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Title: The two countesses
Author: Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
Translator: Mrs. Waugh
Release date: August 28, 2025 [eBook #76750]
Language: English
Original publication: New York: Cassell Publishing Company, 1893
Credits: Richard Illner, Andrew Scott and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive)
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TWO COUNTESSES ***
TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE
Italic text is denoted by _underscores_ and bold is denoted by =equals=.
Some minor changes to the text are noted at the end of the book.
[Illustration: colophon]
THE TWO COUNTESSES
_THE “UNKNOWN” LIBRARY_
THE “UNKNOWN” LIBRARY.
1. =MLLE. IXE.= By LANOE FALCONER.
2. =STORY OF ELEANOR LAMBERT.= By MAGDALEN BROOKE.
3. =MYSTERY OF THE CAMPAGNA.= By VON DEGEN.
4. =THE FRIEND OF DEATH.= Adapted by MARY T. SERRANO.
5. =PHILIPPA.= By ELLA.
6. =THE HOTEL D’ANGLETERRE.= By LANOE FALCONER.
7. =AMARYLLIS.= By ΓΕΩΡΓΙΟΣ ΔΡΟΣΙΝΗΣ.
8. =SOME EMOTIONS AND A MORAL.= By JOHN OLIVER HOBBES.
9. =EUROPEAN RELATIONS.= By TALMAGE DALIN.
10. =JOHN SHERMAN, and DHOYA.= By GANCONAGH.
11. =THROUGH THE RED-LITTEN WINDOWS.= By THEODOR HERTZ-GARTEN.
12. =BACK FROM THE DEAD.= By SAQUI SMITH.
13. =IN TENT AND BUNGALOW.= By AN IDLE EXILE.
14. =THE SINNER’S COMEDY.= By JOHN OLIVER HOBBES.
15. =THE WEE WIDOW’S CRUISE.= By AN IDLE EXILE.
16. =A NEW ENGLAND CACTUS.= By FRANK POPE HUMPHREY.
17. =GREEN TEA.= By V. SCHALLENBERGER.
18. =A SPLENDID COUSIN.= By MRS. ANDREW DEAN.
19. =GENTLEMAN UPCOTT’S DAUGHTER.= By TOM COBBLEIGH.
20. =AT THE THRESHOLD.= By LAURA DEARBORN.
21. =HER HEART WAS TRUE.= By AN IDLE EXILE.
22. =THE LAST KING OF YEWLE.= By P. L. MCDERMOTT.
23. =A STUDY IN TEMPTATIONS.= By JOHN OLIVER HOBBES.
24. =THE PALIMPSEST.= By GILBERT AUGUSTIN THIERRY.
25. =SQUIRE HELLMAN, and Other Stories.= By JUHANI AHO.
26. =A FATHER OF SIX.= By N. E. POTAPEEKO.
27. =THE TWO COUNTESSES.= By MARIE EBNER VON ESCHENBACH.
THE TWO
COUNTESSES
BY
MARIE EBNER VON ESCHENBACH
TRANSLATED BY
MRS. WAUGH
NEW YORK
CASSELL PUBLISHING COMPANY
104 & 106 FOURTH AVENUE
COPYRIGHT, 1893, BY
CASSELL PUBLISHING COMPANY.
_All rights reserved._
THE MERSHON COMPANY PRESS,
RAHWAY, N. J.
[Illustration: Decorative image]
THE TWO COUNTESSES.
COUNTESS MUSCHI.
SEBENBERG CASTLE,
November, 1882.
The shooting season is over; all our guests have left the castle; we
are as dull as ditch water, and I at length have time to write to
you, dear Nesti.
Poor Fred, too, has gone. He was awfully kind and amusing, but
woefully unhappy. I am truly sorry for him, poor fellow, but I cannot
help it. His estate up in the mountains brings in next to nothing;
and we could not live upon air, first-rate as it seems to be up
there.
But I have something much more interesting to tell you about, and
will plunge you at once in _milias res_--Latin, my love; comes from
_milieu_. Where did I pick that up? Heaven only knows. I am awfully
quick at learning, as my poor old governess Nagel, whom I have
brought up, solemnly avers to this day.
So, now, prick up your ears!
Yesterday, while engaged in collecting postage stamps--you must
know that one million stamps procures one a little Chinese baby; no
humbug! You may trust my word for it, and send me a few thousands
if you happen to have them by you--I suddenly came upon one from
Würtemberg.
“Who is our correspondent in Würtemberg, mamma?”
“That is a secret,” answers mamma, and I see that she is burning to
tell me. A few minutes later I know all about it. As a young man,
papa had served in the same regiment with a Count Aich-Kronburg. Both
fell in love with the same girl, a rich heiress; the Swabian was
the successful lover, papa the first to congratulate him. So they
remained friends. Now their son and heir, the young count, is on his
travels, and is to stop at Sebenberg to do the agreeable to papa and
mamma and--whom else? Mamma made me guess, and then embraced me, as
our mothers have a way of doing when they hope soon to be rid of us.
So my probable lord and master is a Swabian! If only I knew what he
was like, and that he has not great clod-hopping feet on which to
stump off to drink beer with his steward and people through the long
hours of the afternoon!
But, oh, my dear girl, after supper it was so deadly dull that I
began to think if he had feet like an elephant I would accept him! An
evening in which we are condemned to our own society, as sometimes
happens now at Sebenberg, is quite too ghastly. Papa persuades
himself that he is reading the _Sporting Times_, and goes fast asleep
over it. Mamma knits white wraps, the patterns of which are decided
by the form of her cigar ash as it falls. My uncle plays tactics with
the singing-mistress, and Aunt Julia devotes herself to word-making
with Fräulein Nagel.
“The fifty-seventh word, Fräulein?”
“A village in Servia.”
“In Servia?”
“Yes. It begins with a K and ends with an E.”
“Kindly pass me Meyer.”
“I have looked there, and cannot find it.”
“Then Ritter.”
And they fall to studying Ritter. There you have table No. 1.
At table No. 2, at the far end of the drawing room, the little ones
are playing games with the nursery governess, and I sit on the
_causeuse_ in solitary state, betwixt youth and age, like Dido upon
Naxos.
Dear me! another classical allusion. You really must overlook it; I
am so bored I am growing quite stupid. My bulldog gives a stretch and
yawns at me.
“_Venez_,” I say to her, “let us go out on to the balcony. Perhaps a
bat may fly by for our amusement.”
As I gracefully recline upon the parapet I hear a manly tread behind
me. It is papa. He, too, leans upon the balcony, and at first says
nothing. Then suddenly:
“Pussy!”
“What, papa?”
“What are you doing?”
“Questioning the bats, papa.”
He laughs.
“I’ll tell you something, but, mind, no chattering.”
“Oh, no, papa.”
“You won’t say a word?”
“No, papa.”
He looks straight into my eyes. “Not even to mamma?” And then he told
me all about the young count’s coming visit.
I merely asked did the Kronburgs keep a racing stud? Papa did not
know--thought most probably not. Alas!
Your
MUSCHI.
SEBENBERG CASTLE,
November 10, 1882.
DEAR NESTI: Do not be so impatient. I cannot sit all day long at
my writing table keeping you informed as to our doings. We are
not nearly so far advanced as you imagine; there is no talk of
“congratulations” at present, and I beg above all things that you
will not indulge in sentimentalities. The name of the _fiancé_--how
ridiculous you are, child--is Carl, like our groom of the chambers,
who, ever since the count’s arrival, has been called by his surname.
He is not so tall as papa, though a very good height, and would have
quite presentable feet if only he had a better bootmaker. But he
wears square-toed boots that are simply hideous.
He arrived in a kind of cloth tunic, which the poor fellow apparently
had made expressly for traveling. I must find out who is his tailor,
that I may duly warn all my friends against him. It is unfortunate,
too, that he wears gloves like any commercial traveler, or one of the
_jeunesse dorée_ of a German novel.
Understand from this, Nesti, that I have not, by any means, made up
my mind yet.
The amusing part of it is the intense amiability displayed by papa
and mamma toward him. It is irresistibly funny. Papa even kept quite
wide awake last evening; and he, who usually takes no interest in
talking to people about anything but their horses or dogs, began
inquiring all about the laws of forestry in Swabia; whether land was
farmed out there; if owners lived much upon their estates; what kind
of hunting there was, et-z-r-a (which stands for “and so on.” I am
afraid it is not the right way to write it, but, to tell truth, I
never could do it properly).
The count answered very nicely, only he is rather shy, and that gives
him a somewhat pedantic manner. About nine o’clock it began to get
decidedly tame, when, to my surprise and delight, Fred unexpectedly
appeared with his brother and the two Hockhaus. They were on their
way to the military steeple chase at Raigern, and came to beg
quarters for the night. I at once got up a circus entertainment,
sent for a four-in-hand driving whip, and trotted Fred out first
as the thoroughbred mare Arabi. It sent us into fits to see how he
sprang over chairs, and backed, and reared, and finally picked up
my handkerchief from the floor with his teeth. Then we made Nagel
sit down to the piano and play a set of quadrilles for the four to
dance. They did it splendidly; they are such dear boys. The youngest
Hockhaus is so good-natured, and he really has a face like a horse.
At last Fred, jumping upon his brother’s back, introduced himself
as Mlle. Pimpernelle upon her splendidly trained horse Rob Roy. If
only you could have seen him--the coquettish glances he gave, his
mincing airs, and the farewell kisses of the hand he sent back in
all directions as he was gayly trotted off. I never saw anything so
funny. We were immensely amused, papa and mamma as much, as any of
us. But the count looked on stiff as buckram, until I thought to
myself, “My good sir, if you happened to be stolen. I’d not be the
one to send the crier after you.” The best thing of all in our circus
was when the noble steed, having had more than enough of Mlle.
Pimpernelle’s riding whip, suddenly took to rearing and plunging, and
rolled over with his fair rider.
We were so overheated from laughing that, to cool down, I proposed
a _jeu d’esprit_ of my own invention. The whole company sat round
a table, a saucer of pounded sugar was brought in, and each one in
turn had to dip his nose in it. Then, when all were ready, I gave the
word--one, two, three--and everyone had to try to lick away the sugar
from the tip of his nose. The one who did it first was the winner.
Oh, to see the grimaces and contortions we made, and how indignant my
dear old Nagel was, and yet had to join in it! description fails me.
Papa was the first winner, then Kuni Hockhaus, then I; and Fred only,
with his dear little _retroussé_ nose, could not accomplish it; he
was thoroughly beaten, poor fellow! He is such a dear old boy.
Your
MUSCHI.
SEBENBERG CASTLE,
November 19, 1882.
With all due respect be it said, my love, you are as pedantic as any
old bluestocking. Only go on in like manner and you will soon be
eligible for a writer of penny dreadfuls.
I have given you, as yet, no description of his personal appearance?
All right; I will ask him for his passport; therein you will read:
Blue eyes, fair hair, reddish mustache, face clean shaven, regular
features--and you will be just as wise as you were before. Clumsy?
No, that he is decidedly not. His ears are the best point about him,
small, well shaped, and close set. And disposition? That you needs
must know, too. Well, good, a trifle quiet, with a touch of the
grand-fatherly in it. But I will modernize him, poor fellow.
I told him the other day that the men about us were in the habit of
getting their hosiery and a couple of suits, at least, from England
every year: and that an ill-dressed man was an anomaly in society.
“Why?” he asked. “Please explain.”
His simplicity annoyed me, and I answered, “The thing is clear
enough, and needs no explanation.”
“Good Heavens!” said he, “if it be our clothes alone which fit us for
society, how highly we should esteem those who make them. A man ought
never to be seen but arm in arm with his tailor.”
Have you ever heard anything so idiotic? Tell me honestly.
Yesterday we were out with the harriers. I, well in front on my
good Harras, not caring so much for the hunt, but enjoying the
exhilaration of meeting the keen wind, when, at a bit of a ditch my
fool of a horse, hang it! gathers himself for a springs as if he were
going at a hurdle, and I--Nesti--I flew over his head.
There lay I, and Harras standing snorting angrily, and looking as if
he had never set eyes on me before. He seemed not to know me, would
not believe I was his mistress, was ready to tear off away from me,
and let me limp home on foot.
Nesti, my heart beat wildly. Rising very slowly, so as not to
frighten him I kept saying, “Harasserl, quiet, my beauty, it was
only a joke!” And while he snorted at me I caught hold of his
bridle, and, looking round, saw no one near. Oh, what joy, thought
I; led Harras to the bank of the ditch, and was just about to
spring into the saddle, when he grows wild again, and gets quite
unmanageable--and why? He hears a horse galloping, and true enough,
that stupid count must needs come dashing up.
“What has happened, countess?” he asks.
“Nothing,” I answer, and turn away that he may not see my hot cheeks.
“I was only doing something to my saddle.”
“You are all right?”
“All right.”
He springs off his horse, and without a word holds out his hand.
I place my foot on it, and suffer myself to be lifted on to the
saddle, and to have the folds of my habit straightened, without the
slightest idea of whether he has an inkling of what has happened.
Then, drawing out his handkerchief, he begins to wipe me down, and
now for the first time I perceive that I am covered with mud from
head to foot. You may imagine my feelings. Well! this done, the count
tucks his handkerchief into his breast pocket and mounts again, and,
giving Harras a taste of my whip, I jump him five times backward and
forward over the ditch; not where it was dry and narrow, but further
on, where it broadens and is full of water. Then we rode quietly
along to meet papa. It was a long time before I could persuade myself
to speak; yet it had to be, if I were not to feel uncomfortable all
the rest of the day. So at last I said:
“Please do not tell a soul of my fall.”
Smiling, he answered, “I give you my word that I will not betray you.”
So for a moment we were good friends, and I absolutely began to think
whether I would not have him after all. But it did not last long,
and now I think him simply detestable. My dear child, he is nothing
but a pedantic old German schoolmaster. Just listen. On our way to
the stables I suddenly heard a rustling and crackling, and among the
bushes espied a pair of little bare feet.
“A wood stealer!” cried I. “Hullo, I must see to that. I’ll catch the
young rascal!”
