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Title: Confessio Sancti Patricii
Author: Saint Patrick
Release date: October 21, 2024 [eBook #74617]
Language: Latin
Original publication: Paris: D'Amboise, Pres La Barriere D'Enfer, ou Petit-Montrouge
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CONFESSIO SANCTI PATRICII ***
S. PATRICII CONFESSIO,
IN EPISTOLA AD HIBERNOS EXPLICATA.
---
I. Ego Patricius peccator, rusticissimus et minimus omnium fidelium,
et contemptibilissimus apud plurimos, patrem habui Calpornium
diaconem, filium quondam Potiti presbyteri, qui fuit in vico Bonavem
Taberniae: villulam Enon prope habuit, ubi capturam dedi. Annorum eram
tunc fere sedecim. Deum verum ignorabam; et Hiberione in captivitate
adductus sum, cum tot millibus hominum, secundum merita nostra, quia a
Deo recessimus et praecepta ejus non custodivimus, et sacerdotibus
nostris non obedientes fuimus, qui nostram salutem admonebant: et
Dominus induxit super nos iram animationis suae, et dispersit nos in
gentibus multis, etiam usque ad ultimum terrae, ubi nunc parvitas mea
esse videtur inter alienigenas. Et ibi Dominus aperuit sensum
incredulitatis meae, ut vel sero rememorarem delicta mea, et ut
converterer toto corde ad Dominum Deum meum; qui respexit humilitatem
meam, et misertus est adolescentiae et ignorantiae meae, et custodivit
me antequam scirem eum, et antequam saperem vel distinguerem inter
bonum et malum, et munivit me et consolatus est me, ut pater filium.
II. Unde autem tacere non possum, neque expedit quidem, tanta
beneficia et tantam gratiam quam mihi (Dominus praestare) dignatus
(est) in terra captivitatis meae: quia haec est retributio nostra, ut
post correctionem vel agnitionem Dei exaltaremur, et confiteremur
mirabilia ejus coram omni natione quae est sub omni coelo: quia non
est alius Deus, nec unquam fuit nec erit post hunc, praeter Deum
Patrem ingenitum sine principio, a quo est omne principium, omnia
tenens, ut diximus: et hujus Filium Jesum Christum, quem cum Patre
scilicet fuisse semper testamur, ante originem saeculi, spiritualiter
apud Patrem, inenarrabiliter genitum ante omne principium, et per
ipsum facta sunt visibilia et invisibilia, hominem factum devicta
morte, in coelos ad Patrem receptum. Et dedit illi omnem potestatem
_super omne nomen coelestium et terrestrium et infernorum, ut omnis
lingua confiteatur, quia Dominus_ et Deus _est Jesus Christus_
(_Philip_. II, 10, 11): quem credimus, et exspectamus adventum ipsius;
mox futurus judex vivorum et mortuorum, qui reddet unicuique secundum
facta sua, et infudit in nobis abunde Spiritus sancti donum et pignus
immortalitatis, qui facit credentes et obedientes, ut sint filii Dei
Patris et cohaeredes Christi, quem confitemur et adoramus, unum Deum
in Trinitate sacri nominis. Ipse enim dixit per prophetam: _Invoca me
in die tribulationis tuae, et liberabo te, et magnificabis me_ (_Jer._
XXIX, 12; _Psal._ LXXX, 8). Et iterum inquit: _Opera autem Dei
revelare et confiteri honorificum est_ (_Tob._ XII, 7).
III. Tamen etsi in multis imperfectus sum, opto fratres et cognatos
meos scire qualitatem meam, ut possint perspicere votum animae meae.
Non ignoro testimonium Domini mei qui in psalmo testatur: _Perdes eos
qui loquuntur mendacium_ (_Psal._ V, 7) et iterum: _Os quod mentitur
occidit animam_ (_Sap._ I, 11). Et idem Dominus in Evangelio inquit:
_Verbum otiosum quod locuti fuerint homines, reddent pro eo rationem
in die judicii_ (_Matth._ XII, 36). Unde autem vehementer (debueram)
cum timore et tremore metuere hanc sententiam in die illa, ubi nemo
poterit se subtrahere vel abscondere, sed omnes omnino reddituri sumus
rationem etiam minimorum peccatorum ante tribunal Christi Domini.
Quapropter olim cogitavi scribere, sed usque nunc haesitavi. Timui
enim ne inciderem in linguam hominum: et quia non legi, sicut caeteri
qui optime itaque jure et sacras litteras utroque pari modo
combiberunt, et sermonem illorum ex infantia nunquam mutaverunt, sed
magis ad perfectum semper addiderunt.
