The Project Gutenberg EBook of John Leech's Pictures of Life and
Character, Volume 2 (of 3), by John Leech
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Title: John Leech's Pictures of Life and Character, Volume 2 (of 3)
From the Collection of Mr. Punch
Author: John Leech
Release Date: November 10, 2015 [EBook #50428]
Language: English
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LEECH'S PICTURES--LIFE, CHARACTER ***
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JOHN LEECH'S
PICTURES
OF LIFE AND
CHARACTER
[Illustration]
From the Collection of "MR. PUNCH."
LONDON:
BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., 8, 9, 10, BOUVERIE STREET, E.C.
1887.
LONDON:
BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS
JOHN LEECH'S PICTURES
[Illustration]
OF
LIFE AND CHARACTER.
[Illustration: _CAUTION DURING THE MISTLETOE SEASON._
_Pretty Cousin._ "WHAT A TIRESOME GREAT AWKWARD BOY YOU ARE!--JUST SEE
HOW YOU HAVE SCRATCHED MY CHIN!"
[_Young Gentleman apologises amply._
[
[Illustration: _NONE BUT THE BRAVE DESERVE THE FAIR._
_Augustus._ "NOW, I'VE GOT YOU!"]
[Illustration: _OBVIOUS._
_Old Party from the Country_ (_with much wheezing and embarrassment_).
"I--I--WANT TO GO TO--TO--TO----"
_Conductor_ (_with alacrity_). "ALL RIGHT, OLD BOY! JUMP IN! I
KNOW--_CATTLE SHOW_!"]
[Illustration: _A PIG PEN AT A CATTLE SHOW._
_Harriet._ "THEN, I SUPPOSE, PAPA DEAR, THAT THESE ARE =LEARNED= PIGS,
AS THEY HAVE ALL GOT GOLD MEDALS?"]
[Illustration: _A PLEASANT HOLIDAY TASK._
_Mr. Punch._ "NOW, BOYS AND GIRLS! YOU MUST FIND OUT THE USE OF THESE
GLOBES BEFORE YOU GO BACK TO SCHOOL!"]
[Illustration: _COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON._
_Reynard the Fox._ "HERE'S AN OLD-FASHIONED CHRISTMAS, MY BOYS, FOR
YOU, AND MANY OF 'EM."]
[Illustration: _THE SNOW._
"NOW, YOU BOYS HAD BETTER BE QUIET, OR I SHALL CALL THE POLICE, AS SURE
AS YOU'RE BORN."]
[Illustration: _JUVENILE ETYMOLOGY._
_Master Jack._ "MAMMA, DEAR! NOW ISN'T THIS CALLED KISSMAS TIME,
BECAUSE EVERYBODY KISSES EVERYBODY UNDER THE MISTLETOE? ADA SAYS IT
ISN'T."]
[Illustration: _MISS AND MISTLETOE._
_Miss Gushington._ "OH, DON'T YOU LIKE CHRISTMAS TIME, MR. BROWN, AND
ALL ITS DEAR OLD CUSTOMS?"
[BROWN _don't seem to see it._
]
[Illustration: _CHRISTMAS EVE._
_Ellen_ (_who is so simple_). "NOW, PRAY TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, FRANK!
WHAT IS IT THESE DREADFUL GAROTTERS CALL 'GIVING ONE THE HUG?'"
[FRANK _shows her presently_.
]
[Illustration: _UNDER THE MISTLETOE._]
[Illustration: _A FAMILY GROUP--BABY STIRRING THE PUDDING._]
[Illustration: _"A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!" A JUVENILE
PARTY._]
[Illustration: _GOOD CHEER._
RICH OLD LADY IS OVERWHELMED WITH BARRELLED OYSTERS FROM DISTANT
RELATIVES.]
[Illustration: _ROOTI-TOOIT--I'VE GOT CHER!_]
[Illustration: _A JOLLY OLD PATERFAMILIAS, WITH SOME AIR-BALLOONS FOR
THE CHICKS._]
[Illustration: _A CHRISTMAS PARTY.--GRANDPAPA DANCES "SIR ROGER"--AND
MAY HE DANCE IT FOR MANY, MANY YEARS TO COME._]
[Illustration: _VOLUNTEER MOVEMENT._
THAT DISTINGUISHED RIFLE-SHOT, MR. PUNCH, HAVING DONE HIS DUTY LIKE A
MAN, THROWS HIMSELF UNDER THE MISTLETOE, AND RECEIVES HIS JUST REWARD.]
[Illustration: _BROWN ENTERTAINS HIS FRIENDS WI' A HAGGIS!_]
[Illustration: _A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!_]
[Illustration: _OF A VERY STUDIOUS TURN._
_Mamma._ "WHO IS THIS HAMPER FOR?--WHY, FOR POOR JERRY, WHO IS AT
SCHOOL, YOU KNOW."
_Darling_ (_reflectively_). "OH!--DON'T YOU THINK, MA, I HAD BETTER GO
TO SCHOOL?"]
[Illustration: _WHOLESOME FEAST._
_Jessie._ "AND SO, WALTER, YOU HAVE LITTLE PARTIES AT YOUR SCHOOL, EH?"
_Walter._ "AH! DON'T WE, JUST!--LAST HALF THERE WAS CHARLEY BOGLE,
AND GEORGE TWISTER AND ME--WE JOINED YOU KNOW--AND HAD TWO POUNDS OF
SAUSAGES, COLD, AND A PLUM CAKE, AND A BARREL OF OYSTERS, AND TWO
BOTTLES OF CURRANT WINE!--OH, MY EYE! WASN'T IT JOLLY, NEITHER!"]
[Illustration: _QUITE A NICE PARTY._
_Georgina._ "WELL, GUS! AND HOW DID YOU LIKE YOUR PARTY LAST NIGHT?"
_Gus._ "OH, JOLLY--I GOT ELEVEN ICES, AND NO END OF NEGUS, AND WENT
DOWN FOUR TIMES TO SUPPER!!"]
[Illustration: _LITTLE MEN._
"BEEN TO THE PLAY MUCH THESE HOLIDAYS, FRED?"
"AW--I WENT THE OTHER NIGHT. BUT, AW--I DON'T KNOW--SOMEHOW, PANTOMIMES
ARE NOT WHAT THEY USED TO BE IN MY TIME; AND AS FOR THE GURLS, THERE
WASN'T A GOOD-LOOKING ONE IN THE HOUSE."]
[Illustration: _HOME ENJOYMENTS._
A DISCREET (!) FRIEND HAVING PRESENTED MASTER TOM WITH A TOOL-BOX AS A
NEW YEAR'S GIFT--THE FURNITURE IS PUT INTO THOROUGH REPAIR]
[Illustration: _HOME AMUSEMENTS._
GRAND PEACE DEMONSTRATION IN OUR NURSERY!]
[Illustration: _AMATEUR PANTOMIME._]
[Illustration: _A HAPPY NOTION._
_Delightful Boy._ "OH! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO! I'LL GO AND PLAY MY
DRUM AT UNCLE FOOZLE'S DOOR!"]
[Illustration: _HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS._
_Arthur_ (_on Pony_). "HOLLO! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT ON YOUR HEADS?"
_Juvenile Swell._ "WHY, YOU SEE, EVERY SNOB WEARS A CAP OR A WIDE-AWAKE
NOW! SO THE MEN OF OUR SCHOOL HAVE RETURNED TO THE OLD CHIMNEY-POT!"
[_As Paterfamilias, we are sorry to say that we have observed this
monstrosity many times this Christmas._
]
[Illustration: _IN SOCIETY._
_Small Boy._ "GOING TO THE PANTOMIME, CLARA, THIS AFTERNOON?"
_Clara._ "A--NO--I'M AT HOME--AND HAVE A KETTLEDRUM AT THREE O'CLOCK!"]
[Illustration: _PATRONISING._
"PRETTY SIGHT, AIN'T IT, CHARLEY, TO SEE THE YOUNGSTERS ENJOYING
THEMSELVES?"]
[Illustration: _PRIVATE THEATRICALS._]
[Illustration: _THE JOLLY GAME OF SNOWBALLING, AS PLAYED IN OUR
SQUARE._]
[Illustration: _THE JUVENILE PARTY.--A GREAT LIBERTY._
_Juvenile._ "MAMMA, DEAR! DO YOU KNOW THAT GENTLEMAN TICKLED ME WITHOUT
BEING INTRODUCED!"]
[Illustration: _THE MORNING AFTER THE JUVENILE PARTY._
_Papa._ "WHY, TOM, I'M AFRAID YOU MUST HAVE EATEN TOO MUCH CAKE LAST
NIGHT. YOU LOOK QUITE SEEDY THIS MORNING!"
_Little Sister._ "OH, NO, PAPA DEAR, IT CAN'T BE THAT. HE EAT THE
THINGS OUT OF THE CRACKERS, BUT HE DIDN'T TOUCH THE SEED CAKE!"]
[Illustration: _AN ENVIOUS YOUTH._
_Sensitive Young Lady._ "POOR CREATURES! NOTHING BUT EATING AND
SLEEPING! WHAT A DREADFUL EXISTENCE!"
_Stout Youth._ "DREADFUL EXISTENCE!--OH, AH! I DARE SAY. WHY, THAT'S
JUST THE VERY THING OF ALL OTHERS I SHOULD LIKE THE BEST!"]
[Illustration: _THROWING STONES THROUGH ICE._
A DELIGHTFUL RECREATION FOR YOUTH, WHICH COMBINES HEALTHFUL EXERCISE
WITH THE LUXURY OF WINDOW-BREAKING, WITHOUT DANGER OR EXPENSE.]
[Illustration: _URGENT._
_Street Boy._ "I SAY, COOKY? THEY JUST ARE A-FININ' OF 'EM ALL ROUND
THE SKVARE--GIVE US A SHILLIN' AND I'LL SWEEP YOUR DOOR AFORE THE
PLEECEMAN COMES."]
[Illustration: _THE MISTLETOE BOUGH.--IN LEAP YEAR, THE LADIES TAKE THE
INITIATIVE._]
[Illustration: _THE CHAMPION._]
[Illustration: _THE WEATHER IN THE PARKS._
_Skate Proprietor._ "NOW MARM! 'AVE A PAIR ON?"]
[Illustration: _NEW CHRISTMAS GAME FOR FOXHUNTERS DURING A LONG FROST._]
[Illustration: _THE CRACKER BON-BON._
_Two little Stoopids_ (_with one voice_). "I KNOW I SHALL SCREAM--I'M
SURE I SHALL!"]
[Illustration: _A MAN OF SOME CONSEQUENCE._
_Elder Sister._ "WHY, GEORGE NOT DRESSED! PRAY ARE YOU NOT GOING WITH
THE OTHER CHILDREN?"
_George_. "H'M! I SHOULD RATHER FANCY NOT.--YOU DON'T CATCH ME GOING
OUT OF AN EVENING JUST TO FURNISH PEOPLE'S ROOMS. WHERE I GO--I DINE!"]
[Illustration: _THE WEATHER AND THE STREETS._
_Boy of the Period._ "GO IT TOMMY! THERE'S NO PERLICE, AND THE OLD
GENT'S AFRAID TO COME OUT!"]
[Illustration: _PATERFAMILIAS SUPERINTENDS IN PERSON THE REMOVAL OF THE
SNOW FROM THE ROOF OF HIS HOUSE._--]
[Illustration: _PLEASING EFFECT BELOW._]
[Illustration: _WHAT A TERRIBLE TURK!_
"OH! HERE'S A JOLLY SNOWBALL. LET'S TAKE and PUT IT AGIN SOMEBODY'S
DOOR!"]
[Illustration: _PUTTING A GOOD FACE ON IT._
OF ALL FOOLISH THINGS, THE MERE PUN IS PERHAPS THE MOST FOOLISH.--NOW,
HERE'S A FELLOW (PROBABLY A MEMBER OF THE ST--CK EXCH--GE) WHO, IN
SPITE OF HIS REALLY PERILOUS CONDITION, SAYS, "THAT HE CAME OUT FOR A
(W)HOLE HOLIDAY--AND HAS GOT IT!"]
[Illustration: _FLUNKEIANA RUSTICA._
_Mistress._ "NOW, I DO HOPE, SAMUEL, YOU WILL MAKE YOURSELF TIDY, GET
YOUR CLOTHES LAID IN TIME--AND TAKE GREAT PAINS WITH YOUR WAITING AT
TABLE!"
_Samuel_ (_who has come recently out of a Strawyard_). "YEZ, M'! BUT
PLEAZ M', BE OI TO WEAR MY BREECHES?"]
[Illustration: _IMPUDENCE._
"NOW, LOBSTER! KEEP THE POT A-BILING!"]
[Illustration: _THE FESTIVE SEASON._
_Amy_ (_to Rose_). "GOOD GRACIOUS, ROSE--I'M AFRAID, FROM THE WAY THE
MAN TALKS, THAT HE IS INTOXICATED!"
_Cabby_ (_impressively_). "BEG PARD'N, MISS!--N-N-NOT
(HIC)--INTOSSI-TOSSI-CATED (HIC)--ITSH ONLY SHLIGHT 'PED-PED-PEDIMENT
IN SPEESH, MISS!"]
[Illustration: _THE NOSE-COMFORTER._
_Sensible Man_ (_who despises conventionality_). "HAH! THE WORLD MAY
SMILE, BUT IT'S VERY WARM AND COMFORTABLE."]
[Illustration: _DELIGHTFUL PRIVILEGE DURING THE WINTER MONTHS._
YOU MAY BATHE IN THE SERPENTINE FROM 6 UNTIL 7 IN THE MORNING, AND 7
UNTIL 8 IN THE EVENING.]
[Illustration: _ARTIFICIAL ICE--GRAND PAS DES PATINEURS._]
[Illustration: _HOW DISAGREEABLE THE BOYS ARE._
_Boy._ "MY EYE, TOMMY! THERE'S THE HELEPHANT FROM THE S'LOGICAL GARDENS
GOING A-SKATING!"]
[Illustration: _HOW TROUBLESOME THE BOYS ARE._
_Juvenile._ "I SAY, HARRIET--DO US A FAVOUR?"
_Pretty Cousin._ "WELL, WHAT IS IT?"
_Juvenile._ "GIVE US A LOCK OF YOUR HAIR TO TAKE BACK TO SCHOOL."]
[Illustration: _WINTER IN THE SUBURBS._
OUR DEAR OLD PATERFAMILIAS TAKES HIS OFFSPRING TO SEE THE PANTOMIME.
UNFORTUNATELY, "THE ROADS" (AS THE CABMAN SAYS) "IS SO ORRIBUL BAD AND
SLIPPY," THAT HE IS OBLIGED TO WALK WITH HIS DARLINGS THE GREATER PART
OF THE WAY HOME.]
[Illustration: _THE FOG IS SO VERY THICK THAT FREDERICK AND CHARLES ARE
OBLIGED TO SEE CLARA AND EMILY HOME._]
[Illustration: _THE JUVENILE PARTY._
_Paterfamilias_ (_to Youth who goes with his Pony well across
country_). "HOLLO! HUGH, MY BOY! DON'T YOU LIKE DANCING?"
_Youth._ "A--NO! I DON'T SEEM TO CARE FOR BALLS--FEW _HUNTING MEN
DO_!!!"]
[Illustration: _COLD WEATHER._
_Omnibus Driver._ "BILL! JIST BREAK THIS 'ERE ICICLE ORF MY NOSE WITH
YER WHIP, THAT'S A GOOD FELLER! IT TAKES BOTH MY HANDS TO KEEP THESE
'OSSES ON THEIR LEGS."]
[Illustration: _A VERY GREEN-EYED MONSTER!_
_First Juvenile._ "I WONDER WHAT CAN MAKE HELEN HOLDFAST POLK WITH
YOUNG ALBERT GRIG?"
_Second Ditto._ "DON'T YOU KNOW? WHY, TO MAKE ME JEALOUS! BUT SHE HAD
BETTER NOT GO TOO FAR!"]
[Illustration: _WHAT A SHAME!_
_Grandpapa._ "HEYDAY! WHAT MAKES MY LITTLE DARLING SO CROSS?"
_Little Darling._ "WHY, GRANDPA, MAMMA WANTS ME TO GO TO A PANTOMIME IN
THE DAY-TIME, AS IF I WAS A MERE CHILD!"]
[Illustration: _THE NEW STYLE._
HOW YOUNG GENTLEMEN FROM SCHOOL GO TO SEE A PANTOMIME NOW-A-DAYS.]
[Illustration: _UNDIGNIFIED REMINDER._
_Boy._ "I SAY, JOHN, AIN'T YOUR MASTER A LOOKIN' FOR YOU, NEETHER!"]
[Illustration: _FAIR AND EQUAL._
_Sister._ "NOT GIVE A BALL, CHARLES! FIDDLE! WHY NOT? I TELL YOU
WHAT,--IF YOU WILL FIND THE ROOM, AND THE MUSIC, AND THE SUPPER, AND
THE CHAMPAGNE, AND THE ICES,--I'LL FIND THE LADIES! COME NOW!"]
[Illustration: _FROZEN-OUT FOXHUNTERS._]
[Illustration: _ODIOUS TYRANNY._
PATERFAMILIAS INSISTS THAT THE GIRLS SHALL WEAR VERY STOUT BOOTS IN THE
WET WEATHER; BUT THE GIRLS DON'T AT ALL LIKE "=THE NASTY, GREAT, UGLY,
CLUMSY, THICK THINGS!="]
[Illustration: _SERIOUS ACCIDENT DURING THE FROST._
AS MAJOR--AND CAPTAIN--OF THE 13TH LIGHT POLKERS WERE SKATING WITH THE
LOVELY AND ACCOMPLISHED EMILY D---- AND HARRIET V----, THEIR FEELINGS
SUDDENLY GAVE WAY; THEY BROKE THE ICE, AND WE HEAR THEY HAVE NOT YET
BEEN EXTRICATED FROM THEIR PERILOUS SITUATION.]
[Illustration: _HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS._
_Paterfamilias._ "WELL, BOYS! I DARE SAY YOU'RE GLAD TO GET HOME; AND
HOW DO YOU AND THE DOCTOR AGREE!"
_Harry._ "OH! WE LIKE HIM VERY MUCH."
_Paterfamilias._ "HAH! AND DO YOU THINK YOU ARE MAKING GOOD PROGRESS?"
_Harry._ "OH! PRETTY GOOD! I CAN LICK THREE FELLOWS! BUT FRED, HERE,
CAN LICK _SIX, COUNTING ME!_"]
[Illustration: _A BON-BON FROM A JUVENILE PARTY._
_First Juvenile._ "THAT'S A PRETTY GIRL TALKING TO YOUNG ALGERNON
BINKS!"
_Second Juvenile._ "HM--TOL-LOL! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER SOME SEASONS
AGO!"]
[Illustration: _TOO BAD._
_Rude Boy._ "AH! HERE'S THE P'LEECE A-COMIN'; WON'T YOU CATCH IT FOR
SLIDING ON THE PAVEMENT!"]
[Illustration: _OLD MR. JONES AS HE APPEARED WHEN ASKED FOR THE
TWENTIETH TIME IF HE WOULD HAVE HIS DOOR DONE._]
[Illustration: _THE THEATRE OF WAR._
A PRIVATE BOX FOR ENGLAND'S DEAR BOYS ON FOREIGN SERVICE.]
[Illustration: _A KINDLY OFFER._
_Skate Proprietor_ (_to Spectator with wooden leg_). "'AVE A PAIR ON,
SIR!--AX YER PARDIN, SIR--DIDN'T TWIG YER MISFORTIN. I'VE A HODD 'UN
YOU CAN 'AVE, SIR!"]
[Illustration: _DISTRESSING RESULT OF EATING TURKEY DAY AFTER DAY._
THE POOR OLD PARTY HAS COME OUT ALL OVER FEATHERS.]
[Illustration: _GLORIOUS NEWS FOR THE BOYS._
_Billy Wilkins._ "HI! LOOK HERE! COME! SUCH A LARK! HERE'S A PERLICEMAN
FELL ON A SLIDE!"]
[Illustration: _THE THAW AND THE STREETS!_
TOMKINS, WHO HAS JUST PAID HIS RATE FOR PAVING, CLEANSING, &C., GOES
FOR A WALK IN HIS IMMEDIATE NEIGHBOURHOOD. HE IS, OF COURSE, MUCH
GRATIFIED AT THE WAY IN WHICH THE CLEANSING PART OF THE BUSINESS IS
MANAGED.]
[Illustration: _DELICIOUS._
_Party in Bed._ "HEY! HOLLO! WHO'S THAT?"
_Domestic._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, IT'S SEVEN O'CLOCK, SIR! YOUR
SHOWER-BATH IS QUITE READY. I'VE JUST BROKEN THE ICE, SIR!"]
[Illustration: _SYMPTOMS OF MASQUERADING._
_Better-Half_ (_loq._). "IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL SITTING UP WITH A SICK
FRIEND, MR. WILKINS?"]
[Illustration: _THE NURSERY FOUR-IN-HAND CLUB.--THE FIRST MEET OF THE
SEASON._
_Master Robert_ (_loq._). "HERE, JAMES, JUST STAND BY THAT BAY
FILLY.--SHE'S RATHER FRESH THIS MORNING!"]
[Illustration: _THE OPERA._
_Door-Keeper._ "BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR--BUT YOU MUST, INDEED, SIR, BE IN
FULL DRESS!"
_Snob_ (_excited_). "FULL DRESS!! WHY, WHAT DO YER CALL THIS?"]
[Illustration: _THE DAY AFTER THE JUVENILE PARTY.--AWFUL APPEARANCE OF
THE DOCTOR._]
[Illustration: _INNOCENT MIRTH--THE SLIDE ON THE PAVEMENT._]
[Illustration: _DELIGHTFUL._
"OH! HERE'S A JOLLY SLEDGE!"]
[Illustration: _HAVING A PAIR ON!_
_Skater._ "HI!--HOLLO!--WHAT ARE YOU ABOUT?--IT'S GOING INTO MY FOOT!"
_Skate Proprietor._ "NEVER MIND, SIR!--BETTER 'AV 'EM ON FIRM!"]
[Illustration: _A GOOD OLD COMIC CLOWN._]
[Illustration: _STAGE FRIGHT._
"OH, JOEY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"]
[Illustration: _A DECEIVER._
"IT'S QUITE TRUE, MUM!"]
[Illustration: _SAME OLD GAME._]
[Illustration: _AN OLD JOE._
_Clown_ (_loq._). "PRETTY CREECHUR!"]
[Illustration: _DRESS CIRCLE AT PUNCH AND JUDY._]
[Illustration: _EAGER APPLICANTS._
"WANT YOUR DOOR DONE, MUM?"]
[Illustration: _RETURN FROM A SUBURBAN PARTY._
_Flyman._ "WERRY SORRY, MUM, I'M SURE, MUM--BUT THE OSS AIN'T ROUGHED,
AND HE CAN'T GO A STEP FURDER!"]
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.
[Illustration: No. X.
MR. B. AS HE APPEARED FROM SIX IN THE MORNING UNTIL THREE IN THE
AFTERNOON, WHEN----]
[Illustration: No. XI.
HAVING HOOKED A "FISH," HE IS LANDED TO PLAY IT. THE FISH RUNS AWAY
WITH HIM--AND MR. B. IS DRAGGED ABOUT A MILE AND A HALF OVER WHAT HE
CONSIDERS A RATHER DIFFICULT COUNTRY.]
[Illustration: _MODERATION._
_First Undergraduate._ "HOLLO, CHARLEY! AIN'T YOU GOING OUT TO-DAY?"
_Second Undergraduate_ (_driving_). "WHY, NO--NOT THIS MORNING. YOU SEE
I'M ONLY A ONE-HORSE MAN, AND AS I HAVE HUNTED HIM THREE TIMES THIS
WEEK, I THOUGHT I'D GIVE HIM A DAY'S REST IN THE DOG-CART!"]
[Illustration: _JONES TRIES HIS NEW HACK, WHICH IS AS QUIET AS A
LAMB--JUST ABOUT!_]
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.
[Illustration: No. XII.
ON ARRIVING AT "HELL'S HOLE," HE IS DETAINED FOR THREE-QUARTERS OF AN
HOUR, WHILE THE FISH SULKS AT THE BOTTOM.----]
[Illustration: No. XIII.
THE FISH HAVING REFRESHED HIMSELF, AND RECOVERED HIS SPIRITS, BOLTS
AGAIN WITH MR. B.]
[Illustration: _NO CONSEQUENCE._
"I SAY, JACK! WHO'S THAT COME TO GRIEF IN THE DITCH?"
"ONLY THE PARSON!"
"OH, LEAVE HIM THERE, THEN! HE WON'T BE WANTED UNTIL NEXT SUNDAY!"]
[Illustration: _THE REVIEW._
"NOW, MARM, HERE'S A PLACE TO STAND ON. YER MAY SEE EVERY THINK; AND
ONLY SIXPENCE!"]
MR. BRIGGS'S PLEASURES OF FISHING.
[Illustration: No. XIV.
AFTER A LONG AND EXCITING STRUGGLE, MR. B. IS ON THE POINT OF LANDING
HIS PRIZE WHEN--THE LINE UNFORTUNATELY BREAKS!]
[Illustration: No. XV.
HOWEVER, IN MUCH LESS TIME THAN IT HAS TAKEN TO MAKE THIS IMPERFECT
SKETCH--ACCOUTRED AS HE IS--HE PLUNGES IN--AND AFTER A DESPERATE
ENCOUNTER, HE SECURES A MAGNIFICENT SALMON, FOR WHICH HE DECLARES
HE WOULD NOT TAKE A GUINEA A POUND!--AND IT IS NOW STUFFED IN THE
GLASS-CASE OVER THE ONE WHICH CONTAINS HIS LATE FAVOURITE SPOTTED
HUNTER.]
