as much society as one desired, with the incubus of a
husband whom she did not love, and who was twenty years her senior. On
the other hand, work and poverty, with the advantages of freedom and
independence.
Claire's eyes brightened at the sound of those two words, for dear as
liberty is to the heart of an Englishwoman, it was in prospect dearer
still to this girl who had been educated in a country still enslaved by
chaperonage, and had never known a taste of real freedom of action.
Mrs Gifford had been as strict as or stricter than any Belgian mother,
being rightly determined that no breath of scandal should touch her
daughter's name; therefore wherever Claire went, some responsible female
went with her. She was chaperoned to church, chaperoned on her morning
constitutional, a chaperon sat on guard during the period of music and
drawing lessons, and at their conclusion escorted her back to the
Pension. What wonder that the thought of life as a bachelor girl in
London seemed full of a thrilling excitement!
Suppose for one minute that she decided on London--what would become of
mother? Again and again Claire asked herself this question, again and
again she recalled the interview between herself and the headmistress,
Miss Farnborough, when the subject of teaching had been discussed. It
had happened one morning in the salon of the Pension, when Claire had
been coaching an English visitor in preparation for a French interview
which lay ahead, and Miss Farnborough, laying down her book, had
listened with smiling interest. Then the Englishwoman left the room,
and Miss Farnborough had said, "You did that very cleverly; very
cleverly indeed! You have a very happy knack of putting things simply
and forcibly. I've noticed it more than once. Have you ever done any
teaching?"
"None professionally," Claire had replied with a laugh, "but a great
deal by chance. I seem to drift into the position of coach to most of
the English visitors here. It pleases them, and it interests me. And I
used to help the French girls with their English at school."
Then Miss Farnborough had inquired with interest as to the details of
Claire's education, the schools she had attended, the examinations she
had passed, and finally had come the critical question, "Have you ever
thought of taking up teaching as a profession?"
Claire had never thought of taking up work of any kind, but the
suggestion roused a keen interest, as one of the temporary "tight" times
was in process, so that the prospect of money-making seemed particularly
agreeable. She discussed the subject carefully, and out of that
discussion had arisen the final offer of a post.
The junior French mistress in the High School of which Miss Farnborough
was head was leaving at midsummer. If Claire wished she could take her
place, at a salary beginning at a hundred and ten pounds a year. In
Trust Schools, of which Saint Cuthbert's was one, there was no fixed
scale of advancement, but a successful teacher could reach a salary of,
say, two hundred a year by the time she was thirty-eight or forty, as
against the permanent sixty or seventy offered to mistresses in
residential schools of a higher grade. Miss Farnborough's mistresses
were women trained at the various universities; the school itself was
situated in a fashionable neighbourhood, and its pupils were for the
most part daughters of professional men, and gentlefolk of moderate
incomes. There was no pension scheme, and mistresses had to live out,
but with care and economy they could take out some insurance to provide
for old age.
Claire took little interest in her own old age, which seemed too far
away to count, but she was intensely interested in the immediate future,
and had been hurt and annoyed when her mother had waved aside the
proposal as unworthy of serious consideration. And now, only three
months after Miss Farnborough's departure, the crisis had arisen, and
that hundred and ten pounds assumed a vastly increased value. Supposing
that the post was accepted, and mother and daughter started life in
London with a capital of between two and three hundred pounds, and a
salary of one hundred and ten, as regular income--how long would the
nest-egg last out?
Judging from the experience of past years, a very short time indeed, and
what would happen after that? Claire had read gruesome tales of the
struggles of women in like positions, overtaken by illness, losing the
salaries which represented their all, brought face to face with actual
starvation, and in the midst of the midsummer heat, little shivers of
fear trickled up and down her spine as she realised how easily she and
her mother might drift into a like position.
Then, on the other hand, Bombay! Indian houses were large; mother could
have her own rooms. In the hot weather they would go together to the
hills, leaving Mr Judge behind. How long did the hot season last, four
or five months? Nearly half the year, perhaps. It would be only half
as bad as marrying a man for money in Europe, for you would get rid of
him all that time! Claire shrugged her shoulders and laughed, and two
minutes later whisked away a tear, dedicated to the memory of girlish
dreams. Useless to dream any longer, she was awake now, and must face
life in a sensible manner. Her duty was to marry Robert Judge, and to
make a home for her mother.
Another girl might have cherished anger against the recklessness which
had landed her in such a trap, but after the first shock of discovery
there had been no resentment in Claire's heart. She implicitly believed
her mother's assurance that according to her light she had acted for the
best, and echoed with heartiness the assertion that the money had
provided a good time for thirteen long years.
They had not been rich, but there had been a feeling of sufficiency.
They had had comfortable quarters, pretty clothes, delightful holiday
journeys, a reasonable amount of gaiety, and, over and beyond all, the
advantages of an excellent education. Claire's happy nature remembered
her benefits, and made short work of the rest. Poor, beautiful mother!
who could expect her to be prudent and careful, like any ordinary,
prosaic, middle-aged woman?
Even as the thought passed through the girl's mind the door of the
bedroom opened, and Mrs Gifford appeared on the threshold. She wore a
large shady hat, and in the dim light of the room her face was not
clearly visible, but there was a tone in her voice which aroused
Claire's instant curiosity. Mother was trying to speak in her ordinary
voice, but she was nervous, she was agitated. She was not feeling
ordinary at all.
"Claire, _cherie_, we are going to the forest to have tea. It is
impossibly hot indoors, but it will be delightful under the trees. Mr
Judge has sent for a _fiacre_, and Miss Benson has asked to come too.
Put on your blue muslin and your big hat. Be quick, darling! I'll
fasten you up."
"I'd rather not go, thank you, mother. I'm quite happy here. Don't
trouble about me!"
Mrs Gifford was obviously discomposed. She hesitated, frowned, walked
restlessly up and down, then spoke again with an added note of
insistence--
"But I want you to come, Claire. I've not troubled you before, because
I saw you wanted to be alone, but--it can't go on. Mr Judge wants you
to come. He suggested the drive because he thought it would tempt you.
If you refuse to-day, he will ask you again to-morrow. I think, dear,
you ought to come."
Claire was silent. She felt sick and faint; all over her body little
pulses seemed to be whizzing like so many alarm clocks, all crying in
insistent voices, "Time's up! Time's up! No more lazing. Up with you,
and do your duty!" Her forehead felt very damp and her throat felt very
dry, and she heard a sharp disagreeable voice saying curtly--
"Oh, certainly, I will come. No need to make a fuss. I can dress
myself, thank you. I'll come down when I'm ready!"
Mrs Gifford turned without a word and went out of the room, but Claire
was too busy being sorry for herself to have sympathy to spare for
anyone else. She threw off her wrapper and slipped into the cool muslin
dress which was at once so simple, and so essentially French and up-to-
date, and then, throwing open the door of a cupboard, stared at a long
row of hats ranged on a top shelf, and deliberately selected the one
which she considered the least becoming.
"I will _not_ be decked up for the sacrifice!" she muttered
rebelliously, then bent forward, so that her face approached close to
the flushed, frowning reflection in the glass. "You are going to be
proposed to, my dear!" she said scornfully. "You are going to be good
and sensible, and say `Yes, please!' When you see yourself next, you
will be Engaged! It won't be dear little Claire Gifford any more, it
will be the horrible future Mrs Robert Judge!"
She stuck hat-pins through the straw hat with savage energy; for once in
her life noticed with distinct satisfaction that it was secured at an
unbecoming angle, then, hearing through the _jalousies_ the sound of
approaching wheels, marched resolutely forth to meet her fate...
In the _fiacre_ Mrs Gifford and Miss Benson took the seats of honour,
leaving Claire and Mr Judge to sit side by side, and the one furtive
glance which she cast in his direction showed him looking confident and
unperturbed. Just like a French _pretendu_, already assured by Maman
that Mademoiselle was meekly waiting to assent to his suit!
"He might at least pay me the compliment of _pretending_! It is
dreadfully dull to be taken for granted," reflected Claire in disgust.
The next hour was a horrible experience. Everything happened exactly as
Claire had known it would, from the moment the quartette set forth.
Arrived at the forest, they took possession of one of the little tables
beneath the trees, and made fitful conversation the while they consumed
delicious cakes and execrable tea. Then the meal being finished, Mrs
Gifford and her companion announced a wish to sit still and rest, while
Mr Judge nervously invited Miss Claire to accompany him in a walk. She
assented, of course; what was the use of putting it off? and as soon as
they were well started, he spied another seat, and insisted upon sitting
down once more.
"Now he'll begin," thought Claire desperately. "He'll talk about India,
and being lonely, and say how happy he has felt since he's been here,"
and even as the thought passed through her mind, Mr Judge began to
speak.
"Awfully jolly old forest this is--awfully nice place Brussels,
altogether. Nicest place in the world. Never been so happy in my life
as I've been the last month. Of course, naturally, you must realise
that, when a fellow hangs on week after week, there--er, there must be
some special attraction. Not that it isn't a rattling old city, and all
that!" Mr Judge was growing a little mixed: his voice sounded flurried
and nervous, but Claire was not in the least inclined to help him. She
sat rigid as a poker, staring stolidly ahead. There was not the ghost
of a dimple in her soft pink cheeks.
"I--er, your mother tells me that she has said nothing to you, but she
is sure, all the same, that you suspect. I asked her to let me speak to
you to-day. Naturally she feels the difficulty. She is devoted to you.
You know that, of course. I have told her that I will make your
happiness my special charge. There is nothing in the world I would not
do to ensure it. You know that too, don't you, Claire?"
He stretched out his hand and touched her tentatively on the arm, but
Claire drew herself back with a prickly dignity. If he wanted to
propose at all, he must propose properly; she was not going to commit
herself in response to an insinuation.
"You are very kind. I am quite happy as I am."
"Er--yes--yes, of course, but--but things don't go on, you know, can't
go on always without a change!"
Mr Judge took off his straw hat, twirled it nervously to and fro, and
laid it down on the bench by his side. Claire, casting a quick glance,
noticed that his hair was growing noticeably thin on the temples, and
felt an additional sinking of spirits.
"Claire!" cried the man desperately, "don't let us beat about the bush.
I'm not used to this sort of thing--don't make it harder than you need!
You _have_ noticed, haven't you? You know what I want to tell you?"
Claire nodded dumbly. In the case of previous Belgian admirers affairs
had been checked before they reached the extreme stage, and she found
this, her first spoken proposal much less exciting than she had
expected. As a friend pure and simple, she had thoroughly liked Mr
Judge, and at the bottom of her heart there lived a lingering hope that
perhaps if he loved her very much, and expressed his devotion in very
eloquent words, her heart might soften in response. But so far he had
not even mentioned love! She was silent for several minutes, and when
she did speak it was to ask a side question.
"Is mother willing to go to India?"
She was looking at the man as she spoke, and the change which passed
over his face, startled her by its intensity. His eyes shone, the
rugged features were transfigured by a very radiance of joy. He looked
young at that moment, young and handsome, and blissfully content.
Claire stared at him in amazement, not unmingled with irritation. Even
if mother _were_ willing, her own consent had still to be obtained. It
was tactless to make so sure!
Her own face looked decidedly sulky as she twitched round on her seat,
and resumed her stolid staring into space. Again there was silence,
till a hand stretched out to clasp her arm, and a voice spoke in deep
appealing accents--
"Claire, dear child, you are young; you have never known loneliness or
disappointment. We have! Happiness is fifty times more precious, when
it comes to those who have suffered. You would not be cruel enough to
damp our happiness! You _can_ do it, you know, if you persist in an
attitude of coldness and disapproval. I don't say you can destroy it.
Thank God! it goes too deep for anyone to be able to do that. But you
can rub off the bloom. Don't do it, Claire! Be generous. Be yourself.
Wish us good luck!"
"Wish _who_ good luck? What, oh, what are you talking about?" Claire
was gasping now, quivering with a frenzy of excitement. Robert Judge
stared in return, his face full of an honest bewilderment.
"Of our engagement, of course. Your mother's engagement to me. I have
been talking about it all the time!"
Then Claire threw up both her hands, and burst into a wild peal of
laughter. Peal after peal rang out into the air, she rocked to and fro
on her seat, her eyes disappeared from view, her teeth shone, her little
feet in their dainty French shoes danced upon the ground; she laughed
till the tears poured down her cheeks, and her gloved hands pressed
against her side where a "stitch" was uncomfortably making itself felt.
Stout Belgian couples passing past the end of the avenue, looked on with
indulgent smiles, a little shocked at so much demonstration in public,
but relieved to perceive that _une Anglaise_ could laugh with such
_abandon_. Monsieur they observed looked not sympathetic. Monsieur had
an air injured, annoyed, on his dignity. On his cheeks was a flush, as
of wounded pride. When at length the paroxysm showed signs of
lessening, he spoke in cold stilted tones.
"You appear to find it ridiculous. It seems to amuse you very much. I
may say that to us it is a serious matter!"
"Oh no! You don't understand--you _don't_ understand!" gasped Claire
feebly. "I am not laughing at you. I'm laughing at myself. Oh, Mr
Judge, you'll never guess, it's too screamingly funny for words. I
thought all this time, from the very beginning I thought, it was _me_!"
"You thought it was--you thought I wanted--that I was talking of--that I
meant to propose to--"
"Yes! Yes! Yes! Me! Me! Me! Of course I did. I've been thinking
it for weeks. Everyone thought so. They've teased me to death. You
were attentive to me, you know you were. You were always giving me
things ..."
"Well, of course!" Poor Mr Judge defended himself with honest
indignation. "What else could I do? I could not give them to _her_!
And I wanted--naturally I wanted, to get you on my side. You were the
difficulty. I knew that if she had only herself to consider I could win
her round, but if you ranged yourself against me, it would be a hard
fight. Naturally I tried to ingratiate myself. It appears that I have
rather overdone the part, but I can't flatter myself," his eyes twinkled
mischievously, "that I've been too successful! You don't appear exactly
overcome with disappointment!"
They laughed together, but only for a moment. Then he was serious
again, appealing to her in earnest tones.
"You won't range yourself against me, Claire? You won't dissuade her.--
I love her very dearly, and I know I can make her happy. You won't make
it hard for us?"
"Indeed, I won't! Why should I?" Claire cried heartily. "I'm only too
thankful. Mother needs someone to look after her, and I'd sooner you
did it than anyone else. I like you awfully--always did, until I began
to be afraid--I didn't want to marry you myself, but if mother does, I
think it's a splendid thing."
"Thank you, dear, thank you a thousand times. That's a _great_ relief."
Robert Judge stretched himself with a deep breath of satisfaction.
Then he grew confidential, reviewing the past with true lover-like
enjoyment.
"I fell in love with her that first afternoon at the tennis club.
Thought Bridges introduced her as Miss Gifford, put her down at twenty-
five, and hoped she wouldn't think me a hopeless old fogey. Never had
such a surprise in my life as when she introduced you. Thought for a
time I should have to give it up. Then she asked my advice on one or
two business matters, and I discovered--" He hesitated, flushing
uncomfortably, and Claire finished the sentence.
"That we are coming to the end of our resources?"
Mr Judge nodded.
"And so, of course," he continued simply, "that settled it. I couldn't
go away and leave her to face a struggle. I was jolly thankful to feel
that I had met her in time."
"I think you are a dear, good man. I think mother is very lucky. Thank
you so much for being my step-papa!" cried Claire, her grey eyes
softening with a charming friendliness as they dwelt on the man's honest
face, and he took her hand in his, and squeezed it with affectionate
ardour.
"Thank you, my dear. Thank _you_! I shall be jolly proud of having
such a pretty daughter. I'm not a rich man, but I am comfortably well-
off, and I'll do my best to give you a good time. Your mother feels
sure she will enjoy the Indian life. Most girls think it great fun.
And of course I have lots of friends."
Claire stared at him, a new seriousness dawning in her eyes. She looked
very pretty and very young, and not a little pathetic into the bargain.
For the first time since the realisation of her mistake the personal
application of the situation burst upon her, and a chill crept through
her veins. If she herself had married Robert Judge, her mother would
have made her home with them as a matter of course; but it was by no
means a matter of course that she should make her home with her mother.
She stared into the honest face of the man before her--the man who was
not rich, the man who was in love for the first time in his life, and a
smile twisted the corner of her lips.
"Mr Judge, if I ask you a question, will you promise to give me an
absolutely honest answer?"
"Yes, I will."
"Well, then, will you _like_ having a third person living with you all
the time?"
Up to the man's forehead rushed the treacherous blood. He frowned, he
scowled, he opened his lips to protest; but that flush had answered for
him, and Claire refused to listen. "No, no--don't! Of course you
wouldn't. Who would, in your place? Poor darlings--I quite understand.
You _are_ middle-aged, you know, though you feel about nineteen, and
mother is prettier and more charming than half the girl brides. And you
will want to be just as young and foolish as you like, not to be
_obliged_ to be sensible because a grown-up daughter is there all the
time, staring at you with big eyes? I should be in the way, and I
should _feel_ in the way, and--"
Mr Judge interrupted in an urgent voice:
"Look here, Claire, I don't think you ought to corner me like this.
It's not fair. I've told you that I am prepared to do everything for
your happiness. You ought surely to realise that I--"
"And _you_ ought to realise that I--" Claire broke off suddenly, and
held out her hand with a charming smile. "Oh, but there's plenty of
time--we can arrange all that later on. Let's go and find mother and
put her out of her misery. She will be longing to see us come back."
They walked down the avenue together, and, as they went, Claire turned
her head from side to side, taking in the well-known scene with wistful
intensity. How many times would she see it again? As she had said,
many discussions would certainly take place as to her future
destination, but she knew in her heart that the result was sure.
Providence had decided or her. The future was London and work!
CHAPTER THREE.
MRS. GIFFORD IS MARRIED.
Claire lost no time in writing to Miss Farnborough to apply for the post
of French mistress if it were still vacant, and by return of post
received a cordial reply. Several applications had been received, but
no appointment had been made, and the Head was pleased to confirm her
previous offer of a commencing salary of a hundred and ten pounds, and
would expect Miss Gifford to take up her duties at the beginning of the
autumn term. She congratulated her on her decision, and felt sure she
would never regret devoting her life to so interesting and valuable a
work, instead of being content to waste it in the pursuit of idle
pleasure.
Poor Claire looked a little dubious as she read those last words. The
pursuit of pleasure does not as a rule begin to pall at twenty-one; and
the old life looked very sweet and pleasant viewed from the new
standpoint of change. She put on a bright face, however, and sternly
repressed all signs of depression in discussing the matter with her
mother and Mr Judge. Her determination evoked the expected opposition,
but slowly and surely the opposition decreased, and her arguments were
listened to with increasing respect. The lovers were sincerely desirous
of securing the girl's happiness, but middle-aged though they were, they
were deeply in love, and felt a natural desire to begin their married
life without the presence of a third person, however dear that person
might be.
Mr Judge applauded Claire's spirit, and prophesied her rapid success as
a teacher. Mrs Gifford murmured sweetly, "And if you _don't_ like it,
dear, you can always come out by the next boat. Try it for a year. It
will be quite an amusing experience to live the life of a bachelor girl.
And, of course, in a year or two we'll be coming home. Then you must
spend the whole leave with us. We'll see, won't we? We won't make any
plans, but just be guided by circumstances. If you want somewhere to go
in the holidays, there's my old Aunt Mary in Preston, but you'd be bored
to sobs, darling. No doubt Miss Farnborough will introduce you to lots
of nice people in London, and you will have all the fifteen other
mistresses to take you about. I expect you'll be quite gay! ...
Claire, darling, _would_ you have gold tissue under this ninon, or just
a handsome lace?"
For the next few weeks things moved quickly. In answer to inquiries
about lodgings, Miss Farnborough wrote a second time to say that Miss
Rhodes, the English mistress, had comfortable rooms which she was
sharing with the present French teacher. She was willing to continue
the arrangement, and, as a stranger in town, Claire would doubtless find
it agreeable as well as economical. The letter was entirely business-
like and formal, and, as such, a trifle chilling to Claire, for Miss
Farnborough had been so warm in her spoken invitation that Claire had
expected a more cordial welcome. Could it be that the shadow of
officialdom was already making itself felt?
The next few weeks were given up to trousseau-hunting and farewell
visits, and no girl could have shown a livelier interest in the
selection of pretty things than did this bride of thirty-nine. Claire
came in for a charming costume to wear at the wedding, and for the rest,
what fitted her mother fitted herself, and as Mrs Gifford said sweetly,
"It would be a sin to waste all my nice things, but they're quite
unsuitable for India. Just use them out, darling, for a month or two,
and then get what you need," an arrangement which seemed sensible
enough, if one could only be sure of money to supply that need when it
arose!
The day before her marriage Mrs Gifford thrust an envelope into her
daughter's hand, blushing the while with an expression of real distress.
"I'm so sorry, darling, that it's so little. I've tried to be careful,
but the money has flown. Going out to India one needs so many clothes,
and there were quite a number of bills. I'll send more by and by, and
remember always to say if you run short. I want you to have plenty for
all you need. With what you have, this will see you nicely through your
first term, and after that you'll be quite rich."
Claire kissed her, and was careful not to look at the cheque until she
was alone. She had counted on at least a hundred to put in the bank as
a refuge against a rainy day. Surely at this parting of the ways mother
would wish her to have this security; but when she looked at her cheque,
it was to discover that it was made out for fifty pounds--only half that
sum. Claire felt sore at that moment, and for the first time a chill of
fear entered into her anticipations. Fifty pounds seemed a dreadfully
small sum to stand between herself and want. A hundred might be only
twice its value, but its three figures sounded so much more substantial.
She struggled hard to allow no signs of resentment to be seen, and felt
that virtue was rewarded, when late that evening Mr Judge presented her
with yet another envelope, saying awkwardly--
"That's--er--that's the bridesmaid's present. Thought you'd like to
choose for yourself. Something to do, you know, some fine half-holiday,
to go out and look in the shops. I've no views--don't get jewellery
unless you wish. Just--er--`blew it' your own way!"
Claire kissed him, and remarked that he was a sweet old dear; and this
time the opening of the envelope brought a surprise of an agreeable
nature, for this cheque also was for fifty pounds, so that the desired
hundred was really in her possession. No jewellery for her! Into the
bank the money should go--every penny of it, and her bridesmaid present
should be represented by peace of mind, which, after the financial shock
of the last month, seemed more precious than many rubies.
Mr and Mrs Judge were married at the Embassy, and afterwards at an
English church, the bride looking her most charming self in a costume of
diaphanous chiffon and lace and the most fascinating of French hats, and
the bridegroom his worst in his stiff conventional garments. They were
a very radiant couple, however, and the _dejeuner_ held after the
ceremony at the "Hotel Britannique" was a cheerful occasion, despite the
parting which lay ahead.
The gathering was quite a large one, for Mr Judge had insisted upon
inviting all the friends who had been kind to his _fiancee_ and her
daughter during their three years' sojourn in the city, while the
_pensionnaires_ at "Villa Beau Sejour" came _en masse_, headed by Madame
herself, in a new black silk costume, her white transformation
elaborately waved and curled for the occasion.
There were speeches, and there were toasts. There were kindly words of
farewell and cheerful anticipations of future meetings, there were good
wishes for the bride and bridegroom, and more good wishes for the
bridesmaid, and many protestations that it was "her turn next."
Then the bride retired to change her dress. Claire went with her, and
tried valiantly not to cry as she fastened buttons and hooks, and
realised how long it might be before she next waited on her mother.
Mrs Judge was tearful, too, and the two knew a bitter moment as they
clung together for the real farewell before rejoining the guests.
"I've been careless; I've made a mess of things. I've not been half as
thoughtful as I should have been," sobbed the bride, "but I _have_ loved
you, Claire, and this will make no difference! I shall love you just
the same."
Claire flushed and nodded, but could not trust herself to speak. The
love of a mother in far-off India could never be the same as the love of
the dear companion of every day. But she was too generous to add to her
mother's distress by refusing to be comforted, and the bride nervously
powdered her eyes, and re-arranged her veil before descending to the
hall, anxious as ever to shelve a painful subject, and turn her face to
the sun.
Five minutes later Mr and Mrs Judge drove away from the door, and the
girl who was left behind turned slowly to re-enter the hotel. It was
very big, and fine, and spacious, but at that moment it was a type of
desolation in Claire's eyes. With a sickening wave of loneliness she
realised that she was motherless and alone!
CHAPTER FOUR.
A FELLOW TRAVELLER INTRODUCES HERSELF.
The next afternoon Claire started on her journey to London. She had
spent the night with friends, and been seen off at the station by quite
a crowd of well-wishers. Little souvenirs had been showered upon her
all the morning, and everyone had a kindly word, and a hopeful prophecy
of the future. There were invitations also, and promises to look her up
in her London home, and a perfect shower of violets thrown into the
carriage as the train steamed out of the station, and Claire laughed and
waved her hand, and looked so complacent and beaming that no one looking
on could have guessed the real nature of her journey. She was not
pretending to be cheerful, she _was_ cheerful, for, the dreaded parting
once over, her optimistic nature had asserted itself, and painted the
life ahead in its old rosy colours. Mother was happy and secured from
want; she herself was about to enjoy a longed-for taste for
independence; then why grumble? asked Claire sensibly of herself, and
anything less grumbling than her appearance at that moment it would be
hard to imagine.
She was beautifully dressed, in the simplest but most becoming of
travelling costumes, she was agreeably conscious that the onlookers to
her send-off had been unanimously admiring in their regard, and, as she
stood arranging her bags on the rack overhead, she saw her own face in
the strip of mirror and whole-heartedly agreed in their verdict.
"I'm glad I'm pretty! It's a comfort to be pretty. I should grow so
tired of being with myself if I were plain!" she reflected complacently
as she settled herself in her corner, and flicked a few grains of dust
from the front of her skirt.
She had taken a through first-class ticket from sheer force of habit,
for Mrs Gifford had always travelled first, and the ways of economy
take some time to acquire. In the opposite corner of the carriage sat
an elderly woman, obviously English, obviously also of the _grande dame_
species, with aquiline features, white hair dressed pompadour fashion,
and an expression compounded of indifference and quizzical good humour.
The good humour was in the ascendant as she watched the kindly Belgians
crowd round her fellow-passenger, envelop her in their arms, murmur
tearful farewells, and kiss her soundly on either cheek. The finely
marked eyebrows lifted themselves as if in commiseration for the victim,
and as the door closed on the last farewell she heaved an involuntary
sigh of relief. It was evident that the scene appealed to her entirely
from the one standpoint; she saw nothing touching about it, nothing
pathetic; she was simply amused, and carelessly scornful of
eccentricities in manner or appearance.
On the seat beside this imposing personage sat a young woman in black,
bearing the hall mark of lady's maid written all over her in capital
letters. She sat stiffly in her seat, one gloved hand on her knee, the
other clasped tightly round the handle of a crocodile dressing-bag.
Claire felt a passing interest in the pair; reflected that if it were
her lot in life to be a maid, she would choose to live on the Continent,
where an affectionate intimacy takes the place of this frigid
separation, and then, being young and self-engrossed, promptly forgot
all about them, and fell to building castles in the air, in which she
herself lived in every circumstance of affluence and plenty, beloved and
admired of all. There was naturally a prince in the story, a veritable
Prince Charming, who was all that the most exacting mind could desire,
but the image was vague. Claire's heart had not yet been touched. She
was still in ignorance as to what manner of man she desired.
Engaged in these pleasant day-dreams Antwerp was reached before Claire
realised that half the distance was covered. On the quay the wind blew
chill; on the boat itself it blew chillier still. Claire became aware
that she was in for a stormy crossing, but was little perturbed by the
fact, since she knew herself to be an unusually good sailor. She tipped
the stewardess to fill a hot bottle, put on a cosy dressing-jacket, and
lay down in her berth, quite ready for sleep after the fatigue and
excitement of the past week.
In five minutes the ship and all that was in it was lost in dreams, and,
so far as Claire was concerned, it might have been but another five
minutes before the stewardess aroused her to announce the arrival at
Parkeston Pier. The first glance around proved, however, that the other
passengers had found the time all too long. The signs of a bad crossing
were written large on the faces of her companions, and there was a trace
of resentment in the manner in which they surveyed her active movements.
An old lady in a bunk immediately opposite her own seemed especially
injured, and did not hesitate to put her feelings into words, "_You_
have had a good enough night! I believe you slept right through... Are
you aware that the rest of us have been more ill than we've ever been in
our lives?" she asked in accusing tones. And Claire laughed her happy,
gurgling little laugh, and said--
"I'm _so_ sorry, but it's all over, isn't it? And people always say
that they feel better afterwards!"
The old lady grunted. She certainly looked thoroughly ill and wretched
at the moment, her face drawn and yellow beneath her scanty locks, and
her whole appearance expressive of an extremity of fatigue. It seemed
to her that it was years since she had left the quay at Antwerp, and
here was this young thing as blooming as though she had spent the night
in her own bed! She hitched a shawl more closely over her shoulders,
and called aloud in a high imperious tone--
"Mason! Mason! You must really rouse yourself and attend to me. We
shall have to land in a few minutes. Get up at once and bring me my
things!"
The covering of another bunk stirred feebly, and two feet encased in
black merino stockings descended slowly to the floor. A moment later a
ghastly figure was tottering across the floor, lifting from a box a
beautifully waved white wig, and dropping it carefully over the head of
the aggrieved old lady of the straggly locks.
It was all that Claire could do to keep from exclaiming aloud, as it
burst upon her astonished senses that this poor, huddled creature was
none other than the _grande dame_ of the railway carriage, the haughtily
indifferent, cynically amused personage who had seemed so supremely
superior to the agitations of the common ruck! Strange what changes a
few hours' conflict with the forces of Nature could bring about!
Ill as the mistress was, the maid was even worse, and it was pitiful to
see the poor creature's efforts to obey the exigent demands of her
employer. In the end faintness overcame her, and if Claire had not
rushed to the rescue, she would have fallen on the floor.
"It's no use struggling against it! You must keep still until the boat
stops. You'll feel better at once when we land, and you get into the
air." Claire laid the poor soul in her bunk, and turned back to the old
lady who was momentarily growing younger and more formidable, as she
continued the stages of her toilette.
"Can I help you?" she asked smilingly, and the offer was accepted with
gracious composure.
"Please do. I should be grateful. Thank you. That hook fastens over
here, and the band crosses to this side. The brooch is in my bag--a
gold band with some diamonds--and the hat-pins, and a clean
handkerchief. Can you manage? ... The clasp slides back."
Claire opened the bag and gazed with admiration at a brown _moire_
antique lining, and fittings of tortoiseshell, bearing raised monograms
in gold. "I shall have one exactly to match, when I marry my duke!" was
the mental reflection, as she selected the articles mentioned and put
the final touches to the good lady's costume.
Later on there was Mason to be dressed; later on still, Claire found
herself carrying the precious dressing-bag in one hand, and supporting
one invalid with the other, while Mason tottered in the wake, unable for
the moment to support any other burden than that of her own body.
Mrs Fanshawe--Claire had discovered the name on a printed card let into
the lining of the bag--had no sympathy to spare for poor Mason. She
plainly considered it the height of bad manners for a maid to dare to be
sea-sick; but being unused to do anything for herself, gratefully
allowed Claire to lead the way, reply to the queries of custom-house
officials, secure a corner of a first-class compartment of the waiting
train, and bid an attendant bring a cup of tea before the ordinary
breakfast began.
Mason refused any refreshment, but Mrs Fanshawe momentarily regained
her vigour, and was all that was gracious in her acknowledgment of
Claire's help. The quizzical eyes roved over the girl's face and
figure, and evidently approved what they saw, and Claire, smiling back,
was conscious of an answering attraction. Thoughtless and domineering
as was her behaviour to her inferior, there was yet something in the old
lady's personality which struck an answering chord in the girl's heart.
She was enough of a physiognomist to divine the presence of humour and
generosity, combined with a persistent cheerfulness of outlook. The
signs of physical age were unmistakable, but the spirit within was
young, young as her own!
The mutual scrutiny ended in a mutual laugh, which was the last breaking
of the ice.
"My dear," cried Mrs Fanshawe, "you must excuse my bad manners! You
are so refreshing to look at after all those horrors on the boat that I
can't help staring. And you've been so kind! Positively I don't know
how I should have survived without you. Will you tell me your name? I
should like to know to whom I am indebted for so much help."
"My name is Claire Gifford."
"Er--yes?" Plainly Mrs Fanshawe felt the information insufficient.
"Gifford! I knew some Giffords. Do you belong to the Worcestershire
branch?"
Claire hitched her shoulders in the true French shrug.
"_Sais pas_! I have no English relations nearer than second cousins,
and we have lived abroad so much that we are practically strangers. My
father died when I was a child. I went to school in Paris, and for the
last few years my mother and I have made our headquarters in Brussels.
She married again, only yesterday, and is going to live in Bombay."
Mrs Fanshawe arched surprised brows.
"And you are staying behind?"
"Yes. They asked me to go. Mr Judge is very kind. He is my--er--
stepfather!" Claire shrugged again at the strangeness of that word.
"He gave me the warmest of invitations, but I refused. I preferred to
be left."
Mrs Fanshawe hitched herself into her corner, planted her feet more
firmly on the provisionary footstool, and folded her hands on her knee.
She had the air of a person settling down to the enjoyment of a
favourite amusement, and indeed her curiosity was a quality well-known
to all her acquaintances.
"Why?" she asked boldly, and such was the force of her personality that
Claire never dreamt for a moment of refusing to reply.
"Because I want to be independent."
Mrs Fanshawe rolled her eyes to the hat-rail.
"My dear, nonsense! You're far too pretty. Leave that to the poor
creatures who have no chance of finding other people to work for them.
You should change your mind, you know, you really should. India's quite
an agreeable place to put in a few years. The English girl is a trifle
overdone, but with your complexion you would be bound to have a success.
Think it over! Don't be in a hurry to let the chance slip!"
"It _has_ slipped. They sail from Marseilles a week from to-day, and
besides I don't want to change. I like the prospect of independence
better even than being admired."
"Though you like that, too?"
"Of course. Who doesn't? I'm hoping--with good luck--to be admired in
England instead!"
"Then you mustn't be independent!" Mrs Fanshawe said, laughing. "It
was the rage a year or two ago; girls had a craze for joining
Settlements, and running about in the slums, but it's quite out of date.
Hobble skirts killed it. It's impossible to be utilitarian in a hobble
skirt... And how do you propose to show your independence, may I ask?"
"I am going to be French mistress in a High School," Claire said
sturdily, and hated herself because she winced before the eloquent
change of expression which passed over her companion's face.
Mrs Fanshawe said, "Oh, really! How _very_ interesting!" and looked
about as uninterested the while as a human creature could be. In the
pause which followed it was obvious that she was readjusting the first
impression of a young gentlewoman belonging to her own leisured class,
and preparing herself to cross-question an entirely different person--an
ordinary teacher in a High School! There was a touch of patronage in
her manner, but it was still quite agreeable Mrs Fanshawe was always
agreeable for choice: she found it the best policy, and her indolent
nature shrank from disagreeables of every kind. This pretty girl had
made herself quite useful, and a chat with her would enliven a dull hour
in the train. Curiosity shifted its point, but remained actively in
force.
"Tell me all about it!" she said suavely. "I know nothing about
teachers. Shocking, isn't it? They alarm me too much. I have a horror
of clever women. You don't look at all clever. I mean that as a
compliment--far too pretty and smart, but I suppose you are dreadfully
learned, all the same. What are you going to teach?"
"French. I am almost as good as a Frenchwoman, for I've talked little
else for sixteen years. Mother and I spoke English together, or I
should have forgotten my own language. It seems, from a scholastic
point of view, that it's a useful blend to possess--perfect French and
an English temperament. `Mademoiselle' is not always a model of
patience!"
"And you think you will be? I prophesy differently. You'll throw the
whole thing up in six months, and fly off to mamma in India. You
haven't the least idea what you are in for, but you'll find out, you'll
find out! Where is this precious school? In town, did you say? Shall
you live in the house or with friends?"
"I have no friends in London except Miss Farnborough, the head mistress,
but there are fifteen other mistresses besides myself. That will be
fifteen friends ready-made. I am going to share lodgings with one of
them, and be a bachelor girl on my own account. I'm so excited about
it. After living in countries where a girl can't go to the pillar-box
alone, it will be thrilling to be free to do just as I like. Please
don't pity me! I'm going to have great fun."
Mrs Fanshawe hitched herself still further into her corner and smiled a
lazy, quizzical smile.
"Oh, I don't pity you--not one bit! All young people nowadays think
they are so much wiser than their parents; it's a wholesome lesson to
learn their mistake. You're a silly, blind, ridiculous little girl, and
if I'd been your mother, I should have insisted upon taking you with me,
whether you liked it or not. I always wanted a daughter like you--sons
are so dull; but perhaps it's just as well that she never appeared. She
might have wanted to be independent, too, in which case we should have
quarrelled.--So those fifteen school-mistresses make up your whole
social circle, do they? I wouldn't mind prophesying that you'll never
want to speak a word to them out of school hours! I have a friend
living in town, quite a nice woman, with a daughter about your age.
Shall I ask her to send you a card? It would be somewhere for you to go
on free afternoons, and she entertains a good deal, and has a craze for
the feminist movement, and for girls who work for themselves. You might
come in for some fun."
Claire's flush of gratification made her look prettier than ever, and
Mrs Fanshawe felt an agreeable glow of self-satisfaction. Nothing she
liked better than to play the part of Lady Bountiful, especially when
any effort involved was shifted onto the shoulders of another, and in
her careless fashion she was really anxious to do this nice girl a good
turn. She made a note of Claire's address in a dainty gold-edged
pocket-book, expressed pleasure in the belief that through her friend
she would hear reports of the girl's progress, and presently shut her
eyes, and dozed peacefully for the rest of the ride.
Round London a fine rain was falling, and the terminus looked bleak and
cheerless as the train slowed down the long platform. Mason, still
haggard, roused herself to step to the platform and look around as if
expecting to see a familiar face, and in the midst of collecting her own
impedimenta Claire was conscious that Mrs Fanshawe was distinctly
ruffled, when the familiar figure failed to appear. Once more she found
herself coming to the rescue, marshalling the combined baggage to the
screened portion of the platform where the custom-house officials went
through the formalities incidental to the occasion, while the tired
passengers stood shiveringly on guard, looking bleached and grey after
their night's journey. The bright-haired, bright-faced girl stood out
in pleasant contrast to the rest, trim and smart and dainty as though
such a thing as fatigue did not exist. Mrs Fanshawe, looking at her,
stopped short in the middle of a mental grumble, and turned it round, so
that it ended in being a thanksgiving instead.
"Most neglectful of Erskine to fail me after promising he would come...
Perhaps, after all, it's just as well he did not."
And at that moment, with the usual contrariety of fate, Erskine
appeared! He came striding along the platform, a big, loosely-built
man, with a clean-shaven face, glancing to right and left over the
upstanding collar of a tweed coat. He looked at once plain and
distinguished, and in the quizzical eyes and beetling eyebrows there was
an unmistakable likeness to the _grande dame_ standing by Claire's side.
Just for a moment he paused, as he came in sight of the group of
passengers, and Claire, meeting his glance, knew who he was, even before
he came forward and made his greeting.
"Holla, Mater! Sorry to be late. Not my fault this time. I was ready
all right, but the car did not come round. Had a good crossing?"
"My dear, appalling! Don't talk of it. I was prostrate all night, and
Mason too ill to do anything but moan. She's been no use."
"Poor beggar! She looks pretty green. But-- er--" The plain face
lighted with an expectant smile as he turned towards the girl who stood
by his mother's side, still holding the precious bag. "You seem to have
met a friend..."
"Oh--er--yes!" With a gesture of regal graciousness Mrs Fanshawe
turned towards the girl, and held out her gloved hand. "Thank you _so_
much, Miss Gifford! You've been quite too kind. I'm really horribly in
your debt. I hope you will find everything as you like, and have a very
good time. Thank you again. _Good-bye_. I'm really dropping with
fatigue. What a relief it will be to get to bed!" She turned aside,
and laid her hand on her son's arm. "Erskine, where _is_ the car?"
Mother and son turned away, and made their way down the platform,
leaving Claire with crimson cheeks and fast-beating heart. The little
scene which had just happened had been all too easy to understand. The
nice son had wished for an introduction to the nice girl who a moment
before had seemed on such intimate terms with his mother: the mother had
been quite determined that such an introduction should not take place.
Claire knew enough of the world to realise how different would have been
the proceedings if she had announced herself as a member of the "idle
rich," bound for a course of visits to well-known houses in the country.
"May I introduce my son, Miss Gifford? Miss Gifford has been an angel
of goodness to me, Erskine. Positively I don't know what I should have
done without her! Do look after her now, and see her into a taxi. Such
a mercy to have a man to help!" That was what would have happened to
the Claire Gifford of a week before, but now for the first time Claire
experienced a taste of the disagreeables attendant on her changed
circumstances, and it was bitter to her mouth. All very well to remind
herself that work was honourable, that anyone who looked down on her for
choosing to be independent was not worth a moment's thought, the fact
remained that for the first, the very first time in her life she had
been made to feel that there was a barrier between herself and a member
of her own class, and that, however willing Mrs Fanshawe might be to
introduce her to a casual friend, she was unwilling to make her known to
her own son!
Claire stood stiff and poker-like at her post, determined to make no
movement until Mrs Fanshawe and her attendants had taken their
departure. The storm of indignation and wounded pride which was surging
through her veins distracted her mind from her surroundings; she was
dimly conscious that one after another, her fellow-passengers had taken
their departure, preceded by a porter trundling a truck of luggage;
conscious that where there had been a crowd, there was now a space,
until eventually with a shock of surprise she discovered that she was
standing alone, by her own little pile of boxes. At that she shook
herself impatiently, beckoned to a porter and was about to walk ahead,
when an uneasy suspicion made itself felt. The luggage! Something was
wrong. The pile looked smaller than it had done ten minutes before.
She made a rapid circuit, and made a horrible discovery. A box was
missing! The dress-box containing the skirts of all her best frocks,
spread at full length and carefully padded with tissue paper. It had
been there ten minutes ago; the custom-house officer had given it a
special rap. She distinctly remembered noticing a new scratch on the
leather. Where in the name of everything that was inexplicable could it
have disappeared? Appealed to for information the porter was not
illuminating. "If it had been there before, why wasn't it there now?
Was the lady _sure_ she had seen it? Might have been left behind at
Antwerp or Parkeston. Better telegraph and see! If it had been there
before, why wasn't it there now? Mistakes did happen. Boxes were much
alike. P'raps it was left in the van. If it was there ten minutes
before, why wasn't it--"
Claire stopped him with an imperious hand.
"That's enough! It _was_ there: I saw it. I counted the pieces before
the custom-house officer came along. I noticed it especially. Someone
must have taken it by mistake."
The porter shook his head darkly.
"On purpose, more like! Funny people crosses by this route. Funny
thing that you didn't notice--"
Claire found nothing funny in the reflection. She was furious with
herself for her carelessness, and still more furious with Mrs Fanshawe
as the cause thereof. Down the platform she stalked, a picture of vivid
impetuous youth, head thrown back, cheeks aflame, grey eyes sending out
flashes of indignation. Every porter who came in her way was stopped
and imperiously questioned as to his late load, every porter was in his
turn waved impatiently away. Claire was growing seriously alarmed.
Suppose the box was lost! It would be as bad as losing _two_ boxes, for
of what use were bodices minus skirts to match? Never again would she
be guilty of the folly of packing bits of the same costumes in different
boxes. How awful--how awful beyond words to arrive in London without a
decent dress to wear!
Whirling suddenly round to pursue yet another porter, Claire became
aware of a figure in a long tweed coat standing on the space beside the
taxi-stand, intently watching her movements. She recognised him in a
moment as none other than "Erskine" himself, who, having seen his mother
into her car, was presumably bound for another destination. But why was
he standing there? Why had he been so long in moving away? Claire
hastily averted her eyes, but as she cross-questioned porter number
four, she was aware that the tall figure was drawing nearer, and
presently he was standing by her side, taking off his hat, and saying in
the most courteous and deferential of tones--
"Excuse me--I'm afraid something is wrong! Can I be of any assistance?"
Claire's glance was frigid in its coldness; but it was difficult to
remain frigid in face of the man's obvious sincerity and kindliness.
"Thank you," she said quietly. "Please don't trouble. I can manage
quite well. It's only a trunk..."
"Is it lost? I say--what a fag! Do let me help. I know this station
by heart! If it is to be found, I am sure I can get it for you."
This time there was a distinct air of appeal in his deep voice. Claire
divined that the nice man was anxious to atone for his mother's cavalier
behaviour, and her heart softened towards him. After all, why should
she punish herself by refusing? Five minutes more or less on the
station platform could make no difference one way or another, for at the
end they would wish each other a polite adieu, and part never to meet
again. And she _did_ want that box!
She smiled, and sighed, and looked delightfully pretty and appealing, as
she said frankly--
"Thank you, I _should_ be grateful for suggestions. It's the most
extraordinary and provoking thing--"
They walked slowly down the platform while she explained the situation,
and reiterated the fact that she had seen the box ten minutes before.
Erskine Fanshawe did not dispute the statement as each porter had done
before him; he contented himself with asking if there was any
distinctive feature in the appearance of the box itself.
Claire shook her head.
"The ordinary brown leather, with strappings and C.G. on one side. Just
like a thousand other boxes, but it had a label, beside the initials. I
don't see how anyone can have taken it by mistake." She set her teeth,
and her head took a defiant tilt. "There's one comfort; if it _is_
stolen, whoever has taken it will not get much for her pains! There's
nothing in it but skirts. Skirts won't be much good without the bodices
to match!"
The man looked down at her, his expression comically compounded of
sympathy and humour. At that moment, despite the irregularity of his
features, he looked wonderfully like his handsome mother.
"Er--just so! Unfortunately, however, from the opposite point of view,
you find yourself in the same position! Bodices, I presume, without
skirts--"
Claire groaned, and held up a protesting hand.
"Don't! I can't bear it. It's really devastating. My whole outfit--at
one fell sweep!"
"Isn't it--excuse my suggesting it--rather a mistake to--er--divide
pieces of the same garment, _so_ that if one trunk should be lost, the
loss practically extends to two?"
"No, it isn't. It's the only sensible thing to do," Claire said
obstinately. "Skirts must be packed at full length, and a dress-box is
made for that very purpose. All the same, I shall never do it again.
It's no use being sensible if you have to contend with--_thieves_!"
"I don't think we need leap to that conclusion just yet. You have only
spoken to two or three porters. We'd better wait about a few minutes
longer until the other men come back. Very likely the box was put on a
truck by accident, and if the mistake was discovered before it was put
on the taxi, it would be sent back to see if its owner were waiting
here. If it doesn't turn up at once, you mustn't be discouraged. The
odds are ten to one that it's only a mistake, and in that case when the
taxi is unloaded, the box will be sent back to the lost luggage office,
or forwarded to your address. Was the full address on the box, by the
way?"
Claire nodded assent.
"Oh, yes; I have that poor satisfaction at least. I was most methodical
and prudent, but I don't know that that's going to be much consolation
if I lose my nice frocks, and am too poor to buy any more."
The last phrase was prompted by a proud determination to sail under no
false colours in the eyes of Mrs Fanshawe's son; but the picture evoked
thereby was sufficiently tragic to bring a cloud over her face. The
memory of each separate gown rose before her, looking distractingly
dainty and becoming; she saw a vision of herself as she might have been,
and faced a future bounded by eternal blue serge. All the tragedy of
the thought was in her air, and her companion cried quickly--
"You won't need to buy them! They'll turn up all right, I am quite sure
of that. The worst that can happen is a day or two's delay. After all,
you know, there are thousands of honest folk to a single thief, and even
a thief would probably prefer a small money reward to useless halves of
dresses! If you hear nothing by to-morrow, you might offer a reward."
"Oh, I will!" Claire said gratefully. "Thank you for thinking of it."
No more porters having for the moment appeared in sight, they now
turned, and slowly retraced their steps. Claire, covertly regarding her
companion, wondered why she felt convinced that he was a soldier;
Erskine Fanshawe in his turn covertly regarded Claire, and wondered why
it was that she seemed different from any girl he had seen before. Then
tentatively he put a personal question.
"Do you know London well, Miss Gifford? My mother told me you were--
er--coming to settle--"
"Not at all well, as a whole. I know the little bit around Regent
Street, and the Park, and the places one sees in a week's visit, but
that's all. We never stayed long in town when we came to England. I
shall enjoy exploring on half holidays when I am free from work. I am a
school-mistress!" said Claire with an air, and gathered from her
companion's face that he knew as much already, and considered it a
subject for commiseration. He looked at her with sympathetic eyes, and
asked deeply--
"Hate it very much?"
"Not at all. Quite the contrary. I adore it. At least, that's to say,
I haven't begun yet, but I feel sure I _shall_!" Claire cried ardently;
and at that they both laughed with a delightful sense of understanding
and _camaraderie_. At that moment Claire felt a distinct pang at the
thought that never again would she have the opportunity of speaking and
laughing with this attractive, eminently companionable man; then her
attention was distracted by the appearance of two more porters, who had
each to be interviewed in his turn.
They had no good news to give, however, so the searchers left the
platform in disgust, and repaired to the office for lost luggage, where
the story of the missing box was recounted to an unsympathetic clerk.
When a man spends his whole life listening to complaints of missing
property, he can hardly be expected to show a vehement distress at the
loss of yet another passenger, but to Claire at this moment there was
something quite brutal in his callous indifference. The one suggestion
which he had to make was that she could leave her name, and the manner
in which it was given was a death-blow to hope.
At this very moment, however, just as Claire was bending forward to
dictate the desired information she felt a touch on her arm, and looking
in the direction of Mr Fanshawe's outstretched hand, beheld a porter
approaching the office, trundling before him a truck on which reposed in
solitary splendour, a long brown dress-box, and oh, joy of joys! even at
the present distance the white letters C.G. could be plainly
distinguished on the nearer side! Claire's dignity went to the winds at
that sight, and she dashed forward to meet her property with the joyous
impetuosity of a child.
The explanation was simple to a degree, and precisely agreed with Mr
Fanshawe's surmise as to what had really happened. During Claire's
trance of forgetfulness, the box had been wheeled away, with a large
consignment of luggage, and the mistake discovered only when the various
items were in process of being packed into a company's omnibus, when,
there being no one at hand to claim it, it had been conveyed--by very
leisurely stages--to the lost luggage office.
All's well that ends well! Claire gleefully collected her possessions,
feeling a glow of delight in the safety which an hour before she would
have taken as a matter of course, and stood at attention while each
separate item was placed on the roof of the taxi. The little addresses
of which she had boasted were duly inserted in leather framings on each
box, the delicate writing too small to be deciphered, except near at
hand. Claire saw her companion's eyes contract in an evident effort to
distinguish the words, and immediately moved her position so as to
frustrate his purpose. She did not intend Mr Fanshawe to know her
address! When she was seated in the taxi, however, there came an
awkward moment, for her companion waved the chauffeur to his seat, and
stood by the window looking in at her, with a face which seemed unduly
serious and earnest, considering the extremely slight nature of their
acquaintance.
"Well! I am thankful the box turned up. I shall think of you enjoying
your re-united frocks... Sure you've got everything all right? Where
shall I tell the man to drive?"
For the fraction of a second Claire's eyes flickered, then she spoke in
decided tones.
"`The Grand Hotel.'"
Mr Fanshawe's eyes flickered too, and turned involuntarily towards the
boxes on the roof. What exactly were the words on the labels he could
not see, but at least it was certain that they were not "The Grand
Hotel!" He turned from the inspection to confront a flushed, obstinate
face.
"Do you wish me to give the man that address?"
"I do."
Very deliberately and quietly Mr Fanshawe stepped back a pace, opened
his long coat, and fumbled in an inner pocket for a leather pocket-book;
very quietly and deliberately he drew from one bulging division a
visiting card, and held it towards her. Claire caught the word
"Captain" and saw that an address was printed in the corner, but she
covered it hastily with her hand, refusing a second glance. Captain
Fanshawe leant his arm on the window sash and said hesitatingly--
"Will you allow me to give you my card! As you are a stranger in town
and your people away, there may possibly be--er--occasions, when it
would be convenient to know some man whom you could make of use. Please
remember me if they do come along! It would be a privilege to repay
your kindness to my mother... Send me a wire at any time, and I am at
your service. I hope you _will_ send. Good morning!"
"Good-bye!" said Claire. Red as a rose was she at that moment, but very
dignified and stately, bending towards him in a sweeping bow, as the
taxi rolled away. The last glimpse of Captain Fanshawe showed him
standing with uplifted hat, the keen eyes staring after her, with not a
glint of humour in their grey depths. Quite evidently he meant what he
said. Quite evidently he was as keen to pursue her acquaintance as his
mother had been to drop it.
Claire Gifford sat bolt upright on her seat, the slip of cardboard
clasped within her palms, and as she sat she thought many thoughts. A
physiognomist would have been interested to trace the progress of those
thoughts on the eloquent young face. There was surprise written there,
and obvious gratification, and a demure, very feminine content; later on
came pride, and a general stiffening of determination. The spoiled
child of liberty and the High School-Mistress of the future had fought a
heated battle, and the High School-Mistress had won.
Deliberately turning aside her eyes, so that no word of that printed
address should obtrude itself on her notice, Claire tore the card
sharply across and across, and threw the fragments out of the window.
