The Project Gutenberg eBook of The infant moralist This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook. Title: The infant moralist Author: Lady Helena Carnegie Violet Jacob Release date: August 7, 2025 [eBook #76648] Language: English Original publication: Edinburgh: R. Grant & Son, 1903 Credits: Carol Brown, Mairi and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (National Library of Scotland) *** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE INFANT MORALIST *** THE INFANT MORALIST BY LADY HELENA CARNEGIE AND MRS ARTHUR JACOB EDINBURGH R. GRANT & SON, 107 PRINCES STREET LONDON: R. BRIMLEY JOHNSON 1903 [Illustration] CRUELTY TO ANIMALS How, George! you’re in Disgrace once more, What’s this? a tearful Eye, The tell-tale Feathers on the Floor, Show me the Reason why. Why did you free Amelia’s Bird Where Harriet’s Tabby pounced? You selfish Boy, upon my Word I’ll have you soundly trounced. Your little Cousin’s Tears now see: Her pretty Songster’s dead; A Child so mischievous must be Chastis’d, and sent to Bed. INSENSATE MISCHIEF What a Commotion in the Town! Now has the Steeple fallen down? Some strange Event occurr’d? Fresh Tidings of the War in France, Or News of dire Import, perchance, The Mayor may have heard. See how the People run and point! The Butcher, laden with a Joint, Is brandishing his Knife; The Chandler, with a Pot of Lard, In tumbling from the Farrier’s Yard, Upsets the Baker’s Wife. The Parson hurries up the Street, His Shoes half on, half off his Feet, His Surplice flies behind, And knocking ’gainst the Apple Stall, Of Widow Clarke, the Apples fall, He does not seem to mind! Here comes the Guardian of the Laws! Pray, tell us, Officer, the Cause Of this tumultuous Scene? Why, I declare, the Reason’s found, ’Tis Master Percy, I’ll be bound, At Mischief who has been. How say you? that an Hour too Fast He set the Town Hall Clock; and last, On further Mischief bent, Upon the Belfry Tower he climbed And all the Bells he loudly chimed Confusion to augment. But Retribution’s fatal Sword No long Delay will e’er afford And soon did Percy smite. His Footing slipp’d, some Time he hung To treach’rous Roofs, but vainly clung And fell a giddy Height. And now upon a Couch of Pain He lies with shattered Bones and Brain; But, Pity tho’ we feel, We all should strive to realise That those whose Actions are not Wise From Fate have no Appeal. [Illustration] CHARITABLE LOUISA Now Goody Brown and Widow Bond Live in a Cottage near the Pond, And so, Louisa, you Must now this little Basket take And put in it a Loaf, a Cake, A Pound of Sugar too. Nay! do not frown, ’tis surely good That we the Agêd succour should? Your Shawl and Bonnet don, See, with you faithful Ponto comes, Perhaps a liking for the Crumbs Has urg’d him to go on. So onward trips the little Maid, All smiling sweet, and unafraid Of Gipsies, Tramps and Cows. Then back she comes, while Goody stands And raising up her wither’d Hands Calls down her Prayers and Vows. CREDULITY What Consternation fills the Hall! Young Master Frank is miss’d; All Day for him they seek and call Nor through the Night desist. Repeatedly had Frank been warned The Gipsies’ Camp to shun, For Truth and Cleanliness they scorned And left good Deeds undone. Alas for Frank! the Gipsy Queen Had met him by the Stile, With Tales of Fortune she’d foreseen She did the Youth beguile. “I’ll crown you King, and you shall ride In golden Coach,” said she, “You’ll ne’er repent if you decide To follow Gipsy Lee.” The foolish boy went off to roam In search of Wealth and Fame, And all forgot were Friends and Home To his eternal Shame. And now with limping Feet he toils Behind the Caravans, With Tinker’s Tools his Hand he soils And sells both Pots and Pans. His Parents fond their Son with Tears Distractedly deplore: They sought him o’er the World for Years, But saw him nevermore. [Illustration] THE CONSEQUENCES OF GREED Why, Edward! why this Cry of Pain? This Jacket all besmirched? Your strict Papa I’ll call again And have you soundly birched. This pastry, that indulgent Cook Had filled for you with Jam, With hasty Greed, and envious Look You down your Throat did cram. Now Gluttons! pray attend to me: I’ll send for Doctor Bell, A Child with Appetite too free He always doses well. PROFANITY A Sailor of the name of Park Gave Nurse a Parrot gay; I think I heard the Man remark It came from Paraguay. How strange a Sight in distant Lands, Where Wonders meet the Eye, To see the Works of Nature’s Hands From ev’ry Tree-top fly. But Oh! with Shame and Sorrow both, I scarce can lisp the Tale, Its brutal Jest and hideous Oath My infant Cheek turn’d pale. Alas! when all is bright and fair That Wickedness should lurk, Those