The Project Gutenberg eBook, John Leech's Pictures of Life and Character,
Volume 3 (of 3), by John Leech
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Title: John Leech's Pictures of Life and Character, Volume 3 (of 3)
From the Collection of "Mr. Punch"
Author: John Leech
Release Date: June 1, 2014 [eBook #45813]
Language: English
***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JOHN LEECH'S PICTURES OF LIFE AND
CHARACTER, VOLUME 3 (OF 3)***
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JOHN LEECH'S PICTURES OF LIFE AND CHARACTER
from the collection of "Mr. Punch."
[Illustration]
JOHN LEECH'S PICTURES OF LIFE AND CHARACTER
[Illustration:
From the Collection of "Mr. Punch."
London:
Bradbury, Agnew, & Co., 8, 9, 10, Bouverie Street, E. C.
1887.]
London:
Bradbury, Agnew, & Co., Printers, Whitefriars.
[Illustration: JOHN LEECH'S PICTURES
OF
LIFE AND CHARACTER.]
[Illustration: _HISTORY.--THE ANCIENT BRITONS._
_Emily (reads)._ "IN THE SUMMER THEY WERE NAKED, AND INSTEAD OF
CLOTHES THEY PUT PAINT UPON THEIR BODIES. THEY WERE FOND OF A FINE
BLUE COLOUR, WHICH THEY MADE OF A PLANT CALLED WOAD, WHICH THEY FOUND
IN THEIR WOODS. THEY SQUEEZED OUT THE JUICE OF THE WOAD, AND THEN
STAINED THEMSELVES ALL OVER WITH IT, SO THAT IN SUMMER THEY LOOKED AS
IF THEY WERE DRESSED IN TIGHT BLUE CLOTHES."
_Arthur._ "AND DID THEY WALK IN THE PARK AND GO TO CHURCH SO?"]
[Illustration: _A REAL TREASURE._
_Paterfamilias (suddenly arrived in Town)._ "GOOD GRACIOUS, MRS.
WILKINS, WHY DIDN'T YOU FORWARD THESE LETTERS? THEY ARE OF THE UTMOST
IMPORTANCE."
_Mrs. Wilkins (the Treasure)._ "LOR, SIR! I SHOULD NEVER THINK O'
FORWARDING SICH THINGS AS THEM. WHY, I SEE THEY WAS ONLY BUSINESS
LETTERS FROM THE HORFICE, OR SOMETHINK O' THAT!"]
[Illustration: _THE LESSON._
_Disgusted Instructor of Plungers._ "THERE YOU GO AGAIN! STICKING OUT
YOUR TOES LIKE A _HINFANTRY HADJUTANT_!"]
[Illustration: _THE DARLINGS COME OUT TO SEE THE 38TH OTHERSEX
VOLUNTEERS DRILLED._
_Sergeant (appealingly)._ "NOW THEN, GENTLEMEN, ONCE MORE, EYES
FRONT!--AND PRAY, GENTLEMEN--PRAY DON'T _STARE ABOUT YOU AS IF YOU
WERE IN CHURCH_!"]
[Illustration: _A WORD TO THE WISE._
_Discerning Child (who has heard some remarks made by Papa)._ "ARE YOU
OUR NEW NURSE?"
_Nurse._ "YES, DEAR!"
_Child._ "WELL, THEN, I'M ONE OF THOSE BOYS WHO CAN ONLY BE MANAGED
WITH KINDNESS--SO YOU HAD BETTER GET SOME SPONGE-CAKES AND ORANGES AT
ONCE!"]
[Illustration: _A POSER._
_Precocious Pupil._ "PLEASE, MISS JONES, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF
SUBURBS?"
_Governess (who is extensively Crinolined)._ "THE OUTSKIRTS OF A
PLACE, MY DEAR."
_Pupil (seizing Miss J. by the dress)._ "THEN, MISS JONES, ARE THESE
_YOUR_ SUBURBS?"]
[Illustration: _DINING UNDER DIFFICULTIES._]
[Illustration: _EMPHATIC._
_Boy (to Nurse)._ "WHAT DID YOU SAY 'MADE HER ILL'?"
_Nurse._ "'ARK AT YOU, HALFRED! I DIDN'T SAY, 'MADE 'ER HILL'; I SAID,
'SHE LIVED AT MAIDA 'ILL!!"]
[Illustration: _CRUEL._
_Young Swell (loq.)._ "I SAY, THOMPSON, DO YOU THINK I SHALL EVER HAVE
ANY WHISKERS?"
_Thompson (after careful examination)._ "WELL, SIR, I REALLY DON'T
THINK AS YOU EVER WILL--LEASTWAYS NOT TO SPEAK OF!"
_Young Swell._ "THAT'S RATHER HARD, FOR MY PAP--I MEAN GOVERNOR--HAS
PLENTY!"
_Thompson (facetiously)._ "YES, SIR,--BUT P'R'APS YOU TAKE AFTER YOUR
MA!"
(_Total collapse of Y. S._)]
[Illustration: _SEA-FISHING._
_Boatman._ "DON'T YER FEEL ANYTHINK YET, SIR? P'RAPS YOU'D BETTER TRY
ANOTHER WORM."]
[Illustration: _PROFESSIONAL._
_Mrs. Tongs._ "LOR, ADOLPHUS! HOW BEAUTIFUL THOSE BEANS SMELL."
_Adolphus (probably in the hair-cutting line)._ "THEY DO, INDEED, MY
LOVE! THEY REMIND ONE OF THE MOST DELICIOUS 'AIR OIL!"]
[Illustration: _ONE NIGHT FROM HOME._
_Wife (to Unreasonable Monster)._ "IT'S OF NO USE, GEORGE, YOUR
SAYING, 'HANG IT, MARIA;' I MUST HAVE SOME PLACE TO PUT MY THINGS!"]
[Illustration: _THE VOLUNTEER REVIEW._
_Policeman (who, we are bound to say, is extremely civil)._ "WHITE
TICKET, MA'AM? LETTER H?--YES, MA'AM. QUITE RIGHT. OVER THE HURDLES,
IF YOU PLEASE!"]
[Illustration: _A SKETCH IN ST. JAMES'S STREET._
_Odious Juvenile._ "OH, LOOK YE 'ERE, BILL, 'ERE'S A VOLUNTEER CORPSE
FOR YER!"]
[Illustration: _MAKING THE BEST OF IT._
_Irate Proctor._ "SIR, I SENT YOU BACK TO YOUR COLLEGE ONLY FIVE
MINUTES AGO, TO INVEST YOURSELF IN YOUR ACADEMICAL COSTUME!"
_Fast Freshman (with affability)._ "YES! AND HERE WE ARE AGAIN! ISN'T
IT ODD?"]
[Illustration: _A FACETIOUS INFERENCE._
_Sarcastic Peeler._ "GOING TO 'AVE A NEW 'ORSE, THEN, CABBY?" _Cabby._
"NEW 'OSS! 'OW DY'E MEAN?"
_Sarcastic Peeler._ "WHY, YOU'VE GOT THE FRAMEWORK TOGETHER ALREADY!"]
[Illustration: _UNEXPECTED BLISS._
_Swell (dressing)._ "HURRAH!! BY JOVE, THERE'S A BUTTON AT THE BACK OF
MY SHIRT!!!"]
[Illustration: _TOO CLEVER BY HALF!_
_First Boy._ "ARE YOU IN A HURRY WITH THAT LETTER, BILL?"
_Second Ditto._ "YES. IT'S TO BE DELIVERED IMMEDIATELY, AND I'M TO
WAIT."
_First Boy._ "WELL! WAIT HERE, AND HAVE A GAME AT PITCH AND TOSS, AND
DELIVER IT IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARDS."]
[Illustration: _THE CROSSING-SWEEPER NUISANCE._]
[Illustration: _A SERIOUS DRAWBACK._
_Hideous Old Lady of Fashion (with Plain Daughter)._ "CHARMING
BALL AT SIR CHARLES'S LAST NIGHT! EVERYBODY THERE--GOOD ROOMS,
NOT OVER-CROWDED--CAPITAL SUPPER! DEAREST BARBARA ENJOYED HERSELF
PRODIGIOUSLY! I DON'T SEE, HOWEVER, HOW I CAN WELL AVOID ASKING _HIS_
SISTER AND NIECE TO _MY_ BALL, NEXT WEEK, HE IS SO FOND OF THEM; AND
YET YOU KNOW THAT THEY ARE PEOPLE WHO DO NOT GO OUT NEARLY AS MUCH AS
WE DO, AND ARE NOT AT ALL IN OUR POSITION IN SOCIETY!"]
[Illustration: _A TU QUOQUE._
_Sunday-School Teacher._ "OH, JOHNNY, I'M SHOCKED TO SEE YOU PLAYING
WITH YOUR TOP. YOU SHOULD LEAVE YOUR TOYS AT HOME ON A SUNDAY!"
_Johnny (quick, but impudent)._ "THEN WHY DO YOU COME OUT WITH YOUR
HOOP?"]
[Illustration: _LADY AUDLEY'S SECRET._]
[Illustration: _A HOPEFUL PROSPECT._
_Clara._ "WHAT DOES TOMMY THINK? WHY, TOMMY HAS JUST GOT A NEW LITTLE
BROTHER!"
_Tommy._ "HAVE I, THOUGH? HOW JOLLY!--THERE'LL BE SOMEBODY NOW TO WEAR
MY OLD CLOTHES!"]
[Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM._--No. XIII.
_Lady._ "THEN I SUPPOSE YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF PERFECTLY COMPETENT TO
HEAR THE CHILDREN THEIR LESSONS, SHOULD THEY STAY AWAY FROM SCHOOL ANY
DAY?"
_Candidate for Situation._ "HOH, YES, MEM! THE FAMILY I WERE WITH,
SAID I HADN'T OUGHTER BE ANYTHINK BUT A NUSSERY GUVNESS!"]
[Illustration: _A FINANCIAL DIFFICULTY._
_Swell (who has received Four Penn'orth of Coppers in Change)._ "HERE!
BY JOVE, YOU KNOW LOOK HERE! HI! WHAT THE DEUCE!--I SAY--WHAT AM I TO
DO WITH THESE HA'PENCE, YOU KNOW?"]
[Illustration: _BEWARE OF ARTILLERY WHISKERS!_
THIS IS THE CRITICAL POSITION OF LOUISA AND CAPTAIN CHARLEY BANG--HIS
WHISKER CAUGHT IN HER EARRING, AND PAPA KNOCKING AT THE DOOR!]
[Illustration: _SELF-IMPORTANCE._
_Small Cousin._ "DO YOU KNOW, ALICE, IT JUST OCCURS TO ME THAT THE
GUARD THINKS WE ARE A RUNAWAY COUPLE!"]
[Illustration: _IN SEARCH OF A VICTIM._
_Alfred._ "OH, IF YOU PLEASE, UNCLE, WE WANT TO PLAY AT BEING WILLIAM
TELL; WILL YOU BE SO KIND AS TO STAND WITH THE APPLE ON YOUR HEAD?"]
[Illustration: _A DIFFERENCE IN OPINION._
_Boy._ "Isn't it very naughty of papa to tell stories?"
_Mamma._ "Well, dear, it would be--but what do you mean?"
_Boy._ "Why, papa says, that toffee is nasty trash--and it's so very
delicious, you know!"]
[Illustration: _SEVERE._
_Old Lady._ "Ah thin, bad luck to ye, Grigory! Where's your manners?
One would think ye was in a gintleman's house, standin' before the
fire with yer coat-tails up, and ladies present, too!"]
[Illustration: _LATE FROM THE SCHOOL-ROOM._
_Minnie._ "I am reading such a pretty tale."
_Governess._ "You must say narrative, Minnie--not tale!"
_Minnie._ "Yes, ma'am; and do just look at Muff, how he's wagging his
narrative!"]
[Illustration: _POSITIVE FACT, OF COURSE._
A MESSAGE COMES OFF ON MRS. BLUEBAG'S LINEN, WHICH SHE IS HANGING, AS
USUAL, ON THE TELEGRAPH WIRES.]
[Illustration: _A DELICATE HINT._
_Sentimental Young Lady (to Friend)._ "OH, ISN'T IT A PRETTY SIGHT TO
SEE THE POOR HORSE DRINK!"
_Driver (confidentially and insinuatingly)._ "SURE, THIN, IT WOULD BE
A DALE PRETTIER SIGHT, MISS, TO SEE _ME_ DRINK!"]
[Illustration: _THE DRAWING ROOM._
(_A stoppage of a few minutes is supposed to take place._)
_Dreadful Boy (on Lamp Post)._ "Oh! My eye, Bill! 'ere's a rose-bud!"]
[Illustration: _A CAUTION TO THE UNWARY._
THE READER IS REQUESTED TO OBSERVE, THAT THE LOWER EXTREMITIES
REPRESENTED ABOVE DO _NOT_ BELONG TO THE FAIR DAMSEL ON THE PLANK,
BUT TO THE BOATMAN BEYOND, UPON WHOSE SHOULDER SHE IS LEANING.--WE,
HOWEVER, RECOMMEND FLORA TO BE MORE CAREFUL HOW SHE COMPOSES HERSELF
THE NEXT TIME SHE GETS OUT OF A BOAT.]
[Illustration: _THE DIGNITY OF AGE._
"SO, CHARLEY, I HEAR YOU HAVE BEEN TO A JUVENILE PARTY!"
_Precocious Boy._ "WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU CALL JUVENILE. THERE
WAS NO ONE THERE UNDER FIVE YEARS OLD!"]
[Illustration: _AN INJURED BROTHER._
_Mamma._ "DEAR! DEAR! DEAR!--WHAT A PITY IT IS YOU CAN'T AGREE!"
_Small Boy._ "WELL, MAMMA, WE SHOULD AGREE, ONLY SHE'S SO UNKIND!--SHE
WON'T BE A PIG, AND LET ME DRIVE HER ABOUT BY THE LEG!"]
[Illustration: _THOSE HORRID BOYS AGAIN!_
_Boy (to distinguished Volunteer.)_ "NOW, CAPTING! CLEAN YER BOOTS,
AND LET YER 'AVE A SHOT AT ME FOR A PENNY!"]
[Illustration: _GOING OUT OF TOWN._
_Paterfamilias._ "I WAS THINKING, DARLING, THAT PERHAPS, AS IT IS
A VERY LONG JOURNEY, IT WOULD BE BETTER IF I WENT _FIRST_, AND GOT
EVERYTHING COMFORTABLE. YOU COULD THEN TRAVEL DOWN WITH NURSE AND THE
CHILDREN AFTERWARDS."
[_Mamma doesn't seem to see it, and Nurse and Mamma-in-Law think him a
brute._]
[Illustration: _COMPLIMENTARY TO PATERFAMILIAS._
_Sister Amy._ "MY DEAR ROSE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?--MAMMA WILL BE VERY
ANGRY!"
_Rose._ "WHY, WALTER WANTS TO BE LIKE PAPA, SO, I'M JUST THINNING HIS
HAIR AT THE TOP!"]
[Illustration: _YES, ON SOME PEOPLE._
THE DEAR LITTLE SPANISH HAT. OH, SO CHARMING, AND SO MUCH MORE
SENSIBLE THAN A HORRID BONNET]
[Illustration: _UNMINDFUL OF DIGNITARIES._
_Officious Proctor._ "SIR!!--PRAY, ARE YOU A MEMBER OF THIS
UNIVERSITY?"
_Military Swell._ "NO, I'M NOT, OLD FELLOW.--ARE YOU?"]
[Illustration: _AN UNEXPECTED "CHANGE."_
_Railway Clerk._ "HAVE YOU GOT TWOPENCE, SIR?"
_Swell._ "DEAW, NO! NEVAW HAD TWOPENCE IN MY LIFE!"
_Clerk._ "THEN I MUST GIVE YOU TENPENCE IN COPPER, SIR!"
(_Swell is immensely delighted, of course._)]
[Illustration: _A GORDIAN KNOT FOR ROBINSON._
_Miss Selina Hardman._ "WOULD YOU BE SO GOOD, SIR, AS TO GIVE ME A
LEAD OVER?"]
[Illustration: _A FACT._
_Jeames._ "IF YOU PLEASE, MA'AM, HERE IS _MASTER_ CARLO! BUT I CAN'T
SEE _MISS_ FLOSS NOWHERES!"]
[Illustration: _WIND, S.W. FRESH._
TOMKINS, WHO IS NOT GRAND IN THE LEG DEPARTMENT, SAYS, "IT'S A VERY
DISAGREEABLE DAY." THE YOUNG LADIES, HOWEVER, FOR OBVIOUS REASONS,
ENJOY IT AMAZINGLY.]
[Illustration: _OUR VOLUNTEERS._
_Foreign Party._ "MAIS, MOSIEU BOOL, I AVE ALL WAYS THOUGHT YOU VASS
GREAT SHOPKEEPARE!"
_Mr Bool._ "SO I AM, MOSSOO--AND THESE ARE SOME OF THE BOYS WHO MIND
THE SHOP!--COMPRENNY?"]
[Illustration: _A COMFORTER._
_Sympathetic Swell (devoted to the Noble Science)._ "GOT A WRETCHED
COLD! NO, WEALLY? THAT'S A BAD JOB, OLD FELLA,--MIGHT HA' BEEN WORSE,
THOUGH--HORSE MIGHT HAVE HAD IT, YOU KNOW!"]
[Illustration: _TRAVELLERS' LUGGAGE._
_Elderly Passenger._ "GOING OUT FISHING, I PRESUME, YOUNG GENTLEMAN?"
_Young Ditto._ "NO! IT AIN'T FISHING-RODS--IT'S SKY ROCKETS I'M TAKING
DOWN FOR MY COUSIN'S BIRTHDAY. Have A weed?"]
[Illustration: _POLITICAL PROSPECTS._
_Ragged Capitalist to Ditto._ "THE WAR CAN'T LAST, SIR; FRANCE AND
AUSTRIA HAVEN'T THE MEANS; THEY MUST COME TO US FOR MONEY BEFORE
LONG."]
[Illustration: _WHAT'S TO BE DONE IN JULY?_
WHAT'S TO BE DONE IN JULY? WHY, RIDE DOWN TO RICHMOND WITH MAMMA AND
THE GIRLS, AND GIVE 'EM A LITTLE DINNER, TO BE SURE!]
[Illustration: _MOST OFFENSIVE._
_Railway Porter._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, WAS THIS YOUR'N?"]
[Illustration: _FRIENDLY PRESCRIPTION._
_Fiend in Human Shape._ "DON'T FEEL WELL! TRY A CIGAR!"]
[Illustration: _THE ABUSE OF THE ASPIRATE._
CAPTAIN DE SMITH REMONSTRATES WITH MR. HOLMES, THE VET OF HIS
REGIMENT, FOR MAL-PRONUNCIATION OF THE WORD HORSE. TO HIM THE VET:
"WELL, IF A _HAITCH_, AND A _HO_, AND A _HAR_, AND A _HESS_, AND A
_HE_, DON'T SPELL 'ORSE, MY NAME AIN'T 'ENERY 'OMES!"]
[Illustration: "_A CONSUMMATION DEVOUTLY TO BE WISHED._"
_Mrs. Colley Wobble._ "H'M, SO THEY ARE GOING TO TAX PEOPLE WHO MAKE
THEIR OWN BEER, ARE THEY? THEN I DON'T BREW ANY MORE!"]
[Illustration: _POLITE ATTENTION._
_Lady._ "OH, NONSENSE, CHILD--THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE!"
_Boy._ "NO, 'M. PLEASE, 'M, TWO YOUNG GENTS SAID IT LOOKED LIKE RAIN,
AND I WAS TO FETCH YOU HOME IN THIS 'ERE CHEER!]"
[Illustration: _AWKWARD FOR PAPA._
_Papa._ "WELL, MY DEAR, DID YOU TELL MAMMA THAT MISS MYRTLE WAS
WAITING TO SEE HER?"
_Child._ "YES, PA!"
_Papa._ "AND WHAT DID SHE SAY?"
_Child._ "SHE SAID, _WHAT A BOTHER!_"]
[Illustration: _SUMMER VISITORS._]
[Illustration: _THE DISTRICT TELEGRAPH._
INVALUABLE TO THE MAN OF BUSINESS.
_First Partner (to Second ditto)._ "WHAT AN AGE WE LIVE IN! TALK OF
THE INTRODUCTION OF STEAM OR OF GAS! JUST LOOK AT THE FACILITIES
AFFORDED US BY ELECTRICITY. IT IS NOW SIX O'CLOCK AND WE ARE IN FLEET
STREET, AND THIS MESSAGE WAS ONLY SENT FROM OXFORD STREET YESTERDAY
AFTERNOON AT THREE!"]
[Illustration: _RELAXATION._
_Scene--Smoking Room. Country House._ 2·30 A.M.
_Country Friend (to Johnson, who has had a long tramp of it in the
rain after wild birds)._ "WELL, GOOD NIGHT, OLD FELLOW! IF YOU WON'T
HAVE ANOTHER WEED. REMEMBER!--CUB-HUNTING IN THE MORNING, HALF-PAST
FIVE. DON'T BE LATE!"]
[Illustration: _OLD SCHOOL._
_Mr. Grapes (helping himself to another glass of that fine old
Madeira)._ "HAH! WE LIVE IN STRANGE TIMES--WHAT THE DOOCE CAN PEOPLE
WANT WITH DRINKING FOUNTAINS!"]
[Illustration: _DABBLING._
_Master Jack (to very refined Governess, who has suddenly appeared)._
"OH, MISS FINNIKIN, DO COME IN; IT'S SO AWFULLY JOLLY!"]
[Illustration: _HOW TO MAKE A WATERING-PLACE PLEASANT, PARTICULARLY TO
INVALIDS._
TIME, 6·30 A.M. (_A Hint to the Powers that be at Sandbath._)]
[Illustration: _IN THE VOLUNTEERS._
_Small Effective._ "--AND THEN, JUST LOOK AT THE IMMENSE IMPROVEMENT
IN THE PERSONAL APPEARANCE OF OUR FELLOWS!"]
[Illustration: _A DAY'S PLEASURE._
OH! ISN'T IT DELIGHTFUL, GETTING YOUR BOOTS OFF AFTER A THOROUGH WET
DAY'S HUNTING!]
[Illustration: _SEA-SIDE STUDIES._
_Impertinent Cousin (reads)._ "_'The rocks along our Coast may be
seen studded with these beautiful zoophites. * * * The skin is
soft, and the tentacles are of the finest violet, mingled often with
pink, mauve, green, and yellow; indeed the colours vary so much in
different individuals, all alike beautiful, that it is impossible
to describe them rigidly. * * * During the ebb of the tide, these
creatures may be contemplated on a fine day to great advantage, and
few spectacles are calculated to afford more pleasure to a lover of
Nature._'--H'M!--HERE ARE TWO LOVELY SPECIMENS, FRED! YOU TAKE ONE,
AND I'LL TAKE THE OTHER!"]
[Illustration: _CONSIDERATE ATTENTION._
_Paterfamilias (who is stout and a Volunteer also)._ "OHO! MY NEW
UNIFORM--COME HOME, I SEE!"
_Family._ "YES, PA DEAR! AND WE'VE TRIED IT ON THE WATER-BUTT, AND IT
LOOKS SO NICE!"]
[Illustration: _PORTRAIT OF A CERTAIN STUDENT WHO IS READING SO HARD
AT THE SEA-SIDE._]
[Illustration: _THE LAST DAY AT THE SEA-SIDE.--PACKING UP._
_Maid (to Paterfamilias.)_ "PLEASE, SIR, MISSUS SAY YOU'RE TO COME IN,
AND SIT ON THE BOXES; BECAUSE WE CAN'T GET 'EM TO, AND THEY WANTS TO
BE CORDED."]
[Illustration: _"WELL! THE BOLDNESS OF SOME PEOPLE!"--A SKETCH ON THE
BRIGHTON COAST._]
[Illustration: _AN EXCESS OF CLEANLINESS._
_Old Party (very naturally excited)._ "WHY, CONFOUND YOU! YOU ARE
WIPING MY PLATE WITH YOUR HANDKERCHIEF!"
_Waiter (blandly)._ "IT'S OF NO CONSEQUENCE, SIR--IT'S ONLY A DIRTY
ONE!"]
[Illustration: _THE LAST SWEET THING IN HATS._]
[Illustration: _A GROUND SWELL._
_Party (who doesn't suffer)._ "BRACING! AIN'T IT, JACK? I ALWAYS THINK
THAT THE BEAUTY OF SAILING IS, YOU GET AIR AND MOTION WITHOUT FATIGUE.
DON'T YOU THINK SO. EH?"
(_Circumstances over which he has no control prevent Jack from
speaking his mind._)]
[Illustration: _AN EXPERIMENT ON A VILE BODY._
_Medical Pupil (after dragging a patient round the surgery, succeeds
in extracting a tooth)._ "COME! THAT'S NOT SO BAD FOR A FIRST
ATTEMPT!"]
[Illustration: _EXTRAVAGANCE._
"NOW, YOUNG UNS, CUT AWAY--BLOW THE EXPENSE!"]
[Illustration: _SCENE IN A MODERN STUDIO._
JACK ARMSTRONG HAS PAINTED A MODERN SUBJECT, FROM REAL LIFE, AND
PAINTED IT UNCOMMONLY WELL.--STRANGE TO SAY, HE HAS SOLD HIS
PICTURE. MESSRS. FEEBLE AND POTTER (_very high-art men, who can't
get on without mediæval costume, and all the rest of it_) THINK IT A
MISTAKE.--CURIOUSLY ENOUGH, _THEIR_ PICTURES ARE UNSOLD!]