And with a look at the count to keep still, I jumped off my horse
and ran to the opening made by the little scamp. True enough, in a
very short time out crawls my man, dragging a whole bundle of fagots
after him. He looks up, sees me, screeches like a hare, and scampers
off as fast as his legs will carry him toward the village. I fly
after him; of course soon catch him up; stop, pull off his cap, and
tell him if he wants it again he must come to the castle and fetch
it. Where-upon he whimpers the usual tale; begs, entreats, kneels to
me, until I have enough of it, and throw him back his cap. And then
what do you think he did? With a grimace at me, he had the impudence
to pick up the bundle of fagots and make off. I was on the point of
going after him, to give it him hot and strong, when up rides the
count with a face as long as my arm, and has the impertinence to say
to me:
“You make an excellent ranger!”
“Is it not customary with you to protect your woods against wood
stealers?” I ask.
“Oh, undoubtedly,” he makes reply, “but we prefer to leave that
somewhat subordinate occupation to our foresters.”
When I think it over calmly the answer in itself does not appear so
exasperating; but the way he looked at me as he said it, making me
feel so uncommonly small.
Your
MUSCHI.
SEBENBERG CASTLE,
November 28, 1882.
We are the best of friends again. Our reconciliation was effected by
means of Rattler and the little Chinese boy. You must know, Nesti,
that ever since the count’s arrival papa has been more than odd. He
who on my sixth birthday gave me my first pony, and allowed me to
have as many dogs as I chose, is now forever frowning and saying,
“Can’t you find anything better to talk about than horses?” or “Where
on earth can the child have got this mania for dogs?” while mamma,
as she lights a fresh cigar, remarks, “Muschi must always go to
extremes.” That day it was her ninth since lunch. Sometimes I amuse
myself by counting how many she gets through in a day. The end of it
was that when papa heard that my English terrier had had pups, he
declared that he would throw every man Jack of them out of the window
if he caught any of them about the castle. So nothing remained for
me but to ensconce the whole family party in the library. Not a soul
goes in there, and the pups are under my eye.
They are such hungry little fellows, and are as comfortable as
possible in their basket under the table by the fire, cozily hidden
by the table cover, that hangs down to the ground. Three times a
day I go to see the mother and take her some milk. To-day their was
great joy; two of the pups had opened their eyes. I congratulated
their mamma, and said, “Don’t you think you might move about a little
now, you lazy thing! Get up, get up!” But she, giving me a limp paw,
sets up barking, and I, in an agony of fear, take hold of her nose
and hold it tightly, with a threatening “Quiet, Rattler, or you will
lose your pups!” At the same moment I hear a laughing “Good-morning”
behind me. You know the big armchair that stands in the window
recess, its back turned to the fireplace? With one knee upon it, his
arms resting upon the back, as if he were in an opera box, is the
count. “Bother take you, Mr. Detective!” I think to myself; and the
following conversation ensues:
_I._ When did you come in?
_He._ Oh, I was here long before you came.
_I._ Indeed! And pray what were you doing?
_He._ Reading.
_I._ Reading? You need not think I am such a little greenhorn as to
believe that.
_He._ Your doubts surprise me! Why should I not have been reading?
_I._ On such a day, when you might have been following the hounds?
You may tell that to the marines.
_He_ (springing from his post of vantage, and coming toward me with a
forbidding expression on his face). Your opinion of the pleasure to
be derived from books seems to be but small?
_I._ Were it a question of life or death with you, my opinion would
remain the same.
_He_ (with expression still more forbidding). I am much obliged! I
value my life too highly to stake it in such a cause.
_I._ I assure you, on my honor, you would not be risking much.
_He_ (like an old professor at an exam.). You apparently occupy
yourself but little with reading?
_I._ Just enough to do penance for my sins, and to keep up my English.
_He_ (with a kind of fatherly solicitude which strikes me as
intensely comical, and with an air of severity which exasperates me).
And, may I ask, do you think it necessary to keep up your French in
the same manner?
_I._ In the same manner.
(Oh, my dear, I grew crimson; for the thought of that wretched book
flashed across my mind that Fred got for me last winter, and of which
I would not tell you one word, despite all your entreaties.)
_He._ You are acquainted, then, with the modern French ideas of
society?
_I_ (impatiently). I might say “No,” and you would believe me; but I
hate a lie, and so, like an honorable fellow, I prefer to say “Yes.”
_He_ (looks at me a long while--not angrily this time, but quite
sorrowfully--and murmurs, “What a pity! but ‘honorable fellow’ is
delightful”). Tell me, old man--I beg pardon, honored countess--do
you ever read a German book? We have some well worth reading.
_I._ Oh, Goethe and Schiller! Yes, I know----
Nesti, a weary prospect opened out to me. In imagination I saw
ourselves sitting like the young couple on the title page of a
German magazine--he reading aloud, of course out of Schiller; I, in
“attitude of rapt attention,” nestling up to him; our baby, in the
arms of my one maid and general factotum, gravely turning over the
leaves of a family Goethe.
“If that is his picture of our domestic life,” thought I, “the sooner
I undeceive him the better.” And as he hurriedly asked, “You know
Goethe and Schiller?” I answered resolutely, “Pooh! do not expect me
to study the classics. Goethe, I have always been told, is immoral;
and Schiller is quite too long-winded for me.”
So that was settled once for all. We then talked about other things,
principally about Rattler, whom he said was a jolly little creature,
swearing not to betray me. And he was as nice as could be when I
asked him to collect postage stamps for me. It certainly took him
some time before he understood what I wanted them for, and that they
have to be sent out to China, as soon as one has a million, to buy
a little Chinese boy. “And what will you do with him when you have
got him?” he asked. And I told him that he was to be christened and
trained for me as my little page, to stand behind my chair and wait
upon me at table, in a yellow dress with a long pigtail. The count
laughed heartily (he is delightful when he laughs) and with a hearty
shake of the hand, said, “All right, I will help you. At any rate,
this is one ideal object.” _Addio._
Your
MUSCHI.
SEBENBERG CASTLE,
December 6, 1883.
You may think yourself highly honored at my sitting down to write to
you at this hour; it is 2 A.M., and I am dead tired.
My dear Nesti, we are in a whirl. Fred and his friends are back from
Raigern, and have brought some officers with them. Old Countess
Aarheim and her four daughters are staying here; the lake is hard
frozen, and the snow a foot deep.
Our mornings are spent in visiting the stables and riding school;
after luncheon we skate or go sleighing; in the evening we play
games, or dance, or just simply lounge about. Cloclo, to my infinite
amusement, has set up a furious flirtation with the count; Mitzi is
still pining with love for Fred; and as for Kitzi and Pips, they
remain faithful to each other, and will carry the day yet. What
can parents do when their children won’t give in? It would be too
absurd for a captain to marry on his pay. He certainly would not be
my taste, but the two geese reply to every common-sense remonstrance
that they love each other. As if they could have any reason more
senseless for making each other miserable.
The count has quite joined the masculine community, and is first and
foremost among them; he has given up paying compliments, and, do you
know, my dear, I have made up my mind to accept him.
Fred, who of course scented at once the meaning of the count’s visit,
is behaving so sensibly that one cannot praise him enough; he really
is a dear old fellow. Do you remember at the last carnival his
wearing my colors, and yet, even then, he never breathed a word to
trouble me, nor has he now.
This morning I was trying the paces of a foal, and Fred, whip in
hand, came up.
“How do you like the count?” said he. “I think him a capital fellow,
and he has thirty thousand pounds a year.”
“And not a single racer,” said I; upon which, with a sly look, he
replied:
“That will soon be altered. If you should want a first-rate master of
the hounds, think of a friend at Rahn up in the mountains----”
I should think I would! He shall be one of the first I invite in my
new home, to make people sociable together.
Good-night, Nesterl. I declare I am half asleep--a moment ago I was
wide awake, but the thought of the admirable Clara Aarheim has set
me yawning. “My domesticated daughter,” as the old countess calls
her, because she has evidently given up all hope of establishing
her--“my domesticated daughter” is more insipid than ever; she would
do very well for a major’s wife--say a major in the infantry, who
lives upon his pay. Now my young lady has renounced the world, she
finds no pleasure in society--in other words, no partners. No one can
endure her with her mincing ways and everlasting blushes. She bores
even the count, and he is never as lively with her as with us. Only
fancy, he considers her good-looking! A good-looking stick. That kind
of beauty is not to my taste; it reminds me of those statues we pass
by in museums, with downcast glance, when we walk along so discreetly
with our mammas--poor mammas! if they only knew that we are not as
demure as we look!
Only fancy, the count can be satirical. He actually persuaded Clara
to mount before us all, and then praised her riding to the skies. We
were dying with laughter, and she looked so confused; and I, catching
up a book, rushed forward, saying gravely:
“Allow me to celebrate the episode in verse,” and sang:
“Slow and sure, slow and sure,
To guard our bones is the best cure?”
Good-night, I am dead asleep; I must say my prayers in the morning.
And only think, the count said to me:
“You have such a charming voice, what a pity you have never taken
singing lessons.”
Here I went to sleep last night, my pen fell on the paper, and you
will receive a letter adorned with blots. I have one thing more to
tell you about the worthy Clara. You must know that she raves about
the count, and took it upon herself to read me a lecture yesterday.
“With such a man”--oh! the emphasis on “such a man,” and her eyes
lit up like a couple of Bengal lights--“with such a man you should
conduct yourself very differently, dearest Muschi. He is not
accustomed to the kind of conversation you indulge in with the fast
young men you have about you. It is plain that he likes you; how
could it be otherwise? but it is very evident that your talk and
manners often horrify him.” And then she must needs launch out into
a tirade against horsiness and stable talk, frivolity and lack of
reading and thinking, and goodness only knows what. Heaven knows, I
detest everything fast, but her way of depreciating the things that I
most like and value exhausted my--never too great--stock of patience.
I dare say I answered her very rudely, and I certainly told her that
her room was as good as her company. And so my lady took herself
off, looking uncommonly like a bedraggled poodle. And in my first
fury I sat down then and there and made a sketch of her presiding
over the school of needlework she had started at home, a book under
each arm, one hand wielding a birch rod, the other displaying a
darned stocking, upon the tip of her nose, flattened for the purpose,
pirouettes a tiny weeny scholar. My caricature made the round of the
drawing room, and everybody had a secret giggle over it. Nagel, of
course, deplored my fresh piece of mischief, and had nearly let the
cat out of the bag. Clara was more amused by it than anyone, which
was far from my intention, and the count was amazed at my talent for
drawing, and thought it a thousand pities that I had not had drawing
lessons. The remainder of the evening he devoted to Clara, presumably
talking to her about the school of needlework. Poor man!
Yours,
MUSCHI.
I open this to tell you that the count has begged me to grant him an
interview. Things are becoming serious. My parents are beaming. I
will telegraph to you when our engagement is to be made known.
SEBENBERG CASTLE,
December 28, 1883.
Yes, dearest, we shall soon be coming to Vienna, and I shall be
jolly glad to see your sweet self again, and glad of Carnival. What
a nuisance that it is cut so short now; there is no possibility of
crowding in enough dances; and I feel inclined to rush in madly for
gayety. Unluckily Fred will be away; he is spending the winter in
Old England, as he wrote papa a few days ago, with apologies to the
ladies for not having come over to say good-by before starting. Papa
is angry because Fred rather did him over some horses--as if that----
Your letter has just come--the third in which you bombard me with
questions. Don’t you see that I have been taking a rise out of you?
How do you suppose that I should consent to be immured in Swabia,
where the men go in for domestic life as a profession, and the women
knit socks from conviction?
We certainly did have a conversation, Count Carl and I, but of a very
different nature from what you have been imagining.
He began by saying that his visit to us had been a memorable one, in
that it had given him quite new impressions--had opened out a new
world to him.
“If it was new to you, you have adapted yourself very readily to it,”
I made reply.
“What wonder, with such a guide as you, countess--such a model in all
knightly arts and usages.”
“Is that intended to be ironical?”
“By no means. I return to my Penates richer than I came.”
“To where?”
“To my household gods.”
“Aha!”
Here the interview came to a slight hitch, but I set it going again
by asking what was the gain he had made by coming among us.
“Of a friend!” he exclaimed; “a young, charming, reliable friend,
named Countess Muschi.”
“_Pardi!_” I exclaimed.
And he, losing no time, seized my hand, coloring fiery red, and his
voice shook. “A friend upon whose help and support I count in the
most important moment of my life.”
“What moment do you mean?”
“That which must decide the weal or woe of all my after life--that
in which you will win my eternal gratitude--by asking----” Here his
shaky voice toppled over entirely.
“Whom am I to ask--myself?” I blurted out; but, luckily for me, in
his agitation he was unconscious how I had given myself away, and
went on:
“Countess Clara Aarheim.”
Here I must have looked uncommonly sold, for he exclaimed hurriedly,
“You think there is no chance for me. Is it too late--is Countess
Clara no longer free?”
Nesti, human nature would not stand it; and I broke out with “What
a sell!” Upon which the poor count was thrown into fresh alarm,
and conjured me to be frank with him, and only tell him if he must
renounce the idea. Of course, it would have been a miracle if such a
treasure as Clara had not already found a suitor, and he had been a
fool to hope for such a miracle.
“Stuff and rubbish,” thinks I to myself; then aloud, “Not such a fool
as you think! I know Clara’s affairs tolerably well. So far she has
had no admirers.”
“Is it so--is it so?” and seizing my hand he kissed it passionately.
“And she? Has she not seemed to care for anyone?”
“Not a bit of it. A girl is hardly likely to be so unpractical as to
care for a man if he does not care for her. That is hardly our way.”
He heaved a deep sigh.
“You have no idea what a girl in your sphere can do, who has the
courage not to ‘be led by fashion.’”
“Pray do not expect such _courage_ from me. To my mind it is as
little like the real thing as is forced laughter to real honest
mirth.”
“And yet I do not know. There may be a higher standpoint than that of
society.”
“That is the one consolation of those who are excluded from it.”
“Then at least grant it to such poor devils, who would otherwise be
left despairing,” he said, with a good-humored laugh; and, going back
to his subject, he overwhelmed me with entreaties to find out from
Clara, without her knowing it, if he were in any way obnoxious to her.
