Project Gutenberg Etext of Love's Labour's Lost by Shakespeare
PG has multiple editions of William Shakespeare's Complete Works
*******************************************************************
THIS EBOOK WAS ONE OF PROJECT GUTENBERG'S EARLY FILES PRODUCED AT A
TIME WHEN PROOFING METHODS AND TOOLS WERE NOT WELL DEVELOPED. THERE
IS AN IMPROVED EDITION OF THIS TITLE WHICH MAY BE VIEWED AS EBOOK
(#100) at https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/100
*******************************************************************
Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check
the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!!
Please take a look at the important information in this header.
We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an
electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this.
**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts**
**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971**
*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations*
Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and
further information is included below. We need your donations.
Love's Labour's Lost
by William Shakespeare [Craig, Oxford edition]
October, 1998 [Etext #1510]
Project Gutenberg Etext of Love's Labour's Lost by Shakespeare
******This file should be named 1510.txt or 1510.zip******
This etext was prepared by the PG Shakespeare Team,
a team of about twenty Project Gutenberg volunteers.
Project Gutenberg Etexts are usually created from multiple editions,
all of which are in the Public Domain in the United States, unless a
copyright notice is included. Therefore, we usually do NOT! keep
these books in compliance with any particular paper edition.
We are now trying to release all our books one month in advance
of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing.
Please note: neither this list nor its contents are final till
midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement.
The official release date of all Project Gutenberg Etexts is at
Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A
preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment
and editing by those who wish to do so. To be sure you have an
up to date first edition [xxxxx10x.xxx] please check file sizes
in the first week of the next month. Since our ftp program has
a bug in it that scrambles the date [tried to fix and failed] a
look at the file size will have to do, but we will try to see a
new copy has at least one byte more or less.
Information about Project Gutenberg (one page)
We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The
time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours
to get any etext selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright
searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. This
projected audience is one hundred million readers. If our value
per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2
million dollars per hour this year as we release thirty-six text
files per month, or 432 more Etexts in 1999 for a total of 2000+
If these reach just 10% of the computerized population, then the
total should reach over 200 billion Etexts given away this year.
The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away One Trillion Etext
Files by December 31, 2001. [10,000 x 100,000,000 = 1 Trillion]
This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers,
which is only ~5% of the present number of computer users.
At our revised rates of production, we will reach only one-third
of that goal by the end of 2001, or about 3,333 Etexts unless we
manage to get some real funding; currently our funding is mostly
from Michael Hart's salary at Carnegie-Mellon University, and an
assortment of sporadic gifts; this salary is only good for a few
more years, so we are looking for something to replace it, as we
don't want Project Gutenberg to be so dependent on one person.
We need your donations more than ever!
All donations should be made to "Project Gutenberg/CMU": and are
tax deductible to the extent allowable by law. (CMU = Carnegie-
Mellon University).
For these and other matters, please mail to:
Project Gutenberg
P. O. Box 2782
Champaign, IL 61825
When all other email fails. . .try our Executive Director:
Michael S. Hart
[email protected] forwards to [email protected] and archive.org
if your mail bounces from archive.org, I will still see it, if
it bounces from prairienet.org, better resend later on. . . .
We would prefer to send you this information by email.
******
To access Project Gutenberg etexts, use any Web browser
to view http://promo.net/pg. This site lists Etexts by
author and by title, and includes information about how
to get involved with Project Gutenberg. You could also
download our past Newsletters, or subscribe here. This
is one of our major sites, please email [email protected],
for a more complete list of our various sites.
To go directly to the etext collections, use FTP or any
Web browser to visit a Project Gutenberg mirror (mirror
sites are available on 7 continents; mirrors are listed
at http://promo.net/pg).
Mac users, do NOT point and click, typing works better.
Example FTP session:
ftp sunsite.unc.edu
login: anonymous
password: your@login
cd pub/docs/books/gutenberg
cd etext90 through etext99
dir [to see files]
get or mget [to get files. . .set bin for zip files]
GET GUTINDEX.?? [to get a year's listing of books, e.g., GUTINDEX.99]
GET GUTINDEX.ALL [to get a listing of ALL books]
***
**Information prepared by the Project Gutenberg legal advisor**
(Three Pages)
***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS**START***
Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers.
They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with
your copy of this etext, even if you got it for free from
someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our
fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement
disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how
you can distribute copies of this etext if you want to.
*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS ETEXT
By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm
etext, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept
this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive
a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this etext by
sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person
you got it from. If you received this etext on a physical
medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request.
ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM ETEXTS
This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-
tm etexts, is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor
Michael S. Hart through the Project Gutenberg Association at
Carnegie-Mellon University (the "Project"). Among other
things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright
on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and
distribute it in the United States without permission and
without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth
below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this etext
under the Project's "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark.
To create these etexts, the Project expends considerable
efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain
works. Despite these efforts, the Project's etexts and any
medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other
things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or
corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other
intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged
disk or other etext medium, a computer virus, or computer
codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment.
LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES
But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below,
[1] the Project (and any other party you may receive this
etext from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext) disclaims all
liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including
legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR
UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT,
INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE
OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE
POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES.
If you discover a Defect in this etext within 90 days of
receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any)
you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that
time to the person you received it from. If you received it
on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and
such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement
copy. If you received it electronically, such person may
choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to
receive it electronically.
THIS ETEXT IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER
WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS
TO THE ETEXT OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT
LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A
PARTICULAR PURPOSE.
Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or
the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the
above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you
may have other legal rights.
INDEMNITY
You will indemnify and hold the Project, its directors,
officers, members and agents harmless from all liability, cost
and expense, including legal fees, that arise directly or
indirectly from any of the following that you do or cause:
[1] distribution of this etext, [2] alteration, modification,
or addition to the etext, or [3] any Defect.
DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm"
You may distribute copies of this etext electronically, or by
disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this
"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg,
or:
[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this
requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the
etext or this "small print!" statement. You may however,
if you wish, distribute this etext in machine readable
binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form,
including any form resulting from conversion by word pro-
cessing or hypertext software, but only so long as
*EITHER*:
[*] The etext, when displayed, is clearly readable, and
does *not* contain characters other than those
intended by the author of the work, although tilde
(~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may
be used to convey punctuation intended by the
author, and additional characters may be used to
indicate hypertext links; OR
[*] The etext may be readily converted by the reader at
no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent
form by the program that displays the etext (as is
the case, for instance, with most word processors);
OR
[*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at
no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the
etext in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC
or other equivalent proprietary form).
[2] Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this
"Small Print!" statement.
[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Project of 20% of the
net profits you derive calculated using the method you
already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you
don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are
payable to "Project Gutenberg Association/Carnegie-Mellon
University" within the 60 days following each
date you prepare (or were legally required to prepare)
your annual (or equivalent periodic) tax return.
WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO?
The Project gratefully accepts contributions in money, time,
scanning machines, OCR software, public domain etexts, royalty
free copyright licenses, and every other sort of contribution
you can think of. Money should be paid to "Project Gutenberg
Association / Carnegie-Mellon University".
*END*THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END*
This etext was prepared by the PG Shakespeare Team,
a team of about twenty Project Gutenberg volunteers.
LOVE'S LABOUR'S LOST
by William Shakespeare
Dramatis Personae.
FERDINAND, King of Navarre
BEROWNE, Lord attending on the King
LONGAVILLE, Lord attending on the King
DUMAINE, Lord attending on the King
BOYET, Lord attending on the Princess of France
MARCADE, Lord attending on the Princess of France
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO, a fantastical Spaniard
SIR NATHANIEL, a Curate
HOLOFERNES, a Schoolmaster
DULL, a Constable
COSTARD, a Clown
MOTH, Page to Armado
A FORESTER
THE PRINCESS OF FRANCE
ROSALINE, Lady attending on the Princess
MARIA, Lady attending on the Princess
KATHARINE, Lady attending on the Princess
JAQUENETTA, a country wench
Officers and Others, Attendants on the King and Princess.
SCENE: Navarre
ACT I.
SCENE I. The King of Navarre's park
[Enter the King, BEROWNE, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN.]
KING.
Let fame, that all hunt after in their lives,
Live regist'red upon our brazen tombs,
And then grace us in the disgrace of death;
When, spite of cormorant devouring Time,
The endeavour of this present breath may buy
That honour which shall bate his scythe's keen edge,
And make us heirs of all eternity.
Therefore, brave conquerors--for so you are
That war against your own affections
And the huge army of the world's desires--
Our late edict shall strongly stand in force:
Navarre shall be the wonder of the world;
Our court shall be a little academe,
Still and contemplative in living art.
You three, Berowne, Dumain, and Longaville,
Have sworn for three years' term to live with me,
My fellow-scholars, and to keep those statutes
That are recorded in this schedule here:
Your oaths are pass'd; and now subscribe your names,
That his own hand may strike his honour down
That violates the smallest branch herein.
If you are arm'd to do as sworn to do,
Subscribe to your deep oaths, and keep it too.
LONGAVILLE.
I am resolv'd; 'tis but a three years' fast:
The mind shall banquet, though the body pine:
Fat paunches have lean pates; and dainty bits
Make rich the ribs, but bankrupt quite the wits.
DUMAINE.
My loving lord, Dumain is mortified:
The grosser manner of these world's delights
He throws upon the gross world's baser slaves;
To love, to wealth, to pomp, I pine and die,
With all these living in philosophy.
BEROWNE.
I can but say their protestation over;
So much, dear liege, I have already sworn,
That is, to live and study here three years.
But there are other strict observances:
As, not to see a woman in that term,
Which I hope well is not enrolled there:
And one day in a week to touch no food,
And but one meal on every day beside;
The which I hope is not enrolled there:
And then to sleep but three hours in the night
And not be seen to wink of all the day,--
When I was wont to think no harm all night,
And make a dark night too of half the day,--
Which I hope well is not enrolled there.
O! these are barren tasks, too hard to keep,
Not to see ladies, study, fast, not sleep.
KING.
Your oath is pass'd to pass away from these.
BEROWNE.
Let me say no, my liege, an if you please:
I only swore to study with your Grace,
And stay here in your court for three years' space.
LONGAVILLE.
You swore to that, Berowne, and to the rest.
BEROWNE.
By yea and nay, sir, then I swore in jest.
What is the end of study? let me know.
KING.
Why, that to know which else we should not know.
BEROWNE.
Things hid and barr'd, you mean, from common sense?
KING. Ay, that is study's god-like recompense.
BEROWNE.
Come on, then; I will swear to study so,
To know the thing I am forbid to know,
As thus: to study where I well may dine,
When I to feast expressly am forbid;
Or study where to meet some mistress fine,
When mistresses from common sense are hid;
Or, having sworn too hard-a-keeping oath,
Study to break it, and not break my troth.
If study's gain be thus, and this be so,
Study knows that which yet it doth not know.
Swear me to this, and I will ne'er say no.
KING.
These be the stops that hinder study quite,
And train our intellects to vain delight.
BEROWNE.
Why, all delights are vain; but that most vain
Which, with pain purchas'd, doth inherit pain:
As painfully to pore upon a book,
To seek the light of truth; while truth the while
Doth falsely blind the eyesight of his look.
Light, seeking light, doth light of light beguile;
So, ere you find where light in darkness lies,
Your light grows dark by losing of your eyes.
Study me how to please the eye indeed,
By fixing it upon a fairer eye;
Who dazzling so, that eye shall be his heed,
And give him light that it was blinded by.
Study is like the heaven's glorious sun,
That will not be deep-search'd with saucy looks;
Small have continual plodders ever won,
Save base authority from others' books.
These earthly godfathers of heaven's lights
That give a name to every fixed star
Have no more profit of their shining nights
Than those that walk and wot not what they are.
Too much to know is to know nought but fame;
And every godfather can give a name.
KING.
How well he's read, to reason against reading!
DUMAINE.
Proceeded well, to stop all good proceeding!
LONGAVILLE.
He weeds the corn, and still lets grow the weeding.
BEROWNE.
The spring is near, when green geese are a-breeding.
DUMAINE.
How follows that?
BEROWNE.
Fit in his place and time.
DUMAINE.
In reason nothing.
BEROWNE.
Something then in rime.
LONGAVILLE.
Berowne is like an envious sneaping frost
That bites the first-born infants of the spring.
BEROWNE.
Well, say I am: why should proud summer boast
Before the birds have any cause to sing?
Why should I joy in any abortive birth?
At Christmas I no more desire a rose
Than wish a snow in May's new-fangled shows;
But like of each thing that in season grows;
So you, to study now it is too late,
Climb o'er the house to unlock the little gate.
KING.
Well, sit out; go home, Berowne; adieu.
BEROWNE.
No, my good lord; I have sworn to stay with you;
And though I have for barbarism spoke more
Than for that angel knowledge you can say,
Yet confident I'll keep what I have swore,
And bide the penance of each three years' day.
Give me the paper; let me read the same;
And to the strict'st decrees I'll write my name.
KING.
How well this yielding rescues thee from shame!
BEROWNE.
'Item. That no woman shall come within a mile of
my court.'Hath this been proclaimed?
LONGAVILLE.
Four days ago.
BEROWNE.
Let's see the penalty. 'On pain of losing her
tongue.' Who devised this penalty?
LONGAVILLE.
Marry, that did I.
BEROWNE.
Sweet lord, and why?
LONGAVILLE.
To fright them hence with that dread penalty.
BEROWNE.
A dangerous law against gentility!
'Item. If any man be seen to talk with a woman within
the term of three years, he shall endure such public shame as the
rest of the court can possibly devise.'
This article, my liege, yourself must break;
For well you know here comes in embassy
The French king's daughter, with yourself to speak--
A mild of grace and complete majesty--
About surrender up of Aquitaine
To her decrepit, sick, and bedrid father:
Therefore this article is made in vain,
Or vainly comes th' admired princess hither.
KING.
What say you, lords? why, this was quite forgot.
BEROWNE.
So study evermore is over-shot:
While it doth study to have what it would,
It doth forget to do the thing it should;
And when it hath the thing it hunteth most,
'Tis won as towns with fire; so won, so lost.
KING.
We must of force dispense with this decree;
She must lie here on mere necessity.
BEROWNE.
Necessity will make us all forsworn
Three thousand times within this three years' space;
For every man with his affects is born,
Not by might master'd, but by special grace.
If I break faith, this word shall speak for me:
I am forsworn 'on mere necessity.'
So to the laws at large I write my name; [Subscribes]
And he that breaks them in the least degree
Stands in attainder of eternal shame.
Suggestions are to other as to me;
But I believe, although I seem so loath,
I am the last that will last keep his oath.
But is there no quick recreation granted?
KING.
Ay, that there is. Our court, you know, is haunted
With a refined traveller of Spain;
A man in all the world's new fashion planted,
That hath a mint of phrases in his brain;
One who the music of his own vain tongue
Doth ravish like enchanting harmony;
A man of complements, whom right and wrong
Have chose as umpire of their mutiny:
This child of fancy, that Armado hight,
For interim to our studies shall relate,
In high-born words, the worth of many a knight
From tawny Spain lost in the world's debate.
How you delight, my lords, I know not, I;
But, I protest, I love to hear him lie,
And I will use him for my minstrelsy.
BEROWNE.
Armado is a most illustrious wight,
A man of fire-new words, fashion's own knight.
LONGAVILLE.
Costard the swain and he shall be our sport;
And so to study three years is but short.
[Enter DULL, with a letter, and COSTARD.]
DULL.
Which is the duke's own person?
BEROWNE.
This, fellow. What wouldst?
DULL.
I myself reprehend his own person, for I am his Grace's
tharborough: but I would see his own person in flesh and blood.
BEROWNE.
This is he.
DULL.
Signior Arm--Arm--commends you. There's villainy abroad:
this letter will tell you more.
COSTARD.
Sir, the contempts thereof are as touching me.
KING.
A letter from the magnificent Armado.
BEROWNE.
How long soever the matter, I hope in God for high words.
LONGAVILLE.
A high hope for a low heaven: God grant us patience!
BEROWNE.
To hear, or forbear laughing?
LONGAVILLE.
To hear meekly, sir, and to laugh moderately; or, to
forbear both.
BEROWNE.
Well, sir, be it as the style shall give us cause to climb
in the merriness.
COSTARD.
The matter is to me, sir, as concerning Jaquenetta.
The manner of it is, I was taken with the manner.
BEROWNE.
In what manner?
COSTARD.
In manner and form following, sir; all those three: I was
seen with her in the manor-house, sitting with her upon the form,
and taken following her into the park; which, put together, is in
manner and form following. Now, sir, for the manner,--it is the
manner of a man to speak to a woman, for the form,--in some form.
BEROWNE.
For the following, sir?
COSTARD.
As it shall follow in my correction; and God defend the right!
KING.
Will you hear this letter with attention?
BEROWNE.
As we would hear an oracle.
COSTARD.
Such is the simplicity of man to hearken after the flesh.
KING.