A moment later she whistled through the tube, and instructed the
chauffeur as to her change of address.
Adieu to the Fanshawes, and all such luxuries of the past. Heigh-ho for
hard work, and lodgings at fifteen shillings a week!
CHAPTER FIVE.
MISS RHODES, POISONER.
It is a somewhat dreary feeling to arrive even at a friend's house
before seven o'clock in the morning, and be received by sleepy-looking
people who have obviously been torn unwillingly from their beds in
deference to the precepts of hospitality, but it is infinitely worse to
arrive at a lodging-house at the same hour, ring several times at the
bell before a dingy servant can be induced to appear, and to realise a
moment later that in a tireless parlour you perceive your journey's
goal!
Claire Gifford felt a creep of the blood at the sight of that parlour,
though if her first introduction had been at night, when the curtains
were drawn and the lamps lit, she would have found it cosy enough.
There was no sign of her room-mate; perhaps it was too much to expect
her to get up at so early an hour to welcome a stranger, but Claire
_had_ expected it, felt perfectly sure that--had positions been
reversed--she herself would have taken pains to deck both herself and
her room in honour of the occasion, and so felt correspondingly
downcast.
Presently she found herself following the dingy maid up three separate
nights of stairs, and arriving at a tiny box of a bedroom on the top
floor. There was a bed, a washstand, a chest of drawers doing service
as a dressing-table, two chairs and a sloping roof. Claire would have
been quite disappointed if that last item had been missing, for whoever
heard of a girl who set out to make her own living who had not slept in
a room with a sloping roof? On the whole, despite its tiny proportions,
the little room made a pleasant impression. It was clean, it was
bright, walls and furniture were alike of a plain unrelieved white, and
through the open casement window could be seen a distant slope of green
overtopping the intervening chimney tops. Claire's eyes roved here and
there with the instinct of a born home-maker, saw what was lacking here,
what was superfluous there, grasped neglected possibilities, and
mentally re-arranged and decorated the premises before a slower person
would have crossed the floor.
Then she took up her stand before the small mirror, and devoted a whole
minute to studying her own reflection from the point of view of Captain
Erskine Fanshawe of unknown address. By her own deliberate choice she
had cut herself off from future chance of meeting this acquaintance of
an hour; nevertheless it was distinctly reviving to discern that her hat
was set at precisely the right angle, and that for an all-night voyager
her whole appearance was remarkably fresh and dainty.
Claire first smiled, and then sighed, and pulled out the hat-pins with
impatient tugs. To be prudent and self-denying is not always an
exhilarating process for sweet and twenty.
Presently the maid came staggering upstairs with the smaller boxes, and
Claire busied herself in her room until the clock had struck eight, when
she again descended to the joint sitting-room. This time the fire was
lighted, and the table laid for breakfast, and behind the tea-tray sat
Miss Rhodes, the English mistress, already halfway through her meal.
She rose, half smiling, half frowning, and held out a thin hand in
welcome.
"Morning. Hope you've had a good crossing. Didn't know when you'd be
down. Do you take coffee?"
"Please!" Claire felt that a cup of coffee would be just what she
needed, but missed the familiar fragrant scent. She seated herself at
the table, and while Miss Rhodes went on with her preparation, studied
her with curious eyes.
She saw a woman of thirty-two or three, with well-cut features, dark
eyes, and abundant dark hair--a woman who ought to have been distinctly
good-looking but who succeeded in being plain and commonplace. She was
badly-dressed, in a utility blouse of grey flannel, her expression was
tired and listless, and her hair, though neat, showed obvious lack of
care, having none of the silky sheen which rewards regular systematic
brushing. So far bad, but, in spite of all drawbacks, it was an
interesting face, and Claire felt attracted, despite the preliminary
disappointment.
"There's some bacon in that dish. It will be cold, I'm afraid. You can
ring, if you like, and ask them to warm it up, but they'll keep you
waiting a quarter of an hour out of spite. I've given it up myself."
"Oh, I'm accustomed to French breakfasts. I really want nothing but
some bread and coffee." Claire sipped at her cup as she finished
speaking, and the sudden grimace of astonishment which followed roused
her companion to laughter.
"You don't like it? It isn't equal to your French coffee."
"It isn't coffee at all. It's undrinkable!" Claire pushed away her cup
in disgust. "Is it always as bad as that?"
"Worse!" said Miss Rhodes composedly. "They put in more this morning
because of you. Sometimes it's barely coloured, and it's always
chicory." She shrugged resignedly. "No English landlady can make
coffee. It's no use worrying. Have to make the best of what comes."
"Indeed I shan't. Why should I? I shan't try. There's no virtue in
drinking such stuff. We provide the coffee--what's to hinder us making
it for ourselves?"
"No fire, as a rule. Can't afford one when you are going out
immediately after breakfast."
Claire stared in dismay. It had never occurred to her that she might
have to be economical to this extent.
"But when it's very cold? What do you do then?"
"Put on a jersey, and nurse the hot-water jug!"
Claire grimaced, then nodded with an air of determination.
"I'll buy a machine! There can be no objection to that. You would
prefer good coffee, wouldn't you, if you could get it without any more
trouble?"
"Oh, certainly. I'll enjoy it--while it lasts!"
"Why shouldn't it last?"
Miss Rhodes stared across at the eager young face. She looked tired,
and a trifle impatient.
"Oh, my dear girl, you're _New_. We are all the same at first--bubbling
over with energy, and determined to arrange everything exactly as we
like. It's a phase which we all live through. Afterwards you don't
care. You are too tired to worry. All your energy goes on your day's
work, and you are too thankful for peace and quietness to bother about
details. You take what comes, and are thankful it's not worse."
Claire's smile showed an elaborate forbearance.
"Rather a poor-spirited attitude, don't you think?"
"Wait and see!" said the English mistress.
She rose and threw herself in a chair by the window, and Claire left the
despised coffee and followed her example. Through the half-opened panes
she looked out on a row of brick houses depressingly dingy, depressingly
alike. About every second house showed a small black card on which the
word "Apartments" was printed in gilt letters. Down the middle of the
street came a fruiterer's cart, piled high with wicker baskets. The cry
of "Bananas, cheap bananas," floated raucously on the air. Claire
swiftly averted her eyes and turned back to her companion.
"It is very good of you to let me share your _appartement_. Miss
Farnborough said she had arranged it with you, but it must be horrid
taking in a stranger. I will try not to be too great a bore!"
But Miss Rhodes refused to be thanked.
"I'm bound to have somebody," said she ungraciously. "Couldn't afford
them alone. You know the terms? Thirty-five shillings a week for the
three rooms. That's cheap in this neighbourhood. We only get them at
that price because we are out all day, and need so little catering."
She looked round the room with her tired, mocking smile. "Hope you
admire the scheme of decoration! I've been in dozens of lodgings, but I
don't think I've ever struck an uglier room; but the people are clean
and honest, and one has to put that before beauty, in our
circumstances."
"There's a great _deal_ of pattern about. It hasn't what one could call
a restful effect!" said Claire, looking across at an ochre wall
bespattered with golden scrawls, a red satin mantel-border painted with
lustre roses, a suite of furniture covered in green stamped plush, a
collection of inartistic pictures, and unornamental ornaments. Even her
spirit quailed before the hopelessness of beautifying a room in which
all the essentials were so hopelessly wrong. She gave it up in despair,
and returned to the question of finance.
"Then my share will be seventeen and six! That seems very cheap. I am
to begin at a hundred and ten pounds. How much extra must I allow for
food?"
"That depends upon your requirements. We have dinner at school; quite a
good meal for ninepence, including a penny for coffee afterwards."
"The same sort of coffee we have had this morning?"
"Practically. A trifle better perhaps. Not much."
"Hurrah!" cried Claire gaily. "That's a penny to the good! Eightpence
for me--a clear saving of fivepence a week!"
Miss Rhodes resolutely refused to smile. She had the air of thinking it
ribald to be cheerful on the serious question of pounds, shillings and
pence.
"Even so, it's three-and-four, and you can't do breakfast and supper and
full board on Saturday and Sunday under seven shillings. It's tight
enough to manage on that. Altogether it often mounts up to twelve."
"Seventeen and twelve." Claire pondered deeply before she arrived at a
solution. "Twenty-nine. Call it thirty, to make it even, and I am to
begin at a hundred and ten. Over two pounds a week. I ought to do it
comfortably, and have quite a lot over."
Miss Rhodes laughed darkly.
"What about extras?" she demanded. "What about laundry, and fires, and
stationery and stamps? What about boot-mending, and Tubes on wet days,
and soap and candles, and dentist and medicines, and subs, at school,
and collections in church, and travelling expenses on Saturdays and
Sundays, when you invariably want to go to the very other side of the
city? London is not like a provincial town. You can't stir out of the
house under fourpence or sixpence at the very least. What about
illness, and amusement, and holidays? What about--"
Claire thrust her fingers in her ears with an air of desperation.
"Stop! Stop! For pity's sake don't swamp me any more. I feel in the
bankruptcy court already, and I had imagined that I was rich! A hundred
and ten pounds seemed quite a big salary. Everybody was surprised at my
getting so much, and I suppose you have even more?"
"A hundred and fifty. Yes! You must remember that we don't belong to
the ordinary rut of worker--we are experts. Our education has been a
long costly business. No untrained worker could take our place; we are
entitled to expert's pay. Oh, yes, they are quite good salaries if you
happen to have a home behind you, and people who are ready to help over
rough times, instead of needing to be helped themselves. The pity of it
is that most High School-mistresses come from families who are _not_
rich. The parents have made a big effort to pay for the girls'
education, and when they are fairly launched, they expect to be helped
in return. Some girls have been educated by relations, or have
practically paid for themselves by scholarships. Three out of four of
us have people who are more in need of help than able to give it. I
give my own mother thirty pounds a year, so we are practically on the
same salary. Have _you_ a home where you can spend your holiday?
Holidays run away terribly with your money. They come to nearly four
months in the year."
For the first time those prolonged holidays appeared to Claire as a
privilege which had its reverse side. Friends in Brussels might
possibly house her for two or three weeks; she could not expect, she
would not wish them to do more; and at the end there would still remain
over three months! It was a new and disagreeable experience to look
forward to holidays with _dread_! For a whole two minutes she looked
thoroughly depressed, then her invincible optimism came to the top, and
she cried triumphantly--
"I'll take a holiday engagement!"
The English mistress shook her head.
"That's fatal! I tried it myself one summer. Went with a family to the
seaside, and was expected to play games with the children all day long,
and coach them in the evening. I began the term tired out, and nearly
collapsed before the end. Teaching is nerve-racking work, and if you
don't get a good spell off, it's as bad for the pupils as yourself. You
snap their heads off for the smallest trifle. Besides, it's folly to
wear oneself out any sooner than one need. It's bad enough to think of
the time when one has to retire. That's the nightmare which haunts us
more and more every year."
"Don't you think when the time comes you will be _glad_ to rest?" asked
innocent Claire, whereupon Miss Rhodes glared at her with indignant
eyes.
"We should be glad to rest, no doubt, but we don't exactly appreciate
the prospect of resting in the workhouse, and it's difficult to see
where else some of us are to go! There is no pension for High School-
mistresses, and we are bound to retire at fifty-five--if we can manage
to stick it out so long. Fifty-five seems a long way off to you--not
quite so long to me; when you reach forty it becomes to feel quite near.
Women are horribly long-lived, so the probability is that we'll live on
to eighty or more. Twenty-five years after leaving off work,
and--_where is the money to come from to keep us_? That's the question
which haunts us all when we look into our bank-books and find that, with
all our pains, we have only been able to save at the utmost two or three
hundred pounds."
Claire looked scared, but she recovered her composure with a swiftness
which her companion had no difficulty in understanding. She pounced
upon her with lightning swiftness.
"Ah, you think you'll get married, and escape that way! We all do when
we're new, and pretty, and ignorant of the life. But it's fifty to one,
my dear, that you _won't_? You won't meet many men, for one thing; and
if you do, they don't like school-mistresses."
"Doesn't that depend a good deal on the kind of school-mistress?"
"Absolutely; but after a few years we are all more or less alike. We
don't _begin_ by being dowdy and angular, and dogmatic and prudish; we
begin by being pretty and cheerful like you. I used to change my blouse
every evening, and put on silk stockings."
"Don't you now?"
"I do _not_! Why should I, to sit over a lodging-house table correcting
exercises till ten o'clock? It's not worth the trouble. Besides, I'm
too tired, and it wears out another blouse."
Claire's attention was diverted from clothes by the shock of the
reference to evening work. She had looked forward to coming home to
read an interesting book, or be lazy in whatever fashion appealed to her
most, and the corrections of exercises seemed of all things the most
dull.
"Shall I have evening work, too?" she inquired blankly, and Miss Rhodes
laughed with brutal enjoyment.
"Rather! French compositions on the attributes of a true woman, or,
`How did you spend your summer holiday?' with all the tenses wrong, and
the idioms translated word for word. And every essay a practical
repetition of the one before. It's not once in a blue moon that one
comes across a girl with any originality of thought. Oh, yes! that's
the way we shall spend five evenings a week. You will sit at that side
of the table, I will sit at this, and we'll correct and yawn, and yawn
and correct, and drink a cup of cocoa and go to bed at ten. Lively,
isn't it?"
"Awful! I never thought of homework. But if Saturday is a whole
holiday there will still be one night off. I shall make a point of
doing something exciting every Saturday evening."
"Exciting things cost money, and, as a rule, when you have paid up the
various extras, there's no money to spare. I stay in bed till ten
o'clock on Saturday, and then get up and wash blouses, and do my
mending, and have a nap after lunch, and if it's summer, go and sit on a
penny chair in the park, or take a walk over Hampstead Heath. In the
evening I read a novel and have a hot bath. Once in a blue moon I have
an extravagant bout, and lunch in a restaurant, and go to an
entertainment--but I'm sorry afterwards when I count the cost. On
Sunday I go to church, and wish some one would ask me to tea. They
don't, you know. They may do once or twice, when you first come up, but
you can never ask them back, and your clothes get shabby, and you know
nothing about their interests, so they think you a bore, and quietly let
you drop."
A smothered exclamation burst from Claire's lips; with a sudden,
swirling movement she leapt up, and fell on her knees before Miss
Rhodes's chair, her hands clasping its arms, her flushed face upturned
with a desperate eagerness.
"Miss Rhodes! we are going to live together here, we are going to share
the same room, and the same meals. Would you--if any one offered you a
million pounds, would you agree to poison me slowly, day by day,
dropping little drops of poison into everything I ate and everything I
drank, while you sat by and watched me grow weaker and weaker till I
_died_?"
"Good heavens, girl--are you mad! What in the world are you raving
about?"
Miss Rhodes had grown quite red. She was indignant; she was also more
than a little scared. The girl's sudden change of mood was startling in
itself, and she looked so tense, so overwhelmingly in earnest. What
could she mean? Was it possible that she was a little--_touched_?
"I suppose you don't realise it, but it's insulting even to put such a
question."
"But you _are_ doing it! It's just exactly what you are beginning
already. Ever since I arrived you've been poisoning me drop by drop.
Poisoning my _mind_! I am at the beginning of my work, and you've been
discouraging me, frightening me, painting it all black. Every word that
you've said has been a drop of poison to kill hope and courage and
confidence--and oh, don't do it! don't go on! I may be young and
foolish, and full of ridiculous ideas, but let me keep them as long as I
can! If all that you say is true, they will be knocked out of me soon
enough, and I--I've never had to work before, or been alone, and--and
it's only two days since my mother left me to go to India--all that long
way--and left me behind! It's hard enough to go on being alone, and
believing it's all going to be _couleur de rose_, but it will be fifty
times harder if I don't. Please--please don't make it any worse!"
With the last words tears came with a rush, the tears that had been
resolutely restrained throughout the strain of the last week. Claire
dropped her head on the nearest resting-place she could find, which
happened to be Miss Rhodes's blue serge lap, and felt the quick pressure
of a hand over the glossy coils.
"Poor little girl!" said the English mistress softly. "Poor little
girl! I'm sorry! I'm a beast! Take no notice of me. I'm a sour,
disagreeable old thing. It was more than half jealousy, dear, because
you looked so pretty and spry, so like what I used to look myself. The
life's all right, if you keep well, and don't worry too much ahead.
There, don't cry! I loathe tears! You will yourself, when you have to
deal with silly, hysterical girls. Come, I'll promise I won't poison
you any more--at least, I'll do my best; but I've a grumbling nature,
and you'd better realise it, once for all, and take no notice. We'll
get on all right. I like you. I'm glad you came. My good girl, if you
don't stop, I'll shake you till you do!"
Claire sat back on her heels, mopped her eyes, and gave a strangled
laugh.
"I hate crying myself, but I'll begin again on the faintest provocation.
It's always like that with me. I hardly ever cry, but when I once
begin--"
Miss Rhodes rose with an air of determination.
"We'd better go out. I am free till lunch-time. I'll take you round
and show you the neighbourhood, and the usual places of call. It will
save time another day. Anything you want to buy?"
Claire mopped away another tear.
"C-certainly," she said feebly. "A c-offee machine."
CHAPTER SIX.
THE INVITATION.
The next morning Claire was introduced to the scene of her new labours,
and was agreeably impressed with its outside appearance. Saint
Cuthbert's High School was situated in a handsome thoroughfare, and had
originally been a large private house, to which long wings had been
added to right and left. On each side and across the road were handsome
private houses standing in their own grounds, owned by tenants who
regarded the High School with lively detestation, and would have borne
up with equanimity had an earthquake swallowed it root and branch.
Viewed from inside, the building was less attractive, passages and
class-rooms alike having the air of bleak austerity which seems
inseparable from such buildings; but when nine o'clock struck, and the
flood of young life went trooping up the stairways and flowed into the
separate rooms, the sense of bareness was replaced by one of tingling
vitality.
As is usual on an opening day, every girl was at her best and brightest,
decked in a new blouse, with pigtails fastened by crisp new ribbons, and
good resolutions wound up to fever point. To find a new French mistress
in the shape of a pretty well-dressed girl, who was English at one
moment, and at the next even Frenchier than Mademoiselle, was an
unexpected joy, and Claire found the battery of admiring young eyes an
embarrassing if stimulating experience.
Following Miss Farnborough's advice, she spent the first day's lessons
in questioning the different classes as to their past work, and so
turned the hour into an impromptu conversation class. The ugly English
accents made her wince, and she winced a second time as she realised the
unpleasant fact that just as her pupils would have to prepare for her,
so would she be obliged to prepare for them! Forgotten rules of grammar
must be looked up and memorised, for French was so much her mother
tongue that she would find it difficult to explain distinctions which
came as a matter of course. That meant more work at night, more
infringement of holiday hours.
The girls themselves were for the most part agreeable and well-mannered.
The majority were the daughters of professional men, and of gentle-
folks of limited means; but there was also a sprinkling of the daughters
of better-class artisans, who paid High School fees at a cost of much
self-denial in order to train their girls for teachers' posts in the
future. Here and there an awkward, badly-dressed child was plainly of a
still lower class. These were the free "places"--clever children who
had obtained scholarships from primary schools, and were undergoing the
ordeal of being snubbed by their new school-mates as a consequence of
their success.
From the teacher's point of view these clever children were a welcome
stimulus, but class feeling is still too strong in England to make them
acceptable to their companions.
At lunch-time the fifteen mistresses assembled in the Staff-Room, a dull
apartment far too small for the purpose, a common fault in High Schools,
where the different governing bodies are apt to spare no expense in
providing for the comfort of the scholar, but grudge the slightest
expenditure for the benefit of those who teach.
Fifteen mistresses sat round the table eating roast lamb and boiled
cabbage, followed by rhubarb pie and rice pudding, and Claire, looking
from one to the other, acknowledged the truth of Miss Rhodes's assertion
that they were all of a type. She herself was the only one of the
number who had any pretensions to roundness of outline, all the rest
were thin to angularity, half the number wore pince-nez or spectacles,
and all had the same strained pucker round the eyes. Each one wore a
blue serge skirt and a white blouse, and carried herself with an air of
dogmatic assurance, as who should say: "I know better than any one else,
and when I speak let no dog bark!" The German mistress was the veteran
of the party and was probably a good forty-five. Miss Bryce, the
Froebel mistress, paired with Claire herself for the place of junior.
Miss Blake, the Gym. mistress, was a graceful girl with an air of
delicacy which did not seem in accord with her profession. Miss Rose,
the Art mistress, was plain with a squat, awkward figure.
Rising from the table, Claire caught a glimpse of her own reflection in
the strip of mirror over the chimney-piece, and at the sight a little
thrill, half-painful, half-pleasant, passed through her veins. The soft
bloom of her complexion, the dainty finish of her dress, differentiated
her almost painfully from her companions, and she felt a pang of dread
lest that difference should ever grow less. While she affected to read
one of the magazines which lay on a side table, she was really occupied
making a number of vehement resolutions: Never to slack in her care of
her personal appearance; never to give up brushing her hair at night;
never to wear a flannel blouse; never to give up manicuring her hands;
never, no, never to allow herself to grow short-sighted, and be obliged
to submit to specs!
The different mistresses seemed to be on friendly terms, but there was
an absence of the camaraderie which comes from living under the same
roof. School was a common possession, but home hours were spent apart,
except when, as in Claire's own case, two mistresses shared the same
rooms, and it followed as a matter of course that personal interests
were divided. To-day the conversation was less scholastic than usual,
the intervening holidays forming a topic of interest. The Art mistress
had been on a bicycle sketching tour with a friend; the German mistress
had taken a cheap trip home; Miss Blake announced that all her money had
gone on "hateful massage," and the faces of her listeners sobered as
they listened, for Sophy Blake, who led the exercises with such verve
and go, had of late complained of rheumatic pains, and her companions
heard of her symptoms with dread. What would become of Sophy if those
pains increased? One after another the mistresses drifted over to where
Claire sat turning the pages of her magazine, and exchanged a few
fragments of conversation, and then the great bell clanged again, and
afternoon school began.
The first half-hour of afternoon school proved the most trying of the
day. Claire was tired after the exertions of the morning, and a very
passion for sleep consumed her being. She fought against it with all
her might, but the yawns would come; she fought against the yawns, and
the tears flowed. To her horror the infection spread, and the girls
began to yawn in their turn, with long, uncontrolled gapes. It was a
junior class, and the new mistress shrewdly suspected that the infection
was welcomed as an agreeable interlude. It was obvious that she could
not afford to reject that cup of coffee. Good or bad it must be drunk!
Rich or poor that penny must be dedicated to the task of vitalising that
first hour of sleepiness.
At the end of six weeks Claire felt as though she had been a High
School-mistress all her life. The regular methodical days, in which
every hour was mapped out, had a deadening effect on one who had been
used to constant variety, and except for a difference in the arrangement
of classes there seemed no distinction between one and the other. She
was a machine wound up to work steadily from Monday morning until Friday
night, and absurdly ready to run down when the time was over.
Every morning after breakfast she started forth with Miss Rhodes, by
foot if the weather were fine, by Tube if wet; every mid-day she dined
in the Staff-Room with the fifteen other mistresses, and gulped down a
cup of chicory coffee. At four o'clock the mistresses met once more for
tea, a free meal this time, supplemented by an occasional cake which one
of the fifteen provided for the general good. At five she and her table
companion returned to their rooms, and rested an hour before taking the
evening meal.
Claire was sufficiently French to be intolerant of badly cooked food,
and instead of resigning herself to eat and grumble, after the usual
habit of lodging-house dwellers, resolutely set to work to improve the
situation. The coffee machine had now a chafing-dish as companion, and
it was a delightful change of work to set the two machines to work to
provide a dainty meal.
"High Tea" consisted as a rule of coffee and some light dish, the
materials for which were purchased on the way home. On hungry days,
when work had been unusually trying, the butcher supplied cutlets, which
were grilled with tomatoes, or an occasional quarter of a pound of
mushrooms: on economical days the humble kipper--legendary food of all
spinsters in lodgings!--was transformed into quite a smart and
restaurant-ey dish, separated from its bones, pounded with butter and
flavouring, and served in neat little mounds on the top of hot buttered
toast. Moreover, Claire was a proficient in the making of omelettes,
and it was astonishing how large and tempting a dish could be compounded
of two eggs, and the minutest scrap of ham left over from the morning's
breakfast!
"Every luxury of the season, with the smell thrown in! In _nice_
cooking the smell is almost the best part. All the cedars in Lebanon
wouldn't smell as good at this moment as this nice ham-ey coffee-y
frizzle," Claire declared one Friday evening as she served the meal on
red-hot plates, and glowed with delight at her own sleight of hand.
"Don't you admire eggs for looking so small, when they possess such
powers of expansion? All the result of beating. Might make a simile
out of that, mightn't you?"
"Might, but won't," the English teacher replied, sipping luxuriously at
her coffee. "I'm not a teacher any more at this moment. I'm a
gourmand, pure and simple, and I'll stay a gourmand straight on till
this omelette is finished. When all trades fail, you might go out as a
missioner to women living in diggings, and teach them how to prepare
their meals, and sell chafing-dishes by instalment payments at the door,
as the touts sell sewing machines to the maids. It would be a noble
vocation!"
Claire smirked complacently. "I flatter myself I _have_ made a
difference to your material comfort! Poor we may be, but we do have
nice, dainty little meals, and there's no reason why every able-bodied
woman shouldn't have them at the same cost. I've just remembered
another nice dish. We'll have it to-morrow night." She paused, and a
wistful look came into her eyes, for the next day was Saturday, and it
was on holiday afternoons that the feeling of loneliness grew most
acute. School life was monotonous, but it was never lonely; from
morning to night one lived in a crowd, and already each class had
furnished youthful adorers eager to sit at the feet of the pretty new
mistress, and bring her offerings of chocolates and flowers; for five
long days there was always a crowd, always a hum and babble of voices,
but at the end of the week came a dead calm.
On the first Saturday of the term Miss Farnborough had invited the new
French mistress to tea, and had been all that was friendly and
encouraging; but since that time no word had passed between them that
was not strictly concerned with the work in hand, and Claire realised
that as one out of sixteen mistresses she could not hope for frequent
invitations.
On one Sunday the Gym. mistress had offered her company for a walk, and
there the list of hospitalities ceased. No invitations came from that
friend of Mrs Fanshawe's who was so fond of girls who were working for
themselves. Claire had hardly expected it, but she was disappointed all
the same. A longing was growing within her to sit again in a pretty,
daintily-appointed room, and talk about something else than time-tables,
and irregular verbs, and the Association of Assistant Mistresses which,
amalgamated with the Association of Assistant Masters and the Teachers'
Guild, were labouring to obtain a settled scale of salaries, and that
great safeguard, desired above all others, a pension on retirement!
On this particular Friday evening the longing was so strong that she had
deliberately gone out of her way to try to gain an invitation by walking
home with a certain Flora Ross in the sixth form, who was the most
ardent of her admirers. Flora lived in a cheerful-looking house about a
quarter of a mile from the school, and every morning hung over the gate
waiting for the chance occasions when her beloved Miss Gifford
approached alone, and she could have the felicity of accompanying her
for the rest of the way. On these occasions she invariably turned to
wave her hand to a plump, smiling mother who stood at a bay window
waving in return. An upper window was barred with brass rods, against
which two little flaxen heads bobbed up and down. Both the house and
its inmates had a cheerful wholesome air, which made a strong appeal to
the heart of the lonely girl, and this Friday afternoon, meeting Flora
waiting in the corridor, she had accepted her companionship on the way
home with a lurking hope that when the green gate was reached, she would
be invited to come inside.
Alas! no such thought seemed to enter Flora's brain. She gazed
adoringly into Claire's face and hung breathlessly on her words, but for
all her adoration there was a gulf between. Claire was the sweetest and
duckiest of mistresses, but she _was_ a mistress, a being shut off from
the ordinary interests of life. When Flora said, "Isn't it jolly, we
are going to have a musical party to-morrow! We have such lovely
parties, and mother always lets me sit up!" she might have been speaking
to a creature without ears, for all the consciousness she exhibited that
Claire might possibly wish to take part in the fray. When the green
gate was reached, the plump mamma was seen standing outside the drawing-
room window and recognising the identity of her daughter's companion,
she bent her head in a courteous bow, but she made no attempt to
approach the gate.
"See you on Monday!" cried Flora fondly, then the gate clicked, and
Claire walked along the road with her head held high, and two red spots
burning on either cheek. That evening for the first time she felt a
disinclination to change into the pretty summer frock which she had
chosen as a compromise for evening dress; that evening for the first
time the inner voice whispered to her as it had done to so many before
her: "What's the good? Nobody sees you! Nobody cares."
Miss Rhodes finished her share of the omelette, turned on to bread and
jam, and cast a glance of inquiry at her companion, who had relapsed
into unusual silence.
"Anything wrong?"
"Yes, I think so. Usual symptoms, I suppose. I want to wear all my
best clothes and go out to do something gay and exciting, Cecil!" The
English teacher's name being Rhodes, it was obvious that she should be
addressed as Cecil, especially as her parents had been misguided enough
to give her the unsuitably gentle name of Mary. "Cecil, do none of the
parents _ever_ ask us out?"
"Why should they?"
"Why shouldn't they? If we are good enough to teach their children, we
are good enough for them. If they are interested in their children's
welfare, they ought to make a point of knowing us to see what kind of
influence we use."
"Quite so."
"Well?"
"Well, my dear, there's only one thing to be said--they _don't_! As I
told you before, there's a prejudice against mistresses. They give us
credit for being clever, and cultivated, and hard-working; but they
never grasp the fact that we are human girls, who would very much enjoy
being frivolous for a change. I _have_ been asked out to tea at rare
intervals, and the mothers have apologised for the ordinary
conversation, and laboriously switched it on to books. I didn't want to
talk books. I wanted to discuss hats and dresses, and fashionable
intelligence, and sing comic songs, and play puss-in-the-corner, and be
generally giddy and riotous; but my presence cast a wet blanket over the
whole party, and we discussed Science and Art. Now I'm old and
resigned, but it's hard on the new hands. I think it was rather brutal
of your mother to let you come to London without taking the trouble of
getting _some_ introductions. Don't mind me saying so, do you?"
Claire smiled feebly.
"You have said it, anyhow! I know it must seem unkind to anyone who
does not know mother. She's really the kindest person in the world, but
she's very easy-going, and apt to believe that everything will happen
just as she wishes. She felt quite sure that Miss Farnborough and the
staff would supply me with a whirl of gaiety. There _was_ one lady, who
said she would write to a friend--"
Cecil groaned deeply.
"I know that friend. She comes from Sheffield. A dear kind friend who
would love to have you out on holidays. A friend who takes a special
interest in school-mistresses. A friend who gives such nice inter-est-
ing parties, and would certainly send you a card if she knew your
address. Was that it, my dear--was that the kind of friend?"
Cecil chuckled with triumph at the sight of Claire's lengthening jaw.
In truth there seemed something uncanny in so accurate a reproduction of
Mrs Fanshawe's description. Was there, indeed, no such person? Did
she exist purely as a dummy figure, to be dangled before the eyes of
credulous beginners? Claire sighed, and buried her last lingering hope;
and at that very moment the postman's rap sounded at the door, and a
square white envelope was handed in, addressed in feminine handwriting
to Miss Claire Gifford.
Claire tore it open, pulled forth a white card, gasped and flushed, and
tossed it across the table with a whoop of triumph.
"Raven, look at that! What do you think now of your melancholy croaks?"
Cecil picked up the card, inscribed with the orthodox printed lines,
beneath which a few words had been written.
Mrs Willoughby,
At Home
May 26th, 9 p.m.
Music.
"Have just received your address from Mrs Fanshawe. Shall hope to see
you to-morrow.--E.B.W."
Cecil screwed up her face in disparagement.
"Nine o'clock. Mayfair. That means a taxi both ways. Can't arrive at
a house like that in a mackintosh, with your shoes in a bag. Much wiser
to refuse. It will only unsettle you, and make you unfit for work.
She's done the polite thing for once, because she was asked, but she'll
never do it again. I've been through it myself, and I know the ropes.
A woman like that has hundreds of friends; why should she bother about
you? You'll never be asked again."
But at that Claire laughed, and beat her hand on the table.
"But I say I shall! I say I'll be asked _often_! I don't care if
you've had a hundred experiences, mine shall be different. She has
asked me once; now, as the Yankees say, `it's up to me' to do the rest.
I'll make up my mind to make her _want_ to ask me!"
CHAPTER SEVEN.
TRANSFORMATION OF CECIL.
In the days to come when Claire looked back and reviewed the course of
events which followed, she realised that Mrs Willoughby's invitation
had been a starting-point from which to date happenings to others as
well as herself. It was, for instance, on the morning after its arrival
that Cecil's chronic discontent reached an acute stage. She appeared at
breakfast with a clouded face, grumbled incessantly throughout the meal,
and snapped at everything Claire said, until the latter was provoked
into snapping in return. In the old days of idleness Claire had been
noted for the sunny sweetness of her disposition, but she was already
discovering that teaching lays a severe strain on the nerves, and at the
end of a week's work endurance seemed at its lowest ebb. So, when her
soft answers met rebuff after rebuff, she began to grumble in her turn,
and to give back as good as she got.
"Really, Cecil, I am exceedingly sorry that your form is so stupid, and
your work so hard, but I am neither a pupil nor a chief, so I fail to
see where my responsibility comes in. Wouldn't it be better if you
interviewed Miss Farnborough instead of me?"
It was the first time that Claire had answered sharply, and for the
moment surprise held Cecil dumb. Then the colour flamed into her
cheeks, and her eyes sparkled with anger. Though forbearance had failed
to soothe her, opposition evidently added fuel to the fire.
"Miss Farnborough!" she repeated jeeringly. "What does Miss Farnborough
care for the welfare of her mistresses, so long as they grind through
their daily tasks? It is the pupils she thinks about, not us. The
pupils who are to be pampered and considered, and studied, and amused in
school and out. They have to have games in summer, and a mistress has
to give up her spare time to watch the pretty dears to see that they
don't get into trouble; and they must have parties, and concerts, and
silly entertainments in winter, with some poor wretch of a mistress to
do all the work so that they may enjoy the fun. Miss Farnborough is an
exemplary Head so far as her scholars are concerned, but what does she
do for her mistresses? I ask you, does she do anything at all?"
Claire considered, and was silent. Her first term was nearly over, and
she could not truthfully say that the Head had taken any concern for her
as an individual who might be expected to feel some interest in life
beyond the school door. It is true that almost every day brought the
two in contact for the exchange of a few words which, if strictly on
business, were always pleasant and kindly, but except for the one
invitation to tea on the day before work began, they had never met out
of school hours. Claire was a stranger in London, yet the Head had
never inquired as to her leisure hours, never invited her to her house,
or offered, her an introduction to friends, never even engaged the
sympathies of other mistresses on her behalf. Claire had expected a
very different treatment, and had struggled against a sense of injury,
but she would not acknowledge as much in words.
"I suppose Miss Farnborough is even more tired than we are. She has a
tremendous amount of responsibility. And she has a brother and sister
at home. Perhaps they object to an incursion of school in free hours."
"Then she ought to leave them, and live where she can do her duty
without interference. After all mistresses are girls, too, not very
much older than some of the pupils when we begin work; it's inhuman to
take _no_ interest in our welfare. It wouldn't kill a Head to give up a
night a month to ask us to meet possible friends, or to write a few
letters of introduction. You agree with me in your heart, so it's no
use pretending. It's a moral obligation, if it isn't legal, and I say
part of the responsibility is hers if things go wrong. It's inhuman to
leave a young girl alone in lodgings without even troubling to inquire
if she has anywhere to go in her leisure hours. But it's the same tale
all round. Nobody thinks. Nobody cares. I've gone to the same church
for three years, and not a soul has spoken to me all that time. I've no
time to give to Church work, and the seats are free, so there's no way
of getting into touch. I don't suppose any one has ever noticed the
shabby school-mistress in her shabby blue serge."
Suddenly Mary Rhodes thrust back her chair, and rising impetuously began
to storm up and down the room.
"Oh, I'm tired, I'm tired of this second-hand life. Living in other
people's houses, teaching other people's children, obeying other
people's orders. I'm sick of it. I can't stand it a moment longer.
I'd rather take any risk to be out of it. After all, what could be
worse? Any sort of life lived on one's own must be better than this.
Nearly twelve years of it--and if I have twenty more, what's the end?
What is there to look forward to? Slow starvation in a bed-sitting-
room, for perhaps thirty years. I won't do it, I won't! I've had
enough. Now I shall choose for myself!"
Like a whirlwind she dashed out of the room, and Claire put her elbow on
the table and leant her head on her hands, feeling shaken, and
discouraged, and oppressed. For the first time a doubt entered her mind
as to whether she could continue to live with Mary Rhodes. In her
brighter modes there was much that was attractive in her personality,
but to live with a chronic grumbler sapped one's own powers of
resistance. Claire felt that for the sake of her own happiness and
efficiency it would be wiser to make a change, but her heart sank at the
thought of making a fresh start, of perhaps having to live alone with no
one to speak to in the long evenings. The life of a bachelor girl made
little appeal at that moment. Liberty seemed dearly bought at the price
of companionship.
Claire spent the morning writing to her mother and reading over the
series of happy letters which had reached her week after week. Mrs
Judge was in radiant spirits, delighted with the conditions of her new
life, full of praise of her husband and the many friends to whom she had
been introduced. Three-fourths of the letter were taken up with
descriptions of her own gay doings, the remaining fourth with optimistic
remarks on her daughter's life. How delightful to share rooms with
another girl! What a nice break to have every Saturday and Sunday free!
What economical rooms! Claire must feel quite rich. What fun to have
the girls so devoted!
Claire made an expressive grimace as she read that "quite rich." This
last week she had been obliged to buy new gloves, and to have her boots
mended. A new umbrella had been torn by the carelessness with which
another teacher had thrust her own into the crowded stand, and one night
she had been seized with a longing for a dainty well-cooked meal, and
had recklessly stood treat at a restaurant. She did not feel at all
"rich" as she made up the week's account, and reflected that next week
the expense of driving to Mrs Willoughby's "At Home" would again swell
up the total of these exasperating "extras" which made such havoc of
advance calculations.
Cecil did not appear until lunch was on the table, when she flung the
door wide open and marched in with an air of bravado, as if wanting her
companion to stare at once and get over it. It would have been
impossible not to stare, for the change in her appearance was positively
startling to behold. Her dark hair was waved and fashionably coiffed.
Her best coat and skirt had been embellished with frills of lace at neck
and sleeves, a pretty little waistcoat had been manufactured out of a
length of blue ribbon and a few paste buttons, while a blue feather
necklet had been promoted a step higher, and encircled an old straw hat.
The ribbon bow at the end of the boa exactly matched the shade of the
waistcoat, and was cocked up at a daring angle, while a becoming new
veil and a pair of immaculate new gloves added still further to the
effect.
Claire had always suspected that Cecil could be pretty if she chose to
take the trouble, and now she knew it for a fact. It was difficult to
realise that this well-groomed-looking girl, with the bright eyes and
softly-flushed cheeks, could really be the same person as the frumpy-
looking individual who every morning hurried along the street.
Involuntarily Claire threw up her hands; involuntarily she cried aloud
in delight "Cheers! Cheers! How do you do, Cecil? Welcome home,
Cecil!--the real Cecil! How pretty you are, Cecil! How well that blue
suits you! Don't dare to go back to your dull navy and black. I shall
insist that you always wear blue. I feel quite proud of having such a
fine lady to lunch. You are going to have lunch, aren't you? Why those
gloves and veil?"
"Oh, well--I'm not hungry. I'll have some coffee. I may have lunch in
town." Cecil was plainly embarrassed under her companion's scrutiny.
She pushed up her veil, so that it rested in a little ridge across her
nose, craned forward her head, sipping her coffee with exaggerated care,
so that no drop should fall on her lacy frills.
Claire longed to ask a dozen questions, but something in Cecil's manner
held her at bay, and she contented herself with one inquiry--
"What time will you be home?"
Cecil shrugged her shoulders.
"Don't know. Perhaps not till late." She was silent for a moment, then
added with sudden bitterness, "You are not the _only_ person who has
invitations. If I chose, I could go out every Saturday."
"Then why on earth are you always grumbling about your loneliness?"
thought Claire swiftly, but she did not put the thought into words.
After the warmth of her own welcome, a kinder response was surely her
due; she was angry, and would not condescend to reply.
The meal was finished in silence, but when Cecil rose to depart, the
usual compunction seized her in its grip. She stood arranging her veil
before the mirror over the mantelpiece, uttering the usual interjectory
expressions of regret.
"Sorry, Claire. I'm a wretch. You must hate me. I ought to be shot.
Nice Saturday morning I've given you! What are you going to do this
afternoon?"
Claire's eyes turned towards the window with an expression sad to see on
so young a face--an imprisoned look. Her voice seemed to lose all its
timbre as she replied in one flat dreary word--
"Nothing!"
A spasm of irresolution passed across Cecil's face. For a moment she
looked as if she were about to throw aside her own project and cast in
her lot with her friend's. Then her face hardened, and she turned
towards the door.
"Why not call for Sophie Blake, and see if she will go a walk? She
asked you once before."
With that she was gone, and Claire was left to consider the proposition.
Sophie Blake, the Games mistress, was the single member of the staff
who had shown any disposition towards real friendship, though the
intimacy was so far confined to one afternoon's walk, and an occasional
chat in the dinner hour, but this afternoon the thought of her merry
smile acted as an irresistible magnet. Claire ran upstairs to get
ready, in a panic lest she might arrive at Sophie's lodgings to find she
had already gone out for the afternoon. Cecil had hinted that she might
not return until late, and suddenly it seemed unbearable to spend the
rest of the day in solitude. Restlessness was in the air, first the
pleasurable restlessness caused by the receipt of Mrs Willoughby's
invitation, then the disagreeable restlessness caused by Cecil's erratic
behaviour. As she hurried through the streets towards Sophie Blake's
lodgings, Claire pondered over the mystery of this sudden development on
Cecil's part. Where was she going? Whom was she going to see? Why
declare with one breath that she was without a friend, and with the next
that if she chose she might accept invitations every week? What special
reason had to-day inspired such unusual care in her appearance?
Sophie was at home. Lonely Claire felt quite a throb of relief as she
heard the welcome words. She entered the oil-clothed passage and was
shown into a small, very warm, very untidy front parlour wherein stood
Sophie herself, staring with widened eyes at the opening door.
"Oh, it's _you_!" she cried. "What a fright you gave me! I couldn't
think _who_ it could be. Come in! Sit down! Can you find a free
chair? Saturday is my work day. I've been darning stockings, and
trimming a hat, and ironing a blouse, and washing lace, and writing
letters all in a rush. I love a muddle on Saturdays. It's such a
change after routine all the week. What do you think of the hat? Seven
and sixpence, all told. I flatter myself it looks worth every penny of
ten. Don't pull down that cloth. The iron's underneath. Be careful of
that table! The ink-pot's somewhere about. How sweet of you to call!
I'll clear this muddle away and then we can talk ... Oh, my arm!"
"What's the matter with the arm?"
Sophie shrugged carelessly.
"Rheumatism, my dear. Cheerful, isn't it, for a gym. mistress? It's
been giving me fits all the week."
"The east winds, I suppose. I know they make rheumatism worse."
"They do. So does damp. So does snow. So does fog. So does cold. So
does heat. If you could tell me of anything that makes it _better_, I'd
be obliged. Bother rheumatism! Don't let's talk of it... It's
Saturday, my dear. I never think of disagreeables on Saturday. Where's
Miss Rhodes this afternoon?"
"I don't know. She made herself look very nice and smart--she can be
very nice-looking when she likes!--and went out for the day."
"Humph!" Sophie pursed her lips and contracted her brows as if in
consideration of a knotty point. "She was awfully pretty when I came to
the school ten years ago. And quite jolly and bright. You wouldn't
know her for the same girl. She's a worrier, of course, but it's more
than that. Something happened about six years ago, which took the
starch out of her once for all. A love affair, I expect. Perhaps she's
told you... I'm not fishing, and it's not my business, but I'm sorry
for the poor thing, and I was sorry for you when I heard you were going
to share her room. She can't be the most cheerful companion in the
world!"
"Oh, she's quite lively at times," Claire said loyally, "and very
appreciative. I'm fond of her, you know, but I wish she didn't grumble
quite so much." She looked round the parlour, which was at once bigger
and better furnished than the joint apartment in Laburnum Crescent, and
seized upon an opportunity of changing the subject. "You have a very
nice room."
Sophie Blake looked round with an air half proud, half guilty.
"Y-es. Too nice. I've no business to spend so much, but I simply can't
stand those dreadful cheap houses. People are always fussing and
telling one to save up for old age. I think it matters far more to have
things nice in one's youth. I get a hundred and thirty a year, and have
to keep myself all the year round and help to educate a young sister.
We are orphans, and the grown-ups have to keep her between us. I
couldn't save if I wanted to, so what's the use of worrying? I don't
care very much what happens after fifty-five. Perhaps I shall be
married. Perhaps I shall be dead. Perhaps some nice kind millionaire
will have taken a fancy to me, and left me a fortune. If the worst
comes to the worst, I'll go into a home for decayed gentlewomen and knit
stockings--no, not stockings, I should never be able to turn the heels--
long armlet things, like mittens, without the thumbs. Look here. Where
shall we go? Isn't it a shame that all the nice shops close early on
Saturday? We might have had such sport walking along Knightsbridge,
choosing what we'd like best from every window. Have you ever done
that? It's ripping fun. What about Museums? Do you like Museums?
Rather cold for the feet, don't you think? What can we do that's warm
and interesting, and exciting, and doesn't cost more than
eighteenpence?"
Claire laughed gleefully, not at the thought of the eighteenpenny
restriction, but from pure joy at finding a companion who could face
life with a smile, and find enjoyment from such simple means as
imaginary purchases from shop windows. Oh, the blessed effect of a
cheerful spirit! How inspiriting it was after the constant douche of
discouragement from which she had suffered for the last nine weeks!
"Oh, bother eighteenpence! This is my treat, and we are going to enjoy
ourselves, or know the reason why. I've got a lot of money in the bank,
and I'm just in the mood to spend. We'll go to the Queen's Hall, and
then on to have tea in a restaurant. You would like to hear some
music?"
"So long as it is not a chorus of female voices--I _should_! I'm a
trifle fed up with female voices," cried Sophie gaily. She picked up
her newly-trimmed hat from the table and caressed it fondly. "Come
along, darling. You're going to make your _debut_!"
CHAPTER EIGHT.
THE RECEPTION.
It was almost worth while leading a life of all work and no play for six
weeks on end, for the sheer delight of being frivolous once more; of
dressing oneself in one's prettiest frock, drawing on filmy silk
stockings and golden shoes, clasping a pearl necklace round a white
throat and cocking a feathery aigrette at just the right angle among
coppery swathes of hair. No single detail was wanting to complete the
whole, for in the old careless days Claire's garments had been purchased
with a lavish hand, the only anxiety being to secure the most becoming
specimen of its kind. There were long crinkly gloves, and a lace
handkerchief, and a fan composed of curling feathers and mother-of-pearl
sticks, and a dainty bag hanging by golden cords, and a cloak of the
newest shape, composed of layers of different-tinted chiffons, which
looked more like a cloud at sunset than a garment manufactured by human
hands and supposed to be of use!
Claire tilted her little mirror to an acute angle, gave a little skip of
delight as she surveyed the completed whole, and then whirled down the
narrow staircase, a flying mist of draperies, through which the little
gold-clad feet gleamed in and out. She whirled into the sitting-room,
where the solitary lamp stood on the table, and Cecil lay on the humpy
green plush sofa reading a novel from the Free Library. She put down
the book and stared with wide eyes as Claire gave an extra whirl for her
benefit, and cried jubilantly--
"Admire me! Admire me! I'm dying to be admired! Don't I look fine,
and smart, and unsuitable! Will any one in the world mistake me for a
High School-mistress!"
Cecil rose from the sofa, and made a solemn tour of inspection.
Obviously she was impressed, obviously she admired, obviously also she
found something startling in her inspection. There was pure feminine
interest in the manner in which she fingered each delicate fabric in
turn, there was pure feminine kindness in the little pat on the arm
which announced the close of the inspection.
"My dear, it's ripping! Rich and rare isn't in it. You look a dream.
Poor kiddie! If this is the sort of thing you've been used to, it's
been harder for you than I thought! Yes, horribly unsuitable, and when
it's worn-out, you'll never be able to have another like it. White
ponge will be your next effort."
"Bless your heart, I've three others just as fine, and these skimpy
skirts last for an age. No chance of any one planting a great foot on
the folds and tearing them to ribbons as in the old days. There _are_
no folds to tread on."
But Cecil as usual was ready with her croak.
"Next year," she said darkly, "there will be flounces. Before you have
a chance of wearing your four dresses, everybody will be fussy and
frilly, and they'll be hopelessly out of date."
"Then I'll cut up two and turn them into flounces to fuss out the
others!" cried Claire, the optimist, and gave another caper from sheer
lightness of heart. "How do you like my feet?"
"I suppose you mean shoes. A pretty price you paid for those. I'm sure
they're too tight!"
"Boats, my dear, boats! I've had to put in a sole. Didn't you know my
feet were so small? How do you like my cloak? It's meant to look like
a cloud. Layers of blue, pink and grey, `superimposed,' as the fashion
papers have it. Or should you say it was more like an opal?"
"No, I should not. Neither one nor the other. Considered as a cloak
for a foggy November evening, I should call it a delusion and a fraud.
You'll get a chill. I've a Shetland shawl. I'll lend it to you to wrap
round your shoulders."
"No, you won't!" Claire cried defiantly. "Shetland shawl indeed! Who
ever heard of a girl of twenty-one in a Shetland shawl? I'm going to a
party, my dear. The joy of that thought would keep me warm through a
dozen fogs."
"You'll have to come back from the party, however, and you mayn't feel
so jubilant then. It's not too exciting when you don't know a soul, and
sit on one seat all evening. I knew a girl who went to a big crush and
didn't even get a cup of coffee. Nobody asked her to go down."
Claire swept her cloak to one side, and sat down on a chair facing the
sofa, her white gloves clasped on her knee, the embroidered bag hanging
by its golden cords to the tip of the golden slippers. She fixed her
eyes steadily on her companion, and there was in them a spark of anger,
before which Cecil had the grace to flush.
"Sorry! Really I am sorry--"
"`Repentance is to _leave_
The sins we loved before,
And show that we in earnest grieve
By doing so No More!'"
quoted Claire sternly. "Really, Cecil, you are the champion wet blanket
of your age. It is too bad. I have to do all the perking up, and you
can't even let me go to a party without damping my ardour. I was
thinking it over the other night, and I've hit on a promising plan. I'm
going to allow you a grumble day a week--but only one. On that day you
can grumble as much as ever you like, from the moment you get up till
the moment you go to bed. You'll be within your rights, and I shall not
complain. I'll have my own day, too, when you can find out what it
feels like to listen, but won't be allowed to say a word in return. For
the rest of the week you'll just have to grin and bear it. You won't be
allowed a single growl."
Cecil knitted her brows, and looked ashamed and uncomfortable, as she
invariably did when taxed with her besetting sin. Claire's charge on
mental poisoning had struck home, and she had honestly determined to
turn over a new leaf; but the habit had been indulged too long to be
easily abandoned. Unconsciously, as it were, disparaging remarks flowed
from her lips, combined with a steady string of objections, adverse
criticisms, and presentiments of darkness and gloom. At the present
moment she felt a little startled to realise how firmly the habit was
established, and the proposal of a licenced grumble day held out some
promise of a cure.
"Then I'll have Monday!" she cried briskly. "I am always in a bad
temper on Mondays, so I shall be able to make the most of my chance."
She was silent for a moment considering the prospect, then was struck
with a sudden thought. "But now and then I _do_ have a nice week-end,
and then I shouldn't want to grumble at all. I suppose I could change
the day?"
There was a ring of triumph in Claire's laugh.
"Not you! My dear girl, that's just what I am counting upon! Sometimes
the sun will shine, sometimes you'll get a nice letter, sometimes the
girls will be intelligent and interesting, and then, my dear, you'll
forget, and the day will skip past, and before you know where you are it
will be Tuesday morning and your chance will have gone. Cecil, fancy
it! A whole fortnight without a grumble. It seems almost too good to
be true!"
"It does!" said the English mistress eloquently. She sat upright on the
green plush sofa, her shabby slippers well in evidence beneath the edge
of her shabby skirt, staring with curious eyes at the radiant figure of
the girl in the opposite chair. "I don't think you need a day at all!"
"Because I'm going to a solitary party? Only two minutes ago, my love,
you were sympathising with my hard lot! I shall have Fridays. I'm
tired on Fridays, and it's getting near the time for making up accounts.
I can be quite a creditable grumbler on Fridays."
"Well, just as you like! You _are_ going to the party, I suppose?
Haven't changed your mind by any chance, and determined to spend the
evening hectoring me! If you are going, you'd better go. I'll sit up
for you and keep some cocoa--"
Claire rose with a smile.
"I appreciate the inference! Starved and disillusioned, I am to creep
home and weep on your bosom. Well, we'll see! Good-bye for the
present. I'll tell you all about it when I get back..."