[Illustration: _SOMETHING LIKE A DESCRIPTION._
_Young Stickleback._ "POR-TAW! HAVE YOU SEEN A FRIEND OF MINE WAITING
ABOUT HE-AW?"
_Porter._ "FRIEND, SIR! WHAT SORT OF GENTLEMAN WAS HE?"
_Young Stickleback._ "HAW! TALL--MILITARY-LOOKING MAN, WITH
MOUSTACHERS--SOMETHING LIKE ME!"]
[Illustration: _GONE AWAY!_
_Old Coachman._ "NOW, MISS ELLEN! MISS ELLEN! YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PA
SAID! YOU WAS TO TAKE THE GREATEST CARE OF JOEY!"
_Miss Ellen._ "SO I WILL, ROBERT! AND THAT'S WHY I AM TAKING HIM OFF
THE NASTY HARD ROAD, POOR THING!"]
[Illustration: _NEW LEATHERS, TOO!_
_Jones (very particular man)._ "H'M! THIS COMES OF BRINGING DOWN A
BOTTLE OF HUNTING VARNISH FOR A FRIEND!"]
[Illustration: _FANCY SKETCH._
THE PARTY WHO OBJECTS TO THE NEW RIDE IN KENSINGTON GARDENS--AND WON'T
HE SPOUT AT THE VESTRY!]
[Illustration: _A PROPER PRECAUTION._
_Mistress._ "THERE, SIR! THERE'S A BOTTLE OF EAU DE COLOGNE FOR YOU,
AND DON'T LET ME HAVE OCCASION TO COMPLAIN AGAIN!"
_Stirrups (the Party who looks after the Horse and Chaise)._ "YES,
MUM; BUT BE OI TO DRINK IT?"
_Mistress._ "NO, SIR; YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT AT TABLE TO-NIGHT, AND
YOU ARE TO SPRINKLE IT OVER YOUR BEST LIVERY, THAT YOU MAY NOT BRING
INTO THE HOUSE THAT DREADFUL EFFLUVIUM FROM THE STABLE THAT YOU HAVE
HITHERTO DONE!"]
[Illustration: _A PROBLEM FOR YOUNG LADIES._
GIVEN, THE ELEGANT REGINALD FIPPS, WHO USED TO WALTZ SO BEAUTIFULLY,
PERFORMING THE ABOVE KINDLY AND MOST NEEDFUL OPERATION, AT THE END OF
A PIER, WHILE THE BAND IS PLAYING--WHAT RELATION IS HE TO THE DARLING
OPERATED UPON?]
[Illustration: _A COINCIDENCE._
AS LITTLE GRIGLEY IS ON HIS WAY TO CALL UPON THOSE JOLLY GURLS HE
MET ON NEW YEAR'S EVE, HE THINKS HE WILL HAVE HIS BOOTS TOUCHED UP.
JUST AS THE POLISHING BEGINS, THE JOLLY GURLS COME ROUND THE CORNER.
"DOOCED AWKWARD! WASN'T IT?" AS LITTLE GRIGLEY SAID.]
[Illustration: _YOUNG ENGLAND._
_Henry._ "I SAY, CHARLEY, WHERE DO YOU DINE TO-NIGHT?"
_Charley._ "AW, DINE WITH YOUR BROTHER!"
_Henry._ "DOOSE YOU DO--WORST WINE I EVER DRUNK IN MY LIFE!"
_Charley._ "BY JOVE, THEN, YOU NEVER DINED WITH MY GOVERNOR!"]
[Illustration: _POOR LITTLE FELLOW!_
_Emily._ "WANT SOMETHING TO AMUSE YOU! WHY, I HAVE GIVEN YOU BOOK
AFTER BOOK, AND LENT YOU MY PAINT-BOX, AND I'VE OFFERED TO TEACH YOU
YOUR NOTES. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?"
_Augustus._ "OH, AH! I DON'T CALL THAT AMUSEMENT. I WANT SOME FIGS! OR
SOME GINGERBREAD NUTS! OR A GOOD LOT OF TOFFEE!! THAT'S WHAT I CALL
AMUSEMENT."]
[Illustration: _HELD IN CHECK._]
[Illustration: _ONE OF THE RIGHT SORT._
_Grandmamma._ "WHAT _CAN_ YOU WANT, ARTHUR, TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL SO
PARTICULARLY ON MONDAY FOR? I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO STAY WITH US
TILL THE END OF THE WEEK!"
Arthur. "WHY, YOU SEE, GRAN'MA--WE ARE GOING TO ELECT OFFICERS FOR OUR
RIFLE CORPS ON MONDAY, AND I DON'T LIKE TO BE OUT OF IT!"]
[Illustration: _A TERRIBLE THREAT._
_Master Jack._ "NOW THEN, CHARLOTTE, ARE YOU GOING TO LEND ME YOUR
PAINT BOX?"
_Charlotte._ "NO, SIR. YOU KNOW WHAT A MESS YOU MADE OF IT LAST TIME!"
_Master Jack._ "VERY WELL. THEN I'LL PUT MY GUINEA PIG ON YOUR NECK!"]
[Illustration: _ON THE WAY TO THE PARK._]
[Illustration: _FIRST DAY OF THE SEASON._
_Aunt Sally (who is very particular)._ "WELL, DEAR, DID YOU HAVE A
NICE RIDE?"
_Diana (who is particular too, but jolly)._ "OH! _DELICIOUS_, AUNTY;
AND DO YOU KNOW, WE FELL IN WITH THE HOUNDS--FOUND A FOX AT MERRY'S
GORSE, RUN HIM WITHOUT A CHECK FOR TWENTY MINUTES UP TO FRIAR'S
PLANTATION--BOTHERED US A LITTLE THERE, BUT WE HIT HIM OFF AGAIN, AND
AWAY WE WENT AS HARD AS WE COULD SPLIT, OVER SIMMONS' ENCLOSURES--INTO
BROADFIELD PARK--RIGHT THROUGH OLD LADY GOLLOP'S GARDEN--YOU NEVER
SAW SUCH A SIGHT--DIDN'T STOP THERE, BUT STEAMED AWAY DOWN FRESHWATER
VALE, AND KILLED HIM IN THE OPEN, CLOSE TO DOLLMAN'S HEATH--AN HOUR
AND TEN MINUTES BY MY LITTLE WATCH, AND CHARLEY BANGOROFT SAYS I WENT
LIKE A BIRD, AND I'VE ASKED HIM IN TO LUNCH, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
BECOME OF POLES AND THE COACH-HORSE!"]
[Illustration: _CAPILLARY ATTRACTIONS._
_Miss Stout._ "THE WORST OF LETTING ONE'S BACK HAIR DOWN IS, THAT IT
MAKES THE YOUNG MEN STARE SO."]
[Illustration: _AN ENGLISH GOLD FIELD._]
[Illustration: _A GOLD FIELD IN THE "DIGGINS."_]
[Illustration: _WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT IT?_
THAT EXEMPLARY YOUNG MAN, JOSIAH SMUG, OF CLAPHAM, WOULDN'T GO TO SUCH
A PLACE AS EPSOM FOR THE WORLD--BUT HE HAS NO OBJECTION TO RIDE ONE OF
HIS FATHER'S HORSES BY WAY OF EXERCISE.]
[Illustration: WE ARE SORRY TO SAY THAT THIS IS THE SAME EXEMPLARY
YOUNG PARTY AS HE APPEARED RETURNING FROM THE DERBY!]
[Illustration: _THE LATEST FAST THING._
_Constance._ "OH, ISN'T IT AWFULLY JOLLY? GEORGE HAS BOUGHT THIS
PRIVATE HANSOM, AND I'M GOING TO DRIVE HIM OVER TO SEE GRANDPAPA!"]
[Illustration: _AMBITION._
_Lady._ "BUT I THOUGHT THAT YOU AND THE OTHER SERVANTS WERE PERFECTLY
SATISFIED!"
_Flunkey._ "WELL, MEM, I AIN'T IN NO WAYS DISCONTENTED WITH MY WAGES,
NOR WITH THE VITTELS, NOR NOTHINK OF THAT--BUT THE FACT IS, MY FRIENDS
SAY THAT A YOUNG MAN OF MY APPEARANCE OUGHT TO BETTER HISSELF, AND GET
INTO A SITUATION WHERE THERE'S TWO MEN BEHIND THE CARRIDGE!" (_Poor
Fellow!_)]
[Illustration: _ACCEPTING A SITUATION._
MAMMA AND THAT URCHIN WILLIAM GET ROUND SAFELY, BUT AUGUSTUS AND EMILY
ARE OVERTAKEN BY THE TIDE. WELL! WELL! THEY ARE ABOVE HIGH-WATER MARK,
SO PERHAPS THEY WON'T BE VERY MISERABLE FOR THE NEXT HOUR OR TWO.]
[Illustration: _THE SKETCHING MASTER._]
[Illustration: _THE ARISTOCRATIC HOTEL COMPANY (LIMITED)._
A PROBABLE SCENE, IF OUR NOBLE LORDS GO ON DABBLING IN BUSINESS.]
[Illustration: _AN INQUIRING MIND._
_Arthur._ "MAMMA! ISN'T MR. BLANQUE A WICKED MAN?"
_Mamma._ "WICKED, MY DEAR! NO! WHAT MAKES YOU ASK SUCH A QUESTION?"
_Arthur._ "WHY, BECAUSE, MAMMA DEAR, WHEN HE COMES INTO CHURCH, HE
DOESN'T _SMELL HIS HAT_ AS OTHER PEOPLE DO!"]
[Illustration: _HEALTHY AND AMUSING GAME._
_Flora._ "GOOD GRACIOUS! REGINALD, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN ABOUT?"
_Reginald._ "OH, NOTHING! WE'VE ONLY BEEN PLAYING AT BEING TOM SAYERS
AND THE BENICIA BOY!"]
[Illustration: _GENEROUS OFFER._
_Cabby._ "NOW THEN, SIR! JUMP IN. DRIVE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND FOR
EIGHTEEN PENCE!"]
[Illustration: _NATURAL IMPATIENCE._]
[Illustration: _RATHER A KNOWING THING IN NETS._
_Admiring Friend._ "WHY FRANK! WHAT A CAPITAL DODGE!"
_Frank._ "A--YA-AS. MY BEARD IS SUCH A BORE, THAT I HAVE TAKEN A HINT
FROM THE FAIR SEX."]
[Illustration: _THE MARRIAGE QUESTION._
_Brown._ "SO, YOU'RE GOING TO MARRY OLD MRS. YELLOWBOYCE. WELL, I
THINK YOU'RE A DOOCED LUCKY FELLAH!"
_Jones._ "BY JOVE, I DON'T THINK THE LUCK IS ALL ON MY SIDE! IF SHE
FINDS MONEY, HANG IT, I FIND BLOOD AND--HAW--BEAUTY!"]
[Illustration: _NOTHING LIKE MOUNTAIN AIR._
_Tourist (who has been refreshing himself with the Toddy of the
Country)._ "I SHAY, OLE FLER! HIGHLANDS SEEM TO 'GREE WITH YOU
WONERFLY--ANNOMISHTAKE. WHY, YOU LOOK DOUBLE THE MAN ALREADY!"]
[Illustration: _SUBJECT FOR A PICTURE._
_Photographer._ "NOW, SIR! 'AVE YER CART DE VISIT DONE?"]
[Illustration: _CANINE._
_Patron._ "WELL, BUT YOU DON'T MEAN TO SAY THAT SUCH A DAWG AS THAT
COULD DRAW A BADGER?"
_Fancier._ "NOT DRAW A BADGER? WHY, BLESS YER 'ART, IT WOULD BE A
LITTLE 'OLIDAY TO HIM!"]
[Illustration: _HINT TO TRAVELLERS._
IF YOU ARE OBLIGED TO CROSS THE CHANNEL, GET AS NEAR MID-SHIPS AS
POSSIBLE (NEVER MIND THE MOVEMENT OF THE ENGINES, OR THE SMELL OF THE
OIL), AND--IT WILL BE SOONER OVER.]
[Illustration: _LATEST FROM ABROAD--POWDER AND ALL THE REST OF IT._
_Old Miss Fribble._ "HEM! CUT THESE OLD-FASHIONED MINXES OUT--FLATTER
MYSELF!"]
[Illustration: _THE CLERICAL BEARD MOVEMENT._
WE DO NOT FOR ONE MOMENT PRESUME TO SAY WHETHER IT IS RIGHT OR
WRONG,--ONLY, IF THIS SORT OF THING IS TO PREVAIL, WHAT'S TO BECOME OF
CAPTAIN HEAVYSWELL?]
[Illustration: "_BY YOUR LEAVE!_"
_Porter._ "NOW, MARM, WILL YOU PLEASE TO MOVE, OR WAS YOU CORDED TO
YOUR BOX?"]
[Illustration: _SOOTHING EXPLANATION._
_Cabby._ "YOU'VE NO CALL TO GET OUT, SIR! HE'S ONLY A LITTLE OKARD AT
STARTIN'!"]
[Illustration: _RESOURCES OF THE ESTABLISHMENT._
_Old Tourist._ "PRAY, WAITER, IS THERE ANYTHING TO WILE AWAY THE TIME
UNTIL THE DINNER-HOUR?"
_Waiter._ "YESSIR; WHICH WOULD YOU PLEASE TO TAKE, SIR?--_WINE_ OR
_SPIRITS_, SIR?"]
[Illustration: _A LIKELY CASE._
_Fiery Instructor to trembling Pupil._ "NOW, SIR! COME! I KNOW YOU!
DON'T ATTEMPT TO BULLY ME, SIR--IT WON'T SUCCEED, I CAN TELL YOU!"]
[Illustration: _RATHER VULGAR, BUT PERFECTLY TRUE._
_Boatman (in the distance)._ "I SAY, JACK, GOT A MOSSEL O' BAIT TO
SPARE?"
JACK. "WELL, I CAN'T LET YER HAVE NO WUMS; BUT I DON'T MIND LENDING
YER A BIT O' BULLOCK'S LIVER TO OBLIGE A LADY!"]
[Illustration: _STOLEN PLEASURES ARE SWEET._
PORTRAIT OF TOMKINS, UNDER THE DELUSION THAT THE PUBLIC TAKES THE OLD
GENTLEMAN'S GROOM FOR HIS.]
[Illustration: _THE CABMAN'S GUIDE._
_Lady._ "OH! PLEASE CABMAN, DRIVE ME TO ST. BARNABAS' CHURCH. YOU GO
UP EBURY STREET, AND TAKE----"
_Cabman._ "I KNOW--HOPPOSITE THE THREE COMPASSES!"]
[Illustration: _FALSE ALARM, SURELY!_
_Miss Priscilla (with the Dog)._ "YES, IT'S THE WORST OF THESE
WATERING-PLACES. THERE ARE SO MANY ADVENTURERS ON THE LOOK OUT FOR
WIVES, THAT ONE IS ALWAYS IN FEAR OF BEING PROPOSED TO!"]
[Illustration: _PITIABLE OBJECTS._
_Mr. Done (to Mr. Dreary)._ "NO! A DON'T KNOW HOW IT IS--BUT I AIN'T
THE THING SOMEHOW! NO EMBAWASSMENTS OR ANYTHING O' THAT SORT. CAN'T
MAKE IT OUT. S'POSE IT'S _OVERWORK_!"]
[Illustration: _TOO BAD, BY JOVE! YOU KNOW._
_Swell._ "OH, NAWN-SENSE; HALF-A-CROWN'S TOO MUCH. HERE'S
EIGHTEEN-PENCE. I AIN'T SUCH A FOOL AS I LOOK!"
_Cabby._ "AIN'T YER, SIR? THEN I ONLY WISH YER _WOS_!"]
[Illustration: _A CHANCE FOR JEAMES._]
[Illustration: _VERY RUDE, INDEED._
_Little Boy._ "OH, MY EYE! THERE GOES EIGHTPENCE OUT OF A SHILLING!"]
[Illustration: _NATURE WHEN UNADORNED, &c._
MAJOR ALDERSHOT, RETURNING FROM PARADE, FLATTERS HIMSELF THAT HIS
RAT-TAILED CHARGER IS MUCH ADMIRED SINCE THE SADDLER HAS SUPPLIED HIM
WITH A NEW TAIL.]
[Illustration: _A SEA-SIDE SUBJECT.--JOLLY FOR THE PARTY IN SEARCH OF
REPOSE._
_N.B. The Old Lady with the Parrot encourages Organ-Grinders, and when
the Moon shines bright and clear, doesn't the Black Dog come out!_]
[Illustration: _DOOSED AGGRAVATING FOR CORNET FLINDERS._
_Darling (coaxingly to Favourite Hack)._ "IT WAS A NICE 'ITTLE SOFT
NOSE, IT WAS--AND IT HAD VERY NICE EYES, IT HAD--AND IT WAS VERY
HANDSOME, IT WAS--AND IT WAS A NICE 'ITTLE SING ALTOGETHER!!"]
[Illustration: _MRS. J. HAS THE BEST OF IT._
_Paterfamilias._ "MRS. JONES! M-MATILDA! WHY!--EH!--WHAT THE DEUCE--?"
_Mrs. J._ "YES, MR. J. YOU HAVE BEEN GOING ON SO ABOUT THE CRINOLINE,
THAT I THOUGHT I WOULD TRY HOW YOU LIKED THIS STYLE OF THING. SO,
COME, JONES, COME OUT FOR A WALK!"]
[Illustration: _OPPOSITE OPINIONS._
WHILE THEY ARE AT SCARBOROUGH, PATERFAMILIAS THINKS HIS LITTLE ONES
OUGHT TO LOSE NO OPPORTUNITY OF DRINKING THE WATERS.]
[Illustration: _LA MODE--THE ZOUAVE JACKET._
_Miss Stout._ "WELL NOW DEAR, I CALL IT CHARMING, AND SHALL MOST
CERTAINLY HAVE ONE MYSELF!"]
[Illustration: _CAUSE AND EFFECT._
_Housemaid._ "DRAT THE BOTHERING CHINA CUPS AND THINGS. THEY BE ALWAYS
A-KNOCKING UP AGAINST ONE'S CRINOLINE."]
[Illustration: _NOT SUCH A BAD THING IN A SHOWER._]
[Illustration: _A WICKET PROCEEDING._
_Georgina._ "WHY, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH MY LITTLE POPPET?"
_Little Poppet._ "OH, AUNTY DEAR, WALTER CAN'T FIND HIS STUMPS, SO
HE'S MAKING A WICKET OF MY BEST DOLL!"]
[Illustration: _A TYRANT._
_Master Jacky (who pursues the fagging system even when home for the
holidays)._ "OH, HERE YOU ARE! I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU GIRLS
EVERYWHERE. NOW, YOU JUST MAKE HASTE HOME, AND PEEL ME A LOT OF
SHRIMPS FOR MY LUNCH!"]
[Illustration: _A MERMAID._]
[Illustration: _PUTTING PRINCIPLE INTO PRACTICE._
BLOOD WILL CARRY ANYTHING--AT LEAST SO MISS FEATHERWEIGHT THINKS!]
[Illustration: _CRICKET--THE PRIDE OF THE VILLAGE._
"GOOD MATCH, OLD FELLOW?"
"OH YES, AWFULLY JOLLY!"
"WHAT DID YOU DO?"
"I 'AD A HOVER OF JACKSON; THE FIRST BALL 'IT ME ON THE 'AND; THE
SECOND 'AD ME ON THE KNEE; THE THIRD WAS IN MY EYE; AND THE FOURTH
BOWLED ME OUT."
(_Jolly game._)]
[Illustration: _PICKED UP FROM THE BEACH._
_Old Salt (who has got sixpence a-piece out of the children)._ "THERE,
MY DEARS, YOU'VE GOT A KITTEN FOR A SHILLUN' AS HAD OUGHT TO 'A BIN
SEVIN-AND-SIXPENCE AT LEAST; AND IF YOU'LL MEET ME HERE TO-MORRER AT
THE SAME TIME, YOU SHALL HAVE SUCH A BOAT FOR A HALF-A-CROWN AS YOU
COULDN'T GET AT A SHOP FOR FIVE BOB!"]
[Illustration: _AQUATICS--WHEN THE BEES ARE SWARMING._]
[Illustration: _PERSUASIVE._
_Conductor._ "FULL INSIDE, MUM!--ROOM ON THE ROOF, MUM!--ONLY LIKE
GOING UP-STAIRS, MUM!" (_But the Old Lady isn't partial to going
up-stairs._)]
[Illustration: _DIGNITY AND IMPUDENCE._
OFFICIOUS URCHIN RUSHES TO OPEN CARRIAGE-DOOR. JOHN AND THOMAS, TO USE
THEIR OWN PHRASE, ARE "COMPLETELY NONPLUSHED!"]
[Illustration: _HELPING HIM ON._
_Cruel Fair One (to silent Partner)._ "PRAY! HAVE YOU NO
CONVERSATION?"]
[Illustration: _A VICTIM TO OVER-EXERTION._
_Standing-up Swell._ "MORNING, CHARLEY! DOING A BIT O' PARK, EH?"
_Swell (reclining)._ "YAAS.--YOU SEE I CAN'T DO WITHOUT MY WEGLAR
EXERCISE."]
[Illustration: _BENEVOLENCE._
MR. PUNCH HAVING HEARD OF THE EXCELLENT QUALITIES OF THE EXMOOR
PONIES, PROCURES A FEW FOR THE LITTLE FOLKS!]
[Illustration: _UNWELCOME PLEASANTRY._
_Frederick (who, we are sorry to say, is rather fond of chaffing his
Brother-in-Law)._ "OH! LOOK HERE, ROBERT, WILL YOU HAVE THIS WITH YOU
IN THE CARRIAGE, OR SHALL I PUT IT INTO THE VAN?"]
[Illustration: _THE YEOMANRY SERVICE._
MR. WOBBLES, WISHING TO ACCUSTOM HIS HORSE TO THE REPORT OF FIRE-ARMS,
MAKES HIS LAD FIRE A GUN AT THE CORNER OF THE LANE. AT FIRST THE
EXPERIMENT IS NOT SATISFACTORY.]
[Illustration: _THE NICE LITTLE DINNER._
_Tommy (who is standing a feed to Harry)._ "OH, HANG IT, YOU KNOW,
FOURTEEN BOB FOR A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE! THAT'S COMING IT RATHER
STRONG, AIN'T IT?"
_Waiter (with perfect composure)._ "WE HAVE SOME _CHEAP_ WINE, SIR, AT
HALF-A-GUINEA."]
[Illustration: _A LITTLE FARCE AT A RAILWAY-STATION._
_Lady._ "I WANT ONE TICKET--FIRST!"
_Clerk._ "SINGLE?"
_Lady._ "SINGLE! WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU, SIR, WHETHER I'M SINGLE
OR NOT? IMPERTINENCE!"
(_Clerk explains that he meant Single or Return, not t'other thing._)]
[Illustration: _A LUCID EXPLANATION._
"WHAT CAN BE THE MATTER WITH THE 'MAGIC,' CHARLES?"
"WHY, YOU SEE, DEAR, TOM PUT HIS HELM DOWN RATHER TOO QUICK, AND
SHE MISSED STAYS AND WENT ASHORE, AND THEY ARE NOW HAULING THE JIB
A-WEATHER TO LET HER FILL AND PAY OFF."]
[Illustration: _THE SOCIAL TREADMILL.--THE WEDDING BREAKFAST._]
[Illustration: _MASTER AND MAN.--A PRETTY STATE OF THINGS._
_Master (to Swell Groom)._ "OH, SNAFFLES, I WISH TO SHOW THE NEW HORSE
TO THIS GENTLEMAN--AND WE SHALL RIDE IN THE AFTERNOON."
_Swell Groom._ "VERY SORRY, SIR, BUT THE OSSES ARE LOCKED UP FOR THE
PRESENT, SIR! AND WHAT OSSES WAS YOU GOING TO RIDE THIS AFTERNOON? I
SHOULDN'T LIKE TO 'AVE _MINE_ OUT IN THE DAMP!"]
[Illustration: _BOARD AND LODGING._
_Landlady._ "YES, SIR, THE BOARD WERE CERTINGLY TO BE A GUINEA A
WEEK, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW AS YOU WAS A-GOING TO BATHE IN THE SEA BEFORE
BREAKFAST, AND TAKE BOTTLES OF TONIC DURING THE DAY!"]
[Illustration: _THE COLLAR MANIA._
NEAT AND APPROPRIATE ORNAMENT FOR A GENT'S ALL-ROUNDER.]
[Illustration: _THE LINGUIST._
_Archy._ "I SAY, JESSIE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND FRENCH?"
_Jessie._ "A LITTLE--DO YOU?"
_Archy._ "OH, YES--I UNDERSTAND IT VERY WELL; BECAUSE, WHEN PA AND MA
TALK FRENCH, I KNOW I'M GOING TO HAVE A POWDER!"]
[Illustration: _THE EXHAUSTED STUDENT._
_Fond Parent._ "BLESS HIS HEART--ALWAYS STUDYING! READ HIMSELF
ASLEEP--GEOGRAPHY NOW, OR SOMETHING OF THAT SORT, I'LL BE BOUND?"
(_No! It's the Cookery Book._)]
[Illustration: _MISTAKING A TITLE._
_Constance (literary)._ "HAVE YOU READ THIS ACCOUNT OF 'THE MILL ON
THE FLOSS,' DEAR?"
_Edith (literal)._ "NO, INDEED, I HAVE NOT; AND I WONDER THAT YOU
CAN FIND ANYTHING TO INTEREST YOU IN THE DESCRIPTION OF A DISGUSTING
PRIZE-FIGHT!"]
[Illustration: _VAULTING AMBITION._
"NOW THEN, CHARITY--HIGHER! YOU DON'T CALL THAT A BACK!"]