IV. Nam sermo et loquela nostra translata est in linguam alienam,
sicut facile potest probari ex saliva scripturae meae, qualiter sum
ego in sermonibus instructus atque eruditus; quia inquit Sapiens: _Per
linguam dignoscitur et sensus, et scientia, et doctrina veritatis_
(_Eccli._ IV, 29). Sed quid prodest excusatio juxta veritatem,
praesertim cum praesumptione? quatinus modo ipse appeto in senectute
mea, quod in juventute non comparavi, quia obstiterunt (peccata mea)
ut confirmarem quod ante non perlegeram. Sed quis me credit? Etsi
dixero quod ante praefatus sum; adolescens, imo pene puer imberbis
capturam dedi, antequam scirem quid peterem, vel quid vitare debueram.
Unde ego hodie erubesco et vehementer pertimeo denudare imperitiam
meam, quia diserti brevitate sermonis explicare nequeo, sicut spiritus
gestit et animus, et sensus monstrat et affectus. Sed si itaque datum
mihi fuisset sicut caeteris, verumtamen non silerem propter
retributionem. Et si forte videtur apud aliquantos me in hoc
praeponere cum mea inscitia et tardiori lingua (scriptum est enim:
_Linguae balbutientes velociter discent loqui pacem_ [_Isai._ XXXII,
4]), quanto magis nos appetere debemus qui sumus, inquit, _Epistola
Christi_, in salutem usque ad ultimum terrae, etsi non diserta, sed
rata et fortissime _scripta in cordibus vestris, non atramento, sed
Spiritu Dei vivi_ (_II Cor._ III, 2, 3).
V. Et iterum Spiritus testatur: _Et rusticatio ab Altissimo creata
est_ (_Eccli._ VII, 16). Unde ego primus rusticus perfuga, indoctus
scilicet qui nescio in posterum providere: sed scio illud certissime,
quia utique priusquam humiliarer, ego eram velut lapis qui jacet in
luto profundo: et venit qui potens est, et in sua misericordia
sustulit me; et quidem scilicet sursum allevavit et collocavit me in
summo pariete. Et inde fortiter debueram exclamare, ad retribuendum
quoque aliquid Domino ei pro tantis beneficiis ejus, hic et in
aeternum, quae mens hominum aestimare non potest. Unde autem
admiramini _magni et pusilli qui timetis Deum_ (_Apoc._ XIX, 5), et
vos ignari Domini rhetorici: audite ergo et scrutamini quis me stultum
excitavit de medio eorum qui videntur sapientes esse et legis periti,
et potentes in sermone et in onmi re. Et me quidem detestabilem hujus
mundi prae caeteris inspiravit, etsi talis essem: dummodo autem ut cum
metu et reverentia et sine querela fideliter prodessem genti ad quam
caritas Christi transtulit, et donavit me in vita mea, si dignus
fuero: denique, ut cum humilitate et veraciter deservirem illis.
VI. In mensura itaque fidei Trinitatis oportet distinguere et sine
reprehensione periculi notum facere donum Dei et consolationem
aeternam, ac sine timore fiducialiter Dei nomen ubique expandere, ut
etiam post obitum meum Gallicis relinquerem fratribus et filiis meis
quos ego in Domino baptizavi, tot millia hominum. Et non eram dignus
neque talis, ut hoc Dominus servulo suo concederet; et post aerumnas
et tantas moles, post captivitatem, post annos multos, in gentem illam
tantam gratiam mihi donaret, quod ego aliquando in juventute mea
nunquam speravi neque cogitavi. Sed postquam Hiberionem deveneram,
quotidie (igitur) pecora pascebam et frequens in die orabam, magis ac
magis accedebat amor Dei et timor ipsius, et fides augebatur, et
spiritus augebatur, ut in die una usque ad centum orationes, et in
nocte prope similiter; ut etiam in silvis et monte manebam, et ante
lucem excitabar ad orationem per nivem, per gelu, per pluviam: et
nihil mali sentiebam, neque ulla pigritia erat in me, sicut modo
video, quia tunc in me spiritus fervebat. Et ibi scilicet quadam
nocte, in somno audivi vocem dicentem mihi: Bene jejunas, cito iturus
ad patriam tuam. Et iterum post paululum tempus, audivi responsum
dicens mihi: Ecce navis tua parata est. Et non erat prope, sed forte
habebat ducenta millia passus: et ibi nunquam fueram, nec ibi notum
quemquam de hominibus habebam.