A minute's whistling at the front door produced a taxi, in which Claire
seated herself and was whirled westward through brightly lighted
streets. In the less fashionable neighbourhoods the usual Saturday
crowd thronged round the shops and booths, making their purchases at an
hour when perishable goods could be obtained at bargain prices. Claire
and Cecil had themselves made such expeditions before now, coming home
triumphant with some savoury morsel for supper, and with quite a lavish
supply of flowers to deck the little room. At the time the expeditions
had been pleasant enough, and there had seemed nothing in the least
_infra dig_ in taking advantage of the opportunity; but to-night the
girl in the cloudy cloak looked through the windows of her chariot with
an ineffable condescension, and found it difficult to believe that she
herself had ever made one of so insignificant a throng!
"How I do love luxury! It's the breath of my nostrils," she said to
herself with a little sigh of content, as she straightened herself in
her seat, and smiled back at her own reflection in the strip of mirror
opposite. Her hair had "gone" just right. What a comfort that was!
Sometimes it took a stupid turn and could not be induced to obey. She
opened the cloak at the top and peeped at the dainty whiteness within,
with the daring, thoroughly French touch of vivid emerald green which
gave a _cachet_ to the whole. Yes, it was quite as pretty as she had
believed. Every whit as becoming. "I don't look a bit like a school-
mistress!" smiled Claire, and snoodled back again against the cushions
with a deep breath of content.
She was not in the least shy. Many a girl about to make her _entree_
into a strange house would have been suffering qualms of misgiving by
this time, but Claire had spent her life more or less in public, and was
accustomed to meet strangers as a matter of course, so there was no
dread to take the edge off her enjoyment.
Even when the taxi slowed down to take its place in the stream of
vehicles which were drawn up before Mrs Willoughby's house, she knew
only a heightened enjoyment in the realisation that it was not a party
at all, but a real big fashionable At Home.
The usual crowd of onlookers stood on either side of the door, and as
Claire descended from the taxi, the sight of her golden slippers and
floating clouds of gauze evoked a gratifying murmur of admiration. She
passed on with her head in the air, looking neither to right nor left,
but close against the rails stood a couple of working girls whose
wistful eyes drew her own as with a magnet. In their expression was a
whole world of awe, of admiration; they looked at her as at a denizen of
another sphere, hardly presuming even to be envious, so infinitely was
she removed from their grey-hued life. As Claire met their eyes, an
impulse seized her to stop and tell them that she was just a working
girl like themselves, but convention being too strong to allow of such
familiarities, she smiled instead, with such a frank and friendly
acknowledgment of their admiration as brought a flash of pleasure to
their faces.
"She's a real laidy, she is!" said Gladys to Maud; and Maud sniffed in
assent, and answered strongly, "You bet your life!"
The inside of the house seemed out of all proportion with the outside
appearance. This is a special peculiarity of the West End, which has
puzzled many a visitor besides Claire Gifford. What _is_ the magic
which transforms narrow slips of buildings into spacious halls and
imposing flights of stairways? Viewed from the street, the town houses
of well-known personages seem quite inadequate for their purpose; viewed
from within, they are all that is stately and appropriate. Those of us
who live in less favoured neighbourhoods would fain solve the riddle.
Mrs Willoughby stood at the top of her own staircase, shaking hands
with the stream of ascending guests, and motioning them forward to the
suite of entertaining rooms from which came a steady murmur of voices.
She was a stout woman, with a vast expanse of white shoulders which
seemed to join right on to her head without any preliminary in the shape
of a neck. Her hair was dark, and a plain face was lightened by a pair
of exceedingly pleasant, exceedingly alert brown eyes. As soon as she
met those eyes Claire felt assured that the kindness of which she had
heard was a real thing, and that this woman could be counted upon as a
friend. There was, it is true, a slight vagueness in the manner in
which she made her greeting, but a murmur of "Mrs Fanshawe" instantly
revived recollections.
"Of course--of course!" she cried heartily. "So glad you could come, my
dear. I must see you later on. Reginald!"--she beckoned to a lad in an
Eton suit--"I want you to take charge of Miss Gifford. Take her to have
some coffee, and introduce her to some one nice."
A nod and a smile, and Mrs Willoughby had turned back to welcome the
next guest in order, while the Eton boy offered his arm with the air of
a prince of the blood, and led the way to a refreshment buffet around
which the guests were swarming with an eagerness astonishing to behold
when one realised how lately they must have risen from the dinner-table.
Claire found her young cavalier very efficient in his attentions. He
settled her in a comfortable corner, brought her a cup of coffee heaped
with foaming cream, and gave it as his opinion that it was going to be
"a beastly crush." Claire wondered if it would be tactful to inquire
how he happened to be at home in the middle of a term; but while she
hesitated he supplied the information himself.
"I'm home on leave. Appendicitis. Left the nursing home three weeks
ago. Been at the sea, and came back yesterday in time for this show.
Getting a bit tired of slacking!"
"You must be. Dear me! I _am_ sorry. Too bad to begin so soon,"
murmured Claire pitifully; but Master Reginald disdained sympathy.
"Oh, I dunno," he said calmly. "It's quite the correct thing, don't you
know? Everybody's doing it. Just as well to get it through. It
might"--he opened his pale eyes with a startled look--"it might have
come on in the hols! Pretty fool I should have looked if I'd been done
out of winter sports."
"There's that way of looking at it!" Claire said demurely. For a
moment she debated whether she should break the fact that she herself
was a school-mistress, but decided that it would be wiser to refrain
since the boy would certainly feel more at ease with her in her private
capacity. So for the next half-hour they sat happily together in their
corner, while the boy discoursed on the subjects nearest his heart, and
the girl deftly switched him back to the subjects more congenial.
"Yes, I love cricket. At least I'm sure I should do, if I understood it
better... _Do_ tell me who is the big old lady with the eyeglass and
the diamond tiara?"
"Couldn't tell you to save my life. Rather an out-size, isn't she?
Towers over the men. I say! you ought to go to Lord's Will you turn up
at Lord's next year to see our match? We might meet somewhere and I'd
give you tea. Harrow won't have a chance. We've got a bowler who--"
"Can he really? How nice! Oh, that _is_ a curious-looking man with the
long hair! I'm sure he is something, or does something different from
other people. Is he a musician, do you think? Do you ever have music
on these evenings?"
"Rather! Sometimes the mater hires a big swell, sometimes she lets
loose the amateurs. She knows lots of amateurs, y'know. People who are
trying to be big-wigs, and want the chance to show off. The mater
encourages them. Great mistake if you ask me, but you needn't listen if
you don't want. She has one of these crushes once a month. Beastly
dull, I call them. Can't think why the people come. But she gives them
a rattling good feed. Supper comes on at twelve, in the dining-room
downstairs."
But Claire was not interested in supper. All her attention was taken up
in watching the stream of people passing by, and for a time the youth of
her companion had seemed an advantage, since it made it easy to indulge
her curiosity concerning her fellow-guests by a succession of questions
which might have been boring to an adult. As time passed on, however,
and she became conscious that more than one pair of masculine eyes
turned in her direction, she wished frankly Master Reginald would
remember his mother's instructions and proceed without further delay to
introduce her to "someone nice." To return home and confess to Cecil
that she had spent the evening in company with a schoolboy would be
almost as humiliating as sitting alone in a corner.
It was at this point that Claire became aware of the presence of a very
small, very wizened old woman sitting alone at the opposite side of the
room, her mittened hands clawing each other restlessly in her lap, her
sunken eyes glancing to right and left with a glance distinctly hostile.
The passing of guests frequently hid her from view, but when a gap came
again, there she sat, still alone, still twisting her mittened hands,
still coldly staring around. Claire thought she looked a very
disagreeable old lady, but she was sorry for her all the same. Horrid
to be old and cross, and to be alone in a crowd! She put yet another
question to the boy by her side.
"That," said Master Willoughby seriously, "is Great-aunt Jane. Great-
aunt Jane is the skeleton in our cupboard. The mater says so, and she
ought to know. Every time the mater has a show, the moment the door is
opened, in comes Great-aunt Jane, and sits it out until every one has
gone. If any one dares speak to her she snaps his head off, and if they
let her alone, she's furious, and gives it to the mater after they're
gone. Most of the crowd know her by now, and pretend they don't see,
... and she gets waxier and waxier. Would you like to be introduced?"
"Yes, please!" said Claire unexpectedly. She was tired of sitting in
one corner, and wanted to move her position, but she was also quite
genuinely anxious to try her hand at cheering poor cross Great-aunt
Jane. The old lady _pensionnaires_ in the "Villa Beau Sejour" had made
a point of petting and flattering the pretty English girl, and Claire
was complacently assured that this old lady would follow their example.
But she was mistaken.
"Aunt Jane, Miss Gifford asks to be introduced to you. Miss Gifford--
Lady Jane Willoughby."
Reginald beat a hurried retreat, and Claire seated herself at the end of
the sofa and smilingly awaited her companion's lead. It did not come.
After one automatic nod of the head, Lady Jane resumed her former
position, taking no more notice of the new-comer than if she had
remained at the far end of the room. Claire felt her cheeks begin to
burn. Her complacence had suffered a shock, but pride came to her
rescue, and she made a determined effort at conversation.
"That nice boy has been telling me that he has had appendicitis."
Lady Jane favoured her with a frosty glance.
"Yes, he has. Perhaps you will excuse me from talking about it. I
object to the discussion of diseases at social gatherings."
Claire's cheeks grew hotter still. A quick retort came to her lips.
"I wasn't going to discuss it! I only mentioned it for--for something
to say. I couldn't think how else to begin!"
The droop of Lady Jane's eyelids inferred that it was really quite
superfluous to begin at all. Claire waited a whole two minutes by the
clock, and then made another effort.
"I hear we are to have some music later on."
"Sorry to hear it," said Great-aunt Jane.
"Really! I was so glad. Aren't you fond of music, then?"
"I am very fond of music," said Aunt Jane, and there was a world of
insinuation in her voice. Without a definite word being spoken, the
hearer was informed that good music, real music, music worthy the name,
was a thing that no sane person would expect to hear at Mrs
Willoughby's "At Homes." She was really the most terrifying and
disconcerting of old ladies, and Claire heartily repented the impulse
which had brought her to her side. A pretty thing it would be if she
were left alone on this sofa for the rest of the evening!
But fortune was kind, and from across the room came a good angel who was
so exactly a reproduction of Mrs Willoughby herself, minus half her
age, that it must obviously be her daughter. Janet Willoughby was not a
pretty girl, but she looked gay, and bright, and beaming with good
humour, and at this moment with a spice of mischief into the bargain.
The manner in which she held out her hand to Claire was as friendly as
though the two girls had been friends for years.
"Miss Gifford? I was sure it must be you. Mother told me to look for
you. Aunt Jane, will you excuse my running away with Miss Gifford?
Several people are asking to be introduced. Will you come with me, Miss
Gifford? I want to take you into the music room."
Claire rose with a very leap of eagerness, and as soon as they had
gained a safe distance, Miss Willoughby turned to her with twinkling
eyes.
"I am afraid you were having a bad time! I caught sight of you across
the room and was so sorry. Who took you over there? Was it that
naughty Reginald?"
"He did, but I asked him. I thought she looked lonely. I thought
perhaps she would be pleased."
Janet Willoughby's smile showed a quick approval.
"That was kind! Thanks for the good intention, but I can't let you be
victimised any more. I want to talk to you myself, and half-a-dozen men
have been asking for introductions to the girl with the green sash. You
know Mrs Fanshawe, don't you? Isn't she charming? She and I are the
greatest of chums. I always say she has never succeeded in growing
older than seventeen. She is so delightfully irresponsible and
impulsive. She wrote mother a charming letter about you. It made us
quite anxious to meet you, but you know what town life is--a continual
rush! Everything gets put off."
"It was awfully good of you to ask me at all, and very kind of Mrs
Fanshawe to write. I only know her in the most casual way. We crossed
over from Antwerp together, and her maid was ill, and I was able to be
of some use, and when she heard that I was coming to work in London and
that I knew nobody here--she--"
Jane Willoughby stared in frank amazement.
"Do you really mean that that was all? You met her only that one time?
You know nothing of her home or her people?"
"Only that time. I hope--I hope you don't think--"
Claire suffered an anxious moment before she realised that for some
unexplained reason Miss Willoughby was more pleased than annoyed by the
intelligence. An air of something extraordinarily like relief passed
over her features. She laughed gaily and said--
"I don't think anything at all except that it is delightfully like Mrs
Fanshawe. She wrote as if she had known you for ages. As a matter of
fact she probably _does_ know you quite well. She is so extraordinarily
quick and clever, that she crowds as much life into an hour as an
ordinary person does into a week. She told us that you had chosen to
come to London to work, rather than go to India and have a good time.
How plucky of you! And you teach at one of the big High Schools... You
don't look in the least like a school-mistress."
"Ah! I'm off duty to-night! You should see me in the morning, in my
working clothes. You should see me at night, correcting exercises on
the dining-table in a lodging-house parlour, and cooking sausages in a
chafing-dish for our evening meal. I `dig' with the English mistress,
and do most of our cooking myself, as the landlady's tastes and ours
don't agree. I'm getting to be quite an expert at manufacturing
sixpenny dainties."
Janet Willoughby breathed a deep sigh; the diamond star on her neck sent
out vivid gleams of light.
"What fun!" she sighed enviously. "What fun!" and as she spoke there
flashed suddenly before the eyes of her listener a picture of the
English mistress lying on the green plush sofa, her shabby slippers
showing beneath the hem of her shabby skirt, spending the holiday
Saturday evening at home because she had no invitations to go out, and
no money to spare for an entertainment. "Oh, I _do_ envy you!" sighed
Janet deeply. "It's one of my greatest ambitions to share rooms with a
nice girl, and live the simple life, and be free to do whatever one
liked. Mother loves independence in other girls, but her principles
don't extend to me. She says an only daughter's place is at home. But
you are an only daughter, too."
"I am; but other circumstances were different. It was a case of being
dependent on a stepfather or of working for myself--so I chose to work,
and--"
"And I'm sure you never regret it!"
Claire extended her hands in the expressive French shrug.
"Ah, but I do! Horribly, at times. Even now, after three months' work
I have a conviction that I shall regret it more and more as time goes
on; but if I had to decide again, I'd do just the same. It's a question
of principle versus so many things--laziness and self-indulgence, and
wanting to have a good time, and the habits of a lifetime, and
irritation with stupid girls who won't work."
Janet Willoughby gave a soft murmur of understanding.
"Yes, of course. Stupid of me to say that! Of course, you must get
tired when you've never taught before. Does it bore you very much?"
"Teaching? Oh, no. As a rule I love it, and take a pride in inventing
new ways to help the girls. It's the all work and no play that gets on
one's nerves, and the feeling of being cut off from the world by an
impassable barrier of something that really doesn't exist. People have
a prejudice against school-mistresses. They think they are dull, and
proper, and pedantic. If they want to be complimentary they say, `You
don't look like a school-mistress.' You did yourself, not two minutes
ago. But really and truly they are just natural, everyday girls,
wanting to have a good time in their leisure hours like other girls.
You can't think how happy I was to come here to-night and have the
chance of putting on pretty things again."
Janet Willoughby put her hand on Claire's arm and piloted her deftly
through the crowd.
"Now," she said firmly, "you just stay here, and I'll bring up all the
nicest men in the room, and introduce them in turns. You _shall_ have a
good time, and you are wearing the very prettiest things in the room--if
it's any comfort to you to hear it. We won't talk about school any
more. To-night is for fun!"
The next hour passed on flying feet, while Claire sat the queen of a
little court, and Janet Willoughby flitted to and fro, bringing up fresh
arrivals to be introduced, and drafting off the last batch to other
parts of the crowded rooms. All the men were agreeable and amusing, and
showed a flattering appreciation of their position. Claire felt no more
interest in one than in another, but she liked them all, and felt a
distinct pleasure in talking to men again after the convent-like
existence of the last months. She was pleased to welcome a new-comer,
smiled unconcerned at a farewell.
From time to time the buzz of voices was temporarily broken by the crash
of the piano, but always before the end of each performance it rose
again, and steadily swelled in volume. In truth, the excellence of the
performance was no great inducement to listen, and Mrs Willoughby's
forehead showed a pucker of anxiety. She drifted across to Claire's
corner, and spoke a few kindly words of welcome, which ended in a half
apology.
"I am sorry the music is so poor. It varies so much on different
nights. Sometimes we have quite a number of good singers, but to-night
there are none. I am afraid so much piano grows a little boring."
She looked in the girl's face with a quick inquiry.
"Do _you_ sing?"
"No-o." The word seemed final, yet there was an unmistakable hesitation
in Claire's voice. Mrs Willoughby's glance sharpened.
"But you do something? Play? Recite? What is it? My dear, I should
be so grateful!"
"I--whistle!" confessed Claire with a blush, and a little babble of
delight greeted the words. Every one who heard hailed the chance of a
variety in the monotonous programme. Mrs Willoughby beamed with all
the relief of a hostess unexpectedly relieved of anxiety.
"Delightful! Charming! My dear, it will be such a help! You would
like an accompaniment? I'll introduce you to Mr Helder. He can play
anything you like. Will you come now! I am sure every one will be
charmed."
There was no time for a second thought. The next moment the long-haired
Mr Helder was bowing over Claire's hand, and professing his delight.
The little group in the corner were pressing forward to obtain a point
of vantage, and throughout the company in general was passing a wordless
hum of excitement. Mr Helder was seating himself at the piano, a girl
in a white dress had ascended the impromptu platform and now stood by
his side, a pretty girl, a very pretty girl, a girl who acknowledged the
scattered applause with a smile which showed two dimples on one cheek, a
girl who looked neither shy nor conceited, but simply as if she were
enjoying herself very much, and expected everybody to do the same. She
was going to sing. It would be a relief to listen to singing after the
continued performances upon the piano. They hoped sincerely that she
could sing well. Why didn't the accompaniment begin?
Then suddenly a white-gloved hand gave a signal, Mr Helder's hands
descended on the keys, and at the same instant from between Claire's
pursed-up lips there flowed a stream of high, flute-like notes,
repeating the air with a bird-like fluency and ease. She had chosen the
old-world ballad, "Cherry Ripe," the quaint turns and trills of which
lent themselves peculiarly well to this method of interpretation, and
the swing and gaiety of the measure carried the audience by storm.
Looking down from her platform Claire could see the indifferent faces
suddenly lighten into interest, into smiles, into positive beams of
approval. At the second verse heads began to wag; unconsciously to
their owners lips began to purse. It was inspiring to watch those
faces, to know that it was she herself who had wrought the magic change.
Those moments for Claire were pure undiluted joy. Whistling had come to
her as a natural gift, compensating to some extent for the lack of a
singing voice; later on she had taken lessons, and practised seriously
to perfect her facility. At school in Paris, later on in attending
social gatherings with her mother, she had had abundant opportunities of
overcoming the initial shyness; but indeed shyness was never a serious
trouble with Claire Gifford, who was gifted with that very agreeable
combination of qualities,--an amiable desire to please other people, and
a comfortable assurance of her own powers.
At the end of the third verse the applause burst out with a roar.
"Bravos" sounded from every side, and "Encores" persisted so strenuously
that Claire was not permitted even to descend from her platform. Mrs
Willoughby rustled forward full of gratitude and thanks. Mr Helder
rubbed his hands, and beamingly awaited further commands... What would
Cecil have to say to a success like this?
Claire's second choice was one of Mendelssohn's "Songs without Words," a
quieter measure this time, sweet and flowing, and giving opportunity for
a world of delicate phrasing. It was one of the pieces which she had
practised with a master, and with which she felt most completely at
home; and if the audience found it agreeable to hear, they also, to
judge from their faces, found it equally agreeable to watch. Claire's
cheeks were flushed to a soft rose-pink, her head moved to and fro,
unconsciously keeping time with the air; one little golden shoe softly
tapped the floor. Her unconsciousness of self added to the charm of the
performance. But once the audience noticed, with sympathetic amusement,
her composure was seriously threatened, so that the bird-like notes
quavered ominously, and the twin dimples deepened into veritable holes.
Claire had caught sight of Great-aunt Jane standing in solitary state at
the rear of the throng of listeners, her mittened fingers still
plucking, her eyes frosty with disapproval.
After that Claire safeguarded her composure by looking steadily downward
at the points of her shoes until the end of the song approached, when it
seemed courteous, once more, to face her audience. She raised her eyes,
and as she did so her heart leapt within her with a startling force.
She was thankful that it _was_ the end, that the long final note was
already on her lips, for there, standing in the doorway, his face
upraised to hers, stood her knight of the railway station, the rescuer
of the lost box--Erskine Fanshawe himself!
CHAPTER NINE.
THE SUPPER.
Claire stepped down from the platform to be surrounded by a throng of
guests all eager to express their admiration of her interesting
performance, to marvel how she could "do it," and to congratulate her
upon so unusual an accomplishment; and she smiled and bowed, declared
that it was quite easy, and perjured herself by maintaining that anyone
could do as well, acutely conscious all the time that Captain Fanshawe
was drawing nearer with determined steps, edging his way towards the
front of the crowd. The next moment her hand was in his, and he was
greeting her with the assurance of a lifelong friend.
"Good evening, Miss Gifford. Hadn't we better make straight for supper
now? I am sure you must need it."
It was practically the ordinary invitation. There was nothing to find
fault with in the words themselves, yet the impression of a previous
arrangement was obviously left with the hearers, who fell back, giving
way as to a superior right. As for Claire, she laid her hand on the
extended arm, with all the good will in the world, and made a triumphant
passage through the crowd, which smiled upon her as though agreeing that
it was now her turn to be amused.
"This table, I think!" Captain Fanshawe said, leading the way to the
furthest corner of the dining-room, and Claire found herself sipping a
hot cup of soup, and realising that the world was an agreeable place,
and that it was folly ever to allow oneself to be downhearted, since
such delightful surprises awaited round corners ready to transform the
grey into gold!
Captain Fanshawe looked exactly as memory had pictured him--plain of
feature, distinguished in bearing, grave, self-contained, yet with that
lurking light in his eyes which showed that humour lay beneath. Claire
smiled at him across the table, and asked an obvious question--
"Rather a different meeting-place from our last! Did you know me at
once?"
"I did," he said, and added deliberately, "Just as you knew me."
"Oh, well!" Claire tried to look unconcerned. "Men are always pretty
much the same. Evening dress does not make the same difference to
them."
She knew a momentary fear lest he should believe she was fishing for a
compliment, and give the ordinary banal reply; but he looked at her with
a grave scrutiny, and asked quietly--
"Was that one of the frocks which went astray?"
"Yes! All of it. It wasn't even divided in half."
"It was a good thing the box turned up!" he said; and there, after all,
was the compliment, but so delicately inferred that the most fastidious
taste could not object.
With the finishing of the soup came the first reference to Claire's
work, for the Captain's casual "Do you care for anything solid, or would
you prefer a sweet?" evoked a round-eyed stare of dismay.
"Oh, _please_!" cried Claire deeply. "I want to go straight through.
I've been living on mutton and cabbage for over two months, and cooking
suppers on a chafing-dish. I looked forward to supper as part of the
treat!"
The plain face lightened into a delightful smile.
"That's all right!" he cried. "Now we know where we are. I hadn't much
dinner myself, so I'm quite game. Let us study the book of the words."
A _menu_ lay on the table, a square white card emblazoned with many
golden words. Captain Fanshawe drew his chair nearer, and ran his
finger down the list, while Claire bent forward to signify a yea or nay.
Every delicacy in season and out of season seemed to find its place on
that list, which certainly justified Master Reginald's eulogy of his
mother's "good feeds." Claire found it quite a serious matter to decide
between so many good things, and even with various curtailments, made
rather out of pride than inclination, the meal threatened to last some
considerable time.
Well! there was obvious satisfaction in the manner in which Captain
Fanshawe delivered his orders, and for herself, she had been dignified
and self-denying; she had resolutely shut the door between this man and
herself, and devoted herself to work, and now, since fate had thrown him
in her way for a chance hour, she could enjoy herself with a light mind.
It was good to talk to a man again, to hear a deep masculine voice, to
look at a broad strong frame. Putting aside all question of love and
marriage, the convent life is no more satisfying than the monastic.
Each sex was designed by God to be the complement of the other. Each
must suffer from lack of the other's companionship.
"I arrived just as you began your performance," Captain Fanshawe
informed her. "It was a great `draw.' Everybody had crowded forward to
listen. It was only towards the end of your second--er--how exactly
should one express it?--_morceau_, that I managed to get into seeing
line. It was a surprise! Have you known the Willoughbys long?"
Claire looked at him blankly.
"I never saw them before to-night. Your mother wrote to ask them if
they would send me a card."
"Oh!" Captain Fanshawe was certainly surprised, and Claire mentally
snubbed herself because at the bottom of her heart there had lain a
suspicion that perhaps--just perhaps--he had come to-night in the hope
of meeting his acquaintance of the railway station. This was not the
case; no thought of her had been in his mind. Probably until the moment
of meeting he had forgotten her existence. Never mind! They _had_ met,
and he was agreeable and friendly. Now for a delightful half-hour...
"That was a good thought of the _mater's_. You will like them. They
are delightful people. Just the people you ought to know as a stranger
in town. How goes the school teaching, by the way? As well as you
expected?"
Claire deliberated, with pursed lips.
"No. I expected so much; I always do. But much better than other
people expected for me. Theoretically it's a fine life. There are
times when it seems that nothing could be finer. But--"
"But what?"
"I don't think it's quite satisfying, as a _whole_ life!"
"Does anyone suppose it is?"
"They try to. They have to. For most teachers there is so little
else."
The waiter handed plates of lobster mayonnaise, and Captain Fanshawe
said quietly--
"Tell me about the times when the work seems fine."
"Ah--many times! It depends on one's own mood and health, because, of
course, the circumstances are always the same. There are mornings when
one looks round a big class-room and sees all the girls' faces looking
upwards, and it gives one quite a thrilling sense of power and
opportunity. That is what the heaven-born teacher must feel every
time.--`Here is the fresh virgin soil, and mine is the joy of planting
the right seed! Here are the women of the future, the mothers of the
race. For this hour they are mine. What I say, they must hear. They
will listen with an attention which even their parents cannot gain. The
words which I speak this morning may bear fruit in many lives.' That's
the ideal attitude, but the ordinary human woman has other mornings when
all she feels is--`Oh, dear me, six hours of this! And what's the use?
Everything I batter in to-day will be forgotten by to-morrow. What's
the ideal anyway in teaching French verbs? I want to go to bed.'"
They laughed together, but Captain Fanshawe sobered quickly, and his
brow showed furrows of distress. Claire looked at him and said
quickly--
"Do you mind if we don't talk school? I am Cinderella to-night, wearing
fine clothes and supping in state. I'd so much rather talk Cinderella
to match."
"Certainly, certainly. Just as you wish." Lolling back in his chair,
Captain Fanshawe adopted an air of _blase_ indifference, and drawled
slowly, "Quite a good winter, isn't it? Lots going on. Have you been
to the Opera lately?"
"Oh dear!" thought Claire with a gush, "how refreshing to meet a grown-
up man who can pretend like a child!" She simpered, and replied
artificially, "Oh, yes--quite often. The dear Duchess is _so_ kind; her
box is open to me whenever I choose to go. Wonderful scene, isn't it?
All those tiers rising one above another. Do you ever look up at the
galleries? Such funny people sit there--men in tweed suits; girls in
white blouses. Who _are_ they, should you think? Clerks and typists
and school-mistresses, and people of that persuasion?"
"Possibly, I dare say. One never knows. They look quite respectable
and quiet, don't you know!"
The twinkle was alight in Captain Fanshawe's eyes. It shone more
brightly still as he added, "Everybody turns up sooner or later in the
Duchess's box. Have you happened to meet--the Prince!"
For a moment Claire groped for the connection, then dimpled merrily.
"Not yet. No! but I am hoping--"
The waiter approached with plates of chicken in aspic, and more rolls of
crisp browned bread. Claire sent a thought to Cecil finishing a box of
sardines, with her book propped up against the cocoa jug. The
Cinderella _role_ was forgotten while her eyes roved around, studying
the silver dishes on the various tables.
"When you were a small boy, Captain Fanshawe, did you go out to
parties?"
Captain Fanshawe knitted his brows. This charming girl was a little
difficult to follow conversationally; she leapt from one subject to
another with disconcerting agility.
"Er--pardon me! Is that question put to me in my--er--private, or
imaginary capacity?"
"Private, of course. But naturally you did. Did you have pockets?"
"To the best of my remembrance I was disguised as a midshipmite, with
white duck trousers of a prodigious width. They used to crackle, I
remember. There was room for a dozen pockets."
Claire laid her arms on the table, so that her face drew nearer his own.
Her voice fell to a stage whisper--
"Did you--ever--take--something--home?"
The Captain threw back his head with a peal of laughter.
"Miss Gifford, what a question! I was an ordinary human boy. _Of
course_ I did. And sat on my spoils in the carriage going back, and was
scolded for spoiling my clothes. I had a small brother at home."
"Well--I have a small friend! She has letters after her name, and is
very learned and clever, but she has a _very_ sweet tooth. Do you
think, perhaps--in this bag--"
"Leave it to me!" he said firmly, and when the waiter next appeared, he
received an order to bring more bon-bons--plenty of bon-bons--a
selection of all the small dainties in silver dishes.
"He thinks I _am_ having a feast!" Claire said demurely, as she watched
the progress of selection; then she met Erskine Fanshawe's eyes, and
nodded in response to an unspoken question, "And I _am_! I'm having a
lovely time!"
"I wish it were possible that you could oftener--"
"Well, who knows? A week ago I had made up my mind that nothing
exciting would ever happen again, and then this invitation arrived.
What a perfect dear Miss Willoughby seems to be!"
"Janet? She _is_!" he said warmly. "She is a girl who has had
everything the world can give her, and yet has come through unspoiled.
It's not often one can say that. Many society girls are selfish and
vain, but Janet never seems to think of herself. You'd find her an
ideal friend."
Claire's brain leapt swiftly to several conclusions. Janet Willoughby
was devoted to Mrs Fanshawe; Mrs Fanshawe returned her devotion.
Janet Willoughby was rich, and of good birth. Mrs Fanshawe had
mentally adopted her as a daughter-in-law. Given the non-appearance of
a rival on the scene, her desire would probably be fulfilled, since such
sincere liking could easily ripen into love. Just for a moment Claire
felt a stab of that lone and lorn feeling which comes to solitary
females at the realisation of another's happiness; then she rallied
herself and said regretfully--
"I'm afraid I shan't have the chance! Our lives lie too far apart, and
my time is not my own. It is only an occasional Saturday-night that I
can play Cinderella."
"What do you do on Sundays?"
"Go to church in the morning, and sleep in the afternoon. Sounds
elderly, doesn't it? But I do enjoy that sleep. The hour after lunch
is the most trying of the school day. It's all I can do sometimes to
smother my yawns, and not upset the whole class. It's part of the
Sunday rest to be able to let go, lie down hugging a hot bottle, and
sleep steadily till it's time for tea."
"Where do you go to church?"
"Oh!" Claire waved an airy hand, "it depends! I've not settled down.
I am still trying which I like best."
Across the table the two pairs of eyes met. The man's questioning,
protesting, the girl's steadily defiant. "Why won't you tell me?" came
the unspoken question. "Why won't you give me a chance?"
"I am too proud," came the unspoken answer. "Your mother did not think
me good enough. I will accept no acquaintance by stealth."
Interruption came in the shape of the waiter bearing a tray of little
silver dishes filled with dainties, which he proceeded to arrange in
rows on the table. Claire relapsed into giggles at the sight, and
Captain Fanshawe took refuge, man-like, in preternatural solemnity; but
he made no comment, and the moment that the man had disappeared, both
heads craned eagerly to examine the spoils.
"Chocolates, _marrons glacis_, crystallised peaches, French bon-bons,
plums. I don't recognise them by head mark. These are too sticky...
These look uncommonly good!" The big fingers hovered over each dish in
turn, lifting sample specimens, and placing them on Claire's plate,
whence they were swiftly conveyed to her bag. Not a single sweetmeat
touched her own lips. The unconventionality of the action seemed to
receive some justification from the fact that she was confiscating only
her own share. When the waiter returned with ices, the little bag
bulged suspiciously, and the silver dishes were no longer required. The
waiter was ordered to carry them away, and plainly considered that some
people did not know what they wanted.
"The only thing lacking is a cracker. I invariably purloined a cracker,
and doubled up the ends. I suppose we are hardly near enough to
Christmas. By the by, what are you doing for Christmas? You will have
holidays, of course," Captain Fanshawe said, with an elaborate
unconsciousness, and Claire kept her eyes on her plate.
"I may go to Belgium. I haven't decided."
"There seem to be a good many things you cannot--decide. Miss Gifford,
you haven't forgotten what I asked you?"
"What did you ask?"
"That if ever I could help--if you ever needed help--"
"I shall want help badly during the next few weeks, when the
examinations come on, and I have all the papers to set and correct."
Captain Fanshawe refused to smile.
"The kind of help that a man can give--"
"Yes, I remember. You were very kind, and I am still so much under the
influence of the old life that I do feel you might be a comfort; but no
doubt, after some more months of school-mistressing, I shall resent the
idea that a man could do any more than I could myself. So it's a case
of soon or never. You will hardly be cruel enough to wish to hasten my
extremity!"
"I'm not so sure about that, if I could have the satisfaction of putting
things to rights!"
It was while she was smiling her acknowledgment of this pretty speech
that Claire became conscious of Janet Willoughby's eyes bent searchingly
upon her. She had entered the room on the arm of her supper partner,
and came to a pause not a yard away from the table where a very
animated, apparently very intimate conversation was taking place between
the son of her old friend and the girl to whom she had believed him to
be unknown. As she met Claire's glance, Janet smiled automatically, but
the friendliness was gone from her glance. The next moment Captain
Fanshawe, had turned, seen her, and sprung to his feet.
"Janet! Are you waiting for a table? We have nearly finished. Won't
you sit down and talk to Miss Gifford?"
"Oh, please don't hurry... We'll find another place. You have met
before, then? I didn't know."
"I saw Miss Gifford when she was befriending my mother at Liverpool
Street Station, and recognised her upstairs just now. Do sit down,
Janet. You look tired."
Janet Willoughby took the offered chair and exchanged a few words with
Claire as she gathered together her possessions, but the subtle change
persisted. Claire felt vaguely disturbed, but the next half-hour passed
so pleasantly that she had no time to puzzle over the explanation.
Captain Fanshawe never left her side; they sat together on the same sofa
which Great-aunt Jane had monopolised for the earlier part of the
evening, and talked of many things, and discussed many problems, and
sometimes agreed, and oftener disagreed, and when they disagreed most
widely, looked into each other's eyes and smiled, as who should say,
"What do words matter? We understand!"
At one o'clock Claire rose to depart, and said her adieu to her hostess
and her daughter, who were standing side by side.
"My dear, it is too bad. I have had _no_ time with you, and I am so
grateful for the charming way in which you came to the rescue! We shall
hope to see you often again. Shan't we, Janet? You girls must arrange
a day which suits you both."
"Oh, yes, we must!" Janet said, as she shook hands, but she made no
attempt to make the arrangement there and then, as her mother obviously
expected, and Claire realised, with a sinking of the heart, that a
promised friendship had received a check.
When she descended to the hall wrapped in her filmy cloak it was to find
Captain Fanshawe waiting at the foot of the stairs. He looked worried
and grave, and the front door was reached before he made the first
remark. Then, lingering tentatively on the threshold, he looked down at
her with a searching glance.
"Is--er--is your address still the Grand Hotel?"
Claire's face set into firm lines.
"Still the Grand Hotel!"
For a moment he looked her steadily in the eyes, then said quietly--
"And my address is still the Carlton Club!" He bowed, and turned into
the house.
The footman banged the door of the taxi, and stood awaiting
instructions.
"T-wenty-two, Laburnum Crescent," said Claire weakly. Halfway through
the words a sudden obstacle arose in her throat. It was all she could
do to struggle through. She hoped to goodness the footman did not
notice.
"There now! what did I tell you? You look fagged to death, and as cross
as two sticks. Five shillings wasted on taxis, and nothing for it but
getting thoroughly upset. Next time I hope you will take my advice!"
said Cecil, and took up her candle to grope her way up the dark stairway
to bed.
CHAPTER TEN.
NOWHERE TO GO.
Cecil's observance of her day of licenced grumbling was somewhat
obstructed by the fact that for several weeks after Mrs Willoughby's At
Home, Monday mornings found her in a condition of excitement and gaiety.
It was a restless gaiety, which seemed to spring rather from the head
than the heart, and Claire looking on with puzzled eyes had an instinct
that her companion was assiduously whipping up her own spirits, playing
the part of happiness with all her force, with the object of convincing
the most critical of all audiences--her own heart! Life was a lonely
thing to Claire in these days, for Cecil went out regularly every
Saturday and Sunday, returning so late that the two girls did not meet
from lunch one day until breakfast the next. She vouchsafed no
explanation of her sudden plunge into society, neither beforehand when
she sat stitching at pathetic little pieces of finery, nor afterwards
when letting herself in with her latch-key she crept slowly to bed,
never deigning to enter Claire's room for one of those "tell-all-about-
it" _seances_ dear to a girl's heart.
It was the sight of those pathetic little pieces of finery which first
suggested the idea of a man to Claire's mind. However dear and intimate
a woman friend may be, the prospect of meeting her does not inspire a
fellow-woman with sufficient energy to sit up until after midnight to
cover a shabby lace blouse with ninon, or to put a new silk collar and
cuffs on a half-worn coat. It is only the prospect of meeting the eyes
of some male creature, who in all probability will remain supremely
unconscious of the result, which stimulates such effort, and Claire,
noting Cecil's restless excitement, cast anxious thoughts towards the
particular man in this case.
Was Sophie Blake correct in her deduction as to a previous unhappy
romance? Claire had no tangible grounds to lead her to a conclusion,
but instinct induced her to agree. Something beyond the troubles of her
professional life had gone towards warping a nature that was naturally
generous and warm. In imagination Claire lived over the pitiful
romance. Poor Cecil had been badly treated. Some selfish man had made
love to her, amusing his idle hours with the society of a pretty, clever
woman; he had never seriously intended marriage, but Cecil had believed
in his sincerity, had given him her whole heart, had dreamt dreams which
had turned the grey of life to gold.
And then had come the end. How had the end come? Some day when they
were walking together, had he suddenly announced: "I am sailing to India
next month!" or, "We have been such capital friends, you and I. I
should like you to be the first to hear my news. I am engaged to be
married to the dearest girl in the world!" Then, because convention
decrees that when her heart is wounded a woman may make no moan, had
Cecil twisted her lips into a smile, and cried, "I am so glad to hear
it. I hope you will be very happy," while the solid earth rocked around
her? At such thoughts as these Claire flared with righteous anger. "If
that should ever happen to me, I wouldn't pretend! I wouldn't spare
him. I should look him straight in the face, and say, `And all this
time you have been pretending to love me.--I thank God that it _was_
pretence. I thank God that He has preserved me from being the wife of
man who could act a double part!'"
But perhaps there had been no real ending. Perhaps the man had simply
grown tired, and ceased to call, ceased to write. Oh, surely that would
be the greatest tragedy of all! Claire's quick brain summoned pictures
of Cecil creeping down the oil-clothed stairs in her dressing-gown at
the sound of the postman's earliest knock, and creeping back with no
letter in her hand; of Cecil entering the little parlour on her return
from work with a swift hungry look at the table on which the day's
letters were displayed; seeing no letter lying there; never, never the
letter for which she watched! And the days would pass, and the weeks,
and the months, and the old routine of life would go on just the same.
Whatever might be her private sufferings, the English mistress must be
at her post each morning at nine o'clock; she must wrestle all day with
the minds of dull girls, listless girls, clever girls, girls who were
eager to learn, and girls whose energies seemed condensed in the effort
to avoid learning at all. However sore might be the English mistress's
heart, it was her duty to be bright and alert; however exhausted her own
stock of patience, she must still be a female Job in her treatment of
her many pupils. A school-mistress must banish her individuality as a
woman on the threshold of the form-room; while on duty she must banish
every outside interest from her mind. No lying in bed, with her face to
the pillow; no weeping far into the night. Headache and swollen eyelids
are not for her. If her love-story goes wrong, she must lock her sorrow
in her own heart. What wonder if, as a result, her mind grows bitter
and her tongue grows sharp!
"That's a lesson for me! I must never, never allow myself to fall in
love!" sighed Claire to herself. It was a depressing necessity, but
vaguely she allowed herself to dream of a distant Someday, when the ban
should be removed. Something might happen to set her free. Something
most certainly _would_ happen! Optimistic one-and-twenty is ready
enough to face a short term of renunciation, but it resolutely refuses
to believe in its continuance.
A shadow fell over Claire's happy face as the practical application of
this resolve came into her mind. Erskine Fanshawe! At the moment he
was the one masculine figure on her horizon, but she did not disguise
from herself that of all the men she had met, he attracted her the most.
What a mercy that she had had the resolution to put a stop to a
friendship which might have ended in unfitting her for the work in hand!
It had been hard to refuse the desired information, but the fact that
the second refusal had been twice as hard as the first was in itself a
proof of the wisdom of her decision. And then, in illogical girlish
fashion, Claire fell to wondering if perchance Captain Fanshawe would
discover her address for himself? It would be the easiest of tasks,
since he had nothing to do but to put the question to Mrs Willoughby.
At one moment Claire openly hoped that he would; at the next she
recalled the expression on Janet Willoughby's face as she stood staring
across the supper room, and then she was not so sure. What if the
continuance of the friendship brought trouble on Janet as well as
herself?
Laboriously Claire thrust the thought of Erskine Fanshawe from her mind,
but just because inclination would have led her to so blithely meet him,
she felt a keener sympathy with her companion's preparations for similar
meetings.
The time of examinations had come, and night after night the dining-
table of the little parlour was littered with the sheets of foolscap
which were to test the progress of the pupils throughout the term.
Cecil's older forms had been studying _The Merchant of Venice, Richard
the Second_, and the _Essays of Elia_; the younger forms, _Tanglewood
Tales_ and Kingsley's _Heroes_. She had set the questions not only as a
test of memory, but with a view of drawing out original thought. But,
to judge from her groans and lamentations, the result was poor.
"Of all the dull, stupid, unimaginative--_sheep_! Not an original idea
between them. Every answer exactly like the last--a hash-up of my own
remarks in class. If there's a creature on earth I despise more than
another, it's an English flapper. Silly, vain, egotistical--"
Then the French mistress would scowl across the table, and say, "Now
you've put me out! I was just counting up my marks. Oh, do be quiet!"
"Sorry!" Cecil would say shortly, and taking up her pencil slash
scathing comments at the side of the foolscap sheets. Anon she would
smile, and smile again, and forgetting Claire's request, would interrupt
once more.
"Can you remember the name of Florence Mason?"
"If I strain my intellect to its utmost, I believe I can."
"Well, remember, then! It will be worth while. She'll do something--
that girl. When you are an insignificant old woman, you may be proud to
boast that you used to sit at the very table on which her first English
essays were corrected."
"So they are not all dull, stupid, unimaginative?"
"The exception proves the rule!" cried Cecil, and swept the papers
together with a sigh of relief. "Done at last. Now for my blouse."
Claire cast a glance at the clock.
"Half-past ten. And you are so tired. Surely you won't begin to sew at
this hour?"
"I must. I want it for Saturday. I tried it on last night, and it
wasn't a bit nice at the neck. I've got to alter it somehow."
"I have some trimming upstairs. Just be quiet for five minutes, while I
finish my list, and then I'll bring down my scrap-box, and we'll see
what we can find."
That scrap-box was in constant request during the next weeks. It was
filled with the dainty oddments which a woman of means and taste
collects in the course of years; trimmings and laces, and scraps of fine
brocades; belts and buckles, and buttons of silver and paste; glittering
ends of tinsel, ends of silk and ribbons that were really too pretty to
throw away, and cunning little motifs which had the magic quality of
disguising deficiencies and making both ends meet. Claire gave with a
lavish hand, and Cecil's gratitude was pathetic in its intensity. More
and more as the weeks passed on did she become obsessed with the craze
for decking herself in fine garments; new gloves, shoes, and veils were
purchased to supplement the home-made garments, and one memorable night
there arrived a large dress-box containing an evening dress and cloak.
"I have been out so little these last years. I have no clothes to
wear," Cecil said in explanation. "It's not fair to--er--people, when
they take you about, to look as if you had come out of the Ark... And
these ready-made things are _so_ cheap!"
She spoke with an air of excusing herself, and with a flush of
embarrassment on her cheeks, and Claire hastened to sympathise and
agree. She wondered if the embarrassment arose from the fact that for
the last two weeks Cecil had not paid her share of the joint expenses!
The omission had happened naturally enough, for on each occasion when
the landlady appeared with the bill, Cecil had been absent on one of her
now frequent excursions, when it had seemed the simplest thing to settle
in full, and await repayment next day.
Repayment, however, had not come. Half a dozen times over Cecil had
exclaimed, "Oh, dear, there's that money. I _must_ remember!" but
apparently she never had remembered at a moment when her purse was at
hand.
Claire was honestly indifferent. The hundred pounds which she had
deposited in a bank was considerably diminished, since it had been drawn
on for all her needs, but the term's salary would be paid in a short
time, and the thought of that, added to the remainder, gave her a
pleasant feeling of ease. It was only when for the third Saturday Cecil
hurried off with an air of fluster and embarrassment, that an unpleasant
suspicion arose. The weekly bill was again due, and Cecil had not
forgotten, she was only elaborately pretending to forget! Claire was
not angry, she was perfectly willing to play the part of banker until
the end of the term, but she hated the thought that Cecil was acting a
part, and deliberately trying to deceive. What if she had been
extravagant in her expenditure on clothes and had run herself short for
necessary expenses, there was nothing criminal in that! Foolish it
might be, but a fellow-girl would understand that, after being staid and
sensible for a long, long time, it was a blessed relief to the feminine
mind to have a little spell of recklessness for a change. Cecil had
only to say, "I've run myself horribly short. Can you pay up till I get
my screw?" and the whole matter would have been settled in a trice. But
to pretend to forget was so _mean_!
The next morning after breakfast the vexed question of the Christmas
holidays came up for discussion for the twentieth time. Cecil had
previously stated that she always spent the time with her mother, but it
now appeared that to a certain extent she had changed her plans.
"I shall have to go down over Christmas Day and the New Year, I suppose.
Old people make such a fuss over those stupid anniversaries, but I
shall come up again on the second. I prefer to be in town. We have to
pay for the rooms in any case, so we may as well use them."
Claire's face lengthened.
"_Pay_ for them! Even if we go away?"
"Of course. What did you expect? The landlady isn't let off her own
rent, because we choose to take a holiday. There's no saving except for
the light and coal. By the way, I owe you for a third week now. I
_must_ remember! Have you decided what you are going to do?"
Claire shook her head. It was a forlorn feeling that Christmas was
coming, and she had nowhere to go. Until now she had gone on in faith,
feeling sure that before the time arrived, some one would remember her
loneliness, and invite her if only for the day itself. Possibly Cecil
in virtue of three months' daily companionship would ask her mother's
permission to invite her friend, if only for a couple of days. Or
bright, friendly Sophie Blake, who had sympathised with her loneliness,
might have some proposition to make, or Mrs Willoughby, who was so
interested in girls who were working for themselves, or Miss
Farnborough, who knew that it was the French mistress's first Christmas
without her mother; but no such suggestion had been made. No one seemed
to care.
"I must say it's _strange_ that no one has invited you!" said Cecil
sharply. "I don't think much of your grand friends if they can't look
after you on Christmas Day. What about the people in Brussels? Did no
one send you an invitation? If you lived there for three years, surely
you must know some one intimately enough to offer to go, even if they
don't suggest it."
"It is not necessary, thank you," said Claire with an air. "I have an
open invitation to several houses, but I am saving up Brussels for
Easter, when the weather will be better, and it will be more of a
change. And I have an old grand-aunt in the North, but she is an
invalid, confined to her room. I should be an extra trouble in the
house. I shall manage to amuse myself somehow. It will be an
opportunity for exploring London."
"Oh well," Cecil said vaguely, "when I come back!" but she spoke no word
of Christmas Day.
The next week brought the various festivities with which Saint
Cuthbert's celebrated the end of the Christmas term. There was a school
dance in the big class-room, a Christmas-tree party, given to the
children in an East End parish, and last and most important of all the
breaking-up ceremony in the local Town Hall, when an old girl, now
developed into a celebrated authoress, presented the prizes, and gave an
amusing account of her own schooldays, which evoked storms of applause
from the audience, even Miss Farnborough smiling benignly at the recital
of misdoings which would have evoked her sternest displeasure on the
part of present-day pupils! Then the singing-class girls sang a short
cantata, and the eldest girls gave a scene from Shakespeare, very dull
and exceedingly correct, and the youngest girls acted a little French
play, while the French mistress stood in the wings, ready to prompt, her
face very hot, and her feet very cold, and her heart beating at express
speed.
This moment was a public test of her work during the term, and she had a
horror that the children would forget their parts and disgrace their
leader as well as themselves. She need not have feared, however, for
the publicity which she dreaded was just the stimulus needed to spur the
juvenile actors to do their very best, and they shrugged, they
gesticulated, they rolled their r's, they reproduced Claire's own little
mannerisms with an _aplomb_ which brought down the house. Claire's lack
of teaching experience might make her less sound on rules and routine,
but it was obvious that she had succeeded in one important point; she
had lifted "French" from the level of a task, and converted it into a
living tongue.
Miss Farnborough was very gracious in her parting words to her new
mistress.
"I have not come to my present position without learning to trust my
perceptions," said she. "I recognised at once that you possessed the
true teaching instinct, and to-day you have justified my choice. I have
had many congratulations on your pupils' performance." Then she held
out her hand with a charming smile. "I hope you will have very pleasant
holidays!"
She made no inquiries as to the way in which this young girl was to
spend her leisure. She herself was worn-out with the strain of the long
term, and when the morrow came she intended to pack her bag, and start
off for a sunny Swiss height, where for the next few weeks it would be
her chief aim to forget that she had ever seen a school. But the new
French mistress turned away with a heavy heart. It seemed at that
moment as if nobody cared.
That year Christmas fell on a Monday. On the Saturday morning Cecil
packed up her bag, and departed, grumbling, for her week at home.
Before she left, Claire presented her with a Christmas gift in the shape
of a charming embroidered scarf, and Cecil kissed her, and flushed, and
looked at the same time pleased and oppressed, and hastily pulling out
her purse extracted two sovereigns and laid them down on the table.
"I keep forgetting that money! Three weeks, wasn't it? There's two
pounds; let me know the rest when I come back and I'll settle up.
Christmas is an awful time. The money simply melts."
Claire had an uncomfortable and wholly unreasonable feeling of being
paid for her present as she put the two sovereigns in her purse. Cecil
had given her no gift, and the lack of the kindly attention increased
the feeling of desolation with which she returned to her empty room.
Even the tiniest offering to show that she had been thought of, would
have been a comfort!
The landlady came into the room to remove the luncheon tray, her lips
pursed into an expression which her lodger recognised as the preliminary
to "a bit of my mind." When the outlying cruets and dishes had been
crowded together in a perilous pile, the bit of her mind came out.
"I was going to say, miss, that of course you will arrange to dine out
on Christmas Day. I never take ladies as a rule, but Miss Rhodes, she
said, being teachers, you would be away all holiday time. I never had a
lodger before who stayed in the house over Christmas, and of course you
must understand that we go over to Highgate to my mother's for the day
and the girl goes out, and I couldn't possibly think of cooking--"
"Don't be afraid, Mrs Mason. I am going out for the day."
Mrs Mason lifted the tray and carried it out of the room, shutting the
door behind her by the skilful insertion of a large foot encased in a
cashmere boot, and Claire stood staring at her, wondering if it were
really her own voice which had spoken those last words, and from what
source had sprung the confidence which had suddenly flooded her heart.
At this last blow of all, when even the little saffron-coloured parlour
closed the door against her, the logical course would have been to
collapse into utter despair, instead of which the moment had brought the
first gleam of hope.
"Now," said the voice in her heart, "everyone has failed me. I am
helpless, I am alone. This is God's moment. I will worry no more, but
leave it to Him. Something will open for me when the time arrives!"
She went upstairs, put on her hat, and sallied out into the busy
streets. All the world was abroad, men and women and small eager
children all bent on the same task, thronging the shops to the doors,
waiting in rows for the favour of being served, emerging triumphant with
arms laden with spoils. On every side fragments of the same
conversation floated to the ears. "What can I get for Kate?"
"I can't think what in the world to buy for John."
"Do try to give me an idea what Rose would like!..."
Claire mingled with the throng, pushed her way towards the crowded
counters, waited a preposterous time for her change, and then hurried
off to another department to go through the same struggle once more.
Deliberately she threw herself into the Christmas feeling, turning her
thoughts from herself, considering only how she could add to the general
happiness. She bought presents for everybody, for the cross landlady,
for the untidy servant girl, for Sophie Blake, and Flora Ross, for the
maid at Saint Cuthbert's who waited upon the Staff-Room, with a
selection of dainty oddments for girl friends at Brussels, and when the
presents themselves had been secured she bought prettily tinted paper,
and fancy ribbons, and decorated name cards for the adornment of the
parcels.
The saffron parlour looked quite Christmas-like that evening, and Claire
knew a happy hour as she made up her gifts in their dainty wrappings.
They looked so gay and seasonable that she decided to defer putting them
into the sober outer covering of brown paper as long as possible. They
were all the Christmas decoration she would have!