'Great deputy, the welkin's vicegerent and sole dominator of
Navarre, my soul's earth's god and body's fostering patron,'
COSTARD.
Not a word of Costard yet.
KING.
'So it is,'--
COSTARD.
It may be so; but if he say it is so, he is, in telling
true, but so.--
KING.
Peace!
COSTARD.
Be to me, and every man that dares not fight!
KING.
No words!
COSTARD.
Of other men's secrets, I beseech you.
KING.
'So it is, besieged with sable-coloured melancholy, I
did commend the black-oppressing humour to the most wholesome
physic of thy health-giving air; and, as I am a gentleman, betook
myself to walk. The time when? About the sixth hour; when beasts
most graze, birds best peck, and men sit down to that nourishment
which is called supper: so much for the time when. Now for the
ground which; which, I mean, I upon; it is ycleped thy park. Then
for the place where; where, I mean, I did encounter that obscene
and most preposterous event, that draweth from my snow-white pen
the ebon-coloured ink which here thou viewest, beholdest,
surveyest, or seest. But to the place where, it standeth
north-north-east and by east from the west corner of thy
curious-knotted garden: there did I see that low-spirited swain,
that base minnow of thy mirth,'--
COSTARD.
Me.
KING.
'that unlettered small-knowing soul,'--
COSTARD.
Me.
KING.
'that shallow vassal,'--
COSTARD.
Still me.--
KING.
'which, as I remember, hight Costard,'--
COSTARD.
O me.
KING.
'sorted and consorted, contrary to thy established proclaimed
edict and continent canon, with--with,--O! with but with this I
passion to say wherewith,'--
COSTARD.
With a wench.
KING.
'with a child of our grandmother Eve, a female; or, for thy
more sweet understanding, a woman. Him, I,--as my ever-esteemed
duty pricks me on,--have sent to thee, to receive the meed of
punishment, by thy sweet Grace's officer, Antony Dull, a man of
good repute, carriage, bearing, and estimation.'
DULL.
Me, an't please you; I am Antony Dull.
KING.
'For Jaquenetta,--so is the weaker vessel called, which I
apprehended with the aforesaid swain,--I keep her as a vessel of
thy law's fury; and shall, at the least of thy sweet notice,
bring her to trial. Thine, in all compliments of devoted and
heart-burning heat of duty,
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.'
BEROWNE.
This is not so well as I looked for, but the best that ever I
heard.
KING.
Ay, the best for the worst. But, sirrah, what say you to this?
COSTARD.
Sir, I confess the wench.
KING.
Did you hear the proclamation?
COSTARD.
I do confess much of the hearing it, but little of the
marking of it.
KING.
It was proclaimed a year's imprisonment to be taken with a
wench.
COSTARD.
I was taken with none, sir: I was taken with a damosel.
KING.
Well, it was proclaimed 'damosel'.
COSTARD.
This was no damosel neither, sir; she was a 'virgin'.
KING.
It is so varied too; for it was proclaimed 'virgin'.
COSTARD.
If it were, I deny her virginity: I was taken with a maid.
KING.
This maid not serve your turn, sir.
COSTARD.
This maid will serve my turn, sir.
KING.
Sir, I will pronounce your sentence: you shall fast a week
with bran and water.
COSTARD.
I had rather pray a month with mutton and porridge.
KING.
And Don Armado shall be your keeper.
My Lord Berowne, see him delivered o'er:
And go we, lords, to put in practice that
Which each to other hath so strongly sworn.
[Exeunt KING, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN.]
BEROWNE.
I'll lay my head to any good man's hat
These oaths and laws will prove an idle scorn.
Sirrah, come on.
COSTARD.
I suffer for the truth, sir: for true it is I was taken
with Jaquenetta, and Jaquenetta is a true girl; and therefore
welcome the sour cup of prosperity! Affliction may one day smile
again; and till then, sit thee down, sorrow!
[Exeunt.]
SCENE II. The park.
[Enter ARMADO and MOTH.]
ARMADO.
Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit grows
melancholy?
MOTH.
A great sign, sir, that he will look sad.
ARMADO.
Why, sadness is one and the self-same thing, dear imp.
MOTH.
No, no; O Lord, sir, no.
ARMADO.
How canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my tender
juvenal?
MOTH.
By a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough senior.
ARMADO.
Why tough senior? Why tough senior?
MOTH.
Why tender juvenal? Why tender juvenal?
ARMADO.
I spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent epitheton
appertaining to thy young days, which we may nominate tender.
MOTH.
And I, tough senior, as an appertinent title to your old
time, which we may name tough.
ARMADO.
Pretty and apt.
MOTH.
How mean you, sir? I pretty, and my saying apt? or I apt, and
my saying pretty?
ARMADO.
Thou pretty, because little.
MOTH.
Little pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?
ARMADO.
And therefore apt, because quick.
MOTH.
Speak you this in my praise, master?
ARMADO.
In thy condign praise.
MOTH.
I will praise an eel with the same praise.
ARMADO.
What! That an eel is ingenious?
MOTH.
That an eel is quick.
ARMADO.
I do say thou art quick in answers: thou heat'st my blood.
MOTH.
I am answered, sir.
ARMADO.
I love not to be crossed.
MOTH.
[Aside] He speaks the mere contrary: crosses love not him.
ARMADO.
I have promised to study three years with the duke.
MOTH.
You may do it in an hour, sir.
ARMADO.
Impossible.
MOTH.
How many is one thrice told?
@@@@
ARMADO.
I am ill at reck'ning; it fitteth the spirit of a tapster.
MOTH.
You are a gentleman and a gamester, sir.
ARMADO.
I confess both: they are both the varnish of a complete man.
MOTH.
Then I am sure you know how much the gross sum of deuce-ace
amounts to.
ARMADO.
It doth amount to one more than two.
MOTH.
Which the base vulgar do call three.
ARMADO.
True.
MOTH.
Why, sir, is this such a piece of study? Now here's three
studied ere ye'll thrice wink; and how easy it is to put 'years'
to the word 'three,' and study three years in two words, the
dancing horse will tell you.
ARMADO.
A most fine figure!
MOTH.
[Aside] To prove you a cipher.
ARMADO.
I will hereupon confess I am in love; and as it is base for
a soldier to love, so am I in love with a base wench. If drawing
my sword against the humour of affection would deliver me from
the reprobate thought of it, I would take Desire prisoner, and
ransom him to any French courtier for a new-devised curtsy. I
think scorn to sigh: methinks I should out-swear Cupid. Comfort
me, boy: what great men have been in love?
MOTH.
Hercules, master.
ARMADO.
Most sweet Hercules! More authority, dear boy, name more;
and, sweet my child, let them be men of good repute and carriage.
MOTH.
Samson, master: he was a man of good carriage, great
carriage, for he carried the town gates on his back like a
porter; and he was in love.
ARMADO.
O well-knit Samson! strong-jointed Samson! I do excel thee
in my rapier as much as thou didst me in carrying gates. I am in
love too. Who was Samson's love, my dear Moth?
MOTH.
A woman, master.
ARMADO.
Of what complexion?
MOTH.
Of all the four, or the three, or the two, or one of the
four.
ARMADO.
Tell me precisely of what complexion.
MOTH.
Of the sea-water green, sir.
ARMADO.
Is that one of the four complexions?
MOTH.
As I have read, sir; and the best of them too.
ARMADO.
Green, indeed, is the colour of lovers; but to have a love
of that colour, methinks Samson had small reason for it. He
surely affected her for her wit.
MOTH.
It was so, sir, for she had a green wit.
ARMADO.
My love is most immaculate white and red.
MOTH.
Most maculate thoughts, master, are masked under such
colours.
ARMADO.
Define, define, well-educated infant.
MOTH.
My father's wit my mother's tongue assist me!
ARMADO.
Sweet invocation of a child; most pretty, and pathetical!
MOTH.
If she be made of white and red,
Her faults will ne'er be known;
For blushing cheeks by faults are bred,
And fears by pale white shown.
Then if she fear, or be to blame,
By this you shall not know,
For still her cheeks possess the same
Which native she doth owe.
A dangerous rhyme, master, against the reason of white and red.
ARMADO.
Is there not a ballad, boy, of the King and the Beggar?
MOTH.
The world was very guilty of such a ballad some three ages
since; but I think now 'tis not to be found; or if it were, it
would neither serve for the writing nor the tune.
ARMADO.
I will have that subject newly writ o'er, that I may
example my digression by some mighty precedent. Boy, I do love
that country girl that I took in the park with the rational hind
Costard: she deserves well.
MOTH.
[Aside] To be whipped; and yet a better love than my master.
ARMADO.
Sing, boy: my spirit grows heavy in love.
MOTH.
And that's great marvel, loving a light wench.
ARMADO.
I say, sing.
MOTH.
Forbear till this company be past.
[Enter DULL, COSTARD, and JAQUENETTA.]
DULL.
Sir, the Duke's pleasure is, that you keep Costard safe: and
you must suffer him to take no delight nor no penance; but a'
must fast three days a week. For this damsel, I must keep her at
the park; she is allowed for the day-woman. Fare you well.
ARMADO.
I do betray myself with blushing. Maid!
JAQUENETTA.
Man?
ARMADO.
I will visit thee at the lodge.
JAQUENETTA.
That's hereby.
ARMADO.
I know where it is situate.
JAQUENETTA.
Lord, how wise you are!
ARMADO.
I will tell thee wonders.
JAQUENETTA.
With that face?
ARMADO.
I love thee.
JAQUENETTA.
So I heard you say.
ARMADO.
And so, farewell.
JAQUENETTA.
Fair weather after you!
DULL.
Come, Jaquenetta, away!
[Exit with JAQUENETTA.]
ARMADO.
Villain, thou shalt fast for thy offences ere thou be
pardoned.
COSTARD.
Well, sir, I hope when I do it I shall do it on a full
stomach.
ARMADO.
Thou shalt be heavily punished.
COSTARD.
I am more bound to you than your fellows, for they are but
lightly rewarded.
ARMADO.
Take away this villain: shut him up.
MOTH.
Come, you transgressing slave: away!
COSTARD.
Let me not be pent up, sir: I will fast, being loose.
MOTH.
No, sir; that were fast and loose: thou shalt to prison.
COSTARD.
Well, if ever I do see the merry days of desolation that I
have seen, some shall see--
MOTH.
What shall some see?
COSTARD.
Nay, nothing, Master Moth, but what they look upon. It is
not for prisoners to be too silent in their words, and therefore
I will say nothing. I thank God I have as little patience as
another man, and therefore I can be quiet.
[Exeunt MOTH and COSTARD.]
ARMADO.
I do affect the very ground, which is base, where her shoe,
which is baser, guided by her foot, which is basest, doth tread.
I shall be forsworn,--which is a great argument of falsehood,--if
I love. And how can that be true love which is falsely attempted?
Love is a familiar; Love is a devil; there is no evil angel but
Love. Yet was Samson so tempted, and he had an excellent
strength; yet was Solomon so seduced, and he had a very good wit.
Cupid's butt-shaft is too hard for Hercules' club, and therefore
too much odds for a Spaniard's rapier. The first and second cause
will not serve my turn; the passado he respects not, the duello
he regards not; his disgrace is to be called boy, but his glory
is to subdue men. Adieu, valour! rust, rapier! be still, drum!
for your manager is in love; yea, he loveth. Assist me, some
extemporal god of rime, for I am sure I shall turn sonneter.
Devise, wit; write, pen; for I am for whole volumes in folio.
[Exit.]
ACT II.
SCENE II. The King of Navarre's park. A pavilion and tents at a
distance.
[Enter the PRINCESS OF FRANCE, ROSALINE, MARIA, KATHARINE, BOYET,
LORDS, and other Attendants.]
BOYET.
Now, madam, summon up your dearest spirits:
Consider who the king your father sends,
To whom he sends, and what's his embassy:
Yourself, held precious in the world's esteem,
To parley with the sole inheritor
Of all perfections that a man may owe,
Matchless Navarre; the plea of no less weight
Than Aquitaine, a dowry for a queen.
Be now as prodigal of all dear grace
As Nature was in making graces dear
When she did starve the general world beside,
And prodigally gave them all to you.
PRINCESS.
Good Lord Boyet, my beauty, though but mean,
Needs not the painted flourish of your praise:
Beauty is bought by judgment of the eye,
Not utt'red by base sale of chapmen's tongues.
I am less proud to hear you tell my worth
Than you much willing to be counted wise
In spending your wit in the praise of mine.
But now to task the tasker: good Boyet,
You are not ignorant, all-telling fame
Doth noise abroad, Navarre hath made a vow,
Till painful study shall outwear three years,
No woman may approach his silent court:
Therefore to's seemeth it a needful course,
Before we enter his forbidden gates,
To know his pleasure; and in that behalf,
Bold of your worthiness, we single you
As our best-moving fair solicitor.
Tell him the daughter of the King of France,
On serious business, craving quick dispatch,
Importunes personal conference with his Grace.
Haste, signify so much; while we attend,
Like humble-visag'd suitors, his high will.
BOYET.
Proud of employment, willingly I go.
PRINCESS.
All pride is willing pride, and yours is so.
[Exit BOYET.]
Who are the votaries, my loving lords,
That are vow-fellows with this virtuous duke?
FIRST LORD.
Lord Longaville is one.
PRINCESS.
Know you the man?
MARIA.
I know him, madam: at a marriage feast,
Between Lord Perigort and the beauteous heir
Of Jaques Falconbridge, solemnized
In Normandy, saw I this Longaville.
A man of sovereign parts, he is esteem'd,
Well fitted in arts, glorious in arms:
Nothing becomes him ill that he would well.
The only soil of his fair virtue's gloss,--
If virtue's gloss will stain with any soil,--
Is a sharp wit match'd with too blunt a will;
Whose edge hath power to cut, whose will still wills
It should none spare that come within his power.
PRINCESS.
Some merry mocking lord, belike; is't so?
MARIA.
They say so most that most his humours know.
PRINCESS.
Such short-liv'd wits do wither as they grow.
Who are the rest?
KATHARINE.
The young Dumain, a well-accomplish'd youth,
Of all that virtue love for virtue lov'd;
Most power to do most harm, least knowing ill,
For he hath wit to make an ill shape good,
And shape to win grace though he had no wit.
I saw him at the Duke Alencon's once;
And much too little of that good I saw
Is my report to his great worthiness.
ROSALINE.
Another of these students at that time
Was there with him, if I have heard a truth:
Berowne they call him; but a merrier man,
Within the limit of becoming mirth,
I never spent an hour's talk withal.
His eye begets occasion for his wit,
For every object that the one doth catch
The other turns to a mirth-moving jest,
Which his fair tongue, conceit's expositor,
Delivers in such apt and gracious words
That aged ears play truant at his tales,
And younger hearings are quite ravished;
So sweet and voluble is his discourse.
PRINCESS.
God bless my ladies! Are they all in love,
That every one her own hath garnished
With such bedecking ornaments of praise?
FIRST LORD.
Here comes Boyet.
[Re-enter BOYET.]
PRINCESS.
Now, what admittance, lord?
BOYET.
Navarre had notice of your fair approach,
And he and his competitors in oath
Were all address'd to meet you, gentle lady,
Before I came. Marry, thus much I have learnt;
He rather means to lodge you in the field,
Like one that comes here to besiege his court,
Than seek a dispensation for his oath,
To let you enter his unpeeled house.
Here comes Navarre.
[The LADIES mask.]
[Enter KING, LONGAVILLE, DUMAINE, BEROWNE, and ATTENDANTS.]
KING.
Fair Princess, welcome to the court of Navarre.
PRINCESS.
'Fair' I give you back again; and 'welcome' I have not yet: the
roof of this court is too high to be yours, and welcome to the
wide fields too base to be mine.
KING.
You shall be welcome, madam, to my court.
PRINCESS.
I will be welcome then: conduct me thither.
KING.
Hear me, dear lady; I have sworn an oath.
PRINCESS.
Our Lady help my lord! he'll be forsworn.
KING.
Not for the world, fair madam, by my will.
PRINCESS.
Why, will shall break it; will, and nothing else.
KING.
Your ladyship is ignorant what it is.
PRINCESS.
Were my lord so, his ignorance were wise,
Where now his knowledge must prove ignorance.
I hear your Grace hath sworn out house-keeping:
'Tis deadly sin to keep that oath, my lord,
And sin to break it.
But pardon me, I am too sudden bold:
To teach a teacher ill beseemeth me.
Vouchsafe to read the purpose of my coming,
And suddenly resolve me in my suit.
[Gives a paper.]
KING.
Madam, I will, if suddenly I may.
PRINCESS.
You will the sooner that I were away,
For you'll prove perjur'd if you make me stay.
BEROWNE.
Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?
ROSALINE.
Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?
BEROWNE.
I know you did.
ROSALINE.
How needless was it then
To ask the question!
BEROWNE.
You must not be so quick.
ROSALINE.
'Tis long of you, that spur me with such questions.
BEROWNE.
Your wit's too hot, it speeds too fast, 'twill tire.
ROSALINE.
Not till it leave the rider in the mire.
BEROWNE.