[Illustration: _AN APRIL FOOL._
_Equestrian._ "HERE, BOY! COME AND HOLD MY HORSE."
_Boy._ "DOES HE KICK?"
_Equestrian._ "KICK! NO!"
_Boy._ "DOES HE BITE?"
_Equestrian._ "BITE! NO! CATCH HOLD OF HIM."
_Boy._ "DOES IT TAKE TWO TO HOLD HIM?"
_Equestrian._ "NO."
_Boy._ "THEN HOLD HIM YOURSELF."
[_Exit_ BOY, _performing_ "_Pop goes the Weasel_."
]
[Illustration: _THE SEA-SIDE CIRCULATING LIBRARY._
"ALL THE NEW WORKS ARE OUT, MISS. BUT HERE'S THE SECOND VOLUME OF THE
'SCOTTISH CHIEFS'--OR HERE'S 'CAMPBELL'S PHILOSOPHY OF RHETORIC,' IF
YOU WOULD LIKE TO READ THAT."]
[Illustration: _DREADFUL JOKE._
_William._ "THERE, AMY! WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THOSE FOR A PAIR OF
MOUSTACHES?"
_Amy._ "WHY, I SHOULD SAY THAT CALLING THOSE MOUSTACHES WAS GIVING TO
'HAIRY NOTHINGS A LOCAL HABITATION AND A NAME.'"
[_For shame_, Amy!
]
[Illustration: _GOOD NEWS! REAL SENTIMENT._
_The Lady Emmeline._ "NO, DEAREST CONSTANCE, I AM NOT UNHAPPY, THESE
ARE TEARS OF JOY! FOR SEE HOW THE DEAR LORD AUBREY WRITES--(_Reads an
advertisement_)--'_I have much pleasure in giving my testimony to the
skill of Professor Puffenburg, who has extracted two very troublesome
corns without causing me any pain._--_De Belgrave._' DEAR, DEAR AUBREY,
THEN YOU ARE HAPPY!"]
[Illustration: _A CASE OF REAL DISTRESS._
_Foxhunter._ "HERE'S A BORE, JACK! THE GROUND IS HALF A FOOT THICK WITH
SNOW, AND IT'S FREEZING LIKE MAD!"]
[Illustration: _BROAD CARICATURE._]
[Illustration: _RATHER ALARMING._
_Lady._ "YOU WISHED, SIR, I BELIEVE, TO SEE ME RESPECTING THE STATE OF
MY DAUGHTER'S AFFECTIONS, WITH A VIEW TO A MATRIMONIAL ALLIANCE WITH
THAT YOUNG LADY. IF YOU WILL WALK INTO THE LIBRARY, MY HUSBAND AND I
WILL DISCUSS THE SUBJECT WITH YOU."
_Young Corydon._ "OH, GRACIOUS!!!"]
[Illustration: _GOOD SECURITY._
_Boy._ "PLEASE, SIR, GIVE ME A BROWN?"
_Swell._ "SIXPENCE IS THE SMALLEST MONEY I HAVE, MY LITTLE LAD."
_Boy._ "VEL, SIR, I'LL GET YER CHANGE; AND IF YER DOUBTS MY HONOUR,
=HOLD MY BROOM=!"]
[Illustration: _UNCONSCIOUS SATIRE._
_Stout Party._ "WELL, I'M SURE! WHAT CAN POSSESS THOSE SKINNY CREATURES
TO WEAR ROUND HATS, I CAN'T THINK,--MAKING THEMSELVES SO CONSPICUOUS!"]
[Illustration: _SCENE--PALAIS ROYAL._
_Garçon_ (_to London Gent_). "VOILÀ! M'SIEU! LE CHARIVARI--FRENCH
PUNCH. GOOD MORNING SARE! OH, I SPEAK INGLEES VERRA WELL--I LIVE IN
INGLEES COPPLE TRREE MUNSE. OH YAS--ALL RIGHT! NEVARE MIND!!"
[_Jumps over three chairs and vanishes to the great astonishment of_ TOMKINS.
]
[Illustration: _POOR MUGGINS!_
_Smythe_ (_to_ MUGGINS, _who, in the heat of the moment, has been
drinking his wine out of tumblers_). "THERE, MY BOY! THAT'S SUCH A
GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE AS YOU DON'T GET EVERY DAY--AND BETWEEN YOU AND ME
(_very confidentially_) BETWEEN--YOU--AND ME--I ONLY GAVE _FOUR AND
TWENTY SHILLINGS A DOZEN FOR IT_!"
[_Exit_ MUGGINS _for an antidote_.
]
[Illustration: _INCREDIBLE!_
_Mrs. Muggins._ "WHAT! FOURTEEN ON YE SLEEP UNDER THAT GIG UMBRELLER OF
A THING? GET ALONG WITH YER!"]
[Illustration: _VERY FRIENDLY._
_Little Gent._ "MORNIN' MY LORD!--GLAD TO SEE YOU OUT AGAIN!--WHAT I
LIKE ABOUT FOX-'UNTING IS, THAT IT IMPROVES THE BREED OF 'ORSES--AND
BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER AS WOULDN'T OTHERWISE MEET!"]
[Illustration: _THE ROAD._
_Party in the Cart_ (_to Tomkins, who is immensely proud of his
Steed_). "I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR, BUT YOU DON'T 'APPEN TO 'AV =ANOTHER=
CAMEL AS YOU WANT TO DISPOSE OF?"]
[Illustration: _LATEST FROM PARIS._
_Beautiful Being._ "WELL, I MUST SAY, PARKER, THAT I LIKE THE HAIR
DRESSED À L'IMPÉRATRICE. IT SHOWS SO MUCH OF THE FACE."]
[Illustration: _A MOMENTOUS DECISION._
_Augustus._ "ARE YOU FOND OF MOUSTARSHERS, EMILY?"
_Emily._ "YES! I THINK THEY LOOK VERY WELL UPON SOME PEOPLE."
_Augustus._ "AH! THEN THAT SETTLES THE POINT. I _SHALL LET MINE GROW_."]
[Illustration: _THE FINISHING TOUCH TO A PICTURE._
_Artist._ "NOW, DON'T HESITATE TO SAY IF YOU SEE ANYTHING I CAN ALTER
OR IMPROVE."
_Candid Friend._ "HM! WELL! NO! I DON'T SEE ANYTHING--UNLESS, PERHAPS,
YOU-A MIGHT REPAINT THE PRINCIPAL FIGURES, AND--I--YES--I SHOULD
CERTAINLY GET A NEW BACKGROUND IN."]
[Illustration: _FINE HAUT-BOYS!_
THIS JOLLY OLD PATER KNOWS WHAT A SMILING WELCOME AWAITS HIM WHEN HE
BRINGS HIS TREASURES HOME.]
[Illustration: _JACK ASHORE._
_Policeman._ "HULLO, JACK! I SUPPOSE YOU'RE NOT SORRY TO COME ON LAND
FOR A BIT?"
_Jack_ (_who hasn't got his shore legs yet_). "WELL, IT AIN'T SUCH A
BAD PLACE FOR A DAY OR TWO--ONLY IT'S SO PRECIOUS DIFFICULT TO WALK
STRAIGHT!"]
[Illustration: _ADDING INSULT TO INJURY._]
[Illustration: _AFFECTING INCIDENT AT BOULOGNE._
OUR FRIEND, 'ARRY BELVILLE, IS SO KNOCKED ALL OF A HEAP BY THE BEAUTY
OF THE FOREIGN FISH-GIRLS, THAT HE OFFERS HIS 'AND AND 'ART TO THE
LOVELY PAULINE.]
[Illustration: _EXCITEMENT._
"RUN, BILL--RUN AND BRING HISABELLER--HERE'S A CHIMNEY A-FI-ER!!"]
[Illustration: _ROMANCE OF A BOTTLE._
_Mr. Bounce._ "I TELL YOU WHAT, OLD BOY, FINISH THAT, AND YOU SHALL
HAVE SOME OF MY _PECULIAR_ OLD PORT. I'VE HAD IT IN BOTTLE MYSELF NINE
YEARS."]
[Illustration: THIS IS THE PECULIAR OLD PORT.]
[Illustration: _AN UNWELCOME VISITOR._
THE DISTURBER OF THE PEACE OF PRIVATE FAMILIES.]
[Illustration]
[Illustration: _THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT._
_Foot Boy._ "WELL, SIR, MASTER HIS AT 'OME, BUT HE'S CONFINED TO HIS
ROOM. HE'S A GROWIN' OF HIS MOOSTARSHERS, AND AIN'T ALLOWED TO SEE
NOBODY BUT HIS 'AIRDRESSER."]
[Illustration: _QUITE AN EXQUISITE._
_Commercial Gent._ "THIS WAR, SIR, WILL BE A TERRIBLE HINDRANCE TO ALL
KINDS OF BUSINESS!"
_Swell._ "AW--DESSAY! D'LIGHTED TO HEAR IT--A ALWAYS HAD THE GWEATEST
AVERSION T' ALL KINDS OF BUSINESS."]
[Illustration: _FLUNKEIANA._
_Lady's-Maid._ "WELL, I'M SURE, MR. ROBERT! I THINK YOU MIGHT FIND
SOMETHING BETTER TO DO THAN LOLLOPING ABOUT IN THAT GREAT EASY CHAIR.
YOU MIGHT GO AND HELP IN THE HAY-FIELD, ONE WOULD THINK!"
_Flunkey._ "OH, YES! AND A NICE FIGGER _I_ SHOULD BE! WOT WOULD MISSUS
SAY, PRAY, IF I WENT AND SPYLED MY COMPLEXION, AND MADE MY 'ANDS
'ARD?"]
[Illustration: _PRIVATE OPINION._
_Lieutenant Whobble_ (_who has just been embodied_). "HAH! THIS IS
SOMETHING LIKE! INFINITELY BETTER THAN THE RIDICULOUS OLD COATEE!!"]
[Illustration: _A PRETTY GENERAL DELUSION._
_Mr. Kiddlums._ "WELL, ELIZABETH--I HOPE WE SHALL HAVE A PRIZE BABY
SHOW HERE--AND THEN--I FLATTER MYSELF--...."]
[Illustration: _WHAT MUST BE THE NEXT FASHION IN BONNETS._]
[Illustration: _DOMESTIC BLISS._
_Servant_ (_rushing in_). "OH! GRACIOUS GOODNESS, MASTER! THERE'S THE
KITCHEN CHIMLEY A-FIRE--AND TWO PARISH INGINS KNOCKING AT THE STREET
DOOR!"]
[Illustration: _GOING TO A PARTY._
_Exquisite._ "AW, DRIVAW--HAVE YOU A GOOD HORSE?"
_Cabman._ "YES, SIR! A WERRY GOOD OSS."
_Exquisite._ "AW! THEN DRA-IVE ME TO NEXT DOOR."]
[Illustration: _A MAN OF PRINCIPLE._
WHEN COALS ARE SO DEAR, IT BEHOVES EVERY FAMILY MAN TO SEE THAT HE GETS
THE PROPER NUMBER OF SACKS FOR HIS MONEY. PATERFAMILIAS DOES HIS DUTY
LIKE A MAN, ALTHOUGH THE COALS ARRIVE JUST AT HIS DINNER-TIME, AND THE
WEATHER IS RATHER INCLEMENT.]
[Illustration: _IN THE RANKS._
_First Militia-man._ "JIM, YOU BAIN'T IN STEP."
_Second Ditto._ "BAIN'T I? WELL, CHANGE YOUR'N."]
[Illustration: _MORE LIGHT._
_Irritated Swell._ "RING? YES, OF COURSE I RUNG! HOW THE DEUCE DO YOU
SUPPOSE I'M TO DO MY BACK HAIR WITH ONLY ONE CANDLE?"]
[Illustration: _FLY-FISHING._
MR. HACKLE ARRIVES AT HIS FAVOURITE SPOT, WHERE HE KNOWS THERE IS A
GOOD TROUT.]
[Illustration: _WHAT A SHAME!_
_Young Lady_ (_inclining to embonpoint_). "I SHALL WANT HIM AGAIN THIS
AFTERNOON--FROM TWO TO FOUR."]
[Illustration: _EVERY LADY HER OWN BATHING-MACHINE, OR AN UGLY
CONTRIVANCE MADE A USEFUL APPENDAGE._]
[Illustration: _SCENE--DRAWING-ROOM._
_Enter_ HORRID BOY.
_Horrid Boy_ (_capering about_). "OH, LOOK HERE, CAPTAIN! I'VE FOUND
OUT WHAT CLARA STUFFS HER HAIR OUT WITH. THEY'RE WHISKERS LIKE YOURS!"
[_Sensation._
]
[Illustration: _A LITTLE BIT OF SENTIMENT._]
[Illustration: _A VERY PARTICULAR PARTY._
_Mr._ ----. "OH, HERE YOU ARE AT LAST! NOW YOU MUST COME AND DANCE THIS
WALTZ WITH A FRIEND OF MINE--CHARMING GIRL, I ASSURE YOU!"
_Mr._ ---- (_who prides himself upon his dancing_). "HAW! THANK
YOU--YOU'RE VERY GOOD!--BUT I NEVER WALTZ WITH STRANGE GIRLS. I DON'T
MIND GIVING HER A QUADRILLE FIRST, JUST TO SEE HOW SHE MOVES!"]
[Illustration: _CAMP LIFE--A BIT OF SENTIMENT._
"WELL, FRANK! THIS DELIGHTFUL CAMP IS NEARLY OVER."
"HM, HAW! YA-AS! AND IF YOU'LL ALLOW ME, I'LL TAKE A LAST FOND LOOK,
AND A--A--LEAN UPON MY WHAT D'YE CALL IT, AS THE SONG SAYS, AND A--WIPE
AWAY A TE--AR!"]
[Illustration: "_WHO WOULDN'T BE A RIDING-MASTER?_"]
[Illustration: _A FRIENDLY MOUNT._
_Party_ (_whose nerve is not what it used to be_). "YOU ARE QUITE SURE,
CHARLES, THAT HE'S TEMPERATE?"
_Charles._ "OH, YES! COME ALONG! DO YOU THINK I SHOULD LET YOU RIDE HIM
IF HE WASN'T? WHY, YOU MIGHT _KILL THE HORSE_!"
[_Nervous Party is much flattered by the consideration of Friend._
]
[Illustration: _SOMETHING LIKE SPORT._
_Jolly Angler._ "HOORAY, TOM! I'VE GOT ONE--AND, MY WORD! DIDN'T HE
PULL!"]
[Illustration: _SLANG._
"MY EYE, 'ARRY. THAT'S A STUNNING GREAT-COAT."
"AH! I FLATTER MYSELF IT'S RATHER 'DOWN THE ROAD.'"]
[Illustration: _THE HORRORS OF WAR._
_First Newmarket Boy._ "AWFUL WORK THIS, BILL. WE'RE A GOIN' TO WAR
WITH ROOSIA!"
_Second Ditto._ "WELL, WOT ODDS?"
_First Ditto._ "WOT ODDS? WHY, THERE WON'T BE NO HEMPEROR'S CUP NEXT
YEAR, THAT'S ALL!"]
[Illustration: _THE NEW CAB REGULATION._
SHOWING THE SHIFTS TO WHICH THE POOR CABMAN IS REDUCED, NOW THAT HE IS
NOT PERMITTED TO LEAVE HIS SEAT WHILST ON DUTY.]
[Illustration: _LIFE IN LONDON._
_Isabella._ "WELL, AUNT, AND HOW DID YOU LIKE LONDON? I SUPPOSE YOU
WERE VERY GAY?"
_Aunt_ (_who inclines to embonpoint_). "OH YES, LOVE, GAY ENOUGH!
WE WENT TO THE TOP O' THE MONUMENT O' MONDAY--AND TO THE TOP O' ST.
PAUL'S O' TUESDAY--AND TO THE TOP O' THE DOOK O' YORK'S COLUMN O'
WEDNESDAY--BUT I THINK ALTOGETHER I LIKE THE QUIET OF THE COUNTRY."]
[Illustration: _TERRIBLE PROPOSITION._
_Ferocious Hairdresser._ "NOW, SIR, SHALL I TAKE THE PINTS OFF THE
WHISKERS?"]
[Illustration: _BUSINESS-LIKE._
"I SAY, CHARLEY, DON'T YOU THINK YOU HAD BETTER GO BACK TO YOUR
CUSTOMER?"
_Incipient Wine Merchant._ "NOT YET. ALWAYS GONE A QUARTER OF AN HOUR
FOR THE _VERY_ OLD PORT--FURTHER END OF THE CELLAR! CELLAR'S VERY
EXTENSIVE! GREAT CARE NECESSARY FOR FEAR OF DISTURBING THE CRUST, YOU
KNOW--ET CÆTERA--TWIG?"]
[Illustration: _PRIDE FEELS NO PAIN._
_Arabella._ "OH! DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, FREDERICK. IT ISN'T THE SHOE, FOR
THAT'S A GREAT DEAL TOO LARGE."]
[Illustration: _DISCRETION._
_Gentleman from Town_ (_loq._). "OH, IF THIS IS ONE OF THE LITTLE
PLACES CHARLEY SPOKE OF, I SHALL GO BACK."]
[Illustration: _THE BEARD MOVEMENT._
DISMAY OF A BRITISH SWELL ON SEEING A POSTMAN WITH MOUSTACHES.]
[Illustration: _THE FLY-CATCHER._]
[Illustration: _WELL OUT OF IT._
"THAT'S A DEUCED GOOD HORSE TO GO, DRIVER. WHAT'S HIS FAULT THAT HE
COMES IN A CAB?"
"WELL, SIR, I DON'T KNOW OF ANY FAULT IN PERTICKLER, 'CEPT THAT WHEN HE
BEGINS TO KICK, HE DO KICK LIKE BLAZES."]
[Illustration: _THE POLICE WEAR BEARDS AND MOUSTACHES.--PANIC AMONGST
THE STREET-BOYS._]
[Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM._
_Mistress._ "WHY, NURSE--WHAT A TERRIBLE DISTURBANCE!--PRAY, WHAT IS
THE MATTER?"
_Nurse_ (_addicted to Pen and Ink_). "OH, MUM, IT'S DREADFUL!--HERE'S
NEETHER ME NOR MARY CAN'T ANSWER NONE OF OUR LETTERS FOR THE RACKET!"]
[Illustration: _THE NEW COOK._
_Missis._ "WHY, MY GOODNESS, COOK! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN ABOUT? FIVE
O'CLOCK, AND THAT HARE NOT PUT DOWN YET!"
_Artiste._ "CAN'T HELP IT, MARM. I NEVER KNEW ANYTHINK TAKE SUCH A TIME
TO PLUCK IN MY LIFE!"]
[Illustration: _NE PLUS(H) ULTRA._
_John Thomas._ "I TELL YOU WHAT, WILLIAM--THE PRESS MUST BE PUT DOWN!
THEY'VE BIN AND GOT THE SOLDIERS' UNIFORM ALTERED, AND I SHOULDN'T
WONDER IF THEY CALLED OURS RIDIKLUS NEXT!"]
[Illustration: _A DELICATE COMPLIMENT._
_First Whip_ (_who is a little ruffled because the Fox won't break_).
"NOW, THEN, SIR! OUT O' THE WAY, UNLESS YOU'LL GET INTO THE COVER.
MAYHAP YOUR UGLY MUG MIGHT FRIGHTEN HIM OUT. COME UP, 'OSS!"]
[Illustration: _AN INCIDENT WITH THE O. P. Q. HOUNDS._
MISS DIANA SLIPS OFF AT A FENCE, AND IS SO UNFORTUNATE AS TO LEAVE THE
BETTER HALF OF HER HABIT ON THE POMMELS OF HER SADDLE.]
[Illustration: _GREAT BOON TO THE PUBLIC._
_Incipient Swell_ (_in costume of the period_). "WELL! TA-TA, GUS! I
SHALL JUST GO AND SHOW MYSELF IN THE PARK."]
[Illustration: _THE RIGHT MEN IN THE RIGHT PLACE; VIZ., A CLUB WINDOW._
_Old General Muddle._ "WHAT I SAY, IS--IS--EH? WHAT? BY JOVE! WHAT THE
DOOCE SHOULD CIVILIANS KNOW ABOUT--EH? WHAT--AHEM!--MILITARY AFFAIRS!
AFFAIRS! EH?"
_Colonel Splutter._ "HAH! THE PRESS, SIR! BY JOVE, THE PRESS IS THE
CURSE OF THE COUNTRY, AND WILL BE THE RUIN OF THE ARMY! BY JOVE, I'D
HANG ALL LITTERY MEN--HANG 'EM, SIR!"]
[Illustration: _IN THE PARK._
THE POOR FLY-DRIVERS ARE UP SO LATE AT NIGHTS, THAT THEY ARE GLAD TO
GET A NAP WHEN THEY CAN. THIS IS NOT TO BE WONDERED AT, BUT IT IS NOT
LIKELY TO ADD TO THE REPOSE EITHER OF OLD MRS. DUMBLEDORE OR OF OLD
MRS. BLOWHARD, WHO ARE OUT FOR AN AIRING.]
[Illustration: "_WELL, THEY MAY CALL THIS A HEALTH-GIVING PURSUIT, IF
THEY LIKE: BUT GIVE ME ROACH-FISHING IN A PUNT._"]
[Illustration: _SOMETHING THE MATTER WITH THE KITCHEN BOILER._
(_Affectionately dedicated to_ PATERFAMILIAS, _whoever he might be_.)]
[Illustration: _FORTUNE-TELLING.--A SCENE OF DOMESTIC INTEREST._]
MR. TOM NODDY'S FIRST DAY WITH THE HOUNDS.
[Illustration: No. I.
_Groom._ "YOU'LL FIND THE MARE IN RARE FETTLE, SIR. SHE'S UNCOMMON
FRESH TO BE SURE!"]
[Illustration: No. II.
SO FRESH THAT SHE WON'T LET T. N. MOUNT FOR EVER SO LONG, AND WHEN SHE
DOES]
[Illustration: No. III.
ALLOW HIM, PUTS UP HER BACK IN THE MOST OMINOUS MANNER.]
[Illustration: No. IV.
SHE SHIES AT A WHEELBARROW--A THING SHE NEVER DID BEFORE. (T. N. DROPS
HIS WHIP.) AFTER SOME]
[Illustration: No. V.
TROUBLE IN OPENING A GATE.]
[Illustration: No. VI.
(T. N. DROPS HIS WHIP AGAIN, BY-THE-BY.)]
[Illustration: No. VII.
HE GETS UPON A NICE PIECE OF TURF.]
[Illustration: No. VIII.
THE MARE ENJOYS HERSELF AMAZINGLY.]
[Illustration: No. IX.
ARRIVED AT THE MEET, LITTLE TOM NODDY THINKS HE WILL HAVE A QUIET WEED;
BUT AT THIS MOMENT]
[Illustration: No. X.
THE HOUNDS MOVE FOR THE COVER, AND THE MARE BECOMES FULL OF PLAY AGAIN.]
[Illustration: NO. XI.
HAVING PICKED HIMSELF UP, TOGETHER WITH HIS WHIP AND CIGAR, T. N.
JOGS ON WITH THE REST OF THE FIELD. AS THEY PASS BY SOME TURNIPS, TO
THE DELIGHT OF EVERYBODY, A FOX GETS UP. THE MARE, WHO HAD BECOME
ALMOST STEADY, IS AGAIN EXCITED, AND RUSHES WILDLY AHEAD, AMIDST THE
EXECRATIONS OF THE HUNT, AND LOUD CRIES OF "HOLD HARD!" WHICH T. N.
MISTAKES FOR ANXIETY ON HIS ACCOUNT; AND GRASPING THE POMMEL OF HIS
SADDLE WITH BOTH HANDS, ABANDONS HIMSELF TO CIRCUMSTANCES, WHICH,
CONSIDERING THERE IS A FLIGHT OF HURDLES BEFORE HIM, ARE NOT VERY
FAVOURABLE.]
[Illustration: No. XII.
FORTUNATELY FOR TOM NODDY, HOWEVER, THE MARE SWERVES AT THE HURDLES,
AND WITH THE EXCEPTION OF DROPPING HIS WHIP AGAIN, HE MEETS WITH NO
GREAT INCONVENIENCE]
[Illustration: No. XIII.
BUT COMING TO THE FIRST FENCE, THE PLAYFUL CREATURE GOES AT IT LIKE A
SHOT OUT OF A GUN;]
[Illustration: No. XIV.
AND T. N. FINDS THAT THERE IS STILL A GOOD DEAL OF SNOW IN SOME OF THE
DITCHES.]
[Illustration: No. XV.
THE MARE EXTRICATES HERSELF FROM THE DIFFICULTY SOONER THAN OUR LITTLE
FRIEND, AND GETTING AWAY FROM HIM, TAKES A LINE OF HER OWN.]
[Illustration: No. XVI.
T. N. FINDS RUNNING AFTER HIS QUADRUPED VERY LABORIOUS. HE RESTS
HIMSELF ON A STILE, AND HAS ANOTHER QUIET WEED.]
[Illustration: No. XVII.
THIS REPRESENTS THE PRECISE MOMENT WHEN TOM NODDY, AFTER MUCH EXERCISE,
MEETS A SIMPLE COUNTRYMAN RETURNING WITH THE MARE. THE SIMPLE
COUNTRYMAN IS ASSURING T. N. THAT HE HAD A DEAL OF TROUBLE TO CATCH
HER, AND THEN IT WUR TWENTY MINUTES AFORE HE COULD MAKE HER LEAVE THE
'OUNDS--AND THEN ONLY 'ACAUSE SHE WUR QUITE "BLOWED."--(_N.B. The
simple countryman hopes T. N. will remember him._)]
[Illustration: _CERTAINLY NOT._
_Shoe Brigade Boy_ (_to old Gent irascible from gout, which has settled
in his feet_). "NOW, SIR! DID YOU WANT YOUR SHOES BLACKED?"]
