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Title: The works of the Rev. John Wesley, Vol. 11 (of 32)
Author: John Wesley
Release date: May 13, 2024 [eBook #73617]
Language: English
Original publication: Bristol: William Pine, 1771
Credits: Richard Hulse and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive)
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WORKS OF THE REV. JOHN WESLEY, VOL. 11 (OF 32) ***
The Works of the
Rev. John Wesley, M.A.
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THE
WORKS
OF THE
Rev. JOHN WESLEY, M.A.
Late Fellow of _Lincoln-College_, OXFORD.
VOLUME XI.
BRISTOL:
Printed by WILLIAM PINE, in _Wine-Street_.
MDCCLXXII.
THE
CONTENTS
Of the ELEVENTH VOLUME.
An Extract of the life and death of
Mr. _Thomas Haliburton_.
PART ♦IV.
♦ “III.” replaced with “IV.”
Chapter IV. _Of his death._
An extract of the life of
Monsieur _de Renty_.
Chapter I. _Of his marriage, birth, and general way of life._
Chapter II. _His humility._
Chapter III. _His self-denial and mortification._
Chapter IV. _His patience._
Chapter V. _His faith._
Chapter VI. _His hope._
Chapter VII. _His love of God._
Chapter VIII.
Section I. _His love of man in general._
Section II. _His charity to the poor._
Section III. _His charity to the sick._
♦Section IV. _His zeal for the salvation of his neighbour._
♦ “VI.” replaced with “IV.”
Chapter IX. _His outward behaviour and conduct of business._
Chapter X. _His death._
An extract from the life and death of
_Thomas Walsh_.
_The introduction._
Chapter I. _Of his birth and education._
Chapter II. _Of his religion, and the struggle which he found
between nature and grace, till the sixteenth year of his
age._
Chapter III. _Giving a farther account of him; the corruptions
he struggled against, and the means he made use of to subdue
them._
Chapter IV. _Of his forsaking the church of |Rome|._
Chapter V. _Some further account of his progress in the way
of life, with other reasons of his conduct, in regard of the
church of |Rome|._
Chapter VI. _Of some particulars previous to his Conversion._
Chapter VII. _Giving a farther account of his soul particularly
of his deep convictions._
Chapter VIII. _Of his finding rest to his soul._
Chapter IX. _Of the confirmation of his soul in the grace of
God, and the happy effects which it produced in him._
Chapter X. _His employment among his Christian brethren, and
the treatment he met with from the world._
Chapter XI. _His providential appointment to labour for the
good of his neighbour, by preaching the gospel._
Chapter XII. _He begins to preach._
PART II.
Chapter I. _Of his entire application to preaching the gospel._
Chapter II. _He goes into the provinces of |Leinster| and
|Connought|, and preaches the word there._
Chapter III. _Some farther account of the troubles he met with,
on account of preaching the gospel._
♦Chapter IV. _A short account of the endeavours of the Romish
clergy, to prevent his usefulness among their people._
♦ “VI” replaced with “IV”
Chapter V. _He goes to |England|, and labours there._
Chapter VI. _His love to souls, and zeal for promoting the
glory of God._
Chapter VII. _His application to study, love to the holy
scriptures, improvement which he made thereof._
Chapter VIII. _His manner of preaching._
Chapter IX. _Of his frequent sickness, the exercises of his
mind therein, and the improvement which he made thereof._
Chapter X. _Of his temptations, conflicts, and exercises of
soul._
Chapter XI. _His communion with God._
Chapter XII. _Some farther particulars, relating to the head
of his communion with God._
PART III.
Chapter I. _An extract from Mr. |Thomas Walsh|’s diary,
relating chiefly, to the experience of his own soul, in his
course of |walking with God|._
Chapter II. _The extract from his diary continued._
Chapter III. _The same continued._
An EXTRACT of the
LIFE AND DEATH OF
Mr. THOMAS HALIBURTON.
PART ♦IV.
