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Title: A journey to the world under-ground
Author: Nicholas Klimius
Release date: October 22, 2025 [eBook #77109]
Language: English
Original publication: London: T. Astley, 1742
Credits: Charlene Taylor, Robert Tonsing, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive)
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A JOURNEY TO THE WORLD UNDER-GROUND ***
A
JOURNEY
TO THE
World Under-Ground.
BY
_NICHOLAS KLIMIUS_.
Translated from the ORIGINAL.
[Illustration]
_LONDON_:
Printed for T. ASTLEY, at the _Rose_ in St.
_Paul_’s _Church-Yard_; and B. COLLINS,
Bookseller, in _Salisbury_.
MDCCXLII.
THE
CONTENTS.
+Chap. I.+ _The Author’s Descent to the subterraneous World_ Page 1
+Chap. II.+ _His Descent upon the Planet_ Nazar 13
+Chap. III.+ _A Description of the City of_ Keba 29
+Chap. IV.+ _The Court of the_ Potuan _Empire_ 43
+Chap. V.+ _Of the Nature of the Country, and the Manners of
the People_ 58
+Chap. VI.+ _Of the Religion of the_ Potuan _Nation_ 64
+Chap. VII.+ _Of their Policy_ 71
+Chap. VIII.+ _Of the Academy_ 91
+Chap. IX.+ _The Author’s Journey round the Planet_ Nazar 102
+Chap. X.+ _The Author’s Banishment to the Firmament_ 171
+Chap. XI.+ _The Author’s Voyage to the Land of Wonders_ 206
+Chap. XII.+ _The Author’s Arrival at_ Quama 235
+Chap. XIII.+ _The Rise of the fifth Monarchy_ 244
+Chap. XIV.+ _The Author is elevated to the Imperial Dignity_ 280
+Chap. XV.+ _The Catastrophe_ 297
+Chap. XVI.+ _The Author’s Return into his own Country_ 309
ABELINE’s _Appendix_ 323
A
JOURNEY
TO THE
World Under-Ground.
CHAP. I
_The Author’s Descent to the subterraneous
World._
In the Year 1664, after I had pass’d my several Examinations in the
University of _Copenhagen_, and had deservedly obtained the Character,
which is there call’d _Laudable_, by the Votes of my Judges, as
well Philosophers as Divines, I prepar’d for my Return into my
native Country; and accordingly put myself aboard a Ship bound for
_Bergen_ in _Norway_, dignify’d indeed with various Marks of Honour
from the Gentlemen of the several Faculties, but in my Fortunes quite
impoverish’d. This was an Evil that attended myself as well as several
of the _Norway_ Students, who return’d from the Study of the Arts and
Sciences into their own Country stript of all they were worth. As we
had a pretty brisk Gale, after a Voyage of six Days we arrived at
_Bergen_ Harbour. Being thus restor’d to my Country, something wiser
indeed, tho’ by no Means richer, I was supported for a Time at the
Expence of my near Relations, and led a precarious Sort of Life, yet
not altogether indolent and inactive. For in order to clear up by
Experience some Points of natural Philosophy, the Study I had devoted
myself to, I rambled over every Corner of the Province, with an
insatiable Curiosity, to explore the Nature of the Earth, and to search
into the very Bowels of our Mountains. No Rock so steep but I climb’d
it; no Cavern so hideous and deep, but I made a Descent into it, to
try if haply I could discover any Thing curious and worthy the Inquiry
of a Philosopher. For there are a Multitude of Things in our Country
of _Norway_, hardly ever seen or heard of, which if _France_, _Italy_,
_Germany_, or any other Country so fruitful of the Marvellous, could
boast of, nothing wou’d be more talk’d of, nothing more sifted and
examin’d.
Among those Things, which to me appear’d most worthy of Observation,
there was a large and deep Cave upon the Top of that Mountain which
the Natives call _Floïen_. And because the Mouth of the Cave us’d
to send forth a gentle murmuring Sound, and that too by Intervals,
as if by its frequent Sighs its Jaws were now shut, and now open’d;
hence the _Literati_ of _Bergen_, and particularly the celebrated
Master _Abeline_, and Master _Edward_, one of our first Geniuses in
Astronomy and natural Philosophy, imagin’d this Affair highly worthy
of a philosophical Inquiry; and since they themselves were too old for
such an Enterprize, they excited the younger Inhabitants to a closer
Examination of the Nature of the Cavern; especially as at stated
Intervals, after the Manner of human Respiration, the Sound being
sometime with-held issued out with a certain proportional Force.
What with these Discourses, and what with my own natural Inclination,
I form’d a Design of entring into this Cavern, and communicated my
Intention to some of my Friends. But they by no Means approv’d of it,
plainly declaring, that it was a wild and frantick Undertaking. But all
they cou’d say, so far was it from extinguishing, that it did not even
damp the Ardour of my Mind; and their Advices, instead of weakning,
administred Fuel to my Curiosity. For that Eagerness with which I
pursued the Study of Nature inspir’d me to face every Danger, and the
Straightness of my private Circumstances gave a Spur to my natural
Inclination. For my own Substance was quite wasted, and it seem’d to me
the greatest Hardship to live in a State of Dependance, in a Country
where all Hopes of Preferment were cut off, where I beheld myself
condemned to Poverty, and every Avenue to Honour and Advantage entirely
stopp’d, unless I would make my Way by some flagrant Act of Dishonour
or Immorality.
Thus resolv’d, and having got together what was requisite for such an
Exploit, upon a _Thursday_ Morning, when the Heavens were all serene
and cloudless, I left the City soon after Twilight, to the End that
having finish’d my Observations, I might return again that same Day;
because, being ignorant of Futurity, it was not possible I shou’d
foresee that I, like another _Phaeton_,
_Volverer in præceps, longoque per aëra tractu_,
should be flung upon another World, not to revisit my native Soil, till
after a ten Years Peregrination.
This Expedition was undertaken in the Year of our Lord 1665, _John
Munthe_, and _Lawrence Severini_ being Consuls of _Bergen_, and
_Christiern Bertholdi_ and _Lawrence Scandio_ being Senators. I went
out attended by four Fellows I had hir’d, who brought with them such
Ropes and Iron Crooks as would be necessary to descend by. We went
directly to _Sanduic_, the most commodious Way to climb the Mountain.
Having with Difficulty reach’d the Top, we came to the Place where was
the fatal Cave, and being tir’d with so troublesome a Journey, we all
sat down to Breakfast. ’Twas then my Mind, foreboding as it were the
approaching Evil, first began to be dismay’d. Therefore turning to my
Companions, “Will any one, says I, undertake this Task?” But no Reply
being made, my Ardour, that had languish’d, kindled anew. I order’d
them to fasten the Rope about me, and thus equipp’d, I commended my
Soul to Almighty God. Being now just ready to be let down, I gave my
Companions to understand what I would have done, _viz._ that they
should continue letting down the Rope till they heard me cry out, upon
which Signal they should stop, and if I persisted to cry out, that
then they shou’d immediately draw me up again. In my right hand I held
my Harpoon, or Iron Hook, an Instrument that might be of Use to me to
remove whatever might obstruct my Passage, and also to keep my Body
suspended equally between the Sides of the Cavern. But scarce had I
descended so low as about ten or twelve Cubits, when the Rope broke.
This Accident was discover’d to me by the sudden Outcries of the Men
I had hir’d. But their Noise soon died away; for with an amazing
Velocity I was hurry’d down into the Abyss, and like a second _Pluto_,
allowing my Harpoon to be a Sceptre,
_Labor, & icta viam tellus ad Tartara fecit._
For about the fourth Part of an Hour (as near as I cou’d guess,
considering the great Consternation I must be in) I was in total
Darkness, and in the very Bosom of Night; when at length a thin small
Light, like Twilight, broke in upon me, and I beheld at last a bright
serene Firmament. I ignorantly thought therefore, that either by the
Repercussion or opposite Action of the subterraneous Air, or that by
the Force of some contrary Wind, I had been thrown back, and that
the Cave had vomited me up again. But neither the Sun which I then
survey’d, nor the Heavens, or heavenly Bodies, were at all known to
me, since they were considerably less than those of ours. I concluded
therefore, that either all that whole Mass of new Heavens existed
solely in Imagination, excited by the Vertigo my Head had undergone,
or else that I was arriv’d at the Mansions of the Blessed. But this
last Opinion I soon rejected with Scorn, since I view’d myself arm’d
with a Harpoon, and dragging a mighty Length of Rope after me, knowing
full well, that a Man just going to Paradise has no Occasion for a Rope
or a Harpoon, and that the cœlestial Inhabitants cou’d not possibly
be pleas’d with a Dress, which look’d as if I intended, after the
Example of the _Titans_, to take Heaven by Violence, and to expel them
from their divine Abodes. At last after the maturest Consideration, I
fell to imagining, that I was sunk into the subterraneous World, and
that the Conjectures of those Men are right who hold the Earth to be
concave, and that within the Shell or outward Crust there is another
lesser Globe, and another Firmament adorn’d with lesser Sun, Stars, and
Planets. And the Event discover’d that this Conjecture was right.
That Violence with which I was hurry’d headlong, had now continued for
some Time, when at length I perceived that it languish’d gradually
in Proportion to my Approach towards a certain Planet, which was the
first Thing I met with. That same Planet increas’d so sensibly in
Bulk or Magnitude, that at last, without much Difficulty, I cou’d
plainly distinguish Mountains, Vallies, and Seas, through that thicker
Atmosphere with which it was surrounded.
—_Sicut avis quæ circum littora, circum
Piscosos scopulos humilis volat æquora juxta,
Haud aliter terras inter cœlumque volabam._
Then I perceiv’d that I did not only swim in a cœlestial Matter or
Æther, but that my Motion which had hitherto been perpendicular, was
now alter’d into a circular one. At this my Hair stood on End; for I
was full of Apprehension lest I should be transform’d into a Planet,
or into a Satellite of the neighbouring Planet, and so be whirl’d
about in an everlasting Rotation. But when I reflected, that by this
Metamorphosis my Dignity would suffer no great Diminution, and that a
heavenly Body, or at least an Attendant upon a heavenly Body, would
surely move with equal Solemnity to a famish’d Philosopher, I took
Courage again, especially when I found from the Benefit of that pure
cœlestial Æther, that I was no longer prest by Hunger or Thirst. Yet
upon recollecting that I had in my Pocket some of that Sort of Bread
which the People of _Bergen_ call _Bolken_, and which is of an oval
or oblong Figure, I resolv’d to take it out, and make an Experiment
whether in this Situation I had any Appetite. But at the first Bite
perceiving it was quite nauseous, I threw it away as a Thing to all
Intents and Purposes useless. The Bread thus cast away was not only
suspended in Air, but (what was very marvellous to behold) it describ’d
a little circular Motion round my own Body. And from thence I learnt
the true Laws of Motion, by which it comes to pass, that all Bodies
plac’d in Æquilibrium naturally affect a circular Motion. Upon this,
instead of deploring my Wretchedness, as I had done, for being thus
the Sport of Fortune, I began to plume a little, finding that I was
not only a simple Planet, but such a Planet as wou’d have a perpetual
Attendant conforming itself to my Motions, insomuch that I should
have the Honour to be reckon’d in the Number of the greater heavenly
Bodies or Stars of the first Magnitude. And to confess my Weakness, so
elated was I, that if I had then met any of our Consuls or Senators of
_Bergen_, I should have receiv’d them with a supercilious Air, should
have regarded them as Atoms, and accounted them unworthy to be saluted
or honoured with a Touch of my Harpoon.
For almost three Days I remain’d in this Condition. For as without any
Intermission I was whirl’d about the Planet that was next me, I could
distinguish Day from Night; and observing the subterraneous Sun to
rise, and set, and retire gradually out of my Sight, I could easily
perceive when it was Night, tho’ it was not altogether such as it is
with us. For at Sun-set the whole Face of the Firmament appear’d of
a bright Purple, not unlike the Countenance of our Moon sometimes.
This I took to be occasion’d by the inner Surface of our Earth, which
borrow’d that Light from the subterraneous Sun, which Sun was plac’d in
the Center. This Hypothesis I fram’d to myself, being not altogether a
Stranger to the Study of Astronomy.
But while I was thus amus’d with the Thoughts of being in the
Neighbourhood of the Gods, and was congratulating myself as a new
Constellation, together with my Satellite that surrounded me, and
hop’d in a short Time to be inserted in the Catalogue of Stars by the
Astronomers of the neighbouring Planet, behold! an enormous winged
Monster hover’d near me, sometimes on this Side, now on that Side,
and by and by over my Head. At first View I took it for one of the
twelve heavenly Signs in this new World, and accordingly hop’d, that,
if the Conjecture was right, it would be that of _Virgo_, since out
of the whole Number of the twelve Signs, that alone could yield me,
in my unhappy Solitude, some Delight and Comfort. But when the Figure
approach’d nearer to me, it appear’d to be a grim, huge Griffin. So
great was my Terror, that unmindful of my starry Dignity, to which
I was newly advanc’d, in that Disorder of my Soul, I drew out my
University-Testimonium, which I happen’d to have in my Pocket, to
signify to this terrible Adversary that I had pass’d my academical
Examination, that I was a graduate Student, and could plead the
Privilege of my University against any one that should attack me. But
my Disorder beginning to cool, when I came to myself, I could not but
condemn my Folly. For it was yet a Matter of Doubt to what Purpose
this Griffin should approach me, whether as an Enemy, or a Friend; or,
what is more likely, whether led by the sole Novelty of the Thing,
he had only a Mind to feast his Curiosity. For the Sight of a human
Creature whirling about in Air, bearing in his right Hand an Harpoon,
and drawing after him a great Length of Rope like a Tail, was really
a Phænomenon which might excite even a brute Creature to behold the
Spectacle. For the unusual Figure I then exhibited, gave to the
Inhabitants of the Globe, round which I revolv’d, an Occasion of divers
Conjectures and Conversations concerning me, as I afterwards learn’d;
for the Philosophers and Mathematicians would have me to be a Comet,
being positive that my Rope was the Tail; and some there were, who
from the Appearance of so rare a Meteor, prognosticated some impending
Misfortune, a Plague, a Famine, or some other such extraordinary
Catastrophe: Some also went further, and delineated my Figure, such
as it appear’d to them at that Distance, in very accurate Drawings;
so that I was describ’d, defin’d, painted and engrav’d before ever I
touch’d their Globe. All this I afterward heard with no small Pleasure,
and even Laughter, when I was convey’d to that Planet, and had learn’d
their Language.
It must be noted, that sometimes there appear new Stars, which the
Subterraneans call _Sciscisi_, or blazing Stars, which they describe
as something looking horrid with fiery Hair, and, after the Manner
of our Comets, bushy on the Top, so as that it projects in Form of a
long Beard; and these, as in our World, so in that, they are reckon’d
ominous.
But to resume my History. The Griffin advanc’d so near at last, as to
incommode me by the Flapping of his Wings, and even did not scruple to
attack my Leg with his Teeth, so that now it openly appear’d with what
Disposition he pursu’d me. Upon this I began to attack this troublesome
Animal with Arms, and grasping my Harpoon with both my Hands, I soon
curb’d the Insolence of my Foe, obliging him to look about for a Way
to escape; and at last, since he persisted to annoy me, I darted my
Harpoon with such a Force into the Back of the Animal between his
Wings, that I could not pull it out again. The wounded Griffin, setting
up a horrible Cry, fell headlong upon the Planet. As for myself, quite
weary of this starry Station, this new Dignity, which I saw expos’d to
infinite Hazards and Evils,
_Arbitrio volucris rapior, quoque impetus egit
Huc sine lege ruo, longoque per aera tractu
In terram feror, ut de cœlo stella sereno,
Etsi non cecidit, potuit cecidisse videri._
And now this circular Motion I had describ’d alter’d once more into
a perpendicular one. And being for some Time agitated and tost with
great Violence by the opposite Motions of a thicker Air, at length by
an easy, gentle Descent, I alighted upon the aforesaid Planet, together
with the Griffin, who soon after died of his Wound.
It was Night when I was convey’d to that Planet. This I could gather
from the sole Absence of the Sun, and not from the Darkness; for
there still remained so much Light, as that I could distinctly read
my University-Testimonium by it. That Light by Night arises from the
inward Surface of our Earth, whose Surface reflects a Light like that
of the Moon among us. And hence, with respect to Light alone, there is
little Difference between the Nights and Days, only that the Sun is
absent, and his Absence makes the Nights a little colder.
CHAP. II.
_His Descent upon the Planet_ Nazar.
Having thus finish’d this airy Voyage, and being set down upon the
Planet without the least Hurt, I lay for a considerable Time without
Motion, waiting till Day-break for the Event. ’Twas then I found the
usual Infirmities of Nature return, and that I stood in great Need
of Sleep as well as Food, insomuch that I repented I had so rashly
discarded my Loaf of Bread.
My Mind thus oppress’d with various Anxieties, at length I fell into
a profound Sleep, and had slept (as near as I could guess) two Hours,
when a horrible Bellowing interrupting my Sleep, at length entirely
dispell’d it. A strange Variety of Notions had fill’d my Brain during
this Sleep. I thought I was returned into _Norway_, and holding forth
among the Students according to Custom; and at one Time I imagin’d I
heard the Voice of the Deacon _Nicolas Andreas_ chanting in the Church
of _Fanöen_, just out of the City, and that it was the Noise of his
Voice, which according to Custom had so cruelly wounded my Ears. And
agreeably to this, when I awoke, I really thought it was his horrid
Voice that had disturb’d me. But when I saw a Bull standing near me,
then, indeed, I concluded my Rest had been broke by his Bellowing.
Presently throwing my Eyes around me, the Sun now rising, I beheld
every where green, fertile Plains and Fields; some Trees also appeared,
but (what was most amazing) they moved; tho’ such was the Silence and
Stillness of the Air at that Time, that it would not have moved the
lightest Feather from its Place. Immediately the Bull came roaring at
me, and I in my Terror and Consternation seeing a Tree just by me,
attempted to climb it; but when I got up into it, it uttered a fine
small Voice, tho’ something shrill, and not unlike an angry Lady’s;
and presently I receiv’d, as it were from the swiftest Hand, such a
Blow as quite stunn’d me, and laid me prostrate on the Ground. I was
almost expiring with this Thunderbolt of a Stroke, when I heard certain
confus’d Murmurings round me, like those in great Markets, or upon full
Change. Having opened my Eyes, I beheld all about me a whole Grove of
Trees, all in Motion, all animated, and the Plain overspread with Trees
and Shrubs, tho’ just before there were not above six or seven. ’Tis
not to be express’d what Disorders this produced in my Understanding,
and how much my Mind was shock’d with these Delusions: Sometimes I
thought I must certainly dream; sometimes I thought I was haunted by
Spectres and evil Spirits, and twenty absurder Things did I imagine;
but I had no Time to examine these Machines, or to inquire into their
Causes; for presently another Tree advancing to me, let down one of its
Branches, which had at the Extremity of it six large Buds in the Manner
of Fingers. With these the Tree took me up from the Ground, and carried
me off, attended by a Multitude of other Trees of various Kinds and
different Sizes, all which kept muttering certain Sounds, articulately
indeed, but in a Tone too foreign for my Ears, so that I could not
possibly retain any Thing of them, except these two Words, _Pikel Emi_,
which I heard them very often repeat. By these Words (as I afterward
understood) was meant, _A Monkey of an odd Shape_; because from the
Make of my Body, and Manner of Dress, they conjectur’d I was a Monkey,
tho’ of a Species different from the Monkeys of that Country. Others
took me for an Inhabitant of the Firmament, and that some great Bird
had transported me hither; a Thing that had once before happened, as
the History or Annals of that Globe can testify. But all these Things
I understood not till after the Space of some Months, in which Time I
became acquainted with the subterranean Language. For in my present
Circumstances, what thro’ Fear, and what through the Disorder of my
Intellects, I was quite regardless of myself, nor could conceive how
there could be any such Thing as living and speaking Trees, nor to
what Purpose was this Procession, which was very slow and solemn. But
yet the Voices and Murmurs with which all the Plains echoed seemed to
indicate Anger and Indignation; and in good Truth it was not without
ample Reason that they had conceived this Resentment against me; for
that very Tree, which I climb’d up in my Flight from the Bull, was
the Wife of the Prætor, or principal Magistrate of the next City; and
so the Quality of the Person injur’d aggravated the Crime; for it
look’d as if I had a Mind to violate not a Female of mean and plebeian
Birth, but a Matron of prime Rank, which was a most detested Spectacle
to a People of so venerable a Modesty as these were. At length we
arrived at the City to which I was led Captive. This City was equally
remarkable for its stately Edifices, and for the elegant Order and
Proportion of the Streets and Highways; so lofty were the Houses, that
they resembled so many Towers; the Streets too were full of walking
Trees, which by letting down their Branches saluted each other as
they met, and the greater Number of Branches or Boughs they dropt, the
greater was the Compliment. Thus when an Oak went out of one of the
most eminent Houses, the rest of the Trees drew back at his Approach,
and let down every one of their Branches; from whence it was easy to
infer, that that Oak was far above the vulgar Sort; and, indeed, I soon
understood that it was the Prætor himself, and the very Person whose
Wife I was said to have so highly affronted. Forthwith they hurried
me to the Prætor’s House; upon my Entrance into which, the Doors were
immediately lock’d and bolted upon me, so that I look’d upon myself as
one condemn’d to a Gaol. What greatly contributed to this Fear was,
that there were three Guards plac’d without, like Centinels, each of
them arm’d with six Axes, according to the Number of their Branches;
for as many Branches as they had, so many Arms they had; and as many
Buds at the Extremities, so many Fingers. I observed, that on the Top
of the Trunks or Bodies of the Trees their Heads were plac’d, not at
all unlike human Heads; and instead of Roots, I saw two Feet, and those
very short, by Reason of which the Pace they us’d was almost as slow
as that of a Tortoise; so that had I been at Liberty, it had been very
easy for me to have escap’d their Hands, since my Motion was perfect
Flying compar’d to theirs.
To be short, I now plainly perceived, that the Inhabitants of this
Globe were Trees, and that they were endued with Reason; and I was lost
in Wonder at that Variety in which Nature wantons in the Formation of
her Creatures. These Trees do by no Means equal ours in Height, scarce
any of them exceeding the common and ordinary Stature of a Man; some
indeed were less; these one would call Flowers or Shrubs; and such I
conjectur’d were Youths and Infants.
Words cannot express into what a Labyrinth of Thought these strange
Appearances threw me, how many Sighs they extorted from me, and how
passionately I longed after the dear Place of my Nativity. For altho’
these Trees seemed to me to be sociable Creatures, to enjoy the Benefit
of Language, and to be endued with a certain Degree or Portion of
Reason, insomuch that they had a Right to be inserted in the Class of
rational Animals, yet I much doubted whether they could be compar’d to
Men; I could not bring myself to think, that Justice, Mercy, and the
other moral Virtues had any Residence among them. Rack’d with these
Thoughts, my Bowels yearned, and Rivers of Tears flowed down my Cheeks.
But while I was thus indulging my Grief, and pouring out my silent
Complaints in such unmanly Sorrows, the Guards entered my Chamber,
whom I looked upon as so many _Roman_ Lictors, considering the Axes
they bore. These marching before me, I was led thro’ the City to a
very lofty Dome in the Center of the _Forum_, or great Market-Place.
I seemed to myself to be greater than a _Roman_ Consul, and to have
obtained the Honour of a Dictator; for there were but twelve Axes
attended the Consuls, whereas I was attended by eighteen. On the
folding Doors of the Dome, to which I was led, a Figure of Justice
was carved, holding a Pair of Scales with her Branches or Arms: This
Image had a Virgin-Air, an earnest Look, a piercing Sight, with a
certain venerable Dejection that made her appear not too proud, nor
yet too humble. This Place I clearly perceived was the Senate-House.
Being introduced into Court, the Floor of which shone with Marble of
tessellated or _Mosaic_ Workmanship; I there beheld a Tree seated on
a Golden Tribunal, with twelve Associates sitting on either Hand on
so many Benches in the most exact and elegant Order. The President
on the Tribunal was a Palm-Tree, of a middling Stature, but easily
distinguish’d from the rest of the Assistants, by the great Variety
of her Leaves, which were of various Dyes: The inferior Officers, to
the Number of twenty-four, guarded each Side, all armed with six Axes
apiece. A most tremendous Prospect! since from so much Armour it was
natural to infer they were a People that delighted in Blood.
The Senators, at my Entrance, extended their Branches toward the Skies;
which Ceremony being ended, they sat down again; and being all seated,
I was brought to the Bar between two Trees, whose Trunks or Bodies
were covered with Sheep-Skins. I suspected they were Lawyers, and such
in good Truth they were. Before they began to plead, the President
wrapt his Head in a Garment of a dark Colour. One of these Advocates
made a very short Speech, which he thrice repeated; to which the other
Advocate replied with equal Brevity: These Pleadings were followed by
a Silence of Half an Hour: Then the President, removing the Covering
from her Head, rose up, and again extending her Branches toward the
Sky, pronounc’d certain Words, which I supposed contained my Sentence;
for at the End of the Speech I was dismiss’d back to my old Prison, and
confin’d there, as I guess’d, to be in Readiness to be brought forth to
Punishment.
Being left alone, and revolving in my Memory every Thing that had
happened, I could not forbear smiling at the Stupidity of this People;
for they seemed rather to be acting a Play than exercising Justice,
and every Thing I had seen, their Gesture, their Dress, and Method of
Proceeding seem’d to favour more of the Buffoonery of the Stage, than
the awful Tribunal of Justice. Then I congratulated the Happiness of
our World, and the Superiority of the _Europeans_ to all others. But
tho’ I arraigned the Folly and Dulness of this subterraneous Nation,
yet I was forced to own that they ought to be distinguished from the
Brute Creation; for the Elegance of the City, the Symmetry of the
Buildings, with several other Particulars, loudly proclaimed that these
Trees were not devoid of Reason, nor altogether ignorant of the Arts,
especially Mechanicks; but then it was in this alone that I thought all
their Virtues, all their whole Perfection consisted.
While I was holding this silent Conference with myself, a Tree enters
holding a Lancet in his Hand; who unbuttoning my Bosom, and making
bare my Arm, opened the middle Vein quite like an Artist. When he
had drawn as much Blood as he thought sufficient, he bound up my Arm
with equal Dexterity. This being performed, he inspected the Blood
with the deepest Attention; and being perfectly satisfied, he walked
away in a Kind of silent Admiration: All this confirmed me in the
Opinion I had entertained of the Stupidity of this Nation. But as
soon as I had thoroughly learnt the subterranean Language, and all
these Things had been explained to me, my Disdain was turned into
Admiration. The Proceedings at Law, which I had so rashly condemned,
were thus explained. From the Make of my Body, they inferred I was
an Inhabitant of the Firmament. I appeared to have attempted the
Chastity of an honourable Matron, and one of prime Quality. For this
Crime I was dragged to the Bar of Justice. One of the Advocates or
Lawyers aggravated the Crime, demanding the Punishment due by Law;
the other requested not that the Punishment should be remitted, but
only that it should be deferr’d, till it could be discover’d what, and
who I was, and of what Country; whether a brute Animal, or a rational
one. Moreover I learnt, that the Action of the Judges extending their
Branches towards Heaven, was the ordinary Ceremony of Religion before
they proceeded to Trial. The Lawyers were all covered with Sheep-Skins,
as Emblems of Innocence and Impartiality in the Management of their
Causes; and indeed all the Lawyers here were Men of Probity; which
shews that in a well-constituted Government it is not impossible, but
that there may be honest Lawyers. So severe were the Laws against
knavish Advocates, that Fraud and foul Play could not escape Detection,
Perfidiousness could find no Shelter, Slander no Mercy, Impudence no
Countenance, and Deceit no Impunity. The three-fold Repetition of Words
was made use of to assist the Slowness of their Perception, in which
the Natives of this Globe were distinguished from all others; for very
few could comprehend what they had only cursorily read, or understand
what they had only once heard. Those whose forward Capacities took a
Thing presently, were deem’d defective in Judgment, and therefore it
was seldom that such were admitted to any weighty Posts or Offices; for
they had learnt by Experience, that the Government had been endanger’d
when in the Hands of those who were quick of Apprehension, and who were
commonly styl’d great Geniuses; but that those of slower Capacities
had restored to Order what the others had thrown into Confusion. These
Things were Paradoxes to me, yet upon a more serious Recollection, they
seemed not altogether absurd. But the History of the President fill’d
me with the greatest Astonishment. She was a Virgin, and a Native of
that City, and by the then reigning Sovereign was appointed _Kaki_,
or supreme Judge in the City: For among these People there was no
Difference of Sexes observed in the Distribution of publick Posts; but
an Election being made, the Affairs of the Republick were committed
to the wisest and most worthy. And in order to form a right Judgment
of the Proficience, or of the intellectual Endowments of every one,
there were proper Seminaries instituted, the chief Directors of which
were styl’d _Karatti_ (a Word that strictly signifies Inquisitors.)
It was their Office to inspect into every one’s Abilities, to inquire
nicely into the Genius of the Youth, and after such Inquiry to transmit
annually to their Prince an Account or List of such as were to be
admitted to all Duties and Posts of Government, and to point out at
the same Time, in what Particular every one of them was most likely
to be of Service to the State. The Prince upon the Receipt of such
Catalogue ordered their Names to be inscrib’d in a Book, that he might
never be at a Loss what Sort of Persons to prefer to the vacant Posts.
The aforesaid Virgin four Years before had obtained a most honourable
Testimonial from the _Karatti_, and upon that Account was by the
Sovereign appointed President of the City in which she was born. This
Rule they observe constantly and inviolably, because they believe that
the Welfare of any Place will be best consulted and pursued by those
who are Natives of it. _Palmka_ (that was the Name of the Virgin) for
the Space of three Years govern’d this truly _Spartan_ Commonwealth
with the highest Applause, and was esteem’d the wisest Tree in all the
City; for so great was her Dulness of Apprehension, that she hardly
ever conceiv’d a Thing without its being thrice or four times repeated.
But what she once apprehended she thoroughly understood, and with such
Acumen solv’d every Difficulty in it, that her Decrees were deem’d so
many Oracles.
_Novit enim justum gemina suspendere lance
Ancipitis libræ, rectum discrevit, ubi inter
Curva subit, vel cum fallit pede regula raro._
And hence there were no judicial Decrees of hers during her
Administration of Justice, which were not confirmed and applauded
by the High Court of Justice at _Potu_, the Capital of the Empire:
Therefore the Institution in Favour of the weaker Sex, which at first
View I had condemn’d, had nothing absurd in it upon a more accurate
Review. Bless me! thought I, what if the Wife of our Mayor of _Bergen_
were to sit in Judgment instead of her Husband? What if the Daughter
of Counsellor _Severini_, that all-accomplish’d young Lady, were
to plead at the Bar instead of her stupid Father? Our Laws would
never receive the least Dishonour from them, nor would Justice be so
often violated. Moreover, I was of Opinion, since in the _European_
Courts of Law, Causes were so soon determin’d, that such sudden
and hasty Determinations, were they to undergo a strict Scrutiny,
would by no Means pass without Censure. To proceed to explain some
other Things. The Reason of the _Venæ-section_ or Letting Blood, I
understood to be this: When any one was convicted of a Crime, instead
of whipping, maiming, or capital Punishments, he was condemned to the
_Venæ-section_, that is, to have a Vein open’d, by which it should
appear, whether his Crime proceeded from Malice, or from the vitiated
Blood, and whether by such an Operation he could be cur’d. So that
these Courts of Justice regarded the Amendment, rather than the
Punishment of the Offender. Yet the very Method of Amendment had a Sort
of Punishment in it, because it was a Mark of Ignominy to undergo this
Operation by judicial Sentence. If any one fell a second Time into the
same Crime, he was deem’d an unworthy Member of the State, and as such
was to be _banish’d to the Firmament_, where all were receiv’d without
Distinction. But of this sort of Exile we shall enlarge hereafter.
Then as to the Reason why upon the Opening of my Vein the Chirurgeon
was so astonish’d at the Sight of my Blood, it was this, namely, that
the Natives of this Globe had a white fluid Juice in their Veins. And
the whiter this was, so much the greater Mark it bore of Innocence and
Probity.
All these Things, when I had perfectly learn’d the subterranean
Tongue, I thoroughly understood, and thenceforward began to form a
milder Judgment of a People I had too hastily censur’d. And tho’ at
first I was of Opinion that these Trees were excessively stupid and
brutish, yet I soon found Reason to think that they were not altogether
destitute of Humanity, and that therefore I was in no Danger of my
Life. And what confirm’d me in this was, that twice a Day I saw my Food
duly brought me. This Food consisted of Fruits, Herbs, and Pulse, and
my Drink was a Liquor the most delicious and grateful I ever tasted.
The Magistrate, in whose Custody I was, soon sent Advice to the
Sovereign of the Empire, who resided at _Potu_, (not far from this
City) that a certain rational Animal, of a very unusual Make, had
fallen into his Hands. The Sovereign, excited by the Novelty of the
Thing, gave Orders that I should be instructed in their Language,
and then sent to Court. Hereupon I had a Language Master appointed
me, under whose Care in the Space of six Months I made so great a
Proficiency, that I was enabled to converse pretty readily with the
Natives. After having pass’d thro’ this first Exercise, a new Order
arriv’d from Court, concerning my farther Instruction, by which I was
commanded to be enter’d into the Seminary, that the natural Powers of
my Understanding might be enquir’d into by the _Karatti_, and in what
Kind of Learning I gave the most hopeful Promises of Success. All this
was done with great Exactness. While I was performing my Exercises
here, they were as careful of my Body as they were of my Mind, and
particularly, they us’d their utmost Art to bring me into their own
Shape, and accordingly they skilfully fitted artificial Branches to my
Body.
During this, the Magistrate, at whose House I lodg’d, every Evening as
I return’d from the Seminary, enter’d into various Conferences with
me. He heard me with the utmost Pleasure descanting on those Things
that had occur’d to me in this subterranean Tour. But he was above
Measure amaz’d at the Description I gave him of our Earth, and of that
immense Heaven that surrounded it, studded with infinite Stars. All
this he heard with the utmost Avidity. But it kindled his Blushes, when
I told him of the Trees of our Globe, which were lifeless, immoveable,
and fastened by the Roots to the Ground; nay, he beheld me with some
Resentment, when I attested that our Trees were cut down for Fuel to
heat our Furnaces and dress our Provisions. But considering the Thing
more gravely, his Indignation subsided, and extending his five Branches
to the Skies (for so many he had) he ador’d the Wisdom of the great
Creator, whose Ways are past finding out; and henceforward he heard me
with still greater Attention. His Wife, who had hitherto avoided me,
when she learnt the true Reason for which I was brought to Judgment,
and that I was deceiv’d in the Appearance of a Tree, which in our
Country ’twas a customary Thing to climb, now laid aside all Suspicion,
and was entirely reconciled. But yet, that I might not at the Beginning
of our Reconciliation open an old Wound, I declin’d all Conversation
with her, unless in the Presence, and at the express Command of her
Husband.
CHAP. III.
_A Description of the City of_ Keba.
In the mean while, and during the Course of this Discipline under the
_Karatti_, my Host walk’d me about the City to shew me whatever was
curious and observable. We walk’d up and down without any Molestation,
and what was more to be admir’d, without any crowding or jostling;
quite otherwise than it is with us, where People flock in Heaps to any
Thing that is new and uncommon, that they may feast their Curiosity.
For the Inhabitants of this Planet have very little Taste for Novelty,
and pursue only solid Things. The Name of this City is _Keba_, and it
is the second in Dignity of the whole _Potuan_ Empire. The Inhabitants
are so sedate and grave, you would swear they were all Senators. Age
is particularly honourable here; nor is there a profounder Deference
and Veneration any where paid it; for it carries Authority not only
in its Sentiments, but in its Looks and Nods. But I much wonder’d
that a Nation so sober, so modest as this, should be delighted with
Comedies and certain ludicrous Shews and Spectacles that were there
exhibited. This did not seem to suit with so much Gravity. Which my
Host perceiving, Through all these Dominions, says he, the Subjects
divide their Time between Things serious and Things of a gayer Turn,
_Saturnumq; gravem nostro Jove frangimus una._
For, among other laudable Institutions of this Empire, there is an
Indulgence of innocent Pleasures, by which it is believ’d the Soul is
strengthen’d, and prepar’d to sustain the more arduous Duties, and
by which those black Clouds of Melancholy are dispell’d, which are
thought to be the Sources of Riots, Seditions, and pernicious Counsels.
Therefore they chequer the severer Toils with Sports and Plays, so
happily tempering Seriousness with Pleasantry, that the first cannot
degenerate into Sourness, nor the latter into Impertinence. But it
was not without Indignation I observ’d that School-Disputations do
there make a Part of the Shews and Theatrical Performances. For at set
Times of the Year, Wagers being laid, and a Reward assign’d to the
Conquerors, the Disputants engage like a Couple of Gladiators, and much
upon the same Terms that fighting Cocks or any such battling Animals
do among us. Hence it was a Custom among the Great, to maintain a Set
of Disputants, as we do a Pack of Hounds, and to give them a logical
Education, that they may be fit for Engagement at the stated Times of
the Year. Thus a certain wealthy Citizen in three Years Time had made
prodigious Gains, even to the Sum of 4000 _Ricatu_, from one Disputant,
whom he maintained for that Purpose. This Disputant, with an amazing
Volubility of Tongue,
_Diruit, ædificat, mutat quadrata rotundis_,
By ensnaring Syllogisms and every Artifice of Logick, by Distinctions,
Reservations, and Exceptions, eluded every Opponent, and silenc’d
whom he would. I was often present at these Entertainments, and that
with no small Vexation. For it seem’d to me a horrid and shameful
Thing, that such noble Exercises, which give Lustre to our Schools,
should here be prostituted on the Stage. And when I call’d to Mind,
that I myself with the highest Applause had disputed in Publick, and
had obtained the Laurel, I could scarce withhold my Tears. And not
only the Dispute, but the Method of disputing incensed me. For they
hir’d certain Stimulators, in their Language _Cabalci_, who when they
observ’d the Ardor of the Disputants to flag, just prick’d their Sides
with Lancets to re-kindle it, and to rally their declining Spirits.
Other Things thro’ Shame I omit, which in so polish’d a Nation I could
not but condemn. Besides these Disputants, call’d in their Tongue, by
way of Contempt, _Masbaki_, that is strictly, Wranglers, there were
other Trials of Skill between Beasts, both of the wild and tame Kind,
and also between Birds of Prey, which were exhibited to the Spectators
at a certain Price. I begg’d to know of my Host, how it was possible
that so judicious a Nation could think of leaving to the Theatre
those noble Exercises, whereby a Faculty of Speaking is acquir’d,
Truth is discover’d, and the Understanding sharpen’d? He reply’d, that
formerly these Exercises were in high Reputation among their barbarous
Ancestors; but since they had been convinc’d by Experience, That Truth
was rather stifled by Disputes, that their Youth were render’d petulant
and forward thereby, that Disturbances arose from them, and that the
more generous Studies were so much the more fetter’d, they turn’d over
these Exercises from the University to the Playhouse; and the Event
has shew’d us, that by Reading, Silence, and Meditation, the Students
now make far greater Advances in Learning. With this Reply, tho’ very
specious, I was not however altogether satisfy’d.
In this City there was an Academy or School, where with the utmost
Decency and Solidity the Liberal Arts were taught. My Host introduc’d
me into the Auditory of this School on a particular Day, when a
_Madic_, or Doctor of Philosophy, was to be created. The whole Ceremony
was this: The Candidate made a learned and elegant Dissertation upon a
Problem in natural Philosophy, which being ended, the Governors of the
School inserted his Name in the Register of Doctors, who from thence
had Authority to teach publickly. My Host asking how I liked it? I
answer’d that it appear’d to me a mighty dry Business in Comparison
of our Promotions. Then I explain’d to him how Masters and Doctors
were created among us, namely, by exhibiting certain Specimens of
their Skill in Disputation. At this, contracting his Brows, he desir’d
to know the Nature of our Disputations, and in what they differ from
the subterranean. I reply’d, that they were usually upon curious and
learned Subjects, particularly such as relate to the Manners, Language,
or Dress of two ancient Nations who formerly flourish’d in _Europe_,
and that I for my Part had wrote three Dissertations upon the Slippers
of the Ancients. With that he set up such a Laugh, as made the whole
House ring. His Wife, alarm’d with the Noise, flies to know the Cause
of it: But I was so much out of Humour, that I disdained to answer
her; for I thought it a burning Shame, so grave and solid a Matter
should be treated with that Ridicule and Contempt. But understanding
from her Husband the Truth of the Case, she laugh’d as violently.
This Thing taking Air, gave a Handle to endless Sneers; nay, the Wife
of a certain Senator, of herself exceedingly prone to laugh, was so
delighted, that she had like to have burst herself. And she soon, after
dying accidentally of a Fever, it was thought her Death was occasion’d
by that immoderate Laugh, which had inflam’d her Lungs. They were
not indeed quite certain that such was the Case; however, so it was
whisper’d. She was otherwise a Matron of a fine Understanding, and
a most useful Lady, for she had seven Branches, which is something
rare in that Sex. All the better Sort of Trees were much concern’d at
her Death. She was bury’d at Midnight without the City Gates, and in
the same Garments she happen’d to have on when she dy’d. For there is
a Provision by Law, that no Body can be bury’d in the City, because
they believe the Air may be corrupted by the Effluvia of the Carcases.
It is also by Law provided, that the dead Bodies shall be interr’d
without any Funeral Pomp, or rich Dresses, inasmuch as all is shortly
to be the Food of Worms. And these appear’d to me to be very wise
Institutions. Yet they had Feasts in Honour of the Dead, and also
Funeral Orations, which simply contain’d an Exhortation to a virtuous
Life, and which plac’d before their Eyes an Image of Mortality. At this
the Censors were present, to observe whether the Orators rais’d or
depress’d the Character of the Deceas’d beyond Justice. And hence the
subterranean Orators were extremely sparing of their Encomiums, since
to give immoderate Praises was punishable by Law. Not long after, when
I was going to one of these Funeral Orations, I ask’d my Host what
was the State and Condition of the departed Hero? He reply’d, he was
an Husbandman who dy’d suddenly upon the Road to this City. Hereupon,
in my Turn, I burst into an excessive Laughter, retorting thus their
own Weapons upon them. And pray, says I, why have not Bulls and Oxen,
those Companions of Husbandmen, the Honour of a Funeral Oration? They
can equally supply Matter, for they equally perform the same Office.
But my Host desir’d me to spare my Jests; for that in these Dominions
Husbandmen were held in the highest Esteem, on account of the great
Excellence of the Duties they were employ’d in; and that no Way of
Life was more honourable than that of Agriculture. Thus every honest
and industrious Farmer was regarded by the Citizens as their Feeder
and Foster-Father. And hence arose the Custom, that when the Farmers
about Autumn, or in the Month of _Palm-Trees_, repair to the City with
a Multitude of Carriages loaden with Corn, the Magistrates meet them
without the Gates, and introduce them into the City with Trumpets and
other Instruments in Concert, after the Manner of a Triumph. At this
strange Account I was struck dumb, especially recollecting the hard
Fate of our Husbandmen, groaning under the deepest Slavery, and whose
Employments are look’d upon as low and illiberal, in Comparison of
those which are Pandars to our Pleasures; such as Cooks, Poulterers,
Perfumers, and such like. And this I fairly own’d to my Host, at
the same Time enjoining him Silence, fearing lest the Subterraneans
should pass very unfavourable Judgments upon Mankind. Having promised
Secrecy, he carry’d me to the Hall where the Funeral Oration was to
be made. I own I never heard any Thing executed more solidly, with
greater Veracity, or with so little an Appearance of Flattery as
this; and I judg’d it a proper Pattern, to which all Funeral Orations
should conform. The Orator first gave us a View of the Virtues of
the Deceas’d, and then enumerated his Vices and Failings, with an
Admonition to his Audience to avoid ’em.
As we return’d from the Hall, we met an Offender in Custody of three
Keepers. The same by Decree in Court had lately undergone _the
Punishment of the Arm_ (so they call the letting Blood) and was now
going to be consign’d over to the publick Hospital or _Bedlam_. Upon
Enquiry into the Reason of such Sentence, I was inform’d, that the
Criminal had disputed publickly about the Qualities and Essence of the
Supreme Being, a Thing here prohibited, where all these over curious
Disquisitions are thought to be such exquisite Folly and Rashness,
that a Creature of a sound Understanding could not well fall into it.
Therefore these subtle Disputants, after the _Venæ-section_, were,
like Madmen, condemned to Confinement, till they got out of this
Delirium. Ah! thought I to myself, what would become of our Divines,
whom we every Day hear wrangling about the Quality and Attributes of
the Deity, about the Nature of spiritual Beings, and other Mysteries of
that Kind? What also would become of our Metaphysicians, who by their
transcendental Jargon, affect a Degree of Wisdom far above the Vulgar,
and even above Human Nature itself? Certainly, instead of Hoods, Caps,
and other Academical Honours, which in _our_ World are so liberally
granted them, they would in _this_ be shew’d the Way to the publick
Hospital.
All this, and other Things full as paradoxical, I remark’d during
the Time of my Probation in the Seminary. At length the appointed
Time arriv’d, when, by Order of the Prince, I was to be conducted to
Court with a Testimonial. I flatter’d myself, that I should have the
most honourable Encomiums and Approbations, depending partly upon
my own Accomplishments, since I had learn’d the subterranean Tongue
sooner than could be expected, and partly upon the Interest of my
Host, together with the renown’d Integrity of my Judges. At last my
Testimonial was deliver’d me, which I open’d with the utmost Transport,
impatient of reading my own Praises, and of concluding from thence what
my Destiny was to be. But the Perusal of it threw me into Fits of Rage
and Despair. The Tenor of it was this:
“In Obedience to the Commands of your Serene Highness, the Animal
lately arriv’d from another World, and calling himself _a Man_, we
herewith send, most carefully instructed in our Seminary. Upon
the nicest Inquiry into his Genius and Manners, we have found him
to be of competent Docility, and extremely quick of Apprehension,
but of so weak and uneven a Judgment, that he hardly merits to be
consider’d as a rational Creature, much less to be admitted to any
important Office in the Government. But since he excels every one
in Swiftness of Foot, we are humbly of Opinion that he is extremely
qualify’d for the Post of _King’s Messenger_. Given at our Seminary
of _Keba_, in the Month of _Brambles_, by your Serene Highness’s
most humble Servants,
_Nehec, Jochtan, Rapasi, Chilac._”
Upon this I went to my Host in a Torrent of Tears, and humbly
implor’d that he would interpose his Authority to procure a milder
Testimonial from the _Karatti_, and that he would shew them my
University-Testimonial, in which I was complimented with Epithets of
_Ingenious_ and _Honourable_. He reply’d, that that Testimonial might
have its Weight in our World, where they regarded perhaps the Shadow
more than the Substance, the outward Bark more than the inward Texture;
but that it would be of no Value with them, where they penetrate into
the inmost Nature of Things: And exhorted me moreover to bear my Fate
as temperately as I could, especially as the Testimonial could be
neither revok’d or alter’d; for that there was no greater Crime than to
ascribe undeserved Virtues to any one. But what Comfort it was in the
Power of Words to give, he gave.
—_Verba facit, quibus hunc lenire dolorem
Possit, & ingentem morbi partem removere.
Ne cures hæc, quæ stulte miraris & optas.
Quos non præcipitat subjecta potentia magnæ
Invidiæ? mergit longa atq; insignis honorum
Pagina; namq; homini, nimios qui captat honores,
Et nimias venatur opes, numerosa parantur
Excelsæ turris tabulata, unde altior illi
Casus, & impulsæ præceps immane ruinæ._
As to the Testimonial of the _Karatti_, he added, that they were the
most incorrupt and upright Judges, who could be brib’d by no Presents,
nor aw’d by no Threats, to recede a Hair’s Breadth from Truth; and
that therefore there was no Room for Suspicion in this Case. He also
candidly acknowledged, that the Poverty of my Judgment was a Thing not
unobserv’d by himself, and that he inferr’d from the Readiness of my
Memory, and the Quickness of my Apprehension, that I was not that Sort
of _Wood out of which_ Mercury _was to be made_, and that I could not
possibly meet with Preferment upon account of that remarkable Defect in
my Judgment: That he had gather’d, from my Discourses and Description
of _Europe_, that I was
_Stultorum in patria, pravoq; sub aere natum._
And with these and a great many more Professions of Friendship, he
desir’d me without Delay to prepare for my Journey. I follow’d the
Advice of this most sagacious Person, especially as Necessity requir’d
it, and as it would have been Rashness to have oppos’d the Order of the
Prince.