What time o' day?
ROSALINE.
The hour that fools should ask.
BEROWNE.
Now fair befall your mask!
ROSALINE.
Fair fall the face it covers!
BEROWNE.
And send you many lovers!
ROSALINE.
Amen, so you be none.
BEROWNE.
Nay, then will I be gone.
KING.
Madam, your father here doth intimate
The payment of a hundred thousand crowns;
Being but the one half of an entire sum
Disbursed by my father in his wars.
But say that he or we,--as neither have,--
Receiv'd that sum, yet there remains unpaid
A hundred thousand more, in surety of the which,
One part of Aquitaine is bound to us,
Although not valued to the money's worth.
If then the King your father will restore
But that one half which is unsatisfied,
We will give up our right in Aquitaine,
And hold fair friendship with his majesty.
But that, it seems, he little purposeth,
For here he doth demand to have repaid
A hundred thousand crowns; and not demands,
On payment of a hundred thousand crowns,
To have his title live in Aquitaine;
Which we much rather had depart withal,
And have the money by our father lent,
Than Aquitaine so gelded as it is.
Dear Princess, were not his requests so far
From reason's yielding, your fair self should make
A yielding 'gainst some reason in my breast,
And go well satisfied to France again.
PRINCESS.
You do the king my father too much wrong,
And wrong the reputation of your name,
In so unseeming to confess receipt
Of that which hath so faithfully been paid.
KING.
I do protest I never heard of it;
And, if you prove it, I'll repay it back
Or yield up Aquitaine.
PRINCESS.
We arrest your word.
Boyet, you can produce acquittances
For such a sum from special officers
Of Charles his father.
KING.
Satisfy me so.
BOYET.
So please your Grace, the packet is not come,
Where that and other specialties are bound:
To-morrow you shall have a sight of them.
KING.
It shall suffice me; at which interview
All liberal reason I will yield unto.
Meantime receive such welcome at my hand
As honour, without breach of honour, may
Make tender of to thy true worthiness.
You may not come, fair Princess, in my gates;
But here without you shall be so receiv'd
As you shall deem yourself lodg'd in my heart,
Though so denied fair harbour in my house.
Your own good thoughts excuse me, and farewell:
To-morrow shall we visit you again.
PRINCESS.
Sweet health and fair desires consort your Grace!
KING.
Thy own wish wish I thee in every place.
[Exeunt KING and his Train.]
BEROWNE.
Lady, I will commend you to mine own heart.
ROSALINE.
Pray you, do my commendations; I would be glad to see it.
BEROWNE.
I would you heard it groan.
ROSALINE.
Is the fool sick?
BEROWNE.
Sick at the heart.
ROSALINE.
Alack! let it blood.
BEROWNE.
Would that do it good?
ROSALINE.
My physic says 'ay.'
BEROWNE.
Will you prick't with your eye?
ROSALINE.
No point, with my knife.
BEROWNE.
Now, God save thy life!
ROSALINE.
And yours from long living!
BEROWNE.
I cannot stay thanksgiving.
[Retiring.]
DUMAINE.
Sir, I pray you, a word: what lady is that same?
BOYET.
The heir of Alencon, Katharine her name.
DUMAINE.
A gallant lady! Monsieur, fare you well.
[Exit.]
LONGAVILLE.
I beseech you a word: what is she in the white?
BOYET.
A woman sometimes, an you saw her in the light.
LONGAVILLE.
Perchance light in the light. I desire her name.
BOYET.
She hath but one for herself; to desire that were a shame.
LONGAVILLE.
Pray you, sir, whose daughter?
BOYET.
Her mother's, I have heard.
LONGAVILLE.
God's blessing on your beard!
BOYET.
Good sir, be not offended.
She is an heir of Falconbridge.
LONGAVILLE.
Nay, my choler is ended.
She is a most sweet lady.
BOYET.
Not unlike, sir; that may be.
[Exit LONGAVILLE.]
BEROWNE.
What's her name in the cap?
BOYET.
Rosaline, by good hap.
BEROWNE.
Is she wedded or no?
BOYET.
To her will, sir, or so.
BEROWNE.
You are welcome, sir. Adieu!
BOYET.
Farewell to me, sir, and welcome to you.
[Exit BEROWNE.--LADIES unmask.]
MARIA.
That last is Berowne, the merry mad-cap lord;
Not a word with him but a jest.
BOYET.
And every jest but a word.
PRINCESS.
It was well done of you to take him at his word.
BOYET.
I was as willing to grapple as he was to board.
MARIA.
Two hot sheeps, marry!
BOYET.
And wherefore not ships?
No sheep, sweet lamb, unless we feed on your lips.
MARIA.
You sheep and I pasture: shall that finish the jest?
BOYET.
So you grant pasture for me.
[Offering to kiss her.]
MARIA.
Not so, gentle beast.
My lips are no common, though several they be.
BOYET.
Belonging to whom?
MARIA.
To my fortunes and me.
PRINCESS.
Good wits will be jangling; but, gentles, agree;
This civil war of wits were much better us'd
On Navarre and his book-men, for here 'tis abus'd.
BOYET.
If my observation,--which very seldom lies,
By the heart's still rhetoric disclosed with eyes,
Deceive me not now, Navarre is infected.
PRINCESS.
With what?
BOYET.
With that which we lovers entitle affected.
PRINCESS.
Your reason.
BOYET.
Why, all his behaviours did make their retire
To the court of his eye, peeping thorough desire;
His heart, like an agate, with your print impress'd,
Proud with his form, in his eye pride express'd;
His tongue, all impatient to speak and not see,
Did stumble with haste in his eyesight to be;
All senses to that sense did make their repair,
To feel only looking on fairest of fair.
Methought all his senses were lock'd in his eye,
As jewels in crystal for some prince to buy;
Who, tend'ring their own worth from where they were glass'd,
Did point you to buy them, along as you pass'd.
His face's own margent did quote such amazes
That all eyes saw his eyes enchanted with gazes.
I'll give you Aquitaine, and all that is his,
An you give him for my sake but one loving kiss.
PRINCESS.
Come, to our pavilion: Boyet is dispos'd.
BOYET.
But to speak that in words which his eye hath disclos'd.
I only have made a mouth of his eye,
By adding a tongue which I know will not lie.
ROSALINE.
Thou art an old love-monger, and speak'st skilfully.
MARIA.
He is Cupid's grandfather, and learns news of him.
ROSALINE.
Then was Venus like her mother; for her father is but grim.
BOYET.
Do you hear, my mad wenches?
MARIA.
No.
BOYET.
What, then, do you see?
ROSALINE.
Ay, our way to be gone.
BOYET.
You are too hard for me.
[Exeunt.]
ACT III.
SCENE I. The King of Navarre's park.
[Enter ARMADO and MOTH.]
ARMADO.
Warble, child; make passionate my sense of hearing.
MOTH [Singing.]
Concolinel,--
ARMADO.
Sweet air! Go, tenderness of years; take this key, give
enlargement to the swain, bring him festinately hither; I must
employ him in a letter to my love.
MOTH.
Master, will you win your love with a French brawl?
ARMADO.
How meanest thou? brawling in French?
MOTH.
No, my complete master; but to jig off a tune at the tongue's
end, canary to it with your feet, humour it with turning up your
eyelids, sigh a note and sing a note, sometime through the
throat, as if you swallowed love with singing love, sometime
through the nose, as if you snuffed up love by smelling love;
with your hat penthouse-like o'er the shop of your eyes, with
your arms crossed on your thin-belly doublet, like a rabbit on a
spit; or your hands in your pocket, like a man after the old
painting; and keep not too long in one tune, but a snip and away.
These are complements, these are humours; these betray nice
wenches, that would be betrayed without these; and make them men
of note,--do you note me?--that most are affected to these.
ARMADO.
How hast thou purchased this experience?
MOTH.
By my penny of observation.
ARMADO.
But O--but O,--
MOTH.
'The hobby-horse is forgot.'
ARMADO.
Call'st thou my love 'hobby-horse'?
MOTH.
No, master; the hobby-horse is but a colt, and your love
perhaps, a hackney. But have you forgot your love?
ARMADO.
Almost I had.
MOTH.
Negligent student! learn her by heart.
ARMADO.
By heart and in heart, boy.
MOTH.
And out of heart, master: all those three I will prove.
ARMADO.
What wilt thou prove?
MOTH.
A man, if I live; and this, by, in, and without, upon the
instant: by heart you love her, because your heart cannot come by
her; in heart you love her, because your heart is in love with
her; and out of heart you love her, being out of heart that you
cannot enjoy her.
ARMADO.
I am all these three.
MOTH.
And three times as much more, and yet nothing at all.
ARMADO.
Fetch hither the swain: he must carry me a letter.
MOTH.
A message well sympathized; a horse to be ambassador for an
ass.
ARMADO.
Ha, ha! what sayest thou?
MOTH.
Marry, sir, you must send the ass upon the horse, for he is
very slow-gaited. But I go.
ARMADO.
The way is but short: away!
MOTH.
As swift as lead, sir.
ARMADO.
The meaning, pretty ingenious?
Is not lead a metal heavy, dull, and slow?
MOTH.
Minime, honest master; or rather, master, no.
ARMADO.
I say lead is slow.
MOTH.
You are too swift, sir, to say so:
Is that lead slow which is fir'd from a gun?
ARMADO.
Sweet smoke of rhetoric!
He reputes me a cannon; and the bullet, that's he;
I shoot thee at the swain.
MOTH.
Thump then, and I flee.
[Exit.]
ARMADO.
A most acute juvenal; volable and free of grace!
By thy favour, sweet welkin, I must sigh in thy face:
Most rude melancholy, valour gives thee place.
My herald is return'd.
[Re-enter MOTH with COSTARD.]
MOTH.
A wonder, master! here's a costard broken in a shin.
ARMADO.
Some enigma, some riddle: come, thy l'envoy; begin.
COSTARD.
No egma, no riddle, no l'envoy; no salve in the mail, sir.
O! sir, plantain, a plain plantain; no l'envoy, no l'envoy; no
salve, sir, but a plantain.
ARMADO.
By virtue thou enforcest laughter; thy silly thought, my
spleen; the heaving of my lungs provokes me to ridiculous
smiling: O! pardon me, my stars. Doth the inconsiderate take
salve for l'envoy, and the word l'envoy for a salve?
MOTH.
Do the wise think them other? Is not l'envoy a salve?
ARMADO.
No, page: it is an epilogue or discourse to make plain
Some obscure precedence that hath tofore been sain.
I will example it:
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee,
Were still at odds, being but three.
There's the moral. Now the l'envoy.
MOTH.
I will add the l'envoy. Say the moral again.
ARMADO.
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee,
Were still at odds, being but three.
MOTH.
Until the goose came out of door,
And stay'd the odds by adding four.
Now will I begin your moral, and do you follow with my l'envoy.
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee,
Were still at odds, being but three.
ARMADO.
Until the goose came out of door,
Staying the odds by adding four.
MOTH.
A good l'envoy, ending in the goose; would you desire more?
COSTARD.
The boy hath sold him a bargain, a goose, that's flat.
Sir, your pennyworth is good an your goose be fat.
To sell a bargain well is as cunning as fast and loose:
Let me see: a fat l'envoy; ay, that's a fat goose.
ARMADO.
Come hither, come hither. How did this argument begin?
MOTH.
By saying that a costard was broken in a shin.
Then call'd you for the l'envoy.
COSTARD.
True, and I for a plantain: thus came your argument in;
Then the boy's fat l'envoy, the goose that you bought;
And he ended the market.
ARMADO.
But tell me; how was there a costard broken in a shin?
MOTH.
I will tell you sensibly.
COSTARD.
Thou hast no feeling of it, Moth: I will speak that
l'envoy:
I, Costard, running out, that was safely within,
Fell over the threshold and broke my shin.
ARMADO.
We will talk no more of this matter.
COSTARD.
Till there be more matter in the shin.
ARMADO.
Sirrah Costard. I will enfranchise thee.
COSTARD.
O! marry me to one Frances: I smell some l'envoy, some
goose, in this.
ARMADO.
By my sweet soul, I mean setting thee at liberty,
enfreedoming thy person: thou wert immured, restrained,
captivated, bound.
COSTARD.
True, true; and now you will be my purgation, and let me
loose.
ARMADO.
I give thee thy liberty, set thee from durance; and, in
lieu thereof, impose on thee nothing but this:--[Giving a
letter.] Bear this significant to the country maid Jaquenetta.
[Giving money.] there is remuneration; for the best ward of mine
honour is rewarding my dependents. Moth, follow.
[Exit.]
MOTH.
Like the sequel, I. Signior Costard, adieu.
COSTARD.
My sweet ounce of man's flesh! my incony Jew!
[Exit MOTH.]
Now will I look to his remuneration. Remuneration! O! that's the
Latin word for three farthings: three farthings, remuneration.
'What's the price of this inkle?' 'One penny.' 'No, I'll give
you a remuneration.' Why, it carries it. Remuneration! Why, it is
a fairer name than French crown. I will never buy and sell out of
this word.
[Enter BEROWNE.]
BEROWNE.
O! My good knave Costard, exceedingly well met.
COSTARD.
Pray you, sir, how much carnation riband may a man buy for
a remuneration?
BEROWNE.
What is a remuneration?
COSTARD.
Marry, sir, halfpenny farthing.
BEROWNE.
Why, then, three-farthing worth of silk.
COSTARD.
I thank your worship. God be wi' you!
BEROWNE.
Stay, slave; I must employ thee:
As thou wilt win my favour, good my knave,
Do one thing for me that I shall entreat.
COSTARD.
When would you have it done, sir?
BEROWNE.
O, this afternoon.
COSTARD.
Well, I will do it, sir! fare you well.
BEROWNE.
O, thou knowest not what it is.
COSTARD.
I shall know, sir, when I have done it.
BEROWNE.
Why, villain, thou must know first.
COSTARD.
I will come to your worship to-morrow morning.
BEROWNE.
It must be done this afternoon. Hark, slave, it is but this:
The princess comes to hunt here in the park,
And in her train there is a gentle lady;
When tongues speak sweetly, then they name her name,
And Rosaline they call her: ask for her
And to her white hand see thou do commend
This seal'd-up counsel.
[Gives him a shilling.]
There's thy guerdon: go.
COSTARD.
Gardon, O sweet gardon! better than remuneration; a
'leven-pence farthing better; most sweet gardon! I will do it,
sir, in print. Gardon- remuneration!
[Exit.]
BEROWNE.
And I,--
Forsooth, in love; I, that have been love's whip;
A very beadle to a humorous sigh;
A critic, nay, a night-watch constable;
A domineering pedant o'er the boy,
Than whom no mortal so magnificent!
This wimpled, whining, purblind, wayward boy,
This senior-junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid;
Regent of love-rimes, lord of folded arms,
The anointed sovereign of sighs and groans,
Liege of all loiterers and malcontents,
Dread prince of plackets, king of codpieces,
Sole imperator, and great general
Of trotting 'paritors: O my little heart!
And I to be a corporal of his field,
And wear his colours like a tumbler's hoop!
What! I love! I sue, I seek a wife!
A woman, that is like a German clock,
Still a-repairing, ever out of frame,
And never going aright, being a watch,
But being watch'd that it may still go right!
Nay, to be perjur'd, which is worst of all;
And, among three, to love the worst of all,
A wightly wanton with a velvet brow,
With two pitch balls stuck in her face for eyes;
Ay, and, by heaven, one that will do the deed,
Though Argus were her eunuch and her guard:
And I to sigh for her! to watch for her!
To pray for her! Go to; it is a plague
That Cupid will impose for my neglect
Of his almighty dreadful little might.
Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue, and groan:
Some men must love my lady, and some Joan.
[Exit.]
ACT IV.
SCENE I. The King of Navarre's park.
[Enter the PRINCESS, ROSALINE, MARIA, KATHARINE, BOYET, LORDS,
ATTENDANTS, and a FORESTER.
PRINCESS.
Was that the King that spurr'd his horse so hard
Against the steep uprising of the hill?
BOYET.
I know not; but I think it was not he.
PRINCESS.
Whoe'er a' was, a' show'd a mounting mind.
Well, lords, to-day we shall have our dispatch;
On Saturday we will return to France.
Then, forester, my friend, where is the bush
That we must stand and play the murderer in?
FORESTER.
Hereby, upon the edge of yonder coppice;
A stand where you may make the fairest shoot.
PRINCESS.
I thank my beauty, I am fair that shoot,
And thereupon thou speak'st the fairest shoot.
FORESTER.
Pardon me, madam, for I meant not so.
PRINCESS.
What, what? First praise me, and again say no?
O short-liv'd pride! Not fair? Alack for woe!
FORESTER.
Yes, madam, fair.
PRINCESS.
Nay, never paint me now;
Where fair is not, praise cannot mend the brow.
Here, good my glass [Gives money]:--take this for telling true:
Fair payment for foul words is more than due.
FORESTER.
Nothing but fair is that which you inherit.
PRINCESS.
See, see! my beauty will be sav'd by merit.