On Sunday morning the feeling of loneliness took an acute turn. Claire
longed for a church which long association had made into a home; for a
clergyman who was also a friend; for a congregation of people who knew
her, and cared for her well-being, instead of the long rows of strange
faces. She remembered how Cecil had declared that in London a girl
might attend the same church for years on end, and never hear a word of
welcome, and hope died low in her breast. The moment of exaltation had
passed, and she told herself drearily that on Christmas afternoon she
must take a book and sit by the fire in the waiting-room of some great
station, dine at a restaurant, and perhaps go to a concert at night.
For weeks past Claire had been intending to go to a West End church to
hear one of the finest of modern preachers. She decided to go this
morning, since the length of journey now seemed rather an advantage than
a drawback, as helping to fill up another of the long, dragging hours.
She dressed herself with the care and nicety which was the result of her
French training, and which had of late become almost a religious duty,
for the study of the fifteen women who daily assembled round the table
in the Staff-Room was as a danger signal to warn new-comers of the
perils ahead. With the one exception of Sophie Blake, not one of the
number seemed to make any effort to preserve their feminine charm. They
dressed their hair in the quickest and easiest fashion without
considering the question of appearance; they wore dun-coloured garments
with collars of the same material; though severely neat, all their
skirts seemed to suffer from the same depressing tendency to drop at the
back; their bony wrists emerged from tightly-buttoned sleeves. The
point of view adopted was that appearance did not matter, that it was
waste of time to consider the adornment of the outer woman. Brain was
the all-important factor; every possible moment must be devoted to the
cultivation of brain; but an outsider could not fail to note that, with
this destroying of a natural instinct, something which went deeper than
the surface was also lost; with the grace of the body certain feminine
graces of soul died also, and the world was poorer for their loss.
The untidy servant maid peered out of the window to watch Claire as she
left the house that morning, and evolved a whole feuilleton to account
for the inconsistency of her appearance with her position as a first
floor front. "You'd take her for a lady to look at her! P'raps she
_is_ a lady in disguise!" and from, this point the making of the
feuilleton began.
The service that morning was food to Claire's hungering soul, for the
words of the preacher might have been designed to meet her own need. As
she listened she realised that the bitterness of loneliness was
impossible to one who believed and trusted in the great, all-compassing
love. Sad one might still be, so long as the human heart demanded a
human companionship, but the sting of feeling uncared for, could never
touch a child of God. She took the comfort home to her heart, and
stored it there to help her through the difficult time ahead, and on her
knees at the end of the service she sent up her own little petition for
help.
"There are so many homes in this great city! Is there no home for me on
Christmas Day?" With the words the tears sprang, and Claire mopped her
eyes with her handkerchief, thankful that she was surrounded by
strangers by whom her reddened eyes would pass unnoticed. Then rising
to her feet, she turned to lift the furs which hung on the back of the
pew, and met the brown eyes of a girl who had been sitting behind her
the whole of the service.
The girl was Janet Willoughby.
CHAPTER ELEVEN.
ENTER MAJOR CAREW.
In the street outside the church door the two girls shook hands and
exchanged greetings. Janet wore a long fur coat, and a toque of dark
Russian sable, with a sweeping feather at one side. The price of these
two garments alone would equal the whole of Claire's yearly salary, but
it had the effect of making the wearer look clumsy and middle-aged
compared with the graceful simplicity of the other's French-cut costume.
Janet Willoughby was not thinking of clothes at that moment, however;
she was looking at reddened eyelids, and remembering the moment when she
had seen a kneeling figure suddenly shaken with emotion. The sight of
those tears had wiped away the rankling grudge which had lain at her
heart since the evening of her mother's At Home, and revived the warm
liking which at first sight she had taken to this pretty attractive
girl.
"Which way are you going? May I walk with you? It's just the morning
for a walk. I hope it will keep cold and bright over Christmas. It's
so inappropriate when it's muggy. Last year we were in Switzerland, but
mother is old-fashioned, and likes to have the day at home, so this time
we don't start till the new year. You are not going sporting by any
chance?"
"I'm not!" said Claire, and, for all her determination, could not resist
a grimace, so far from sporting seemed the prospect ahead. Janet caught
the grimace, and smiled in sympathy, but the next moment her face
sobered.
"But I hope you _are_ going to have jolly holidays?"
"Oh, I hope so. Oh, yes, I mean to enjoy them very much," Claire said
valiantly, and swiftly turned the subject. "Where do you go in
Switzerland?"
"Saint Moritz. We've gone there for years--a large party of friends.
It has become quite a yearly reunion. It's so comfy to have one's own
party, and be independent of the other hoteliers. They may be quite
nice, of course, but then, again, they may not. I feel rather mean
sometimes when I see a new arrival looking with big eyes at our merry
table. Theoretically, I think one _ought_ to be nice to new-comers in
an hotel. It's such a pelican-in-the-wilderness feeling. I'd hate it
myself, but practically I'm afraid I'm not particularly friendly. We
are so complete that we don't want outsiders. They'd spoil the fun.
Don't you think one is justified in being a little bit selfish at
Christmas-time?"
Claire laughed, her old, happy, gurgling laugh. It warmed her heart to
have Janet Willoughby's companionship once more.
"It isn't exactly the orthodox attitude, is it? Perhaps you will be
more justified this year, after you have got through your Christmas
duties at home."
"Yes! That's a good idea. I _shall_, for it was pure unselfishness
which prevented me running away last week with the rest of the party.
Mother would have given in if I'd persisted, and I wanted to so
dreadfully badly." She sighed, and looked quite dejected, but Claire
remained unmoved.
"I don't pity you one bit. You have only a week to wait. That's not a
great trial of patience!"
"Oh, yes, it is.--Sometimes!" said Janet with an emphasis which gave the
words an added eloquence.
Claire divined at once that Switzerland had an attraction apart from
winter sports--an attraction centred in some individual member of the
merry party. Could it by any chance be Erskine Fanshawe? She longed to
ask the question. Not for a hundred pounds would she have asked the
question. She hoped it was Captain Fanshawe. She hoped Janet would
have a lovely time. Some girls had everything. Some had nothing. It
was unfair--it was cruel. Oh, dear, what was the use of going to
church, and coming out to have such mean, grudging thoughts? Janet
Willoughby too! Such a dear! She deserved to be happy. Claire forced
a smile, and said bravely--
"It will be all the nicer for waiting."
"It couldn't be nicer," Janet replied.
Then she looked in the other girl's face, and it struck her that the
pretty eyelids had taken an additional shade of red, and her warm heart
felt a throb of compunction. "Grumbling about my own little bothers,
when she had so much to bear--hateful of me! I've been mean not to ask
her again; mother wanted to; but she's so pretty. I admired her so much
that I was afraid--other people might too! But she was crying; I saw
her cry. Perhaps she is lonely, and it's my fault--"
"What do you generally do on Sundays?" she asked aloud. "There are lots
of other mistresses at your school, aren't there? I suppose you go
about together, and have tea at each other's rooms in the afternoon, and
sit over the fire at night and talk, and brew cocoa, as the girls do in
novels. It all sounds so interesting. The girls are generally rather
plain and very learned; but there is always one among them who is like
you. I don't mean that you are not learned--I'm sure you are--but--er--
pretty, you know, and attractive, and fond of things! And all the
others adore her, and are jealous if she is nicer to one than to the
others..."
Claire grimaced again, more unrestrainedly than before.
"That's not my part. I wish it were. I could play it quite well. The
other mistresses are quite civil and pleasant, but they don't hanker
after me one bit. With two exceptions, the girl I live with, and one
other, I have not spoken to one of them out of school hours. I don't
even know where most of them live."
Janet's face lengthened. Suddenly she turned and asked a sharp direct
question:
"Where are you going on Christmas Day?"
Pride and weakness struggled together in Claire's heart, and pride won.
She would _not_ pose as an object of pity!
"Oh, I'm going--out!" said she with an air, but Janet Willoughby was not
to be put off so easily as that. Her brown eyes sent out a flash of
light. She demanded sternly:
"Where?"
"Really--" Claire tossed her head with the air of a duchess who was so
overburdened with invitations that she found it impossible to make a
choice between them. "Really, don't you know, I haven't quite
decided--"
"Claire Gifford, you mean, horrid girl, don't dare to quibble! You are
going nowhere, and you know it. Nobody has invited you for Christmas
Day; that's why you were crying just now--because you had nowhere to go.
And you would have gone away this morning, and said nothing, and sat
alone in your rooms... I call it _mean_! Talk of the spirit of
Christmas! It's an insult to me and to mother. How do you suppose we
should have felt if we'd found out _afterwards_?"
"W-what else could I do? How could I tell you?" stammered Claire,
blushing. "It would have seemed such a barefaced _hint_, and I detest
hints. And really why should you have felt bad? I'm a stranger.
You've only seen me once. There could be no blame on you. There's no
blame on anyone. It just happens that it doesn't quite fit in to visit
friends at a distance, and in town--well! I'm a stranger, you see. I
_have_ no friends!"
Janet set her lips.
"Just as a matter of curiosity I should like to know exactly what you
_were_ going to do? You said, I believe, that you were going out. And
now you say you had nowhere to go. Both statements can't be true--"
"Oh, yes, they can. I have nowhere to go, but I had to find somewhere,
because my good landlady is going to her mother's at Highgate, and
disapproves of lodgers who stay in on Christmas Day. She gave me notice
that I must go out as the house would be locked up."
"But where--what--where _could_ you go?"
"I thought of a restaurant and a concert, and a station waiting-room to
fill in the gaps. Quite comfortable, you know. They have lovely fires,
and with a nice book--"
"If you don't stop this minute I shall begin to cry--here, in the open
street!" cried Janet hotly. "Oh, you poor dear, you poor dear! A
station waiting-room. I never heard of anything so piteous. Oh, how
thankful I am that I met you! Tell me honestly, was it about that that
you were crying?"
"Y-yes, it was. I was saying a little prayer and trying not to feel
lonesome, and then I looked round and saw--you."
"End of volume one!" cried Janet briskly. "No more waiting-rooms, my
dear. You must come to us for the whole of Christmas Day. I wish I
could ask you to stay, but we are chock-a-block with cousins and aunts.
I'll come round in my car in time to take you to church, and send you
back at night after the Highgate revels are over. We can't offer you
anything very exciting, I'm afraid--just an old-fashioned homey
gathering."
"It's just what I want. I am thirsty for a home; but your mother--what
will she say? Will she care for a stranger--"
"Mother says what I say," Janet declared with the assurance of an only
daughter. "And she'll say in addition, `What a blessing! She'll
whistle for us, and amuse Aunt Jane.' Did you realise that Aunt Jane
was coming? She's generally _very_ cross all day, and makes a point of
giving away her presents to other members of the party under the very
noses of the givers, to let them see what she thinks of their choice.
The great idea is to sit down by her quickly when you see her begin to
fumble with something you would like to have. I got quite a nice bag
that way last Christmas!"
Presents! That was another idea. Claire went home mentally reviewing
her own treasures with a view to selecting some trifle which Janet in
the midst of her plenty might still be glad to receive. She decided on
a silver clasp of quaint Breton manufacture, which had the merit that in
the whole of London it would be impossible to purchase another to match.
Claire returned to her room in a frame of mind vastly different from
that in which she had started forth. Her buoyant spirits soared upwards
at the prospect of a Christmas spent in the midst of a happy family
party, and all the difficulties of life seemed to dissolve into thin
air, since, after the providential meeting just vouchsafed, it seemed
faithless to doubt that future difficulties would be solved in the same
way.
She intended to devote the afternoon to writing a long letter to her
mother, which had been delayed owing to her recent depression of
spirits, for it seemed cruel to write in a pessimistic strain to the
happy bride, who now, more than ever, saw everything _couleur de rose_.
Mrs Judge's present had arrived the week before, in the shape of a
richly embroidered Indian table-cloth, for which her daughter had as
much use as she herself would have found for a fur rug. To use it in
the saffron parlour was a sheer impossibility, for every separate
article of furniture shrieked at it, and it shrieked at them in return;
so Claire folded it away at the bottom of her box, reflecting, between a
sigh and a smile, that the choice was "just like mother." It was not
agreeable to the bride to picture her daughter living in an ugly
lodging-house parlour, so she had mentally covered the ugliness beneath
the gorgeous embroidery of that cloth, and happily dismissed the subject
from her mind. At the time of the opening of the parcel, Claire had
felt a sense of sharp disappointment, amounting even to irritation, but
this morning she could see the humour of the situation, and she chuckled
softly to herself as she walked homeward, rehearsing words of thanks
that would be at once cordial and truthful. "Just what I wanted," was
plainly out of the question; "So useful" was also ruled out, but she
could honestly admire the workmanship of the cloth, and enlarge on the
care with which it should be preserved! It was an easy task to satisfy
a correspondent who was eager to interpret words into the meaning most
agreeable to herself!
Claire entered the house prepared to devote herself to writing letters
to absent friends, but the excitements of the day were not yet over, for
the little maid met her on the threshold with the exciting intelligence
that a gentleman was in the parlour waiting to see her.
The feuilleton made an exciting leap forward, as Lizzie watched the
blood rush into the "first floor's" cheeks, and ebb away suddenly,
leaving her white and tense. "Struck all of a heap, like! I shouldn't
have thought meself as she'd look at him! Queer thing, love!"
soliloquised Lizzie, as she clumped down the kitchen stairs, and
returned to her superintendence of Sunday's "jint."
The "first floor" meanwhile stood motionless in the oil-clothed hall,
struggling to regain self-possession before turning the handle of the
door. A gentleman waiting to see her! Who could the gentleman be? But
at the bottom of her heart Claire believed the question to be
superfluous, for there was only one "gentleman" who could possibly come.
Captain Fanshawe had found out her address, and it was Christmas-time,
when a visitor was justified in counting on a hospitable reception. At
Christmas-time it would be churlish for a hostess to deny a welcome.
Every pulse in Claire's body was throbbing with anticipation as she
flung open that door.
The visitor was standing with his back towards her, bending low to
examine a photograph on the mantelpiece. At the sound of her entrance
he straightened himself and wheeled round, and at the sight of his face
Claire's heart dropped heavy as lead. They stood for a moment staring
in a mutual surprise, the girl's face blank with disappointment, the
man's brightening with interest.
He was a tall, thickly-set man, trim and smart in his attire, yet with a
coarseness of feature which aroused Claire's instant antagonism.
Compared with the face she had expected to see, the florid good looks
which confronted her were positively repugnant. Before the obvious
admiration of the black eyes she stiffened in displeasure.
"You wished to see me?"
"Miss Gifford, I believe! I called about a little matter of a parcel
for Miss Rhodes. To be sent on. I wanted to ask if you--"
"Oh, certainly! I shall be delighted."
Claire thawed at the prospect of a present for Cecil, but could it be
possible that it was this man with the flushed cheeks, and harsh,
uncultivated voice, who had so revolutionised Cecil's life! Could it be
for the delectation of those bold eyes that she had worked far into the
night, contriving her pitiful fineries? Claire's instinctive dislike
was so strong that she would not seat herself and so give an opportunity
for prolonging the interview; she crossed the room to a bureau that
stood in the corner, and took a slip of paper from one of the pigeon-
holes.
"Perhaps it would be simpler if I gave you the address?"
The man laughed complacently.
"No need, thank you, I've got it all right, but it's safer not to write.
The old lady, you know! Parcel coming in for her daughter addressed in
a man's writing--no end of fuss and questioning. You know what old
ladies are! Never satisfied till they've ferreted to the bottom of
everything that comes along. It's not good enough, that sort of thing,
but she'll expect a present. It's all stamped and made up, if you'll be
good enough just to address it, and slip it into the post to-morrow."
He put his hand in his pocket as he spoke and drew out a little package
some two inches square, the sort of package which might contain an
article of jewellery, such as a brooch or ring. Could it by any chance
be an engagement ring? Claire's blood shuddered as she took the little
packet and dropped it quietly on the bureau.
"Certainly I will post it. Do you wish it registered?"
He looked at her sharply as though suspicious of an under-meaning to the
inquiry, then, meeting the glance of her clear eyes, had the grace to
look ashamed.
"N-no. No! It is not worth while. A trifle, just a trifle--Christmas,
you know--must do the proper thing!" He mumbled vaguely the while he
collected his hat and gloves, the aloofness in Claire's attitude making
it impossible to prolong the interview; but as he held out his hand in
farewell, his self-possession returned. He laughed meaningly, and
said--
"Odd, you know; I imagined that you were quite old! Miss Rhodes gave me
that impression. Nothing definite, you know; no false statements; just
the way she spoke. Clever of her, what?--very clever! Knew better than
to spoil her own game!"
If looks could have slain, the saffron parlour would have seen a dead
man at that moment. Claire withdrew her hand, and surreptitiously
rubbed it against her skirt. She would not condescend to notice that
last remark.
"I'll post the parcel to-morrow. Perhaps you will tell me your name, as
I shall have to explain."
He drew out a pocket-book and extracted a card. Claire dropped it
unread upon the table, and bowed stiffly in farewell. The next moment
he was gone, and she could satisfy her curiosity unseen. Then came
surprise number two, for the card bore the inscription, "Major J.F.
Carew," and in the corner two well-remembered words, "Carlton Club." An
officer in the Army--who would have thought it! He was emphatically not
a gentleman; he was rough, coarse, mannerless, yet he was in a position
which would bring him into intimate association with gentle people; by a
strange coincidence, he might know, he almost certainly would know, the
man whom she had expected to see in his stead--Erskine Fanshawe himself!
They could never be friends, but they would meet, they would sit in the
same rooms, they would exchange occasional remarks. Claire's mood of
intolerable disgust changed suddenly into something strangely
approaching envy of this big rough man! Christmas morning brought Janet
bright and early, to find Claire standing at the window ready to rush
out the moment the car stopped at the door. It felt delightfully
luxurious to seat herself on the springy cushions, draw the fur rug over
her knees, and feel the warmth of a hot tin beneath her feet.
"_Wasn't_ it lacerating?" Janet cried. "Just as I was starting the
parcel post arrived, and there were about half-a-dozen parcels for me
from Saint Moritz! There was no time to open them, and I simply die to
know what's inside. I care about those presents more than anything
else. We had our family presents this morning. Mother gave me this."
She opened her coat to show a glittering crescent. "Quite pretty, isn't
it, but I'd rather have had pearls. That's the worst of Christmas
presents, you so seldom get what you want. Half the time you feel more
disappointed than pleased. People cling to the idea that they ought to
give you a surprise, and you _are_ surprised, but not in the way they
expect. I have given mother thousands of hints about pearls. Ah,
well!" She hooked the coat with an air of resignation. "We must take
the will for the deed. Have you had nice things?"
"My mother sent me a very handsome present," Claire said demurely. She
had no personal agitations about the day's post; but she did feel
interested in the thought of those parcels from Switzerland which lay
awaiting Janet Willoughby's return. Half eager, half shrinking, she
looked forward to seeing their contents.
It was in Janet's dainty boudoir that the unpacking took place. The two
girls went straight upstairs on their return from church, and there, on
a gate-legged table, lay the pile of parcels which had arrived by the
morning's delivery. Janet pounced upon the Swiss packets, and cut the
fastenings with eager haste. From across the room Claire watched her
eager face as she read the inscriptions one by one. As she neared the
end of the pile, the eagerness became tinged with anxiety; she picked up
the last parcel of all, and the light died out of her face.
Claire turned aside and affected to be absorbed in examining the
contents of an old cabinet, and Janet moved to the nearer side of the
table so that her face was hidden from view; after a few minutes of
silence, she broke the silence in a voice of forced lightness.
"Won't you come and look at my trophies? Switzerland is not a very
happy hunting-ground, for there is so little variety to be had. That's
my fifth carved chalet, and about the seventeenth bear. Rather a dear,
though, isn't he? Such a nice man sent it--one of the nicest of men.
That's his photograph on the mantelpiece."
Claire looked, met a straight keen glance which lived in her memory, and
felt a tingle of blood in her cheeks. Janet's eyes followed hers, and
she said quickly--
"Not that; that's Erskine Fanshawe. He is a casual person, and doesn't
go in for presents. He hasn't even troubled to send a card. I meant
the man in the leather frame. He always remembers. I do like that, in
a man! They are all good enough in an emergency, but so few of them
think of the nice _little_ things!" Janet sighed, and dropped the
carved wooden bear on to the table. However much she might appreciate
the donor's thoughtfulness, it had not had a cheering effect. The light
had died out of her eyes, and she turned over the various trophies
without a trace of the enthusiasm with which she had torn open the
parcel. Claire standing beside her felt torn between sympathy and a
guilty sense of relief. She was sorry for Janet's obvious
disappointment, but she was also (it was a dog-in-the-manger feeling,
for how could it possibly affect herself?) _relieved_ that Captain
Fanshawe was not the donor of the bear!
As the two girls stood together turning over the little collection of
carved toys, Claire slipped her hand through Janet's arm with an
affectionate pressure, which was an outward apology for the inward
disloyalty, and Janet stretched out her own hand to clasp it with
unexpected fervour.
"Oh, I am glad you are here! I'm glad to have another girl! Girls
understand. I wish I hadn't opened those horrid old parcels. It's just
as I said--presents are disappointing. Now I feel thoroughly humped and
dumpy! It's so stupid, too, for I know quite well that I've every sane
reason to be pleased. How exasperating it is that one's head and one's
heart so seldom agree!"
Claire gave the plump arm another squeeze, but made no further answer.
She was afraid to show how well she understood. Janet would forget her
hasty words, and believe that her secret was locked within her own
breast; but the other girl realised the position as clearly as if she
had been told in so many words--"I am in love with one man, and another
man is in love with me. I am throwing away the substance for the
shadow!"
"Ah, well, such is life!" continued Janet, sighing. "Now I'm supposed
to go downstairs and be the life of the party! How I do dislike family
parties! Mother says it's the ideal thing for relations to gather
together for Christmas Day, but I've been gathered together for so
_many_ years!"
"You are too well-off, my dear, that's what's the matter! I have never
met a girl before who had so much to make her happy, and yet you are not
satisfied. How would you like to be a High School-mistress living in
poky lodgings, not able to have a holiday because she can't afford two
rents, and getting only one present all told?"
Janet looked at her quickly.
"Have you had only one?"
"I said _a_ High School-mistress, not any special mistress, but I will
be definite if you like. How would you like to be _Me_?"
Janet turned suddenly, laid her free hand on Claire's shoulder, and
stared deeply into her face.
"I--don't--know!" she said slowly. "Sometimes I think it's just what I
should like. I have a great deal, but you have more. Look at our two
faces in that glass!"
She drew Claire round so that they stood in front of the Chippendale
mirror over the mantelpiece, from whence a row of pictured faces stared
back, as though stolidly sitting in judgment. The clear tints of
Claire's skin made Janet look sallow and faded, the dark curve of her
eyebrows under the sweep of gold brown hair, the red lips and deeply
cleft chin, made Janet's indeterminate features look insignificant, the
brown eyes seemed the only definite feature in her face, and they were
clouded with depression.
"Look at yourself," she said deeply, "and look at me!"
It was an awkward moment, and Claire shrugged uncomfortably.
"But my face is--it has to be--my fortune!"
"Oh, beauty! I wasn't thinking of beauty," Janet cried unexpectedly.
"You are very pretty, of course, but heaps of girls are pretty. It's
something more--I suppose it is what is called Charm. When people see
you once, they remember you; they want to see you again. You make a
place for yourself. I am one in a crowd. People like me well enough
when they are with me, but--they forget!"
"And I never meet anyone to remember. We're two love-lorn damsels, and
this is Merrie Christmas. Would you have thought it?" cried Claire, and
that wrought the desired effect, for Janet awoke with a shock to her
responsibilities as hostess, and led the way downstairs to join the rest
of the house-party.
The rest of the day was spent in conventional English fashion in a
praiseworthy effort to sustain spirits at concert pitch, and keep up a
continuous flow of gaiety, a mountainous task when guests are brought
together by claims of birth, without consideration as to suitability!
Mrs Willoughby's party consisted of four distinct elements; there were
Great-aunt Jane, and second cousin William, two octogenarians, who for
health's sake dined early all the year round, and sipped a cup of Benger
at eight, but who dauntlessly tackled sausages and plum pudding on
Christmas Day, and suffered for it for a week to come. There were Mr
and Mrs Willoughby, and two cousin husbands and their wives, and a
spinster aunt to represent the next generation, then came sweet and
twenty as represented by Janet and Claire, followed by Reginald of Eton,
on whom they looked down as a mere boy, the while he in his turn
disdained to notice the advances of two curly-headed cousins of nine and
ten! Claire enjoyed herself because it was in her nature to enjoy, and
it felt good to be once more in a beautiful, well-appointed home, among
friends; but driving home in the taxi she yawned persistently from one
door to the other. It was dreadfully tiring work being pleasant at the
same time to the whole five ages of man!
With the opening of the door of the saffron parlour came an end of
sleepiness, for on the table lay a square parcel, and the parcel bore
the same stamp, the same markings which she had seen duplicated in Janet
Willoughby's boudoir! Red as a rose was Claire as she stared at the
bold masculine writing of the address, tore open the wrappings of the
box, and drew forth a carved cuckoo clock with the well-known chalet
roof and long pendulum and chains. It was an exquisite specimen of its
kind, the best that could be obtained, but for the moment Claire had no
attention to spare for the gift itself; she was absorbed in hunting
among the paper and straw for a card which should settle the identity of
the donor. Not a line was to be found. Pink deepened to crimson on
Claire's cheeks.
"Who in the world could have sent it? Who _could_ it be?" She played
at bewilderment, but in spite of herself the dimples dipped. "Now how
in the world has he found out my address?" asked Claire of herself.
For the next week Claire experienced the sensation of being "alone in
London." From the evening of Christmas Day until Cecil returned on
January 2nd, not one friendly word did she hear; she walked abroad among
a crowd of unknown faces, she returned to a solitary room.
Miss Farnborough was spending the Christmas abroad; the other mistresses
were either visiting or entertaining relations, the ladies of the
committee were presumably making merry each in her own sphere. It was
no one's business to look after the new member of the staff out of term
time, and no one troubled to make it her business.
The only friendly sound which reached Claire's ears during those days
was the striking of the cuckoo clock, as a minute before every hour a
sliding door flew open, and a little brown bird popped out and piped the
due number of cuckoos in a clear, sweet note. Claire loved that little
bird; the sight of him brought a warmth to her heart, which was as
sunshine lighting up the grey winter days. Someone had remembered!
Someone had cared! In the midst of a merry holiday, time and thought
had been spared for her benefit.
The presence of the cuckoo clock preserved Claire from personal
suffering, but during that silent week there was borne in upon her a
realisation of the loneliness of the great city which was never
obliterated. A girl like herself, coming to London without
introductions, might lead this desert life, not for a week alone, but
for _years_! Her youth might fade, might pass away, she might grow
middle-aged and old, and still pass to and fro through crowded street,
unnoted, uncared for, unknown beyond the boundaries of the schoolroom or
the office walls. A working-woman was as a rule too tired and too poor
to join societies, or take part in social work which would lead to the
making of friends; she was dependent on the thoughtfulness of her
leisured sisters, and the leisured sisters were too apt to forget. They
invited their own well-off friends, exhausted themselves in organising
entertainments which were often regarded as bores pure and simple, and
cast no thought to the lonely women sitting night after night in
lodging-house parlours. "If I am ever rich--if I ever have a home, I'll
remember!" Claire vowed to herself. "I'll take a little trouble, and
_find out_! I couldn't do a hundredth or a thousandth part of what
ought to be done, but I'd do my share!" Cecil announced her return for
the evening of January 2nd, and remindful of the depressing influence of
her own arrival, Claire exerted herself to make the room look as
homelike as possible, and arranged a dainty little meal on a table
spread with a clean cloth and decorated with a bowl of holly and
Christmas roses. At the first sound of Cecil's voice she ran out into
the hall, hugged her warmly, and relieved her of a bundle of packages of
all sorts and sizes.
"You look a real Mother Christmas hidden behind parcels. What are they
all? Trophies? You _have_ come off well! It is lovely to see you
back. If you'd stayed away the whole time I think I should have grown
dumb. My tongue would have withered from sheer lack of use. I never
realised before how much I love to talk. I do hope you feel sociable.
I want to talk and talk for hours at a time, and to hear _you_ talk,
too."
"Even to grumble?"
Claire grinned eloquently.
"Oh, well--if you _must_, but it would be rather mean, wouldn't it,
after a holiday, and when I've got everything so nice? I am driven to
praise myself, because _you_ take no notice."
"You have given me no time. You chatter so that no one else can get in
a word." Cecil took off hat and gloves, and threw them down on the
sofa. "I must say your looks don't pity you. You look as if you had
been enjoying yourself all right. That kettle's boiling! I'm dying for
a cup of tea! Let's have it at once, and talk comfortably." She seated
herself by the table, and helped herself to a buttered scone. "What did
you do on Christmas Day?"
"The Willoughbys asked me. I went to church with them, and stayed until
eleven."
"Anything going on, or just the ordinary family frumps?"
Claire laughed.
"Nobody but relations and my fascinating self; but you needn't be so
blighting. I enjoyed every moment, and they were angelically kind.
Janet was like an old friend."
"Did she give you a present?"
"Yes, she did. Half a dozen pairs of gloves."
"The wrong size, of course! They always are!"
"No, my pessimist, they were not! She had diagnosed me as a six and a
half, and six and a half I am, so all was peace and joy. I put on a new
pair the next day when I went out for a constitutional. It was quite a
tonic. Gloves are much cheaper abroad, and I never wore a shabby pair
in my life until this winter. It's been one of the things I've hated
most."
"Six pairs will soon go," said Cecil; "I prefer to have things that
last. Oh, by the way, you addressed a parcel. How did it come? Was it
left at the door?"
Instinctively Claire busied herself over the tea-tray. She had a
feeling that Cecil would rather be unobserved; she was also afraid that
her own expression might betray too much.
"Oh no, he called. When I came in after morning church on Sunday,
Lizzie said that a gentleman was waiting. It was Major Carew. He asked
me if I would address the parcel and send it on."
Silence. Claire bent over the tea-tray, but she knew without looking
that Cecil's face had fallen into the cold set lines which she had seen
times and again, when things had gone wrong; she knew that when she
spoke again the coldness would be in her voice, but her own conscience
was clear. She had done nothing to offend.
"Really! That's curious. _Waiting_, you say? You didn't ask him in?
What did he say?"
"He said, `Miss Gifford, I presume. I have called to ask if you will be
kind enough to address a small parcel for Miss Rhodes.' I said,
`Wouldn't it be better if I gave you her address?' He said, `I should
prefer if you wrote it yourself.' I said, `I will do so with pleasure.
Good morning.' He said, `Good morning.' He then took up his hat and
departed. He showed himself out, and shut the door after him. I went
upstairs and took off my things."
"He didn't stay long then?"
"About three minutes, I should say, perhaps four; I can't tell you to a
second, unfortunately. I didn't look at the clock."
Cecil laughed, half apologetic, half relieved.
"Oh, well, you needn't be sarcastic. Naturally I wanted to know. I
couldn't make it out when I saw your writing, for you had given me the
scarf--I'm going to buy your present at the sales, by the way--but, of
course, when I took off the paper, there was a message inside. I was
expecting that present."
"I hope it was very nice?"
"Oh, yes--yes! A brooch," Cecil said carelessly. Claire hoped it was
not the insignificant little golden bar which she was wearing at the
moment, but she had never seen it before, and Cecil's jewellery was of
the most limited description. She determined to ask no more questions
on the subject, since evidently none were desired. Cecil helped herself
to a second scone, and asked suddenly--
"Why didn't he sit down?"
"It wasn't necessary, was it? He gave his message, and then there was
nothing to say. I wasn't going to make conversation."
"You didn't like him!" cried Cecil, but she laughed as she spoke, and
her face relaxed; it was evident that she was more pleased than
disconcerted at her friend's lack of approval. "You're no good at
hiding your feelings, Claire; your voice gives you away as well as your
face. _Why_ didn't you like Major Carew? I suppose you don't deny that
he is a handsome man?"
"I don't think I care about handsome men," said Claire, seeing before
her a clean-shaven face which could lay no claims to beauty, but in
comparison with which the Major's coarse good looks were abhorrent in
her eyes.
"Prefer men plain, I suppose? Well, I don't; I shouldn't like Frank
half so much, if he didn't look so big and imposing. And other people
admire him, too. People stare at him as we pass. I suppose you have
guessed that it is with him that I've been going out? There didn't seem
any need to speak of it before, but during the rest of the holidays you
might expect me to go about with you, and sometimes--often, I hope, I'll
be engaged, so it's just as well to explain. We can do things together
in the morning, but naturally--"
"Yes, of course; I quite understand. Don't worry about me, Cecil. I'd
love you to have a good time. Are you--are you engaged to him, dear?"
There was in her voice that soft, almost awed note with which an
unengaged girl regards a companion who has actually plighted her troth.
Cecil softened at the sound.
"Well--I suppose we are. Between ourselves. It's not public yet, but I
think it soon will be. Half a dozen years ago I should have been sure,
but I know better now. You can never be sure! Men are such brutes.
They think of nothing but themselves, and their own amusement."
"Some men!"
"Most men! Of course, every girl who falls in love thinks her own
particular man is the exception, and believes in him blindly until she
gets her heart broken for her pains. I believed in a man, too, years
ago, when I was not much older than you are now."
She paused, as though waiting for comment, but Claire sat silent,
listening with grave, tender eyes.
Cecil sent her a flickering smile.
"You are a nice child, Claire; you have some sense! I'll tell you,
because you never pried or asked questions. You would never have got
anything out of me that way, but sometimes I feel as if it would be a
relief to talk. I was twenty-three, and very pretty; not as pretty as
you are, perhaps, but very nearly, and he was twenty-eight, a lawyer--
brother of one of the girls. He came to one of the prize-givings, and
we were introduced. After that he made his people invite me once or
twice, and he found out where I was going in the summer holidays, and
came down to the same inn. He stayed a fortnight." Cecil sighed, and
stared dreamily at her cup. "Even now, Claire, after all that has
happened, I can never quite make up my mind to be sorry that he came.
It made things harder when the parting came, but I _had had it_. For
two whole weeks I had been as perfectly, blissfully happy as a human
creature can be! I had wakened every morning to feel that life was too
good to be true, I had gone to bed every night grudging the time for
sleep. A fortnight is not very long, but it's not every woman who gets
even as much as that. I shall never feel that happiness again, but I'm
glad that I know what it is like."
"But, Cecil dear, if--if Major Carew--"
Cecil shook her head.
"No! Never again. One may be happy enough, but it's never the same. I
can't feel now as I did then. The power has gone. I cared so much, you
see; I would have given my life for him a dozen times over. I thought
of him night and day for over a year; I lived for the times when we
could meet. It wasn't very often, for his people had taken fright, and
would not ask me to the house. They were rich people, and didn't want
him to marry a poor girl who was working for herself. It's a great
mistake, Claire, to be friends with a man when his relations ignore you.
If I'd had any pride I would have realised that, but I hadn't, and I
didn't care; I didn't care for anything but just to see him, and do what
he wished. And then, my dear, after a year he began to change. He
didn't write to me for weeks, and I had to go to school every day, and
try to think of the work, and be patient with the girls, and seem bright
and interested, as if I had nothing on my mind. It was near Christmas-
time, and we were rehearsing a play. I used to feel as if I should go
mad, staying behind after four o'clock to go over those wretched scenes,
when I was panting to run home to see if a letter had come! But each
time that we met again I forgot everything; I was so happy that I had no
time to grumble. That surprises you, doesn't it? You can hardly
believe that of me, but I was different then. I was quite nice. You
would have liked me, if you had known me then!"
"Dear old Cecil! I like you now. You know I do!"
"Oh, you put up with me! We get along well enough, but we are not
_friends_. If we had not been thrown together, you would never have
singled me out. Don't apologise, my dear; there's no need. I'm a
grumbling old thing, and you've been very patient. Well, that's how it
happened. I went out to meet him one night, and he told me quite calmly
that he was going to be married. She was the sweetest girl in the
world, and he was the happiest of men. Wanted me to know, because we
had been such _good_ friends, and he was sure I should be pleased!"
Claire drew her breath with a sharp, sibilant sound.
"And _you_? Oh, Cecil! What did you say?"
Mary Rhodes compressed her lips; the set look was in her face.
"I said what I thought! Quite plainly, and simply, and very much to the
point. I suppose it would have been dignified to congratulate him, and
pretend to be delighted; but I couldn't do it. He had broken my heart
for his own amusement, and he knew it as well as I did, so why should I
pretend? Something inside me seemed to go snap at that moment, and I've
been sour and bitter ever since; but I've learnt _one_ lesson, and that
is, that it is folly to go on waiting for perfection in this world.
Much better take what comes along, and make the best of it!"
Claire was silent, applauding the sentiment in the abstract, but
shrinking from its application to the swarthy Major Carew. She
stretched her hand across the table, and laid it caressingly on Cecil's
arm.
"_Pauvre_! Dear old girl! It's no use saying he wasn't worth having--
that's no comfort. When you have loved a man, it must be the worst blow
of all to be obliged to despise him; but men are not all like that,
Cecil; you mustn't condemn them all because of one bad specimen. I've a
great admiration for men. As a whole they are _bigger_ than women--I
mean mentally bigger--freer from mean little faults. As a rule they
have a stricter sense of honour. That's an old-fashioned attitude, I
suppose, but I don't care; it's been my experience, and I can only speak
what I know. The average man _is_ honourable, _is_ faithful!"
"Ah, you are speaking of your experience as a leisured girl--a girl
living at home with her mother behind her. It's a different story when
you are on your own. A man finds it pleasant enough to be friends with
a bachelor girl, to take her about, give her little presents, and play
the fairy prince generally. The dear little soul is so grateful"--
Cecil's voice took a bitter note--"so appreciative of his condescension!
He can enjoy her society without being bothered with chaperons and
conventions. It is really an uncommonly jolly way of passing the time.
But, when it comes to _marrying_, does he want to _marry_ the bachelor
girl?"
Claire pushed her chair from the table, her face looked suddenly white
and tired, there was a suspicious quiver in her voice.
"Oh, Cecil, don't, don't! You are poisoning me again. Leave me _some_
faith! If I can't believe in my fellow-creatures, I'd rather die at
once, and be done with it. It stifles me to breathe the atmosphere of
distrust and suspicion. And it isn't true. There _are_ good men, who
would be all the more chivalrous because a girl was alone. I know it!
I'm sure of it! I refuse to believe that every man is a blackguard
because you have had an unfortunate experience."
Mary Rhodes stared, abashed. Since the night when Claire had implored
her not to poison her mind, she had never seen her merry, easy-going
companion so aroused; but for the moment regret was swamped in
curiosity. Ostensibly Claire was arguing in the plural, but in reality
she was defending a definite man; Cecil was sure of it; saw her
suspicion confirmed in the paling cheeks and distended eyes; heard it
confirmed in the shaking voice. But who could the man be? Claire was
the most candid, the most open of colleagues; she loved to talk and
describe any experiences which came her way; every time she returned
from an afternoon in town she had a dozen amusing incidents to recount,
which in themselves constituted a guide to her doings. Cecil felt
satisfied that Claire had had no masculine escort on any of these
occasions, and with the one exception of Mrs Willoughby's "At Home" she
had paid no social visits. Yet there did exist a man on whose honour
she was prepared to pin her faith; of that Cecil was convinced.
Probably it was someone in Brussels whom she was still hoping to meet
again!
"Well, don't get excited," she said coolly. "If you choose to look upon
life as a fairy tale, it's not my business to wake you up. The Sleeping
Beauty position is very soothing while it lasts. Don't say I didn't
warn you, that's all! I don't call it exactly `poisonous' to try to
prevent another girl from suffering as badly as one has suffered
oneself."
"Perhaps not--certainly not, but it was the way you did it. Sorry,
Cecil, if I was cross! I hope _this_ time, dear, all will go well, and
that you'll be very, very happy. Do tell me anything you can. I won't
ask questions, but I'd love to hear."
Cecil's laugh had rather a hard intonation.
"Oh, well! once bitten, twice shy. I'm older this time, and it's a
different thing. Perhaps I shall be all the happier because I don't
expect too much. He's very devoted, and he'll be rich some day, but his
father gives him no allowance, which makes things tight just now. He is
an erratic old man, almost a miser, but there are pots of money in the
family. Frank showed me the name in _Landed Gentry_; there's quite a
paragraph about them, and I've seen a picture of the house, too. A
beautiful place; and he's the eldest son. It's in Surrey--quite near
town."
"He hasn't taken you down to see it?"
"Not yet. No. It's a private engagement. His father doesn't know. He
is waiting for a chance to tell him."
"Wouldn't the father be glad for his heir to marry?"
"He wouldn't be glad for him to marry _me_! But the estate is entailed,
so Frank can do as he likes. But the old man is ill, always having
asthma and heart attacks, so it wouldn't do to upset him, and of course
till he knows, Frank can't tell any other members of the family."
Claire, standing by the fireplace, gave a vague assent, and was glad
that her face was hidden from view. For Cecil's sake she intensely
wanted to believe in Major Carew and his account of his own position,
but instinctively she doubted, instinctively she feared. She remembered
the look of the man's face as he had stood facing her across the little
room, and her distrust deepened. He did not look straight; he did not
look true. Probably the old father had a good reason for keeping him
short of money. If he were really in love with Cecil, and determined to
marry her, that was so much to his credit; but Claire hated the idea of
that secrecy, marvelled that Cecil could submit a second time to so
humiliating a position. Poor Cecil! how _awful_ it would be if she were
again deceived! A protective impulse stirred in Claire's heart. "She
shan't be, if I can help it!" cried the inner voice. At that moment she
vowed herself to the service of Mary Rhodes.
"A big country house in Surrey! That's the ideal residence of the
heroine of fiction. It does sound romantic, Cecil! I should love to
think of you as the mistress of a house like that. Come and sit by the
fire, and let us talk. It's so exciting to talk of love affairs instead
of exercises and exams... Let's pretend we are just two happy, ordinary
girls, with no form-rooms looming ahead, and that one of us is just
engaged, and telling the other `all about it.' Now begin! Begin at the
beginning. How did you meet him first?"
But there a difficulty arose, for Cecil grew suddenly red, and stumbled
over her words.
"Oh--well--I-- We _met_! It was an accident--quite an accident--rather
a romantic accident. I was coming home one Sunday evening a year ago.
I had been to church in my best clothes, and when I was halfway here the
skies opened, and the rain _descended_. Such rain! A deluge! Dancing
up from the pavement, streaming along the gutters. I hadn't an
umbrella, of course--just my luck!--and I'd had my hat done up that very
week. I tore it off, and wrapped it in the tails of my coat, and just
as that critical moment Frank passed, saw me doing it, and stopped.
Then he asked if I would allow him to shelter me home beneath his
umbrella. Well! I'm _not_ the girl to allow men to speak to me in the
street, but at that moment, in that deluge, when he'd just seen me take
off my hat, _could_ a gentleman do less than offer to shelter me? Would
it have been sane to refuse?"
"No; I don't think it would. I should certainly have said yes, too.
That's the sort of thing that would have been called chivalry in olden
times. It's chivalry _now_. He was quite right to offer. It would
have been horrible if he had passed by and left you to be drenched."
Cecil brightened with relief.
"That's what _I_ thought! So I said `Yes'; and, of course, while we
walked we talked, and the wind blew my hair into loose ends, and the
damp made them curl, and the excitement gave me a colour; and it was so
nice to talk to a man again, Claire, after everlasting women! I _did_
look pretty when I saw myself in the glass when I came in, almost as I
used to look years before. And he looked handsome, too, big and strong,
and so delightfully like a man, and unlike a member of staff! We liked
each other very much, and when we got to this door--"
Silence. Mary Rhodes waited wistfully for a helping word. Claire
stared into the fire, her brows knitted in suspense.
"Well, naturally, we were sorry to part! He asked if I usually went to
Saint C--- for the evening service. I didn't, but I said `Yes.' I knew
he meant to meet me again, and I _wanted_ to be met."
Claire sent her thoughts back and recalled a certain Sunday evening when
she had offered to accompany Cecil to church, and had been bluntly
informed that her company was not desired. She had taken the hint, and
had not offered it again. She was silent, waiting for the revelations
which were still to come.
"So after that it became a regular thing. He met me outside the church
door, and saw me home. He often asked me to go out with him during the
week, but I always refused, until suddenly this term I was so tired, so
hungry for a change that I gave in, and promised that I would. I
suppose that shocks you into fits!"
"It does rather. You see," explained Claire laboriously, "I've been
brought up on the Continent, where such a thing would be impossible. It
would be an insult to suggest it. Even here in England it doesn't seem
right. Do you think a really nice man who was attracted by a girl
wouldn't find some other way--get an introduction _somehow_?"
"How? It's easy to talk, but _how_ is he to do it? We live in
different worlds. I am a High School teacher, living in rooms in
London, without a relation or a house open to me where I am intimate
enough to take a friend. He is an officer in a crack regiment, visiting
at fashionable houses. Can't you imagine how his hostesses would stare
if he asked them to call upon me here, in this poky room! And if he
loves me, if I interest him more than the butterflies of Society, if he
wants to know me better, what is he to do? Tell me that, my dear,
before you blame me for taking a little bit of fun when I get the
chance!"
But Claire had no suggestion to make. She herself had been strong
enough to refuse a friendship on similar lines, but she had been living
a working life for a bare four months, while Cecil had been teaching for
twelve years. Twelve years of a second-hand life, living in other
women's houses, teaching other women's children, obeying other women's
rules; with the one keen personal experience of a slighted love!
The tale of close on four thousand nights represented a dreary parlour
and a pile of exercise books. For twelve long years this woman had
worked away, losing her youth, losing her bloom, cut off from all that
nature intended her to enjoy; and then at the end behold a change in the
monotony, the sudden appearance of a man who sought her, admired her,
craved her society as a boon!
The tears came to Claire's eyes as she put herself in such a woman's
place, and realised all that this happening would mean. Renewal of
youth, renewal of hope, renewal of interest and zest...
"I don't know! I don't know!" she said brokenly. "It's all wrong,
somehow. You ought not to be forced into such a position, but I don't
blame you, Cecil. It's the _other_ women who deserve the blame, the
women who are better off, and could have opened their houses. You have
been so drearily dull all these long years that you would have been more
than human to refuse. But now, dear, now that you are engaged, surely
he has some friends to whom he could introduce you?"
Mary Rhodes shook her head.
"Not till his people know. It might come round to their ears, and that
would make things more difficult still; but I am hoping it won't be
long. Now, Claire, I've told _you_, because you are such a kind
understanding little soul, and it's a comfort to talk things out; but
I'll kill you if you dare to breathe a word to another soul--Sophie
Blake, or Mrs Willoughby, or even your mother when you write to her.
You can never tell how these things are repeated, and Frank would never
forgive me if it came out through me. Promise faithfully that you'll
never mention his name in connection with me."
"Of course I will. What do you take me for? I shouldn't dream of doing
such a thing!"
"Of course, at the Willoughbys', for instance, if anyone _did_ mention
his name--they might, quite well, for I should think they were in much
the same set--there would be no harm in saying that you'd heard of him.
I should rather like to hear what they said."
Cecil's face looked wistful as she spoke these last words, but the next
moment her expression changed to one of pure amazement as the whirr of
the cuckoo clock made itself heard, and the little brown bird hopped out
of its niche, and sounded five clear notes.
"Gracious, what's that? Where did that come from?"
"It was a Christmas present to me from abroad."
Claire added the last words in the fond hope that they would save
further criticism, and Cecil rose from her seat, and stood in front of
the hanging clock examining it with critical eyes.
"It's a good one. Most of them are so gimcrack. From abroad? One of
your Belgian friends, I suppose? Does it make that awful row every
hour? I can't stand it here, you know, if it does."
"Don't trouble yourself. I'll take it upstairs. I _like_ the `awful
row.' I put it here because I thought it would be a pleasure to you as
well as to myself. I'm sorry."
"What a tantrum! Evidently the clock is a tender point. Better leave
it here and stop the gong. It will keep you awake all night."
"I won't stop the gong! I--I like to be waked!" declared Claire
obstinately. She lifted the clock from its nail, and stalked out of the
room, head in air.
Cecil whistled softly between pursed lips.
CHAPTER TWELVE.
AN UNPLEASANT TEA-PARTY.
In the inevitable fatigue which had marked Claire's first experience of
regular work, she had looked forward with joy to the coming of the
holidays when she would be able to take her ease, and for a month on end
laze through the hours at her own sweet will. A teacher scores above
other workers in the length of holidays she enjoys. Several months in
the year contrasts strongly with the fortnight or three weeks enjoyed by
a female clerk or typist; in no other profession is so large a
proportion of the year given to rest.
Claire had condemned the staff at Saint Cuthbert's for want of
appreciation of this privilege; but, before the four weeks of the
Christmas holidays were over, her eyes were opened to the other side of
the picture. Holidays were horribly expensive! Living "at home" meant
an added bill for fire and light to add to the necessary expenses
abroad; that the last items were necessary could hardly be denied, for a
girl who had been shut up in a schoolroom through three months of term,
naturally wished to amuse herself abroad during holiday time, and in
London even the most carefully planned amusement has a habit of costing
money.
Even that mild dissipation of shop-gazing, enjoyed by Sophie Blake, plus
the additional excitement of choosing an imaginary present from every
window, could only be enjoyed at the price of two Tube or omnibus fares.
Boots wore out, too, and gloves grew shabby, and the January sales
furnished a very fire of temptation. Claire had never before seen such
bargains as confronted her down the length of Oxford and Regent Streets,
and, though she might be firm as adamant on Monday or Tuesday, Wednesday
was bound to bring about a weak moment which carried her over the
threshold of a shop, and once inside, with sensational sacrifices
dangling within reach, resistance melted like wax.
"Where do you suppose you are going to wear that concoction?" Mary
Rhodes asked blightingly as Claire opened a cardboard box which had
arrived by the morning delivery, and displayed a blue muslin dress inset
with lace. "Lords, I suppose, or Ascot, or Ranelagh, or Hurlingham, or
Henley... They come on in June and July, just as poor High School-
mistresses are in the thick of cramming for the Matric. But _no_ doubt
you are the exception to the rule! ... You must think you are, at
least, to have bought a frock like that!"
"Cecil, it was wickedly cheap--it was, indeed! It was one of a few
summer dresses which were positively given away, and it's made in the
simple, picturesque style which I love, and which does not go out of
date. I hadn't the least intention of buying anything, until I saw it
hanging there, at that price, and it looked at me so longingly, as if it
_wanted_ to come!"
"It's well to be rich! It might have longed at me as much as it liked,
I couldn't have bought it, if it had been two-and-six! I need all my
money for necessities," Mary Rhodes said, sighing; and Claire felt a
pang of reproach, for, since her return, Cecil had indeed seemed
painfully short of loose cash. The debt still outstanding had been
increased by various small borrowings, insignificant in themselves, yet
important as showing how the wind blew. Claire wondered if perchance
the poor soul had crippled herself by presenting her lover with a
Christmas gift which was beyond her means.
The third week of the holidays arrived; in another week school would
begin. Claire succumbed to temptation once more, purchased two good
tickets for an afternoon concert at the Queen's Hall, and invited Cecil
to be her guest. Cecil hesitated, evidently torn between two
attractions, asked permission to defer her answer until the next day,
but finally decided to accept. From remarks dropped from time to time
Claire had gathered that Major Carew was not fond of indoor
entertainments, and somewhat disappointed his _fiancee_ by his
unwillingness to indulge her wishes in that respect. In this instance
she had evidently balanced the concert against an afternoon in the
Major's society, and the concert had won. Claire found herself
cordially in agreement.
When the afternoon arrived the two girls arrayed themselves in their
best clothes, and set off in high spirits for their afternoon's
amusement. Their seats were in a good position, and the concert was one
of the best of the season. All went as happily as it could possibly go,
until the last strains of "God save the King" had been played, and the
audience filed out of the hall on to the crowded pavement, and then,
with a throb of disgust, Claire recognised the figure of a man who was
standing directly beneath a lamp-post, his black eyes curiously scanning
the passing stream--Major Carew! He had evidently been told of the
girls' destination, and had come with the express purpose of meeting
them coming out. For the moment, however, they were unrecognised, and
Claire gave a quick swerve to the right, hurrying out of the patch of
light into the dimness beyond. The street was so full that, given a
minute's start, it would surely be easy to escape. She slid her hand
through Cecil's arm, drawing her forward.
"Come along! Come along! Let's hurry to Fuller's before all the tables
are taken!"
"Fuller's? Tea? How scrumptious! Just what I longed for. Listening
to classical music _is_ thirsty work!" Cecil replied, laughing. She
was so lively, so natural and unconcerted that Claire absolved her on
the moment from any arrangement as to a _rendez-vous_. In her anxiety
to secure the longed-for cup of tea she broke into a half-run, but it
was too late; the sharp black eyes had spied them out, the tall figure
loomed by their side, the large face, with its florid colouring, smiled
a broad smile of welcome.
"Hulloa, Mary! Thought it was you. I was just passing along. Good
afternoon, Miss Gifford. It _is_ Miss Gifford, isn't it? Had a good
concert, I hope--a pleasant afternoon?"
"Very good, thank you," said Claire shortly.