♦ “III.” replaced with “IV.”
CHAPTER IV.
_Of his death._
1. ON _Wednesday, September 17_, (and some days preceding) he was under
great trouble of mind; and a friend asking him that morning, How he
had rested in the night? He answered, “Not well. I have been this night
sore tossed with the thoughts of eternity. I have been thinking on the
_Terribilia Dei_¹, and all that is difficult in death to a Christian.
All my enemies have been round about me. I had a great conflict, and
faith was like to fail. O that I may be kept now in this last trial,
from being an offence to his people!”
¹ _i. e._ The terrible things of God.
In the afternoon, when some of his brethren visited him, he said, “I
am but young, and of little experience, but this death-bed now makes me
old; therefore I use the freedom to exhort you to faithfulness in the
Lord’s work. You will never repent this. He is a good master. I have
always found him so. If I had a thousand lives I should think all too
little to be employed in his service.”
2. _Thursday, September 18._ Being asked in the morning, How he was? He
said, “O what a terrible conflict had I yesterday! But now I may say,
I have fought the good fight, I have kept the faith. Now he hath put a
new song in my mouth. Praise, praise is comely for the upright. Shortly
I shall have another sight of God than ever I had, and be more fit to
praise him than ever. O the thoughts of an incarnate God are sweet and
ravishing! And, O! how do I wonder at myself, that I do not admire him
more! O that I could honour him? What a wonder I enjoy such composure
under these pains, and in view of approaching death! O, what a mercy,
that I have the use of my reason, till I have declared his goodness to
me!”
To his wife he said, “He came to me in the third watch of the night,
walking upon the waters; and he said to me, I am _Alpha_ and _Omega_,
the beginning and the end: I was dead, and am alive, and live for
evermore and have the keys of death and hell. He stilled the tempest
of my soul, and there is a sweet calm.”
When desired to be tender of his health, he said, “I’ll strive to last
as long as I can. I have no more to do with my time, but to _tepe it
out_¹ for the glory of God.” Then he said, “I shall see my Redeemer
stand on the earth at the last day. But before then, I shall see the
Lamb in the midst of the throne. O, it will be a glorious company, the
spirits of just men made perfect, and Jesus the mediator of the new
covenant! O, for grace! Grace to be patient to the end!”
¹ _i. e._ Spend it thriftily.
Then he desired a minister to pray.
After prayer, he called for a little water to wash his eyes, and said,
“I hope to get them washed shortly, and made like doves eyes, and then
farewel sin, farewel sorrow.”
Then taking some refreshment, he said, “I get sleep from him, and food
from him; and I shall get himself. My flesh and my heart faileth; but
God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.”
Seeing his youngest child, he said to her “_Mary_, my dear, the Lord
bless you; the God of your father, and my father, bless you; the God
that fed me all my life; the angel that redeemed me from evil, bless
you and the rest, and be your portion; that is a good heritage, better
then if I had crowns and scepters to leave you. My child, I received
you from him, and I give you to him again.”
To his wife he said, “My dear encourage yourself in the Lord; he will
keep you, though you even fall into enemies hands.” And then, declaring
his willingness to part with his dearest relations, he said, “This is
the practice of religion, to make use of it when we come to the pinch;
this is a lesson of practical divinity.”
When the physician came, he said, “Doctor, as to this piece of work,
you are near at an end of it. God be with you, and persuade you to be
in earnest; I return you thanks for your diligence. Is my pulse low? I
am well pleased it is. I would have been content to have been away long
e’re now; a few strokes more, and victory, victory, forever, through
the captain of our salvation!”
“Now get acquaintance with God. The little acquaintance I have had with
God within these two days, has been better than ten thousand times the
pains I have been at all my life about religion. It is good to have
him to go to, when we are turning our face to the wall. He is known in
_Sion_ for a sure refuge, a very present help in trouble.”