VII. Et deinde postmodum conversus sum in fugam, et intermisi hominem
cum quo fueram sex annis. Et veni in virtute Domini qui viam meam ad
bonum dirigebat, et nihil metuebam donec perveni ad navem illam. Et
illa (die) qua perveni, profecta est navis de loco suo, et locutus
sum, ut haberem unde navigarem cum illis. Et gubernatori displicuit,
et acriter cum indignatione respondit: Nequaquam tu nobiscum appetas
ire. Et cum haec audissem, separavi me ab illis, ut venirem ad
tuguriolum ubi hospitabam; et in itinere coepi orare, et antequam
orationem consummarem, audivi unum ex illis fortiter exclamantem post
me: Veni cito, quia vocant te homines isti. Et statim ad illos
reversus sum; et coeperunt mihi dicere: Veni quia ex fide recipimus
te; fac nobiscum amicitiam, quomodo volueris. Et in illa die itaque
repuli fugere propter timorem Dei. Verumtamen speravi ab illis, ut
mihi dicerent: Veni in fide Jesu Christi; quia gentes erant. Et hoc
obtinui cum illis (et protinus navigavimus).
VIII. Et post triduum terram cepimus, et viginti octo dies per
desertum iter fecimus, et cibus defuit illis, et fames invaluit super
eos. Et alia die coepit gubernator mihi dicere: Quid, Christiane,
dicis: Deus tuus magnus et omnipotens est? Quare ergo non potes pro
nobis orare, quia nos fame periclitamur? Difficile est enim ut aliquem
hominem unquam videamus. Ego enim evidenter dixi illis: Convertimini
ex fide et ex toto corde ad Dominum Deum nostrum, quia nihil est illi
impossibile, ut hodie cibum mittat vobis in viam vestram, usque dum
satiamini: quia ubique abundat illi. Et adjuvante Deo, ita factum est.
Ecce grex porcorum in via ante oculos nostros apparuit: et multos ex
illis interfecerunt, et ibi duas noctes manserunt bene refecti; et
carne eorum relevati sunt, quia multi ex illis defecerunt, et secus
viam semivivi derelicti sunt. Et post haec summas gratias egerunt Deo,
et ego honorificatus sum sub oculis eorum.
IX. (Et ex hac die abundanter cibum habuerunt.) Etiam mel silvestre
invenerunt, et mihi partem obtulerunt. Et unus ex illis dixit. Hoc
immolalitium est. Deo gratias exinde nihil gustavi. Eadem vero nocte
eram dormiens, et fortiter tentavit me satanas, cujus memor ero
quandiu fuero in hoc corpore. Et cecidit super me veluti saxum ingens,
et nihil membrorum meorum praevalens. Sed unde mihi venit, ignoro, in
spiritum ut Heliam vocarem. Et inter haec vidi in coelo solem oriri;
et dum clamarem: Heliam! Heliam! totis viribus meis, ecce splendor
solis decidit super me, et statim discussit a me omnem gravitudinem.
Et credo quod a Christo Domino meo (subventus sum, et Spiritus ejus
jam tunc) clamabat pro me, et spero quod sic erit in die pressurae
meae, sicut in Evangelio inquit (In illa die) Dominus (testatur): _Non
vos estis qui loquimini, sed Spiritus Patris vestri qui loquitur in
vobis_ (_Matth_. X. 20).
X. Et iterum post annos (non) multos adhuc capturam dedi. Ea nocte
prima itaque mansi cum illis. Responsum autem divinum audivi dicens
mihi: Duos menses eris cum illis; quod ita factum est. Nocte illa
sexagesima liberavit me Dominus de manibus eorum. Ecce in itinere
providit nobis cibum et ignem, et siccitatem quotidie: donec quarto
decimo die pervenimus ad homines. Sicut superius insinuavi, viginti et
octo dies per desertum iter fecimus, et ea nocte qua pervenimus ad
homines, de cibo vero nihil habuimus. Et iterum post paucos annos in
Britanniis eram cum parentibus meis, qui me ut filium susceperunt: et
ex fide rogaverunt me, ut vel modo ego (post tantas tribulationes quas
pertuli) nunquam ab illis discederem. Et ibi scilicet vidi in visu
nocte virum venientem quasi de Hiberione cui nomen Victoricius, cum
epistolis innumerabilibus: et dedit mihi unam ex illis, et legi
principium epistolae continentem: _Vox Hiberionacum_. Et dum recitabam
principium epistolae, putabam ipso momento, audire vocem ipsorum qui
erant juxta silvam Focluli, quae est prope mare Occidentale. Et sic
exclamaverunt quasi ex uno ore: Rogamus te, sancte puer, ut venias et
adhuc ambules inter nos. Et valde compunctus sum corde, et amplius non
potui legere, et sic expergefactus sum. Deo gratias, quia post annos
plurimos praestitit illis Dominus secundum clamorem eorum.