To this I answered that I could save myself that trouble; that he was
anything but obnoxious to her.
“And you think, then, that I may hope in time----?”
“In time? This very day, if you only choose to ask.”
“Countess!”
“Why are you so surprised? Clara would never dream for a moment of
refusing you. When has she ever had a chance of making such a match
before?”
“Ah--of making such a match,” he repeated, crestfallen. “If it
were only----You could not have given me greater discouragement,
countess, than in that one word.”
And so, in his discouragement, he poured out to poor me an harangue
about love, intellect, mutual understanding; winding up with the
trite remark that nothing in married life is so important as are
these things. Any poor devil who had not known a day’s happiness
in his life, or what money can bring, could not have spoken more
eloquently.
Awfully odd! it did not seem all nonsense to me--at least not the
whole time. There were actually moments in which the thought came
over me, perhaps, after all, he is not so utterly wrong; perhaps
there really is something in sympathy of taste, as well as in
suitability of position. (Certainly position alone does not promote
happiness.) And then I thought to myself, “You are a good man and
clever; I am not a bad girl or a stupid one; why should not we have
suited each other? Perhaps I was a goose for my pains to have thrown
you in Clara’s way! But that little _malaise_ soon passed over, and I
began to picture her felicity, and the joke it would be to ask her if
she would accept the count. Then, too, I remembered the many tricks I
had played her; and how ill I had requited her friendship for me; and
so, extending my hand in right good fellowship, I exclaimed:
“All right! Shake hands upon it. I will obtain permission for you to
plead your cause. Take it all in all, Clara is well suited to you.
She has always said that in marriage the bridegroom was more to be
considered than his rentroll.”
My red sportswoman’s hands have often been kissed, but never so
fervently as by the count at that juncture.
Suffice it to say, Nesti, all went off splendidly. Clara’s perplexity
was tremendous; how at first she said No, in her humility and
discretion; how the count then went at it with a will, swearing a man
could only marry one woman--and what was to be done if that woman
would not have him?
The bliss of Casa Aarheim can be more easily imagined than described.
My people seemed less overjoyed. Mamma puffed away at her nineteenth
cigar that day. Papa pinched my cheek, and said:
“I say, pussy.”
“What, papa?”
“You are a goose.”
“Family secret, papa. If you betray it, it’s at your own cost.”
Three days later, the count went home to make all necessary
preparations for the reception of his young wife, to whom he is to be
married during Carnival. His departure was quickly followed by that
of the Aarheims.
The lovers’ parting was, Heaven be praised, accomplished without a
scene. He held her hand for a long pressure in his, looking at her
as if to say, “Trust me.” She, in the same language, made answer,
“Unreservedly.”
It was a parting thoroughly _comme il faut_, and I thought to
myself--but why always confess to you all that I think?
Farewell, dear girl, and observe that it is not always as pleasant as
it looks to be a sporting countess, pure and simple.
Yours,
MUSCHI.
[Illustration: Decorative image]
COUNTESS PAULA.
We had quite a crowded reception last night after the theater. He was
there--more reserved and silent than ever. He is going away--about to
be transferred to some other legation--probably to Serajewo.
My friends say it is the very place for him; they are merciless to
any man who happens to be deficient in “style”; absolutely merciless.
Countess Albertine was for some time in conversation with the
secretary of the French Legation, by whom he was standing. I heard
the secretary remark that our German literature, otherwise so rich,
was curiously deficient in memoirs. The countess, evidently not
greatly impressed by this fact, murmured “Ah,” and smiled as sweetly
as if the greatest homage had been offered at her shrine. But he
whom I like so well and esteem so highly, he, who is so gifted and
patriotic, replied:
“Yes; unfortunately it is too true.”
Oh, thought I, then the Frenchman is right; and I formed a
resolution: If I do not marry--and I do not mean ever to marry--there
shall I be my whole life without a single occupation. Were it not a
worthy aim to devote my poor abilities to help supply so deplorable a
deficiency? At least I will try. I enter, then, upon this work with a
due feeling of its solemn import. May Heaven prosper it!
MY MEMOIRS.
The 15th of May, 1865, witnessed my entry into this world, to the
anything but satisfaction of my parents. My sister was already
married, my brother preparing for his final examination. During the
first year of my existence my father never deigned to look at me.
But I, nothing daunted, grew big and plump. Big, or rather tall, I
am still; but plump, Heaven be praised, I am not. And as for my dear
old father, if at first he did not love me, there is no trace of any
such want now. He would do anything for me, and I have quite given up
asking his permission to anything beforehand; his one and only answer
being always, “Do whatever you like!”
My childhood was passed almost entirely alone; first with my nurse as
sole companion; afterward with my governess, a perfect angel, knowing
no more of the things of earth than angels do. For instance--of
botany she simply knew nothing. If I asked her what was larkspur in
French, she would answer, “_C’est le coucou bleu_”; a buttercup was
“_le coucou jaune_”; eyebright, “_le coucou blanc_.” All flowers,
that is all wild and field flowers, to her were various colored
_coucous_. But I must do her the justice to say that she was fully
authorized not to go too thoroughly into my education, my dear good
father having engaged her on the express stipulation that what he
required for his daughter was a good “superficial” education. And
that was what I certainly obtained. Thus for a long time I thought
I knew the history of the world from beginning to end; when suddenly
I found that Mme. Duphot, at mamma’s request, had quietly suppressed
the whole of one century--that of the Reformation. They desired
that I should know nothing of Luther. But I discovered him--in the
eleventh volume of Schlosser’s “History of the World,” accidentally
forgotten and left behind when it had been decided to turn out my
brother’s old books and pack them off to a second-hand dealer.
Heaven forgive me if I am a bad Catholic, but, honestly, Dr. Luther
does not seem to me such a terrible creature that one dare not even
know of his existence. Of course I did not venture to express so
heterodox an opinion to my devout Duphot; it would have destroyed
her peace of mind forever, and she would henceforth have been
spending all her poor little savings on the reading of masses for the
restoration of my endangered faith. But I did tell the chaplain when
next I went to confession. He merely imposed an extra penitential
prayer--nothing more; nor did he in any way alter his customary
admonition, nor the sentence with which it always closed--“And then
say, ‘Dear God, I thank thee for all the mercies which thou dost
vouchsafe to me, and to my noble family.’”
I always used to think it strangely worded, and not exactly in
accordance with the manner in which we should address the Divine
Being, who takes no account of “noble” families, we being all equal
in his sight.
And this was not the only thing in which the reverend chaplain gave
me ground for astonishment. Upon learned subjects he held views
shared by no one save, perhaps, Mme. Duphot and myself--and myself
only up to a certain period. For example: he used to give me my
geography lessons, we beginning with physiography as being the most
difficult, and, once mastered, the rest being bound to follow as a
matter of course. Among other things the reverend chaplain informed
us: “At the North Pole it is cold, and at the South Pole” (Siedpol,
he called it) “hot, I suppose.”
As he said it the thing seemed clear, but afterward I had my doubts,
for, on reference to my dictionary, I found that _süd_ (south) and
_sied_ (scorching, boiling) had nothing whatever to do with each
other.
But now enough of my studies, and to turn to my home life.
It was as happy as it could be. At the first sign of spring, I and
my Duphot used to repair to Trostburg, our country seat, whither my
parents followed for a stay of some weeks during the hunting season.
As with the dawn, long before sunrise, the sky is light, so, long
before my dear ones arrived, my heart would be full of joyful
expectation. True, their coming never realized things exactly as I
had pictured them. The many guests arriving simultaneously with them
claimed their constant attention, and, with the departure of the
guests, they, too, went off to pastures new. We would go down to the
carriage to see them off, Duphot and I. Papa would kiss me fondly,
mamma allow me to carry out her tiny lapdog to her, from which she
was never parted for a day. On pretext of placing it on her lap, I
used to get into the carriage, put my arms round her neck, and kiss
her as much as ever I wanted. It may be imagined if my kisses were
few! Then they would drive away, mamma waving her dear hand to me
ever so far along the road. When I could see them no longer from the
courtyard, I would run to the turret room and watch at the window
until the carriage appeared like a tiny speck in the cutting through
which they had to drive to reach the railway station. Half an hour
later a dense white cloud would pass along the horizon, slowly to
dissolve in fleecy streaks; and then I knew: They are gone! That
cloud fading away in the sky had been emitted by the fiery engine
which was bearing away from me those I loved best on earth.
After such partings I invariably cried, as I imagined, until far into
the night--in reality until about ten o’clock; and the following
morning I had already begun to look forward to our next meeting in
Vienna.
There I was much better off. Papa would often come to visit me in the
schoolroom; and mamma would send for me to the drawing room to see
those friends who asked for me. Almost daily we would meet in the
Prater, and that was the acme of delight to me. Mamma was always so
pleased to see me--especially if I were prettily dressed. I got to
know that she liked me best in my gray velvet pelisse trimmed with
fur; and whenever my good Duphot took it into her head to have me
dressed in anything else, I was like a little fury.
One day in spring--I shall never forget it; it happened to be my
birthday, and I was ten years old--a very warm day. I had insisted on
being dressed in my fur pelisse, much against Mme. Duphot’s better
judgment. I was so hot in it I thought I should melt, what with
delight and the temperature!
I was playing in one of the copses with some of my little friends
near the walk, looking out the while for mamma, and thinking only
of her. At length I saw her coming down the avenue with a party of
ladies and gentlemen, and, pointing her out to my little friends,
said proudly:
“There; that is my mamma--the tallest, most beautiful of all mammas!”
The children looked up eagerly, and one little precocious creature,
with whom I often used to fight, exclaimed:
“Yes, she might be if she were not so old. My mamma says that yours
is old, and already has a lot of wrinkles round her eyes.”
To hear this speech, fling myself upon her, and give her a slap,
was with me the work of a second. Of course she struck back, and it
became a free fight. Our governesses in vain tried to part us; all
they got for their pains was a stray blow from one or the other,
intended for the adversary. Suddenly I heard mamma’s voice calling
me, and, forgetful of rage, scrimmage, and the enemy, I rushed off
into the walk, with arms outstretched, toward her.
Repelling me with a look which rooted me to the spot, she exclaimed:
“_Comme vous voilà faite!_”
And for the first time in my life I saw mamma angry. Turning to Mme.
Duphot, who was courtesying to the ground, she haughtily inquired
why I was not wearing my spring costume; and as she passed on we
caught the words, “Really, these governesses are insupportable.” And
I--I could have wept for pity over my poor Duphot, and for shame over
myself; wept--but sparks of fire, like Shakspere’s Queen, of whom, by
the by, I knew nothing in those days.
For three whole days we did not dare present ourselves in the Prater.
So I grew up.
Year by year my parents prolonged their stay at Trostburg, until
they have got to spend the whole of the summer there. My dear
mother’s life is now passed in good works. She treats the sick
folk of the village homeopathically, and has already effected some
marvelous cures among them. She has founded a _crèche_, and a
house of correction, where the lazy are to be made to work, and the
ne’er-do-wells to be kept under stern discipline. Nothing could be
more practical; the pity is that one cannot force the people to go
into it; and, left to their own choice, they prefer to stay away.
My Duphot is in her element.
She accompanies mamma twice daily to church, reads religious books
aloud to her, and prepares homeopathic dilutions.
Meanwhile I am papa’s companion--and he is such a dear! We take long
rides together. At first we used to follow the hounds, and he was
delighted when I shot a hare--more delighted than I was. As far as
I am concerned, hares might have free lease of their lives to the
detriment of any number of plantations and cabbages. Last autumn
something happened that forever put me out of conceit with hunting.
The preserves were to be thinned, and some of the chamois to be
shot. Papa, who had to leave home on a short absence, entrusted the
commission to me, thinking I should thoroughly enjoy the task, and
I had not the courage to tell him that it would be anything but an
enjoyable one to me.
So, accompanied by the head ranger and my good gun, I sallied forth
one afternoon into the peaceful shade and green depths of the deer
park. Along the moss-grown path, whence I had so often heard the
rustle of the herds going down to water, we came to the pond, skirted
it, and saw, through a break on the other side, a young chamois just
emerging from the wood on the slope. Stretching her slender neck,
she snuffed the air and came slowly forward.
“That’s what we want, the female,” whispered the ranger. “Take steady
aim--fire!”
His lips trembled with eagerness, his old gray eyes looked
mistrustfully at me. As for me, an ice-cold thrill ran through me as,
raising my gun in feverish haste and nervously pulling the trigger, I
was only conscious of having taken aim. There was a report. “A dead
hit!” exclaimed the ranger triumphantly, and ran forward. I slowly
followed, my heart beating so loudly I could not run.
“Shot in the heart!” cried the old forester from afar. “A crack shot!
Could not have been better.”
Intoxicated at my success he wildly waved his hat, then begged mine
that he might stick a pine twig in it. While thus engaged, and
I standing there gazing with wide-open eyes at the pretty young
creature lying prone, its graceful head thrown back, there appeared
on the verge of the wood a tiny kid.
“Good Heavens, Bayer!” I exclaimed. And looking up, the ranger cried:
“My word! had she got a little one! If I had only known it!”
Meanwhile the young one came confidingly and fearlessly up to us.
Surely if mother could lie so quietly on the grass by those people
they would do it no harm, it thought, and began pushing its mother
with its moist shining nose, and then quietly to drink in its last
nourishment from the accustomed source; and when no more would come,
not one drop, left off trying, and stood up looking inquiringly at
its mother and at us, looking as innocently as only an animal can
look.
The ranger, taking it up in his arms, carried it home. It had the
warmest corner in the pine plantation given to it; a little hut was
built for it, with a soft bed of moss and hay. I have spent whole
days by it. Never in all my life did I desire anything so ardently as
that it should grow used to me and not be afraid of me. But trustful
in freedom, timid and full of mistrust in confinement, it never grew
used to me, never lost its dread of me--it died.
When my dear father came home I told him I never would go shooting
again. He laughed; and in my excitement I cried:
“You ought not to desire it of me. If ever I married, and had a
daughter who took pleasure in shooting any living creature, I should
be utterly miserable.”