We now began our Journey in Company with some other young Trees,
which were dismiss’d from the Seminary at the same Time, and sent to
Court for the same End. Our Leader was one of the _Karatti_, who,
upon account of his Age and a Weakness in his Feet, was carry’d by
an Ox; for it is an unusual Thing here to have Vehicles, these being
indulg’d only to the Decrepit and Diseas’d; tho’ the Inhabitants of
this Planet are really more excusable for it than those of our World,
by reason of the Slowness of their Gait. I remember, when I gave a
Description of our Vehicles, that is, our Coaches with Horses, into
which we were stuff’d like so much Lumber, and drawn thro’ the City,
the Subterraneans smil’d at my Account, especially when they heard that
no Neighbour envy’d another, unless he kept his Coach and was drawn
in it through the Streets by a Pair of mettlesome four-footed Beasts.
What with the Slowness of the Motion of these rational Trees, we were
three Days upon this Journey, tho’ _Keba_ is hardly four Miles distant
from the Capital. Had I been alone, a Day would have been sufficient.
’Twas a Pleasure indeed that I excell’d these Subterraneans in that
Advantage of Foot, but it griev’d me to the Soul that for that very
Excellence I was condemn’d to a vile ignominious Office. Would to God!
said I, that I labour’d under the same Infirmity with them, since by
this Defect alone I might have escap’d the low and ignoble Drudgery I
was destin’d to. Our Leader, over-hearing me, reply’d thus, If Nature
had not made you Amends for the Defects of your Mind by some one
Excellence of Body, all would behold you as an unprofitable Load upon
the Earth; for that very Quickness of Parts permits you only to see the
Surface of Things, and not the Substance; and since you have but two
Branches, you are inferior to the Subterraneans in every Thing that
depends upon the Hands. Hearing this, I thank’d God who had given me
this Swiftness of Feet, since without this Virtue I had no Chance to be
reckon’d in the Number of rational Creatures.
During our Journey, I was surpriz’d to see all around me the Natives
so intent upon their Labours, that at the Approach of Passengers
nobody left off Work, or even threw their Eyes round, tho’ something
extraordinary should even pass along. But at the Close of Day, their
Toils all ended, then they indulg’d in every Amusement of the Mind,
the chief Magistrate conniving and tolerating these Diversions, as
Reliefs and Strengtheners of the Body and Mind, and something full as
necessary as Meat and Drink. This and other Things made the Journey
highly grateful. The whole Country is perfectly beautiful. Imagine it
a spacious Amphitheatre, and such an one as Nature alone could make.
Where Nature was less profuse, all was supply’d by the Industry of
the Inhabitants, who were animated to these rural Toils, and to the
cultivating and improving their Land, by Rewards from the Magistrate;
and whoever suffer’d his Grounds to run to Ruin, afterwards wrought for
Hire. We pass’d by many fair Villages, which from the Multitude of them
look’d like one continued City, and exhibited the same Appearance all
along. Yet we were something infested by the Monkeys from the Woods,
which rambling up and down, and from an Affinity in my Shape, imagining
I was of their Race, were continually teazing me with their Approaches
and Touches. I could scarce suppress my Rage, when I perceiv’d that
this was a perfect Comedy to some of the Trees; for I was conducted to
Court (by express Order of his Majesty) in the same Dress, in which I
alighted upon the Planet, namely, with my Harpoon in my right Hand,
that his Majesty might behold what the Dress of our World was, and
particularly what was my own Appearance upon my Arrival. And very
opportunely it was that I had my Harpoon in my Hand, that I might chace
away those Swarms of Monkeys that gather’d apace at last round me;
tho’ it was all in vain; for in the room of those that fled more came,
so that I was forced to move every Step like a Man upon his Guard.
CHAP. IV.
_The Court of the_ Potuan _Empire_.
At length we came to the Royal City of _Potu_, which for Beauty
and Magnificence might vie with any. The Buildings there are more
numerous and extensive than at _Keba_, and the Streets wider and more
commodious. The _Forum_, which was the first Place we were brought to,
was fill’d with Numbers of Merchants, and surrounded every Way with
Shops of Artists and Tradesmen. But I saw with some Astonishment in the
Middle of the _Forum_ a certain Criminal with a Halter about his Neck,
and a large Company of grave and elderly Trees standing round him. Upon
my asking what was the Matter, and for what Crime he deserved Hanging,
especially as I thought no Crime here was Capital, it was told me,
that this Offender was a Projector, who had advis’d the Abolition of a
certain old Custom; that those who stood round him were the Senators
and Lawyers, who then and there examined the Projector’s Scheme,
so that if it should appear that it was a well digested Thing, and
salutary to the Commonwealth, the Offender was not only absolv’d, but
rewarded; but if injurious to the Publick, or if the Projector by the
Repeal of this Law appear’d to have glanc’d at his own Advantage, he
was presently to be hang’d as a Disturber of the Realm. And this is the
Reason why few are found to run this Risque, or have Courage enough to
advise the Abrogation of any Law, unless the Thing be so demonstrably
evident and just, that the Success of it cannot be doubted of: So
persuaded are the Subterraneans, that the ancient Laws and Institutions
of their Ancestors are to be maintain’d and rever’d. For they believe
the Government would be in Danger, if for the Wantonness of every
Body, those Laws were to be chang’d or disannul’d. What, alas! said I
to myself, would become of the Projectors of our World, who, under a
Pretence of publick Emolument, are daily hatching and inventing new
Laws, with an Eye only to their private Gains, instead of the common
Benefit?
At length we were introduced into a spacious House, which was the usual
Place of Reception for all who were sent from the Seminaries throughout
the Empire. In the same Place are brought up those who are to attend
upon the Prince. Our Captain, the _Karatti_, bid us be in Readiness,
while he went to acquaint his Highness with our Arrival. He had scarce
left us when we heard a Noise, like that of great Rejoicings, and
immediately the Air echo’d with the Sound of Trumpets and Beat of
Drums. Alarm’d at this Noise we went out, and beheld a certain Tree
magnificently attended and crown’d with a Chaplet of Flowers, and
presently discover’d that it was the same Citizen whom we just now saw
in the _Forum_ with his Neck in a Halter. The Reason of this Triumph
was the Approbation of that Law, which at the Peril of his Head he had
advised. But by what Arguments he attack’d the old Law, I could never
reach to the Knowledge, by Reason of the great Silence of the People;
and hence it is, that the least Matter transacted in the Senate in
relation to the Government never transpires, or takes the least Air.
Far otherwise it is with us, where the Actions of the Senate and the
whole of their Debates are reported, weigh’d and criticiz’d upon in
every Tavern and Street.
In the Space of an Hour the _Karatti_ returns, and commands us all to
follow him. We obey’d. As we went, we met certain young Trees, who
offer’d to Sale little printed Books of curious and memorable Things.
Among the rest, I cast my Eye upon a small Book, the Title of which
was, “A full and true Account of the strange flying Dragon, that
appear’d in the Element last Year.” There did I behold myself, that is,
my Effigies engrav’d just as I appear’d when I was whirling round this
Planet with my Harpoon and my long Rope. I could not help smiling at
the Figure, and said to myself,
_Hei! qualis facies! & quali digna tabella!_
Having bought the Book for three _Kilacs_, which is equivalent to about
two Shillings of our Money, I walk’d on gravely to the Palace. Art
and Elegance seem’d to preside here, rather than Profusion and a vain
Magnificence. I observ’d the Prince had very few Attendants; for such
was his Temperance, that he had discarded whatever was superfluous. Nor
is there indeed the same Necessity for as many Servants as our Courts
require. For as many Branches as these Trees had, so many Arms; so that
the common Labours and Business of the Household could be done with at
least thrice the Expedition.
It was about Dinner-time when we arriv’d at Court: And since it was his
Highness’s Pleasure to talk with me alone, I was introduced into the
Presence-Chamber. There is in this Prince a very remarkable Mixture of
Mildness and Gravity. Such was his Steadiness, that his Countenance
was never known to have the least Cloud upon it. Seeing the Prince, I
instantly fell upon my Knees. The Courtiers were astonished at this
Adoration, and when I told his Highness (who ask’d me) the Reason why
I bent my Knee, he commanded me to rise, saying, that such a sort of
Reverence was due to the Deity alone; adding, that nothing could
obtain the Favour of the Prince but Obedience and Industry. When I
rose, he ask’d me sundry Questions,
_Qua veniam, causamq; viæ, nomenq; rogatus,
Et patriam: Patria est, respondeo, grandior Orbis.
Klimius est Nomen; veni nec puppe per undas,
Nec pede per terras; patuit mihi pervius Æther._
He then proceeded to enquire what I had met with in my Journey,
and what were the Customs and Usages of our World. After which I
proceeded to explain, as sensibly as I could, the Wit, the Virtues,
the civiliz’d Manners of the Men of our World, and every Thing that
Mankind pride themselves in. He receiv’d my Account very coldly, and
at some Things which I thought would not have rais’d his Admiration,
he perfectly yawn’d. Lord! said I to myself, how different are the
Tastes of Mortals! that what gives One the most sensible Pleasure, to
Another shall be quite nauseous! But what most offended his Highness
was the Relation I gave him of our Law-Proceedings, of the Eloquence
of our Lawyers, and the quick Dispatch of the Judges in pronouncing
Sentence. While I was endeavouring to make this still clearer to him,
he interrupted me by turning the Discourse to something else, and at
length he proceeded to an Enquiry into our Religion and Worship. I then
explain’d to him in a concise Manner, the several Articles of our
Faith; at the Recital of which he somewhat soften’d his Countenance,
attesting that he could readily subscribe to them, and he could not
chuse but wonder how a Race of People of such weak Judgments should
entertain such sound Notions of God and his Worship. But when he heard
that the Christians were divided into Sects without Number, and that
upon some Differences in Matters of Faith, People of the same Blood and
Family would cruelly persecute one another, he answer’d thus: “Among
us also there are a large Variety of different Sentiments concerning
Things pertaining to divine Worship: But one Man does not persecute
another for that. All Persecution for speculative Matters or Errors
arising from the sole Variety of our Perceptions, can spring from
nothing but Pride, one thinking himself wiser and more penetrating than
the rest. But such Pride must be highly displeasing in the Eyes of the
Supreme Being, who must be a Lover of Humility and Meekness in Mortals.
We never teaze an Assembly of Judges about any one who shall happen to
dissent from the receiv’d Opinions in Points of Speculation, provided
he does it sincerely, and also conforms in practical Matters to the
publick Worship of the Deity. And in this we pursue the Track chalk’d
out to us by our Ancestors, who always thought it inhuman to fetter
the Understanding, and tyrannize over the Conscience. In our Politicks
we extremely recommend the Observance of this Rule, so that if my
Subjects should differ about the Make of my Body, the Manner of my
Life, or about my Oeconomy or any such sort of Thing, yet at the same
time acknowledg’d me for their lawful Sovereign to whom Obedience is
due, I think them all good Subjects.” To this I reply’d, May it please
your most Serene Highness, such a Conduct would in our World be call’d
_Syncretism_, and would be highly condemned by the Learned. He did not
give me room to say any more, and seeming to be a little displeas’d
walk’d away, and commanded me to stay till Dinner was over.
His Highness sat down to Table with his Royal Consort and their Son,
together with the High Chancellor, or _Kadoki_. This same _Kadoki_
was in the first Esteem among the _Potuans_ for the Politeness of his
Manners, as well as his Prudence and Wariness. For full twenty Years
he never once gave his Sentiments in the Senate-House, but the rest
immediately came into them, nor ever decreed any thing with regard to
the Publick, but what stood firm and unshaken, so that his Decrees
were so many Axioms. But then he was so slow of Apprehension, that for
the least of them he used to require the Space of fourteen Days; and
therefore in our World he would hardly be thought fit for Business of
great Moment, where all Delay passes for Sloth and Laziness. But since
whatever he once apprehended he understood through and through, and
since he executed nothing but upon the severest Examination, hence he
might be said to do more in Reality than ten others, who mighty readily
set about Business, and are frequently styl’d Great Geniuses, but whose
Decrees must afterwards be mended, alter’d, and lick’d into Shape;
insomuch that at the Expiration of their Office, it is discover’d that
they have attempted every thing and brought nothing to Perfection.
Among the Maxims therefore of the _Potuan_ Court, this is one, That
they who are so forward at Business, are like those who walk to and fro
and tread a great deal of Ground, but gain none.
When the Family were seated, a Virgin enter’d with eight Branches
and as many Dishes, so that in a Moment the whole Table was cover’d.
Presently another Tree enter’d with eight Vessels of different Kinds
of Wine. This latter had nine Branches, and so was judg’d extremely
qualified for the domestick Business of the Court. And thus by two
Servants only this whole Affair was commodiously performed, which
in terrestrial Courts is not to be done without a perfect Army of
Servants. With the same Dexterity the Dishes were remov’d, as they had
been at first placed. It was a frugal but not inelegant Meal. Of the
whole Number of Dishes, the Sovereign confin’d himself to one. Not so
the great Ones of our Globe, who never think a Supper grand, unless one
Course of Dishes give way to a finer and more exquisite Succession.
During the Repast, the Conversation run upon Morality or Politicks; so
that even these sensual Pleasures had a Seasoning of Learning. Mention
also was made of me, whom from the Quickness of my Apprehension they
took to be _not the Wood out of which_ Mercury _was to be made_.
The Repast being ended, I was order’d to produce my Testimonial; which
being perus’d, the Prince directing his Eyes down to my Feet, said,
the _Karatti_ had judg’d right, and that so it ought to be. Quite
thunderstruck with this Answer, and overwhelm’d in Tears, I implor’d
a Revisal of the Testimonial, since upon a more intimate Scrutiny
into the Virtues of my Mind, and the Endowments of my Understanding,
I might reasonably expect a milder Judgment to be made. His Highness
being a merciful and equitable Prince, not at all incensed at this
forward and unusual Request, enjoin’d the _Karatti_ then present, to
examine me anew, and as accurately as possibly. During this Trial, the
Prince stept aside to read some other Testimonials. The Prince having
withdrawn himself, the _Karatti_ proposed a new Set of Questions to be
solv’d by me. I answer’d them with my usual Readiness; upon which he
spake thus to me: _You take a Thing presently, but not entirely; for
your Solutions shew that the Question is readily perceiv’d, but not
intimately understood_.
The Examination being finish’d, the Prince went into the
Council-Chamber, and soon return’d with a final Sentence to this
Purpose: That I had acted imprudently in calling in Question the
Judgment of _Karatti_, and that therefore I had incurr’d the Penalty
which the _third lesser Space of the fourth greater Space_ inflicts
upon Slanderers (by the greater and lesser Spaces, or _Skibal_ and
_Kibal_, they mean Books and Chapters) and that I deserv’d to undergo
the _Venæ-section_ in both my Branches, and also to be imprison’d.
The Words of the Law, _lib._ 4. _cap._ 3. concerning Defamation are
these, _Spik. antri. Flak. Shak. mak. Tabu Mihalatti Silac_. But tho’
the Sense of the Words was very clear and evident, and the Law too
sacred to be evaded, yet his most Serene Highness, by a Stretch of his
Prerogative, thought fit to pardon this Offence of mine, occasioned
through an Immaturity of Judgment, as well as Ignorance of the Law,
which could hardly be said to be infring’d by this Indulgence to me,
inasmuch as I was a Stranger and a Foreigner. And to give me a more
ample Testimony of his most gracious Favour, he appointed me one of
his Messengers in Ordinary, an Honour I ought to hold myself highly
satisfy’d with.
Immediately the _Kiva_, or Secretary, was sent for, who enroll’d my
Name in the Book of Promotions, together with the Names of several
other Candidates. This Secretary was a most extraordinary Person; for
he had eleven Pair of Branches, and could consequently write eleven
Letters all at the same Time, and with the same Ease and Expedition
that we can one; yet he had a very indifferent Judgment, upon which
Account he never could expect any farther Promotion, and so he grew old
in the same Post which he had fill’d for thirty Years. I contracted a
close Friendship with him, and indeed I could not help cultivating an
Affection for him, because all the Edicts and Letters of State, which
he wrote, I, as Messenger in Ordinary, dispers’d over the Province.
I was often astonish’d to see him execute Business with so much
Dexterity; for it was a common Thing with him to write eleven Letters
at once, and afterward seal them all in the same Instant. Among the
Blessings therefore of a Family, a large Number of Branches is reckon’d
one. And hence the Women in Child-Bed, immediately after the Birth of
the Infant, are wont to signify to the Neighbours how many Branches it
has brought into the World with it. It was reported, that the Father of
our Secretary was born with twelve, and that his Family had long been
famous for a Plurality of Branches.
The Diploma, which constituted me in my Office, being order’d to
be drawn out, I now retir’d to my Repose. But tho’ my Limbs were
excessively tir’d, yet was I not able to compose myself to Sleep.
That ignoble Employment, to which I was condemn’d, run continually in
my Head, and I thought it the greatest Debasement imaginable for one
who was a Candidate for Holy Orders, and a Bachelor of Arts in the
Upper World, to be chang’d into a vile Subterranean Court-Messenger.
With these mortifying Thoughts did I waste a great Part of the
Night, and during this Agitation, I several Times perus’d my
University-Testimonium, which I had brought with me; (for as I observ’d
above, the Night is almost as light as the Day.) At length quite jaded
with thinking, I sunk into the Arms of Sleep. But what a Variety of
Scenes presented themselves to my disturb’d Imagination! I thought I
was return’d to my own Country, and relating aloud to vast Numbers of
People all that had befel me in my subterranean Tour; presently I was
sailing in the Air again, and engag’d with the Griffin once more, who
gave me so warm a Reception, as that it wak’d me out of my Sleep. But
how was I shock’d when I beheld by my Bedside a Monkey of the largest
Size, which, by Reason of the Doors being left open, had got into my
Chamber. This unlook’d for Spectacle chill’d all my Blood, and made me
alarm the House with my Cries for Assistance. Some Trees, which lay in
the adjacent Chambers, immediately entering, disengag’d me from the
Struggle, and drove the beastly Creature away. I understood afterwards,
that this Accident afforded the Prince plentiful Matter for Laughter.
But that I might run no such Risque for the future, he gave Command
that I should be habited after the subterranean Fashion, and adorn’d
with artificial Branches. As for my _European_ Garments, they were
taken from me, and for their Novelty hung up in the Prince’s Wardrobe,
with this Inscription: “_The Dress of a superterranean Animal_.” Bless
me! said I to myself, if Master _Andrews_, the Taylor at _Bergen_, who
made this Suit, should know that his Workmanship was preserv’d among
the Curiosities of a subterranean Prince, without Doubt he would grow
vain, and think himself as great a Man as any in the City.
After this Misfortune Sleep quite forsook me. In the Morning my Diploma
was brought me, which gave me the full Powers to execute my Office.
A Multiplicity of Business pour’d in upon me soon, and carrying the
Royal Edicts and Letters to every City of his Dominions, I was the
_perpetual Motion_ itself. In these Expeditions I explor’d the Genius
of the Country, and in many Places discover’d an uncommon Measure of
Politeness and Understanding. Only the Inhabitants of the City of
_Maholki_, which were all _Brambles_, seem’d to me something rude and
uncultivated. Every Province has its peculiar Trees, or Natives of
the Place, particularly the Province of Husbandmen. Tho’ in the great
Cities, and especially in the Capital, there is a Mixture of all Sorts.
The high Sentiments I had entertain’d of the Wisdom of this People
encreased, as fast as I had fresh Opportunities of inspecting into
them. Those very Laws and Customs, which I had disapprov’d, upon mature
Reflection, extorted all my Admiration. I could easily bring a Cloud of
Instances of certain Manners and Usages, which upon a transient View
appear’d absurd, but which to the curious Enquirer, would be full of
Solidity and Wisdom. Out of a thousand I shall produce but this one,
which gives you a perfect Idea of this People. A certain Student in
Humanity stood Candidate for the vacant Mastership of a School. His
Pretensions were strengthen’d in this Manner, to wit, the Inhabitants
of the City of _Nahami_ certify’d, that the Candidate had liv’d very
quietly for four Years together with a wanton and unfaithful Wife,
and wore his Horns very patiently. The Certificate was couch’d in the
following Style: “Whereas the learned and venerable _Jocthan Hu_ has
requir’d of his Neighbours a Testimonial of his Life and Morals, We the
Citizens living in that Street or Portion of the City call’d _Posko_,
do testify, that the said _Jocthan Hu_ has liv’d in Wedlock for full
four Years with a disloyal Wife, and that without the least Noise or
Disturbance; that he has wore his Horns with a laudable Patience, and
with such Meekness, has bore this Misfortune, that we judge him highly
worthy to succeed to the vacant Mastership, if his Learning be but
equal to his Morals. Given under our Hands this 10th Day of the Month
_Palm_, in the 3000ndth Year after the great Deluge.”
To this Recommendation was annex’d a Testimonial from the Seminary of
the _Karatti_, of his Learning and Studies, which seem’d to be more
to the Purpose. For what great Merit Cuckoldom had to bear the Bell
from all other Doctors, I could not readily apprehend. But here lay
the Sense and Meaning of this strange Testimonial, _viz._ Among the
Virtues that principally recommend a Teacher, Moderation is one. For
with all his Pomp of Learning, unless he has an invincible Patience,
he must be but indifferently qualify’d for the Scholastick Employment,
which should be exercised without Severity or Passion, lest by untimely
Corrections the Minds of the Youths should be harden’d. And since a
greater Instance of Moderation could hardly be given, than this of the
Candidate, therefore his Neighbours insisted chiefly on this Argument,
as every Thing was to be hop’d for from a Teacher so renown’d for this
necessary Virtue. It is said his Majesty laugh’d immoderately at so
unusual a Recommendation, but since it was far from being absurd, he
conferr’d the vacant Mastership upon the Petitioner. And in Effect, he
understood and discharg’d his Duty with such Address, and so engag’d
his Pupils by his Mildness and Clemency, that they regarded him rather
as a Parent than a Tutor, and such was their Passion for Learning under
such soft and gentle Government, that thro’ the whole Dominions there
were few Schools that annually sent out such eminent, learned and
civiliz’d Trees.
As during the several Years of my Employment, I had frequent
Opportunities of inspecting into the Nature of the Soil, into the
Genius and Manners of the People, into their Policy, Religion, Laws and
Studies, I hope it will not be unacceptable to the Reader, if I collect
into one View what he will meet with separately throughout the whole
Book.
CHAP. V.
_Of the Nature of the Country, and the
Manners of the People._
The _Potuan_ Empire is of no very great Extent. The whole Globe
is call’d _Nazar_, and is about two hundred _German_ Miles in
Circumference. A Traveller may easily go round it without a Guide,
for the same Language obtains every where, tho’ the _Potuans_ differ
greatly in their Customs and Manners from the other States and
Principalities. And as in our World the _Europeans_ excel the rest of
Mankind, so the _Potuans_ are distinguished by their superior Virtue
and Wisdom from the rest of the Globe. The high Roads, at proper
Distances, are adorn’d with Stones, that mark the Miles, and abound
with Directing-Posts, which shew the Ways and Turnings to every City
and Village. It is indeed a very memorable Circumstance, and worthy of
Admiration, that the same Language is spoke every where, altho’ the
several Kingdoms differ so widely in other Respects, namely, in their
Manners, Understanding, Customs, and Condition, that we see here all
that Variety which Nature delights in, and which does not only simply
move or affect the Traveller, but even throws him into an Extasy of
Wonder.
There are also Seas and Rivers which bear Vessels, whose Oars seem to
be mov’d by a Kind of magick Impulse, for they are not work’d by the
Labour of the Arm, but by Machines like our Clock-work. The Nature of
this Device I cannot explain, as being not well vers’d in Mechanicks;
and besides, these Trees contrive every Thing with such Subtilty, that
no Mortal without the Eyes of _Argus_, or the Power of Divination, can
arrive at the Secret. This Globe, like ours, has a triple Motion,
so that the Seasons here, namely, those of Day and Night, Winter and
Summer, Spring and Autumn, are distinguish’d like ours; also towards
the Poles it grows colder. As to Light, here is little Difference
between Day and Night, for the Reasons before assign’d. Nay, the Night
may be thought more grateful than the Day; for nothing can be conceiv’d
more bright and splendid, than that Light which the solid Firmament
receives from the Sun, and reflects back upon the Planet, insomuch that
it looks, (if I may be allow’d the Expression) like one universal Moon.
The Inhabitants consist of various Species of Trees, as Oaks, Limes,
Poplars, Palms, Brambles, _&c._ from whence the sixteen Months, into
which the subterranean Year is divided, have their Names. For every
sixteenth Month the Planet _Nazar_ returns to its first Station, yet
not upon the same Day, upon account of the Inequality of its Motion;
for just like our Moon, by its manifold _Phases_, it perplexes the
_Literati_ of the Firmament. Their Dates or Æras of Time are various;
these they fix from some memorable Circumstance, and particularly from
the great Comet which appear’d 3000 Years ago, and is said to have
caus’d an universal Deluge, in which the whole Race of Trees, and
other Animals perish’d, except a few which on the Tops of Mountains
escap’d the general Wreck, and from whom the present Inhabitants are
descended. The Soil abounds with Corn, Herbs, and Pulse; and produces
all the Fruits of _Europe_, except Oats, of which there is no Want,
since there are no Horses. The Seas and Lakes afford delicious Fish,
and the Shoars and Banks are adorn’d with the most entertaining Variety
of Villages, some contiguous, and some divided. The Liquor they drink
is extracted from certain Herbs which flourish all the Year. The
Venders of this Liquor are call’d _Minhalpi_, that is, Herb-Dressers,
who in every City are restrained to a certain Number, and who alone
have the Privilege of preparing it. Those who enjoy this Advantage, are
commanded to abstain from all other Business or lucrative Employment.
In particular it is provided, that those who already are in any publick
Offices, or who have Salaries from the Government, shall never concern
themselves in this Branch of Trade; because these by their Power and
Authority in the City might monopolize the Business, and be able to
undersel the rest, from the Revenues they already enjoy. An Artifice
often practised by the Courtiers and great Men of our World, who in the
Shape of Merchants or Jobbers, become immensely rich.
Their Populousness is mightily promoted by a certain salutary Law
concerning Procreation; for according to the Number of Children, their
Privileges and Immunities are increas’d or diminish’d. He who is
the Father of six Children is exempted from all Taxes, ordinary and
extraordinary. Hence a numerous Issue is deem’d as advantageous there
as it is hurtful and inconvenient in our World, where often a Tax is
impos’d in the Way of Capitation. No one here fills two Posts at once,
because they are of Opinion, that the least Employment requires the
whole Activity of the Soul. And therefore, with the Leave of my fellow
Creatures, I must say, that Business is better done with them than with
us. So sacred is the Observance of this Law, that a Physician does not
direct his Studies to the whole Circle of Physick, but bends all his
Application to the Nature and Cure of one only Disorder. A Musician
plays upon only one Instrument, quite otherwise than it is upon our
Earth, where by the Variety of our Pretensions, Humanity is trampled
on, Bitternesses increase, and our Duty is neglected; and where, by
aiming at every Thing, we do nothing to good Purpose. Thus a Physician,
while he affects to rectify the Disorders of the State, as well as
those of the Body, performs neither well. Thus, if another will be both
a Senator and a Musician, we can expect nothing but Discord. We are apt
to admire such daring Spirits as fly at all Things, who mix officiously
in Matters of the highest Concern, and think there is nothing they are
unfit for. But it is all Rashness, Presumption, and a total Want of
Sense of their own Strength, that we thus blindly admire. Did they
but thoroughly know the Weight of publick Office, and the Shortness
of their own Abilities, they would reject the offer’d Honours, and
tremble at the Sound. No one here undertakes the least Employment
_invita Minerva_. I remember to have heard an illustrious Philosopher,
by Name _Rakhasi_, descanting upon this Subject, and thus expressing
himself: “Every one of us should be acquainted with his own Abilities,
and be the strictest Judge of his own Virtues and Vices; otherwise
Stage-Players will appear to have more Wisdom than we; for they do not
chuse the finest Parts, but those that are the fittest for them. And
shall a Player see that on a Stage, which a wise Man cannot see in
Life?”
The Natives of this Empire are not divided into Nobles and Commons.
Formerly indeed this Distinction obtain’d. But when the Sovereigns
observ’d that the Seeds of Discord sprang from hence, they wisely
removed all such Privileges as were deriv’d from Birth, so that
Virtue alone is now the Test of Honour; and this will appear plainer
hereafter. The sole Preheminence of Birth consists in a Plurality of
Branches. The Offspring is accounted Noble or Ignoble, according to the
Plenty or Want of those, for this Reason, because the greater Plenty
they have, the fitter they are for all manual Operations.
Enough has been said in the foregoing Part of this Work concerning the
Genius and Manners of this People; and therefore referring the Readers
to those Passages, I conclude this Chapter, and proceed to some other
Particulars.
CHAP. VI.
_Of the Religion of the_ Potuan _Nation_.
The _Potuan_ System of Religion lies in a narrow Compass, and contains
a Confession of Faith, something longer than our Apostles Creed. It
is prohibited here, under Pain of Banishment to the Firmament, to
comment upon the sacred Books. And if any presume to dispute about
the Essence and Atrributes of God, or about the Nature of Spirits and
Souls, he is condemn’d to the _Venæ-section_, and then confin’d in the
publick _Bedlam_. For they think it the height of Folly to offer to
describe or define those Things, to which the human Mind is as blind
as the Eyes of an Owl to the Light of the Sun. They are all unanimous
in adoring one Supreme Being, by whose Almighty Power all Things were
created, and by whose Providence they subsist. Let but this Principle
be uncontroverted, and they never molest any one for entertaining
different Sentiments concerning a Method of Worship. Those alone who
openly attack this Religion, as by Law established, are regarded as
Disturbers of the publick Tranquillity. Hence I had the free Exercise
of my own Religion, nor suffer’d the least Affront upon that Account.
The _Potuans_ pray but seldom, but then it is with great Ardency,
insomuch that they seem to be in an Extasy. And when I related that we
pray and sing Psalms very often while employ’d about the common Affairs
of Life, the _Potuans_ thought it a vicious Custom, replying, that an
earthly Sovereign would take it extremely ill, to see any one humbly
approaching him with a Petition, and at the same Time brushing his
Cloaths, or buckling his Hair. Nor had they a much greater Relish for
our Hymns, and Anthems, as holding it ridiculous to express Grief and
Penitence in musical Measures, since the Displeasure of the Deity is
to be appeas’d by Sighs and Tears of real Sorrow, not by the Artifice
of Tunes and Instruments. This and more I heard, but not without some
Indignation, especially as my own Father of blessed Memory, who was
once Chanter of a Cathedral, had compos’d several Anthems in Vogue to
this Day, and as I myself intended once to have stood for a vacant
Chantership. But I stifled my Resentment; for the Subterraneans so
strenuously defend their Opinions, and so speciously set every Thing
out to View, that it is no easy Matter to refute even the plainest of
their Errors. There were also several other Opinions upon religious
Subjects, which they maintained with the same Art, and Appearance of
Truth. Thus, when I had often observ’d to some Acquaintance, that they
could hope for no Salvation after Death, as living in utter Darkness,
they reply’d, That those who were so free of dealing Damnation to
others, run the greatest Risque of it themselves; that the Source of
all that, is Arrogance, which God must hate and disallow; and that to
condemn the Judgment of others, and to use Force to convince them,
was the same Thing as to assume the whole Light of Reason; which
is just the Conduct of Fools, who think that they alone are wise.
Moreover, when I was proving a certain Opinion, and had oppos’d to my
Adversary’s Reasonings the Dictates of my own Conscience, he extol’d my
Argument, and desir’d me still to persist in following those Dictates
of Conscience, as he himself would always do; for that then, every one
following the Testimony of his Conscience, all Contention would cease,
and much Matter of Controversy be cut off.
Among other religious Mistakes maintained by the People of this Globe,
were these: They did not deny that good Actions were rewarded, and bad
ones punish’d by God; but then they thought that Branch of Justice,
consisting in the Distribution of Rewards and Punishments took Place
only in a future State. I brought various Examples of such as for
their Impieties had been punish’d in this Life; but they alledg’d as
many opposite Examples of very wicked Trees, who yet were as fortunate
as they were wicked to the End of their Lives. In a Dispute, said
they, we are too apt to borrow only those Weapons, and attend to only
those Instances, which make for our Purpose and strengthen our Cause,
overlooking and disregarding such as might injure it. With that I
instanc’d in myself, by shewing that many who had injur’d me came to
a miserable End. In Answer they urg’d, that all this proceeded from
Self-Love, from my over-weening Opinion, that in the Eyes of the
Supreme Being I was of more Consequence, than many others, who, like
me, had suffered the severest Injuries undeservedly, and yet had beheld
their Persecutors bless’d and prosperous to the last Day of their
Lives. Again, when accidentally I was commending the Practice of daily
Prayer, they reply’d, That indeed they did not deny the Necessity of
Prayer, but that they were thoroughly persuaded that the truest Piety
consisted in a practical Observance of the divine Law. To prove this,
they borrow’d an Argument from a Prince, or Lawgiver: This Prince has
two Sorts of Subjects; some are continually offending and transgressing
his Laws thro’ Infirmity or Contumacy; and yet these shall be found
continually haunting the Court to procure Pardon for Faults, to be
repeated as soon as pardon’d. Others approach the Court very rarely,
but remaining peaceable at Home, are habitual Observers of their
Sovereign’s Laws. Who can doubt but that he must think this latter Sort
more worthy of his Favour, and regard the first as bad Subjects and
troublesome Creatures?
In these and the like Controversies was I often engag’d, tho’ without
Success; for I was able to bring nobody over to my Way of thinking.
And therefore omitting all other religious Disputes, I shall only give
you their general and most observable Doctrines, leaving it to the
intelligent Reader to applaud or censure them as he shall judge best.
The _Potuans_ believe in one God, Omnipotent, Creator and Preserver
of all Things, whose Omnipotence and Unity they demonstrate from this
ample and harmonious Creation. And since they are admirably skill’d in
the Study of Nature, they have such magnificent and exalted Sentiments
of the Nature and Attributes of the Deity, that they look upon it as a
Defect in the Understanding to attempt to define what transcends their
Capacities. The Year is distinguish’d by five Festival Days; the first
of which is celebrated with the utmost Devotion in such obscure Places
as that no Rays of Light can pierce them, indicating by this, that the
Being they adore is incomprehensible. There the Worshipers remain
almost immoveable, from the Rising to the Setting of the Sun, as tho’
they were in an Extasy. This high Day is called, _the Day of the
incomprehensible God_, and it falls on the first Day of the Month of
_Oaks_. The other Festivals are celebrated at four other Seasons of the
Year, and were instituted to return Thanks to God for the Blessings of
his Providence. The Absentees, unless they are able to give very just
Reasons for their Absence, are deem’d bad Subjects, and live totally
disregarded. The Publick Forms of Prayer are so devis’d, as not to
regard the People who pray, but the Welfare of the Prince or the State.
None prays in Publick for himself. The Design of which Institution
is, that the _Potuans_ may believe that the Happiness of Individuals
is so closely connected with that of the Publick, that they cannot
be separated. None are compell’d by Force or by Fines to attend the
Publick Worship, for as they are of Opinion that Piety consists chiefly
in Love, and as Experience teaches them that Love is dampt and not
inflam’d by Force, therefore it must be an unprofitable and a wicked
Thing, to use Compulsion in the Case of Religion. This Point they thus
illustrate. Should a Husband desire a reciprocal Affection from his
Consort, and should he hope to conquer her Coldness and Indifference
by Blows, he would be so far from kindling up her Love by this Method,
that her Indifference would increase, and end in Abhorence and
Detestation.
These are some of the principal Doctrines of the _Potuan_ Divinity,
which to some must appear like mere natural Religion; and so indeed
it did at first to me. But they assert that all was divinely reveal’d
to them, and that some Ages ago they receiv’d a Book which contain’d
their System of Faith and Practice. Formerly, say they, our Ancestors
liv’d contented with the Religion of Nature only; but Experience taught
them, that the sole Light of Nature was insufficient, since all those
noble Principles thro’ the Sloth and Carelesness of some were forgot,
and thro’ an airy Philosophy of others, (nothing being able to check
their licentious Career) were utterly deprav’d and corrupted. Hereupon
God gave them a written Law. Hence it appears how great is their Error,
who obstinately deny the Necessity of a Revelation. For my Part, I
freely own, that many Points of this Theology seem’d to me, if not
Praise-worthy, yet by no Means to be despised. To some I could not
assent. But one Thing there is deserving all our Admiration, namely,
that in Times of War the Conquerors, returning from the Field, instead
of that Joy and Triumph with which we celebrate Victories, and sing
_Te Deum_, pass some Days in deep Silence, as if they were ashamed
of having been obliged to shed Blood. Therefore there is very little
Mention of military Affairs in the Subterranean Annals, which are
chiefly Records of Civil Matters, such as their Laws, Institutions, and
Foundations.
CHAP. VII.
_Of their Policy._
In the _Potuan_ Empire an hereditary, and indeed lineal Succession
has flourish’d for a full Thousand Years; and the same is at this
Day religiously observ’d. Their Annals indeed discover, that in one
Instance they departed from this Order of Succession. For since right
Reason seem’d to require, that Rulers should excel their Subjects
in Wisdom and all the Endowments of the Mind, hence it was thought
necessary that Virtue should be more regarded than Birth, and that
he should be elected for their Sovereign, who should be thought the
most excellent and worthy among the Subjects. Upon this the ancient
Succession being laid aside, the supreme Power by the general Voice was
conferr’d upon a Philosopher, nam’d _Rabbacku_. At first he govern’d
with such Prudence and with such Mildness, that he seem’d a Pattern
for succeeding Princes. But these happy Times were but of short
Duration; and the _Potuans_ were too late convinc’d of the Falshood
of that Maxim, which holds, “That the Kingdom is happy, where a
Philosopher is at the Helm.” For since the new Sovereign was rais’d
from the meanest Fortune to the Height of Power, his Virtues and all
his Arts of Government could not procure or maintain that Veneration,
that Respect, that Majesty, which is the great Support of a Monarch’s
Power. Those who but lately had been his Equals or Superiors, could
hardly be brought to bow to an Equal or Inferior, or to pay the new
Prince that Measure of Obedience due from Subjects to their Rulers;
and therefore when any strict or troublesome Commands were laid upon
them, they murmur’d loud, and never regarded what the Prince then was,
but what he was before his Exaltation. Hence he was forc’d to have
Recourse to submissive Flatteries; and even this availed not; for after
these Submissions, being obliged to issue out his Commands and Edicts,
they were still receiv’d with Frowns and with Reluctance. _Rabbacku_
then perceiving, that other Means were necessary to keep the Subjects
to their Duty, from a mild and popular Behaviour, he now chang’d his
Measures, and treated his People with Severity. But alas! by this
Extream, those Sparks which lay conceal’d under the Ashes, now broke
into an open Flame; the Subjects rose in Arms against their Prince, and
one Rebellion not thoroughly subdued and laid asleep, was the Beginning
of another. The Monarch finding at length that the Government could
no longer subsist but under a Sovereign of illustrious Descent, whose
high Birth might extort a Veneration from the People, made a voluntary
Abdication of the Empire in Favour of the Prince, who in Right of Birth
should have succeeded. The ancient Family being thus restor’d, Peace
was restor’d with it, and all those Storms, which had shatter’d the
Vessel of the Commonwealth, at once subsided. From that Time it was
made Capital to attempt any Innovation in the Order of Succession.
The Empire therefore is now hereditary, and probably will remain
so till Time shall be no more, unless the most urgent and extreme
Necessity oblige them to deviate from this Rule. Mention is made in the
_Potuan_ Annals, of a Philosopher who devis’d an Expedient to break
thro’ this Law. His Counsel was not to set aside the Royal Family,
but to make Choice of that Son of the deceas’d Sovereign, be it elder
or younger, whose Virtues were more eminent, and who should be deem’d
most equal to the Weight. This Philosopher, having propos’d this Law,
submitted himself (according to the Custom of his Country) to the usual
Test, namely, to have his Neck in a Halter, while they were debating
about the Utility of the propos’d Law. The Senate being assembled, and
the Votes cast up, the Proposal was condemn’d as a Thing detrimental to
the Commonwealth. They believ’d it would be the Source of perpetual
Troubles, and would sow the Seeds of Discord between the Royal Progeny;
that therefore it was more advisable for the old Law to take Place, and
that the Right of Dominion should still devolve upon the First-Born,
altho’ the younger Issue might excel in the Endowments of the Mind. The
Law therefore not passing, the Projector was strangled. And these are
the only Species of Criminals that are punish’d with Death. For the
_Potuans_ are persuaded, that every Change or Reformation, however well
digested, gives Occasion to Disturbance and Commotion, and puts the
whole State into a fluctuating and unsettled Condition; but if it be a
rash and ill-digested Alteration, it is followed with inevitable Ruin.
The Power of the _Potuan_ Monarchs, altho’ subject to no Laws, is yet
rather a paternal than a regal Power. For being naturally Lovers of
Justice, Power, and Liberty, Things totally incompatible elsewhere, do
here go Hand in Hand.
Among the Laws of this Kingdom, the most salutary is that by which the
Princes endeavour to preserve an Equality between the Subjects, that
is, as far as the Nature of Government will admit. You see here no
different Ranks and Titles of Honour. Inferiors obey their Superiors,
and the Younger the Elder; and this is all.
The subterranean Memoirs shew, that some Ages ago such Classes of
Dignities were in use, and that they were establish’d by Law; but it
appear’d that they were the Source of infinite Disorders. It was an
intolerable Evil, for an elder Brother to give Place to his younger,
or a Parent to his Child; so that at length each shunning the other’s
Company, it put a Stop to all Conversation and good Fellowship. But
these were not the only Grievances. For in Process of Time it came
to that Pass, that the more noble and worthy Trees, whom Nature had
bless’d with the strongest Capacities, and with the greatest Number of
Branches, were seated in the lowest Places at Feasts and Assemblies.
For no Tree of real Virtue and intrinsick Worth, could bring himself
to sue for a Title or Mark of Preheminence, which from his Soul he
despis’d. And on the contrary, the more profligate and worthless Sort
of Trees would incessantly teaze their Royal Master with Petitions,
till they had even extorted a Title that might in a Manner hide the
Poverty of their Nature, and be a Skreen for their Vices. Hence it came
to pass, that Titles were at last look’d upon as certain Indications
of the vilest Trees. Their Festivals and solemn Meetings, were, to
Strangers, a Spectacle the most absurd that can be imagin’d. There
might they behold Brambles and Bushes in the most honourable Seats,
while the lofty Cedar and the noble Oak, each of whom Nature had
adorn’d with ten or twelve Tire of Branches, took the remotest and
most obscure Seats. Even the Ladies had Titles; they were Counsellors
of the Houshold, Counsellors of State, Counsellors of Court. And this
blew up the Coals of Discord more in that weaker Sex than in the other.
To such an Excess this vain Ambition rose, that they to whom Nature
had been so unkind, as to afford them no more than two or three Pair
of Branches, even they absurdly affected the Title of _Trees of ten or
twelve Branches_. This Vanity is just as ridiculous, as if the most
deform’d Monster in Nature should affect to pass for a Beauty, or a
Man of the meanest Original give himself the Airs of a Man of Quality.
When this Evil had arriv’d to its highest Pitch, and the whole Kingdom
upon the Brink of being ruin’d, every Mortal grasping at empty Names,
and dishonourable Titles, a certain Native of _Keba_ had the Hardiness
to propose a Law for the abolishing this Custom. This same Person was,
according to the usual Custom, brought into the _Forum_, with a Halter
about his Neck. The Senate being set, and proceeding to vote, the
Proposal passed without any open Opposition, and was judg’d useful to
the Commonwealth. Upon this he was crown’d with a Garland of Flowers,
and led into the City in Triumph, amidst the Shouts and Acclamations
of the Populace. And when in Process of Time it was discover’d how
advantageous the Repeal of these Laws was, the Projector was advanc’d
to the Honour of _Kadoki_, or High Chancellor.
Ever since this Time, the Law for preserving this Equality among the
Subjects, has been inviolably observ’d. Yet the Repeal did not put a
Stop to all Emulation; for every one now endeavour’d to shine by true
Virtue and real Merit. It appears from the Annals of this Empire, that
from that Time to this, has been but one Projector who twice attempted
to revive the Distinction of Dignities; but for his first Effort he
was condemn’d to the _Venæ-section_, and since he persisted in his
Attempt, he was banish’d to the Firmament. Now therefore no Ranks or
Titles of Honour obtain here, only the supreme Magistrate declares
some Professions to be nobler than others, by which Declaration,
notwithstanding, nobody has a Right of assuming the chief Seats in
publick Assemblies. This small Difference we find in the Edicts and
Letters mandatory of the Sovereign, which generally end with these
Words: “We command and enjoin all Husbandmen, Inventors of Machines for
the Manufactures, Merchants, Tradesmen, Philosophers, Officers of the
Court, _&c._”
I was inform’d, that in the Archives of the Prince, this Catalogue of
Honour was preserv’d.
1. Those who had assisted the Government with their Wealth and Fortunes
in its greatest Streights.
2. Officers who serve _gratis_ and without Salary or Pension.
3. Husbandmen of eight Branches and upwards.
4. Husbandmen of seven Branches and under.
5. Inventors or Erectors of Machines for Manufactures.
6. Operators who exercise the more necessary Callings and Employments.
7. Philosophers and graduate Doctors of both Sexes.
8. Artisans.
9. Merchants.
10. Officers of the Court, with a Salary of 500 _Rupats_.
11. Officers of the Court, with a Salary of 1000 _Rupats_.
This Series of Honours seem’d very ridiculous to me, as it must to
everyone of our Globe. I guess’d indeed at some of the Reasons for
this inverted Order, what Foundation it was grounded on, and by what
Arguments the Subterraneans would defend it. But I confess upon the
whole it was a Paradox I could not comprehend.
Among other Things worthy of Observation, I remark’d the following: The
more Benefit any one receiv’d from the Government, with a proportional
Modesty and Humility he carry’d himself. Thus I frequently saw
_Bospolak_, the richest Man in the _Potuan_ Dominions, receive all he
met with such Condescension, that he lower’d all his Branches, and by
inclining his Head, testify’d to every common Tree his grateful Sense
of the Publick Favours. Upon my asking the Reason, I was told, that
thus it ought to be, since upon no Subject more Benefits were confer’d,
and that therefore he was the greatest Debtor to the Commonwealth.
Not that he was oblig’d by any Law to this Condescension; but as
the _Potuans_ in general act wisely and judiciously, so they make
a voluntary Virtue of it, holding themselves bound to use such a
Behaviour as Gratitude would dictate; far otherwise than it is with
us, where those, whom their Country has loaded with Wealth and Titles,
receive their Inferiors with a lofty and contemptuous Air.
But the most deserving Subjects of all, and who receive the most
universal Honour and Respect, are the Parents of a numerous Offspring.
These are the Heroes of the Subterranean World, and their Memory is
held sacred with Posterity. They are also the only Persons upon whom
the Name of +Great+ is conferr’d. Not so with us; where the Destroyers
of Mankind are complimented with that Title. One may easily guess
what Sentiments they would entertain here of _Alexander the Great_
and _Julius Cæsar_, each of whom having slain their Millions, died
without Offspring. I remember to have seen at _Keba_ this Epitaph of a
Husbandman: “_Here lies Jochtan the Great, Father of thirty Children,
the Heroe of his Time_.” It must be observ’d, that in order to acquire
this Glory, the mere Procreation of Children is not alone sufficient,
unless they be also liberally and virtuously educated.
In the enacting Laws, they proceed with a Deliberation equal to that
of the old _Romans_. The Proposal of a new Law is fix’d upon all the
Courts and Places of Resort through out the City. The Citizens are
free to examine it, and send their Sentiments and Advices upon it to
_the College of Wise Men_, instituted for this very Purpose. Here
every Thing is weigh’d that concerns the enacting, the disannulling,
approving, correcting, limiting, or extending this Law. And when it
has thus gone through all this Trial and Examination, it is offer’d to
the Prince for his Consent and Authority. This Delay may seem absurd
to some; but the Consequence of this Caution is, that their Laws are
immortal; and I have been inform’d, that not one of their Laws for
these five hundred Years past has suffer’d the least Alteration.
In the Custody of the Sovereign, there is a List of the most worthy and
valuable Trees, together with Certificates of their Learning from the
_Karatti_, and of their Life and Morals from their Neighbours. Hence
the Republick are never in Want of proper Persons to fill the vacant
Offices. It is particularly worth remarking, that no one has a Right or
Freedom to live in any City or Village without a Certificate from the
Place they came from, and Security for their future Behaviour.
A Law once enacted by publick Authority, all future canvassing and
criticising upon it is prohibited upon Pain of Death. So that in their
Politicks, their Liberty seems to be more restrained than in their
Religion. The Reason they assign is this: “If any one err in Matters of
Faith and Speculation, at his own Peril he errs; but if any one call
in Question the establish’d Laws, or endeavour to pervert the Sense of
them by some new Gloss or Interpretation, he is an Enemy to Society.”
Something has already been said of the State and Oeconomy of the Court.