Mary cried, "Oh, Frank! _You_! How did you come? I didn't expect--"
And the tone of her voice showed that the surprise was hardly more
agreeable to her than to her companion. However welcome her lover might
be on other occasions, it was obvious that she had not wished to see him
at this particular moment.
"Well, well, we must move on; we mustn't block up the pavement," the
Major said hastily. He took his place by the kerb, which placed him
next to Claire, and bent over with an assiduous air. "You must let me
escort you! Where were you bound for next?"
Claire hesitated. She wished with all her heart that she had not
mentioned Fuller's, so that she could reply that they were bound for the
Tube. Oxford Circus was only a step away; in five minutes they could
have been seated in the train; but Cecil had declared that she was
longing for tea, so it would be ungracious to withdraw the invitation.
"We were going to Fuller's."
"Right!" The Major's tone was complacent. "Good idea! How shall we
go? Taxi? Tube? Which do you prefer?"
Claire stared at him in surprise.
"But it's here! Quite close. We're nearly there."
He looked disconcerted, unnecessarily disconcerted, Claire thought; for
it was surely no disgrace for a man to be ignorant of the locality of a
confectioner's shop! From the other side came Cecil's voice, cool and
constrained--
"If you were going anywhere, Frank, you needn't stay with us. We can
look after each other. We are accustomed to going about alone."
"Please allow me the pleasure. There's plenty of time. I should enjoy
some tea immensely. Always take it when I get the chance!"
The block on the pavement made consecutive conversation impossible, and
the three edged their way in and out in silence until Fuller's was
reached, and one of the last tables secured. The room looked very
bright and dainty, the Christmas garlands still festooning the walls and
framing the mirrors, the hanging lights covered by rose-coloured shades.
The soft pink light was very kind to the complexions of the visitors,
nevertheless Claire felt a guilty pang as she looked into the nearest
mirror and beheld the reflection of herself and her friend as they sat
side by side. As a rule, it was pure pleasure to realise her own fair
looks; but for the moment they were of no importance, whereas poor dear
Cecil had a lover to please, and there was no denying Cecil was not
looking her best! Her expression was frowning and dissatisfied. She
had taken off her veil in the hall and her hair was disarranged;
compared with the fashionable groups round the other tables, she looked
suddenly shabby and insignificant, her little attempts at decoration
pitifully betraying the amateur hand.
"Oh, dear me, why _won't_ she smile? She looks quite pretty when she
smiles. I'll hold her before a mirror some day and show her the
difference it makes. Ten years disappear in a flash! Now what in the
world had I better be--agreeable and chatty, or cold and stand-off?
I'll do anything to please her, but it _is_ hard lines having our
afternoon spoiled, and being sulked at into the bargain. Cakes,
please--lots of sweet, sugary cakes! Won't that do, Cecil? We can have
bread-and-butter at home!"
"Cecil! Cecil! Her name is Mary. Why do you call her Cecil?" cried
the Major quickly, looking from one girl to another. Claire fancied
there was a touch of suspicion in his voice, and wondered that he should
show so much interest in a mere nickname.
"Because she is `Rhodes,' of course."
For a moment his stare showed no understanding, then, "Oh! that fellow!"
he said slowly. "I see! It's a pretty name anyway. Beats Mary to
fits. Mary is so dull and prosaic. Too many of them about. One gets
sick of the sound."
"Is that intended for me by any chance?" asked Cecil in her most acid
tones, whereupon the Major cried, "Oh! Put my foot in it that time,
didn't I?" and burst into a long guffaw of laughter, which brought on
him the eyes of the surrounders.
Claire's interest had already been aroused by a little party of two men
and two women who were sitting at a table in the corner of the room, and
who were, to her thinking, by far the most attractive personalities
present. The men were tall, well set up, not especially handsome in any
way, but possessing an unmistakable look of breeding. One of the women
was old, the other young, and it would have been hard to say which was
the more attractive of the two. They were quietly but very elegantly
dressed, handsome furs being thrown back, to show pretty bodices of
ninon and lace.
When Major Carew gave that loud unrestrained laugh, the four members of
this attractive party turned to see whence the sound arose; but whereas
three faces remained blankly indifferent, the fourth was in the moment
transformed into an expression of the liveliest surprise. He stared,
narrowing his eyes as if doubting that they were really seeing aright,
twisted his head to get a fuller view, and, obtaining it, twisted back
into his original position, his lips twitching with laughter. Then he
spoke a few words, his companions leant forward to listen, and to two
faces out of the three, the laughter spread on hearing what he had to
say.
Only the elder of the two ladies retained her gravity. Her sweet glance
rested on Claire's face, and her brow contracted in distress. In the
Major and Cecil she showed no interest, but Claire's appearance
evidently aroused curiosity and pity. "What is _she_ doing in that
_galere_?" The question was written on every line of the sweet high-
bred face, and Claire read its significance and flinched with distaste.
"How they stare!" cried Mary Rhodes. "The man looked as if he knew you,
Frank. Do you know who he is?"
"He's a member of the Club. His name is Vavasour. We know each other
by sight." Major Carew's florid colour had grown a shade deeper, he was
evidently disconcerted by the encounter; but he made a strong effort to
regain his composure, smiled at the two girls in turn, and cried
lightly, "Envies me, I suppose, seeing me with two such charmers!"
"He didn't look exactly envious!" Cecil said drily. She also had
noticed that reflection in the mirror, and it had not helped to soothe
her spirits. She felt an unreasoning anger against Claire for appearing
more attractive than herself, but it did not occur to her that she was
heightening the contrast by her own dour, ungracious manner. Altogether
that tea-party was a difficult occasion, and as it proceeded, Claire's
spirits sank ever lower and lower. She had spent more than she had any
right to afford on those two expensive tickets, hoping thereby to give
pleasure, and now Cecil was in a bad temper, and would snap for days to
come.--It was not a cheerful outlook, and for the second time a feeling
of restiveness overtook her, a longing for a companion who would help
the gaiety of life--such a companion as pretty, lively, happy-go-lucky
Sophie Blake, for example. How refreshing it would be to live with
Sophie! Just for a moment Claire dwelt wistfully on the possibility,
then banished it with a loyal "She doesn't need me, and Cecil does.
She's fond of me in her funny way. She must be, for she has confided in
me already, more than in any of the others whom she's known for years,
and perhaps I may be able to help..."
The Major passed his cup for a second supply; a waitress brought a plate
of hot cakes; the occupants of the corner table stood up, fastening furs
and coats, and passed out of the door. With their going Major Carew
regained his vivacity, chaffed the girls on their silence, recounted the
latest funny stories, and to Claire's relief addressed himself primarily
to his _fiancee_, thus putting her in the place of honour.
Nevertheless Claire was conscious that from time to time keen glances
were cast in her own direction. She had a feeling that no detail of her
attire escaped scrutiny, that the black eyes noted one and all,
wondered, and speculated, and appraised. She saw them dwell on the
handsome fur stole and muff which Mrs Judge bequeathed to her daughter
on sailing for India, on the old diamond ring and brooch which had been
handed over to her on her twenty-first birthday; she had an instinctive
feeling that she rose in the man's estimation because of her air of
prosperity. He made tentative efforts to arrange a further meeting.
"Where do _you_ go on Sundays, Miss Gifford? I say, we must arrange
another tea like this. Lots of good tea places in town. We must sample
them together. What do you say, Miss Gifford?"
Claire's answers were politely evasive, and presently he began to grow
restless, and finally pulled out his watch, and jumped to his feet.
"How time flies! I had no idea it was so late. I must run. So sorry
to leave you like this."
Mary Rhodes stared in surprise.
"Leave! Frank! But you said--I thought we were going--"
"Yes, I know, I know. I'm sorry, I thought I was free--but--a
regimental engagement! Can't get out of it. I'll fix up another night.
I'll write."
There was no doubt that he was genuinely disconcerted at the lateness of
the hour, and his leave-taking was of the most hasty description, though
he found time to give a lingering pressure to Claire's hand; then he was
gone, and the waitress came across the room and presented the bill.
Cecil flushed uncomfortably.
"I must pay this. Frank has forgotten. He rushed off in such a hurry."
She pulled out her shabby purse, and Claire made no protest. In a
similar position she herself would have wished to pay, but it was
inconceivable that she should ever be in such a position. However
hurried a man might be-- She rubbed her hand on her knee with a little
shudder of distaste. "Wretch! He would make love to me, too, if I
would allow it! How can Cecil possibly care for such a man?"
And then she forgot Cecil's feelings to ponder on a more perplexing
problem.
Why had the man called Vavasour looked so amused, and why had the sweet-
faced woman looked so distressed?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN.
A DOUBLE INVITATION.
Janet Willoughby sent Claire a picture postcard, all white snow and
strong shadow, and dazzling blue sky, and little black figures
pirouetting on one leg with the other raised perilously in the rear.
"This is me!" was written across the most agile of the number, while a
scrawling line across the top ran, "Happy New Year! Returning on
Tuesday. Hope to see you soon." Tuesday was the day on which school
re-opened; but Janet's holiday was year long, not a short four weeks.
Cecil moaned loudly, but Claire was tired of aimless days, and welcomed
the return to work. She determined to throw her whole heart into her
task, and work as no junior French mistress had ever worked before; she
determined never to lose patience, never to grow cross, never to indulge
in a sarcastic word, always to be a model of tact and forbearance. She
determined to wield such an ennobling influence over the girls in her
form-room that they should take fire from her example, and go forth into
the world perfect, high-souled women who should leaven the race. She
determined also to be the life and soul of the staff-room--the general
peace-maker, confidante, and consoler, beloved by one and all. She
determined to seize tactfully upon every occasion of serving the Head,
and acting as a buffer between her and disagreeables of every kind. She
arranged a touching scene wherein Miss Farnborough, retiring from work
and being asked by the Committee to name a worthy successor, pronounced
unhesitatingly, "Claire Gifford; she is but young, but her wisdom and
diplomacy are beyond all praise." She saw herself Head of Saint
Cuthbert's, raised to the highest step of her scholastic ladder, but
somehow the climax was not so exhilarating as the climb itself. To be
head mistress was, no doubt, a fine achievement, but it left her cold.
Inside Saint Cuthbert's all was life and bustle. Girls streaming along
the corridors, in and out of every room; girls of all ages and sizes and
shapes, but all to-day bearing an appearance of happiness and animation.
Bright-coloured blouses shone forth in their first splendour; hair-
ribbons stood out stiff and straight; many of the girls carried bunches
of flowers to present to the special mistress for whom they cherished
the fashionable "G.P." (grand passion) so characteristic of school
life.
Flora had a bunch of early daffodils for Claire. Another girl presented
a pot of Roman hyacinths for the decoration of the form-room, a third a
tiny bottle of scent; three separate donors supplied buttonholes of
violets. The atmosphere was full of kindness and affection. Girls
encountering each other would fall into each other's arms with
exclamations of ecstatic affection. "Oh, you precious lamb!"
"My angel child!"
"You dear, old, darling duck!" Claire heard a squat, ugly girl with
spectacles and a turned-up nose addressed as "a princely pet" by an
ardent adorer of fourteen. The mistresses came in for their own share
of adulation--"Darling Miss Gifford, I _do_ adore you!"
"Miss Gifford, darling, you are prettier than ever!"
"Oh, Miss _Gifford_, I was _dying_ to see you!"
The morning flew past, and lunch-time brought the gathering of
mistresses in staff-room. Mademoiselle's greetings were politely
detached, Fraulein was kindly and discursive, Sophie's smile was as
bright as ever, but she did not look well.
"Oh, I'm all right! It's nothing. Only this horrid old pain!" she said
cheerfully. Into her glass of water she dropped three tabloids of
aspirin. Every one had been away for a longer or shorter time, visiting
relatives and friends; they compared experiences; some had enjoyed
themselves, some had not; but they all agreed that they were refreshed
by the change.
"And where have _you_ been?" asked the drawing mistress of Claire, and
exclaimed in surprise at hearing that she had remained in town. "Dear
me, I wish I had known! I've been back a fortnight. We might have done
something together. Weren't you _dull_?" asked the drawing mistress,
staring with curious eyes.
"Very!" answered poor Claire, and for a moment struggled with a horrible
inclination to cry.
After lunch Miss Bates took her cup of coffee to Claire's side, and made
an obvious attempt to be pleasant.
"I feel quite remorseful to think of your holidays. It's astonishing
how little we mistresses know of each other out of school hours. The
first school I was in--a much smaller one by the sea,--we were so
friendly and jolly, just like sisters, but in the big towns every one
seems detached. It's hard on the new-comers. I don't know _what_ I
should have done if I hadn't a brother's house to go to on Sundays and
holiday afternoons. Except through him, I haven't made a single friend.
At the other place people used to ask us out, and we had quite a good
time; but in town people are engrossed in their own affairs. They
haven't time to go outside."
"I wonder you ever left that school! What made you want to change?"
"Oh, well! London was a lure. Most people want to come to London, and
I had my brother. Do tell me, another time, if you are not going away.
It worries me to think of you being alone. How did you come to get this
post, if you have no connections in town?"
"Miss Farnborough came to stay in Brussels, in the _pension_ which my
mother and I had made headquarters for some time. She offered me the
post."
Miss Bates stared with distended eyes. "How long had she known you?"
"About a fortnight, I think. I don't remember exactly."
"And you had never seen her before? She knew nothing about you?"
"She had never seen me before, but she _did_ know something about me.
Professionally speaking, she knew all there was to know."
"That accounts for it," said Miss Bates enigmatically. "I wondered--
You are not a bit the usual type."
"I hope that doesn't mean that I can't teach?"
Miss Bates laughed, and shrugged her thin shoulders. "Oh, no. I should
say, personally, that you teach very well. That play was
extraordinarily good. It absolutely sounded like French. Can't think
how you knocked the accent into them! English girls are so self-
conscious; they are ashamed of letting themselves go. Mademoiselle
thinks that your classes are too like play; but it doesn't matter what
she thinks, so long as--" she paused a moment, lowered her voice, and
added impressively, "Keep on the right side of Miss Farnborough. You
are all right so long as you are in her good books. Better be careful."
"What do you mean?" Claire stared, puzzled and discomposed, decidedly
on the offensive; but Miss Bates refused a definite answer.
"Nothing!" she said tersely. "Only--people who take sudden fancies, can
take sudden dislikes, too. Ask no more questions, but don't say I
didn't warn you, that's all!"
She lifted her coffee-cup, and strolled away, leaving Claire to reflect
impatiently, "_More_ poison! It's too bad. They won't _let_ one be
happy!"
Before the end of the week school work settled into its old routine, and
the days passed by with little to mark their progress. The English
climate was at its worst, and three times out of four the journey to
school was accomplished in rain or sleet. The motor-'buses were crammed
with passengers, and manifested an unpleasant tendency to skid; pale-
faced strap-holders crowded the carriages of the Tube; for days together
the sky remained a leaden grey. It takes a Mark Tapley himself to keep
smiling under such conditions. As Claire recalled the days when she and
her mother had sat luxuriously under the trees in the gardens of Riviera
hotels, listening to exhilarating bands, and admiring the outline of the
Esterels against the cloudless blue of the sky, the drab London streets
assumed a dreariness which was almost insupportable. Also, though she
would not acknowledge it to herself, she was achingly disappointed,
because something which she had sub-consciously been expecting did not
come to pass. She had expected something to happen, but nothing
happened; all through February the weeks dragged on, unrelieved by any
episode except the weekly mail from India.
The little brown bird still industriously piped the hour; but his
appearance no longer brought the same warm thrill of happiness. And
then one morning came a note from Janet Willoughby.
"Dear Miss Gifford,--
"I should really like to call you `Claire,' but I must wait to be asked!
I have been meaning to write ever since we returned from Saint Moritz;
but you know how it is in town, such a continual rush, that one can
never get through half the things that ought to be done! We should all
like to see you again. Mother has another `At Home' on Thursday evening
next, and would be glad to see you then, if you cared to come; but what
_I_ should like is to have you to myself! On Saturday next I could call
for you, as I did at Christmas, and keep you for the whole day. Then we
could talk as we couldn't do at the `At Homes,' which are really rather
dull, duty occasions.
"Let me know which of these propositions suits you best. Looking
forward to seeing you,--
"Your friend, (if you will have me!)
"Janet Willoughby."
Claire had opened the letter, aglow with expectation; she laid it down
feeling dazed and blank. For the moment only one fact stood out to the
exclusion of every other, and that was that Janet did not wish her to be
present at the "At Home." Mrs Willoughby had sent the invitation, but
Janet had supplemented it by another, which could not be refused. "I
would rather have you to myself." How was it possible to refuse an
invitation couched in such terms? How could one answer with any show of
civility, "I should prefer to come with the crowd?"
Claire carried the letter up to her cold bedroom, and sat down to do a
little honest thinking.
"It's very difficult to understand what one really wants! We deceive
ourselves as much as we do other people... Why am I so hideously
depressed? I liked going to the `At Home,' I liked dressing up, and
driving through the streets, and seeing the flowers and the dresses, and
having the good supper; but, if that were all, I believe I'd prefer the
whole day with Janet. I suppose, really, it's Captain Fanshawe that's
at the bottom of it. I want to meet him, I thought I should meet him,
and now it's over. I shan't be asked again when there's a chance of his
coming. Janet doesn't want me. She's not jealous, of course--that's
absurd--but she wants to keep him to herself, and she imagines somehow
that I should interfere--"
Imagination pictured Janet staring with puzzled, uneasy eyes across the
tables in the dining-room, of Janet drearily examining the piled-up
presents in the boudoir, and then, like a flash of light, showed the
picture of another face, now eager, animated, admiring, again grave and
wistful. "Is your address still the Grand Hotel?--_My_ address is still
the Carlton Club."
"Ah, well, well!" acknowledged Claire to her heart, "we _did_ like each
other. We did love being together, and he remembered me; he sent me the
clock when he was away. But it's all over now. That was our last
chance, and it's gone. He'll go to the At Home, and Mrs Willoughby
will tell him I was asked, but preferred to come when they were alone,
and he'll think it was because I wanted to avoid him, and--and, oh,
goodness, goodness, goodness! how _miserable_ I shall feel sitting here
all Thursday evening, imagining all that is going on! Oh, mother,
mother, your poor little girl is _so_ lonesome! Why did you go so far
away?"
Claire put her head down on the dressing-table, and shed a few tears, a
weakness bitterly regretted, for like all weaknesses the consequences
wrought fresh trouble. Now her eyelids were red, and she was obliged to
hang shivering out of the window, until they had regained their natural
colour, before she could face Cecil's sharp eyes.
Janet arrived soon after eleven o'clock on Saturday morning, and was
shown into the saffron parlour where Claire sat over her week's mending.
She wore a spring suit purchased in Paris, and a hat which was probably
smart, but very certainly was unbecoming, slanting as it did at a
violent angle over her plump, good-humoured face, and almost entirely
blinding one eye. She caught sight of her own reflection in the
overmantel and exclaimed, "What a fright I look!" as she seated herself
by the table, and threw off her furs. "Don't hurry, please. Let me
stay and watch. What are you doing? Mending a blouse? How clever of
you to be able to use your fingers as well as your brains! I never sew,
except stupid fancy-work for bazaars. So this is your room! You told
me about the walls. Can you imagine any one in cold blood choosing such
a paper? But it looks cosy all the same. I _do_ like little rooms with
everything carefully in reach. They are ever so much nicer than big
ones, aren't they?"
"No."
Janet pealed with laughter.
"That's right, snub me! I deserve to be snubbed. Of course, I meant
when you have big ones as well! Who is the pretty girl in the carved
frame? Your mother! Do you mean it, really? What a ridiculous mamma!
I'm afraid, Claire, I'm afraid she is even prettier than you!"
"Oh, she is; I know it. But I have more charm," returned Claire
demurely, whereat they laughed again--a peal of happy girlish laughter,
which reached Lizzie's ears as she polished the oilcloth in the hall,
and roused an envious sigh.
"It's well to be some folks!" thought poor Lizzie. "Motor-cars, and
fine dresses, and nothing to do of a Saturday morning but sit still and
laugh. I could laugh myself if I was in her shoes!"
Claire folded away her blouse, and took up a bundle of gloves.
"These are your gloves. They have been such a comfort to me. There's a
button missing somewhere. Tell me all about your holiday! Did you have
a good time? Was it as nice as you expected?"
"Yes. No. It _was_ a good time, but--do you think anything ever
_quite_ comes up to one's expectation? I had looked forward to that
month for the whole year, and had built so many fairy castles. You have
stayed in Switzerland? You know how the scene changes when the sun
sinks, how those beautiful alluring rose-coloured peaks become in a
minute awesome and gloomy. Well, it was rather like that with me. I
don't mean that it was gloomy; that's exaggerating, but it was prose,
and I had pictured it poetry. Heigho! It's a weary world."
Claire's glance was not entirely sympathetic.
"There are different kinds of prose. You will forgive my saying that
your especial sort is an _Edition de luxe_."
"I know! I know! You can't be harder on me than I am on myself. My
dear, I have a most sensible head. I'm about as practical and long-
headed as any woman of forty. It's my silly old heart which handicaps
me. It _won't_ fall into line... Have you finished your mending? May
I come upstairs and see your room while you dress?"
For just the fraction of a moment Claire hesitated. Janet saw the
doubt, and attributed it to disinclination to exhibit a shabby room; but
in reality Claire was proud of her attic, which a little ingenuity had
made into a very charming abode. Turkey red curtains draped the window,
a low basket-chair was covered in the same material, a red silk
eiderdown covered the little bed. On the white walls were a profusion
of photographs and prints, framed with a simple binding of leather
around the glass. The toilet table showed an array of well-polished
silver, while a second table was arranged for writing, and held a number
of pretty accessories. A wide board had been placed over the narrow
mantel, on which stood a few good pieces of china and antique silver.
There was nothing gimcrack to be seen, no one-and-elevenpenny ornaments,
no imitations of any kind; despite its sloping roof and its whitewashed
walls, it was self-evidently a lady's room, and Janet's admiration was
unfeigned.
"My dear, it's a lamb! I love your touches of scarlet. Dear me, you've
quite a view! I shall have sloping walls when I change my room. They
are _ever_ so picturesque. It's a perfect duck, and everything looks so
bright. They _do_ keep it well!"
"_I_ keep it well!" Claire corrected. "Lizzie `does' it every morning,
but it's not a doing which satisfies me, so I put in a little manual
labour every afternoon as a change from using my brain. I do all the
polishing. You can't expect lodging-house servants to clean silver and
brass."
"Can't you? No; I suppose you can't." Janet's voice of a sudden
sounded flat and absent. There was a moment's pause, then she added
tentatively, "You have a cuckoo clock?"
Claire was thankful that her face was screened from view as she was in
the process of tying on her veil. A muffled, "Yes," was her only reply.
Janet stood in front of the clock, staring at it with curious eyes.
"It's--it's like--there were some just like this in a shop at Saint
Moritz."
"They are all much alike, don't you think?"
"I suppose they are. Yes--in a way. Some are much better than others.
This is one of the best--"
"Yes, it is. It keeps beautiful time. I had it in the sitting-room,
but Miss Rhodes objected to the noise."
"Was it in Saint Moritz that you bought it?"
"I didn't buy it. It was a present."
That finished the cross-questioning, since politeness forbade that Janet
should go a step further and ask the name of the friend, which was what
she was obviously longing to do. She stood a moment longer, staring
blankly at the clock, then gave a little sigh, and moved on to examine
the ornaments on the mantelpiece. Five minutes later the two girls
descended the staircase, and drove away from the door.
The next few hours passed pleasantly enough, but Claire wondered if it
were her own imagination which made her think that Janet's manner was
not quite so frank and bright as it had been before she had caught sight
of the cuckoo clock. She never again said, "Claire"; but her brown eyes
studied Claire's face with a wistful scrutiny, and from time to time a
sharp little sigh punctuated her sentences.
"But what could I tell her?" Claire asked unhappily of her sub-
conscience. "I don't _know_--I only think; and even if he _did_ send
it, it doesn't necessarily affect his feelings towards her. He was
going to see her in a few days; and she is rich and has everything she
wants, while I am poor and alone. It was just kindness, nothing more."
But though her head was satisfied with such reasoning, her heart, like
Janet's, refused to fall into line.
At tea-time several callers arrived, foremost among them a tall man whom
Claire at once recognised as the original of a portrait which stood
opposite to that of Captain Fanshawe on the mantelpiece of Janet's
boudoir. This was "the kind man, the thoughtful man," the man who
remembered "little things," and in truth he bore the mark of it in every
line of his good-humoured face. Apart from his expression, his
appearance was ordinary enough; but he was self-evidently a man to
trust, and Claire found something pathetic in the wistful admiration
which shone in his eyes as they followed Janet Willoughby about the
room. To ordinary observers she was just a pleasant girl with no
pretensions to beauty; to him she was obviously the most lovely of her
sex. He had no attention to spare for Claire or the other ladies
present; he was absorbed in watching Janet, waiting for opportunities to
serve Janet, listening eagerly to Janet's words. It is not often that
an unengaged lover is so transparent in his devotion, but Malcolm Heward
was supremely indifferent to the fact that he betrayed his feelings.
At ten o'clock Claire rose to take leave, and Mrs Willoughby made a
request.
"I am going to ask you to do me a favour, dear. A friend is having a
Sale of Work at her house for a charity in which we are both interested,
and she has asked me to help. It is on a Saturday afternoon and
evening, and I wondered if I might ask you to take part in the little
concerts. Whistling is always popular, and you do it so charmingly. I
would send the car for you, and take you home, of course, and be so very
much indebted. You don't mind my asking?"
"No, indeed; I should be delighted. Please let me help you whenever you
can."
In the bedroom upstairs Janet deliberately introduced Malcolm Heward's
name.
"That was the man I told you about at Christmas. He was one of the
party at Saint Moritz. What did you think of him?"
"I liked him immensely. He looks all that you said he was. He has a
fine face."
"He wants to marry me."
Claire laughed softly.
"That's obvious! I never saw a man give himself away so openly."
"Do you think I ought to accept him?"
"Oh, how can I say? It's not for me to advise. I hope, whoever you
marry, you'll be very, very happy!"
Suddenly Janet came forward and laid her hands on Claire's arm.
"Oh, Claire, I do like you! I do want to be friends, but sometimes I
have the strangest thoughts." Before Claire had time to answer, she had
drawn back again, and was saying with a little apologetic laugh, "I am
silly! Take no notice of what I say. Here's your fur; here's your
muff. Are you quite sure you have all your possessions?"
CHAPTER FOURTEEN.
A QUESTION OF MONEY.
The next week was memorable to Claire as marking the beginning of
serious anxiety with regard to Sophie. She had looked ill since the
beginning of the term, and the bottle of aspirin tabloids had become
quite an accustomed feature on the luncheon table; but when questioned
she had always a smile and an easy excuse.
"What can you expect in this weather? No one but a fish could help
aching in these floods. I'm perfectly all right!"
But one morning this week, meeting her on an upper landing, Claire
discovered Sophie apparently dragging herself along with her hands, and
punctuating each step with a gasp of pain. She stood still and stared,
whereupon Sophie instantly straightened herself, and ascended the
remaining steps in a normal manner.
"Sophie," cried Claire sternly, "don't pretend! I heard you; I saw you!
My dear girl, is the rheumatism so bad?"
Sophie twisted her head this way and that, her lips pursed in warning.
"S-sh! Be careful! You never know who is about. I _am_ rather stiff
to-day. This raw fog has been the last straw. I shall be all right
when we get through this month. I hate March! It finds out all the
weak spots. Please, Claire, don't take any notice. A Gym. mistress has
no business to have rheumatism. It's really very good for me to be
obliged to keep going. It is always worse at the beginning of the day."
Claire went away with a pain in her heart, and the pain grew steadily as
she watched Sophie throughout the week. The pretty face was often drawn
with pain, she rose and sat down with an obvious effort; and still the
rain poured, and the dark fog enveloped the city, and Sophie struggled
to and from her work in a thin blue serge suit which had already seen
three winters' wear.
One day the subject came up for discussion in the staff-room, and Claire
was shocked and surprised at the attitude of the other teachers. They
were sorry for Sophie, they sympathised, to a certain extent they were
even anxious on her account, but the prevailing sentiment seemed to be
that the kindest thing was to take no notice of her sufferings. No use
pitying her; that would only make her more sorry for herself. No use
suggesting cures; cures take time, not to speak of money. The Easter
holidays would soon be here; perhaps she might try something then. In
the meantime--_tant pis_! she must get along as best she could. There
was simply no time to be ill.
"I've a churchyard cough myself," declared the Arts mistress. "I stayed
in bed all Saturday and Sunday, and it was really a little better, but
it was as bad as ever after a day in this big draughty hole."
"And I am racked with neuralgia," chimed in Miss Bates. The subject of
Sophie was lost in a general lamentation.
Friday evening came, and after the girls had departed Claire went in
search of Sophie, hoping tactfully to be able to suggest remedial
methods over the week-end. She peeped into several rooms before at
last, in one of the smallest and most out-of-the-way, she caught sight
of a figure crouched with buried head at the far end of the table. It
was Sophie, and she was crying, and catching her breath in a weak
exhausted fashion, pitiful to hear. Claire shut the door tightly, and
put her arms round the shaking form.
"Miss Blake--Sophie! You poor, dear girl! You are tired out. You have
been struggling all the week, but it's Friday night, dear, remember
that! You can go home and just tumble into bed. Don't give way when
you've been so brave."
But for the moment Sophie's bravery had deserted her.
"It's raining! It's raining! It _always_ rains. I can't face it. The
pain's all over me, and the omnibuses _won't_ stop! They expect you to
jump in, and I can't jump! I don't know how to get home."
"Well, I do!" Claire cried briskly. "There's no difficulty about that.
I'm sick of wet walks myself. I'll whistle for a taxi, and we'll drive
home in state. I'll take you home first, and then go on myself; or, if
you like, I'll come in with you and help you to bed."
"P-please. Oh, yes, please, do come! I don't want to be alone,"
faltered Sophie weakly; but she wiped her eyes, and in characteristic
fashion began to cheer up at the thought of the drive home.
There was a cheerful fire burning in Sophie's sitting-room, and the
table was laid for tea in quite an appetising fashion. The landlady
came in at the sound of footsteps, and showed a sympathetic interest at
the sight of Sophie's tear-stained face.
"I _told_ you you weren't fit to go out!" she said sagely. "Now just
sit yourself down before the fire, and I'll take your things upstairs
and bring you down a warm shawl. Then you shall have your teas. I'll
bring in a little table, so you can have it where you are." She left
the room, and Sophie looked after her with grateful eyes.
"That's what I pay for!" she said eloquently. "She's so kind! I love
that woman for all her niceness to me. I told you I had no right to pay
so much rent. I came in just for a few weeks until I could find
something else, and I haven't had the _heart_ to _move_. I've been in
such holes, and had such awful landladies. They seem divided into two
big classes, kind and dirty, or clean and _mad_! When you get one who
is kind _and_ clean, you feel so grateful that you'd pay your last penny
rather than move away. Oh, how lovely! how lovely! how lovely! It's
Friday night, and I can be ill comfortably all the time till Monday
morning! Aren't we jolly well-off to have our Saturdays to ourselves?
How thankful the poor clerks and typists would be to be in our place!"
She was smiling again, enjoying the warmth of the fire, the ease of the
cushioned chair. When Mrs Rogers entered she snoodled into the folds
of a knitted shawl, and lay back placidly while the kind creature took
off her wet shoes and stockings and replaced them by a long pair of
fleecy woollen bed-socks, reaching knee high. The landlady knelt to her
task, and Sophie laid a hand on the top of starched lace and magenta
velvet, and cried, "Rise, Lady Susan Rogers! One of the truest ladies
that ever breathed..."
"How you do talk!" said the landlady, but her eyes shone. As she
expounded to her husband in the kitchen, "Miss Blake had such a way with
her. When ladies were like that you didn't care what you did, but there
was them as treated you like Kaffirs."
Tea was quite a cheerful and sociable little meal, during which no
reference was made to Sophie's ailments, but when the cups had been
replaced on the central table, Claire seated herself and said with an
air of decision--
"Now we're going to have a disagreeable conversation! I don't approve
of the way you have been going on this last month, and it's time it came
to an end. You are ill, and it's your business to take steps to get
better!"
"Oh!"
"Yes; and you are going to take them, too!"
"What am I going to do?"
"You are going to see a specialist next week."
"You surprise me!" Sophie smiled with exaggerated lightness. "What
funny things one does hear!"
"Why shouldn't you see a specialist? I defy you to give me one sensible
reason?"
"I'll do better than that. I'll give you two."
"So do, then! What are they?"
"Guineas!" said Sophie.
For a moment Claire stared blankly, then she laughed.
"Oh, I see! Yes. It is rather a haul. But it's better to harden your
heart once for all, and pay it down."
"The two guineas is only the beginning."
"The beginning of what?"
"Trouble!" said Sophie grimly. "Baths, at a guinea apiece. Massage,
half-a-guinea a time. Medicine, liniments, change of air. My dear,
it's no use. What's the use of paying two guineas to hear a man tell
you to do a dozen things which are hopelessly impossible? It's paying
good money only to be aggravated and depressed. If it comes to that, I
can prescribe for myself without paying a sou... Knock off all work for
a year. Go to Egypt, or some perfectly dry climate, and build up your
strength. Always get out of London for the winter months. Live in the
fresh air, and avoid fatigue... How's that? Doesn't that strike you as
admirable advice?"
She put her head on one side with a gallant attempt at a smile, but her
lips twitched, and the flare of the incandescent light showed her face
lined and drawn with pain. Claire was silent, her heart cramping with
pain. The clock ticked on for several minutes, before she asked
softly--
"Have you no savings, Sophie? No money to keep you if you _did_ take a
rest?"
"Not a sou. It's all I can do to struggle along. I told you I had to
help a young sister, and things run up so quickly, that it doesn't seem
possible to save. I suppose many people would say one ought to be able
to do it on a hundred a year; that's all I have left for myself!
Hundreds of women manage on less, but as a rule they come from a
different class, and can put up with a style of living which would be
intolerable to us. I don't complain of the pay. I don't think it is
bad as things go: it's only when illness comes that one looks ahead and
feels--frightened! Suppose I broke down now, suppose I broke down in
ten years' time! I should be over forty, and after working hard for
twenty years I should be left without a penny piece; thrown on the scrap
heap, as a worn-out thing that was no more use. But I might still live
on, years upon years. Oh, dear! why did you make me think of it? It
does no good; only gives one the hump. There _is_ no Pension scheme, so
I simply can't afford to be ill. That's the end of it."
"Don't you think if you went to Miss Farnborough, and explained to
her--"
Sophie turned a flushed, protesting face.
"Never! Not for the world, and you mustn't either. Promise me
faithfully that you will never give so much as a hint. Miss Farnborough
is a capital head, but her great consideration is for the pupils; we
only count in so far as we are valuable to them. She'd be sorry for me,
of course, and would give me quite a lot of advice, but she'd think at
once, `If she's rheumatic, she won't be so capable as a Gym. mistress; I
must get some one else!' No, no, my dear, I must go on, I must fight it
out. You'd be surprised to see how I _can_ fight when Miss Farnborough
comes on the scene!"
"Very well. You have had your say, now I'm going to have mine! If you
go on as you have been doing the last month, growing stiffer week by
week, you won't be _able_ to hide it! The other mistresses talk about
it already. They were discussing you in staff-room last week. If you
go on trusting to chance, you are simply courting disaster. Now I'll
tell you what I am going to do. I'm going to find out the address of a
good specialist, and make an appointment for next Saturday morning. You
shan't have any trouble about it, and I'll call in a taxi, and take you
myself, and bring you safely back. And it will be the wisest and the
cheapest two guineas you ever spent in your life. Now! What have you
got to say to that?"
"Oh, I don't know, I don't know! You are very kind. I suppose I ought
to be grateful. I suppose you are right. Oh, I'll go, I suppose, I
must go. _Bother_!" cried Sophie ungraciously, whereupon Claire hastily
changed the conversation, and made no further reference to health during
the rest of her visit.
Mrs Willoughby supplied the name of a specialist; the specialist
granted an appointment for the following Saturday at noon, when the two
girls duly appeared in his consulting-room; and Sophie underwent the
usual examination, during which the great doctor's face assumed a
serious air. Finally he returned to the round-backed chair which stood
against the desk, and faced his patient across the room. Sophie was
looking flushed and pretty, she was wearing her best clothes, and she
wore them with an air which might well delude a masculine eye into
believing them much better than they really were. Claire had her usual
smart, well-turned-out appearance. They seemed to the doctor's eyes two
prosperous members of Society.
"I fear," he said gravely, "I fear that there is no doubt that your
rheumatism is the sort most difficult to treat. It is a clear case of
rheumatoid arthritis, but you are young, and the disease is in an early
stage, so that we must hope for the best. In olden times it was
supposed to be an incurable complaint, but of late years we have had
occasional cures, quite remarkable cures, which have mitigated that
decision. You must realise, however, that it is a difficult fight, and
that you will need much patience and perseverance."
"How soon do you think you can cure me?"
The doctor looked into Sophie's face, and his eyes were pitiful.
"I wish I could say, but I fear that's impossible. Different people are
affected by different cures. You must go on experimenting until you
find one that will suit your case; meanwhile there are certain definite
instructions which you would do well to observe. In what part of London
do you live?" He pursed-up his lips at the reply. "Clay! Heavy clay.
The worst thing you could have. That must be altered at once. It is
essential that you live on light, gravelly soil, and even then you
should not be in England in winter. You should go abroad for four or
five months."
Sophie cast a lightning glance at her companion. "It's impossible!" she
said shortly. "I can't move. I can't go abroad. I am a High School-
mistress. I am obliged to stay at my work. I am dependent on my
salary. I knew it was stupid to come. I knew what you would say. I
told my friend. It was her doing. She made me come--"
"I am very much indebted to your friend," the doctor said genially.
"She was quite right to insist that you should have advice, and now that
I know the circumstances, I'll try not to be unreasonable. I know how
aggravating it must be to be ordered to do things which are clearly
impossible; but you are young, and you are threatened with a disease
which may cripple your life. I want to do all that is in my power to
help you. Let's talk it over quietly, and see what can be done."
"I'm in school every day until half-past four, except on Saturdays, and
I can't afford to wait. I _must_ get better, and I must be quick about
it, or I shall lose my post. If I leave this school through rheumatism,
it will go down in my testimonial, and I should never get another
opening. I'm the Gym. mistress."
"Poor girl!" said the doctor kindly. "Well," he added, "I can say one
thing for your encouragement; you could not help yourself more than by
preserving your present attitude of mind. To determine to get better,
and to get better quickly, is a very valuable aid to material means.
And now I will tell you what I propose."
He bent forward in his chair, talking earnestly and rapidly. There was
no time to be lost, since the disease was apt to take sudden leaps
forward; at this stage every day was of value; the enemy must be
attacked before he had made good his hold. There was a new treatment
which, within his own experience, had had excellent results. It was not
a certainty; it was very far from a certainty, but it was a chance, and
it had this merit, that a month or six weeks would prove its efficacy in
any special case. If this failed, something else must be tried, but
most cures were very long, very costly. He would propose in the first
instance giving two injections a week; later on three or even four.
There might be a certain amount of reaction.
"What do you mean by reaction?" Sophie asked.
"Fever, headache. Possibly sickness, but not lasting for more than
twenty-four hours."
Sophie set her lips.
"I have no time to be ill!"
The doctor looked at her with deliberate sternness.
"You will have all your life to be ill, if you do not take care now! I
will do what I can to help you; we will arrange the times most
convenient to you. You might come to me at first direct from school on
Wednesdays and Saturdays. Later on the system will accustom itself, and
you will probably feel no bad effects. I should like to undertake your
case myself. My charge to you will be a quarter of my ordinary fee."
"Thank you very much," stammered Sophie, "but--"
Claire jumped up, and hastily interposed.
"Thank you so very much! We are most grateful, but it's--it's been
rather a shock, and we have not had time to think. Will you allow us to
write and tell you our decision?"
"Certainly. Certainly. But be quick about it. I am anxious to help,
but every week's delay will make the case more difficult. Try to
arrange for Wednesday next."
As he spoke he led the way towards the door. He had been all that was
kind and considerate, but there were other patients waiting; all day
long a procession of sufferers were filing into that room. He had no
more time to give to Sophie Blake. The two girls went out into the
street, got into a taxi and were driven swiftly away. Neither spoke.
They drew up before the door of Sophie's lodgings, entered the cosy
sitting-room and sat down by the fire.
"Well!" Sophie's face was flushed, her eyes were dry and feverishly
bright. "I hope you are satisfied, my dear. I've been to a specialist
to please you, and a most depressing entertainment it has been.
Arthritis! That's the thing people have who go about in Bath chairs,
and have horrible twisted fingers. It was supposed to be incurable, but
now they have `an occasional cure,' so I must hope for the best! I do
think doctors are the stupidest things! They have no tact. He could
tell me that in one breath, and in the other that it was most important
that I should have hope. Well! I _have_ hope. I _have_ faith, but
it's not because of his stupid injections. I believe in God, and God
knows that I need my health, and that other people need it too. My
little sister! What would happen to her if I crocked now? I don't
believe He will _let_ me grow worse!"
"That's all right, Sophie dear, but oughtn't you to use the means? I
don't call it trusting in the right sense if you set yourself against
the help that comes along. God doesn't work miracles as He did in the
old way; the world has progressed since those old times, and now He
works through men. It is a miracle just the same, though it shows
itself in a more natural fashion. Don't you call it a miracle that a
busy doctor should offer to treat you himself, at the hours most
convenient to you, and to do it at a quarter of his usual fees?"
"His fee for to-day was two guineas. They always charge that, I
suppose--these specialist people. A quarter of that would mean half-a-
guinea a visit. Two half-guineas equal one guinea. Later on, three or
four half-guineas a week would equal one-and-a-half to two guineas. Two
guineas equal my whole income. Very kind, no doubt--very kind indeed.
And just about as feasible as if he'd said a thousand pounds."
Claire was busy calculating, her fingers playing upon her knee. Ten
guineas ought to pay for the six weeks which would test the efficacy of
the vaccine. Surely there could not be any serious difficulty about ten
guineas?
"Wouldn't your brother?"
Sophie shook her head.
"I wouldn't ask him. He has four small children, and he does so much
for Emily. More than he can afford. He works too hard, poor fellow.
If it were a certainty, perhaps it might be managed somehow; but it's
only a chance, and six weeks won't see the end."
"But the end will be quicker if you begin at once. The doctor said that
every day was of importance. Sophie, listen! I've got the money. I've
got it lying in the bank. I'll lend it to you. I'd love to lend it.
If you'll let me, I'll send you a cheque to-night; that will pay for the
first six weeks--"
Sophie stretched out her hand, and gave a momentary clasp to Claire's
fingers.
"You _are_ a good soul! Fancy offering that to a stranger like me!
It's noble of you, my dear. Perfectly sweet! I'm awfully grateful, but
it's absolutely impossible that I could accept. When could I pay you
back? I've never been able to save, but I _have_ kept out of debt, and
it would worry me to death to have ten pounds hanging round my neck.
Besides, we shouldn't be any further. At the end of the six weeks I
should either be better, in which case he would certainly want me to go
on; or worse, when I should have to try something else! You don't
propose that I should go on borrowing from you at the rate of one or two
guineas a week?"
"I--I'm afraid I haven't got it to give."
"Very well, then--there you are! What's the good of beginning at all?"
Claire put her hands over her face and thought with that intense and
selfless thought which is as a prayer for help. The future seemed dark
indeed, and the feeling of helplessness was hard to bear. Two lonely
girls, with no one to help, and so much help that was needed! Here was
indeed the time for prayer.
"Sophie, it's horribly difficult; we can't see ahead. We can only `do
the next thing.' It is your duty to take this cure _now_, and the way
has opened for that. When we've come to the end of the six weeks, it
may open again. You said you have trust in God. It's no use talking
generalities, if you are not prepared to put your faith into practice.
The question for to-day is, _Can you trust Him for the beginning of
May_?"
Sophie smiled.
"I like that! That's a nice way of putting it. Yes, I can; but, Claire
(I must call you Claire, you are such a dear!), I wish it didn't mean
borrowing other people's money! It will be years before I can pay you
back. It may be that I can never do it."
"I would have said `give,' but I was afraid it would hurt your pride.
My stepfather gave me some money to buy jewellery for a wedding present,
and as a pure matter of selfishness I'd get more pleasure out of helping
you than out of a stupid brooch. And listen, Sophie, listen! I'm going
to explain.--I chose to take up teaching because I wanted to be
independent, and I knew my mother would be happier without me during the
first years of her marriage; but she is devoted to me, and I know in
time she will crave to have me back. She isn't strong, and she finds
the Indian climate trying, so very likely she may _need_ my help. I
shall never be sorry that I came to London, for work is a splendid
experience, and I am glad to have it; but I have never the feeling that
it is going to _last_. Mother comes first, and my stepfather is quite
well-off, and can afford to keep me; so if I were _needed_, I should not
feel that I was sacrificing my independence in letting him do it. So
you see I am not quite in the same position as the other mistresses, and
money is not of the same importance. If you were in my place, Sophie,
would you hesitate to lend me a ten-pound note?"
"Guineas, please!" cried Sophie, laughing to hide her tears. "All
right, my dear, all right! I give in. I lie down. You've beaten me.
I've nothing more to say. I'll take the horrid old injections, and pay
for them with your money, and--and--I think I'll go to bed now, please!
I've had about as much as I can bear for one short day!"
"And I'll go home and have a rest myself. I am to help at a bazaar this
afternoon, and I don't feel at all in my full beauty. Good-bye, Sophie.
Cheer up! There's a good time coming!"
"There's a good time coming for _you_!" predicted Sophie confidently.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN.
"LEND ME FIVE POUNDS!"
The contrasts of life seemed painfully strong to Claire Gifford that
Saturday afternoon as she seated herself in the luxurious car by Mrs
Willoughby's side, and thought of Sophie Blake obliged to borrow ten
pounds to pay for a chance of health, and the contrast deepened during
the next few hours, as she watched beautifully gowned women squandering
money on useless trifles which decked the various "stalls." Embroidered
cushions, painted sachets, veil cases, shaving cases, night-dress cases,
bridge bags, fan bags, handkerchief bags, work bags; bags of every size,
of every shape, of every conceivable material; bead necklaces, mats--a
wilderness of mats--a very pyramid of drawn-thread work. Claire found a
seat near the principal stall, where she caught the remarks of the
buyers as they turned away. "...I detest painted satin! Can't think why
I bought that ridiculous sachet. It will have to go on to the next
bazaar."
"...That makes my twenty-third bag! Rather a sweet, though, isn't he?
It will go with my grey dress."
"This is awful! I'm not getting on at all. I can't decently spend less
than five pounds. For goodness' sake tell me what to buy!"
"Can't think why people give bazaars! Such an upset in the house. For
some charity, I believe--I forget what. She asked me to come..."
So on and so on; scores of women surging to and fro, swinging bags of
gold and silver chain, buying baubles for which they had no use;
occasionally--very occasionally, for love of the cause; often--very
often because Lady --- had sent a personal invitation, and Lady --- was
a useful friend, and gave such charming balls!
At the two concerts Claire had a pleasant success, which she enjoyed
with all her heart. Her whistling performance seemed to act as a
general introduction, for every listener seemed to be anxious to talk to
her, and to ask an infinitude of questions. Was it difficult? How long
did it take to learn? Was she nervous? Wasn't it difficult not to
laugh? How did she manage not to look a fright? Did she do it often?
Did she _mind_? This last question usually led up to a tentative
mention of some entertainment in which the speaker was interested, but
after the first refusal Claire was on guard, and regretted that her time
was filled up. She was eager to help Mrs Willoughby, but had no desire
to be turned into an unpaid public performer!
Janet did not appear at the bazaar, so the drive home was once more a
_tete-a-tete_, during which Mrs Willoughby questioned Claire as to the
coming holidays, and expressed pleasure to hear that they were to be
spent in Brussels. She was so kind and motherly in her manner that
Claire was emboldened to bespeak her interest on Sophie's behalf.
"I suppose," she said tentatively, "you don't know of any family going
abroad to a dry climate--it must be a very dry climate--who would like
to take a girl with them to--er--to be a sort of help! She's a pretty
girl, and very gay and amusing, and she's had the highest possible
training in health exercises. She would be splendid if there was a
delicate child who needed physical development, and, of course, she is
quite well educated all round. She could teach up to a certain point.
She is the Gym. mistress in my school, and is very popular with the
girls."
"And why does she want to leave?"
"She's not well. It's rheumatism--a bad kind of rheumatism. It is just
beginning, and the doctor says it ought to be tackled at once, and that
to live on clay soil is the worst thing for her. If she stays at Saint
Cuthbert's she's practically bound to live on clay. And he says she
ought to get out of England for the next few winters. She has not a
penny beyond her salary, but if she could find a post--"
"Well, why not?" Mrs Willoughby's voice was full of a cheerful
optimism. "I don't know of anything at present, but I'll make inquiries
among my friends. There ought not to be any difficulty. So many people
winter abroad; and there is quite a craze for these physical exercises.
Oh, yes, my dear, I am sure I can help. Poor thing! poor girl! it's so
important to keep her health. I must find some one who will be
considerate, and not work her too hard."
She spoke as if the post were a settled thing; as if there were several
posts from which to choose. Probably there were. Among her large
circle of wealthy friends this popular and influential woman, given a
little trouble, could almost certainly find a chance for Sophie Blake.
_Given a little trouble_! That was the rub! Five out of six of the
women who had thronged Lady ---'s rooms that afternoon would have
dismissed Sophie's case with an easy sympathy, "Poor creature! Quite
too sad, but really, you know, my dear, it's a shocking mistake to
recommend any one to a friend. If anything goes wrong, you get blamed
yourself. Isn't there a Home?" Mrs Willoughby was the exception to
the rule; she helped in deed, as well as in word. Claire looked at the
large plain face with a very passion of admiration.
"Oh, I wish all women were like you! I'm so glad you are rich. I hope
you will go on growing richer and richer. You are the right person to
have money, because you help, you _want_ to help, you remember other
women who are poor."
"My dear," said Mrs Willoughby softly, "I have been poor myself. My
father lost his money, and for years we had a hard struggle. Then I
married--for love, my dear, not money, but there was money, too,--more
money than I could spend. It was an intoxicating experience, and I
found it difficult not to be carried away. My dear husband had settled
a large income on me, for my own use, so I determined, as a safeguard,
to divide it in two, and use half for myself and half for gentlewomen
like your friend, who need a helping hand. I have done that now for
twenty-five years, but I give out of my abundance, my dear; it is easy
for me to give money; I deserve no credit for that."
"You give time, too, and sympathy, and kindness. It's no use, Mrs
Willoughby. I've put you on the topmost pinnacle in my mind, and
nothing that you can say can pull you down. I think you are the best
woman in London!"
"Dear, dear, you will turn my head! I'm not accustomed to such
wholesale flattery," cried Mrs Willoughby, laughing; then the car
stopped, and Claire made her adieux, and sprang lightly to the ground.
The chauffeur had stopped before the wrong house, but he did not
discover his mistake as Claire purposely stood still until he had turned
the car and started to retrace his way westward. The evening was fine
though chill, and the air was refreshing after the crowded heat of Lady
---'s rooms. Claire had only the length of a block to walk, and she
went slowly, drawing deep breaths to fill her tired lungs.
The afternoon had passed pleasantly enough, but it had left her feeling
flat and depressed. She questioned herself as to the cause of her
depression. Was she jealous of those other girls who lived lives of
luxury and idleness? Honestly she was not. She was not in the position
of a girl who had known nothing but poverty, and who therefore felt a
girl's natural longing for pretty rooms, pretty clothes, and a taste of
gaiety and excitement. Claire had known all these things, and could
know them again; neither was she in the position of a working girl who
has no one to help in the day of adversity, for a comfortable home was
open to her at any moment. No! she was not jealous: she probed still
deeper, and acknowledged that she was disappointed! Last time that she
had whistled in public--
Claire shook her head with an impatient toss. This was feeble. This
was ridiculous. A man whom she had met twice! A man whose mother had
refused an introduction. A man whom Janet--
"I must get to work, and prepare my lesson for Monday. Nothing like
good work to drive away these sentimental follies!"
But Fate was not kind, for right before her eyes were a couple of lovers
strolling onward, the man's hand through the girl's arm, his head bent
low over hers. Claire winced at the sight, but the next moment her
interest quickened in a somewhat painful fashion, as the man
straightened himself suddenly, and swung apart with a gesture of
offence. The lovers were quarrelling! Now the width of the pavement
was between them; they strode onward, ostentatiously detached. Claire
smiled to herself at the childishness of the display. One moment
embracing in the open street, the next flaunting their differences so
boldly that every passer-by must realise the position! Surely a grown
man or woman ought to have more self-control. Then suddenly the light
of a lamp shone on the pair, and she recognised the familiar figures of
Mary Rhodes and Major Carew. He wore a long light overcoat. Cecil had
evidently slipped out of the house to meet him, for she was attired in
her sports coat and knitted cap. Poor Cecil! The interview seemed to
be ending in anything but a pleasant fashion.
Claire lingered behind until the couple had passed her own doorway, let
herself in with her latch-key, and hastened to settle down to work.
When Cecil came in, she would not wish to be observed. Claire carried
her books to the bureau, so as to have her back to the fire, but before
she had been five minutes writing, she heard the click of the lock, and
Cecil herself came into the room.