“Don’t talk such nonsense. You have grown quite idiotic, child. And,”
he continued entreatingly, “and, above all, do talk in English.”
* * * * *
Now I am going to tell of my dear father. To describe him so
accurately as that all who read these memoirs should seem to have
his living presentment before them is beyond my power; I will only
endeavor to portray him as he is, and, especially, as he is to me.
He really often has occasion to find fault with me. I am either too
noisy and too merry, or else too much in my own room reading. He
says a learned woman is the greatest of all calamities. He looks
upon learning as an importunate being ever ready to spring upon one
unawares, on one’s making it the slightest advance. In vain do I try
to comfort him with the assurance that I might know of the whole
contents of my library by heart, and yet not have any pretensions to
be a bluestocking.
“Heaven grant it!” is his answer. “A woman’s head should be in
her heart. From her heart and disposition should come all her
understanding.” He has said this so often to me, that I yesterday
ventured to raise an objection.
“You tell me it must come; but it does not. There are things which
even a woman cannot fathom from the mere depths of her temperament.
So Baron Schwarzburg von Livland said lately; and I have not the
least idea what he means, and my heart certainly has not told me.”
But I am anticipating events.
There is not a single handsome book in my library that papa himself
has not given me; he, who is always inveighing against love of
books. Handsome, I mean here, more with regard to exterior than
to interior. But happy for me that there are handsome editions of
books with irresistible illustrations. Happy for me that you have
lived and sketched, Gustave Doré! To you I owe the pearl of my
collection; to you is it due that my beloved father has grown almost
into a bookworm--as much a bookworm, that is, as I can be called a
bluestocking. The noble knight of La Mancha it was that conquered
him. At first it was the illustrations which captivated him, and on
their account I acquired the book. The unimportant text, though not
even English, was, as it were, thrown in with the purchase. What a
surprise it was to me! I had thanked him profusely for a picture
book, and what a treasure had come into my possession! I could not
keep my rapture in it for myself, and day by day as I read, I told
the story to my father, and day by day his interest in Dulcinea’s
knight grew warmer.
“What has the donkey been doing to-day?” he would ask, and for
a while I suffered it to be “the donkey.” Not for long, though.
Soon I laughed no longer; rather melted with sympathy, burned with
admiration. I grew to love the man ever deceived, but ever believing;
the knight so often worsted, but never vanquished; and declared to my
father that I desired no better fortune than to meet with such a Don
Quixote in real life, and become his wife. Then papa began to think I
was getting too excited over it, and it would be well to change the
course of my studies. And from that time he took to overlooking my
reading, and got to do what he had never done before--to read. And it
would have been impossible to see anything more beautiful than the
expression of devotion and absorption in his noble Wallenstein-like
countenance, in every fold of the fine brow, when thus engaged.
Sometimes he heaves a deep sigh, and twists one side of his mustache
so furiously that the point is all awry, his eyes get fixed, the
eyelids red with the unwonted application. Then I can stand it no
longer; I jump up, go to him, and giving him a light kiss on the
shoulder, so light that he can pretend he does not perceive it, say:
“Shall we go for a walk, papa? I am quite stiff with sitting.”
“Upon my word, so am I,” he says, and it does me good to see how
he straightens himself and draws in a free breath. But he does not
immediately carry out my suggestion; the book-marker must first be
deliberately placed in the page.
“So far”; he takes the perused pages between the palms of his hands.
“Will it be too little for you?”
And I, unthinking, ungrateful as I can be, have so often
thoughtlessly made reply, “Oh, much too little; why, it is hardly
anything. You must let me read on further, papa.”
Closing the book, he slowly shakes his head, looks at me, considers a
little, looks at me again, and then follows: “Do whatever you like!”
And I, before he can defend himself, rush into his arms.
“No, no, only what _thou likest_, not what _I like_, shall be done,
now and always.”
“You might just as well have said that in English,” he answers.
“Oh, you dear good father of mine!”
* * * * *
Last year my sister, for the first time since her marriage, passed
the winter in Vienna. Report said that her husband on the wedding
journey had informed her that she should not set foot in the capital
again until he had cured her of her “countess” ways.
He is a tall, cold, haughty man, who barely vouchsafes to utter
twenty words in a day, even when most loquacious. It is difficult to
know what his tastes are. The sole interests he seems to have are
his palace, his equipages, his servants’ liveries, and his wife’s
toilets; and that merely to show them off. She makes merry over it,
and sometimes says very witty things about it; but I think she would
do better if she were to say them to his face instead of behind his
back. She has no children, to my sorrow; I should so love to be an
aunt. It was decided that I was to come out at one of the balls my
sister was to give in the course of the season. I had already been
to several soirées the previous winter with papa during Lent; thus
had a tolerably extended acquaintance with society folk, and had
been mostly struck by the dead level of quality when taken in the
quantity. At seventeen one begins to exercise one’s thinking powers,
and my reflection had been: If one could disembody the souls of all
these fine people and let them go free (the men especially), it
would be a sheer impossibility to distinguish one from the other.
Their conversation was simply comical. I could tell off on my fingers
the set questions: “Are you coming out next Carnival?” “Are you fond
of dancing?” so often had they been put to me; and not a man among
them had appeared to me to be one whit different from the crowd of
others.
One morning I was informed that papa and mamma desired to see me in
the small drawing room--style: Empire, white and gold.
Mamma was sitting upon the sofa, knitting woolen comforters for the
Reformatory. With a dainty little white lace cap upon her head, and
her white India cashmere morning dress, she looked like a queen or
a saint. Papa was sitting beside her in an armchair, very erect and
agitated, as could be easily seen from the blinking of his eyes, a
trick he had when much moved. My Duphot, in her boundless diffidence,
had chosen for her seat the smallest possible tabouret with the most
slender of legs, and the effect of her corpulent person upon its
ethereal support was killing.
“Will you be pleased to be seated?” my father asked, with forced
gayety, and I took a chair as close as possible to my Duphot, so as
to be at hand to lend my aid in the event of a catastrophe.
The faces of my parents grew more and more solemn. A sudden feeling
of dread came over me, and I began to examine my conscience if
perchance----It was clear, thank Heaven, else I should have felt very
miserable.
My father looked expectantly at my mother.
“Caroline, will you have the kindness?”
“I thought that you meant to----” returned my mother.
“Oh, no, I beg you----” said he. And with an effort, and dropping her
hands upon the comforter, my mother began:
“Paula, you are now grown up; nearly eighteen----”
“And look as if you were twenty,” added my father; to which my
Duphot, making assent, becomes scarlet, and totters upon her
treacherous seat.
My mother continues: “Next year, dear child, you are to go out into
the great world.”
“Oh, yes; I am so glad, dear mamma.”
“You are glad because you do not know how poor and worthless are the
pleasures which await you there, and how dearly bought.”
“Yes, yes,” put in papa, “and one should ask one’s self _cui bono_,
what is the aim of it all?”
Mamma took up the argument. “None other than that of
self-examination, and to enable one to arrive at the conclusion, _que
le jeu ne vaut pas la chandelle_. Everyone plays at the game for a
time, my dear Paula, because it is the correct thing to do.”
“Oh, and because it is amusing, mamma, and because one is young and
loves gayety and dancing!”
She assented.
“But thinking persons cannot hide from themselves the consciousness
of the hollowness of it all, and then they turn to the realities of
life, often bitterly to repent of their wasted years. Now my question
to you is: Were it not wiser to save yourself these wasted years, and
to begin at once with the realities of life?”
“It is but a question,” interposed my father, in a tone of deepest
affection, and I read in his words the silent refrain, “Do whatever
you like.”
“Yes, certainly, it is but a question,” assented mamma.
And my Duphot echoed, “_Une question_,” while drops of perspiration
stood out upon her forehead. Her trouble and agitation overcame me. I
thought, “Great Heavens! what can they be meaning to do with me?” And
seized with a sudden dread, I cried:
“Am I to go into a convent?”
Mamma smiled; papa laughed; Mme. Duphot blurted out: “_Tout au
contraire!_”
I grew still more agitated. Suddenly it flashed across me. “Then I am
going to be married!”
Papa patted me kindly on the shoulder. “You must surely have observed
that one of the gentlemen introduced to you at your sister’s house
has been paying you marked attention?”
“No, papa. I assure you I have not.”
“But he has conversed with you every evening; the last time he
remained a full half hour in conversation with you.”
“Who is it?”
“Count Taxen.”
“A tall, dark man?”
“No, a fair young man, of middle height.”
At length I remembered. Of course, a fair young man, of middle
height, had often come up to talk to me. About what? Had I been
placed on the rack I could not have told, so completely had the
subject of our various talks vanished from my memory.
Papa and mamma now imparted to me that he was an exceptionally
delightful young man, the darling of his mother, who had never
allowed him to be separated from her, and had brought him up with
the strictest principles. My parents actually vied with each other in
singing the count’s praises, and Mme. Duphot, with tears of emotion,
exclaimed enthusiastically:
“_Quel bonheur, mon enfant!_”
The gate bell struck twice.
“They are coming,” said my mother; and my father gave, oh, such a
loving look at me! I cannot describe it other, even had it been
enveloped in ever so tyrannical a “You shall, you must!” than the
old gentle, heart-stirring, tender, “Do whatever you like.” And my
oppressed heart beat freely once more, my downcast courage revived;
I even felt an irresistible longing to laugh; while Mme. Duphot, who
had made a precipitate movement to rise from her tabouret--it had
really belonged to Josephine’s _salon_--fell back upon it, and I
said:
“Do take care; or you will go to pieces like the French Empire.”
“Child, child!” remonstrated my mother.
“And now, whatever you do, no display of bluestockingism,” added my
father hurriedly, as the door was thrown open and the Countess Taxen
and her son were announced.
* * * * *
And from that day forth they appeared regularly twice a week at three
o’clock, to make their afternoon call; and, moreover, every Saturday
I met the count at my sister’s. My parents treated him with marked
attention. Mme. Duphot designated him “_un jeune homme accompli_.”
Even my brother-in-law, whom I had never seen unbend before, did so
to him. The countess never failed to tell me, in her conversations
with me, that her son had never caused her an uneasy hour, and that
she was to be esteemed the happiest of mothers. I should have gone
contrary to the wishes of my dear ones, and of those whose opinion
I valued, had I found the least objection to the state of things;
and yet, withal, I felt the strongest inclination to do so, though
without knowing why.
No formal proposal had been made. I was only told that the count
was attracted by me; and that, through his mother, he had begged
permission to become more nearly acquainted with me. It must,
however, in his estimation, have been of far greater importance
that I should know him than that he should know me, for his whole
conversation was about himself, his mode of life, his habits,
and tastes. He seemed especially to like to dilate upon his love
of order, and the punctuality he exacted from his _entourage_. He
graphically described to us his old historic castle, the arrangements
of the apartments, the decorations of its halls and corridors. We
heard less of the country where his estates were situated; of the
people living about, not one word.
“And what about the neighborhood?” my sister asked one day. And
Bernhard, my brother, home on leave, exclaimed:
“Bruno Schwarzburg must have lived somewhere in your vicinity before
his troubles.”
Thus, on April 13, 1882, for the first time I heard the name
afterward to be so dear to me. They began talking and laughing
about him as a half-mad man, Bernhard constantly putting in,
good-naturedly, “After all, he is a fine fellow!”
“Yes, with a bee in his bonnet,” returned the count. “He will never
make his fortune, as I have often told him, even at the time he
was doing the craziest thing of all and entering an action against
himself.”
“How could he do that?” I asked. “How can anyone enter an action
against himself?”
“Ah, how can one!” replied the count; “I don’t understand it, nor
would any other man with a grain of common sense in his composition.
His father, who left a heap of debts behind him, had had the
foresight just before his death to hand over to his son, by deed of
gift, the indisputable possession of a small capital. The father
dead, the creditors seized upon everything--a set of miserable
money-lenders, for the most part, who had been paid over and over
again during the old baron’s lifetime. But one widow woman with five
children----”
“Excuse me,” interrupted Bernhard, “one daughter, a blind girl.”
The count, who does not like to have his statements questioned, here
said impatiently:
“My dear fellow, what does it matter? So this widow came off badly,”
he resumed, turning to me. “‘Nothing is left,’ she was told when she
presented her claim. ‘What do you mean--there is my money,’ says
Bruno. ‘The creditors have no claim upon that,’ explains the lawyer,
who was also Schwarzburg’s trustee. His father, I must explain,
had taken the precaution to appoint a trustee, as Master Bruno
had already shown signs of emulating his progenitor in the matter
of squandering. So now he insists upon paying the widow’s claim;
the trustee objects, and the upshot of it was a trial, in which
Schwarzburg appeared as plaintiff against himself, and which he won
by losing the little property he had.”
The laughter was general, and more things were told about the man
whom they all seemed to look upon as an original.
But I thought to myself, all his mad pranks--and many were told of
all kinds and descriptions--seem always to agree in two points; there
is invariably a noble motive at the bottom of them, and he invariably
comes off worst in them. So I remarked:
“This baron certainly seems to do any number of foolish things, but
luck is very unkind to him.”
“That I cannot see,” returned the count; and I had already learned
to know that those words, with him, meant, If I do not see a thing,
it does not exist. “If I choose to do idiotic things, I have no right
to call myself unlucky because I find myself on the wrong side of
the hedge. Moreover, what people are so ready to call want of luck
is, more often than not, want of sense. A common-sense man is rarely
unlucky.”
Here Bernhard murmured half aloud, “Sickness, death, tempest.”
Again the irritation with which the count greets the most modest
expression of opinion became evident--an irritation he seems
incapable of checking--as he dryly observed:
“I insure against tempest.”
I felt a sudden exasperation against this child of fortune, who
seemed so disposed to take to himself as individual merit the lavish
gifts of Providence, and I rejoined:
“Had you had such a father as that of Baron Schwarzburg, who
squandered away all the family property, you would have been unable
to exercise that wise foresight, for you would have nothing left to
you worth insuring.”