It has been observ’d, that the _Kadoki_, or High Chancellor, is the
Supreme Officer. Next to him is the _Smirian_, or High Treasurer. This
Post was in my Time discharg’d by a Widow of seven Branches, call’d
_Rahagna_, who for her eminent Integrity and other great Endowments,
was advanced to an Office of that Weight and Trust. Long had she
presided at the Head of the Treasury, even many Years before the Death
of her Husband, who, tho’ extremely well vers’d in the State of the
Finances, yet was entirely ruled by the Counsels and Authority of his
Wife, and never ventur’d to act upon his own Judgment; hence he was
more her Official or Deputy than her Husband. The Edicts and Ordinances
indeed were issued out in his Name, as often as she was hindred, by
Lyings-in, or any other Malady; yet nothing was esteem’d firm and
authentic till her Subscription or Seal was affixed to it. _Rahagna_
had two Brothers, one of which was Butler, and the other Butcher to
the Court; nor, tho’ they had a Sister in the highest Exaltation, did
they dare to aim at any Thing greater by Reason of the Poverty and
Slenderness of their Abilities: With so much Equity are Preferments
here distributed.
This Lady, tho’ ingag’d in the most arduous Affairs of the Kingdom, yet
at the same Time suckled an Infant she was deliver’d of soon after the
Death of her Husband. This I thought was too troublesome and too mean
an Employment for so great a Matron. And upon my giving my Opinion,
they reply’d in this Manner: “Can you imagine that Nature has given
Breasts to Women only as a softer Ornament, and not rather for the
Nourishment of their Offspring? The Quality of the Milk, and the Temper
of the Nurse, go farther than we imagine, in forming the Disposition
of the Infant. And Mothers who disdain to nourish their own Issue,
dissolve one of the finest and strongest Ties of Nature.” And hence
there is hardly a Lady throughout all these Dominions but suckles her
own Children.
The Heir apparent of the Crown was a Youth of six Years old, in whom
’twas easy to discover the Seeds of many great and shining Virtues.
Nature had been so liberal, as to adorn him with six Pair of Branches;
an uncommon Circumstance in that tender Age. His Preceptor, the wisest
Tree in all the Empire, instructed him in the Knowledge of the Creator,
in History, in Mathematicks and moral Philosophy. I obtain’d a Sight
of that Moral System or Political Compendium, which he compos’d for
the Use of his Pupil. The Title of it was, _Mahalda Libab helil_,
which in the Subterranean Language signifies _a Key to Government_. It
consists of a Collection of Precepts and Maxims, the most solid and
advantageous; some of which I yet perfectly remember, and shall here
set them down.
* * * * *
1. Aspersions or Encomiums are not hastily to be credited; but the
Judgment is to be suspended, till an indubitable Knowledge can be
procur’d.
2. When any one is accus’d and convicted of a Crime, it should be
examin’d what Good the Delinquent has ever done; thus his good Actions
being compar’d with his bad, let Reason interpose and pronounce
Sentence.
3. Those Counsellors who are given to Contradiction and Contest, the
Sovereign may safely confide in as the heartiest Subjects; for no one
will expose themselves to Danger, but those to whom the Welfare of
their Country is dearer than their private Safety.
4. Let none but large estated Men compose the Senate. Their Advantage
is united with the Publick Advantage: Whereas those who possess but a
moveable Estate, look upon the Kingdom not as their Country, but as an
Inn, and themselves as Travellers.
5. The Prince may make use of the Ministry or Agency of bad Men, if
they should happen to be fit for a particular Business, but never
load them with uncommon Favours; for if a wicked or an obnoxious Man
be receiv’d into Favour, the worst of Subjects will rise under his
Patronage, and work themselves into Office.
6. Let him most of all suspect those, who perpetually haunt the Court:
Such either have committed, or are prepar’d to commit the most daring
Things.
7. Let him be very backward to reward those who are most impatient of
Honours. For as no one begs an Alms till oppress’d with Poverty and
Hunger, so none insatiably haunt after Dignities, but who despair to
rise by real Merit and Virtue.
8. The eighth Precept is indeed a very useful one, but what I could
not be pleas’d with upon Account of the odious Example with which it
was illustrated. The Precept is this: No Subject is to be consider’d
as altogether useless; none are so dull but may be made subservient
to some good Purpose, nay even may be made to excel in some Point.
For Instance, one excels in Judgment, another in Ingenuity; one’s
Excellence shall be in the Mind, another’s in the Body; this shall make
a good Judge, that a better Advocate. One shall have a vast Power of
Invention, another shall labour at the Execution of a Thing; insomuch,
that there are few entirely unprofitable. That some Creatures indeed
seem so, is not the Fault of the Creator, but of those who will not
perceive or enquire where their chief Strength lies, and follow that
Clue. This Position he thus illustrated. We have seen, says he, in
this our Age, one of the Superterranean Animals, who, by the unanimous
Suffrage of all was deem’d as an unprofitable Load upon the Earth, by
reason of that Quickness and Forwardness of his Judgment; but yet we
see his great Swiftness of Foot is of no small Service to us. Upon
reading this Paragraph, I could not help saying, _This is a very honest
Preface, but a scandalous Conclusion_.
9. It is of no small Importance to a Prince who would know the Arts of
governing, to be very nice and cautious in the Choice of a Preceptor to
the Heir of his Dominions. Let him therefore chuse one of remarkable
Piety, and eminent Learning, since from the Institution of the future
Successor, the Welfare of the State must be determin’d. What we learn
in the tender Age of Life, passes into Nature. Hence it is necessary,
that the young Prince’s Tutor should be a Lover of his Country, that
he may instil into his Prince a Love for his Subjects, the first and
principal Mark that all his Precepts should be aim’d at.
10. ’Tis necessary the Prince should study the Genius of his
Government, and conform to it; and if he would correct the Disorders of
his Subjects, let him do it rather from his own Example than the Laws.
——_Velocius & citius nos
Corrumpunt vitiorum exempla domestica, magnis
Cum subeant animos autoribus._
11. Let none be suffer’d to be idle, since such are a dead Weight upon
their Country. By constant Industry and Toil, the Republick rises into
Strength and Power; nor is there any Room left for pernicious Counsels
and Contrivances against the State. And therefore it is safer for the
State to allow the Subjects their insignificant Diversions, than to
indulge them in a Laziness, which would be a Source of Conspiracies.
12. Let the Prince preserve Peace among his Subjects; however, it would
not be amiss to encourage an Emulation among his Counsellors, as it
leads to the Discovery of Truth. A skilful Judge will often extract the
Truth from the Passions of the Advocates.
13. He would act wisely, if in Affairs of the last Moment he heard the
Sentiments of every Member of the Senate, and that, rather apart than
when conven’d. For in a full Senate, where Opinions are openly given,
it often falls out that the most fluent Speaker bears all before him
with a Torrent of Eloquence, and so the Sovereign hears but one Opinion.
14. Punishments are not less necessary than Rewards: The first puts
a Stop to Evil, as the latter encourages Good. Hence it may not be
wrong even to reward a bad Subject for a good Action, if it were only,
that others may thereby be whetted up and incited to do their Duty
vigorously.
15. In Promotions to Honours and publick Posts, let Regard be had
principally to the Person’s Dexterity and Adroitness for that
particular Employment. Though Piety and Integrity are of themselves
most commendable Virtues, yet ’tis possible we may be deceiv’d by
their Appearance. Every one would affect a Sanctity of Behaviour, if
he knew that this Shew of Virtue was the Road to Honours; and would
in Words profess the utmost Probity and Uprightness, with the same
View. Besides, it is no easy Matter to form a Judgment of a Person’s
Virtues, till he is admitted to Employment, in which, as upon a Stage,
he is to exhibit Specimens of his Virtues. But nothing is easier than
to make Experiment of any one’s Aptness for Business before-hand. It
is infinitely harder for the Stupid and the Ignorant to conceal their
Stupidity and Ignorance, than for a Hypocrite to cover his Impiety,
or a Knave his Roguery. Besides, great Abilities and much Virtue are
not so very opposite but they may be often found united in the same
Character. And if a Person of large Abilities be at the same Time
honest and virtuous, nothing more can be wanting. An Ignorant is either
good or bad; if bad, who knows what Monsters Ignorance and Wickedness
in Conjunction produce? If good, his very Dulness must indubitably
hinder the Exercise of his Virtues. And if he of himself neither can
nor dare attempt the Commission of some atrocious Crime, yet the
Servant, whose Assistance he must make use of, in all Likelihood may.
A foolish Landlord has commonly a roguish Bailiff, and a dull Justice
a knavish Clerk, who fearlesly commits Frauds and Errors under the
Protection of his Master. In Promotions therefore, let Dexterity be the
principal Thing regarded.
16. Let none be hastily censur’d as ambitious, for aiming at an
Employment he is in Reality unfit for, or for that Reason excluded
from all Hopes of Preferment. For if, in the Distribution of publick
Honours, the Prince should happen to adhere to this Rule too closely,
the most Ambitious will soon put on the Mask of Humility, as a safer
Road and a shorter Cut to Preferment. And thus the Sovereign would,
contrary to his Inclination, prefer the most forward Worshippers of
Fortune, as being to all Appearance the most humble; that is, he would
prefer those, who about the Time of any Vacancy pretend to fly from
Court and retire into the Shade, giving out by their Friends that
they are averse to Grandeur. To illustrate this Point, he inserted an
Example of one who, during the Vacancy of a considerable Employment he
was all on Fire to obtain, wrote to the Prince to this Effect, _viz._
“That it was reported, that his Serene Highness design’d the vacant
Dignity for him, tho’ sollicited for it by Numbers; that he for his
Part must beg Leave to decline an Office to which he profess’d himself
unequal; that he intreated his Majesty to confer it upon some more
proper Person, and that being perfectly contented with his present
Station, he aspir’d to nothing greater.” The Monarch mov’d with so
strong an Attestation of Humility, preferr’d this humble Hypocrite
to the said Dignity. But he soon learnt that he was abus’d; for no
Minister ever behav’d with such Pride, or acted with such Weakness.
17. To set a poor Insolvent at the Head of the Treasury, is the same
Thing as to put a hungry Man in your Pantry. Nor is a covetous rich Man
a better Choice. The former has nothing, and the other thinks nothing
enough.
18. Let there be no Foundations or Establishments for the Maintenance
of slothful Trees. Accordingly, throughout this Empire, the Monasteries
and Colleges admit only the Industrious and the Diligent; those who
either by some useful Manufacture help to advance the Interest of the
Republick, or who by their Studies and Learning can be an Ornament
to the Society they are Members of. A few Monasteries indeed are to
be excepted, which maintain the Aged and the Helpless; such by the
Privilege of Age being exempted from all Labour.
19. When the Disorders of the State call loud for Reformation, it
will be right to proceed slowly in it. For to endeavour to extirpate
inveterate Evils at a Blow is as absurd as to prescribe Purging,
Bleeding, and Vomiting all at once to a Patient.
20. Those who boldly attempt every Thing, and undertake a Multitude of
Affairs together, are either Fools who have not duly compar’d their own
Strength with the Weight of the Things, or else they are wicked and
unnatural Members of their Society, who consult their own Interest
alone, instead of that of the Commonwealth. A prudent Man will try his
Arms before he takes his Burden up; and an honest Subject, who loves
his Country, will not transact the Affairs of it superficially.
CHAP. VIII.
_Of the_ +Academy+.
In this Empire there are three great Schools or Universities, one
at _Potu_, another at _Keba_, and a third at _Nahami_. The Studies
pursued there are History, Œconomy, Mathematicks, and Law. As to
their Divinity, since it is so short and concise, as that the Whole
is contain’d in the Compass of a couple of Pages, importing, That we
ought to love and adore Almighty God, the Creator and Governor of
Things, who in some State of Existence hereafter will reward Virtue
and punish Vice; as this, I say, is the Main of their Divinity, so it
is no academical Study, nor indeed can it be, since it is prohibited
by Law to have any Controversy about the Essence or Attributes of
God. Physick, in like Manner, is not reckon’d among the Studies of
the University; for since these Trees live all sober Lives, internal
Diseases are almost wholly unknown. I say nothing of Metaphysicks, and
such transcendental Learning, since it has been observ’d above, that
to dispute about the Essence of the Divine Being, about the Qualities
of Angels, or the Nature of Spirits, incurr’d the Punishment of _the
Arm_, and Confinement in their _Bedlam_.
The academical Exercises are these: The young Students, during the Time
of their Probation, are oblig’d to give Solutions of certain difficult
and curious Questions, which are propos’d at stated Times, with a
Reward to those who give the most ingenious and elegant Expositions.
By these Means, the true Genius of the Students is discover’d, what
the utmost Reach of their Capacity is, and in what Branch of Knowledge
they are most likely to shine. Every one imploys himself in one only
Science. An universal Scholar is a Chimæra; and the Affectation of such
a Character is a Mark of a loose and unsettled Genius. Hence it is,
that the Sciences, confin’d within such narrow Bounds, are soon brought
to Perfection. The several Doctors likewise exhibit yearly Specimens of
their Learning. The moral Philosopher clears some abstruse speculative
Point. The Historian compiles a History, or some Part of History. The
Mathematician throws fresh Light upon his Science by some new and
ingenious Hypothesis. The Lawyers are oblig’d to make some eloquent
Harangues: And these alone study Rhetoric or Oratory, because it is to
these alone such a Study will be advantageous when they come to be
Advocates. When I told them, that all our academical Specimens of all
Sorts were in the labour’d and oratorical Style, they freely condemn’d
such an Institution, replying, that if every Artisan were oblig’d to
make a Shoe, and exhibit Specimens of such their Work, ’tis certain
that Shoemakers alone would bear away the Prize. I purposely omitted to
speak of our scholastic Disputations, because such Exercises were there
but in equal Estimation with dramatical Performances. Their Doctors
and publick Teachers never deliver their Instructions in a harsh,
pedantick, and imperious Manner, as the Philosophers of our World,
but forming some agreeable and delightful Fiction, they dress up and
inculcate a salutary Truth with all the Charms of Fancy and Imagination.
’Tis surprizing to behold with what Solemnity the academical Promotions
are made. For they take the extremest Care not to furnish the least
Matter for Ridicule, or to be guilty of any theatrical Levities,
rightly judging that a plain and grave Simplicity should distinguish
the Exercises of an University from the Diversions of a Stage, lest
otherwise the liberal Arts should run into Disesteem. Upon this, I
would not venture to mention the least Syllable of our academical
Degrees and Promotions, since what happen’d to me at _Keba_, when I
gave a Description of this Kind of Honours, was ample Reason for my
eternal Silence upon this Head.
Besides these Academies, the great Cities have their several Seminaries
or Colleges, where the nicest Examination is made into the Talents of
every Scholar, what his particular Capacity is, and in what Kind of
Learning he gives the most promising Hopes of excelling. During the
Time of my Probation in the Seminary at _Keba_, there were four Sons of
the High Priest who were all educated in the Art of War; four others
of Senatorian Quality were instructed in Trade; and two young Virgins
learnt Navigation. For here the Genius alone is regarded, without any
Respect to Sex or Condition. The Examination being made, the Governors
of the Seminaries give Testimonials to the Examinants with a Veracity
I have elsewhere spoke of. These Testimonials are perfectly just and
impartial; tho’ I myself thought otherwise, since that which I obtain’d
from them appear’d to me absurd, ridiculous and unjust.
None is here suffer’d to be an Author till after thirty Years of Age,
and till he shall be deem’d by his Judges ripe and fit for such an
Undertaking; consequently, few Books are here publish’d; but then they
are well digested, and full of Meaning. Hence, tho’ I had wrote five
or six Dissertations while under Age, I never discover’d it to any
Creature for fear of drawing down their Ridicule. Enough has now been
said of the Religion, Policy, and Literature of this People. But there
are, besides, several Things peculiar to them, which are worthy of our
Observation and Remembrance.
If one Tree challenges another, the Challenger is for ever forbid the
Use of Arms. He is condemn’d, like a Minor, to live under Guardianship,
as not knowing how to rule his Affections. With us the Case is
different, where Appeals to the Sword are Marks of an heroic Soul,
especially in the North, which must have given Birth to this abominable
Custom, since Challenges and Duels were entirely unknown among the
_Greeks_, _Romans_, and other ancienter Nations.
I observ’d one strange Custom in their Manner of administring Justice.
The Names of the contesting Parties are conceal’d from the Judges;
and the Differences are not decided in the Place where they arose,
but the Case is sent to the more remote Provinces to be determin’d.
The Reason of this strange Custom is this. Experience taught them,
that Judges were often corrupted by Presents, or sway’d by Partiality.
These Temptations they think they effectually remove, if the Parties
are conceal’d, if the Names of the Plaintiff and Defendant, together
with the Names of the Lands or Estates litigated, be all unknown. The
Reasons and Arguments alone are sent, at the Discretion of the Prince,
to whatever Court of Justice he thinks fit, with certain Marks and
Characters; for Example, “_Whether_ A _who is in Possession, ought to
restore the Thing possess’d at the Suit and Motion of_ B.” I should
rejoice to find such a Custom introduc’d among us, since we often
experience the fatal Force of Corruption and Partiality in the Minds of
our Judges.
Justice in general is freely administer’d without Respect of Persons.
Against the Prince only no Action can lie during his Life, but upon
his Death the publick Accusers, or (if one may so call them) the
Council for the Kingdom, cite him to Judgment. There in full Senate
the Actions of the departed Monarch are strictly examin’d, and at
length Sentence is pronounc’d, which according to the Merit of the
Deceas’d is distinguish’d by different Words and Characters, such as
these, _Laudably_; _Not illaudably_; _Well_; _Not ill_; _Tolerably_;
_Indifferently_; which Words are proclaim’d aloud to the People, and
afterwards engrav’d on the Monument of the Deceas’d. The _Potuans_
give this Account of that Custom: That the Prince while living cannot
be proceeded against without great Commotions and Disturbances; for
that during his Life a perfect Obedience and inviolable Veneration
should still be paid him, which indeed is the very Basis of Government.
But when that Obligation is dissolv’d by Death, the Subjects then
have Liberty to call his Actions to a strict Account. Thus by this
salutary, tho’ very paradoxical Law, the Security of the Sovereign
is provided for, his Authority not at all invaded, and the Welfare of
the People at the same Time promoted. For these Characters, tho’ given
to the Dead, are to the Living so many Spurs to Virtue. The _Potuan_
Histories for four hundred Years afford only two Instances of Princes
who bore the last mention’d Character, that is, that of _Indifferent_.
All the others obtain’d either the _Laudable_ or the _Not illaudable_
Character, as appears from the Inscriptions upon their sepulchral
Monuments, which have escap’d the Injuries of Time. The Character of
_Indifferent_, which in the _Potuan_ Language is call’d _Rip-fac-si_,
causes such Grief in the Royal Family, that the Successor of the
deceas’d Prince, with all his Kindred, mourn for six whole Months. And
so far are the Heirs from resenting the odious Character given by the
Judges, that it becomes a new Incentive to them to signalize themselves
by noble and worthy Actions, and to efface the Infamy of the Family by
a Conduct full of Virtue, Prudence, Justice and Moderation.
The Cause why one of the two Princes above-mention’d had the Title
of _Indifferent_ given him, was this: The _Potuans_ are a brave and
warlike People; they never declare War themselves, but if War be
declar’d against them they push it with all imaginable Vigour. By these
Means they are the Umpires between contending Nations, and the several
Kingdoms of this Globe submit to their mild and pacific Sway. But a
Prince, by Name _Mikleta_, seiz’d with the Ambition of extending his
Dominions, made War upon a neighbouring Kingdom, and subdued it. But
as much as the victorious _Potuans_ gain’d by the Conquest, so much
they lost of their ancient Renown; the Love of the bordering Nations
was now chang’d into Dread and Jealousy; and that high Idea of their
Justice, by which the State grew into Reputation, was now vanish’d. The
_Potuans_ finding this, to regain the lost Affections of their angry
Neighbours, branded the Memory of the deceas’d Prince with this Mark of
Infamy. What the Crime of the other _indifferent_ Prince was, is not
altogether so clear.
Their publick Doctors or Teachers are such as have attain’d to the
third Age. To explain this it must be observ’d, that here Life is
divided into three Ages. The first is that in which they are instructed
in publick Affairs. In the second they publickly pursue and exercise
what they have learnt. And in the third, being honourably dismiss’d
from their Employments, they then take upon them the Instruction of
the Juniors. Hence, none have a Right to teach in publick but such as
are grown old in the Administration of publick Affairs, since none are
so capable of laying down solid Rules as those who have drawn their
Knowledge from long Experience.
If any one already infamous for the Immorality of his Life should
however give wholesome Advice to the State, the Name of the Person is
suppress’d, lest it should lose its Effect from the Character of its
Author, and the Decree pursuant to such Advice is shelter’d under the
Name of some more honourable Person. Thus the good Opinion is known,
and the bad Author conceal’d.
I was inform’d, that with respect to Religion, it was prohibited to
dispute about the prime Articles of Faith, particularly about the
Essence and Attributes of the Deity. But as to all other Points,
it is free for every one to propose their Opinions and engage in
Controversies. For, say they, the Inconveniences which arise from such
Contentions may be compar’d to Storms, which indeed throw down Houses,
but at the same Time cleanse the Air, and prevent that Putrefaction
which would arise from a stagnant Atmosphere. The Reason of their
having few Holidays, is, lest a Spirit of Idleness should creep upon
them; for the _Potuans_ believe that good People as duly worship God
when employ’d in useful Labours, as they do by Vows and Prayers.
The Study of Poetry meets with but cold Encouragement; yet they are not
altogether destitute of Poets. But the subterranean Poetry differs from
Prose only in the Sublimity of Style; and they receiv’d what I told
them concerning our Rhime and Measure with the utmost Derision.
Among the _Potuan_ Doctors some are call’d _Professors of Taste_. It
is their Province to see that the Minds of the Youth are not employ’d
in senseless Controversies and Things of no Use; to take Care that
no trivial and vulgar Writings get abroad to poison and debauch the
Taste; and to suppress or blot out from every Book whatever is writ in
Defiance of common Sense. And to this End alone certain Persons are
appointed to revise and censure Books; far otherwise than it is in our
World, where the Licensers of Books shall suppress the very best, only
perhaps because they deviate something from the reigning Opinions,
from the receiv’d Manner of Expression, or because they lash the Vices
of the Age with too strong a Sincerity, and too fine a Vivacity. By
this Means, great Geniuses are in a Manner suffocated and stifled,
and Writings of a good Stamp are for ever buried. But yet, as the
_Potuans_ have a free Commerce with the Neighbour Nations, among other
Commodities, some Books of a poor and trivial Turn will creep abroad.
Upon which Account Censors are appointed by the State, who from Time to
Time visit the Booksellers Shops. These are call’d _Syla-Macati_, that
is, _Purgers of Booksellers Shops_. For as among us there is a certain
Sort of Men, who brush and cleanse our Chimnies once a Year, so those
Censors, who pry and examine into the Books that are put to Sale,
cleanse away all the Dregs, that is, such Books, or Parts of Books,
as would deprave the Taste, and convey them to the Jaques. Bless me!
said I to myself, What Havock would be made among our Books, if such an
Institution were to take Place among us!
But what cannot be enough commended, is the Care they take in sounding
the Genius of their Youth, in order to know what Course of Life they
will be fittest for. For as in Musick a judicious Ear distinguishes
every little Sound; in the same Manner these piercing Judges of
the Virtues and Vices of the Mind, form their Sentiments from some
seemingly inconsiderable Hints, from perhaps a Cast of the Eye, from a
Frown, from Dejection, Mirth, Laughter, Speech, and even Silence. ’Tis
by these Things they easily know every one’s Propensity, and also what
is contrary to his Constitution.
But to return to what concerns myself. I pass’d my Time, it may be
well imagin’d, not in the most agreeable Manner with these paradoxical
Trees, who treated me with Disdain upon Account of that too forward
and unsettled Judgment which they imputed to me. I grew impatient
under those Scoffs they were ever flinging out; for they even went so
far, as to give me the Nick-name of _Skabba_, which in their Language
signifies _over-hasty_. But what chagrin’d me most, was that my very
Laundress, tho’ of the Dregs of the Populace, and one of the most
miserable and indigent Trees herself, did not even scruple to call me
by that Name of Reproach.
CHAP. IX.
_The Author’s Journey round the Planet_
+Nazar.+
Having continued in the unpleasing Employment of King’s Messenger for
two whole Years, and carry’d the Royal Mandates and Letters Patents to
every Province of the Empire, I at last grew tir’d of so troublesome
and so unworthy an Office. Accordingly I again and again petition’d his
Serene Highness to grant me an honourable Dismission, and at the same
Time sollicited a more reputable Employment. But I met with nothing
but Repulses from his Highness, whose constant Reply was, that a more
important Office was above my Strength and Capacity. He alledg’d also,
that the Laws and Customs of the Country were Death to my Hopes, in
that they admitted only fit and proper Persons to the most eminent and
arduous Posts of Government; that therefore I must make a Virtue of
Necessity, and rest myself contented, till I had done something to
merit better Fortune. He concluded his Advice in Terms like those of
the Poet,
_Metiri se quemque suo modulo ac pede fas est.
E cœlo magnum descendit Nosce teipsum,
Figendum ac memori tractandum pectore._
These repeated Refusals were enough to throw me upon the most daring
and desperate Designs. From that Day forward my Invention was upon the
Rack to produce something, that should demonstrate the Excellence of
my Genius, and wipe away my present Infamy. Accordingly, for a whole
Year I study’d the Laws and Customs of the Country with an invincible
Application, resolv’d to discover, whether there were in them any
Defects that requir’d a Reformation. I open’d my Design to a certain
Bush, with whom I had contracted a close Intimacy, and with whom I
us’d to converse very freely upon all Subjects, whether grave or gay.
He thought my Design not altogether absurd, but extremely question’d,
whether it would be of any Service to the State. He added, that it
should be the Care of a Reformer, to be a thorough Master of the
Nature and Genius of the Country he intends to reform; because the
same Thing might, in different Countries, produce different Effects,
as the same Medicine may be good for some Bodies, and pernicious to
others. He likewise inform’d me of the Danger I expos’d myself to in
this Experiment, that no less than my Life depended on it, which
must be a Forfeit to the State, should my Project have the Misfortune
to be condemn’d by the Judges. He therefore ardently intreated me to
bestow a little more Reflexion on this Affair; tho’ he did not plainly
dissuade me from my Attempt, since he thought it not impossible, that a
Sagacity, like mine, might at length discover something useful, as well
to myself, as to the State. I took the Advice of my Friend, and for a
Time laid aside my Scheme, and with a laudable Patience continued to
discharge my Duty, by visiting the various Cities and Provinces of the
Kingdom after the usual Manner. These repeated Expeditions furnish’d me
with an Opportunity of making Enquiries into the State of the Kingdom,
as well as that of the bordering Nations; and lest what I had observ’d
in my Travels should escape my Memory, I penn’d it all down, and making
a little Volume of it, humbly presented it to the Prince. How much his
Serene Highness was taken with this Work appear’d afterward, by his
doing me the Honour to commend my Labours in full Senate; and having
again attentively perus’d my Book, he was pleas’d to make use of my
Services in a farther Discovery of the whole Planet _Nazar_. I expected
a different Recompence for my Labours, but was forc’d to say with the
Poet,
——_Virtus laudatur & alget._
But since I was fond of Novelty, and had Hopes that so bountiful a
Prince would never leave me unrewarded after my Return, I set about the
Work with a good Degree of Pleasure.
The whole Globe of the Planet _Nazar_, altho’ scarce six hundred
Miles in Circumference, yet to the Inhabitants appears of an immense
Extent, by Reason of the Slowness of their Motion. And hence to this
Day a great many Countries, and particularly the more remote ones, are
utterly unknown to the Natives. A _Potuan_ would hardly be able to
travel over this Globe on foot in two Years. But what embarrass’d me
most, was the Fear I had that a Variety of Languages would put me to
great Difficulties. But I was soon undeceiv’d, and reviv’d to hear,
that the Inhabitants of the whole Planet, tho’ wonderfully different
in their Manners, yet all spoke the same Tongue; and besides this,
that the whole Race of Trees were in the main harmless, sociable, and
beneficent Beings, so that I might, without the least Danger, make the
Tour of the whole Globe. This redoubled my Ardour, and in the Month of
_Poplars_ I began my Journey.
What follows is so marvellous, that it looks more like a poetic
Fiction, or the Chimæras of ungovern’d Fancy, than Reality and Truth;
especially since those Varieties, both of Body Mind, which in this
Journey I met with, are such as one would never expect to find between
the most distant Nations. It must be observ’d, that many Kingdoms
here are separated from each other by Seas and Straits, not unlike
the _Archipelago_ in _Europe_. These Straits are seldom cross’d; but
for the Benefit of Travellers, there are certain Ferrymen that keep
their Stations on the Banks in Readiness to transport the Passengers.
It is very rare, that the Natives ever venture beyond the Limits of
their own Country; and if compell’d, by Necessity, to make a Voyage,
they soon return, as if impatient of a foreign Soil. Hence, as many
Nations as there are, you see so many new Worlds in a Manner. The
principal Cause of this vast Dissimilitude, is the different Nature
of the Lands, as appears from the various Colours on the Surface, and
from the surprizing Difference between the Plants, Herbs, and Fruits;
it is the less Wonder, therefore, if with that Diversity of the Soil,
and the Products of it, there should also be found a no less surprizing
Variety of Inhabitants, and even opposite Natures and Tempers. In
our World, indeed, even Nations the most remote, differ very little
from each other in Genius, Manners, Learning, Shape and Colour. For
since the Nature of the Earth is almost every where the same, except
that one Part is more fruitful than another, and since the Nature of
our Plants, Herbs, and Water, is nearly the same every where, hence
nothing heterogeneous or uncommon is produc’d, as in this subterranean
Planet, where every Tract of Land has its own peculiar Property.
Strangers are allow’d to trade and travel, but not to settle out of
their own Country; nor, indeed, could such a Liberty be well granted,
considering the great Diversity and Opposition of Natures between each
other. Hence all Foreigners that you meet with, are either Merchants or
Travellers. The Countries which border upon the _Potuan_ Dominions, are
nearly of the same Nature with them. Their Inhabitants were formerly
often at War with the _Potuans_; but at this Day they are either in
Alliance with them, or having been subdued, they now rest contented in
their Subjection to so mild a Power. But if you once cross the great
Sea, which divides their whole Globe, new Scenes present themselves,
together with new and strange Creatures unknown to the _Potuans_. One
only Thing they have in common, and that is, that all the Creatures of
this Globe are rational Trees, and all use the same Dialect. This makes
Travelling very pleasant, especially as the Merchants and Foreigners,
perpetually passing thro’ every Province, give People an Opportunity of
seeing Creatures extreamly strange and unlike themselves. Thus much I
thought proper to premise, lest tender Ears should be offended with the
subsequent Narration, and the Author reproach’d with Want of Veracity.
It would be a tiresome and an unprofitable Task, to recount every Thing
singly, and in exact historical Order, that I met with in my Travels.
Let it suffice, that I give an Account of those particular People only,
whose Character, Description, and Manners have something so unusual and
marvellous in them, that upon their Account this Planet of _Nazar_ may
be reckon’d one of the principal Prodigies of the Universe. I must here
call to Mind an Observation I have before made, that this whole Race
and Country of rational Trees differ very little in Sense and Judgment
from the _Potuans_; but in their Rites and Customs, in their Make and
Temper, there is so much Diversity, that every Province you would swear
to be a new World.
In the Province of _Quamso_, which is the first beyond the Sea, the
Inhabitants are subject to no Infirmities or Diseases of Body, but each
enjoys a perfect Health from Youth to latest Age. I could not help
thinking them the most happy of Mortals. But upon a slight Acquaintance
with them, I found myself infinitely mistaken. For as, upon one Hand,
I saw nobody sad or sorrowful; so upon the other, I saw nobody pleas’d
and joyful. For as we never highly relish the Serenity of the Heavens,
and the Weather, unless we have been sensible of the Hardships of a
different Temperature of the Air; so these Trees taste no Felicity,
because it is perpetual and uninterrupted, and never know the Pleasure
of Health, for want of knowing the Misery of Diseases. Their Life is
one eternal Indolence. Their Enjoyments are never exquisite, and those
alone can taste the Sweets of Life, who have their Pleasures season’d
with a little Pain. I protest, that I never found, in any Country
upon the Face of the Earth, such lifeless Creatures, or such cold and
insipid Conversations. The People are harmless, but deserve neither
your Love or Hatred. You fear no Affront, and you expect no Favour.
In a Word, here is nothing either to please or displease. Besides, as
that continual Health never brings the Image of Death before their
Eyes, nor ever moves their Concern towards the Afflicted and Diseased,
so they pass their Days in dull Security, and never know the generous
Warmths of Pity and Compassion; nor do the least Footsteps of Love, or
any such tender Affection appear there. In Truth, Diseases remind us
of our Mortality, excite us to die well, and keep the Soul as it were
equipt for its Journey to that World from whence none return; and as
they afflict us with Pain, so they inspire a Sympathy towards others
when afflicted. This leads one easily to discern how much Diseases, and
the Danger of dying, contribute to Charity, Love, and all the social
Affections, and that those People unjustly complain of their Creator
for appointing these Afflictions, which are so full of real Advantage.
It must be observ’d, that these Trees, as often as they remove into
other Places, are expos’d to the same Evils and Casualties of Life
that others are. This is a Proof to me, that they are indebted to the
Climate for this peculiar Advantage, if indeed it can be call’d an
Advantage.
The Province of _Lalac_, surnam’d _Mascatta_, or the _Blest_, seems
to correspond with its Name; for there the Earth produces all Things
spontaneously.
_Flumina jam lactis, jam flumina Nectaris ibant,
Flavaque de viridi stillabant ilice mella:
Ipsa quoque immunis, rastroque intacta, nec ullis
Saucia vomeribus, per se dabat omnia tellus._
But this extraordinary Circumstance does not render the Natives one
Jot happier. For as there is no Need of Labour to procure their daily
Sustenance, they spend their Days in Softness, Sloth, and Luxury, and
so lay the Foundation of innumerable Diseases, and untimely Deaths.
The Nature of this Country affords ample Matter for our serious
Reflexion; in particular it appears, from the Condition of the People,
that Husbandmen, Servants and Labourers, are far happier than those,
who, free from the Fatigue of providing for themselves, are devoted to
Idleness and Pleasure.
_Nempe inamarescunt epulæ sine fine petitæ,
Illusique pedes vitiosum ferre recusant
Corpus._
Hence follows a Train of vicious Actions, desperate Resolutions, and
violent Deaths, which are here observ’d to be very common. For the
perpetual Affluence in which they live, in Length of Time quite wears
away all Taste and Sense of Pleasure, and almost infallibly introduces
a downright Loathing of Life. Thus this Region, which appear’d at first
like the Abodes of the Blest, was in Reality the Seat of Sorrow, and
more an Object of my Compassion than my Envy.
_Hoc celerare fugam, terrâque excedere jussit._
The next Province is that of _Mardak_; they are _Cypresses_, all of the
same Form and Height, and differ only from each other by the different
Make of their Eyes. Some have long Eyes, some square Eyes; some have
small ones, others have Eyes so large as to take up the whole Space
of the Forehead. Some are born with two, others with three, and some
with four Eyes. There are also those who have only one Eye; and these
might be reputed the Offspring of _Polyphemus_, but that their one Eye
is seated in the hinder Part of the Head. And hence, according to the
different Shape of their Eyes, they are divided into so many Tribes,
the Names of which are as follows:
1. _Nagiri_, or those who have long Eyes, and to whom consequently
every Object appears long.
2. _Naquiri_, those who have square Eyes.
3. _Talampi_, the small Eyes.
4. _Faraku_, those who have two Eyes, one of which is more oblique than
the other.
5. _Mehanki_, three Eyes.
6. _Tarrasuki_, four Eyes.
7. _Harramba_, those whose Eyes occupy the Space of the whole Forehead.
8. _Skadolki_, those who have only one Eye in the hinder Part of the
Head.
The most numerous, and of course the most powerful Tribe, is that of
the _Nagiri_, or those who have long Eyes, and to whom consequently
all Objects appear long. From this Tribe are taken the Senators, the
Priests, and all such as bear Office in the State. These sit at the
Helm, nor do they admit any one from another Tribe to a Post in the
Government, unless he shall first confess, and confirm his Confession
with an Oath, that a certain Tablet, dedicated to the Sun, and plac’d
in the most conspicuous Part of the Temple, appears to him to be
long. This sacred Tablet of the Sun is the principal Object of the
_Mardakanian_ Worship. Hence the honester Part of the Citizens, who
start at Perjury, are excluded from all publick Honours, and what
is worse, are expos’d to a thousand Sneers, Railleries, and even
Persecutions; and tho’ they over and over protest, that they cannot
disbelieve their Eyes, they are still complain’d of, and what is only a
Fault of Nature, is imputed to their Obstinacy and Malice.
The Form of the Oath, which all, who are admitted to publick
Employments and Honours, are forc’d to subscribe to, is this,
_Kaka manasca quihompu miriac Facku mesimbrii Caphani Crukkia Manascar
quebriac Krusundora._
That is, I _A. B._ do swear, that the sacred Tablet of the Sun appears
to me to be long, and I promise that I will persist in this Opinion to
my last Breath.
After this Oath, they are declar’d fit for the Service of the State,
and are incorporated into the Tribe of the _Nagiri_.
The Day after my Arrival, as I was sauntring in the Market-Place, I
beheld an old Man, whom they were hurrying away to be scourg’d. A large
Croud of _Cypresses_ follow’d him, with Scoffs and Revilings. Upon my
inquiring the Cause, I was inform’d, that he was a Heretick, who openly
taught, that the Tablet of the Sun seem’d to him to be square; and in
that diabolical Opinion he had obstinately persisted, after repeated
Admonitions.
This rous’d my Curiosity to go to the Temple, and try whether I had
orthodox Eyes or no. I examin’d the aforesaid Tablet with all the Eyes
I had, and really it appear’d square to me. This I ingenuously told my
Host, who at that Time had the Post of Ædile. With that he fetch’d a
deep Sigh, and confess’d to me, that it appear’d square to him too, but
that he dare not say so publickly, for fear of being dispossess’d of
his Employment by the governing Tribe.
All pale and trembling I left this execrable City, fearing lest my
Back must expiate the Crime of my Eyes, or lest branded with the Title
of Heretick, I should be sent with Ignominy out of their Dominions.
In Truth, no Institution ever appear’d more horrid, barbarous, and
unjust, than this, where Hypocrisies and Perjuries alone are the
Avenues to Preferment. And when I return’d to the _Potuans_, I took
every Opportunity to express my Indignation against that detestable
Race of People. But while I was in one of my angry Moods, and venting
my Spleen according to Custom, a certain Juniper Tree, with whom I had
liv’d in a good Degree of Intimacy, made me this Answer: “It is true,
says he, that the Conduct of the _Nagiri_ will always appear absurd
and iniquitous to the _Potuans_; but to you it should not seem at all
strange, that this Diversity of Eyes should cause such Cruelties,
because you have formerly assur’d me, that in most of the _European_
Dominions there are governing Tribes, which fall upon the rest with
Fire and Sword, upon Account of some Defect, not of their Eyes indeed,
but of their Reason; and you yourself extoll’d such a Proceeding as a
pious Act, and of Advantage to the Government.” I presently understood
the Drift of this Observation, and blusht for Shame. I left him soon,
and was ever after a stanch Advocate for Toleration, and entertain’d
milder Sentiments of People under Error.
_Kimal_, the next Principality, is accounted the most potent, by reason
of its immense Wealth. For besides the Silver Mines, which are there in
great Abundance, vast Quantities of Gold are gather’d from among the
Sands of their Rivers. Their Seas too afford the most costly Pearls.
And yet upon a due Examination of this Country, I could discover, that
Happiness did not consist in Wealth alone. For as many Inhabitants,
so many Divers and Diggers there were, who, bent upon Gain, seem’d
condemn’d to perpetual Slavery, and such a Slavery as one would think
was fit only for Criminals. Those who are rich enough to be exempted
from these Toils, are oblig’d to keep constant Watch. The whole Country
is so infested with Thieves and Robbers, that it is not safe to go
without a Guard.
_Non tam festa dies, ut cesset prodere furem,
Perfidiam, fraudes, atq; omni ex crimine lucrum.
Vivitur ex rapto; non hospes ab hospite tutus,
Non socer a genero, fratrum quoque gratia rara est.
Filius ante diem patrios inquirit in annos;
Victa jacet pietas, & virgo cæde madentes
Ultima cœlestum terras Astræa reliquit._
Hence this Nation, beheld with envious Eyes by their Neighbours,
drew Pity from me more than Envy. Fear, Jealousy, Suspicion, and
Distrust, reign in every Mind, and each looks upon his Neighbour as a
designing Enemy. So that endless Solicitude, wasting Cares, and pallid
Complexions, are the Fruits of the boasted Felicity of this Province.
It was not without Anxiety I travell’d over this Region; for in every
Road, and upon every Frontier, I was oblig’d to give an Account of my
Business, Name, and Country, to the Guards and Examiners, and I found
myself expos’d to all those Vexations which Travellers experience in
Countries that are jealous of Strangers. There is a Volcano, or burning
Mountain, in this Province, from whence ascend perpetual Whirlwinds of
Fire.
After having run over this Principality, and that with more Trouble
than I experienc’d throughout my whole Journey, I pursued my
Course full East. I every where found the Inhabitants sociable and
well-behav’d, but extremely paradoxical. The Natives of the little
Kingdom of _Quamboia_ surpriz’d me most. There the Order of Nature is
inverted. The more the Natives advance in Years, the more wanton and
voluptuous they grow; and Age produces such fantastic Vices, and such
lascivious Freaks, as Youth alone, in every other Place, is guilty of.
Here none are intrusted with the Cares of State, unless they are under
forty Years of Age. When they exceed this Term, they are too giddy for
Business, like Children,
_Quos dura premit custodia matrum_.
I saw here the Aged frisking and gamboling in the Streets like Boys,
and spending their Time in puerile Diversions. They did, as the Poet
says,
_Ædificare casas, plostello adjungere mures,
Ludere par impar, equitare in arundine longa_.
While on the other Hand the Youths took the Liberty to reprove them,
and sometimes drive them home before them with a Whip. I saw an old
decrepit Male Tree whipping a Top in the Market-Place, and was inform’d
he was some Years ago a Person of very great Consequence, no less than
President of the Grand Council. This inverted Order obtain’d also in
the weaker Sex. Hence, when a certain Youth was to be marry’d to an old
Lady, all were of Opinion he must undergo the Fate of _Actæon_; which
is diametrically opposite to what happens among us, where if an old Man
has a Mind for a young Bride, he has ample Reason to fear an Injury of
that Sort. Once I remember I met two old Bald-Heads engag’d in a Duel.
Amaz’d to find such Vigour at such an Age, I enquir’d the Cause of
this Duel, and was told, that the Quarrel arose about a Mistress they
had met with at one of their Haunts, and who had equally pleas’d them
both. They who told me this, added, that if the Governors of these two
old Sinners were to know of their Difference, their Backs would be sure
to smart for it. The same Evening a Report flew about, that a certain
venerable Matron had hang’d herself for Despair, because she had met
with a Repulse from a young _Beech_ she was enamour’d of.
This inverted Order of Nature demands of course an Inversion of the
Laws. Hence, in that Chapter of the Law which treats of Guardianship,
it is enacted, That the Administration of Goods shall not be granted
to any one, unless he be under forty Years of Age. Moreover, Contracts
are deem’d ineffectual, if enter’d into by Persons above Forty, unless
such Contracts are sign’d by their Tutors or Children. In the Chapter
concerning Subordination, there is this Injunction, _Let the Aged of
both Sexes be obedient to their Children_. Every Person in Office is
always dismiss’d before he arrives to the Age of Forty.
——_Interdicto huic omne adimat jus
Prætor, & ad juvenes abeat tutela propinquos._
I did not think it convenient to continue longer in this Place, where
if I had happen’d to have stay’d but ten Years, I must have been
oblig’d by Law to become a Child again.
In the Province of _Cocklecu_ there is a very perverse Custom, and such
as would be highly condemn’d among us. The Order of Things is indeed
inverted, but the Fault is not owing to Nature, but solely to the Laws.
The Natives are all _Junipers_ of both Sexes: But the Males alone
perform the Drudgery of the Kitchen, and every such ignoble Labour. In
Time of War indeed, they serve their Country, but rarely rise above the
Rank of common Soldiers. Some few get to be Ensigns, which is the very
highest military Honour the Males ever arrive to. The Females, on the
other Hand, are in Possession of all Honours and Employments sacred,
civil, or military. I had lately derided the _Potuans_ for observing
no Difference of Sex in the Distribution of publick Offices: But that
was nothing to the Phrenzy of this People. I could not conceive the
Meaning of so much Indolence in the Males, who, tho’ of far superior
Strength of Body, could yet so tamely submit to such a Yoke, and for
Ages together digest such an Ignominy. For it would have been very
easy, at any Time, to have freed themselves from so shameful a Tyranny.
But long and ancient Custom had so blinded them, that none ever thought
of attempting to remove such a Disgrace, but quietly believ’d it was
Nature’s Appointment, that the Government should be lodg’d in Female
Hands, and that it was the Business of the other Sex to spin, to
weave, to clean the House, and upon Occasion take a Beating from their
Wives. The Arguments, by which the Ladies justify’d this Custom, were
these: That as Nature had furnish’d the Males with greater Strength of
Body, her Intention in that could only be to destine them to the more
laborious and servile Duties of Life. Strangers are amaz’d, when going
into a House they see the Mistress of the Family in the Compting-House,
with a Pen in her Hand, and her Books before her, and at the same Time
find her Husband in the Kitchen scouring the Dishes. And, indeed,
whatever House I went to, if I enquir’d for the Master of the Family, I
was still conducted into the Kitchin.
_Hic lavet argentum, vasa aspera tergeat alter;
Vox dominæ fremit instantis virgamque tenentis._
Horrible were the Effects of this unnatural Custom. For as in other
Countries there are abandon’d Women, who prostitute themselves for
Hire, so here the young Men sell their Favours, and to that End hire
some House of Pleasure, which shall be easily known, either by a
Writing over it, or some other infallible Sign. And when the Men drive
this wicked Trade with too great Effrontery, and in too barefac’d a
Manner, they are had to Prison, and whipt like our Street-Walkers.
On the other Hand, the Matrons and Virgins here, without the least
Reproach, can prowl up and down, gaze at the young Fellows, nod,
whistle, tip the Wink, pluck them by the Sleeve, importune them, write
Love-Verses upon their Doors, boast of their Conquests, and reckon up
their Gallantries with as much Satisfaction as the _fine Gentlemen_ of
our World entertain you with their Amours. Moreover, it is no Crime
for the Ladies here to make amorous Poems, and send Presents to the
Youths; who, on the contrary, counterfeit Coyness and Modesty, as
knowing it indecent to surrender to a Lady upon the first Summons.
There was at the Time I was there, a mighty Disturbance about a noble
Youth, the Son of a Senator, who had been ravish’d by a young Woman. I
heard, that it was whisper’d among the Friends of the injur’d Youth,
that a Suit would be commenc’d against the Ravisher, and that at the
next Consistory Court she would be sentenc’d to repair the Dishonour by
Marriage, since it could be indubitably prov’d, that he was a Person
of an innocent Life and Conversation. During my Stay here, I had not
the Courage openly to condemn this deprav’d Custom: But upon my leaving
the City, I told several, that these Junipers acted in downright
Contradiction to Nature, since from the universal Voice and Consent
of Nations it was evident, that the Males alone were form’d for all
the arduous and important Affairs of Life. To this they reply’d, that
I confounded Custom with Nature, since the Weakness we impute to the
Female Sex is deriv’d solely from Education. This is clear, from the
Form of Government establish’d at _Cocklecu_, where in that Sex you
find all the Virtues, and large Endowments of Mind, which the masculine
Sex, in other Places, arrogate to themselves. For the _Cocklecuanian_
Women are grave, prudent, constant, and secret. The Men, on the
contrary, are light, empty, frothy Creatures. Hence, when any Thing
absurd is related, the common Saying is, _That’s a manly Trifle_.
Again, when any Thing is done rashly and unthinkingly, the Proverb is,
_We must make Allowances for manly Weakness_. Notwithstanding this,
I could not acquiesce in these Arguments, being thoroughly convinc’d
of the Impropriety and Deformity of this Custom. The Indignation I
conceiv’d against so much Female Pride and Insolence, gave Birth to an
unfortunate Design, which I put in Execution soon after my Travels, as
in its proper Place shall be related.
Among the sumptuous Edifices of this City, the most admirable was the
Royal Seraglio, the Residence of three hundred Youths of exquisite
Beauty. They were all maintain’d at the Expence of the Queen, and kept
for her private Pleasures. As I happen’d to hear, that my Person was
much commended, I was afraid of being clapp’d up in the Seraglio, and
hurry’d away with all imaginable Haste.