XI. Et alia nocte, nescio, Deus scit, utrum in me, an juxta me, verbis
peritissimis quae ego audivi et non potui intelligere, nisi ad
postremum orationis sic affatus est: _qui pro te animam suam posuit_.
Et sic expergefactus sum gaudibundus. Et iterum vidi in me ipsum
orantem, et eram quasi intra corpus meum: et audivi super me, hoc est,
super interiorem hominem; et ibi fortiter orabat gemitibus. Et inter
haec stupebam, et admirabar, et cogitabam quis esset qui in me orabat.
Sed ad postremum orationis sic effatus est, ut sit spiritus. Et sic
experrectus sum, et recordatus sum, Apostolo dicente: _Spiritus
adjuvat infirmitatem_ nostrae orationis. _Nam quid oremus sicut
oportet, nescimus; sed ipse Spiritus postulat pro nobis gemitibus
inenarrabilibus_ (_Rom_. VIII, 26), quae verbis exprimi non possunt.
Et iterum: _Dominus advocatus noster postulat pro nobis_ (_Ibid._,
34). Et quando tentatus sum ab aliquantis senioribus meis qui
venerunt, ob peccata mea, contra laboriosum episcopatum meum: utique
in illo die fortiter impulsus sum ut caderem hic et in aeternum. Sed
Dominus pepercit proselyto et peregrino propter nomen suum benigne; et
valde mihi subvenit in hac conculcatione, quod in labem et in
opprobrium non male deveni. Deum oro ut non illis in peccatum
reputetur occasio: nam post annos triginta invenerunt me, et adversus
verbum quod confessus fueram antequam essem diaconus.
XII. Propter anxietatem, moesto animo insinuavi amicissimo meo, quae
in pueritia mea, una die gesseram, imo in una hora, quia necdum
praevalebam. Nescio, Deus scit, si habebam tunc annos quindecim, et
Deum vivum non credebam, neque ex infantia mea; sed in morte et in
incredulitate mansi, donec valde castigatus sum, et in veritate
humiliatus sum a fame et nuditate; et quotidie contra Hiberionem non
sponte pergebam, donec prope deficiebam. Sed hoc potius bene mihi
fuit, quia ex hoc emendatus sum a Domino, et aptavit me ut hodie essem
quod aliquando longe a me erat, ut ego curas haberem aut satagerem pro
salute aliorum; quando tunc etiam de meipso non cogitabam. Igitur in
illo die quo reprobatus sum a memoratis supradictis (ad noctem illam),
vidi in visu noctis scriptum contra faciem meam, sine honore. Et inter
haec, audivi responsum (divinum) dicens mihi: Male vidimus faciem
designati nudato nomine. Nec sic praedixit: Male vidisti; sed: Male
vidimus, quasi ibi se junxit, sicut dixit: _Qui vos tangit, quasi
tangit pupillam oculi mei_ (_Zach_. II, 8). Idcirco gratias ago ei qui
me in omnibus confortavit, ut non me impediret a profectione quam
statueram, et de meo quoque opere quod a Christo didiceram: sed magis
ex eo sensi in me virtutem non parvam, et fides mea probata est coram
Deo et hominibus.
XIII. Unde autem audenter dico: Non me reprehendit conscientia mea hic
et in futurum. Testem Deum habeo quia non sum mentitus in sermonibus
quos ego retuli vobis. Sed magis doleo pro amicissimo meo, cur hoc
meruimus audire tale responsum, cui ego credidi etiam animam. Et
comperi ab aliquantis fratribus, ante defensionem illam, quod ego non
interfui, nec in Britanniis eram, nec a me orietur, ut et ille in mea
absentia, pro me pulsetur. Etiam mihi ipse ore suo dixerat: Ecce
dandus es tu ad gradum episcopatus, quo non eram dignus. Sed unde
venit illi postmodum, ut coram cunctis bonis et malis in me publice
dehonestaret, quod ante sponte et laetus indulserat? Est Dominus, qui
major omnibus est. Satis dico: sed tamen non debeo abscondere donum
Dei quod largitus est nobis in terra captivitatis meae: quia tunc
fortiter inquisivi eum, et ibi inveni illum, et servavit me ab omnibus
iniquitatibus. Sic credo, propter inhabitantem Spiritum ejus, qui
operatus est usque in hanc diem in me audenter rursus. Sed scit Deus,
si mihi homo effatus fuisset, forsitan tacuissem, propter caritatem
Christi.