[Illustration: _THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT._
_Frederick._ "NOW THEN, WILLIAM, WHAT ARE YER WAITING FOR?"
_William._ "WHY, I WAS A-THINKIN' VETHER I SHOULD WEAR MY MOOSTARCHERS
LIKE THIS HERE OR LIKE THAT =HARE=."]
[Illustration: _PLEASANT QUARTERS._
A YOUNG OFFICER IN THE MILITIA LEARNING THE MANUAL EXERCISE OVER YOUR
HEAD!]
[Illustration: _AGRICULTURAL DISTRESS._
_Young Farmer No 1._ "WELL, CHARLEY--HAVE YOU HAD MUCH SHOOTING LATELY?"
_Young Farmer No. 2._ "WHY, NO; WHAT WITH HUNTING TWO DAYS A WEEK AND
COURSING TWO DAYS, I DON'T GET MUCH TIME TO GO OUT WITH A GUN."]
[Illustration: _AN HOUR'S RIDE._]
[Illustration: _VALENTINE'S DAY._]
[Illustration: _THE REAL STREET OBSTRUCTIONS._]
[Illustration: _THE ICE HARVEST._]
[Illustration: _THE REAL USE OF THE BEAR-SKIN CAP--A HINT TO THE
GUARDS._]
[Illustration: _THE FROZEN-OUT FOXHUNTER._
SPORTING MILITAIRE RECALLS TO MIND HIS CANADIAN EXPERIENCES (THE GROUND
BEING DEEP WITH SNOW), BUILDS A TREBOGGIN, AND FOR THE MOMENT CEASES TO
SWEAR AT THE FROST, OR TO REGRET THE SIX HUNTERS HE HAS EATING THEIR
HEADS OFF IN THE STABLE.]
[Illustration: _ONE WAY OF LOOKING AT IT._
_First Dandy M.P._ "PWOWOGATION TO BE LATE THIS YEAR, ON ACCOUNT OF
SOME COLONIAL BILLS, I HEAR."
_Second Ditto._ "BOTHER THE COLONIES! HAVEN'T WE DONE ENOUGH FOR 'EM
THIS YEAR?--DIDN'T WEST AUSTRALIAN WIN THE DERBY?"]
[Illustration: _A VERY OLD FRIEND._
OUR "USED UP" MAN HAS A FEW "USED UP" FRIENDS TO BREAKFAST; AFTER WHICH
THEY DERIVE A LITTLE REAL ENJOYMENT FROM A DRAMATIC ENTERTAINMENT]
[Illustration: _AQUATICS.--A COMFORTABLE RAN-DAN._
_Jolly Young Waterman._ "HOLLOA! HI! POLICE! BACK WATER, JACK! WE'VE
GOT INTO A NEST OF SWANS, AND THEY'RE A PITCHIN' INTO ME!"]
[Illustration: _THE SUPERIOR ANIMAL._
_Party_ (_who of course doesn't think_ HIMSELF _good looking_).
"REALLY, CLARA, I CAN'T THINK HOW YOU CAN MAKE A PET OF SUCH AN UGLY
BRUTE AS AN ISLE OF SKYE TERRIER!"]
[Illustration: _THOSE BOYS AGAIN!_
_Street Boy_ (_in playful allusion to the basket carriage_). "OH,
LOOK HERE, BILL! IF 'ERE AIN'T A SWELL DRIVING HISSELF HOME FROM THE
_WASH_!"]
[Illustration: _MARRIED FOR MONEY.--THE HONEYMOON._
"NOW, THEN, DARLING, PUT AWAY YOUR PAPER, AND WE'LL HAVE A NICE LONG
WALK, AND THEN COME BACK TO TEA IN OUR OWN LITTLE COTTAGE, AND BE
AS HAPPY AS TWO LITTLE BIRDS!" SAID THE FAIR BRIDE.--"OH, HANG IT!"
MENTALLY EJACULATED THE CAPTAIN.]
[Illustration: _COOL REQUEST._
_Lady Crinoline._ "YOU WON'T MIND RIDING ON THE BOX, EDWARD DEAR, WILL
YOU?--I'M AFRAID, IF WE BOTH GO INSIDE THE BROUGHAM, MY NEW DRESS WILL
GET SO RUMPLED!"]
[Illustration: _A NICE OFFER._
_Cousin_ (_who is a leetle fast_). "MORNIN', CHARLES! NOW THEN, IF YOU
WILL POP ON YOUR HATS, AND WRAP YOURSELVES UP WARM, I'LL TAKE YOU AND
YOUR FRIEND OUT FOR A DRIVE!"]
[Illustration: _INFRA DIG._
EFFECT OF THE CAB-STRIKE--GOING TO THE OPERA IN A WHEELBARROW.]
[Illustration: _UNABASHED._
_Emily._ "WHY, MY GOODNESS, FRANK! WHAT A DREADFUL BLACK EYE YOU
HAVE! YOU ARE QUITE DISFIGURED!" _Frank._ "H'M, HAH! THAT'S VERY
DISAGREEABLE, NOW; I WAS IN HOPES NO ONE WOULD HAVE PERCEIVED IT!"
[Frank _has been so unfortunate as to catch a cold in his eye from sitting in
a draught at Exeter Hall--so he SAYS._
]
[Illustration: _AN INCIDENT OF TRAVEL._
AS THE TRAIN STOPS, MR. P. ENDEAVOURS TO GET SOME STOUT FOR HIS WIFE,
WHO FROM CIRCUMSTANCES, IS OBLIGED TO DRINK THAT REFRESHING BEVERAGE
FOUR OR FIVE TIMES A-DAY. UNFORTUNATELY MR. P. CANNOT FIND HIS
CARRIAGE, AND, AS THE TRAIN IS RATHER BEHIND TIME, THE OFFICIALS ARE IN
SOME HURRY AND CONFUSION.]
[Illustration: _LET US HAVE JAPANESE MANNERS AND CUSTOMS HERE._
"THE TRAVELLER, WEARIED WITH THE NOONDAY HEAT, NEED NEVER BE AT A LOSS
TO FIND REST AND REFRESHMENT; STRETCHED UPON THE SOFTEST AND CLEANEST
OF MATTING, IMBIBING THE MOST DELICATELY FLAVOURED TEA, INHALING THE
FRAGRANT TOBACCO OF JAPAN, HE RESIGNS HIMSELF TO THE MINISTRATIONS OF A
BEVY OF FAIR DAMSELS, WHO GLIDE RAPIDLY AND NOISELESSLY ABOUT, THE MOST
ZEALOUS AND SKILFUL OF ATTENDANTS."--_TIMES._]
[Illustration: _A DELICATE CREATURE._
_Youthful Swell._ "NOW CHARLEY--YOU'RE JUST IN TIME FOR BREAKFAST, HAVE
A CUP OF COFFEE?"
_Languid Swell_ (_probably in a Government Office_). "THANKS! NO! I
ASSURE YAH--MY DE-AR FELLAH! IF I WAS TO TAKE A CUP OF COFFEE IN THE
MORNING, IT WOULD KEEP ME AWAKE ALL DAY!"]
[Illustration: _RECREATIONS IN NATURAL HISTORY._
_First Naturalist._ "WHAT! THE S-S-HE-SHER-PENT A-AN (HIC)
ICH-(HIC-)THYOSAURUS? NONSHE-ENSE!"
_Second Naturalist._ "WHO SAID ICH-(HIC) ICHTHY-O-SAURUS? I SAID A
(HIC) PLESI-O-(HIC)-SAURUS PLAINENUFF."]
[Illustration: _VERY CONSIDERATE._
_Steward._ "WILL EITHER OF YOU, GENTLEMEN, DINE ON BOARD? THERE'S A
CAPITAL HOT DINNER AT THREE O'CLOCK."]
[Illustration: _PERFECTLY DWEADFUL!_
_Guard._ "NOW, SIR! IF YOU'RE GOING ON BY THE EXPRESS, HERE'S JUST ROOM
FOR ONE!"
_Tourist._ "WHA-T! GET IN WITH HAWWID OLD WOMEN, AND SQUEEMING
CHILDREN! BY JOVE! YOU KNOW! I SAY! IT'S IMPAWSIBLE, YOU KNOW!"]
[Illustration: _SCENE--A CLUB._
_Swell._ "HAW! IS THERE ANYTHING WEADY FOR DINNAW?"
_Waiter._ "SHOULDER OF MUTTON JUST READY, SIR!"
_Swell._ "HAW--SHOULDAW OF MUTTON!--AW--WHAT A VEWY ODD THING FOR
DINNAW!--THOUGHT THEY ONLY MADE _GLUE_ OF SHOULDAW OF MUTTON!"]
[Illustration: _FLATTERING._
_Boy_ (_in allusion to_ BROWN, _who thinks he is well got up_). "OH!
LOOK HERE, BILLY. THEY'VE GOT A DINNER PARTY AT THIS 'OUSE--AND IF 'ERE
AIN'T THE COVE WHAT'S A-GOING TO WAIT."]
[Illustration: _BENEFIT OF CLERGY._
_Binks, Minor_ (_loq._). "AH! YOU CAN'T THINK HOW A FELLA SAVES, WHEN
HE GOES INTO THE CHURCH. I USED TO GIVE SNOBBINS THREE GUINEAS FOR MY
BOOTS, AND _NOW_ I GET THEM MADE FOR TWO POUND TWELVE."
_Binks, Major._ "BY JOVE!"]
[Illustration: _A BARE ASSERTION._
_Fred._ "HOW DO YOU LIKE THE ALTERATION, BLANCHE?"
_Blanche._ "WHAT ALTERATION, DEAR?"
_Fred._ "WHY, HANG IT!--HAVEN'T I CUT OFF MY BEARD AND MOUSTACHES?"]
[Illustration: _MR. PUNCH AT HOME._]
[Illustration: _THE FRUGAL MARRIAGE QUESTION._
_Jones_ (_of the Dandelion Club_). "DOOCED JOLLY, I SHOULD SAY, TO
MARRY ON £300 A-YEAR! THINK A SEE MYSELF WOCKING A CWADLE, AND FETCHING
HOME THE MUTTON FROM THE BAKER!"
[_Orders Glass of Dry Curaçoa_.
]
[Illustration: _FAINT ATTEMPT TO CARRY OUT JONES'S IDEA._]
[Illustration: _THOSE HORRID BOYS!_
_Precise Female_ (_in answer to a rude inquiry_). "YOU ARE A VERY
IMPERTINENT BOY!--YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL THAT IT IS A MATTER OF NO
MOMENT TO YOU WHO MY HATTER IS!"]
[Illustration: _VAGARIES OF FASHION._
_Charles._ "FIGURE, INDEED! WHAT'S A FELLOW TO DO? A MAN MUST WEAR
SOMETHING. HATS AND COATS ARE OUT OF THE QUESTION--THEY ARE REALLY SO
VERY EFFEMINATE."]
[Illustration: _NOT A QUESTION OF WEATHER._
WHEN IT IS VERY FOGGY IN LONDON, IT IS DELIGHTFUL AT BRIGHTON--AT LEAST
SO CHARLES AND GEORGINA THINK.]
[Illustration: _IS SMOKING INJURIOUS?_
_Youthful Swell._ "HAW! LOOK HERE! IS THAT CHEST OF CIGARS YOU
IMPORTED FOR ME RIPE YET?"
_Cigar Dealer._ "WELL, SIR--I FEAR NOT--THAT IS, NOT RIPE FOR YOUR
TASTE, SIR, FOR AT LEAST THREE WEEKS; BUT WE CAN SPARE YOU A COUPLE
OF THOUSAND OF THESE GIANT REGALIAS TO GO ON WITH TILL THE WEATHER IS
MILDER, WHEN YOUR CIGARS WILL MELLOW RAPIDLY!"
[_Youth accepts the generous offer, and lounges out with a Giant
Regalia as big as his leg in his mouth._
]
[Illustration: _THE SHUTTLE-COCK NUISANCE._
_Little Girl._ "OH, I BEG YOUR PARDON SIR!--IT WAS THE WIND AS DONE
IT!"]
[Illustration: _PRUDENT RESOLVE._
_Little Party._ "GO AND WALK IN HYDE PARK? OH, AH!--I DESSAY! AND GET
PELTED FOR A HARISTOCRAT?--NO THANK 'E--NOT IF I KNOW IT."]
[Illustration: _A PLEASING BELIEF._
_Whipper._ "WELL, I WEAR MINE BECAUSE IT SAVES TROUBLE, AND IS SO VERY
'EALTHY."
_Snapper._ "HAH, WELL THERE AIN'T NO HUMBUG ABOUT ME; I WEAR MINE
BECAUSE THEY LOOKS 'ANSOM, AND GOES DOWN WITH THE GALS."]
[Illustration: _RAILWAY COLLUSION--A HINT TO STATION-MASTERS._
_Porter._ "NOW, THEN, BILL! ARE YOU OFF?"
_Cab Ruffian._ "NO; WHAT SORT OF FARE IS IT?"
_Porter._ "SINGLE GENT, WITH SMALL BAG."
_Ruffian._ "OH, _HE_ WON'T DO! CAN'T YER FIND US A OLD LADY AND TWO
LITTLE GALS WITH LOTS O' BOXES? I'M GOOD FOR A PINT!"]
[Illustration: _DISAGREEABLE TRUTH._
_Soldier._ "NOW, THEN! YOU MUST MOVE AWAY FROM HERE."
_Rude Boy._ "AH, BUT _YOU_ MUSN'T, OLD FELLER!"]
[Illustration: _OLD BROOM.--RETIRING FROM BUSINESS._
_New Broom._ "POOR JACK, YER HONOR?"
_Old Broom._ "LEAVE THEM COVES ALONE, TIM; THEY'RE TWO SWELLS WHAT
ALWAYS CROSSES IN A 'ANSOM--'CAUSE O' THEIR BOOTS!"]
[Illustration: _ANOTHER RAILWAY MISERY._
NOW, WE DO HOPE THIS OLD GENTLEMAN IS NOT GOING TO BE ASKED TO SHOW HIS
TICKET; BECAUSE THIS OLD GENTLEMAN HAS JUST PACKED HIMSELF UP QUITE
COMFORTABLY, AND HIS TICKET IS IN THE VERY INNERMOST RECESS OF HIS
WAISTCOAT POCKET; AND BECAUSE, YOU SEE, THIS IS JUST THE SORT OF OLD
GENTLEMAN WHO IS LIKELY TO BE MUCH IRRITATED BY SUCH A REQUEST AT SUCH
A TIME.]
[Illustration: _INCIDENT IN A FRENCH REVOLUTION._
_Omnibus Driver._ "THIS IS ORRIBLE VURK IN PARIS, SIR. VY, THEY TELL ME
THEY'VE BIN AND BURNT ALL THE BUSSES!"]
[Illustration: _DWEADFUL ACCIDENT IN HIGH LIFE._
THE HONOURABLE SPENCER DAWDLE (WHOSE TOTAL ABSENCE OF MIND IS SO WELL
KNOWN) HAVING MADE A MORNING CALL IN BELGRAVIA, WALKS OFF WITH A HAT
AND STICK WHICH DO NOT BELONG TO HIM!]
[Illustration: _THE NEW REGULATION._
_Lieutenant Blazer_ (_of the Plungers_). "GOOD GWACIOUS! HERE'S A
HORWIBLE GO! INFANTWY'S GOING TO GWOW A MOUSTACHE!"
_Cornet Fluffey._ "YAW DON'T MEAN THAT! WELL! THERE'S ONLY ONE
ALTERNATIVE FOR US. =WE= MUST SHAVE!"]
[Illustration: _A PICTURE OF ALIMENTIVENESS._
A NICE LITTLE BIT OF FISH.]
[Illustration: _WHERE THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WAY._
_Foxhunting Doctor._ "NOT BE IN TIME! OH, NONSENSE! SEND MY HORSE
ON,--SEE MY PATIENTS EARLY,--DRESS IN THE BROUGHAM,--THERE I AM!" (_and
we hope he may have a good run_).
[_We have been obliged to take the side of the carriage out, which
perhaps the kind reader will excuse._
]
[Illustration: _PATIENCE REWARDED._
_Piscator._ "A-HAH! GOT YOU AT LAST, HAVE I?--AND A FINE WEEK'S TROUBLE
I'VE HAD TO CATCH YOU!"]
[Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM._--No. X.
_Servant Gal._ "I TELL YOU WHAT, COOK; WITH MY BEAUTY AND FIGGER,
I AIN'T A GOIN' TO STOP IN SARVICE NO LONGER; I SHALL BE ORF TO
HORSETRAYLIER."]
[Illustration: _JOHN THOMAS NON-PLUSHED._
_Tax Collector._ "JOHN THOMAS MOONCALF?"
_John Thomas._ "--ESQUIRE, THAT'S ME!"
_Tax Collector._ "THEN BE SO GOOD AS TO FILL UP THIS INCOME-TAX PAPER
AND RETURN IT TO ME BEFORE TWENTY DAYS!"]
[Illustration: _EDUCATION IN THE MINING DISTRICTS._
_Jemoimer._ "BIST THOU A GOIN' TO SKULE, ELOYZA?"
_Eloyza._ "NOT HI, JEMOIMER. THEY GID US TEA AND BUNS LARST WEEK, AND
WE SHA'T HAN NO MOORE TILL CUM CRISMUS; SO MUTHER SAYS AS HOW IT AIN'T
NO USE."]
[Illustration: _UNCONSCIOUS SATIRE._
"THERE, BABY DEAR, LOOK AT THE PRETTY SOLDIERS!"]
[Illustration: _AVERAGE WEIGHT OF THE FOOT GUARDS._
_Heavy Swell._ "WHAT'S THE AVERAGE WEIGHT OF THE MEN IN YOUR REGIMENT,
CHARLEY?"
_Swell in the Guards._ "DON'T KNOW, I'M SURE--AW--BUT TEN GO TO THE
TON."]
[Illustration: _THE CONFIDENCE OF YOUTH._
_Juvenile._ "I WONDER WHETHER THAT GURL HAS GOT ANY TIN--FOR I FEEL
MOST OWDACIOUSLY INCLINED TO GO AND CUT THAT FELLOW OUT."]
[Illustration: _A VISIT TO A DOG-FANCIER._]
[Illustration: _TRIUMPH OF MIND OVER MATTER._
_Old Gent._ "AND PRAY WHO IS YOUR FRIEND WITH THE COFFEE POT?"
_Small Boy._ "THAT? OH! HE'S MY FAG--HE GETS ME MY BREAKFAST AND SUCH
LIKE, BUT I ALWAYS LEAVE HIM SOME CRUMPETS--AND _NEVER BULLY HIM_!"]
[Illustration: _WHAT, INDEED?_
_Stern Parent._ "I TELL YOU, SIR, I WILL NOT ALLOW IT--AND DON'T LET
ME SEE ANY MORE NASTY PIPES OR TOBACCO IN THIS HOUSE."
_Young Williams._ "BOO-HOO--AND WHAT'S A FELLOW TO DO WHEN ALL THE MEN
OF HIS OWN AGE SMOKE?"]
[Illustration: _DID YOU EVER!_
_Friend._ "WELL, SPRAT, MY BOY--AND HOW DO YOU GET ON, NOW YOU'RE
MARRIED?"
_Sprat._ "H'M! PRETTY BOBBISH--BUT THERE'S ONE THING MAKES IT DOOCID
UNCOMFORTABLE SOMETIMES--ENTRE NOUS--MRS. S. IS _SO CONFOUNDEDLY
JEALOUS OF ME_."]
[Illustration: _MORAL INFLUENCE OF EXECUTIONS._
"WHERE 'AVE WE B'N? WHY, TO SEE THE COVE 'UNG, TO BE SURE!"]
ADVENTURES OF MR. TOM NODDY.
[Illustration: No. I.
OUR LITTLE FRIEND, TOM NODDY, THINKS THE SEA-WATER WILL DO HIS MARE'S
LEGS A WORLD OF GOOD]
[Illustration: No. II.
THE PLAYFUL CREATURE OBJECTS AT FIRST, BUT FINDING THE PROCESS
AGREEABLE, DETERMINES TO HAVE A COMPLETE BATH.]
ADVENTURES OF MR. TOM NODDY.
[Illustration: No. III.
LANDING OF TOM NODDY. HIS HORSE HAVING HAD ENOUGH OF IT, RETURNS TO HIS
STABLE.]
[Illustration: _ADVENTURES OF MR. TOM NODDY._--No. IV.
OUR FRIEND HAS A DAY WITH THE BROOKSIDE HARRIERS.--WITH HIS USUAL
PRUDENCE HE GETS A HORSE ACCUSTOMED TO THE HILLS.]
[Illustration: _DOMESTIC ECONOMY._
_Newly Married Daughter_ (_whose husband's income is, if anything,
decidedly limited_). "--AND SEE HERE, PAPA, DEAR, WE ARE GETTING ON SO
BEAUTIFULLY WITH OUR FURNISHING! WE BOUGHT THESE LOVELY GOLD AND SILVER
INDIAN ELEPHANTS AT A SALE THE OTHER DAY, AND ONLY GAVE FIFTY POUNDS
FOR THEM; WASN'T IT CHEAP? WE ONLY WANT A LITTLE CRACKED CHINA TO MAKE
THE ROOM QUITE COMFORTABLE!"]
[Illustration: _A CAUTIOUS BIRD._
_Lobkins._ "WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT MARRYIN'--FOR YER SEE, AFTER THE
KNOT WAS TIED, SOME OTHER GAL MIGHT BE FALLIN' IN LOVE WITH ONE--AND
THAT WOULD BE SO DOOCED AWKWARD!"]
[Illustration: _FORTUNE'S FAVOURITE._
_First Snob._ "YOU KNOW THAT JOLLY LITTLE GIRL, JULIA BINKS?"
_Second Snob._ "ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD."
_First Snob._ "WELL! SHE'S BEEN STICKING UP TO ME LIKE BRICKS, BUT
I CAN'T RETURN HER AFFECTION, BECAUSE I'M SO DEUCED SWEET WITH THE
PLANTAGENET GALS."]
[Illustration: _WANTING IN REVERENCE._
_Coster_ (_to extremely genteel person_). "I SAY, GUVNER, GIVE US A
HIST WITH THIS 'ERE BILIN' O' GREENS!"]
[Illustration: _JEW D'ESPRIT._
_Young Sholomunsh_ (_to Young_ SNOBLEY, _who is attired in his very
best_). "NOW, SIR! LET ME SHELL YOU A NISH SHUIT OF CLOSHE, MAKE YER
GOOD ALLOWANCE FOR THE OLD UNS YER'VE GOT ON!"
[SNOBLEY'S _feelings may be imagined_.
]
[Illustration: _QUITE RIDICULOUS!_
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN TABLE-TALKING, MATILDA, THAT THERE'S SUCH A FUSS
ABOUT?"
"OH, DEAR NO! WHY, THE OTHER EVENING A TABLE WAS ASKED HOW OLD I WAS,
AND IT RAPPED OUT FORTY! WHEN I'M NOT THREE-AND-TWENTY TILL NEXT
MARCH!"]
[Illustration: _MAY AND DECEMBER._]
[Illustration: _A VAIN SHADOW._
"MY LOVE! DO YOU THINK THOSE FELLOWS ARE FOLLOWING US?"]
[Illustration: _MIND AND MATTER._
_Navvy._ "AH, BILL! IT SHOWS THE FORRARD MARCH OF THE AGE. FUST THE
BRUTE FORCE, SUCH AS 'IM; AND THEN THE LIKES OF US TO DO IT SCIENTIFIC,
AND SHOW THE MIGHT OF INTELLECT."]
[Illustration: _SYMPATHY._
_Tailor_ (_to considerable Customer_). "TRIFLE THINNER THAN YOU WAS,
SIR! GLAD TO SEE YOU BACK, SIR! 'OPE YOU'LL SOON GET YOUR HEALTH, SIR.
WHEN WE HEARD YOUR REGIMENT HAD BEEN IN ACTION, SIR,--YOU MAY FANCY
WHAT OUR FEELINGS WAS, SIR!"]
[Illustration: _OXFORD COSTUME._
_Small Oxford Man._ "NOW, SNIP, REMEMBER, NOT SO TIGHT IN THE ARM!"
_Snip._ "VERY GOOD, SIR." (_To the Clerk._) "84 AND A 'ARF!"]
[Illustration: _STARTLING FACT!_
_Oxford Swell._ "DO YOU MAKE MANY OF THESE MONKEY-JACKETS, NOW?"
_Snip._ "OH, DEAR YES, SIR; THERE ARE MORE MONKEYS IN OXFORD THIS TERM
THAN EVER, SIR."]
[Illustration: _CUPID AT SEA._
_Angelina_ (_to Edwin, whose only chance is perfect tranquillity_).
"EDWIN, DEAR! IF YOU LOVE ME, GO DOWN INTO THE CABIN, AND FETCH ME MY
SCENT-BOTTLE, AND ANOTHER SHAWL TO PUT OVER MY FEET!"
[EDWIN'S _sensations are more easily imagined than described_.
]
[Illustration: _HOW VERY EMBARRASSING!_
_Gustavus._ "MAMMA, DEAR! ARE MOUSTACHES FASHIONABLE?"
_Mamma._ "WELL, GUS. I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY, BUT I BELIEVE THEY ARE."
_Gus._ "OH! THEN, IS THAT THE REASON WHY MISS GRUMPH WEARS 'EM?"
[MISS GRUMPH, _as well as being strong-minded, is rather masculine in appearance_.
]
[Illustration: _AN ELIGIBLE PARTY._
_Juvenile._ "WELL, I KNOW WHAT I SHALL DO: I SHALL LOOK OUT FOR SOME
OLD GAL WITH PLENTY OF MONEY."]
[Illustration: _VERY RUDE, INDEED!_
ENTER TOM (A DISAGREEABLE BOY FROM SCHOOL.)--_Tom._ "LOOK HERE, CLARA,
THERE'S A YOUNG WOMAN DOWNSTAIRS HAS BROUGHT THIS FOR YOU, AND WANTS TO
KNOW IF IT WILL DO."]