——_Pedibus metus addidit alas._
From this Place I proceeded to the _Philosophical_ Region, so styl’d
from the Inhabitants, who are continually bury’d in the profound
Speculations of Philosophy. I was all on Fire to see this Country,
which I fancy’d must be the Center of Sciences, and the true Seat of
the Muses. Instead of vulgar Fields and Meadows, I expected to find
one continued lovely Garden; and in this Imagination I hasten’d my
Pace, and counted the Hours and Minutes as they flew. However, the
Ways thro’ which I pass’d were very stony, with every now and then a
Ditch or Cavern, insomuch that sometimes I was forc’d to go thro’ a
Length of craggy Way, and sometimes thro’ miry Bogs, where for want of
Bridges, I was oblig’d to wade thro’, and drag my weary Limbs after
me, quite dirty’d to the Waist: Yet I fortify’d myself against these
Accidents, with all the consoling Arguments I could think of. While
for a full Hour I had been labouring under these Difficulties, I met
a Peasant, of whom I inquir’d how far I had to _Mascattia_, or the
_Philosophical_ Province. He reply’d, _I ought rather to ask him, how
much there was left of the Journey, since I was in the very Heart
of the Place_. Amaz’d at this Answer, _How is it possible_, said I,
_that a Land inhabited only by Philosophers should appear rather
like the Haunts of savage Beasts, than like a cultivated Country_? He
return’d, _That in a little Time Things would have a better Face, as
soon as ever the Natives could get Time to think upon such Trifles. At
this present, says he, we are all solely intent upon an extraordinary
Discovery, no less than that of a Passage to the Sun; that therefore
it was very excusable to leave the Soil to itself, it being impossible
to do two Things at once._ I presently understood the Drift of this
cunning Countryman’s Discourse; and pursuing my Journey, I at last
arriv’d at the Metropolitan City _Caska_. In and about the Gates,
instead of Guards and Centinels, I saw only a few tame Fowl, and upon
the Walls Heaps of Birds-Nests and Cobwebs. Philosophers and Swine
indifferently walk’d the Streets, nor was the one distinguish’d from
the other but by Shape, being otherwise perfectly alike in Dirt and
Nastiness. The Philosophers had all Cloaks of the same Form, but what
the Colour was, I could not discern for the Dust upon them. There was
one quite bury’d in Thought coming directly towards me; and meeting
him, _Pray, Sir_, says I, _what may be the Name of this City?_ At this
he paus’d, and for a Time continued as immoveable as if he had no
Life in him; at last, says he, turning his Eyes upwards, _’Tis almost
Noon_. An Answer so foreign to the Purpose, was a Demonstration of
great Absence of Mind, and convinc’d me, that it was better to study
sparingly, than to run mad with too much Learning. I proceeded directly
to the Center of the City, to see, if beside Philosophers, I could
have the good Luck to meet with a reasonable Creature. The _Forum_
of the City, which was very spacious, was adorn’d with Statues and
Columns. I was endeavouring to read the Inscription upon one of them,
and being thus employ’d, suddenly I felt my Back grow warm and moist.
Turning my Head, to see from whence this warm Shower proceeded, I saw
a Philosopher making Water against me. For being bury’d in profound
Thought, he had taken me for one of the Statues there, that are us’d
for Necessities of this Kind. Stung to the Soul with such an Affront,
especially as the Philosopher, instead of apologizing for the Mistake,
only laugh’d in my Face, I gave him a smart Box on the Ear. Enrag’d
at this, he fell upon me, seiz’d me by the Hair, and dragg’d me round
the _Forum_. But when I found there was no Prospect of appeasing his
Wrath, I endeavour’d to make Reprisals upon him with all my Might and
Vigour; and I believe, with Regard to our Blows, the Receipts and
Disbursements might be pretty equal on both Sides. At length, after a
long Contest, we both fell upon the Ground. At this Spectacle, a Croud
of Philosophers flock’d from all Parts, and with inexpressible Fury
fell upon me with their Fists and Sticks, and then once more dragg’d
me by the Hair all round the Market; insomuch that I was just upon the
Point of giving up the Ghost. At last, rather tir’d than satiated,
they left off beating me, and brought me to a spacious House, where
when I struggled against the Door with both my Feet, and vow’d I would
not enter, Messieurs the Philosophers threw a Rope round my Neck, and
tugging me in, like an Ox at a Slaughter-House, they fell’d me flat
upon the Floor. The House, and all Things in it, were in the utmost
Confusion, and not unlike the Disorder People are in at _Lady-Day_ or
_Michaelmas_, when they are moving House. I then humbly intreated these
wise Men to put an End to their Resentment, and suffer themselves to be
mov’d to Pity and Compassion, representing to them how little for the
Honour of Philosophy it was to abandon themselves to a blind Rage, and
give a Loose to those very Passions they are the forwardest to declaim
against. But I preach’d to the Winds. For that very Philosopher, who
had so plentifully water’d my Back, forthwith renew’d the Fight, and
redoubled his Blows upon me, like a Smith upon an Anvil, as if nothing
but my Death could stop his Fury. This plainly taught me, that no Anger
equals a philosophical Anger; and that they who can talk so well upon
the Beauty of Virtue, care to practise it as little as any.
——_Nec enim minor ira rebullit
Pectore in hoc, leviorve exurit flamma medullas._
At length there came in four Philosophers, the Form of whose Robes
spoke them of a singular Order. They presently appeas’d the Uproar,
and seem’d to commiserate my Fate; and after they had conferr’d apart,
they remov’d me to another House. Glad was I, that I had escap’d these
Barbarians, and at last fallen into honest Hands. They enquir’d the
Cause of all this Tumult, and I told them every Tittle. They smil’d at
so pleasant an Accident, telling me, that it was a common Thing for
the Philosophers to make Water against the Statues, and that probably
my Antagonist, wholly absorb’d in Meditation, had mistook me for a
Statue. They inform’d me likewise, that that Person was an Astronomer
of great Eminence, and that my other Persecutors were Professors of
Moral Philosophy. I could now hear all this with Pleasure, believing
myself intirely out of Danger. Yet one Thing alarm’d me mightily,
and that was the great Attention with which they survey’d my Form.
Besides, their reiterated Questions concerning my Manner of Life, my
Country, and the Cause of my Journey, together with the Whispers that
ensued, gave me a violent Jealousy. But, good God! what Horror invaded
my Soul, when they conducted me into an AnatomyChamber, where there
was a frightful Heap of Bones and Carcases upon the Floor, that gave
a Stench enough to poison me. I thought I was fallen into a Den of
Thieves and Murderers; but the anatomical Instruments which hung upon
the Walls took away that Fear, and convinc’d me, that my Host must be a
Physician, or a Surgeon. Half an Hour was I left alone in this Place,
when a Matron enters with my Dinner. She seem’d very humane, and eying
me attentively, she would every now and then fetch a deep Sigh. Upon
my enquiring the Cause of her Grief, she reply’d, that my impending
Fate drew those Sighs from her; _That I was indeed fallen into very
honest Hands, for my Husband_, continues she, _is Lord of this Island,
being publick Physician of the City, and Professor of Medicine; and the
others you saw are his Collegues: But astonish’d at the extraordinary
Make of your Body, they have determin’d to examine the inward Machinery
of it, and to make a Dissection of you, in order to add some new Light
to Anatomy_. This Account threw me into a most violent Palpitation, and
setting up a horrible Cry, _Oh! how! Madam, said I, can you call them
honest Men, who make no Scruple to rip up the Bowels of an innocent
Person?_ To which she answered, _I say again you are fallen into the
Hands of honest Men, who will do nothing with a bad Design, and have
resolv’d upon this Operation for the sole Illustration of the Science
of Anatomy_. _Alas!_ said I, _I had rather fall into the Hands of
Thieves and Murderers, from whom I might possibly make my Escape, than
be dissected by such very honest Gentlemen_; and immediately throwing
myself at her Feet, shedding at the same Time a Flood of Tears, I
implor’d her to intercede for my Life. She told me, her Intercession
would avail very little against the Resolution of the Faculty, which
was irrevocable; but however, that she would deliver me from Death
by some other Means. With these Words, she took me by the Hand, and
leading me thro’ a back Door, brought me as far as to the Gate of the
City. Being now ready to take my Leave of my Preserver, I endeavour’d
to express my Gratitude in the best Language I was Master of; but she
presently interrupted me, and telling me she would not leave me till
she saw me out of all Danger, she continued to accompany me. As we
walk’d together, we enter’d into various Conversations concerning the
State of the Country, and I heard her with the utmost Avidity. But at
length she made a Digression to a Circumstance not very agreeable to
my Ears, and I conjectur’d, that for her Services, she requir’d some
Things of me which were _morally impossible_. For she told me with
the greatest Concern, that in this Country the Fate of marry’d Ladies
was extremely hard, for that their philosophick Husbands, immers’d in
Learning, neglected conjugal Duties. _For my Part, I protest_, says
she, with an Oath, _we should all be very wretched, if now and then
a good-natur’d, compassionate Stranger did not administer Comfort to
us in our Misfortunes, and occasionally apply a Remedy to them_. I
pretended not to understand this Harangue, and mended my Pace. But this
Coldness serv’d only to enflame her. Whereupon,
_Consumptis precibus, violentam transit ad iram,
Intendensque manus, passis furibunda capillis_,
she reproach’d me with Ingratitude. I nevertheless continued my Pace,
till at last she laid Hands upon my Cloaths, and endeavour’d to stop
me. With that I forcibly started from her, and having vastly the
Advantage of her in Swiftness, I quickly got out of her Sight. One
may judge of the Extremity of the Rage she was in, by the Words I
could hear her pronounce, namely, _Kaki spalaki_, that is, _ungrateful
Dog_. I digested this Affront with a _Spartan_ Nobleness of Mind, and
was glad at my Heart, that I could any Way escape from this Land of
Philosophers, the bare Remembrance of which fills me with Horror.
The next Province I arriv’d at, was that of _Nakir_; the Capital of
which is a fine, large City of the same Name. I cannot say much of
this Place, because I pass’d with the utmost Haste thro’ the Countries
adjoining to that I lately left, and long’d to be among People less
philosophically, and especially less anatomically given. For such a
Terror had seiz’d me, that I could not help asking every one I met,
whether he were a Philosopher; and even in my Dreams, the Carcases
and Instruments of Dissection still swam before me. The Natives of
_Nakir_ were very courteous; for every one I met offer’d me his Service
unask’d, with long Attestations of his Honour and Honesty. I thought
this very ridiculous, since I suspected none of them, nor call’d their
Integrity in Question. I express’d my Wonder at these Compliments, and
observ’d, that I could not conceive to what Purpose they were made; at
which they only renew’d their Protestations of Service with a thousand
Oaths. Leaving this Place, I overtook a Traveller bending beneath
the Weight of his Burden. Seeing me, he stopt, and enquir’d whence I
came. When I told him I had pass’d thro’ the Province of _Nakir_, he
congratulated me upon my Escape, assuring me, that the Inhabitants were
a People famous for their Skill in Tricking, and hardly a Traveller
pass’d, but was their Prey. I answer’d, If their Actions at all
corresponded with their Words, they must be People of the greatest
Honour, of which every one boasted extremely, and assur’d me of it with
a Multitude of Execrations. The Stranger smiling at these Words, _Take
Care_, says he, _of those who trumpet their own Virtues, and especially
of those who readily send themselves to the Devil to convince you_.
That Piece of Advice I bury’d deep in my Mind, and I have since
experienc’d that my Adviser had Reason.
I now arriv’d at a Lake, the Waters of which were of a yellowish
Colour. On the Bank there was a Vessel of three Ranks of Oars, in which
Passengers, for a small Consideration, were ferry’d over into _the Land
of Reason_. Having agreed for my Passage, I went aboard, and with the
highest Pleasure imaginable began my Voyage, inasmuch as I presently
observ’d, that these subterranean Vessels are impell’d by secret
Springs and Machines, which cleave the Waters with an astonishing
Rapidity, and all without the Agency of Rowers. Being landed on the
other Side of the Lake, I hir’d one of the Guides, which ply in the
several Ports, and under his Conduct I travell’d on. In the mean Time
my Guide told me every Thing that related to the Government of the
City, and the Manners of the People. I understood from him, that they
were all _Logicians_ to a Man, and that this City was the true Seat of
Reason, from whence it had its Name. And upon my Arrival, I found all
he had told me was true. Every Citizen from his great Penetration, and
the Composedness of his Manners, had the Appearance of a Judge. I could
not forbear lifting my Hands to Heaven, and crying out, Oh! infinitely
happy Country, where every Member is a _Cato_. But when I had more
accurately examin’d the Condition of the City, I observ’d that Business
went but dully on, and that the Republick in a Manner languish’d
for want of Fools. For as their good Sense weighs every Thing in
the justest Balance, and as not a Soul can be cajol’d by specious
Promises and studied Words, it follows, that all those prudent Means
and Methods, by which the Minds of Subjects are excited to the best
and noblest Actions, and that too at the cheapest and easiest Rate,
must here lose all their Efficacy. In short, the bad Effects of such
an exact Knowledge of Things were explain’d to me, and pathetically
lamented by the Super-Intendant of the Treasury. “One Tree, says he,
is here distinguish’d from another by nothing else but his Name, and
the Make of his Body. No Emulation among the Subjects, since Marks
of Distinction are thought not worth acquiring, and nobody is wise,
because every body is so. Folly, I confess, is a Defect, but to have
it wholly banish’d, may not be so desirable. Let every State, indeed,
have a competent Number of wise Men for the publick Employments. Some
must govern, and some must submit to be govern’d. What other States
effect by the most trifling Inducements, our Magistrates can procure
only by solid Rewards, which often drain the Treasury. Wise Men require
the Kernel if they serve their Country, but Fools are put off with
the Shell. Thus, for Instance, the Distribution of Honours and Titles,
with which Fools are taken as with a Hook, and spirited up to the most
hazardous Enterprizes, can be of little Force among a People, who know
that solid Fame and Honour is to be acquir’d only by inward Worth and
Virtue. A People of this Stamp are not to be deceiv’d with specious
Sounds. Your Soldiers, I think I have heard you say, are animated to
undergo the utmost Severities, from the Hope of an immortal Name in
History. This is what our People cannot conceive. They think, that
this Mode of Seech, for Instance, +Dying in earnest, and living in
a History+, is the veriest Jargon in the World, and that it is mere
Dotage to proclaim aloud the Praises of one, who cannot hear nor
understand them. I pass over numberless Inconveniences, which flow only
from our exquisite Knowledge, and which prove to Demonstration, that at
least half the Members of every civil Establishment ought to be Fools.
Folly is to Society, what Fermentation is to the Stomach; too much, or
none at all, are alike injurious.”
I heard all this with the greatest Amazement. But when in the Name
of the Senate he offer’d me the Freedom of the City, and repeated
his Intreaties, that I would fix my Abode here, I could not forbear
blushing, from a Suspicion that his Request proceeded from a
pre-conceiv’d Opinion of my Foolishness, and that he took me for such
a Sort of _Ferment_ as might be of Use to a State labouring under the
Misfortune of too much Wisdom. I was confirm’d in this Suspicion,
when I heard the Senate had decreed to send a Colony abroad, and in
their Places to take in an equal Number of Fools from the neighbouring
Nations. And so with a Sort of Resentment, I left this Race of
Reasoners. Yet for a long Time I could not help reflecting upon that
subterranean Axiom of theirs, unknown to the Politicians of our World,
namely, _That in a well-constituted Society, it is necessary that at
least half the Members should be Fools_. I wonder’d so salutary a Maxim
should remain undiscover’d by the _worthy Spirits_ of our Age. But
possibly it might be known to some, who were however unwilling to have
it inserted in the Class of political Truths, since with us there are
great Plenty of Fools, nor is there (Envy apart!) a Village or City
with us, but what is handsomely stor’d with this goodly _Ferment_.
Having rested some Time, I renew’d my Travels, and visited several
Countries, which I pass over in Silence, as having nothing remarkable
in them. I suppos’d I had now seen all the marvellous Things in the
Planet _Nazar_. But arriving at the Province of _Cabac_, fresh Wonders
offer themselves, and even such as exceed the Bounds of Credibility.
Among the Natives of this Region, some are born without Heads. They
speak by a Mouth plac’d in the Middle of the Breast. Upon Account of
this great Defect in Nature, they are exempted from all such difficult
Employments as require the least Headpiece. The only Posts they are
admitted to, are chiefly those about the Court. Thus the Chamberlain,
the Master of the Ceremonies, the President of the Seraglio, and the
like, are all taken from the Class of People that are without Heads.
Nevertheless some that have no Heads are, by the special Indulgence
of the Government, receiv’d into the Senate for some Merit of their
Ancestors, and that without much Detriment to the Republick. For
Experience tells us, that the whole Authority of the Senate is lodg’d
in the Hands of a few leading Members, and that the rest only help to
fill up the Number, and to assent and subscribe to the Resolutions of
others. And in my Time, there were in the Senate two that were born
without Heads, who nevertheless enjoy’d the senatorial Stipends. For
tho’ they were destitute of Sense, by reason of that Defect of Nature,
yet surely they might give their Vote with others; happier in one Thing
than their Collegues, namely, that nobody was angry with those who had
no Heads, but vented all their Rage against the others. And hence it is
evident, that it is safer sometimes to be born without a Head. This
City may vie with any in Magnificence and Splendour. It has a Court, an
University, and several noble Temples.
_Cambara_ and _Spelek_ are the two next Provinces. The Natives are all
Limes. But in this they differ, that the former seldom live beyond
the Age of four Years, whereas the others seldom fall short of four
hundred. Here you might see Fathers, Grandfathers, Great Grandfathers,
and so on; they would tell you old Stories and Adventures of their own
that happen’d Ages ago, and by their lively Representations make you
think you was almost present at them. As much as I pity’d the first, I
envy’d the last. But after I had more inly examin’d the State of both,
I found my Error. In _Cambara_ every one, within a few Months after
their Nativity, arriv’d to their full Maturity of Body and Mind. One
Year was enough to form and perfect them; in the rest they prepar’d
for Death. Not _Plato_’s self could have imagin’d a more charming
Republick; here all the Virtues flourish’d to Perfection. Being hourly
convinc’d of the Shortness of Life, they are always ready for Death,
and regard this Life only as a Passage to a better. We may imagine
every one of them a Philosopher, who with a happy Indifference to his
present State, aims only at securing that solid and durable Pleasure,
which is the Reward of Virtue and Piety. In a Word, this seem’d to be
the Abode of Angels, the Kingdom of Saints, and the truest School of
Wisdom and Virtue. Hence one may judge how unjust their Murmurs are,
who complain of the Brevity of Life, making it the Foundation of a
Quarrel at their Maker. Our Life is short, because we lose the greatest
Part in Sloth and Pleasure; it would be long enough if our Time were
better employ’d. But in the other Region, where Life is lengthen’d
to four hundred Years, I discover’d all the Vices under Heaven. The
present State of Things they look upon as eternal and immortal.
_Hinc fugere pudor, verumque, fidesque & honestum:
In quorum subiere locum dolus insidiæque._
There was also another Inconvenience resulting from long Life. Those
who had unhappily lost their Estate or Fortunes, those who were maim’d
in their Limbs, or were fallen into incurable Diseases, made the most
piercing Complaints, and knowing no End to their Miseries, often laid
violent Hands on themselves. The Shortness of Life, therefore, is to
the Wretched the best of Remedies. Both these Countries afforded me
Matter of much Admiration, and upon my Departure fill’d me with very
philosophical Reflexions.
I pursued my Journey thro’ certain desert and rocky Places, which lead
to _Spalank_, or the Country of Innocence. This Place is so call’d
from the Innocence and peaceful Humour of the Natives. These are all
Beeches, and esteem’d the happiest of the whole Creation. They are
subject to no Passions and Affections, and consequently free from all
Vices.
_Sponte sua, sine lege, fidem rectumque colebant;
Pœna metusque aberant, &c._
Upon my Arrival, I found all I had heard was true, and that actually
they were govern’d not by Laws, but by their own innate Virtue and
Disposition. Envy, Anger, Hatred, Pride, Vain-Glory, Discord, and all
which among Mankind bears the Name of Vice, is here proscrib’d and
banish’d. But with the Vices there were also many Things wanting,
which adorn the human Species, and seem to distinguish them from
Brutes. Except Divinity, Natural Philosophy and Astronomy, all the
Arts and Sciences were wholly unknown. They had not the least Idea of
Law, Politicks, History, Ethicks, and Eloquence, the very Names of
which were never heard of. As there was not the least Spark of Envy,
so there was no Emulation to excite and animate the Soul to worthy
Deeds. There were no splendid Edifices, no Palace, no Senate-House,
no Forum, no Magistrate, no Riches, and consequently no Desire of
them, or Contention about them. In two Words, if they had no Vices,
they had no Politeness, Art, or Elegance; nor any of those Things,
which, tho’ in Reality no Virtues, are yet extremely like Virtues,
and render Men civiliz’d and social. To say the Truth, I seem’d here
to be rather in a Forest of real Trees, than in a rational Society. I
stood a long Time in doubt what Judgment to form of these People, and
whether such a State were in Reality desirable. At length reflecting,
that an uncultivated Creature was however better than a vicious
Creature, and that tho’ they had no Arts, they had also no Thefts,
Murders, and other atrocious Crimes, which destroy both Body and Soul,
I could not help pronouncing them happy. Walking carelesly along one
Day, while I was among them, I struck my left Leg against a Stone. It
swell’d violently, and gave me excessive Pain. An honest Countryman
seeing this Accident, presently ran to me, and with a certain Herb
he held in his Hand and apply’d to the Wound, the Anguish forthwith
abated, and the Swelling decreas’d. These People, thought I, must
have extraordinary Skill in the Art of Healing. Nor was my Conjecture
wrong. For since their Studies were confin’d within so narrow a
Compass, they were not contented with the outward Rind of Knowledge,
like our modern Connoiseurs, but went to the Bottom of Things. When I
thank’d my Benefactor for his Services, and told him that God would be
his Reward, he answer’d me in so solid, so learned, and so devout a
Manner, tho’ in Terms perfectly simple and rural, that I had really
some Apprehensions it was an Angel in the Shape of a Tree. It appears
hence, with what little Reason we dislike that _calm_ Philosophy of
some Men, who neither wish nor grieve, are neither angry, nor pleas’d,
who divest themselves of all the impetuous Passions of the Soul, and
whom we therefore accuse of leading a Life of Indolence and Softness.
It appears also how much mistaken they are, who are Advocates for the
Necessity of Vices among Men; who stile Anger the Whetstone of Courage,
Emulation the Spur of Industry, and Distrust the Parent of Discretion.
For who does not know, that from ill Eggs ill Birds are hatch’d, and
that many Virtues which Mortals pride themselves in, and which are
celebrated in Verse, are rather the Disgrace than Ornament of Humanity,
if beheld with a philosophical Eye.
I left this Place, and arriv’d at _Kiliac_, where the Inhabitants are
born with certain Marks impress’d upon their Forehead, signifying the
exact Number of Years they have to live. These surely I thought must
be the most fortunate People under the Sun, since an unexpected Death
could surprize none of them in a sinful Action. But then, as their last
Day of Life was known to every one, they deferr’d their Repentance to
the last; insomuch that if you found one among them sincerely devout
and honest, it was one whom the Marks upon his Forehead directed to
think of his Quietus. Some I observ’d who walk’d with their Heads
hanging down; they had almost liv’d out their Time, and were counting
the Remainder of their Days and Hours upon their Fingers, expecting
with Horror their last approaching Moment. This gave me to see the
general Wisdom of the Creator in concealing from Mortals the Time of
their Death.
Having travell’d over this Country, I came to a Streight, the Water of
which was black; and being ferry’d over, I landed upon the Province of
_Askarac_. Here new Monsters met my Eyes. As _Cabac_ produces Animals
without a Head, some among these People are born with seven Heads.
To these, as being possess’d of an amazing Knowledge, the Citizens
formerly paid almost divine Honours; and out of their Tribes alone,
Commanders, Consuls, Senators, and other great Officers were elected.
But, alas! as many Heads as they had, so many different Geniuses they
had. They confidently and readily undertook to discharge various
Employments at one and the same Time; and left nothing unattempted
while they held the Reins of Power: But from that Multiplicity of
Business, and from their various Ideas interfering and jostling with
each other, they made wretched Work of it; and in Process of Time so
great was the Confusion, that it requir’d the Labour of an Age to
recover from the Disorder these omniscient Magistrates had thrown
Things into. Hence a Law was enacted, to exclude for ever these
seven-headed Trees from all publick Offices of Importance, and that the
Government should hereafter be intrusted to _simple Heads_, that is
to say, those who have only one Head. Ever since, those very People,
who had been rever’d as Gods, have been sinking into the same Contempt
as the headless Inhabitants of _Cabac_. For as they, who had no Head
at all, could do nothing; so these with many Heads did every Thing
perversely. But tho’ they are for ever remov’d from all State-Trusts,
yet they serve as an Ornament to the Kingdom. They are carry’d about
like publick Spectacles, to shew the World how liberal Nature has been
in their Formation. Tho’ to say the Truth, had she been less lavish of
her Favours, she had been in Reality much kinder. Of all this Race,
there were only three in my Time in Employment, to which, however,
they were not admitted, till they had consented to an Amputation of
six of their Heads. After this, the confus’d Ideas they labour’d under
vanish’d, and they were brought to common Sense. Thus Men prune Trees
of their superfluous Branches, to derive more Health and Vigour to the
rest. Very few undergo this Operation, upon Account of the extreme Pain
and Danger. From hence I drew this useful Maxim, That all Excess is
hurtful, and that Simplicity is true Wisdom.
From hence I pass’d to the Principality of _Bostanki_, a People, as
to their outward Make, little different from the _Potuans_; but as to
the inward, they have this Singularity, that their Heart is situated
in their Thigh; so that it may be truly said of them, that they carry
their Heart in their Breeches. Hence, among all the Inhabitants of this
Globe, these are accounted the most fearful and pusillanimous. Upon
my Arrival, I enter’d into an Inn near the Gate, and as the Fatigue
of Travelling had made me something weary and fretful, I rattled my
Host for being slow in his Attendance. But he, falling on his Knees,
implor’d for Mercy, and extending his Thigh for me to feel the great
Palpitation of Heart he was in, from storming I fell to laughing,
and bid him dry his Tears, and cast away all Fear: He rose, and in
a Transport kiss’d my Hand, and set about Supper immediately. In a
Minute or two the whole Kitchen resounded with Cries and Lamentations.
I ran thither, and to my vast Astonishment, there did I behold my very
fearful Host beating and whipping his Wife and the Maids about. Seeing
me, he took to his Heels, and run away. I turn’d to the weeping Family,
and begg’d to know what Crime they had committed, to provoke so meek a
Man to so great Rage. They, on the other Hand, stood mute, with their
Eyes fasten’d to the Ground, not daring to tell the Cause of their
Affliction. But upon my persisting to enquire, and adding Threats to
my Intreaty, the Mistress spoke to me in this Manner: “You seem, Sir,
to be a great Stranger to the Manners of the World. The Natives of
this Principality can’t bear the Sight of an armed Enemy, and out of
their own Houses tremble at the least Noise; yet they all domineer in
the Kitchen, they exert their Bravery on their defenceless Family, and
are only then valiant, when no Resistance can be made. On this Account
they are the Jest, as well as the Prey, of the neighbouring States.
But in the bordering Kingdom, to which we are Tributaries, the Case is
otherwise. There they never fight but against an arm’d Enemy. There
the Males command abroad, and serve at home.” I admir’d the Wisdom of
the Hostess, whom I look’d upon as worthy of a better Condition. And,
indeed, upon a closer Inspection into the Nature and Disposition of
People, this Matron, it must be own’d, was extremely in the right,
since from innumerable Examples it is clear, that _Hercules_ is not
the only one who has yielded to a Distaff, but that it is the common
Fate of brave and warlike Men to submit, with all due Patience, to
the Female Yoke: And that, on the other Hand, the veriest Cowards in
all Nature, who like the _Bostankians_, carry their Hearts in their
Breeches, are yet Heroes in the Kitchen. This People live under the
Protection of a neighbouring Kingdom, to whom they pay Tribute for it.
From hence I pass’d by Water to _Mikolac_. Coming out of the Boat
I miss’d my Cloak-Bag. I presently charg’d the Boat-Man with the
Theft, who stifly deny’d it. Upon this I went and complain’d to the
Magistrate, telling him, that if I had not the Liberty of bringing
an Action against the Boat-Man for Breach of Trust or Theft, I hop’d
he would at least compel him to make simple Restitution. But my
Adversary not only persisted in denying the Fact, but threaten’d me
with an Action of Slander. In a Case so doubtful the Court call’d
for Witnesses. But as I could bring none, I desir’d my Antagonist
might purge himself by Oath. At this the Judge smil’d, and spoke as
follows. “My Friend, says he, in this Province we are bound by no
Religion, nor have we any other Gods beside the Laws of our Country.
Accusations here must be made good by legal Methods, such as proving
the Delivery, estimating the Value, exhibiting Receipts, and producing
Witnesses. Whoever is destitute of these, not only loses his Cause,
but is liable to be sued for Calumny. Make the Case plain by proper
Evidence, and what you have lost shall be restor’d to you.” Thus losing
my Cause for want of Witnesses, I not only lamented my own Misfortune,
but that of the Republick itself. For from hence it appear’d, what
a weak unsettled Society that must be which depends for its Security
upon human Laws alone, and how frail are all political Edifices unless
cemented together by Religion. I staid three Days here in continual
Fears. For tho’ the Laws of the Country are in Reality very good, and
tho’ Crimes are punish’d with the utmost Severity, yet no Safety can
be reasonably expected in a Country too atheistical to have the least
Sense of religious Obligation, and where they scruple the Commission of
no Crimes, provided they can but conceal them.
From this Land of Atheists, I travell’d on over a steep Mountain to
the City of _Bracmat_, which was situated in the Plain at the Foot of
the Mountain. The Inhabitants are Junipers. The first Person I met,
came directly rushing at me, and threw me backwards. I did not well
understand this, and asking the Reason of it, the Juniper begg’d my
Pardon a thousand Times. Presently after, another with a Staff he had
in his Hand, gave me a Blow upon the Reins that almost took away my
Senses: But in the same Moment he made a long Harangue to me in Excuse
of his Imprudence. Suspecting, therefore, this People to be either
totally blind, or very weak-sighted, I took Care to avoid every one I
met. In fact, all this arose from the exquisite Sense of Sight which
some are here endued with. They can clearly discern remote Objects,
which are impenetrable to vulgar Eyes; but then they do not see what
is nearer and almost at hand. These are call’d _Makatti_; and they
devote themselves principally to the Studies of Metaphysicks and
Astronomy. They are of very little Service in the World, by reason of
their too delicate Vision. They make very pretty _minute Philosophers_;
but in solid Matters and Things of daily Use, they commit innumerable
Blunders. However, the Government makes some Use of them, and sends
them to the Mines for the Discovery of Metals. For tho’ they see scarce
any Thing upon the Surface of the Earth, their Sight exerts itself upon
any Thing beneath it. I concluded from hence, that there are some who
are blind from too great a Delicacy in the Organs of Vision, and that
they would see better if their Eyes were worse.
Having gain’d the Top of another very steep and rocky Mountain, I now
enter’d the Province of _Mutak_, the Capital of which look’d like a
Grove of Willows, the Inhabitants being all of that Species. Proceeding
to the Market, I there found a robust, healthy young Man, sitting in a
_Place of Ease_ (of which there are many round the Market-Place) and
imploring the Mercy of the Senate. I enquir’d the Meaning of this,
and was informed, that the said Person was a Criminal, to whom they
were going to give the fifteenth Dose. Surpriz’d at the Answer, I
step’d aside, and desir’d my Host to explain this Riddle. He reply’d
thus: “Most Nations punish Crimes by whipping, branding, hanging
and the like: But nothing of that Kind obtains in this Country. For
we study not so much to punish Crimes, as to mend the Criminal. The
Culprit upon the Seat is a wretched Author, who for his violent Itch
of Writing, which neither Law nor Advice could restrain, has been
condemn’d by the Senate to the publick Punishment. This is left to the
_Censors_ of the City, who are all Doctors of Physick, and who are now
going to macerate and bring him low by frequent Purgings, till they
have conquer’d and extinguish’d the Lust of Scribbling.” He ended his
Discourse with desiring me to go to the Shop of a publick Apothecary.
I went with him accordingly, and to my vast Amazement beheld Phials
and Gallipots all properly arrang’d, with such Inscriptions as these:
_Powder of Avarice._ _Pills for Lust._ _Tincture against Cruelty._
_Lenitive of Ambition._ _Cortex against Pleasure_, &c. Words cannot
express the strange Confusion of Mind this odd Spectacle threw me
into. But a perfect Ecstasy of Surprize ensued, when I observed a
Parcel of Manuscripts with these Titles: _Sermons of Master_ Pisagus,
_a Morning’s Perusal of which gives six Stools_. _Meditations of Dr._
Jukes, _a Specific in the_ Coma Vigil, _or Want of Sleep_, &c. I
thought the People out of their Senses, and to examine more accurately
the Virtue of their Medicines, I open’d the first of these Books.
It was such insipid Stuff, that at the first Chapter I began to make
Faces; and reading on, I found my Bowels rumble, and soon after had a
_Tenesmus_. But as I knew I had no Occasion for Purging, I threw the
Book down, and run away. I then observ’d, that nothing in the whole
World was without its Use, and that the most pitiful Performances were
serviceable for something. I found also, that this People were no
Fools, however absurd I at first took them to be. My Host averr’d to
me, that he was cur’d of lying awake from only perusing Doctor _Juke_’s
Book, the Virtue of which was so profound and potent, that Vigilance
itself must snore at it. These Things occasion’d in me a tumultuous
Variety of Thought. And lest they should break in upon that Chain of
philosophical Reflexions I had heretofore made, I resolv’d soon to
leave the Country. And happily enough, the strange Things I soon saw
in other Provinces, jostled out almost all Thoughts of this Place. But
notwithstanding, after I had finish’d my Tour round this Globe, and
was reflecting upon the _Mutakian_ Philosophy, their Manner of curing
Disorders was not altogether so absurd. For I am convinc’d, that in
our _Europe_ there are some Books that would purge the most costive,
or give Sleep to the most wakeful. As to the Disorders of the Mind, I
own I could not subscribe to the _Mutakian_ Principles in this Point,
tho’ it must be confess’d, there are some Infirmities of Body, which we
confound with the Disorders of the Mind; as a witty Poet of our World
has observ’d in the following Epigram.
_Sexte, diu mecum morbo vexaris eodem,
Humores acres nos cruciare solent.
Cum mihi sit morbus circum præcordia versans,
Exosus, querulus, difficilisque vocor.
At te ægrotantem plorant, miserantur amici,
In pedibus morbi vis quia tota sedet.
Comiter excusant te, cum saltare recusas,
Immunem clamant, namque podagra tenet.
Inter convivas at me cantare negantem,
Fastosum, querulum, difficilemque vocant.
Cum minus ardua res tibi sit saltatio, Sexte,
Quam sit cardiaco psallere sæpe mihi._
I departed from _Mutak_, and crossing over a Lake of a yellow Hue, I
arriv’d at _Mikrok_, and proceeding to the capital City, I found the
Gate shut. I was oblig’d to wait till the drowsy Centinel was pleas’d
to open it, which was some considerable Time, it being secur’d with
a Multitude of Locks, Bolts, and Bars. Entring, I observ’d a deep
Silence reign throughout the whole City, except that my Ears were now
and then assaulted by a Noise as of People snoring. I could not help
fancying I was got into the Region of Sleep, as the Poets talk. Would
to God, says I to myself, that several of the Magistrates, Senators,
and a few other honest Countrymen of mine, who are dear Lovers of
Peace, had had the Luck to be born in this blessed City! How sweetly
and quietly would they live! And yet from the Signs in the Streets,
and Inscriptions on the Houses, it was evident, that Arts and Sciences
were not unknown here, and that Laws were exercis’d. Led by these
Signs, I found out an Inn. No Entrance to be had. The Doors were all
fast. And tho’ it was Noon with the rest of the World, it should seem
it was Night to the Inhabitants of this City. At last, after having
knock’d and bounc’d a long while, I was let in. Time is here divided
into twenty-three Hours; nineteen of them are sacred to Sleep, the
other four to Business. Suspecting, therefore, these People to be
monstrously negligent both in their publick and private Affairs, I
desir’d something to be brought me to eat, which they had ready in the
House, fearing, if I had order’d any Thing to be dress’d, the Cook
should fall asleep while it was about. But all Things are here done in
the concisest and most compendious Manner; every Thing superfluous is
omitted; and therefore this diminutive Day of theirs is long enough for
all Sorts of Business. After Dinner, which was brought upon Table with
a surprizing Expedition, my Host waited on me round the City. We went
into a Temple, where we heard a Discourse, short indeed, with respect
to the Time, but long enough considering its Importance. The Preacher
went directly to his Subject. He us’d no Flourishes, no Tautologies,
nor said one superfluous Thing. So that when I compare this Discourse
with the long nauseous ones of Master _Petre_, the former is in Reality
more copious than the latter. With the same Brevity Proceedings in
Law are dispatch’d: The Advocates say all in few Words, and then
produce their Witnesses. I remember to have seen a Copy of a Treaty of
Alliance between this and a neighbouring Kingdom. It was couch’d in
these Terms: _Let there be perpetual Friendship between the_ Mikrekians
_and_ Splendikanians. _Let the Limits of the two Kingdoms be the River_
Klimac, _and the Top of Mount_ Zabor. _Sign’d_, &c. Thus in three Lines
they express, what with us would require a Volume. Hence I am persuaded
one may come to the Point with less Noise and less Loss of Time, if
Superfluities were to be retrench’d; as a Traveller would find his
Journey half as short again, were he always to go directly strait. The
Natives here are Cypresses, and are distinguish’d from other Trees by
Wens in their Forehead, which Wens have a stated Increase and Decrease.
When they increase, a certain Humour distils from them, which falling
upon the Eyes brings on a Drowsiness, and is an Indication of the
approaching Night.
From hence to _Makrok_ is one Day’s Journey. Here the Inhabitants never
sleep. Entring into the City, I stopp’d a Person, tho’ he seem’d to be
in Haste, and begg’d he would be pleas’d to direct me to a good Inn.
He reply’d he was very busy, and made the best of his Way forward. So
great was the general Hurry of this Place, that they seem’d not to
walk thro’ the Streets, but to run or fly, as if they were afraid of
being too late. The least I could think was, that some Part of the
City was on Fire, or that some other sudden and unlook’d for Disaster
had frighted the Citizens out of their Senses. At last I cast my Eyes
upon a Sign before a House, which signify’d it was an Inn. Here some
were entring, others departing, others stumbling for Haste, insomuch
that I was a Quarter of an Hour bustling in the Yard before I could
gain Admittance. In a Moment I was ask’d a Multitude of impertinent
Questions. One said, Where do you come from? Where are you going to?
How long do you stay here? Another said, Will you dine alone, or with
Company? If the latter, what Room will you dine in, the red, the
green, the white, or the black Room? Or will you dine above Stairs,
or below? with a thousand Impertinences of this Kind. My Host, who
was a Clerk of one of the inferior Courts of Justice here, went away
to Dinner, but soon return’d, and then gave me a long tedious Account
of a Law-Suit that had been depending these ten Years, the Hearing of
which was now coming on before the fourteenth Court. He told me, he
hop’d it would be ended within two Years, since there were but two
Courts remaining, beyond which there was no Appeal. He left me in great
Astonishment, and convinc’d me, that this Nation was extremely busy in
doing nothing. When my Landlord was gone, I walk’d about the House, and
by Chance dropt upon a Library. It was large and well stock’d, with
respect to the Number of Books, but a very indifferent one with respect
to the Contents. Among those Books, which to Appearance were in best
Condition, I observ’d the following,
1. Description of the Cathedral 24 Vols.
2. Relation of the Siege of _Pehunc_ 36 Vols.
3. Of the Use of the Herb _Slac_ 13 Vols.
4. Funeral Oration upon the Death of Senator _Jacksi_ 18 Vols.
My Landlord, at his Return to me, entertain’d me with a Description
of the State of the City; and from what he said, I concluded that
more Business was transacted by the sleepy _Mikrokians_, than by the
waking _Makrokians_; that these play’d with the Shell, while the other
eat the Kernel. The People here too are all Cypresses, and as to the
outward Make of their Bodies, differ very little from the _Mikrokians_,
excepting the Wens upon their Foreheads. They have not the same Blood
or Juice in their Bodies which other Trees of this Globe have, but
instead of Blood, they have a thicker Juice in their Veins, which is of
a mercurial Quality and Appearance. Nay some think it is Quicksilver
itself, inasmuch as in a Barometer it is found to have the same Effect.
At the Distance of about two Days Journey from hence lies the Republick
of _Siklok_, which is divided into two Societies, in Alliance with
each other, but govern’d by different and opposite Laws. The first is
call’d _Miho_, founded by _Mihac_, a famous Lawgiver of old, and the
_Lycurgus_ of the _Subterraneans_. In order to render his Republick
stronger and more lasting, he made sumptuary Laws, which forbid all
Luxury on the severest Penalties. And accordingly this Society, for its
great Continence and Parsimony, may be justly call’d another _Sparta_.
One Thing I wonder’d at, and that was, that in a Government so well
constituted, and which piqu’d itself upon the Excellence of its Laws,
there should be so many Beggars. For wherever I turn’d my Eyes, there
was a Tree begging an Alms, which is a very troublesome Thing to
Travellers. Upon a nice Inspection into the State of the Republick, I
was convinc’d, that these Miseries flow’d from the too great Œconomy
of the People. For all Luxury being proscrib’d, and the Rich baulking
their Genius, and giving into no Indulgences, the common People of
course must lead an indolent, idle, and beggarly Life, for want of
Matter to make a proper Gain of. I concluded from hence, that rigid
Parsimony in a State produces the same Inconveniences as an Obstruction
of the Blood in a human Body. In the other Province, that of _Liho_,
they live splendidly and jovially, and spare no Expence. Here Arts and
Professions flourish; the People are encourag’d to Industry, and every
Citizen has an Opportunity to raise a Fortune. Whoever is poor among
them may fairly impute it to his own Negligence. Thus the Profusion of
the Rich gives Life to the Body politick, as the Circulation of the
Blood in the human Body gives Strength and Vigour to the Limbs.
The Territory of _Lama_ borders upon this. Here is the celebrated
School of Physicians. With so much Ardour is the Study of Physick here
pursued, that none are look’d upon as genuine Doctors, unless they come
from the illustrious School of _Lama_. And hence this City is crouded
with so many Doctors, that you see more of them than of all other
Sorts of People put together. Whole Streets are fill’d with Shops of
Apothecaries, and anatomical Instrument-Makers. Loitering about the
City, I met a Tree offering to Sale the Bills of Mortality for the
Year last past. I bought one of them, and to my great Surprize found
the Births and Burials stand thus: Born fifty; buried six hundred. I
could not conceive that in a Place, where _Apollo_ himself seem’d to
have fix’d his Residence, there should be such a yearly Havock among
the Citizens. I ask’d the Tree what unusual Plague or Pestilence had
rag’d in the City the last Year. He reply’d, that two Years ago
the Number of the Deceas’d was greater, that this was the common
Proportion between the Births and Burials, and that the Inhabitants
of _Lama_ were perpetually afflicted with Distempers, which hasten’d
their Deaths; insomuch that in a short Time the City would be empty,
if it were not supplied and recruited from the neighbouring Provinces.
Upon this I hurry’d out of the City, not thinking it prudent to stay
longer here, especially as the Name of a Physician, and the Sight of
the anatomical Instruments, after what I had suffer’d in the Country
of Philosophers, could not be very agreeable. Therefore leaving this
Place, I never stopt, till I came to a Town four Miles distant, where
the People live without Physicians, and without Diseases. In the Space
of two Days, I arriv’d at the _Land of Liberty_. The People here are
accountable to no Authority. They consist of separate Families, without
being subject to any Laws or Power whatsoever. Yet an Appearance of
Society is preserv’d, and in publick Matters they consult the Seniors,
who perpetually exhort them to Peace and Unanimity, and admonish them
never to depart from that primary Precept of Nature, of _doing to
others, as you would be done by_. On all the Gates of the Cities and
Villages a Statue of Liberty is erected trampling upon Chains and
Fetters, with this Inscription over the Head, GOLDEN LIBERTY. In the
first City I enter’d, all was quiet enough; yet I observ’d some of the
Citizens distinguish’d themselves by certain Ribbands which they wore,
and which, as I afterward understood, were Marks and Symbols of two
Factions which then divided the People. The Avenues and Court-Yards of
the Houses of the Great were lin’d with arm’d Soldiers, who always held
themselves in Readiness, because the Truce being about two Days ago
expir’d, the War was upon breaking out afresh. I fled away trembling as
fast as I could, nor thought myself free, till I had convey’d myself
out of Sight of this Land of Liberty.
The next Province is _Jochtan_, of which I had heard a short
Description, which very much alarm’d me, and led me to think it must be
the Seat of Disorder, Confusion, and Insecurity. For this Country was
the Sink and Receptacle of all Religions. All the several Principles
and Doctrines which prevail in any Part of this Globe, retire here as
to their Center, and are taught publickly. Recollecting, therefore,
what Troubles had been excited in _Europe_ by religious Differences,
I was almost afraid to approach the capital City, the several Streets
and Portions of which have all Churches and Temples for different
and opposite Sects. But my Fears soon vanish’d, when I observ’d a
profound Agreement and Concord reign in every Part. With respect to
their Politicks, there was the same Face, the same Sentiments, the
same Tranquillity, and the same Care in all. For as the Laws made it
capital for one Member of the State to disturb another in his Way of
Worship, or to molest him upon Account of any religious Difference,
hence whatever Dissensions they had were without the least Appearance
of Hostility, their Disputes were without Bitterness or Invectives,
and they had no Aversions, because they had no Persecutions. There was
a perpetual, but very honest and worthy Emulation among the several
Sects, every one of which endeavour’d to demonstrate the Excellence
of their Religion by the Purity of their Life and Morals. Thus by the
Wisdom of the Magistrate, all these different Sentiments excited no
more Troubles in the State, than did the different Shops of the Artists
and Merchants in the _Forum_, where the Buyers are invited by the sole
Goodness of the Commodity, and where they use neither Fraud, Force, or
Disparagement. By these Means, the least Seed of Discord is stifled
in the Birth, and that Sort of Emulation only encourag’d, which is
honourable in itself, and advantageous to the State. This convinc’d
me, that the religious Troubles which reign in many Places arise not
from the Variety of Religions, but from Persecution alone. A sensible
and learned _Jochtanian_ explain’d to me more at large the Genius of
this Government, and the Causes of its Tranquillity. I heard him with
Rapture, and his Observations I shall keep engrav’d on the Table of my
Heart. I did indeed, for some Time, make Replies and Objections to him,
but was at last forc’d to own myself vanquish’d, since he irresistibly
prov’d all his Points by Arguments drawn from Experience. Asham’d,
therefore, to contradict my Senses, and give the Lie to positive
Matter of Fact, I was forc’d to own, that Liberty of Belief was the
true Fountain of this Tranquillity and Concord. However, once more I
attack’d my Adversary with an Argument different from all I had us’d.
I told him it was the Duty of a Lawgiver, in erecting a Government, to
regard the future, rather than the present Happiness of Mortals, and
that he should conform his Scheme not so much to their Palate as to the
Laws of God. To this he reply’d in this Manner: “My good Friend, says
he, you are greatly deceiv’d, if you imagine that God, the Fountain
of Truth, can be pleas’d with dissembled Worship. In other Nations,
where all are oblig’d by publick Authority to one certain Rule of
Faith, what a Door is open’d for Ignorance and Hypocrisy! Few, or none,
have the Will or the Courage to discover their true Sentiments, and
so they profess one Thing, and believe another. This makes the Study
of Divinity a cold, lifeless Thing, and begets a Negligence in the
Discovery of Truth. This also makes profane Learning more cultivated:
For the Priests themselves, lest they should be branded with the Title
of Hereticks, relinquish the Pursuit of sacred Things, and divert
their Studies to other Subjects, where their Minds may range without
Danger, and where their Liberty is not fetter’d. The Vulgar will still
condemn all who depart from the reigning Doctrines. But Hypocrites and
Dissemblers must be hateful to God, to whom a sincere, tho’ erroneous
Belief, must be infinitely less displeasing than an orthodox, but
pretended Faith.” Hearing this, I kept Silence, unable to dispute the
Point any longer with so wise a People.
I had now been almost two Months out upon my Travels, when at last I
arriv’d at _Tumbac_, a Territory contiguous to the _Potuan_ Dominions.
I thought myself now at home, my wearisome Journey being almost
finish’d. The Inhabitants of this Region are chiefly Wild Olives,
extremely devout, and extremely censorious. In the first Inn I enter’d,
I waited two Hours for my Breakfast, knocking and calling for it almost
all that Time in vain. The Reason of this Delay, was the unseasonable
Devotion of my Host, who would not, for the World, put his Hand to the
least Thing, till he had finish’d his Morning Prayers.