sinful Words that filled the Air Were Man’s ignoble work. Nurse screamed aloud, the Sailor ran, The Bird spoke yet more plain; Oh! how I hope the shameless Man Will not come back again. How very careful we should be ’Mong those alone to move Who shunning, fly Profanity, And who our Hearts approve. [Illustration] ENVY Why, Ellen, such a pouting Face Is quite against the Rule: I fear you have incurr’d Disgrace, Or done amiss at School. What! Lucy Elton’s rich Pelisse Your envious Thoughts inspire? And Fanny Jones disturbs your Peace When dress’d in gay Attire? You foolish Child, did you but know The Way their Wealth was gained Your Cheeks with honest Shame would glow While youthful Life remained. For Lucy’s Father robb’d a Bank, And Fanny’s Sire a Church: Far from such Wealth you Heav’n may thank Your Name can None besmirch. THE SCHOOL FEAST Now Lady Emma at the Grange A School Feast has at Heart, And very kindly does arrange That we shall all take Part. Maria, to avert the Cold, Her velvet Spencer wears, And little Jane, of five Years old, A Sun-shade gravely bears. Edward, and Charles, and Sister Fan In Joy their Accents raise, And William Fry, the Garden man, Puts Dobbin in the Chaise. Papa assumes the Reins’ control, Mama her Shawl, and so Crack goes the Whip, the Wheels they roll, And now, away we go! How happy we, with Parents kind And Clothes so clean and neat: Oh! may we always bear in Mind ’Twas Virtue earn’d this Treat. COURAGE Mervyn and Charles and little Ann Rose early from their Rest; Who should be First, as out they ran, They joyfully contest. Mervyn was Senior by one Year To Charles, whose Summers six Exceeded Ann’s, it would appear, By Two, and Seven Weeks. Among the Flowers that smell so sweet They pluck’d a Posy gay, To give Mama a pleasant Treat Upon her Natal Day. [Illustration] But oh! from off a blooming Rose Ann gather’d with Delight, A cruel Wasp upon her Nose Did suddenly alight. She loudly scream’d, and Mervyn seiz’d The Insect in his Clasp, Nor loosed his Hold ere it was squeez’d And crush’d within his Grasp. Though painful Stings his Hand inflam’d He did not Cry nor Quail, And kind Mama with Pride exclaim’d When Charles told her the Tale. Such Youths grow up as Soldiers brave, Or Sailors bold and free; And thus Britannia’s Flag shall wave Supreme on every Sea. HEARTLESS FOLLY Pray, Richard, do you think it right To act as you did Tuesday Night And make of Age a Mock? The Admiral, whose Legs you tied Whilst he was sitting by my side, Is indisposed from Shock. As he fell prone upon the Floor I saw you spying through the Door With pert and shameless Smile; His Daughters kind, who tend his Couch, With one accord do freely vouch They marked your Purpose vile. E’en barbarous Turk or Cariboo, Or poor idolatrous Hindoo Before such Act would pause; What should you feel if Admiral Bligh Were taken from us to the Sky And you should be the Cause? Oh! wretched Boy, Elisha’s Bears May even now be on the Stairs Your Punishment to give: For those the Aged who offend Are like to come to fearful End, Or else in Chains to live. [Illustration] POLITENESS What! do I apprehend aright, My Boy, my Herbert impolite? Oh say! oh say not so. I did not see you doff your Hat To Lady Charlotte Merton, that Is not genteel you know. See how polite young Frankie hies To ope the Door for General Wyse, And take from him his Cane. In later times, when Frank’s extoll’d, Your Manner, deemed uncouth and bold, Will give you bitter Pain. THE RESULT OF HEEDLESSNESS Behold that speechless, aged Dame Who totters on the Arm Of Thomas Brown, his sturdy Frame Supporting her from Harm. Sad is the Tale that I must tell, The Cause that struck her Dumb, For to the Shock which her befell She nearly did succumb. Her Nephew Paul a little Mouse Within the Barn had caught, And in his Pocket to the House The tiny Creature brought. How wrong was Paul, for with Dismay His Aunt a Rodent viewed, How wickedly did he repay Her Kindness oft renewed. The Work Box on the Table stood, He quickly rais’d the Lid, And ’mongst the Silks it did include The Mouse securely hid. She oped the Box, her Pins to seek, Out sprang the nimble Mouse, Oh Mercy! what a dreadful Shriek Resounded through the House. Twas her last Cry, for ne’er again Aunt Fanny’s Voice was heard: Depriv’d was she, by Shock and Pain, Of Pow’r to speak a Word. Paul’s Penitence was no avail, The horrid Deed was done, Though Good might through his Life prevail, With Wrong it was begun. How dread to think the Innocent Must suffer for his Crime: Mark how each Fault, though we repent, Bears Consequence through Time. [Illustration] LAWLESS DISRESPECT Come, James, you well deserve the Cane, Your Acts my Ire have gained, To