[Illustration: _A MAN OF CONSEQUENCE._
_Cousin Harriet._ "WELL, ALFRED, WILL YOU STOP AND HAVE SOME TEA WITH
US?"
_Alfred._ "HAW! YOU'RE VERY GOOD, I'M SURE; BUT I'VE GOT TO TAKE THE
CHILDREN TO SEE THE PANTOMIME!"]
[Illustration: _UNDER THE MISTLETOE._
AUGUSTUS THINKS CRINOLINE A DETESTABLE INVENTION.]
[Illustration: _THE HUSBAND AS HE OUGHT TO BE_
_Angelina._ "WELL, LOVE, HOW DO YOU THINK I LOOK?--DO YOU LIKE THE
DRESS?"
_Edwin._ "I THINK IT'S PERFECTLY CHARMING.--I NEVER SAW YOU LOOK
BETTER!"]
_AND_
[Illustration _AND AS HE OUGHT NOT TO BE._ (_Isn't it so, my Dears?_)
_Angelina._ "WELL, E.,--YOU DON'T SAY A WORD ABOUT MY DRESS?"
_Edwin._ "EM, WHAT? OH, UGH!--H'M--BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL!"]
[Illustration: _AS WELL BE OUT OF THE WORLD AS OUT OF THE FASHION._
_Old Gentleman_ (_who is of course much behind his age_). "WELL, MY
LITTLE DEAR, AND PRAY WHAT NICE LITTLE GIRL ARE YOU?"
_Little Girl._ "OH, IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, I'M A PUSEYITE, AND SO'S BESSY
'ARRIS." (_To Young Lady._) "AIN'T WE, MEM?"]
[Illustration: _ASSURANCE._
_Juvenile_. "AW, HAIRDRESSER, WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED MY HAIR, JUST TAKE
OFF MY BEARD, WILL YOU?"]
[Illustration: _THE NEW THEATRE._
_Constance_ (_reads advertisement to Alice_). "'* * * _The Orchestra
Stalls will be exceedingly commodious. Each person will have a separate
Arm-Chair, occupying a space of two feet in breadth._' H'M--I DON'T SEE
THAT THAT'S SO EXCEEDINGLY COMMODIOUS--EH, DEAR?"]
[Illustration: _AN AGREEABLE PRESCRIPTION._
"THE WEATHER IS CHARMING, ALTHOUGH I DO NOT FEEL MUCH INCLINED
FOR TRANSACTIONS OF A BUSINESS NATURE. I AM DECIDEDLY BETTER. MY
DOCTOR, A MOST SENSIBLE MAN, RECOMMENDS ME TO TAKE HORSE EXERCISE,
AND GO INTO AGREEABLE SOCIETY. I ENDEAVOUR TO CARRY OUT HIS
SUGGESTIONS."--_Scarborough._]
[Illustration: _SIGHING FOR THE SUNNY SOUTH._
_Omnibus Driver._ "I DON'T LIKE BEING A HABSENTEE, JEM; BUT IF THIS
PRECIOUS EASTERLY VIND LASTS MUCH LONGER, I SHALL BE HOFF WITH MY
FAMILY TO THE SOUTH OF FRANCE."]
[Illustration: _AFFECTING--RATHER._
_Alfred._ "TELL ME, MY OWN ONE, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU HAVE TO SAY
BEFORE I GO?"
_Emma._ "YES, DEAREST--DO NOT--OH, DO NOT FORGET TO BRING
THE-TH-TH-BRUNSWICK SAUSAGE FROM F-F-F-FORT-NUM AND MASON'S."]
[Illustration: _A PREJUDICED OPINION._
"I TELL YER WHAT, BILL, I THINK THE POLICE ARE A BAD LOT--AND I WISH
THEY WAS DONE AWAY WITH ALTOGETHER."]
[Illustration: _A GOLDEN RULE._
"LET US SPEAK OF A MAN AS WE FIND HIM."]
[Illustration: _A DELICATE HINT._
_Brighton Boatman._ "THERE'S A WESSEL OUT THERE, SIR, A LABOURIN'
A GOOD DEAL, SIR! AH, SIR, SAILORS WORKS WERRY 'ARD--PRECIOUS 'ARD
LINES IT IS FOR THE POOR FELLERS OUT THERE!--PRECIOUS 'ARD IT IS FOR
EVERYBODY JUST NOW. I KNOW _I_ SHOULD LIKE THE PRICE OF A PINT O' BEER
AND A BIT O' BACCA!"]
[Illustration: _THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT._
_Railway Official_ (_waking Old Gent from a sweet sleep_). "TICKETS,
PLEASE!"]
[Illustration: _BY THE SAD SEA WAVES._
TOMKINS, DISCONSOLATE ON A ROCK, TRACES SOME CHARACTERS UPON THE SAND.
TO HIM, MRS. TOMKINS (WHOSE NAME IS MARTHA).
_Mrs. T._ "WELL, MR. TOMKINS, AND PRAY WHO MAY HENRIETTA BE?"
[TOMKINS _utters a yell of despair, and falls prostrate_.
]
[Illustration: _SCHOLASTIC._
_Mother._ "AND, PRAY, DOCTOR, WHAT ARE YOUR TERMS FOR HEDUCATING LITTLE
BOYS?"
_The Principal._ "WHY, MY DEAR MADAM, MY USUAL TERMS ARE SEVENTY
GUINEAS _PER ANNUM_ (TO USE THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANCIENT ROMANS), BUT
TO EFFECT MY OBJECT (?) QUICKLY, I WOULD TAKE A FEW FOR WHAT I COULD
GET, PROVIDED THEY BE =GENTLEMEN=, LIKE YOUR DEAR LITTLE BOY THERE; BUT
(AGAIN TO USE THE LATIN TONGUE) IT IS A _SINE QUA NON_ THAT THEY SHOULD
BE =GENTLEMEN=!!"
[Illustration: _QUEEN OF THE MAY._]
[Illustration: _A PERFECT WRETCH._
_Wife._ "WHY, DEAR ME, WILLIAM; HOW TIME FLIES! I DECLARE WE HAVE BEEN
MARRIED TEN YEARS TO-DAY!"
_Wretch._ "HAVE WE, LOVE! I AM SURE I THOUGHT IT HAD BEEN A GREAT DEAL
LONGER."]
[Illustration: _AN ENGLISH NOBLEMAN, PAINTED BY THE FRENCH._
_Milord._ "GODAM! ROSBIF! I SHALL SELL MY WIFE AT SMITHFIELD, DAM!"]
[Illustration: _A STORM IN A TEACUP._
_Head Nurse_ (_with much dignity_). "MISS MARY! YOU SHALL NOT STIR YOUR
TEA WITH THE SNUFFERS!--IT IS NOT LADY-LIKE, AND I AM QUITE SURE YOUR
PAPA WOULD NOT APPROVE OF IT!"
[MISS MARY _howls awfully, and smashes tea-cup_.
]
[Illustration: _WAITING FOR THE CARRIAGE._
_Charlie._ "THIS WILL BE A STUPID AFFAIR, GEORGY."
_Georgy._ "OH! YES--ONLY A WHITE FROCK AND BLACK MITTEN PARTY--VERY
SLOW!"
[_Old Nurse wonders what next._
]
[Illustration: _WORKING AGAINST TIME._
THE ARTIST GIVES THE FINISHING TOUCH TO HIS PICTURE. HE HAS BEEN SO
BUSY THAT HE HAS NOT EVEN BEEN ABLE TO GET HIS HAIR CUT
[Illustration: _KETCHEE! KETCHEE!_
MR. PUNCH IN THE BOSOM OF HIS FAMILY.]
[Illustration: _DID YOU EVER!_
_Augustus._ "I SAY, AUNT! DID YOU SEE WHAT THE NEWSPAPER SAYS ABOUT THE
ECLIPSE?"
_Aunt._ "NO! WHAT DOES IT SAY? READ IT, CHILD! ANYTHING RELATING TO
THAT WONDERFUL EVENT IS INTERESTING."
_Augustus._ "WHY, IT SAYS THAT IT IS EXPECTED TO HAVE AN EXTRAORDINARY
EFFECT UPON THE INFERIOR ANIMALS! MY WIG! I'D HAVE YOU AND THE GIRLS
LOOK OUT FOR SQUALLS!"
[_Disgusting, Low-Minded Boy._
]
[Illustration: _FUMIGATION._
_Coster._ "'SCUSE ME, MARM, BUT DID YER WANT YER GREEN-'OUSE
SMOKED?--NO CHARGE. ONLY TO FIND THE 'BACCA, AND A DROP O' SUMTHIN' TO
DRINK!"]
[Illustration: _WARBLERS UNDER WATER._]
[Illustration: _OH DEAR!_
THAT REGULAR FAMILY NEXT DOOR ARE HAVING THEIR CHIMNEY SWEPT AGAIN.]
[Illustration: _EARLY PHILOSOPHY._
_Juvenile._ "AH, IT'S ALL VERY WELL! LOVE MAY DO FOR BOYS AND GALS; BUT
WE, AS MEN OF THE WORLD, KNOW 'OW 'OLLOW IT IS."]
[Illustration: _OUT OF HIS ELEMENT._
_Flunkey_ (_who does not approve of Bloomsbury_). "NO, MA'AM, I DON'T
OBJEC' TO THE 'OUSE, FOR IT'S HAIREY, AND THE VITTLES IS GOOD; BUT THE
FACT IS THAT ALL MY CONNEXIONS LIVE IN BELGRAVIA!"]
[Illustration: _TOO BAD!_
_Bertha._ "NOW, REALLY, CHARLES, YOU ARE VERY PROVOKING. I'VE BEEN
LOOKING FOR MY HAT EVERYWHERE--AND I DECLARE YOU ARE SITTING UPON IT."]
[Illustration: _A VICTIM OF FASHION._
_Police Constable_ (_to Boy_). "NOW THEN, OFF WITH THAT HOOP! OR I'LL
PRECIOUS SOON HELP YOU!"
_Lady_ (_who imagines the observation is addressed to her_). "WHAT A
MONSTER!"
[_Lifts up the Crinoline, and hurries off._
]
THE BRITISH FORCES AND THE CRIMEAN WAR.
[Illustration: _PREPARATIONS FOR WAR._--I.
_Officer_ (_who is going to the East_). "OF COURSE, IT'S RATHER A BORE
JUST AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON--AND I SHALL MISS THE DERBY! WISH
THEY COULD HAVE HAD THE RUSSIANS OVER HERE, BECAUSE THEN WE COULD HAVE
THRASHED 'EM IN HYDE PARK, AND DINED AT GREENWICH AFTERWARDS, YOU
KNOW."]
[Illustration: _PREPARATIONS FOR WAR._--II.
ENSIGN STUBBS, HAVING BEEN APPOINTED TO THE 121ST, GOES TO TRY ON HIS
UNIFORM.
_N.B.--The Gallant Ensign has hitherto been accustomed to dress in a
loose, dégagé manner._]
[Illustration: _WELL INTENDED, NO DOUBT._
_Quaker to British Lion._ "THERE, FRIEND! NOW LET ME PUT AWAY THOSE
DANGEROUS VANITIES!"]
[Illustration: _PREPARATIONS FOR WAR._--III.
DELIGHT OF ONE OF OUR GUARDS NOW HE FEELS THAT THE COUNTRY WILL PROTECT
"THE GIRL HE LEAVES BEHIND HIM."]
[Illustration: _NOTHING LIKE FORETHOUGHT._
_Captain_ (_to Brother Officer_). "WHAT AM I ABOUT? I'LL TELL YOU, OLD
BOY. THERE'S NO KNOWING WHAT MAY HAPPEN, SO I AM LEARNING THE NOBLE ART
OF MAKING OMELETTES, IN CASE ANYTHING SHOULD HAPPEN TO OUR CHEF!"]
[Illustration: _NO! DON'T._
"SO THEY ARE SENDING OUT BOOKS TO AMUSE THE POOR FELLOWS AT
SCUTARI--AND VERY PROPER. I WILL SEND FIVE-AND-TWENTY COPIES OF MY LAST
FIVE-ACT TRAGEDY OF 'THE ROMAN GRANDMOTHER."]
[Illustration: _ENTHUSIASM._
_Inflamed Militia Man._ "TALK O' TH' ROOSHANS! THERE! DANG'D IF I
WOULDN'T MOW 'EM DOWN FOR A SHILLIN' AN ACRE!"]
[Illustration: _ON DOMESTIC SERVICE._
_Recruiting Sergeant._ "COME, TAKE THE SHILLING LIKE A MAN, AND HAVE A
TURN AT THE RUSSIANS IN THE CRIMEA."
_Pampered Menial._ "A--THANK YOU. I DON'T SEEM TO SEE IT. THE FACT
IS--THAT--A--THE WORK IS 'ARD; AND--A--THE BOARD IS BAD."]
[Illustration: _A LITTLE DINNER AT THE CRIMEA CLUB._]
[Illustration: _EVENING PARTY AT SEBASTOPOL._]
[Illustration: _PATIENT HEROES._
"WELL, JACK! HERE'S GOOD NEWS FROM HOME. WE'RE TO HAVE A MEDAL."
"THAT'S VERY KIND. MAYBE ONE OF THESE DAYS WE'LL HAVE A COAT TO STICK
IT ON!"]
[Illustration: _HOW JACK MADE THE TURK USEFUL AT BALACLAVA._
_British Officer._ "HOLLOA, JACK! WHAT ARE YOU ABOUT NOW?"
_Jack._ "WHY, YER HONOUR--YOU SEE RIDING'S A DEAL PLEASANTER THAN
WALKING ABOUT HERE, AND WHEN THIS CHAP'S TIRED--I MOUNTS T'OTHER
COVE!"]
[Illustration: _A TRUMP CARD(IGAN)._
THE CHARGE OF THE LIGHT BRIGADE UNDER LORD CARDIGAN AGAINST THE RUSSIAN
BATTERIES AT BALACLAVA.]
[Illustration: _SHARP'S THE WORD._
ADMIRAL PUNCH'S SIGNAL TO THE FLEET.]
[Illustration: _UNIFORM STUPIDITY._
HOW TO DRESS A WARRIOR.]
[Illustration: _HARD CASE IN THE BALTIC._
_A. B. Seaman._ "HERE'S A GO, BILL! YER MIGHT KNOCK ME DOWN WITH THE
BUTT-END OF A MUSKIT, A'MOST! BLOW'D IF THE GAME AIN'T OVER, AND WE
AIN'T HAD NO INNINGS!"]
[Illustration: _A GRIEVANCE._
"I TELL YER WHAT, BILL! I DON'T HALF LIKE THESE HERE MOUSTARCHERS. THEY
DO MOP UP SUCH A LOT OF GROG!"]
[Illustration: _RELICS OF THE SIEGE._
_Ben._ "I SAY, JACK!--GIVE US A LIFT DOWN WITH THESE HERE
_BLOOD-STAINED RUINS_ FROM SEBASTERPOOL!"]
[Illustration: _OUR GUARDS._
THEY CAN PLAY; AND, BY JOVE, THEY CAN FIGHT, TOO.]
[Illustration: _TRAINING-SCHOOL FOR LADIES_]
[Illustration: _ABOUT TO APPEAR AT COURT._]
[Illustration: _THE OPERA._--No. I.
_Lizzy._ "GOOD GRACIOUS SELINA! LOOK THERE! THERE'S THAT RIDICULOUS
LITTLE MAN AGAIN. DID YOU EVER SEE ANYTHING SO ABSURD?"]
[Illustration: _THE OPERA._--No. II.
_Busby_. "AH THERE SHE IS, BLESS HER! AND LOOKING THIS WAY TOO. OH!
IT'S AS CLEAR AS POSSIBLE SHE HAS TAKEN A FANCY TO ME!"]
[Illustration: _THE BEST RUN OF THE SEASON._--No. I.
_Master_ (_with pumped-out Horse_). "CONFOUND THAT RASCALLY BOY! WHERE
CAN HE HAVE GOT TO WITH MY SECOND HORSE?"]
[Illustration: _THE BEST RUN OF THE SEASON._--No. II.
_Rascally Boy_ (_with delightfully fresh animal_). "OH, DEAR! WHAT A
BEAUTIFUL THING! _I WONDER WHERE MASTER CAN BE?_"]
[Illustration: _A BLACK INDIGNITY._
_Lady of the House._ "OH, THOMAS! HAVE THE GOODNESS TO TAKE UP SOME
COALS INTO THE NURSERY!"
_Thomas._ "H'M, MA'AM! IF YOU ASK IT AS A FAVOUR, MA'AM, I DON'T SO
MUCH OBJECT; BUT I 'OPE YOU DON'T TAKE ME FOR AN 'OUSEMAID, MA'AM!"]
[Illustration: _ART-PROGRESS._
_Artist(!)._ "NOW, MUM! TAKE ORF YER 'EAD FOR SIXPENCE, OR YER 'OLE
BODY FOR A SHILLIN'!"]
[Illustration: _FRATERNITY._
_Fred._ (_affectionately taking the arm of his friend_ HARRY--_as he
thinks_). "OH! DO LOOK AT THESE BEAUTIFUL DIAMONDS. HOW WELL THEY WOULD
BECOME YOUR SWEET SISTER!"
_Coal-heaver._ "COME NOW! WALKER!"]
[Illustration: _PRIVATE OPINION._
_Little Shrimpton._ "HAH! THEY MAY LAUGH! BUT I MEAN TO SAY THAT THE
BEARD IS A GREAT ORNAMENT, AND GIVES DIGNITY TO THE HUMAN FIGURE!"]
[Illustration: _THE OLD OLD STORY._
IT WAS IN AUGUST OR SEPTEMBER, WE FORGET WHICH, THAT AMELIA'S SCARF
CAUGHT HENRY'S BUTTON, AND NOW--THEY ARE MARRIED. WASN'T IT ODD?]
[Illustration: _THE BEARD MOVEMENT._
"HOLLO, 'ENERY! IS THAT YOU? WHY I HARDLY KNOW'D YER WITH THAT GREAT
BEARD!"]
[Illustration: _VARIETIES IN HORSE-TAMING._--No. I.
OLD MR. B. HAS FOUND OUT THAT THE OIL OF RHODIUM SYSTEM IS ALL
NONSENSE, AND HAS BEEN INITIATED BY MR. RAREY. WHENEVER HE GETS SPILT,
AND LOSES HIS HAT (AS HE DID THE VERY LAST DAY OF THE SEASON), HE JUST
SAYS TO HIS HORSE, "FETCH IT, OLD BOY!" AND THE THING IS DONE!]
[Illustration: _VARIETIES IN HORSE-TAMING._--No. II.
OUR DEAR OLD FRIEND BRIGGS--HAVING TAKEN THE RECEIPT FOR HORSE-TAMING
FROM THE PAPERS--TRIES SOME EXPERIMENTS UPON AN ANIMAL THAT HE HAS
PICKED UP A BARGAIN.]
[Illustration: _AN INCIDENT OF WEIGHT._
_Cabby._ "LET YER OUT?--THAT'S A GOOD UN!--NOT AFORE YOU PAYS FOR
BREAKING MY SPRINGS!"]
[Illustration: _ASTOUNDING ANNOUNCEMENT._
_Maid._ "PLEASE, MA'AM, MR. SKEWER SAYS HE'S A-GOING TO KILL _HISSELF_
THIS WEEK, AND WILL YOU HAVE A JOINT?"]
[Illustration: _A VERY SHOCKING BOY, INDEED!_
_Mamma._ "NOW, SIR--IF YOU DON'T BEHAVE BETTER, I WILL TELL PAPA OF
YOU, AND HE WILL BOX YOUR EARS!"
_Shocking Boy._ "WELL, THEN, GO! MARCH!! AND SHUT THE DOOR AFTER
YOU!!!"]
[Illustration: _A FADED YOUTH._
_Hostess._ "NOW, MY DEAR--WILL YOU COME AND DANCE A QUADRILLE?"
_Juvenile._ "THA-A-NK YOU--IT'S SO MANY YEARS AGO SINCE I DANCED, THAT
I WOULD RATHER BE EXCUSED, IF YOU PLEASE. IN FACT, I--AW, I HAVEN'T
DANCED SINCE I WAS QUITE A BOY."]
[Illustration: _IN THE PARK._
_First Man_ (_Home for the Holidays_). "AWFUL BIT OF GERANIUM THAT,
CHARLEY!"
_Second Ditto._ "YA-AS, I WAS ALWAYS VERY FOND OF FLOWERS--AW--THEY
LOOK SO JOLLY INNOCENT!"]
[Illustration: _IN THE STREETS._
THESE YOUNG GENTLEMEN ARE NOT INDULGING IN THE FILTHY HABIT OF
SMOKING.--THEY ARE ONLY CHEWING TOOTHPICKS, THE COMFORTING AND ELEGANT
PRACTICE NOW SO MUCH IN VOGUE.]
[Illustration: _CRINOLINE AGAIN._
_Charles._ "CONFOUND THE HOOPS, JUST WHEN I WANT TO MAKE MY NEAT SPEECH
ABOUT BEING '_NEARER AND DEARER_' TOO!"]
[Illustration: _A HINT TO MAMMAS._
_First Nursemaid._ "LAWK, MARIER! WHAT A BEE-UTIFLE GOWND!"
_Second Do._ "MY! JANE! HAIN'T IT?"
[ _They contemplate the Gownd for about a quarter of an hour, and the
Children have the full benefit of the delicious North-East Wind._
]
[Illustration: _THE ROUND HAT._
1. WHEN IT IS ALL VERY WELL. 2. WHEN IT IS OBJECTIONABLE. 3. WHEN THE
POLICE OUGHT TO INTERFERE.]
[Illustration: _TAKING IT EASY._
JOHN THOMAS, AS HE APPEARED WHILE HIS MISSUS WAS IN THE BOTANICAL
GARDENS. J. T. IS CONSULTING HIS BETTING BOOK. (A POSITIVE FACT.)]
[Illustration: _PROFESSIONAL DIGNITY._
_Lady._ "RESIGN YOUR SITUATION! WHY, WHAT'S WRONG NOW, THOMAS? HAVE
THEY BEEN WANTING YOU TO EAT SALT BUTTER AGAIN?"
_Genteel Footman._ "OH, NO, THANK YOU, MA'AM--BUT THE FACT IS,
MA'AM--THAT I HAVE HEARD THAT MASTER WERE SEEN LAST WEEK ON THE TOP
OF A HOMNIBUS, AND I COULDN'T AFTER THAT REMAIN ANY LONGER IN THE
FAMILY!"]
[Illustration: _NEVER CARRY YOUR GLOVES IN YOUR HAT._
MR. POFFINGTON FLATTERS HIMSELF HE IS CREATING A SENSATION--(_Perhaps
he is._)]
[Illustration: _ACADEMIC COSTUME._
_Dr. Bear._ "PUT ON YOUR GOWN, SIR."
_Undergraduate._ "GOT IT ON, SIR!"]
[Illustration: _MORE NOVELTY._
THE MISSES WEASEL THINK CRINOLINE A PREPOSTEROUS AND EXTRAVAGANT
INVENTION, AND APPEAR AT MRS. ROUNDABOUT'S PARTY IN A SIMPLE AND
ELEGANT ATTIRE.]
[Illustration: _FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS._
"MARTHA, WAST 'E DONE WI' THE MILK?"
"GEEN IT TO THE SHILD."
"DANG THE SHILD, THEE SHOULD HA' GEEN IT TO TH' BULL PUP!"]
[Illustration: _A DISTURBER OF PUBLIC PEACE._
_Rioter._ "I SAY, OLD FELLER, OF COURSE YOU'LL FRATERNISE WITH US, AND
COME AND BREAK SOME VINDERS."
_Soldier._ "OF COURSE I WON'T; BUT I'LL PUNCH YOUR HEAD IF YOU DONT
MOVE OFF."]
[Illustration: _UNLUCKY THIS TIME._
_Ingenious Youth._ "OH! SUCH A LARK, BILL! I'VE BIN AND FILLED AN OLD
COVE'S LETTER-BOX WITH GOOSEBERRY SKINS AND HOYSTER SHELLS,--AND RAPPED
LIKE A POSTMAN!"
_Old Cove._ "_HAVE_ YOU?"]
[Illustration: _GOOD NEWS._
"WELL, JIM, HAVE YOU HEARD THE LATEST INTELLIGENCE?"
"NO, VAT IS IT?"
"VY, COMMON GARDEN THEAYTER'S TO BE TURNED INTO A HOPERA FOR THE
MILLION! AIN'T THAT PRIME?"]
[Illustration: _RATHER DEEP!_
_Cousin._ "CHARLIE!--JUST FANCY WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING!"
_Captain Charlie._ "WELL, GEORGIE!"
_Cousin._ "THAT--THAT--YOU AND I ARE GOING--A--A--TO BE--MARRIED!"
_Charlie_ (_with presence of mind_). "A--NEVER MIND, GEORGIE,--WE KNOW
BETTER--WE ARE NOT SO FOOLISH!"]
[Illustration: _AMPLE PROTECTION._
_Youth._ "YOU NEEDN'T BE AFRAID, MA'AM. STAND BEHIND ME!"]
[Illustration: _JUST LIKE 'EM._
_Mamma_ (_staying with newly-married daughter_). "MY DEAREST, SWEETEST
DARLING! WHAT! CRYING! WHY, WHAT'S THE MATTER?"
_Daughter_ (_with many sobs_). "OH, M-M-M-MAMMA DEAR! HERE'S
CH-CH-CH-CHARLES SO DREADFULLY UNKIND. HE KNOWS THE H-H-HORSE-TAMING
SECRET, AND HE W-W-W-WON'T TELL IT TO ME!"]
[Illustration: _RIVAL JOCKEYS._
_Bill_ (_reads_). "'GENTLEMEN RIDERS ALLOWED FIVE POUNDS.'"