[Illustration: _PRIVATE THEATRICALS.--THE MOUSTACHES._
_Lady B. (a wicked Marquis)._ "BUT HAVE YOU MADE ME FIERCE ENOUGH,
CHARLES?"
_Charles._ "FIERCE!--FEROCIOUS!"]
[Illustration: _EXPRESS._
_Old Gent._ "THIS OSCILLATION IS VERY UNUSUAL, SIR, ISN'T IT? WE SEEM
TO BE GOING A TREMENDOUS PACE!"
_Swell._ "AW--YA--AS! THEY'RE MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME. I'VE JUST TIMED
'EM, AND WE'VE DONE THE LAST NINE MILES IN SIX MINUTES AND A HALF.
HAVE A SMASH, PRESENTLY, AW--THINK!"]
[Illustration: _A SOU'-WESTER IN A SEA-SIDE LODGING-HOUSE._]
[Illustration: _THE SPOON-SHAPED BONNET._]
[Illustration: _A SHOCKING YOUNG LADY, INDEED!_
_Emily (betrothed to Charles)._ "OH, CHARLES, ISN'T IT FUN? I'VE
BEATEN ARTHUR AND JULIA, AND I'VE BROKE AUNT SALLY'S NOSE SEVEN
TIMES!"]
[Illustration: _USEFUL APPLIANCES._
"WIGGLES AND SPROTT PREFER BATHING FROM THE BEACH TO HAVING A STUFFY
MACHINE. THEY ARE MUCH PLEASED WITH THE DELICATE LITTLE ATTENTION
INDICATED ABOVE!"]
[Illustration: _ON THE WAY TO PARADE._
_Brown (loq.)._ "CALL THIS PLAYING AT SOLDIERS, INDEED! I'D MUCH
RATHER BE BEFORE 'A HOT FIRE,' I KNOW!"
(_Nevertheless, Brown sticks to his duty like a man._)]
[Illustration: _JOHN TOMKINS AND 'ARRY BLOATER._
_'Arry (in the Boots of the Period)._ "YES, THEY'RE DOOCED
COMFORTABLE, AND THEY GIVE ONE A MILITARY AND RATHER SPORTING
APPEARANCE, I FANCY."]
[Illustration: _A DIP IN FRENCH WATERS._
_Jones (to Old Woman)._ "COM, SAR--WHAT DO YOU MEAN?--AM I TO BE LED
DOWN LIKE THAT FOR A QUARTER OF A MILE?"]
[Illustration: _SCENE--A CERTAIN GAY WATERING-PLACE._
_First Irresistible (on hack)._ "ULLO, 'ARRY! WHY, WHAT HAS BROUGHT
YOU HERE?"
_Second Ditto._ "WHY, YER SEE, BILL, I'M PRECIOUS SICK OF WORKING FOR
MY LIVING, SO I'VE COME HERE TO PICK UP AN _'AIRESS_!"]
[Illustration: _THE LATEST IMPROVEMENT_
_Jane._ "LAWK, JEMIMA! DON'T THEY LOOK BEWTIFLE NOW THEY'VE GOT THEIR
LONG COATS!"]
[Illustration: _FIRST OF SEPTEMBER._
MR. BRIGGS GOES OUT SHOOTING WITH A BRACE OF DOGS HE HAS BROKEN-IN
HIMSELF.]
[Illustration: _A PROBABILITY--"HOLD YOUR ZEBRA, SIR?"_]
[Illustration: _A FRIENDLY OFFER._
_Confounded good-looking Hibernian Friend (to Jones)._ "ADIEU, ME
BOY! IS THERE ANYTHING I'LL DO FOR-R-R YE WHILE YE'RE AWAY? WILL I
RIDE OUT, OR WALK WITH MISS PLUMLEY FOR-R-R YE, NOW! ONLY SPAKE THE
WOR-R-RD!"]
[Illustration: _A MATTER OF OPINION._
_Diana._ "YES, DEAR--I MUST SAY THAT I THINK A GIRL NEVER LOOKS SO
WELL AS SHE DOES IN HER RIDING HABIT!"]
[Illustration: _A PICTURE FOR THE INTEMPERATE._
_Photographer._ "NOW, SIR, STEP IN AND HAVE YOUR LIKENESS TAKEN, IT
MIGHT BE USEFUL TO YOUR FAMILY!"]
[Illustration: _THE HILL AT EPSOM._
_Irritated Swell (walking away)._ "I TELL YOU I DON'T WANT TO BE
BRUSHED!"
_Public Coat-Brusher._ "OH, JUST TO MAKE YOU A LITTLE TIDY, MY LORD!"
_Swell._ "I SHAN'T PAY YOU!"
_Coat-Brusher (still brushing)._ "THAT AIN'T O' NO CONSEQUENCE, MY
LORD; BUT I SHOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU LOOK RESPECTABLE!"]
[Illustration: _POLITENESS_
_Bill._ "WELL, JIM! HOW BE YOU TO-DAY?"
_Jim._ "WHAT ODDS IS THAT TO YOU?--YOU BEAN'T MY MEDICAL ATTENDANT!"]
[Illustration: _A SKETCH NEAR LEICESTER SQUARE._]
[Illustration: _NO DOUBT OF IT._
_Invalid (in carriage)._ "NOW, THESE POSTILIONS NEVER SEEM TO BE
UNWELL! UPON MY WORD, I VERILY BELIEVE IF I WERE TO CHANGE PLACES WITH
THAT LITTLE CHAP, I SHOULD BE EVER SO MUCH BETTER!"]
[Illustration: _THE GALE._
"DON'T BE ALARMED, DARLINGS--THE CAPTAIN HAS GOT QUITE ENOUGH TO DO TO
LOOK AFTER HIMSELF."--_Punch._]
[Illustration: _SPREAD OF THE VOLUNTEER MOVEMENT.--SCENE, THE
SCHOOLROOM._
_Young Larkins._ "OH, HERE'S MAMMA! NOW, MA, IF YOU'LL FALL IN BY
G'INA, I'LL PUT YOU THROUGH YOUR FACINGS. 'TEN-TION!"]
[Illustration: _THE PORTRAIT.--FINISHING TOUCH TO THE DRESS._
_Painter._ "I BEG YOUR PARDON, BUT I'M AFRAID YOU ARE SITTING ON MY
PALETTE!"]
[Illustration: _ON THE SANDS._
CAUTION TO YOUNG LADIES WHO RIDE IN CRINOLINE ON DONKEYS.]
[Illustration: _VALUABLE ADDITION TO THE AQUARIUM._
TOM (WHO HAS HAD A VERY SUCCESSFUL DAY) PRESENTS HIS SISTERS WITH A
FINE SPECIMEN OF THE CUTTLE-FISH (_Octopus Vulgaris_).]
[Illustration: _PRUDENTIAL ASSURANCE._
_Whipper._ "DOOCED NICE PLACE, THIS--ONLY ONE CAN'T SPEAK TO A GAL
WITHOUT IT'S BEING REPORTED YOU'RE ENGAGED TO HER."
_Snapper._ "HAH! I TOOK THE PRECAUTION TO GIVE OUT WHEN I FIRST CAME
THAT I WASN'T A MARRYIN' MAN!"]
[Illustration: _PLEASANT INTELLIGENCE._
_Boy._ "AH, YOU AND MRS. DRONE ARE COMING TO SEE US NEXT WEEK IN THE
COUNTRY."
_Mr. Drone._ "ARE WE?--WE HAVE HEARD NOTHING OF IT."
_Boy._ "OH, YES--BECAUSE I HEARD PAPA SAY TO MAMMA, THAT THEY HAD SOME
TIRESOME PEOPLE COMING, AND THEY MIGHT AS WELL ASK ALL THE BORES AT
ONCE."]
[Illustration: _WELL(?) BROUGHT UP._
_First Juvenile._ "MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF DANCING WITH YOU, MISS
ALICE?"
_Second Juvenile._ "A, NO--THANKS, I NEVER DANCE WITH YOUNGER SONS!"]
[Illustration: _REAL ENJOYMENT._
_Charley (who is wet through for the ninth time)._ "OH, MA! WE'VE BEEN
_SO_ JOLLY! WE'VE BEEN FILLING ONE ANOTHER'S HAIR WITH SAND AND MAKING
BOATS OF OUR BOOTS, AND HAVING SUCH FUN!"]
[Illustration: _A MILITIA MAN._]
[Illustration: _REPOSE._
YES! BUT WE ARE SURE THAT IF ELLEN KNEW WHAT A FIGURE FREDERICK MADE
OF HER BY SPRAWLING ON THE CLIFF JUST BEHIND HER, SHE WOULDN'T BE SO
QUIET.]
[Illustration: _TRULY DELIGHTFUL!_
GALLOPING DOWN THE SIDE OF A FIELD COVERED WITH MOLE-HILLS, ON A
WEAK-NECKED HORSE, WITH A SNAFFLE BRIDLE, ONE FOOT OUT OF YOUR
STIRRUP, AND A BIT OF MUD IN YOUR EYE!]
[Illustration: _SKETCH FROM A STUDY WINDOW._]
[Illustration: _NOVEL SUGGESTION._
THE CRINOLINE STORM SIGNAL; A WARNING TO YOUNG LADIES AT THE
SEA-SIDE.]
[Illustration: _A MEDIUM._
_Nursery-Maid (to horse, with great affection)._ "OH, YOU DARLING! I
AM SO FOND OF YOU!"]
[Illustration: _OUR INDOLENT YOUNG MAN._
_"Gar and Starter, Richmond.
July 8.--Thermometer ever so much in the shade._
DEAR P.,
IN REPLY TO YOUR HEARTLESS LETTER, ON AFFAIRS OF A BUSINESS
CHARACTER, I BEG TO INFORM YOU THAT I AM HERE, AND WITH NO INTENTION
OF INJURING MY PRECIOUS HEALTH BY ANY EXERTION, BODILY OR MENTAL. MAKE
WHAT USE YOU PLEASE OF THIS INFORMATION, AND ACCEPT THE ASSURANCE OF
MY MOST DISTINGUISHED REGARD AND ESTEEM.
SIGNED,
* * * * *."]
[Illustration: _SCENE AT SANDBATH._
THE FEMALE BLONDIN OUTDONE! GRAND MORNING PERFORMANCE ON THE NARROW
PLANK BY THE DARLING * * *.]
MR. BRIGGS'S ADVENTURES IN THE HIGHLANDS.
[Illustration: No. I.
MR. BRIGGS, FEELING THAT HIS HEART IS IN THE HIGHLANDS, A-CHASING THE
DEER, STARTS FOR THE NORTH.]
[Illustration: _GOING NORTH._
"THIS CARRIAGE IS ENGAGED!"]
[Illustration: _A TIT-BIT._
_Omnibus Driver (in the distance)._ "HOLLOA, JOE, NOW YOU'VE GOT YOUR
DUCK, I'LL SEND YOU THE PEAS!"]
[Illustration: _WE SHOULD THINK IT DID._
_Clara._ "MAMMA, DEAR! I WISH YOU WOULD SPEAK TO GEORGE! HE WILL KEEP
SPINNING FREDDY'S NASTY GREAT HUMMING-TOP IN MY AQUARIUM, AND IT DOES
SO FRIGHTEN THE MINNOWS!"]
MR. BRIGGS'S ADVENTURES IN THE HIGHLANDS.
[Illustration: No. II.
MR. BRIGGS, PREVIOUS TO GOING THROUGH HIS COURSE OF DEER-STALKING,
ASSISTS THE FORESTER IN GETTING A HART OR TWO FOR THE HOUSE. DONALD IS
REQUESTING OUR FRIEND TO HOLD THE ANIMAL DOWN BY THE HORNS.
(_N.B. The said animal is as strong as a bull, and uses his legs like
a race horse._)]
[Illustration: No. III.
MR. BRIGGS AND HIS FRIENDS HAVE A QUIET CHAT ABOUT DEERSTALKING
GENERALLY, HE LISTENS WITH MUCH INTEREST TO SOME PLEASING ANECDOTES
ABOUT THE LITTLE INCIDENTS FREQUENTLY MET WITH--SUCH AS BALLS GOING
THROUGH CAPS--TOES BEING SHOT OFF!--OCCASIONALLY BEING GORED BY THE
ANTLERS OF INFURIATE STAGS, &c., &c., &c.]
[Illustration: _SERVING HIM OUT._
_Mrs. T. (to T.)_ "FEEL A LITTLE MORE COMFORTABLE, DEAR? CAN I GET
ANYTHING ELSE FOR YOU? WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR CIGAR-CASE NOW? (_Aside._)
I'LL TEACH HIM TO GO OUT TO GREENWICH AND RICHMOND WITHOUT ME, AND SIT
UP HALF THE NIGHT AT HIS CLUB!"]
[Illustration: _POSING A CUSTOMER._
_Immense Swell._ "HAW! LOOK HEAW! IF I--HAW--TOOK A QUANTITY OF THESE
THINGS, WOULD THEY--HAW--BE CHEAPAW?"
_Hosier._ "WELL, SIR, THAT WOULD DEPEND! PRAY ARE YOU IN THE TRADE?"
(_Feelings of Swell may be imagined._)]
MR. BRIGG'S ADVENTURE IN THE HIGHLANDS
[Illustration: No. IV.
TO-DAY HE GOES OUT FOR A STALK, AND DONALD SHOWS MR. BRIGGS THE WAY.]
[Illustration: No. V.
WITH EXTRAORDINARY PERSEVERANCE THEY COME WITHIN SHOT OF "THE FINEST
HART." MR. B. IS OUT OF BREATH, AFRAID OF SLIPPING, AND WANTS TO
BLOW HIS NOSE (QUITE OUT OF THE QUESTION). OTHERWISE HE IS TOLERABLY
COMFORTABLE.]
[Illustration: _PLEASURES OF VEGETARIANISM._
"OH, GRACIOUS, MISS LEGUME! I FEAR I HAVE TASTED ANIMAL FOOD. I HAVE
EATEN A WHOLE EARWIG IN MY SALAD!"]
[Illustration: _A LESSON IN FRENCH._
"NOW THEN, JACK! YOU TAKE THE PRONUNCIATION FROM ME, AND WHEN HE
COMES, SING OUT 'VEEV LUMPHOOROAR!'"]
[Illustration: _DRIED UP!_
_Boy (attending)._ "NO, SIR! NOR THERE AIN'T BIN NONE NOT FOR EVER SO
LONG!"
_Owing to the exceedingly dry weather, Mr. Hackle finds that the
stream he has taken for fishing is not in so good a state as he could
wish._]
MR. BRIGGS'S ADVENTURES IN THE HIGHLANDS.
[Illustration: No. VI.
AFTER AIMING FOR A QUARTER OF AN HOUR, MR. B. FIRES BOTH HIS
BARRELS--AND--MISSES!!!! TABLEAU--THE FORESTER'S ANGUISH.]
[Illustration: No. VII.
THE ROYAL HART MR. BRIGGS DID _NOT_ HIT.]
[Illustration: _AN INCIDENT OF TRAVEL._
_Railway Guard (as it is getting dark)._ "WOULD YOU LIKE A LIGHT IN
THIS CARRIAGE, SIR?"
_Swell (showing a Regalia in full blaze)._ "NO, THANKS! I HAVE ONE!"
(_Exit Guard overpowered._)]
[Illustration: _DEBATE ON THE NEW MINISTRY._
_Smike._ "I SAY, BILL, HOW ABOUT THE DERBY THIS YEAR?"
_Bill._ "OH, NOTHIN' BUT A OAX! NOTHIN' BUT A OAX! BARRIN' THE PUN!"]
[Illustration: _THE SENSATION BALL._
THE LATEST PLEASANTRY IN THE PUBLIC STREETS.]
[Illustration: _THE HAYMARKET AND THEREABOUT._]
MR. BRIGGS'S ADVENTURES IN THE HIGHLANDS.
[Illustration: No. VIII.
AFTER A GOOD DEAL OF CLIMBING, OUR FRIEND GETS TO THE TOP OF BEN
SOMETHING-OR-OTHER, AND THE FORESTER LOOKS OUT TO SEE IF THERE ARE ANY
DEER ON THE HILLS. YES! SEVERAL HINDS, AND PERHAPS THE FINEST HART
THAT EVER WAS SEEN.]
[Illustration: No. IX.
TO GET AT HIM, THEY ARE OBLIGED TO GO A LONG WAY ROUND, BEFORE THEY
GET DOWN, THE SHOWER PECULIAR TO THE COUNTRY OVERTAKES THEM, SO THEY
"SHELTER A-WEE."]
[Illustration: _THE HUMOUR OF THE STREETS._
THAT ESTIMABLE MAN, MR. PUNCH, GOES FOR A RIDE ON HIS COB, AND CANNOT
AGREE WITH A CERTAIN WORTHY MAGISTRATE OR "BEAK" THAT STREET-TUMBLING
IS AT ALL A CLEVER OR DESIRABLE PERFORMANCE:--]
[Illustration: --AND IT IS NOT A PLEASANT THING, WHEN GOING OUT TO
DINNER, TO HAVE A SUMMERSAULT TURNED ON TO YOUR STOM----WE MEAN
WAISTCOAT.]
MR. BRIGGS'S ADVENTURES IN THE HIGHLANDS.
[Illustration: No. X.
THE DEER ARE DRIVEN FOR MR. BRIGGS. HE HAS AN EXCELLENT PLACE, BUT
WHAT WITH WAITING BY HIMSELF SO LONG, THE MURMUR OF THE STREAM, THE
BEAUTY OF THE SCENE, AND THE NOVELTY OF THE SITUATION, HE FALLS
ASLEEP, AND WHILE HE TAKES HIS FORTY WINKS, THE DEER PASS!]
[Illustration: _TOWARDS THE CLOSE OF THE SEASON._
_Gentleman._ "WELL, TOM, THERE'S NO SCENT AGAIN!"
_Huntsman (who looks upon Spring time with profound melancholy)._
"SCENT, SIR! NO, SIR! NOR I DON'T SEE HOW THERE CAN BE ANY SCENT NOW
THEM STINKING VIOLETS IS ALL IN BLOOM."]
[Illustration: _A SECULAR PURSUIT._
_Donald Punch (a Keeper.)_ "I BEG YOUR PARDON, MY LORD BISHOP, BUT MAY
I JUST TROUBLE YE TO SHOW ME YOUR CERTIFICATE?"]
MR. BRIGGS'S ADVENTURES IN THE HIGHLANDS.
[Illustration: No. XI.
AS THE WIND IS FAVOURABLE, THE DEER ARE DRIVEN AGAIN.]
[Illustration: No. XII.
MR. BRIGGS IS SUDDENLY FACE TO FACE WITH THE MONARCH OF THE GLEN! HE
IS SO ASTONISHED THAT HE OMITS TO FIRE HIS RIFLE.]
[Illustration: _IN BARRACKS._
_Field Officer of the Day._ "HULLO! WHY DON'T THE GUARD TURN OUT?"
_Solitary Private._ "PLEASE, SIR, THEY'RE GONE TO TARGET PRACTICE!"
_Field Officer of the Day._ "AND WHO THE DEUCE ARE YOU?"
_Solitary Private._ "PLEASE, SIR, I'M THE PRISONER, SIR!"
(_Related to us as a fact, but which, as a distinguished Field Officer
ourselves, we don't indorse._)]
[Illustration: _A BOUNCER._
_Mamma (who won't appear old if she can help it)._ "YES, DEAR!
ARABELLA DOES GROW, CERTAINLY, BUT BLESS YOU, MY DEAR, SHE'S A MERE
CHILD--A MERE CHILD!"]
[Illustration: _CONSOLATION._
_Elegant Party._ "THERE'S ONE COMFORT NOW-A-DAYS; A GOOD-LOOKING
YOUNG FELLER, WITH A HELEGANT FIGGER CAN ALWAYS BE A MODEL TO A
PHOTOGRAPHER!"]
MR. BRIGGS'S ADVENTURES IN THE HIGHLANDS.
[Illustration: No. XIII.
MR. BRIGGS HAS ANOTHER DAY'S STALKING, AND HIS RIFLE HAVING GONE OFF
SOONER THAN HE EXPECTED, HE KILLS A STAG! AS IT IS HIS FIRST, HE IS
MADE FREE OF THE FOREST BY THE PROCESS CUSTOMARY ON THE HILLS!]
[Illustration: No. XIV.
AND RETURNS HOME IN TRIUMPH. HE IS A LITTLE KNOCKED UP, BUT AFTER A
NAP, WILL, NO DOUBT, GO THROUGH THE BROAD-SWORD DANCE IN THE EVENING
AS USUAL.]
[Illustration: _LATE FROM THE NURSERY._
_Governess._ "NOW, FRANK, YOU MUST PUT YOUR DRUM DOWN, IF YOU ARE
GOING TO SAY YOUR PRAYERS."
_Frank._ "OH, DO LET ME WEAR IT, PLEASE; _I'LL PROMISE NOT TO THINK
ABOUT IT_."]
[Illustration: _A FINE POLISH._]
[Illustration: _CONSOLING FOR CONSOLS._
_Young Hardman._ "GOING TO DINGLEY CROSS ROADS?"
_Consols._ "YES!"
_Y. H._ "AH, THEN, I SUPPOSE YOU'VE SENT YOUR HORSE ON!"
(CONSOLS _never rides upon less than 250 guineas, and thinks himself
as near perfection as possible._)]
MR. BRIGGS'S ADVENTURES IN THE HIGHLANDS.
[Illustration: No. XV.
_PARTRIDGE-SHOOTING._
ON HIS WAY TO THAT TURNIP-FIELD, OUR DEAR OLD BRIGGS PASSES THROUGH
THE PARK IN WHICH HIS FRIEND'S FAVOURITE BISONS ARE KEPT, HE SAYS TO
GEORDIE THE KEEPER: "I TRUST, MY GOOD FELLOW, THIS IS NOT THE SEASON
YOU SPOKE OF IN WHICH THESE CREATURES--YOU KNOW--EH--WHAT--A--A--ARE
_DANGEROUS_?"]
[Illustration: _SPORTING INTELLIGENCE._
OUR EXCELLENT FRIEND, MR. BRIGGS, ALWAYS SHOOTS NOW
IN KNICKERBOCKERS, AND DECLARES THEY ARE THE MOST COMFORTABLE
THINGS POSSIBLE; AND SO THEY ARE.]
[Illustration: _ENGLISH DARLINGS REFLECTED IN A FRENCH MIRROR!_
(DEDICATED TO THOSE POLITE AND PROFOUND OBSERVERS OF BRITISH MANNERS
AND CUSTOMS--THE PARISIAN ARTISTS!)]
[Illustration: _ENGLISH SOLDIERS ACCORDING TO FRENCH NOTIONS._
THE FRENCH CARICATURISTS, WITH THEIR USUAL ACCURATE KNOWLEDGE OF
BRITISH MANNERS AND CUSTOMS, ARE FOND OF REPRESENTING OUR SOLDIERS AS
CONTINUALLY PLAYING AT BILLIARDS.--WELL! PERHAPS IT WILL BE FOUND THAT
THEY _DO_ PLAY THEIR _CANNONS_ REMARKABLY WELL!]
[Footnote A: British Officers of Distinction]
[Footnote B: Daughters of Albion! (The wonderful fidelity of this
representation will be immediately acknowledged.)]
[Footnote C: Young Guardsmen! (Painful, perhaps, but too true!)]
[Footnote D: The _Boule Dogue_. (Asleep, of course.)]
[Illustration: _IRRESISTIBLE._
_Lady._ "WHAT! TWO SHILLINGS! AND EIGHTEENPENCE FOR WAITING
THREE-QUARTERS OF AN HOUR?--NONSENSE, MAN! IT WAS ONLY TEN MINUTES BY
MY WATCH!"
_Cabman (insinuatingly)._ "WASN'T IT, MISS? WELL, THEN, I S'POSE IT
WAS A MISSIN' O' YOUR PRETTY FACE AS MADE IT SEEM THREE KERVARTERS OF
AN HOUR!"
(_Fare pays, and thinks the Cabman an extremely nice person._)]
[Illustration: _THE IDLE SERVANT._
_Mistress._ "YOU ARE AN EXCESSIVELY WICKED BOY, SIR! YOU HAVE BEEN A
VERY LONG TIME BRINGING ME THIS LETTER--AND I MUST INSIST UPON KNOWING
IN WHAT MANNER YOU HAVE BEEN IDLING AWAY YOUR TIME--SPEAK, SIR!"
_Domestic._ "BOO-HOO-'M! IF YOU PLEASE, 'M! _ME AND ANOTHER BUTLER_
WAS A-LOOKING AT PUNCH. BOO-HOO!!"]
[Illustration: _A LITTLE ROWLANDS' MACASSAR WANTED SOMEWHERE._
A HINT TO THE HORSE GUARDS.]
[Illustration: _FRIVOLITY_].
[Illustration: _WELL OVER! ANYHOW!_]
[Illustration: _THE RIDING-HAT QUESTION._
_Lucy._ "NOW TELL ME, MARY, WHICH IS THE BEST?"
_Mary (who is rather horsey)._ "WELL, DEAR, FOR TEA IN THE ARBOUR, AND
THAT SORT OF THING, PERHAPS THE LITTLE ROUND ONE; BUT IF YOU WANT TO
LOOK LIKE GOING ACROSS COUNTRY, THE CHIMNEY-POT ALL TO NOTHING!"]
[Illustration: _NOT A BAD JUDGE._
_Alimentive Boy._ "MY EYE, TOMMY, WOULDN'T I LIKE TO BOARD IN THAT
'OUSE JUST!"]