_Tandem intrans magno porrexit murmure panem
Pallidus, & caulem misero mihi ponit alentem
Lanteram._
However, that Breakfast was one of the dearest in all my Travels, and
I protest I never met with a Landlord more devout, or more unmerciful.
Well! thought I to myself, this Landlord had better have pray’d less,
and been more honest. But I dissembled my Resentment, well knowing
how dangerous it is to provoke a Saint. The Citizens here were all
_Cato’s_, all Censors of Manners. They walk’d up and down the Streets
with pensive Looks and folded Arms, declaiming against the Vanity of
the Times, and condemning every innocent Pleasure. Not a Gesture, not a
Smile escap’d their Observation. And thus by their perpetual Censures,
and envenom’d Zeal, they pass’d for Persons of eminent Sanctity. For my
Part, as I was spent and exhausted with Fatigues, I made no Scruple of
indulging in several innocent Diversions. But I got a bad Name by so
doing, insomuch that every House I enter’d was like a Court of Justice,
where I was sure to be arraign’d. Some, when they saw I was not at all
mov’d by their Rebukes and Admonitions, shunn’d me like a Plague or a
Contagion. I forbear to say more upon the Moroseness of this People:
However, one Circumstance I must not omit, because it gives you their
exact Character; and from this Sample you may judge of the rest. A
certain _Tumbacian_, with whom I had been acquainted at _Potu_, being
at an Inn, and seeing me go by, stept out to me, and press’d me to go
in. I waited on him. As he had heard that I was far from being an Enemy
to Pleasure, he gave me such a Lecture, and upbraided me with my Life
and Morals in such Terms, that my Hair stood on End, and every Joint of
me shook. But while our _Cato_ was discharging thus the Artillery of
his Censures, the Glass had pass’d very insensibly, but very briskly,
from one to the other, till in short we both fell fairly fuddled on the
Floor, and were carried off half dead. Having slept off this Debauch,
and recover’d my Reason, I set myself to examine into the Nature of
these People’s Religion; and I made a fair Discovery, that their Zeal
flow’d rather from some vicious Humours, or a Predominancy of the
bilious Juices, than from true Piety. But I never communicated this to
any one, and left them without saying a Word.
At last, after two compleat Months, I arriv’d at _Potu_, so extremely
weary with such incessant Exercise, that my Legs had scarce Strength
to support my Body. It was on the tenth Day of the Month of _Beeches_
that I enter’d this Capital. I went forthwith to his Serene Highness,
and offer’d him my little Historical Collection, which he immediately
order’d to be printed. (For it must be noted, that the Art of
Printing, of which the _Europeans_ and _Chinese_ boast themselves to
be Inventors, was of far greater Antiquity among the _Potuans_.) The
People in general were so pleas’d with this Account of my Travels,
that they were never weary of reading it. All Day long they were
running about the Streets selling my Journal, and crying, as loud
as they could, _A Journey round the World, by_ Scabba, _the King’s
Messenger_. Elated with this Success, I gave a Loose to my Ambition,
and aspir’d to some Employment of greater Weight and Dignity. But
seeing my Hopes not quickly answer’d, I preferr’d a new Petition to
the Prince, wherein extolling my late Labours, I earnestly implor’d
his Highness to vouchsafe me a proper Recompence. The Prince, who
was Humanity in the Abstract, was sensibly touch’d with my Case, and
graciously promis’d that he would have a due Regard to me. He was as
good as his Word: But his whole Favour terminated in the Enlargement
of my annual Salary. I thought I had Reason to expect a far better
Recompence, and therefore I could not rest contented with this. But as
I would not trouble his Highness any further, I open’d my Grief to the
Chancellor. He heard me with his usual Humanity, and promis’d me all
the good Offices in his Power; but at the same Time admonish’d me to
desist from so wild a Petition, and begg’d me to consider the Measure
of my Abilities, and the Weakness of my Judgment. “Nature, says he, has
been but a Step-Mother to you, and has deny’d you those Powers of the
Mind, which are requisite for the more arduous Offices of the State;
and therefore you should not aim at what it is not possible for you
to procure. Nay, the Prince himself, were he to comply with this weak
Request of yours, must suffer in his Fame, as a Violator of the Laws.
Rest contented therefore with your Condition, and renounce a Hope,
which Nature has made unreasonable.” In Conclusion, he own’d I had some
Merit, and particularly extoll’d my late Performance. But it is not,
says he, Merit of this Kind that paves the Way to State-Preferment.
’Tis true, you have drawn a very pretty Picture of the World; but if
for a Performance of this Kind we were to gratify you with the most
honourable Employments, why might not a Painter for drawing a great
Likeness, or a Sculptor for exhibiting a Statue in just Proportion,
with as much Reason expect to be made a Senator? Merit should doubtless
meet with a Recompence, and Rewards should be assign’d to the
Deserving; but then they should be Rewards of such a Nature, as that
the Commonwealth receive no Detriment, and suffer no Ridicule.
These Admonitions silenc’d me for a While. But as I could not bear to
think of growing old in this vile Employ, I resum’d that desperate
Resolution, which had laid dormant a long Time, of attempting a
Reformation in the State, by which Project I might, at one and the same
Time, help forward the publick Good, and my own too.
A little before I set out upon my late Travels, I had closely study’d
the Nature of this Government, to see if I could discover any Defects,
and at the same Time what Remedies were proper for them. Since that, in
the Province of _Cockleku_, I had observ’d that the Government there
was in a tottering Condition, by reason of the Admission of Women to
the Management of publick Affairs, that Sex being naturally ambitious,
still aiming to extend their Power, nor ever resting till they have
acquir’d a full and absolute Authority. Hereupon I determin’d to bring
in a Bill to exclude that Sex from the Administration of publick
Affairs. I flatter’d myself I should find Multitudes to abet and
espouse this Point, since it was an easy Matter to make it very clear,
and to shew beyond Contradiction the Misfortunes that flow from this
Defect in the State, and the Danger the Male Sex was in, unless the
Wings of such an unnatural Power were timely clipt. And if it should so
happen, that the Abolition of this ancient Custom should appear to some
to be too hazardous an Attempt, in such Case I humbly offer’d, that the
Female Power should be at least restrain’d and abridg’d.
This Scheme of mine had three Ends in view. First, to remove an
Inconvenience the State labour’d under. Secondly, by producing a
Specimen of my Sagacity and Judgment, I had Hopes to mend my Condition.
And, thirdly, I thought by these Means to revenge certain Taunts and
Affronts I had receiv’d from many of the Females of this Country. I
frankly confess, that my own private Interest, and a Desire of Revenge,
were the _primum Mobile_ of this Project. But then I artfully conceal’d
these Views, lest under a Pretence of publick Good, I should seem only
to pursue my own, and so tread in the Steps of other Innovators, whose
Schemes breathe nothing but the publick Good, when it is evident to the
dullest Observer, that their private Interest is the Spring that moves
the whole Machine.
And now, having drest my Project out to the best Advantage, and
strengthen’d it by the most powerful Reasons I could invent, I waited
upon the Prince, and humbly offer’d it to him. His Highness, who
had always testify’d a great Regard to me, was thunderstruck at the
Boldness and Folly of my Undertaking, which he foreboded must end in my
irreparable Ruin. Wherefore he endeavour’d to dissuade me from this mad
Attempt by the strongest Intreaties:
——_Precibusque minas regaliter addit._
I, for my Part, relying as well upon the Utility of my Project, as upon
the Favour of the Male Sex (who I was in Hopes would not desert the
common Cause) remain’d immovable to all his Highness said, nor could
his repeated Admonitions vanquish my Obstinacy. In fine, according to
the Custom of the Country, I was brought to the _Forum_, and there,
with my Neck in a Halter, I stood waiting the Judgment of the Senate.
That venerable Body debated the Matter, and soon came to a Resolution;
which Resolution was sent up to the Prince for his Confirmation; and
being return’d by him, was read aloud by a publick Officer. It run thus:
“After due Examination, we are of Opinion as follows: That the Project
of _Scabba_, the King’s Messenger, to exclude the Female Sex from
publick Business, cannot take Effect without the highest Detriment
to the Commonwealth, since no less than Half of the Nation, which
consists of the said Sex, must look upon this Innovation as a very
great Hardship, and their Resentment may occasion infinite Disorders.
Moreover we are of Opinion, that it is absurd and unjust, intirely to
exclude Trees of the finest Talents from publick Honours, especially
as Nature, who does nothing in vain, can never be suppos’d to have
given them all those noble Advantages to no Purpose. We are persuaded,
that for the Welfare of the State, Regard ought to be had not to the
Name, but the Abilities of a Person. And as a Country may often labour
under a Want of able Persons, we think it a great Folly, by one Act of
Senate, to render one intire Half of the Nation incapable and unworthy
of Employment, solely upon Account of their Birth. For these and divers
other good Reasons we are of Opinion, that the said _Scabba_, for this
foolish and rash Attempt, ought to be punish’d according to the Custom
of our Ancestors.”
The Prince was extremely concern’d for my Misfortune, but as he never
rescinded the Decree of the Senate, he sign’d it with his own Hand,
and affix’d the Royal Seal to it, and commanded it to be made publick,
inserting however this mollifying Clause, That as I was a Foreigner, a
Native of a new and unknown World, where forward Geniuses are in great
Esteem, I should be exempted from capital Punishment. But lest by a
total Remission of the Sentence the Laws should suffer an Infringement,
it was therefore thought fit to detain me in Prison till the Beginning
of the Month of _Birches_, and that then, with other Violators of the
Law, I should be banish’d to the Firmament.
This Sentence being publish’d, I was clapt into Prison. Some of my
Friends persuaded me to protest against this Sentence, since among my
Judges there were so many Matrons and Virgins, all Judges in their own
Cause. Some advis’d me, as the safer Way, to make a fair Acknowledgment
of my Crime, and lay the Blame upon my own native human Weakness.
But this last Advice I rejected with great Constancy, out of Respect
to Mankind, upon whose Character such a Confession would leave an
indelible Blemish.
I heard soon after, that his Highness had determin’d to give me an
absolute Pardon, if I would but only prostrate myself at his Feet,
confess my Fault, and implore his Favour, although _Rahagna_ the
Treasurer oppos’d that Motion with Might and Main. But, to speak the
Truth, I was not displeas’d with the Sentence. For Death was not half
so terrible to me as that Employment they pick’d out for me; and I was
weary of conversing longer with these Trees, who had so high an Opinion
of their Wisdom. I hop’d also to meet with better Treatment in the
Firmament, where I had heard, that all Strangers, without Distinction,
were kindly receiv’d.
CHAP. X.
_The Author’s Banishment to the_ +Firmament+.
I have hitherto said nothing concerning the strange and very singular
Punishment the _Potuans_ have, of banishing to the Firmament: Wherefore
I think myself oblig’d in this Place, to give some Account of it.
Twice every Year certain Birds of an enormous Magnitude appear upon
this Globe. They are call’d _Cupac_, that is to say, Birds of Post,
and at stated Seasons they come and go. It has long perplex’d the
Subterranean Naturalists to account for this periodical Visit. Some
think they descend upon this Planet in Quest of certain Insects, or
large Flies, of which there are prodigious Numbers about this Time of
the Year, and of which these Birds are exceedingly voracious. This
Opinion is strengthen’d by this Circumstance, that when these Flies
disappear, the Birds fly off towards the Firmament. An evident Proof of
this we have in other Countries, where Birds by the same Instinct of
Nature appear, and for the very same Causes. Others think that these
Birds are train’d up and instructed to this very End and Purpose by
the Inhabitants of the Firmament, like our Falcons and other Birds of
Prey. This Hypothesis receives some Countenance from that Tenderness,
Care, and Dexterity, which these Birds use in bringing home their Prey,
and laying it gently down before their Masters. Other Circumstances
also shew, that these Creatures are either thus instructed, or else
that they have a certain Portion of Reason to direct them; for at the
Approach of the Season of _Departure_, they are so tractable and tame,
that they suffer certain Nets, or small Chains, to be thrown over them,
under which they lie quiet for many Days, and are fed out of Hand by
the Inhabitants with the aforesaid Flies, of which they take Care to
provide a great Quantity for this very Purpose. For it is necessary
to keep feeding them till all Things are prepar’d and got ready for
those who are to be banish’d. The Apparatus for their Departure is as
follows: On those Nets, in which they are intangled, a Box or Cage is
fasten’d with Cords. Every Cage is capable of containing one Person.
The Time now drawing near, and the Insects failing which supply’d them
with Food, the Birds mount upon Wing, and cutting the Air, return to
the Place from whence they came. Such was this wonderful Passage, by
which I and several other Exiles were to be translated to a new World.
There were also at this Time two Citizens of _Potu_, who for different
Crimes were sentenc’d to Banishment, and were now preparing for their
Journey. One of these was a Metaphysician, who had incurr’d this
Punishment by disputing concerning the Essence of God, and the Nature
of spiritual Substances. He had satisfy’d the Law for his first Offence
of this Kind, by undergoing the Punishment of _the Arm_; but being a
second Time detected, he was condemn’d to be banish’d to the Firmament.
The other was a Fanatick, who having conceiv’d some Doubts concerning
Religion, and concerning the civil Rights of the State, attempted to
subvert the Foundations of each. He refus’d to obey the publick Laws,
under Pretence that such Obedience was contrary to the Dictates of his
Conscience. His Friends endeavour’d, by the most powerful Arguments,
to cure him of this Conceit, by shewing him how many Delusions these
Impulses of Conscience and imaginary Inspirations were subject to;
they told him, that Zeal and Conscience were often confounded with
Melancholy and certain corrupt Humours of the Body; they demonstrated
to him the egregious Folly of thus appealing to the Authority of
Conscience, and how unjust it was to contend that the Impulses of
his Mind should be a Rule to others, who might make use of the same
Argument, and oppose Conscience to Conscience. At last they prov’d to
him, that whoever firmly held this Principle, pretending Conscience for
his Disobedience, ought to be excluded from the Rights and Benefits
of the Community, since every good Subject should pay an implicit
Obedience to the Laws; but that a Fanatick neither cou’d nor wou’d pay
such an Obedience, since his Conscience was his sole Rule of Politicks.
But as these Reasons had no Effect upon the Mind of our Fanatick, he
continued obstinate and incorrigible, and so was condemn’d to the
Firmament. Thus at this Time there were only three of us to undergo
this Punishment, a Projector, a Metaphysician, and a Fanatick.
About the Beginning of the Month of _Birches_, we were all carry’d
from Prison to separate Places. What became of the Metaphysician and
the Fanatick I know not, as being too full of Cares for myself to mind
any Thing else. Being brought to the destin’d Place of Departure, I
was forthwith thrust into the Box or Cage, with as much Provision as
would serve me for two or three Days. Soon after this, when the Birds
found no more Flies brought them, as if they took the Hint, they left
the Place, and flew off with incredible Celerity. The Distance of the
Firmament from the Planet _Nazar_, is reputed by the Subterraneans to
be about an hundred Miles. How long I was in passing from the one to
the other I cannot say, but to me this ætherial Voyage seem’d to be
no more than about four and twenty Hours. After a profound Silence,
at last a confus’d Noise seem’d to reach my Ears, from whence I
conjectur’d I was not far from Land. Then it was I perceiv’d that these
Birds had been carefully exercis’d and instructed; for with great Art
and Care they landed their Burden, so as not in the least to injure
or hurt it. In a Moment I was surrounded with a prodigious Number of
Monkies, the Sight of which put me into a very great Fright, remembring
what I had suffer’d from these Animals upon the Planet _Nazar_. But my
Fright redoubled, when I heard these Monkies articulately discourse
with one another, and when I beheld them clad in diverse-colour’d
Vestments. I then conjectur’d that they were the Inhabitants of this
Country. But as after that Heap of Wonders I had been accustom’d to,
nothing now could well seem new or strange, I began to recover my
Courage, especially as I had observ’d that these Creatures approach’d
me with an Air of Civility and Good-nature, taking me gently out of
my Cage, and receiving me with the Humanity due to Strangers. Even
Ambassadors in our World are hardly receiv’d with more Ceremony than I
was. They all came one after another, and address’d me in these Words,
_Pul Asser_. When they had repeated this Salutation pretty often, I
repeated the same Words. Upon this they set up an immoderate Laugh, and
by a Multitude of comic Gestures, signify’d they were highly delighted
to hear me pronounce them. This made me conclude these People to be a
light, babbling Race of Creatures, and vast Admirers of Novelty. When
they spoke, you wou’d think so many Drums were beating, with so much
Volubility, and so little out of Breath, they held on their Chattering.
In a Word, as to Dress, Manners, Speech, and Form of Body, they were
the very Reverse of the _Potuans_. At first they were all astonish’d at
my Figure, and the chief Reason of that Astonishment was, that I wanted
a Tail. For as among the whole Brute Creation none so much resemble the
human Form as Monkies, so, had I had a Tail, they would have taken me
for one of their own Species, especially as all those who had hitherto
been transported from the Planet _Nazar_ to this Place, were of a Form
extremely unlike their own. About the Time of my Arrival here the Sea
ran very high, by reason of the near Approach of the Planet _Nazar_:
For as with us the Tides of the Ocean correspond with the Course of the
Moon, so the Ocean of this Firmament increases and decreases according
to the Vicinity or Remoteness of the aforesaid Planet.
Presently I was conducted to a very noble House, all beautifully set
off with costly Stone, Marble, Mirrors, Vases, and Tapestry. At the
Gate were Centinels posted, which gave me to understand that this
could not be the Dwelling of a vulgar Monkey. And I was soon inform’d,
that it was the House of the Consul or chief Magistrate. He was very
desirous of conversing with me, and therefore hir’d some Masters to
instruct me in their Language. Near three Months had been spent upon
my Instruction, at the Expiration of which, as I could now speak the
Tongue pretty fluently, I hop’d to gain the Applause and Admiration of
all, upon Account of the Forwardness of my Genius, and the Strength of
my Memory. But my Tutors thought me slower and duller than ordinary,
insomuch that they lost all Patience, and threaten’d to leave me off.
And as at _Potu_ I was call’d in Derision _Scabba_, or Quick-Parts,
so here, by reason of my Stupidity and Dulness, they gave me the
Name of _Kadicoran_, which signifies a Clown, or Dunce. For those
alone are here esteem’d, who are quick and nimble, and cover their
Sense in a confus’d and rapid Volley of Words. While I was learning
the Monkey-Language, my Host took me round the City, which I beheld
dissolv’d in every Kind of Luxury. What with the Multitude of Coaches,
Chaises, Valets, and a Croud of People hurrying every Way, we were
obliged to use a Sort of Force to get on. Yet this was nothing, if
compar’d to that Luxury which reign’d in the Metropolis, where, as in
its Center, you might see all that mortal Vanity could invent. Being
now taught the Language, I was brought to this famous Capital by my
Host, who hop’d to purchase the Favour of a Senator, by making him a
Present of so uncommon a Curiosity as I was. For the Form of Government
here is aristocratical, so that the Sovereign Authority resides in the
Grand Senate, the Members of which are all noble from first to last.
None of plebeian Family can ever hope to be more than a Centurion or
Prætor in the Provinces or lesser Cities. Sometimes, indeed, one of
this Class may arrive at the Consulate, yet never without some very
extraordinary Merit. Thus it was my Host obtain’d the Consulship; for
so fertile was his Genius, that in the Space of one Month, he projected
twenty-eight new Laws. And though not half of them were calculated
for the Good of the Publick, yet they were Specimens of a fruitful
Invention, and procur’d him a great Character. For throughout the
whole subterranean World, there is no Place where Projectors are in
more Esteem than in this. The capital City is call’d _Martinia_; it
gives Name to the whole Country, and is famous for its fine Situation,
for the Grandeur of its Buildings, its Commerce, and naval Force. For
Extent of Ground, and Number of Inhabitants, I believe it may rival
_Paris_. So crouded was every Street, that we were forc’d to beat our
Way through to go to that Part of the City where the Syndick of the
Senate liv’d. For he it was to whom the Consul was to present me.
When we drew near to the Syndick’s House, my Friend the Consul went
into an Inn, to put himself in Order, and to compose his Person and
Habit in a Manner fit to appear before the Syndick. Immediately there
appear’d a little Army of occasional Valets or Footmen, commonly call’d
_Maskatti_, whose Assistance every one makes use of before they enter
the Palaces of the Senators. These brush your Cloaths, take out the
Spots, and with the exactest Care adjust whatever is discompos’d,
even to the smallest Plait. One of these _Maskatti_ took the Consul’s
Sword, and wip’d it clean and bright, and then return’d it him. Another
dress’d his Tail with Ribbands of various Colours: For these Monkies
have nothing more at Heart than the Ornaments of their Tails. There
were some Senators, and especially some of the Wives of the Senators,
whose Tails on high Occasions could scarcely be dress’d out to the
best Advantage under two or three hundred Pounds Sterling. A third
approach’d the Consul with a geometrical Instrument, to take the
Dimensions of his Cloaths, and to see if all hung in due Proportion. A
fourth brought a Bottle of Paint, and with it improv’d his Visage. A
fifth examin’d his Feet, from which he par’d the Superfluities. A sixth
brought him perfum’d Water to wash with. In short, one brought a Towel,
another a Comb, another a Looking-Glass, and all with an Exactness not
inferior to that of a Geometrician measuring and adorning his Map. Oh!
thought I to myself, how much Time and Expence must the Dress of the
Ladies here require, when there is so much Fuss in tricking out one of
our Sex? And, indeed, the _Martinian_ Ladies exceed all Bounds, and
cover their Defects with such a Load of Paint, as makes their Persons
offensive. For when the Sweat and Paint are pretty well united, it
exhales an Odour like that of your great Kitchens; what you smell you
know not, but this you know, that it is something very disagreeable.
My Host thus painted, powder’d, comb’d and polish’d, went to the
Syndick’s Palace, attended only with three Valets. When he came to
the Court-Yard he pull’d off his Shoes, lest he should afterwards
disoblige the Marble Floor with Dirt or Dust. He was forc’d to stay a
full Hour before the Syndick was inform’d that he was there, nor was
he introduc’d without a proper Gratification to some of the Guards and
Servants. The Syndick, seated on a gilt Settee, as soon as he espy’d
me entring with my Host, burst out into an ungovernable Laughter, and
afterward ask’d me a thousand trifling, foolish Questions. To every
Reply I made him, he redoubled his Fits of Laughter.
_Ingeminat tremulos naso crispante cachinnos._
For my Part, I was of Opinion, that to play the Buffoon was reckon’d
among the Virtues here, since the Government had made this Person
Syndick, which is the second Dignity in the Senate; and I observ’d
as much to my Friend. But he assur’d me, he was a Monkey of great
Abilities, as appear’d from the Multitude of Business of various
Sorts, which even in his greener Years he went through. For such was
his Readiness of Perception, that even over a Glass he would transact
Affairs of the utmost Weight; nay even at Dinner, or at Supper, between
the Courses, he would often draw up a new Law. I enquir’d if such
Laws, conceiv’d in so short a Space of Time, were of any considerable
Duration. To this he only reply’d, that like other Laws they continued
in Force, till it pleas’d the Senate to abrogate or repeal them.
The Syndick, having convers’d with me about half an Hour, and with
full as great a Degree of Loquacity as our _European_ Barbers, turn’d
himself about to my Friend, and told him, he would take me into the
Number of his Servants, though upon Account of my slow Intellects he
much doubted whether I could be good for any Thing. _I have myself_,
reply’d my Friend the Consul, _observ’d a natural Torpor or Dulness
in him, but give him Time for Reflexion, and you will find he has
no contemptible Judgment_. That signifies little here, return’d the
Syndick, since our Multiplicity of Business admits of no Delay. With
these Words he fell to examining my Limbs and my Body, and after having
survey’d them a short Time, he commanded me to lift up a certain
Weight from the Ground, which I did without much Trouble. Upon this
he told me, that though Nature had been unkind to me with respect to
my Intellects, yet that she had in a Manner compensated that Defect
by an extraordinary Strength of Body. I was then order’d to withdraw
to another Apartment, where the Domesticks and Attendants receiv’d
me with a good deal of Pleasure, though their excessive Impertinence
and Gestures were troublesome enough. So many Questions they ask’d me
concerning our World, I knew not how to answer them, and so gave them
what came uppermost, some Truth, some Falshood, just to allay their
impatient Curiosity.
At length my Friend returning, told me his Excellence did me the Honour
to retain me in his Court. From the foregoing Conversation of the
Syndick I could guess, that the Employment design’d for me was no very
important one, probably his Valet, or his Butler; and upon enquiring
what it was, my Friend said to me, His Excellence has been graciously
pleas’d to appoint you one of his Body Chairmen, with an annual Salary
of twenty-five _Stercolates_. (A _Martinian Stercolate_ is equal to
about seven Shillings and Six-pence _Sterling_.) He has moreover
engag’d, that you shall have the Honour of carrying only himself, or
his Lady. I was thunderstruck with this Answer, and remonstrated in
the most pathetic Manner how unworthy an Office this was for one of
my ingenuous Education and Family. But some Courtiers rushing in in
Heaps, interrupted me from speaking more, and half kill’d me with their
Impertinence. For all the _Martinians_ are light, frothy, talking
Creatures, that have a smooth, fluent Jargon of Words, without the
least Mixture of Seriousness or Gravity. At length I was conducted
to an Apartment, where Supper was ready; and having taken a moderate
Repast, I retir’d to my Repose.
I threw myself upon my Bed, but such was the Disorder of my Mind, I
could take no Sleep. The Disdain I was receiv’d with shock’d me to
the highest Degree, and nothing less than a _Spartan_ Patience could
digest so gross an Indignity. I heartily deplor’d my Fate, which
seem’d severer now than what I had experienc’d in the Planet _Nazar_,
and I could not help saying to myself, “What would here become of the
_Kadoki_, or High Chancellor of _Potu_, a Person of inestimable Worth
in his own Country, but who requir’d at least an intire Month to form
a new Law? What would be the Fate of _Palmka_ in this Place, where
the Senators make Laws between the Courses at Meals?” After a serious
Consideration, I found myself translated from a Land of Sages to a
Country of Fools. At last being tir’d with thinking, Sleep overpower’d
me. I know not how long I slept, since there is here no Difference
between Night and Day. For it is never dark except at one stated Time,
when the subterranean Sun is in an Eclipse by the Interposition of the
Planet _Nazar_. This Eclipse is very remarkable, because the aforesaid
Planet, being not far from the Firmament, overshadows the whole Sun,
and so always makes the Eclipse total. But as this happens but seldom,
it makes no Alteration of Season, which is here invariably the same
upon Account of the constant Presence of the Sun. Hence the Inhabitants
are forc’d to have Recourse to various Inventions, as Groves, Baths,
Walks, and Grotto’s, to qualify the Heat.
I was scarce awake, when a Monkey enter’d my Chamber, who told me he
was my Comrade in Office, and with a slight Cord (being order’d so to
do) he apply’d a fictitious Tail to my Posteriors, to make me look more
like a Monkey. He then bid me get ready, because the Syndick within
an Hour was to be carry’d to the Academy, to which Place he and his
Brother Senators had receiv’d a formal Invitation. It seems there was
to be a Promotion to a Doctor’s Degree at Ten o’Clock that Morning. It
must be noted here, that though the Days are not distinguish’d from the
Nights, by reason of the perpetual Presence of the Sun, yet are they
distinguish’d into Hours, half Hours, and Quarters, and that by Means
of Clocks or Hour-Glasses, so that Day and Night together take up about
twenty-two Hours. Hence, if all the Clocks in the City were to stop at
once, it would be impossible for the Citizens to recover the true Time,
till they had consulted some of the Clocks in the next Neighbourhood.
For there neither are, nor can be, any Sun-Dials, because there is
never any Shadow, the Sun continually darting perpendicular Rays upon
the Place. So that were you to dig a Well here, it would be illuminated
to the Bottom. As to the Year, that is regulated and governed by the
Course of the Planet _Nazar_ round the Sun.
At Ten o’Clock we took up his Excellence, and carry’d him to the
Academy. Entring into the Auditory, we beheld the Doctors and Masters
seated in Order, every one of which rose up as the Syndick pass’d by,
and turning themselves about paid him their Compliments with their
Tail. This is their Manner of doing Reverence. And this accounts for
their Care in adorning their Tails. For my own Part, I confess these
inverted Salutations seem’d extremely foolish and absurd. For to
turn one’s Back upon any one, is among us a Mark of Indifference or
Contempt: But every Nation has its particular Taste. The aforesaid
Doctors and Masters were seated on each Side of the Auditory. In the
lower Part of it was plac’d a Chair, in which sat the Candidate.
Before the Act of Promotion, the following Question was discuss’d in
a solemn Disputation, namely, _Whether the Sound, which Flies and
other Insects make, comes through the Mouth, or the Posteriors?_ The
President undertook the Defence of the former Opinion, which was
attack’d by the Opponents with so much Ardour, that I was afraid it
would have terminated in a bloody Battle. And most certainly they had
come to Blows, but that the Senate rose up, and cool’d the Flame by
their Authority. During the Dispute, a certain Monkey play’d upon a
Pipe: This was the Moderator, who by the Management of his Musick,
either in soft, or in smart Strains, would quicken the Dispute when it
flagg’d and languish’d, or bring it down when it was noisy and violent.
Tho’ very often all his Art had no Effect: So very hard a Matter it
is to preserve the Temper, when the Dispute is upon such interesting
Subjects. The same Thing often happens in our World, where, when the
Dispute turns upon some very dubious and almost inexplicable Point,
one may observe the Combatants are often work’d up to the most violent
Agitations of Mind or Body. However, this threatning Quarrel which
promis’d nothing but Blood and Slaughter, ended all in Compliments and
Praises. Something like this obtains in our _European_ Universities,
where, according to general Custom, the President, when the Dispute is
clos’d, descends victorious and triumphant from the Chair.
This Preamble ended, they proceeded to the Act of Creation with these
Ceremonies. The Candidate was plac’d in the Middle of the Auditory:
Three of the University-Beadles walk’d gravely up to him, and threw
a whole Pail-full of cold Water upon his Head; they then perfum’d
him with Incense, and lastly gave him a Vomit to take off. Having
perform’d this with the utmost Solemnity, they retir’d bowing, and
declar’d him aloud a true and legitimate Doctor. Amaz’d at so many
wonderful Ceremonies, I ask’d a certain learned Monkey who stood near
me, the Meaning of all this. He told me, (pitying at the same Time
my Ignorance) that by the Water, the Incense, and the Vomit, it was
understood that the Candidate was to forsake his old Vices, and to
assume a new Set of Manners, to distinguish him from the Vulgar.
Hearing this, I deplor’d my own Stupidity, and full of Admiration,
forbore to ask any farther Questions, for fear I should be thought to
have never convers’d with any Thing above Brutes.
At last all the musical Instruments struck up at once, and the new
Doctor, cloath’d in a Robe of Green, and girt with a Sash of the same
Colour, was escorted home from the Auditory with all _Parnassus_ at
his Heels. But as he was of a plebeian Family, he had not the Honour
of a Coach, but was seated in a Vehicle not unlike a Wheelbarrow,
and drawn by Hand, the University-Beadles marching before in their
respective Habits. The Whole ended in a very handsome Entertainment,
where the Guests drank so plentifully, that many of them were carried
home extremely intoxicated, and were so ill for many Days after, that
without the Help of proper Medicines they would hardly have recover’d.
So that from the Beginning to the Ending of this whole Ceremony,
nothing was wanting to the due Solemnity of it; and I protest, I never,
even in our World, saw a more truly academical Promotion, or any
Candidate commence Doctor more legitimately than this.
In the Courts of Justice, Causes are dispatch’d with a surprizing
Dexterity, and I was charm’d with that Readiness of Apprehension,
that Velocity of conceiving Things, so peculiar to this Nation. Very
often, before the Advocates have wound up their Pleadings, the Judges
rise and give Sentence with equal Expedition and Elegance. I often
frequented these Courts, to inform myself thoroughly of their Manner of
Proceeding. At first hearing, their Decrees seem’d just and equitable
enough; but upon a more careful Examination, they were in Reality
absurd, unjust, and full of Contradictions, insomuch that I would
sooner commit my Cause to the Chance of a Die, than to the Judgment of
the _Martinian_ Lawyers. I forbear to say any Thing concerning the Laws
of this People, by reason of the capricious Changes they perpetually
undergo. They are as fickle in these as in their Fashions. Many are
here punish’d for Crimes, which were not Crimes at the Time they were
committed, but commence such by Virtue of an After-Law to make them so.
For which Reason nothing is more common than Appeals from the inferior
to the superior Courts, the Plaintiff having Hopes, that, while the
Suit is depending, the old Law (which lost him his Cause in the lower
Court) may be repeal’d. This is owing to the Suddenness with which
their Laws are invented and promulged. Such Lovers of Novelty are this
People, that they perfectly nauseate the most useful Statutes, solely
upon Account of their Antiquity. The Advocates are in great Reputation
for their Shrewdness in Disputation. Nay, there are some among them,
who disdain to undertake a Cause that is not unjust, or at least
very doubtful; for in so doing they might be depriv’d of an Occasion
of exerting their Parts, and giving Specimens of their Ability to
turn Black into White. The Judges will often favour a bad Cause, in
Compliment to the Council for defending it so well. “We perceive well
enough, say the Judges, the Injustice of this Cause, but then it has
been manag’d with such inimitable Art, that in Justice to the Advocate
for his Performance, we ought to strain a Point of Law.” The Students
in this Profession are taught Law at different Prices; for Instance,
Those who teach their Pupils to manage a bad Cause, or, according
to the Proverb, to make the best of a bad Market, require twenty
_Stercolates_ for their Trouble; the Art of managing a good one shall
cost but ten. Their Forms of Law are so many, they resemble a huge
_Chaos_, without Bottom and without Shore. For the _Martinians_, having
a sublime Genius and a quick Perception, detest every Thing that’s
plain and simple, and think nothing worth their Care that is not very
knotty and intricate.
The same Taste prevails in Religion, which does not consist in
Practice, but in idle Speculations. Thus there are two hundred and
thirty different Opinions about the Form or Figure of the Supream
Being, and three hundred and ninety-six about the Nature and Quality
of Souls. The _Martinians_ never resort to their Temples or Churches
with the View of hearing any Thing useful, or of improving themselves
in the Art of living and dying well, but only to observe with what Art
and Dexterity the holy Orators acquit themselves; for the more obscure
their Language is, the more they are admir’d, their Audience having
very little Relish for what they understand. More Pains are taken
about the Expression, than about the Matter, the Preachers affecting
the smooth, round Period more than the Strength of Reason, and the
Audience expecting to be amus’d with a sounding Pomp of Words without
a Meaning. For this Reason I did not dare say any Thing concerning the
Christian Religion, which consisting of naked, simple Truths, could
never recommend itself to their _Goût_.
Projectors are no where in so high Reputation as here. The more odd
and impracticable the Scheme, the greater is the Inventor’s Glory.
When I had accidentally been explaining to a certain Monkey the Nature
of our terraqueous Globe, and had inform’d him that the Surface of it
was inhabited, he presently conceiv’d a Project of digging through the
Earth, and opening a Passage to the _Superterraneans_. This Device met
with universal Applause, and a Society was thereupon instituted, and
call’d THE SUPERTERRANEAN COMPANY, to which the Inhabitants flock’d
in Shoals, and, according to the Language of those Times, bought in
_Stocks_. However, as this Affair introduced a great deal of Confusion
into the Kingdom, and ruin’d a Multitude of Families beyond Redemption,
they found the Folly of the Scheme, and dropt it all at once. And
though the Nation smarted so severely by it, yet the Projector not only
escap’d with Impunity, but with almost general Praise, this People
entertaining the highest Idea of his great Abilities.
Perceiving this Turn of Mind to prevail, I endeavour’d by the same
Means to procure myself a Reputation among the _Martinians_, and to
mend my Fortune by some new Project of my own. After a due Examination
of the State of the Publick, I discover’d several Flaws in it. I saw
the whole Country was full of the more subtle Sort of Artists, but
that it labour’d under a Want of useful Traders and Workmen. Upon this
I propos’d a Law for the Institution of certain Manufacturers, that
might be of great Service to the Nation. But every Proposal of this
Kind met with nothing but Sneers and Contempt from this vain People.
I then accus’d my own Stupidity in these Terms, _What a Sot have I
been? and how richly do I deserve to end my Days in the ignoble Office
of Chairman?_ Yet I did not altogether despond, and being convinc’d
I should never do them, nor myself, any Good by salutary Counsels, I
resolv’d to try whether I could not get over the Difficulty by some
ridiculous Invention or other. I open’d my Design to one of the gravest
Monkeys I knew, who encourag’d me to it mightily. And when he prov’d
to me, that Numbers there had made their Fortunes by mere Trifles
and boyish Gewgaws, and more especially by the Invention of some new
Fashion, I then resolv’d to swim with the Tide, and among Fools to play
the Fool myself. Upon this I call’d to Mind all the most ridiculous
and extravagant Inventions of _Europe_, and being at Liberty to pick
and chuse, I fix’d upon those Ornaments of the Head, which we call
_Perriwigs_, and determin’d with myself to introduce this Fashion.
What contributed to bear me out in this Attempt, was the great Number
of Goats in this Kingdom, whose Wool or Hair would be very proper
for my Purpose. And as my good Tutor (now at Rest) long exercis’d
the Occupation of a Perriwig-Maker, I was not altogether ignorant of
the Art. In short, I procur’d some Goat’s Hair, and made a Perriwig
fitted to my own Head, and thus adorn’d, I appear’d before the Syndick.
Startled at so new and unusual an Appearance, he ask’d me what it was,
and immediately snatching it from my Head, he put it upon his own,
and run to the Glass to survey himself. But how shall I express his
Wonder and Delight? He burst into an Ecstasy of Pleasure, crying, _O
ye Gods!_ and forthwith sent for his Lady to join with him in his Joy.
Her Wonder was equal to his, and embracing the Syndick, she vow’d
she never saw any Thing so charming, and every Soul in the Family was
of the same Opinion. The Syndick then turning towards me, _My dear_
Kakidoran, says he, _if this Invention of yours should take with the
Senate as it does with me, you may promise yourself every Thing_. I
thank’d his Excellence, and soon after put a Petition into his Hands,
address’d to the Senate, which I begg’d the Favour of him to offer. It
was conceiv’d in these Terms.
_Most Excellent, most Generous, most Illustrious,
most Noble, and most Wise Senators._
“The natural Propensity, by which I am influenc’d to promote the
publick Good, has now mov’d me to contrive this new and hitherto
unheard-of Ornament for the Head, which here I most humbly offer
to your Excellencies, and submit it to the Examination of this
august Tribunal, not doubting but it will meet with a most gracious
Reception, especially as the Invention must conduce to the Glory,
as well as Ornament of the Nation, and make the admiring World
confess, that the _Martinians_ excel the rest of Mortals, not only
in the Virtues and Endowments of the Mind, but in those Ornaments
of the Body which render the Person grand and majestick. I solemnly
vow to all your Excellencies, that in this I never consulted my
own Interest, and therefore I require no Reward: It is enough for
me in my slender Capacity to have promoted the publick Welfare,
and the Kingdom’s Honour. But if the most illustrious Senate are
pleas’d to decree me a suitable Reward for my Labours, I shall
receive it with a grateful Heart, that such their Munificence may
be known throughout the World, and others animated to the like, or
greater Inventions. In this View I cannot oppose the Liberality
of the Senate and People of _Martinia_. As to the rest, I commend
myself to the Favour of your Excellencies, and am,
_May it please your Excellencies_,
_Your most obedient_,
_And most humble Servant_,
+Kakidoran+.”
Martinia,
_7th Day of_ Astral.
The Syndick produc’d the Petition with the Perriwig in open Senate.
I heard that all Business was laid aside that Day, so much did the
Examination of the Perriwig engage the general Attention. Upon the
Close of all, they prais’d the Work, extoll’d the Artist, accepted of
his Good-will, and appointed him a Reward. In the whole Senate there
were but three who oppos’d this Motion; but they got no Credit by it,
and were look’d upon as rude, unpolish’d Creatures, totally unworthy of
the senatorial Function.
This Decree being pass’d, I was commanded to appear before the Senate,
where a senior Monkey rising up, thank’d me in the Name of the whole
Commonwealth, and assur’d me they would reward me in a Manner suitable
to my great Merit. He likewise ask’d me, how much Time it would require
to make such another Ornament? I reply’d, that as to the Reward, it
was sufficient Recompence to receive the Applauses of so venerable a
Body: As to the other Point, the making a second Perriwig, provided I
might have the Assistance of as many Monkeys as I could instruct in
the Art, I could undertake in one Month to furnish almost the whole
City. At these Words, the Syndick rose and said, _Heav’n forbid_,
Kakidoran, _that such an Ornament should be common to all the City,
and grow into Disesteem by frequent Use! No; let the Nobility be by
this distinguish’d from the Vulgar._ This Opinion was seconded by all
the Senate, and the publick Censors were order’d to take due Care
that this Decree should be inviolably observ’d, that the Nobility
receive no Dishonour by the promiscuous Use of Perriwigs, and that
so bright an Ornament should be reserv’d solely for their Use. But
this Edict had the same Effect that all sumptuary Laws have, and only
excited a stronger Desire in the Commons to transgress them. And
as this Invention had the Happiness to please every one, the richer
Citizens, by Friends or Money, procur’d Titles of Honour to qualify
them to wear Perriwigs, insomuch that in a short Time a very great
Part of the City was enobled. At length, when Petitions arriv’d from
the several Provinces, to be allow’d to come into this Fashion, the
Senate took the Matter under Consideration, and made a Repeal of the
Law, with a Permission for the promiscuous Use of Perriwigs; so that
I had the Pleasure to see the whole Nation _perriwig’d_, if I may use
the Expression, before I left _Martinia_. And a most delightful Sight
it was! Such general Satisfaction did this Contrivance give, that it
gave Birth to a new Epoch, or Date of Time, which was call’d in the
_Martinian_ Annals, THE YEAR OF PERRIWIGS.
To return to myself. Surrounded with Applauses, and cloath’d in a
Purple Robe, I was carried back in a Chair to the Syndick’s House,
and my Comrade Chairman now perform’d the Office of a Horse for me.
From that Hour I was admitted to the Syndick’s Table. After this lucky
Prelude of my Fortune, I pursued my Design, and by the joint Labours
of those I instructed, I in a short Time finish’d off Perriwigs enough
to accommodate the whole Senate; and about the End of the Month the
following Diploma of Nobility was brought me.
“Whereas a certain Person, by Name _Kakidoran_, Native of a
City call’d _Europe_, has by a glorious and useful Invention
highly oblig’d the whole _Martinian_ Nation: It is our Will and
Pleasure to associate him into the Body of our Nobility; and we do
accordingly decree, That he and his Heirs henceforth be reputed as
true and genuine Nobles, and enjoy all such Privileges, Rights and
Immunities, as are claim’d by the _Martinian_ Nobility. Moreover
we have decreed to honour him with a new Name, so that instead of
_Kakidoran_, he shall now be styl’d _Kikidorian_. And lastly, it is
our Will and Pleasure to settle an annual Stipend upon him of two
hundred Patari, to enable him to support his new Dignity.”
_Given at our Court of Senate
in_ Martinia, _the 4th Day
of_ Merian, _under our Great
Seal_, &c.
Thus from a poor Chairman was I transform’d to a Nobleman; and for some
Time I liv’d in the highest Repute, and with the utmost Felicity. And
as the _Martinians_ saw I was in high Favour with the Syndick, every
Creature made his Court to me. The Flattery of the Preferment-Hunters
went so far as to strive which should write the most fulsome
Panegyricks upon me, in which they kindly gave me a great many Virtues
I never had. Some, though they knew I was a Native of an unknown
World, yet reckon’d up for me a long List of Ancestors, and drew out
Genealogies in a direct Line from Heroes of the earliest Ages. These
Computations could not be very agreeable to me, nor was it possible for
me to think it an Honour to be descended from Monkeys. Moreover, as it
is usual with the _Martinians_ to celebrate the Tails of the Quality,
as our Poets sing the Beauties of their Mistresses, accordingly some of
the _Martinian_ Poets celebrated my Tail in Verse, though I never had
any. In short, to such a Height did their Flattery rise, that a certain
Person of no mean Extraction, and whose Name I spare upon Account
of his Family, actually offer’d me the Enjoyment of his Wife, if in
Return I would use all my Interest for him with the Syndick. This vile
Propensity to Flattery, to which all the _Martinians_ are extremely
subject, makes it not worth one’s while to read their Histories, which
are little more than a Heap of extravagant Encomiums, though the
Language of them is every where polite and elegant. Hence this Country
produces better Poets than Historians, which is owing to the fine
Imagination of the _Martinians_.
I enjoy’d a tolerable good Share of Health while I was in this Country,
tho’ the Heat, occasion’d by the continual Presence of the Sun, was
not a little troublesome. Once I was seiz’d with a Diarrhea, attended
with a high Fever; but it was of no great Continuance: But during my
Illness, the Physician I made use of was ten Times more troublesome
than my Disorder, by reason of his Impertinence and Loquacity, which
are so peculiar to this People. Having Occasion for a Physician in
that ill State of Health, a Doctor of Physick came a Voluntier, and
offer’d me his Assistance: I could not forbear laughing at the Sight
of him, because who should this be but my very Barber? I question’d
him, how it happen’d that from a Barber he was so soon metamorphos’d
into a Doctor? He reply’d, he exercis’d both Professions. Upon this I
was a little dubious, whether I ought to trust the Care of my Health
to such a general Trader, and frankly told him, that I had rather
have a Physician who profess’d the Art of Physick alone; but he vow’d
and protested to me, that there was not one such throughout the whole
City. I was therefore oblig’d to venture myself with him. The Haste
the Doctor was in increas’d my Wonder; for having prescrib’d for me a
Potion, he abruptly took his Leave, declaring he could not possibly
stay longer, because he was oblig’d to attend upon some other Affairs,
in which he was engag’d, at that very Time. And when I ask’d him what
those Affairs could be which requir’d such violent Haste, he told me,
he was under a Necessity of being at a Market-Town in the Neighbourhood
by such an Hour, to act as a Notary-Publick, which was another of his
Employments. This Multiplicity of Business is in great Vogue here,
and every body is very ready to undertake any the most opposite and
contradictory Offices. This Confidence is occasion’d by that wonderful
Liveliness of Genius, which dispatches Business in a Trice. Yet from
the various Mistakes and Blunders they daily commit, I concluded that
these Geniuses, which are so full of Fire, are rather an Ornament to
the Commonwealth, than of any real Use to it.
After I had spent two Years in this Territory, partly as a Chairman,
and partly as a Nobleman, I fell into an Adventure which had like to
have been fatal to me. In his Excellency’s Palace, I had met with the
highest Civilities; I had also the Honour to be extremely in the good
Graces of his Lady, insomuch that I seem’d to have the first Place in
her Friendship. She often favour’d me with _tete a tete_ Conversations;
and tho’ she seem’d highly pleas’d with my Company, yet all she said
was with so much Modesty and Delicacy, that it was impossible to put
a sinister Interpretation upon her Conduct in this Respect, nor could
I with all my Penetration guess, that the Source of all this wondrous
Goodness was an impure Passion, more especially as she was a Lady of
Quality, and as eminent for her Virtue, as for her Birth and Family.
But, in Process of Time, from some equivocal Speeches of hers, I could
not but entertain a few Suspicions, which were considerably increas’d
by several evident Symptoms,
The wan Complexion, and the dying Eye,
The stedfast Gaze, th’ involuntary Sigh.
At length the Mystery was clear’d up, a young Virgin, her Confidante,
bringing me the following Billet.
_Lovely_ +Kikidorian+,
“My Birth, and the natural Modesty of my Sex, have now conceal’d
those Sparks of Love, which lurk’d within my Bosom, and with-held
them from bursting into an open Flame. But now, sinking under the
Oppression, I can no longer resist the Violence of my Wishes.”
Let this soft Secret all thy Pity move,
Extorted from my Soul by raging Love.
_I am Yours_,
+Ptarnusa+.
Words cannot utter the Confusion this passionate Declaration threw
me into. But as I thought it better to be expos’d to the Vengeance
of disappointed Love, than to disturb the Laws of Nature by mixing
my Blood with a Creature not of the human Species, I return’d the
following Answer.
+Madam+,
The repeated Favours I have receiv’d from his Excellency the
Syndick, the Benefits he has heap’d upon an undeserving Stranger,
the moral Impossibility of complying with your Request, together
with innumerable other Reasons which I forbear to recount; all
this, Madam, determines me to hazard your Ladyship’s Resentment,
rather than consent to an Action which would render me of all
two-footed Creatures the most vile and abominable. Not Death itself
is half so terrible. The Crime too would bring an indelible Stain
upon a most illustrious Family, and she who commands it must be
the greatest Sufferer. Let me conjure you, therefore, to pardon
this Refusal, and be satisfy’d, that in every other Respect I shall
always pay the profoundest Obedience to your Ladyship’s Commands. I
am,
_Madam_,
_Your most humble_,
_And most obedient Servant_,
+Kikidorian+.