_Tom._ "'ALLOWED FIVE POUNDS!' WHY, I'D RIDE BETTER NOR HE FOR 'ARF A
CROWN!"]
[Illustration: _SYMPTOMS OF HARD READING!_
_Student._ "OH, MARY! HAVE YOU TAKEN UP THE LAMP AND THE CIGARS?"
_Mary._ "YES, SIR."
_Student._ "--AND THE WHISKEY, AND THE SUGAR, AND THE LEMON, AND
BOILING WATER?"
_Mary._ "YES, SIR."
_Student._ "THEN COME, JACK! SUPPOSE WE GO INTO THE STUDY!"]
[Illustration: _REPELLING FOREIGN INVASION._
PATERFAMILIAS TRIES THE COLD WATER CURE IN A CASE OF ORGAN-GRINDING.]
[Illustration: _ANOTHER BIT FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS._
_First Collier._ "SURREY, DUST THEE KNOW THE BISHOP'S COMING TO-MORROW?"
_Second Do._ "WOT'S THAT?"
_First Do._ (_emphatically_). "THE BISHOP!"
_Second Do._ "OI DON'T KNOW WHAT THEE MEAN'ST, BUT MOY BITCH, ROSE,
SHALL PIN HER!"]
[Illustration: _CANINE._
"BUY A LITTLE DORG, MARM?"]
[Illustration: _WHERE ARE THE POLICE?_
A SKETCH, SHOWING THE DECENT MANNER IN WHICH THE "FORM OF PRAYER" WAS
RETAILED ON THE FAST DAY.]
[Illustration: _COARSE, BUT CHARACTERISTIC._
_Cabman_ (_whose temper has been ruffled by Omnibus-man_). "YOU!! WHY,
YOU HUNGRY LOOKING WAGABUN, YOU LOOK AS IF YOU'D BIN LOCKED UP FOR A
MONTH IN A COOK'S SHOP WITH A MUZZLE ON."]
[Illustration: _THE GREAT BOON._
_Superior Being (!)._ "YOU'LL PLEASE TO OBSERVE, MUM, THAT A DIWORCE IS
A MUCH EASIER MATTER THAN IT USED TO BE--SO NONE OF YOUR VIOLENCE!"]
[Illustration: _A VISION OF THE PAST._
_Old Lady._ "AH! I WAS JUST SUCH ANOTHER WHEN I WAS HER AGE."]
[Illustration: _FOLLY AND INNOCENCE._
_Charles._ "I SAY, CLARA, AIN'T IT JOLLY? I'VE MADE SUCH A CAPITAL BOOK
ON THE DERBY!"
_Clara._ "I AM SURE, CHARLES, I AM DELIGHTED TO HEAR IT. ANY LITERARY
PURSUIT MUST BE BETTER THAN THE HORRID PRACTICE YOU WERE GETTING INTO
OF BETTING AT RACES!"]
[Illustration: _IRRESISTIBLE._
_John Thomas._ "GET AWAY, BOY--GET AWAY, BOY!"
_Boy._ "SHAN'T! AND IF YER DON'T LET ME RIDE, I'LL SEND THIS 'ERE MUD
OVER YER CALVES!"]
[Illustration: _DRAWING THE LINE._
_Plush Adonis._ "I SHOULD OBSERVE, MY LADY,--THAT IF YOU ENGAGE
ME, I SHOULD REQUIRE TO BE AT LEAST SIX MONTHS IN TOWN, IN A GOOD
NEIGHBOURHOOD--AND THAT IF YOU SHOULD AT ANY TIME LIVE NORTH OF THE NEW
ROAD, I SHOULD EXPECT FIVE GUINEAS PER ANNUM INCREASE OF SALARY!"
[_Fact._
]
[Illustration: _YIELDING TO TEMPTATION._
_Mr. Hobble-de-Hoye._ "I'M VERY FOND OF 'EM--THERE'S NO ONE
LOOKING!--DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULDN'T--I WILL!--YES--I'LL HAVE A
PENN'ORTH!]"
[Illustration: _MUCH ABOVE THAT SORT OF THING._]
[Illustration: _SERVE HIM RIGHT._
_Swell_ (_who, when he is asked to dine at half-past six, thinks it
fine to come at half-past eight_). "HAW! I'M AFRAID YOU'VE BEEN WAITING
DINNAW FOR ME!"
_Lady of the House._ "OH DEAR, NO! WE HAVE DINED SOME TIME; WILL YOU
TAKE SOME TEA?"]
[Illustration: _PHYSICAL EDUCATION._]
[Illustration: _A CONSULTATION._
_Veterinary Surgeon._ "LEGS QUEER, SIR! DO YOU 'ACK 'IM OR 'UNT 'IM?"
_Proprietor of Quadruped._ "I HUNT HIM SOMETIMES, BUT I MOSTLY USE HIM
AS A HACK."
_Veterinary Surgeon._ "AH, SIR, THAT'S WHERE IT IS. IT AIN'T THE
'UNTING AS 'URTS 'IM, IT'S THE 'AMMER, 'AMMER, 'AMMER ALONG THE 'ARD
'IGH ROAD!"]
[Illustration: _THE STREET ACROBAT NUISANCE._
UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT HE IS UNOBSERVED, MR. PUDDLE OFFERS HIS HAND
AND HEART TO THE OBJECT OF HIS AFFECTIONS.]
[Illustration: _PHOTOGRAPHIC BEAUTIES._
"I SAY, MISTER, HERE'S ME AND MY MATE WANTS OUR FOTERGRUFFS TOOK; AND
MIND, WE WANTS 'EM 'ANSOM, COS THEY'RE TO GIVE TO TWO LADIES."]
[Illustration: _EQUINE._
_Dealer._ "THERE! I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO FIND A FAULT WITH HIM!"
_Customer._ "BUT HE'S GOT SUCH A BEASTLY TAIL!"
_Dealer._ "BEASTLY TAIL! THERE NEVER WAS A BAD RAT-TAILED 'OSS. WHY,
_WE GO MILES TO FIND 'EM_!"]
[Illustration: _PLEASING PROSPECT._
_Friend from Town._ "WELL! AND HOW'S THE MARE?"
_Country Friend._ "OH! ALL RIGHT, OLD BOY! SHE WILL BE AS FRESH AS
PAINT FOR YOU TO-MORROW, FOR SHE HASN'T BEEN HUNTED SINCE THE DAY SHE
PUT FRANK RAILER'S SHOULDER OUT!"]
[Illustration: _WHY NOT?_
THE GREAT MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT.--FAIR PLAY FOR THE BAKER.]
[Illustration: _A STARTLING NOVELTY IN SHIRTS._]
[Illustration: _AN OBJECT OF UNIVERSAL SYMPATHY._
MR. PEEWIT HAS A LITTLE ADDITION TO HIS FAMILY--HE IS OBLIGED TO GET
HIS MEALS ANYHOW--
AND--
ABDICATES IN FAVOUR OF THE _REAL_ MASTER OF THE HOUSE.]
[Illustration: _A HINT TO THE AUTHORITIES._
AN ECONOMICAL MODE OF PUTTING TROOPS INTO WHITE TROUSERS.]
[Illustration: _DELUSIVE NOTION._
THE YOUNG GENT WHO IS GOING TO MAKE A RAPID FORTUNE BY BETTING.]
[Illustration: _A SCENE AT A RAILWAY STATION._
_Groom._ "BEG PARDON, SIR,--BUT WOS YOUR NAME TOMKINS?"
_Tomkins._ "YES!"
_Groom._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, MASTER SAYS HE WOS WERRY SORRY AS HE
COULDN'T SEND THE FEEATON--BUT, AS HIS YOUNG 'OSS WANTED EXERCISE, HE
THOUGHT YOU WOULDN'T MIND RIDIN' OF 'IM."
[TOMKINS _bursts into a cold perspiration._
]
[Illustration: _THE UNFITNESS OF THINGS._
_Impudent Boy._ "I SAY, BILL! COME AND SEE THE CONJURING--HERE'S THIS
HERE GAL A GOIN' TO SQUEEZE HERSELF INTO THAT THERE BROOM!"]
[Illustration: _PLEASANT FOR "CHARLES DEAR."_
_Married Sister._ "OH, CHARLES DEAR! NURSE IS NOT VERY WELL, AND AS I
MUST STAY WITH BABY, WOULD YOU TAKE FREDDY AND THE TWO LITTLE ONES FOR
A WALK, ONLY CARRY THEM OVER THE CROSSINGS, THAT'S A DEAR!"]
[Illustration: _TOO MUCH!_
_Party_ (_who hates bad music in the middle of the night_). "WH-A-T!!
THE WAITS! CALLED FOR A CHRISTMAS BOX!--STOP A BIT!!"----
[_The rest is too terrible._
]
[Illustration: _MARRY ON £300 A-YEAR!_
_Passer-by_ (_to the Crossing-Sweeper_). "WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT?"
_Sweeper._ "WELL, SIR, I BELIEVE IT'S A KIND OF WEDDING; BUT IT AIN'T
LIKELY TO BE AN 'APPY UNION--ONLY TWO BROUGHAMS AND A HACK CAB!"]
[Illustration: _AN OBJECT OF SINCERE PITY._]
[Illustration: _OFFENDED DIGNITY._
_Small Swell_ (_who has just finished a Quadrille_). "H'M, THANK
GOODNESS, THAT'S OVER! DON'T GIVE ME YOUR BREAD-AND-BUTTER MISSES
TO DANCE WITH. I LIKE YOUR GROWN WOMEN OF THE WORLD!"--(_N.B. The
bread-and-butter Miss has asked him how old he was, and when he went
back to School._)]
[Illustration: _VERY LARGE NOTIONS._
_Man of the World._ "WHAT RUBBISH ALL THIS IS ABOUT MARRYING ON £300
A-YEAR! WHY, IT AIN'T ENOUGH TO BUY A FELLAH CIGARS!"]
[Illustration: _AN UNWELCOME VISITOR._
TALK OF A MAD DOG, INDEED!--WHAT'S THAT TO A WET ISLE OF SKYE TERRIER
UNDER THE BREAKFAST TABLE ON A HUNTING MORNING, AMONGST THE NICE CLEAN
TOPS AND BUCKSKINS?
[_A Favourite Lawn Meet--and not a moment to spare._
]
[Illustration: _JUVENILE WISDOM._
_Florence._ "----AND HOW OLD IS YOUR PONY, FRED?"
_Fred._ "WELL, I DON'T KNOW, EXACTLY--BUT ROBERT THINKS HE IS ABOUT
FOURTEEN YEARS!"
_Florence._ "OH!--THEN I SUPPOSE HE WILL VERY SOON BE A HORSE!"]
[Illustration: _SNOWED UP._
POOR FELLOWS! THEY CAN'T GET ANY HUNTING, AND ARE OBLIGED TO PLAY AT
SCRATCH CRADLE WITH THEIR COUSINS.]
[Illustration: _A WEIGHTY MATTER._
_Frederic_ (_a very big boy_). "THAT'S A NICEISH PONY OF YOURS,
CHARLEY.--BY THE BYE, HOW HEAVY ARE YOU?"
_Charley._ "WELL, WITHIN A POUND OF THREE STONE, I'M SORRY TO SAY."
_Frederic._ "OH, I CALL THAT A NICE WEIGHT. NOW, I'M OBLIGED TO HAVE
VERY EXPENSIVE PONIES, FOR, WITH SADDLE AND BRIDLE, I DON'T RIDE LESS
THAN FOUR STONE TWO!"]
[Illustration: _A GOOD LIVER._
_Frank._ "I SAY, GRANDPA! HAVEN'T YOU GOT SOME CHAPS COMING TO GRUB
WITH YOU TO-DAY?"
_Grandpa._ "EH! WHAT? SOME GENTLEMEN ARE COMING TO DINE WITH ME TO-DAY,
SIR, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN!"
_Frank._ "HAH! SAME THING! WELL, LOOK HERE! YOUR COOK ISN'T A GREAT
HAND AT A SALAD--NOW THAT'S A THING I FLATTER MYSELF I UNDERSTAND
BETTER THAN MOST MEN--SO, IF YOU LIKE, I'LL MIX YOU ONE!"]
[Illustration: _THE OLD FOXHUNTER._
_Flora._ "WELL, RONALD! AND HOW DO YOU LIKE ROTTEN ROW?"
_Ronald._ "OH, PRETTY WELL; BUT IT'S RATHER SLOW WORK TO A MAN WHO HAS
BEEN ACCUSTOMED TO GO ACROSS COUNTRY AS I HAVE ALL MY LIFE!"]
[Illustration: _MELANCHOLY._
_Lord Eustace_ (_a young Nobleman in love_). "TELL ME, THOMPSON, ARE
THOSE THE BIRDS?"
_Thompson_ (_his confidential Servant_). "YES, MY LORD."
_Eust._ "THEY ARE YOUNG?"
_Thomp._ "THEY ARE, MY LORD."
_Eust._ "AND THE WINE?"
_Thomp._ "LAFITTE--44, MY LORD."
_Eust._ "YOU HAVE DRAWN THE CURTAINS?"
_Thomp._ "EVEN SO, MY LORD."
_Eust._ "AND YOU HAVE PLACED SOME COALS UPON THE FIRE?"
_Thomp._ "MY LORD, THIS MOMENT I HAVE DONE SO."
_Eust._ "THEN--THEN--LEAVE ME!!"
[_And his Lordship pegs away at the Birds, drinks a Bottle of Claret,
and feels all the better._
]
[Illustration: _OUT OF THE FASHION._
"WHY, FWED!--WHAWT'S THE MATTER WITH YOUR LEGS?"
"WHY, YOU SEE, PEG-TOP TROUSERS ARE GETTING SO COMMON, I'M GOING TO
GIVE NATURE A CHANCE!"]
[Illustration: _REMARKABLE OCCURRENCE._
ON THE MORNING AFTER THE DISPENSARY BALL, AS EMILY DEUXTEMPS AND CLARA
POLKINGTON WERE SITTING IN THE PLANTATION, WHO SHOULD COME TO THE VERY
SPOT BUT CAPTAIN FASTMAN AND YOUNG REGINALD FIPPS!]
[Illustration: "_BLESS YOU! BLESS YOU!_"]
[Illustration: _WHO WILL SERVE THE COUNTRY?_
_Recruiting Sergeant._ "NOW, BRAVE BOYS, WITH THOSE WHISKERS AND
SHOULDERS, YOU SHOULD BE WITH US, AND--I'M SURE THE LADIES WOULD EXCUSE
YOU!"]
[Illustration: _WE'LL SERVE THE SHOP!_]
[Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM_;]
AND
[Illustration: _FINELADYISM._
_First Elegant Mamma._ "HOW SHOCKING THIS IS!--THE WAY NURSERYMAIDS
NEGLECT THE CHILDREN!"
_Second Do._ "YES, DEAR! AND I DON'T SEE THAT ANYTHING CAN BE DONE.
FOR WHAT WITH PARTIES, AND THE TIME ONE NATURALLY DEVOTES TO DRESSING,
AND THE NUMEROUS CALLS ONE HAS TO MAKE, ONE CAN'T LOOK AFTER ONE'S OWN
CHILDREN, YOU KNOW!"]
[Illustration: _THE ADVENT OF SPRING._
"THE DEAR GIRLS REALLY MUST HAVE SOME NEW BONNETS, FOR THEY CANNOT
POSSIBLY WEAR THOSE NASTY, SHABBY, DIRTY, OLD WINTER THINGS ANY
LONGER."]
[Illustration: _THE VALENTINE._
_Little Foot Page._ "I SAY, MARIA, WHAT'S A RHYME TO CUPID?"
_Maria._ "WHY, STUPID RHYMES TO CUPID--DON'T IT, STUPID?"]
[Illustration: _TASTE._
_Shop-girl_ (_who has been expected to possess_ TENNYSON'S "_Miller's
Daughter_"). "NO, MISS! WE'VE NOT GOT THE MILLER'S BUT HERE'S THE
RATCATCHER'S DAUGHTER, JUST PUBLISHED!!"]
[Illustration: _INSULTING A REFUGEE._
_Rude Boy._ "OH CRIKEY, BILL, IF 'ERE AIN'T THE GREAT ORANGOUTANG BEEN
TO A TAILOR, AND GOT RIGGED OUT AS A SWELL!"]
[Illustration: _A SKETCH FROM THE STAND AT SCARBORO'._
_Fair Equestrian._ "OH! I WANT TO RIDE ON THE SANDS WITH THIS LITTLE
BOY.--HAVE YOU A HORSE DISENGAGED FOR HIM? ANY BIT OF A PONY THING, YOU
KNOW, WILL DO FOR ME!"]
[Illustration: _A WHOLESOME CONCLUSION._
_Lady Crinoline._ "YES, LOVE--A VERY PRETTY CHURCH, BUT THE DOOR IS
CERTAINLY VERY NARROW!"]
[Illustration: _INTERESTING GROUP POSED FOR A PHOTOGRAPH_
BY A FRIEND OF THE FAMILY.]
[Illustration: _INTERESTING AND VALUABLE RESULT._]
[Illustration: _OLD BOYS._
_Old Boy_ (_loq._). "OH, SHE'S A CHARMING GYUIRL, AND, UPON MY SAUL! I
THINK SHE LIKES ME AMAZINGLY!"]
[Illustration: _VERY ALARMING, INDEED._
_Professional Man._--"AH! IT'S VERY LUCKY YOU CAME TO ME IN TIME.--YOU
SEE, MA'AM, YOU HAVE HAD INFLAMMATION OF THE BRONCHIAL TUBES, WHICH,
ACTING UPON THE FLEXOR LONGUS DIGITORUM PEDIS, HAS OCCASIONED AN
ABRASION OF THE DIGASTRICUS, OR, AS SOME CALL IT, THE BIVENTER MAXILLÆ
INFERIORIS; AND WHICH MIGHT HAVE ENDED IN CONFIRMED DELIRIUM TREMENS,
OR EVEN PREMATURE ELEPHANTIASIS. HOWEVER, I DARESAY, &c., &c., &c.
[_Old Lady gasps for breath._
]
[Illustration: _POLITENESS AS IN PARIS._
(_A Perfidious Misrepresentation, of course._)]
[Illustration: _IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FLATTERY._
_Jules_ (_who affects English manners and customs_). "GOOD--A--BY, OLE
BOY! I GO TO MAKE A PROMENADE IN MY TO-CAR."
(_Which being interpreted means that Jules is going for a drive in his
Dog-Cart._])
[Illustration: _VERY ODD!_
_Lecturer on Electro-Biology._ "NOW, SIR! YOU CAN'T JUMP OVER THAT
STICK! AHEM!"
_Subject._ "JUMP? EH! UGH! LOR BLESS ME, JUMP! NO, I KNOW I
CAN'T--NEVER COULD JUMP--UGH!"
[_Thunders of applause from the Gentlemen in the cane-bottom
chairs_--(_i.e. believers_).
]
[Illustration: _A TENDER POINT._
_Irish Jarvie_ (_with much excitement_). "NOT FAST ENOUGH! IS IT? OH
THIN, YER 'ONOR, JIST JUMP UP, TILL I TIRRIFY YE THE WAY I'LL ROWL
ALONG!"]
[Illustration: _STUMPED OUT._
_Apothecary's Boy_ (_to party rather proud of his Horsemanship_). "I
SAY, MISTER, MIND WHAT YOU'RE AT, OR YOU'LL BE OFF THE _SHOPBOARD_!"]
[Illustration: _A GENEROUS OFFER._
_Small Sweeper_ (_to Crimean Hero_). "NOW, CAPTAIN, GIVE US A COPPER,
AND I'LL SEE YER SAFE OVER THE CROSSING!"]
[Illustration: _NOT A BAD IDEA FOR WARM WEATHER._
_Frederick._ "NOW, GIRLS, PULL AWAY--DON'T BE IDLE!"]
[Illustration: _A QUIET LOOK AT THE COUNTRY._
_Frank._ "THERE, CHARLEY! WE HAVE A GOOD MANY OF THOSE LITTLE DOUBLES
HERE; BUT, BLESS YOU! OUR HORSES THINK NOTHING OF 'EM!"
_Charley_ (_who is not to be beaten_). "HA, I SEE!--NICE CLEAN JUMPING!
NOW, IN OUR COUNTRY THE FENCES ARE BIG AND CRAMPED!"]
[Illustration: _PATERFAMILIAS HAS HIS HOLIDAY AT THE SEA-SIDE_-- -- ]
[Illustration: -- -- _WHILE A RESPECTABLE ELDERLY FEMALE TAKES CARE OF
THE HOUSE IN TOWN._]
[Illustration: _PLEASING DELUSION. IN RE THE ROUND HATS._
_Female._ "WELL! THERE CAN BE NO QUESTION ABOUT ONE THING!--THEY
CERTAINLY DO MAKE YOU LOOK YOUNGER!"]
[Illustration: _THE ROUND HAT AGAIN._
_Mrs. Popps._ "WELL, WHAT I SAY IS, THEY ARE VERY BECOMING--AND
UNCOMMON COMFORTABLE?"]
[Illustration: _OH! WHAT A HUMBUG!_
_Amelia._ "MAMMA, DEAR! HERE'S A NOTE FROM DEAR WILLIAM, WITH A
BOX FOR THE OPERA, I SHOULDN'T WONDER." (_Reads_):--"_My darling
Amelia, Circumstances over which I have no control will take me as
far as Greenwich. I have left my Latch-key--please to get it from
the Waistcoat I took off, and send it by the Bearer to your ever
affectionate Kidums._"]
[Illustration: _A PEACE CONFERENCE._
_Flora._ "OH, I AM SO GLAD--DEAR HARRIET--THERE IS A CHANCE OF PEACE--I
AM MAKING THESE SLIPPERS AGAINST DEAR ALFRED COMES BACK!"
_Cousin Tom._ "HAH, WELL!--I AIN'T QUITE SO ANXIOUS ABOUT PEACE--FOR,
YOU SEE, SINCE THOSE SOLDIER CHAPS HAVE BEEN ABROAD, WE CIVILIANS HAVE
HAD IT PRETTY MUCH OUR OWN WAY WITH THE GURLS!"]
[Illustration: _A POSER._
_Darling._ "OH, MAMMA, DEAR! WHAT SPLENDID FLOWERS!"
_Mamma._ "YES, DEAR, PUT IT DOWN. THAT IS MY WREATH. I'M GOING TO THE
OPERA!"
_Darling._ "OH! AND WHEN I GROW A BIG LADY, MAY I WEAR A WREATH, AND GO
TO THE OPERA?"
_Mamma._ "WELL, DEAR, I HOPE SO!"
_Darling._ "WHAT, AND TAKE MY BEAUTIFUL VELVET AND GOLD CHURCH SERVICE
UNCLE CHARLES GAVE ME?"]
[Illustration: _THE PICNIC.--OVERTAKEN BY THE TIDE._]
[Illustration: _AN OBJECT OF ATTRACTION._
BOWKER, WHO IS FOND OF NICE THINGS FOR BREAKFAST, AND SOMETIMES MARKETS
FOR HIMSELF, BECOMES AN OBJECT OF INTEREST FROM HAVING LAID IN A FEW
BLOATERS, AND HALF-A-POUND OF FRESH CAMBRIDGE SAUSAGES, FROM BOND
STREET--AND WHICH SAUSAGES AND BLOATERS ARE IN HIS COAT-POCKET.]
[Illustration: _A STRONG-BACKED CAR. SCENE--IRELAND._
_Tourist._ "WELL, BUT MY GOOD FELLOW, YOU CAN'T CARRY US, AND ALL OUR
LUGGAGE!"
_Car Driver._ "OGH, NIVER FEAR, YER 'ONOUR, SHURE I'D CARRY _TWICED_ AS
MUCH!"]
[Illustration: _THE NEW PURCHASE._
_Mr. Muff._ "BUT--THEY SAID HE WAS WELL KNOWN IN THIS HUNT!"
_Farmer._ "OH, YES--AND SO HE IS VERY WELL KNOWN. HE'S BROKE MORE
COLLAR BONES THAN ALL THE 'OSSES IN ENGLAND."
[Illustration: _AQUATIC MANOEUVRES._
BY MUCH THE PLEASANTEST WAY OF SEA-BATHING IS TO TAKE A BOAT, AND HAVE
A GOOD SWIM IN THE CLEAR BLUE WATER--AND ISN'T IT NICE SCRAMBLING INTO
THE BOAT AGAIN! EH?]
[Illustration: _A PAINFUL SUBJECT._
_Lieutenant Fopson_ (_of the 121st, to his Elder Brother, who is home
for the Holidays_).--"A-SAY, OLD FELLAH!--DON'T YOU WISH YOU HAD LEFT
SCHOOL?--IT MUST BE SUCH A HORRID BAW TO BE FLOGGED FOR SMOKING!"]
[Illustration: _THE NEW REGULATION MESS._
_Swell Soldier._ "WHAT, DINE OFF WOAST AND BOILED, JUST LIKE
SNOBS--NO!--BY JOVE!--I SHALL CUT THE ARMY, AND GO INTO THE CHURCH!"]
[Illustration: _THE GREAT TOBACCO CONTROVERSY._
_Clara_ (_emphatically_). "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, FRANK--I SHALL
ALWAYS THINK IT A _NASTY_, _ODIOUS_, _DIRTY_, _FILTHY_, _DISGUSTING_,
AND _MOST OBJECTIONABLE_ HABIT!"
_Frank._ "HAW!--NOW, I'M REALLY SURPRISED, CLARA, TO HEAR SUCH A CLEVER
GIRL AS YOU ARE RUNNING DOWN SMOKING IN SUCH STRONG LANGUAGE--FOR IT'S
ADMITTED, BY ALL SENSIBLE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, THAT IT'S THE _ABUSE OF
TOBACCO_ THAT'S WRONG!"
[_Which little bit of sophistry completely vanquishes_ CLARA.