O heresy in fair, fit for these days!
A giving hand, though foul, shall have fair praise.
But come, the bow: now mercy goes to kill,
And shooting well is then accounted ill.
Thus will I save my credit in the shoot:
Not wounding, pity would not let me do't;
If wounding, then it was to show my skill,
That more for praise than purpose meant to kill.
And out of question so it is sometimes,
Glory grows guilty of detested crimes,
When, for fame's sake, for praise, an outward part,
We bend to that the working of the heart;
As I for praise alone now seek to spill
The poor deer's blood, that my heart means no ill.
BOYET.
Do not curst wives hold that self-sovereignty
Only for praise' sake, when they strive to be
Lords o'er their lords?
PRINCESS.
Only for praise; and praise we may afford
To any lady that subdues a lord.
[Enter COSTARD.]
BOYET.
Here comes a member of the commonwealth.
COSTARD.
God dig-you-den all! Pray you, which is the head lady?
PRINCESS.
Thou shalt know her, fellow, by the rest that have no heads.
COSTARD.
Which is the greatest lady, the highest?
PRINCESS.
The thickest and the tallest.
COSTARD.
The thickest and the tallest! It is so; truth is truth.
An your waist, mistress, were as slender as my wit,
One o' these maids' girdles for your waist should be fit.
Are not you the chief woman? You are the thickest here.
PRINCESS.
What's your will, sir? What's your will?
COSTARD.
I have a letter from Monsieur Berowne to one Lady Rosaline.
PRINCESS.
O! thy letter, thy letter; he's a good friend of mine.
Stand aside, good bearer. Boyet, you can carve;
Break up this capon.
BOYET.
I am bound to serve.
This letter is mistook; it importeth none here.
It is writ to Jaquenetta.
PRINCESS.
We will read it, I swear.
Break the neck of the wax, and every one give ear.
BOYET.
'By heaven, that thou art fair is most infallible;
true, that thou art beauteous; truth itself, that thou art
lovely. More fairer than fair, beautiful than beauteous, truer
than truth itself, have commiseration on thy heroical vassal! The
magnanimous and most illustrate king Cophetua set eye upon the
pernicious and indubitate beggar Zenelophon, and he it was that
might rightly say, Veni, vidi, vici; which to anatomize in
the vulgar-- O base and obscure vulgar!--videlicet, he came, saw,
and overcame: he came, one; saw, two; overcame, three. Who came?
the king: Why did he come? to see: Why did he see? to overcome:
To whom came he? to the beggar: What saw he? the beggar. Who
overcame he? the beggar. The conclusion is victory; on whose
side? the king's; the captive is enriched: on whose side? the
beggar's. The catastrophe is a nuptial: on whose side? the
king's, no, on both in one, or one in both. I am the king, for so
stands the comparison; thou the beggar, for so witnesseth thy
lowliness. Shall I command thy love? I may: Shall I enforce thy
love? I could: Shall I entreat thy love? I will. What shalt thou
exchange for rags? robes; for tittles? titles; for thyself?
-me. Thus, expecting thy reply, I profane my lips on thy foot, my
eyes on thy picture, and my heart on thy every part.
Thine in the dearest design of industry,
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.
'Thus dost thou hear the Nemean lion roar
'Gainst thee, thou lamb, that standest as his prey;
Submissive fall his princely feet before,
And he from forage will incline to play.
But if thou strive, poor soul, what are thou then?
Food for his rage, repasture for his den.'
PRINCESS.
What plume of feathers is he that indited this letter?
What vane? What weathercock? Did you ever hear better?
BOYET.
I am much deceiv'd but I remember the style.
PRINCESS.
Else your memory is bad, going o'er it erewhile.
BOYET.
This Armado is a Spaniard, that keeps here in court;
A phantasime, a Monarcho, and one that makes sport
To the Prince and his book-mates.
PRINCESS.
Thou fellow, a word.
Who gave thee this letter?
COSTARD.
I told you; my lord.
PRINCESS.
To whom shouldst thou give it?
COSTARD.
From my lord to my lady.
PRINCESS.
From which lord to which lady?
COSTARD.
From my Lord Berowne, a good master of mine,
To a lady of France that he call'd Rosaline.
PRINCESS.
Thou hast mistaken his letter. Come, lords, away.
Here, sweet, put up this: 'twill be thine another day.
[Exeunt PRINCESS and TRAIN.]
BOYET.
Who is the suitor? who is the suitor?
ROSALINE.
Shall I teach you to know?
BOYET.
Ay, my continent of beauty.
ROSALINE.
Why, she that bears the bow.
Finely put off!
BOYET.
My lady goes to kill horns; but, if thou marry,
Hang me by the neck, if horns that year miscarry.
Finely put on!
ROSALINE.
Well then, I am the shooter.
BOYET.
And who is your deer?
ROSALINE.
If we choose by the horns, yourself: come not near.
Finely put on indeed!
MARIA.
You still wrangle with her, Boyet, and she strikes at the
brow.
BOYET.
But she herself is hit lower: have I hit her now?
ROSALINE.
Shall I come upon thee with an old saying, that was a man
when King Pepin of France was a little boy, as touching the hit
it?
BOYET.
So I may answer thee with one as old, that was a woman when
Queen Guinever of Britain was a little wench, as touching the hit
it.
ROSALINE.
Thou canst not hit it, hit it, hit it,
Thou canst not hit it, my good man.
BOYET.
An I cannot, cannot, cannot,
An I cannot, another can.
[Exeunt ROSALINE and KATHARINE.]
COSTARD.
By my troth, most pleasant: how both did fit it!
MARIA.
A mark marvellous well shot; for they both did hit it.
BOYET.
A mark! O! mark but that mark; A mark, says my lady!
Let the mark have a prick in't, to mete at, if it may be.
MARIA.
Wide o' the bow-hand! I' faith, your hand is out.
COSTARD.
Indeed, a' must shoot nearer, or he'll ne'er hit the clout.
BOYET.
An' if my hand be out, then belike your hand is in.
COSTARD.
Then will she get the upshoot by cleaving the pin.
MARIA.
Come, come, you talk greasily; your lips grow foul.
COSTARD.
She's too hard for you at pricks, sir; challenge her to bowl.
BOYET.
I fear too much rubbing. Good-night, my good owl.
[Exeunt BOYET and MARIA.]
COSTARD.
By my soul, a swain! a most simple clown!
Lord, Lord! how the ladies and I have put him down!
O' my troth, most sweet jests, most incony vulgar wit!
When it comes so smoothly off, so obscenely, as it were, so fit.
Armado, o' the one side, O! a most dainty man!
To see him walk before a lady and to bear her fan!
To see him kiss his hand! and how most sweetly a' will swear!
And his page o' t'other side, that handful of wit!
Ah! heavens, it is a most pathetical nit.
[Shouting within.] Sola, sola!
[Exit running.]
SCENE II. The same.
Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL.
NATHANIEL.
Very reverent sport, truly; and done in the testimony of
a good conscience.
HOLOFERNES.
The deer was, as you know, sanguis, in blood; ripe as
the pomewater, who now hangeth like a jewel in the ear of caelo,
the sky, the welkin, the heaven; and anon falleth like a crab on
the face of terra, the soil, the land, the earth.
NATHANIEL.
Truly, Master Holofernes, the epithets are sweetly
varied, like a scholar at the least: but, sir, I assure ye it was
a buck of the first head.
HOLOFERNES.
Sir Nathaniel, haud credo.
DULL.
Twas not a haud credo; 'twas a pricket.
HOLOFERNES.
Most barbarous intimation! yet a kind of insinuation,
as it were, in via, in way, of explication; facere, as it were,
replication, or rather, ostentare, to show, as it were, his
inclination,--after his undressed, unpolished, uneducated,
unpruned, untrained, or rather, unlettered, or ratherest,
unconfirmed fashion,--to insert again my haud credo for a deer.
DULL.
I sthe deer was not a haud credo; 'twas a pricket.
HOLOFERNES.
Twice sod simplicity, bis coctus!
O! thou monster Ignorance, how deformed dost thou look!
NATHANIEL.
Sir, he hath never fed of the dainties that are bred of a book;
he hath not eat paper, as it were; he hath not drunk ink: his
intellect is not replenished; he is only an animal, only sensible
in the duller parts:
And such barren plants are set before us that we thankful should
be,
Which we of taste and feeling are, for those parts that do
fructify in us more than he;
For as it would ill become me to be vain, indiscreet, or a fool,
So, were there a patch set on learning, to see him in a school.
But, omne bene, say I; being of an old Father's mind:
Many can brook the weather that love not the wind.
DULL.
You two are book-men: can you tell me by your wit,
What was a month old at Cain's birth, that's not five weeks old
as yet?
HOLOFERNES.
Dictynna, goodman Dull; Dictynna, goodman Dull.
DULL.
What is Dictynna?
NATHANIEL.
A title to Phoebe, to Luna, to the moon.
HOLOFERNES.
The moon was a month old when Adam was no more,
And raught not to five weeks when he came to five-score.
The allusion holds in the exchange.
DULL.
'Tis true, indeed; the collusion holds in the exchange.
HOLOFERNES.
God comfort thy capacity! I say, the allusion holds in
the exchange.
DULL.
And I say the pollusion holds in the exchange, for the moon is
never but a month old; and I say beside that 'twas a pricket
that the Princess killed.
HOLOFERNES.
Sir Nathaniel, will you hear an extemporal epitaph on the death
of the deer? And, to humour the ignorant, I have call'd the deer
the Princess killed, a pricket.
NATHANIEL.
Perge, good Master Holofernes, perge; so it shall please
you to abrogate scurrility.
HOLOFERNES.
I will something affect the letter; for it argues facility.
The preyful Princess pierc'd and prick'd a pretty pleasing
pricket;
Some say a sore; but not a sore till now made sore with
shooting.
The dogs did yell; put L to sore, then sorel jumps from thicket-
Or pricket sore, or else sorel; the people fall a-hooting.
If sore be sore, then L to sore makes fifty sores one sorel!
Of one sore I an hundred make, by adding but one more L.
NATHANIEL.
A rare talent!
DULL.
[Aside] If a talent be a claw, look how he claws him with a
talent.
HOLOFERNES.
This is a gift that I have, simple, simple; a foolish
extravagant spirit, full of forms, figures, shapes, objects,
ideas, apprehensions, motions, revolutions: these are begot in
the ventricle of memory, nourished in the womb of pia mater, and
delivered upon the mellowing of occasion. But the gift is good in
those in whom it is acute, and I am thankful for it.
NATHANIEL.
Sir, I praise the Lord for you, and so may my parishioners; for
their sons are well tutored by you, and their daughters profit
very greatly under you: you are a good member of the
commonwealth.
HOLOFERNES.
Mehercle! if their sons be ingenious, they shall want no
instruction; if their daughters be capable, I will put it to
them; but, vir sapit qui pauca loquitur. A soul feminine saluteth
us.
[Enter JAQUENETTA and COSTARD.]
JAQUENETTA.
God give you good morrow, Master parson.
HOLOFERNES.
Master parson, quasi pers-on. And if one should be
pierced, which is the one?
COSTARD.
Marry, Master schoolmaster, he that is likest to a hogshead.
HOLOFERNES.
Piercing a hogshead! A good lustre or conceit in a turf
of earth; fire enough for a flint, pearl enough for a swine; 'tis
pretty; it is well.
JAQUENETTA.
Good Master parson [Giving a letter to NATHANIEL.], be so good as
read me this letter: it was given me by Costard, and sent me from
Don Armado: I beseech you read it.
HOLOFERNES.
'Fauste, precor gelida quando pecus omne sub umbra Ruminat,'
and so forth. Ah! good old Mantuan. I may speak of thee as
the traveller doth of Venice:
--Venetia, Venetia,
Chi non ti vede, non ti pretia.
Old Mantuan! old Mantuan! Who understandeth thee not,
loves thee not. Ut, re, sol, la, mi, fa. Under pardon, sir, what
are the contents? or rather as Horace says in his-- What, my
soul, verses?
NATHANIEL.
Ay, sir, and very learned.
HOLOFERNES.
Let me hear a staff, a stanze, a verse; lege, domine.
NATHANIEL.
If love make me forsworn, how shall I swear to love?
Ah! never faith could hold, if not to beauty vow'd;
Though to myself forsworn, to thee I'll faithful prove;
Those thoughts to me were oaks, to thee like osiers bowed.
Study his bias leaves, and makes his book thine eyes,
Where all those pleasures live that art would comprehend:
If knowledge be the mark, to know thee shall suffice.
Well learned is that tongue that well can thee commend;
All ignorant that soul that sees thee without wonder;
Which is to me some praise that I thy parts admire.
Thy eye Jove's lightning bears, thy voice his dreadful thunder,
Which, not to anger bent, is music and sweet fire.
Celestial as thou art, O! pardon love this wrong,
That sings heaven's praise with such an earthly tongue.
HOLOFERNES.
You find not the apostrophas, and so miss the accent:
let me supervise the canzonet. Here are only numbers ratified;
but, for the elegancy, facility, and golden cadence of poesy,
caret. Ovidius Naso was the man: and why, indeed, Naso but for
smelling out the odoriferous flowers of fancy, the jerks of
invention? Imitari is nothing: so doth the hound his master, the
ape his keeper, the 'tired horse his rider. But, damosella
virgin, was this directed to you?
JAQUENETTA.
Ay, sir; from one Monsieur Berowne, one of the strange
queen's lords.
HOLOFERNES.
I will overglance the superscript: 'To the snow-white
hand of the most beauteous Lady Rosaline.' I will look again on
the intellect of the letter, for the nomination of the party
writing to the person written unto: 'Your Ladyship's in all
desired employment, Berowne.'--Sir Nathaniel, this Berowne is one
of the votaries with the king; and here he hath framed a letter
to a sequent of the stranger queen's, which, accidentally, or by
the way of progression, hath miscarried. Trip and go, my sweet;
deliver this paper into the royal hand of the king; it may
concern much. Stay not thy compliment; I forgive thy duty. Adieu.
JAQUENETTA.
Good Costard, go with me. Sir, God save your life!
COSTARD.
Have with thee, my girl.
[Exeunt COSTARD and JAQUENETTA.]
NATHANIEL.
Sir, you have done this in the fear of God, very religiously;
and, as a certain Father saith--
HOLOFERNES.
Sir, tell not me of the Father; I do fear colourable colours. But
to return to the verses: did they please you, Sir Nathaniel?
NATHANIEL.
Marvellous well for the pen.
HOLOFERNES.
I do dine to-day at the father's of a certain pupil of
mine; where, if, before repast, it shall please you to gratify
the table with a grace, I will, on my privilege I have with the
parents of the foresaid child or pupil, undertake your ben
venuto; where I will prove those verses to be very unlearned,
neither savouring of poetry, wit, nor invention. I beseech your
society.
NATHANIEL.
And thank you too; for society,--saith the text,--is the
happiness of life.
HOLOFERNES.
And certes, the text most infallibly concludes it.
[To DULL] Sir, I do invite you too; you shall not say me nay:
pauca verba. Away! the gentles are at their game, and we will to
our recreation.
[Exeunt.]
SCENE III. The same.
[Enter BEROWNE, with a paper.]
BEROWNE.
The king he is hunting the deer: I am coursing myself: they have
pitched a toil: I am tolling in a pitch,--pitch that defiles:
defile! a foul word! Well, sit thee down, sorrow! for
so they say the fool said, and so say I, and I am the fool: well
proved, wit! By the Lord, this love is as mad as Ajax: it kills
sheep; it kills me, I a sheep: well proved again o' my side. I
will not love; if I do, hang me; i' faith, I will not. O! but her
eye,--by this light, but for her eye, I would not love her; yes,
for her two eyes. Well, I do nothing in the world but lie, and
lie in my throat. By heaven, I do love; and it hath taught me to
rime, and to be melancholy; and here is part of my rhyme, and
here my melancholy. Well, she hath one o' my sonnets already; the
clown bore it, the fool sent it, and the lady hath it: sweet
clown, sweeter fool, sweetest lady! By the world, I would not
care a pin if the other three were in. Here comes one with a
paper; God give him grace to groan!
[Gets up into a tree.]
[Enter the KING, with a paper.]
KING.
Ay me!
BEROWNE. [Aside.]
Shot, by heaven! Proceed, sweet Cupid; thou hast thumped
him with thy bird-bolt under the left pap. In faith, secrets!
KING.
So sweet a kiss the golden sun gives not
To those fresh morning drops upon the rose,
As thy eye-beams, when their fresh rays have smote
The night of dew that on my cheeks down flows;
Nor shines the silver moon one half so bright
Through the transparent bosom of the deep,
As doth thy face through tears of mine give light.
Thou shin'st in every tear that I do weep:
No drop but as a coach doth carry thee;
So ridest thou triumphing in my woe.
Do but behold the tears that swell in me,
And they thy glory through my grief will show:
But do not love thyself; then thou wilt keep
My tears for glasses, and still make me weep.