XIV. Unde ergo indefessam gratiam agam Deo meo, qui me fidelem
servavit in die tentationis meae, ita ut hodie confidenter offeram
illi sacrificium, ut hostiam viventem animam meam Christo Domino meo,
qui me servavit ab omnibus angustiis meis: ut et dicam: Quis ego sum,
Domine, vel quae est vocatio mea, qui mihi tantam divinitatem
cooperuisti? ita ut hodie in gentibus constanter exsultarem et
magnificarem nomen tuum, ubicunque fuero; nec non in secundis, sed
etiam in pressuris: ut quidquid mihi evenerit, sive bonum sive malum,
aequaliter debeo suscipere et Deo gratias semper agere, qui mihi
ostendit ut indubitabilem eum sine fine crederem, et qui me audierit:
ut et ego inscius sim in novissimis diebus hoc opus tam pium et tam
mirificum adire aggrederer, ita ut imitarer quospiam illos quos ante
Dominus jam olim praedixerat praenuntiaturos Evangelium suum, _in
testimonium omnibus gentibus_, ante finem mundi. Quod ita ergo (ut
vidimus itaque) suppletum est. Ecce testes sumus, quia Evangelium
praedicatum est usque ubi nemo ultra est.
XV. Longum est autem totum per singula enarrare laborem meum, vel per
partes. Breviter dicam qualiter piissimus Deus de servitute saepe
liberavit ex duodecim periculis, quibus periclitata est anima mea,
praeter insidias multas, et quae verbis exprimere non valeo: nec et
injuriam legentibus faciam. Sed dum auctorem habeo, qui novit omnia,
etiam antequam fiant (ut me pauperculum pupillum). Ideo tamen
responsum divinum creberrime admonuit, unde mihi haec sapientia quae
in me non erat, qui nec numerum dierum noveram, neque Deum sapiebam:
unde mihi postmodum donum tam magnum, tam salubre, Deum agnoscere, vel
diligere: sed ut patriam, et parentes amitterem; et munera multa mihi
offerebantur, cum fletu et lacrymis: et offendi illos, nec non contra
votum, aliquantis de senioribus meis. Sed, gubernante Deo, nullo modo
consensi, neque acquievi illis, non mea gratia, sed Deus qui vicit in
me, et restitit illis omnibus, ut ego venirem ad Hibernas gentes
Evangelium praedicare, et ab incredulis contumelias perferre, ut
haurirem opprobrium peregrinationis meae, et persecutiones multas,
usque ad vincula, et ut darem ingenuitatem meam pro utilitate aliorum.
XVI. Et si dignus fuero, promptus sum ut etiam animam meam
incunctanter et libentissime pro nomine ejus, et ibi opto impendere
eam usque ad mortem, si Dominus mihi indulgeret: quia valde debitor
sum Deo, qui mihi tantam gratiam donavit, ut populi multi per me in
Deum renascerentur, et postmodum consummarentur; et ut clerici ubique
illis ordinarentur ad plebem nupervenientem ad credulitatem quam
sumpsit Dominus ab extremis terrae, sicut olim promiserat per
prophetas. _Ad te gentes venient ab extremis terrae, et dicent: Sicut
falsa comparaverunt patres nostri idola, et non est utilitas in eis_
(_Jer_. XVI, 19). Et iterum: _Posui te lumen in gentibus, ut sis in
salutem usque ad extremum terrae_ (_Isai_. XLIX, 6). Et ibi volo
exspectare promissum ipsius, qui utique nunquam fallit, sicut in
Evangelio pollicetur: _Venient ab Oriente et Occidente, et recumbent
cum Abraham, et Isaac, et Jacob_ (_Matth._ VIII, 11), sicut credimus,
ab omni mundo venturi sunt credentes.