His mother crimsoned; my parents exchanged a concerned look, and
I felt more than ever alarmed at my own temerity. The greatest of
heroes experience a reflex fear, we are told; but there was nothing
of the hero in me at that moment, only a rush of feelings of shame,
embarrassment, and dread; and these wretched feelings rose like
smoke, so to speak, from a still darker background--the knowledge
that I had offended the count!
He gave vent to a few disconnected phrases, intended to be severe
and cutting, but which were only savage and peevish. It was not the
first time that I had made a mental note that the exalted and noble
diffidence, so highly vaunted by my parents, was in inseparable
connection with the flattery and deference accorded to him. The
slightest expression of censure changed it at once into arrogance,
and, without an attempt at justifying his opinion, he would angrily
reject any comment as absurd, contemptible, and unworthy of notice.
After he had taken his leave, my parents began to reproach me
severely.
“You behaved shockingly. You seem to have no idea of the honor
conferred upon you by the count’s attentions. Such a man--such a son!”
“Who never caused his mother a single uneasy hour,” I meekly added.
“You are aware of that, and yet do not cherish the highest esteem for
him?”
“Of course I esteem what is estimable in him.”
“Then pray show it in your manner and bearing. You acknowledge that
you esteem the count, and have every reason so to do, then why
conceal the sentiment?” said mamma. “I entreat you, dear child, to
let your esteem for him be made more evident.”
She glanced meaningly at papa, and now he began begging me to show
my esteem for the count more openly; asking how it was that I, so
pleasant and amiable to people in general, should observe such a cold
and distant manner to this admirable young man.
Alas, I could give him no answer. It was a question I had too often
vainly asked myself. The trivial faults which struck me in the count
were as nothing compared to the good qualities he possessed in the
eyes of my parents. And so I promised them from henceforth to be much
more courteous and attentive to him than I had been before. But even
this did not quite satisfy my dear ones.
“See, Paula,” said my father earnestly--and his voice was
agitated--“see, dear child, your sister’s marriage with Edward has
brought her happiness and placed her in a brilliant position. No man
could be a more affectionate husband than he, and so true a _grand
seigneur_. Your brother, after having caused us much anxiety by his
thoughtlessness, has settled down into the right way; and thus we can
look forward to both their futures with easy minds. All we desire
now is to be able to feel that your happiness is insured.”
“And that we should do,” began mamma afresh, “if you, dear child,
would receive the count’s attentions favorably.”
“Yes,” resumed papa, “that would make us happy and contented.”
He stretched out his hand to me; I seized it and kissed it, and
suddenly felt a sharp pain in my eyes, and as through a quivering
mist saw his dear face become more and more gentle and tender, and
then the dear voice began:
“Besides----”
But the words which usually followed upon this beginning were
wanting. I waited yearningly--in vain. They remained unsaid.
That night, on going to bed, I prayed more earnestly than ever; and
yet my prayer was that of a foolish child. I prayed for strength to
obey my parents gladly and cheerfully; I ought to have framed my
prayer quite differently--that I was quickly to be taught in the
immediate future.
On the 24th of April, 1882, one of the most perfect days I can
remember, we were driving in the open carriage in the Prater, papa
and I.
The horse-chestnuts were beginning to blossom, the delicate green of
spring diffusing its halo all around; that green so tender and so
unspeakably joyous, just emerging from its winter covering into the
golden sunlight, all unconscious, as yet, of storm or scorching heat.
Our carriage rolled leisurely along by our Rotten Row. Friends and
acquaintances galloped or trotted past us; then three horsemen
abreast came toward us, the count in the middle. He was riding
a handsome chestnut; man and horse alike presenting an air of
comfortable self-satisfaction. “The world goes well with us,” they
seemed to be thinking--if they thought at all. On the count’s left
rode my brother, looking very handsome and spick and span in his
uniform of major in the Lancers. To his right rode a gaunt man on a
gaunt steed. He sat very erect upon his horse, which seemed as if
devoured by inward fire, so wild and beautiful were its fine eyes;
for the rest it was a long-legged, bony mare--to say the least of it,
positively ugly. Nor did its rider please at first sight. Luckily
for him, no one would be content with merely a single glance at the
striking countenance. Long and narrow, it reveals a quite unusual
amount of energy. The dark eyes, the nose with its dilating nostrils,
the sharply pointed beard, the mustache twirling high and leaving the
mouth free, reminded me of the portraits of Spanish noblemen of the
seventeenth century. But what reminded me of no one, and could be
compared to no one but himself, was the animated, sympathetic spirit
that sparkled in his eyes. Gravely bowing, he retained his hat in his
hand long after the count had resumed his, thus displaying a noble
broad forehead, surmounted by thick, waving hair. The brain, I once
read, shapes its own place, and his had formed an arch for itself.
I know some which are content to reside under a flat level. The
stranger looked observantly at me. I felt myself grow red under his
gaze, and touched papa’s arm, who was exchanging greetings in the
drive. He turned to me, and, following my eyes, recognized the rider.
“Do you know him?” I asked.
“Who?”
“He of La Mancha,” said I, with a sorry jest, to conceal my confusion.
Papa, not noticing it, answered: “Oh, yes. It is that mad fellow,
Schwarzburg.”
My presence of mind had returned, and I ventured to ask:
“Tell me more about his foolish doings.”
“I know nothing about him,” said papa.
“Oh, yes, you do. Bernhard is constantly talking of him.”
“To make fun of him.”
“Not always. He really likes and admires him, and says he has a great
future before him.”
“Then things must greatly alter.”
“Not so much, after all, dear papa--a little turn of fortune’s
wheel; so far he has had nothing but sorrow since his childhood.
Remember what Bernhard told us quite lately about him. His parents
separated; his mother living abroad, and married again; his father,
a spendthrift, caring nothing for the boy--worse off than an orphan;
ill used at school, because the payments were so irregular. And he
grows up, struggling through it all, and, even as a mere lad, takes a
man’s cares upon himself and sets to earning his living.”
“Yes, yes; but then his Don Quixotism with his small inheritance, and
his ridiculous love story.”
“Love story? That is odd.”
An unpleasant sensation came over me, and I thought it strange that
Bernhard had told me nothing of this love story. After a while, I
asked:
“Who was he in love with, this baron?”
Papa had thought no more of our conversation, and could not at first
think whom I meant; then answered abruptly:
“He can only adore her memory now. She is dead.”
“When?”
“Some years ago, as the wife of another man, whom she preferred to
him--ingratitude to fidelity which would have gained him a name
in the Middle Ages, but which in modern times has simply made him
ridiculous.”
“I do not understand that. How can the exercise of any virtue render
anyone ridiculous? And fidelity is a virtue!”
Papa gave a slight cough, “If you ride a virtue to death, it becomes
folly.”
Wisdom--folly. I hated those words, so often in the count’s mouth.
“Ah, well, papa,” said I, “it seems to me that there is no need for
any virtue to grow into folly; it is a folly from the very beginning.
That is why I have so little regard for wisdom either.”
“That is very evident,” observed my father.
“And why I love the constancy which, seeking no reward, yet remains
stanch.”
“Indeed? You do not see how senseless it is in a man to believe he
is loved by a woman when he is not? To let himself be fooled by her?
To give no ear when he is told she does not care a straw for him?
You do not see how senseless is such conduct? Or, perhaps, it rather
attracts your admiration because it is such a piece of utter folly!”
“But did she really not love him?”
“She simply fooled him, I tell you. And he, poor fool, must needs be
keeping lover’s watch under her windows, quarreling with those who
saw through the little game, which cost him more than one duel.”
I was delighted.
“Quite right! I honor him! I can see it now--can hear how after
the fight, whether conquered or conqueror, he cries, ‘Dulcinea del
Toboso is the most peerless lady in all the world, and I am her true
knight!’ Splendid, papa!”
“My dear child! What rubbish you talk! But it all comes from those
confounded books, and I will----But enough of it!”
These last words were said in English, and I knew it was high time
to give up a subject when my dear good father took to speaking
English!
For some weeks past mamma had begun to receive again, every evening
after the theater. She desired to give the count opportunities
of coming more frequently to our house, without thereby exciting
attention. Fruitless endeavor! Although his courtship proceeded so
quietly that, thank Heaven, even I was scarcely aware of it, my girl
friends began teasing me about him. Most of them, strange to say,
called me a lucky girl; and one--I will name her Dora--never failed
to add “but as silly, awfully silly, as she is lucky!”
She is older than I am, and is considered to be very clever and well
read. When quite a little girl, an aunt, who was a woman of learning,
bequeathed her whole library to her, and she was allowed to have it
arranged in her own room; her parents letting her have her own way
in everything. Thus at thirteen there was she deep in the study of
Humboldt’s “Cosmos,” and Strauss’ “Life of Jesus.” She has explained
whole pages of this latter to me, but not very clearly; I never could
understand it.
Dora used often to threaten that, if I did not know how to value the
count better, she would get him away from me. And I, only too ready,
would reply:
“Take him, by all means; you could not please me better.”
For a long time she thought I was only joking.
“Do you know,” she said, “that the Taxens have a prince’s crown in
their coat of arms?”
“How could one fail to know it?”
“And have you not thought how well your monogram will look with a
crown over it?”
I burst into a fit of laughter.
“Is that the result of studying Humboldt and Strauss at thirteen, to
make you such a baby at twenty?”
“Oh, that is quite another thing. I know what is due to the world.
The greatest men of learning attach value to position, and would be
only too glad to be admitted into princely salons, but as they are so
prosy and pedantic----”
Indignant at her silly chatter, I cried:
“You ought to be ashamed to talk such rubbish. Pray what do you know
about learned men: you have never even seen one!”
“Nor you, either.”
“No, nor anyone of us, because they do not frequent society, nor
have the slightest wish to do so. But you are talking about what you
do not understand. You prate about knowledge of the world, and see no
further than your own little circle. That is all you think about!”
She was piqued. She is as much accustomed to be admired as the count,
and can as little as he endure to be contradicted.
Our passage of arms had been carried on before a room full of my
friends, of both sexes, to their great delectation. Dora was not a
favorite among her girl friends, and they chuckled audibly at my
onslaught.
“You may be as contemptuous as you please,” said Dora angrily, but in
so low a voice that only I heard. “You will see the consequences of
having made an enemy of me,” with a meaning look toward the door, by
which the count was just then entering.
I understood her, and answered in an equally low voice:
“If you only succeed in what you mean, you will make me a friend for
life.”
“Very well, I accept your challenge!” she responded, little knowing
how I was silently rejoicing in her determination, and wishing it all
speed.
The count stood before me; and it seemed as if with his presence the
atmosphere about me had become more oppressive, the light darkened.
Dora rising, left him the chair opposite to me, and seated herself
on the arm of mine. In her white gauze dress, and hair so becomingly
arranged, she looked charming, as charming as a Dresden china figure;
and the contrast between her bewitching get-up and the conversation
she carried on was irresistibly funny.
“I wager,” exclaimed the count, “that the thermometer is up to 28°.”
“If it were 38°,” said she, “I should not feel it. I am never warm. I
am the marble guest.”
With an uninterested look the count murmured:
“Yes?”
“But also, I never feel the cold.”
“Ha, ha! You are doing the original. I am not at all original;
perfectly prosaic.”
“Oh! I am very prosaic. Would you believe it? I take snuff.”
“Indeed?”
“I always carry my snuffbox about with me.”
“With nothing in it?”
She produced a tiny gold box, no larger than a florin, from her
pocket.
“There happens to be nothing in it, just to-day. Look, I have had a
death’s head engraved on the lid; and I use death’s-head notepaper.
I am always thinking of death. I believe I shall commit suicide one
day.”
The count looked aghast.
“I always carry a dagger about with me.”
“Do you really?” said the count.
“So that I may plunge it into my heart the moment that tobacco, my
one friend, has no more charms for me.”
He smiled. He began to find her interesting; and as she now went
on to tell of a curious old chest which had been discovered in a
lumber room of her castle, he became thoroughly engrossed. Seizing an
opportunity when they were absorbed in their conversation, I rose
and stole away. As I turned, I saw Bernhard standing by me.
“I have been looking for you ever so long,” said he. “One cannot stir
a step in this crush.”
And looking round, he called:
“Schwarzburg!”
And I, surprised and so delighted, as though it had been some dear,
impatiently looked-for friend, exclaimed:
“Is he here?”
Now, be it said, Bernhard scolded me afterward, quite roundly, for my
“Is he here?” But I have never been able to repent it. As I said it,
I looked into a pair of eyes radiant with bliss, far too great for me
ever to repent the words which called it forth.
Baron Schwarzburg bowed so low before me, that the reverence thus
expressed in his salutation almost abashed me. What had I done to
arouse reverence?
We had a long talk together, much too long, I was afterward told
reproachfully. I cannot say what it was about; I was unconscious of
the lapse of time, and of the presence of others. He was talking to
me, and all that he said and his manner of saying it was pleasant to
me, and worth listening to; seemed better and wiser than anything I
had ever heard before, at once dear and true.
When, looking back to that evening, I ask myself the question: Was
that when we first made acquaintance? I answer, No. We did not need
it; we greeted each other as friends of long standing; our first
meeting was as a coming together after separation.
Our conversation was interrupted by papa. He wanted to consult with
the baron concerning some matters connected with his estate, and
Bernhard had told him that he could not do better than put them into
his hands. Both gentlemen engaged in earnest conversation; and at its
close I saw them shake hands, and felt quite elated. So the fool of a
Schwarzburg could talk sensibly for once--his advice could even be of
use!
The soirée was over. Most of the guests had left. Among the last
to go were Dora and her people, and the count and his mother. The
_comtesse douairière_, as my Duphot called her, was especially
amiable to me on saying good-night.
“You are so sweet, dear child, I quite admired you. How charming you
were this evening toward that poor baron, the _attaché_ fellow! But
do not forget that there may be a danger of your good nature being
misunderstood. That class of person does not always know how to
accept our notice, and is often made uncomfortable by our desire to
make them feel _à leur aise_ in our society.”
I hardly knew what to make of this comment; whether to take it as one
of praise or blame.