[Illustration: _OH, HOW JOLLY!_]
[Illustration: _THE BORES OF THE BEACH._
SO! AS IT'S A FINE DAY, YOU'LL SIT ON THE BEACH AND READ THE PAPER
COMFORTABLY, WILL YOU? VERY GOOD! THEN WE RECOMMEND YOU TO GET WHAT
GUINEA-PIGS, BRANDY-BALLS, BOATS, AND CHILDREN'S SOCKS, TO SAY NOTHING
OF SHELL-WORK BOXES, LACE COLLARS, AND THE LIKE, YOU MAY WANT, BEFORE
YOU SETTLE DOWN.]
[Illustration: _IMMENSE TREAT FOR THE PARTY CONCERNED._
_Master Jack._ "NOW, GRANNY, YOU MAY COME AND HAVE SOME JUMPS OVER OUR
DAISY CHAIN."]
[Illustration: _GOOD BLACKING._]
[Illustration: _OUR NATIONAL DEFENCES._
_Diana._ "WELL, ALFRED, I SUPPOSE YOU'VE MADE UP YOUR MIND TO JOIN A
RIFLE CORPS--EH?"
_Alfred._ "WHY, NO. YOU SEE, I'M MORE IN THE RIDING WAY. NOW, IF
THEY WILL GET UP SOME VOLUNTEER CAVALRY--WHY, I'LL FIND A MAN AND A
HORSE!"]
[Illustration: _CHAFF._
_Bus Conductor (slamming the door)._ "FULL INSIDE!"
_Facetious Driver._ "FULL INSIDE! WELL--SO YER OUGHT TO BE; YER HAD A
SIRLOIN OF BREAD AND CHEESE FOR YER TEA!"]
[Illustration: _THE INVALID._
_Master._ "WELL, SAUNDERS, I SEE YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO DO MUCH WITH THE
OLD SOW, AFTER ALL?"
_Saunders._ "WHY, YOU SEE MAISTER RICHARD, SHE WARENT TAKEN IN TIME,
THE POWER THING, SHE WARENT--SHE'S STRUV HARD TO GET ROUND, BUT THE
WEATHER'S AGIN HER, YE SEE. TO-DAY IT SHONE A BIT, AND I THOUGHT IT'D
DO HER GOOD TO GET OUT. SO IN THE WARM OF THE ARTERNOON I PUT HER IN
THE BARROW, AND TOOK HER FOR A LITTLE RIDE IN THE SUN!"]
[Illustration: _CURIOUS EFFECT OF RELAXING AIR._
_Traveller in the Isle of Wight._ "BLESS MY HEART! THERE'S THE BELL
RINGING ON THE PIER. HOLLO! WHY, WHERE'S THE CARPET BAG I LEFT IN THE
PASSAGE?"
_Hotel Keeper (faintly)._ "OH, HOW SHOULD I KNOW? DON'T ASK ME, I'M
ONLY THE LANDLORD. YOU HAD BETTER TRY IF YOU CAN'T WAKE ONE OF THE
WAITERS."]
[Illustration: _FLUNKEIANA._
_French Maid._ "YOU LIKE A--ZE--SEA-SIDE, M'SIEUR JEAN THOMAS?"
_John Thomas._ "_PAR BOKHOO_, MAMZELLE--_PAR BOOKHOO_. I'VE--AW--BIN
SO ACCUSTOMED TO--AW--GAIETY IN TOWN, THAT I'M--AW--A'MOST KILLED WITH
_ARNWEE_ DOWN HERE."]
[Illustration: _PLUCK!_
_Master Cock-Robin._ "I TELL YOU WHAT, UNCLE CHARLES--IF YOU ARE AT
ALL NERVOUS ABOUT THE GAROTTERS--I'LL WALK HOME WITH YOU!"]
[Illustration: _A LOVING CUP._]
[Illustration: _SKETCH ON THE SEA-COAST DURING THE GALE._
_Lord D-ndre-ry (to his Bwother)._ "A-A-A, I THAY THAM! WATHER A
DITHPLAY OF FIGGER--EH?"]
[Illustration: _A SLOW GAME._
_Chorus of Offended Maidens._ "WELL! IF CLARA AND CAPTAIN DE HOLSTER
ARE GOING ON IN THAT RIDICULOUS MANNER, WE MAY AS WELL LEAVE OFF
PLAYING."]
[Illustration: _SCENE--A MAN'S ROOMS IN THE TEMPLE._
(STEADY MAN SMOKES A SHORT PIPE, AND JAWS AT THE YOUNG SWELL LOUNGING
IN EASY CHAIR.)
_Steady Man._ "A MAN MUST _WORK_ NOW-A-DAYS, OR HE GETS LEFT BEHIND.
THE ONLY POSITION WORTH HAVING IS WHAT YOU MAKE FOR YOURSELF," &c., &c.
_Youthful Swell._ "OH, YES, I QUITE AGWEE WITH YOU ABOUT WORK. I DON'T
MIND WORK, YOU KNOW, IN A GENEWAL WAY--BUT I OBJECT TO WHAT I CALL
'WORK OF SUPERWEWOGATION!'"
_Steady Man._ "AND PRAY WHAT DO YOU UNDERSTAND BY THAT?"
_Youthful Swell._ "WHY--I MEAN I DON'T CARE TO DO ANYTHING I CAN GET
DONE FOR ME!"]
[Illustration: _CROQUET._]
[Illustration: _THE LATEST STYLE._]
[Illustration: _THE LAST NEW THING IN CLOAKS._
_Pretty Milliner (trying it on)._ "DO YOU THINK THIS WOULD SUIT THE
LADY, SIR?"
(_Little Tompkins begins to like shopping rather._)]
[Illustration: _FASHIONS IN HAIR._
_Lady Swell._ "OH, YES, YOU KNOW! QUITE NEW! THE OLD NETS AND BEAVERS'
TAILS GETTING AWFULLY COMMON, YOU KNOW!"]
[Illustration: _A RACE FOR A FARE._
EXCITEMENT OF THE HANSOM CABBIES ON THE APPEARANCE OF A SWELL OUT OF
THE SEASON.]
[Illustration: _TURNING THE TABLES; OR, A LITTLE SAUCE FOR THE GANDER._
_Henrietta (who is joking, of course)._ "I'VE BEEN THINKING, DEAR
CHARLES, THAT AS YOU REQUIRE CHANGE, IT WOULD BE SO NICE FOR YOU TO GO
DOWN WITH THE CHILDREN TO SOME QUIET PLACE AT THE SEA-SIDE, WHILE I
AND MRS. FRED SPANKER WENT TO BADEN-BADEN FOR A FEW WEEKS--EH--?----"
[_This last being just what the wretch_ CHARLES _has been proposing to
himself and_ FRED SPANKER _for the last month_.]
[Illustration: _POOR FELLOW!_
_Frank_. "I KNOW THIS--I CAN'T STAND MANY MORE EVENING PARTIES, AND
IF I DON'T GET INTO THE COUNTRY AND HAVE A FEW DAYS' HUNTING, I SHALL
KNOCK UP!"]
[Illustration: "_NOW I'M PAPA._"]
[Illustration: _PUTTING IT BLANDLY._
_Jones (living in the plebeian locality of St. John's Wood)_. "I AM
ALSO EXTREMELY PARTICULAR ABOUT MY WINDOWS--IF YOU ENTER MY SERVICE, I
SHALL EXPECT YOU TO CLEAN THEM VERY CAREFULLY."
_John Thomas (from Belgravia)._ "OH, OF COURSE, SIR! YOU CAN HAVE
YOUR WINDOWS CLEANED IF YOU LIKE--BUT IN _BELGRAVIA_--WE PREFERS THEM
DIRTY--IT'S CONSIDERED MORE _ARISTOCRATIC_!"]
[Illustration: _THE UNEXPECTED ALWAYS HAPPENS._
THIS IS JONES, WHO THOUGHT TO SLIP DOWN BY THE RAIL EARLY IN THE
MORNING, AND HAVE A GALLOP WITH THE FOX-HOUNDS. ON LOOKING OUT OF
WINDOW, HE FINDS IT IS A CLEAR FROSTY MORNING. HE SEES A SMALL BOY
SLIDING--ACTUALLY SLIDING--ON THE PAVEMENT OPPOSITE!! AND--DOESN'T HE
HATE THAT BOY--AND DOESN'T HE SAY, IT IS A BEASTLY CLIMATE!!]
[Illustration: _ON A PARISIAN BOULEVARD._
PAINFUL AND HUMILIATING CONTRAST, TO THE DISADVANTAGE OF OUR POOR
LITTLE ENGLISH TRAVELLER, OF COURSE.]
[Illustration: _ON THE RACE COURSE._
THE RESPECTABLE CAPITALIST WHO WILL BET A THOUSAND TO ONE AGAINST
EVERYTHING, AND PAY IF HE LOSES--OF COURSE!]
[Illustration: _A NICE GAME FOR TWO OR MORE._.
"----FIXING HER EYES ON HIS, AND PLACING HER PRETTY LITTLE FOOT ON THE
BALL, SHE SAID, 'NOW, THEN, I AM GOING TO CROQUET YOU!' AND CROQUET'D
HE WAS COMPLETELY." (_From Rose to Emily_).]
[Illustration: _MUSCULAR EDUCATION--THE PRIVATE TUTOR._.
_Domestic._ "PROFESSOR MAULEY, MA'AM!"]
[Illustration: _FOND DELUSION._
_First Tourist (going North)._ "HULLO, TOMPK----"
_Second Ditto (ditto, ditto)._ "HSH--SH! CONFOUND IT, YOU'LL SPOIL
ALL. THEY THINK IN THE TRAIN I'M A HIGHLAND CHIEF!"]
[Illustration: _THE LATEST FASHION._
_Charles._ "SWEET STYLE OF TROWSER, GUS!"
_Gus._ "YA-AS! AND SO DOOSED COMFORTABLE. THEY'RE CALLED PANTALONS À
LA PEG-TOP!"
Charles. "NO!--REALLY!"]
[Illustration: _A SKETCH ON THE DOWNS._
_Jolly Post Boy of the Period._ "I SAY, BILL, DON'T YER WISH IT WAS
DARBY DAY ALL THE YEAR ROUND?"]
[Illustration: _THE GUARDIAN OF THE FIELD._]
[Illustration: _THE PIOUS PUBLIC-HOUSE._
(WHERE YOU MAY GET ADULTERATED BEER AND GIN.)
A PLACE IN WHICH THE GREAT BREWERS _DON'T_ SEE ANY PARTICULAR HARM]
[Illustration: _THE PROFLIGATE PASTRYCOOK'S._
(WHERE THEY SERVE THE DEMORALISING VEAL PIE AND GLASS OF SHERRY, OR
FRENCH LIGHT WINE.)
TOO SHOCKING TO THINK OF!]
[Illustration: _NO. 999 GOVERNMENT TRANSPORT. OFF QUEENSTOWN--VISITORS
ON BOARD._
_Party (in cheery tone, calculated to impart confidence to the weaker
sex)._ "FOLLOW ME, FOLLOW ME--THERE'S NO CAUSE FOR ALARM, I ASSURE
YOU. WOA--WO--WO--MY MAN--STEADY, MARE--WO! (_sotto voce._) I'M DEUCED
GLAD IT'S THEIR HEADS INSTEAD OF THEIR HEELS--WO'"]
[Illustration: _HONOUR TO THE BRAVE!_
_Flunkey (reads)._ "_Yesterday, thirty of the Invalids from the Crimea
were inspected * * * many of the gallant fellows were dreadfully
mutilated at the Alma and Inkermann. * * * After the inspection, ten
of the Guards were regaled in the Servants' Hall._"
_Flunkey (loq.)_. "REGALED IN THE SERVANTS' 'ALL! EH? WELL, I
DON'T THINK THEY'VE ANY CALL TO GRUMBLE ABOUT NOT BEIN' 'HONOURED
SUFFICIENT!'"]
[Illustration: _WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HIM?_
WHY, THE FACT IS, THE STUPID AND GREEDY BOY HAS MISTAKEN FOR JAM, AND
SWALLOWED, A RATHER FINE SPECIMEN OF THE ACTINEA EQUINA, OR PURPLE SEA
ANEMONE WHICH AUNT FOOZLE HAS BROUGHT FROM THE COAST!]
[Illustration: _WEIGHT FOR AGE._
_Nurse_. "DRAT THE CHILD! WHY CANT YER WALK?--YER MORE PLAGUE THAN ALL
MY MONEY!"]
[Illustration: _BY THE FAST TRAIN._
_Railway Porter._ "ANY LUGGAGE, MISS?"
_Young Lady (who is also a leetle fast)._ "YES! PORTMANTEAU, A LITTLE
BAY HORSE AND A BLACK RETRIEVER!--AND LOOK HERE, GET ME A HANSOM!"]
[Illustration: "_IN THE BAY OF BISCAY, O!_"
THE LAST SWEET THINGS IN HATS AND WALKING-STICKS AT BIARRITZ.]
[Illustration: _THE GREAT WHISKER-CUTTING MOVEMENT._
_Unhappy Sub._ "BY JOVE, YOU KNOW, AS IF ALDERSHOT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH OF
ITSELF, WITHOUT DEPRIVING US OF THE ONLY AMUSEMENT WE HAD!"]
[Illustration: _THE LEGAL SOLFEGGIO._
(Musics: IN RE DOE VER SUS RICH ARD ROE.)]
[Illustration: _TOO BAD._
_Professor Pumper._ "MAY I ASK, MISS BLANK, WHY YOU ARE MAKING THOSE
LITTLE PELLETS?"
_Miss B._ "WELL, I DON'T KNOW. IT IS A HABIT I HAVE. I ALWAYS MAKE
BREAD PILLS WHEN I FEEL BORED AT DINNER!"]
[Illustration: _END OF A FRIEND OF THE FAMILY._]
[Illustration: _A SHORT CUT THROUGH THE WOOD._
_Sporting Gent._ "'OUNDS BEEN THROUGH HERE, OLD MAN?"
_Old Man._ "YA'AS!"
_Sporting Gent._ "'OW LONG?"
_Old Man._ "FIVE-AND-TWENTY MINNITS ABOUT!"]
[Illustration: _PHEASANT SHOOTING. A WARM CORNER._]
[Illustration: _AT DIEPPE._
_Jones._ "H'M! HERE'S A PRETTY TO-DO! CAN'T FIND MY MACHINE NOW!"]
[Illustration: _MOSSOO LEARNING TO FLOAT._]
[Illustration: _DIVING BELLES._]
[Illustration: _BOIS DE BOULOGNE--FOR CAVALIERS ONLY._]
[Illustration: _A GAROTTE EFFECT._
THIS IS DE ROBINSON, WHO, IN HIS HURRY AND ANXIETY TO BE IN TIME FOR
DINNER, PUTS HIS KNUCKLE-DUSTERS IN HIS COAT-TAIL POCKET.
(SENSATION SCENE.)]
[Footnote E: [Illustration: THE KNUCKLE-DUSTER, OR SOMETHING LIKE IT.]]
[Illustration: _ART TREASURES._
_Reginald (who has a fine taste, and is very fond of curious old
Glass)._ "NOW, UNCLE, HELP YOURSELF, AND PASS THE BOTTLE."]
[Illustration: _YOUNG AMERICA._]
[Illustration: _A FRESHENER ON THE DOWNS._]
[Illustration: _WHAT IS IT?_
_First Boy (loq.)._ "I TELL YER IT'S 'ED'S HERE!--I SEEN IT MOVE!"
_Second Ditto._ "I SAY IT'S AT THIS END, YER STOOPID!--I CAN SEE 'IS
EARS!"]
[Illustration: _A PAINFUL SUBJECT._
_Old Gent. (with tender feet)._ "NOW, BOY, BE VERY CAREFUL!"
_Boy._ "OH, YES, YOUR HONOUR! THESE 'ERE KNOBS 'LL TAKE A BEAUTIFUL
POLISH!"]
[Illustration: _PRUDENCE._
_Matilda (with the hat)._ "WELL, DEAR, NO ONE EVER PRESUMED TO ADDRESS
_ME_. STILL, AFTER ALL THE LETTERS IN THE PAPERS, I THINK NO GIRL OF
PREPOSSESSING APPEARANCE SHOULD EVER GO OUT UNPROTECTED; SO I ALWAYS
TAKE THOMPSON NOW!"]
[Illustration: _HUSH! HUSH!_
_Aunt (handling Young Lady's abundant hair)._ "WHAT A TROUBLE, DEAR
KITTY, YOUR HAIR IS TO ONE!"
_Dear Kitty._ "OH, AUNTY, IF IT'S A TROUBLE, WHY DON'T YOU PUT KITTY'S
HAIR IN YOUR DRAWER, JUST AS YOU DO WITH YOUR OWN?"]
[Illustration: _THE QUIP MODEST._
_Swell._ "BOY! WHO'S CAB'S THIS?"
_Boy._ "WHAT ODDS IS THAT TO YOU? DO YOU S'POSE MY GOV'N'R GIVES ME
BOARD WAGES TO TELL WHO BELONGS TO US?"]
[Illustration: _A STOUT ASSERTION._
_Old Party (reads)._ "CRYSTAL PALACE--THIS DAY--FÊTE OF THE AMATEUR
GYMNASTIC SOCIETY,--'THAT'S THE HOLIDAY FOR ME!'"]
[Illustration: _THE COURTESIES OF TRAVEL._
_Juvenile._ "DO YOU OBJECT TO MY SMOKING A CIGAR, SIR?"
_Elderly Party._ "OH NO, CERTAINLY NOT, IF IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU SICK!"]
[Illustration: _LOOKING AT IT PLEASANTLY._
_Friend (on the bank)._ "WELL, JACK! HAVE YOU HAD PRETTY GOOD SPORT?"
_Jack._ "SPORT! IF YOU CALL IT SPORT TO HAVE NO WATER AND NO FISH, AND
TO PAY NINETY POUNDS FOR THREE WEEKS OF IT, I'VE HAD PLENTY!"]
[Illustration: _PRACTISING ON A PATIENT._
_Young Practitioner._ "H'M, VERY ODD--! MUST HAVE MADE SOME MISTAKE;
THERE'S NOTHING THE MATTER WITH _THIS_ TOOTH. NEVER MIND, TRY AGAIN!"]
[Illustration: _AN OFFICE INCIDENT._
_Infuriated Principal, opening Fast Clerk's telegram by mistake
(reads)._ "'TOM TIT' SURE TO WIN--TELEGRAPH AND SAY IF YOU WILL HAVE
PONY ON--IF SO, SEND CASH TO-DAY!"]
[Illustration: _GOING TO COVER._
_Brown (who has given Tomkins, from Town, a Mount)._ "YOU NEEDN'T BE
THE LEAST AFRAID. IT'S ONLY HIS PLAY. HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT AFTER HE HAS
BEEN OVER A FEW FENCES!"]
[Illustration: _THE BATTUE._
_Swell Keeper (to party assembled)._ "NOW, I WANTS A COUPLE O' LORDS
FORRAO--A COUPLE O' LORDS ON THE RIGHT, AND A COUPLE O' LORDS ON THE
LEFT!" (_Turning to humble Commoner in Knickerbockers and Zouave
gaiters._) "YOU TRY THE HIGH STUFF WITH THE BEATERS, AND TAKE YOUR
CHANCE OF A HARE BACK."]
[Illustration: _JOLLY ANGLERS._
OLD FLOAT AND TOM GENTLE DON'T GET ANY BITES, SO THEY LAND ON AN
ISLAND TO HAVE A QUIET SMOKE--THEY SUDDENLY DISCOVER THAT THE ROPE HAS
SLIPPED, AND THE BOAT IS DRIFTING DOWN THE RIVER! (_No one near for
miles._)]
[Illustration: _DINER À LA RUSSE._
_Host._ "STAY, STEVENS--WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE SALMON? NOBODY HAS
HAD ANY OF IT!"
_Butler._ "PRAY, SIR, WHAT ARE WE TO HAVE FOR SUPPER?"]
[Illustration: _A DOUBTFUL COMPLIMENT._
_Mr. Bristles._ "THEN YOU REALLY THINK IT AN IMPROVEMENT, EH?"
_Miss Spikes._ "DECIDEDLY--IT HIDES SO MUCH MORE OF YOUR FACE."]
[Illustration: _A TRUE TALE._
THE EARTHQUAKE WAS FELT, TOO, IN MANY PARTS OF LONDON. THIS IS OLD
BEERY, THE CHURCHWARDEN, WHO DECLARES THAT WHEN HE CAME OUT OF THE
MARQUIS OF GRANBY THE PAVEMENT HIT HIM ON THE NOSE, AND THAT HIS
STREET-DOOR WOULDN'T LET HIM GET HIS LATCH-KEY IN.]
[Illustration: _CURIOUS ECHO AT A RAILWAY STATION._
_Traveller._ "PORTER! PORTER!"
_Echo._ "DON'T YOU WISH YOU MAY GET HIM?"]
[Illustration: _A DIFFICULT TASK._
_Costermonger._ "NOW, MISTER, I WANTS MY DELICACY OF TOUCH RESTORED,
AND THE SEAL OF HELEGANCE IMPRESSED UPON MY BUNCH OF FIVES!"]
[Illustration: _DISSENTERS IN THE UNIVERSITY._
_Head of House._ "PRAY, SIR, MAY I ASK WHY YOU HAVE NOT BEEN ATTENDING
CHAPEL?"
_Sir Liabed Rattlecash._ "WHY, SIR, THE FACT IS--AW--THAT--I--AW--HAVE
BECOME A DISSENTER."]
[Illustration: _A DRAWING-ROOM._
_William._ "NOW, CHAWLES, AIN'T YOU READY? _OUR_ CARRIAGE IS AT THE
DOOR AND THE FOLKS ARE IN!"]
[Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM, &c.--No. XIV._
_Lady._ "THEN, WHY DID YOU LEAVE?"
_Domestic._ "WELL, MA'AM, IF YOU ARST ME, I B'LIEVE THE REEL REASON
WERE, THAT MISSUS THOUGHT I WERE TOO GOOD-LOOKING!"]
[Illustration: _AN OPPORTUNITY._
_Frederick (pointing to sleeping Cabby)._ "THERE, AUNT! NOW'S YOUR
TIME FOR A PAIR OF GLOVES!"]
[Illustration: _CHAMBER PRACTICE._
_Messenger (from Studious Party in the floor below)._ "IF YOU PLEASE,
SIR, MASTER'S COMPLIMENTS, AND HE SAYS HE'D BE MUCH OBLIGED IF YOU'D
LET HIM KNOW WHEN THE REPAIRS WILL BE FINISHED, FOR THE KNOCKING DO
DISTURB HIM SO!"]
[Illustration: _TAKING THE RISKS._
_First Undergraduate._ "HI! FRANK! HERE'S A GATE!"
_Second Undergraduate._ "GATE! I DIDN'T PAY TWO GUINEAS TO GO THROUGH
GATES, WITH SUCH LOVELY POSTS AND RAILS BEFORE ME!"]
[Illustration: _A TOLERABLY BROAD HINT._
_Cabby (after driving a couple of miles, suddenly stops opposite a
roadside Public House)._ "OH, I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR, BUT YOU DIDN'T
SAY AS WE WAS TO PULL UP ANYWHERES, DID YOU, SIR?"]
[Illustration: _CONSOLATION._
_Emily (to rejected Subs)._ "IT'S VERY DISAGREEABLE, CERTAINLY, TO
BE UNSUCCESSFUL IN YOUR EXAMINATIONS, AND SO MANY TIMES, TOO! BUT I
SHOULD WORK HARD, AND TRY AGAIN."
_Younger and much too sharp Brother._ "NEVER YOU MIND, CHARLEY! IT
PROVES THAT THERE'S NO WANT OF _PLUCK_ ABOUT YOU!"]
[Illustration: _A SIGN OF PROGRESS._
_Cousin Florence._ "WELL, TOMMY, AND SO YOU LIKE YOUR LITTLE FRIEND
PHILIP, DO YOU? AND HOW OLD DO YOU THINK HE IS?"
_Tommy._ "WELL, I DON'T EXACTLY KNOW; BUT I SHOULD THINK HE WAS
_RATHER_ OLD, FOR HE BLOWS _HIS OWN NOSE!_"]
[Illustration: _AN UNFEELING HUSBAND._
"NOW, MY LOVE!--ARE YOU NOT READY FOR CHURCH?"
"READY FOR CHURCH, MR. SMITH!--HOW YOU TALK!--WHEN YOU KNOW PERFECTLY
WELL THAT ODIOUS MISS JACKSON HAS NOT SENT HOME MY NEW BARÈGE DRESS!"]
[Illustration: _A LITTLE SMOKE-JACK._
_Small Foxhunter._ "HERE! STOP A BIT, MAJOR, HAVE ONE OF MINE! THE
GOVERNOR'S AIN'T IN GOOD CONDITION--NOW I'VE HAD MINE FOR EVER SO MANY
YEARS, AND THEY'RE SPLENDID!"]
[Illustration: _A VERY VULGAR SUBJECT._
_Boys._ "OH, AIN'T HE MOPS AND BROOMS, NEITHER!"
_Baker._ "WHY DON'T THEY TAKE HIM TO THE STATION?"
_Tender Female._ "HE'S ILL, POOR GENTLEMAN, HE SHOULD GO TO THE
HOSPITAL!"
_Cabby (contemptuously)._ "HILL! 'ORSEPITAL INDEED!--_I ONY WISH I'D
GOT ARF HIS COMPLAINT!_"]
[Illustration: _THE PHOTOGRAPH._
_Mary._ "WHY, TUMMAS, IT'S THE VERY MORAL OF YER!"
_Tummas._ "PRETTY THING, AIN'T IT? PITY THE YALLER OF THE UNIFORM
COMES SO BLACK!"]