"Halloa! I saw the light go up. I thought it must be you." She was
silent for a couple of minutes, then spoke again in a sharp, summoning
voice: "Claire!"
"Yes?"
Claire turned round, to behold Cecil standing at the end of the dining-
table, her bare hands clasping its rim. She was so white that her lips
looked of a startling redness; her eyes met Claire with a defiant
hardness.
"I want you to lend me five pounds _now_!"
Claire's anxiety was swallowed in a rising of irritation which brought
an edge of coldness into her voice.
"Five pounds! What for? Cecil, I have never spoken of it, I have never
worried you, but I've already paid--"
"I know! I know! I'll pay you back. But I must have this to-night,
and I've nowhere else to go. It's important. I would lend it to you,
Claire, if it were in my power."
"Cecil, I hate to refuse, but really--I _need_ my money! Just now I
need it particularly. I can't afford to go on lending. I'm dreadfully
sorry, but--"
"Claire, please! I implore you, just this one time! I'll pay you
back... There's my insurance policy--I can raise something on that.
For pity's sake, Claire, help me this time!"
Claire rose silently and went upstairs. It was not in her to refuse
such a request while a five-pound note lay in her desk upstairs. She
slipped the crackling paper into an envelope, and carried it down to the
parlour. Cecil took it without a word, and went back into the night.
When she had gone, Claire gathered her papers together in a neat little
heap, ranged them in a corner of the bureau, and seated herself on a
stiff-backed chair at the end of the table. She looked as if she were
mounted on a seat of justice, and the position suited her frame of mind.
She felt angry and ill-used. Cecil had no right to borrow money from a
fellow-worker! The money in the bank was dwindling rapidly; the ten
guineas for Sophie would make another big hole. She did not grudge
that--she was eager and ready to give it for so good a cause; but _what_
was Cecil doing with these repeated loans? To judge from appearances,
she was rather poorer than richer during the last few months, while
bills for her new clothes came in again and again, and received no
settlement. An obstinate look settled on Claire's face. She determined
to have this thing out.
In ten minutes' time Cecil was back again, still white, still defiant,
meeting Claire's glance with a shrug, seating herself at the opposite
end of the table with an air of callous indifference to what should come
next.
"Well?"
"Well?"
"You look as if you had something to say!"
"I have. Cecil, what are you doing with all this money?"
"That's my business, I suppose!"
"I don't see it, when the money is mine! I think I have the right to
ask?"
"I've told you I'll pay you back!"
"That's not the question. I want to know what you are doing _now_! You
are not paying your bills."
"I'll sell out some shares to-morrow, and--"
"You shall do no such thing. I can wait, and I will wait, but I can't
go on lending; and if I did, it could do you no good. Where does the
money go? It does _you_ no good!"
"I am the best judge of that."
"Cecil, _are you lending money to that man_?"
The words leapt out, as on occasion such words will leap, without
thought or premeditation on the speaker's part. She did not intend to
speak them; if she had given herself one moment for reflection she dared
not have spoken them; when their sound struck across the quiet room she
was almost as much startled as Cecil herself; yet heart and brain
approved their utterance; heart and brain pronounced that she had
discovered the truth.
Cecil's face was a deep glowing red.
"Really, Claire, you go too far! Why in the world should you think--"
"I saw you with him now in the street. I could see that you were
quarrelling; you took no pains to hide it. You left him to come in to
me, and went back again. It seems pretty obvious."
"Well! and if I did?" Cecil had plainly decided that denial was
useless. "I am responsible for the loan. What does it matter to you
who uses it?"
But at that Claire's anger vanished, and she shrank back with a cry of
pain and shame.
"And he _took_ it from you? Money! Took it from a girl he professes to
love--who is working for herself! Oh, Cecil, how _could_ he? How could
you allow him? How can you go on caring for such a man?"
"Don't get hysterical, Claire, please. There's nothing so extraordinary
in a man being hard up. It's happened before now in the history of the
world. Frank has a position to keep up, and his father--I've told you
before how mean and difficult his father is, and it's so important that
Frank should keep on good terms just now.--He dare not worry him for
money. When he is going to make me a rich woman some day, why should I
refuse to lend him a few trifling pounds when he runs short? He's in an
expensive regiment; he belongs to an expensive Club; he is obliged to
keep up with the other men. If I had twice as much I would lend it with
pleasure."
Claire opened her lips to say that at least no more borrowed money
should be supplied for Major Carew, but the words were never spoken.
Pity engulfed her, a passion of pity for the poor woman who a second
time had fallen under the spell of an unscrupulous man. Cecil's
explanation had fallen on deaf ears, for Claire could accept no excuses
for a man who borrowed from a woman to ensure comfort and luxury for
himself. An officer in the King's army! The thing seemed incredible;
so incredible that, for the first time, a rising of suspicion mingled
with her dislike. Mentally, she rehearsed the facts of Major Carew's
history as narrated by himself, and found herself doubting every one.
The beautiful house in the country--did it really exist? The eccentric
old father who refused to part with his gold--was he flesh and blood, or
a fictitious figure invented as a convenient excuse? The fortune which
was to enrich the future--_was_ there such a fortune? Or, if there
were, was Major Carew in truth the eldest son? Claire felt a
devastating helplessness her life abroad had left her ignorant of many
British institutions; she knew nothing of the books in which she might
have traced the Carew history; she had nothing to guide her but her own
feminine instinct, but if that instinct were right, what was to become
of Mary Rhodes?
Her face looked so sad, so downcast, that Cecil's conscience was
pricked.
"Poor old Claire!" she said gently, "how I do worry you, to be sure!
Never mind, my dear, I'll make it up to you one day. You've been a
brick to me, and I shan't forget it. And I'll go to my mother's for the
whole of the Easter holidays, and save up my pennies to pay you back.
The poor old soul felt defrauded because I stayed only a week at
Christmas, so she'll be thankful to have me. You can go to Brussels
with an easy mind, knowing that I'm out of temptation. That will be
killing two birds with one stone. What do you say to having cocoa now,
instead of waiting till nine o'clock? We've tired ourselves out with
all this fuss?"
CHAPTER SIXTEEN.
THE MEETING IN HYDE PARK.
It was the end of May. The weather was warm and sunny, the windows of
the West End were gay with flowers; in the Park the great beds of
rhododendrons blazed forth in a glow of beauty. It was the season, and
a particularly gay and festive season at that. "Everybody" was in town,
including a few million "nobodies." There were clerks toiling by their
thousands in the City, chained all day long to their desks; there were
clerks' wives at home in the suburbs, toiling all day too, and sometimes
far into the night; there were typists, and shop assistants, and
prosperous heads of households, who worked steadily for five and a half
days a week, in order that their families might enjoy comfort and ease,
condensing their own relaxation into short Saturday afternoons. And
there were school-mistresses, too, who saw the sun through form-room
windows, but felt its call all the same--the call of the whole glad
spring--and grew restless, and nervous, and short in temper. It was not
the leaders of society whom they envied; they read of Court balls, and
garden parties, of preparations for Ascot and Henley with a serene
detachment, just as they read with indifference in the fashion page of a
daily newspaper that "Square watches are the vogue this season, and our
_elegantes_ are ordering several specimens of this dainty bauble to
match the prevailing colours of their costumes," the while they suffered
real pangs at the sight of an "alarming sacrifice" at twenty-nine and
six. The one was almost within their grasp; the other floated in the
nebulous atmosphere of a different sphere.
In the staff-room at lunch-time the staff grew restless and critical.
The hot joints no longer appealed to their appetites, the watery
vegetables and heavy puddings became things abhorred. They thought of
cool salads and _compotes_ on ice, and hated the sight of the greasy
brown gravy. They blamed the cook, they blamed the Committee, they said
repeatedly, "Nobody thinks of _us_!" and exchanged anecdotes
illustrative of the dulness, the stupidity of their pupils. As for the
Matric. candidates, they would _all_ fail! There wasn't a chance for a
single one. The stupidest set of girls the school had ever possessed!
Oh, certainly they would all fail!
"And then," said Mary Rhodes bitterly, "_we_ shall be blamed."
The Arts mistress said with a sigh--
"Oh, wouldn't it be heavenly to run away from it all, and have a week-
end in the country! The gorse will be out, and the hawthorn still in
blossom. What's the very cheapest one could do it on for two days?"
Mademoiselle said--
"Absolutely, _ma chere_, there is no help for it. It is necessary that
I have a distraction. I must buy a new hat."
Sophie Blake said defiantly to herself--
"Crippled? Ridiculous! I _refuse_ to be crippled. I want to run, and
run, and run, and run, and dance, and sing, and jump about! I feel
pent! I feel caged! And all that precious money squandered on
injections..."
The six weeks' course of treatment had been, from the doctor's point of
view, a complete success; from Sophie's a big disappointment. She
argued that she was still stiff, still in pain, that the improvement was
but small; he pointed out that without the injections she would of a
certainty have been worse, and since in arthritis even to remain
stationary was a success, to have improved in the smallest degree in six
weeks' time might be regarded as a triumph. He prescribed a restful
holiday during the Easter vacation, and a second course of treatment on
her return. Sophie resigned herself to do without new clothes for the
summer, and sold her most treasured possession, a diamond ring which had
belonged to her mother, so that the second ten pounds was secure. But
how was she to pay back the original loan?
Meanwhile Mrs Willoughby was inquiring among her friends for a suitable
post, and had played the good fairy by arranging to send Sophie for the
Easter holidays to a country cottage on the Surrey heights, which she
ran as a health resort for gentlewomen. Here on a fine dry soil, the
air scented with the fragrant breath of the pines, with nothing to do,
and plenty of appetising food to eat, the Gym. mistress's general health
improved so rapidly that she came back to school with her thin cheeks
quite filled out.
"Very satisfactory," said the doctor. "Now I shall be able to get on to
stronger doses!"
"What's the good of getting better, only to be made worse?" cried Sophie
in rebellion.
Cecil's loan remained unpaid. She had spent her holidays with her
mother as arranged, but her finances did not appear to have profited
thereby. Dunning for bills became so incessant that the landlady spoke
severely of the "credit of the house." She went out constantly in the
evening, and several times Claire heard Major Carew's voice at the door,
but he never came into the house, and there was no talk of an open
engagement.
As for Claire herself, she had had a happy time in Brussels, staying
with both English and Belgian friends and re-visiting all the old
haunts. She thoroughly enjoyed the change, but could not honestly say
that she wished the old life to return. If she came back with a heavy
heart, it was neither poverty nor work which she feared, but rather the
want of that atmosphere of love and kindliness which make the very
essence of home. At the best of times Mary Rhodes was a difficult
companion and far from affectionate in manner, but since the giving of
that last loan, there had arisen a mental barrier which it seemed
impossible to surmount. It had become difficult to keep up a
conversation apart from school topics, and both girls found themselves
dreading the evening's _tete-a-tete_.
Claire felt like a caged bird beating against the bars. She wanted an
outlet from the school life, and the call of the spring was insistent to
one who until now had spent the summer in wandering about some of the
loveliest scenes in Europe. She wearied of the everlasting streets, and
discovered that by hurrying home after afternoon school, making a quick
change of clothing, and catching a motor-'bus at the corner of the road,
she could reach Hyde Park by half-past five, and spend a happy hour
sitting on one of the green chairs, enjoying the beauty of the flowers,
and watching the never-ending stream of pedestrians and vehicles.
Sometimes she recognised Mrs Willoughby and Janet bowling past in their
luxurious motor, but they never saw her, and she was not anxious that
they should. What she wanted was to sit still and rest. Sometimes a
smartly-dressed woman, obviously American, would seat herself on the
next chair, and inquire as to the best chance of seeing the Queen, and
the question being amiably answered, would proceed to unasked
confidences. She thought England "sweet." She had just come over to
this side. She was staying till the fall. Who was the lady in the
elegant blue auto? The London fashions were just too cute! When they
parted, the fair American invariably said, "Pleased to have met you!"
and looked as though she meant it into the bargain, and Claire whole-
heartedly echoed the sentiment. She liked these women with their keen,
child-like enthusiasm, their friendly, gracious ways. In contrast to
them the ordinary Englishwoman seemed cold and aloof.
One brilliant afternoon when the Park was unusually bright and gay,
Claire was seated near the Achilles statue, carelessly scanning the
passers-by, when, with a sudden leap of the heart, she saw Erskine
Fanshawe some twenty yards ahead, strolling towards her, accompanied by
two ladies. He was talking to his companions with every appearance of
enjoyment, and had no attention to spare for the rows of spectators on
the massed green chairs. Claire felt the blood rush to her face in the
shock of surprise and agitation. She had never contemplated the
possibility of such a meeting, for Captain Fanshawe had not appeared the
type of man who would care to take part in a fashionable parade, and the
sudden appearance of the familiar face among the crowd made her heart
leap with a force that was physically painful. Then, the excitement
over, she realised with a second pang, almost as painful as the first,
that in another minute he would have passed by, unseeing, unknowing, to
disappear into space for probably months to come. At the thought
rebellion arose in her heart. She felt a wild impulse to leave her seat
and advance towards him; she longed with a sudden desperation of longing
to meet his eyes, to see his smile, but pride held her back. She sat
motionless watching with strained eyes.
One of Captain Fanshawe's companions was old, the other young--a pretty,
fashionably-dressed girl, who appeared abundantly content with her
escort. All three were watching with amusement the movements of a stout
elderly dame, who sauntered immediately ahead, leading by a leash a
French poodle, fantastically shaved, and decorated with ribbon bows.
The stout dame was evidently extravagantly devoted to her pet, and
viewed with alarm the approach of a jaunty black and white terrier.
The terrier cocked his ears, and elevating his stump of a tail, yapped
at the be-ribboned spaniel with all a terrier's contempt, as he advanced
to the attack. The stout dame screamed, dropped the leash, and hit at
the terrier with the handle of her parasol. The poodle evidently
considering flight the best policy, doubled and fled in the direction of
the green chairs, to come violently to anchor against Claire's knee.
The crowd stared, the stout dame hurried forward. Claire, placing a
soothing hand on the dog's head, lifted a flushed, smiling face, and in
so doing caught the lift of a hat, met for the moment the glance of
startled eyes.
The stout lady was not at all grateful. She spoke as sharply as though
Claire, and Claire alone, had been the cause of her pet's upset. She
strode majestically away, leaving Claire trembling, confused, living
over again those short moments. She had seen him; he had seen her! He
was alive and well, living within a few miles of herself, yet as far
apart as in another continent. It was six months since they had last
met. It might be six years before they met again. But he had seemed
pleased to see her. Short as had been that passing glance, there was no
mistaking its interest. He was surprised, but pleasure had overridden
surprise. If he had been alone, he would have hurried forward with
outstretched hand. In imagination she could see him coming, his grave
face lightened with joy. Oh, if _only, only_ he had been alone! But he
was with friends; he had the air of being content and interested, and
the girl was pretty, far prettier than Janet Willoughby.
"Good afternoon!"
She turned gasping; he was standing before her, holding out his hand.
He had left his companions and come back to join her. His face looked
flushed, as though he had rushed back at express speed. He had seemed
interested and content, and the girl was pretty, yet he had come back to
her! He seated himself on the chair by her side, and looked at her with
eager eyes.
"I haven't seen you for six months!"
"I was just--" Claire began impulsively, drew herself up, and finished
demurely--"I suppose it is."
"You haven't been at either of Mrs Willoughby's `At Homes.'"
"No; but I've seen a good deal of them all the same. They have been so
kind."
"Don't you care for the `At Homes'? I asked Mrs Willoughby about you,
and she seemed to imply that you preferred not to go."
"Oh, no! Oh, no! That was quite wrong. I _did_ enjoy that evening.
It was a--a misunderstanding, I think," said Claire, much exercised to
find an explanation of what could really not be explained. Of the third
"At Home" she had heard nothing until this moment, and a pang of
retrospective disappointment mingled with her present content. "I have
been to the house several times when they were alone," she continued
eagerly. "They even asked me on Christmas Day."
"I know," he said shortly. "I was in Saint Moritz, skating in the
sunshine, when I heard how you were spending _your_ Christmas holidays."
His face looked suddenly grim and set. "A man feels pretty helpless at
a time like that. I didn't exactly enjoy myself for the rest of that
afternoon."
"That was stupid of you, but--but very nice all the same," Claire said
softly. "It wouldn't have made things easier for me if other people had
been dull, and, after all, I came off better than I expected."
"You were all alone--in your Grand Hotel?"
"Only for a week." Claire resolutely ignored the hit. "Then my friend
came back, and we made some little excursions together, and enjoyed
being lazy, and getting up late, and reading lots of nice books. I had
made all sorts of good resolutions about the work I was going to get
through in the holidays, but I never did one thing."
"Do you often come to the Park?"
Claire felt a pang of regret. Was it possible that even this simple
pleasure was to be denied her? She knew too well that if she said
"yes," Captain Fanshawe would look out for her again, would come with
the express intention of meeting her. To say "yes" would be virtually
to consent to such meetings. It was a temptation which took all her
strength to reject, but rejected it must be. She would not stoop to the
making of a rendez-vous.
"I have been several times, but I shan't be able to come any more. We
get busier towards the end of the term. Examinations--"
Captain Fanshawe straightened himself, and said in a very stiff voice--
"I also, unfortunately, am extremely busy, so I shall not be able to see
the rhododendrons in their full beauty. I had hoped you might be more
fortunate."
Claire stared at a passing motor, of which she saw nothing but a moving
mass; when she turned back it was to find her companion's eyes fixed on
her face, with an expression half guilty, half appealing, altogether
ingratiating. At the sight her lips twitched, and suddenly they were
laughing together with a delicious consciousness of understanding.
"Well!" he cried, "it's true! I mean it! There's no need to stay away
because of me; but as I _am_ here to-day, and it's my last chance, won't
you let me give you tea? If we walk along to Victoria Gate--"
Claire thought with a spasm of longing of the little tables under the
awning; of the pretty animated scene; but no, it might not be. Her
acquaintance with this man was too casual to allow her to accept his
hospitality in a public place.
"Thank you very much, but I think not. I would rather stay here."
"Well, at any rate," he said defiantly, "I've paid for my chair, and you
can't turn me out. Of course, you can move yourself."
"But I don't want to move. I like being here. I'm very glad to see
you. I should like very much to have tea, too. Oh, if you don't
understand I can't explain!" cried poor Claire helplessly; and instantly
the man's expression altered to one of sympathy and contrition.
"I do understand! Don't mind what I say. Naturally it's annoying, but
you're right, I suppose--you're perfectly right. I am glad, at any
rate, that you allow me to talk to you for a few minutes. You are
looking very well!" His eyes took her in in one rapid comprehensive
sweep, and Claire thanked Providence that she had put on her prettiest
dress. "I am glad that you are keeping fit. Did you enjoy your holiday
in Belgium?"
"How did you know I was in Belgium?"
He laughed easily, but ignored the question.
"You have good news of your mother, I hope?"
"Very good. She loves the life, and is very happy and interested, and
my stepfather writes that his friends refuse to believe in the existence
of a grown-up daughter. He is so proud of her youthful looks."
"How much did you tell her about your Christmas holidays?"
"All the nice bits! I don't approve of burdening other people!"
"Evidently not. Then there have been burdens? You've implied that!
Nothing by any chance, in which a man--fairly intelligent, and, in this
instance, keen after work--could possibly be of some use?"
The two pairs of eyes met, gazed, held one another steadily for a long
eloquent moment.
"Yes," said Claire.
Captain Fanshawe bent forward quickly, holding his stick between his
knees. The side of his neck had flushed a dull red colour. For several
moments he did not speak. Claire had a curious feeling that he could
not trust his voice.
"Good!" he said shortly at last. "Now may I hear?"
"I should like very much to ask you some questions about--about a man
whom I think you may know."
The grey eyes came back to her face, keen and surprised.
"Yes! Who is he?"
"A Major Carew. His Christian name is Frank. He belongs to your Club."
"I know the fellow. Yes! What do you want to know about him?"
"Everything, I think; everything you can tell me!"
"You know him personally, then? You've met him somewhere?"
"Yes," Claire answered to the last question, "and I'm anxious--I'm
interested to know more. Do you know his people, or anything about
him?"
"I don't know them personally. I know Carew very slightly. Good
family, I believe. Fine old place in Surrey."
The Elizabethan manor house was true, then! Claire felt relieved, but
not yet satisfied. Her suspicion was so deep-rooted that it was not
easily dispelled. She sat silent for a moment, considering her next
question.
"Is he the eldest son?"
"I believe he is. I've always understood so."
The eldest son of a good family possessing a fine old place! Claire
summoned before her the picture of the coarse florid-faced man who had
tried to flirt with her in the presence of the woman to whom he was
engaged; a man who stooped to borrow money from a girl who worked for
her own living. _What_ excuse could there be for such a man? She drew
her brows together in puzzled fashion, and said slowly--
"Then surely, if he is the heir, he ought to be rich!"
"It doesn't necessarily follow. I should say Carew was not at all
flush. Landed property is an expensive luxury in these days. I've
heard, too, that the father is a bit of a miser. He may not be generous
in the matter of allowance!"
Claire sat staring ahead, buried in thought, and Captain Fanshawe stared
at her in his turn, and wondered once more why this particular girl was
different from every other girl, and why in her presence he felt a
fullness of happiness and content. She was very pretty; but pretty
girls were no novelty in his life; he knew them by the score. It was
not her beauty which attracted him, but a mysterious affinity which made
her seem nearer to him than he had hitherto believed it possible for any
human creature to be. He had recognised this mysterious quality at
their first meeting; he had felt it more strongly at Mrs Willoughby's
"At Home"; six months' absence had not diminished his interest. Just
now, when he had caught sight of her flushed upturned face, his heart
had leapt with a violence which startled him out of his ordinary calm.
Something had happened to him. When he had time he must think the thing
out and discover its meaning. But how did she come to be so uncommonly
interested in Carew? He met Claire's eyes, and she asked falteringly--
"I wish you would tell me what you think of him personally! Do you
think he is--nice?"
"Tell me first what you think yourself."
"Honestly? You won't mind?"
"Not one single little bit! I told you he is a mere acquaintance."
"Then," said Claire deliberately, "I think he is the most horrible,
detestable, insufferable, altogether despicable creature I have ever met
in the whole of my life!"
"What! What! I say, you _are_ down on him!" Captain Fanshawe stared,
beamed with an obvious relief, then hastened to defend an absent man.
"You're wrong, you know; really you're wrong! I don't call Carew the
most attractive fellow you can meet; rather rough manners, don't you
know, but he's all right--Carew's all right. You mustn't judge by
appearances, Miss Gifford. Some of the most decent fellows in the Club
are in his set. Upon my word, I think he is quite a good sort."
Captain Fanshawe waxed the more eloquent as Claire preserved her
expression of incredulous dislike. He looked at her curiously, and
said, "I suppose I mustn't ask--I suppose you couldn't tell me exactly
why you are so interested in Carew?"
"I'm afraid not. No; I'm afraid I can't," Claire said regretfully.
Then suddenly there flashed through her mind a remembrance of the many
tangles and misunderstandings which take place in books for want of a
little sensible out-speaking. She looked into Captain Fanshawe's face
with her pretty dark-lashed eyes and said honestly, "I wanted to know
about him for the sake of--another person? _Nothing_ to do with myself!
I have only met him twice. I hope I shall never meet him again!"
"Thank you," said the man simply, and at the time neither of the two
realised the full significance of those quiet words. It was only on
living over the interview on her return home that Claire remembered and
understood!
For the next quarter of an hour they abandoned the personal note, and
discussed the various topics of the hour. They did not always agree,
and neither was of the type to be easily swayed from a preconceived
opinion, but always they were interested, always they felt a sympathy
for the other view, never once was there a fraction of a pause. They
had so much to say that they could have talked for hours.
Gradually the Park began to empty, the string of motors grew less, the
crowd on the footpath no longer lounged, but walked quickly with a
definite purpose; the green chairs stood in rows without a single
occupant. Claire looked round, realised her isolation, drew an
involuntary sigh, and rose in her turn.
"It's getting late. I must be hurrying home. I go to the Marble Arch
and take a motor-'bus. Please don't let me take you out of your way!"
He looked at her straightly but did not reply, and they paced together
down the broad roadway, past the sunken beds of rhododendrons with the
fountain playing in the centre, towards the archway which seemed to both
so unnecessarily near! Claire thought of the six months which lay
behind, saw before her a vision of months ahead unenlightened by another
meeting, and felt suddenly tired and chill. Captain Fanshawe frowned
and bit at his lower lip.
"I am going away to-morrow. We shall be in camp. In August I am taking
part of my leave to run up to Scotland, but I can always come to town if
I'm needed, or if there's a special inducement. I came up for both the
Willoughbys' `At Homes.'"
"Did you?" Claire said feebly, and fell a-thinking. The inference was
too plain to be misunderstood. The "special inducement" in this
instance had been the hope of meeting herself. Actually it would appear
that he had travelled some distance to ensure this chance, but the
chance had been deliberately denied. Kind Mrs Willoughby would have
welcomed her with open arms; it was Janet who had laid the ban. Janet
was friendly, almost affectionate. As spring progressed she had
repeatedly called at Saint Cuthbert's after afternoon school and carried
Claire off for refreshing country drives. Quite evidently she enjoyed
Claire's society, quite evidently also she preferred to enjoy it when
other visitors were not present. Claire was not offended, for she knew
that there was no taint of snobbishness in this decision; she was just
sorry, and, in a curious fashion, remorseful into the bargain. She did
not argue out the point, but instinctively she felt that Janet, not
herself, was the one to be pitied!
They reached the end of the footpath: in another minute they would be in
the noise and bustle of Oxford Street. Erskine Fanshawe came to an
abrupt halt, faced Claire and cried impulsively--
"Miss Gifford!"
"Yes?"
Claire shrank instinctively. She knew that she was about to be asked a
question which it would be difficult to answer.
Erskine planted his stick on the ground, and stared straight into her
eyes.
"Why are you so determined to give me no chance of meeting you again?"
"I--I'm _not_ determined! I hope we _shall_ meet. Perhaps next
winter--at Mrs Willoughby's."
He laughed grimly.
"But if I were not content to wait for `perhaps next winter--at Mrs
Willoughby's.' ... What then?"
Claire looked at him gravely.
"What would you suggest? I have no home in London, and no relations,
and your mother, Captain Fanshawe, would not introduce me to you when
she had the chance!"
He made a gesture of impatience.
"Oh, my mother is the most charming of women--and the most indiscreet.
She acts always on the impulse of the moment. She introduced you to
Mrs Willoughby, or asked Mrs Willoughby to introduce herself, which
comes to the same thing. Surely that proves that she--she--"
He broke off, finding a difficulty in expressing what he wanted to say;
but Claire understood, and emphatically disagreed. To enlist a friend's
sympathy was a very different thing from running the risk of entangling
the affections of an only son! Obviously, however, she could not
advance this argument, so they stood, the man and the girl, looking at
one another, helpless, irresolute, while the clock opposite ticked
remorselessly on. Then, with an abruptness which lent added weight to
his words, Erskine said boldly--
"I want to meet you again! I am not content to wait upon chance."
Claire did not blush; on the contrary, the colour faded from her cheeks.
Most certainly she also was not content, but she did not waver in her
resolution.
"I'm afraid there's nothing else for it. It's one of the hardships of a
working girl's life that she can't entertain or make plans. It seems
more impossible to me, perhaps, from having lived abroad where
conventions are so strict. English girls have had more freedom. I
don't see what I can do. I'm sorry!"--she held out her hand in
farewell. "I hope some day I _shall_ see you again!"
Quite suddenly Captain Fanshawe's mood seemed to change. The set look
left his face; he smiled--a bright confident smile.
"There's not much fear about that! I shall take very good care that we
do!"
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.
GOD'S OPPORTUNITY.
After the meeting with Captain Fanshawe in the Park, Claire's
relationship with Mary Rhodes sensibly improved. In the first place,
her own happiness made her softer and more lenient in her judgment, for
she _was_ deeply, intensely happy, with a happiness which all her
reasonings were powerless to destroy.
"My dear, what nonsense!" she preached to herself in elderly
remonstrating fashion. "You met the man, and he was pleased to see
you--he seemed quite anxious to meet you again. Perfectly natural!
Pray don't imagine any special meaning in _that_! You looked quite an
attractive little girl in your pretty blue dress, and men like to talk
to attractive little girls. I dare say he says just the same to dozens
of girls!" So spake the inner voice, but spoke in vain. The best
things of life are beyond reasoning. As in religion reason leads us, as
it were, to the very edge of the rock of proven fact, then faith takes
wing, and soars above the things of earth into the great silence where
the soul communes with God, so in love there comes to the heart a
sweetness, a certainty, which no reasoning can shake. As Erskine's eyes
had looked into hers in those moments of farewell, Claire had realised
that between this man and herself there existed a bond which was
stronger than spoken word.
So far as she could foresee, they were hopelessly divided by the
circumstances of life, but in the first dawn of love no lover troubles
himself about what the future may bring; the sweetness of the present is
all-sufficient. Claire was happy, and longed for every one else to be
as happy as herself. Moreover, her suspicions concerning Major Carew
had been lulled to rest by Erskine's favourable pronouncement.
Personally she did not like him, but this was, after all, a matter of
taste; she could not approve his actions, but conceivably there might be
explanations of which she was unaware. Her manner to Cecil regained its
old spontaneous friendliness, and Cecil responded with almost pathetic
readiness. In her ungracious way she had grown fond of her pretty,
kindly companion, and had missed the atmosphere of home which her
presence had given to the saffron parlour. As they sat over their
simple supper, she would study Claire's face with a questioning glance,
and one night the question found vent in words.
"You look mightily pleased with yourself, young woman! Your eyes are
sparkling as if you were having a firework exhibition on your own
account. I never saw a school-mistress look so perky at the end of the
summer term! Look as if you'd come into a fortune!"
"Wish I had!" sighed Claire, thankful to switch the conversation on to a
safe topic. "It would come in most usefully at the moment. What are
you going to do for the summer hols, Cecil? Is there any possibility
of--"
"No," Cecil said shortly. "And the regiment is going into camp, so he
will be out of town. I'm not bothering my head about holidays--quite
enough to do with this wretched Matric. The Head is keen to make a good
show this year, for the Dulwich School beat us last year, and, as usual,
all the responsibility and all the blame is put on the poor mistresses.
You can't make girls work if they don't want, you can't cram their
brains when they've no brains to cram; but those wretched examiners send
a record of all the marks, so you can see exactly where they fall short.
Woe betide the mistress who is responsible for that branch! I wouldn't
mind prophesying that if the German doesn't come out better than last
year, Fraulein will be packed off. I wouldn't be too sure of myself.
I've done all right so far, but the Head is not as devoted to me as she
might be. I don't think she'd be sorry to have an excuse for getting
rid of me. That's one of the delightful aspects of our position--we are
absolutely at the mercy of a woman who, from sheer force of
circumstances, becomes more of an autocrat every year. The Committee
listen to her, and accept every word she says; the staff know better
than to dispute a single order. We'd stand on our head in rows if she
made it a rule! The pupils scuttle like rabbits when they see her
coming, and cheer themselves hoarse every time she speaks. No human
woman can live in that atmosphere for years and keep a cool head!"
"She's rather a dear, though, all the same!" Claire said loyally. She
had been hurt by the lack of personal interest which Miss Farnborough
showed in the different members of her staff, but she was unwilling to
brand her as a heartless tyrant. "Anyway," she added hastily, "you are
not satisfied here. If you were going on teaching I should have thought
you'd be glad of a change. It would be easy to get another school."
Mary Rhodes looked at her; a long eloquent glance.
"With a good testimonial--yes! Without a good testimonial--no! A
testimonial for twelve years' work depends on one woman, remember--on
her prejudice or good nature, on the mood in which she happens to be on
one particular day. It might read quite differently because she
happened to have a chill on her liver."
"My dear! there _is_ a sense of justice! There is such a thing as
honesty."
"My dear, I agree. Even so, would you dare to say that the wording of a
testimonial would be unaffected by the writer's mood?"
"Surely twelve years in one school--"
"No, it wouldn't! Not necessarily. `Miss Rhodes has been English
Mistress at Saint Cuthbert's for twelve years. Of late has been erratic
in temper. Health uncertain. Examination records less satisfactory.'
Well! If you represented another school, would _you_ engage Miss
Rhodes?"
Claire was silent. For the first time she realised the danger of this
single-handed power. It meant--what might it not mean? It might mean
that the mistress who was unfortunate enough to incur the dislike of her
chief, might _never_ be able to procure another post! She might be
efficient, she might be hard-working; given congenial surroundings she
might develop into a treasure untold, yet just because of a depreciating
phrase in the wording of a testimonial, no chance would be vouchsafed.
No doubt the vast majority of head mistresses were women of judgment,
possessing a keen sense of justice and responsibility, yet the fact
remained that a hasty impulse, a little access of temper in penning
those all-important lines, might mean the end of a career, might mean
poverty, might mean ruin!
Claire shivered, looked across the table at the thin, fretted face and
made a hesitating appeal--
"Cecil dear, I know you are a good teacher. I just love to hear you
talking over your lessons, but you _are_ irritable! One of my girls was
crying the other day. You had given so much homework, and she didn't
understand what was to be done, and said she daren't ask. You had been
`so cross!' I made a guess at what you wanted, and by good chance I was
right; but if I'd been wrong, the poor thing would have been in
disgrace, and honestly it wasn't her fault! She was willing enough."
"Oh, that imbecile Gladys Brown! I know what you mean. I'd explained
it a hundred times. If she'd the brains of a cow she'd have understood.
No wonder I was cross. I should have been a saint if I wasn't, and no
one can be a saint in the summer term. Did--did any one else see her
cry?"
"I think not. No, I managed to comfort her; but if Miss Farnborough had
happened to come in just at that moment--"
Cecil shrugged and turned the subject, but she took the hint, to the
benefit of her pupils during the next few weeks.
July came in, and with it a spell of unbearable heat. In country places
and by the seashore there was space and air, and clean fragrant
surroundings; but over London hung a misty pall, and not a branch of the
dusty trees quivered to the movement of a passing breeze. It was a
thunderous, unnatural heat which sapped every scrap of vitality, and
made every movement a dread.
Claire was horrified at the effect of this heat wave on Sophie Blake.
In superficial fashion she had always believed that rheumatism must be
better in hot weather; but, according to the specialist, such heat as
this was more trying than damp or cold, and Sophie's stiffness increased
with alarming suddenness.
There came a day when by no effort of will could she get through her
classes, when sheer necessity drove her to do the thing she had dreaded
most of all--inform the Head that she could not go on with her work.
Miss Farnborough was seated in her private room, and listened with grave
attention to what the Games mistress had to say. Her forehead puckered
in surprise as she noted Sophie's halting gait, and the while she
listened, her keen brain was diving back into the past, collecting
impressions. She had seen less than usual of Miss Blake during the
term; once or twice she had received the impression that Miss Blake
avoided her approach; Miss Blake had been looking pale. She waited
until Sophie had finished speaking, her hands folded on her knee, her
penetrating eye fixed on the girl's face. Then she spoke--
"I am sorry to hear this, Miss Blake. Your work has been excellent
hitherto, but rheumatism is a serious handicap. You say that this heat
is responsible for the present attack? Am I to understand that it is a
first attack--that you have had no threatening before?"
"I have been rheumatic all winter, more or less. Before the Easter
holidays it was pretty bad. I began to feel stiff."
Miss Farnborough repeated the word gravely.
"Stiff! That was bad; that was very bad! How could you take your
classes if you were feeling stiff?"
"I managed somehow!" Sophie said.
For a moment she had imagined that the Head Mistress's concern had been
on her account; she believed it no longer when she saw the flash of
indignation which lighted the grey eyes.
"Managed--_somehow_? And you went on in that fashion--you were content
to go on!"
"No. I was not content. I was very far from content. I suffered
horrible pain. I went to a specialist and paid him two guineas for his
advice. Since then I have paid twenty pounds for treatment."
On Miss Farnborough's face the disapproval grew more and more
pronounced.
"Miss Blake, I am afraid you have not been quite straightforward in this
matter. It appears that you have been ill for months, with an illness
which must necessarily have interfered with your work, and this is the
first time I hear about it. I am Head Mistress of this school; if
anything is wrong with a member of the staff, it is her first duty to
come to me. You tell me now that you have been ill for three months,
since before the last holidays, and acknowledge that you can go on no
longer."
"In ten days we break up. I ask you to allow me ten extra days. The
weather is so hot that the girls would be thankful to escape the
exercises. By the end of the holidays I hope to be quite better."
"The Easter holidays do not seem to have done you much good," Miss
Farnborough said cruelly. Then, seeing the girl flush, she added, "Of
course you shall have your ten days. I can see that you are unfit for
work, and we must manage without you till the end of the term. I am
very sorry for you, Miss Blake; very sorry, indeed. It is very trying
and upsetting and--and expensive into the bargain. Twenty pounds, did
you say? That is surely a great deal! Have you tried the shilling
bottles of gout and rheumatic pills? I have been told they are quite
excellent. But I must repeat that you have been wrong in not coming to
me sooner. As a pure matter of honesty, do you think that you were
justified in continuing to take classes for which you were unfit?"
The tears started to Sophie's eyes; she lowered her lids to hide them
from sight.
"The girls did not suffer," she said deeply. "I did the suffering!"
Miss Farnborough moved impatiently. She was intensely practical and
matter-of-fact, and with all her heart hated any approach to sentiment.
"You suffered _because_ you were unfit," she repeated coldly, "and your
obvious duty was to come to me. You must have known that under the
circumstances I should not have wished you to continue the classes!"
Sophie was silent for a moment, then she said very quietly, very
deliberately--
"Yes, I did know; but I also knew that if I could nerve myself to bear
the pain and the fatigue, I _could_ train the girls as well as ever, and
I knew, too, that if you sent me away in the middle of term you would be
less likely to take me back. It means everything to me, you see. What
would happen to me if I were permanently invalided--without a pension--
at thirty-one?"
"You have been paid a good salary, Miss Blake--an exceptionally good
salary--because it is realised that your work is especially wearing.
You ought to have saved--"
"If I had had no home claims I might have been able to save one or two
hundred pounds--not a very big life provision! As it happens, however,
I have given thirty pounds a year towards the education of a young
sister, and it has been impossible to save at all."
"But now, of course, your sister will help _you_," Miss Farnborough
said, and turned briskly to another topic. "You said that you have been
to a specialist? Will you give me his address? I should like to
communicate with him direct. You understand, Miss Blake, that if this
stiffness continues, it will be impossible for you to continue your
duties here?"
"Quite impossible," faltered Sophie, in low tones.
Miss Farnborough pushed back her chair, and rose to her feet.
"But one hopes, of course, that all may go well. I have never had any
complaint to make with respect to your work. You have been very
successful, very popular with the girls. I should be sorry to lose you.
Be sure to let me know how you go on. Perhaps I had better be guided
by Dr Blank. I should try the pills, I think; they are worth trying.
And avoid the sea; sea air is bad for rheumatism. Try some high inland
place. We had better say good-bye, now, I suppose, as you will not come
back after to-night. Good-bye, my dear. Let me hear soon. All good
wishes for your recovery."
Sophie left the room, and made her way upstairs to the Staff-Room. She
moved very slowly, partly because every movement was an effort, partly
because the familiar objects on which her eyes rested became suddenly
instinct with new interest. For ten long working years she had passed
them daily with indifference, but this afternoon it was borne in upon
her that she would never see them again, and the conviction brought with
it a bitter pang. After all, they had been happy years, spent in a
bustle of youthful life and energy, in an atmosphere of affection, too,
for the girls were warm-hearted, and the "Gym. mistress" had been
universally popular. Even as the thought passed through Sophie's mind,
one of her special adorers appeared suddenly at the far end of the
corridor and hurried forward to meet her.
"Miss Blake! Darling! You look so white. Are you faint? Take my arm;
lean on me. Were you going to lie down?"
"I'm going to the Staff-Room. I can manage myself; but, Gladys, find
Miss Gifford, and ask her to come to me as soon as she is free. Tell
her I'm not well. You're a dear girl, Gladys. Thank you for being so
kind to me all these years."
Gladys rolled adoring blue eyes, and sped on her mission. The next
morning she realised that those thanks had been darling Miss Blake's
farewell, and shed bitter tears; but for the moment she was filled with
complaisance.
Claire appeared in due time, heard what had happened, and helped Sophie
to collect her various small belongings. The other teachers had already
dispersed, so the ordeal of leave-taking was avoided.
"You can explain when you meet them next term!" said Claire.
"I can write my good-byes," corrected Sophie. She blinked away a few
tears and said piteously, "Not much chance for me if she consults Dr
Blank! He's as much discouraged as I am myself. What do you suppose he
will advise now? I suppose I'll have to see him to-morrow."
"And lie awake all to-night, wondering what he will say! We'll do
better than that--we'll call this very afternoon. If he is in, I'm sure
he will see us, and a day saved is a day gained. I'll get a taxi."
"Another taxi! I'm ruining you, Claire. How I do hate sponging on
other people!"
"Wouldn't you do it for me, if things were reversed?"
"Of course I should, but it's so much more agreeable to help than to be
helped. It's ignoble, I suppose, but I do hate to feel grateful!"
"Well! No one could by any possibility call you _gracious_, my dear.
Is that any consolation?" cried Claire mischievously, and Sophie was
surprised into the travesty of a smile.
Dr Blank was at home, and listened to what Sophie had to tell him with
grave attention. He expressed satisfaction to hear that her holidays
had begun, but when questioned as to his probable report to Miss
Farnborough, had no consolation to offer.
"I am afraid I must tell you honestly that you are not fit for the work.
Of course, it is quite possible that there may be a great improvement
by September, but, even so, you would be retarding your recovery by
going on with such exhausting work. You must try to find something
lighter."
Sophie laughed, and her laugh was not good to hear.
Claire said firmly--
"She _shall_ find it! I will find it for her. There's no need to worry
about September. What we want to know is what she is to do _now_?--to-
morrow--for the rest of the holidays?"
"I can't afford any more injections! They've done me no good, and they
cost too much. I can't afford any more treatments. I can only take
medicines. If you will give me some medicines--"
Dr Blank sat silent; tapping his desk with noiseless fingers; staring
thoughtfully across the room. It was evident that he had a proposition
to make; evident also that he doubted its reception.
"The best thing under the circumstances--the wisest thing," he said
slowly at last, "would be for you to go into hospital as an ordinary
patient. I could get you a bed in one of my own wards, where I could
look after you myself, in consultation with the first men in town. You
could have massage, electricity, radium, heat baths, every appliance
that could possibly be of use, and you could stay on long enough to give
them a chance. It would be an ordinary ward, remember, an ordinary bed
in an ordinary ward, and your neighbours would not be up to Newnham
standard! You would be awakened at five in the morning, and settled for
the night at eight. You would have to obey rules, which would seem to
you unnecessary and tiresome. You would be, I am afraid, profoundly
bored. On the other hand, you would have every attention that skill and
science can devise. You would not have to pay a penny, and you would
have a better chance than a duchess in a ducal palace. Think it over,
and let me know! If you decide to go, I'll manage the rest. Take a
day--a couple of days."
"I won't take two minutes, thank you! I'll decide now. I'll go, of
course, and thank you very much!"
Dr Blank beamed with satisfaction.
"Sensible girl! Sensible girl! That's right! That's right! That's
very good! You are doing the right thing, and we'll all do our best for
you, and your friend here will come to see you and help to make the time
pass. Interesting study, you know; valuable opportunity of studying
character if you look at it in that light! Why not turn it into
literary capital? `Sketches from a Hospital Bed,' `My Neighbours in B
Ward,' might make an uncommonly good series. Who knows? We may have
you turning out quite a literary star!"
Sophie smiled faintly, being one of the people who would rather walk
five miles than write the shortest letter. Many unexpected things
happen in this world, but it was certain that her own rise to literary
eminence would never swell the number! But she knew that Dr Blank was
trying to cheer her, so she kept that certainty to herself.
The two girls made their way back to Sophie's lodgings, and discussed
the situation over the ever-comforting tea.
"I shall have to give my landlady notice," Sophie said, looking
wistfully round the little room which had been so truly a home. "If I'm
to be in hospital for many weeks, it's folly to go on paying the rent;
and in any case I can't afford so much now. One can't have doctor's
bills, and other luxuries as well. What shall I have to take into
hospital? Will they allow me to wear my own things? I don't think I
_could_ get better in a calico night-dress! Pretty frills and a blue
ribbon bow are as good as a tonic, but will the authorities permit?
Have you ever seen ribbon bows in a hospital bed?"
"I haven't had much experience, but I should think they would be
encouraged, as a ward decoration! I hope so, I'm sure, for I mean to
present you with a duck of a dressing-jacket!"
"Oh, nothing more, Claire; don't give me anything more. I shall never
be able to pay you back," cried Sophie; then, in a voice of poignant
suffering, she cried sharply, "Oh, Claire, my little sister! _What_ is
to become of my little sister? If I am not able to help, if I need to
be helped myself, her education will be interrupted, for it will be
impossible to go on paying. Oh, it's too hard--too dreadful!
Everything seems so hopeless and black!"
"Yes, it does. The way seems blocked. One can't see a step ahead.
_Man's extremity_, Sophie!" cried Claire deeply--"_Man's extremity_;"
and at that a gleam of light came into Sophie's eyes.
"Yes, yes! That's just what it is. Thanks for reminding me. _God's
opportunity_!" Sophie leant back in her chair, staring dreamily into
space, till presently something of the old bright look came back to her
face. "And that," she said softly, "that's the kind of help it is sweet
to accept!"
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN.
AN INVITATION.
With Sophie in hospital, pathetically anxious for visits, with the rent
of the Laburnum Road lodgings to pay whether one lived in them or not,
Claire nerved herself to spend August in town, with the prospect of a
September holiday to cheer her spirits. Through one of the other
mistresses she had heard of an ideal farmhouse near the sea where the
kindly housewife "mothered" her guests with affectionate care, where
food was abundant, and cream appeared upon the table at every meal--
thick, yellow, country cream in which a spoon would stand upright.
There was also a hammock swung between two apple-trees in the orchard, a
balcony outside the bedroom window, and a shabby pony-cart, with a pony
who could really go. What could one wish for more?
Claire planned a lazy month, lying in that hammock, reading stories
about other people, and dreaming still more thrilling romances about
herself; driving the pony along country lanes, going out on to the
balcony in the early morning to breathe the scent of honeysuckle, and
sweetbriar, and lemon thyme, and all the dear, old-world treasures to be
found in the gardens of well-conducted farmhouses. She had a craving
for flowers in these hot summer days; not the meagre sixpennyworth which
adorned the saffron parlour, but a wealth of blossom, bought without
consideration of cost. And one day, with the unexpectedness of a fairy
gift, her wish was fulfilled.
It lay on the table when she returned from school--a long cardboard box
bearing the name of a celebrated West End florist, the word "fragile"
marked on the lid, and inside were roses, magnificent, half-opened roses
with the dew still on their leaves, the fat green stalks nearly a yard
in length--dozens of roses of every colour and shade, from the lustrous
whiteness of Frau Carl to the purple blackness of Prince Camille.
Claire gathered them in her arms, unconscious of the charming picture
which she made, in her simple blue lawn dress, with her glowing face
rising over the riot of colour, gathered them in a great handful, and
ran swiftly upstairs.
There was no card inside the box, no message of any kind, but her heart
knew no doubt as to the sender, and she dare not face the fire of Mary
Rhodes' cross-examination. In the days of daffodils she had treated
herself to a high green column of a vase, which was an ideal receptacle
for the present treasures. When it was filled there were still nearly
half the number waiting for a home, so these were plunged deep into the
ewer until the morrow, when they would be taken to Sophie in hospital.
The little room was filled with beauty and fragrance, and Claire knew
moments of unclouded happiness as she looked around.
Presently she extracted two roses from the rest, ran downstairs to
collect box, paper and string, and handed rubbish and roses together to
Lizzie at the top of the kitchen stairs. Lizzie received her share of
the treasures with dignity, cut off the giant stems, which she
considered straggly and out of place, and crammed the two heads into a
brown cream-jug, the which she deposited on a sunny window-ledge.
Claire saw them as she next left the house and shrugged resignedly, for
she was beginning to learn the lesson which many of us take a lifetime
to master, the wisdom of allowing people to enjoy themselves in their
own fashion!
The Willoughbys were leaving town in mid July, _en route_ for
Switzerland, and later on for a Scottish shooting-box. Claire received
an invitation to tea on their last Saturday afternoon, and arrived to
find the drawing-room full of visitors.
Malcolm Heward was assisting Janet at the tea-table, but with this
exception she recognised no one in the room, and was thankful for the
attentions of Master Reginald, who hailed her as an old acquaintance,
and reproached her loudly for not turning up at "Lord's."
"I looked out for you, you know!" he said impressively, and Claire was
the more gratified by his remembrance because Malcolm Heward had
required a second introduction to awaken his recollection. It is no
doubt gratifying to the object of his devotion when a man remains blind
to every other member of her sex, but the other members may feel a
natural objection to be so ignored! Claire was annoyed by the necessity
of that second introduction, and as a consequence made herself so
fascinating to the boy who _had_ remembered, that he hugged the sweet
delusion that she considered him a man, and was seriously smitten by his
charms. He waited upon her with assiduity, gave her exclusive tips as
to her choice of cakes, and recited the latest funny stories which were
already stale in his own circles, but which came to her ears with
agreeable freshness.
It was while the two were laughing together over an unexpected
_denouement_ that the departure of two guests left a space across which
Claire could see a far corner of the room, and perceived that a lady
seated on a sofa had raised a tortoiseshell-bound _lorgnon_, to stare
across at herself. She was an elderly lady, and at first sight her
appearance awoke no recollection. She was just a grey-haired woman,
attired in handsome black, in no way differentiated from one or two
other visitors of the same age: even when the _lorgnon_ dropped to her
side, disclosing a pair of very bright, very quizzical grey eyes, it was
a full moment before Claire realised that this was her acquaintance of
that first eventful journey to London, none other than Mrs Fanshawe
herself. There she sat, smiling, complacent, _grande dame_ as ever,
nodding with an air of mingled friendliness and patronage, laying one
hand on the vacant place by her side, with an action which was obviously
significant. Claire chose, however, to ignore the invitation, and after
a grave bow of acknowledgment, turned back to Reginald, keeping her eyes
resolutely averted from that far corner. It was Mrs Fanshawe herself
who was finally compelled to cross the room to make her greetings.
"Miss Gifford! Surely it is Miss Gifford? Mrs Willoughby told me she
expected you this afternoon. And how are you, my dear, after this long
time?"
The tone was all that was cordial and friendly.
Claire stood up, tall and stately, and extended a perfectly gloved hand.
It was not in human nature to be perfectly natural at that moment.
Sub-consciously she was aware that, as the Americans would express it,
she was "putting on frills"; sub-consciously she was amused at the
artificiality of her own voice.
"Quite well, thank you. Exceedingly flourishing!"
"You look it," Mrs Fanshawe said, and seated herself ruthlessly in
Reginald's chair. "Tell me all about it! You were going to work,
weren't you? Some new-fangled idea of being independent. So ridiculous
for a pretty girl! And you've had--how long--nearly a year? Haven't
got tired of it yet, by any chance?"
"Oh, yes; quite often I feel very tired, but I should have felt the same
about pleasuring, and work is more worth while. It has been very
interesting. I have learnt a great deal."
"More than the pupils--hey?" chuckled Mrs Fanshawe shrewdly. "Don't
try to pretend that you are a model school-mistress. I know better! I
knew you were not the type when I saw you on that journey, and after a
year's trial you are less the type than ever." She screwed up her eyes
and looked Claire over with deliberate criticism up and down, down and
up. "No, my dear! Nature did _not_ intend you to be shut up in a
girls' school!" Suddenly she swerved to another topic. "What a journey
that was! I nearly expired. If it hadn't been for you, I should never
have survived. I told my son you had saved my life. That was my son
who met me on the platform!"
Was it fancy that an expression of watchfulness had come into the gay
eyes? Claire imagined that she recognised such an expression, but,
being prepared for some such reference, had herself well in command.
Not a nicker of embarrassment passed over her face as she said quietly--
"Yes, I knew it was your son. I met Captain Fanshawe here one evening
last winter, so I have been introduced."
Mrs Fanshawe waved her _lorgnon_, and murmured some vague words which
might, or might not, have been intended as an apology.
"Oh, yes. So nice! Naturally, that morning I was worn-out. I did not
know what I was doing. I crawled into bed. Erskine told me about
meeting you, and of your pretty performance. Quite a professional
_siffleuse_! More amusing than school teaching, I should say. _And_
more profitable. You ought to think of it as a profession. Erskine was
quite pleased. He comes here a great deal. Of course--"
Mrs Fanshawe's smile deepened in meaning fashion, then suddenly she
sighed. "Very delightful for them, of course; but I see nothing of him.
We mothers of modern children have a lonely time. I used to wish for a
daughter, but perhaps, if I'd had one, _she_ would have developed a
fancy to fly off to India!"
That was a hit at Claire, but she received it in silence, being a little
touched by the unaffected note of wistfulness in the other's voice as
she regretted her lonely estate. It _was_ hard to be a widow, and to
see so little of an only child, especially if that only child happened
to be so altogether charming and attractive!