* * * * *
I will not attempt to describe my simple love story at length. That
my parents would consent to my marriage with Baron Schwarzburg, the
“_attaché_ fellow,” I did not for a moment believe. The consciousness
of my love for him and of its hopelessness revealed themselves
simultaneously to me; and it would have been a grave wrong in me had
I given myself up to the former. But I had not given myself up to
it; it had taken hold of me before I was aware, and from the first
moment I was as completely under its sway as I am to this day. It was
the same with him. His affection for me came as suddenly as did my
great love for him. It was only his perfect absence of vanity which
for a long time made him think it impossible that he could inspire
me with any warmer feelings than those of friendship. But even that
seemed to make him supremely happy; and as for me--a new life had
unfolded to me since he had taken me into his confidence, and since
I had learned to know the workings of his noble, unselfish heart. He
had met almost on every side with injustice, and yet he always held
that Right must conquer. He had endured countless bitternesses, yet
had come through them without one taint of bitterness. Truly with
such a fund of love and strength in his own heart, how should he
believe in anything but goodness?
The wonderful thing to me is that his own estimate of himself should
be so different from what he really is. He affirms the motive of the
greater part of his actions, and the source of all his strength, to
have been self-will. The other day when he was repeating this to me,
I asked:
“And was it mere act of self-will that led you, as a young barrister,
to enter that action against yourself?”
He replied, with a frown, “Is that old story not yet forgotten?”
“Not yet.”
“Then allow me to give you the true reading of it. It was undertaken
in no ridiculous spirit of self-sacrifice, but in order to defend
my integrity against my money; a thing of priceless worth against
that which has a marketable value. My client was the widow of an
estimable man and faithful old servant; the money in question his
savings honestly earned. How many years back the sum had been in
all confidence intrusted to his master’s keeping, the wife did not
know. She only knew that his master had repeatedly assured him that
the money had been invested in a thoroughly sound mortgage. What the
mortgage was her husband had no idea, and as the widow of the baron’s
most faithful and devoted servant it would never have occurred to her
to ask if her money was safely invested, or in what. All very well,
the lawyer said, but why was the woman so stupid? Could she not see
what was going on, and how the baron was making ducks and drakes of
his property? She had seen it all, but trusted to her lord’s word
more than to the evidence of her senses. And for that implicit trust,
was she to be made the victim, and was her master’s son to consent to
such plunder? Could he? What is your opinion, countess; how would you
have acted in his place?”
My answer was, “As you did.”
“And would that have been anything extraordinary?”
“No; only what was right.”
“Thank God!” he exclaimed, while a great peaceful joy illumined his
countenance; “only what was right. Yes, that is it.”
He looked radiant.
“Why thank God?” I asked.
“Because I have been permitted to justify myself to you.”
“You justify yourself--to me!” I said in some confusion.
“And because you made it so easy to me, and because you have such a
clear insight into things, and such an upright mind. Above all, that
you concede that we only do what is right, even must we defend that
right doing to our own loss.”
“But is not that natural?”
“No, egotism is natural. And the world just now prizes it highly.
Take up any newspaper, and you will read any number of articles
in favor of it and its ally, ‘healthy realism.’ In this age of
humanitarianism--strange anomaly--we find idealism arraigned, and
every kind of unusual display of self-denial, that groundwork and
absolute necessity of humanitarianism, stigmatized as sickly and
sentimental.”
Here the count, my sister, and Dora came up to us.
“Aha, here is the baron laying down the law!” exclaimed the count.
And Schwarzburg, looking dismayed, turned apologetically to me,
saying:
“Is it true--was I really laying down the law?”
“It is rather a habit of yours,” interposed the count, assuming the
cold haughty manner of people in society, to those not so highly
privileged, and that to me is so narrow and petty.
“You were certainly not laying down the law,” I cried; “on the
contrary, you were telling me something of great interest.”
“A secret?” giggled Dora.
“Certainly not.”
“Then pray impart your interesting story to us, especially if it
is not too long. But I fear it is long--as long-winded as it is
interesting. I have been watching you at a distance. You are always
so vastly entertaining, you two.”
My cheek crimsoned, and Baron Schwarzburg leveled a look at Dora
which spoiled all inclination to pursue her ill-bred jesting further.
But it had done its work, and bore ill consequences for me. Count
Taxen did not stir from my side the remainder of the evening; and we
carried on a melancholy duologue anent ancient castellated halls and
old armor! “A mold and mildew type of conversation,” as Elizabeth
calls it, when her husband, who is uncommonly like the count in
essentials, begins one of his interminable talks with her on that
theme. I saw her look across at me several times with unconcealed
commiseration.
The next day she came to talk over matters with me. It was early in
the afternoon, and I had just gone up to my room after luncheon,
when she came in.
She began taking off her bonnet and arranging a refractory lock
displaced by the wind, apparently very intent on so doing; but I
could see very plainly that her thoughts were no wise occupied by the
lovely, intellectual looking face reflected in the looking-glass.
Suddenly she began:
“Tell me, child, what are you meaning by this Schwarzburg worship of
yours?”
Her unexpected question took me by surprise, and I answered in a low
voice:
“What can I mean?”
“That is what I want to know. I want to know what you are thinking,
what dreams you are allowing yourself to indulge in! Do you know that
for some time past you are quite altered?”
I felt myself growing more and more downhearted.
“How altered, Elizabeth?”
“Oh,” she said, “do not let us waste time in fencing. The manner in
which you distinguish Schwarzburg is the subject of general remark.
You make your almost veneration of him so ostentatiously apparent.”
“I do not make it ostentatiously apparent; I only do not conceal it.”
“And what is it to lead to?”
“It will lead to nothing,” I answered dejectedly. “In a few weeks he
goes to Bosnia; and I to Trostburg.”
Shrugging her shoulders, she made a few steps forward, then sat down
on the chair before my writing table. The volume with “My Memoirs”
written large upon it attracted her attention; her face relaxed its
grave expression, and she began to laugh.
“So the child has taken to writing her ‘Memoirs’; here are all the
secrets--one need only to look in and find them all laid bare. Do not
look so frightened. I am curious, but not indiscreet.”
While her words were sarcastic, her great blue eyes were so sincere,
were looking at me with such a depth of love and sympathy, that,
taking courage, I went up to her and said:
“You asked me what I want. I will confess to you what I do not want;
I will not marry Count Taxen.”
“Bravo, that is good,” she answered phlegmatically. “And what about
the count, who purposes either to-day or to-morrow to make formal
proposal for your hand?”
In deadly fear, I cried:
“How do you know this?”
“From himself.”
“And does he not see how utterly indifferent he is to me?”
“No. That would be the last thing he would be likely to see.”
“And how much more, how unspeakably more, I prefer another to him?”
“That still less. A Count Taxen simply considers it an impossibility
that a Baron Schwarzburg should be preferred before him.”
“And Dora, who is a thousand times better suited to him, and who
promised me that she would make capture of him--Dora, on whom I have
set my hopes--why is she not as good as her word?”
“Because she cannot, sweet Simplicity. Because she has done all in
her power, but in vain. She is not to the count’s taste. He scents
the egoist in her, and is too utterly the egoist himself not to avoid
his duplicate.”
“Oh, what can I do, Elizabeth! what can I do? If I have to marry the
count I shall die of despair.”
She threw her arms round me, and drew me down to her, and I laid my
cheek upon her wavy hair.
“Do you really think so?” she asked. “I believe you might manage to
be not so desperately unhappy with him. Only you need to be a little
wise, my pet; do not go against him in little things, and you would
soon find that you had your own way in more important ones. You would
have to be very careful not to hurt his vanity, and where possible to
sing his praises to him.”
“What, flatter him!” I cried, “praise what I do not approve!
Flattery! oh, the shame and disgrace of it!”
“Do not give it such high-sounding names,” said she. “To be a bad
wife is the only shame and disgrace to a woman. In comparison with
that, any self-imposed humiliation weighs but lightly in the scale.
And after all, it is but a case of weighing one evil against another,
a compromise with the enemy, otherwise called the ills of life.
Perfect happiness, cloudless, whose lot is it? Who even may indulge
an unbroken dream of it?”
“Oh, were it only a matter of a dream, I should soon be in possession
of it.”
“Indeed! Then trust me, and put your dream into words.”
“Dare I? May I?”
“You must.”
“Do not forget that it is only a dream.”
“Well--begin.”
“I should dream that I was his--you know whom I mean--and had no more
ardent wish than to make life, hitherto so hard to him, sweet and
beautiful. At his side I would grow wise, and clever, and better day
by day. Every breath I drew would be a song of praise to him. Did,
however, so strange a thing happen that he could ever do anything my
conscience did not approve, I would tell it him, frankly, freely. I
would shrink from no pain; for he would be there to bear it with me,
and its burden would be lightened. What pain could come to me, so
long as I was his, and his love mine?”
“Yes,” said Elizabeth, in a low, stifled voice; “yes.”
“That is what my dream is like--the purest bliss. But the reality
is horror--horror, Elizabeth! You have utterly crushed me. That
miserable compromise; that mean-spirited subjection in order to
preserve the outward appearance of unity while hiding the inward
disunion--I could not do it. And you----”
A horrible thought had flashed across me; I bent down and looked into
her face; it was bathed in tears. “Can you do it, my darling?” I
said, sinking on my knees, and embracing her.
She pressed me convulsively, and agonizing sobs shook her breast, as
she answered:
“I have learned to do it!”
For a time we preserved deep silence. When at length I raised my eyes
to her dear face, it wore its accustomed look of composure.
She rose.
“Come with me to our parents, child,” she said. “I cannot help you to
the realization of your dream; but you shall not be sacrificed.”
* * * * *
Mamma was sitting in the corner of the sofa, knitting. Mme. Duphot
was reading aloud to her, Ozanani’s “Poëtas Francis Caius.”
“May we come in, mamma? We want to speak to you.”
Without looking up, mamma answered:
“Please let us just finish the chapter. Sit down, girls.”
We sat down, and Mme. Duphot finished the beautiful legend of the
Holy Francis and Wolf von Gubio. Then placing her book, over which
she had several times hurriedly glanced at me, on the table, she rose.
I caught her hand.
“Stay!” I whispered to her; and Elizabeth hurriedly joined in.
“Stay, dear Duphot, we count upon your help. We want papa here, too,
as well. May I send to ask him to come, mamma?”
“Yes, ask him to come.”
Dear mamma! so unsuspectingly and peacefully going on with her work,
meditating over the sweet teaching of St. Francis. I felt so sorry
for her. How gladly would I have spared her the pain I was about to
cause her, but--how could I?
The door opened. Papa came in, but not alone; my brother was with
him. The eyes of both were directed upon me as they came in.
“Oh, yes; there she is,” said papa, in a severe, menacing voice.
I wanted to rise, but my knees shook too violently, and I could only
stretch out my hand to seize his as he passed me. He drew it hastily
back, and going across to the sofa, sat down by mamma. My brother
subsided on to a chair near them; and Mme. Duphot, who had been
sitting by mamma, diffident as ever, pushed her tabouret a little
further back. My sister and I sat at a little distance from them,
like a criminal and his counsel before their judges.
“Dear papa, dear mamma,” began Elizabeth, “in Paula’s name I would
pray you ask the count to cease paying his addresses to her. Paula
cannot like him, and is determined that she will not marry him.”
I was dismayed and terrified at the abrupt manner in which she said
this.
Mme. Duphot sighed.
Bernhard muttered “Oho!”
My father and mother were silent.
“It is Paula’s earnest hope,” resumes Elizabeth, “that you, dear
father and mother, will give your sanction to her decision.”
“Oh, do!” I broke in; “be merciful. I will be forever grateful to
you. I cannot marry Count Taxen. I do not feel the smallest particle
of affection for him; rather the reverse.”
“Does that mean that you have a dislike to him?” exclaimed papa
angrily. “Who has been putting such folly into your head? I suppose
your elder sister?”
“For all I hold dearest in the world, do not think that! It is I who
have implored her to intercede for me with you.”
“In the first place,” said mamma, “you need no one to intercede
between you and your parents, but should have come in all confidence
to them yourself. In the second place, your sister, instead of being
so ready to take this office upon herself, should have pointed out
to you how foolish it is to have allowed any such fancy not only to
exist, but to be blurted out before us, and for which there is not
the slightest reason.”
“She declares it--that is her reason!” returned Elizabeth.
Her voice, before somewhat veiled, was now as hard and sharp as when
first she came to me. I drew nearer to her, and put my arm round
her--her whole frame quivered.
“Folly--folly,” repeated papa. “We cannot listen to such trash.”
“The count is an upright, honorable man; well bred, good looking, and
of unexceptionable manners; a man with whom you could not fail to be
happy, Paula,” pronounced mamma, in severe and uncompromising tones.
“You may not love him now, but you will certainly learn to do so when
it has become your duty.”
A shudder ran through me, and I stammered out:
“No, mamma, no! I shall never learn to love him, because I----”
The confession I was about to make died away upon my lips. I turned
a look of entreaty upon my sister. Her lovely face was aflame; with
arms crossed upon her breast, she was looking unflinchingly, an
expression of reproach and indignation in her eyes, at mamma.
“Do you remember,” she said, “some seventeen years ago addressing
that same promise to me, and with about as much justification? My
suitor, too, was upright, well bred, and good looking. Now, mother
dear, as you have not seen or guessed how matters stand with me, hear
once for all; your promise has _not_ brought its fulfillment.”
“Elizabeth!” cried my father and mother together.
Bernhard, who at first had listened with somewhat skeptical smile,
suddenly sunk his head. Mme. Duphot had risen, and slipped out of
the room like a shadow. With a calm that chilled me to the heart,
Elizabeth continued:
“That love, which as a matter of course was to come with marriage,
enveloping me in blessed blindness, in happy deception, came not. My
heart remained cold, my eyes clear, and with those clear eyes of mine
I saw my upright, well-bred husband through and through----” She gave
a short hard laugh. “It was no edifying spectacle.”
I had been so shocked at Elizabeth’s words, above all by the decided
manner in which she had said them, that I had not ventured to look
at my parents. I cast a furtive glance at the chair previously
occupied by Bernhard. It was empty; my brother had risen, and was
standing by the window near to which Elizabeth was sitting, looking
earnestly at her, but, to my relief, not angrily.