[Illustration: _CRINOLINE FOR DOMESTIC USE._
_Domestic._ "BOTHER MISSUS. SHE WEARS IT HERSELF, AND I DON'T
SEE WHY I SHOULDN'T."]
[Illustration: _SOMETHING IN THAT!_
"NOW, TOM," SAID YOUNG JOE WAGLEY, "ONE OF US OUGHT TO GO ON THIS SIDE
OF THE HEDGE, AND ONE ON THE OTHER; SO I'LL TAKE THIS, IF YOU WILL GET
OVER THE STILE."--"OH, YES," REPLIED TOM; "BUT HOW ABOUT THE BULL?"]
[Illustration: _SALMON FISHING._
_Piscator._ "FOLLOW HIM UP! IT'S ALL VERY WELL TO SAY FOLLOW HIM UP!"]
[Illustration: _A MERE TRIFLE._
_Gertrude._ "BUT, MY DEAR ARTHUR, HOW CAME YOU TO GET SUCH A
'CROPPER,' AS YOU CALL IT?"
_Arthur._ "WELL! IT WAS JUST THE LITTLE BIT OF A PLACE WHERE A FELLOW
DOES GET SPILT SOMETIMES--THERE WAS A DITCH ABOUT A COUPLE OF YARDS
WIDE, AND THEN A HIGHISH BANK, YOU KNOW, WITH A STIFFISH QUICKSET
ON THE TOP--AND A NASTYISH POST AND RAILS JUST BEYOND--AND THEN
ANOTHER WIDISH SORT OF A DITCH AND INTO A FIELD WHERE THEY HAD BEEN
DRAINING--AND SO, YOU SEE, SOMEHOW OR OTHER, WE CAME TO GRIEF!"]
[Illustration: _REAL TRAGEDY._
_Old Party (proprietor of nasty yapping Pet Dog)._ "OH, POLICEMAN! MY
DARLING FLO JUST BIT THAT HORRID MAN'S LEG, AND HE HAS HIT HER WITH
HIS CANE."]
[Illustration: _ON DUTY._]
[Illustration: _A CONNOISSEUR._
AT A DINNER GIVEN BY MY LORD BRODACRES TO SOME OF HIS TENANTS, CURAÇOA
IS HANDED IN A LIQUEUR-GLASS TO OLD TURNIPTOPS, WHO, SWALLOWING IT
WITH MUCH RELISH, SAYS--"OI ZAY, YOUNG MAN! OI'LL TAK ZUM O' THAT IN A
MOOG!"]
[Illustration: _WELL TIMED._
_Boy._ "PLEASE, SIR, TELL ME THE TIME."
_Crusty old Gent._ "YES, SIR--BED-TIME."]
[Illustration: _SINGULAR OPTICAL DELUSION._
_Gentleman._ "THERE, LOVE: DO YOU SEE THAT STEAMER?"
_Lady._ "OH, DISTINCTLY! THERE ARE TWO."]
[Illustration: _THE NEW SCHOOL._
_Uncle (who is rather proud of his cellar)._ "NOW, GEORGE, MY BOY,
THERE'S A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE FOR YOU--DON'T GET SUCH STUFF AT SCHOOL,
EH? EH? EH?"
_George._ "H'M--AWFULLY SWEET! VERY GOOD SORT FOR LADIES--BUT I'VE
ARRIVED AT A TIME OF LIFE, WHEN I CONFESS I LIKE MY WINE _DRY_!"
(_Sensation._)]
[Illustration: _DELICIOUS!_
HUNTING UNDER DIFFICULTIES.--A MOUNT IN THE MIDLANDS.]
[Illustration: _A QUIET REBUKE._
_Fare (who has driven rather a hard bargain and is settling)._ "BUT
WHY, MY GOOD MAN, DO YOU PUT THAT CLOTH OVER THE HORSE'S HEAD?"
_Car-Driver._ "SHURE, YER HONOUR, THIN--I SHOULDN'T LIKE HIM TO SEE
HOW LITTLE YE PAY FOR SUCH A HARD DAYS WOR-RK!"]
[Illustration: _THE CONTEMPLATIVE MAN'S RECREATION._
_Brown (excited)._ "HI, JONES!--NET! NET! NET!--MAKE HASTE, OR I SHALL
LOSE HIM!"
_Jones (who is rather giddy and nervous)._ "EH!--AH!--RIGHT!--TO
BE SURE!--YES!--I--I--I--I'M COMING--AS FAST--AS--OH DEAR!--AS
POSSIBLE!"]
[Illustration: _A CONTENTED MIND._
_Old Wurzel._ "WELL, MUSTER CHAWLES, SO YOU'VE BEEN A RIDING THE YOUNG
UN.--HOW DOES HE GO?"
_Muster Chawles._ "OH, SPLENDID! NEVER CARRIED BETTER IN MY LIFE! IT
WAS HIS FIRST RUN, AND WE ONLY CAME DOWN FIVE TIMES!"]
[Illustration: _HOUSEHOLD ECONOMY._
PATERFAMILIAS, WITH HIS USUAL PRUDENCE AND FORESIGHT, ORDERS A
QUANTITY OF BEER OF THE OCTOBER BREWING. HE HAS JUST BEEN INFORMED
THAT ALL THE BARRELS ARE "A-WORKIN' AND A-BUSTIN'!"]
[Illustration: _THE HUMOUR OF THE STREETS._
_Butcher Boy (and Butcher Boys are so impudent)._ "NOW THEN, SWIPEY!
ARE YOU GOING TO STOP THERE TILL YOU GET _FINE_, AFORE YOU _DRAW
YOURSELF OFF_?"]
[Illustration: _THE FASHION FOR NEXT SUMMER._
_Flora._ "THERE! I DON'T THINK THE STUPID MEN CAN LAUGH AT US NOW!"]
[Illustration: _INNOCENT DELUSIONS._
_Georgina._ "DO YOU KNOW, DEAR, I'M SO UNHAPPY NOW DEAR CHARLES HAS
GONE!"
_Gertrude._ "AND I MISS DEAR PERCY DREADFULLY--I DO HOPE THEY'LL GET
HOME SAFELY!"]
[Illustration: _A HORSEDEALER'S LOGIC._
_Customer._ "WHY, YOU DON'T CALL _THAT_ A HUNTER, DO YOU?"
_Dealer._ "WELL, SIR, I'LL TELL YOU ALL I KNOW ABOUT THE 'ORSE. HAD
HIM DOWN FROM 'ORNCASTLE FAIR LAST WEEK--PUT JIMMY ON HIM, WOULDN'T
'ACK A YARD--PUT HIM IN THE BREAK, WOULDN'T DRAW A BOUNCE. NOW, THE
'ORSE NEVER COULD HAVE BEEN CREATED FOR NOTHING; SO HE MUST BE A
HUNTER!"]
[Illustration: _OYSTERS._
_Itinerant Oyster Man._ "NOW, THEN--HAVE ANOTHER DOZEN, IF YOU'VE GOT
ANY MORE MONEY!!"]
[Illustration: _QUITE EXHAUSTED._]
[Illustration: _A GRIEVANCE._
_Testy Old Gent (to Butler)._ "CLARET! YES! PUT IT DOWN; AND PRAY,
SIMPSON, DON'T BLOW UPON MY HEAD SO."]
[Illustration: _IMPROVING THE TIME._
AS SLEEP IS OUT OF THE QUESTION, OWING TO THOSE CONFOUNDED WAITS, MR.
BANGS, LIKE A SENSIBLE PERSON, ACCOMMODATES HIMSELF TO CIRCUMSTANCES,
AND PRACTISES HIS DANCING!]
[Illustration: _RAILWAY MORALS._
_Guard._ "NOW, MISS! ARE YOU GOING BY THIS TRAIN?"
_Miss Rebecca._ "YES! BUT I MUST HAVE A CARRIAGE WHERE THERE ARE NO
YOUNG MEN LIKELY TO BE RUDE TO ONE."]
[Illustration: _THE CHRISTENING OF JONES'S FIRST. (A FACT.)_
_First Street Boy (without veneration, or sense of propriety)._
"HOLLA! BILL! WHAT'S ALL THIS 'ERE?"
_Second Street Boy (without ditto, ditto, ditto)._ "WHY--DON'T YER
SEE?--IT'S ONLY A KITTEN GOING TO BE 'UNG!"]
[Illustration: _GROUNDLESS ALARM._
_Darling (in straw hat)._ "WHAT ARE YOU BUYING, DEAR?"
_Darling (in black hat)._ "WHY, I'M BUYING A _PUNCH_. THE IMPUDENT
THING HAS PUT ME IN AS ONE OF HIS GIRLS!"]
[Illustration: _RATHER A KITCHENY WAY OF PUTTING IT._
_Housemaid._ "OH--BUT IT COULDN'T A BIN 'ER!"
_Cook._ "I TELL YER IT WERE--SHE CALLED UPON MISSUS THIS MORNING, AND
SHE 'AD ON A PORK PIE 'AT, AND HALF A PHEASANT STUCK IN IT!"]
[Illustration: _A GEOGRAPHICAL JOKE._
_Impertinent Page (late from the dining-room)._ "I SAY, COOKEY AND
SOOSAN, YOU MAKE A PRECIOUS FUSS ABOUT A FLEA,--HOW'D YER LIKE TO BE
WHERE THE BLACK SEA SAILORS IS NOW?"
_Susan._ "WHERE'S THAT, IMPERANCE?"
_Page._ "WHY, MASTER SAYS IT'S WHERE THE BUG AND THE NIPPER (DNIEPER)
MEET IN ONE BED!"
(_Sensation and loud cries of "Oh!"_)]
[Illustration: _A SPECIAL PLEADER._
_Fair Equestrian._ "NOW, DON'T BE A CROSS OLD PUNCH; WE REALLY WON'T
SPOIL THE BEAUTY OF THE GARDENS."]
[Illustration: _ANXIOUS INQUIRERS._
ILL! OH, DEAR NO! ONLY INDISPOSED--TO WALK.]
[Illustration: _VERY SLANGY._
_Clara._ "HOW DO YOU LIKE MY NEW WAISTCOAT, DEAR?"
_Harriette._ "WELL, I DECLARE IT'S SWEETLY PRETTY!--THE
MOST--A--A--THE MOST SLAP UP THING I'VE SEEN FOR A LONG TIME."]
[Illustration: _HORRID GIRL!_
_Mild Youth._ "HAVE YOU SEEN 'THE COLLEEN BAWN'?"
_Horrid Girl (with extreme velocity)._ "SEEN 'THE COLLEEN BAWN'!
DEAR, DEAR! YES, OF COURSE. SAW IT LAST OCTOBER! AND I'VE BEEN TO THE
CRYSTAL PALACE, AND I'VE READ THE GORILLA BOOK!"
(_Mild Youth is shut up._)]
[Illustration: _GOING TO COURT._]
[Illustration: _HARRY TAKES HIS COUSINS TO SEE THE HOUNDS MEET._
_Mamma and Aunt Ellen (to Old Woman)._ "PRAY, HAVE YOU MET TWO LADIES
AND A GENTLEMAN?"
_Old Woman._ "WELL, I MET THREE PEOPLE--BUT, LA! THERE, I CAN'T TELL
LADIES FROM GENTLEMEN NOW-A-DAYS--WHEN I WAS A GAL," &c. &c.]
[Illustration: _A SKETCH AT A STEEPLE-CHACE.--THE BROOK JUMP._
_Bumpkin, No. 1._ "WA-AT--ARE THEY A-GWOANG TO JOOMP THIS?"
_Bumpkin, No. 2._ "YA-AS!"
_Bumpkin, No. 1._ "THEN, I'D RAYTHER WALK THREW!"]
[Illustration: _FORCE OF HABIT._
_Old Party (in Hansom)._ "HERE! HOLLO! HI! WHAT ARE YOU DRIVING LIKE
THAT, FOR? STOP! LET ME OUT!"
_Cabby._ "ALL RIGHT, SIR! I'LL STOP 'IM DIRECTLY, SIR--I _DRUV_ A
FIRE-ENGINE FOR TWO YEAR!!"]
[Illustration: _LONDON CREAM._
_Cook._ "DO YOU CALL THIS CREAM? WHY IT'S THINNER THAN MILK!"
_Milkman._ "OH, ALL IT WANTS IS WELL STIRRING UP--THE CREAM'S AT THE
BOTTOM!!"]
[Illustration: _IN STATE._]
[Illustration: _HUNTING FROM TOWN.--IT IS SAFER TO GO WITH YOUR
ANIMAL._
_Railway Porter (reflectively)._ "EARLY TRAIN! LET'S SEE! LITTLE BAY
'OSS, AND A BROWN 'OSS WITH A BIG KNEE? HAH! THEN YOU MAY DEPEND
THEY'RE THE 'OSSES AS WENT ON TO YORK!"]
[Illustration: _SPORT(?) FOWL SHOOTING._
THE FEROCIOUS PHEASANTS THINK THEY ARE GOING TO BE FED, AND SURROUND
THE HONOURABLE MR. BATTUE ACCORDINGLY.]
[Illustration: _AN ESCORT._
_Boy._ "NOW, MISSUS, THERE'S NO BUSSES, KITCH 'OLD OF MY HARM, AND
I'LL TAKE YER OVER!"]
[Illustration: _PLEASANT!_
_Friend (to Novice at Salmon fishing)._ "I SAY, OLD BOY, MIND HOW
YOU WADE; THERE ARE SOME TREMENDOUS HOLES, FOURTEEN OR FIFTEEN FEET
DEEP."]
[Illustration: _PET-LOVE._
_Old--what shall we call her?_--"RUN, ROBERT! RUN! THERE'S THAT
DARLING PLAYING WITH A STRANGE CHILD!"]
[Illustration: _IMPORTANT MATTER._
_Augustus._ "I SAY, LAURA, JUST TELL US BEFORE ANY ONE COMES, WHETHER
MY BACK HAIR'S PARTED STRAIGHT!"]
[Illustration: _USEFUL AND ORNAMENTAL._
_Clara (reads)._ "EXCUSE, DEAREST, THE PAPER ON WHICH I WRITE--I HAVE
NOT MY DESK WITH ME, SO I SEND YOU THESE FEW HURRIED LINES ON ONE OF
MY COLLARS."]
[Illustration: _AN IMPOSTOR._
_Wife._ "CHARLES, DEAR. THERE'S A PERSON AT THE DOOR WANTS TO KNOW
WHETHER YOU WANT ANY ORNAMENT FOR YOUR FIREPLACE."
_Charles._ "MY DARLING! WHAT BETTER ORNAMENT CAN I HAVE THAN YOUR OWN
SWEET SELF?"
(_The wretch is going to dine at Greenwich with some bachelor friends,
for all that._)]
[Illustration: _DIGNITY AND IMPUDENCE._]
[Illustration: _A NIGHTMARE._
_Vision of the Night._ "ANY FRESH PRAWNS THIS MARNIN?"]
[Illustration: _VERY CRUEL SATIRE._
_Mary (maliciously, to her Cousin on leave)._ "HENRY, DEAR! HAVE YOU
SEEN THIS ORDER ABOUT REDUCING THE OFFICERS' WHISKERS AT ALDERSHOT?
WHAT A SHAME! I'M SURE IF I WERE YOU I SHOULD RESIST IT!"
(_Haw_--HENRY _doesn't see the point._)]
[Illustration: _YOUNG NORTHAMPTONSHIRE._
_Master Harry (loq.)._ "QUICK THING, THAT! DID YOU FELLOWS SEE IT? I
GOT POUNDED!"]
[Illustration: _A DEAL._
_Novice._ "OH, YES--HE'S A FINE HORSE; BUT ISN'T HE RATHER BENT ABOUT
THE LEGS?"
_Dealer._ "BENT ABOUT THE LEGS? STANDS A LITTLE OVER, P'RAPS--BUT THAT
AIN'T NO DETTERMENT TO HIM. THE BEST OF OSSES IS SOMETIMES FOALED SO!"]
[Illustration: _STARTLING RESULT._
OLD MR. WIGGLES TRIES HIS NEW SEWING-MACHINE, AND FINDS HIS GARMENTS
THROW OUT BUTTONS IN A VERY INDISCRIMINATE MANNER.]
[Illustration: _COMFORTABLE QUARTERS._
THE HOUR BEFORE DINNER--NOT THE WORST PART OF A DAY'S HUNTING.]
[Illustration: _AN UNEXPECTED ARRIVAL._
DELIGHT OF THE HON. TOM RASPER (WHO HAS PROMISED HIMSELF A DAY WITH
THE PYTCHLEY), ON FINDING THAT THE BOX WITH HIS HUNTER HAS BEEN LEFT
AT GOWLEIGH STATION, WHILE A FINE YOUNG BULL, INTENDED FOR THAT PLACE,
HAS BEEN BROUGHT ON TO--HARBOROUGH, SHALL WE SAY?]
[Illustration: _A FACT._
_Groom._ "YE SEE, SIR! THE LADIES KNOCKS 'OSSES ABOUT SO! THEY GETS
UPON A 'OSS, SIR, AND THEY SAYS, 'MY EYES! HE'S A 'OSS, AND HE MUST
GO!'"]
[Illustration: _THE TOLL-BAR NUISANCE._
_Cabby (to impudent Boy at Gate)._ "AH! YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEEN A
SAUCY YOUNG DOG; BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BE DONE AWAY WITH, THAT'S ONE
COMFORT--AND YOU CAN'T GROW INTO A TURNPIKE _MAN_!"]
[Illustration: _LA MODE._
_Rude Boy._ "OH, IF 'ERE AIN'T A GAL BEEN AND PUT ON A DUSTMAN'S 'AT!"]
[Illustration: _EFFECT OF STOPPING THE GROG._
"COME ALONG, JACK, MY HEARTY; NOTHING LIKE LAYING UP FOR
A RAINY DAY."]
[Illustration: _FLATTERING PROPOSAL._
_Volunteer._ "I SAY, LUCY, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE VIV_AN_DIERES IN OUR
CORPS. NOW, IF YOU LIKE, I'LL APPOINT YOU TO ATTEND UPON ME!"]
[Illustration: _A SERIOUS COMPLAINT._
_Col._ "NO, SIR! YOU CAN'T HAVE FOUR IN YOUR HUT!--WHIST, INDEED!"
_Lieut._ "VERY HARD! THEN, WE MUST PLAY DUMMY!"]
[Illustration: _A GENT AT COST PRICE._]
[Illustration: _A CAPITAL FINISH._
_Excited but rather behind-hand Party._ "NOW, THEN, MY MAN, HAVE YOU
SEEN 'EM? WHICH WAY HAVE THEY GONE?"
_Man._ "ALL RIGHT, SIR. THEY'RE DOWN 'ERE; FOX AN' 'OUNDS IS JUST RUN
INTO _TH' INFANT SCHOOL_!"]
[Illustration: _OUR FOREIGN VISITORS._
WHATEVER MAY BE A FRENCHMAN'S DEFECTS, HE AT LEAST KNOWS HOW TO
DRESS--AND ISN'T THE HAT HE WEARS A SWEET THING?]
[Illustration: _AN ORDER WE HOPE TO SEE ISSUED._
"THE POLICE HAVE STRICT ORDERS TO BONNET, PUT IN A SACK, AND LOCK UP
ALL URCHINS WHO DISTURB THE PEACE OF THE METROPOLIS BY SCREAMING OUT
'DIXIES' LAND.'"]
[Illustration: _EFFECT OF SIXPENCE A MILE._
_Cabby._ "WELL! WE AIN'T ALLOWED TO _SAY_ MUCH, BUT I'M _THINKING_
A DOOSE OF A LOT!"]
[Illustration: _OCULAR DEMONSTRATION._
_Gent._ "OH, AH! AND WHAT DO YOU FEED THE HORSES ON?"
_Driver._ "BUTTER-TUBS--DON'T YER SEE THE HOOPS?"]
[Illustration: _THE CARTE DE VISITE._
_Gent (in Photographic Studio)._ "A--LOOK 'ERE, YOU KNOW, MISTER, I
DON'T WANT MY CART PUBLISHED, YOU KNOW, BUT IF ANY NICE GAL OR LADY OF
RANK SHOULD WANT A COPY, WHY, YOU CAN SELL IT HER, YOU KNOW!"]
[Illustration: _AN INCIDENT OF TRAVEL._
_Monthly Nurse._ "BUT I CAN'T FIND MY BOX, SIR!"
_Paterfamilias (furious)._ "CONFOUND YOUR BOX! YOU MUST GET IN AND
LEAVE IT, AND WE'LL TELEGRAPH FOR IT.--COME! THE TRAIN'S STARTING!"
_Monthly Nurse._ "OH YES, SIR, THAT'S ALL VERY WELL. ONLY I THOUGHT AS
MY BOX HAS GOT ALL YOUR PLATE AND LINEN IN IT," &C., &C., &C.]
[Illustration: _VERY CAREFUL._
_Economical Peer (with feeling)._ "GOOD GRACIOUS, THOMPSON! HAVEN'T
YOU MEN GOT AN UMBRELLA OUTSIDE?"
_Thompson._ "NO, MY LORD!"
_Peer._ "DEAR! DEAR! DEAR!--THEN GIVE ME THOSE NEW HATS INSIDE!"]
[Illustration: _AN X-CELLENT NOTION._
PROPOSED NEW UNIFORM FOR THE POLICE.]
[Illustration: _NOT SO BAD AS HE SEEMS._
_Country Friend (apropos of Cockney Ditto)._ "UPON MY WORD, THOMAS, IF
I THOUGHT HE HAD BEEN SO DANGEROUS, I WOULDN'T HAVE BROUGHT HIM OUT."
_Keeper._ "WELL, HE DU SHOOT A LEETLE WILD, SIR--BUT IT AIN'T O' MUCH
CONSEQUENCE--I LOAD FOR UN--AND I DON'T PUT NO SHOT IN!"]
[Illustration: _CONFIRMED BACHELOR._
_Master G. O'Rilla._ "DEAW! HOW SHOCKING! THERE'S ANOTHER GOOD FELLAH
DONE FOR!"
_Cousins._ "WHY, WHAT HAS HAPPENED, GUS?"
_Gus._ "HAPPENED! WHY, CHARLEY BAGSHOT _GONE MARRIED_!"]
[Illustration: _NOT SO EASY._
_Voices in the Wood._ "NOW THEN, GET ON IN FRONT!"]
[Illustration: _THE BEACH.--A SKETCH FOR WARM WEATHER._]
[Illustration: _WALTZING OF THE PERIOD._
THE LADY HONORIA D----, AS SHE APPEARED TAKING LEAVE OF HER MAMMA,
PREVIOUS TO GOING INTO ACTION!
THE LADY HONORIA AS SHE APPEARED WHEN THE ENGAGEMENT WAS OVER!]
[Illustration: _GOING THROUGH THE ALPHABET._
WITH A PARDONABLE VANITY, TOMKINS, WHO HAS JUST JOINED HIS RIFLE
CORPS, INVITES ARABELLA (TO WHOM HE IS ENGAGED) AND HER SISTER TO SEE
HIM DRILLED. EVERYTHING MUST HAVE A BEGINNING, AND HE IS PUT THROUGH
THE "GOOSE STEP" BEFORE THE NOT-ADMIRING EYES OF HIS DARLING!]
[Illustration: _DECIDEDLY._
_Small Swell._ "MOST 'BSURD ROW THEY'RE KICKING UP ABOUT EQUESTRIANS
IN KENSINGTON GARDENS! WHY THEY OUGHT TO BE DEUCED GLAD OF ANYTHING
THAT ADDS TO THE BEAUTY OF THE PLACE--MY 'PINION."]
[Illustration: _ANOTHER PRETTY LITTLE AMERICANISM._
_Englishman (to Fair New-Yorker)._ "MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF DANCING
WITH YOU!"
_Darling._ "I GUESS YOU MAY--FOR I CALC'LATE THAT IF I SIT MUCH LONGER
HERE, _I SHALL BE TAKING ROOT_!"]
[Illustration: _THE COSTERMONGER AS HE IS._
_Coster (with hideous yell)_. "YA! HO!--CAULIFLOWERS--HO!"]
_AND_
[Illustration: _AS HE MIGHT BE._
_Coster (blandly and politely)._ "CAULIFLOWER, MA'AM. YES, MA'AM!
IS THERE ANY OTHER ARTICLE?"]
[Illustration: _THE ENGAGED ONES._
"LAW! CHARLES! ISN'T THERE A GREAT BLACK ON MY NOSE?"]
[Illustration: _A SUBJECT FOR CHARITY._
FEARFUL POSITION OF AN OLD LADY FROM THE COUNTRY, WHOM LOW IMPUDENT
LITTLE BOYS WILL TUMBLE BEFORE ALL THE WAY FROM THE STRAND TO THE
CRYSTAL PALACE.]
[Illustration: _A PRELIMINARY CANTER._
"COME, TOMPKINS, YOU'VE BEEN TITTUPPING UP AND DOWN THE PARADE FOR
THE LAST HOUR AND FORTY MINUTES. IF YOU'RE GOING OUT HUNTING, YOU HAD
BETTER GO."]
[Illustration: _BILLIARDS._
_Frank (to Captain Brother, poking him in the ribs with a cue)._ "OH,
COME, TOM, THAT WAS A FLUKE--A BEASTLY FLUKE!"
(_N.B. The Captain having scored very neatly._)]
[Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM, &c._--No. XV.
_Lady._ "INDEED, SMITH, I CANNOT BEAR THE LAUGHING AND NOISE
DOWNSTAIRS--IT IS QUITE INTOLERABLE!"
_Cook._ "WELL, MAM! SOMETHING MUST BE DONE TO DEADEN THE SOUND; FOR
THE NOISE UP-STAIRS IS EQUALLY ANNOYING TO HUS!"]