This Answer I seal’d up, and gave it to the Bearer to deliver to
her Mistress. It had the Effect I suspected. Her Love was chang’d
into the strongest Aversion. However, she deferr’d her Revenge till
she had recover’d that Letter she sent to me. She then suborn’d
false Witnesses, who swore that I attempted to violate the Syndick’s
Bed. This Story was cook’d up with so much Art, and such an Air of
Probability, that the Syndick, not making the least Doubt about it,
threw me into Prison. In this Extremity, there was but one Thing to be
done, and that was, to make Confession of the Crime, and implore his
Excellency’s Mercy. By these Means, I hop’d to divert or soften his
Anger, and procure a Mitigation of my Punishment. For it was ridiculous
to think of contesting the Matter with a powerful Family, especially in
a Country, where not the Merits of the Cause, but the sole Quality of
the Person is regarded. Therefore omitting all Sort of Defence, I had
Recourse to the most abject Supplications and Tears, imploring not a
total Remission of my Punishment, but only to have it moderated.
Thus by the Confession of a Crime I never dreamt of, I chang’d the
Punishment of Death for a perpetual Captivity. My Diploma of Nobility
was taken from me, and torn in Pieces by the Hands of the common
Hangman, and I myself was condemn’d to be a Galley-Slave all my
Days. The Galley, or Vessel, I was sent to work in, belong’d to the
Government, and lay in Readiness for its Voyage to the _Mezendores_,
or Land of Wonders. This Voyage is undertaken at a stated Time of the
Year, namely, in the Month _Radir_. They sail to these Parts in Quest
of such Commodities as are not to be had in their own Country, so that
the _Mezendores_ are a Kind of _Indies_ to the _Martinians_. A Body
of Merchants, as well Nobles as Citizens, are erected into a Society
called the _Mezendorian Company_, among whom the Merchandise of the
returning Vessel is divided, according to their several Subscriptions
and Shares. The Vessel moves both by Sails and Oars, and to every
Oar two Slaves or Captives are assign’d: And to this Drudgery was I
condemn’d during this Voyage. With what Reluctance I enter’d upon it,
it is easy to guess, especially as I had done nothing to deserve being
thus expos’d to servile Labour, and to the Lash, among Wretches and
Slaves. Various were the Sentiments of the _Martinians_ concerning my
Misfortune. Some were of Opinion I was culpable, and therefore deserv’d
the Punishment; but then the Sight of me in that miserable Condition
drew Compassion from them. Others thought some Regard ought to have
been had to my former Services, and that therefore my Punishment need
not have been so severe. But some of the honester Monkeys mutter’d
among themselves that I was accus’d falsely, though no one dar’d
openly undertake my Defence, through Fear of my powerful Accusers. I
determin’d, however, to bear my Calamity with Patience. My greatest
Comfort was the approaching Voyage; for as I had always a strong
Passion for Novelty, I was in Hopes of meeting with something new and
wonderful, though I could not give Credit to all the Sailors told me,
nor bring myself to think that there were such Prodigies in Nature,
as I afterwards met with. There were several Interpreters in our
Vessel, whose Assistance the _Mezendorian Company_ made use of in these
Expeditions; for all Contracts, as to Buying and Selling, were made by
them.
CHAP. XI.
_The Author’s Voyage to the_ +Land+ of
WONDERS.
Before I proceed to the Description of this Voyage, I must caution
the rigid and censorious Critick not to be too much out of Humour at
the Relation of some Things which perhaps may appear not to deserve
any Credit, as being contrary to the usual Course of Nature. I shall
here recount Things very incredible, but very true, and of which I
myself was an Eye-Witness. The Vulgar and Illiterate, who never have
set a Foot beyond the Limits of their own native Country, are apt to
look upon all such Things as fabulous to which they have not been
accustom’d from their Infancy. But the Learned, and especially such
of them as are conversant in physical Enquiries, who know how fertile
Nature is in her Productions, will look with a more favourable Eye upon
the wonderful Parts of this Narration.
_Quis tumidum guttur miratur in Alpibus? aut quis
In Meröe crasso majorem infante mamillam_, &c.
It is now well known, that there were a People formerly in _Scythia_,
called _Arimaspians_, who had only a single Eye apiece in the Middle of
their Foreheads; and others in the same Parts of the World, whose Feet
were set on the contrary Way to ours. We read of People in _Albania_,
who were grey-headed from their Childhood. The _Sauromatians_ us’d to
make a Meal but once in three Days, and to fast the intermediate ones.
Mention is made of certain Families in _Africa_, who had the Art of
fascinating or bewitching People with the Sound of their Voices. The
Inhabitants of _Illyrium_ were remarkable for having two Pupils in
each Eye, and us’d, when they were provok’d, to stare their Enemies to
Death. In the Mountains of _India_, there are some Men with Dogs Heads,
and who have been heard to bark like those Animals; others, with Eyes
in their Shoulders. And in the farthest Parts of the same Country,
there have been found Animals resembling Men, with hairy Bodies, and
Wings like Birds, who never eat, but live upon the Scent of Flowers,
which they draw through their Nostrils. Now I may ask, Who would have
given Credit to these, and the like Things, if _Pliny_, a very grave
Historian, had not solemnly affirm’d, not that he had heard or read of
such Things, but that he himself had seen them? In like Manner, who
would ever have thought that the Earth was hollow, and that another
Sun, and other Planets, were contain’d within its Bowels, had not my
own Experience clear’d up that Mystery? Or how could an Account of a
World, inhabited by Trees endued with Reason, and a Power of local
Motion, have ever gain’d Belief, had not my Discoveries prov’d the
Existence of it beyond a Possibility of Doubt. I am not inclin’d,
however, to quarrel with any Man for his Incredulity, since I must
confess, that before I undertook this Voyage, I was a little in doubt
myself, whether the Relations of Travellers in general were any Thing
better than pompous Fables, and insignificant Amusements.
It was in the Beginning of the Month _Radir_ that we set Sail. We had
a fair Wind for some Days, and our Vessel sailing right before it, we
had no Occasion to handle our Oars, and were therefore at Liberty to
divert ourselves. But on the fourth Day the Wind sunk, and we were
forc’d to take to our Oars. The Captain perceiving I was unaccustom’d
to such hard Labour, and unfit to bear it, would often give me Leave
to rest a while, and at length he entirely freed me from this servile
Office. Whether he thought me innocent, and therefore shew’d me so much
Kindness, or whether he judg’d me worthy of better Treatment on Account
of the curious Invention of Perriwigs, which I had the Honour of, as I
have before related, I cannot take upon me to determine. I must however
observe, that he carry’d three Wigs along with him this Voyage, the
Combing and Buckling of which was committed to my Charge. So that I was
on a sudden advanc’d from being a Galley-Slave, to the Dignity of the
Captain’s Wig-Dresser. This Civility of the Captain’s to me was the
Reason that as often as we arriv’d at any Port, I was always one of the
Number who were appointed to go on Shore. This was extremely agreeable
to me, as it gave me an Opportunity of fully satisfying my Curiosity.
We kept on our Course for some Time without meeting with any Thing
remarkable; but after we had lost Sight of Land we fell among the
_Syrens_, who as often as the Wind abated, and the Sea grew calm,
would swim to the Ship, and beg our Charity. The Language they spoke
resembled the _Martinese_, so that some of our Ship’s Crew were able to
talk with them without the Help of an Interpreter. One of the Number,
after I had given her a Piece of Meat, fixing her Eyes stedfastly upon
me, cry’d out,
Hero! proceed, and rule a conquer’d World!
I only smil’d at the Prophecy, as thinking it an empty Piece of
Flattery, though our Sailors assur’d me very seriously, that these
Syrens were seldom or never out in their Predictions. We had been under
Sail about eight Days when we discovered Land, which the Mariners
call’d _Picardania_. As we were entring the Harbour, we saw a Jack-Daw
hovering about us, who upon Enquiry I found to be a Person of great
Dignity, and at that Time Inspector-General of the Customs. I could
scarce refrain from laughing, when I heard that an Office of so great
Trust was committed to a Jack-Daw, and from the Appearance of their
Chief, I conjectur’d, that Wasps and Hornets must be the Tide-Waiters
and Custom-House Officers. After this Bird had flown two or three
Times round the Ship, he made for the Shore again, and presently after
return’d with three other Daws, and alighted upon the Fore-castle. I
was ready to burst with laughing, when I saw one of our Interpreters
approach these Birds with a profound Respect, and immediately enter
into a long Conversation with them. The Reason of their coming, was
to inspect what Merchandise we had on board, it being their Business
to enquire, whether we had any contraband Goods, and particularly
any of the Herb commonly call’d _Slac_. It is very common for these
Creatures to search every Corner of the Ship, and to unpack every
Bale of Goods, to see if they can discover any of this Herb, the
Importation of which is prohibited by the Magistrate, under a very
severe Penalty. The Inhabitants barter several Sorts of Commodities,
which are very useful and necessary towards the Support of Life, in
Exchange for this Herb; from whence it happens, that the Plants which
grow in _Picardania_, though every whit as good as this, are held
in no Esteem. The _Picardanians_ in this resemble the _Europeans_,
who are often fond of Things for no other Reason, but because they
are fetch’d from remote Countries, and grow in foreign Soils. The
Inspector, after he had had a long Conference with our Interpreters,
went down into the Hold with the rest of his Companions, and returning
soon after, with an angry Countenance declar’d, that he forbad us
trading with the _Picardanians_, because we had acted contrary to the
Faith of Treaties, in importing prohibited Goods. But the Captain, who
knew by Experience how to mitigate the Officer’s Anger, presented him
immediately with a few Pounds of _Slac_, upon which his Anger subsided,
and he gave us Leave to unload our Cargo. As soon as this was over, a
vast Flock of Daws came fluttering about us. These were all Merchants,
who came to traffick. The Captain intending to go ashore, order’d me,
and some others, to accompany him. Accordingly four in Number of us
left the Ship, namely, the Captain, myself, and two other Monkeys, to
wit, our Supercargo and Interpreter. We were invited to Dinner by the
Inspector-General. The Inhabitants have no Tables, as not making any
Use of Chairs, for which Reason the Cloth was laid in the Middle of
the Floor. A most delicate and magnificent Repast was presently serv’d
up, but in very small Dishes: And as the Kitchen was at the Top of the
House, each Dish was brought in supported by two Pair of Jack-Daws,
as if it descended from the Clouds. After Dinner the Officer took us
along with him, to shew us his Library. There was a vast Collection of
Books, but of a mighty small Size, the largest Folios being scarce so
big as one of our Primmers. I had much ado to withhold laughing when
I saw the Librarian fly up to the Top-Shelves to fetch down some of
the Octavos and Duodecimos. The Houses of the _Picardanians_ are very
little different from ours, as to the Building, and the Disposition of
the Apartments; but the Bed-Chambers are suspended just beneath the
Roof, after the Manner of Birds-Nests. It may be ask’d, perhaps, how
it is possible for Daws, (who are reckon’d amongst the Birds _Minorum
gentium_) to build Houses of such a Magnitude? But it was evident, from
a House which was then building from the Ground, that the Thing was
very possible; for several thousand Labourers were employ’d about it
at the same Time; so that what was wanting in Strength was supply’d
by Numbers, and by the Agility with which they flew about their Work.
For this Reason they will finish a House almost as quickly as our
Bricklayers can. The Inspector’s Lady did not appear at Table, by
reason of her Lying-in; for at such Times the Mother never stirs out
as long as her little ones are callow, but as soon as ever they begin
to be fledg’d, her Husband gives her Leave to go abroad. We did not
stay long in this Country, for which Reason I can say nothing as to
the Government thereof, or the Manners and Customs of the Inhabitants.
Every Thing was in great Confusion at that Time, on Account of a War
which was just then broke out between the _Daws_ and their Neighbours
the _Thrushes_, especially as News was brought the Day after our
Arrival, that a great Battle had been fought in the Air, in which
the Daws were entirely routed. The General was afterwards try’d by a
Court-Martial, and sentenc’d to have his Wings clipt, which is look’d
upon as a very heavy Punishment in this Country, and very little
different from what is inflicted for capital Offences. After we had
dispos’d of the Cargo, we set Sail from thence. At a little Distance
from the Shore, we saw great Quantities of Feathers floating about
upon the Water, and from thence conjectur’d, that it was the Spot where
the late Battle had been fought.
After a prosperous Voyage, which lasted only three Days, we arriv’d
upon the Coast of _Crotchet-Island_. We immediately came to an Anchor,
and went on Shore, preceded by an Interpreter, who carry’d that Sort of
musical Instrument along with him, which is generally call’d a _Base_.
This Ceremony appear’d very ridiculous to me, as I could not comprehend
for what Reason he should load himself with such an useless Burden.
As the Coasts seem’d to be deserted, and there was no Appearance of
any living Creature, the Captain order’d our Interpreter to play a
March, to give Notice of our Coming. Upon this about thirty musical
Instruments, or Bases, with one Leg, came hopping towards us. I thought
at first, that what I saw was all Inchantment, as I never, in all my
Travels, met with any Thing so wonderful. The Make of these Bases,
whom I afterwards found to be the Inhabitants of the Country, was as
follows: Their Necks were pretty long, with little Heads upon them;
their Bodies were slender, and cover’d with a smooth Kind of Bark or
Rind, in such a Manner, as that a pretty large Vacuity was left between
the Rind and the Body itself. A little above the Navel, Nature had
plac’d a Sort of Bridge with four Strings. The whole Machine rested
upon one Foot, so that their Motion was like that of Hopping, which
they perform’d with wonderful Agility. In short one would have took
them for real Bases, from their Similitude to that Instrument, had it
not been for their Hands and Arms, which were in every Respect like our
own. One of these Hands was employ’d in holding the Bow, as the other
was in stopping the Strings. Our Interpreter begun the Conference, by
taking up the Instrument he had brought with him, and playing a slow
Strain.
_Sustinet a lævâ, tenuit manus altera plectrum,
Artificis status ipse fuit: Tum stamina docto
Pollice sollicitat._
An Answer was presently return’d him in the same Strain, and thus they
went on warbling their Thoughts to one another for a considerable Time.
Their Conversation began with an _Adagio_, which I cannot but say had a
good deal of Harmony in it, but it soon slid into Discords which were
very grating to the Ear. The Conference ended with an harmonious and
delightful _Præsto_. Upon hearing this last our Men were exceedingly
pleas’d, since it was a Token, as they told me, that the Price of
their Cargo was agreed upon. I was afterward inform’d, that the slow
Musick in the Beginning was only a Prelude to the Discourse, and was
employ’d in mutual Compliments on both Sides: But that when we heard
the Discords they were disputing about the Price of our Commodities,
and that the _Præsto_ in the Conclusion signify’d that the Business
was happily determin’d. Accordingly a little while after we unloaded
the Ship. The Commodity for which there is the greatest Demand in this
Country is Rosin, with which the Inhabitants rub their Bows, which are
their Instruments of Speech. Such as are convicted of any great Crime
in this Country, are generally sentenc’d by the Judge to be depriv’d of
their Bows; and a perpetual Privation of the Bow is equal to capital
Punishment amongst us. As I understood there was to be a final Hearing
of a Law-Suit in a neighbouring Court of Justice, while I staid there,
my Curiosity prompted me to hear some of their musical Law-Proceedings.
The Council, instead of making a Speech, mov’d their Bows, and play’d
each of them a Kind of Tune. So long as the Pleadings lasted, I could
distinguish nothing but dissonant and jarring Sounds; for all the
Eloquence of the Bar consists in the Loudness of their Notes, and the
quick Motion of their Hands. After the Hearing was over, the Judge
rising slowly from the Bench, and taking up his Bow, gave the Court
an _Adagio_, which is the same Thing as pronouncing Sentence. For as
soon as he had made an End, the Executioners advanc’d directly to the
Criminal, to take away his Bow. The Boys in this Country resemble that
Kind of Instrument, which in our Parts of the World we call a _Kitt_.
They are never suffer’d to handle a Bow till they are three Years old.
Upon their Entrance into their fourth Year they are sent to School to
learn their Gamut, from Masters appointed for that Purpose, as Children
in _Europe_ are, to learn their Alphabet. They are kept under the
Discipline of the Ferula till they are able to play thoroughly in Tune,
and to give their Instruments a clear and distinct Expression. We were
very much molested by these Boys during our Stay there, as they were
perpetually teazing us with their scraping. Our Interpreter, who had
a very good Hand himself, and perfectly understood the Language, told
us, that the only Meaning of this Musick was to beg a little Rosin of
us. They begg’d in a whining Tone of the _Adagio_ Kind, but as soon
as ever they had got what they wanted, they run into the _Allegro_,
or Jig-Time, which was their Method of returning Thanks. However, a
Repulse would at any Time spoil all their Musick.
Having dispatch’d our Affairs to our Satisfaction, we left this Place
about the Month _Cusan_, and after a Voyage of a few Days came in Sight
of another Coast. Our Crew guess’d it to be _Pyglossia_, from the fœtid
Smell which came from thence. The Inhabitants of this Country are not
unlike human Creatures, except in one Particular, which is the Want of
Mouths. This lays them under a Necessity of speaking a _posteriori_,
if I may be allow’d the Phrase. The first Person who came aboard our
Ship was a wealthy Merchant. He very civilly saluted us from behind,
according to the Custom of the Country, and then began to talk with
us about the Price of our Goods. The Barber belonging to our Ship,
to my great Misfortune, was at that Time sick; for which Reason I
was oblig’d to make use of a _Pyglossian_ Barber. The People of this
Profession are more talkative, if possible, in this Country, than
they are in _Europe_; so that whilst he was shaving me, he left such
a horrid Stench behind him in the Cabin, that we were oblig’d to burn
great Quantities of Incense to sweeten it again after his Departure.
I was so accustom’d to see strange Things, and such as were contrary
to the usual Course of Nature, that nothing now appear’d surprizing
to me. As the Conversation of the _Pyglossians_ was disagreeable and
offensive, by reason of this natural Imperfection, we were willing
to get away from thence as soon as possible, and therefore weigh’d
Anchor before the Time we had appointed. We hasten’d our Departure
the more on Account of our being invited to Supper by one of the
principal Inhabitants. We all shrugg’d up our Shoulders at this
Invitation, and nobody would accept of it, but upon Condition that a
general Silence should be observ’d all Supper-Time. As we were going
out of the Harbour, the _Pyglossians_ crouded to the Shore to wish us
a good Voyage; but as the Wind blew directly from the Land, we made
all the Signs we could, by nodding our Heads, and waving our Hands,
to let them know we would excuse their Compliments. I could not help
reflecting, upon this Occasion, how very troublesome a Man may prove by
striving to be over-complaisant. The chief Trade of the _Martinians_
to this Country, consists in Rose-Water, and divers Kinds of Spices
and Perfumes. We steer’d our Course from hence to _Iceland_, a Country
the most horrid, desert, and inhospitable, that ever my Eyes beheld.
Hardly any Thing is to be seen, but Mountains continually cover’d over
with Snow. The Inhabitants, who are all made of Ice, are dispers’d
here and there amongst the Tops of the Hills, in Places where the Sun
never comes. For all between the Summits of the Mountains, to speak
poetically, is bound up in eternal Frost. On this Account likewise it
is perpetually dark here, or if there is any Light, it is only what
proceeds from the Glittering of the Hoar-Frost. But the Valleys which
lie between these Hills of Snow are (full as miraculously) scorch’d
with Heat, and burnt up by the fiery Vapours with which the Atmosphere
abounds. For this Reason the Inhabitants never dare venture down into
the Valleys, unless it be in hazy Weather, or when the Sky is overcast.
And as soon as ever they perceive the least Glimmering of the Sun’s
Rays, they either get back into the Mountains, or plunge directly into
some Cavern. It often happens, that whilst the Inhabitants are upon the
Road into these Valleys, they are either melted, or come to some other
Misfortune. The extraordinary Heat in these Places furnishes them with
a ready Means of punishing notorious Criminals. The Executioners take
the Opportunity of the first cloudy Day to carry such Criminals down
into the Plain, where they tie them to a Stake, and there leave them
expos’d to the burning Rays of the Sun, which soon dissolves and melts
them. The Country produces all Kinds of Minerals, except Gold. These
are bought up by foreign Merchants, in the crude State in which they
are digg’d out of the Earth. For the Natives being unable to bear the
Fire, know nothing of the Art of smelting or working up of Metals. ’Tis
thought that the _Iceland_ Trade is the most beneficial of any that is
carry’d on in these Parts.
All these Countries, which I have been hitherto describing, are
subject to the great Emperor of _Mezendoria_, properly so call’d; for
which Reason these, as well as others which have not been mention’d,
are by Travellers call’d by the general Name of the _Mezendores_, or
_Mezendorian_ Islands, tho’ they are distinguish’d from one another
by peculiar Names, as has been shewn in this Itinerary. That Empire,
which is no less spacious than it is extraordinary, was the End,
and as it were the Center of our Voyage. Eight Days after we left
_Iceland_, we arriv’d at the Imperial City. Whatever the Poets have
said about Societies of Animals, or Trees, we here found to be real.
For _Mezendoria_ is a Country which is actually possess’d in common by
Animals and Trees, who are alike endued with Reason. Any Kind of Animal
or Tree whatsoever is allow’d to enjoy the Privileges of this City,
provided he is obedient to the Laws, and to the establish’d Government.
One would be apt to think, that a Mixture of so many Creatures of
different Forms and opposite Natures should necessarily create Disorder
and Confusion. But by Virtue of prudent Laws and Constitutions, this
Contrariety is made to produce happy Effects. For by Means thereof, a
different Office or Employment, and such as is suited to his different
Genius, Temper, and Abilities, is prudently assign’d to each of these
miscellaneous Subjects. Lions, because of their innate Magnanimity, are
here made Generals of Armies; Elephants, by reason of their natural
Sagacity, and the Soundness of their Judgments, are appointed Members
of the Supreme Council of the Nation. All Offices at Court are fill’d
up by Cameleons, which Animals being by Nature subject to Change, can
the more readily accommodate themselves to Times and Circumstances.
The Land-Forces are made up of Bears and Tygers, and such warlike
Animals. Bulls and Oxen are admitted into the SeaService; for these
being simple and well-meaning Creatures, and at the same Time hardy
and obstinate, and not overburden’d with good Breeding, are therefore
esteem’d the properest Inhabitants for that boisterous Element. They
have likewise a Seminary of Calves, which are instructed in the Art
of Navigation, and train’d up for the Service of the Fleet; these
are call’d Sea-Calves, and are promoted by Degrees to the Dignity of
Captains and Admirals. Trees, by reason of their Uprightness, are
created Judges. Geese are Advocates in the Supreme Courts of Justice,
and Magpyes have the Management of Causes in the inferior Courts. Foxes
are made Plenipotentiaries, Envoys, Consuls, Agents and Secretaries
to Embassies. Rooks are generally appointed Administrators to the
Goods and Chattels of such as die intestate. Goats are Philosophers,
especially Grammarians, as well out of Regard to their Horns, with
which they are us’d to push their Adversaries upon the slightest
Provocation, as on Account of their venerable Beards, in which Respect,
they surpass all other Animals. Horses are Civil Magistrates; and
Vipers, Moles, and Dormice, Farmers and Husbandmen. Birds are employ’d
as Couriers and Post-Boys. Asses, on Account of the Loudness of their
Voices, are made Deacons; and Nightingales execute the Office of
Singing-Men and Choiristers. Cocks are the Watchmen in great Towns, and
Dogs are Porters at the Gates. Wolves are the superior Officers in the
Treasury and Custom-House, and Hawks and Vultures are their Deputies.
By Means of these excellent Institutions all publick Offices are
duly and faithfully executed, and every Thing transacted in the most
orderly Manner. This Empire, therefore, ought to be a Pattern for
all Legislators to copy after in the Establishment of new Forms of
Government. For that so many worthless Wretches get into Employments
is not owing to any Want of Persons of Abilities to fill them up, but
solely to an improper Choice. But if this Matter was taken Care of
as it ought to be, and wise and able Men promoted not on Account of
their general Merits, but of their Fitness to that particular Post,
we should see publick Offices far better manag’d than they now are,
and Governments in a more flourishing Condition. What a salutary
Institution this is which we have been speaking of, is evident from
the Example of this Empire. We find in the Annals of _Mezendoria_,
that about three hundred Years ago this Law was repeal’d by the
Emperor _Lilak_, and that publick Employments were conferr’d upon all
Sorts of People indifferently, provided they had Merit of any Kind,
or had signaliz’d themselves by any extraordinary Action. But this
promiscuous Distribution of Places of Trust occasion’d so many and
such great Disorders, that the Government seem’d upon the Point of
being overturn’d thereby. Thus, for Example, a Wolf having acquitted
himself with Reputation in the Management of the publick Revenues, lays
Claim, on that Account, to a superior Dignity, and becomes a Senator;
on the other Hand a Tree, having signaliz’d himself by the Integrity of
his Decisions, was rewarded by an Employment in the Treasury. By this
preposterous Promotion, two able Men at once were rendered absolutely
useless to the Publick. A Goat, or a Philosopher, who was extoll’d
to the Skies by the Scholasticks, for his Keenness and Obstinacy in
defending an Argument, desiring to advance himself, requested the
first Place that should happen to be vacant at Court, and obtain’d
it; whilst a Cameleon, noted for his Good-Breeding and his Compliance
with the Times, obtain’d by these Qualities a Professor’s Chair in the
University, which he sollicited for the Sake of the Salary. The Effect
of this was, that the former from an able Philosopher became an absurd
Courtier; and the latter from an excellent Courtier, was transform’d
into a most empty Philosopher. For that Perseverance in maintaining his
Opinions, which does a Man Credit as a Philosopher, is an Imperfection
in the other Character, since Fickleness and Inconstancy are cardinal
Virtues at Court, and he that would rise there must regard not so much
what is true, as what is safe, and must assume a different Aspect just
as the Face of Affairs happens to change. What is there a Vice, is a
Virtue in the Schools; where Positiveness, and a determin’d Resolution
to adhere, at all Events, to the Point you have undertaken to defend,
is a Token of a very great Man. In short, the Subjects in general,
even such as were remarkable for very extraordinary Abilities, were by
this Alteration in the Constitution render’d useless to their Country,
and the Republick of course began to totter. In this State of Affairs,
when every Thing was running to Ruin, an Elephant of great Prudence,
named _Baccari_, at that Time a Senator, laid this Grievance before the
Emperor in very pathetick Terms. That Prince, being convinc’d of the
Truth of what was told him, determin’d to put an immediate Stop to the
growing Evil. The Manner in which a Reformation was brought about was
this. Such as were in Employment were not immediately turn’d out, for
by that Means the Remedy would have been worse than the Disease; but
as fast as Offices became vacant, such as already were in Employments,
for which they were unfit, were remov’d to others better adapted to
their Capacities. The good Effects of this Change soon became visible;
and _Baccari_, for the great Service he had done his Country, had a
Statue erected for him, which is to be seen in the great Square in
_Mezendoria_ at this Day. Ever since that Time the ancient Laws have
been religiously observ’d. Our Interpreter affirm’d, that he had this
Relation from a certain Goose, with whom he was very intimate, and who
was reckon’d one of the most eminent Lawyers in the whole City.
Many unusual, and even stupendous Phænomena, are daily offering
themselves to View in this Country, and attracting the Eyes of
Strangers and Travellers. The Sight alone of so many Kinds of Animals,
to wit, Bears, Wolves, Geese, Magpyes, _&c._ walking up and down the
different Streets and Quarters of the City, and conversing familiarly
with each other, cannot fail of exciting Admiration and Delight in
those who are unaccustom’d to such Kind of Sights. The first Person
who came on board us was a meagre Wolf, or Custom-House Officer; he
was attended by four Kites, or Under-Officers, such as in _Europe_ are
call’d Searchers. They seiz’d whatever they had a Mind to of our Cargo,
and by that Means made it appear that they had learnt their Lesson
perfectly, and were very far from being Novices in their Trade. The
Captain, according to his usual Civility, always took me along with
him when he went ashore. We were met at our Landing by a Cock, who
having ask’d the usual Questions, namely, what our Business was, and
from whence we came, gave Notice of our Arrival to the chief Officer
of the Customs. We met with a very civil Reception, and were invited
to sup with him. His Wife, who, as we were told, was a celebrated
Beauty among the Wolves, did not make her Appearance at Table. The
Reason of her Absence, we heard afterward, was her Husband’s Jealousy,
who did not think it proper to expose a Person of her Beauty to the
View of Strangers, and especially of Sailors, who by reason of their
long Abstinence, being generally very loving when they come on Shore,
use little or no Distinction in their Addresses. Divers other marry’d
Females sat down to Supper with us. One of our Company, a white Cow
with black Spots, was the Wife of a Sea-Officer. Next to her sat a
black Cat, who was Wife to one of the King’s Huntsmen, and was just
come up out of the Country. The Person that sat next to me at Table
was a particolour’d Sow, Wife to a Gold-finder, all Offices of this
Kind being fill’d up by such as are of Hoggish Extraction. She was very
sluttish, and sat down to Table without washing her Hands, which is a
common Thing amongst those of her Tribe; but then she was extremely
officious, and help’d me several Times with her own Hands. Every body
was surpriz’d at her unusual Civility, especially as these Creatures
are by no Means remarkable for Politeness. For my Part, I wish’d she
had not been quite so well-bred, since the being help’d by such Hands
was not in the least agreeable to me. I must here observe, that though
the Inhabitants of _Mezendoria_ resemble Brutes, as to their Shapes,
yet they have Hands and Fingers which grow out of their Forefeet,
in which Respect alone they differ from our Quadrupeds. They have no
Occasion for Cloaths, as their Bodies are cover’d over with Hair or
Feathers. The Rich are distinguish’d from the Poor only by certain
Ornaments, as Collars of Gold, or Pearls, or Garlands wound in a
spiral Manner round about their Horns. The Sea-Officer’s Lady was so
set off with Ornaments of this Kind, that one could scarce see any
Horns she had. She excus’d her Husband’s Absence, by saying he was
detained at home by a Law-Suit, a Hearing of which was to come on the
Day following. After Supper was over, the particolour’d Sow, whom I
have been speaking of, took our Interpreter aside, and had a long
Conference with him, the Purport of which, was, that she had conceiv’d
a violent Passion for me. He comforted all he could, and promising her
a mutual Passion on my Part, he next began to make his Attack on me.
But as he found his Words made no Impression upon me, he advis’d me
to make my Escape as soon as possible, since he knew the Lady would
leave no Stone unturn’d to gratify her Wishes. From that Time forward
I kept close on board, especially after I heard that a former Admirer
of her Ladyship’s, a Student in Philosophy, who was grown jealous of
me, had form’d a Design against my Life. I was scarce secure even on
board against the repeated Attacks of this _Inamorata_, who sometimes
by Messages, and at other Times by Billet-doux and Love-Verses,
endeavour’d to soften my obdurate Heart. Had not I unfortunately lost
these Letters, when I afterwards suffer’d Shipwreck, I could here have
presented the Reader with a Specimen of Piggish Poetry. But they are
now slipt out of Memory, and all that I can at present recollect of
them are the following Lines, in which she thus sets off her Beauties.
’Tis true, in dread Array my Bristles rise;
But let me not for this be hateful to thee.
What is the Steed, without his flowing Mane?
What are the feather’d Race, without their Plumes?
What is a Tree, stript of its leafy Honours?
What is a mortal Man without his Beard?
And what, ye Gods! a Sow without her Bristles?
We made an End of our Market with such Expedition, that we were in a
Condition to set Sail from thence in a few Days. Our Voyage, however,
was retarded some Time, by a Quarrel which happen’d betwixt our
Sailors, and some of the Inhabitants of the Country. The Occasion of
the Quarrel was this. As one of our Men was passing through the City,
a Cuckoo, who had a Mind to be arch upon him, call’d him in Derision
_Peripom_, which signifies the same as a Stage-Player amongst us. For
as Monkeys in this Country are commonly Rope-Dancers and Comedians,
the Cuckoo took our _Martinian_ for a Player. The Sailor, resenting the
Affront, fell upon him with a Cudgel, and repeating his Blow, almost
maim’d him. The Cuckoo calling out for Help, desir’d the By-Standers
to bear Witness of the Assault, and summon’d them the next Day to give
Evidence in a Court of Justice. The Witnesses having been examin’d, the
Matter was laid before the Senate. The Sailor being ignorant both of
the Laws and Language of the _Mezendorians_, was forc’d to see a Pye,
or Lawyer, to be Counsel for him. The Cause was thus brought before
the Senate, and after a Hearing, which lasted about an Hour, Sentence
was given to the following Purpose: That the Cuckoo, as being the
Aggressor, should undergo the Punishment in that Case provided, and pay
the Costs of the Suit. However, the Lawyer’s Fees had swallow’d up all
his Cash already. The Judges who determin’d this Affair were Horses,
two of which were Consuls, and the other four Senators. An equal
Number of Colts were likewise present, who had a Right of giving their
Opinions, but not of voting, and were admitted into the Court as Pupils
and Candidates to fill up Vacancies upon the Bench.
Having finish’d our Affairs to our Satisfaction, and got our Loading
which was very valuable on board, we thought of returning home. Soon
after we were out at Sea, a sudden Calm at once put a Stop to our
Course. Upon which we fell to our Diversions, some to spearing of
Fishes as they leapt above the Surface, others to angling for them. By
and by we had a Gale of Wind, and proceeded in our Voyage.
Having long plough’d the Ocean with a prosperous Gale, we at length
came in Sight of other Syrens, who by Intervals would set up a most
hideous and dismal Yell. This struck an uncommon Terror into the
Sailors, who knew, by woful Experience, that such mournful Musick
portended Storms and Shipwrecks. Hereupon we immediately took in our
Sails, and every Man was order’d to his Post. We had scarce made an End
of our Work before we saw the Heavens cover’d with black Clouds. The
Waves began to swell, and such a Storm follow’d, that the Pilot, who
had us’d the Subterranean Seas for almost forty Years, declar’d he had
never known so terrible a one. Every Thing that happen’d to be upon
Deck was immediately wash’d overboard, partly by Means of the Waves,
which were every Moment breaking over it, and partly by the violent
Rain’s which fell at the same Time, attended with dreadful Lightning
and loud Claps of Thunder. So that all the Elements seem’d to conspire
together for our Destruction. Our Main-Mast was presently broke short
off and carry’d away, and the rest soon follow’d it. We had nothing
now but Death before our Eyes. One was calling out upon his Wife and
Children, another upon his Friends and Relations, and the whole Vessel
resounded with their mournful Cries. The Pilot, though without Hope
himself, was nevertheless oblig’d to sooth the rest with Hopes, and to
advise them not to give Way to unavailing Sorrows. Whilst he was in the
Midst of this Discourse, a sudden Gust of Wind hurry’d him overboard,
and he was quickly swallow’d up by the Waves. Three others underwent
the same Fate, namely, the Purser, and two Sailors. I was the only
one who bore the general Calamity without repining. Life was grown a
Burden to me, and I had no Inclination to return to _Martinia_, where I
had forfeited my Liberty and good Name. All the Compassion I had left
was for the Captain, who had treated me with so much Kindness during
our whole Voyage. I strove with all the Eloquence I was Master of, to
raise his drooping Spirits; but in vain; he persisted in his Sighs and
womanish Complaints, till a Wave came rolling over us, and carry’d him
away with it into the Ocean.
The Storm increasing still, no farther Care was taken about the Ship.
Not a Mast, not a Rudder, or even so much as a Rope or Oar was left;
and our Vessel floated at Random on the Waves. We were toss’d about in
this Condition near three whole Days, half dead with Fear and Hunger.
The Sky appear’d serene by Intervals, but nevertheless the Storm
continued with its usual Violence. At length we discovered Land, the
Sight of which, though it appear’d to be nothing but craggy Rocks and
Precipices, was some Comfort to those of the Crew who were still left
alive. As the Wind blew towards the Shore, we were in Hopes that we
should soon be driven thither. But this could not happen without our
suffering Shipwreck, by reason of the Cragginess of the Coast. It
seem’d however probable, that some of us, if not all, by the Help of
some Fragments of the Ship, might for the present at least escape.
But whilst we were comforting ourselves with these Hopes, we struck
upon a Rock, which being under Water had escap’d our Notice, with such
Violence, that the Vessel was in an Instant dash’d into an hundred
Pieces. In the Midst of this Confusion I laid hold of a Plank, being
only anxious for my own Safety, and little minding what became of my
Companions, whose Fate I am yet a Stranger to. It is most likely that
they were all lost, since I could not hear of the Arrival of any of
them into that Country. I was carry’d with great Rapidity to the Shore,
by the Help of the Tide and of the Waves. This was a Means of saving
me, for had I continued a little longer in the State I was in, I should
certainly have perish’d through Hunger and Fatigue. After I had doubled
the Point of a certain Promontory, the Waves abated, and I heard the
Murmuring of them at a Distance only, and that too by Degrees grew
weaker and weaker, till it intirely vanish’d.
This whole Region is mountainous. And hence the frequent Windings of
the Mountains, their overhanging Tops, together with the Deepness of
the Vales below, are the Occasion of very great Echoes here. As soon
as I found myself near the Shore, I hollow’d out as loud as I was
able, in hopes that some of the Inhabitants upon the Coasts might hear
me, and come to my Assistance. My first Shout was not return’d, but
after I had repeated it, I heard a Kind of Noise from the Shore, and
at length saw the Inhabitants running out of the Woods, and coming to
meet me with a Boat, which was made of Osier Branches and Oaken Twigs,
a Proof that they were not a very improv’d or civiliz’d People. But
the Sight of the Rowers gave me a Transport beyond Description; for
as to their exterior Figure, they did not differ at all from Men, and
were the only Creatures of my own Species that I had beheld during this
whole Subterranean Tour. They are something like the Inhabitants of
the Torrid Zone. For they have black Beards, and short, curl’d Hair;
and those who have long, flaxen Hair, are reputed a Kind of Monsters.
At length they drew near to the broken Piece of the Ship I was upon,
and took me into their Boat in a dropping Condition. They then row’d
to Shore, where after I had been refresh’d with some Meat and Drink,
though in a very plain and coarse Manner, I soon recover’d my Vigour
and Spirits, notwithstanding I had been three whole Days and Nights in
a Manner combating with Thirst and Hunger.
CHAP. XII.
_The Author’s Arrival at_ +Quama+.
And now a Croud of People surrounded me. They talk’d to me in their
Language, of which, as I was wholly ignorant, I was at a Loss what to
answer. They often repeated the Word _Dank_, _Dank_, which sounding
like High Dutch, I answer’d first in that Language, then in the
_Danish_ Tongue, and lastly in _Latin_. But to all this they only shook
their Heads, to intimate that these Languages were utterly unknown
to them. Then I try’d them in the Subterranean Languages, namely,
the _Nazaric_, and the _Martinian_; but all to no Purpose. This made
me conclude, that they were an unsociable Nation, who had no Kind of
Commerce with the rest of the World, and that therefore I should be
under a Necessity in this Country of turning Boy, and going to School
once more to learn my Letters.
After we had convers’d some Time together, but in such a Manner that
we did not understand one another, they brought me to a Cottage made
of Osiers. There were no Seats, Benches, or Tables in it; for they
eat upon the Ground, and for Want of Beds, they use only Straw, and
sleep promiscuously on the Floor, which is the more to be admir’d, as
they have Plenty of Timber among them. Their Food is Milk, Cheese,
Barley-Bread, and Flesh; which last they broil upon the Coals, having
no Notion of any other Sort of Cookery. In short, they liv’d in as
plain a Manner as the first Race of Mankind. So that I was forc’d to
live like a _Cynic_ Philosopher, till I had made such a Progress in
their Language as enabled me to converse with the Inhabitants, and
assist their Ignorance. And, indeed, all my Orders and Directions were
observ’d as so many Oracles. Nay to such a Height my Reputation rose,
that they flock’d to me in Crouds from all the adjacent Towns and
Villages, as to an illustrious Doctor, or a Teacher sent from Heaven.
I heard also, that a new Computation of Time was made use of among
them, which commenc’d from my Arrival. All this, I own, was so much the
more grateful to me, as in the Planet _Nazar_, and at _Martinia_, I
had been a publick Jest; in the former Place for my Vivacity and quick
Conception, and in the latter for my Dulness. And here I experienc’d
the Truth of that vulgar Saying, “Among the Blind, he that squints is
a King.” For I was now in a Country, where with a slender Share of
Knowledge, and with ordinary Abilities, I could arrive at the highest
Honours. And Room enough there was here, to try my own Strength,
and exercise my Talents; for the Country abounded to Profusion with
every Thing necessary for the Use of Man. Many Things it produc’d
spontaneously, and whatever Grain was sow’d, repaid the Husbandman
with ample Interest. The Inhabitants were of a docil Disposition, and
by no Means destitute of Wit and Understanding; but then, as they had
never been taught any Thing, they remain’d in the Depth of Ignorance.
When I related to them the Circumstances of my Family, my Country,
my Shipwreck, and the other Accidents that befel me in my Travels,
nobody could be brought to believe it. For they were positive, that I
was an Inhabitant of the Sun, and that I descended from that glorious
Luminary. Agreeably to this Conceit, they commonly call’d me by the
Name of _Pikil-Su_, that is, _Embassador of the Sun_. As to their
Religion, they did not deny the Existence of a Supreme Being, but then
they did not trouble their Heads about the Proof of that high Point;
it was sufficient to them that their Fathers before them believ’d it:
And this is their whole System of Divinity. As to their Morality,
they knew nothing except this single Precept of _Not doing to others
what you would not have done to yourself_. They knew no Law beside the
sole Will and Pleasure of their Emperor, and therefore no Crimes, but
those of a publick Nature, were ever punish’d. Whatever Misdemeanour
was otherwise committed, all the Revenge the Neighbours took, was to
avoid the Company of the Offenders, to whom such a general Contempt was
usually so intolerable, that many have died for Grief, and as many more
have laid violent Hands upon themselves through a Weariness of Life.
Chronology they know nothing of, only they compute their Years from the
Eclipse of the Sun, which happens by the Interposition of the Planet
_Nazar_; so that when you enquire how old any one is, their Answer is,
that he is so many Eclipses old. Their Physicks are excessively barren
and absurd; they believe the Sun is a Golden Plate, and the Planet
_Nazar_ a Cheese. When I enquir’d the Reason why at stated Times the
Planet _Nazar_ increas’d and decreas’d, they reply’d, that they knew
nothing at all about it. Their Wealth and Substance consists chiefly in
Swine, which they distinguish by some particular Mark, and then suffer
them to run loose in the Woods. They scourge and beat all such Trees as
bear no Fruit, from a foolish Opinion, that their Sterility proceeds
from Malice and Envy. Such was the State of this poor miserable
People, whom I almost despair’d of ever reducing to Humanity; but
recollecting that Assertion of the Poet,
_Nemo adeo ferus est, ut non mitescere possit,
Si modo culturæ patientem præbeat aurem_,
I took Courage, and employ’d the whole Force of my Capacity and
Abilities in reforming these Barbarians. For these my Endeavours, and
the Success which attended them, they regarded me as something above
the Race of Mortals, and so extravagant an Opinion did they entertain
of my Wisdom, that they thought nothing was impossible to me. Upon the
Loss of Cattle or Goods, they would come, at all Hours, to my Hut, and
implore my Assistance. One Day I saw a poor Peasant prostrate before my
Door weeping and wringing his Hands, and crying out to me to help him.
Upon Inquiry into the Occasion of his Grief, he complain’d to me of the
Perverseness and Ill-Nature of his Trees, and begg’d me to interpose my
Authority to make them bear more Acorns.
I was inform’d, that the whole Country was in Subjection to a Monarch,
whose Residence, _at that Time_, was about eight Days Journey from the
Place I was now in. I say _at that Time_, because the Metropolis of the
Empire was moveable, that is, his Majesty (whose Place of Residence was
look’d upon as the Capital) had no Palace, or fix’d Habitation, but
liv’d in Tents, which he transported, together with his Royal Family
and the whole Court, from one Province to another. The Prince, who then
sway’d the Sceptre, was a Man in Years, and was call’d _Casba_, which
signifies, _Great Emperor_. This Territory, with respect, to the Extent
of it, merits indeed the Name of an Empire; but thro’ the Ignorance of
the Inhabitants, who do not know their own Strength, it makes no great
Figure, but is expos’d to the Insults and Ridicule of its Neighbours,
and is often oblig’d to become tributary to Nations in Reality more
contemptible than themselves.
Fame had now spread my Name and Virtues over all the Provinces.
Nothing of Moment was undertook without first consulting me, and every
unsuccessful Enterprize was ascrib’d to my Coldness and Want of Favour.
Nay, some had it in their Heads to appease my Anger with Sacrifices.
I forbear to recount all the Follies of this stupid Nation, and shall
only give one or two Instances, by which you may easily judge of the
rest. A big-bellied Woman came to me, to desire she might have a Boy.
Another intreated me to make his old Parents young again. Another
begg’d me to take him with me up to the Sun, that he might return
from thence with as much Gold as he could carry. With these, and such
unaccountable Requests, was I continually pester’d, tho’ I still
reprimanded their Folly in a severe Tone: For I was afraid lest that
absurd Conceit of my Power might terminate in divine Worship.
At length it reach’d the Ears of the Monarch, that a Stranger was
arriv’d in his Dominions, who call’d himself the Ambassador of the Sun,
and who by giving most wise and divine Instructions to the _Quamites_
(so were call’d the Inhabitants of this Country, the Name of which was
_Quama_) had convinc’d the People that he was more than Man. Upon this
he presently dispatch’d an Embassy to me, inviting me to Court. The
Embassadors were in Number thirty, all cloath’d with Tigers Skins, a
Dress so much the more honourable in this Country, as the Use thereof
is permitted to none but those who have behav’d themselves with
Gallantry in the War against the _Tanachites_. (These are rational
Tigers, and implacable Enemies to the _Quamites_.) But during all this
Time, in the Village where I continued, I had run up a Stone-House
of two Stories, after the Manner of the Buildings in _Europe_. The
Embassadors beheld it as a stupendous Work, exceeding human Strength,
and therefore when they came to me to signify his Imperial Majesty’s
Pleasure, they enter’d my House with a religious Awe, as into a Temple
or Sanctuary. The Speech they made to me, on this Occasion, was nearly
this:
“Whereas the great Emperor _Casba_, our Sovereign Lord and Master,
derives his Origin from the great _Spynko_, Son of the Sun, and
Founder of the _Quamitic_ Empire, he therefore thinks nothing could
be more fortunate or agreeable, than your Arrival, especially as it
must be of the highest Advantage to his Dominions, and as there is all
the Reason in the World to hope, that under such an illustrious and
celestial Teacher, the Kingdom will, in a short Time, wear another
Face. For which Reason he hopes you will so much the more willingly
honour his Court, as the Capital of the Empire is a more ample Field
for the Exercise of your Virtues.”
This Harangue being ended, I returned my humble Thanks to the
Embassadors, and accompanied them immediately to the Palace. Though
they had taken up fourteen Days in coming, yet in returning we spent
only four, which was owing to a Contrivance of mine. For as I had
observ’d a vast Multitude of Horses in this Country, which were of
no Manner of Use, but rather a Burden upon the People, inasmuch as
they liv’d in the Woods like wild Beasts, I laid open to the Natives
the several Advantages which would accrue from the Service of those
generous Brutes, and taught them the Art of breaking them. In a
short Time a great Number were tam’d, and upon the Arrival of the
Embassadors, I had as many broke and prepar’d, as would serve us
all in our Return. At the Sight of the Horses thus instructed, the
Embassadors were amazed, but were afraid to mount them. But when they
saw me and others guiding and turning them which Way we pleas’d,
by Means of the Bridle, and that without Fear or Danger, they took
Courage, after two or three Trials, and ventur’d upon the Journey. And
this was the Reason that they return’d in one Third of the Time they
came. When we drew near the Place where the Royal City was suppos’d
to be, we heard that this famous Metropolis was remov’d into another
Province, which oblig’d us to bend our Course another Way.
Upon our Approach to the Capital, the Fright and Surprize of the People
is not to be express’d. Many, struck with a Panick, abandon’d the Royal
City. The Emperor himself kept shuddring in his Pavilion, nor dar’d to
go out of it, till one of the Embassadors alighting from his Horse,
went and explain’d the Mystery to him. I was introduc’d soon after in
great Form, and with a Train of People behind me, to the Emperor’s
Presence. _Casba_ was sitting on a Carpet, surrounded by his Courtiers.