“What does this mean?” asked papa. “What accusation do you bring
against your husband? He has never acted other than as a gentleman;
never been guilty of a single reprehensible action.”
“Never! He has never wronged another in the matter of honor or
property,” returned Elizabeth; “nor has he ever, of his own free
will, stirred a finger to help another, let alone made any sacrifice
for anyone; has never forgotten self for the sake of any living
creature. He has no notion of generosity, or of the beautiful,
save”--and a roguish look flashed across her face--“when he comes
across it in the shape of some old oak chest or rusty spur, lost four
centuries ago by some brave knight intent on plundering a traveling
merchant.”
“My dear Elizabeth!” said Bernhard reproachfully, as, standing now
behind her, he laid his hand on the back of her chair.
“I know I ought not to talk like this,” she answered. “It has never
happened before, and would not to-day, were it not for the sake of
saving this child from the fate which has befallen me.”
Dear mamma was in a state of greatest agitation and perplexity.
“You exaggerate cruelly, Elizabeth,” said she reproachfully. “You
accuse your parents, and speak unbefittingly of your husband.”
Elizabeth nodded. “Yes, so I do! But then I have promised my sister
to stand by her in her hard fight between the filial obedience she
would so gladly show to you, and the aversion she feels for the
count.”
“Aversion,” muttered my father; “absurd!”
“And keeping my word, I say to her in your presence. Do not yield!
You are my own sister. Placed in circumstances similar to mine, your
life would be as wretched as is mine,” continued Elizabeth, still
speaking with that terrible calmness.
While papa cried: “Wretched! What an extraordinary expression to use!”
And she: “Did I know one stronger, I would adopt it! Nothing is too
strong to express the humiliation of knowing the being one looks
up to--or rather one should look up to--to be a nonentity; or the
hypocrisy of seeming to defer to him one knows to be one’s inferior.”
“Pride! pride!” sighed mamma. Her work had fallen on to her lap,
she was white as death; and my heart felt how she was suffering, as
Elizabeth, merely acknowledging her interruption by a scornful curl
of the lips, continued icily:
“The moral death it is, and how one despises one’s self for it--but
only with penitent humiliation to crawl again under the sacred
yoke--that, of course, is understood. Who would make a public scandal
of their matrimonial troubles; who seek escape from them; who attempt
to drown themselves? Such, I have heard, is done by the vulgar horde
who are without religion, or are the poor-spirited descendants of
some worthy shoemaker or candlestick-maker, without courage or
endurance. We, of the upper ten, are religious, strong to endure,
have the blood of heroes in our veins! We know no deserters from our
posts! Therefore, Paula, weigh well before you undertake the post. It
is a vilely loathsome one.”
She turned to our parents:
“Dear father and mother, when you say to your child ‘Accept
So-and-so, he will give you a good position, splendid castles, a
great establishment, well-appointed carriages,’ and the like, you are
doubtless doing what is right in your own eyes. But do not say to
her, ‘Do it because it will bring you happiness.’ That you have no
right to say. Believe me, it is presumptuous.”
Only those who heard these words could form any idea of the effect,
uttered as they were by Elizabeth, without raising her voice or
accompanying them by the slightest gesture. Low and deliberately
they dropped like heart’s blood from some deep wound; and as I
hearkened to them, there arose in me the burning wish that there
were anything on this earth, anything, however great and well-nigh
impossible, that I might be privileged to do for my sister.
Mamma was petrified. Papa had sunk his arms upon his knees, and
was looking down at his clenched fingers. His forehead was deeply
furrowed, and for the first time the thought struck me how old he
looked.
Bernhard broke the silence:
“My dear parents, I entreat you if things are thus--it would be my
opinion--you understand what I mean----”
Oh, it was a blessing to us all, the warm-hearted manner in which he
spoke!
Papa raising his head, thanked the dear fellow with an approving nod,
then looking at mamma inquiringly: “What do you think?”
She, trying to answer, could not; could only sigh:
“O God! O God!”
“What do you think, Caroline?” repeated papa. “Are you not also----”
“I do not know,” said she painfully. “It is very difficult.”
“There is nothing difficult in it; it is all quite simple,” broke
in Bernhard. “You have only to tell the count our daughter is fully
sensible of the honor, etc., etc.; but she cannot yet make up her
mind to marry; she does not want to leave us--and the thing is done!”
There ensued a long, painful silence. Papa brought it to an end by
saying:
“Yes. If she really does want to stay with us----”
And mamma put in hesitatingly: “Paula is certainly still very young!”
“Much too young!” cried I. This solution had never occurred to me.
“Oh, my darling parents!” I would have rushed to them, but mamma made
a sign to Elizabeth, and my sister, rising, went and stood before her.
“You have given us much pain to-day, Elizabeth,” said papa. He held
out his hand to her. She did not offer to kiss it. What must have
been her feelings at that moment! Our dearest father had given her
his hand in reconciliation, and Elizabeth had not kissed it.
* * * * *
At that moment the count was announced; and with him my
brother-in-law, to fetch his wife for the usual drive. Both
gentlemen seemed to be in a high state of annoyance at some blunder
of their harness-maker; in each case their ideas had failed to be
carried out.
Bernhard sympathized ironically in their grievances, but they took
his malicious comments in sober earnest.
As Elizabeth and her husband left the room, running after them, I
threw my arms vehemently round my sister, and thanked her, caring
nothing for the disapproving looks of my brother-in-law.
“What is all this frantic excitement about?” he asked.
Bernhard, who, too, following my example, had left the room, answered:
“Ah, my dear fellow! If you only knew the vagaries of this small
person!” and he winked at me. “Only think, this person refuses to
have anything to say to Count Taxen. Count Taxen! the wittiest,
noblest, and handsomest of men, and--she will have nothing to say to
him!”
My brother-in-law, who evidently took it as a bad joke, answered:
“Ah, well, it is a good thing that you are here to bring her to
reason.” He turned toward the door, Elizabeth with him. We looked
after her, walking so calmly by his side--my poor, poor sister.
“I have often shuddered to think what must come to light if ever the
secrets of that prison house were unfolded,” said Bernhard.
“I, too, have often dreaded that she was unhappy,” I replied, unable
longer to restrain my tears. “My only wonder was that she never
complained.”
“No need to wonder at that!” he cried. “It is not suitable for
general conversation. If circumstances force it from a true woman,
she may speak of it once, but never again. Take example from her;”
and he affectionately patted my cheek. “Our friend in the drawing
room is getting his _congé_. Are you content, pussy?”
I was about to thank him for his goodness; but with an impatient
movement he drew back, as he said:
“For Heaven’s sake, don’t come the sentimental!”
My parents said no more to me about the count; and it may be readily
imagined that I never mentioned him to them. A few evenings before
the soirée at which I made the resolve to write my Memoirs, his
mother was present, and made a point of showing me the greatest
kindness. This noble heartedness made me feel so small and ashamed
that I had to exercise the greatest self-control to prevent myself
from earnestly praying the countess to think kindly of me and forgive
me. It would have been a fearful want of tact had I done so.
As she moved away, mischievous Pierre Coucy said, with a titter, “She
is more _la crème_ to-night than ever--but sour.”
“No wonder,” rejoined his brother, with a side glance at me.
Then to Elizabeth: “Have you heard our paragon son is off on a
cruise--to Bohemia?”
“No, no,” put in Pierre; “in an air balloon to recover his
equilibrium.”
I was confused at their sallies. But Elizabeth, with her majestic
calm, said: “You are romancing, now the secret is out! I have long
suspected your silent proclivities.”
“You are wrong, countess! More than a writer of romance, I am a
prophet!”
“Highly necessary, in order to see through a sphinx like our friend
Count Taxen.”
So they went on cutting bad jests, until I felt quite sorry for the
count, who looked upon the Coucys as his friends. They must have
imparted their surmise to others besides ourselves, for when Baron
Schwarzburg came up to me that evening, I read it on his brow, and
it laughed in his eyes, as he heartily wished the count a pleasant
journey.
* * * * *
Things are very strange at home now, and not altogether pleasant.
Even my Duphot, for the first time in my life, bears a grudge against
me--in her gentle way, be it understood, and quite as much to her
sorrow as to mine.
My beloved father is out of sorts, and although he often says, “Do
whatever you like,” the words over which I used to exult now make
me sad. I always dread lest I should hear in them, “Our wishes, of
course, are of no account to you.”
Mamma, too, seems depressed, and spends more time in church than ever.
She must be praying there for Elizabeth; for she has laid it upon
me in my daily prayers to commend my poor sister to God, that he
may turn her heart, and awaken in it a befitting and dutiful love
to her husband. And I pray accordingly, though I must confess I
doubt whether the Divine Power will see fit to be influenced in
such a cause. The true love which can arouse that burning devotion
in us, akin only to sacred adoration, is given us by our Heavenly
Father, if to be given at all, from the very beginning. The miserable
supplementary love, gathered together for us by joint prayers, what
can that avail?
_May 25th._--Reading through these pages yesterday, I asked myself
if these really are memoirs that I am writing? Memoirs treat of
interesting people, and I am only writing about myself; they treat of
interesting times, and I only occupy myself with the present, which,
for the matter of that, is very interesting.
“A momentous period in the political world!” I heard an old gentleman
say the other day.
My whole understanding for politics, however, is confined to a
decided interest in all that concerns the governorship of our
province. Opportunities of discussing it, ever so welcome to me, are
not wanting, papa having interests at stake in it. His object is
to prevent the inhabitants of one of the districts, against better
judgment, from cutting down the trees and tilling the land of one
of the forests belonging to him. Until quite lately he was forever
complaining of the laxity of the local authorities. Suddenly, his
invectives have ceased. I had long wanted to know why, but had not
ventured to inquire into the subject on account of his not standing
well with the authorities. At length to-day, taking courage, I said:
“How are things going about the district forest, papa? Is it going to
be under tillage?”
“No, it is not.”
“Then you have carried your point. That is capital.”
“Father has carried his point, because he has put it, at last,
into the hands of the right man,” interposed Bernhard, continuing,
unabashed by papa’s meaning look--“of the man of right, who this time
has proved the truth of his axiom, Right must conquer.”
Mamma and Mme. Duphot in vain endeavored to turn the subject;
Bernhard, sticking to his point, would not yield until he had forced
from dear papa the acknowledgment that Baron Schwarzburg was a man of
great talent, and a very fine fellow.
That afternoon it was settled that in a week we should leave town for
Trostburg. Elizabeth was to come on a long visit to us, and without
her husband, who has just bought a new place in the Marmaros, and is
about to build a hunting castle there.
My sister is quite another person since her husband’s departure;
so much more animated, lively to audacity, and so loving and
affectionate to papa and mamma.
She coaxes and pets me as if I were a baby.
“If only you had a real baby!” I said to her once.
“Silence!” she cried. “It is my one source of thankfulness that
Heaven has not given me one! I should have hated it as I do----”
She did not finish her sentence; but I understood her too well, and
felt a rush of deepest pity for her.
When I see her breathing thus freely again in her liberty, it
always makes me think of a certain lovely mountain ash tree in
the forest. A terrific storm beating over it had bowed down the
young tree, until its crest had caught in the branches of a puny
misshapen fir tree, much smaller than it, and the poor ash could
not free itself. Its slender stem was bent like a bow; its tender
branches, accustomed only to the free space of heaven above them
wherein to stir and expand at their own sweet will, hung to earth
withered and disconsolate, pining in the straggling clutches of the
tyrant. Fortunately my father and I happened to pass that way. He
had the worthless fir tree cut down; and oh, joy! the mountain ash
was freed; its elastic stem quickly righted itself, its branches
swayed blissfully in the breeze, each individual leaflet uplifted
itself with joyous flutter, and its graceful summit seemed to bow
in greeting to its companions, and to the blue sky above it, which,
answering, shed the gladdening rays of sunlight full upon it.
The mountain ash is forever freed from its oppressor. My poor
sister must return to her imprisonment when summer is over. But she
does not allow this thought to trouble her happiness; she is too
noble-spirited. She says, Enjoy your blessings while you have them;
it is only the pampered children of fortune who do not give thanks
for happiness, because it is fleeting. A Crœsus has no easy minute,
for he has no security but that he may outlive his riches. The beggar
does not enjoy the crust you give him any the less through fear of
to-morrow’s hunger.
The more I am with her, the more do I admire her and sorrow for her;
and the more I compare our lots, the more grateful am I for mine.
How merciful God has been to me! The blessed freedom only granted
for a brief space to my sister, is mine forever to enjoy, and in
addition to it the great, silent bliss of being privileged to think
to my heart’s content of him who is so unspeakably dear to me. Though
separated from him, I will walk as if in his sight in all I do, or
leave undone, asking myself, “Would he approve it?” he the right man,
the man of right!
There must be something unusual in contemplation. There are
mysterious conferences in the small drawing room; long discussions
in papa’s study. Confusion reigns in every nook and corner. Mamma
has sent round notes of excuse, and is not holding the remaining
receptions this season; and Baron Schwarzburg, who seemed to have
received no intimation of the change in her arrangements, was greatly
astonished the other evening on finding us alone. I noticed papa and
Bernhard exchange a hurried glance as he was announced, and that they
looked with some concern at mamma. Her manner to him was cold, but
not half as cold as that of my Duphot. She has conceived the most
inexplicable antipathy to the baron, and has confided to me more than
once, with symptoms of extremest aversion, that she looks upon him as
an _esprit fort_. He stayed an hour. The happiness I experienced in
seeing and hearing him was sadly marred by thinking every instant,
“Now he will take his leave, and I shall see and hear him no more,
perhaps, for years--perhaps, who knows? forever!”
It was an unspeakable surprise to me to hear papa say to him, as they
shook hands: “You must look in again and see us before you leave.” I
could not help it--I rushed to papa and impulsively kissed his hand.
Looking at me severely, he muttered:
“What is the matter? You seem to be growing foolish.”