XVII. Idcirco oportet quidem bene et diligenter piscari, sicut Dominus
praemonet, dicens: _Venite post me, et faciam vos fieri piscatores
hominum_ (_Matth_. IV, 18). Et iterum dicit per prophetas: _Ecce ego
mitto piscatores et venatores multos, dicit Dominus_ (_Jer_. XVI, 16),
etc. Unde autem valde oportebat retia nostra tendere, ita ut multitudo
copiosa et turba Deo caperetur, ut ubique essent clerici qui
baptizarent et exhortarentur populum indigentem et desiderantem, sicut
Dominus in Evangelio admonet et docet, dicens: _Euntes ergo docete
omnes gentes, baptizantes eos in nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus
sancti; docentes eos observare omnia quaecunque mandavi vobis. Et ecce
ego vobiscum sum omnibus diebus usque ad consummationem saeculi_
(_Matth_. XXVIII, 19, 20). Et iterum dicit: _Euntes ergo in mundum
universum praeedicate Evangelium omni creaturae. Qui crediderit et
baptizatus fuerit, salvus erit. Qui vero non crediderit condemnabitur_
(_Marc._ XVI, 15, 16). Et iterum: _Praedicabitur hoc Evangelium regni
universo mundo, in testimonium omnibus gentibus, et tunc veniet finis_
(_Matth_. XXIV, 14). Et item Dominus per prophetam praenuntians,
inquit: _Et erit in novissimis diebus, dicit Dominus: Effundam de
Spiritu meo super omnem carnem, et prophetabunt filii vestri et filiae
vestrae, et filii vestri visiones videbunt, et seniores vestri somnia
somniabunt. Et quidem super servos meos, et super ancillas meas, in
diebus illis effundam de Spiritu meo, et prophetabunt_ (_Joel_. II,
28, 29). Et in Osea dicit: _Vocabo non plebem meam, plebem meam, et
non misericordiam consecutam, misericordiam consecutam_ (_Oseae_ II,
24; _Rom_, IX, 25; _I Petr_. II, 10). _Et erit in loco ubi dictum est:
Non plebs mea vos, ibi vacabuntur filii a Dei vivi_ (_Oseae_ I, 10;
_Rom_. IX, 26).
XVIII. Unde autem Hiberionae qui nunquam notitiam Dei habuerunt, nisi
idola et immunda usque nunc semper coluerunt; quomodo nuper facta est
plebs Domini, et filii Dei nuncupantur? Filii Scottorum et filiae
regulorum, monachi et virgines Christi esse videntur. Et etiam una
benedicta Scotta genitiva nobilis, pulcherrima, adulta erat, quam ego
baptizavi. Et post paucos dies, una causa venit ad nos: insinuavit
nobis responsum accepisse a nuntio Dei, et monuit etiam ut esset virgo
Christi et ipsa Deo proximaret. Deo gratias: sexta ab hac die optime
et avidissime arripuit illud, quod etiam omnes virgines Dei ita hoc
faciunt, non sponte patrum earum, sed persecutionem patiuntur, et
improperia falsa a parentibus suis: et nihilominus plus augetur
numerus, et de genere nostro qui ibi nati sunt, nescimus numerum
eorum, praeter viduas et continentes. Sed et illae maxime laborant,
quae servitio detinentur, usque ad terrores et minas assidue
perseverant. Sed Dominus gratiam dedit multis ex ancillis suis; nam
etsi vetantur, tamen fortiter imitantur.
XIX. Unde autem etsi voluero amittere illas, et ut pergens in
Britannias et libentissime paratus eram, quasi ad patriam et parentes:
non id solum, sed eram usque Gallias visitare fratres, et ut viderem
faciem sanctorum Domini mei. Scit Deus quod ego valde optabam; sed
alligatus Spiritu, qui mihi protestatur si hoc fecero, ut futurum reum
me esse designat; et timeo perdere laborem quem inchoavi. Et non ego,
sed Christus Dominus qui me imperavit ut venirem, esse cum illis
residuum aetatis meae; si Dominus voluerit et custodierit me ab omni
via inala, ut non peccem coram illo. Spero autem hoc debueram, sed
memet ipsum non credo, quandiu fuero in hoc corpora mortis, quia
fortis est qui quotidie nititur subvertere me a fide et a proposita
castitate, usque in finem vitae meae, Christo Domino meo: sed caro
inimica semper trahit ad mortem, id est, ad illecebras illicite
perficiendas. Et scio ex parte quare vitam perfectam ego non egi,
sicut et caeteri credentes. Sed confiteor Domino meo, et non erubesco
in couspectu ipsius, quia non mentior: ex quo cognovi eum a juventute
mea crevit in me amor Dei et timor ipsius, et usque nunc favente
Domino fidem servavi.