frown I am obliged again And dear Mama is pained. That you to such a Deed should stoop, And impiously should dare At Auntie’s Legs to bowl your Hoop And hurl her through the Air. That Lawlessness should stalk abroad Offends each righteous Heart, And Children, till Respect’s restor’d, Must very rightly smart. INEVITABLE RETRIBUTION “It is a Shame,” said Albert Gore, “That I my Top may spin no more, But to my Book must go; Whilst James, although the Clock strikes Three, Still plies his Marbles busily With Uncle’s Gardener, Joe.” “Nay, quit your Sport, your Hand refrain,” Cried the Preceptor once again; But, oh! to tell I grieve That Albert, when he turn’d his Face, Made so repellent a Grimace That you would scarce believe. And ah! the Wind, at Heav’n’s behest Changed from the East into the West, Alas! for Albert Gore, His Countenance, his glaring Eye, His Nose outspread, his Mouth awry Were set to turn no more. Oh! what a Warning this should be For every little Child to see, For all from Albert run. The Author of his own Disgrace, He weeps to think how wry a Face He’ll wear till Life is done. REVENGE When Ferdinand was sent to School It was his great delight To pause and plague the Village Fool ’Gainst whom he had a Spite. The poor afflicted Creature dwelt Alone, hard by a Wood, Forlorn and desolate he felt, Oft destitute of Food. But Ferdinand for him could feel No gentle Pity flow, Nor from his daily plenteous Meal Would e’en one Crumb bestow. [Illustration] From Vanity came all the Blame: How oft we may remark What fiercely burning Faults will flame From one small sinful Spark. One Sunday morning it had chanced, As to the Church he went, That Ferdinand around had glanced On Admiration bent. His Vest was frill’d, his Jacket too In Fashion’s last Conceit, His Nankeen Pants, of yellow hue, Scarce reach’d his Slippers neat. A tassell’d Cane swung in his Hand, He strutted proudly by, His whole Demeanour a Demand For Wonder’s envious Eye. But oh! what Rage possess’d his Heart When laughter caught his Ear, What Pangs of Anger, like a Dart, Pierc’d him at every Jeer. What did he see? with mincing Tread The Idiot walked behind, And aped his Gestures, wagged his Head And smiled with vacant Mind. A clumsy Bludgeon took the place Of Ferdinand’s smart Cane, And pert young Master’s easy Grace The poor Fool tried to feign. Though Weeks had pass’d, and all should strive Offences to forget, Ferdinand’s Soul could but derive Fresh Cause to fume and fret. An evil Thought one Morning leapt Into his jaundic’d Mind, And with a Saw he stealthy crept To where the Stream did wind. And through and through he sawed the Plank That bridg’d the Waters’ play, Then ’neath a Bush upon the Bank Concealed and still he lay. The Idiot came, he took one Stride, Fell through, and Heels o’er Head He sank, and loud for Help he cried, But guilty Ferd’nand fled. Now had the wicked Boy returned And straight confest his Crime The guilt of Murder, he had learned, Had not been his this Time. Attracted by the Idiot’s Roars, At his sad Plight appalled, His dripping Body to the Shores A Passer-by had hauled. But Ferdinand ran off to Sea And fought great Bonaparte; He perish’d soon, by Fate’s Decree, And broke his Mother’s Heart. [Illustration] UNSUITABLE JESTING It grieves me, Emma, much to see How Pert and Rude you are; Sure, everybody must agree From Courtesy you’re far. What wicked Rudeness thus to jest On Mister Barton’s Toes: Poor Gentleman, he’s Uncle’s Guest, And Gout gives painful Throes. How very ill does it beseem A Child to play such Part: The Prisons of the World do teem With those of unkind Heart. THE CHATTERBOX I needs must beg you, Caroline, To cease your Chatter whilst I dine, It deafens every Ear. John Footman cannot hear my Words, And I have asked him twice for Curds And still he cannot hear. When Uncle Wilmot, from Malay, Comes here, to make his usual Stay, He surely will suppose That he is back in savage Lands, Where Heathens roam in impious Bands And feast upon their Foes. We all should learn to curb our Speech, Last Week we heard the Rector preach Upon this Rule; ’tis true If he your giddy Talk could hear His Sermons would be more severe, And he would preach on You. SOLICITUDE Come Matthew! set your Book aside, And Ann your Shawl put on, For in the Carriage we will ride To visit Uncle John. The Way is long so Bread we’ll take, And then, with Cups to fill, We will alight our Thirst to slake By some pellucid Rill. “Thanks, dear Papa,” the Youth did say, “But shall we ask Mama Her kindly Fears aside to lay Before we ride so far?” Yes, thoughtful Boy, his Sire replied, Your Words I now commend; Solicitude should be our Guide With Parent, as with Friend. [Illustration] ILL-TIMED