[Illustration: _GROUNDLESS ALARM._
_Stout Equestrian._ "DO YOU KNOW, LOVE, I'M RATHER SORRY I GOT THIS
HAT; FOR SUPPOSE I SHOULD BE TAKEN FOR A PRETTY HORSEBREAKER!"]
[Illustration: _FLY-FISHING._
_Piscator._ "NOW THEN! I THINK I SHALL GET A _RISE_ HERE!"]
[Illustration: _AWFUL APPARITION!_
_Mrs. T. (to T., who has been reading the popular novel)._ "PRAY, MR.
TOMKINS, ARE YOU NEVER COMING UP-STAIRS? HOW MUCH LONGER ARE YOU GOING
TO SIT UP WITH THAT 'WOMAN IN WHITE'?"]
[Illustration: _PHILOSOPHY IN SPORT._
_Noble Swell (in scarlet)._ "HARK! BY JOVE, THAT'S A FIND!"
_Party (in black)._ "'COURSE IT IS, MY LORD! JUST THE WAY WITH THEM
'OUNDS. DRAW--DRAW--DRAW--ALL THE MORNING, AND THEN DROP ON A FOX JUST
AS VUN'S 'AVIN' VUN'S LUNCH!"]
[Illustration: _EFFECTS OF THE WEATHER ON A SENSITIVE PLANT._--No. I.
YOUNG NIMROD AS HE APPEARED BEFORE THE FROST--PERFECTLY DISENGAGED!]
[Illustration: No. II.
YOUNG DITTO, AFTER FOUR WEEKS' FROST IN A COUNTRY HOUSE--MOST
PARTICULARLY ENGAGED!]
[Illustration: _A LITTLE FAMILY BREEZE._
_Mrs. T._ "WHAT A WRETCH YOU MUST BE, T.! WHY DON'T YOU TAKE ME OFF?
DON'T YOU SEE I'M OVERTOOK WITH THE TIDE, AND I SHALL BE DROWNDED!"
_T._ "WELL, THEN--WILL YOU PROMISE NOT TO KICK UP SUCH A ROW WHEN I
STOP OUT LATE OF A SATURDAY?"]
[Illustration: _INFLUENCE OF THE RAILWAY ON THE RHINE._
_Emily._ "DO LOOK HERE, ARTHUR DEAR--SUCH A LOVELY VIEW, AND SOME MORE
SUCH BEAUTIFUL CASTLES!" (_Arthur gives a prolonged grunt and snore._)]
[Illustration: _A MAN OF IDEAS._
_Augustus._ "HAW! NEAT STYLE OF COB THAT, CHARLES!"
_Charles._ "YAAS! SEVERE AIN'T IT? YOU SEE I'M WEADING FOR
EXAMINATION. A'VE GOT A DOOCED GOOD COACH, AND WITH CLASSICAL PONY
THINK A SHALL PULL THROUGH!"]
[Illustration: _PRACTISING FOR A MATCH._
_Leonora._ "DEAR, DEAR! HOW THE ARROW STICKS!"
_Captain Blank (with a sigh of the deepest)._ "IT DOES, INDEED!"]
[Illustration: _HAIR-DRESSING NOW-A-DAYS._
_Lady (looking at her watch)._ "DEAR ME, I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS SO
LATE. I THINK, PERHAPS, PARKER, YOU HAD BETTER GO AND DRESS THE YOUNG
LADIES' HAIR."
_Parker._ "OH, MAM, I DID THAT THIS MORNING, AND IT'S ON THE
DRESSING-TABLE READY TO BE PINNED ON!"]
[Illustration: _FEMININE RIVALRY._
_Hard-riding Young Lady._ "CUT MISS GEORGINA DOWN THAT TIME, I FANCY,
AND HAVE GOT INTO THE SAME FIELD WITH GUS!"]
[Illustration: _FITTING HOSPITALITY._
LITTLE TOM NODDY, WHO IS STILL FOND OF HUNTING, HAS A DAY WITH HIS
FRIEND HOLLYOAK, WHO NOT ONLY MOUNTS HIM, BUT RIGS HIM UP IN A SUIT OF
CLOTHES THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN MADE FOR HIM.]
[Illustration: _A DUET UNDER DIFFICULTIES._
_Emily (sotto voce)._ "MY GOODNESS, EDITH, WHAT SHALL I DO?--MY NOSE
ITCHES SO DREADFULLY, AND WE ARE COMING TO THE MOST DIFFICULT PART."]
[Illustration: _A FLAGRANT ATTEMPT._
JONES PREPARES A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR HIS MARY ANN, AND HAS HIS
EQUESTRIAN PORTRAIT TAKEN. HE REMARKS, "'ANG IT, YOU KNOW, IF I DO
HAVE MY CARTE DONE, I DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULDN'T 'AVE MY 'ORSE!"]
[Illustration: _USEFUL AT LAST._
THE MODERN GOVERNESS.--A YOUNG LADY'S IDEA OF THE USE OF CRINOLINE.]
[Illustration: _VERY MUCH ALIVE._
DISCOMFITURE OF OLD MR. J--N--S, WHO, ON VISITING A PRIVATE
COLLECTION, MISTAKES "PETER," THE GREAT HORNED OWL, FOR A STUFFED
CAT.]
[Illustration: _PROGRESS OF CIVILISATION._
_Ramoneur on Donkey._ "FITCH US OUT ANOTHER PEN'NORTH O' STRAWBERRY
ICE, WITH A DOLLOP OF LEMON WATER IN IT."]
[Illustration: _WHAT NEXT?_
THE LATEST IMPROVEMENT(?) IN GUARDS' CAPS.]
[Illustration: _A LIKELY BAIT_.
_Piscator_. "OHO! THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE THE BIG TROUT ARE, IS IT?
THEN THIS IS THE SORT OF _FLY_, I THINK!"]
[Illustration: _NOTHING LIKE DOING IT THOROUGHLY._
_Mrs. Buncher Greens._ "DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT GOING TO HEPSOM; IT
AIN'T A FIT PLACE FOR FEMALES. GIVE ME HASCOT, IN YER OWN CARRIDGE."
_Mr. B. G._ "WELL, I TELL YER WHAT IT IS, SARER--YOU MUST TRIM THE
BARRER A BIT, OR YOU'LL NEVER BE IN TIME FOR THE CUP!"]
[Illustration: _YET ANOTHER AMERICANISM._
"HERE, MARIA, HOLD MY CLOAK WHILE I HAVE A FLING WITH STRANGER!"]
[Illustration: "_OH, THAT I WERE IN THAT BALCONY!_"
WISH EXPRESSED BY LITTLE TOM TIT, AS HE WALKED IN THE TIGHTEST OF
BOOTS, ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE STREET.]
[Illustration]
[Illustration: _TO BE PITIED._
_Youth._ "WHAT! NO SMOKING CARRIAGE! WHY, WHAT'S A FELLAH TO DO FOR
THREE HOURS?"]
[Illustration: _ACROSS COUNTRY._
_Papa._ "LUCY! HERE! HERE'S A GATE!"
_Lucy._ "ALL RIGHT, PAPA, DEAR. YOU GO THROUGH THE GATE, I THINK
'CRUSADER' PREFERS THE FENCE."]
[Illustration: _HOW TO CLEAR A CARRIAGE FOR A CIGAR._
_Ferocious Looking Passenger (to Old Gent, who objects to Smoking)._
"THAT'S A PRETTY KNIFE; AIN'T IT? THAT'S THE SORT O' THING WE USE IN
CALIFORNIA! JOLLY THING TO STICK INTO A FELLOW, EH?" (OLD GENT _fears
his Companion is not "quite right," and changes his Carriage at the
next Station_.)]
[Illustration: _SOME MORE FOREIGN VISITORS._
WHO CAN THEY BE? CAN THEY BE "MOSSOOS" GOING TO MAKE A PROMENADE TO
RICHMOND!]
[Illustration: _THE VERY THING._
_Dealer (to Nervous Rider)._ "QUIET! THERE NOW! HE'S A COB AS YOU MAY
JUST CHUCK YER LEG OVER, AND SPRING A RATTLE, OR FIRE OFF PISTOLS BY
THE HOUR TOGETHER, AND HE WON'T TAKE NO NOTICE!"]
[Illustration: _HOLIDAYS AT HOME._
GRAND NURSERY STEEPLE-CHACE.--_Steward, Clerk of the Course, &c.,
&c._, MASTER TOM.]
[Illustration: _SOMETHING LIKE AN INDUCEMENT._
OUR FRIEND, GRIGGS, RECEIVES A PRESSING INVITATION TO COME OVER AGAIN
TO IRELAND DURING THE HUNTING SEASON, AND HAVE A WEEK WITH THE GALWAY
BLAZERS!
(MR. B. _says he should like it extremely, as he has never ridden in a
stone-wall country_.)]
[Illustration: _DUST HO! THE LONG DRESS NUISANCE._
(WE CAN ASSURE THE DARLINGS IT BY NO MEANS IMPROVES THEIR DEAR LITTLE
ANKLES.)]
[Illustration: _THE VULPECIDE.--BASE INDEED!_
_Fox-Hunter._ "THERE, DO YOU SEE THAT FELLOW?--WELL! TO MY CERTAIN
KNOWLEDGE, HE HAS DESTROYED TWO FOXES--AND YET HE WALKS ABOUT WITH A
HYMN-BOOK UNDER HIS ARM!"]
[Illustration: _A STEEPLE-CHACE STUDY._
_Ossy and very talkative Party (who is not going to ride, however)._
"CALL THAT A FENCE! WHY, ME AND MY LITTLE PONY WOULD 'OP OVER IT LIKE
A BIRD!"]
[Illustration: _A LITTLE RAILWAY DRAMA._
(_Passenger in Train, who naturally objects to having a nasty,
odoriferous, useless pet dog in the carriage, suggests to the Guard
that the animal should be put in the Van._)
_Stupid Old Lady (dashing out of the carriage)._ "DID IT, THEN, A
DARLING! A PRETTY SWEET!--DID IT GET INTO A CARRIAGE WITH A BREE-UTE?"]
[Illustration: _A WATERING-PLACE PLEASURE._
THIS IS THE EIGHTEENTH OLD FISH-FAG WHO HAS SCREAMED AND SHRIEKED, BUT
BY NO MEANS THE LAST WHO WILL SHRIEK AND SCREAM, UNDER POOR OLD MR.
TOMKINS'S WINDOW.]
[Illustration: _SOAP-BUBBLES!_]
[Illustration: _ADVICE GRATIS._
_Young Hopeful (to Old Indian, whose digestion isn't first-rate)._ "I
TELL YOU WHAT, UNCLE, I'D RECOMMEND YOU TO GO WITH ME ACROSS COUNTRY
THREE TIMES A WEEK. IT WOULD SOON PUT YOU TO-RIGHTS!"]
[Illustration: _A KNOWING ANIMAL._
"THE CHESTNUT HAS SURELY BOLTED, JOE?"
"AY! AY! SIR, HE B'LONGED TO A COSSACK IN THE CRIMEA, AND THERE AIN'T
NO HOLDING OF HIM WITH BRITISH CAVALRY IN HIS REAR."]
[Illustration: _A MAN OF DISCRIMINATION._
_First Juvenile._ "MY WORD, FRED! ISN'T BESSIE TRAVERS A STUNNING
GIRL?"
_Second Ditto._ "WELL, FOR MY PART, I DON'T CARE MUCH ABOUT CHITS. NOW
THE MOTHER'S A FINE WOMAN, IF YOU LIKE. SHE'S MORE IN MY WAY!"]
[Illustration: _A VISIT TO THE STUDIO._
_Mr. Ochre (through whose frame a thrill of horror is supposed to be
passing)._ "UGH! MIND WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT, CHARLEY. MIND MY OPHELIA;
MIND MY OPHELIA! YOU'LL KNOCK HER OVER, AND SPOIL ALL HER FOLDS!"]
[Illustration: _A PRETTY EXHIBITION NEAR BROMPTON._
THIS IS THE WAY THOSE POOR YOUNG SWELLS, HIPPS AND FIPPS, ARE OBLIGED
TO GO OUT TO DINNER, IN CONSEQUENCE OF THE SCARCITY OF THE CABS.]
[Illustration: _AN OBJECT OF ATTRACTION._
_First Elegant Creature._ "A--DON'T YOU DANCE, CHARLES!"
_Second Ditto, Ditto._ "A--NO--NOT AT PWESENT! I ALWAYS LET THE GIRLS
LOOK AND LONG FOR ME FIRST!"]
[Illustration: _A CHIP OF THE OLD BLOCK._
_Grandpapa._ "BLESS HIS HEART--JUST LIKE ME!--SPARE THE
_NIM_ROD--SPOIL THE CHILD, I SAY."]
[Illustration: _POOR COUSIN CHARLES!_
_Juvenile._ "WHY DO THEY CALL THOSE THINGS COUSIN CHARLES SMOKES
CIGARETTES? EH, POLLY?"
_Polly._ "WELL, DEAR; BECAUSE THEY ARE LITTLE CIGARS, I SUPPOSE!"
_Juvenile._ "OH THEN, WOULD COUSIN CHARLES BE CALLED A CAPTAINETTE,
BECAUSE HE'S A LITTLE CAPTAIN?"
(JONES, _who is a Volunteer, but is six feet high, twirls his
moustachios with mild complacency._)]
[Illustration: _THE BALL._
HARRY BULLFINCHER, WHO IS EVER SO MUCH BETTER ACROSS COUNTRY THAN
WHEN HE MIXES IN THE MERRY DANCE (ESPECIALLY AFTER SUPPER) HAS COME
TO GRIEF OVER A STOOL DURING A POLKA, AND IS SHOUTING FOR SOME ONE TO
"_CATCH HIS HORSE!_"]
[Illustration: _THE PLEASURES OF THE COUNTRY._
_Enthusiastic Nimrod._ "THERE'S ANOTHER THING TOO ABOUT FOX-HUNTING
WHICH I ALWAYS THINK DELIGHTFUL--YOU COME UPON SUCH PICTURESQUE NOOKS
AND CORNERS. NOW, WHO WOULD EVER THINK OF COMING OUT HERE FOR A _MERE
WALK_!"]
[Illustration: _PREPARED FOR GAROTTERS._
GOING OUT TO TEA IN THE SUBURBS.--A PRETTY STATE OF THINGS.]
[Illustration: _SNOOKS HAS JOINED A RIFLE CORPS._
_Snooks._ "SPLENDID CREECHUR--AIN'T HE? BLESS YOU, HE'S A PERFECT
BROKE CHARGER. WAS IN THE HORSE GUARDS ONCE. YOU SHOULD SEE HIM IN HIS
ACCOUTREMENTS. _GOES IN HARNESS TOO, I BELIEVE!_"]
[Illustration: _FELLOW MARTYRS._
OLD MR. SQUEAMISH, WHO HAS BEEN ON DECK FOR HIS WRAPPER, FINDS HIS
COMFORTABLE PLACE OCCUPIED BY A HAIRY MOSSOO!]
[Illustration: _A SCHOOL FOR OLD GENTLEMEN._]
[Illustration: _CRUEL JOKE AT A FÊTE._
_Horrid Boy (to his Cousin)._ "I SAY, ROSE! WASN'T THAT MAJOR DE VERE
WHO JUST LEFT YOU?"
_Rose._ "YES!"
_Horrid Boy._ "AH, THEN, I THINK HE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE TOLD YOU WHAT A
TREMENDOUS BLACK SMUDGE YOU'VE GOT ON YOUR NOSE!"
(_N.B.--Of course there is no smudge; but there's no looking-glass
within miles for poor Rose to satisfy herself._)]
[Illustration: _VIVE LE SPORT AGAIN!_
_Distinguished Foreigner (who does not comprehend why a frost should
stop Hounds.)_ "AHA! NO HONT ZIS MORNING--MON DIEU!--ZEN ZERE IS NO
_DOG'S MEET_ TO-DAY!"]
[Illustration: _THE SENSATION NOVEL._
_Clara._ "YES, DEAR, I'VE GOT THE LAST ONE DOWN, AND IT'S PERFECTLY
DELICIOUS. A MAN MARRIES HIS GRANDMOTHER--FOURTEEN PERSONS
ARE POISONED BY A YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL GIRL--FORGERIES BY THE
DOZEN--ROBBERIES, HANGINGS; IN FACT, FULL OF DELIGHTFUL HORRORS!"]
[Illustration: _FIRST BEGINNINGS._]
[Illustration: _TAKING IT MANFULLY._
_Keeper._ "STOP A BIT, MESTER REGINALD, AND I'LL LIFT ONE ON 'EM UP!"
_Mester Reginald._ "NOW YOU JUST LET THEM ALONE, I'M COMING OVER!"]
[Illustration: _RATHER KEEN._
"OUT AGAIN, JACK?"
"YES! I ALWAYS LIKE TO GET AS MUCH HUNTING AS I CAN BEFORE
CHRISTMAS--THE WEATHER IS SO NICE AND OPEN!"]
[Illustration: _A FROLIC HOME AFTER A BLANK DAY._]
[Illustration: _HOW WOULD IT BE WITHOUT CRINOLINE?--TRY IT._]
[Illustration: _AFTER SUPPER.--STRANGE ADMISSION!_
_Mr. S._ "MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF WALTZING WITH YOU, MISS JONES?"
_Miss J._ "I WOULD WITH PLEASURE, _BUT UNFORTUNATELY I'M QUITE FULL_!"]
[Illustration: _PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE._
_Old Lady._ "BUT, GOING IN FOUR-WHEEL CABS! I'M SO AFRAID OF
SMALL-POX!"
_Cabby._ "YOU'VE NO CALL TO BE AFEARED O' MY CAB, MUM, FOR I'VE 'AD
THE HIND WHEEL WACCINATED, AND IT TOOK BEAUTIFUL."]
[Illustration: _A FLUNKEY IN TROUBLE._
_John Thomas._ "HOLLO! COACHMAN! MR. BLINKERS! STOP! HERE'S A
COSTERMONGER'S DONKEY GOT HOLD OF MY LEG, AND PULLING THE HAY OUT THAT
I'VE PUT IN FOR CALVES!"]
[Illustration: _ALL THE DIFFERENCE._
_Sporting Enthusiast (who has with difficulty caught the Hounds)._
"WHAT THE DEUCE ARE YOU HOLLOAING AT--DON'T YOU SEE IT'S A FRESH FOX?"
_Whip._ "SHOULD THINK IT WAS; WE'VE BROKE UP T'OTHER THIS QUARTER OF
AN HOUR!"]
[Illustration: _LONDON HIGHLANDERS._
NOW WE DARE SAY YOU WONDER WHAT THE DEUCE THIS MEANS. THE FACT IS,
THAT SMITH AND TOMKINS HAVE GOT A PLACE IN SCOTLAND THIS YEAR, AND
THEY ARE DOING ALL THEY POSSIBLY CAN TO ACCUSTOM THEMSELVES TO DIZZY
MOUNTAIN HEIGHTS, AND TO GET THEIR FACES AND LEGS THE PROPER TONE FOR
THE NORTH.]
[Illustration: _A HYGIENIC PLEASURE._
THE NEW AND DELIGHTFUL METHOD OF BRUSHING THE HAIR WITH MACHINERY.]
[Illustration: _AFTER DUNDREARY._
_First Swell._ "A-A-WAW! WAW! WAW! HOW DID YOU LIKE HIM?"
_Second Do._ "WAW-WAW-WAW.--NO FELLAW EVAW SAW SUCH A FELLAW. GWOSS
CAWICATURE-WAW!"]
[Illustration: _REAL INDEPENDENCE._
_Housemaid._ "JAMES! DON'T YOU HEAR YOUR LIBERY BELL A-RINGING?"
_James._ "BOTHER THE LIBERY BELL! I AIN'T GOING TO ANSWER NO LIBERY
BELLS--IT'S MY SUNDAY OUT, AND I'M AT CHURCH!"]
[Illustration: _MAKING IT INTELLIGIBLE._
_Elderly Lady._ "BUT I MUST REALLY BEG THAT YOU WILL TELL ME YOUR
FARE. I CANNOT BE SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOUR BUSINESS!"
_Cabby._ "WELL, MUM--I DON'T THINK WE SHALL FALL HOUT. LET'S SAY,
THREE BOB AND A KICK!"]
[Illustration: _AT A RIFLE COMPETEE-TION IN THE NORTH._
_First Volunteer (to Second Volunteer on the Barrel)._ "MAY I TROUBLE
YE TO MOVE FOR A BIT, FOR YE'RE JUST SITTING ON THE AMUNEE-TION!"]
[Illustration: _FORCE OF HABIT.--(FOR FAMILY PEOPLE ONLY.)_
ADOLPHUS, GEORGE, AND LOUISA, ARE PLAYING IN KENSINGTON GARDENS--TO
THEM THE FAMILY DOCTOR UNEXPECTEDLY. A. AND G. AND L. GO THROUGH THE
EXPRESSIVE PANTOMIME OF PUTTING OUT THEIR TONGUES AS A MATTER OF
COURSE.]
[Illustration: _CUB-HUNTING._
WILKINSON WONDERS WHY THE DOOCE THEY CAN'T GO OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
DAY.]
[Illustration: _AN INTERESTING QUESTION._
_Young Swell (who has just received promise of a Commission in a
Highland Regiment)._ "NOW, GIRLS, WILL THE KILT SUIT MY CALVES?"
_Sisters (tittering)._ "REALLY, DEAR, YOU ARE TOO ABSURD!"]
[Illustration: _WHAT WE COULD BEAR A GOOD DEAL OF!_]
[Illustration: _"LOVE'S COURSE NEVER DID," YOU KNOW._
IT WAS VERY UNPLEASANT! BUT WHAT JENKYNNES HAD TO SAY TO HIS FLORA,
WAS SAID UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES.]
[Illustration: _FLUNKEIANA._
_John Thomas Gorgeous._ "I TELL YOU WHAT IT IS, COOK! I'M A'MOST WORE
OUT WITH THEM LEGS O' MUTTON AND LEGS O' PORK, AND I THINK IT'S 'IGH
TIME SOME NEW HANIMAL WAS INWENTED!"]
[Illustration: _JUMPING TO A CONCLUSION_
_Inquiring Youth._ "PLEASE, MAMMA, WHY IS UNCLE'S HORSE CALLED A COB?"
_Mamma._ "OH, MY DEAR! BECAUSE--BECAUSE--WHY BECAUSE HE HAS A THICK
BODY AND SHORT LEGS!"
_Inquiring Youth._ "WHAT, LIKE YOU, MAMMA?"]
[Illustration: _THE CHANNEL PASSAGE._
MOSSOO AS HE APPEARED WHEN VIEWED THROUGH A TELESCOPE.]
[Illustration: _RAILLERY._
_Driver (of the Herring Mould, to Party inclining to embonpoint)._
"HOLLO, BILL! HOW MANY SACKS O' PERTATERS AND HOGSHEADS O' SUGAR 'AVE
YER GOT THERE?"]
[Illustration: _THE SUBURBAN FLYMAN._
_Maid._ "OH, COACHMAN! MISSUS SAY, YOU'RE TO COVER YOURSELF WITH THIS
RUG, AND NOT TO MOVE OFF THE BOX; BECAUSE YOUR GAITERS AND LEGS AND
THINGS ARE REALLY SO VERY SHOCKING."]
[Illustration: _A DAY'S AMUSEMENT._
_Driving Lady (loq.)_ "OH, FRANK DEAR, ONLY FANCY, GEORGE HAS GOT
SO TIPSY AT THE ARCHERY MEETING, THAT WE'VE BEEN OBLIGED TO PUT HIM
INSIDE, AND DRIVE HOME OURSELVES--AND POOR CLARA HAS PINCHED HER
FINGERS DREADFULLY PUTTING ON THE DRAG COMING DOWN BLUNSDEN HILL."]
[Illustration: _AWFUL TALE OF AN EEL._]
[Illustration: _A LITTLE SCENE AT BRUSSELS._
_T·mpk·ns (who has just come down to breakfast)._ "HERE! I SAY,
GARSONG! I WANT A KELKCHOSE FOR DEJEWNAY! DER KORFEE, AND DES HOOFS,
YOU KNOW!"
(_N.B. The Stout Party T. pokes in the ribs is a wealthy Belgian
Swell!_)]
[Illustration: _FOR-RAD--FOR-RAD--AWAY!_
_Mr. Wuzzel (who the last time he weighed was Nineteen Stone, a sack
of Guano, and a Barrowful of Bricks)._ "'FOR-RAD--AWAY!' OH, YES!
THAT'S ALL VERY WELL--BUT NOT WITH THE COUNTRY(?) AS HEAVY AS THIS!"]
[Illustration: _VERY MUCH AT SEA._]
[Illustration: _FREAKS OF A PET DOG._
_Gardener (triumphantly)._ "THAT DOG'S BEEN AND GONE AND DONE IT NOW,
MA'AM, I THINK!"]
[Illustration: _A STREET FIGHT._
_Wife of his Bussum (to Vanquished Hero)._ "TERENCE, YE GREAT
UMMADAWN, WHAT DO YER GIT INTO THIS THRUBBLE FOR?"
_Vanquished Hero (to Wife of his Bussum)._ "D'YE CALL IT THRUBBLE,
NOW? WHY, IT'S ENGYEMENT!"]
[Illustration: _THE LOWEST DEPTH._
_Inebriated Snob (to party with paper lamp)._ "WHICH IS THE
WAY--TO--TO--THE P--P--POSES PLASTIQUES? WHY, HALLO! IS THAT YOU, JIM?
HOW THE DOOCE DID YOU COME TO THIS?"
_Jim._ "WELL--ALL ALONG O' THEM NIGHT PUBLICS. AND HERE I AM--AN
'ILLUMINATED ADVERTISEMENT'!"]