O queen of queens! how far dost thou excel
No thought can think nor tongue of mortal tell.
How shall she know my griefs? I'll drop the paper:
Sweet leaves, shade folly. Who is he comes here?
[Steps aside.]
What, Longaville! and reading! Listen, ear.
[Enter LONGAVILLE, with a paper.]
BEROWNE.
Now, in thy likeness, one more fool appear!
LONGAVILLE.
Ay me! I am forsworn.
BEROWNE.
Why, he comes in like a perjure, wearing papers.
KING.
In love, I hope: sweet fellowship in shame!
BEROWNE.
One drunkard loves another of the name.
LONGAVILLE.
Am I the first that have been perjur'd so?
BEROWNE.
I could put thee in comfort: not by two that I know;
Thou makest the triumviry, the corner-cap of society,
The shape of love's Tyburn that hangs up simplicity.
LONGAVILLE.
I fear these stubborn lines lack power to move.
O sweet Maria, empress of my love!
These numbers will I tear, and write in prose.
BEROWNE.
O! rimes are guards on wanton Cupid's hose:
Disfigure not his slop.
LONGAVILLE.
This same shall go.
Did not the heavenly rhetoric of thine eye,
'Gainst whom the world cannot hold argument,
Persuade my heart to this false perjury?
Vows for thee broke deserve not punishment.
A woman I forswore; but I will prove,
Thou being a goddess, I forswore not thee:
My vow was earthly, thou a heavenly love;
Thy grace being gain'd, cures all disgrace in me.
Vows are but breath, and breath a vapour is:
Then thou, fair sun, which on my earth dost shine,
Exhal'st this vapour-vow; in thee it is:
If broken, then it is no fault of mine:
If by me broke, what fool is not so wise
To lose an oath to win a paradise!
BEROWNE.
This is the liver-vein, which makes flesh a deity;
A green goose a goddess; pure, pure idolatry.
God amend us, God amend! We are much out o' the way.
LONGAVILLE.
By whom shall I send this?--Company! Stay.
[Steps aside.]
BEROWNE.
All hid, all hid; an old infant play.
Like a demigod here sit I in the sky,
And wretched fools' secrets heedfully o'er-eye.
More sacks to the mill! O heavens, I have my wish.
[Enter DUMAINE, with a paper.]
Dumain transformed: four woodcocks in a dish!
DUMAINE.
O most divine Kate!
BEROWNE.
O most profane coxcomb!
DUMAINE.
By heaven, the wonder in a mortal eye!
BEROWNE.
By earth, she is but corporal; there you lie.
DUMAINE.
Her amber hairs for foul hath amber quoted.
BEROWNE.
An amber-colour'd raven was well noted.
DUMAINE.
As upright as the cedar.
BEROWNE.
Stoop, I say;
Her shoulder is with child.
DUMAINE.
As fair as day.
BEROWNE.
Ay, as some days; but then no sun must shine.
DUMAINE.
O! that I had my wish.
LONGAVILLE.
And I had mine!
KING.
And I mine too, good Lord!
BEROWNE.
Amen, so I had mine. Is not that a good word?
DUMAINE.
I would forget her; but a fever she
Reigns in my blood, and will remember'd be.
BEROWNE.
A fever in your blood! Why, then incision
Would let her out in saucers: sweet misprision!
DUMAINE.
Once more I'll read the ode that I have writ.
BEROWNE.
Once more I'll mark how love can vary wit.
DUMAINE.
On a day, alack the day!
Love, whose month is ever May,
Spied a blossom passing fair
Playing in the wanton air:
Through the velvet leaves the wind,
All unseen, 'gan passage find;
That the lover, sick to death,
Wish'd himself the heaven's breath.
Air, quoth he, thy cheeks may blow;
Air, would I might triumph so!
But, alack! my hand is sworn
Ne'er to pluck thee from thy thorn;
Vow, alack! for youth unmeet,
Youth so apt to pluck a sweet.
Do not call it sin in me,
That I am forsworn for thee;
Thou for whom e'en Jove would swear
Juno but an Ethiope were;
And deny himself for Jove,
Turning mortal for thy love.
This will I send, and something else more plain,
That shall express my true love's fasting pain.
O! would the King, Berowne and Longaville
Were lovers too. Ill, to example ill,
Would from my forehead wipe a perjur'd note;
For none offend where all alike do dote.
LONGAVILLE.
[Advancing.] Dumain, thy love is far from charity,
That in love's grief desir'st society;
You may look pale, but I should blush, I know,
To be o'erheard and taken napping so.
KING.
[Advancing.] Come, sir, you blush; as his, your case is such.
You chide at him, offending twice as much:
You do not love Maria; Longaville
Did never sonnet for her sake compile;
Nor never lay his wreathed arms athwart
His loving bosom, to keep down his heart.
I have been closely shrouded in this bush,
And mark'd you both, and for you both did blush.
I heard your guilty rimes, observ'd your fashion,
Saw sighs reek from you, noted well your passion:
Ay me! says one. O Jove! the other cries;
One, her hairs were gold; crystal the other's eyes:
[To LONGAVILLE] You would for paradise break faith and troth;
[To DUMAIN] And Jove, for your love would infringe an oath.
What will Berowne say when that he shall hear
Faith infringed which such zeal did swear?
How will he scorn! how will he spend his wit!
How will he triumph, leap, and laugh at it!
For all the wealth that ever I did see,
I would not have him know so much by me.
BEROWNE.
Now step I forth to whip hypocrisy.
[Descends from the tree.]
Ah! good my liege, I pray thee pardon me:
Good heart! what grace hast thou thus to reprove
These worms for loving, that art most in love?
Your eyes do make no coaches; in your tears
There is no certain princess that appears:
You'll not be perjur'd; 'tis a hateful thing:
Tush! none but minstrels like of sonneting.
But are you not asham'd? nay, are you not,
All three of you, to be thus much o'ershot?
You found his mote; the king your mote did see;
But I a beam do find in each of three.
O! what a scene of foolery have I seen,
Of sighs, of groans, of sorrow, and of teen;
O me! with what strict patience have I sat,
To see a king transformed to a gnat;
To see great Hercules whipping a gig,
And profound Solomon to tune a jig,
And Nestor play at push-pin with the boys,
And critic Timon laugh at idle toys!
Where lies thy grief, O! tell me, good Dumaine?
And, gentle Longaville, where lies thy pain?
And where my liege's? all about the breast:
A caudle, ho!
KING.
Too bitter is thy jest.
Are we betrayed thus to thy over-view?
BEROWNE.
Not you by me, but I betray'd by you.
I that am honest; I that hold it sin
To break the vow I am engaged in;
I am betrayed by keeping company
With men like men, men of inconstancy.
When shall you see me write a thing in rime?
Or groan for Joan? or spend a minute's time
In pruning me? When shall you hear that I
Will praise a hand, a foot, a face, an eye,
A gait, a state, a brow, a breast, a waist,
A leg, a limb?--
KING.
Soft! whither away so fast?
A true man or a thief that gallops so?
BEROWNE.
I post from love; good lover, let me go.
[Enter JAQUENETTA and COSTARD.]
JAQUENETTA.
God bless the king!
KING.
What present hast thou there?
COSTARD.
Some certain treason.
KING.
What makes treason here?
COSTARD.
Nay, it makes nothing, sir.
KING.
If it mar nothing neither,
The treason and you go in peace away together.
JAQUENETTA.
I beseech your Grace, let this letter be read;
Our parson misdoubts it; 'twas treason, he said.
KING.
Berowne, read it over.
[Giving the letter to him.]
Where hadst thou it?
JAQUENETTA.
Of Costard.
KING.
Where hadst thou it?
COSTARD.
Of Dun Adramadio, Dun Adramadio.
[BEROWNE tears the letter.]
KING.
How now! What is in you? Why dost thou tear it?
BEROWNE.
A toy, my liege, a toy: your Grace needs not fear it.
LONGAVILLE.
It did move him to passion, and therefore let's hear it.
DUMAINE.
[Picking up the pieces.]
It is Berowne's writing, and here is his name.
BEROWNE.
[To COSTARD.] Ah, you whoreson loggerhead, you were born
to do me shame.
Guilty, my lord, guilty; I confess, I confess.
KING.
What?
BEROWNE.
That you three fools lack'd me fool to make up the mess;
He, he, and you, and you, my liege, and I,
Are pick-purses in love, and we deserve to die.
O! dismiss this audience, and I shall tell you more.
DUMAINE.
Now the number is even.
BEROWNE.
True, true, we are four.
Will these turtles be gone?
KING.
Hence, sirs; away!
COSTARD.
Walk aside the true folk, and let the traitors stay.
[Exeunt COSTARD and JAQUENETTA.]
BEROWNE.
Sweet lords, sweet lovers, O! let us embrace!
As true we are as flesh and blood can be:
The sea will ebb and flow, heaven show his face;
Young blood doth not obey an old decree:
We cannot cross the cause why we were born,
Therefore of all hands must we be forsworn.
KING.
What! did these rent lines show some love of thine?
BEROWNE.
'Did they?' quoth you? Who sees the heavenly Rosaline
That, like a rude and savage man of Inde
At the first op'ning of the gorgeous east,
Bows not his vassal head and, strucken blind,
Kisses the base ground with obedient breast?
What peremptory eagle-sighted eye
Dares look upon the heaven of her brow,
That is not blinded by her majesty?
KING.
What zeal, what fury hath inspir'd thee now?
My love, her mistress, is a gracious moon;
She, an attending star, scarce seen a light.
BEROWNE.
My eyes are then no eyes, nor I Berowne.
O! but for my love, day would turn to night.
Of all complexions the cull'd sovereignty
Do meet, as at a fair, in her fair cheek,
Where several worthies make one dignity,
Where nothing wants that want itself doth seek.
Lend me the flourish of all gentle tongues,--
Fie, painted rhetoric! O! she needs it not:
To things of sale a seller's praise belongs;
She passes praise; then praise too short doth blot.
A wither'd hermit, five-score winters worn,
Might shake off fifty, looking in her eye:
Beauty doth varnish age, as if new-born,
And gives the crutch the cradle's infancy.
O! 'tis the sun that maketh all things shine!
KING.
By heaven, thy love is black as ebony.
BEROWNE.
Is ebony like her? O wood divine!
A wife of such wood were felicity.
O! who can give an oath? Where is a book?
That I may swear beauty doth beauty lack,
If that she learn not of her eye to look.
No face is fair that is not full so black.
KING.
O paradox! Black is the badge of hell,
The hue of dungeons, and the school of night;
And beauty's crest becomes the heavens well.
BEROWNE.
Devils soonest tempt, resembling spirits of light.
O! if in black my lady's brows be deck'd,
It mourns that painting and usurping hair
Should ravish doters with a false aspect;
And therefore is she born to make black fair.
Her favour turns the fashion of the days,
For native blood is counted painting now;
And therefore red, that would avoid dispraise,
Paints itself black, to imitate her brow.
DUMAINE.
To look like her are chimney-sweepers black.
LONGAVILLE.
And since her time are colliers counted bright.
KING.
And Ethiopes of their sweet complexion crack.
DUMAINE.
Dark needs no candles now, for dark is light.
BEROWNE.
Your mistresses dare never come in rain,
For fear their colours should be wash'd away.
KING.
'Twere good yours did; for, sir, to tell you plain,
I'll find a fairer face not wash'd to-day.
BEROWNE.
I'll prove her fair, or talk till doomsday here.
KING.
No devil will fright thee then so much as she.
DUMAINE.
I never knew man hold vile stuff so dear.
LONGAVILLE.
Look, here's thy love:
[Showing his shoe.]
my foot and her face see.
BEROWNE.
O! if the streets were paved with thine eyes,
Her feet were much too dainty for such tread.
DUMAINE.
O vile! Then, as she goes, what upward lies
The street should see as she walk'd over head.
KING.
But what of this? Are we not all in love?
BEROWNE.
Nothing so sure; and thereby all forsworn.
KING.
Then leave this chat; and, good Berowne, now prove
Our loving lawful, and our faith not torn.
DUMAINE.
Ay, marry, there; some flattery for this evil.
LONGAVILLE.
O! some authority how to proceed;
Some tricks, some quillets, how to cheat the devil.
DUMAINE.
Some salve for perjury.
BEROWNE.
O, 'tis more than need.
Have at you, then, affection's men-at-arms:
Consider what you first did swear unto,
To fast, to study, and to see no woman;
Flat treason 'gainst the kingly state of youth.
Say, can you fast? Your stomachs are too young,
And abstinence engenders maladies.
And where that you you have vow'd to study, lords,
In that each of you have forsworn his book,
Can you still dream, and pore, and thereon look?
For when would you, my lord, or you, or you,
Have found the ground of study's excellence
Without the beauty of a woman's face?
From women's eyes this doctrine I derive:
They are the ground, the books, the academes,
From whence doth spring the true Promethean fire.
Why, universal plodding poisons up
The nimble spirits in the arteries,
As motion and long-during action tires
The sinewy vigour of the traveller.
Now, for not looking on a woman's face,
You have in that forsworn the use of eyes,
And study too, the causer of your vow;
For where is author in the world
Teaches such beauty as a woman's eye?
Learning is but an adjunct to ourself,
And where we are our learning likewise is:
Then when ourselves we see in ladies' eyes,
Do we not likewise see our learning there?
O! we have made a vow to study, lords,
And in that vow we have forsworn our books:
For when would you, my liege, or you, or you,
In leaden contemplation have found out
Such fiery numbers as the prompting eyes
Of beauty's tutors have enrich'd you with?
Other slow arts entirely keep the brain;
And therefore, finding barren practisers,
Scarce show a harvest of their heavy toil;
But love, first learned in a lady's eyes,
Lives not alone immured in the brain,
But with the motion of all elements,
Courses as swift as thought in every power,
And gives to every power a double power,
Above their functions and their offices.
It adds a precious seeing to the eye;
A lover's eyes will gaze an eagle blind;
A lover's ear will hear the lowest sound,
When the suspicious head of theft is stopp'd:
Love's feeling is more soft and sensible
Than are the tender horns of cockled snails:
Love's tongue proves dainty Bacchus gross in taste.
For valour, is not Love a Hercules,
Still climbing trees in the Hesperides?
Subtle as Sphinx; as sweet and musical
As bright Apollo's lute, strung with his hair;
And when Love speaks, the voice of all the gods
Make heaven drowsy with the harmony.
Never durst poet touch a pen to write
Until his ink were temper'd with Love's sighs;
O! then his lines would ravish savage ears,
And plant in tyrants mild humility.
From women's eyes this doctrine I derive:
They sparkle still the right Promethean fire;
They are the books, the arts, the academes,
That show, contain, and nourish, all the world;
Else none at all in aught proves excellent.
Then fools you were these women to forswear,
Or, keeping what is sworn, you will prove fools.
For wisdom's sake, a word that all men love,
Or for love's sake, a word that loves all men,
Or for men's sake, the authors of these women;
Or women's sake, by whom we men are men,
Let us once lose our oaths to find ourselves,
Or else we lose ourselves to keep our oaths.
It is religion to be thus forsworn;
For charity itself fulfils the law;
And who can sever love from charity?
KING.
Saint Cupid, then! and, soldiers, to the field!
BEROWNE.
Advance your standards, and upon them, lords;
Pell-mell, down with them! be first advis'd,
In conflict that you get the sun of them.
LONGAVILLE.
Now to plain-dealing; lay these glozes by:
Shall we resolve to woo these girls of France?
KING.
And win them too; therefore let us devise
Some entertainment for them in their tents.
BEROWNE.
First, from the park let us conduct them thither;
Then homeward every man attach the hand
Of his fair mistress: in the afternoon
We will with some strange pastime solace them,
Such as the shortness of the time can shape;
For revels, dances, masks, and merry hours,
Forerun fair Love, strewing her way with flowers.
KING.
Away, away! No time shall be omitted,
That will betime, and may by us be fitted.
BEROWNE.
Allons! allons! Sow'd cockle reap'd no corn;
And justice always whirls in equal measure:
Light wenches may prove plagues to men forsworn;
If so, our copper buys no better treasure.
[Exeunt.]
ACT V.
SCENE I. The King of Navarre's park.
[Enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL.]
HOLOFERNES.
Satis quod sufficit.
NATHANIEL.
I praise God for you, sir: your reasons at dinner have
been sharp and sententious; pleasant without scurrility, witty
without affection, audacious without impudency, learned without
opinion, and strange without heresy. I did converse this quondam
day with a companion of the king's who is intituled, nominated,
or called, Don Adriano de Armado.
HOLOFERNES.
Novi hominem tanquam te: his humour is lofty, his
discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye ambitious, his
gait majestical and his general behaviour vain, ridiculous, and
thrasonical. He is too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odd,
as it were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.
NATHANIEL.
A most singular and choice epithet.
[Draws out his table-book.]
HOLOFERNES.