Having paid my Compliments to his Imperial Highness, he rose, and ask’d
me how the Emperor of the Sun did, the Founder of the Royal Family
of _Quama_. To this Question, as I conceiv’d it necessary to keep up
the popular Error, I reply’d, “That I was sent from the Monarch of
the Sun to reform the savage Manners of the _Quamites_ with salutary
Instructions, and to open a Way for them not only to repel the Insults
of their Neighbours, but also to enlarge the Bounds of their Empire,
and that I had Orders to end my Days among them.” This Speech highly
pleas’d the Emperor. He commanded a Tent to be erected for me near
his own; he also assign’d me fifteen Domesticks to attend on me, and,
laying aside the Monarch, behav’d to me always like a Friend.
CHAP. XIII.
_The Rise of the fifth_ +Monarchy+.
From that Time forward, I was wholly taken up in giving a new Form to
the Government, and instructing the Youth in military Discipline.
_Ante urbem hinc pueri, & primævi flore juventus
Exercentur equis, domitantque in pulvere currus:
Aut acres tendunt arcus, aut lenta lacertis
Spicula contorquent._
I began with teaching them the Management of Horses, and training them
for War, as I hop’d that by our Horse alone our Neighbours might be
kept in Awe. The Emperor was soon supply’d, through my Diligence, with
six thousand Horse. The _Tanachites_ were at that Time preparing for
a fresh Invasion, on Account of the Delay of the annual Tribute, the
Payment of which had often been sollicited in vain. I was order’d by
the Emperor to go and meet the Enemy with my new-rais’d Cavalry, to
which were added a Body of Infantry. These were arm’d with Pikes and
Javelins, with which they might engage the _Tanachites_ at a Distance.
For the _Quamites_ had hitherto made use of short Swords or Daggers
only; for which Reason being oblig’d to engage Hand to Hand with very
fierce Enemies, who were much superior to them in Strength, they had
always fought upon unequal Terms.
Being appointed General in this Expedition, as soon as I heard that
the _Tanachites_ were drawn up in Order of Battle, not far from the
Borders of our Empire, I march’d to meet them with all my Forces. The
Enemy, thunderstruck with the Sight of an unexpected Army, remain’d for
some Time motionless: But our Forces advancing towards them, began to
handle their Pikes and Javelins as soon as the Enemy came within Reach,
and made a heavy Slaughter of them. The _Tanachites_, however, did
not lose Courage, but made a brisk Attack upon our Infantry: But the
new-rais’d Horse falling upon their Flanks, their Ranks were quickly
broken, and they themselves put to Flight; so that the Fortune of the
Battle wholly turn’d on this Assault. A terrible Slaughter ensued, and
the General of the _Tanachites_, together with twenty Tigers of the
first Quality, were taken Prisoners, and led in Triumph to _Quama_.
It is scarce to be express’d what Joy this extraordinary Victory
diffus’d throughout the Empire; for the _Quamites_ had generally been
routed in all former Battles, and forc’d to beg a Peace upon the most
dishonourable Terms. The Emperor, according to Custom, immediately
sentenc’d all the Prisoners to be executed: But as I had an Abhorrence
of this Custom, I advis’d the keeping them in Custody, thinking the
_Tanachites_ (with whom we could neither be said to be at War, nor in
Peace, at that Time) would be quiet, until they saw what was to become
of their Prisoners. And besides I urg’d, that a Truce was necessary for
me, to put some Schemes in Execution which I was then projecting. I had
before taken Notice, that the Country abounded with Salt-Petre, and had
got together a large Quantity of it, in order to make Gunpowder. I had
not however communicated my Design to any body but the Emperor, whose
Authority I stood in need of, to erect Offices for casting Barrels
for Guns, and other Kinds of Weapons: And I was in Hopes, that by the
Help of these Instruments all the Enemies of this Empire might in a
short Time be subdued. After I had got some Hundreds of Muskets made,
together with a Quantity of Ball, I gave a publick Specimen of my
Invention, to the great Astonishment of every body. A certain Number
of Men were immediately set aside, to be continually exercis’d in the
Management of these Muskets. After the Musketeers came to be pretty
ready in their Exercises, I was declar’d _Jachal_ by the Emperor, or
Generalissimo of all his Forces, and all the subordinate Officers were
order’d to receive their Commands from me. Whilst these Affairs were
transacting, I had frequent Conferences with _Tomopoloko_, the General
of the _Tanachites_, in order to discover the State, the Manners and
Disposition of that Nation. I found him, to my great Surprize, to be
a Person of Prudence, Learning, and Politeness, and was inform’d by
him, that Literature and Arts were in no small Esteem in the Country of
the _Tanachites_. He told me likewise, that there were a very warlike
People Eastward of them, whom the _Tanachites_ were oblig’d to be
perpetually upon their Guard against. The Inhabitants were small of
Stature, and much inferior to the _Tanachites_ in Strength of Body;
but then their Understandings were very acute, and they were eminent
for their Dexterity in managing their Javelins, or Darts, and for this
Reason had often compell’d the _Tanachites_ to sue for Peace. I learnt
afterward, that that Nation was compos’d of Cats, and that of all the
Inhabitants of the Firmament, they were the most remarkable for their
able Judgment and Skill in Politicks. It was no small Grief to me to
be inform’d, that Learning, Wisdom, and Politeness, flourish’d among
all the Creatures of this Subterraneous World, Man only excepted, and
that the _Quamites_ alone were barbarous and unciviliz’d. I hop’d,
however, that this Reproach would soon be remov’d, and that the
_Quamites_ would recover that Dominion which Nature has given to Man
over all other Animals.
The _Tanachites_ continued quiet for a long Time after their last
Defeat; but after they had discover’d, by Means of their Spies, the
State and Disposition of the new Body of Horse, namely, that those
Centaurs, which had struck such a Terror into them, were nothing else
but Horses, which had been broke and manag’d, they resum’d new Courage,
and rais’d fresh Forces, which the King himself commanded in Person.
The Army consisted of twenty thousand Tigers, all veteran Troops,
except two Regiments which had lately been inlisted. These new-rais’d
Forces were however a nominal, and not a real Addition to their
Strength. This Army, flush’d with Hopes of Victory, struck a Terror
into the whole Empire of _Quama_. Twelve thousand of our Foot advanc’d
to meet them, among which were six hundred Musketeers, together with
four thousand Horse. As I had no Doubt about the Success of the Battle,
lest the Emperor should be defrauded of the Glory of the Victory, I
intreated the old Man to put himself at the Head of his Forces. I lost
nothing of my Credit by this feign’d Modesty, since the whole Army
look’d upon me as their Leader. I thought it most advisable not to
let my Musketeers have any Share in the first Assault, having a Mind
to try, whether we could not carry the Victory by Means of the Horse
alone. But this Piece of Management cost me dear. For the _Tanachites_
attack’d our Foot with so much Violence, that they oblig’d them to give
Way: They stood likewise the Shock of our Horse so valiantly, that for
a long Time it could not be said to which Side the Victory inclin’d.
While we were in the Heat of the Battle, I led my Musketeers on to
the Attack. At the first Discharge of our Artillery, the _Tanachites_
were in a Manner stupefy’d. They could not conceive from whence those
Thunders and Lightnings proceeded; but when they saw the dreadful
Effects thereof, they were seiz’d as it were with a Panick. This first
Salutation laid two hundred Tigers prostrate on the Ground, amongst
which were two Chaplains belonging to the Camp, who were each of them
pierc’d thro’ with a Musket-Ball, whilst they were encouraging the
Soldiers to do their Duty by very pathetick Discourses in Praise of
Valour. Their Fate was bitterly lamented by all, for they were reckon’d
admirable Orators. As soon as I perceiv’d the Terror our Enemies were
in, I order’d a second Discharge to be made. This did more Execution
than the former: Great Numbers were kill’d, and among the rest, the
King himself. Upon this the Enemy losing all Hopes, turn’d their Backs.
Our Horse pursued them, and made so great a Slaughter of them as they
fled, that the Multitude of Carcasses with which the Field was covered,
at length put a Stop to their Pursuit. After the Battle was over, and
we had Time to take an Account of the Number of the Slain, they were
found to amount to thirteen thousand. The Enemy being thus intirely
routed, the victorious Army enter’d the Country of the _Tanachites_,
and after a few Days March encamp’d under the Walls of the Metropolis.
Such a Terror had at that Time seiz’d all Peoples Minds, that
though the Town was strong, and well secur’d by its Situation,
Walls, and Forts, and well stor’d with Provisions of all Kinds, yet
the Magistrates came out in the most suppliant Manner to meet the
Conquerors, and to offer them the Keys of the City. This City was no
less remarkable for its great Extent, than for the Cleanness of its
Streets, and the Neatness of its Buildings. And it was certainly Matter
of great Wonder, that the _Quamites_, who were encompass’d on all Sides
by Nations so polite, should have continued so long in their Barbarity.
But they were in this Respect like some other Nations, who though
ignorant of what passes in foreign Countries, entertain a high Conceit
of themselves, and who having no Commerce or Communication with
others, live hugely contented in their own Sordidness and Ignorance, of
which it would be very easy to produce Instances among the _Europeans_.
This Defeat became a new Æra among the _Tanachites_; and as this
decisive Battle was fought, according to their Computation, upon the
third Day of the Month _Torul_, they reckon this among the unlucky
Days. At this Season of the Year, the Planet _Nazar_, whose Revolution
round the Subterranean Sun regulates the Time, and distinguishes the
Seasons, is at its farthest Distance from this Part of the Firmament.
The whole Firmament likewise makes its Revolution round the Sun, but
as the Planet moves with greater Velocity, _Nazar_ seems to increase
or decrease, according as it is nearer to, or more remote from this or
that Hemisphere. The Increase or Decrease of this Planet, as also the
Eclipses of the Sun, are the Subject of astronomical Observations in
this Country. I once took the Pains, at my Hours of Leisure, to examine
the _Tanachitish_ Kalendar, and it seem’d to me to be an orderly and
well digested Thing.
The Taking of the capital City was follow’d by the Surrender of the
whole Kingdom; so that the Contempt with which the _Quamites_ had been
before stigmatiz’d, was chang’d into Renown; and the Empire of _Quama_,
by the Addition of this conquer’d Nation, became almost twice as
powerful as it was before. But as every body look’d upon this Success
to be owing to my Industry and Management, the Esteem which they had
for a long Time conceiv’d for me was heighten’d almost into Adoration.
The _Tanachites_ being thus subdued, and Governors appointed in every
City, to keep this fierce and warlike People in their Duty, I went to
work, to finish the Task I had begun, and to root out that Barbarity
in which the _Quamites_ were as yet involv’d. It was a Matter of great
Difficulty, however, to introduce the Study of the liberal Arts at
once; for the _Latin_ Tongue, and a few Scraps of _Greek_, which I
had learnt in _Europe_, would not, I knew, be here of any Use. For
this Reason, I caus’d twelve of the most learned Tigers to be sent for
out of the Enemies Country. These were made Professors, and commanded
to found an University upon the Model of those in their own Country.
I likewise order’d the Royal Library of _Tanachin_ to be remov’d to
_Quama_. I was determin’d, however, that as soon as the _Quamites_ had
made such a Progress in Literature as to be able to stand upon their
own Legs, I would send these Foreigners back into their own Country.
I was very desirous of seeing the _Tanachitish_ Library, because I
had been inform’d by their General _Tomopoloko_, that amongst other
Manuscripts in the Archives of the Library, there was one compos’d by
an Author who had been in our World, and had left a Description of
its different Kingdoms, especially the _European_ ones; he told me
likewise, that the _Tanachites_ had got Possession of this Book while
they were at War in a very distant Country, but that the Name of the
Author was conceal’d, nor could it ever be learnt who he was, or how he
was carry’d to the Superterranean Habitations.
Upon looking over the Book, I found what _Tomopoloko_ had told me
concerning the Author was true, and therefore I candidly discover’d
my Race and Country to him, assuring him at the same Time, that I had
declar’d the same Thing to the _Quamites_ at my first Arrival, but
that the stupid Mortals gave no Credit to my Narration, but would
needs have me to be an Embassador from the Sun, and still continued
to persist obstinately in that Error. I added likewise, that as I
look’d upon it to be a Crime to keep so vain a Title any longer, I was
at length determin’d to discover my Origin to the Publick, by which
ingenuous Confession I thought my Reputation would not in the least
suffer, especially as I hop’d, that the Reading of this Book would
convince every body how much the _Europeans_ excel all other People in
Virtue and in Knowledge. The prudent _Tomopoloko_ did not seem pleas’d
with my Design, and gave me his Sentiments upon it, as I remember, in
the following Terms. “Good Sir, before you proceed in your Design,
it will be necessary for you to see the Book, the Reading of which
may, perhaps, divert you from your Purpose; for either the Author has
misrepresented them, or the Manners of the Superterraneans are foolish
and absurd, and they are govern’d by Laws and Customs more worthy of
Laughter than Regard. But after you have read the Book, you may use
your own Discretion. One Piece of Advice, however, I will presume to
give you, and that is, not rashly to reject a Title which has render’d
you so venerable in the Opinion of the _Quamites_: For nothing serves
more effectually to restrain Men within the Bounds of Duty, than the
Opinion which the Vulgar entertain of Birth and high Descent.”
I took the Advice, and determin’d, with the Assistance of _Tomopoloko_,
to read the Book. The Title of it is this; _Tanian’s Journey to the
Superterranean World, or a Description of the Kingdoms and Countries
upon Earth_. The Name of _Tanian_ is thought to be fictitious, and as
the Book was grown mouldy for want of being taken due Care of, and
imperfect in several Places through Length of Time, what I wanted most
to see, namely, which Way the Author got up to our World, and down
again, was missing. These are the Contents of what remain’d of the Work.
_Fragments of_ Tanian_’s Journey above Ground, translated from the
Original, by the celebrated, noble, and valiant_ Tomopoloko,
_General of the_ Tanachites.
* * * This Country (i. e. _Germany_) goes by the Name of the _Roman_
Empire; but this is merely titular, for the _Roman_ Monarchy has been
extinct for several Ages. The Language, which the _Germans_ use, is
with much Difficulty to be understood, because the natural Order of
the Words is inverted; for what goes first in other Languages, comes
last in this, so that you may be oblig’d to read to the End of a Page
before you can comprehend the Meaning of it. The Form of Government is
strange. The _Germans_ think they have a King, and yet in Reality they
have none. _Germany_ is said to be one Empire, and yet it is divided
into many separate Principalities, each of which has the Sovereign
Power within itself, so that they often make War upon one another,
and have most certainly a Right so to do. The Empire is said to be
_always August_, though it is sometimes very much diminish’d; _Holy_,
tho’ without any _Holiness_; _Invincible_, though often expos’d to
the Depredations of its Neighbours. Nor are the Rights and Privileges
of this Nation less wonderful, since many have Rights, which they are
prohibited from making any Use of. Infinite are the Comments which have
been publish’d upon the State of the _German_ Empire, but so intricate
is the Subject, that in Spite of all their Labours they are at every
Turn as much at a Loss as ever concerning it; for * * * *
* * * * The Capital of this Kingdom (_France_) which is very large, is
call’d _Paris_. It may in some Sense be styl’d the Capital of _Europe_:
For it exercises a Kind of Jurisdiction over all other _European_
Nations. For Example, it prescribes Rules to them about their Eating,
and about the Fashion of their Cloaths; so that let any Fashion be
as ridiculous and as inconvenient as it will, all other Nations are
oblig’d to follow it, whenever the _Parisians_ are pleas’d to lead the
Way. How or what Time they acquir’d this Right, I could never learn.
Their Authority, however, did not, as I understood, extend to other
Things, for the rest of the _European_ Nations are often at War with
the _French_, and sometimes force them to accept of Peace upon very
severe Terms; but the Servitude they are under with regard to Dress,
and the Manner of Eating is perpetual; so that whatever Fashion is
invented at _Paris_, the rest of _Europe_ are strictly oblig’d to
come into it. The _Parisians_ very much resemble the _Martinians_ in
Quickness of Apprehension, the Love of Novelty, and a Fertility of
Invention.
* * * Having left _Bononia_, we went to _Rome_. This City is subject
to a Priest, who, though his Dominions are very narrow, is reckon’d
the most powerful of all the _European_ Kings and Princes. For other
Princes exercise Dominion only over the Persons and Estates of their
Subjects, but this can destroy their Souls likewise. The _Europeans_
in general believe, that the Keys of Heaven are in the Custody of
this Priest. I was very desirous of seeing so great a Curiosity, but
I lost my Labour, nor do I know, to this Day, what Form they are of,
or in what Cabinet they are kept. The Authority which this Pontiff
exercises, not only over his own Subjects, but over all Mankind,
chiefly consists in this, that he can absolve whom God condemns, and
condemn whom he absolves. An enormous Power, indeed! and such an one as
our Subterraneans will never believe can fall to any Mortal’s Share.
But it is an easy Matter to impose upon the _Europeans_ as one pleases,
and to make them swallow the greatest Absurdities, though they imagine
that nobody has any Understanding but themselves; and being puff’d with
this Opinion, they look down with Contempt upon all other Mortals, as
if they were Barbarians in Comparison of them.
For my Part, I do not undertake to justify the Manners, Laws, and
Customs of our Subterraneans; I will only produce some Instances of the
Customs of the _Europeans_, in order to make it appear how undeservedly
they pass a Censure upon the Manners of other Nations.
It is a Custom all over _Europe_ for People to scatter a Kind of Meal,
which is made by grinding the Fruits of the Earth, and which Nature
intended for Food, over their Hair and Cloaths. This Meal is commonly
call’d _Powder_, and great Care and Pains are us’d to cleanse their
Hair from it every Morning, with an Instrument call’d a Comb, in order
to make Room for more of the same Sort. They have another Custom
which appear’d to me no less ridiculous, which is this. They have a
Kind of little Cover, or Hat, to defend their Heads against the Cold,
which Cover they very often wear under one of their Arms, even in the
very Depth of Winter. This appear’d as absurd to me, as it would have
been to have seen a Man walking through the Streets with his Coat or
his Breeches in his Hand, and leaving his Body to be expos’d to the
Inclemencies of the Air, from which they were intended to defend it.
The religious Opinions of the _Europeans_ are very sound and agreeable
to right Reason. They are under an Injunction carefully to study the
Books in which the Rule of Faith and Practice is contain’d, in order to
discover their true Sense and Meaning. These Books recommend Indulgence
to weak Brethren, and such as happen to be mistaken; but if any should
chance to understand a Thing in a different Sense from the Majority,
he is punish’d for this Defect of Judgment by Fines, Imprisonment,
Whipping, and even sometimes by dying at a Stake. This seem’d to me
the same Thing, as if a Man, who happen’d to be short-sighted, should
undergo the Bastinado, only because Objects, which seem square to me,
appear round to him. I was inform’d, that Thousands had been hang’d and
burnt, by Order of the Magistrate, on this Account.
In almost every Town and Village, you see Men standing up in Places of
publick Resort, and severely reprimanding others for those Sins which
they themselves are daily guilty of; which is just as if one should
hear a Man in Liquor declaiming against Drunkenness.
Oftentimes a Person who is born humpback’d, crooked, or lame, shall be
ambitious of being thought handsome; and another sprung from the Dregs
of the People, shall be ambitious of a Coat of Arms, or a Title: Which
is full as absurd as if a Dwarf should affect to be call’d a Giant, or
an old Man, young.
It is a Custom in great Towns, for Friends and Acquaintance to visit
one another after Dinner, in order to drink a Kind of black Broth made
of burnt Beans. This Broth is commonly call’d Coffee. When they make
these Visits, they are shut up in a Box, which is fix’d upon four
Wheels, and drawn to the Place of Rendezvous by two Beasts of very
great Strength: For the _Europeans_ think it a Disgrace to use their
Legs.
Upon the first Day of the Year the _Europeans_ are seiz’d with a
Disease, which we have no Knowledge of amongst us. The Symptoms of it
are strange Commotions and Agitations of Mind, and an Inability to sit
still in any Place. They run about at such Times from one House to
another, as if they were distracted, without knowing why they do it.
The Disease sometimes lasts for fourteen Days. At length, when they are
quite fatigu’d and spent with continually running about, they come to
themselves again, and recover their former Health.
As the _Europeans_ have innumerable Diseases of Mind, so they have
innumerable Remedies. Some are seiz’d with a strange Passion of walking
in such a Manner, as that the left Sides of their Bodies may be turn’d
towards the right Sides of others. The farther North you go, the
stronger you find this Humour, which proves that it is all owing to the
Climate, and the Intemperature of the Air. This Disease is cur’d by
certain seal’d Papers, fill’d with Characters of a particular Kind. As
long as the Patient carries these Papers about him, by Way of Talisman
or Charm, he grows better and better by Degrees, till he is quite
recover’d.
Another raging Distemper they have, which is cur’d by the Sound of a
Bell, at the Noise of which the Mind immediately grows calm, and the
Disorder abates: Yet this Remedy is by no Means effectual, because in
two or three Hours Time the same raging Evil returns.
In _Italy_, _France_, and _Spain_, during the Winter Season, an
epidemick Madness prevails for several Weeks. They put a Stop to it
at length, by sprinkling the Foreheads of the Patients with Ashes, at
an appointed Time. But in the Northern Parts of _Europe_ these Ashes
have no Virtue, and the Inhabitants of the North recover by the Help of
Nature only.
Most of the _Europeans_ enter into a solemn Covenant with God, which
they call _the Communion_, three or four Times a Year, and break it
as soon as ever they have made it. So that they seem to make it for
no other Reason, but that they may shew that they are resolv’d not to
stand to their Agreement.
When they confess their Sins, and implore the Mercy of God, their Words
are generally set to Musick. Flutes, Trumpets, and Drums, are sometimes
added to the Concert, according to the Greatness of the Crime, for
which they are suing Pardon.
Almost all the _European_ Nations are obliged to confess their Belief
of a Doctrine contain’d in a certain sacred Book. But the reading this
Book is totally prohibited in the Southern Countries, so that People
there are laid under a Necessity of believing what it is criminal to
read or enquire into.
In the same Countries, Men are forbad to worship God in any, but an
unknown Tongue; so that such Prayers only are thought to be legitimate,
and agreeable to the divine Being, as are put up by Persons, who do not
understand a Word they say.
In the great Cities, such as arrive at Honours and profitable
Employments are all paralytick; for they are oblig’d to be carry’d
along the Streets, like weak and impotent People, on a Kind of Couch,
made in the Figure of a Chest or Box.
Most of the _Europeans_ shave their Heads, and to conceal their
Baldness, wear an artificial Covering made of other Peoples Hair.
The Controversies which are commonly discuss’d in the Schools in
_Europe_, are about Things, the Knowledge of which neither concerns
Mankind, nor is within the Reach of their Comprehension. But the most
learned Subjects of all, which the _Europeans_ comment upon, are the
Rings, Robes, Slippers, Shoes, and Buskins of certain antiquated
People, who liv’d many Centuries ago. As to the Sciences, as well
sacred as profane, the Generality do not judge for themselves, but
subscribe implicitly to the Opinion of others. Whatever Sect they
happen to fall into, they stick to it with all imaginable Firmness. As
to what they say of pinning their Faith upon the Sleeve of others who
are wiser than themselves, I should approve of it, were the Vulgar and
Illiterate proper Judges of this Matter; for to be able to distinguish
who is this wise Man that may be rely’d upon, requires the greatest
Wisdom.
In the Southern Countries, a Sort of little Cakes or Wafers are carry’d
about the Streets, which the Priests say are Gods: But what is most
surprizing, the very Bakers themselves, who shew you the Flour of which
they were made, will take their Oaths upon it, that the World was
created by these Wafers.
The _English_ are very fond of Liberty, and are subject to nobody
but their Wives. As to their Religion, it is hard to say what it is,
for they take up an Opinion one Day, and throw it aside the next. I
imputed this fickle Disposition to the Situation of the Country. For
the _English_ live upon an Island, and being a maritime People, partake
much of the Nature of the inconstant Element that surrounds them.
The _English_ are very sollicitous about the Health of every one they
meet, so that a Man would take them all to be Physicians. But that
common Question, _How do you do?_ I found to be only an empty Form of
Speech, and a Sound without any Sense or Meaning in it. Many of these
Islanders take so much Pains to improve their Minds, and polish their
Understandings, that at length they intirely lose them.
Towards the North, there is a Republick consisting of seven Provinces.
These go by the Name of the _United Provinces_, tho’ there is but
little Sign of Concord or Unity amongst them. The People here boast
of their Power, as if the whole Authority of the Republick was lodg’d
in their Hands; and yet the Populace are no where more excluded from
publick Employments, and the supreme Power is vested in a very few
Families. The Inhabitants of these Provinces are deeply attentive upon
heaping up Riches, which they make no Use of; so that while their
Purses are full, their Bellies are empty. They seem to live upon Smoke
only, which they suck in thro’ a Tube or Pipe, which is made of Clay.
It must be allow’d, however, for the Honour of this Nation, that they
are the neatest of all People, for they take great Care to wash every
Thing except their Hands.
In the Cities and great Towns in _Europe_, a Watch is kept in the
Street by Night. The Watchmen go their Rounds every Hour, and wake
People out of their Sleep, by wishing them a good Night.
Every Country has its peculiar Laws, and its peculiar Customs likewise,
which are ofttimes diametrically opposite to those Laws. For Example: A
Wife, according to the Laws, ought to be subject to her Husband; but
according to Custom, she has a Right to govern him.
Those who live most luxuriously, and consume the greatest Quantity of
the Products of the Earth, are held in most Esteem in _Europe_; and
only Husbandmen, and such as supply Materials for the Luxury of the
Great, are treated with Contempt.
The great Number of Gibbets, Gallows’s, and Places of Execution, which
are every where to be seen, shew the _Europeans_ to be People of very
bad Dispositions, and subject to many Kinds of Vices. There is a
publick Executioner in every City. The _English_ are an Exception to
this Rule, amongst whom, I believe, there are no Executioners; for the
People in that Country hang themselves.
One would suspect the _Europeans_ to be _Anthropophagi_, or Men-Eaters;
for it is a Custom amongst them to shut up a great Number of
able-body’d Men in Cloisters, which they call Monasteries, for no other
End, but that they may grow sleek and fat: And whilst they are kept
in these Cells, they are utterly exempted from all Labour, and have
nothing to do but to eat and drink.
The _Europeans_ have a Custom of drinking Water every Morning, to
moderate the Heat of their Stomachs; but before they are well grown
cool by this Means, they go to work to warm them again, by swallowing
down Draughts of fiery Liquors, which they call Drams.
The Religion of the _Europeans_ is divided into two principal Sects,
one of which are call’d Protestants, and the other Papists. The former
worship one God only; but the latter adore several, for they have as
many Gods and Goddesses, as there are Towns and Villages. All these
Gods and Goddesses are made by the _Roman_ Pontiff, or High-Priest.
This Pontiff himself is made by Presbyters, commonly call’d Cardinals.
Hence it appears how great the Power of these Cardinals must be, since
they can make him who makes the Gods.
The ancient Inhabitants of _Italy_ conquer’d the whole World, and were
only subject to their Wives: But the modern ones tyrannize over their
Wives, and are Slaves to all Mankind besides.
The Animals in _Europe_ are divided into terrestrial and aquatick.
There are some amphibious ones likewise, as Frogs, Dolphins, and
_Dutchmen_. The last dwell in a marshy Soil, and live upon Land or
Water indifferently.
The _Europeans_ use much the same Food that we do; But a _Spaniard_
will live upon Air.
Trade flourishes much in every Part of _Europe_, and many Commodities
are sold there in which we never traffick: Thus, for Example, the
_Romish_ Church sells Heaven; the _Swiss_ sell themselves; and in ***
Crowns, Scepters, and the Royal Authority itself are set to Sale.
In _Spain_, Laziness is the Token of a Gentleman, and nothing is a
greater Recommendation of Nobility than sleeping much. Those are call’d
good Men and true Believers, who believe what they do not understand,
and never think it worth their while to examine what they hear. Some
have even been reckon’d Saints merely for their Slothfulness, their
Want of Curiosity, and their neglecting to enquire into religious
Matters. But those who are sollicitous about their own Salvation, and
happen, through a diligent and accurate Enquiry, to dissent from any
reigning Opinion, are said to be damn’d to all Eternity.
It is a prevailing Opinion in _Europe_, that future Happiness or
Misery does not depend upon good Works, or the Exercise of Virtue and
Religion, but upon the Place of a Man’s Nativity. For all agree, that
if they had been born in another Place, or of other Parents, they
should have been of a different Religion. Hence they in Reality condemn
People not so much on Account of their Religion, as the Place, or other
Circumstances of their Birth. But how this Opinion is reconcileable
with the divine Justice or Goodness, I cannot comprehend.
Amongst the Men of Letters, those are most esteem’d, whose Business it
is to invert the natural Order of Words, and render that obscure and
perplex’d, which before was plain and easy. These are call’d Poets,
and this Art of disjointing Words goes by the Name of Poetry. But
Poetry does not consist in this Perversity of Stile only; because to
deserve that Name, a Composition must likewise be extremely full of
Lies. An ancient Poet, _Homer_ by Name, is held in high Esteem, and
almost Adoration, because he excell’d in both these Arts. Many have
imitated him, but nobody ever yet came up to him, either in confounding
the Order of Words, or perverting the Truth.
The _Literati_ of _Europe_ are very fond of buying Books, but in this
Point they do not so much regard the Matter they contain, as they do
the Form and Neatness of them. The Booksellers, who are well aware of
this, and know that their learned Customers had rather feast their Eyes
than their Minds, are perpetually reprinting their Books in a different
Size and Letter, and with new Decorations; by which Means they make
an infinite Advantage. For in this Country the liberal Arts are made
a Trade of, and some Authors are reckon’d as sharp and cunning as any
Trader at all.
The Universities in _Europe_ are Shops, where Degrees, Promotions,
Dignities, and various Kinds of Titles, and other learned Wares, are
set to Sale at reasonable Rates: All which are not to be acquir’d in
our Subterranean World without indefatigable Pains and Study for Years
together. Those who have reach’d the Summit of all Erudition, or (in
the _European_ Phrase) have got to the Top of a certain Mountain,
call’d _Parnassus_, inhabited by nine Virgins, are styl’d Doctors.
The next to these are Masters of Arts, who come at their Titles at
somewhat a less Expence, and are therefore thought to be less learned.
The Good-will which these Superterranean Schools bear to Mankind is
evident, from their thus rendring the Way to Learning smooth and easy.
The Northern Seminaries were a little more rigid in this Respect,
since the highest Honours are not there conferr’d without a previous
Examination.
The Learned are distinguish’d from the Illiterate by their Dress and
Manners, but chiefly by their Religion; for the latter worship only
one God, but the former pay their Devotions to several. The principal
Deities of the Learned are _Apollo_, _Minerva_, the Nine Muses, and
others of an inferior Rank, which Writers, and especially Poets, are
wont to invoke at such Times as they fall into Raptures, or a Kind of
Raving.
The Learned, according to the Diversity of their Studies, are
distinguish’d into various Classes; for Instance, Philosophers, Poets,
Grammarians, Naturalists, Metaphysicians, _&c._
A Philosopher is a literary Merchant, who sets to Sale Precepts
concerning Self-Denial, Temperance, and Poverty, at a stated Price, and
spends his Time in writing and declaiming against Riches till he grows
rich himself. The Father of these Philosophers was one _Seneca_, who,
by this Method, amass’d together a princely Fortune.
A Poet is a Person who acquires Renown by being thought to be out of
his Senses. Hence it is usual to speak of all great Poets, as possess’d
with a divine Fury or Distraction; and all who express their Thoughts
with Simplicity and Perspicuity, are judg’d unworthy of the Laurel.
The Grammarians are a Sort of Militia, whose only Business is to
disturb the publick Peace. They differ from the other Soldiery in
this Respect, that instead of a Coat of Mail, they wear a Gown, and
fight with their Pens instead of Swords. They contend as obstinately
for Letters and Syllables, as the others do for their Liberties and
Properties. The Reason why they are kept up, I believe, is this, that
the _European_ Princes are afraid lest People in a Time of Peace should
grow dull, and lose their Spirits for want of somewhat like a War.
Sometimes, however, when these Differences begin to threaten Bloodshed,
the Senate interposes its Authority. An Accident of this Kind happen’d
not long ago at _Paris_, as I was told. For a Dispute concerning the
Letters Q and K growing to a Height among the Doctors, the Senate
wisely put an End to it, by allowing every one to use the Letter he
lik’d best.
A Naturalist, or Natural Philosopher, is a Person who diligently
enquires into the Nature of Quadrupeds, Reptiles, and Insects of all
Kinds, and who is acquainted with every Thing, except himself.
A Metaphysician is one who alone knows those Things which are conceal’d
from others, and who can describe and define the Essence of Spirits
and of Souls, of Entities and Non-Entities; and who being very
sharp-sighted in spying out Things at a Distance, overlooks such as are
almost under his Nose.
Such is the State of Learning in _Europe_. I could say more upon this
Head, but it is sufficient to have touch’d upon the principal Points.
The Reader will easily judge from hence, whether the _Europeans_ are
right or wrong, in thinking no People have any Knowledge but themselves.
It must be confess’d, however, that the Doctors and Masters in
_Europe_, are much more dextrous in instructing Youth, than our
Subterraneans are. For they have Masters of Arts, and of Languages,
among them, who teach others not only what they have learnt themselves,
but even what they are utterly unacquainted with. If it is an arduous
Task, to communicate clearly to others what we know ourselves, surely
it is much more so to teach them what we are intirely ignorant of.
Amongst the Men of Learning, there are some who apply themselves,
with equal Diligence, both to Philosophy and Divinity. These Men, as
Divines, dare not deny, what as Philosophers they very much doubt of.
The _Europeans_ apply themselves to Letters with as much Industry as we
do; but they become learned in much less Time, by Means of a certain
extraordinary magical Invention, by the Help whereof they can read over
a hundred Volumes in a Day.
The Superterraneans are very religious, and constant at Divine Service;
but their Times of Worship are not regulated by the Motions of the
Heart, but by the Ringing of Bells, by Clocks, or Sun-Dials; so that
this Devotion seems to be purely mechanical, and to depend upon
Externals, upon Custom, or upon stated Times, rather than to flow from
the Dictates of the Heart.
Their Taste for religious Duties appears from their Custom of singing
Hymns or Psalms, while they are cleaving Wood, washing Dishes, or
employ’d in any other manual Labour.
When I arriv’d in _Italy_, I look’d upon myself to be Lord of the whole
Country, for every one I met profess’d himself my Slave. Having a Mind
to try how far this Servility, which they made such a Shew of, would
extend, I order’d my Landlord’s Wife to be brought to me one Night:
But he immediately fell into a Passion, and commanded me to pack up my
Baggage and be gone; and as I did not make haste enough, he fairly
turn’d me out of Doors,
In the Northern Countries, People are very fond of Titles, though
they have not the Possessions which belong to them. They are likewise
extremely ambitious of the upper Hand. Moreover * * *
Thus far I patiently attended, but my Indignation was now rais’d,
and I would hear no more, declaring, that these were Fictions of a
partial Writer, and one who was over-run with Spleen. But when my Heat
a little abated, I began to form a more favourable Judgment of this
Itinerary, as I saw that the Author, though he appear’d in many Places
to be partial, and not to have had the best Regard to Truth, was not,
however, mistaken in his Judgment, but had often hit the Nail, as we
say, on the Head.
I now determin’d with myself, to take the Advice of _Tomopoloko_, and
cherish the Error of the _Quamites_ concerning my Origin; since I
thought it more for my Interest to pass for an Embassador Extraordinary
from the Sun, than for a Citizen of _Europe_.
Our Neighbours had now continued quiet for a long Time, and I had
taken the Advantage of this wish’d for Peace, to settle the Republick
to my Satisfaction. News at length arriv’d, that three very powerful
Nations had enter’d into an Alliance to invade the _Quamites_. These
were the _Arctonians_, the _Kispucians_, and the _Alectorians_. The
_Arctonians_ were a Nation of Bears, who were endued with Speech and
Reason, and were reckon’d very fierce and warlike. The _Kispucians_
were Cats of an extraordinary Size, and were in great Repute among the
Subterraneans, for their Sagacity and Judgment: For this Reason they
kept some very powerful Enemies in Awe, not so much by their superior
Strength, as by their Artifice and Stratagems. The _Alectorians_
fought in the Air, as well as upon Land, and by that Means gave their
Enemies infinite Vexation: These were Game-Cocks, arm’d with Bows and
Arrows dipt in Poison, which they manag’d with wonderful Dexterity, and
thereby did great Execution.
These three Nations, alarm’d at the unusual Success of the _Quamites_,
enter’d into a League or Alliance, by which it was agreed to check
the growing Power of the _Quamites_ with their united Force, before
it spread any further. However, before they declar’d War, they
sent Embassadors to _Quama_, to demand that the Liberties of the
_Tanachites_ might be restor’d, and to threaten War, in case such
Demands were not comply’d with.
The Embassadors deliver’d their Commission, and receiv’d the following
Answer, which was given them by my Advice: That the _Tanachites_
having broken the Peace, and violated the Faith of Treaties, ought to
impute the Misfortune they were fallen into, to their own Folly and
Presumption; that the Emperor was resolv’d, with all his Might, to
defend the Territories he had acquir’d by Right of War; and lastly,
that he was not to be aw’d by the Threats of the Confederate Nations.
The Heralds were dismiss’d with this Answer, and we turn’d our Thoughts
towards making Preparations for the impending War. In a short Time I
got together an Army of forty thousand Men, among which eight thousand
Horse, and two thousand Musketeers. The Emperor, though he was grown
decrepid through Age, resolv’d to be present in this Expedition, and
was inflam’d with such a Thirst of Glory, that neither I myself,
nor the Empress and her Children, who join’d with me in striving to
overcome his Obstinacy, could divert him from his Purpose. What gave me
the most Disturbance at that Time, was my Jealousy of the _Tanachites_;
for I was afraid lest they should grow weary of their Servitude, and
lay hold of that Occasion to shake off the Yoke, and join the Enemy.
Nor was I deceiv’d in my Conjecture; for a little while after War had
been proclaim’d, News was brought us, that twelve thousand _Tanachites_
had taken Arms, and were gone over to the Enemy. Hence I saw, that we
should have four powerful Enemies to Struggle with at one and the same
Time.
All necessary Preparations being made, the Army was commanded to
begin their March towards the Enemy in the Beginning of the Month
_Kilian_. As we were upon the Road, Intelligence was brought us, that
the Confederate Forces had enter’d the Country of the _Tanachites_, and
laid Siege to the Castle of _Sibol_, which was situated on the Borders
of the _Kispucian_ Territories. The Place was attack’d with so great a
Force, and with so much Violence, that the Governor was just going to
surrender it. But as soon as the Enemy were inform’d of our Approach,
they broke up the Siege, and march’d against us. The Battle was fought
upon a Plain, not far from the Fortress which had been besieg’d, from
whence it was call’d the Battle of _Sibol_. The _Arctonians_, which
compos’d the Enemies left Wing, falling upon our Horse, made great
Slaughter of them; and, as this Attack was supported by the Rebel
_Tanachites_, it was very near proving fatal to us. But the Musketeers
going in to their Assistance, and having thrown the Enemy into Disorder
by two Discharges of their Artillery, the Face of the Battle was quite
chang’d; so that they who but just now had borne down our Horse,
and were almost Conquerors, being now borne down themselves, began
to give Way, and at last to turn their Backs. In the mean Time the
_Kispucians_ briskly attack’d our Foot, and shot their Arrows with so
much Art, and with such Success, that six hundred _Quamites_ were, in
a very little Time, either shot dead, or desperately wounded. But
the Horse, together with the Musketeers, coming to their Assistance,
the Enemy were oblig’d to save themselves by Flight; which they did,
however, in so good Order, without once breaking their Ranks, that
they might be rather said to yield than fly. This was owing to the
Conduct of _Monsonius_, General of the _Kispucians_, who at that Time
was thought to excel all the Subterranean Generals in the Art of War.
The _Alectorians_ yet remain’d, whom it was no easy Matter to subdue;
for as oft as our Musketeers fir’d upon them, the Enemy sprung up all
at once into the Air, and thence discharg’d a Shower of Arrows, which
were so well aim’d, that few of them fell to the Ground without doing
Execution. The Reason why these Arrows seldom miss’d their Aim, was
because it is easier to hit an Object when you are above, than when
you are below it. Our Men often miss’d their Mark, because the Enemy
were so volatile, and perpetually Shifting Places. In the Midst of the
Engagement, whilst the Emperor was in the very Heat of Action, his
Neck was pierc’d through with a poison’d Arrow. He fell from his Horse
immediately, and was carry’d out of the Battle to his Tent, where he
expir’d soon after. In this ticklish Situation of Affairs, I thought it
most advisable to injoin all such as had been Witnesses of this unhappy
Accident, to keep it secret, lest the Ardour of the Soldiers should
abate upon hearing the Emperor was dead. I bade them take Courage, and
told them, that the King indeed was stunn’d with the sudden Stroke, but
that the Arrow had not enter’d deep; that the Wound had been search’d,
and taken due Care of; that every Thing would go well, and that they
might expect to see their Emperor again very soon. By this Means most
of the Army were kept in Ignorance of what had happen’d, and the Battle
was prolong’d till Night. At length the _Alectorians_ quite spent with
Labour, and the Wounds they had receiv’d, retir’d into their Camp, and
a Truce of a few Days Continuance was agreed upon, in order to bury the
dead Bodies. In the mean Time, as I found that there was need of some
other Stratagem to subdue the _Alectorians_, I order’d our Musket-Ball
to be cast into small Shot. This Project was attended with so good
Success, that at our next Encounter the _Alectorians_ came tumbling
down apace, and one Half of the Army perish’d in a miserable Manner:
Those that were left seeing this, threw down their Arms, and begg’d for
Peace. The _Arctonians_ and _Kispucians_ follow’d their Example, and
committed themselves, their Arms, and Fortresses to our Mercy. Matters
being thus brought to a happy Issue, I call’d a Council, and address’d
them in the following Harangue.
“Gentlemen and Fellow-Soldiers, I do not doubt but most of you are
well acquainted, how earnestly I dissuaded our most Serene Emperor
from this Expedition; but his innate Fortitude and Magnanimity would
not permit him to remain idle at home, while his faithful Subjects
were exposing their Lives abroad in his Defence. I can truly say, that
this is the only Request which his Imperial Majesty ever refus’d to
grant me. How happy should I have thought myself had he refus’d me
every Thing besides, and only been indulgent to me in this! For then
we should not have known that Calamity that now hangs over us, our
Return into the Imperial City would have been truly triumphant, and
our Joys for our Success would have been pure and unmix’d. I cannot,
nor indeed ought I, any longer conceal from you that fatal Accident
which has thus dash’d all our Happiness. Attend then to the dreadful
News: Your Emperor, while he was gallantly fighting for his Subjects,
was pierc’d by an Arrow in the Battle, and now lies breathless in his
Tent. What Grief, what Anguish must not the Loss of such a Prince
occasion? I can easily make a Judgment of your Sorrows from what I
feel myself. But let us not give Way to Despondency: Death, to such
a Hero, is not the End of Life, but only the Period of Mortality. We
have not wholly lost our Emperor, since he has left two Princes behind,
form’d after the Example of the best of Parents, and who inherit their
Father’s Virtues, as well as his Dominions. You cannot, therefore, be
so properly said to change your King, as the bare Name of King. And
since the eldest Prince, _Timuso_, is by Right of Primogeniture to be
promoted to his Father’s Throne, I shall henceforth derive my Authority
from him. He it is to whom we ought to swear Allegiance, and to whom we
will now pay Homage.”
CHAP. XIV.
_The Author is elevated to the_ Imperial
Dignity.
At the Conclusion of this Harangue, the Soldiery lifted up their
Voice and cry’d, _We will have no Emperor but_ Pikilsu. I was all
Astonishment at this, and with a Flood of Tears besought them to
consider better, to remember the Allegiance they ow’d to the Imperial
House, and the publick as well as private Benefits they had receiv’d
from the departed Monarch, which it was not possible to forget, without
bringing an indelible Stain upon their Character. To this I added, that
if ever they had Occasion to command my Services, I could be of equal
Use to them in a private Capacity. But all this signify’d nothing.
The Officers and Soldiers join in the common Cry, and the whole Camp
resounded with the before-mention’d Acclamation. Upon this, I retir’d
to my Tent in Confusion, and order’d the Guards to give Entrance to
none: Because, probably, the Soldiers might return to Reason, when
this sudden Fit of Zeal should cool. But the Generals and common
Soldiers burst into my Tent, and in spight of all my Reluctance,
adorn’d me with the Ensigns of Royalty, and conducting me out of
the Tent with Trumpets and Drums, proclaim’d me Emperor of _Quama_,
King of _Tanachin_, _Arctonia_, _Alectoria_, and Great Duke of the
_Kispucians_. Seeing then how vain was all Resistance, I no longer
struggled with my Fortune, but follow’d the Torrent; and I must own,
that I was not altogether unwilling to be rais’d to this Elevation; for
an Empire, with three Kingdoms, and a Great Dutchy, was too delicious a
Morsel to be ey’d with Indifference. I immediately sent to the Prince,
to acquaint him with the present Situation of Affairs, and to advise
him to insist strenuously upon his natural and hereditary Rights,
and to declare this new Election void, as being contrary to the Laws
of the Realm. But at the same Time I had resolv’d with myself not to
relinquish in Haste an Empire thus spontaneously offer’d me; so that
this Advice of mine to his Highness the Prince was rather to feel his
Pulse upon this Occasion. The Prince had an admirable Understanding,
and a very solid Judgment; and as he well knew the Doubles and
Disguises of the human Heart, and that this Modesty of mine was only
put on to serve a Turn, he wisely yielded to the Necessity of the
Times, and after the Example of the Army, he himself proclaim’d me
Emperor in the Capital City, to which I was soon after led in Triumph,
attended by the Generals and Officers of the Army, in the midst of the
Shouts and Acclamations of the Populace. In a few Days after this, I
was solemnly crown’d, and invested with the Regal Authority. Being thus
metamorphos’d from a miserable Shipwreck’d Sailor into a Monarch, that
I might strengthen my Interest with the _Quamites_, who I perceiv’d had
still a great Veneration for the Royal Race of _Quama_, I espous’d the
Daughter of the deceas’d Emperor, whose Name was _Ralac_.
Having perform’d these great Things, I projected new Schemes, to raise
the Empire to a Height that should make it formidable to the whole
subterranean World. My first Care was to assure myself of the Duty and
Allegiance of the lately conquer’d Nations. To this End I garison’d
all their Citadels and fortify’d Places in the strongest Manner,
treated the Conquer’d with the utmost Humanity, and advanc’d some of
them to very great Offices in the Capital. In particular the Captive
Generals, _Tomopoloko_ and _Monsonius_, had the highest Share in my
Favour, a Circumstance that rais’d the Envy of the _Quamites_, tho’
they suppress’d their Dissatisfaction for the present; but in Time the
Spark, which had long lain concealed under the Ashes, burst into an
open Flame, as shall be related in its proper Place. To return to my
domestick Affairs: The liberal Sciences, and the Art of War, I labour’d
to bring to the highest Perfection: And as this Country abounded with
very deep Woods, which could furnish Plenty of Timber for the building
a Fleet after the Manner of the _Europeans_, I pursued this Point with
such unweary’d Ardour, that tho’ in Reality I had a thousand other
Affairs to perplex me, it seem’d as if my whole Thoughts were directed
to this one View. The _Kispucians_ were of great Service to me in this
Case; they had a tolerable Knowledge of maritime Affairs, and their
General _Monsonius_ I appointed Lord High Admiral of the Fleet.
And now the Timber is felling, the Instruments for working it
preparing, and with such Vehemence I apply myself to the Business,
that in sixty Days from the first falling of the Wood, a Fleet of
twenty Ships now rides at Anchor in the Harbour. All this corresponding
exactly with my Wishes, I look’d upon myself as the _Alexander_ of
the subterranean World, and that below I was the Author of as great
Revolutions as he was above. The Lust of Power is infinite, and never
finds the Point to stop at. Some few Years since, the Office of a
Deacon, or that of a Writer, or Clerk, was the Height of my Ambition,
nor did I aspire to any thing greater; and now four or five Kingdoms
seem too narrow for me: So that with Respect to my Desires, which
rise in Proportion to our Wealth and Power, I never found myself more
indigent than now.
Having made myself acquainted, from the Accounts and Informations
of the _Kispucian_ Mariners, with the Nature of the Seas, and the
Situation of the Kingdoms on the Coasts, and understanding that it
was very practicable with a fair Wind to make the _Mezendoric_ Shore
in eight Days Sail, from whence it would be but a short Trip to
_Martinia_, and that over a well-known Ocean; I say, being acquainted
with all this, I made Preparation for the Voyage. Indeed, _Martinia_
was the principal Object of my Designs. I was spurr’d on by the
immense Wealth of that Nation, and the Informations I should gain from
a People of their Knowledge in maritime Affairs, since the Lights I
might receive from them would be very useful to me in the Course of
all my great Undertakings. There was also another Incentive, namely,
a Thirst of Revenge, which prompted me to subdue this Nation. I took
the Elder of the two Royal Princes along with me as an Associate in
this Expedition, pretending that a fine Occasion offer’d itself to his
Highness of exercising his Bravery and martial Virtues. But the true
Meaning of this was, that I might keep him as a Hostage or Pledge of
the Fidelity of the _Quamites_. The younger Prince indeed remain’d at
Home, but the Regency of the Empire I committed to the Empress, who
was then big with Child. The whole Fleet consisted of twenty Ships,
great and small; and were all built after the _Martinian_ Model, by the
Direction and Superintendency of _Monsonius_ the _Kispucian_ General,
to whom the sole Management of the Navy was intrusted, and who had made
Draughts and Designs of them with his own Hand. For the _Martinians_
were among the Subterraneans what the _Tyrians_ and _Sidonians_ were
in antient Days, or what the _English_ and _Dutch_ are in our Times,
that is, Sovereigns of the Seas. Yet, when we arriv’d at _Martinia_, I
perceiv’d that in the Built of our Ships we had widely err’d from their
Model.