Mrs Fanshawe glanced across at the tea-table where Janet and her
cavalier were still busy ministering to the needs of fresh arrivals.
"I asked Janet Willoughby to take pity on me for a few weeks this
summer, but she's too full up with her own plans. Says so, at least;
but I dare say it would have been different if-- Well, well! I have
been young myself, and I dare say I shouldn't have been too keen to
accept an invitation to stay in the country with only an old woman as
companion. Enjoy yourself while you are young, my dear. It gets more
and more difficult with every year you live."
Claire made a protesting grimace.
"Does it? That's discouraging. I've always flattered myself that it
would grow easier. When one is young, everything is vague and
unsettled, and naturally one feels anxious about what is to happen next.
It is almost impossible to be philosophical about the unknown, but when
your life has shaped itself, it ought to be easy to settle down and make
the best of it, and cultivate an easy mind."
Mrs Fanshawe laughed.
"Well reasoned, my dear, well reasoned! Most logical and sound. And
just as futile in practice as logical things usually are! You wouldn't
believe me if I told you that it is the very uncertainty which makes the
charm of youth, or that being certain is the bane of old age, but it's
the truth, all the same, and when you are sixty you will have discovered
it for yourself. Well! so my letter to Mrs Willoughby was of some use
after all? She did send you a card!"
Claire looked across the room to where Mrs Willoughby sat. Hero-
worship is an instinct in hearts which are still fired with youth's
enthusiasm, and this stout, middle-aged woman was Claire's heroine _par
excellence_. She was _kind_, and to be kind is in good truth the
fulfilment of Christ's law. Among Claire's favourite books was
Professor Drummond's "The Greatest Thing in the World," with its
wonderful exposition of the thirteenth chapter of 1st Corinthians. When
she read its pages, her thoughts flew instinctively to this rich woman
of society, who was not puffed up, thought no evil, was not easily
provoked, suffered long, _and was kind_.
The girl's eyes were eloquent with love and admiration as they rested on
the plain, elderly face, and the woman who was watching felt a stab of
envy at the sight. The old crave for the love of the young, and cherish
it, when found, as one of their dearest possessions, and despite the
natural gaiety of her disposition there were moments when Mrs Fanshawe
felt the burden of loneliness press heavily upon her.
"She has done much more than send me a card!" Claire said deeply. "She
has been a friend. She has taken away the terrible feeling of
loneliness. If I were in trouble, or needed any help, I _know_ that she
would give it!"
"Oh, yes, yes, naturally she would. So would any one, my dear, who had
the chance. But she's a good creature, of course; a dear creature. I'm
devoted to her, and to Janet. Janet and I are the best of friends!"
Again the meaning look, the meaning tone, and again in Claire's heart
the same sweet sense of certainty mingled with a tender compassion for
Janet, who was less fortunate than herself. It was a help to look
across at the tea-table, and to realise that consolation was waiting for
Janet if she chose to take it.
Suddenly Mrs Fanshawe switched off on to yet another topic.
"And where are you going to spend your summer holidays, my dear?"
"In September I am probably going to a farmhouse near the sea."
"And in August?"
"In town, I think. I have an invalid friend--"
Mrs Fanshawe swept aside the suggestion with an imperious hand.
"Nonsense! Utter nonsense! _Nobody_ stays in town in August, my good
child. The thing's impossible. I've passed through once or twice, _en
route_ for country visits, and it's an unknown place. The wierdest
people walking up and down! Where they come from I can't conceive; but
you never saw anything more impossible. And the shops! I knew a poor
girl who became engaged at the end of July, and had to get her trousseau
at once, as they sailed in September. She was in despair. _Nothing_ to
be had. She was positively in tears."
"I shall get engaged in June," Claire said firmly, "and take advantage
of the summer sales. I call it most thoughtless of him to have waited
till the end of July."
But Mrs Fanshawe was not attending; her eyes had brightened with a
sudden thought; she was saying to herself, "Why not? I should be alone.
There would be no danger of complications, and the child would be a
delightful companion, good to look at, plenty to say for herself, and a
mind of her own. Quite useful in entertaining, too. I could play off
some of my duty debts, and she could whistle to us after dinner. Quite
a novelty in the country. It would be quite a draw... A capital idea!
I'll say a week, and if it works she can stay on--"
"No, my dear, you cannot possibly endure town in August, at least not
the entire month. Run down to me for a break. Quite a short journey;
an hour and a half from Waterloo, and the air is delightfully fresh. I
shall be alone, so I can't offer you any excitement, but if you are fond
of motoring--"
The blood rushed into Claire's face. She was so intensely,
overpoweringly surprised, that, for the moment, all other feelings were
in abeyance. The last thing in the world which she had expected was
that Erskine's mother should invite her to visit her home.
"I don't know if you care for gardening. I'm mad about it myself. My
garden is a child to me. I stand no interference. The gardeners are
paid to obey me, and carry out my instructions. If they get upsetting,
off they go. You'd like my garden. It is not cut out to a regulation
pattern; it has a personality of its own. I have all my meals on the
verandah in summer. We could get you some tennis, too. You wouldn't be
buried alive. Well? What do you say? Is it worth while?"
"It's exceedingly kind. It's awfully good of you. I--I am so
completely taken by surprise that I hardly know--I shall have to think."
"Nonsense, my dear; what is there to think about? You have no other
engagement, and you need a change. Incidentally also _I_ want a
companion. You would be doing me a good turn as well as yourself. I'm
sure your mother would wish it!"
No doubt about that! Claire smiled to herself as she realised how Mrs
Judge would rejoice over the visit; turning one swallow into a summer,
and in imagination beholding her daughter plunged into a very vortex of
gaiety. She was still smiling, still considering, when Janet came
strolling across the room, and laid her hand affectionately on Mrs
Fanshawe's shoulder.
"I haven't had a word with you all afternoon! Such a rush of people.
You had tea comfortably, I hope: and you, too--Claire!" There was just
a suspicion of hesitation before the Christian name.
"I have just been asking Miss Gifford to take pity on my loneliness for
part of August. She is not knee-deep in engagements, as you are, my
dear, and that precious son of mine; so we are going to amuse each
other, and see how much entertainment we can squeeze out of the
countryside!"
"But I haven't--I didn't--I'm not sure," stammered Claire, acutely
conscious of the hardening of Janet's face, but once again Mrs Fanshawe
waved aside her objections.
"But _I_ am sure! It's all settled, my dear--all but the day. Put your
address on this silly little tablet, and I'll write as soon as I've
looked over my dates. Now, Janet, I'm ready for a chat. Take me out to
the balcony, away from this crowd."
"And I must go, I think. I'll say good-bye." Claire held out her hand
to the daughter of the house. "I hope you may have a delightful
summer."
"Oh, thanks so much. Oh, yes, yes, I'm quite sure I will," Janet
answered mechanically. She touched Claire's hand with her fingers, and
turned hastily aside.
CHAPTER NINETEEN.
ERSKINE FANSHAWE'S HOME.
Claire dreaded Mary Rhodes' curiosity on the subject of her proposed
visit, but in effect there was none forthcoming. Cecil was too much
engrossed in her own affairs to feel anything but a passing interest.
"Some one you met at the Willoughbys'? Only the old lady? Rather you
than me! Nice house though, I suppose; gardens, motors, that kind of
thing. Dull, but luxurious. Perhaps you'll stay on permanently as her
companion."
"That," Claire said emphatically, "will never happen! I was thinking of
clothes... I am quite well-off for evenings, and I can manage for
afternoons, but I do think I ought to indulge in one or two `drastic
bargains' for morning wear. I saw some particularly drastic specimens
in Knightsbridge this week. Cecil ... could you--I hate asking, but
_could_ you pay me back?"
Cecil's stare of amazement was almost comical under the circumstances.
"My--good--girl! I was really pondering whether I dare, I'm horribly
hard up, and that's the truth. I've had calls..."
"Not Major Carew again? I can't understand it, Cecil. You know I
inquired about him, you told me to ask if I had a chance, and his father
_is_ rich. He might fly into a rage if he were asked for money, but he
would give it in the end. Major Carew might have a bad half-hour, but
what is that compared with borrowing from you! And from a man's point
of view it's so little, such very small sums!" She caught a change of
expression on the other's face, and leapt at its meaning. "Cecil! You
have been giving more! Your savings!"
"And if I have, Claire Gifford, what business is it of yours? What was
I saving for? To provide for my old age, wasn't it? and now that the
need has gone, why shouldn't I lend it, if I chose? Frank happens to be
hard up for a few months, and besides, there's a reason! ... We are
getting tired of waiting... You must never, never breathe a word to a
soul, but he wants me ... he thinks it might be better..."
Claire stared with wide eyes, Cecil frowned, and finished the sentence
in reckless tones--
"We shall probably get married this autumn, and tell his father
afterwards."
"Oh, Cecil, no! Don't do it! It's madness. It's folly. He ought not
to ask you. It will make things fifty times more difficult."
"It would make things _sure_!" Mary Rhodes said.
The words were such an unconscious revelation of her inner attitude
towards her lover, that Claire was smitten with a very passion of pity.
She stretched out her hand, and cried ardently. "Cecil, I am thinking
of your happiness: I long for you to be sure, but a private marriage is
an insult to a girl. It puts her into a wrong position, and no man has
the right to suggest it. Where is your pride?"
"Oh, my dear," interrupted Cecil wearily, "I'm past worrying about
pride. I'm thirty-three, and look older, and feel sixty at the least.
I'm tired out in body and soul. I'm sick of this empty life. I want a
home. I want rest. I want some one to care for me, and take an
interest in what I do. Frank isn't perfect, I don't pretend that he is.
I wish to goodness he _would_ own up, and face the racket once for all,
but it's no use, he won't! Between ourselves I believe he thinks the
old man won't live much longer, and there will be no need to worry him
at all. Any way there it is, he won't tell at present, however much I
may beg, but he will marry me; he wants to be married in September, and
that proves that he _does_ care! He is looking out for a flat, and
picking up furniture. _We_ are picking up furniture," Cecil corrected
herself hastily. "I go in and ask the prices, and he sends his servants
the next week to do the bargaining. And there will be my clothes,
too... I'll pay you back in time, Claire, with ten per cent, interest
into the bargain, and perhaps when I'm a rich woman the time may come
when you will be glad to borrow from me!"
The prospect was not cheering, but the intention was good, and as such
had to be suitably acknowledged. Claire adjourned upstairs to consult
her cheque-book, and decided bravely that the drastic bargains could not
be afforded. Then, being a very human, and feminine young woman she
told herself that there could be no harm in going to look at the dresses
once more, just to convince herself that they were not so very drastic
after all, and lo! close inspection proved them even more drastic than
she had believed, and by the evening's delivery a choice specimen was
speeding by motor van to Laburnum Road.
On visiting days Claire went regularly to visit Sophie, who, by her own
account, was being treated to seventeen different cures at the same
time, and was too busy being rubbed, and boiled, and electrified, and
dosed, and put to bed in the middle of the afternoon, and awakened in
the middle of the night, to have any time to feel bored. She took a
keen interest also in her fellow patients, and was the confidante of
many tragic stories which made her own lot seem light in comparison.
Altogether she was more cheerful and hopeful than for months back, but
the nurses looked dubious, and could not be induced to speak of her
recovery with any certitude.
On the tenth of August, Claire packed her boxes with the aid of a very
mountain of tissue paper, and set forth on her journey. The train
deposited her at Hazlemere station, outside which Mrs Fanshawe was
waiting in a big cream car, smiling her gay, quizzical smile. She was
one of the fortunate women who possess the happy knack of making a guest
feel comfortable, and at home, and her welcome sent Claire's spirits
racing upwards.
Many times during the last fortnight had she debated the wisdom of
visiting Erskine Fanshawe's home, but the temptation was so strong that
at every conflict prudence went to the wall. It was not in girl nature
to resist the longing to see his home and renew her acquaintance with
his mother; and as it had been repeatedly stated that he himself was to
spend most of August in Scotland, she was absolved from any ulterior
design. Janet Willoughby had obviously looked upon the visit with
disfavour, but Claire was too level-headed to be willing to victimise
herself for such a prejudice. Janet would have a fair field in
Scotland. She could not hold the whole kingdom as a preserve!
"You are looking charming, my dear," Mrs Fanshawe said. "I always say
it is one of the tests of a lady to know how to dress for a journey. A
little pale, perhaps, but we shall soon change that. This high air is
better than any tonic. I laze about during the heat of the day, and
have a two hours' spin after tea; I never appear until eleven, and I
rest in my own room between lunch and tea, so you won't have too much of
my society, but I've a big box of new books from Mudie's for you to
read, and there's a pony-cart at your disposal, so I dare say you can
amuse yourself. I love companionship, but I couldn't talk to the
cleverest woman in Europe for twelve hours at a stretch."
"Nor I!" agreed Claire, who to tell the truth was more elated at the
prospect of so much time to herself than she felt it discreet to betray.
She was enchanted with her first view of the beautiful Surrey
landscape, and each turn of the road as they sped uphill seemed to open
out more lovely vistas. They drove past spinneys of pine trees, past
picturesque villages, consisting of an old inn, a few scattered
cottages, a pond and a green, along high roads below which the great
plain of thickly-treed country lay simmering in a misty haze. Then
presently the road took a sudden air of cultivation, and Claire staring
curiously discovered that the broad margin of grass below the hedge on
either side, was mown and rolled to a lawn-like smoothness, the edges
also being clipped in as accurate a line as within the most carefully
tended garden. For several hundred yards the margin stretched ahead,
smooth as the softest velvet, a sight so rare and refreshing to the eye
that Claire could not restrain her delight.
"But how charming! How unexpected! I never saw a lane so swept and
garnished. It has a wonderful effect, those two long lines of sward.
It _is_ sward! grass is too common a word. But what an amount of work!
Twenty maids with twenty mops sweeping for half a year.--I think the
whole neighbourhood ought to be grateful to the owner of this land."
Mrs Fanshawe beamed, complacently.
"I'm glad you think so. _I_ am the owner! This is my property, mine
for my lifetime, and my son's after me. It's one of my hobbies to keep
the lane mown. I like to be tidy, outside as well as in. Erskine began
by thinking it a ridiculous waste of work, but his friends are so
enthusiastic about the result, that he is now complacently convinced
that it was entirely his own idea. That's a man, my dear! Illogical,
self-satisfied, the best of 'em, and you'll never change them till the
end of time... What's your opinion of men?"
"I rather--like them!" replied Claire with a _naivete_ which kept her
listener chuckling with amusement until the lodge gates were reached,
and the car turned into the drive.
The house was less imposing than the grounds, just a large comfortable
English country house, handsome and dignified, but not venerable in any
way. The hall was good, running the entire length of the house, and
opening by tall double doors on to the grounds at the rear. In summer
these doors were kept open, and allowed a visitor a charming vista of
rose pergolas and the blue-green foliage of an old cedar. All the walls
of the house from top to bottom were painted a creamy white, and there
was noticeable a prevailing touch of red in Turkey carpets, cushion-
covers, and rose-flecked chintzes.
Tea was served on a verandah, and after it was over Mrs Fanshawe
escorted her visitor round the flower gardens, and finally upstairs to
her own bedroom, where she was left with the announcement that dinner
would be served at eight o'clock. After dinner the ladies played
patience, drank two glasses of hot-water, and retired to bed at ten
o'clock. It was not exciting, but on the other hand it was certainly
not dull, for Mrs Fanshawe's personality was so keen, so youthful in
its appreciation, that it was impossible not to be infected, and share
in her enjoyment.
The next week passed quickly and pleasantly. The weather was good,
allowing long drives over the lovely country, a tennis party at home,
and another at a neighbouring house introduced a little variety into the
programme, and best of all Mrs Fanshawe grew daily more friendly, even
affectionate in manner. She was a woman of little depth of character,
whose main object in life was to amuse herself and avoid trouble, but
she had humour and intelligence, and made an agreeable companion for a
summer holiday. As her intimacy with her guest increased she spoke
continually of her son, referring to his marriage with Janet Willoughby
with an air of complacent certitude.
"Of course he will marry Janet. They've been attached for years, but
the young men of to-day are so deliberate. They are not in a hurry to
give up their freedom. Janet will be just the right wife for Erskine,
good tempered and yielding. He is a dear person, but obstinate. When
he once makes up his mind, nothing will move him. It would never do for
him to have a high-spirited wife."
"I disapprove of pandering to men," snapped Claire in her most High
School manner, whereupon the conversation branched off to a discussion
on Women's Rights, which was just what she had intended and desired.
On the seventh afternoon of her visit, Claire was in her room writing a
letter to Sophie when she heard a sudden tumult below, and felt her
heart bound at the sound of a familiar voice. The pen dropped from her
hand, and she sat transfixed, her cheeks burning with excitement. It
could not be! It was preposterous, impossible. He was in Scotland.
Only that morning there had been a letter.--It was impossible,
impossible, and then again came the sound of that voice, that laugh, and
she was on her feet, running across the floor, opening the door,
listening with straining ears.
A voice rose clear and distinct from the hall beneath, the deep, strong
voice about which there could be no mistake.
"A perfect flood! The last five days have been hopeless. I was tired
of being soaked to the skin, and having to change my clothes every two
hours, so I cut it, picked up Humphreys in town, and came along home.
And how have you been getting on, mater? You look uncommonly fit!"
"I'm quite well. I am perfectly well. You need not have come home on
my account," Mrs Fanshawe's voice had a decided edge. "I suppose this
is just a flying visit. You will be going on to pay another visit. I
have a friend with me--a Miss Gifford. You met her at the
Willoughbys'."
"So I did! Yes. That's all right. I'm glad you had company. I
suppose I _shall_ be moving on one of these days. I say, mother, what
about tea?"
Claire shut the door softly, and turned back into the room. Erskine's
voice had sounded absolutely normal and unmoved: judging by it no one
could have imagined that Miss Gifford's presence or absence afforded him
the slightest interest, and yet, and yet, the mysterious inner voice was
speaking again, declaring that it was not the wet weather which had
driven him back ... that he had hurried home because he knew, he knew--
In ten minutes' time tea would be served. Claire did not change her
dress or make any alteration in her simple attire, her energies during
those few minutes were chiefly devoted to cooling her flushed cheeks,
and when the gong sounded she ran downstairs, letters in hand, and
evinced a politely impersonal surprise at the sight of Captain Erskine
and his friend.
Mrs Fanshawe's eyes followed the girl's movements with a keen scrutiny.
It seemed to her that Claire's indifference was a trifle overdone:
Erskine also was unnaturally composed. Under ordinary circumstances
such a meeting would have called forth a frank, natural pleasure. She
set her lips, and determined to leave nothing to chance.
CHAPTER TWENTY.
THE FLOWERY WAY.
Only a few hours before her son's unexpected arrival, Mrs Fanshawe had
warmly pressed Claire to extend her visit to a fortnight at least, and
Claire had happily agreed. Mrs Fanshawe recalled the incident as she
poured out tea, and rated herself for her imprudence, but the deed was
done; there was the girl, looking pretty enough to turn any young man's
head, and there, alas! was Erskine, who should, by all the laws of what
was right and proper, be even now making love to Janet Willoughby in
Scotland! Janet was rich, Janet was well born, Janet was amiable and
easily led, for years past Mrs Fanshawe had set her heart on Janet as a
daughter-in-law, and she was not easily turned from her purpose.
Throughout that first afternoon her thoughts were busily engaged
planning ahead, striving to arrange the days to the hindrance of
dangerous _tete-a-tetes_, Erskine appeared to have returned in ignorance
of Miss Gifford's presence. Mrs Fanshawe had been careful to avoid all
reference to the girl in her letters, and was unable to think how the
information could have leaked out, nevertheless the choice of Major
Humphreys as a companion filled her with suspicion. Never before had
such an invitation been given on Erskine's initiative; on more than one
occasion, indeed, he had confessed that he found the Major a bore, and
had expressed surprise at his mother's liking for so dull a man.
Mrs Fanshawe had never found the Major dull, since he shared with
enthusiasm her own passion for gardening, and was a most valuable
adviser and assistant. Together they had planned the flagged path
winding low between the high banks of the rock garden, together they had
planted the feathery white arenaria calearica in the crevices of the
steps leading upward to the pergola, together they had planned the
effect of clusters of forget-me-not, and red tulips among the long
grasses in the orchard. There was never any dearth of conversation
between Major Humphreys and Mrs Fanshawe, and a stroll round the rose
garden might easily prolong itself into a discussion lasting a couple of
hours. Hence came the suspicion, or Erskine knew as much, and had
deliberately invited this man before any one of his own friends.
Despite all appearance to the contrary, Mrs Fanshawe felt convinced
that "the bore" had been brought down to engage her own attention, and
so leave her son free to follow his own devices. She set her lips, and
determined on a counter move.
A _partie carree_ was dangerous under the circumstances; safety lay in a
crowd. That evening when Mrs Fanshawe retired to dress for dinner, the
telephone in her boudoir was used to ring up all the big houses in the
neighbourhood, invitations were given galore for tennis, for dinner, for
lunch; and return invitations were accepted without consultation with
her son. At the end of half an hour she hung up the receiver, satisfied
that Erskine's opportunities for _tete-a-tetes_ would be few. Perhaps
also time would suggest some excuse for shortening the girl's visit to
the ten days originally planned. She must think it out, put her wits to
work. Claire was a pretty creature and a delightful companion, but a
nobody, and poor into the bargain. She could not be allowed to upset a
cherished plan!
During dinner Mrs Fanshawe alluded casually to the coming gaieties, and
mentally paid a tribute of admiration to the _aplomb_ with which Claire
listened, and smiled, betraying not a flicker of surprise at the sudden
change of programme. The good lady was so pleased with the result of
her own scheming, that when later on the Major proposed a game of
patience, she accepted at once, and viewed with equanimity the sight of
the two young people strolling down the garden path. It would be the
last night when such an escape would be possible!
It was an exquisite moonlight night, clear enough to show the colour of
the flowers in the beds and borders. Claire's white dress took on a
ghostly hue against the deep background of the trees, her cheeks were
pale, too, and the long line of eyelash showed dark against her cheeks.
She felt very happy, very content, just the least little bit in the
world, afraid! Captain Fanshawe was smoking a cigarette, and in the
intervals drawing deep sighs of enjoyment.
"There's only one thing that worries me--why didn't I come back last
week? To think of rain, and mist, and smoky fires, and then--This! I
feel like a man who has been transported into fairyland!"
Claire felt as if she also was in fairyland, but she did not say so.
There are things that a girl does not say. They paced up and down the
winding paths, and came to the flight of steps leading to the pergola,
"The Flowery Way" as Mrs Fanshawe loved to call it, where the arenaria
calearica shone starry white in the moonlight. Erskine stopped short,
and said urgently--
"Would you mind walking on alone for a few yards? I'll stand here ...
while you go up the steps. Please!"
Claire stared in surprise, but there seemed no reason to deny so simple
a request.
"And what am I to do when I get there?"
"Just stand still for a moment, and then walk on... I'll come after!"
Claire laughed, shrugged, and went slowly forward along the flagged
path, up the flower-sprinkled stair, to pause beneath an arch of pink
roses and look back with an inquiring smile. Erskine was standing where
she had left him, but he did not smile in response, while one might have
counted twenty, he remained motionless, his look grave and intent, then
he came quickly forward, leapt up the shallow steps and stood by her
side.
"Thank you!" he said tersely, but that was all. Neither then or later
came any explanation of the strange request.
For a few moments there was silence, then Erskine harked back to his
former subject.
"Scottish scenery is very fine, but for restful loveliness, Surrey is
hard to beat. You haven't told me yet how you like our little place,
Miss Gifford! It's on a very modest scale, but I'm fond of it. There's
a homey feeling about it that one misses in bigger places, and the mater
is a genius at gardening, and gets the maximum of effect out of the
space. Are you fond of a garden?"
"I've never had one!" Claire said, and sighed at the thought. "That's
one of the Joys that does _not_ go with a roving life! I've never been
able to have as many flowers as I wanted, or to choose the right foliage
to go with them, or to pick them with the dew on their leaves." She
paused, smitten with a sudden recollection. "One day this year, a
close, smouldering oven-ey day, I came in from school and found--a box
full of roses! There were _dewdrops_ on the leaves, or what looked like
dewdrops. They were as fresh as if they had been gathered an hour
before. Dozens of roses, with great long stems. They made my room into
a bower."
"Really! Did they? How very jolly," was Erskine's comment.
His voice sounded cool and unperturbed, and Claire did not venture to
look at his face. She thought with a pang, that perhaps after all she
had been mistaken. Perhaps Mrs Willoughby had been the real donor ...
perhaps he had never thought... She hurried on terrified lest her
thoughts might be suspected.
"Mrs Fanshawe has been so kind, allowing me to send boxes of fruit and
flowers to a friend in hospital. One of our mistresses, who is being
treated for rheumatism."
"Poor creature!" said the Captain with careless sympathy. "Dull work
being in hospital in this weather. How have you been getting on with my
mother, Miss Gifford? I'm awfully glad to find you down here, though I
should have enjoyed showing you round myself. I'm a bit jealous of the
mater there! She's a delightful companion, isn't she? So keen and
alert. I don't know any woman of her age who is so young in spirit.
It's a great gift, but--" he paused, drew another cigarette from his
case, and stared at it reflectively, "it has its drawbacks!"
"Yes. I can understand that. It must be hard to feel young, to _be_
young in heart and mind, and to be handicapped by a body that persists
in growing old. I've often thought how trying it must be."
"I suppose so. Yes. I'm afraid I wasn't thinking about it in that
light. I was not discussing the position from my mother's point of
view, but from--her son's! It would be easier sometimes to deal with a
placid old lady who was content with her knitting, and cherished an old-
fashioned belief in the superiority of man! Well! let us say the
equality. But the mater won't even grant that. By virtue of her
superior years she is under the impression that she can still manage my
affairs better than I can myself, which, of course, is a profound
delusion!"
Looking at the firmly cut profile it seemed ridiculous to think of any
one managing this man if it were not his will to be managed. Mother and
son were alike in possessing an obstinate self-will. A conflict between
them would be no light thing. Woman-like, Claire's sympathies leant to
the woman's side.
"It must be very difficult for a mother to realise that her son is
really past her control. And when she _does_, it must be a painful
feeling. It isn't painful for the son; it's only annoying. The mother
fares worst!"
Captain Fanshawe laughed, and looked down at the girl's face with
admiring eyes.
"What a faculty you have of seeing the other side! Do you always take
the part of the person who isn't here? If so, all the better for me
this last week, when the mater has been spinning stories of my
obstinacy, and pig-headedness, and general contradictiveness. I thought
I had better hurry home at once, before you learnt to put me down as a
hopeless bad lot!"
Claire stood still, staring with widened eyes.
"Hurry home--hurry home before--" She stopped short, furious with
herself for having taken any notice of the slip, and Erskine gave a
short embarrassed laugh, and cried hastily--
"Oh, I knew; of course I knew! The rain was only an excuse. The real
reason was that as soon as I knew you were staying here, I hadn't
patience to stay on. I stood it for exactly three hours, thinking of
you in this garden, imagining walking about as we are walking now, and
then--I bolted for the afternoon train!"
Claire felt her cheeks flame, and affected dignity to hide her deep,
uncontrollable joy.
"If _I_ had been your hostess--"
"But you weren't, you see... You weren't! For goodness' sake don't put
yourself in her place next. Be Claire Gifford for once, and say you are
glad to see me!" His eyes met hers and twinkled with humour as he added
solemnly. "There's not a single solitary convention that could possibly
be broken by being civil to a man in his own home! Even your ultra
sensitive conscience--"
"Never mind my sensitive conscience. What I want to know is, how did
you know? Who told you that I was here?"
It was significant that the possibility that Mrs Fanshawe had written
of her guest never occurred to Claire's mind; that Erskine like herself
discounted such a possibility. He replied with a matter-of-fact
simplicity which left Claire marvelling at the obtuseness of mankind--
"Janet, of course. Janet Willoughby. We were staying in the same
house. We were talking of you yesterday morning, and comparing notes
generally. She said you were--oh! quite a number of agreeable things--
and I agreed with her, with just one exception. She considered that you
were responsive. I said I had never found any one less so. She said
you were always so ready to meet her halfway. I complained that you
refused to meet me at all. I ... er ... told her how I felt about it,
and she said my chance was waiting if I choose to take it--that you were
staying here keeping the mater company. So--"
Claire said nothing. She was thinking deeply. For how many days had
Janet been staying in the same house with Erskine? Perhaps a week,
certainly several days, yet it had been only yesterday morning that she
had given the news. Yesterday morning; and in three hours he had flown!
How was Janet faring now, while Claire was walking in fairyland?
"You are not angry? Why do you look so serious? Tell me you are not
sorry that I came?" said a deep voice close to her ear, but before she
had time to answer, footsteps approached, and Mrs Fanshawe's voice was
heard calling in raised accents--
"Erskine! are you there? Give me your arm, dear; I am so tired. It's
such a perfect night, that it seemed a shame to stay indoors. The Major
has been admiring `The Flowery Way.' It certainly looks its best to-
night." She turned towards Major Humphreys with her light, cynical
laugh. "My son declares that it is profanation to allow ordinary,
commonplace mortals to walk up those steps! He always escorts my
visitors round by another way. He is ungallant enough to say that he
has never yet seen a girl whom he would care to watch walk up those
steps in the moonlight. She would have to be quite ideal in every
respect to fit into the picture. We'll go round by the lily garden,
Erskine, and then I think Miss Gifford and I will be off to bed. You
men will enjoy a smoke."
For the next ten minutes Mrs Fanshawe kept tight hold of her son's arm,
and Claire talked assiduously to Major Humphreys. She knew now why
Erskine had asked her to walk ahead up "The Flowery Way!"
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE.
ALL IN A GARDEN FAIR.
The next afternoon a party of friends had been bidden for tennis. For
the morning no plans had been made, but throughout its length Mrs
Fanshawe fought a gallant fight against overwhelming odds, and was
hopelessly beaten for her pains. It was her strong determination that
her son should be prevented from holding another _tete-a-tete_ with
Claire Gifford. Erskine actively, and Claire passively, desired and
intended to bring about just that very consummation, while Major
Humphreys, shrewdly aware of the purpose for which he had been invited,
aided and abetted their efforts by the development of a veritable frenzy
of gardening enthusiasm. He questioned, he disputed, he meekly
acknowledged his mistakes; he propounded schemes for fresh developments,
the scenes of which lay invariably at the opposite end of the grounds
from that in which the young people were ensconced.
Mrs Fanshawe struggled valiantly, but the Triple Entente won the day,
and for a good two hours before lunch, Erskine and Claire remained
happily lost to sight in the farthest recesses of the grounds. They had
left behind the region of formal seats and benches, and sat on the grass
at the foot of a great chestnut, whose dark green foliage made a haven
of shade in the midst of the noonday glare. Claire wore her bargain
frock, and felt thankful for the extravagant impulse of that January
morn. Erskine was in flannels, cool and becoming as a man's _neglige_
invariably is; both had discarded hats, and sat bareheaded in the
blessed shade, and Erskine asked questions, dozens of questions, a very
_viva voce_ examination, the subject being the life, history, thoughts,
hopes, ambitions, and dreams of the girl by his side.
"You were an only child. So was I. Were you a lonely little kiddie?"
"No, I don't think I was. My mother was a child with me. We were
blissfully happy manufacturing a doll's house out of a packing chest,
and furnishing it with beds made out of cardboard boxes, and sofas made
out of pin-cushions. I used to feel other children a bore because they
distracted her attention."
"That would be when you were--how old? Six or seven? And you are now--
what is it? Twenty-two? I must have been a schoolboy of seventeen at
that time, imagining myself a man. Ten years makes a lot of difference
at that age. It doesn't count so much later on. At least I should
think not. Do I appear to you very old?"
"Hoary!"
"No, but I say... Honestly!"
"Don't be conceited. You know perfectly well--"
"But I wanted to make sure! And then you went to school. Did you have
a bad time at first among the other girls?"
"No. I'm afraid the other girls had a bad time with me. I was very
uppish and British, and insisted on getting my own way. Did _you_ have
a bad time?"
"Yes, I did," he said simply. "Small boys have a pretty stiff time of
it during their first term, and my time happened to be stiffer than
most. I may be as miserable again. I hope I never may be! But I'm
pretty sure it's impossible to be _more_ miserable than I was at nine
years old, bullied on every side, breaking my heart with home sickness,
and too proud to show a sign."
"Poor little lad!" sighed Claire softly, and for a long minute the two
pairs of eyes met, and exchanged a message. "But afterwards? It grew
better after that?"
"Oh, yes. I learnt to stand up for myself, and moved up in the school,
and began to bully on my own... Did you make many real friends in your
school days?"
"No real lasting friends. They were French girls, you see, and there
was the difference of race, and religion, to divide us as we grew up.
And we were birds of passage, mother and I; always moving about."
"You felt the need of companionship?"
"No. I had mother, and we were like girls together." The twin dimples
showed in a mischievous smile. "You seem very anxious to hear that I
was lonely!"
"Well!" said Erskine, and hesitated as though he found it impossible to
deny the accusation. "I wanted to feel that you could sympathise with
me! I've been more or less lonely all my life, but I have always felt
that a time would come when it would be all right--when I'd meet some
one who'd understand. I was great chums with my father, but he died
when I was twelve, and my school chum went off to China, and comes home
for a few months every three years, when it has usually happened that
I've been abroad. There are nice enough fellows in the regiment, but I
suppose I'm not quick at making friends--"
Strive as she would Claire could not resist a twinkle of amusement,
their eyes met, and both went off into a peal of laughter.
"Oh, well, there are exceptions! That's different. I felt that I knew
you at once, without any preliminary stages. It must always be like
that when people really fit." And then after a short pause he added in
boyish, ingenuous tones, "Did you feel that you knew me?"
"I--I think I did!" Claire acknowledged. To both it seemed the most
wonderful, the most absorbing of conversations. They were blissfully
unconscious that it was old as the hills themselves, and had been
repeated with ceaseless reiteration from prehistoric periods. Only once
was there an interruption of the deep mutual happiness and that came
without warning. Claire was smiling in blissful contentment,
unconscious of a care, when suddenly a knife-like pain stabbed her
heart. Imagination had wafted her back to Staff-Room. She saw the
faces of the fifteen women seated around the table, women who were with
but one exception past their youth, approaching nearer and nearer to
dreaded age, and an inward voice whispered that to each in her turn had
come this golden hour, the hour of dreams, of sweet, illuminative hope.
The hour had come, and the hour had passed, leaving behind nothing but a
memory and a regret. Why should she herself be more blessed than
others? She looked forward and saw a vision of herself ten years hence
still hurrying along the well-known street looking up at the clock in
the church tower to assure herself that she was in time, still mounting
the same bare staircase, still hanging up her hat on the same peg. The
prose of it in contradistinction with the poetry of the present was
terrifying to Claire's youthful mind, and her look was so white, so
strained, that Erskine took instant alarm.
"What is it? What is it? Are you ill? Have I said anything to upset
you? I say, what _is_ the matter!"
"Nothing. Nothing! I had a--thought! Talk hard, please, and make me
forget!"
The end of the two hours found the cross-questioning still in full
force; the man and the girl alike still feeling that the half was not
yet told. They resented the quick passage of time, resented the
disturbance of the afternoon hours.
"What on earth do we want with a tennis party?" grumbled the Captain.
"Wish to goodness we could be left alone. I suppose the mater wanted
them to amuse you before I came back."
Claire murmured incoherently. She knew better, but she was not going to
say so! They turned unwillingly towards the house.
In the afternoon the guests arrived. They came early, for the Fanshawe
tennis courts were in fine condition, and the prospect of meeting a new
man and a new girl, plus the son of the house, was a treat in itself in
the quiet countryside where the members of the same set met regularly at
every function of the year. One of the courts was reserved for men's
fours, for Mrs Fanshawe believed in giving her guests what they liked,
and there is no doubt that men as a rule are ungallant enough to prefer
their own sex in outdoor games.
In the second court the younger girls took part in mixed fours, while
others sat about, or took part in lengthy croquet contests on the
furthest of the three lawns. Claire as a member of the house-party had
a good deal of time on her hands, and helped Mrs Fanshawe with the
entertainment of the older guests, who one and all eyed her with
speculative interest.
One thin, faded woman had spent a few years in Bombay and was roused to
interest by hearing that Claire's mother was now settled in that city.
Yes! she had met a Mr Judge. Robert Judge, was it not? Her husband
knew him quite well. He had dined at their house. Quite a dear man.
She had heard of his marriage, "but"--here came a look of
mystification--"to a _young_ wife; very pretty, very charming--"
Claire laughed, and held out a little coloured photograph in a round
glass frame which hung by a chain round her neck.
"That is my mother. She is thirty-nine, and looks thirty. And she is
prettier than that."
The faded lady looked, and sighed. Mrs Fanshawe brightened into vivid
interest. "You know Mr Judge, then? You have met him? That's quite
interesting. That's very interesting!" Claire realised with some
irritability that the fact that one of her own acquaintances knew and
approved, instantaneously raised Mr Judge in her hostess's estimation.
Hitherto he had been a name, a nobody; now he became a real man, "quite
a dear man," a man one could know! The result was satisfactory enough,
but Claire was irritated by the means. She was irritated also by the
subtle but very real change in her hostess's manner to herself in the
last twenty-four hours; irritated because the precious hours were
passing, and Erskine was surrounded by his guests, playing endless sets
on the hot lawn. He looked as though he were enjoying himself, too, and
that added to her annoyance, for like many another girl she had not yet
realised that a man can forget even his love in his whole-hearted
enjoyment of sport!
At tea-time, however, there was a lull when Erskine carried a chair to
Claire's side, and seated himself with an air of contentment. Once and
again as the meal progressed she saw his eyes rove around, and then come
back to dwell upon herself. She knew that he was comparing her with the
other girls who were present, knew also by the deep glow of that
returning glance, that in his eyes she was fairest and best. The former
irritation dropped from her like a cloak.
Tea was over, the guests rose from their seats. Erskine stood by
Claire's side looking down at her with a quizzical smile.
"Er--did you notice that man who came in just before tea, with the girl
in the pink frock? He was sitting over there, on the right?"
"Yes, I noticed him. I could see him quite well. Why?"
"What did you think of him?"
"Quite nice. I liked his face. Good-natured and interesting."
Erskine laughed.
"Sure?"
"Quite sure. Why?"
"Don't recognise him at all? Doesn't remind you of any one you know?"
"Not in the least. Why should he?"
Erskine laughed again.
"I'm afraid your memory is defective. I must introduce you again!" He
walked away, laid his hand on the arm of the new-comer, and led him back
to Claire's side. "Miss Gifford," he said gravely, "allow me to
introduce--Major Carew!"
CHAPTER TWENTY TWO.
FOUND OUT.
The man with the good-natured, interesting face bowed to Claire with the
alacrity which the normal man shows at an introduction to a pretty girl;
Claire stared blankly, recovered herself, and returned his bow in formal
manner. Erskine looked from one to the other in undisguised surprise.
"I thought you had met... You told me you had met Carew in town!"
"Not _this_ Major Carew!" Claire could not suppress a tone of regret.
With all her heart she wished that the man before her had been Cecil's
fiance.
"It was the same name, but--"
"Not the same man? It's not an unusual name, I expect there are several
of us knocking about," the present Major Carew said smilingly. "Do you
happen to know his regiment?"
Claire knew it well, but as she pronounced the name, the hearer's face
crinkled in confusion.
"But that is my own regiment! There _is_ no other Carew! There's some
mistake. You have mixed up the names."
"Oh no. I've heard it a hundred times. It is impossible to be
mistaken. His Christian name is Frank."
"_My_ name is Frank!" the strange man said, and stared at Claire in
increasing perplexity. "There is certainly not another Frank Carew in
the M---. There is something wrong about this. I don't understand!"
"He is a member of the --- Club, and his people live in Surrey. He has
an old father who is an invalid, and the name of the house is `The
Moat'--"
Major Carew's face turned a deep, apoplectic red, his light eyes seemed
to protrude from his head, so violent was his anger and surprise.
"But--that's _me_! That's my club, my father, my home! Somebody has
been taking my name, and passing himself off under false colours for
some mysterious reason. I can't imagine what good it is going to do
him."
He broke off in alarm, and cast an appealing look at Erskine as Claire
suddenly collapsed on the nearest chair, her face as white as her gown.
"I say, this is a bad business I'm most awfully sorry. I'm afraid Miss
Gifford is distressed--"
Erskine's lips were set in a fury of anger. He glanced at Claire and
turned hurriedly away, as though he could not trust himself to look at
her blanched face. To see the glint of his eye, the set of the firm
jaw, was to realise that it would fare badly with the masquerader should
he come within reach. There was a moment of tense, unhappy silence,
then Erskine drew forward two more chairs, and motioned to the Major to
be seated.
"I think we shall have to thresh this out! It is naturally a shock, but
Miss Gifford's acquaintance with this person is very slight. She took a
violent dislike to him at first sight, so you need not fear that she
will feel any personal distress. That is so, isn't it? That's the real
position?"
Claire nodded a quick assent.
"Yes, yes. I met him twice, and I hated him from the first; but my
friend believes..." Her voice broke, and she struggled for composure,
her chin quivering with pitiful, child-like distress. "He is engaged to
be _married_ to my friend!"
A deep murmur of anger came simultaneously from both hearers. The real
Major Carew straightened himself with an air of determination.
"Engaged to her? Under my name? This is too strong! And in the name
of wonder, what for? I'm nobody. I've nothing. I'm the most
insignificant of fellows, and chronically hard up. What had he to gain
by taking my name?"
"You are a gentleman, and he is not. Everything is comparative. He
wanted to impress my friend, and he knew you so well that it was easy to
pretend, and make up a good tale. He _said_ he was hard up. He--he--
borrowed money!"
"From the girl?" Again came that deep murmur of indignation. "What an
unspeakable cur, and--excuse me, what a poor-spirited girl to have
anything to do with him after that! Could you do nothing to prevent her
making such a fool of herself?"
"Nothing. I tried. I tried hard, but--"
Erskine looked at her with his keen, level glance.
"And she borrowed from you to supply his needs? No, never mind, I won't
ask any more questions, but I know! I know!" His eyes hardened again
as he turned towards the other man. "Carew, this is pure swindling! We
shall have to worry this out!"
"I believe you, my boy!" said the Major tersely. He turned to Claire
and added more gently, "Tell us some more about this fellow, Miss
Gifford! Describe him! Would you recognise him if you met again?"
"Oh, yes. At once. He is tall and dark, good-looking, I suppose,
though I detest his type. Very dark eyes. Large features."
The Major ruminated, finding apparently no clue in the description.
"Tall. Dark. Large features! I know about a hundred men to whom that
description might apply. Could you think of anything more definite?"
Claire ruminated in her turn; recalled the image of Cecil's lover, and
tried to remember the details of his appearance.
"He has very thick hair, and brushes it straight across his forehead.
His eyebrows are very short. He has a high colour, quite red cheeks."
Major Carew made a short, choking sound; lay back in his chair, and
stared aghast. This time it was evident that the description awoke a
definite remembrance, but he appeared to thrust it from him, to find it
difficult to give credence to the idea.
"Impossible!" he murmured to himself. "Impossible! High colour, you
say; short eyebrows. When you say `short,' what exactly do you mean?"
"They begin by being very thick, then they stop abruptly. They don't
follow the line of the eye, like most eyebrows. They look--unfinished!"
Major Carew bounced upon his chair.
"Erskine, I have an idea.--It seems almost incredible, but I'm bound to
find if it is correct! There is a man who is in our camp now. I'll
make an excuse, and send him over to-night, if you can arrange that Miss
Gifford sees him when he comes. I'll give him a message for you."
"_Send_!" repeated Erskine sharply; then he glanced at Claire, and sent
a frowning message towards the other man. "That can easily be arranged.
We'll leave it till evening, then. We can't get any further now, and I
must get back to my duties. The mater is scowling at me. Go and soothe
her like a good fellow, but for your life--not a word of this to her!"
Major Carew rose obediently, perfectly aware that his company was not
wanted, and Erskine bent towards Claire with a few earnest words.
"Don't worry! If this man is an impostor, the sooner it is found out,
the better. He _is_ an impostor, there's no getting away from that, and
he is making a dupe of that poor girl for his own ends. If we had not
made this discovery, he would have stuck to her until he had bled her of
her last penny, and then would probably have disappeared into space.
She knows nothing of his real name or position, so it would have been
difficult to trace him, and probably nothing to be gained, if he _were_
found. One reads of these scoundrels from time to time, but I've never
had the misfortune to meet one in the flesh. I'd like to horsewhip the
fellow for upsetting you like this!"
"Oh, what does it matter about me?" Claire cried impatiently. "It's
Cecil I'm thinking about--my poor, poor friend! She's not young, and
she is tired out after twelve years of teaching, and it's the _second_
time! Years ago a man pretended to love her, it was only pretence, and
it nearly broke her heart. She has never been the same since then. It
made her bitter and distrustful."
"Poor creature! No wonder. But that was some time ago, and now she is
engaged to this other fellow. Is she in love with him, do you suppose?"
Claire shrugged vaguely.
"I--don't--know! She is in love with the idea of a home."
"And he? You have seen them together. He is a cur, there's no getting
away from that, but he might be attached to the girl all the same. Do
you think he is?"
"Oh, how can I tell?" Claire cried impatiently. "She thinks he is, but
she thought the same about the other man. It doesn't seem possible to
tell! Men amuse themselves and pretend, and act a part, and then laugh
at a girl if she is so foolish as to believe--"
Captain Fanshawe bent forward, his arm resting on his knees, his face
upraised to hers; a very grave face, fixed and determined.
"Do you believe that, Claire? Do you believe what you are saying?"
The grey eyes looked deep into hers, compelling an answer.
"I--I think many of them--"
"Some of them!" the Captain corrected. "Just as some girls encourage a
man to gratify their own vanity. They are the exceptions in both cases;
but you speak in generalities, condemning the whole sex. Is it what you
really think--that most men pretend?"
The grey eyes were on her face, keen, compelling eyes from which there
was no escape. Claire flushed and hesitated.
"No! No, I don't. Not most. But there are some!"
"We are not concerned with `some'!" he said quietly, and straightening
himself, he cast a glance around.
The guests were standing about in little groups, aimless, irresolute,
waiting to be broken up into twos and fours, and drafted off to the
empty lawns; across the deserted tea-tables his mother's eyes met his,
coldly reproachful. Erskine sighed, and rose to his feet.
"I must go. These people need looking after. Don't look so sad. It
hurts me to see you sad."
Just those few, hastily-spoken words and he was gone, and Claire
strolled off in an opposite direction, anxious to screen herself from
observation among the crowd. She ached with pity for Cecil, but through
all her distresses the old confidence lay warm at her heart. There was
one man in the world who towered high above the possibility of deceit;
and between that man and herself was a bond stronger than spoken word.
The future seemed full of difficulties, but Claire did not trouble
herself about the future. The present was all-absorbing, full of
trouble; full of joy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was seven o'clock before the last of the guests had departed, and
Mrs Fanshawe saw to it that her son was fully engaged until it was time
to dress for dinner. Her keen eyes had noticed signs of agitation as
the two young people sat together at tea. And what had Erskine been
talking about with that tense expression on his face? And what had
happened to the girl that she looked at one moment so radiant, and at
the next so cast-down? Mrs Fanshawe's affections, like those of most
selfish people, were largely influenced by personal considerations. A
week before she had felt quite a warm affection for the agreeable
companion who had rescued her from the boredom of lonely days, now hour
by hour, she was conscious of a rising irritation against the girl who
threatened to interfere with her own plans. The verdict of others
confirmed her own suspicions as to Erskine's danger, for during the
afternoon half a dozen intimate friends referred to Claire with
significant intonation. "Such a graceful creature. No wonder Erskine
is _epris_!" ... "Miss Gifford is quite charming." ... "_So_
interested to meet Miss Gifford!" Eyes and voice alike testified to the
conviction that if an engagement were not already arranged, it was a
certainty in the near future. Mrs Fanshawe set her lips, and
determined by hook or crook to get Claire Gifford out of the house.
That evening at nine o'clock the parlour-maid announced that Major
Carew's soldier servant wished to see Captain Fanshawe on a message from
his master, and Erskine gave instructions that he should be sent round
to the verandah, and stepped out of the window, leaving Claire wondering
and discomfited. What had happened? Was the impostor not to be found?
In her present tension of mind any delay, even of the shortest, seemed
unbearable.
The murmur of voices sounded from without, then Erskine stepped back
into the room, and addressed himself pointedly to Claire, but without
using her name.
"Would you come out just for two minutes? It's some plan for to-
morrow."
Claire crossed the room, acutely conscious of Mrs Fanshawe's
displeasure, stepped into the cool light of the verandah and beheld
standing before her, large and trim in his soldier's uniform, Cecil's
lover, the man who had masqueraded under his master's name.
For one breathless moment the two stood face to face, staring, aghast,
too petrified by surprise to be able to move or speak. Claire caught
hold of the nearest chair, and clutched at its back; the florid colour
died out of the man's cheeks, his eyes glazed with horror and dismay.
Then with a rapid right-about-face, he leapt from the steps, and sped
down the drive. Another moment and he had disappeared, and the two who
were left, faced each other aghast.
"His servant! His _servant_! Oh, my poor Cecil!"
"The scoundrel! It was a clever ruse. No need to invent details: he
had them all ready to his hand. The question is, what next? The game
is up, and he knows it. What will be his next move?"
Claire shook her head. She was white and shaken. The reality was even
worse than she had expected, and the thought of Cecil's bitterness of
disillusion weighed on her like a nightmare. She tried to speak, but
her lips trembled and Erskine drew near with a quick word of
consolation--
"Claire!"
"What is this plan, Erskine? Am I not to be consulted? Remember that
you are engaged to lunch with the Montgomerys to-morrow."
Mrs Fanshawe stood in the doorway, erect, haughty, obviously annoyed.
Her keen eyes rested on Claire's face, demanding a reason for her
embarrassment. Erskine made a virtue of necessity, and offered a short
explanation.
"A disagreeable thing has happened, mother. Miss Gifford has discovered
through Major Carew that a friend is in serious trouble. It has been
rather a shock."
"Dear me. Yes! It would be. Perhaps you would like to go to your
room, my dear. I'm tired myself, and shall be glad to get to bed. I am
sure you must wish to be alone. Shall we go?"
Claire said good night to the two men and went wearily upstairs. At
this moment even her own inward happiness failed to console. When
contrasted with her own fate, Cecil's seemed so cruelly unfair!
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE.
"NO!"
Sleep refused to come to Claire that night. She lay tossing on her bed
while the old clock in the corridor without struck hour after hour.
Two, three, four, and still she tossed, and turned, and again and again
asked herself the world-old question, "What shall I do? What shall I
do?" and shuddered at the thought of the disillusionment which was
coming to her poor friend.
What was her own duty in the matter? Obviously Cecil must be told the
truth; obviously she was the one to tell it. Would it be possible to
_write_? Inclination clamoured in favour of such a course. It would be
so much easier: it would obviate the necessity for a lacerating
interview. Would it not be easier for Cecil, also? Claire felt that if
positions had been reversed, she would crave above all things to be
alone, hidden from the eyes of even the most sympathising of friends;
but Cecil's nature was of a different type. Having heard the one
abhorrent fact, she would wish to probe further, to be told details, to
ask a score of trifling questions. However full a letter might be, she
would not be satisfied without an interview. "But I might write first,
and see her afterwards!" poor Claire said to herself. "It would not be
quite so bad, when she had got over the first shock. I could _not_ bear
to see her face..."
It was five o'clock before at last sleep came to drive away the haunting
questions, and when she woke it was to find her early tea had grown cold
on the table by her side, and to see on looking at her watch that it was
nearly ten o'clock. She dressed hurriedly and went downstairs to find
Mrs Fanshawe alone in the dining-room, reading the _Morning Post_. She
waved aside Claire's apologies for her late appearance with easy good
nature. No one was _expected_ to be punctual at breakfast. It was
sheer tyranny to decree that visitors should get up at a definite hour.
If Claire had slept badly, why didn't she order breakfast in her room,
and spend the morning in bed?
"You look a wreck!" she said frankly, and threw down the paper with an
impatient gesture. "Such a nuisance about this bad news. Erskine seems
disgusted with the whole affair. He has gone off with Major Carew to
see what can be done, and is to go straight to the Willoughbys. So
tiresome, for I particularly wanted him to be in good form this
afternoon! What's it all about? As it has happened in my house, I
think I am entitled to an explanation. Something to do with Major
Carew's servant? How can your friend be associated with a servant? The
man has bolted, it appears. The Major came over half an hour ago to say
that he never returned last night. Thought flight the best policy, I
suppose, but what I am waiting to be told, is--what has he _done_?"
Claire sat down on the nearest chair, feeling more of a wreck than ever.
"Deserted! A soldier! But if he is found? The punishment..."
"He has already been found out, it appears, so that it was a choice
between certain punishment if he stayed, or the chance of getting safely
away. I am waiting to hear what it's all about!"
"Oh, Mrs Fanshawe, it's so difficult. It's not my secret!" cried poor
Claire desperately. "He, this man, has been masquerading under his
master's name. My friend knew him as Major Carew. She, they, became
very intimate."