[Illustration: _LIKE UNTO LIKE._
_Bacon Fancier._ "THERE, NOW!--THAT'S MY STYLE!"]
[Illustration: _BEAR-BAITING._]
[Illustration: _A LITTLE BIT OF YORKSHIRE._
_Horse Critic._ "WELL, WILLIAM, THAT'S A NICE-LOOKING COLT, WHOSE IS
IT?"
_Horse Breaker._ "WELL, SIR, THAT DEPENDS UPON CIRCUMSTANCES."
_Critic._ "HOW SO?"
_Breaker._ "IF IT TURNS OUT WELL, IT BELONGS TO MR. B. (_the
Steward_); BUT YOU KNOW, SIR _(with a sly look)_, IF IT TURNS OUT BAD,
IT BELONGS TO MY LORD."]
[Illustration: _ANXIOUS TO PRESERVE OUR FIGURE, WE TAKE A TURKISH
BATH!_]
[Illustration: _HOW TO BOTHER CABBY._
_Fare._ "HOW MUCH? NOW I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY!
'YOU'LL LEAVE IT TO ME,' BUT I WON'T HAVE IT. _I'LL LEAVE IT TO YOU!_"]
[Illustration: _SUPERFLUOUS ADVICE._
"DON'T CHECK HER, JACK; GIVE HER HER HEAD."]
[Illustration: _A FURNITURE REMOVAL AGENCY._
THINGS HAVE COME TO A PRETTY PASS INDEED, WHEN A DRAWING-ROOM TABLE
JUMPS UP, AND AFTER PLAYING A TUNE ON ITS ACCORDION, OFFERS ITS HAND
TO THE HOUSEMAID!----
(NOW, WITHOUT ANY OF THE GAMMON OF PUTTING LIGHTS OUT, AND DARKENING
THE ROOM, THIS REALLY DID HAPPEN IN BROAD DAYLIGHT--YOU NEEDN'T
BELIEVE IT, OF COURSE, UNLESS YOU LIKE.)]
[Illustration: _THE FANCY FAIR._
_Eleanor._ "YOU HAD BETTER BUY SOME OF MY CIGARS--COME, TAKE ONE!"
_Young Swell._ "A--A--THANKS, NO--I NEVER SMOKE!"
_Eleanor._ "WHAT! NOT IF I BITE OFF THE END?"]
[Illustration: _AN AFFLICTED ONE._
JOHN CHINAMAN WEEPING OVER HIS TAIL.]
[Illustration: _COUNTRY RACES.--AMATEUR PROFESSIONALS._
_Starter._ "YOU'D BETTER BE GOING, SIR; ITS A START!"
_Gentleman Rider._ "OH, I'M ORDERED TO RIDE A WAITING RACE, AND I MAY
AS WELL WAIT HERE AS ANYWHERE ELSE!"]
[Illustration: _AN IDEA FOR A WET DAY._
HANG UP THE CRINOLINES, AND HAVE A GAME OF CROQUET IN THE
DINING-ROOM.]
[Illustration: _A STUDY OF CRINOLINE._
_Dreadful Boy._ "MY EYE, TOMMY, IF I CAN'T SEE THE OLD GAL'S LEGS
THROUGH THE PEEP-HOLES!"]
[Illustration: _MOST FLATTERING!_
_Miss Stout._ "YOU SEE, DEAR, I THOUGHT YOUR SWISS DRESS SO PRETTY,
THAT I HAVE MADE ONE EXACTLY LIKE IT. WHY, WE SHALL BE TAKEN FOR
SISTERS!"]
[Illustration: _A HOT CHESTNUT IS VERY GOOD AFTER DINNER, BUT NOT JUST
AS THE FOX BREAKS._
_Rough Rider._ "BY YER LEAVE, SIR! MY YOUNG HORSE RUSHES SO IF HE'S
KEPT WAITING!"]
[Illustration: _SCENE--THE ROW._
JEMIMER HANN IS STARING AT SOLDIER--YOUNG SPOFFINGTON IS BOWING
TO GEORGINA MARTINGALE--PERAMBULATOR CHARGES THROUGH YOUNG S.'S
LEGS.--SENSATION!]
[Illustration: _THE DOG-DAYS!_
_1st Fancier._ "NOW ISN'T HE, GEORGIE!--FOR BREED AND SHAPE AND MAKE,
THE MOST LOVELY LITTLE CREATURE?"
_2nd Ditto._ "WELL, DEAR, HE CERTAINLY IS VERY HANDSOME, BUT TO MY
TASTE MY LITTLE TREASURE PUGGY IS PERFECTION, AND SO AFFECTIONATE!"
_3rd Ditto._ "DID THEY PRAISE THE OTHER DOGS?--LITTLE CHARLIE WAS A
DARLING; HE WAS, HE WAS, HE WAS!!!"]
[Illustration: _THE WIRE FENCE._
(_Dedicated to those Farmers and others in the Shires, who use that
treacherous and unsportsmanlike contrivance._)]
[Illustration: _A TABLE D'HÔTE AT PARIS._
_Attentive Swell (to elegant and fascinating American Young Lady, who
has been monopolising the adjacent Gentlemen all through Dinner)._
"LET ME GIVE YOU SOME OF THIS" (_handing Article of Dessert_).
_Belle Américaine._ "NO, THANKS!--WELL, THEN, A VERY LITTLE; FOR _I
GUESS I'M PRETTY CROWDED NOW_."
(_Horror of Swells; triumph of neighbouring Female British
Contingent._)]
[Illustration: _A FATUOUS FASHION._
TO SIT UPON A CHAIR, AND HAVE ONE'S HORSE HELD, IS NOW A VEWY
FASHIONABLE WAY OF WIDING IN "WOTTON WOW."]
[Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM, &c._--No. XVI.
_Mary._ "DID YOU CALL, MUM?"
_Lady._ "YES, MARY! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO WEAR YOUR HOOP BEFORE
YOU HAD DONE YOUR ROOMS, BECAUSE YOU BROKE THE JUGS AND BASINS WITH
IT!"
_Mary._ "OH, MUM! YOU SEE THE _SWEEPS_ WERE COMING THIS MORNING, AND,
REALLY, I COULD NOT THINK OF OPENING THE DOOR TO THEM SUCH A FIGGER AS
I SHOULD HA' BEEN WITHOUT MY CRINOLINE!"]
[Illustration: _BREAKING THE BYE-LAWS._
_Irritable Elderly Gentleman._ "HOLLO--HOY--CATCH THAT DOG! I'VE A
COMPLAINT--WHERE'S THE STATION-MASTER?--UNDER THE BYE-LAWS--IT'S A
DOG--HERE, I GIVE THIS MAN INTO CUSTODY."]
[Illustration: _THE COOK'S MORNING SERVICE._]
[Illustration: _STUDIES OF CRINOLINE DURING AN EQUINOCTIAL GALE._]
[Illustration: _HERO WORSHIP._
THE "KNEE PLUSH ULTRA" OF SENTIMENT.]
[Illustration: _A JOLLY GAME._]
[Illustration: _A FOREIGN INFLICTION._--No. I.
AT THE DOOR PATERFAMILIAS IS EXPOSTULATING WITH AN ORGAN-GRINDER, WHO
IS DEFYING HIM WITH EXTREME INSOLENCE, ALTERNATED WITH PERFORMANCES
ON THE INSTRUMENT OF TORTURE. POLICEMAN (UNSEEN) IS IN THE KITCHEN,
CONSIDERING WHETHER SUSAN'S COOKING OR MARY'S SAVINGS' BANK MONEY
WOULD BE THE BETTER INVESTMENT.]
[Illustration: No. II.
IN A BED-ROOM A MOTHER IS TENDING A SICK BOY, WHO IS SUFFERING FROM
NERVOUS FEVER.]
[Illustration: _PARTRIDGE SHOOTING._
_Keeper (who has never seen a breech-loader)._ "I DON'T THINK WERRY
MUCH OF 'IM; WHY HE'S BEEN AND BROKE HIS GUN THE WERRY FUST SHOT!"]
[Illustration: _RATHER OSSY._
_Dealer._ "THERE, SIR! HE'S A RARE TOPPED UN. WHY, WHAT A MANE AND
TAIL HE'S GOT! HE'D MAKE A CHARGER, HE WOULD!"
_Mr. Green._ "BUT AIN'T HIS LEGS A LITTLE TOO THIN FOR HIS BODY?"
_Dealer._ "THIN FOR HIS BODY! BLESS YER! YOU COME TO HACK HIM ABOUT
FOR A FEW DAYS, HIS LEGS 'LL _FILL OUT_ ENOUGH, THEY WILL!"]
[Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM IN AUSTRALIA.--A FACT._
_Domestic._ "IF YOU PLEASE, 'M, I HAVE AN HOUR TO SPARE, AND I'M A
GOIN' TO TRY MY NEW 'ORSE!"]
[Illustration: _A FANCY SCENE--WINNING THE GLOVES._
FROM THE GRAND PUGILISTIC BALLET OF THE FIGHT FOR THE CHAMPIONSHIP,
WHICH MIGHT, COULD, SHOULD, AND OUGHT TO BE PLAYED AT ONE OF THE
OPERAS.]
[Illustration: _COMPLIMENTARY._
_Farmer._ "MORNIN', MR. BLANK! NEVER SAW YOU GO SO WELL BEFORE."
_Mr. Blank._ "WHY, WHAT DO YER MEAN? WE'VE NEVER FOUND A FOX!"
_Farmer._ "AH! BUT I MEAN SO WELL FROM COVER TO COVER, YOU KNOW!"]
[Illustration: _PUTTING HIS FOOT IN IT._
MR. SPENCER POFFINGTON MAKES A MORNING CALL. HE WILL WEAR AN
EYE-GLASS--AND SKIPS LIKE LORD DUNDREARY--AND COMES TO GRIEF OVER A
CROQUET IRON, TAKING A HEADER INTO THE ARMS OF LADY HONORIA BOUNCER!]
[Illustration: _SCENE ON A BRIDGE IN PARIS._
NOW, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE MATTER HERE? WHY, ALPHONSE, IN A BOAT
ON THE RIVER, HAS JUST CAUGHT A GOUJON ABOUT THE SIZE OF HIS LITTLE
FINGER!]
[Illustration: _TU QUOQUE._
_Human._ "HAH! YOU'D BE A NICE CUSTOMER TO MEET ON THE LOOSE,
ANYWHERES AFTER DARK, YOU WOULD!"]
[Illustration: _AT SCARBOROUGH._]
[Illustration: _A SAGACIOUS CABBY._
"HANSOM, MISS! YES, MISS! CATTLE OR DOG SHOW?"]
[Illustration: _READY WHEN WANTED OUR MILITIA VOLUNTEERS._]
[Illustration: _IMPUDENCE._
_Old Gent._ "HOW MUCH?"
_Hansom Cabman (boldly)._ "SIX SHILLINGS, SIR!"
_Old Gent._ "WHAT! WHY HOW MANY MILES DO YOU CALL IT FROM TEMPLE BAR
TO THE BANK?"
_Cabman._ "OH! IF YOU WANT TO MAKE IT A MERE MERCAN-TILE TRANSACTION,
YOU SHALL HAVE YOUR RIDE FOR NOTHING. ONLY DON'T GIT INTO AN ANSOM CAB
AGAIN, THAT'S ALL."
(_Old Gentleman is speechless with indignation and astonishment._)]
[Illustration: _A DISTURBED IMAGINATION._
JONES, WHO CAN'T SLEEP WELL IN LONDON DURING THE HOT WEATHER, GOES TO
HAVE A QUIET NIGHT IN A VILLAGE!!
(_Portrait of one of the Village Cochins, &c._)]
[Illustration: _WHAT OUR VOLUNTEERS OUGHT_ NOT _TO DO._
THEY OUGHT NOT, FOR ONE THING, TO STAGGER THROUGH QUIET STREETS,
DRUMMING AND TRUMPETING LIKE SAVAGES, AT MIDNIGHT.]
[Illustration: _DRAMATIC._
_First languid Swell._ "HAW! THEY'RE GOING ON STILL WITH THAT
DUNDREARY!"
_Second Ditto._ "AW----YA'AS! IT MUST BE A--A--A--A--VEWY HARD WORK
FOR A FELLAH TO PERFORM SUCH A--A--CAWACTER EVEWY EVENING."]
[Illustration: _RETURN FROM THE RACES--BOIS DE BOULOGNE._
_English Stable boy (to his Pal)._ "I SAY, JONES, ISN'T IT A PITY
MOUNSEER HAS NOT GOT ANOTHER HAND FOR THE WHIP?"]
[Illustration: _SPIRIT-RAPPING._
_Mr. Dunup._ "I KNOW THAT KNOCK! IT IS! IT MUST BE! YES, IT IS A
CREDITOR!!"]
[Illustration: _THE GRAND NATIONAL ROSE SHOW._]
[Illustration: _THE BOX OF BOOKS FROM LONDON._
"NOW, CLARA--WHAT A SHAME! YOU ALWAYS TAKE THE PRETTY ONES!"]
[Illustration: _RAILWAY GRIEVANCE._
DREADFUL OLD FEMALE, WHO, ALTHOUGH SHE WOULD BE HORRIFIED AT THE IDEA
OF A CIGAR IN A CARRIAGE, SOLACES HERSELF BY CONSUMING NO END OF
PEPPERMINT LOZENGES DURING HER JOURNEY.]
[Illustration: _RETALIATION._
A CURE FOR THE BAWLING FISH-SELLERS AT WATERING-PLACES.]
[Illustration: _THE SUBMISSIVE HUSBAND._]
[Illustration: _A BROKEN COUNTRY._
_Jones (who has accepted a mount with the Harriers, because it is all
galloping and no obstacles)._ "OH, YES, LET HIM COME! THAT'S ALL VERY
WELL. WHY, IT'S LIKE THE SIDE OF A HOUSE."]
[Illustration: _WHICH IS THE BRUTE?_
UPON ONE OF THESE CREATURES MR. RAREY'S METHOD CAN MAKE NO IMPRESSION.]
[Illustration: _"WHEN DOCTORS DISAGREE," ETC., ETC._]
[Illustration: _THE MORAL OF IT._
_Infuriate Captain._ "YOU SCOUNDREL, I'LL HAVE YOU UP AS SURE AS YOU
ARE BORN!"
_Cabby._ "WHAT! SUMMONS ME! OH, NO, YOU WON'T, MY LORD.--YOU'LL NEVER
TAKE THE TROUBLE."
(_Exit_ CABBY _with three-and-sixpence over his fare._)]
[Illustration: _CRINOLINE FOR DOMESTIC USE._
_Missus._ "MARY! GO AND TAKE OFF THAT THING DIRECTLY! PRAY, ARE YOU
AWARE WHAT A RIDICULOUS OBJECT YOU ARE?"]
[Illustration: _BADLY HIT DURING THE RECENT ENGAGEMENT WITH THE
GUARDS._
_Mamma._ "YES, DOCTOR. SHE WILL SIT FOR HOURS WITHOUT SPEAKING A
WORD. SHE PERSISTS IN WEARING THE SAME DRESS, AND WON'T PART WITH THE
BOUQUET!"
_Doctor._ "H'M--WELL, LET'S SEE, WE MUST FIRST GET _THE BALL OUT OF
HER HEAD_, AND THEN PERHAPS THE NERVOUS SYSTEM MAY RIGHT ITSELF!"]
[Illustration: _A SPIRIT DRAWING. BY OUR OWN MEDIUM._]
[Illustration: _SKETCHES AT BRIGHTON._]
[Illustration: _BRIGHTON JEWELS._]
[Illustration: _A BIT OF HOUSEHOLD STUFF._
_Second Life Guardsman._ "LOR, JEMIMER, WHY WE ARE OUR OWN MASTERS,
AND NEVER SHOW NO RESPECT TO NOBODY!"
_Jemimer._ "THEN I SUPPOSE YOU'VE SEEN A DEAL OF BATTLES THAT MAKES
YOU SO PROUD!"]
[Illustration: _A HINT TO THE "ENGAGED ONES" OF ENGLAND._
_Alice (to Rodolph, or rather, we should say, Jones)._ "NOW MIND,
SIR! YOU ARE A VOLUNTEER RIFLEMAN, AND IT ENTIRELY DEPENDS UPON YOUR
ATTENTION TO DRILL, WHETHER I GIVE YOU THAT LOCK OF HAIR, OR NOT!"]
[Illustration: _VERY CONSIDERATE._
_Mamma (coming down the steps)._ "WHY, CORNBYN! WHAT'S THE MEANING OF
THIS? MISS ALICE PERCHED ON HER PAPA'S BIG HORSE, AND THE PONY BROUGHT
FOR ME!"
_Cornbyn._ "YES, MA'AM! YOU SEE, MA'AM, MISS ALICE SAID AS YOU WAS
RATHER NERVOUS, AND SHE THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD GET ON BETTER WITH TOM
TIT."]
[Illustration: _RECREATION FOR THE HORSE GUARDS._
AND HOW MUCH BETTER THAN IDLING IN A PUBLIC-HOUSE, OR FLIRTING WITH
MAID SERVANTS.]
[Illustration: _ATTEMPTED FRAUD ON THE RAILWAY._
_Boy (about fourteen)._ "HALF TO BRIGHTON."
_Clerk._ "ARE YOU ABOVE THIRTEEN?"
_Boy._ "NO. ONLY TWELVE LAST----"
_Clerk (interrupting)._ "THEN YOU ARE WHOLE PRICE!"
(_Sold._)]
[Illustration: _THE PLEASURES OF THE SEA._]
[Illustration: _THE RIVAL BARRELS._
THREE CHEERS FOR BASS AND HIS BARREL OF BEER, AND OUT WITH THE FOREIGN
RUFFIAN AND HIS BARREL-ORGAN!]
[Illustration: _HOW NOT TO DO IT._--No. I.
THESE ARE THE LITTLE CHILDREN WHO CONVERT THE PARK RAILINGS INTO
GYMNASTIC POLES. TO THE CONSTERNATION OF VOKINS'S HORSE!----]
[Illustration: No. II.
AND THIS IS ONE OF THE HYDE PARK KEEPERS HAVING HIS CARTE DE VISITE
TAKEN.
(MORAL. _Would it not be better if the Park Keeper attended to his
duties a little?_)]
[Illustration: _THE BITER BIT._
_First Cabby._ "I'M WAITIN' FOR THE MEEGER, YOUR HONOR!"
_Second Ditto (in an audible whisper)._ "B'LIEVE ME, 'TIS THE GINERAL,
AND I'M HIS KYAR."
_Green (?) Ensign._ "AW--BORE THAT--CAN'T TAKE ME, I SUPPOSE? I'M ONLY
A CAPTAIN."
(_Hibernians decidedly sold._)]
[Illustration: _THE GREAT EXHIBITION._
_Sarah Jane._ "LAWKS! WHY, IT'S HEXACT LIKE OUR HEMMER!"]
[Illustration: _A DAY AT BIARRITZ._]
[Illustration: _IN SEARCH OF EXCITEMENT._
TRYING THE TOP OF THE MONUMENT ON A WET AFTERNOON.]
[Illustration: _THE BLACK DIAMOND--THE REAL MOUNTAIN OF LIGHT!!_]
[Illustration: _THE SPORTIVE ELEMENTS._
FOR DOWNRIGHT HEALTHY EXCITEMENT, WE RECOMMEND A DAY'S HUNTING IN A
GALE OF WIND.]
[Illustration: _DOING A LITTLE BUSINESS._
_Old Equestrian._ "WELL BUT--YOU'RE NOT THE BOY I LEFT MY HORSE WITH!"
_Boy._ "NO, SIR, I JIST SPEKILATED, AND BOUGHT 'IM OF T'OTHER BOY FOR
A HARPENNY?"]
[Illustration: _THE NEW RIDE. FRIGHTFUL SCENE IN KENSINGTON GARDENS!_
SHALL OUR PRIVACY BE INVADED? SHALL OUR CHILDREN BE RIDDEN DOWN BY A
BLOODTHIRSTY AND A BLOATED ARISTOCRACY? ARE OUR WIVES, DAUGHTERS, AND
DOMESTICS TO BE TORN TO PIECES BY FEROCIOUS MASTIFFS? NEVER! UP THEN!
MARROWBONES TO THE RESCUE!]
[Illustration: _THE MORNING RIDE._
A NICE SENSATION FOR BRIGHTON.--POP OVER THE RAILS AND HAVE A GALLOP
ON THE RACECOURSE.]
[Illustration: _IN GOOD SOCIETY._
ARRIVAL OF THOSE DISTINGUISHED "LIONS," THE HIPPOPOTAMUS, AND THE
GREAT TORTOISE.]
[Illustration: _WHAT WE WANT TO KNOW._
WE WANT TO KNOW WHY THE AUTHORITIES AT BRIGHTON, SO SENSIBLE
AND CONSIDERATE IN KEEPING THE PLACE FREE FROM THE DETESTABLE
ORGAN-GRINDERS, SHOULD PERMIT THE TERRIBLE NUISANCES INDICATED ABOVE?
FRESH PRAWNS, WHITING, OYSTERS, OR WATER-CRESS, ARE CAPITAL THINGS IN
THEIR WAY, AND WE SHOULD THINK THAT THE JADED MAN OF OCCUPATION, OR
THE INVALID, WOULD VERY MUCH RATHER SEND TO A RESPECTABLE SHOP FOR
SUCH DELICACIES, THAN HAVE THEM "BELLOWED" INTO HIS EARS MORNING,
NOON, AND NIGHT.]
[Illustration: _NOT A DOUBTFUL RACE._
THE RAILWAY ENGINE AND THE FOXHUNTER--WHAT IT MUST COME TO.]
[Illustration: _SHOEBURYNESS._
_Captain Limber, R.A._ "HAVING PLACED OUR BURSTER AND PREPARED OUR
PERCUSSION FUSE, WHICH, YOU REMEMBER, EXPLODES BY THE SIMPLE FALL OF
THE NEEDLE--WE PROCEED TO * * * *."
(PROFESSOR DABBLES _quite sees that the Artillery is a Service of
itself, and having an appointment at the Megatherium, hurries off by
the train._)]
[Illustration: _SHOCKING INCIDENT IN REAL LIFE._
_Enter Bachelor Brother (who has come from a long day of business)._
"THAT CONFOUNDED ORGAN, AGAIN! ALTHOUGH I TOLD HIM TO GO!
BUT--PHEW!!--MY DEAR REBECCA, WHAT DREADFUL ODOUR IS THIS IN THE ROOM?"
(_The truth is, Rebecca has had the Grinding Ruffian to sketch from._)]
[Illustration: _A DAY WITH THE STAG._--No. I.
TOM NODDY DOESN'T TAKE HIS OWN HORSE WITH HIM, AS HE THINKS IT IS
BETTER TO HIRE A HORSE ACCUSTOMED TO THE COUNTRY. THE GROOM ASSURES
HIM THAT HE COULDN'T BE BETTER MOUNTED, FOR THE HORSE IS VERY FAST,
WITH TRE_MEN_DJUS JUMPING POWER.
No. II.
* * * IT IS A BEAUTIFUL FIND, AND T. N. GETS WELL AWAY WITH THE
HOUNDS. THE FIRST FIELD IS A LARGE PASTURE, AND HE AND HIS HORSE AGREE
WONDERFULLY. OUR LITTLE FRIEND THINKS THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A GRASS
COUNTRY--UNTIL HE COMES.
No. III.
TO THIS PRETTY THING--OVER WHICH HE AND THE HORSE (WITH
TRE_MEN_DJUS JUMPING POWER) GO, AND ENTER THE NEXT FIELD IN.
No. IV.
THE FOLLOWING ORDER:--T. N. 1
HIS HORSE 2]
[Illustration: _A PLEASANT PROSPECT._
_Little T. N._ "SHALL YOU TAKE A SINGLE, OR RETURN?"
_Friend._ "WELL, I SHALL TAKE A RETURN, BECAUSE I KNOW THE HORSE
I'M GOING TO RIDE,--BUT YOU'D BETTER TAKE A SINGLE AND AN INSURANCE
TICKET!"]
[Illustration: _OUTRAGE UPON A GALLANT TURK._]
[Illustration: _THE GREAT BONNET QUESTION._]
[Illustration: _SUCCESSFUL ANGLING._]
[Illustration: _THE LADIES' LAP-DOG SHOW._]
[Illustration: _A COCKNEY AT DIEPPE._]
[Illustration: _THE ORGAN-GRINDING NUISANCE._--No. I.
_Old Lady (l)._ "BOTHER OVER THE WAY! WE LIKE THE HORGINS!]"
[Illustration: No. II.
OVER THE WAY--THE INVALID.]
[Illustration: _OUT OF HIS ELEMENT._
THAT AWFUL SWELL PERCY DE GOSLING FINDS HIMSELF BY ACCIDENT AT
BRIGHTON ON WHIT-MONDAY. HIS NERVES HAVE BEEN TERRIBLY SHOCKED.
ALREADY HE HAS BEEN ASKED IF HE WANTED ANY TEA-ACCOMMODATION; AND NOW
A BOATMAN REQUESTS HIM TO "JINE THIS PARTY, AND MAKE UP THE 'ARF DOZEN
FOR A ROW."]
[Illustration: _LE SPORT._
HOORAY! MOSSOO GOES TO THE DERBY, AND IN HIS FAVOURITE COSTUME OF
"BRITISH SPORTMAN!"]
[Illustration: _AN OLD FRIEND._
OH DEAR NO! OLD BR--GGS IS _NOT_ DEAD--HE HAS TAKEN TO YACHTING FOR
THE BENEFIT OF HIS HEALTH.]
[Illustration: _A JUNIOR COUNSEL._]
[Illustration: _A FAMILY BOX AT THE THEATRE._]
MR. BRIGGS'S HORSE-TAMING EXPERIENCES.