LEVITY I scarce can speak, Bartholomew, I am so much displeased with you For all that has occur’d: Aunt Porter, who had come to stay, Has in her Chariot roll’d away Without a parting Word. Last Night, when all were sent to Dine, You took a Fish-hook and some Twine And, leaning o’er the Stair, When honour’d Guests went by Below Let slyly down the Hook, and so Secured it in her Hair. Alas! Aunt Porter, long denied That Crown which is a Woman’s Pride, And thinking, sure, no Ill, At Table duly took her Seat With seasoned Majesty replete And amiable Good-will. At last she rais’d her Hand appall’d And sudden found that she was Bald, And for her Speech did strive:-- The Scene I cannot now pursue, It has been given to very Few Such Moments to survive. Ah me! you cannot understand What Pow’r may lie in childish Hand E’en at such tender Age. Our Relative in high Disgust Will make Resentment, deep and just, Our only Heritage. THOMAS AND THE BEGGAR Come, Thomas come, your Mother called, She saw you in the Street, And of that Beggar, blind and bald She watch’d you trip the Feet. His little Dog, with Jaws agape, An angry Protest raised: But all too late, his Master’s Shape The Pavement’s Edge had grazed. Swift running came Policeman Joe And, threat’ning, spoke of Jail: For those who Others overthrow May deep in Dungeons wail. [Illustration] OFFENSIVE MANNERS How nicely little Cecil sits And eats his Cake in careful Bits, A Warning, John, to you Whose Mouth is filled with Beef and Egg, The Remnants of a Turkey’s Leg, And half a Dumpling too. It really makes me feel quite hurt To see the Way that you insert Your Fingers in the Dish; Such Mouthfuls too have ceased to be Since Prophet Jonah marv’llously Was swallowed by the Fish. Pray from the Joint remove your Fist, And do not stubbornly persist Good Manners to offend. Some Day you’ll choke upon a Slice, Or suffocate from too much Rice And that will be your End. CONTUMACIOUS CONSTANTINE Come, Constantine! this sulky Face I can no more excuse: Entreat for Pardon, beg for Grace, My Patience you abuse. Your Donkey, Ned, you emulate: Because Creation’s Plan Has formed the dumb Beast obstinate It is not so with Man. Your Tongue was giv’n, with contrite Speech, To own when you offend; Your Soul Intelligence to teach And Virtue recommend. Your Conduct you can not defend: It surely was not kind To throw the Pepper o’er your Friend, And risk his going Blind? Despite his burning, tearful Eye, Despite convulsive Sneeze, If ask’d to Pardon he’d comply With your Desire to Please. What! silent still? Then go away: Until Contrition’s shown In Solitude upstairs you stay, For Meals dry Bread alone. All stubborn, naughty Children know That Jam, and Cake, and Pies Are only meant for those who show A Nature Mild and Wise. [Illustration] DISOBEDIENT EMILY When Emily her Task had done It was her Nurse’s Rule To stern forbid her Charge to run Near Miller Jones’s Pool. But Emily did not incline Kind Nursey to obey, She saw the Water Lilies shine That on the Water lay. “La!” she exclaimed, “what Nurse desired She idly spoke in Haste, Those Plants would fitly be admired If on the Table placed.” And so, with bold, presumptuous Mien And disobedient Pride, She hies her to the Meadows green Wherein the Waters glide. To reach the Flowers she plies each Art, And, in the very Deed, A Victim to her wilful Heart, She sinks beneath the Weed. Nurse Sukey, from her Window high, The dire Misfortune views, Her deaf’ning Scream and frenzied Eye Proclaim the fatal News. Dragged by the Miller and his Wife, Who haste their Aid to lend, Young Emily, restored to Life, Makes Promise to amend. “Ah me!” she cries, “tho’ crowned with Slime And choked with Mud and Leaves, My Heart may profit, in its Time, By what my Fault receives.” VIOLENCE Pause, Robert, pause: remember Cain! What’s this you say, Adolphus Bain Has struck you with his Fist? Nay, your Resentment lay aside, Your Playmate you should gently chide And ask him to desist. If he has kicked you in the Chest, Him you should pleasantly request His Anger to postpone Till you have warn’d him how such Deed May injure Health, and Sickness breed, And shake Religion’s Throne. The Reverend Mister Somerville Has brought you up extremely ill If you he has not taught To know that they who raise the Hand May come to bear Cain’s awful Brand: Now Profit by the Thought. Transcriber’s Note: A stanza break was added after the sixth line of “Inevitable Retribution.” *** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE INFANT MORALIST *** Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed. Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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