"Engaged, I suppose! It doesn't say much for her discrimination. Her
ideas of what constitute a gentleman must be somewhat vague!" Mrs
Fanshawe said disagreeably. She felt disagreeable, and she never made
any effort to conceal her feelings, kindly or the reverse. It was
annoying that one of her own guests should be mixed up in an unsavoury
scandal with a common soldier: annoying to have people going about with
long faces, when she had planned a festive week. Really this Claire
Gifford was becoming more and more of an incumbrance! Mrs Fanshawe
paused with her hand on the coffee-pot, to ask a pointed question--
"Have _you_ also known this man under his false name, may I ask?"
Claire flushed uncomfortably.
"I met him twice. Only twice. For a very short time."
Mrs Fanshawe did not speak, but she arched her eyebrows in a fashion
which was more scorching than words. "So you, also, are ignorant of
what constitutes a gentleman!" said those eyebrows. "You also have been
including my friend's servant among your acquaintances!"
Claire felt the hopelessness of trying to justify herself, and relapsed
into silence also, the while she made a pretence of eating one of the
most miserable meals of her life. According to his mother, Erskine was
"quite disgusted" with the whole affair! Claire's heart sank at the
thought, but she acknowledged that such an attitude would be no more
than was natural under the circumstances. A soldier himself, Captain
Fanshawe would be a stern judge of a soldier's fraud, while his _amour
propre_ could not fail to be touched. Claire had too much faith to
believe that his displeasure would be extended to herself, yet she was
miserably aware that it was through her instrumentality that he had been
brought in contact with the scandal.
In the midst of much confusion of mind only one thing seemed certain,
and that was that it was impossible to face a tennis party that
afternoon. Claire made her apologies to Mrs Fanshawe as she rose from
the table, and they were accepted with disconcerting readiness.
"Of course! Of course! I never imagined that you would. Under the
circumstances it would be most awkward. I expect by afternoon the story
will be the talk of the place. Your friend, I understand, is still
ignorant of the man's real station? What do you propose to do with
regard to breaking the news?"
"In. I'm going to write. I thought I would sit in my room and compose
a letter.--It will be difficult!"
"Difficult!" Mrs Fanshawe repeated the word with disagreeable
emphasis. "Impossible, I should say, and, excuse me! cruel into the
bargain. To open a letter from a friend, expecting to find the ordinary
chit-chat, and to receive a blow that shatters one's life! My dear,
it's unthinkable! You cannot seriously intend it."
"You think it would be better if I _told_, her?" Claire asked
anxiously. "I wondered myself, but naturally I dreaded it, and I
thought she might prefer to get over the first shock alone. I had
decided to write first, and see her later on. But you think..."
"I think decidedly that you ought to break the news in person. You can
lead up to it more naturally in words. Even the most carefully written
letters are apt to read coldly; perhaps the more care we spend on them,
the more coldly they read."
"Yes, that's true, that's quite true, but I thought it would be better
not to wait. She is staying at home just now. I don't think he will
visit her there, for he seemed to shrink from meeting her mother, but he
may write and try--" Claire drew herself up on the point of betraying
that borrowing of money which was the most shameful feature of the
fraud, but Mrs Fanshawe was too much absorbed in her own schemes to
notice the omission. She had seen a way of getting rid of an unwelcome
guest, and was all keenness to turn it to account.
"He is sure to try to see her again while he is at large. He will
probably urge her to marry him at once. You should certainly not defer
your visit if it is to be of any use. How dreadful _it_ would be if she
were to marry him under an assumed name! You mustn't let us interfere
with your arrangement, my dear. You only promised me ten days, so I
can't grumble if you run away, and for the short time that Erskine is at
home, there are so many friends to fit in... You understand, I am sure,
that I am thinking of your own convenience!"
"I understand perfectly, thank you!" Claire replied, her head in the
air, the indignant colour dying her cheeks with red. Mrs Fanshawe's
arguments in favour of haste might be wise enough, but her personal
desire was all too plainly betrayed. And she pointedly ignored the fact
that the proposed interview need not have interrupted Claire's visit,
since it and the journey involved could easily have been accomplished in
the course of a day. "I understand perfectly, thank you. I will go
upstairs and pack now. Perhaps there is a train I could catch before
lunch?"
"The twelve-thirty. That will give you the afternoon in town. I'll
order a fly from the inn. I'm _so_ sorry for you, dear! Most nerve-
racking to have to break bad news, but you'll feel happier when it's
done. Perhaps you could take the poor thing with you to that sweet
little farm!"
Not for the world would Claire have spent the next hour in Mrs
Fanshawe's company. She hurried to her room, and placing her watch on
the dressing-table, so timed her packing that it should not be completed
a moment before the lumbering country "fly" drove up to the door. Then,
fully dressed, she descended the staircase, and held out a gloved hand
to her hostess, apparently unconscious of an offered kiss.
It was some slight consolation to note the change of bearing which had
come over Mrs Fanshawe during the last hour, and to realise that the
success of her scheme had not brought much satisfaction. She was
nervous, she was more than nervous, she was afraid! The while Claire
had been packing upstairs, she had had time to realise Erskine's return,
and his reception of the news she would have to break. As she drove
away from the door, Claire realised that her hostess would have paid a
large sum down to have been able to undo that morning's work!
For her own part, Claire cared nothing either way: literally and
truthfully at that moment even the thought of leaving Erskine had no
power to wound. The quickly-following events of the last twenty-four
hours had had a numbing effect on her brain. She was miserable, sore,
and wounded; the whole fabric of life seemed tumbling to pieces. Love,
for the moment, was in abeyance. As the fly passed the last yard of
mown grass which marked the boundary of the Fanshawe property, she threw
out her arms with one of the expressive gestures, which remained with
her as a result of her foreign training. "_Fini_!" she cried aloud.
Mentally at that moment, she swept the Fanshawes, mother and son, from
the stage of her life.
Where should she go next? Back to solitude, and the saffron parlour?
London in August held no attraction, but the solitary prospect of being
able to see Sophie, and at the moment Claire shrank from Sophie's sharp
eyes. Should she telegraph to the farm, and ask how soon she could be
received; and at the same time telegraph to Mary Rhodes asking for an
immediate interview? A few minutes' reflection brought a decision in
favour of this plan, and she drew a pocket-book from her dressing-bag,
and busied herself in composing the messages. One to the farm, a second
to Laburnum Crescent announcing her immediate return, then came a pause,
to consider the difficult wording of the third. Would it be possible to
drop a word of warning, intelligible to Cecil herself, but meaningless
to anyone else who might by chance open the wire?
"Back in town. Have important news. Imperative to see you to-day, if
possible. Appoint meeting. Delay dangerous."
It was not perfect, but in Claire's dazed condition it was the best she
could concoct, and it left a tactful uncertainty as to whether the news
affected herself or Cecil, which would make it the easier to explain.
Claire counted the words and folded the three messages in her hand-bag,
ready to be sent off the moment she reached the station.
The fly lumbered on; up a toilsome hill, down into the valley, up
another hill on the farther side; then came a scattering of houses, a
church, a narrow street lined with shops, and finally the station
itself, the clock over the entrance showing a bare four minutes to
spare.
The porter labelled the luggage, and trundled it down the platform.
Claire hurried through her business in the telegraph office, and ran
after him just as the train slowed down on the departure platform. One
carriage showed two empty corner places on the nearest side, Claire
opened the door, seated herself facing the engine, and spread her
impedimenta on the cushions. But few passengers had been waiting, for
this was one of the slowest trains in the day, but now at this last
moment there came the sound of running footsteps, a man's footsteps,
echoing in strong heavy beats. With a traveller's instinctive curiosity
Claire leant forward to watch the movements of this late comer, and
putting her head out of the window came face to face with Erskine
Fanshawe himself.
At sight of her he stopped short, at sight of him she stood up, blocking
the window from sight of the other occupants of the carriage; by a
certain defiance of pose, appearing to defend it also against his own
entrance. But he did not attempt to enter. Though he had been running,
it was his pallor, not his heat, which struck Claire in that first
moment. He was white, with the pallor of intense anger; the flash of
his eyes was like cold steel. He rested his hands on the sill of the
window, and looked up into her face.
"This is my mother's doing!"
It was a statement, not a question, and Claire made no reply. She stood
stiff and silent, while down the length of the platform sounded the
quick banging of doors.
"I got through sooner than I expected and went home to change. I did
not waste time in talking... I could guess what had happened. She made
it impossible for you to stay on?"
Still silence. The guard's whistle sounded shrilly. Erskine came a
step nearer. His white tense face almost touched her own.
"Claire!" he whispered breathlessly, "will you marry me?"
"Stand back there! Stand back!" cried an authoritative voice. The
wheels of the carriage rolled slowly forward. Claire bent forward, and
gave her answer in one incisive word--
"No!"
The wheels rolled faster and faster: left the station, whirled out into
the green, smiling plain.
CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR.
A RUPTURE.
In after days Claire often looked back upon that journey to London, and
tried to recall her own feelings, but invariably the effort ended in
failure. She could remember nothing but a haze of general misery and
confusion, which deepened with every fresh mile, and reached its acutest
point at the moment of arriving "home."
The landlady was flustered at having to prepare for so hasty a return,
and did not scruple to show her displeasure. She took for granted that
Claire had had lunch, and the poor girl had not the courage to undeceive
her. A telegram was lying on the dining-room table which announced
Cecil's arrival at four o'clock. Claire ordered tea to be ready at that
hour, and stretched herself on her bed in the room upstairs which looked
so bare and cold, denuded of the beautifying personal touches. She felt
incredibly tired, incredibly lonely; she longed with a very passion of
longing for some one of her own, for the dear, beautiful mother, who if
she did not always understand, was always ready to love. Oh, it was
hard, unnatural work, this fighting the world alone! Did the girls who
grew weary of the restraints of home, ever realise how their working
sisters sickened with longing for some one who cared enough even to
_interfere_!
Three o'clock, half-past three, a quarter to four. Claire was faint for
want of food, and had enough sense to realise that this was a poor
preparation for the ordeal ahead; she went downstairs, and threw herself
upon Lizzie's mercy.
"Lizzie, I have had no lunch. I'm starving. Could you bring up the tea
_now_, and make some fresh for Miss Rhodes when she arrives?"
"Why couldn't you say so before?" Lizzie asked with the freedom of the
lodging-house slavey, but the question was spoken in sympathy rather
than anger. "The kettle's boiling, and I've cut the bread and butter.
You shall have it in two two's. I'll cut you a sanguidge," she cried as
a supreme proof of goodwill, and clattered down the kitchen stairs at
express speed.
She was as good as her word. In five minutes tea was ready, and Claire
ate and drank, keeping her eyes turned resolutely from the clock.
Before it had struck the hour, there came from the hall the sound of a
well-known double knock, and she knew that the hour of her ordeal had
arrived.
She did not rise from the table; the tea-things were clattering with the
trembling of the hand that was resting upon the tray, she literally had
not the strength to rise. She lay back in her chair and stared
helplessly at the opening door.
Cecil came in. It came as a shock to see her looking so natural, so
entirely the Cecil Claire was accustomed to see. She looked tired, and
a trifle cross, but alas! these had been prevailing expressions even in
the days when things were going comparatively well. Casual in her own
manner, she saw nothing unusual in Claire's lack of welcome, she nodded
an off-hand greeting, and drew up a chair to the table.
"Well! I've come. Give me a cup of tea as a start. I've had a rush
for it. You said to-day, if possible, and I had nothing special on
hand, so I thought I had better come. What's the news, and what's the
danger? Which of us does it affect,--me or you?"
"Oh, it's--horrid, horrid, horrid! It's a long story. Finish your tea
first, then I'll tell you. I'm _so_ miserable!"
"Poor old girl!" Cecil said kindly, and helped herself to bread and
butter. Claire had a miserable conviction that her reply had had a
deceptive effect, and that the shock when it came, would be all the more
severe. Nevertheless, she was thankful for the reprieve; thankful to
see Cecil eat sandwiches with honest enjoyment, until the last one had
disappeared from the plate.
"Well!" Cecil pushed aside her cup, and rested an arm on the table.
"Let's get to business. I promised mother I'd catch the six o'clock
train back. What's it all about? Some young squire wanting to marry
you, and you want my advice? Take him, my dear! You won't always be
young and beautiful!"
Claire shook her head.
"Nothing about me. I wouldn't have worried you in the holidays, if--if
it hadn't been for your own sake..."
The red flowed into Cecil's cheeks, her face hardened, the tone of her
voice was icy cold.
"_My_ sake? I don't understand. I am not aware that you have any
responsibility about my affairs!"
"Cecil, I have! I must have. We have lived together. I have loved
you--"
Mary Rhodes waved aside the protestations with impatient scorn.
"Don't be sentimental, please! You are not one of the girls. If it's
the money, and you are in a hurry to be repaid--"
"I'm not. I'm not! I don't care if you _never_ pay..." Tears of
distress rose in Claire's eyes, she caught her breath and cried in a
choking sob. "Cecil, it's about--him! I've found out something. I've
seen him... Only last night..."
"I thought you might meet as his camp was so near. Suppose you did!
What was so terribly alarming in that?"
"You haven't heard? He hasn't been to see you, or written, or wired,
to-day?"
"He has not. Why should he? Don't be hysterical, Claire. If you have
anything to say, say it, and let me hear. What have you `found out'
about Major Carew?"
"He's--_not_ Major Carew!" Claire cried desperately. "He has deceived
you, Cecil, and pretended to be ... to be something quite different from
what he really is. There _is_ a real Major Carew, and his name is
Frank, and he has a home in Surrey, and an invalid father--everything
that he told you was true, only--he is not the man! Oh, Cecil, how
shall I tell you? It's so dreadfully, dreadfully hard. He knew all
about the real Major Carew, and could get hold of photographs to show
you, because he--he is his servant, Cecil--his soldier servant... He
was with him in camp!"
Cecil rose from her chair, and went over to the empty fireplace,
standing with her back to her companion. She spoke no word, and Claire
struggled on painfully with her explanations.
"He--the real Major Carew--came over to a tennis party at Mrs
Fanshawe's yesterday. I thought, of course, that it was another man of
the same name, but he said--he said there was no other in that regiment,
and he asked me to tell him some more, and I did, and everything I said
amazed him more and more, for it was true about _himself_! Then he
asked me to describe--the man, and he made an excuse to send his servant
over in the evening so that I should see him. He came. Oh, Cecil! He
saw me, and he--ran away! He had not returned this morning. He has
_deserted_!"
Still silence. It seemed to Claire of most pitiful import that Cecil
made no disclaimer, that at the word of a stranger she accepted her
lover's guilt. What a light on the past was cast by that stoney
silence, unbroken by a solitary protest. Poor Mary Rhodes had known no
doubts as to the man's identity, she had given him affection and help,
but respect and trust could never have entered into the contract!
Claire had said her say: she leant her elbows on the table, and buried
her head in her hands. The clock on the mantelpiece ticked steadily for
an endless five minutes. Then Cecil spoke:--
"I suppose," she said harshly, "you expect me to be grateful for this!"
The sound of her voice was like a blow. Claire looked up, startled,
protesting.
"Oh, Cecil, surely you would rather know?"
"Should I?" Cecil asked slowly. "Should I?" She turned back to the
tireless grate, and her thoughts sped... With her eyes opened she would
not, of course, consent to marry this man who had so meanly abused her
trust, but--suppose she had not known! Suppose in ignorance the
marriage had taken place? If he had been loving, if he had been kind,
would she in after days have regretted the step? At the bottom of her
weary woman's heart, Cecil answered that she would _not_. The fraud was
unpardonable, yet she could have pardoned it, if it had been done for
love of herself. No stately Surrey mansion would have been her home,
but a cottage of three or four rooms, but it would have been her _own_
cottage, her _own_ home. She would have felt pride in keeping it clean
and bright. There would have been some one to work for: some one to
care: some one to whom she _mattered_. And suddenly there came the
thought of another joy that might have been; she held to her breast a
child that was no paid charge, but her very own, bone of her bone, flesh
of her flesh...
"No! No!" she cried harshly, "I am not grateful. _Why_ did you tell
me? Why did you spoil it? What do I care who he was? He was my man;
he wanted me. He told lies _because_ he wanted me... I am getting old,
and I'm tired and cross, but he cared.--He _did_ care, and he looked up
to me, and wanted to appear my equal... Oh, I'm not excusing him. I
know all you would say. He deceived me--he borrowed money that he could
never pay back, but he would have confessed some day, he would have had
to confess, and I should have forgiven him. I'd have forgiven him
anything, _because_ he cared ... and after that--he would have cared
more--I should have had him. I should have had my home..."
Claire hid her face, and groaned in misery of spirit. From her own
point of view it seemed impossible that any woman should regret a man
who had proved so unworthy, but once again she reminded herself that her
own working life counted only one year, as against Cecil's twelve; once
again she felt she had no right to judge. Presently she became aware
that Cecil was moving about the room, opening the bureau, and taking
papers out of a drawer. At the end of ten minutes she came back to the
table, and began drawing on her gloves. Her face was set and tearless,
but the lines had deepened into a new distinctness. Claire had a
pitiful realisation that this was how Cecil would look when she was
_old_.
"Well," she said curtly, "that's finished! I may as well go for my
train. I'm sorry to appear ungracious, but you could hardly expect me
to be pleased. You meant well, of course, but it's a pity to interfere.
There's just one thing I'd like to make clear--you and I can hardly
live together after this. I never was a very agreeable companion, and I
shall be worse in the future. It would be better for your own sake to
make a fresh start, and for myself--I'm sorry to appear brutal, but I
could not stand another winter together. It would remind me too
much..."
She broke off abruptly, and Claire burst into helpless tears.
"Oh, Cecil, Cecil ... don't hate me--don't blame me too much! It's been
hard on me, too. Do you think I _liked_ breaking such news? Of course
I will take fresh rooms. I can understand that you'd rather have some
one else, but let us still be friends! Don't turn against me
altogether. I'm lonely, too... I've got my own trouble!"
"Poor little Claire!" Cecil melted at once, with the quick response
which always rewarded an appeal to her better feelings. "Poor little
Claire. You're a good child; you've done your best. It isn't _your_
fault." She lifted her bag from the table, and took a step towards the
door, then resolutely turned back, and held out her hand. "Good-bye.
Don't cry. What's the good of crying? Good luck to you, my dear, and--
take warning by me. I don't know what your trouble is, but as it isn't
money, it's probably love.--If it is, don't play the fool. If the
chance of happiness comes along, don't throw it away out of pride, or
obstinacy, or foolish prejudice. You won't always be young. When you
get past thirty, it's ... it's hard ... when there's nothing--"
She broke off again, and walked swiftly from the room.
The next moment the front door banged loudly. Cecil had gone.
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE.
A SUDDEN RESOLVE.
The next morning brought a letter from the farm bidding Claire welcome
as soon as she chose to arrive, but there was no second letter on the
table. Claire had not realised how confidently she had expected its
presence, until her heart sank with a sick, heavy faintness as she
lifted the one envelope, and looked in vain for a second.
Erskine had not written. Did that mean that he had taken her hasty
answer as final, and would make no further appeal? She had read of men
who had boasted haughtily that no girl should have an opportunity of
refusing them _twice_; that the woman who did not know her own mind was
no wife for them, but like every other lover she felt her own case to be
unique. Driven to answer in a moment of intolerable irritation, what
else could she have said?
But he had not written! What did that mean? At the moment of
discovering her departure, Erskine had been consumed with anger, but
afterwards, had his mother's counsels prevailed? Had he repented
himself of his hasty impulse? Would the days pass on, and the months,
and the years, and leave her like Cecil, solitary, apart?
Claire made a pretence at eating her breakfast, and then, too restless
to stay indoors, put on her hat, and went out to roam the streets until
it should be time to visit Sophie in her hospital.
Two hours later she returned and packed up not only her entire wardrobe,
but the whole of her personal possessions. In the course of her walk
there had come to her one of those curious contradictory impulses which
are so characteristic of a woman's nature. Having poured out her heart
in grief because Erskine had neither written nor followed her to town,
she was now restlessly impatient to make communication impossible, and
to bury herself where she could not be found. Before leaving the house
she made Lizzie happy by a present of money, accompanied by quite a
goodly bundle of clothing, after which she interviewed the landlady,
gave notice that she no longer needed the rooms, and wrote out a cheque
in payment of all claims. Then a taxi was summoned, the various boxes
piled on top, and another chapter of life had come to an end.
Claire drove to the station, whence she proposed to take a late
afternoon train to the farm, deposited her boxes in the left luggage
office, and strolled listlessly towards the great bookstall under the
clock. Another hour remained to be whiled away before she could start
for the hospital; she would buy a book, sit in the waiting-room, and try
to bury herself in its pages. She strolled slowly down the length of
the stall, her eyes passing listlessly from one pile of books to
another, finding little interest in them, and even less in the men and
women who stood by her side. As Mrs Fanshawe would have said, "No one
was in town"; even school-mistresses had flown from the region of bricks
and mortar. If she had thought about it at all, Claire would have said
that there was no one she _could_ meet, but suddenly a hand grasped her
arm, and brought her to a halt. She started violently, and for an
instant her heart leapt with a wild glad hope. It was not Erskine
Fanshawe who confronted her, however, but a girl clad in a tweed costume
with a cloth cap to match, on the side of which a sprig of heather was
fastened by a gold brooch fashioned in the shape of a thistle. In
bewildered surprise Claire recognised the brown eyes and round freckled
face of Janet Willoughby, whom she had believed to be hundreds of miles
away, in the highlands of Scotland.
"Just come back," Janet explained. "The weather was impossible.
Nothing but sheets of rain. I got tired, and came back to pay some
visits in the south." She hesitated, then asked a sudden question.
"Are you busy? Going anywhere at once? Could you spare half an hour?
We might have lunch together in the refreshment room!"
"Yes. No. I'd like to. I've had no lunch." Claire faltered
nervously, whereupon Janet turned to her maid, who was standing near,
dressing-bag in hand, and gave a few quick instructions.
"Get a taxi, Ross, and take all the things home. The car can wait for
me. I'll follow later."
The maid disappeared, and the two girls made their way across the open
space. Both looked nervous and ill at ease, both dreaded the coming
_tete-a-tete_, yet felt that it was a thing to be faced. Janet led the
way to a table in the farthest corner of the room, and they talked
trivialities until the ordered dishes were set on the table, and the
waiter had taken his departure. Claire had ordered coffee, and drank
eagerly, hoping that the physical refreshment would help to steady her
nerves. Janet played with her knife and fork, and said, without looking
up--
"You have left the Fanshawes, then! I heard that you were staying on."
"Yes. Yesterday I--came back."
The very lameness of the answer made it significant. Janet's freckled
face turned noticeably pale.
"Erskine went straight home after he left Scotland?"
"Yes."
"And before he arrived, you had promised to stay on?"
"Mrs Fanshawe asked me, before he came, if I could stay for another
week, and I was very glad to accept. I had no other engagement."
"And then?"
"Oh, then things were different. She didn't need company, and--and--
things happened. My friend, Miss Rhodes--"
Janet waved aside "my friend, Miss Rhodes," with an impatient hand.
"And Erskine? What did _he_ say to your leaving?"
The colour flamed in Claire's cheek; she stammered in hopeless
confusion, and, in the midst of her stammering, Janet laid both hands on
the table, and, leaning forward so that the two faces were only a few
inches apart, spoke a few startling words--
"Has he--_proposed_ to you? I must know! You must tell me!"
It was a command, rather than an appeal, and Claire automatically
replied--
"He--he did! Yes, but--"
"And you?"
"I--couldn't. I said no!"
"You said no! Erskine asked you to be his wife, and you _refused_?"
Janet stared in incredulous bewilderment. A spark of indignation shone
in her brown eyes. "But why? You care for him. Any girl might be
proud to marry Erskine Fanshawe. _Why_?"
"I can't tell you. It's so difficult. His mother--she didn't want me.
She would have hated it. She almost turned me out."
"His _mother_! Mrs Fanshawe!" Janet's voice was full of an ineffable
surprise. "You refused Erskine because of _her_ prejudice? But she is
always changing; she is the most undependable woman on the face of the
earth! She is charming, and I'm fond of her, but I should not take her
advice about a pair of gloves. Nothing that she could say would
possibly have the slightest influence on my life. She's irresponsible;
she sees entirely from her own standpoint. And Erskine--Erskine is a
rock!" She paused, pressing her lips together to still their trembling,
and Claire answered with a note of apology in her voice.
"Janet, I _know_! Don't think I don't appreciate him. Wait till you
hear how it happened... He followed me to the station; it was the very
last moment, just as the train was starting. There was time for only
one word, and--I was sore and angry!"
Janet looked at her, a long, searching look.
"It's curious, but I always knew this would come. When I saw you
sitting together at supper that first night, I knew then. All the time
I knew it in my heart, but on the surface it seemed ridiculous, for you
never met!"
"Never that you did not know, except one time in the park. There was
nothing to tell you, Janet; nothing to hide."
"No. So he said. We talked of you in Scotland, you know, and it was
just as I thought--a case of recognising each other at first sight. He
said the moment he saw you you seemed different from everyone else, and
he hoped and believed that you felt the same. That is how people ought
to love; the right way, when both are attached, both feel the same...
And it is so rare. Yet you _refused_!"
"Would you marry a man if his family disapproved?"
"Oh, yes! I should not be marrying the family. I'd be sorry, of
course, but I'd make up my mind that in time I'd make them fall in love
with me, too. What are you going to do now?"
"Going away. Into the country. I want to be quiet, and think."
Janet did not ask the address. She sat silent, staring into space, then
asked a sudden irrelevant question:
"Did he send you the cuckoo clock?"
"I--think so! It had no name, but it came from Switzerland while he was
there. He has never referred to it since."
"Ah!" Janet began pulling on her gloves. "I knew that, too. I _felt_
that he had sent it. Well! I must go. It will all come right, of
course, and you will be very happy. I've known Erskine so long, and his
wife is sure to be happy." Janet forced an artificial little laugh.
"You will be engaged before me, after all, but I dare say I shall soon
follow suit. It's nice to be loved. As one grows older, one
appreciates it more. And Captain Humphreys is a good man."
"He is splendid! I loved his face. And he is so devoted to you. It
was quite beautiful to watch him," cried Claire, thankful from her heart
to be able to enthuse honestly.
A load was lifted from her heart by Janet's prophecy of her own future.
For the moment it had no doubt been made more out of bravado than any
real conviction, and inevitably there must be a period of suffering, but
Janet was of a naturally buoyant nature, and her wounded spirit would
gradually find consolation in the love which had waited so patiently for
its reward. It needed no great gift of prophecy to see her in the
future, a happy, contented wife.
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX.
EASIER TO DIE.
When Janet had taken her departure Claire looked at the clock and found
that it was time to start for the hospital. She went out of the
station, and, passing a shop for flowers and fruit went in, spent ten
shillings in the filling of a reed basket, and, leaving the shop, seated
herself in one of the taxis which were standing in readiness outside the
great porch. Such carelessness of money was a natural reversion to
habit, which came as a consequence of her absorbed mind.
The great hospital looked bare and grim, the smell of iodoform was more
repellent than ever, after the sweet scents of the country. Claire knew
her way by this time, and ascended by lift to the women's ward, where
Sophie lay. Beside almost every bed one or two visitors were seated,
but Sophie was alone. Down the length of the ward Claire caught a
glimpse of a recumbent form, and felt a pang at the thought of the many
visiting days when her friend had remained alone. With no relations in
town, her brother's family too pressed for means to afford expeditions
from the country, Sophie had no hope of seeing a familiar face, and her
very attitude bespoke dejection.
Claire walked softly to the further side of the bed, and dangled the
basket before the half-covered face, whereupon Sophie pushed back the
clothes and sat up, her eyes lighting with joy.
"_Claire_! You! Oh, you dearly beloved, I thought you were still away!
Oh, I am glad--I am glad! I was so dreadfully blue!"
She looked it. Even in the eagerness of welcome her face looked white
and drawn, and the pretty pink jacket, Claire's own gift, seemed to
accentuate her pallor. The hands with which she fondled the flowers
were surely thinner than they had been ten days before.
"My dear, what munificence! Have you come into a fortune? And fruit
underneath! I shall be able to treat the whole ward! When did you come
back? Have you had a good time? Are you going on to the farm? It _is_
good of you to come again. It's--it's hard being alone when you see the
other patients with their own people. The nurses are dears, but they
are so rushed, poor things, they haven't time to stay and talk. And oh,
Claire, the days! They're so wearily _long_!"
Claire murmured tender exclamations of understanding and pity. A pained
conviction that Sophie was no better made her shrink from putting the
obvious question; but Sophie did not wait to be asked.
"Oh, Claire," she cried desperately, "it's so hard to be patient and to
keep on hoping, when there's no encouragement to hope! I'm not one
scrap better after all that has been tried, and I've discovered that
they did not expect me to be better; the best they seem to hope for is
that I may not grow worse! It's like running at the pitch of one's
speed, and succeeding only in keeping in the same place. And there are
other arthritics in this ward!" She shuddered. "When I think that I
may become like _them_! It would be much easier to die."
"I think it would often seem easier," Claire agreed sadly, her thoughts
turning to Cecil, whose trouble at the moment seemed as heavy as the one
before her. "But we can't be deserters, Sophie. We must stick to our
posts, and play the game. When these troubles come, we just _have_ to
bear them. There's no hiding, or running away. There's only one choice
open to us--whether we bear it badly or well."
But Sophie's endurance was broken by weeks of suffering, and her bright
spirit was momentarily under an eclipse.
"Everybody doesn't have to bear them! Things are so horribly uneven,"
she cried grudgingly. "Look at your friend Miss Willoughby, with that
angel of a mother, and heaps of money, and health, and strength, and a
beautiful home, and able to have anything she wants, as soon as she
wants it. What does _she_ know of trouble?"
Claire thought of Janet's face, as it had faced her across the table in
the refreshment room, but it was not for her to betray another's secret,
so she was silent, and Sophie lifted a spray of pink roses, and held
them against her face, saying wistfully--
"You're a good little soul, Claire, and it's because you are good that I
want to know what your opinion is about all this trouble and misery.
What good can it possibly do me to have my life ruined by this illness?
Don't tell me that it will not be ruined. It must be, in a material
sense, and I'm not all spiritual yet; there's a lot of material in my
nature, and I live in a material world, and I want to be able to enjoy
all the dear, sweet, natural, human joys which come as a right to
ordinary human beings. I want to _walk_! Oh, my dear, I look out of
these windows sometimes and see all the thousands and thousands of
people passing by, and I wonder if a single one out of all the crowd
ever thinks of being thankful that he can _move_! I didn't myself, but
now--when I hobble along--"
She broke off, shaking back her head as though to defy the rising tears,
then lay back against the pillows, looking at Claire, and saying
urgently--"Go on! Tell me what you think!"
"I think," Claire answered slowly, "that we are bound to grow! The mere
act of death is not going to lift us at once to our full height. Our
training must go on after we leave this sphere; but, Sophie dear, some
of us have an extra hard training here, and if we bear it in the right
way, surely, surely when we move up, it must be into a higher class than
if things had been all smooth and easy. There must be less to learn,
less to conquer, more to enjoy. You and I are school-mistresses and
ought to realise the difficulties of mastering difficult tasks. Don't
look upon this illness as cheating you out of a pleasant holiday, dear--
look upon it as special training for an honours exam.!"
Sophie smiled, her old twinkling smile, and stroked Claire's hand with
the spray of roses.
"I knew you'd say something nice! I knew you'd put it in a quaint,
refreshing way. I shall remember that, when I am alone, and feel
courage oozing out of every pore. Two o'clock in the morning is a
particularly cheery time when you are racked with pain! Claire, I asked
the doctor to tell me honestly whether there was any chance of my ever
taking up the old work again, and he said, honestly, he feared there was
none."
"But Mrs Willoughby--"
"I asked that, too. He says he quite hopes to get me well enough to go
to Egypt in October or November, and that I should certainly be much
better there. It would be the best thing that could happen if it came
off! But--"
Claire held up a protesting hand.
"No ifs! No buts! Do your part, and get better, and leave the rest to
Providence and--Mrs Willoughby! It's her mission in life to help
girls, and she'll help _you_, too, or know the reason why. The truly
sensible thing would be for you to begin to prepare your clothes. What
about starting a fascinating blouse at once? Your hands are quite able
to sew, and if you once got to work with chiffon and lace the time would
fly! You might write for patterns to-night. You would enjoy looking at
patterns."
When Claire took her departure half an hour later, she left behind a
very different Sophie from the wan dejected-looking creature whom she
had found on her arrival.
Hers was a happy nature, easily cheered, responsive to comfort, and
Claire had a happy conviction that whatever physical handicaps might be
in store, her spirit would rise valiantly to the rescue. A winter in
Egypt was practically assured, since Mrs Willoughby had privately
informed Claire that if nothing better offered, she would send Sophie at
her own expense to help in the household of her niece--an officer's
wife, who would be thankful for assistance, though she could not afford
to pay the passage out. What was to happen in the future no one could
tell, and there was no profit in asking the question. The next step was
clear, and the rest must be left to faith, but with a chilling of the
blood Claire asked herself what became of the disabled working women who
had no influential friends to help in such a crisis; the women who fell
out of the ranks to die by the roadside homeless, penniless, _alone_?
CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN.
SURRENDER.
It was a very limp and exhausted Claire who arrived at the farm that
evening, and if she had had her own way she would have hurried to bed
without waiting for a meal, but the kind countrywoman displayed such
disappointment at the idea that she allowed herself to be dissuaded, sat
down to a table spread with home-made dainties and discovered that she
was hungrier than she had believed. The fried ham and eggs, the fresh
butter, the thick yellow cream, the sweet coarse bread, were all the
best of their kind, and Claire smiled at her own expense as she looked
at the emptied dishes, and reflected that, for a person who had
professed herself unable to eat a bite, she had made a pretty good
sweep!
The bed was somewhat bumpy, as farmhouse beds have a habit of being;
there was one big ball in especial which took many wrigglings to avoid;
but on the other hand the sheets smelt deliciously, not of lavender, but
of lemon thyme, and the prevailing air of cleanliness was delicious
after the smoke-laden atmosphere of town. Claire told herself that she
could not expect to sleep. She resigned herself to hear the clock
strike every hour--and as a matter of fact after ten o'clock she was
unconscious of the whole world, until her breakfast-tray was carried
into the room next morning.
After breakfast she had another nap, and after lunch still another, and
in the intervals wandered about the farm-yard, laboriously striving to
take an interest in what really interested her not at all. Hens seemed
to her the dullest of created creatures, pigs repelled, cows were
regarded with uneasy suspicion, and sheep, seen close at hand, lost all
the picturesque quality of a distant flock, and became stupid long-faced
creatures, by no means as clean as they might be. Milking-time aroused
no ambition to experiment on her own account, and a glass of foaming new
milk proved unexpectedly nauseous. Sad as it was to confess it, she
infinitely preferred the chalked and watered edition of the city!
Indoors things were no better, for the tiny sitting-room stood by itself
at the end of a passage, cut off from the life of the house. It was
spotlessly clean and the pride of its owner's heart, but contained
nothing of interest to an outsider. Pictures there were none, with the
exception of portraits of the farmer and his wife, of the enlarged
photograph type, and a selection of framed funeral cards in a corner.
Books there were none, with the exception of a catalogue of an
Agricultural Show, and a school prize copy of _Black Beauty_. Before
the second night was over Claire had read _Black Beauty_ from cover to
cover; the next morning she was dipping into the catalogue, and trying
to concentrate her attention on "stock."
As her body grew rested, Claire's mind became increasingly active. It
was inevitable, but the second stage was infinitely harder to bear. For
the first hours after her arrival her supreme longing had been to lie
down and shut her eyes; but now restlessness overtook her, and with
every fresh hour drove her more helplessly to and fro. She went out for
long walks over the countryside, her thoughts so engrossingly turned
inward that she saw nothing of the landscape on either hand; she
returned to the house and endeavoured to write, to read, to sew, only to
give up the attempt at the end of half an hour, and once more wander
helplessly forth.
The good countrywoman was quick to sense that some hidden trouble was
preying on her guest, and showed her sympathy in practical fashion.
"A bit piney-like, aren't you? I seed from the first that you was
piney-like," she said, standing tray in hand on the threshold of the
little parlour, her fresh, highly-coloured face smiling kindly upon the
pale girl. "I always do say that I pities ladies when they has anything
on their minds; sitting about, same as you do now, with nothing to take
them off theirselves. A body like me that has to keep a house clean,
and cook and wash, and mind the children, to say naught of the sewing
and the mending, and looking after the cows and the hens, and all the
extra fusses and worries that come along, she hasn't got no time to
remember herself, and when she gets to bed she's too tired to think.
Now if you was to have some work--"
Claire's face brightened with a sudden inspiration.
"Will you give me some work? Let me help _you_! Do, please, Mrs
Corby; I'd be so grateful. Let me come into the kitchen and do
something now. I feel so lonely shut off here, all by myself."
Mrs Corby laughed, her fat comfortable laugh.
"Bless your 'art, you can come along and welcome. I'll be proud to have
you. It ain't much you know of housework, I expect, but it'll do you no
harm to learn. I'll find you some little jobs."
"Oh, I'm not so useless as you think. I can brush and dust, and polish,
and wash up, and I know a good deal about cooking. I'll make a salad to
eat with the cold meat--a real French salad. I'm sure Mr Corby would
enjoy a French salad," cried Claire, glancing out of the window at the
well-stocked kitchen garden, and thinking of the wet lettuce and uncut
onions, which were the good woman's idea of the dish in question. "May
I make one to-day?"
Mrs Corby smiled with a fine resignation. Personally she wanted none
of them nasty messy foods, but there! the poor thing meant well, and if
it would make her happy, let her have her way. So Claire collected her
materials, and washed and mixed, and filled a great bowl, and decorated
the top with slices of hardboiled eggs, and a few bright nasturtium
blossoms, while three linty-locked children stood by, watching with
fascinated attention. At dinner Claire thoroughly enjoyed her share of
her own salad, but the verdict of the country-people was far from
enthusiastic.
"I don't go for to deny that it tasted well enough," Mrs Corby said
with magnanimous candour, "but what I argue is, what's the sense of
using up all them extras--eggs, and oil, and what not--when you can
manage just as well without? I've never seen the day when I couldn't
relish a bit o' plain lettuce and a plate of good spring onions!"
"But the eggs and the dressing make it more nourishing," Claire
maintained. "In France the peasants have very often nothing but salad
for their dinner--great dishes of salad, with plenty of eggs."
"Eh, poor creatures! It makes your heart bleed to think of it. We may
be thankful we are not foreign born!" Mrs Corby pronounced with
unction, and Claire retired from the struggle, and decided that for the
future it would be more tactful to learn, rather than to endeavour to
teach. The next morning, therefore, she worked under Mrs Corby's
supervision, picking fruit, feeding chickens, searching for eggs, and
other light tasks designed to keep her in the open air; and in the
afternoon accompanied the children on a message to a farm some distance
away. The path lay across the fields, away from the main road, and on
returning an hour later, Mrs Corby's figure was seen standing by her
own gate, her hand raised to her eyes, as though watching for their
approach. The children broke into a run, and Claire hurried forward,
her heart beating with deep excited throbs. What was it? _Who_ was it?
Nobody but Sophie and Cecil knew her address, but still, but still--
For a moment hope soared, then sank heavily down as Mrs Corby
announced--
"A lady, miss. Come to see you almost as soon as you left. She's
waiting in the parlour."
Cecil! Claire hardly knew if she were sorry or relieved. It would be a
blessing to have some one to whom she could speak, but, on the other
hand, what poor Cecil had to say would not fail to be depressing. She
went slowly down the passage, taking a grip over her own courage, opened
the door, and stood transfixed.
In the middle of the hard horsehair sofa sat Mrs Fanshawe herself, her
elaborately coiffured, elaborately attired figure looking
extraordinarily out of place in the prim bareness of the little room.
Her gloved hands were crossed on her lap, she sat ostentatiously erect,
her satin cloak falling around her in regal folds; her face was a trifle
paler than usual, but the mocking light shone in her eyes. At Claire's
entrance she stood up, and crossed the little room to her side.
"My dear," she said calmly, "I am an obstinate old woman, but I have the
sense to know when I'm beaten. I have come to offer my apologies."
A generous heart is quick to forgive. At that moment Claire felt a pang
indeed, but it came not from the remembrance of her own wrongs, but from
the sight of this proud, domineering woman humbling herself to a girl.
Impulsively she threw out both hands, impulsively she stopped Mrs
Fanshawe's lips with the kiss which she had refused at parting.
"Oh, stop! Please don't! Don't say any more. I was wrong, too. I
took offence too quickly. You were thinking of me, as well as of
yourself."
"Oh, no, I was not," the elder woman corrected quietly. "Neither of
you, nor your friend, my dear, though I took advantage of the excuse.
You came between me and my plans, and I wanted to get you out of the
way. You saw through me, and I suppose I deserved to be seen through.
It's an unpleasant experience, but if it's any satisfaction to you to
know it, I've been _well_ punished for interfering. Erskine has seen to
my punishment."
The blood rushed to Claire's face. How much did Mrs Fanshawe know?
Had Erskine told her of that hurried interview upon the station? Had he
by any possibility told what he had _asked_? The blazing cheeks asked
the question as plainly as any words, and Mrs Fanshawe replied to it
without delay.
"Oh, yes, my dear, I know all about it. It was because I guessed that
was coming that I wanted to clear the coast; but it appears that I was
too late. Shall we sit down and talk this out, and for pity's sake see
that that woman doesn't come blundering in. It's such an anti-climax to
have to deal with a tea-tray in the midst of personal explanations. I'm
not accustomed to eating humble pie, and if I am obliged to do it at
all, I prefer to do it in private."
"She won't come. I don't have tea for another hour," Claire assured
her. "And please don't eat humble pie for me. I was angry at the time,
but you had been very kind to me before. I--I enjoyed that first week
very much."
"And so did I!" Mrs Fanshawe gave one of her dry, humorous, little
laughs. "You are a charming companion, my dear. I was a little in love
with you myself, but-- Well! to be honest, it did not please me that my
son should follow my example. He is my only child, and I am proud and
ambitious for him, as any mother would be. I did not wish him to marry
a--a--"
"A gentlewoman who was honourably working at an honourable profession!"
concluded Claire for her, with a general stiffening of pose, voice and
manner; but Mrs Fanshawe only laughed once more, totally unaffected by
the pose.
"No, my dear, I did not! It's very praiseworthy, no doubt, to train the
next generation, but it doesn't appeal to me in the present connection.
I was thinking of my son, and I wanted him to have a wife of position
and fortune, who would be able to help his career. If you had been a
girl of fortune and position, I should have been quite ready to welcome
you. You are a pretty creature, and much more intelligent than most
girls of your age, but, you see, you are not--"
"I have no money but what I earn, but I belong to a good family. I
object to your saying that I have no position, Mrs Fanshawe, simply
because I live in lodgings and work for my living!"
Mrs Fanshawe shrugged with a touch of impatience.
"Oh, well, my dear, why bandy words? I have told you that I am beaten,
so it's useless to argue the point. Erskine has decided for himself,
and, as I told you before, one might as well try to bend a granite wall
as move him when he has once made up his mind. I've planned, and
schemed, and hoped, and prayed for the last dozen years, and at the
first sight of that pretty face of yours all my plans went to the wall.
If I'd been a wise woman I would have recognised the inevitable, and
given in with a good grace, but I never was wise, never shall be, so I
ran my head up against the wall. I've been through a bad time since you
left me, my dear, and I was forgiven only on the understanding that I
came here and made my peace with you. Have I made peace? Do you
understand what I mean? That I withdraw my opposition, and if you
accept my boy, you shall have nothing to fear. I'll make you welcome;
and I'll be as good to you as it's in my nature to be. I'll treat you
with every courtesy. Upon my word, my dear, as mothers-in-law go, I
think you would come off pretty well!"
"I--I--I'm sure--You're very kind..." Claire stammered in helpless
embarrassment; and Mrs Fanshawe, watching her, first smiled, then
sighed, and said in a quick low voice--
"Ah, my dear, you can afford to be generous! If you live to be my age,
and have a son of your own, whom you have loved, and cherished, and
mothered for over thirty years, and at the end he speaks harshly to you
for the sake of a girl whom he has known a few short months, puts her
before you, finds it hard to forgive you because you have wounded her
pride--ah, well, it's hard to bear! I don't want to whine, but--don't
make it more difficult for me than you can help! I have apologised.
Now it's for you--"
Claire put both arms round the erect figure, and rested her head on the
folds of the black satin cloak. Neither spoke, but Mrs Fanshawe lifted
a little lace-edged handkerchief to her eyes, and her shoulders heaved
once and again. Then suddenly she arose and walked towards the door.
"The car is waiting. Don't come with me, my dear. I'll see you again."
She waived Claire back in the old imperious way against which there was
no appeal. Evidently she wished to be alone, and Claire re-seated
herself on the sofa, flushed, trembling, so shaken out of her bearings
that it was difficult to keep hold of connected thought. The impossible
had happened. In the course of a few short minutes difficulties which
had seemed insurmountable had been swept from her path. Within her
grasp was happiness so great, so dazzling that the very thought of it
took away her breath.
Her eyes fell on the watch at her wrist. Ten minutes to four! Twenty
minutes ago--barely twenty minutes--at the end of the field path she had
looked at that little gold face with a dreamy indifference, wondering
only how many minutes remained to be whiled away before it was time for
tea. Even a solitary tea-drinking had seemed an epoch in the uneventful
day. Uneventful! Claire mentally repeated the word, the while her eyes
glowed, and her heart beat in joyful exultation. Surely, surely in
after-remembrance this day would stand out as one all-important, epoch-
making.
And then suddenly came a breathless question. How had Mrs Fanshawe
discovered her retreat? No address had been left at Laburnum Crescent;
no address had been given to Janet Willoughby. Cecil was in her
mother's home; Sophie in hospital. In the name of all that was
mysterious and inexplicable, _how had she been tracked_?
Claire sat bolt upright on her sofa, her grey eyes widened in amaze, her
breath coming sharply through her parted lips. She thrilled at the
realisation that Erskine's will had overcome all difficulties. Had not
Mrs Fanshawe declared that she came at his instigation? And where the
mother had come, would not the son follow?
At that moment a shadow fell across the floor; against the open space of
the window a tall figure stood, blocking the light. Erskine's eager
eyes met her own. Before the first gasp of surprise had left her lips,
his strong hands had gripped the sill, he had vaulted over and stood by
her side.
"I sent on my advance guard, and waited till her return. Did you think
you had hidden yourself where I could not find you? I should have found
you wherever you had gone; but as it happens it was easy enough. You
forgot that you had forwarded flowers to your friend in hospital! She
was ready enough to give me your address. And now--_Claire_"--he held
out his hands, gazing down into her face--"what have you to say to me
now?"
Instinctively Claire's hands stretched out to meet his, but on the
following impulse she drew back, clasping them nervously behind her
back.
"Oh, are you _sure_?" she cried breathlessly. "Are you _sure_ you are
sure? Think what it means! Think of the difference it might make! I
have no money, no influence; I'd be an expense to you, and a drag when
another girl might help. Think! Think! Oh, do be quite sure!"
Erskine's stern eyes melted into a beautiful tenderness as he looked at
her troubled face. He waited no longer, but came a step nearer, and
took forcible possession of the hidden hands.
"It is not my feelings which are in question; it is _yours_. There has
been no doubt in my mind for months past. I think you know that,
Claire!"
"But--your career?"
"I can look after my own career. Do you think it is the straight thing
to suggest to a soldier that he needs a woman to help him in his work?
It's not as a soldier I need you, but as a man. I need you there,
Claire. I need you badly! No one else could help me as you can!"
Claire's lips quivered, but still she hung back, standing away from him
at the length of her stretched arms.
"I've no money. I'm a--a school-mistress. Your friends will think--"
"I am not considering what my friends will think."
"Your mother thought--"
"I am not asking you to marry my mother. Mothers of only sons are hard
to please, but you know as well as I can tell you that the mater is fond
of you at heart, and that she will grow fonder still. She had her own
ideas, and she fought for them, but she won't fight any more. You
mustn't be hard on the mater, Claire. She has done her best for me to-
day."
"I know! I know! I was sorry for her. Sorrier than I was for myself.
It's so hard that I should have come between you two!"
At that Erskine laughed, a short, impatient laugh.
"Oh, Claire, Claire, how long are you going to waste time in discussing
other people's feelings, before you tell me about your own? Darling,
I'm in love with you!--I'm in love for the first time in my life. I'm
impatient. I'm waiting. There's no one in the world for me at this
moment but just yourself; I'm waiting for you to forget every one but
me. Do you love me, Claire?"
"You know I do! You know I do! Oh!" cried Claire, yielding to the
strength of the strong arms, and resting her head on the broad shoulder
with an unspeakable rush of joy and rest. "Oh, but you don't know how
much! I can't tell you--I can't put it into words, but it's my whole
heart, my whole life! Oh, every _thought_ has been with you for such a
long, long time."
"My darling! My own sweet, brave little girl! And my thoughts with
you! Thank God, we shall be together now. We have had enough of
separation and chance meetings. There must be an end of that. You'll
have to marry me at once!"
This was rushing ahead with a vengeance! Claire shook her head, with a
little laugh sweet as a chime of joy bells.
"You ridiculous--boy! I can't. It's impossible. You forget my work.
There's all next term. I couldn't possibly leave without giving
notice."
"Couldn't you! We'll see to that. Do you seriously believe that I'm
going to let you go back to that drudgery, and kick my heels waiting for
four months? You don't understand the kind of man you are marrying, my
lass!"
Claire loved the sound of that "my lass," loved the close grip of the
arms, the feel of the rough cheek against her own. For a few minutes
neither spoke, too utterly, completely absorbed in each other's
presence. To Claire, as to Erskine, a four months' delay seemed an aeon
of time through which to wade before the consummation of a perfect
happiness, but it seemed impossible that it could be avoided.
"Miss Farnborough would never let me off. She would be indignant with
me for asking."
"I'll tackle Miss Farnborough. Leave Miss Farnborough to me!" returned
Erskine with so confident an air that Claire shook with amusement,
seeing before her a picture of her lover seated _tete-a-tete_ with the
formidable "Head," breaking to her the news that one of her staff
intended to play truant.
"It's very easy to say that. You don't know her. She thinks everything
in the world comes second to education."
"What if she does? I'll agree with her. You're the most precious
darling in all the world, but you can't honestly believe that there
aren't a thousand other mistresses who could teach those flappers as
well, or better! Whereas for _me_--well! it's Claire, or no one. I'll
throw myself on the good lady's tender mercies, and ask for your release
as a favour to myself, and I bet you anything you like that I succeed.
Miss Farnborough was a woman before she was a school-mistress. She'll
set you free all right!"
"Perhaps--perhaps possibly at the half term."
"Rubbish--the half term! We'll be married and settled down before we
get near then... Where will you go for our marriage, Claire? To Mrs
Willoughby? I'm sure she'd be willing."
"No!--no!" Claire marvelled at the obtuseness of men; at the utter
unconsciousness of this particular man of the reason why Mrs
Willoughby's house should be the last one on earth from which his
marriage should take place. And then in the midst of these
questionings, to her own surprise a sudden pricking of tears came to her
eyes, and she cried sharply, "I want mother! I must have mother. She
must come home. She'll come at once, when she hears--"
"We'll cable to-day. That will be best of all. I'm longing to meet
your mother, and you ought to have her with you, little lass! Poor,
little, lonely lass! Please God, you shall never be lonely any more."
"Ah, Erskine darling, but the _other women_!" Claire cried, and there
was the sharpness of pain in her voice.
From within the shelter of her lover's arms her heart went out in a wave
of tenderness towards her sisters who stood apart from the royal feast;
towards Cecil with her blighted love, Sophie with her blighted health,
with the thousand others for whom they stood as types; the countless
hordes of women workers for whom life was a monotonous round of grey-
hued days, shadowed by the prospect of age and want. From the shelter
of her lover's arms, Claire Gifford vowed herself to the service of her
working sisters. From the bottom of her heart she thanked God for the
year of work which had taught her to _understand_.
THE END.
End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Independence of Claire, by
Mrs. George de Horne Vaizey
*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE INDEPENDENCE OF CLAIRE ***
***** This file should be named 21098.txt or 21098.zip *****
This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
http://www.gutenberg.org/2/1/0/9/21098/
Produced by Nick Hodson of London, England
Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
will be renamed.
Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules,
set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project
Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you
do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is
subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
redistribution.
*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
http://gutenberg.org/license).
Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic works
1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be
used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works. See paragraph 1.E below.
1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the
collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an
individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in
a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check
the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning
the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
States.
1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
copied or distributed:
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
1.E.9.
1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked
to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
Gutenberg-tm License.
1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or
distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
that
- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is
owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments
must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License. You must require such a user to return or
destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
Project Gutenberg-tm works.
- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
of receipt of the work.
- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the
Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
1.F.
1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
your equipment.
1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
DAMAGE.
1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with
the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy
is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
opportunities to fix the problem.
1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any
provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists
because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
people in all walks of life.
Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
Foundation
The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at
809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
[email protected]. Email contact links and up to date contact
information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
page at http://pglaf.org
For additional contact information:
Dr. Gregory B. Newby
Chief Executive and Director
[email protected]
Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation
Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
status with the IRS.
The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To
SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
particular state visit http://pglaf.org
While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
approach us with offers to donate.
International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works.
Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily
keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
http://www.gutenberg.org
This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