He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than
the staple of his argument. I abhor such fanatical phantasimes,
such insociable and point-devise companions; such rackers of
orthography, as to speak dout, fine, when he should say doubt;
det when he should pronounce debt,--d, e, b, t, not d, e, t: he
clepeth a calf, cauf; half, hauf; neighbour vocatur nebour, neigh
abbreviated ne. This is abhominable, which he
would call abominable,--it insinuateth me of insanie: anne
intelligis, domine? to make frantic, lunatic.
NATHANIEL.
Laus Deo, bone intelligo.
HOLOFERNES.
Bone? bone for bene: Priscian a little scratch'd; 'twill serve.
[Enter ARMADO, MOTH, and COSTARD.]
NATHANIEL.
Videsne quis venit?
HOLOFERNES.
Video, et gaudeo.
ARMADO.
[To MOTH] Chirrah!
HOLOFERNES.
Quare chirrah, not sirrah?
ARMADO.
Men of peace, well encountered.
HOLOFERNES.
Most military sir, salutation.
MOTH.
[Aside to COSTARD.] They have been at a great feast of
languages and stolen the scraps.
COSTARD.
O! they have lived long on the alms-basket of words. I
marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word, for thou are
not so long by the head as honorificabilitudinitatibus; thou art
easier swallowed than a flap-dragon.
MOTH.
Peace! the peal begins.
ARMADO.
[To HOLOFERNES.] Monsieur, are you not lettered?
MOTH.
Yes, yes; he teaches boys the hornbook. What is a, b, spelt
backward with the horn on his head?
HOLOFERNES.
Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.
MOTH.
Ba! most silly sheep with a horn. You hear his learning.
HOLOFERNES.
Quis, quis, thou consonant?
MOTH.
The third of the five vowels, if you repeat them; or the
fifth, if I.
HOLOFERNES.
I will repeat them,--a, e, i,--
MOTH.
The sheep; the other two concludes it,--o, u.
ARMADO.
Now, by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum, a sweet touch,
a quick venue of wit! snip, snap, quick and home! It rejoiceth my
intellect: true wit!
MOTH.
Offered by a child to an old man; which is wit-old.
HOLOFERNES.
What is the figure? What is the figure?
MOTH.
Horns.
HOLOFERNES.
Thou disputes like an infant; go, whip thy gig.
MOTH.
Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip about your
infamy circum circa. A gig of a cuckold's horn.
COSTARD.
An I had but one penny in the world, thou shouldst have it
to buy gingerbread. Hold, there is the very remuneration I had
of thy master, thou half-penny purse of wit, thou pigeon-egg of
discretion. O! an the heavens were so pleased that thou wert but
my bastard, what a joyful father wouldst thou make me. Go to;
thou hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers' ends, as they say.
HOLOFERNES.
O, I smell false Latin! 'dunghill' for unguem.
ARMADO.
Arts-man, praeambula; we will be singled from the barbarous. Do
you not educate youth at the charge-house on the top of the
mountain?
HOLOFERNES.
Or mons, the hill.
ARMADO.
At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.
HOLOFERNES.
I do, sans question.
ARMADO.
Sir, it is the King's most sweet pleasure and affection to
congratulate the princess at her pavilion, in the posteriors of
this day, which the rude multitude call the afternoon.
HOLOFERNES.
The posterior of the day, most generous sir, is liable,
congruent, and measurable, for the afternoon. The word is well
culled, chose, sweet, and apt, I do assure you, sir; I do assure.
ARMADO.
Sir, the King is a noble gentleman, and my familiar, I do
assure ye, very good friend. For what is inward between us, let
it pass: I do beseech thee, remember thy courtsy; I beseech
thee, apparel thy head: and among other importunate and most
serious designs, and of great import indeed, too, but let that
pass: for I must tell thee it will please his Grace, by the
world, sometime to lean upon my poor shoulder, and with his royal
finger thus dally with my excrement, with my mustachio: but,
sweet heart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no fable:
some certain special honours it pleaseth his greatness to impart
to Armado, a soldier, a man of travel, that hath seen the world:
but let that pass. The very all of all is, but, sweet heart, I do
implore secrecy, that the King would have me present the
princess, sweet chuck, with some delightful ostentation, or show,
or pageant, or antic, or firework. Now, understanding that the
curate and your sweet self are good at such eruptions and sudden
breaking-out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted you withal,
to the end to crave your assistance.
HOLOFERNES.
Sir, you shall present before her the Nine Worthies. Sir
Nathaniel, as concerning some entertainment of time, some
show in the posterior of this day, to be rendered by our
assistance, the King's command, and this most gallant,
illustrate, and learned gentleman, before the princess, I say
none so fit as to present the Nine Worthies.
NATHANIEL.
Where will you find men worthy enough to present them?
HOLOFERNES.
Joshua, yourself; myself, Alexander; this gallant
gentleman, Judas Maccabaeus; this swain, because of his great
limb or joint, shall pass Pompey the Great; the page, Hercules,--
ARMADO.
Pardon, sir; error: he is not quantity enough for that
Worthy's thumb; he is not so big as the end of his club.
HOLOFERNES.
Shall I have audience? He shall present Hercules in minority: his
enter and exit shall be strangling a snake; and I will have an
apology for that purpose.
MOTH.
An excellent device! So, if any of the audience hiss, you may
cry 'Well done, Hercules; now thou crushest the snake!' That is
the way to make an offence gracious, though few have the grace to
do it.
ARMADO.
For the rest of the Worthies?--
HOLOFERNES.
I will play three myself.
MOTH.
Thrice-worthy gentleman!
ARMADO.
Shall I tell you a thing?
HOLOFERNES.
We attend.
ARMADO.
We will have, if this fadge not, an antic. I beseech you,
follow.
HOLOFERNES.
Via, goodman Dull! Thou has spoken no word all this while.
DULL.
Nor understood none neither, sir.
HOLOFERNES.
Allons! we will employ thee.
DULL.
I'll make one in a dance, or so, or I will play on the tabor to
the Worthies, and let them dance the hay.
HOLOFERNES.
Most dull, honest Dull! To our sport, away.
[Exeunt.]
SCENE II. The same. Before the Princess's pavilion.
[Enter the PRINCESS, KATHARINE, ROSALINE and MARIA.]
PRINCESS.
Sweet hearts, we shall be rich ere we depart,
If fairings come thus plentifully in.
A lady wall'd about with diamonds!
Look you what I have from the loving king.
ROSALINE.
Madam, came nothing else along with that?
PRINCESS.
Nothing but this! Yes, as much love in rime
As would be cramm'd up in a sheet of paper
Writ o' both sides the leaf, margent and all,
That he was fain to seal on Cupid's name.
ROSALINE.
That was the way to make his godhead wax;
For he hath been five thousand years a boy.
KATHARINE.
Ay, and a shrewd unhappy gallows too.
ROSALINE.
You'll ne'er be friends with him: a' kill'd your sister.
KATHARINE.
He made her melancholy, sad, and heavy;
And so she died: had she been light, like you,
Of such a merry, nimble, stirring spirit,
She might ha' been a grandam ere she died;
And so may you, for a light heart lives long.
ROSALINE.
What's your dark meaning, mouse, of this light word?
KATHARINE.
A light condition in a beauty dark.
ROSALINE.
We need more light to find your meaning out.
KATHARINE.
You'll mar the light by taking it in snuff;
Therefore I'll darkly end the argument.
ROSALINE.
Look what you do, you do it still i' the dark.
KATHARINE.
So do not you; for you are a light wench.
ROSALINE.
Indeed, I weigh not you; and therefore light.
KATHARINE.
You weigh me not? O! that's you care not for me.
ROSALINE.
Great reason; for 'past cure is still past care.'
PRINCESS.
Well bandied both; a set of wit well play'd.
But, Rosaline, you have a favour too:
Who sent it? and what is it?
ROSALINE.
I would you knew.
An if my face were but as fair as yours,
My favour were as great: be witness this.
Nay, I have verses too, I thank Berowne;
The numbers true, and, were the numbering too,
I were the fairest goddess on the ground:
I am compar'd to twenty thousand fairs.
O! he hath drawn my picture in his letter.
PRINCESS.
Anything like?
ROSALINE.
Much in the letters; nothing in the praise.
PRINCESS.
Beauteous as ink; a good conclusion.
KATHARINE.
Fair as a text B in a copy-book.
ROSALINE.
'Ware pencils! how! let me not die your debtor,
My red dominical, my golden letter:
O, that your face were not so full of O's!
KATHARINE.
A pox of that jest! and beshrew all shrows!
PRINCESS.
But, Katharine, what was sent to you from fair Dumaine?
KATHARINE.
Madam, this glove.
PRINCESS.
Did he not send you twain?
KATHARINE.
Yes, madam; and, moreover,
Some thousand verses of a faithful lover;
A huge translation of hypocrisy,
Vilely compil'd, profound simplicity.
MARIA.
This, and these pearl, to me sent Longaville;
The letter is too long by half a mile.
PRINCESS.
I think no less. Dost thou not wish in heart
The chain were longer and the letter short?
MARIA.
Ay, or I would these hands might never part.
PRINCESS.
We are wise girls to mock our lovers so.
ROSALINE.
They are worse fools to purchase mocking so.
That same Berowne I'll torture ere I go.
O that I knew he were but in by th' week!
How I would make him fawn, and beg, and seek,
And wait the season, and observe the times,
And spend his prodigal wits in bootless rimes,
And shape his service wholly to my hests,
And make him proud to make me proud that jests!
So perttaunt-like would I o'ersway his state
That he should be my fool, and I his fate.
PRINCESS.
None are so surely caught, when they are catch'd,
As wit turn'd fool: folly, in wisdom hatch'd,
Hath wisdom's warrant and the help of school
And wit's own grace to grace a learned fool.
ROSALINE.
The blood of youth burns not with such excess
As gravity's revolt to wantonness.
MARIA.
Folly in fools bears not so strong a note
As fool'ry in the wise when wit doth dote;
Since all the power thereof it doth apply
To prove, by wit, worth in simplicity.
[Enter BOYET.]
PRINCESS.
Here comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face.
BOYET.
O! I am stabb'd with laughter! Where's her Grace?
PRINCESS.
Thy news, Boyet?
BOYET.
Prepare, madam, prepare!--
Arm, wenches, arm! encounters mounted are
Against your peace: Love doth approach disguis'd,
Armed in arguments; you'll be surpris'd:
Muster your wits; stand in your own defence;
Or hide your heads like cowards, and fly hence.
PRINCESS.
Saint Denis to Saint Cupid! What are they
That charge their breath against us? Say, scout, say.
BOYET.
Under the cool shade of a sycamore
I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour;
When, lo, to interrupt my purpos'd rest,
Toward that shade I might behold addrest
The king and his companions: warily
I stole into a neighbour thicket by,
And overheard what you shall overhear;
That, by and by, disguis'd they will be here.
Their herald is a pretty knavish page,
That well by heart hath conn'd his embassage:
Action and accent did they teach him there;
'Thus must thou speak' and 'thus thy body bear,'
And ever and anon they made a doubt
Presence majestical would put him out;
'For' quoth the King 'an angel shalt thou see;
Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.'
The boy replied 'An angel is not evil;
I should have fear'd her had she been a devil.'
With that all laugh'd, and clapp'd him on the shoulder,
Making the bold wag by their praises bolder.
One rubb'd his elbow, thus, and fleer'd, and swore
A better speech was never spoke before.
Another with his finger and his thumb
Cried 'Via! we will do't, come what will come.'
The third he caper'd, and cried 'All goes well.'
The fourth turn'd on the toe, and down he fell.
With that they all did tumble on the ground,
With such a zealous laughter, so profound,
That in this spleen ridiculous appears,
To check their folly, passion's solemn tears.
PRINCESS.
But what, but what, come they to visit us?
BOYET.
They do, they do, and are apparell'd thus,
Like Muscovites or Russians, as I guess.
Their purpose is to parley, court, and dance;
And every one his love-feat will advance
Unto his several mistress; which they'll know
By favours several which they did bestow.
PRINCESS.
And will they so? The gallants shall be task'd:
For, ladies, we will every one be mask'd;
And not a man of them shall have the grace,
Despite of suit, to see a lady's face.
Hold, Rosaline, this favour thou shalt wear,
And then the king will court thee for his dear;
Hold, take thou this, my sweet, and give me thine,
So shall Berowne take me for Rosaline.
And change you favours too; so shall your loves
Woo contrary, deceiv'd by these removes.
ROSALINE.
Come on, then, wear the favours most in sight.
KATHARINE.
But, in this changing, what is your intent?
PRINCESS.
The effect of my intent is to cross theirs;
They do it but in mocking merriment;
And mock for mock is only my intent.
Their several counsels they unbosom shall
To loves mistook, and so be mock'd withal
Upon the next occasion that we meet
With visages display'd to talk and greet.
ROSALINE.
But shall we dance, if they desire us to't?
PRINCESS.
No, to the death, we will not move a foot,
Nor to their penn'd speech render we no grace;
But while 'tis spoke each turn away her face.
BOYET.
Why, that contempt will kill the speaker's heart,
And quite divorce his memory from his part.
PRINCESS.
Therefore I do it; and I make no doubt
The rest will ne'er come in, if he be out.
There's no such sport as sport by sport o'erthrown,
To make theirs ours, and ours none but our own:
So shall we stay, mocking intended game,
And they well mock'd, depart away with shame.
[Trumpet sounds within.]
BOYET.
The trumpet sounds: be mask'd; the maskers come.
[The LADIES mask.]
[Enter BLACKAMOORS with music; MOTH, the KING, BEROWNE,
LONGAVILLE, and DUMAINE in Russian habits, and masked.]
MOTH.
'All hail, the richest heauties on the earth!'
BOYET.
Beauties no richer than rich taffeta.
MOTH.
'A holy parcel of the fairest dames
[The LADIES turn their backs to him.]
That ever turn'd their--backs--to mortal views!
BEROWNE.
'Their eyes,' villain, 'their eyes.'
MOTH.
'That ever turn'd their eyes to mortal views!
Out'--
BOYET.
True; 'out,' indeed.
MOTH.
'Out of your favours, heavenly spirits, vouchsafe
Not to behold'--
BEROWNE.
'Once to behold,' rogue.
MOTH.
'Once to behold with your sun-beamed eyes--with your
sun-beamed eyes'--
BOYET.
They will not answer to that epithet;
You were best call it 'daughter-beamed eyes.'
MOTH.
They do not mark me, and that brings me out.
BEROWNE.
Is this your perfectness? be gone, you rogue.
[Exit MOTH.]
ROSALINE.
What would these strangers? Know their minds, Boyet.
If they do speak our language, 'tis our will
That some plain man recount their purposes:
Know what they would.
BOYET.
What would you with the princess?
BEROWNE.
Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.
ROSALINE.
What would they, say they?
BOYET.
Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.
ROSALINE.
Why, that they have; and bid them so be gone.
BOYET.
She says you have it, and you may be gone.
KING.
Say to her we have measur'd many miles
To tread a measure with her on this grass.
BOYET.
They say that they have measur'd many a mile
To tread a measure with you on this grass.
ROSALINE.
It is not so. Ask them how many inches
Is in one mile? If they have measured many,
The measure then of one is easily told.
BOYET.
If to come hither you have measur'd miles,
And many miles, the Princess bids you tell
How many inches doth fill up one mile.
BEROWNE.
Tell her we measure them by weary steps.
BOYET.
She hears herself.
ROSALINE.
How many weary steps
Of many weary miles you have o'ergone
Are number'd in the travel of one mile?
BEROWNE.
We number nothing that we spend for you;
Our duty is so rich, so infinite,
That we may do it still without accompt.
Vouchsafe to show the sunshine of your face,
That we, like savages, may worship it.
ROSALINE.
My face is but a moon, and clouded too.
KING.
Blessed are clouds, to do as such clouds do!
Vouchsafe, bright moon, and these thy stars, to shine,
Those clouds remov'd, upon our watery eyne.
ROSALINE.
O vain petitioner! beg a greater matter;
Thou now requests'st but moonshine in the water.
KING.
Then in our measure do but vouchsafe one change.
Thou bid'st me beg; this begging is not strange.
ROSALINE.
Play, music, then! Nay, you must do it soon.
[Music plays.]
Not yet! No dance! thus change I like the moon.
KING.
Will you not dance? How come you thus estranged?
ROSALINE.
You took the moon at full; but now she's chang'd.
KING.
Yet still she is the moon, and I the man.
The music plays; vouchsafe some motion to it.
ROSALINE.
Our ears vouchsafe it.
KING.
But your legs should do it.
ROSALINE.
Since you are strangers, and come here by chance,
We'll not be nice: take hands; we will not dance.
KING.
Why take we hands then?
ROSALINE.
Only to part friends.
Curtsy, sweet hearts; and so the measure ends.
KING.
More measure of this measure: be not nice.
ROSALINE.
We can afford no more at such a price.
KING.
Price you yourselves? what buys your company?
ROSALINE.
Your absence only.
KING.
That can never be.
ROSALINE.
Then cannot we be bought: and so adieu;
Twice to your visor, and half once to you!
KING.
If you deny to dance, let's hold more chat.
ROSALINE.
In private then.
KING.