]
[Illustration: _AT PARIS._
A SKETCH FROM THE BOULEVARD.]
[Illustration: _A YOUTHFUL SAGE._
_Studious Boy._ "JOHNNY!--I ADVISE YOU NOT TO BE A GOOD BOY!"
_Johnny._ "WHY?"
_Studious Boy._ "BECAUSE IN BOOKS ALL GOOD BOYS DIE, YOU KNOW!"]
[Illustration: _ASTONISHING A YOUNG ONE._
_Dick_ (_to little Brother_). "HAH! THIS IS ONE OF THE DISAGREEABLES IN
BEING GROWN UP. WHY, BLESS YOU, IF I DIDN'T SHAVE TWICE A DAY THIS WARM
WEATHER, I SHOULD NOT BE FIT TO BE SEEN!"]
[Illustration: _MONSTERS OF THE POOL._
MASTER GEORGE AND THE DRAGON-FLIES. AS THEY APPEARED TO HIS EXCITED
IMAGINATION WHEN HE WAS OUT FISHING THE OTHER DAY.]
[Illustration: _THE HUMOURS OF THE STREET._
_Delightful Boy._ "OH! LOOK 'ERE, JIM! HERE'S A SWELL--LET'S FRIGHTEN
'IS 'ORSE!"]
[Illustration: _CAUTION TO TRAVELLERS._
NEVER GO TO SLEEP WHILE YOU ARE HAVING YOUR HAIR CUT IN PARIS, OR IT
MAY BE CUT IN THE FIRST STYLE OF FASHION!]
[Illustration: _EXCURSION BOAT, AFTER A RATHER BOISTEROUS PASSAGE,
ARRIVES AT 2.30 P.M._
_Ticket Collector_ (_without any feeling_). "TICKETS, SIR! THANKYE,
SIR! BOAT RETURNS AT 3!"]
[Illustration: "_TICKLED WITH A STRAW._"
_Advertising Medium._ "COME, NOW, YOU LEAVE ORF! OR I'LL CALL THE
PERLICE!"]
[Illustration: _IMPERTINENT CURIOSITY._
_Military Man._ "WELL! WHAT ARE YER A STARIN' AT?--AIN'T YER NEVER SEED
A SODGER BEFORE?"]
[Illustration: _IN CAMP._
_Juvenile_ (_à propos of Highlander in sentry-box_). "OH! MY WIG,
CHARLEY, WHAT A JOLLY JACK-IN-THE-GREEN HE'D MAKE!"]
[Illustration: _SANITAS._
"HEY, COLIN! DINNA YE KEN THE WATTER'S FOR DRINK, AND NAE FOR
BATHIN'?"]
[Illustration: _THE QUADRILLE IN HOT WEATHER._
_Stout Party_ (_who suffers much from heat, and has in vain
attempted to conceal himself_). "OH, I BELIEVE WE ARE ENGAGED FOR
THIS DANCE. I'VE BEEN--THAT IS--I'VE--EH?--I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR
YOU--A--A--EVERYWHERE--PHEW!"]
[Illustration: _OH YES, OF COURSE._
_Lizzie._ "OH, MR. POFFLES, I FIND I HAVE MADE A MISTAKE--I SEE I WAS
ENGAGED FOR THIS DANCE."]
[Illustration: _FEMININE AMENITIES._
_Sensitive Party._ "WHO IS THAT GIRL WITH THE NEZ RETROUSSÉ?"
_Amiable Party_ (_who has rather a prominent beak_). "NEZ RETROUSSÉ! DO
YOU MEAN THAT GIRL WITH THE PUG NOSE?"]
[Illustration: _A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR MUGGINS._
"LARK! I SAY! WHAT'LL MY OLD MAN THINK WHEN HE SEE ME IN THIS 'ERE
'AT?"]
[Illustration: _HUSBAND-TAMING._]
[Illustration: _RESULT OF ALLOWING LADIES TO WITNESS RAREY'S
HORSE-TAMING EXHIBITION._
_Mrs. Blanch._ "I ASSURE YOU, MY LOVE, HE IS COMPLETELY UNDER MY
CONTROL. HE NEVER TALKS NOW OF SUCH A THING AS GOING TO HIS CLUB OR
DINING AT GREENWICH WITH HIS BACHELOR FRIENDS, AND HE WILL READ TO ME
WHILE I WORK FOR THE HOUR TOGETHER."
_Mrs. Catherine._ "OH, I MUST CERTAINLY LEARN THE ART. FOR MY AUGUSTUS
IS REALLY DREADFUL!"]
[Illustration: _THE LOVERS' QUARREL._
_Frederick._ "BUT I ASSURE YOU, DEAREST----"
_Emily._ "OH, NONSENSE, FREDERICK!--DON'T TELL ME! I JUDGE BY DEEDS,
NOT WORDS; AND I AM SURE YOU CANNOT REALLY LOVE ME, OR YOU NEVER WOULD
HAVE GIVEN THAT HORRID MISS CLAPPERTON THE WING OF THE CHICKEN, AND ME
THE LEG. BESIDES, YOU HANDED THE STRAWBERRIES FIRST TO FLORA GIGGLES,
AND YOU KNOW HOW I HATE HER."]
[Illustration: _A SKETCH DURING THE RECENT GALE._]
[Illustration: _TERRIFIC ACCIDENT._
BURSTING OF OLD MRS. TWADDLE'S AQUA-VIVARIUM. THE OLD LADY MAY BE
OBSERVED ENDEAVOURING TO PICK UP HER FAVOURITE EEL WITH THE TONGS, A
WORK REQUIRING SOME ADDRESS.]
[Illustration: _THE MARRIAGE QUESTION._
_Lady Flora._ "FOUR-IN-HAND CLUB, INDEED! FOR MY PART, I THINK YOUNG
MEN OF FORTUNE MIGHT EMPLOY THEIR TIME MUCH BETTER THAN DRIVING HORSES
TO GREENWICH! DON'T YOU, ALICE?"
_Alice_ (_with a tremendous sigh_). "OH, YES! DEAR!"
]
MR. PUNCH'S ADVICE TO HOUSEKEEPERS.
[Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. I.
FOR EXAMPLE:--BY GETTING UP AT DAY-BREAK, CLEANING OUT YOUR STABLE, AND
TAKING THE HORSES OUT FOR EXERCISE, YOU WILL ACCOMPLISH YOUR OBJECT.]
[Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. II.
AND----ENABLE THE GROOMS TO GET THEIR BREAKFAST COMFORTABLY, AND SO
KEEP THEM IN GOOD HUMOUR FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.]
[Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. III.
HAVING THOROUGHLY DRESSED AND FED THE HORSES, YOU HAD BETTER SET TO
WORK UPON THE BOOTS OF THE ESTABLISHMENT. THE KNIVES, AS YOU HAVE A
MACHINE, YOU MAY AS WELL DO. AND, WHILE YOUR HANDS ARE SOILED, YOU HAD
BETTER HELP ALPHONSO TO CARRY UP SOME COALS.]
[Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. IV.
THERE CAN BE NO REASON WHY THE GIRLS SHOULDN'T DRESS THEMSELVES, THAT
PARKER THE MAID MAY GO TO HER DANCING.]
[Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. V.
AS FOR JOHN THOMAS, THE BEST PLAN, OF COURSE, IS TO WAIT UPON _HIM_,
AND THEN, PERHAPS (ALTHOUGH IT BY NO MEANS FOLLOWS), HE MAY BE
SATISFIED!
[_As most Domestics are fond of the Organ-grinders, you had better
engage one of an evening for their amusement._
]
[Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT YOURSELF._"--No. VI.
IT IS CERTAINLY BETTER TO MIND THE BROUGHAM YOURSELF, ESPECIALLY IN
FOGGY WEATHER, AS, IN CONSEQUENCE OF ROBERT'S UNFORTUNATE PROPENSITY,
YOUR FAMILY ARE ALWAYS MORE OR LESS IN DANGER WHEN RETURNING FROM
THE THEATRE. ]
[Illustration: "_IF YOU WANT A THING DONE, DO IT
YOURSELF._"--No. VII.
NEVER DISTURB THE MAIDS IN THE MORNING, BUT JUMP OUT OF BED THE MOMENT
YOU HEAR THE SWEEP, AND LET HIM IN; IT ISN'T MUCH TROUBLE, AND SAVES A
WORLD OF GRUMBLING.]
[Illustration: _DOMESTIC DOCTORING._
FOR A COLD IN THE HEAD THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A STEAM BATH, AND THIS CAN
BE HAD IN YOUR OWN BEDROOM WITH THE GREATEST EASE--YOU HAVE ONLY TO----]
[Illustration: TAKE CARE THAT YOU MANAGE THE APPARATUS PROPERLY.]
[Illustration: "_WHERE IGNORANCE IS BLISS, 'TIS FOLLY TO BE WISE!_"
(_New Version._)
"I SAY, JIM, VOT'S A PANIC?"
"BLOW'D IF I KNOW; BUT THERE'S VON TO BE SEEN IN THE CITY."]
[Illustration: _A PRETTY KETTLE OF FISH._
_Puseyite Parson._ "WHAT! WANT TO LEAVE YOUR SITUATION! WHY, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE PERFECTLY SATISFIED!"
_Cook._ "WELL, SIR, THE FACT IS, I AIN'T EQUAL TO THEM FAST DAYS;
FOR WHAT WITH A HEGG HERE, AND A HEGG THERE, AND LITTLE BITS O' FISH
FOR BREAKFASTES, AND LITTLE BITS O' FISH FOR DINNERS, AND THE SWEET
OMELICKS, AND THE FRIED AND THE STEWED HOYSTERS, AND THE BASHAWED
LOBSTERSES, AND ONE THINK AND THE HOTHER, THERE'S SO MUCH COOKING, THAT
I AIN'T EVEN TIME TO MAKE UP A CAP!"]
[Illustration: _CATCHING A TARTAR._
_Irritable Old Gentleman_ (_giving Conductor a tremendous poke in the
ribs_). "HOLLO, THERE! STOP! WHAT THE D * * * * CONFOUND YOU, DIDN'T I
TELL YOU TO STOP AT ACACIA VILLA?"
_Extremely Civil Conductor._ "DEAR ME, SO YOU DID, SIR--BEG YOUR
PARDON, I'M SURE, SIR, BUT I REALLY QUITE FORGOT IT."
_Irritable Old Gentleman._ "D-D-DON'T BEG MY PARDON, YOU IMPUDENT
SCOUNDREL!--IF YOU GIVE ME ANY OF YOUR BAD LANGUAGE, I'LL HAVE YOU UP
AS SURE AS YOU'RE BORN."]
[Illustration: _TOUCHING._
_Groom_ (_to Old Coachman_). "WHY, GUV'NR, WHAT HEVER'S THE MATTER?"
_Old Coachman_ (_sobbing_). "AH, WILLIAM! MOST AFFECTIN' SIGHT! I'VE
JUST SEEN THE FOUR-IN-HAND CLUB GOING DOWN TO GREENWICH! TEN ON 'EM!
BEAUTIFUL TEAMS! AND DRIVEN BY REG'LAR TIP-TOP SWELLS! IT'S BIN A'MOST
TOO MUCH FOR ME!"
[_Is relieved by tears._
]
[Illustration: _FLUNKEIANA._
_John Thomas._ "YES, I MUST LEAVE. YOU SEE, MARY, MY DEAR--THERE'S TOO
MUCH RED IN THE LIVERY, AND THAT DON'T SUIT MY COMPLEXION--NEVER DID!"]
[Illustration: _MEASURE FOR MEASURE._
"THIS IS ABOUT THE MARK, I THINK."]
[Illustration: _IMITATION IS THE SINCEREST FLATTERY._
_Sarah Jane To Betsy Ann._ "OH, YES! IF IT COMES TO THAT, YOU KNOW,
PEOPLE CAN STICK OUT AS MUCH AS OTHER PEOPLE--I ALWAYS WEARS ONE O'
MOTHER'S OLD CLOTHES-BASKETS."]
[Illustration: _MALAPROPOS._
_Swell_ (_loq._). "IN FACT, I'M QUITE USED UP--AND IF I DON'T VERY SOON
GET TO SOME WATERING PLACE, I SHALL BE A--A--"
[_Cartman pulls string--Grand display of the whole system of Fountains._
]
[Illustration: "_AN ART THAT DOTH DISFIGURE NATURE._"
MR. BELVILLE DE COURCY WALKS ON THE ESPLANADE, UNDER THE IDEA THAT HE
IS CREATING NO END OF SENSATION IN A CERTAIN DRAWING-ROOM.
ALAS! HE LITTLE KNOWS, THAT OWING TO THE VERY INFERIOR QUALITY OF THE
GLASS IN THAT DRAWING-ROOM WINDOW, HIS SPLENDID FIGURE IS DISTORTED AS
ABOVE.]
[Illustration: _ON THE JETTY._
YES, MY DEARS; I KNOW THE SEA-BREEZE AFTER BATHING IS BENEFICIAL TO THE
BACK HAIR;--BUT CONSIDER THE HEART OF YOUR TOO SUSCEPTIBLE PUNCH!]
[Illustration: _A WATER ABSTAINER._
_Disgusting Boy._ "I SAY, CLARA!--I'M SO JOLLY GLAD, I AM. DO YOU KNOW,
ALL THE PIPES ARE FROZE, AND WE SHAN'T BE ABLE TO HAVE ANY OF THAT
HORRID WASHING THESE COLD MORNINGS!--AIN'T IT PRIME!"
[_Sensation._
]
[Illustration: _A MORAL LESSON FROM THE NURSERY._
_Arthur._ "DO YOU KNOW, FREDDY, THAT WE ARE ONLY MADE OF DUST!"
_Freddy._ "ARE WE? THEN I'M SURE WE OUGHT TO BE VERY CAREFUL HOW WE
PITCH INTO EACH OTHER SO, FOR FEAR WE MIGHT CRUMBLE EACH OTHER ALL TO
PIECES!"]
[Illustration: _THE DISAPPOINTED ONE._
_Lover._ "WHAT A BORE, JUST AS I WAS GOING TO POP THE QUESTION TO JENNY
JONES, HERE'S MY NURSE COME FOR ME!"]
[Illustration: _BROTHERS IN ARMS._]
[Illustration: _ADDING INSULT TO INJURY._
NOBBS HAVING COME WITH HIS FAMILY TO THE SEA-SIDE FOR A LITTLE CHANGE
OF SCENE, COMPLAINS THAT THEY HAVE BEEN TERRIBLY BITTEN BY--(BUT NO, WE
WILL NOT MENTION THE HORRID CREATURES)--AND IS ADDRESSED THUS BY THE
LODGING-HOUSE KEEPER: "THEN HALL I CAN SAY, SIR, HIS--THAT IF YOU'VE
BEEN HILL-CONWENIENCED BY 'EM, YOU MUST 'A BROUGHT 'EM DOWN WITH YOU IN
YOUR PORTMANTEL!"]
[Illustration: _A BIT OF A BREEZE._
MR. WIGGINS HAS A FINE OPPORTUNITY OF DISPLAYING HIS POLITENESS AND
ACTIVITY]
[Illustration: _HORRIBLE QUESTION AFTER A GREENWICH DINNER._
_Foot-Boy._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, COOK TOLD ME TO ASK YOU WHAT FISH
YOU'D LIKE TO-DAY?"]
[Illustration: _AWKWARD PREDICAMENT._
_Young Sparrow._ "OH, I'M SORRY TO TROUBLE YOU, UNCLE--BUT COULD
YOU LEND ME A RAZOR? MY CONFOUNDED FELLOW HASN'T PACKED UP MY
DRESSING-CASE!"]
[Illustration: _ALARMING PROPOSITION._
_Oyster-Man_ (_to Hairy Gents_). "OYSTERS, SIR! YES, SIR! SHALL I TAKE
YER BEARDS OFF?"
[_Gents have an uncomfortable idea that they are being chaffed._
]
[Illustration: _EPIGRAMMATIC._
_Gentleman._ "LETS HAVE A BOILED MACKEREL."
_Waiter._ "BILED, SIR! BETTER HAVE 'EM BRILED, SIR. IF THEY'RE BILED,
THEY'RE SPILED, SIR!"]
[Illustration: _A SKETCH AT A RAILWAY STATION._
_Respectable Citizen_ (_reads Placard_). "'_The Public are cautioned
against Card-Sharpers, Gamblers, and Pickpockets._' * * * WHY, I
THOUGHT SUCH PEOPLE WAS ALL DONE AWAY WITH. DIDN'T YOU, MO?"]
[Illustration: _HI ART._
_Parent._ "I SHOULD LIKE YOU TO BE VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT HIS HAIR."
_Photographic Artist (!)._ "OH, MUM, THE 'AIR IS HEASY ENOUGH! IT'S THE
HI'S WHERE WE FIND THE DIFFICULTY."]
[Illustration: _OUR LAZY CONTRIBUTOR._
"THE VERY IDEA OF WORK THIS BEAUTIFUL WEATHER IS REPUGNANT TO MY
FEELINGS."
[_Extract from our Young Friend * * *'s Letter._
]
[Illustration: _GOING OUT OF TOWN._
_Mary._ "IF YOU PLEASE, SIR, MISSUS SAY YOU MUST FIND ROOM FOR THIS IN
YOUR PORTMANTEL."]
[Illustration: _THE ROAD._
_Gent_ (_with much pride_). "THERE'S ONE THING, 'ARRY, AS ALWAYS
STRIKES ME A GOING DOWN TO THE DARBY, AND THAT IS HOW THE NUMBER OF
SPLENDID EQUIPAGES MUST ASTONISH THE FOREIGNER!"]
[Illustration: _SERIOUS THING FOR BROWN_,
WHO RATHER PRIDES HIMSELF UPON THE ELEGANT MANNER IN WHICH HE TAKES OFF
HIS HAT. THIS TIME, HOWEVER, ALTHOUGH THE HAT IS REMOVED, THE LINING
STICKS.]
[Illustration: _BEAUTY IN DISTRESS._
_Gallant Swell_ (_who of course comes to the rescue_). "HAW! CAN I BE
OF ANY SERVICE?"
_Beauty._ "OH, YES! IF YOU WOULD SIT UPON THE HORSE'S HEAD, I SHOULD BE
_SO_ MUCH OBLIGED."]
[Illustration: _COMMON OBJECTS AT THE SEA-SIDE--GENERALLY FOUND UPON
THE ROCKS AT LOW WATER._]
[Illustration: _THE ARTISTIC (!) STUDIO._
_A Stereoscopic Scene from Fashionable Life._
"_Love, Pride, Revenge._"--THE GROUP REPRESENTS A YOUNG MINSTREL OF
HUMBLE ORIGIN, DECLARING HIS PASSION TO A LADY OF NOBLE PARENTAGE. HER
HAUGHTY BROTHER, AS MAY BE SEEN FROM HIS MENACING ATTITUDE, IS ABOUT TO
AVENGE THE INSULT OFFERED TO HIS FAMILY!]
[Illustration: _A TRYING THING FOR TOOTLES_,
WHO SEES THE OBJECT OF HIS ADMIRATION FLY OVER A HOG-BACKED STILE, HE
HAVING THE GREATEST AVERSION TO TIMBER.]
[Illustration: _CRINOLINE FOR EVER!--NO BATHING-MACHINE REQUIRED._
A HINT FOR THE SEA-SIDE.]
[Illustration: _NAUTICAL STYLE._]
[Illustration: _ALWAYS BE POLITE WHEN TRAVELLING._
_Affable Young Gent_ (_who is never distant to Strangers_). "WOULD YOU
LIKE TO SEE _Bell's Life_, SIR? THERE'S AN OUT-AND-OUT STUNNING MILL
BETWEEN CONKEY JIM AND THE PORKY ONE!"]
[Illustration: _A YOUNG SPORTSMAN_.
_Lucy._ "WELL, REGINALD, AND WHEN DO YOU GO BACK TO SCHOOL?"
_Reginald._ "OH! THE DAY AFTER TO-MORROW!--AND AIN'T IT A BORE, JUST AS
ONE'S HUNTERS ARE IN SUCH SPLENDID CONDITION?"]
[Illustration: _QUITE A CHEAP TRIP._
DURING SOME OF THE WINTER MONTHS, WITH A NICE BRACING NORTH-EAST WIND
BLOWING, YOU MAY GO TO MANCHESTER AND BACK FOR 5_s_.--AN OPPORTUNITY
NOT TO BE LOST--OH DEAR, NO!]
[Illustration: _'ARRY AND 'ARRIET._]
[Illustration: _MALICIOUS._
_Flora._ "CAN YOU STILL SEE THE STEAMER, LUCY, DEAR?"
_Lucy._ "OH, YES, QUITE PLAINLY!"
_Flora._ "AND DEAR, DEAR WILLIAM, TOO?"
_Lucy._ "OH, YES!"
_Flora._ "DOES HE SEEM UNHAPPY, NOW HE IS AWAY FROM ME?"
_Lucy._ "EVIDENTLY, I SHOULD SAY, DEAR; FOR HE IS SMOKING A CIGAR, AND
DRINKING SOMETHING OUT OF A TUMBLER TO CHEER HIM, POOR FELLOW!"]
[Illustration: _DISGUSTING FOR AUGUSTUS._
_Augustus_ (_who was rapidly coming to the point_). "THEN, EMILY!
OH, MAY I CALL YOU EMILY?--SWEETEST!--BEST!--SAY THAT YOU WILL NOT
GO--WITHOUT----"
_Fish-woman_ (_cuts in_). "ANY FEESH TO-DAY, MARM?--ANY MACKEREEL,
SOLES, OR WHITING?"]
[Illustration: _QUITE A SEDUCTIVE SON OF MARS._
_Lady._ "AND SO, CAPTAIN--THEY SAY YOU ARE GOING TO TURN BENEDICK?"
_Adonis._ "WHY, YA-AS--AW--I DIDN'T WISH TO--BUT--AW--IN FACT, LADY
MARY'S ATTENTIONS BECAME SO MARKED--THAT--AW--THE THING AW--WAS
INEVITABLE--AW."]
[Illustration: _PLEASURES OF TRAVEL._
_Chambermaid._ "VERY SORRY, BUT YOUR LUGGAGE HAS GONE ON TO LONDON,
SIR."]
[Illustration: _CRINOLINE ON THE WATER._
_Waterman._ "YOU'VE NO CALL TO BE AFEARD, MISS; WE'RE LICENSED TO CARRY
SIX!"]
[Illustration: _GOING TO CHURCH--SCARBOROUGH._]
[Illustration: _A DAY VERY LATE IN THE SEASON.--SAY, THE FIRST OF
APRIL._
THE O.P.Q. HOUNDS HAVE A RATTLING HOUR AND TEN MINUTES AFTER A GOOD
STOUT BUTTERFLY, OVER A SPLENDID PRIMROSE AND VIOLET COUNTRY.----
_Huntsman_ (_loq._). "SHALL I GIVE THE WINGS TO THE LADY, SIR?"]
[Illustration: _SENSIBLE RIDING COSTUME FOR WARM WEATHER._]
[Illustration: _IT MUST BE ALL RIGHT!_
_Mamma._ "I WONDER WHERE THAT CHILD, ARTHUR, IS--HE IS VERY QUIET. I
HOPE HE IS NOT IN MISCHIEF."
_Child._ "OH, NO, MAMMA, DEAR! HE'S NOT IN MISCHIEF, FOR HE IS IN THE
LIBRARY, PLAYING WITH THE PENS AND INK."]
[Illustration: _AN ASTONISHING REQUEST._
_Fast Young Lady_ (_to Old Gent_). "HAVE YOU SUCH A THING AS A LUCIFER
ABOUT YOU, FOR I'VE LEFT MY CIGAR-LIGHTS AT HOME!"]
[Illustration: _THE UNEXPECTED ALWAYS HAPPENS._
DISMAY OF TOOTLES AT HEARING A STRANGER COMMENCE "THE STANDARD
BEARER"--A SONG WHICH HE (TOOTLES) HAS BEEN PRACTISING FOR MONTHS,
WITH THE VIEW OF CREATING A SENSATION AT MRS. BLOWER'S MUSICAL
EVENING.--UNFORTUNATELY, TOO, FOR TOOTLES, "THE STANDARD BEARER" IS HIS
ONLY SONG!]
[Illustration: _A MASTER OF THE ART._]
[Illustration: _THE LAST ALTERATION._
_Small Boy._ "OH, AIN'T IT A SHAME! THEY'RE A-GOING TO TAKE OFF THEM
POOR COVES' BOOTS AND COATS, AND PUT 'EM ON FROCKS AND TROWSERS."]
[Illustration: _BATTLE OF THE HYDE PARK._
GALLANT AND DARING ACT OF PRIVATE LOBBS (OF THE CRUSHERS), WHO, BY
HIMSELF, STORMED AN OLD TREE, AND VERY NEARLY CAPTURED THREE SMALL
BOYS.]
[Illustration: _BLIND WITH RAGE._
_Huntsman_ (_riding furiously over a fence to a Scarecrow_). "* * * *
* * * *--YOU GREAT FOOL, WHAT THE DEUCE DO YOU STAND POINTING THERE
FOR?--WHY DON'T YOU HOLLER OUT WHICH WAY THE FOX BE GONE? BLOWED IF I
DON'T CUT YOU INTO BITS!"]
[Illustration: _A NOTION OF PLEASURE._
_Boy._ "OH, COME HERE, TOMMY!--HERE'S SUCH A LOT O' GRAINS BIN SHOT
DOWN HERE! LET'S TURN 'EAD OVER 'EELS IN 'EM!"]
[Illustration: _PRECOCITY._
_Youth._ "HERE'S A NUISANCE, NOW! BLOWED IF I AIN'T LEFT MY CIGAR-CASE
ON MY DRESSING-ROOM TABLE, AND THAT YOUNG BROTHER OF MINE WILL HAVE ALL
MY BEST REGALIAS!"]