XX. Rideat autem et insultet qui voluerit: ego non silebo, neque
abscondam signa et mirabilia quae mihi a Domino ministrata sunt ante
multos annos quam fierent, quasi qui novit omnia, etiam ante tempora
saecularia. Unde autem debueram sine cessatione Deo gratias agere, qui
saepe indulsit insipientiae meae...Et de loco non in unoquoque, ut non
mihi vehementer irasceretur, qui adjutor datus sum et non cito
acquievi, secundum quod mihi ostensum fuerat, et sicut Spiritus
suggerebat. Et misertus est mihi Dominus in millia millium, quia vidit
in me quod paratus eram, sed quod mihi pro his nesciebam de statu meo
quid facerem, quia multi hanc legationem prohibebant, et jam inter
seipsos post tergum meum narrabant et dicebant: Iste quare se mittit
in periculum inter hostes qui Dominum non noverunt? Non causa
malitiae; sed non sapiebat illis, sicut et ego ipse testor, intellexi,
propter rusticitatem meam. Et non cito agnovi gratiam quae tunc erat
in me: nunc mihi sapit quod ante debueram.
XXI. Nunc ergo simpliciter insinuavi fratribus et conservis meis qui
mihi crediderunt. Propter quod praedixi et praedico ad roborandam et
confirmandam fidem vestram. Utinam et vos imitemini majora, et potiora
faciatis. Hoc erit gloria mea; quia _filius sapiens gloria patris est_
(_Prov_. XI, 1; XV, 20). Vos scitis et Deus, qualiter apud vos
conversatus sum a juventute mea, in fide veritatis et in sinceritate
cordis: etiam ad gentes illas inter quas habito, ego fidem illis
praestavi et praestabo. Deus scit neminem illorum circumveni, nec
cogito propter Deum et Ecclesiam ipsius, ne excitem illis et nobis
omnibus persecutionem, et ne per me blasphemaretur nomen Domini, quia
scriptum est: _Voe homini per quem nomen Domini blasphematur_ (_Lev_.
XXIV, 16). Nam etsi imperitus sum in omnibus, tamen conatus sum
quispiam servare me etiam et fratribus Christianis, et virginibus
Christi, et mulieribus religiosis, quae mihi ultronea munuscula
donabant et super altare reddebant, ex ornamentis suis, et iterum
reddebam illis. Et adversus me scandalizabantur, cur hoc faciebam. Sed
ego (hoc faciebam) propter spem perennitatis, ut me in omnibus caute
propterea conservarem, ita ut me in aliquo titulo infideles non
carperent vel ministerium servitutis meae, nec etiam in minimo
incredulis locum darem infamare sive detrectare.
XXII. Forte autem, quando baptizavi tot millia hominum, speraverim ab
aliquo illorum vel dimidium scriptulae? Dicite mihi et reddam vobis:
aut quando ordinavit Dominus clericos per modicitatem meam et
ministerium, gratis distribui illis. Si poposci ab aliquo illorum vel
pretium calceamenti mei, dicite; dicite adversus me, et reddam vobis.
Magis ego impendi pro vobis, ut me caperet: et inter vos et ubique
pergebam causa vestra in multis periculis, etiam usque ad exteras
partes, ubi nemo ultra erat, et ubi nunquam aliquis pervenerat qui
baptizaret, aut clericos ordinaret, aut populum consummaret, donante
Domino, diligenter et libentissime pro salute vestra omnia generavi.
Interim praemia dabam regibus, propter quod dabam mercedem filiis
ipsorum qui mecum ambulant, et nihil comprehenderunt a me cum
comitibus meis. Et illa die avidissime cupiebant interficere me: sed
tempus nondum venerat. Et omnia quaecunque nobis invenerunt, rapuerunt
illa, et me ipsum ferro vinxerunt: et quarto decimo die absolvit me
Dominus de potestate eorum; et quidquid nostrum fuit, redditum est
nobis, propter Deum et necessarios amicos quos ante providimus.
XXIII. Vos autem experti estis quantum ego erogavi illis, qui
judicabant per omnes regiones quas frequentius visitabam. Censeo enim
non minimum pretium quindecim hominum distribui illis. Ita ut me si
fruamini, et ego vobis semper fruar in Deum, non me poenitet nec satis
est mihi, adhuc impendo et super impendam: potens est Dominus ut det
mihi postmodum ut meipsum _impendam pro animabus vestris_ (_II Cor_.