I am best pleas'd with that.
[They converse apart.]
BEROWNE.
White-handed mistress, one sweet word with thee.
PRINCESS.
Honey, and milk, and sugar; there is three.
BEROWNE.
Nay, then, two treys, an if you grow so nice,
Metheglin, wort, and malmsey: well run, dice!
There's half a dozen sweets.
PRINCESS.
Seventh sweet, adieu:
Since you can cog, I'll play no more with you.
BEROWNE.
One word in secret.
PRINCESS.
Let it not be sweet.
BEROWNE.
Thou griev'st my gall.
PRINCESS.
Gall! bitter.
BEROWNE.
Therefore meet.
[They converse apart.]
DUMAINE.
Will you vouchsafe with me to change a word?
MARIA.
Name it.
DUMAINE.
Fair lady,--
MARIA.
Say you so? Fair lord,
Take that for your fair lady.
DUMAINE.
Please it you,
As much in private, and I'll bid adieu.
[They converse apart.]
KATHARINE.
What, was your visord made without a tongue?
LONGAVILLE.
I know the reason, lady, why you ask.
KATHARINE.
O! for your reason! quickly, sir; I long.
LONGAVILLE.
You have a double tongue within your mask,
And would afford my speechless visor half.
KATHARINE.
'Veal' quoth the Dutchman. Is not 'veal' a calf?
LONGAVILLE.
A calf, fair lady!
KATHARINE.
No, a fair lord calf.
LONGAVILLE.
Let's part the word.
KATHARINE.
No, I'll not be your half.
Take all and wean it; it may prove an ox.
LONGAVILLE.
Look how you butt yourself in these sharp mocks!
Will you give horns, chaste lady? do not so.
KATHARINE.
Then die a calf, before your horns do grow.
LONGAVILLE.
One word in private with you ere I die.
KATHARINE.
Bleat softly, then; the butcher hears you cry.
[They converse apart.]
BOYET.
The tongues of mocking wenches are as keen
As is the razor's edge invisible,
Cutting a smaller hair than may be seen,
Above the sense of sense; so sensible
Seemeth their conference; their conceits have wings,
Fleeter than arrows, bullets, wind, thought, swifter things.
ROSALINE.
Not one word more, my maids; break off, break off.
BEROWNE.
By heaven, all dry-beaten with pure scoff!
KING.
Farewell, mad wenches; you have simple wits.
PRINCESS.
Twenty adieus, my frozen Muscovits.
[Exeunt KING, LORDS, Music, and Attendants.]
Are these the breed of wits so wondered at?
BOYET.
Tapers they are, with your sweet breaths puff'd out.
ROSALINE.
Well-liking wits they have; gross, gross; fat, fat.
PRINCESS.
O poverty in wit, kingly-poor flout!
Will they not, think you, hang themselves to-night?
Or ever, but in vizors, show their faces?
This pert Berowne was out of countenance quite.
ROSALINE.
O! They were all in lamentable cases!
The King was weeping-ripe for a good word.
PRINCESS.
Berowne did swear himself out of all suit.
MARIA.
Dumaine was at my service, and his sword:
'No point' quoth I; my servant straight was mute.
KATHARINE.
Lord Longaville said, I came o'er his heart;
And trow you what he call'd me?
PRINCESS.
Qualm, perhaps.
KATHARINE.
Yes, in good faith.
PRINCESS.
Go, sickness as thou art!
ROSALINE.
Well, better wits have worn plain statute-caps.
But will you hear? The king is my love sworn.
PRINCESS.
And quick Berowne hath plighted faith to me.
KATHARINE.
And Longaville was for my service born.
MARIA.
Dumaine is mine, as sure as bark on tree.
BOYET.
Madam, and pretty mistresses, give ear:
Immediately they will again be here
In their own shapes; for it can never be
They will digest this harsh indignity.
PRINCESS.
Will they return?
BOYET.
They will, they will, God knows,
And leap for joy, though they are lame with blows;
Therefore, change favours; and, when they repair,
Blow like sweet roses in this summer air.
PRINCESS.
How blow? how blow? Speak to be understood.
BOYET.
Fair ladies mask'd are roses in their bud:
Dismask'd, their damask sweet commixture shown,
Are angels vailing clouds, or roses blown.
PRINCESS.
Avaunt, perplexity! What shall we do
If they return in their own shapes to woo?
ROSALINE.
Good madam, if by me you'll be advis'd,
Let's mock them still, as well known as disguis'd.
Let us complain to them what fools were here,
Disguis'd like Muscovites, in shapeless gear;
And wonder what they were, and to what end
Their shallow shows and prologue vilely penn'd,
And their rough carriage so ridiculous,
Should be presented at our tent to us.
BOYET.
Ladies, withdraw: the gallants are at hand.
PRINCESS.
Whip to our tents, as roes run over land.
[Exeunt PRINCESS, ROSALINE, KATHARINE, and MARIA.]
[Re-enter the KING, BEROWNE, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAINE
in their proper habits.]
KING.
Fair sir, God save you! Where's the princess?
BOYET.
Gone to her tent. Please it your Majesty
Command me any service to her thither?
KING.
That she vouchsafe me audience for one word.
BOYET.
I will; and so will she, I know, my lord.
[Exit.]
BEROWNE.
This fellow pecks up wit as pigeons pease,
And utters it again when God doth please:
He is wit's pedlar, and retails his wares
At wakes, and wassails, meetings, markets, fairs;
And we that sell by gross, the Lord doth know,
Have not the grace to grace it with such show.
This gallant pins the wenches on his sleeve;
Had he been Adam, he had tempted Eve:
He can carve too, and lisp: why this is he
That kiss'd his hand away in courtesy;
This is the ape of form, monsieur the nice,
That, when he plays at tables, chides the dice
In honourable terms; nay, he can sing
A mean most meanly; and in ushering
Mend him who can: the ladies call him sweet;
The stairs, as he treads on them, kiss his feet.
This is the flower that smiles on every one,
To show his teeth as white as whales-bone;
And consciences that will not die in debt
Pay him the due of honey-tongued Boyet.
KING.
A blister on his sweet tongue, with my heart,
That put Armado's page out of his part!
[Re-enter the PRINCESS, ushered by BOYET; ROSALINE,
MARIA, KATHARINE, and Attendants.]
BEROWNE.
See where it comes! Behaviour, what wert thou,
Till this man show'd thee? and what art thou now?
KING.
All hail, sweet madam, and fair time of day!
PRINCESS.
'Fair' in 'all hail' is foul, as I conceive.
KING.
Construe my speeches better, if you may.
PRINCESS.
Then wish me better: I will give you leave.
KING.
We came to visit you, and purpose now
To lead you to our court; vouchsafe it then.
PRINCESS.
This field shall hold me, and so hold your vow:
Nor God, nor I, delights in perjur'd men.
KING.
Rebuke me not for that which you provoke:
The virtue of your eye must break my oath.
PRINCESS.
You nickname virtue: vice you should have spoke;
For virtue's office never breaks men's troth.
Now by my maiden honour, yet as pure
As the unsullied lily, I protest,
A world of torments though I should endure,
I would not yield to be your house's guest;
So much I hate a breaking cause to be
Of heavenly oaths, vowed with integrity.
KING.
O! you have liv'd in desolation here,
Unseen, unvisited, much to our shame.
PRINCESS.
Not so, my lord; it is not so, I swear;
We have had pastimes here, and pleasant game.
A mess of Russians left us but of late.
KING.
How, madam! Russians?
PRINCESS.
Ay, in truth, my lord;
Trim gallants, full of courtship and of state.
ROSALINE.
Madam, speak true. It is not so, my lord:
My lady, to the manner of the days,
In courtesy gives undeserving praise.
We four indeed confronted were with four
In Russian habit: here they stay'd an hour,
And talk'd apace; and in that hour, my lord,
They did not bless us with one happy word.
I dare not call them fools; but this I think,
When they are thirsty, fools would fain have drink.
BEROWNE.
This jest is dry to me. Fair gentle sweet,
Your wit makes wise things foolish:when we greet,
With eyes best seeing, heaven's fiery eye,
By light we lose light: your capacity
Is of that nature that to your huge store
Wise things seem foolish and rich things but poor.
ROSALINE.
This proves you wise and rich, for in my eye-
BEROWNE.
I am a fool, and full of poverty.
ROSALINE.
But that you take what doth to you belong,
It were a fault to snatch words from my tongue.
BEROWNE.
O! am yours, and all that I possess.
ROSALINE.
All the fool mine?
BEROWNE.
I cannot give you less.
ROSALINE.
Which of the visors was it that you wore?
BEROWNE.
Where? when? what visor? why demand you this?
ROSALINE.
There, then, that visor; that superfluous case
That hid the worse,and show'd the better face.
KING.
We are descried: they'll mock us now downright.
DUMAINE.
Let us confess, and turn it to a jest.
PRINCESS.
Amaz'd, my lord? Why looks your Highness sad?
ROSALINE.
Help! hold his brows! he'll swound. Why look you pale?
Sea-sick, I think, coming from Muscovy.
BEROWNE.
Thus pour the stars down plagues for perjury.
Can any face of brass hold longer out?--
Here stand I, lady; dart thy skill at me;
Bruise me with scorn, confound me with a flout;
Thrust thy sharp wit quite through my ignorance;
Cut me to pieces with thy keen conceit;
And I will wish thee never more to dance,
Nor never more in Russian habit wait.
O! never will I trust to speeches penn'd,
Nor to the motion of a school-boy's tongue,
Nor never come in visor to my friend,
Nor woo in rime, like a blind harper's song.
Taffeta phrases, silken terms precise,
Three-pil'd hyperboles, spruce affectation,
Figures pedantical; these summer-flies
Have blown me full of maggot ostentation:
I do forswear them; and I here protest,
By this white glove,--how white the hand, God knows!--
Henceforth my wooing mind shall be express'd
In russet yeas, and honest kersey noes;
And, to begin, wench,--so God help me, la!--
My love to thee is sound, sans crack or flaw.
ROSALINE.
Sans 'sans,' I pray you.
BEROWNE.
Yet I have a trick
Of the old rage: bear with me, I am sick;
I'll leave it by degrees. Soft! let us see:
Write 'Lord have mercy on us' on those three;
They are infected; in their hearts it lies;
They have the plague, and caught it of your eyes:
These lords are visited; you are not free,
For the Lord's tokens on you do I see.
PRINCESS.
No, they are free that gave these tokens to us.
BEROWNE.
Our states are forfeit; seek not to undo us.
ROSALINE.
It is not so. For how can this be true,
That you stand forfeit, being those that sue?
BEROWNE.
Peace! for I will not have to do with you.
ROSALINE.
Nor shall not, if I do as I intend.
BEROWNE.
Speak for yourselves: my wit is at an end.
KING.
Teach us, sweet madam, for our rude transgression
Some fair excuse.
PRINCESS.
The fairest is confession.
Were not you here but even now, disguis'd?
KING.
Madam, I was.
PRINCESS.
And were you well advis'd?
KING.
I was, fair madam.
PRINCESS.
When you then were here,
What did you whisper in your lady's ear?
KING.
That more than all the world I did respect her.
PRINCESS.
When she shall challenge this, you will reject her.
KING.
Upon mine honour, no.
PRINCESS.
Peace! peace! forbear;
Your oath once broke, you force not to forswear.
KING.
Despise me when I break this oath of mine.
PRINCESS.
I will; and therefore keep it. Rosaline,
What did the Russian whisper in your ear?
ROSALINE.
Madam, he swore that he did hold me dear
As precious eyesight, and did value me
Above this world; adding thereto, moreover,
That he would wed me, or else die my lover.
PRINCESS.
God give thee joy of him! The noble lord
Most honourably doth uphold his word.
KING.
What mean you, madam? by my life, my troth,
I never swore this lady such an oath.
ROSALINE.
By heaven, you did; and, to confirm it plain,
You gave me this: but take it, sir, again.
KING.
My faith and this the princess I did give;
I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve.
PRINCESS.
Pardon me, sir, this jewel did she wear;
And Lord Berowne, I thank him, is my dear.
What, will you have me, or your pearl again?
BEROWNE.
Neither of either; I remit both twain.
I see the trick on't: here was a consent,
Knowing aforehand of our merriment,
To dash it like a Christmas comedy.
Some carry-tale, some please-man, some slight zany,
Some mumble-news, some trencher-knight, some Dick,
That smiles his cheek in years, and knows the trick
To make my lady laugh when she's dispos'd,
Told our intents before; which once disclos'd,
The ladies did change favours, and then we,
Following the signs, woo'd but the sign of she.
Now, to our perjury to add more terror,
We are again forsworn, in will and error.
Much upon this it is: [To BOYET.] and might not you
Forestall our sport, to make us thus untrue?
Do not you know my lady's foot by the squire,
And laugh upon the apple of her eye?
And stand between her back, sir, and the fire,
Holding a trencher, jesting merrily?
You put our page out: go, you are allow'd;
Die when you will, a smock shall be your shroud.
You leer upon me, do you? There's an eye
Wounds like a leaden sword.
BOYET.
Full merrily
Hath this brave manage, this career, been run.
BEROWNE.
Lo! he is tilting straight! Peace! I have done.
[Enter COSTARD
Welcome, pure wit! thou part'st a fair fray.
COSTARD.
O Lord, sir, they would know
Whether the three Worthies shall come in or no?
BEROWNE. What, are there but three?
COSTARD.
No, sir; but it is vara fine,
For every one pursents three.
BEROWNE.
And three times thrice is nine.
COSTARD.
Not so, sir; under correction, sir,
I hope it is not so.
You cannot beg us, sir, I can assure you, sir; we know what we
know:
I hope, sir, three times thrice, sir,--
BEROWNE.
Is not nine.
COSTARD.
Under correction, sir, we know whereuntil it doth amount.
BEROWNE.
By Jove, I always took three threes for nine.
COSTARD.
O Lord, sir! it were pity you should get your living by
reckoning, sir.
BEROWNE.
How much is it?
COSTARD.
O Lord, sir, the parties themselves, the actors, sir, will
show whereuntil it doth amount: for mine own part, I am, as they
say, but to parfect one man in one poor man, Pompion the Great,
sir.
BEROWNE.
Art thou one of the Worthies?
COSTARD.
It pleased them to think me worthy of Pompion the Great;
for mine own part, I know not the degree of the Worthy; but I am
to stand for him.
BEROWNE.
Go, bid them prepare.
COSTARD.
We will turn it finely off, sir; we will take some care.
[Exit COSTARD.]
KING.
Berowne, they will shame us; let them not approach.
BEROWNE.
We are shame-proof, my lord, and 'tis some policy
To have one show worse than the king's and his company.
KING.
I say they shall not come.
PRINCESS.
Nay, my good lord, let me o'errule you now.
That sport best pleases that doth least know how;
Where zeal strives to content, and the contents
Die in the zeal of those which it presents;
Their form confounded makes most form in mirth,
When great things labouring perish in their birth.
BEROWNE.
A right description of our sport, my lord.
[Enter ARMADO.]
ARMADO.
Anointed, I implore so much expense of thy royal sweet
breath as will utter a brace of words.
[Converses apart with the KING, and delivers a paper to him.]
PRINCESS.
Doth this man serve God?
BEROWNE.
Why ask you?
PRINCESS.
He speaks not like a man of God his making.
ARMADO.
That is all one, my fair, sweet, honey monarch; for, I
protest, the schoolmaster is exceeding fantastical; too-too vain,
too-too vain: but we will put it, as they say, to fortuna de la
guerra. I wish you the peace of mind, most royal couplement!
[Exit.]
KING.
Here is like to be a good presence of Worthies. He presents
Hector of Troy; the swain, Pompey the Great; the parish curate,
Alexander; Armado's page, Hercules; the pedant, Judas
Maccabaeus:
And if these four Worthies in their first show thrive,
These four will change habits and present the other five.
BEROWNE.
There is five in the first show.
KING.
You are deceived, 'tis not so.
BEROWNE.
The pedant, the braggart, the hedge-priest, the fool, and
the boy:--
Abate throw at novum, and the whole world again
Cannot pick out five such, take each one in his vein.
KING.
The ship is under sail, and here she comes amain.
[Enter COSTARD, armed for POMPEY.]
COSTARD.
'I Pompey am'--
BEROWNE.
You lie, you are not he.
COSTARD.
'I Pompey am'--
BOYET.
With libbard's head on knee.
BEROWNE.
Well said, old mocker: I must needs be friends with thee.
COSTARD.
'I Pompey am, Pompey surnam'd the Big'--
DUMAINE.
'The Great.'
COSTARD.
It is 'Great,' sir; 'Pompey surnam'd the Great,
That oft in field, with targe and shield, did make my foe to
sweat:
And travelling along this coast, I here am come by chance,
And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass of France.
If your ladyship would say 'Thanks, Pompey,' I had done.
PRINCESS.
Great thanks, great Pompey.
COSTARD.
'Tis not so much worth; but I hope I was perfect.
I made a little fault in 'Great.'
BEROWNE.