[Illustration: _PRACTICAL SCIENCE._
_Grandmamma._ "WELL, CHARLEY, AND WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN LEARNING TO-DAY?"
_Charley._ "PNEUMATICS, GRAN'MA!--AND I CAN TELL YOU SUCH A DODGE!--IF
I WAS TO PUT YOU UNDER A GLASS RECEIVER, AND EXHAUST THE AIR, ALL YOUR
WRINKLES WOULD COME OUT AS SMOOTH AS GRANDPAPA'S HEAD!"]
[Illustration: _AN INDISCRETION._
_Fascinating Gent_ (_to precocious Little Girl_). "YOU ARE A VERY NICE
LITTLE GIRL; YOU SHALL BE MY WIFEY WHEN YOU GROW UP!"----
_Little Girl._ "NO, THANK YOU; I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A HUSBAND; BUT AUNT
BESSY DOES. I HEARD HER SAY SO!"
[_Sensation on the part of Aunt Bessy._
]
[Illustration: _ADDING INSULT TO INJURY._
_Schoolboy_ (_to Farmer who has come out to protect his fields_). "NOW
THEN, OLD TURNIP-TOPS! _WARE WHEAT!_"]
[Illustration: _THE COURSE OF TRUE, &c., NEVER DID, &c._
HERE'S POOR YOUNG WIGGLES ANXIOUS TO MEET THE BEING HE ADORES, BUT
CANNOT DO SO, BECAUSE THE NEWLY-PITCHED BOAT UPON WHICH HE HAS BEEN
SITTING, HAS CAUGHT HIM ALIVE, O!]
[Illustration: _THE EXPANSE OF FASHION._
_Chair Proprietor._ "WOULD YOU PLEASE TO PAY FOR THE CHEERS, MUM?"
_Lady._ "HOW MUCH?"
_Chair Proprietor._ "WELL, MUM--HOW MANY MIGHT YOU BE A SITTIN' ON?"]
[Illustration: _IN THE WITCHING TIME OF LIFE._
SOME LIKE ONE THING, AND SOME ANOTHER--FOR EXAMPLE, JACK LIKES A BLOW
ON THE NORTH CLIFF----]
[Illustration: WHILE CHARLES PREFERS A QUIET CORNER OUT OF THE WIND.]
[Illustration: _SISTERLY LOVE._
_Papa_. "THERE, THERE! MY LITTLE POPPET! DON'T CRY! DON'T CRY!--IF YOU
ARE GOING TO HAVE THE MEASLES, YOU WILL SOON BE WELL AGAIN, I HOPE.
THERE, THERE!"
_Blanche_ (_sobbing violently_). "I--I--I--I'M NOT CRYING, PAPA,
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO HAVE THE MEASLES; BUT BECAUSE I--I--I--THOUGHT
I WAS GOING TO RIDE MARY'S PONY ALL THE TIME SHE WAS ILL, AND NOW I
SHAN'T!"]
[Illustration: _A DOMESTIC EXTRAVAGANZA._
_Mamma_. "WHY, GOOD GRACIOUS, NURSE! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ADOLPHUS!
HE LOOKS VERY ODD!"
_Nurse_. "AND WELL HE MAY, MUM! FOR HE THOUGHT THE COLOURED BALLS
IN MISS CHARLOTTE'S NEW GAME OF SOLITAIRE WAS BULL'S EYES, AND HE'S
SWALLOWED EVER SO MANY OF 'EM."]
[Illustration: _A HINT TO RAILWAY TRAVELLERS._
BY BREATHING ON THE GLASS--AND HOLDING A SPEAKING DOLL BY WAY OF BABY
TO THE WINDOW--YOU MAY GENERALLY KEEP YOUR COMPARTMENT SELECT.]
[Illustration: _A SEA-SIDE DIALOGUE._
"HOLLO, JIMMY!--WHERE ARE YOU A-GOING WITH YOURN?"
"HESPLANADE!--WHERE BE YOU?"
"PROSPEC PLACE!"
[_Exit Companions of the Bath._
]
[Illustration: _A QUID PRO QUO._
_Small Boy_ (_to prodigious Swell_). "I SAY, MISTER, KETCH MY DONKEY,
THAT'S A GOOD CHAP--I'LL DO THE SAME FOR YOU ANOTHER TIME!"]
[Illustration: _TOUCHING APPEAL._
_Testy Old Gent_ (_wearied by the importunities of the Brighton
Boatman_). "CONFOUND IT, MAN! DO I _LOOK_ AS IF I WANTED A BOAT?"]
[Illustration: _A DELICIOUS DIP._
_Bathing Attendant._ "HERE, BILL! THE GENT WANTS TO BE TOOK OUT
DEEP--TAKE 'IM _INTO THE DRAIN_!"]
[Illustration: _A CITIZEN OF THE WORLD._
OLD DIPPS DECLARES THEY MANAGE SEA-BATHING BETTER IN FRANCE, AND THAT
WHEN HE IS AT BO-LONG, HE DOES AS BO-LONG DOES--WELL! THAT'S A MATTER
OF TASTE!]
[Illustration: _MISPLACED INTELLIGENCE._
_Mamma._ "WHY, TOM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT NASTY DUST-PAN AND
BROOM?"
_Tom._ "BROTHER FRED TOLD ME TO BRING IT IN AND SWEEP UP ALL THE H'S
MRS. MOPUS HAD DROPPED ABOUT!"
[_N.B. Great Expectations from Mrs. M._
]
[Illustration: _KNIGHTS OF THE BATH._]
[Illustration: _SCENE: GREENWICH._
_Senior Party._ "DOG CART! GOOD GRACIOUS! BUT _YOU_ ARE NEVER GOING TO
DRIVE?"
_Junior Party._ "NOT GOING A--DWIVE? WHY NOT GOING A--DWIVE? JUS--AIN'T
I, THO'?"
[_The last train has gone, and the Senior Party under the impression
that the vehicle was a brougham, has accepted the offer of a lift to
town._
]
[Illustration: _SHOCKING RESULT OF WEARING INDIA-RUBBER GOLOSHES._
YOUNG JACK ROBINSON SEES WHAT HE IMAGINES TO BE THE IMPRESSION OF HIS
DARLING'S FOOT--HE MENTALLY EJACULATES, "_BEETLE-CRUSHER, BY JOVE!_"
AND FLIES TO OTHER CLIMES.]
[Illustration: _A HAVEN OF REFUGE._
THINGS ARE SO BAD IN THE CITY, THAT MR. SNAFFLE AND MR. FLUKER GO TO
BOULOGNE FOR CHANGE AND AIR.]
[Illustration: _TOO BAD, BY JOVE!_
_Heavy Swell._ "DEUCED STUPID--THESE NEWSPAPERS!"
_Lady_ (_with keen perception of the ludicrous_). "YES,
CHARLES!--ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY SAY THAT A DISMOUNTED DRAGOON IS ABOUT
AS EFFECTIVE AS A SWAN ON A TURNPIKE ROAD!"]
[Illustration: _HEARTLESS PRACTICAL JOKE._
_Charlotte._ "HERE THEY COME, BLANCHE. LET US PRETEND WE DON'T
RECOLLECT THEM."]
[Illustration: _SCENE ON BOARD H.M.S. ----_
"I SAY, WHY AM I LIKE THE QUEEN'S CHIEF COOK? DO YOU GIVE IT UP?"
"YES."
"BECAUSE I AM IN A HIGH COOL-AND-AIRY (_culinary_) POSITION."
[_Astonished Cadet nearly falls from the yard._
]
[Illustration: _A BYE-DAY AT EASTER._
_Youth_ (_quite at home for the holidays_). "NOW, LOOK HERE, OLD BOY;
IF THE FOX BREAKS AT THIS CORNER, DON'T YOU HOLLER TILL HE GETS WELL
AWAY!"--(_N.B. The old Nimrod is the_ MASTER _himself_.)]
[Illustration: _A GREAT PLAGUE IN LIFE._
PATERFAMILIAS, WHOSE PET AVERSION IS STREET MUSIC, GOES TO
THE SEA-SIDE, HOPING TO ESCAPE FROM THE NUISANCE, HE IS AT
BREAKFAST,--BEAUTIFUL VIEW, NEW-LAID EGG, &c., &c.--WHEN----]
[Illustration: _OH, HORROR!_]
[Illustration: _DREADFUL FOR YOUNG OXFORD._
_Lady._ "ARE YOU AT ETON?"
_Young Oxford._ "AW, NO!--I'M AT OXFORD!"
_Lady._ "OXFORD! RATHER A NICE PLACE, IS IT NOT?"
_Young Oxford._ "HUM!--HAW! PRETTY WELL, BUT THEN I CAN'T GET ON
WITHOUT FEMALE SOCIETY!"
_Lady._ "DEAR! DEAR! PITY YOU DON'T GO TO A GIRLS' SCHOOL, THEN!"]
[Illustration: _WONDERFUL INTELLIGENT CHILD._
---- "ROSE, WILL YOU HAVE SOME DINNER?"
_Rose._ "HAVE HAD MY DINNER."
---- "WHAT HAVE YOU HAD FOR YOUR DINNER?"
_Rose._ "SOMETHING THAT BEGINS WITH AN S!"
---- "AND WHAT BEGINS WITH AN S?"
_Rose._ "COLD BEEF!"]
[Illustration: _AN INCIDENT OF CAMP LIFE._
_Captain Holster._ "HERE! HI! SOME ONE!--STOP MY _BEDROOM_!--HI!"]
[Illustration: _MAL DE MER._
A FOREIGN NOBLEMAN IN DIFFICULTY.]
[Illustration: _SUNDAY AT THE CLUB._
JUST A SANDWICH AND A NICE GLASS OF HOCK AND SELTZER WATER.]
[Illustration: _AT THE ROADSIDE INN._
A MOUTHFUL OF DUST AND A PULL AT THE PUMP.]
[Illustration: _AN INJURED INDIVIDUAL._
_Simkins_ (_who has missed his bird, but peppered_ WILKINS). "THERE,
NOW, I'VE A DOOCED GOOD MIND TO SAY THAT I'LL NEVER COME OUT SHOOTING
WITH YOU AGAIN--YOU'RE ALWAYS GETTING IN THE WAY!"]
[Illustration: _THE MOORS. GRATIFYING--VERY!!_
ON ARRIVING AT THE BEST PART OF YOUR SHOOTING, YOU FIND THOSE AMIABLE
TOURISTS, THE NOBBS'S, HAVE BEEN OVER THE GROUND A GOOD DEAL. AS
THE BIRDS ARE WILD, YOUR SPORT IS NOT MUCH IMPROVED THEREBY. NOBBS,
JUNIOR, MAY BE OBSERVED TAKING IN THE "OBJECTS OF INTEREST" WITH HIS
TELESCOPE.]
[Illustration: _FRIENDLY BADINAGE._
_Cabby._ "NOW, JOHN! WHEN YOU'VE DONE CLEANING THEM KNIVES BEHIND, JUST
CLEAN THAT OLD SPOON ON THE BOX, AND LET'S COME BY!"]
[Illustration: _THE NOBLE SCIENCE._
TOMKINS AND HIS FRIEND (WHO HAVE BEEN THROWN OUT) CONGRATULATE
THEMSELVES ON FALLING IN WITH THE SQUIRE'S SECOND HORSEMAN, WHO IS SURE
TO BRING THEM BY A LINE OF GATES TO THE HOUNDS AGAIN--AND SO HE DOES,
ONLY--THE LAST OF THE GATES IS LOCKED, AND OVER WHICH HE "HOPS LIKE A
BIRD!"]
[Illustration: _THE VERY THING._
_Dealer._ "I THINK I KNOW EXACTLY THE OSS YOU WANT, SIR--ABOUT
FIFTEEN-TWO--GOOD SHOULDER, LIGHT HEAD AND NECK--WELL RIBBED UP--TAIL
WELL SET ON, GOOD FLAT LEGS--PLENTY OF BONE----"
_Gent_ (_delighted_). "YA-AS----"
_Dealer._ "NO SHY ABOUT HIM. A GOOD GOER, HIGH COURAGED, BUT
TEMPERATE--TO CARRY HIS OWN HEAD, NICE MOUTH, AND SWEET TEMPER--FOR
ABOUT FIVE-AND-TWENTY PUND!"
_Gent_ (_in ecstacy_). "THE VERY THING."
_Dealer._ "HAH! THEN DON'T YOU WISH YOU MAY GET IT?"
[GENT _subsides_.
]
[Illustration: _PLEASURES OF SPORT._
THE NEXT BEST THING TO KEEPING YOUR OWN HUNTERS, IS, TO HIRE "MADE
HORSES," THAT THOROUGHLY KNOW THEIR BUSINESS.]
[Illustration: _THE OLD GENTLEMAN HAS HAD A LONG MILE, AND TENDERS THE
LEGAL FARE--SIXPENCE._
_Cabby_ (_with feigned surprise and delight_). "WHAT, _ALL--THIS--AT
ONCE_!!"]
[Illustration: _VERY ATTENTIVE._
_Hard-riding Cornet_ (_to Old Party, who is rather bothered by a
Brook._) "DON'T MOVE, SIR! PRAY DON'T MOVE AND I'LL TAKE YOU OVER WITH
ME"]
[Illustration: _NOTHING TO SPEAK OF!_
_Old Gent._ "PRAY, MY GOOD MAN, WHAT IS THE MATTER?"
_Confused Individual._ "MATTER, SIR! GENLMN'S OSS RUN AWAY WITH A
BROOM, SIR! NIVER SEE ANYTHINK LIKE IT IN ALL MY BORN DAYS! DOWN HE
COMES THE 'ILL WITH THE SHARVES A-DANGLING ALL ABOUT HIS LEGS--KNOCKS
A BUTCHER'S CART INTO A LINENDRAPER'S SHOP--BANGS AGIN A CARRIDGE AND
PAIR, AND SMASHES THE PANEL ALL TO BITS--UPSETS A FEAYTON, AND IF
HE 'ADN'T A-RUN UP AGIN THIS HERE CAB AND DASHED IT RIGHT OVER, AND
STOPPED HISSELF, BLOWED IF I DONT THINK THERE'D A _BIN SOME ACCIDENT_!"]
[Illustration: _THRILLING DOMESTIC INCIDENT._
_Master Alfred._ "DON'T, BABY!--YOU'LL SPOIL IT. LEAVE GO, SIR! HERE,
NURSE! HE'S SWALLOWING MY NEW WATCH!"]
[Illustration: _AFTERNOON TEA._]
[Illustration: _THE FAIR TOXOPHILITES._
_Constance._ "OH, MAMMA! I'M SO DELIGHTED! I HAVE JUST MADE THE BEST
GOLD, AND WON THE BEAUTIFUL BRACELET GIVEN BY CAPTAIN RIFLES."
_Lucy_ (_disappointed_). "WELL, CONSTANCE, I THINK YOU HAD BETTER NOT
SAY MUCH ABOUT IT. YOU KNOW IT WAS A FLUKE! FOR YOU TOLD ME YOU ALWAYS
SHOT WITH YOUR EYES SHUT, AS YOU FEEL SO VERY NERVOUS!"]
[Illustration: _HINT TO GENTLEMEN RIDING HOME AFTER DINNER._
NEVER CARRY "PATENT VESUVIENNES," 2_d._ A BOX, IN YOUR COAT-TAIL
POCKET!]
[Illustration: _MR. BRIGGS, HAVING BECOME AN ADEPT IN THE ART OF
HORSE-TAMING, OPERATES UPON A COLT HE HAS BRED HIMSELF, AND_]
[Illustration: _WITH COMPLETE SUCCESS!_]
[Illustration: _AN UNINVITING PROSPECT._
A FRENCH FRIEND PAYS HIS FIRST VISIT TO ENGLAND, AND IS SHOWN THE GREAT
METROPOLIS. HE IS PROFOUNDLY IMPRESSED BY OUR NOBLE REGENT STREET.]
[Illustration: _THE DEMON OF THE STREET._
THE FRIGHTFUL FIGURE THAT NEARLY TERRIFIED OLD FOGEY AND HIS WIFE OUT
OF THEIR WITS--AND WHICH PROVED, AFTER ALL, TO BE ONLY AN ORDINARY
MORTAL CARRYING ROASTED CHESTNUTS!]
[Illustration: _FOXHUNTING IN A FOG._
_Wild Huntsman_ (_in the distance_). "ALL RIGHT, JACK! COME ALONG! CAN
HEAR 'EM IN THE NEXT FIELD!"]
[Illustration: _IT'S THE EARLY BIRD THAT PICKS UP THE WORM._
_Piscator._ "THERE, THOMAS, YOU NOW SEE THE ADVANTAGE OF EARLY RISING.
I HAVE GOT THE VERY BEST PLACE ON THE WATER, AND I'LL BE BOUND TO SAY
THE OTHER SUBSCRIBERS ARE NOT OUT OF BED YET!"]
[Illustration: _F. M. PUNCH SYMPATHISES WITH THE POOR(!) ITALIAN
ORGAN-GRINDER._
_F. M. P._ "THERE, MY MAN, IT'S A PITY A GREAT HULKING FELLOW LIKE YOU
SHOULD TURN A HANDLE TO MAKE SUCH A NASTY NOISE! HERE'S AN INSTRUMENT
FOR YOU! GO AND PLAY UPON IT IN YOUR OWN COUNTRY!"]
[Illustration: _DELICATE TEST._
_Elevated Party._ "A NEVER THINK A FL'EAR'S HAD T'MUSH WINE S'LONG AS A
WINDSUP-ISH WASH!]"
[_Proceeds to perform that operation with corkscrew._
]
[Illustration: _A WAKE IN THE MINING DISTRICTS._
_J'moimer Ann._ "HAS THEE FOWGHTEN, BILL?"
_Bill._ "NOOAH!"
_J'moimer Ann._ "THEN GET THEE FOWGHTEN, AND COOM WUM. DADDY GOT HIS'N
DONE BY FOWER O'CLOCK!"]
[Illustration: _A BAD TIME FOR JOHN THOMAS._
_Rude Boy._ "I SAY, JACK, AIN'T HE A FINE UN?--D'YE THINK HE'S REAL, OR
ONLY STUFFED?"]
[Illustration: _THE COMING COLLISION._]
[Illustration: _REMARKABLE CASE OF TABLE-TALKING._
_Table_ (_loquitur_). "DON'T YOU BELIEVE HIM, MUM--I'M NOT MAHOGANY,
BUT I'M VENEERED AND SECOND-HAND."
[_Table dances about on its legs for a considerable time, and
vanishes in a blue flame._
]
[Illustration: _THE FOUR-IN-HAND MANIA._
_Hearse Driver_ (_to Swell, who has just started a Team_). "BEG PARDON,
SIR, BUT HEARING AS YOU HAD STARTED FOUR 'OSSES, I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
WANT A YOUNG MAN AS COULD BRING YOUR COACH UP TO THE DOOR AS IT 'AD
OUGHT TO BE!"]
[Illustration: _TOUCHING._
_Friend._ "----AND WHAT BECOME OF HER?"
_Buss Driver_ (_with emotion_). "WELL!--SHE WAS TOOK AWAY FROM
ME--AND GOT INTO BAD HANDS, YER SEE--AND SOON WENT ALL TO
PIECES.--DEAR! DEAR!--SHE WOS WERRY BEAUTIFUL!--SUCH A SHAPE! AND
SUCH A LOVELY COLOUR! (_Sighing._) HAH! I SHALL NEVER, NEVER,
SEE--SUCH--ANOTHER--BUSS AGIN!"]
[Illustration: _SIX OF ONE AND HALF-A-DOZEN OF THE OTHER._
_Miss Matilda to Miss Priscilla._ "WELL, I'M SURE!--THE CREATURE
NEEDN'T SIT THERE IN THAT DISGUSTING MANNER!"]
[Illustration: _AN EQUESTRIAN DIFFICULTY._
_Mr. Sprat._ "DON'T YOU THINK, MY LOVE, THAT THE GROOM, WHO UNDERSTANDS
THESE THINGS, HAD BETTER PUT YOU UP?"
_Mrs. Sprat_ (_with indignation_). "THE GROOM, MR. S! THE GROOM PUT ME
UP! NO, SIR! PUT ME UP YOURSELF. A PRETTY HUSBAND _YOU_ ARE! GROOM,
INDEED!"]
[Illustration: _THE RACE FOR A BATHING MACHINE._
ALICE FIRST, CLARA SECOND, MISS TODDLES A BAD THIRD; AND THE REST
NOWHERE!]
[Illustration: _RIVER FROLICS._
WHAT CAPITAL FUN IT IS SETTING TRIMMERS FOR JACK, AND ROWING AFTER THEM
UNDER A BURNING SUN!--BUT WHY DOES NOT TOM HAUL UP THE ANCHOR?]
[Illustration: _THE WILL AND THE WAY._
MRS. POTTLES SEES NO REASON WHY SHE SHOULDN'T GO OUT ON THE ROOF OF HER
HOUSE TO SEE THE FIREWORKS.]
[Illustration: _PREJUDICE._
_Boy._ "OH! LOOK 'ERE, BILL! 'ERE'S A BLOATED HARISTOCRAT. THERE'S NO
ONE LOOKING. LET'S PUNCH HIS 'ED!"]
[Illustration: _THE COMET._
_Master Tom._ "I SAY, GRAN'MA, THIS IS A SAD JOB ABOUT THE COMET!"
_Gran'ma._ "GOOD GRACIOUS! WHAT'S THE MATTER?"
_Master Tom._ "WHY, HERE'S A LETTER IN THE PAPER SAYS,--'_The particles
of the tail, if thrown out from the head, having only, as before, the
same rate of orbital motion as the head, and having larger and larger
orbits to describe, the further they are removed from the head, will
necessarily fall further and further behind as they recede from the
comet, and thus form a curve independently of a resisting medium_;' AND
THAT, '_the panic-allaying doctrine of the tenuity of cometic nuclei
cannot be maintained from the mere fact of their translucency_.'"]
[Illustration: _VIVE LE SPORT!_
_English Friend_ (_to Foreigner of distinction_). "THE FOX HAS BROKE,
AND _GONE AWAY_!"
_Foreigner of distinction_ (_who has been galloping about the rides to
his immense satisfaction_). "AHA! HE IS BROKEN, AND _GONE AVAY_! WHAT A
PITY! ZEN I SUPPOSE IT IS ALL OVARE AND WE MUST GO HOME!"]
[Illustration: _TAKING FIRST PLACE._
_Boy from School._ "GATE NAILED, OLD BOY! NEVER MIND! I'LL MAKE A GAP
FOR YOU!"]
[Illustration: _CANDID._
_Cook._ "FINE DAY, MR. CHALKS!"
_Mr. Chalks._ "YES, COOKEY, IT'S A VERY FINE DAY! BUT IF WE HAVEN'T
SOME RAIN SOON, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE SHALL DO FOR =MILK=!"]
[Illustration: _FORTUNATE FELLOWS._
_Stalwart Briton._ "I TELL YER WHAT, BILL! WE OUGHT TO BE VERY THANKFUL
WE'RE ENGLISHMEN, FOR WHETHER IT'S THE CLIMATE, OR WHETHER IT'S THEIR
HABITS, JUST SEE HOW THOSE AMERICANS ARE DEGENERATING!"]
[Illustration: _NOT A PERSONAL ALLUSION._
_Stout Gent._ "DEAR! DEAR! SO HE HAS FORMED AN ATTACHMENT THAT YOU
DON'T APPROVE OF! AH! WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING. DEPEND UPON IT,
MA'AM, THERE'S A _SKELETON SOMEWHERE IN EVERY HOUSE_!"]
[Illustration: _RETURNING FROM THE DERBY._
"AT LENGTH HE PRESENTED HIMSELF BUT IN SUCH A STATE THAT WE WERE
OBLIGED TO TIE HIM ON THE BOX, AND I HAD TO RIDE HOME."--_Extract from
Letter to particular Friend._]
[Illustration: _AT EPSOM._
_Excited Gentleman._ "THEY'RE OFF!--THEY'RE OFF!"
_Quiet Lady._ "ARE THEY, DEAR? WON'T YOU HAVE SOME PIE?"]
[Illustration: _AN ABSENTEE._
"WHY ARE YOU ON THE CROSSING, JAMES? IS YOUR FATHER ILL?"
"NO. HE'S DROVE MOTHER DOWN TO HASCOT."]
[Illustration: _SELF-EXAMINATION._
_Party_ (_slightly influenced_). "QUESHION ISH! AM I FIT TO GO
INTODRAWINGROOM? LETSH SHEE!--I CAN SHAY GLORIUSH CONSHYSHUSN!--HAVE
SEEN BRISH INSHYCHUSION--ALL THAT SORTOTHING--THATLEDO--HERE GOSH!"]
[Illustration: _THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT._
_Old Mr. What's-his-name._ "EGAD, I DON'T WONDER AT MOUSTACHES
COMING INTO FASHION, FOR--EH! WHAT! BY JOVE, IT DOES IMPROVE ONE'S
APPEARANCE!"]
[Illustration: _DEER-STALKING MADE EASY. A HINT TO LUSTY SPORTSMEN._]
[Illustration: _A FACT FROM THE NURSERY._
_Nurse._ "MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS, MISS CHARLOTTE, YOU MUSTN'T PLAY WITH
THOSE SCISSORS!"
_Miss Charlotte._ "I'M NOT PLAYING WITH 'EM, NURSE DEAR--I'M CUTTING
'ITTLE BRUDDER'S NAILS!"]
[Illustration: _RETIREMENT._]
[Illustration: _GRAND CHARGE OF PERAMBULATORS, AND DEFEAT OF THE
SWELLS._]
[Illustration: _A SUBURBAN DELIGHT._
_Dark Party_ (_with a ticket-of-leave, of course_). "AX YER PARDON,
SIR!--BUT IF YOU WAS A-GOING DOWN THIS DARK LANE, P'RAPS YOU'D ALLOW ME
AND THIS HERE YOUNG MAN TO GO ALONG WITH YER--'COS YER SEE THERE AIN'T
NO PERLICE ABOUT--AND WE'RE SO PRECIOUS FEARED O' BEIN' =GAROTTED=!"]