We set sail about that Time of Year when the Planet _Nazar_ was at
its mean Distance from us. Having sail’d three Days, we spy’d a large
Island, the Conquest of which would be no difficult Matter, by Reason
of the Feuds and Factions into which the Inhabitants were split;
but (what is remarkable) as they were destitute of Arms, and were
ignorant of the Use of them, they fought only with their Tongues,
and gave all the hard Names, Curses, and foul Language they could
invent. This was all we had to fear. The only Punishment that in this
Country was inflicted upon Offenders, was that they were taken up
and imprison’d, and upon full Proof of the Crime were openly brought
into the Forum, there to hear themselves revil’d in the bitterest
Manner. Certain People were appointed for this very Purpose, call’d
_Sabuti_, that is, Revilers, and are there look’d upon in the same
Light, as an Executioner amongst us. As to the Make of their Body,
they differ’d only from us in one or two Circumstances, which was,
that the Women had Beards and the Men none; the Feet also of them all
were turn’d backwards. After we had made a Descent upon this Island,
about three hundred _Canaliscans_, (so the Islanders were call’d) met
us. They attack’d us in a hostile Manner with their usual Weapons,
that is to say, with a Volley of Curses and hard Names. With such
exquisite Malice, and in such a diabolical Spirit of Bitterness,
their foul Language was conceiv’d and utter’d, (as we were inform’d
by an _Alectorian_ Interpreter of the _Canaliscan_ Tongue) that they
shew’d themselves perfect Masters of their Weapons, and not inferior
to the Grammarians of our World. However, knowing that Rage alone was
insignificant without Power, I forbid any Violence to be offer’d to
them, but only to spread Terror among them. I order’d some Guns to be
fir’d, which had this Effect, that they fell upon their Knees, and
implor’d Mercy. Presently the several little Kings of the Island came
down, and made a formal Surrender of themselves and Subjects, putting
their whole Dominions under Tribute to me, making me at the same Time
a Compliment, that it was no Dishonour to be subdued by him, whom it
was Impiety to resist, nor any Disgrace to submit to him, whom Fortune
had rais’d above all the World. Thus this Island, (the Conquest of
which added something to my Power, tho’ little to my Glory, by Reason
of the Effeminacy of the Inhabitants) becoming tributary to me, we
hoisted Sail, and after a fair Voyage of some few Days, arriv’d at the
_Mezendoric_ Coast. I then call’d a Council of War, to enquire what
was best to be done, whether it were adviseable immediately to act in
a hostile Manner, or to send an Embassy to the Emperor, to know if he
would make a peaceable Surrender, or whether we must come to an open
Rupture. The Majority were for the latter. Wherefore five Persons were
commission’d for this Embassy, one of each Nation, a _Quamite_, an
_Arctonian_, an _Alectorian_, a _Tanachite_, and a _Kispucian_. Being
introduced into the Capital, they were ask’d by the chief Magistrate,
in the Name of the Emperor, the Meaning of this unexpected Visit to
the _Mezendoric_ Dominions? The Deputies reply’d, that it was not by
Accident, but by Design they came there, and forthwith they produced
their Credentials, and a Letter from me to the Emperor, the Tenour of
which was as follows:
“_Nicolas Klimius_, Embassador of the Sun, Emperor of _Quama_,
King of _Tanachin_, _Arctonia_, and _Alectoria_, Great Duke of the
_Kispucians_, and Lord of _Canalisca_, to _Miklopolatu_, Emperor of
_Mezendoria_, Greeting. Be it known unto thee, that by the immutable
Council of Heaven, it is ordain’d, that all the Empires and Kingdoms of
the World submit to the _Quamitic_ Sovereignty. And since the Decrees
of Heaven are irrevocable, it is necessary your Empire should undergo
the common Destiny of all. We exhort you therefore to a voluntary
Surrender, and cordially admonish you not to subject your Realms to the
Chance of War, by a rash Opposition to our victorious Arms. A timely
Obedience may save the Effusion of innocent Blood, and mend your own
Condition. Given aboard our Fleet, the 3d Day of the Month _Rimat_.”
In a few Days the Embassadors return’d with a fierce and haughty
Answer. Hereupon all Prospect of Peace disappearing, we made a Descent.
Having rang’d our Troops in order of Battle, we sent out Spies to
explore the Condition of the Enemy. They soon return’d with News, that
the Enemy’s Army was in Readiness, that it consisted of Lions, Bears,
Tigers, Elephants, and Birds of Prey, to the Number of sixty Thousand.
Hereupon we posted ourselves on an advantageous Piece of Ground, and
waited their Coming. All things being now in Readiness, and the Signal
of Battle being given, suddenly there came four Embassadors, all Foxes,
from the Enemy, to renew the Negotiations, and treat of a Peace. But
having spent some Days in Conferences with our Generals, they departed
without coming to any Conclusion. It appear’d afterwards that these
were Spies, rather than Embassadors, sent for no other End but to
explore the State and Condition of out Army. They pretended indeed
that they would soon return with more ample Powers: But as we quickly
perceiv’d the whole Body of the Enemy marching briskly towards us,
we hoisted our Colours, and marched to meet them. An obstinate Fight
ensued. For tho’ our Musketeers made a furious Slaughter among them,
yet the Elephants every where kept their Rank, the Hardness of their
Hide being Proof against our Ball. But as soon as our heavy Artillery
began to thunder upon them, and the Elephants perceiv’d the horrible
Effects of it, they were seiz’d with a Panic, and left the Field. In
this Battle thirty-three thousand _Mezendorians_ were slain, and twenty
thousand taken Prisoners. Those who escap’d, fled to the Metropolis, a
City very well fortify’d, and fill’d the Inhabitants with Terror and
Consternation. We push’d our Victory, and in three Days March, came
to the Capital, which we besieg’d by Sea and Land. At our Approach,
we were saluted by a new Embassy, which brought much softer Terms of
Peace. In this the Emperor offer’d me his Daughter in Marriage, who was
esteem’d the most beautiful Lioness throughout the whole Dominions,
together with Half his Empire in Dower with her. These Conditions were
by no Means agreeable to me, especially with Respect to the Nuptials
of his Daughter; for it seem’d to me neither safe nor honourable to
divorce my Empress to marry a Lioness. Hereupon the Embassadors were
dismiss’d without any Answer. Presently our great Guns began to play
against the City-Walls, which tho’ compos’d of Stone, were soon torn
and shatter’d in many Places. And as this City was full of Animals of
all Species, it was strange to hear the Variety of Noises upon this
Occasion, such as Roaring, Howling, Bellowing, Braying, Bleating and
Hissing. The Serpents retir’d into the Clefts and Fissures of the
Earth: The Birds hover’d in the Air, and seeing the City so fiercely
assaulted, fled off to the Rocks and open Country. The Trees trembled
and drop’d their Leaves all over the City. We heard that twenty Maids
of Honour, (these were Roses and Lilies) upon the first Discharge of
our Cannon shrunk up, and wither’d away through Fear. Such a prodigious
Concourse of Animals of all Kinds, as well those of the City, as those
from the Neighbourhood, miserably straiten’d each other; and that
very Assistance, which was so necessary, was the Cause of Diseases
and Infection. The Elephants stood the Siege better than the rest;
but upon the Discharge of the great Guns, they abandon’d the Walls.
Hereupon the Emperor, despairing to hold out much longer, summon’d a
Council to deliberate upon the present Posture of Affairs. They were
all unanimous for a Peace upon any Terms; and therefore without Delay
his Imperial Highness made a formal Surrender of himself, with all his
Territories. Thus in one Day my Power was increas’d by the Addition of
an Empire, together with nine or ten lesser Realms or Principalities;
for immediately all the petty Sovereignties follow’d the Example of the
Emperor, and strove who should be foremost in their Submissions.
After such marvellous Success, having first plac’d a Garison of six
hundred Musketeers in the Capital, I order’d the captive Emperor to
be conducted aboard our Fleet. I treated him with the most perfect
Humanity, and upon our Return some time after to _Quama_, I gave him an
intire Province, the Revenues of which enabled the Royal Prisoner to
live with a good Degree of Splendor.
We now set Sail from this Place, and coasted along the _Mezendoric_
Shores. In this Voyage we demanded Hostages of all the several States
and Governments subject to the Emperor _Miklopolatu_, so that in a
small Time the very _Mezendoric_ Name and Empire were in a manner
extinguish’d. These People were for the most Part the same of which I
have formerly given some Account in my Description of my Voyage from
_Martinia_. Leaving therefore the _Mezendoric_ Territories, we steer’d
directly for _Martinia_, which, after a prosperous, tho’ long Voyage,
we happily arriv’d at. Never was the Sight of any Country so highly
grateful to me as this; and when I reflected, that in Times past I had
been condemn’d to the Oar in this very Place, to which I now return’d
as a puissant Conqueror, I was hardly able to conceal the Transport
of Joy I felt. I had at first resolv’d to declare myself, in order to
spread the greater Terror among the _Martinians_: But I chang’d that
Resolution, and determin’d to cherish the old Error concerning my
Birth, and still to pass for an Embassador of the Sun.
I flatter’d myself, that in a short time, and with a very little
Trouble, I should be able to make a compleat Conquest of the
_Martinians_, whose Effeminacy I was well acquainted with. For this
People have a strong Propensity to Pleasure, and are hurry’d on to
all vicious Excesses, not only through a natural Bent, but from that
Affluence and Abundance, which both Sea and Land conspire to indulge
them in. However, I found by Experience, that I had an arduous
Enterprize upon my Hands: For by means of that vast Commerce carry’d
on by these People, they had amass’d such endless Riches, as enabled
them to have always at their Devotion the choicest of the most warlike
Troops among the neighbouring Nations, who stood ready at their Nod
to fight their Battles for them. Add to this, that the _Martinians_
were eminent for their Skill in maritime Affairs beyond all the
Subterraneans, and our Vessels were in Comparison of theirs extremely
rude, and very slow of Motion. For it is easy to judge what sort of
Ships ours must be, which were run up in Haste under the Direction
and Supervision of a Bachelor of Philosophy, as also what a Censure
they would undergo, were they to be submitted to the Criticism of the
_Dutch_, _English_, or _Danes_. But this Defect my Artillery aton’d
for; a Method of Fighting hitherto unknown to the _Martinians_.
Before I attempted any Thing in a hostile Manner, I sent an Embassy to
the Senate with the same Tenders of Peace, which I had lately offer’d
the Emperor of _Mezendoria_. But while we waited for an Answer, all
on a Sudden we beheld a Fleet of Ships coming full Sail upon us, in
order of Battle. At Sight hereof, we rang’d our Vessels in as much
order on our Side, as the Hurry would permit, and immediately gave out
the Signal for Engagement. The Battle was fought with equal Bravery
and Ardor on both Sides. The _Martinians_ instead of Guns, made use
of a Machine, which flung Stones of an enormous Size and Weight, and
which grievously gall’d our Sailors. They had also Fire-ships loaded
with Pitch, Brimstone, Sulphur, and other combustible Materials.
These set Fire to our best Ship, and utterly consum’d it. Victory
was a long Time in Suspence, and my Forces even began to deliberate
whether they had best fight, or fly. But at last, the Explosion of
the great Guns chang’d the Face of Things, and so sunk the Courage of
the _Martinians_, that they retir’d precipitately into their Harbour.
Yet we took not one of the Enemy’s Ships, because, as they were light
Sailors, they could at any Time escape from us. After this Fight,
we landed our Forces, and with all Speed made directly towards the
Metropolis of _Martinia_. In our March we met our own Embassadors
returning from the Senate, by whom they had been receiv’d in a proud
and lofty Manner, and dismiss’d with much such a Message as _Neptune_
gave to the Winds.
_Maturate fugam, Regique hæc dicite vestro;
Non illi imperium Pelagi; sævumq; tridentem,
Nobis sorte datum: tenet ille immania saxa._
For the _Martinians_ claiming the Sovereignty of the Seas, receiv’d my
Offers with all imaginable Disdain.
And now they levy’d a vast Body of Forces, for besides the mercenary
Troops, the whole military Power of _Martinia_ took the Field upon
this Occasion. We had not march’d far before we espy’d a numerous
Army, compos’d of different Nations, advancing directly against us.
This Confidence and Presumption of the Enemy, notwithstanding their
late Defeat at Sea, occasioned a good deal of Uneasiness on our Side.
But all this was but a Meteor which suddenly appears, and as suddenly
vanishes: For at the very first Discharge of our Artillery, they all
turn’d their Backs, and fled. We pursued the flying Foe, and made
a prodigious Slaughter of them. What the Number of the Slain were,
appear’d from that of the Perriwigs, which we collected after the
Action, and which upon a moderate Computation amounted to the Number
of five Thousand. The Make of these Perriwigs was pretty much alter’d
since my Time, and I observ’d above twenty different Fashions of them;
nor is that at all strange; for so ingenious a Nation would give a
thousand Improvements to any Invention whatever.
After this successful Battle, or rather Carnage, we immediately set
about the Siege of the Capital. But, when we had prepared every Thing
for the Enterprize, and dispos’d our Cannon in proper Order, the whole
Body of Senators came in a suppliant Manner to our Camp, and made a
voluntary Surrender of the City, together with the whole Republick.
Hereupon, Peace being declar’d, we enter’d in Triumph into this most
splendid City. Upon our Entrance into the Gates, there was not that
Tumult and Hurry, as is generally observable in conquer’d Towns, but a
sorrowful Silence, and an universal Sadness every where prevail’d. But
when we declar’d that we would not do the least Injury to the Citizens,
their Sadness was chang’d into Joy. The first Thing I did, was to make
a Visit to the publick Treasury. I was beyond Measure astonish’d at
the immense Stores of Riches deposited there; great Part of which I
distributed among my Soldiers, reserving the rest for my own Finances.
I left a Garison at _Martinia_, and took several of the Senators aboard
the Fleet, by way of Hostages. Among these, was my old Friend the
Syndic, together with his Wife, who had falsly accused me of the Crime
for which I was condemned to the Gallies. Yet I entertain’d no Thoughts
of Vengeance, as thinking it beneath an Emperor of _Quama_ to resent an
Injury done to a Chairman.
After this compleat Conquest of the _Martinians_, I resolv’d to reduce
the several neighbouring Powers. But while I was upon the Point of
executing this Design, the Embassadors of four different Realms
arriv’d, and made their Submissions. I had already so many States and
Kingdoms under my Dominion, that I did not so much as give myself the
Trouble to enquire the Names of these four surrender’d Territories,
but was contented to comprehend them under the general Name of the
_Martinian_ Provinces.
CHAP. XV.
_The_ +Catastrophe+.
Having perform’d such an amazing Series of Exploits, and our Fleet
being considerably augmented, by the Addition of the _Martinian_
Ships, we now hoisted Sail, and return’d to _Quama_, where, upon our
Arrival, we triumph’d with more than _Roman_ Magnificence. And, in
good Truth, the noble Deeds we had atchiev’d, deserv’d the highest
Pomp of Festivals and publick Rejoicings. For what can be conceiv’d
more heroic, than to transform a Nation the most abject, and the
most expos’d to the Insults of their Neighbours, into the Lords and
Sovereigns of the whole Subterranean Globe? What can be conceiv’d more
glorious, or more for my Honour, as a Man, whose Fate it happen’d to
be to live among so many heterogeneous Creatures, what, I say, could
redound more to my Glory, than to have asserted that Dominion which
Nature gave Mankind over the Animal Creation? A Description of the
Splendor of this Triumph, the Crowds, and the Applauses of Men of all
Ranks and Ages, would of itself make a regular Volume, and therefore
I shall not attempt it in this short Account. I shall only observe,
that from this Time a new Æra appears in History, and there may now
be reckon’d five Monarchies, namely, the _Assyrian_, the _Persian_,
the _Grecian_, the _Roman_, and the _Quamitic_, the last of which
seems to surpass the rest in Power and Grandeur. And accordingly I
accepted the Title of _Koblu_, or +Great+, which was offer’d me, as
well by the _Quamites_, as by the other vanquish’d Nations. There is, I
confess, something excessively vain and arrogant in the Name +Great+:
But yet, when you compare me with the _Cyrus’s_, the _Alexanders_,
the _Pompeys_, and the _Cæsars_, the Title then seems perfectly
humble and modest. _Alexander_ indeed enslav’d the _East_, but with
what Forces? with hardy veteran Troops inur’d to War; for such were
the _Macedonians_ in the Time of his Father _Philip_. But I, in a
shorter Space of Time, subdued far more and fiercer Nations than the
_Persians_, and that by the Help only of a rude and barbarous People,
whom I myself had form’d and instructed. The Titles I now us’d were
these; _Nicolas the Great_, _Emperor of Quama and Mezendoria_, _King of
Tanachin_, _Alectoria and Arctouia_, _Great Duke of Kispucia_, _Lord of
Martinia and Canalisca_, &c. &c.
_Ingens jam stabat Regnum, poteramque videri
Exilio felix: sed scilicet ultima semper
Expectanda dies homini, dicique beatus
Ante obitum nemo supremaque funera debet._
Being thus lifted up to a Point of Power and Success, beyond even the
Wishes of a mortal Man, the same Thing happen’d to me, as to almost
all those who rise to Greatness from a sordid Original. For unmindful
of my former State, I grew intolerably vain and haughty, and instead
of all those winning Ways, which artful Princes use to procure the
popular Esteem, I became a hot and cruel Persecutor of all Orders of
Men, despising as very Slaves those Subjects, whom before I had courted
to my Interest with all imaginable Affability, insomuch, that none had
Access to my Person, without a Ceremony, almost like that of Adoration,
and when they were admitted, were receiv’d with a most disdainful Air:
All which alienated the Minds of the People from me, and chang’d their
Love into Coldness and Terror. This Disposition of my Subjects I soon
experienced, and particularly upon the following Occasion. The Empress,
my Spouse, whom I had left big with Child, was in my Absence brought
to Bed of a young Prince. Intending to acknowledge this Prince for
my Successor, I assembled the several States of my Empire, as, well
those of the conquer’d Kingdoms, as those of _Quama_, to the solemn
Inauguration of the Infant. As none dar’d disobey my Orders, the
Ceremony was perform’d with all possible Pomp and Grandeur. But it was
easy to perceive in the Visages of my Subjects, that all the Joy upon
this Occasion was forc’d, unnatural, and mix’d with hidden Discontent.
What help’d to confirm my Jealousy, was, that at this Time certain
Libels or Pasquinades, written by anonymous Authors, were handed about,
in which the Injury done to Prince _Timuso_ by this Inauguration, was
set forth with much Satyr and Acrimony. This created such Disorders in
my Spirits, that I could take no Rest till I had got rid of that best
of Princes. However, I thought it by no means adviseable to dispatch
this illustrious Rival in an arbitrary Manner, and therefore I suborn’d
certain Witnesses to accuse him of High Treason. As Sovereigns never
want for Ministers of Darkness to serve their criminal Purposes,
I quickly found out proper Persons to swear that the Prince was
projecting a Revolution, and had a Design against my Life. Upon this he
was thrown into Prison, and condemn’d by his Judges, the Majority of
whom I had corrupted. However, he was executed privately, for fear of
raising Disturbances.
As to the second Prince, because he was very young, I defer’d
sacrificing him to my Repose yet a while; so that the Weakness of
his Age was his Protection. Thus stain’d with the Parricide of his
Brother, I began now to rule with so much Cruelty and Rigour, and
carry’d my Rage to such a Height, that all Persons, whose Fidelity I
suspected, whether _Quamites_, or others, I deliver’d over to immediate
Death. Not a Day pass’d, but was remarkable for some extraordinary
Execution, which hastened the Rebellion, which the Nobles had been for
a considerable Time projecting; as will be related in its proper Place.
I own I deserv’d all those Misfortunes, which I afterwards experienc’d.
It had doubtless been more glorious, and more worthy of a Christian
Monarch, to have guided a gross and barbarous People to the Knowledge
of the true God, rather than to have proceeded from Conquest to
Conquest, and to have shed such Torrents of innocent Blood. And,
indeed, it had been easy for me to have converted the whole Empire; for
there was a Time when all my Determinations were revered like Oracles.
But unmindful of God, and of myself, I dream’d of nothing but the vain
Splendor of a Court, and the Increase of my Power. Moreover, being
now given up to a deprav’d and reprobate Mind, I chose to aggravate
and inflame these Discontents, rather than remove them, as if the
Offences of my Injustice were to be rectify’d by my Cruelty. To all the
Remonstrances of my Friends I still urg’d,
_Necessity, the Tyrant’s hellish Plea_.
So that Misfortune on Misfortune came thick upon me, and I fell into
such Disgrace and Wretchedness, that from my Example, all Mortals may
learn what a Vicissitude there is in human Affairs, and how short is
the Duration of arbitrary Power and Violence.
My Subjects Aversion increas’d with the Severity of my Government,
and when they perceiv’d that the Vices, to which I abandon’d myself,
but ill agreed with that divine Original I boasted, and were utterly
irreconcilable with my Character, as Embassador of the Sun, they
began to examine every thing with more Attention, particularly the
Circumstance of my Arrival into these Parts, and the Condition I was
in when I landed upon their Coast. They now saw, that all the great
Things I had done, were owing more to the Savageness of the _Quamites_,
than to any extraordinary Abilities of my own, especially as they
found, after that Mist of Ignorance was dispell’d, that I had actually
committed many Errors in the Course of my Government. Above all my
Conduct was highly censur’d by the _Kispucians_, a judicious and
penetrating People. They had observ’d in my publick Edict a Multitude
of Things so crude and indigested, as betray’d the grossest Ignorance
in Politicks. Nor was the Censure unjust: For as my academical Tutors
and Instructors never dream’d of Crowns and Scepters for me, they
gave me an Education more adapted to a private Station, than that of
a Sovereign; and my Studies, which extended no farther than to some
little System of Divinity, and a few metaphysical Terms, were by no
Means equal to my present Elevation, where I had the Charge of two
Empires, and almost twenty Kingdoms upon my Hands. The _Martinians_
had also remark’d, that the Ships of War I had built, were so rude and
clumsy, that in an Engagement they were of no manner of use against
a regular and well appointed Fleet, and that all my naval Glory was
to be ascrib’d solely to the Invention of Cannon. All these cutting
Remarks they industriously dispers’d, and at the same Time call’d to
Remembrance the Manner of my first Appearance in this Country, namely,
how I had escap’d from a Shipwreck, and being ready to perish with
Hunger, was taken up by the Inhabitants all in tatter’d Garments,
an Equipage surely very unsuitable to an Embassador of the Sun.
Add to this, that these same _Martinians_, being excellent natural
Philosophers, had now given the _Quamites_ a Tincture of Astronomy,
enough to know that the Sun was an inanimate Body, plac’d in the
Centre of the Heavens by the Almighty, to give Light and Heat to all
Creatures, and that as it was a Globe of Fire, it could of Consequence
be no proper Habitation for a mortal Man.
With these and other such unlucky Discourses, was I from Day to Day
distracted. But they were mere Murmurs; since nobody through fear of
my Power dar’d talk thus with any Degree of Openness. And in Reality,
I was a long Time ignorant that the Malevolence of my Subjects had
rose to such a Pitch, as to question my Condition, till at length I
was convinc’d of it by a Book compos’d in the _Canaliscan_ Tongue,
and publish’d with this Title, +The happy Shipwreck+. For I observ’d
before, that the _Canaliscans_ were perfect Artists at Satyr and
Reproaches, which were all the Weapons they wag’d War with. The Book
in Question comprehended all those Accusations, of which I have just
now given a Detail, and was wrote in a Stile the most severe and
sarcastical, that can well be imagin’d, according to the Genius of the
_Canaliscans_, who excel in this Manner of Writing.
But such was the Weakness of my Mind at this Juncture, such my vain
Presumption and Confidence of my own Power, that no Advices or
Remonstrances whatever could make me change my Conduct, or bring me to
my Senses. The most wholesome Counsels instead of checking, contributed
only to inflame my Cruelty. Wherefore those whom I had most Reason to
suspect, I put to the Torture to discover the Author of this Libel. But
all endur’d their Torture with an astonishing Firmness, insomuch, that
this Cruelty produced no other Effect, than to irritate the Spirits of
my People still more against me. Thus my Fate would have it, and I run
headlong to my Destruction.
In this State of Affairs I determin’d to sacrifice the surviving Prince
_Hicoba_. I open’d my Design to the High Chancellor _Kalac_, in whom I
plac’d great Confidence. He promised me all Obedience and Assistance,
and strait withdrew on Pretence of contriving the Means of putting
this Scheme in Execution. But detesting the Villany in his Heart,
he discover’d the Plot to the Prince. Both of them retir’d into the
Citadel, which was well fortify’d and there the Chancellor harangu’d
the Guards, and in the most pathetick Manner laid open their present
Condition. His Discourse, together with the Tears of the young Prince
which added considerable Weight to it, produc’d the desir’d Effect.
The Soldiers run to their Arms, and vow’d they would die to save their
Prince. Upon this the dexterous Chancellor did not give their Ardour
Time to cool, but persuaded them immediately to swear Allegiance to
their Prince, and then out of hand sent private Messengers to those
whom he knew to be exasperated against me, exhorting them to take
Arms against a Tyrant, who attempted the Extinction of the whole
Royal Progeny. Upon this all the Disaffected rose and join’d with
the Garison. While I was expecting the Return of the Chancellor, a
Messenger brought me the News of this grand Insurrection. My Friend
_Tomopoloko_ advis’d me by all Means to retreat to _Tanachin_. There,
says he, we can quickly raise an Army, and bring these Mutineers
to Reason. These Words produc’d in me various Agitations of Mind,
and Hope and Fear alternately govern’d me each Moment. At length in
Compliance with his Admonition I fled from _Quama_, and that with
little or no Difficulty, as the Bulk of the _Quamites_ were yet
unacquainted with the Reasons of this Sedition. Soon after this, I
return’d with an Army of forty thousand Soldiers, the greatest Part of
which were _Tanachites_, expecting a considerable Augmentation from
such _Quamites_ as continued in their Duty. But I deceiv’d myself
egregiously: For instead of those Auxiliaries I flatter’d myself with,
I met a Herald who brought me Letters from the Prince, to acquaint me,
that War was declar’d against me as an Usurper and Invader, and that my
Wife and Son were Prisoners of State. Soon after the Departure of the
Herald, I beheld the _Quamitic_ Army advancing with my young Rival at
their Head. As they had a fine Artillery, I would not run the Risque
of an Engagement, till I was reinforc’d with fresh Troops: Therefore I
made a Stop, and entrench’d myself in the best Manner I could. But when
I perceiv’d that my own Soldiers deserted to the Enemy, who besides
expected hourly new Supplies, I took Advice of my General Officers,
and resolv’d to engage directly; nor did _Tomopoloko_ oppose this
Resolution. We fought upon the same Plain, where some Years ago in a
decisive Battle the _Tanachites_ were entirely routed. The Enemy’s
Cannon now threw our Ranks into great Disorder, and it griev’d me
to the Soul to be baffled by my own Invention, and be conquer’d by
those very Arms I myself had devis’d. For a while however my Soldiers
sustained the Attack of the rebellious Army, till a Ball took off
_Tomopoloko_. Then every one lost his Courage, and we all turn’d our
Backs and fled to the Woods and Mountains. I, for my Part, climb’d to
the Top of a Rock, from whence I descended into the Valley on the other
Side. There I paus’d a while to curse my Fate, or rather my Folly,
and to pour out my Soul in Tears and Sighs. But, alas! it was all too
late. So great was the Disorder of my Spirits, that I forgot to throw
off my Diadem, which was the very thing that in all likelihood must
have discover’d me. After I had sat trembling for half an Hour in that
Valley, I heard the Voices of some Persons climbing the Rock, and
roaring out Vengeance against me if they found me. I then look’d all
round me for a Place to conceal myself in. There was hard by a deep
Wood overgrown with Trees and Bushes. I presently enter’d into it, and
having pick’d out something like a Path, I walk’d on till I came to a
Cave. Here I stopp’d some Moments to take Breath. By and by I crept
into the Cave, like a Serpent, upon my Belly, and as I perceiv’d it to
be very deep and shelving, yet of easy Descent, I resolv’d to penetrate
to the Bottom of it. But I had scarce walk’d a Quarter of a Mile, when
all on a Sudden I tumbled down, and as if Thunder drove me, was hurry’d
headlong through the thickest Darkness, till at last a faint glimmering
Light dawn’d in upon me. With the Increase of that Light the Force of
my Motion was proportionably diminish’d, so that by little and little,
and in the gentlest Manner, like a Person rising out of the Water, I
found myself among some Mountains, which to my unutterable Amazement, I
observ’d to be the very same from whence some Years ago I was hurry’d
down into the subterranean World. The Reason of that Abatement of my
Motion, I found after some Reflection to be owing to the Quality of
our Atmosphere, which is much denser, and consequently resists more
than the subterranean Atmosphere. Unless it were so, the same Thing
would have happen’d to me in my Ascent, as in my Descent, and in all
likelihood I must then have been carry’d aloft through the Air as far
as the Region of the Moon. Yet I submit this Hypothesis to the maturer
Examination of Philosophers.
CHAP. XVI.
_The_ +Author’s+ _Return into his own
Country_.
I lay for a considerable Time among the Mountains, almost destitute
of Sense. For my late violent Motion, together with that strange
Metamorphosis from a Founder of a fifth Monarchy, into a famish’d
Bachelor of Arts, had occasion’d very great Disorders in my Brain.
And, in Truth, my Adventure was so singular and so poetical, that it
might well shock the Frame of the soundest Head. In this Condition
I began to ask myself, whether what I saw was a Reality, or whether
it was not some visionary Deception. But my Distraction abating, and
returning by Degrees to my Senses, my Astonishment gave Place to
Grief and Indignation. And, indeed, turn over the Annals of remote
Antiquity, as well as those of modern Date, and you will not be able
to find a parallel Adventure with mine, unless perhaps in the Case
of _Nebuchadnezzar_, who from the greatest Monarch in the World, was
transform’d into a wild Creature, and liv’d like one of the Beasts
of the Field. Much the same Freaks of Fortune I experienc’d. For in
a few Hours two mighty Empires were wrested from me, together with
almost twenty Kingdoms, the Shadows and faint Images of which now only
remain’d. Lately I was a Monarch; and now the Utmost of my Hopes was to
procure the Mastership of some little School for my Subsistence. Lately
I was call’d the Embassador of the Sun; and now I fear’d Necessity
would drive me to become the Servant of some Bishop or Dean. But a
few Days ago Glory, Hope, Victory and Success attended my Steps; and
now Care and Misery, Tears and Lamentations are all my Companions. In
short, I resembled those Summer Herbs, which suddenly spring up, and as
suddenly die away; and to say all in one Word, Sorrow, Rage, Anxiety,
Disappointment, and Despair, rais’d such a Conflict in my Breast,
that sometimes I resolv’d to end my Being with my Sword, sometimes
I determin’d to plunge again into the Cavern to try if I could not
succeed better in a second Expedition. But a Regard for my immortal
Soul, and the Principles of the Christian Religion, restrained me from
these mad Attempts.
I now endeavour’d to descend the Mountain by that narrow Path which
leads to _Sandwic_. But my Imagination was so disturb’d, that I
stumbled almost every Step I took: For the whole Powers of my Mind
were taken up in contemplating upon the fifth Monarchy. This Idea
so constantly haunted me, that it almost unhing’d my Understanding.
And indeed the Loss of so much Dignity and Power, could never be
recompenc’d by any Advantages which my own Country could bestow.
For suppose they should make me Governor of _Bergen_, or what is
more, Lord-Lieutenant of _Norwey_, yet, alas! what Compensation, what
Comfort would this be to the Monarch and Founder of so many Empires and
Kingdoms? However, I resolv’d not to refuse a Thing of that Kind, in
case it should be offer’d me.
After I had got half way down the Hill, I saw at a little Distance some
Children, to whom I beckon’d and made Signs to come to my Assistance,
pronouncing aloud at the same Time these Words, _Jeru Pikal Salim_,
which in the _Quamitic_ Language signifies, _Shew me the Way_. But
the Boys, at the Sight of a Man cloath’d in a foreign Habit, and with
a Diadem upon his Head embroider’d with Rays like those of the Sun,
ran down the Mountain as fast as they could, and soon gaining the
Start of me, (for I Was forc’d to drag my weary and wounded Feet but
slowly after me) they got to _Sandwic_ an Hour before me, where they
alarm’d the whole Village, vowing and protesting that they had seen the
_Wandring Jew_ among the Mountains, his Head all glittering with Rays,
and by his Groans expressing great Uneasiness of Mind. The Inhabitants
enquiring how they knew it was the _Wandring Jew_, they readily
answer’d, that I myself had told my Name and Country. This Mistake I
guess’d must proceed from those Words of mine misinterpreted, _Jeru
Pikal Salim_, which indeed have some Affinity in Sound to that Conceit
of the Children. All the Village was now in an Uproar, and nobody
doubted the Truth of the Fact, especially as there had been but very
lately a Story cook’d up about this Wanderer, who was said to have
appear’d not long since at _Hamburgh_.
About Evening I arriv’d at _Sandwic_, where I found a Mob of the
Inhabitants gather’d together, from a natural Curiosity implanted in
all Men to see strange Sights. They stood at the Foot of the Mountain
to meet me, but as soon as ever they heard me speak, they all took
to their Heels as if they were seiz’d with a Panic, except one old
Man, who having more Courage than the rest, would not move out of his
Place. To this Man I address’d myself, and begg’d to know if he would
have the Goodness to entertain a Stranger. He ask’d me who I was? and
whence I came? To which I reply’d with a deep Sigh, that the Day was
too far spent to begin my Story, but that if he would receive me into
his House, I should relate to him such a Series of Adventures, as
were not to be parallel’d in all History, and which must consequently
stagger human Belief. The old Man, who was a Lover of Novelty, took me
by the Hand, and led me to his House; and as we went, he rally’d the
ridiculous Fears of the Populace, who are frighten’d at a strange Face
as much as at a Comet. As soon as I was within the House, I begg’d the
Favour of some cold Water to assuage my Thirst. Instead of which a Cup
of Ale was brought me by my Host himself, because his Wife and Maids
were all afraid to venture themselves near me. Having drank off my
Liquor, and slack’d my Thirst, I spoke to my good Host in the following
Terms: “You see before you a Man, who has experienc’d the most cruel
Reverses of Fate, and who has been the Bubble and Sport of Fortune
to a Degree beyond all mortal Men. It is indeed an undoubted Truth,
that in a Moment of Time the greatest Affairs may be disconcerted
and thrown into Confusion; yet nevertheless what has happened to me
surpasses all Credibility.” To which my Host reply’d, _That this must
be the Condition of those who wander for such a Length of Time; for_,
continued he, _what Vicissitudes, what Misfortunes may not happen to a
Man in a Course of Sixteen hundred Years Peregrination?_ I could not
comprehend the Meaning of this, and therefore I ask’d him what he meant
by those Sixteen hundred Years? _If_, return’d he, _any Credit is to be
given to History, it is now Sixteen hundred Years since_ Jerusalem _was
destroy’d: I doubt not, most venerable Sir, but that about the Time of
that memorable Action, you was even then something advanc’d in Years;
for if what is related concerning you be true, we may refer the Date
of your Nativity to the Reign of_ Tiberius. At these Words I was silent
for a considerable Time, and thought the old Man doated; but at last I
told him, that his Language requir’d an _OEdipus_ to unriddle it. With
that he brought me a Print of the Temple of _Jerusalem_, and ask’d me,
whether I thought it differ’d very much from the Original? In spite of
all my Grief, I could not help bursting into a Laugh, and ask’d him
the Meaning of this odd puzzling Discourse. He reply’d, _Whether I am
in an Error, or not, I cannot say: But the Inhabitants of this Place
aver, that you are that famous_ Jew, _who ever since the Days of Christ
have been condemn’d to wander over the World. But yet, methinks, the
nearer I survey you, the more I discover in your Face the Features of
an old Friend of mine, who some twelve Years ago perish’d on the Top of
this Mountain._ At these Words, the Mist before my Eyes was dissipated,
and I knew my old Friend _Abeline_, whose House in _Bergen_ I us’d to
frequent. I flew into his Arms immediately, and tenderly embrac’d him.
And do I live to hold thee thus, my _Abeline_, said I? I scarce believe
my Eyes and Senses. Yes, I am _Klimius_, return’d in a manner from the
Grave. I am that very _Klimius_, who about twelve Years since descended
into that Cavern. My Friend, confounded at this unexpected Turn, stood
like one thunder-struck; at length he cry’d out, Yes! it is he! I see
my _Klimius_! I hear his Voice!
_Sic oculos, sic ille manus, sic ora ferebat._
But tho’ no Twin can be more like his Brother, than you are like my
_Klimius_, yet I neither can nor dare believe my Senses; for Miracles
are ceas’d, and the Dead rise not now: I must have therefore stronger
and more convincing Proofs, e’er I can give Credit to what you tell me.
Hereupon, at once to conquer his Incredulity, I gave him a succinct
Detail of all that had pass’d between us formerly. This remov’d every
Doubt; and straitway he embrac’d me with Tears of Joy, and cry’d
out, It is, it is the very Man, whose Ghost I thought I had seen!
But explain to me, pursued he, in what Part of the World you have
lost yourself all this Time, and in what Country you procur’d that
wonderful Dress you have on. Then I proceeded to recount to him every
Particular which had happen’d to me, and he heard me with profound
Attention, till I came to that Part of my History concerning the Planet
_Nazar_, and Trees endu’d with Speech and Reason: At this, he lost all
Patience: “Not all the Absurdities, says he, which Dreams convey to
us, not all the Follies which Madness produces, or all the Nonsense
which Drunkenness utters, can equal these Visions of yours; I should
rather chuse to believe with the Vulgar, that you must have fallen
into the Hands of Witches or Hobgoblins; for how idle soever such Tales
are, yet they have an Appearance of Truth, if put in Competition with
this subterranean Journey of yours.” I begg’d and intreated of him to
have but a Moment’s Patience more, till I had finish’d my Recital;
upon which, as I observ’d he kept Silence, I proceeded to relate all
that had happened to me below, the sundry Accidents and Reverses of
Fortune I had experienc’d, and how I had been the Founder of the fifth
and greatest Monarchy that ever was. All these Things increas’d the
Suspicion he had entertained, that I was bewitch’d, or had had some
Commerce with Magicians of evil Spirits; and that being abused with
their diabolical Delusions, I had embraced a Cloud instead of _Juno_.
In order to try how far the Force of these Charms and Incantations
had spread, or to what a Length my Extravagance would run, my Friend
began to interrogate me concerning the State of the _Happy_, and that
of the _Damn’d_ in the other World; concerning the _Elysian_ Fields,
and divers other Matters of that Kind. I soon perceiv’d the sly Design
of these Questions, and told my Friend, that I, for my Part, could
hardly blame his Incredulity, since my Narration appear’d too fabulous
to Command a ready Assent: However, it was not my Fault; for that
in Reality my Adventures were so marvellous, as to baffle all human
Belief. I solemnly protest to you, continued I, that I have not added
or supply’d one Jot or Tittle from my own Invention, but that I have
recounted every thing simply and ingenuously in the Order they happened
to me. My Friend persisting in his Incredulity, desir’d that I would
compose my Mind, and take a few Days Rest and Refreshment, in which
Time he told me he hop’d these Commotions in my Brain would by degrees
subside and die away.
After I had repos’d myself for full eight Days, my Friend now thinking
I had taken sufficient Rest, was resolv’d to try if I had recover’d my
Senses, and therefore artfully resum’d the Conversation concerning my
subterranean Journey. He was now in Hopes, that the fifth Monarchy,
together with the twenty conquer’d Kingdoms, was all vanish’d into
Smoke, and so utterly buried in Oblivion, that not an Idea remain’d of
so much as a single Town or Village. But when he heard me repeat the
very same Things in the very same Order I had before done; when at the
Conclusion of my History I upbraided him with his obstinate Unbelief,
and moreover alledg’d certain indubitable Facts, such as that about
twelve Years ago it was notorious I had descended into that Cavern, and
that I was now return’d into my own Country in a strange and foreign
Habit; he then began to waver, and had not a Word to reply. I took the
Advantage of this his Situation of Mind, and press’d the Matter still
more home. I demonstrated to him, that his Hypothesis concerning
Witchcraft and Sorcery, was far, infinitely far more absur’d than this
Expedition of mine; for that those were justly to be thrown into the
Class of old Wives Fables; but that on the other hand, he could not but
know that several Philosophers of Reputation were of Opinion, that the
Earth was concave, and that probably it contain’d within it a lesser
habitable World; and that I, for my Part, being convinc’d of it by
Experience, could not possibly give up my Senses with respect to this
Article.
Convinc’d at length by these Arguments, Your Constancy, said he, and
your Punctuality in affirming these Things, the Pretence of which could
not be the least Advantage to you, has at last entirely vanquish’d
my Incredulity; I must and do believe you. My Friend thus persuaded
of the Facts in Question, now begg’d me to renew my Story to him, if
possible, in a more full and copious Manner; accordingly I obey’d
him. He was quite charm’d with my Account of the Planet _Nazar_, and
the _Potuan_ Government, the Laws and Institutions of which, he said,
were such as deserv’d to be a Model to all the Kingdoms in the World.
He also observ’d in Justice to me, that a Description of so wise
and well-regulated a Government, could not possibly proceed from a
disorder’d Head, or a confused Imagination; for that such Principles
were rather of divine, than human Original.
When I found that his Conviction was perfectly sincere, and well
establish’d, I then thought it high Time to talk to him about my own
Affairs; accordingly I desir’d to know of him, what he thought I had
best do in my present Condition, or what I might reasonably expect
in my own Country, after the mighty Exploits I had atchiev’d in the
subterranean World. To which he answer’d thus: “Let me persuade you,
says he, never to discover these Things to any Mortal. You know the
Zeal of our Priests. You know they persecuted the Author of that famous
Discovery of the Earth’s Motion round the Sun, and all who adher’d to
that Philosophy. And what then do you think will become of you for
asserting the Existence of a subterranean Sun and Planets? You will
be declar’d a Heretick, and as such unworthy to live in a Christian
Community. How will Master _Rupert_ thunder against you? He, who but
a Year ago sentenced a Man to do publick Penance, for asserting the
Doctrine of the Antipodes. Certainly, so holy a Person will condemn to
the Flames, the Author of so new a System, as that of a World under
Ground. I give it you therefore as my best Advice, that you suffer
these Things to lie buried in eternal Oblivion, and that you live
privately in my House for a Time.”
He then made me throw aside my subterranean Habit, and equipp’d me
according to the Fashion of my own Country. Moreover, he drove away
all those Crowds of People from the Door, who came out of Curiosity
to see the _Wandering Jew_, assuring them, that he disappear’d all at
once. However, the Affair was nois’d all over the Country, and, in a
short Time, all the Pulpits rung with Predictions and Prophecies of the
Evils and Misfortunes that must follow upon this Apparition. It was
said at _Sandwic_, that the _Wandering Jew_ was come, publishing every
where the approaching Vengeance of Heaven, and exhorting the People
to Repentance. And this Story (as Stories always gain in telling)
was presently enrich’d with various Additions and Interpolations.
Accordingly some said, that the _Wandering Jew_ had foretold the End of
the World, and that the next _St. John_’s Day would be the Day of the
general Conflagration, unless they would prevent it by a very sincere
Repentance; with abundance of other Things in the same Style. Nay,
these Predictions had occasion’d such Troubles in a certain Parish,
that the Farmers all gave off Plowing and Sowing, because as the
World was soon to be at an End, there would certainly be no Harvest.
Hereupon, Master _Nicholas_, the Minister of the Parish, fearing he
should fall short in his Tythes and other Articles of his Income,
told his Congregation, that to his certain Knowledge, the Day of
Judgment was put off to the next Year. The Stratagem took, and they
all returned to their wonted Labours. As the Origin of all this Folly
and Superstition was known only to my Friend and me, it afforded us
plentiful Matter of Mirth and Laughter from Time to Time.
At length, as I did not care to continue longer in a House that was
not my own, and as I was under a Necessity of coming abroad one Time
or other, in order to procure myself a competent Livelihood, I thought
it was now high time to begin: Accordingly, we both went to _Bergen_;
and my Friend made me pass for a Student of _Drontheim_, and a Relation
of his, who came to spend some Time in that Capital. Soon after he
recommended me so earnestly to the Bishop of _Bergen_, sometimes by
Letters, and sometimes in Conversation, that that venerable Prelate
promised me the first vacant Mastership of any School or College he had
in his Gift. This was an Office to my Palate, inasmuch as it seem’d
to be something a-kin to the Elevation I was lately fallen from. For
the Government of a School is the Shadow or Image of Imperial Power:
The Ferula is the Scepter, and the Chair a Throne. But as no Vacancy
happen’d in a long Time, and as it was necessary something should be
done for my present Subsistence, I was resolv’d to embrace the first
Offer that should be made me. Luckily the Curate of _St. Cross_ now
died, and the Bishop appointed me to succeed him. This Promotion seem’d
ridiculous enough for the Monarch of so many Empires and Kingdoms.
But as nothing makes Men more ridiculous than Poverty, and as it is
too high a Strain of Niceness, to refuse muddy Water, when a Man is
parch’d with Thirst, I accepted the gracious Offer, and am now spending
the Residue of my Days in this Office, with the Contentedness of a
Philosopher.
A little after this Promotion, a Match was propos’d to me with the
Daughter of a Merchant of _Bergen_, whose Name was _Magdalen_. The
Lady pleas’d me highly: But as it was very likely that the Empress
of _Quama_ was still alive, I was afraid lest by this Marriage with
_Magdalen_, I should be guilty of Polygamy. But my Friend _Abeline_, to
whom I unbosom’d myself on this Occasion, ridicul’d my Fears, and by so
many Arguments demonstrated the Folly of my Scruples, that I no longer
hesitated to conclude the Match. I liv’d six Years with this Wife in
the utmost Love and Friendship; altho’ in all that Time, I never once
related my subterranean History to her. But as I could never entirely
lose the Remembrance of that Height of Glory from which I was fallen,
some sudden Starts and Gestures would now and then escape me, which did
not seem to agree with my present Condition. By this second Venter
I had three Sons, _Christiern_, _John_, and _Jasper_; so that in the
whole I have four, if so be that the Prince of _Quama_ is still alive.
_Thus far the Manuscript of_ +Nicholas Klimius+ _reaches. What
follows is the Appendix of Master_ +Abeline+.
_Nicholas Klimius_ lived to the Year 1695. He was belov’d and esteem’d
for the Sobriety of his Life, and the Purity of his Manners. The Rector
however was now and then displeas’d at his excessive Gravity, which
he thought proceeded from Pride. But I, who knew the Man, and knew
his History, rather wonder’d at his exemplary Modesty and Patience,
who from the Government of so many Kingdoms, could humbly accomodate
himself to such an Employment. However, with other Men, to whom his
amazing Metamorphosis was unknown, he could not altogether escape the
Charge of Pride. It was his Custom, at certain Times of the Year, while
his Strength permitted him, to ascend the old Mountain, and take an
earnest View of the famous Cavern. His Friends observ’d, that he always
return’d from thence with his Eyes swoln, and his Face all bath’d
in Tears; that he would afterwards shut himself up whole Days in his
Study, and seem’d to shun the Conversation of Mankind. His Wife also
assured me, that he would often talk in his Sleep, about Land Armies
and Forces at Sea. This Absence of Mind went so far once, as to give
Orders for the Governor of _Bergen_ to come immediately before him.
His Spouse imagin’d these Disorders of his Brain proceeded from an
excessive Application to his Studies. His Library consisted chiefly of
political Books, and as such a Choice but ill agreed with the Office of
a Curate, he could not avoid some Censures upon that Head. He himself
wrote his own Adventures, and his Manuscript, which is the only one in
Being, is at present in my Custody. Tho’ I always intended it for the
Press, yet I have hitherto been hinder’d from publishing it by very
important Reasons.
_FINIS._
Transcriber’s Notes:
• Text enclosed by underscores is in italics (_italics_).
• Text enclosed by pluses is in small caps (+small caps+).
• Obvious typographical errors have been silently corrected.
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