[Illustration: No. I.
OUR FRIEND B. GOES WITH A PARTY TO SEE THE MECHANICAL HORSE. HE OF
COURSE TRIES ITS POWERS. FIRST, THE SLOW AND GENTLE MOVEMENT!----]
[Illustration: _DE GUSTIBUS, &c., &c._
FANCY PORTRAIT OF THE NOBLE LORD WHO FINDS ORGAN-GRINDING AN
"AGREEABLE RELIEF."]
MR. BRIGGS'S HORSE-TAMING EXPERIENCES.
[Illustration: No. II.
AND THEN THE QUICK AND STRONG!]
[Illustration: _THE FINANCIAL QUESTION._
HORROR OF JOHN THOMAS ON FINDING THAT UPPER SERVANTS ARE TO PAY THE
INCOME TAX.]
[Illustration: _THE DINNER-BELL._]
MR. BRIGGS'S HORSE-TAMING EXPERIENCES.
[Illustration: No. III.
OUR DEAR OLD FRIEND BR--GGS, WHO HAS BECOME VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT
THE HORSE HE RIDES, PURCHASES ONE OF THOSE EXTRAORDINARY COBS, UP TO
WEIGHT, WARRANTED NEVER TO TRIP NOR SHY, AND WHICH ARE SO INVALUABLE
TO AN ELDERLY OR A TIMID RIDER! THE ANIMAL HAS, HOWEVER, AMONGST A FEW
OTHER PLAYFUL PECULIARITIES, A HABIT OF TRYING TO JAM HIS RIDER'S LEG
AGAINST THE WALL, TO SAY NOTHING OF WALKING ABOUT ON HIS HIND LEGS, AS
IF HE WERE A BIPED!
(_Tableau. Mr. B. as he appeared on the pavement._)]
[Illustration: _A ONE-SIDED VIEW._
_Sailor (confidentially)._ "I SAY, JACK, ISN'T IT QUITE MELANCHOLY TO
SEE THEM POOR FELLOWS DRESSED UP LIKE THAT 'ERE?"]
MR. BRIGGS'S HORSE-TAMING EXPERIENCES.
[Illustration: No. IV.
TO SHOW WHAT PERFECT CONTROL HE HAS OVER HIS ANIMAL, HE SEATS HIMSELF
ON ITS BACK WITH HIS FACE TO ITS TAIL, AND--SUDDENLY OPENS AN
UMBRELLA.]
[Illustration: _A BRILLIANT SUGGESTION, PRESENTED GRATIS TO THE HORSE
GUARDS BY MR. PUNCH._]
[Illustration: _THE MALVERN HILLS._]
[Illustration: _JOHN BULL À LA FRANÇAISE._]
[Illustration: _HURRAH!_
THE VOLUNTEER MOVEMENT--CHAIRING THE BEST SHOT IN ENGLAND.]
[Illustration: FAREWELL.]
LONDON
BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS.
INDEX.
YEAR PAGE
ABUSE of the Aspirate, The 1863 21
Accepting a Situation 1856 40
Across Country 1864 181
Advice Gratis 1863 187
After Dundreary 1862 201
After Supper--Strange Admission 1861 198
All the Difference 1863 199
Ambition 1863 39
An Afflicted One 1853 214
An Idea for a Wet Day 1863 215
An Interesting Question 1859 204
An Old Friend 1853 257
Ancient Britons, The 1861 1
Another Pretty Little Americanism 1864 167
Anxious Inquirers 1863 143
Anxious to Preserve our Figure, we take a Turkish Bath 1861 212
Aquatics--When the Bees are Swarming 1858 59
Aristocratic Hotel Company, The 1863 41-4
Art Treasures 1860 119
At a Rifle Competee-tion in the North 1863 202
At Dieppe 1862 118
Attempted Fraud on the Railway 1863 241
Awful Apparition 1861 171
Awful Tale of an Eel 1858 208
Awkward for Papa 1863 22
BADLY Hit During the Recent Engagement with the Guards 1863 236
Ball, The 1862 191
Battue, The 1862 125
Beach, The--A Sketch for Warm Weather 1862 161-4
Bear Baiting 1862 211
Benevolence 1860 61
Beware of Artillery Whiskers 1861 11
Billiards 1864 169
Bit of Household Stuff, A 1862 238
Biter Bit, The 1864 243
Black Diamond, The--The Real Mountain of Light 1851 246
Bores of the Beach, The 1860 101
Bouncer, A 1860 94
Board and Lodging 1864 64
Bois de Boulogne--For Cavaliers only 1863 118
Box of Books from London, The 1856 233
Breaking the Bye-Laws 1852 220
Brighton Jewels 1860 237
Brilliant Suggestion, A, Presented gratis to the Horse
Guards by Mr. Punch 1858 261
Broken Country, A 1864 234
Brook Jump, The 1863 145
By the Fast Train, 1861 115
By your Leave, 1859 49
CABMAN GUIDE, The, 1861 52
Canine, 1863 48
Capillary Attractions, 1858 35
Capital Finish, A, 1860 156
Carte de Visite, The, 1862 157
Cause and Effect, 1864 57
Caution to the Unwary, A, 1859 14
Chaff, 1862 103
Chamber Practice, 1860 129
Chance for Jeames, A, 1860 53
Channel Passage, The, 1862 206
Chip of the Old Block, A, 1862 190
Christening of Jones's First, The, 1863 142
Clerical Beard Movement, The, 1861 49
Cockney at Dieppe, A, 1851 254
Coincidence, A, 1860 32
Collar Mania, The, 1854 64
Comfortable Quarters, 1859 152
Comforter, A, 1862 19
Complimentary, 1864 225
Complimentary to Paterfamilias, 1860 16
Confirmed Bachelor, 1861 159
Connoisseur, A, 1859 135
Considerate Attention, 1860 26
Consolation, 1859 94
Consolation, 1861 130
Consoling from Consols, 1862 96
Consummation devoutly to be wished, A, 1862 21
Contemplative Man's Recreation, The, 1860 137
Contented Mind, A, 1860 138
Cook's Morning Service, The, 1863 220
Costermonger as he is, and as he might be, The, 1863 167
Country Races--Amateur Professionals, 1855 215
Courtesies of Travel, The, 1859 123
Cricket--The Pride of the Village, 1863 58
Crinoline for Domestic use, 1862 132
Crinoline for Domestic use, 1862 235
Croquet, 1863 106
Crossing-Sweeper Nuisance, The, 1856 8
Cruel, 1861 4
Cruel Joke at a Fête, 1859 193
Cub-Hunting, 1862 203
Curious Echo at a Railway Station, 1861 127
Curious effect of Relaxing Air, 1849 104
DABBLING, 1861 24
Darlings, The, come out to see the 38th Othersex
Volunteers Drilled, 1861 2
Day at Biarritz, A 1863 244-5
Day with the Stag, A 1856 252
Day's Amusement, A 1864 208
Day's Pleasure, A 1860 25
Deal, A 1863 152
Debate on the New Ministry 1858 88
Decidedly 1860 166
De Gustibus, &c. 1858 258
Delicate Hint, A 1863 13
Delicious 1862 136
Difference in Opinion, A 1863 12
Difficult Task, A 1850 127
Dignity and Impudence 1861 60
Dignity and Impudence 1858 150
Dignity of Age, The 1856 15
Diner à la Russe 1862 126
Dining under Difficulties 1861 3
Dinner-Bell, The 1849 259
Dip in French Waters, A 1862 68
Dissenters in the University 1855 127
District Telegraph, The 1863 23
Disturbed Imagination, A 1859 230
Diving Belles 1862 118
Dog-days, The 1864 218
Doing a little Business 1864 247
Doosed aggravating for Cornet Flinders 1863 55
Doubtful Compliment, A 1862 126
Dramatic 1863 231
Drawing Room, A 1858 127
Drawing Room, The 1863 14
Dried Up 1859 86
Duet under Difficulties, A 1863 176
Dust Ho! The Long Dress Nuisance 1863 184
EFFECT of Sixpence a Mile 1857 157
Effect of Stopping the Grog 1849 154
Effects of the Weather on a Sensitive Plant 1861 172
Emphatic 1861 4
End of a Friend of the Family 1862 116
Engaged Ones, The 1847 168
English Darlings reflected in a French Mirror 1862 98
English Gold Field, An 1854 36
English Soldiers according to French Notions 1860 98
Escort, An 1862 148
Excess of Cleanliness, An 1860 28
Exhausted Student, The 1862 65
Express 1864 66
Experiment on a Vile Body, An 1859 29
Extravagance 1858 29
FACETIOUS Inference, A 1861 7
Fact, A 1860 18
Fact, A 1860 153
False Alarm, surely! 1861 52
Family Box at the Theatre, A 1857 257
Fancy Fair, The 1864 214
Fancy Scene, A--Winning the Gloves 1860 224
Fancy Sketch 1860 31
Farewell 1856 264
Fashion for next Summer, The 1860 139
Fashions in Hair 1862 107
Fatuous Fashion, A 1858 219
Fellow Martyrs 1864 193
Feminine Rivalry 1864 175
Financial Difficulty, A 1861 11
Financial Question, The 1862 259
Fine Polish, A 1852 96
First Beginnings 1863 194
First Day of the Season 1861 35
First of September 1852 70
Fitting Hospitality 1863 176
Flagrant Attempt, A 1862 177
Flattering Proposal 1860 155
Flunkeiana 1848 104
Flunkeiana 1864 205
Flunkey in Trouble, A 1864 199
Fly-Fishing 1863 170
Fond Delusion 1860 111
Force of Habit 1864 146
Force of Habit (for Family People only) 1861 203
Foreign Infliction, A 1859 222
For-rad,--For-rad--Away! 1861 209
Freaks of a Pet Dog 1852 210
Freshener on the Downs, A 1857 120
Friendly Offer, A 1859 71
Friendly Prescription 1856 21
Frivolity 1858 99
Frolic Home after a Blank Day, A 1859 196
Furniture Removal Agency, A 1860 214
GALE, The 1862 73
Garotte Effect, A 1863 119
Generous Offer 1860 45
Gent at Cost Price, A 1856 155
Geographical Joke, A 1855 143
Going North 1862 81
Going Out of Town 1860 16
Going through the Alphabet 1860 166
Going to Court 1863 144
Going to Cover 1861 124
Gold Field in the "Diggins," A 1854 37
Gone Away! 1861 30
Good Blacking 1853 102
Gordian Knot for Robinson, A 1862 17
Grand National Rose Show 1858 232
Great Bonnet Question, The 1857 254
Great Exhibition 1862 243
Great Whisker Cutting Movement, The 1861 116
Grievance, A 1863 141
Ground Swell, A 1861 28
Groundless Alarm 1861 170
Groundless Alarm 1862 142
Guardian of the Field, The 1855 111
HAIR Dressing Nowadays 1864 175
Harry takes his Cousins to see the Hounds Meet 1862 145
Haymarket and Thereabout, The 1862 88
Healthy and Amusing Game 1860 45
Held in Cheek 1858 33
Helping Him On 1861 61
Hero Worship 1850 221
Hill at Epsom, The 1861 72
Hint to the Engaged Ones of England, A 1859 239
Hint to Travellers 1860 48
History--The Ancient Britons 1861 1
Holidays at Home 1860 183
Honour to the Brave 1855 114
Hopeful Prospect, A 1863 10
Horrid Girl 1861 144
Horse Dealer's Logic, A 1863 140
Hot Chestnut, A, is very Good after Dinner, but not
just as the Fox breaks 1862 217
Household Economy 1861 138
How Not to Do It 1863 242
How to Bother Cabby 1863 213
How to Clear a Carriage for a Cigar 1864 182
How to Make a Watering Place Pleasant 1861 24
How Would it be Without Crinoline? 1864 197
Humour of the Streets, The 1860 90
Humour of the Streets, The 1861 139
Hunting from Town 1862 147
Hurrah! 1860 263
Hush! Hush! 1863 122
Hygienic Pleasure, A 1863 200
IDLE Servant, The 1863 99
Immense Treat for the Party Concerned 1861 102
Important Matter 1860 149
Impostor, An 1863 150
Improving the Time 1857 141
Impudence 1849 230
In Barracks 1860 94
Incident of Travel, An 1859 88
Incident of Travel, An 1864 158
Influence of the Railway on the Rhine 1864 173
In Good Society 1851 249
Injured Brother, An 1861 15
In Search of Excitement 1850 246
"In the Bay of Biscay, O!" 1862 115
Innocent Delusions 1863 139
Inquiring Mind, An 1861 45
In Search of a Victim 1860 11
In State 1844 146
In the Volunteers 1862 25
Invalid, The 1860 103
Irresistible 1860 99
It is Safer to go with your Animal 1862 147
JOHN Bull à la Française 1855 262
John Tomkins and 'Arry Bloater 1862 68
Jolly Anglers 1864 125
Jolly Game, A 1857 221
Jumping to a Conclusion 1864 206
Junior Counsel, A 1848 257
KNOWING Animal, A 1857 187
LADIES' Lap Dog Show, The 1862 254
Lady Audley's Secret 1863 9
Accepting a Situation 1856 40
La Mode 1860 154
La Mode--The Zouave Jacket 1860 56
Last Day at the Seaside, The--Packing Up 1861 27
Last New Thing in Cloaks, The 1859 107
Last Sweet Thing in Hats, The 1859 28
Late from the Nursery 1860 96
Late from the School-room 1860 12
Latest Fashion, The 1857 111
Latest Fast Thing, The 1863 39
Latest Improvement, The 1856 69
Latest from Abroad--Powder and all the Rest of it 1862 48
Latest Style, The 1856 106
Legal Solfeggio, The 1846 116
Le Sport 1862 256
Lesson, The 1862 2
Lesson in French, A 1855 86
Like unto Like 1862 211
Likely Bait, A 1860 178
Likely Case, A 1855 50
Linguist, The 1863 65
Little Bit of Yorkshire, A 1864 212
Little Family Breeze, A 1864 173
Little Farce at a Railway Station, A 1859 63
Little Railway Drama, A 1863 186
Little Rowlands' Macassar Wanted Somewhere, A 1863 99
Little Scene at Brussels, A 1864 209
Little Smoke-Jack, A 1863 131
London Cream 1864 146
London Highlanders 1861 200
Looking at it Pleasantly 1864 123
"Love's Course Never Did" You Know 1864 205
Loving Cup, A 1858 104
Lowest Depth, The 1864 211
Lucid Explanation, A 1852 63
MAKING it Intelligible 1864 202
Making the Best of It 1858 7
Malvern Hills, The 1864 262
Man of Discrimination, A 1863 188
Man of Ideas, A 1861 174
Man's Rooms at the Temple, A 1863 106
Marriage Question, The 1858 47
Master and Man--A Pretty State of Things 1861 64
Matter of Opinion, A 1862 71
Medium, A 1861 79
Mere Trifle, A 1862 134
Mermaid, A 1854 58
Militia Man, A 1854 76
Mistaking a Title 1860 65
Moral of it, The 1862 235
Morning Ride, The 1863 248
Mossoo Learning to Swim 1862 118
Most Flattering 1861 216
Most Offensive 1859 21
Mr. Briggs's Adventures in the Highlands 1861 81,
83, 85, 87, 89, 91, 93, 95, 97
Mr. Briggs's Horse Taming Experiences 1863 258,
261
Mrs. J. has the Best of It 1860 55
Muscular Education--The Private Tutor 1860 110
NATURAL Impatience 1860 46
Nature when Unadorned, &c. 1861 54
New Leathers, too! 1861 31
New Ride, The, Frightful Scene in Kensington Gardens 1860 247
New School, The 1862 136
Nice Game for Two or More, A 1861 110
Nice Little Dinner, The 1853 63
Nightmare, A 1862 150
No Doubt of It 1860 73
Not a bad Judge 1859 101
Not a doubtful Race 1845 250
Nothing like doing it Thoroughly 1864 179
Nothing like Mountain Air 1860 47
Not so bad as he seems 1860 159
Not so Easy 1853 160
Not such a bad Thing in a Shower 1860 57
Novel Suggestion 1863 78
Now I'm Papa 1860 108
No. 999 Government Transport 1855 114
OBJECT of Attraction, An 1860 189
Ocular Demonstration 1857 157
Office Incident, An 1863 124
Old School 1862 23
On Duty 1844 134
Oh, how Jolly! 1859 101
Oh, that I were in that Balcony! 1864 180
On a Parisian Boulevard 1861 109
One Night from Home 1861 6
One of the Right Sort 1860 34
One-sided View, A 1846 260
On the Racecourse 1852 109
On the Sands 1860 74
On the Way to Parade 1860 68
On the Way to the Park 1855 34
Opportunity, An 1862 128
Opposite Opinions 1859 56
Order we hope to see issued, An 1861 156
Organ Grinding Nuisance, The 1864 255
Our Foreign Visitors 1861 156
Our Indolent Young Man 1859 79
Our National Defences 1860 102
Our Volunteers 1860 19
Out of his Element 1862 256
Outrage upon a Gallant Turk 1856 253
Oysters 1864 140
PAINFUL Subject, A 1861 121
Partridge Shooting 1860 97
Partridge Shooting 1863 223
Persuasive 1863 60
Pet-Love 1862 149
Philosophy in Sport 1859 171
Photograph, The 1861 132
Picked up from the Beach 1863 59
Picture for the Intemperate, A 1860 72
Pious Public-House, The 1855 112
Pitiable Objects 1862 53
Pheasant Shooting, A Warm Corner 1858 117
Pleasant 1863 148
Pleasant Intelligence 1863 76
Pleasant Prospect, A 1864 253
Pleasures of the Country, The 1863 191
Pleasures of the Sea, The 1857 241
Pleasures of Vegetarianism 1852 86
Pluck! 1863 104
Polite Attention 1861 22
Politeness 1860 72
Political Prospects 1859 20
Poor Cousin Charles 1864 190
Poor Fellow 1863 108
Poor Little Fellow 1861 33
Portrait, The,--Finishing Touch to the Dress 1862 74
Portrait of a certain Student who is Reading so
hard at the Seaside 1861 26
Poser, A 1861 3
Posing a Customer 1861 84
Positive Fact, of Course 1862 13
Practising for a Match 1862 174
Practising on a Patient 1858 124
Preliminary Canter, A 1862 168
Prepared for Garotters 1863 192
Prevention is Better than Cure 1863 198
Pretty Exhibition near Brompton, A 1862 189
Private Theatricals--The Moustaches 1860 66
Probability, A--"Hold your Zebra, Sir?" 1858 70
Problem for Young Ladies, A 1862 32
Professional 1859 5
Profligate Pastrycook's, The 1855 113
Progress of Civilization 1854 178
Proper Precaution, A 1862 31
Prudence 1862 121
Prudential Assurance 1859 75
Putting his Foot in it 1864 225
Putting it Blandly 1863 109
Putting Principle into Practice 1861 58
QUIET Rebuke, A 1864 137
Quip Modest, The 1862 122
Quite Exhausted 1856 140
RACE for a Fare, A 1859 107
Raillery 1864 207
Railway Grievance 1864 233
Railway Morals 1864 141
Rather a Kitcheny way of Putting it 1863 143
Rather a Knowing Thing in Nets 1860 46
Rather Keen 1859 195
Rather 'Ossy 1863 223
Rather Vulgar, but Perfectly True 1862 51
Ready when Wanted, or Militia Volunteers 1854 228-9
Real Enjoyment 1861 76
Real Independence 1863 201
Real Tragedy 1864 134
Real Treasure, A 1859 1
Recreation for the Horse Guards 1851 240
Relaxation 1861 23
Repose 1862 77
Resources of the Establishment 1860 50
Retaliation 1864 233
Return from the Races--Bois de Boulogne 1864 232
Riding-hat Question, The 1861 100
Rival Barrels, The 1864 241
SAGACIOUS Cabby, A 1862 227
Salmon Fishing 1863 133
Scarborough, At 1862 227
Scene--A Certain gay Watering Place 1859 69
Scene at Sandbath 1861 80
Scene in a Modern Studio 1856 29
Scene on a Bridge at Paris 1863 226
Scene--The Row 1863 217
School for Old Gentlemen, A 1858 193
Sea-fishing 1863 5
Sea-side Studies 1860 25
Sea-side Subject, A, Jolly for the Party in
Search of Repose 1862 54
Secular Pursuit, A 1857 92
Self Importance 1861 11
Sensation Ball, The 1862 88
Sensation Novel, The 1864 194
Serious Complaint, A 1855 155
Serious Drawback, A 1861 9
Servantgalism, No. XIII. 1863 10
Servantgalism, No. XIV. 1860 128
Servantgalism, No. XV. 1864 169
Servantgalism, &c., No. XVI. 1863 220
Servantgalism in Australia--A Fact 1864 224
Severe 1860 12
Serving Him Out 1862 84
Shocking Incident in Real Life 1864 251
Shocking Young Lady Indeed, A 1860 67
Shoeburyness 1864 251
Short Cut through the Wood, A 1862 117
Sign of Progress, A 1864 131
Singular Optical Delusion 1850 135
Sketch at a Steeple Chace, A 1863 145
Sketch from a Study Window 1863 78
Sketch in St. James's Street, A 1860 7
Sketch near Leicester Square, A 1862 72
Sketch on the Downs, A 1861 111
Sketch on the Sea-Coast during the Gale 1862 105
Sketches at Brighton 1862 237
Sketching Master, The 1858 40
Slow Game, A 1863 105
Snooks has Joined a Rifle Corps 1861 192
Soap-Bubbles 1857 186
Social Treadmill, The,--The Wedding Breakfast 1857 63
Some more Foreign Visitors 1862 182
Something in that 1856 133
Something like a Description 1860 30
Something like an Inducement 1860 184
Soothing Explanation 1860 50
Sou'-Wester in a Sea-side Lodging-House, A 1863 66
Special Pleader, A 1861 143
Spirit-Rapping 1860 232
Spirit Drawing by our own Medium, A 1860 236
Spoon-shaped Bonnet, The 1860 66
Sport (?) Fowl Shooting 1860 147
Sporting Intelligence 1859 97
Sportive Elements, The 1860 246
Spread of the Volunteer Movement--Scene, the Schoolroom 1860 74
Startling Result 1857 152
Steeple-Chace Study, A 1860 185
Stolen Pleasures are Sweet 1863 51
Stout Assertion, A 1863 123
Street Fight, A 1864 211
Study of Crinoline, A 1858 216
Studies of Crinoline during an Equinoctial Gale 1863 221
Accepting a Situation 1856 40
Subject for a Picture 1861 47
Subject for Charity, A 1849 168
Submissive Husband, The 1862 233
Suburban Flyman, The 1864 207
Successful Angling 1849 254
Summer Visitors 1855 22
Superfluous Advice 1847 213
TABLE d'hôte à Paris, A 1864 219
Taking it Manfully 1860 195
Taking the Risks 1861 129
Terrible Threat, A 1862 34
The Very Thing 1860 183
Those Horrid Boys Again 1860 15
Tit Bit, A 1861 82
To be Pitied 1863 181
Tolerably Broad Hint, A 1859 130
Toll-Bar Nuisance, The 1864 154
Too Bad 1862 116
Too Bad, by Jove! You Know 1860 53
Too Clever by Half 1863 8
Towards the Close of the Season 1856 92
Travellers' Luggage 1860 20
True Tale, A 1863 126
Truly Delightful 1856 77
Tu Quoque 1858 226
Tu Quoque, A 1861 9
Turning the Tables; or a Little Sauce for the Gander 1862 108
Tyrant, A 1859 58
UNEXPECTED Always Happens, The 1860 109
Unexpected Arrival, An 1863 153
Unexpected Bliss 1861 8
Unexpected Change, An 1860 17
Unfeeling Husband, An 1856 131
Unmindful of Dignitaries 1855 17
Unwelcome Pleasantry 1861 62
Useful and Ornamental 1861 149
Useful Appliances 1862 67
Useful at Last 1861 8
VALUABLE Addition to the Aquarium 1860 75
Vaulting Ambition 1856 65
Very Careful 1860 158
Very Considerate 1864 240
Very Cruel Satire 1860 151
Very Much Alive 1856 177
Very Much at Sea 1860 210
Very Rude Indeed 1847 53
Very Slangy 1855 144
Very Thing, The 1860 183
Very Vulgar Subject, A 1859 132
Victim to Over Exertion, A 1859 61
Visit to the Studio, A 1860 188
Vive le Sport Again 1862 194
Volunteer Review, The 1860 6
Vulpecide, The--Base Indeed 1862 185
WALTZING of the Period 1861 165
Watering-Place Pleasure, A 1864 186
Weight for Age 1855 114
Well (?) Brought Up 1863 76
Well Over! Anyhow 1863 100
Well! The Boldness of some People 1861 27
Well Timed 1864 135
We should Think it Did 1860 82
What is it? 1856 121
What Next? 1854 178
What our Volunteers Ought Not to Do 1862 231
What's the Matter with Him? 1859 114
What's to be Done in July? 1861 20
What we could Bear a Good Deal of 1863 204
What we Want to Know 1863 250
When Doctors Disagree, &c., &c. 1844 234
Which is the Brute? 1858 234
Who would have Thought it? 1860 38
Wicket Proceeding, A 1863 57
Wind S. W., Fresh 1859 18
Wire Fence, The 1863 218
Word to the Wise, A 1860 3
X-CELLENT Notion, An 1855 158
YEOMANRY Service, The 1856 62
Yes, on Some People 1859 16
Yet another Americanism 1864 179
Young America 1855 119
Young England 1862 33
Young Northamptonshire 1859 151
[Illustration: THE END.]
* * * * * *
Transcriber's note:
Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation are as in the original.
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