_May 30th._--I must write down what has happened--if I can, if my
trembling hand will let me, if my thoughts do not chase each other
too swiftly. I have kept so calm all the evening, have been able to
speak of the most indifferent things with such composure--why then
should I feel so painfully agitated now? I certainly did think that
my family quietly overlooked the answers _à tort et à travers_ I gave
them at first. Could I have been mistaken? They all looked so wise,
and the wildest imaginings were flying through my brain. But that was
afterward; what first took place was as follows:
This afternoon I was sitting alone in the great drawing room,
awaiting the return of mamma and Mme. Duphot from church; when the
door suddenly opened, and, without being announced, Baron Schwarzburg
came in, saying:
“I came to say good-by, countess. I start to-morrow.”
And I, in my bewilderment, could say nothing but:
“My mamma is not at home.”
“I know,” he replied.
“She will soon be back,” I said. Upon which he bowed silently.
I had risen at his entry, and now did not know whether I might ask
him to be seated. To leave him standing was too uncourteous. This
threw me into a dilemma, and the first few delicious moments of our
being alone together were truly uncomfortable.
He walked to the window, and for a while appeared to be absorbed
in what was passing below. Then he turned again toward me. He was
holding his hat in one hand, his gloves in the other, beating them on
the brim of his hat.
For the sake of saying something, I remarked:
“The dust is blowing up very unpleasantly to-day.”
The dearest smile played about his lips as he answered:
“Oh, no. It has been raining hard.”
Another pause ensued, this time a long one; until the baron brought
it to a close by saying:
“You are aware that I am very glad to be going to Bosnia?”
I replied:
“Yes, I know; and I know the reason. You have a great work before you
there.”
“For the small scope of my office,” he hastened to make reply. “It
is just the inferiority of the office I hold which gives a certain
importance to the work in hand. At any rate, it must take a long
time to settle; and I shall not think of coming home until it is
completed.”
“But you will have leave from time to time?”
“Yes, certainly.”
“And you will come and see us?”
“Oh, of course.”
“That will give pleasure to many--to me especially.”
These very natural words of mine seemed to produce a remarkable
impression upon him.
With warmth and agitation, he repeated:
“You, especially? you, especially?”
He seemed about to add something, took a step toward me, then
recalling himself, preserved silence, merely throwing his gloves
impetuously into his hat, which he had placed upon the window-sill.
Then I, regaining courage, said: “Do take a seat, Baron Schwarzburg.”
He accepted my invitation, and we sat down on the two easychairs by
the flower table, facing each other, near the French window leading
on to the balcony.
“How heavy and oppressive the air is in town, now!” he exclaimed.
And I agreed that it would be ever so much pleasanter in the country,
and in Bosnia, too.
“Oh, infinitely. And will you be as glad to go into the country as I
to go to Bosnia?”
I said yes. And then he wanted a description of my life at Trostburg,
and I gave him a detailed account of the way I spent each day. He
thanked me warmly. It would be so delightful to know where his
thoughts could seek me at every hour of the day; in the woods, in
the garden, in my own room, or in the library absorbed in some
interesting book. “And be sure that my thoughts will often follow
you,” he added.
“I shall count upon that,” was my reply.
“And will you be thinking of me?” He looked into my eyes as he asked
it.
With as firm a look, I answered:
“Always.”
Then he seized my hand, and held it nervously, almost as though I
were some priceless treasure.
“No, that you must not do! Even to one’s best friend--and that I am
to you--one does not give up all one’s thoughts. He will consider
himself happy indeed if you occasionally grant him a kindly
remembrance.”
This modest requirement disconcerted and displeased me, and I had
the courage to tell him so. He must know perfectly well, I thought
to myself, how very dear he is to me--and if I can make so bold as
to assume that he likes me, he surely might be satisfied of my love
for him. And so I told him that, for my part, I should always have
him in my thoughts, and that to do so would be my greatest happiness.
My dear parents had now quite yielded to my wish that I should never
marry. So that danger was over--once for all. I should go on living
with them, loving and tending them as long as their dear lives
lasted; and when I had them no longer on earth, would honor their
memories, carry on their good works, and lead the life of an old
maid, honored, happy, and perhaps of some use in my generation.
He listened patiently, then responded:
“Very good. You have made me fully acquainted with it all: first,
of your rules day by day; now your plans for the future. Very good,
we will keep to it. You a willing and contented old maid; I,” he
shrugged his shoulders, “of necessity, an old bachelor.”
“Of necessity?”
“Yes!” he cried. “Where should I find a wife willing to share the
hard life which I, at least temporarily, have to offer her?”
“Oh, on that account? A hard life is no obstacle!”
“And what is?”
“The wishes of one’s parents.”
“Ah, there we come back to the same thing. The parents’ wishes
spring from the feeling that the children they have brought up in
luxury must not make a bad match; it would only lead to unhappiness
and misery. It would lower them in their own eyes, and they would
lose caste.”
Waxing hotter and hotter as he went on, in his warmth he said many
things which were utterly illogical. He derided the prejudices of
society, and yet constrained himself with painful self-mastery to
declare that custom had sanctified these prejudices, and that they
who belonged to the circles where they held good, did right to honor
them.
“Then you do not act up to your convictions?” I said.
“I? Good Heavens! Do not speak of what I do. I, as everyone will
tell you, am a fool. I am far from acting up to those convictions,
because I do not, in truth, hold them; and on that account I am a
very fool. But not fool enough, countess, not fool enough to persuade
the one I love”--and here he pressed my hand with such force that I
had the greatest difficulty to prevent an exclamation--“to follow my
example, and be my companion on my lonely way.”
He clenched his teeth. His eyes looked wild; his accustomed
self-control had quite forsaken him. He looked so fearfully agitated
that he would have terrified me had I not loved him so well; but
because I loved him so well I felt, oh, so sorry for him, and I said:
“I know somebody who would have no need of persuasion; who would only
be too glad to go with you, if she dared!”
Instead of calming him, my words only seemed to excite him the more.
“Happy for that foolish girl that she does not dare! Happy for her.
She little knows what she would be taking upon herself; little as I
knew, nor the name that would be given me, and that I first heard
myself christened in scorn and derision, ‘Idealist!’ Be one! Struggle
against the mighty element; waste your strength in useless warfare!
Wrench yourself free from all the fresh, joyous pursuits of your
equals, your associates--once your brethren, now your adversaries,
whose interest you oppose, whose convictions you belie, and--to whom
you yet cling with every fiber of your heart!”
He was silent. And I did not venture to break the silence. Still ever
louder, more distinct, there arose within me: Foolish girl! Yes,
twice foolish; to have thought it enough to follow him at a distance.
With him is your place. All my other duties suddenly seemed to me
unimportant in comparison. My dread of my beloved father, childish.
I believe that it was then that in a very low, yet decided, voice, I
said:
“Were it not better, in such a fight, to have a companion at one’s
side?”
“A companion?”
“One equally minded with one’s self; but who, hitherto, has not so
plainly stated her views, because she could not trust herself, did
not so clearly see----”
I came to a standstill; I did not dare to look up at him. But I felt
that his eyes were resting upon me as he asked gently, and with a
ring of deep affection in his voice:
“Has it really only just become clear to her?”
“Yes, she knows that she, like you, is an idealist.”
“Miracle of miracles!” he said, in oh, so playful a voice, and with
such repressed rapture. “Am I really to meet with so rare a being as
an idealist in your circle? Nowadays? Impossible!”
“Convince yourself.”
“Shall I? Dare I? Would the idealist you speak of be able to endure
to cast her lot with one so obscure, so unknown as I?”
“Of course. And I only wish, with all my heart that you may remain
obscure and unknown, that I may the better prove to you----”
I got no further; for, rejoicing, he interrupted me:
“You! You! You then are willing to be that faithful, devoted
companion? And to me is to be granted that rare fortune--highest of
all earthly joys--to find in the wife of my soul the sharer of my
views, the confidante of all, even my boldest aims; my counselor in
doubt, sweetest consoler in sorrow, closest sympathizer in success?
You will be to me all that? All--despite everybody?”
“It will not need to be despite everybody,” I made answer, confused
by the passionate delight with which he pressed me to him. “I will
entreat my dear father----”
“Your father!” he cried. And springing back, he struck his forehead
like one possessed.
And I, to my great amazement, looking up, saw my father and Bernhard
standing there.
“Well!” said papa; “kept your word?”
“Do not ask me. Do not ask me!” cried Schwarzburg, beside himself.
With a loud laugh, Bernhard cried:
“What, have you not succeeded in persuading her against Baron
Schwarzburg? I am jolly glad!”
“I am not,” responded papa. “It is as I expected. But then, I am no
idealist; I know mankind.”
Bernhard blurted out, “If he had really been such a Don Quixote as
to----”
“Be still!” said my father authoritatively.
But he continued: “I would have cut him dead.”
Here a footman announced that mamma awaited the gentlemen in the
small drawing room. They obeyed the summons at once; papa sending me
up to my own room. Here I still am. They seem to have quite forgotten
me; or else they will have no more to say to me. No one seems to
trouble about me. Oh, if I had not you, my faithful Diary, in which
to confide my every thought, I should indeed be greatly, greatly to
be pitied.
[Illustration: Decorative image]
[Illustration: Decorative image]
EPILOGUE.
If you have followed me thus far, kind readers, my thanks are due
to you for your constancy. We must now bid farewell to each other.
Not only have the Memoirs I so presumptuously undertook to write
degenerated into a diary, but even that diary must now give place to
a correspondence, the nature of which will forever remain the secret
of two individuals.
If you care to know how this came about, grant me your indulgence yet
a little longer.
They left me an unconscionable time to myself that day. It had grown
dark, and a deathlike stillness reigned around. Even the most
indefatigable songster among my birds had ceased singing, and, all
crouched up, was asleep on his perch. How I envied the pretty little
creature’s peace of mind.
At last I heard the sound of footsteps approaching my door, the tiny
step of my Duphot.
“Ah, _ma chère_!” she said, mournful and reproachful, as she came in
and bade me go with her to my parents. So wild a beating of the heart
I do not suppose anyone has ever experienced as that with which I
obeyed her behest; it was too agonizing, too dreadful.
Besides papa and mamma, I found my brother and sister and Baron
Schwarzburg. He stood up as I came in; I, too, remained standing.
Papa began:
“Paula, your mother and I, not desiring to incur a second time the
reproach that the happiness of one of our children----”
“Or what she considers to be happiness,” broke in mamma.
“Is of less importance to us,” continued papa, “than it should be to
parents who love their children, had therefore given our permission
to Baron Schwarzburg to speak to you before he left. It has
resulted----”
“Differently from what we anticipated,” interpolated mamma.
“And, as I hear, you are agreed in the idea----”
“Or in imagining,” suggested mamma.
“That you are made for each other,” said papa.
To which I said “Yes.”
“Yes,” repeated the Baron Schwarzburg, deeply moved.
“Well then, if two people are really made for each other--a thing
which very rarely happens--there is but one thing to be done. But
it remains to be proved; and proof requires time. Endurance is the
proof; so you must wait.”
“We will wait,” said Schwarzburg.
“Three years,” said papa.
My head turned. I could not realize my happiness. So it was not, as I
had with fear and trembling so fully expected to hear: “Do it if you
will. But give up all hope of our consent!”
“Only three years?” I asked.
“Not a day less,” said mamma.
And I: “Why, that is nothing! We would wait _ten_ years if you
required it, dearest father and mother. We are happy beyond
everything, and have no other wish than----”
“Speak for yourself!” put in Bernhard.
Baron Schwarzburg was looking decidedly alarmed, and I asked him:
“Do you think so? To wait--wait for each other--what could be more
heavenly?”
“The shorter, the more heavenly,” he returned.
Elizabeth, coming up to me, had taken me in her arms. “See, what a
wise, sensible child it is! Three years’ probation are too little for
her; she prefers ten. Ah, she knows death is easy, but marriage is a
venture!”
“Do not jest, countess,” interposed Schwarzburg. “I consent to three
years--not a day less, but not a day more.” His voice faltered, but a
strong, unswerving determination gleamed in his eyes.
“So it is settled, and so it shall remain. A few hours ago,” he
continued, turning to me, “I had counted the happiness that has come
to me as utterly unattainable; but now I have known it; it is mine,
and I hold it fast, as fast as I am wont to hold the things most
precious to me; and you are the most precious thing of all to me,
Paula, and, I well know, the most sure.” He took my hand, “In three
years; but then; for life.”
“From now; for life.” I could say no more.
He took leave of us all. How sweet and natural Elizabeth was with
him! Oh, dear sister mine, can I ever thank you enough?
Only when the door had closed upon him, did the consciousness of
our parting fall with leaden weight upon my heart. He had gone, and
we had scarce--nay, we had not even said good-by to each other. An
unspeakable sense of yearning came over me; I fought with the tears
which choked me. No one said a word.
Suddenly Bernhard said laughingly: “Why, he has actually gone without
his hat!”
All at once it flashed across me where it had been left; and I ran
to the great drawing room to fetch it. To the drawing room they
came, papa and the baron--and how it happened I have not the least
conception, but the next instant I was in the arms of my betrothed,
pressed close to his heart, and he was showering kisses upon me--hot,
passionate kisses.
Papa was standing by us; no longer the stern papa of the last few
weeks, but the tender, loving one of old, and of all time to come.
I had only to look into his dear face to straightway regain my former
boundless confidence in him; and in the strength of this confidence
to say:
“May I write to him, papa?”
“And I to her?” asked Schwarzburg.
Papa hesitated.
“Why? what for? See----” he broke off, sighed, looked at us both with
strong emotion, then with all the loving intonation of old came the
dear, priceless formula:
“Well, do whatever you like.”
THE END.
TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE
Obvious typographical errors and punctuation errors have been
corrected after careful comparison with other occurrences within
the text and consultation of external sources.
Except for those changes noted below, all misspellings in the text,
and inconsistent or archaic usage, have been retained.
Pg 33: ‘and goodess only’ replaced by ‘and goodness only’.
Pg 42: ‘so, extendng’ replaced by ‘so, extending’.
Pg 64: ‘know off the’ replaced by ‘know of the’.
Pg 142: ‘la crême’ replaced by ‘la crème’.
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