XII, 15). Ecce testem Deum invoco in animam meam, quia non mentior,
quod neque, ut fit, causa adulationis vel avaritiae scripserim vobis,
neque ut honorem sperarem vestrum. Sufficit enim mihi honor qui non
videtur, sed corde creditur; fidelis autem qui promisit, nunquam
mentitur. Sed video jam in praesenti saeculo me supra modum exaltatum
a Domino. Et non eram dignus neque talis, ut hoc mihi praestaret: dum
scio certissime quod mihi melius convenit paupertas et calamitas, quam
deliciae et divitiae. Sed et Christus Dominus pauper fuit pro nobis.
Ego vero miser et infelix, et si opes voluero, jam non habeo, neque
meipsum (dignum) judico, quia quotidie spero aut internecionem, aut
circumveniri, aut redigi in servitutem, sive occasionem cujuslibet.
Sed nihil horum vereor propter promissa coelorum, quia jactavi meipsum
in manus Dei omnipotentis qui ubique dominatur, sicut propheta dicit:
_Jacta cogitatum tuum in Deum, et ipse te enutriet_ (_Psal_. LIV, 23).
XXIV. Ecce nunc commendo animam meam fidelissimo Deo meo, pro quo
legatione fungor in ignobilitate mea (_II Cor_. V, 20). Sed quia
personam non accipit, et elegit me ad hoc officium, ut unus essem de
suis minimis minister: _Unde autem retribuam illi pro omnibus quae
retribuit mihi_ (_Psal_. CXV, 12). Sed quid dicam, vel quid promittam
Domino meo? Quia nihil valeo, nisi ipse mihi dederit; sed scrutatur
corda et renes, quia satis et nimis cupio, et paratus eram ut donaret
mihi bibere calicem ejus, sicut indulsit caeeteris amantibus se.
Quapropter non contingat mihi a Deo meo, ut unquam amittam plebem suam
quam acquisivi in ultimis terrae. Oro Deum ut det mihi perseverantiam,
et dignetur ut reddam illi testem fidelem usque ad transitum meum
propter Deum meum. Et si aliquid boni unquam imitatus sum propter Deum
meum quem diligo, peto illum det mihi ut cum illis proselytis et
captivis pro nomine suo effundam sanguinem meum, etsi ipse etiam
caream sepultura, aut miserrime cadaver per singula membra dividatur
canibus aut bestiis asperis, aut volucres coeli comederint illud.
Certissime reor, si mihi hoc incurrisset, lucratus sum animam cum
corpore meo: quia sine ulla dubitatione in die illa resurgemus in
claritate solis, hoc est, in gloria Christi Jesu redemptoris nostri,
Filii Dei vivi, et _cohaeredes Christi_ (_Rom_. VIII, 17) _et
conformes futurae imaginis ipsius_ (_Ibid_., 29): quoniam ex ipso, et
per ipsum, et in ipso, regnaturi sumus.
XXV. Nam sol iste quem videmus, Deo jubente, propter nos quotidie
oritur, sed nunquam regnabit, neque permanebit splendor ejus. Sed et
omnes qui adorant eum, in poenam miseri male devenient. Nos autem
credimus et adoramus Solem verum, Christum qui nunquam interibit;
neque qui facit voluntatem ipsius, sed manebit in aeternum, quomodo et
Christus manebit in aeternum, qui regnat cum Deo Patre omnipotente et
cum Spiritu sancto, ante saecula, et nunc, et per omnia saecula
saeculorum. Amen. Ecce iterum iterumque breviter exponam verba
_confessionis meae_. Testificor in veritate et in exsultatione cordis,
coram Deo et sanctis angelis ejus, quia nunquam habui aliquam
occasionem, praeter Evangelium et promissa illius, ut unquam redirem
ad gentem illam unde autem prius vix evaseram. Sed precor credentibus
et timentibus Deum, quicunque dignatus fuerit inspicere vel recipere
hanc scripturam, quam Patricius peccator, indoctus scilicet, Hiberione
conscripsit, ut nemo unquam dicat quod mea ignorantia, si aliquid
pusillum egi vel demonstraverim, secundum Dei placitum. Sed
arbitramini, et verissime credatur, quod donum Dei fuisset. Et haec
est confessio mea antequam moriar.
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