My hat to a halfpenny, Pompey proves the best Worthy.
[Enter SIR NATHANIEL armed, for ALEXANDER.]
NATHANIEL.
'When in the world I liv'd, I was the world's commander;
By east, west, north, and south, I spread my conquering might:
My scutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander'--
BOYET.
Your nose says, no, you are not; for it stands to right.
BEROWNE.
Your nose smells 'no' in this, most tender-smelling knight.
PRINCESS.
The conqueror is dismay'd. Proceed, good Alexander.
NATHANIEL.
'When in the world I liv'd, I was the world's commander;'--
BOYET.
Most true; 'tis right, you were so, Alisander.
BEROWNE.
Pompey the Great,--
COSTARD.
Your servant, and Costard.
BEROWNE.
Take away the conqueror, take away Alisander.
COSTARD.
[To Sir Nathaniel.] O! sir, you have overthrown Alisander
the conqueror! You will be scraped out of the painted cloth for
this; your lion, that holds his poll-axe sitting on a
close-stool, will be given to Ajax: he will be the ninth Worthy.
A conqueror, and afeard to speak! Run away for shame, Alisander.
[Nathaniel retires.] There, an't shall please you: a foolish mild
man; an honest man, look you, and soon dashed! He is a marvellous
good neighbour, faith, and a very good bowler; but for
Alisander,--alas! you see how 'tis--a little o'erparted. But
there are Worthies a-coming will speak their mind in some other
sort.
PRINCESS.
Stand aside, good Pompey.
[Enter HOLOFERNES armed, for JUDAS; and MOTH armed, for
HERCULES.]
HOLOFERNES.
'Great Hercules is presented by this imp,
Whose club kill'd Cerberus, that three-headed canis;
And when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp,
Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus.
Quoniam he seemeth in minority,
Ergo I come with this apology.'
Keep some state in thy exit, and vanish.--[MOTH retires.]
'Judas I am.'--
DUMAINE.
A Judas!
HOLOFERNES.
Not Iscariot, sir.
'Judas I am, ycliped Maccabaeus.'
DUMAINE.
Judas Maccabaeus clipt is plain Judas.
BEROWNE.
A kissing traitor. How art thou prov'd Judas?
HOLOFERNES.
'Judas I am.'--
DUMAINE.
The more shame for you, Judas.
HOLOFERNES.
What mean you, sir?
BOYET.
To make Judas hang himself.
HOLOFERNES.
Begin, sir; you are my elder.
BEROWNE.
Well follow'd: Judas was hanged on an elder.
HOLOFERNES.
I will not be put out of countenance.
BEROWNE.
Because thou hast no face.
HOLOFERNES.
What is this?
BOYET.
A cittern-head.
DUMAINE.
The head of a bodkin.
BEROWNE.
A death's face in a ring.
@@@
LONGAVILLE.
The face of an old Roman coin, scarce seen.
BOYET.
The pommel of Caesar's falchion.
DUMAINE.
The carved-bone face on a flask.
BEROWNE.
Saint George's half-cheek in a brooch.
DUMAINE.
Ay, and in a brooch of lead.
BEROWNE.
Ay, and worn in the cap of a tooth-drawer.
And now, forward; for we have put thee in countenance.
HOLOFERNES.
You have put me out of countenance.
BEROWNE.
False: we have given thee faces.
HOLOFERNES.
But you have outfaced them all.
BEROWNE.
An thou wert a lion we would do so.
BOYET.
Therefore, as he is an ass, let him go.
And so adieu, sweet Jude! nay, why dost thou stay?
DUMAINE.
For the latter end of his name.
BEROWNE.
For the ass to the Jude? give it him:--Jud-as, away!
HOLOFERNES.
This is not generous, not gentle, not humble.
BOYET.
A light for Monsieur Judas! It grows dark, he may stumble.
PRINCESS.
Alas! poor Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited.
[Enter ARMADO armed, for HECTOR.]
BEROWNE.
Hide thy head, Achilles: here comes Hector in arms.
DUMAINE.
Though my mocks come home by me, I will now be merry.
KING.
Hector was but a Troyan in respect of this.
BOYET.
But is this Hector?
DUMAINE.
I think Hector was not so clean-timber'd.
LONGAVILLE.
His leg is too big for Hector's.
DUMAINE.
More calf, certain.
BOYET.
No; he is best indued in the small.
BEROWNE.
This cannot be Hector.
DUMAINE.
He's a god or a painter; for he makes faces.
ARMADO.
'The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty,
Gave Hector a gift,'--
DUMAINE.
A gilt nutmeg.
BEROWNE.
A lemon.
LONGAVILLE.
Stuck with cloves.
DUMAINE.
No, cloven.
ARMADO.
Peace!
'The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty,
Gave Hector a gift, the heir of Ilion;
A man so breath'd that certain he would fight ye,
From morn till night, out of his pavilion.
I am that flower,'--
DUMAINE.
That mint.
LONGAVILLE.
That columbine.
ARMADO.
Sweet Lord Longaville, rein thy tongue.
LONGAVILLE.
I must rather give it the rein, for it runs against Hector.
DUMAINE.
Ay, and Hector's a greyhound.
ARMADO.
The sweet war-man is dead and rotten; sweet chucks, beat
not the bones of the buried; when he breathed, he was a man. But
I will forward with my device. [To the PRINCESS.] Sweet royalty,
bestow on me the sense of hearing.
PRINCESS.
Speak, brave Hector; we are much delighted.
ARMADO.
I do adore thy sweet Grace's slipper.
BOYET.
[Aside to DUMAIN.] Loves her by the foot.
DUMAINE.
[Aside to BOYET.] He may not by the yard.
ARMADO.
'This Hector far surmounted Hannibal,'--
COSTARD.
The party is gone; fellow Hector, she is gone; she is two
months on her way.
ARMADO.
What meanest thou?
COSTARD.
Faith, unless you play the honest Troyan, the poor wench
is cast away: she's quick; the child brags in her belly already;
'tis yours.
ARMADO.
Dost thou infamonize me among potentates? Thou shalt die.
COSTARD.
Then shall Hector be whipped for Jaquenetta that is quick by
him, and hanged for Pompey that is dead by him.
DUMAINE.
Most rare Pompey!
BOYET.
Renowned Pompey!
BEROWNE.
Greater than great, great, great, great Pompey! Pompey the
Huge!
DUMAINE.
Hector trembles.
BEROWNE.
Pompey is moved. More Ates, more Ates! Stir them on! stir
them on!
DUMAINE.
Hector will challenge him.
BEROWNE.
Ay, if a' have no more man's blood in his belly than will
sup a flea.
ARMADO.
By the north pole, I do challenge thee.
COSTARD.
I will not fight with a pole, like a northern man: I'll
slash; I'll do it by the sword. I bepray you, let me borrow my
arms again.
DUMAINE.
Room for the incensed Worthies!
COSTARD.
I'll do it in my shirt.
DUMAINE.
Most resolute Pompey!
MOTH.
Master, let me take you a buttonhole lower. Do you not see
Pompey is uncasing for the combat? What mean you? You will lose
your reputation.
ARMADO.
Gentlemen and soldiers, pardon me; I will not combat in my shirt.
DUMAINE.
You may not deny it: Pompey hath made the challenge.
ARMADO.
Sweet bloods, I both may and will.
BEROWNE.
What reason have you for 't?
ARMADO.
The naked truth of it is: I have no shirt; I go woolward
for penance.
BOYET.
True, and it was enjoined him in Rome for want of linen;
since when, I'll be sworn, he wore none but a dish-clout of
Jaquenetta's, and that a' wears next his heart for a favour.
[Enter MONSIEUR MARCADE, a messenger.]
MARCADE.
God save you, madam!
PRINCESS.
Welcome, Marcade;
But that thou interrupt'st our merriment.
MARCADE.
I am sorry, madam; for the news I bring
Is heavy in my tongue. The king your father--
PRINCESS.
Dead, for my life!
MARCADE.
Even so: my tale is told.
BEROWNE.
Worthies away! the scene begins to cloud.
ARMADO.
For mine own part, I breathe free breath. I have seen the
day of wrong through the little hole of discretion, and I will
right myself like a soldier.
[Exeunt WORTHIES.]
KING.
How fares your Majesty?
PRINCESS.
Boyet, prepare: I will away to-night.
KING.
Madam, not so: I do beseech you stay.
PRINCESS.
Prepare, I say. I thank you, gracious lords,
For all your fair endeavours; and entreat,
Out of a new-sad soul, that you vouchsafe
In your rich wisdom to excuse or hide
The liberal opposition of our spirits,
If over-boldly we have borne ourselves
In the converse of breath; your gentleness
Was guilty of it. Farewell, worthy lord!
A heavy heart bears not a nimble tongue.
Excuse me so, coming so short of thanks
For my great suit so easily obtain'd.
KING.
The extreme parts of time extremely forms
All causes to the purpose of his speed,
And often at his very loose decides
That which long process could not arbitrate:
And though the mourning brow of progeny
Forbid the smiling courtesy of love
The holy suit which fain it would convince;
Yet, since love's argument was first on foot,
Let not the cloud of sorrow justle it
From what it purpos'd; since, to wail friends lost
Is not by much so wholesome-profitable
As to rejoice at friends but newly found.
PRINCESS.
I understand you not: my griefs are double.
BEROWNE.
Honest plain words best pierce the ear of grief;
And by these badges understand the king.
For your fair sakes have we neglected time,
Play'd foul play with our oaths. Your beauty, ladies,
Hath much deform'd us, fashioning our humours
Even to the opposed end of our intents;
And what in us hath seem'd ridiculous,--
As love is full of unbefitting strains;
All wanton as a child, skipping and vain;
Form'd by the eye, and, therefore, like the eye,
Full of strange shapes, of habits and of forms,
Varying in subjects, as the eye doth roll
To every varied object in his glance:
Which parti-coated presence of loose love
Put on by us, if, in your heavenly eyes,
Have misbecom'd our oaths and gravities,
Those heavenly eyes that look into these faults
Suggested us to make. Therefore, ladies,
Our love being yours, the error that love makes
Is likewise yours: we to ourselves prove false,
By being once false for ever to be true
To those that make us both,--fair ladies, you:
And even that falsehood, in itself a sin,
Thus purifies itself and turns to grace.
PRINCESS.
We have receiv'd your letters, full of love;
Your favours, the ambassadors of love;
And, in our maiden council, rated them
At courtship, pleasant jest, and courtesy,
As bombast and as lining to the time;
But more devout than this in our respects
Have we not been; and therefore met your loves
In their own fashion, like a merriment.
DUMAINE.
Our letters, madam, show'd much more than jest.
LONGAVILLE.
So did our looks.
ROSALINE.
We did not quote them so.
KING.
Now, at the latest minute of the hour,
Grant us your loves.
PRINCESS.
A time, methinks, too short
To make a world-without-end bargain in.
No, no, my lord, your Grace is perjur'd much,
Full of dear guiltiness; and therefore this:
If for my love,--as there is no such cause,--
You will do aught, this shall you do for me:
Your oath I will not trust; but go with speed
To some forlorn and naked hermitage,
Remote from all the pleasures of the world;
There stay until the twelve celestial signs
Have brought about the annual reckoning.
If this austere insociable life
Change not your offer made in heat of blood,
If frosts and fasts, hard lodging and thin weeds,
Nip not the gaudy blossoms of your love,
But that it bear this trial, and last love,
Then, at the expiration of the year,
Come, challenge me, challenge me by these deserts;
And, by this virgin palm now kissing thine,
I will be thine; and, till that instant, shut
My woeful self up in a mournful house,
Raining the tears of lamentation
For the remembrance of my father's death.
If this thou do deny, let our hands part,
Neither intitled in the other's heart.
KING.
If this, or more than this, I would deny,
To flatter up these powers of mine with rest,
The sudden hand of death close up mine eye!
Hence ever then my heart is in thy breast.
BEROWNE.
And what to me, my love? and what to me?
ROSALINE.
You must he purged too, your sins are rack'd;
You are attaint with faults and perjury;
Therefore, if you my favour mean to get,
A twelvemonth shall you spend, and never rest,
But seek the weary beds of people sick.
DUMAINE.
But what to me, my love? but what to me?
KATHARINE.
A wife! A beard, fair health, and honesty;
With three-fold love I wish you all these three.
DUMAINE.
O! shall I say I thank you, gentle wife?
KATHARINE.
No so, my lord; a twelvemonth and a day
I'll mark no words that smooth-fac'd wooers say.
Come when the King doth to my lady come;
Then, if I have much love, I'll give you some.
DUMAINE.
I'll serve thee true and faithfully till then.
KATHARINE.
Yet swear not, lest ye be forsworn again.
LONGAVILLE.
What says Maria?
MARIA.
At the twelvemonth's end
I'll change my black gown for a faithful friend.
LONGAVILLE.
I'll stay with patience; but the time is long.
MARIA.
The liker you; few taller are so young.
BEROWNE.
Studies my lady? mistress, look on me;
Behold the window of my heart, mine eye,
What humble suit attends thy answer there.
Impose some service on me for thy love.
ROSALINE.
Oft have I heard of you, my Lord Berowne,
Before I saw you; and the world's large tongue
Proclaims you for a man replete with mocks;
Full of comparisons and wounding flouts,
Which you on all estates will execute
That lie within the mercy of your wit:
To weed this wormwood from your fruitful brain,
And therewithal to win me, if you please,--
Without the which I am not to be won,--
You shall this twelvemonth term, from day to day,
Visit the speechless sick, and still converse
With groaning wretches; and your task shall be,
With all the fierce endeavour of your wit
To enforce the pained impotent to smile.
BEROWNE.
To move wild laughter in the throat of death?
It cannot be; it is impossible:
Mirth cannot move a soul in agony.
ROSALINE.
Why, that's the way to choke a gibing spirit,
Whose influence is begot of that loose grace
Which shallow laughing hearers give to fools.
A jest's prosperity lies in the ear
Of him that hears it, never in the tongue
Of him that makes it: then, if sickly ears,
Deaf'd with the clamours of their own dear groans,
Will hear your idle scorns, continue then,
And I will have you and that fault withal;
But if they will not, throw away that spirit,
And I shall find you empty of that fault,
Right joyful of your reformation.
BEROWNE.
A twelvemonth! well, befall what will befall,
I'll jest a twelvemonth in an hospital.
PRINCESS.
[To the King.] Ay, sweet my lord; and so I take my leave.
KING.
No, madam; we will bring you on your way.
BEROWNE.
Our wooing doth not end like an old play:
Jack hath not Jill; these ladies' courtesy
Might well have made our sport a comedy.
KING.
Come, sir, it wants a twelvemonth and a day,
And then 'twill end.
BEROWNE.
That's too long for a play.
[Enter ARMADO.]
ARMADO.
Sweet Majesty, vouchsafe me,--
PRINCESS.
Was not that not Hector?
DUMAINE.
The worthy knight of Troy.
ARMADO.
I will kiss thy royal finger, and take leave. I am a
votary: I have vowed to Jaquenetta to hold the plough for her
sweet love three yeasr. But, most esteemed greatness, will you
hear the dialogue that the two learned men have compiled in
praise of the owl and the cuckoo? It should have followed in the
end of our show.
KING.
Call them forth quickly; we will do so.
ARMADO.
Holla! approach.
[Enter HOLOFERNES, NATHANIEL, MOTH, COSTARD, and others.]
This side is Hiems, Winter; this Ver, the Spring; the one
maintained by the owl, the other by the cuckoo. Ver, begin.
SPRING
I.
When daisies pied and violets blue
And lady-smocks all silver-white
And cuckoo-buds of yellow hue
Do paint the meadows with delight,
The cuckoo then on every tree
Mocks married men, for thus sings he,
Cuckoo;
Cuckoo, cuckoo: O, word of fear,
Unpleasing to a married ear!
II.
When shepherds pipe on oaten straws,
And merry larks are ploughmen's clocks,
When turtles tread, and rooks and daws,
And maidens bleach their summer smocks,
The cuckoo then, on every tree,
Mocks married men, for thus sings he:
Cuckoo;
Cuckoo, cuckoo: O, word of fear,
Unpleasing to a married ear!
WINTER
III.
When icicles hang by the wall,
And Dick the shepherd blows his nail,
And Tom bears logs into the hall,
And milk comes frozen home in pail,
When blood is nipp'd, and ways be foul,
Then nightly sings the staring owl:
Tu-who;
Tu-whit, tu-who--a merry note,
While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.
IV.
When all aloud the wind doth blow,
And coughing drowns the parson's saw,
And birds sit brooding in the snow,
And Marian's nose looks red and raw,
When roasted crabs hiss in the bowl,
Then nightly sings the staring owl:
Tu-who;
Tu-whit, to-who--a merry note,
While greasy Joan doth keel the pot.
ARMADO.
The words of Mercury are harsh after the songs of Apollo.
You that way: we this way.
[Exeunt.]
End of Project Gutenberg Etext of Love's Labour's Lost by Shakespeare
PG has multiple editions of William Shakespeare's Complete Works