[Illustration: _TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING._
AS, FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN YOU GET THE ASPARAGUS SHOT OVER YOUR FAVOURITE
DRESS COAT WITH THE SILK FACINGS.]
[Illustration: _GOING TO THE BALL--THE FINISHING TOUCH._]
[Illustration: _"PERFORMERS," AFTER A RESPECTABLE FUNERAL._]
[Illustration: _THE BRITISH JURYMAN PREPARING FOR THE WORST._
_Wife of his Bussum._ "THERE, MY LOVE, I THINK WITH WHAT YOU'VE HAD,
AND THIS BOX OF CONCENTRATED LUNCHEON, YOU MAY HOLD OUT AGAINST ANY OF
'EM!"]
[Illustration: _A DISTRESSED AGRICULTURIST._
_Landlord._ "WELL, MR. SPRINGWHEAT, ACCORDING TO THE PAPERS, THERE
SEEMS TO BE A PROBABILITY OF A CESSATION OF HOSTILITIES."
_Tenant_ (_who strongly approves of War prices_). "GOODNESS GRACIOUS!
WHY, YOU DON'T MEAN TO SAY THAT THERE'S ANY =DANGER OF PEACE=!"]
[Illustration: _SOMETHING LIKE A HORSE-TAMER._
_Stout Party_ (_who weighs about ten sacks of flour and a cartload
of bricks_). "REALLY, NOW, AND SO YOU HAVE BEEN INITIATED, AND IT'S
ALL RIGHT, EH? WELL, I CERTAINLY MUST TAKE SOME LESSONS, AND BECOME A
HORSE-TAMER MYSELF!"]
[Illustration: _SPACIOUS ACCOMMODATION._
"THE WERRY FIRST THING AS EVER I DOES WHEN I GOES TO THE CHRISTIAL
PALIS, IS GIT A CHEER!"]
[Illustration: _EASIER SAID THAN DONE._
_Master of the House._ "OH, FRED, MY BOY--WHEN DINNER IS READY, YOU
TAKE MRS. FURBELOW DOWNSTAIRS!"]
[Illustration: _A DOUBLE GAME._
GREAT CHESS MATCH (UPON THE MORPHY SYSTEM) BETWEEN MR. AND MRS.
CASTLETOP AGAINST THEIR DAUGHTER BLANCHE AND HER INTENDED, YOUNG
CHARLEY ROOKTON.]
[Illustration: _THE CIVIL CABMAN._
_Cabby_ (_to Old Party, who has been to the Crystal Palace_). "WANT
A CAB, SIR!--SORRY I'M ENGAGED, SIR!--WERRY 'APPY TO TAKE YOU =NEXT
WEEK=!"]
[Illustration: _THANK GOODNESS! FLY-FISHING HAS BEGUN!_
_Miller._ "DON'T THEY, REALLY! PERHAPS THEY'LL RISE BETTER TOWARDS THE
COOL OF THE EVENING. THEY MOSTLY DO!"]
[Illustration: _A CAVALIER._
_Adolphus._ "NOW, GIRLS!--IF YOU'RE GAME FOR A RIDE ON THE SANDS--I'M
YOUR MAN."]
[Illustration: _WET DAY AT THE SEA-SIDE._
PARTY IN THE TABLEAU THINKS, THAT PERHAPS STROPPING HIS RAZORS MIGHT
AMUSE HIM.]
[Illustration: _SCIENCE STUDENTS._
SO FOND OF ASTRONOMY, THAT THEY ARE ALWAYS ON THE BALCONY, LOOKING FOR
THE COMET!]
[Illustration: _A SPECIMEN OF PLUCK._
_Ruggles._ "HOLD HARD, MASTER GEORGE. IT'S TOO WIDE, AND UNCOMMON DEEP!"
_Master George._ "ALL RIGHT, RUGGLES! WE CAN BOTH _SWIM_!"]
[Illustration: _A FACT._
_Short-sighted Officer._ "SERGEANT! GET THAT MAN'S HAIR CUT
IMMEDIATELY!"]
[Illustration: _MATTER OF OPINION._
_Miss Matilda._ "GO ON, FIDO!--THERE'S ONE GREAT DRAWBACK TO THESE
HATS--THEY MAKE ONE LOOK LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE." (_Ahem!_)]
[Illustration: _OUR LITTLE FRIEND TOM NODDY DETERMINES TO HAVE A DAY'S
HUNTING IN A FRESH COUNTRY._
_T. N._ (_loq._). "WELL NOW, OLD FELLOW, WHAT SORT O' COUNTRY IS IT
WHERE WE ARE GOING TO-MORROW?"
_His Friend._ "OH, BEAUTIFUL!--VERY EASY. BIGGISH BULLFINCHERS WITH A
DITCH ON ONE SIDE. TIMBER OF COURSE, SUCH AS POSTS AND RAILS, AND THAT
SORT OF THING; AND IF WE GO TO MUDBURY, NOTHING BUT RAZOR-BACKED BANKS
AND--WATER!"]
[Illustration: _THE SWIMMERS._
_Georgina._ "NOW, CLARA, THAT'S NOT FAIR--YOU KNOW YOU HAVE ONE FOOT ON
THE GROUND."]
[Illustration: _A MODERN ANTIQUE._]
[Illustration: _FRENCH AS IT IS SPOKEN._
_Scene. Paris, a Table d'Hôte.--Old Lady at Breakfast.--The Garçon has
been ordered to bring some fruit to Old Lady._
_Garçon._ "VOILÀ, MADAME!--_Old Lady_ (_who, in her Daughter's absence,
will let off her French._) "OH! TRES BYANG, TRES BYANG, GARÇON;
BONG! MARECEY, MARECEY, MAIS--THESE ARE CURRANTS--BYANG NAMPORT! CET
EGAL--ONLY--JE N'AIME PAS SO WELL AS GOOSEBERRIES, YOU KNOW!"
[_Instructive rather!_
]
[Illustration: _A GOOD CATCH._
FLY-FISHING. A NICE RIPPLE ON THE WATER.--"_NOW FOR A BIG ONE!_"]
[Illustration: _FELLOW FEELING._
_Cabby._ "NOT GOT NO MONEY?--NEVER MIND, SIR,--JUMP IN! I CAN'T STAND
SUCH AN OSSEY-LOOKING GENT AS YOU TO GO ABOUT A-WALKING!"]
[Illustration: _THE FARM-YARD._
_Country Friend_ (_to London Friend who is dressed within an inch of
his life_). "THERE, MY BOY--COME AND SEE THIS LOVELY PIG, AND THEN
WE'LL GO AND LOOK AT THE REST OF THE STOCK."]
[Illustration: _DELICATE WAY OF PUTTING IT._
_Tailor_ (_measuring_). "TRIFLE WIDER ROUND THE _CHEST_, SIR, THAN YOU
WAS."]
[Illustration: _TABLE-TURNING EXPERIMENT AT GREENWICH._
"THERE, OLD FELLA! HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED IT GOES ROUND NOW."
"OH YESH! THERE'S NO MISTAKE!"]
[Illustration: _A COOL REQUEST._
_Boy._ "I SAY, SIR--HEAVE US UP TO HAVE A LOOK AT THEM PICTURES!"]
[Illustration: _FASHION OF THE PERIOD._
THE RAREY ZEBRA PATTERN--A SWEET THING FOR THE SEA-SIDE.]
[Illustration: _OFFENDED DIGNITY._
_Small Boy_ (_to Ex-Cook, who has come about a place_). "IS THERE A
FOOTMAN KEP? WHY, O' COURSE THERE IS--I'M THE FOOTMAN!"]
[Illustration: _A HINT TO THE ENTERPRISING._
_Boy._ "HERE YOU ARE, SIR. BLACK YER BOOTS, AND TAKE YER LIKENESS, FOR
THE SMALL CHARGE OF THREEPENCE!"]
[Illustration: _THE ROYAL KNICKERBOCKER ARCHERS._
INVASION, INDEED! WHY, HERE IS A CORPS OF VOLUNTEERS, WHO HAVE NEVER
EVEN BEEN THOUGHT OF--WHAT WITH THE GLANCES AND THE ARROWS THEY WOULD
SHOOT, AN ENEMY WOULD BE WORRIED TO DEATH IN NO TIME!]
[Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM._--No. XI.
_Mistress._ "NOT GOING TO REMAIN IN A SITUATION ANY LONGER! WHY, YOU
FOOLISH THINGS, WHAT _ARE_ YOU GOING TO DO, THEN?"
_Eliza._ "WHY, MA'AM, YOU SEE OUR _FORTUNE-TELLER_ SAY THAT TWO YOUNG
NOBLEMEN IS A-GOING TO MARRY US--SO THERE'S NO CALL TO REMAIN IN NO
SITUATIONS NO MORE!"]
[Illustration: _A MONSTROUS LIBERTY._
_Flunkey._ "HALLO, WILLIAM, WHAT'S THE MATTER?"
_Groom._ "MATTER?--WHY, I SHOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT NEXT?--HERE'S
MASTER, WITHOUT SAYING NOTHUN TO ME, 'AS BIN AND LENT _MY_ 'OSS TO A
FRIEND--AND I'M DONE OUT OF MY AFTERNOON'S RIDE!"]
[Illustration: _SERVANTGALISM._--No. XII.
_Mistress._ "I THINK, COOK, WE MUST PART THIS DAY MONTH."
_Cook_ (_in astonishment_). "WHY, MA'AM? I AM SURE I'VE LET YOU HAVE
YOUR OWN WAY IN 'MOST EVERYTHINK!"]
[Illustration: _THE SKELETON IN THE CUPBOARD._]
[Illustration: _FRIENDLY SYMPATHY._
_First Party_ (_who is hard hit, and sentimental_). "THIS IS THE VERY
SPOT WHERE I LAST SAW THE DARLING CREATURE. I ASSURE YOU, FRANK, SHE IS
THE LOVELIEST, THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, THE--THE--TH'--IN FACT----"
_Second Party_ (_who has heard the same thing for the last two hours_).
"H'M! HA! DESSAY! YES. I SAY, OLD FELLAH, HAVE A WEED!"]
[Illustration: _MEN OF TASTE._
_Alphonso._ "YOU FIND YOUR MOOSTARCHERS A GREAT COMFORT, DON'T YOU,
TOM?"
_Tom._ "WELL!--YES!--BUT I'M AFRAID I MUST CUT 'EM, FOR ONE'S OBLIGED
TO DRESS SO DEUCED EXPENSIVE TO MAKE EVERYTHING ACCORD!"]
[Illustration: _CAUTION TO GENTLEMEN WALKING TO EVENING PARTIES._
DON'T FORGET TO TAKE OFF YOUR GOLOSHES AND TURN DOWN YOUR TROUSERS
BEFORE ENTERING THE ROOM.]
[Illustration: _HUMILITY._]
[Illustration: _A DAY AT THE CAMP._
_Sentinel._ "WHO COMES THERE?"
_Ebriosus._ "FRIEND!"
_Sentinel._ "ADVANCE, FRIEND!"
_Ebriosus._ "ADVANSH; COME, THATSH A GOOD UN!"]
[Illustration: _RUSTIC PLEASANTRY._
_Gent. on Horseback._ "GET OUT OF THE WAY, BOY!--GET OUT OF THE
WAY!--MY HORSE DON'T LIKE DONKEYS!"
_Boy._ "DOAN'T HE?--THEN WHY DOAN'T HE KICK THEE ORF?"]
[Illustration: _MUCH TOO CURIOUS._
_Officious Little Gent._ "HOLLO, CABBY, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOUR
'ORSE?"
_Cabby._ "WELL--THAT'S JUST WHAT I DON'T KNOW, AND I BRED HIM. YOU'RE
ALWAYS WANTING TO BE BEHIND THE SCENES, YOU ARE! SUPPOSE YOU GET INSIDE
AND SEE!"]
[Illustration: _THE PLEASURE OF LE SPORT._
_Foreigner of Distinction_ (_about to charge an obstacle_). "TAKE
NOTICE, MES AMIS! ZAT I LEAVE EVERY SING TO MY VIFE!"]
[Illustration: _A JUDGE BY APPEARANCE._
_Bathing Guide._ "BLESS 'IS 'ART! I KNOW'D HE'D TAKE TO IT KINDLY--BY
THE WERRY LOOKS ON 'IM!"]
[Illustration: _A VERY NATURAL MISTAKE._
_Young Lady_ (_who is in Hat and Coat of the Period_). "CAN I HAVE A
MACHINE NOW?"
_Bathing Woman._ "NOT HERE, SIR!--GENTLEMEN'S BATHING A LITTLE FURTHER
DOWN!"]
[Illustration: _COMMON OBJECTS AT THE SEA-SIDE._
"OH! LOOK HERE, MA! I'VE CAUGHT A FISH JUST LIKE THOSE THINGAMIES IN MY
BED AT OUR LODGINGS!"]
[Illustration: _GUY-FAWKES DAY._
A STURDY DEFENDER OF CHURCH AND STATE.]
[Illustration: _IRISH LAKE-FISHING._
_Mr. Briggs._ "BUT THE BOAT SEEMS VERY LEAKY, AND TO WANT MENDING A
GOOD DEAL."
_Boatman._ "WANT MENDIN' IS IT? OH, NIVER FEAR! SHURE THE BOAT'S WELL
ENOUGH. IF YE SIT STILL, AND DON'T COFF OR SNAZE, SHE'LL CARRY YE
PRETTY WELL!"]
[Illustration: _LAST REFUGE OF A BANISHED SMOKER._
_First Juvenile Swell._ "JUMP IN, OLD FELLAH!"
_Second Ditto._ "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"
_First Ditto._ "OH! NOWHERE! I'VE ONLY HIRED HIM TO HAVE SOMEWHERE TO
SMOKE!"]
[Illustration: _AN EAST WIND JOKE._
_Brown._ "AH, TOMKINS! HERE'S A MERRY SPRING TO YOU!"
_Tomkins._ "THE SAME TO YOU, BROWN, AND MANY OF THEM, IF YOU COME TO
THAT!"]
[Illustration: _NOT VERY LIKELY._
THE PARTY "WHO HAS A CERTAINTY" FOR THE EMPEROR'S PLATE. N.B. SEND
EIGHTEEN POSTAGE STAMPS.]
[Illustration: _CENSORS._
_Master Sparrow._ "LOOK THERE, TOM! YOUNG FRED IS ASLEEP!"
_Master Sprat._ "YES! POOR LITTLE BEGGAR! WHAT A SHAME IT IS TO KEEP
SUCH A MERE CHILD AS THAT UP SO LATE!"]
[Illustration: _NOTHING LIKE HORSE EXERCISE._
"NOW, AUNT! TOUCH HIM WITH YOUR LEFT HEEL, AND LET'S HAVE A TROT!"]
[Illustration: _A NEW INDUSTRY._
"WHY, JACK! WHAT'S THE MATTER? YOU LOOK DEUCED QUEER!"
"YA-AS! YOU SEE, I'VE GONE INTO BUSINESS. I BUY CLAY PIPES AT A PENNY
A-PIECE, AND SMOKE 'EM TILL THEY ARE BLACK, AND THEN SELL 'EM FOR A
GUINEA: BUT ITS PRECIOUS HARD WORK, I CAN TELL YOU."]
[Illustration: _THE NEW FASHION._
_First Coster._ "WHY, JACK! WHAT'S ALL THAT?"
_Second Do._ "WELL, I CAN'T SAY! UNLESS ITS _FIREWORKS_!"]
[Illustration: _A REAL SOLDIER._
_Friend._ "MY GOOD ALFRED! WHAT THE DEUCE ARE YOU ABOUT?"
_Alfred_ (_in the Fusilier Guards_). "WHY, YOU SEE, OLD FELLOW, WE ARE
TO HAVE A CORPS OF SCOTCH BAGPIPERS ATTACHED TO THE REGIMENT.--SO I'M
TRYING TO ACCOMMODATE MYSELF TO CIRCUMSTANCES, AND GET ACCUSTOMED TO
THE NOISE."]
[Illustration: _FANCY GOES A GREAT WAY._
"OH, HE'S AN 'ANSUM DOG, BUT HE AIN'T HALF SO 'ANSUM AS HIS BROTHER
WERE!"]
[Illustration: _FAIR DISPUTANTS._
AN ELEGANT ROW ABOUT A MACHINE.]
[Illustration: _BRUTAL LEVITY._
_Jones_ (_who is naturally proud of his first-born_). "A LITTLE
DARLING, AIN'T HE?"
_Bachelor Friend._ "H'M, HA! I SEE--YOUNG GORILLA! IS HE REAL OR
STUFFED?"]
[Illustration: _INDOLENCE._
_Old Mr. Dibbs._ "WHY, GEORGE! YOU NEVER RIDE HERE IN THE
AFTERNOON--HOW'S THAT?"
_Young Swellington._ "NO-O-O. IT LOOKS AS IF ONE HAD SOME OCCUPATION,
YOU KNOW, AND COULDN'T WIDE OF A MORNING. I ALWAYS WIDE BEFORE
BREAKFAST, BETWEEN ELEVEN AND ONE!"]
[Illustration: _THE CENSUS._
_Head of the Family_ (_filling up the paper_). "WELL, MISS PRIMROSE, AS
A VISITOR, I MUST PUT YOUR AGE IN! WHAT SHALL WE SAY?"
_Miss P._ "OH, IT'S BEST TO BE STRAIGHTFORWARD. THE SAME AS DEAR
FLORA--TWENTY LAST BIRTHDAY!"]
[Illustration: _A SUBJECT FOR SYMPATHY._
DISTRESSING POSITION OF CHARLES, WHO DOES NOT FEEL WELL, AND WHO
IS KEENLY ALIVE TO THE FACT THAT AMY IS LOOKING AT HIM THROUGH HER
OPERA-GLASS.]
[Illustration: _LITTLE DUCKS._
_Georgy._ "THERE NOW, CLARA--I CALL IT VERY PEEVISH OF YOU. YOU
PROMISED ME, IF I LET YOU GO IN FIRST, THAT YOU WOULDN'T BE LONG, AND I
DECLARE YOU HAVE BEEN EXACTLY AN HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTES."
[_Pouts._
]
[Illustration: _SOLICITUDE._
_Wife._ "NOW PROMISE ME ONE THING, ADOLPHUS. YOU WON'T GO FLYING OVER
ANY HEDGES OR FIVE-BARRED GATES?"]
[Illustration: _AN UNCONSCIOUS VICTIM._
FEARFUL PRACTICAL JOKE PLAYED WITH A CHILD'S BALLOON UPON A SWELL.]
[Illustration: _A HORRID BOY._
_Frank._ "OH, I SAY, EMILY! AIN'T THE SEA-SIDE JOLLY?"
_Emily_ (_who is reading The Corsair to Kate_). "I DO NOT KNOW, FRANK,
WHAT YOU MEAN BY JOLLY.--IT IS VERY BEAUTIFUL!--IT IS VERY LOVELY!"
_Frank._ "HAH! AND DON'T IT MAKE YOU ALWAYS READY FOR YOUR GRUB,
NEITHER?"
[_Exit Young Ladies, very properly disgusted._
]
[Illustration: _VERY ARTFUL CONTRIVANCE._
_Clara._ "WHY, DEAR ME! WHAT DO YOU WEAR YOUR HAT IN THE WATER FOR?"
_Mrs. Walrus._ "OH, I ALWAYS WEAR IT WHEN I BATHE; FOR THEN, YOU SEE,
DEAR, NO ONE CAN RECOGNISE ME FROM THE BEACH!"]
[Illustration: _AT THE PLAY._]
[Illustration: _IN A HURRY._
_Boy._ "NOW THEN, SIR!--THE MORE YOU LOOK THE LESS YOU'LL LOIKE
IT!--GET OVER, OR ELSE LET US COME!"]
[Illustration: _ANGLING DELIGHTS._
ON ARRIVING AT THE BEST PART OF YOUR FISHING, YOU ARE OF COURSE CHARMED
TO FIND THAT OLD MUFFINS AND HIS LITTLE BOY HAVE BEEN WHIPPING THE
STREAM ALL THE AFTERNOON.]
[Illustration: _THE BEARD MOVEMENT._
_Young Snobley_ (_a regular Lady-killer_). "HOW THE GIRLS DO STARE AT
ONE'S BEARD! I SUPPOSE THEY THINK I'M A HORFICER JUST COME FROM THE
CRIMEAR!"]
[Illustration: _CONSOLATION._
_Young Snobley._ "AH, JIM! NOBLE BIRTH MUST BE A GREAT ADVANTAGE TO A
COVE."
_Jim_ (_one of Nature's nobility_). "H'M! P'RAPS!--BUT EGAD! PERSONAL
BEAUTY AIN'T A BAD SUBSTITUTE!"]
[Illustration: _AN UNDESIGNED COINCIDENCE._
TOMKINS RETIRES TO A SECLUDED VILLAGE, THAT HE MAY GROW HIS MOUSTACHES,
AND SO CUT OUT HIS ODIOUS RIVAL, JONES. JONES, IT SO HAPPENS, HAS COME
TO THE SAME PLACE WITH THE SAME OBJECT.--FRIGHTFUL MEETING!]
[Illustration: _GOING TO THE PARK._]
[Illustration: _A LITTLE SHOOTING IN IRELAND._
"NO HIT AGAIN, I'M AFRAID, TIM!"
"O, NIVER MIND, YER 'ONOR! SURE, YE DO IT VERY NIST. THERE'S SOME
JINTLEMEN NOW COMES, AND THEY BLAZE AWAY, AND THEY WOWNDES THE POOR
BIRRDS IN THE LIGS AND THE WINGS, AND SUCH LIKE; BUT YER 'ONOR! O, YE
FIRES, AND FIRES, AND _ALWAYS_ MISSES 'EM _CLANE_ AND _CLEVER_!"]
[Illustration: _LITTLE DINNER AT GREENWICH._
_Fish Swell._ "HERE, WAITAW!--ARE THE WHITEMEN PRETTY GOOD?"]
[Illustration: _AFTER THE BATH._]
[Illustration: _POETRY AND PROSE._
_Blanche._ "OH, IS THERE NOT, DEAR EMILY, SOMETHING, DELICIOUS ABOUT
SPRING?--WE SHALL SOON HAVE ALL THE DEAR LITTLE BIRDS SINGING, AND THE
BANKS AND THE GREEN FIELDS COVERED WITH BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS!"
_Emily._ "OH, YES!--AND WITH IT WILL COME ALL THE NEW BONNET SHAPES
FROM PARIS, AND THE LOVELY NEW PATTERNS FOR MORNING DRESSES!"]
[Illustration: _A HAPPY NOTION._
_Johnny._ "OH, I SAY, GRANMA! S'POSE YOU PRETEND BEING A LITTLE PONY,
AND I RIDE ABOUT ON YOUR BACK ROUND THE SQUARE!"--(_N.B. Granma feels
the heat a good deal._)]
[Illustration: _CRICKET.--CAPITAL PRACTICE FOR THE ROUND BOWLING OF THE
PERIOD._]
[Illustration: _A NICE BRACING DAY AT THE SEA-SIDE_.]
[Illustration: _THE MERMAIDS' HAUNT._]
[Illustration: _QUITE A NEW SENSATION._
_Swell_ (_on top of Omnibus_). "LOOK HERE, GUS, MY BOY! SUCH A CAPITAL
I-DEAW! I RIDE UP AND DOWN FROM BAYSWATER TO THE WHITE CHAPEL AND EAT
PERIWINKLES WITH A PIN!"]
[Illustration: _SPORTING INTELLIGENCE._
MASTER OF FOX HOUNDS PUNCH TAKES COMMAND OF HIS FIELD IN DEFENCE OF HIS
COUNTRY.]
[Illustration: _A CAREFUL RIDER._
"A STILE, EH? AHEM! THAT'S A SORT OF THING THAT REQUIRES A GOOD DEAL OF
JUDGMENT."]
[Illustration: _AT ALDERSHOT--A RATHER DIFFICULT MANOEUVRE._
CLARA AND HARRIET, AND THE TWO NICE GIRLS WHO ARE STAYING WITH THEM,
LED BY MAMMA, GET INTO COUSIN HERBERT'S HUT AND HAVE LUNCH.]
[Illustration: _FANCY SKETCH._
PORTRAIT OF THE OLD PARTY WHO RATHER LIKES ORGAN-GRINDING.]
[Illustration: _AN EASY MATTER._
_Bathing Woman._ "TEACH YER TO SWIM? LOR BLESS YER, MY LOVE, WHY, OF
COURSE I CAN!"]
[Illustration: _A COMPLACENT BELIEF._
_Old Aunt._ "WELL, MY LOVE--SO YOU'VE GOT A HAT LIKE MINE, I SEE."]
[Illustration: _A SYREN._]
[Illustration: _AT THE SEA-SIDE._
_Augustus._ "ISN'T IT JOLLY, FRANK, BEING DOWN HERE FOR THE HOLIDAYS?"
_Incipient Swell._ "H'M! PRETTY WELL FOR THAT. I CONFESS I MISS THE
GAIETY OF TOWN."]
[Illustration: _MR. BRIGGS TRIES HIS SHOOTING PONY._]
[Illustration: _CAMP LIFE--A NIGHT SURPRISE._]
[Illustration: _CAMP LIFE--A DAY SURPRISE._]
[Illustration: _THE CURRENCY QUESTION; OR, THE STOCK EXCHANGE OUT FOR
THE DAY._
_Jones._ "I SAY, BROWN, THINGS ARE DEUCED BAD IN THE CITY."
_Brown._ "THEN I'M DEUCED GLAD I'M AT EPSOM!"]
[Illustration: END OF VOL. II.]
LONDON: BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO., PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS.
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