“What a strange hardness there is in the hearts of men? But whether
they will hear, or whether they will forbear, it is our duty to speak;
and when we are dead and gone, what we spoke in the name of the Lord,
may take hold of them.”
To his eldest child he said, “Ah, _Margaret_, you seem sometimes to
have convictions from God. Beware of them; they are the most dangerous
things you ever meddled with. Each of them is God’s messenger; and if
you despise the messenger of God, he will be avenged of you.”
To a minister who came in he said, “I am waiting for the salvation of
God.” He answered, “If the Lord would spare you it would be a mercy
to this place.” He replied, “What can a poor wretch signify? I could
do nothing: I signify nothing. But, I tell you, brother, what I have
thought of long; I fear, from the taking off the servants of God at
this time, that there is like to be a general overflowing consumption,
running over not only this, but all the reformed churches.”
To the apothecary he said, “Study religion in youth: when you come to
be as I am, you will find no comfort without it. I give you this as
a solemn warning from God; if you come to be hardened by the frequent
sight of men in my state, you may come to be hardened for ever.”
To three ministers he said, “My dear brethren, it is purely from a
sincere love to you, that I presume to say, when God helped me to
diligence in studying and meditating, I found him then remarkably
shining upon me. There is nothing to be had with a slack hand. You
are in an evil day. However, be ♦faithful and God will strengthen you
for his own work, if you are faithful therein. You cannot, it is true,
bring all persons to the Lord, but you may make their consciences, will
they, or nill they, speak for the Lord.
♦ “faithul” replaced with “faithful”
“I repent continued he, I did not do more for him; but I have peace
in it; what I did, I did in sincerity: he accepts of the mite. It was
the delight of my heart to preach the gospel, and it made me sometimes
neglect a frail body. I desired to decrease, that the bridegroom might
increase, and to be nothing, that he might be all. And I rejoice in his
highness.
*“Brethren, this is encouragement to you to try and go farther. Alas! I
have gone no length; but would fain have gone farther: the hand of the
diligent maketh rich. Much study, much prayer, temptations also, and
distinct deliverances from temptations, are useful helps, I was fond
enough of books; but I must say what God let me see of my ill heart,
was of more use than all my books.” One said, “This is to believe and
therefore to speak.” He replied, “The Lord help me to honour him. I
desire no more. O that I had the tongues of men and angels to praise
him! I hope shortly, to get a will to answer my duty, and ability to
answer my will. O to be helped so, and to fear always! How soon should
I fall, if he withdrew! But do not stumble, Sirs, though, I should be
shaken. The foundation standeth sure.”
When advised to be quiet a little, he said, “How should a man bestow
his last breath, but in commending the Lord Jesus Christ, God cloathed
in our nature, dying for our sins!” And when again prest to be tender
of his body, he said, “O but my heart is full!” And then desiring a
minister to pray for him, he said, “Pray that God may have pity on a
weak thing, that is not able to bear much in the conflict!”
To two other ministers he said, “Above all scan your own hearts, and
make use of what discoveries you get there, to enable you to dive into
consciences, to awaken hypocrites, and to separate the precious from
the vile; and to do it with that accuracy, and caution, as not to make
sad the hearts which God hath made glad!”
“With respect to the difference which this oath is like to make among
ministers, with the greatest earnestness I say, whenever it begins,
remember, difference is a hot thing; there must be condescension,
tenderness and forbearance. We must not fly at the ball. Whatever
apprehensions I have, of some ministers not acting conscientiously,
and preaching in such a way as may do hurt; yet I would speak tenderly,
and act tenderly toward them. Let there be much of the forbearance and
meekness that is in Jesus. Follow peace: peace is worth much: wound
not our church among her enemies. The deadly evil which I fear will
ruin all, is, coldness and indifferency. Many seem to try, how far they
may go without being lost; but the Christian’s rule is, to stand at a
distance.”
To him who had succeeded him in the parish of _Ceres_, he said,
“That people were my choice, to whom, with much peace and pleasure,
I preached, as I could, though not as I should, the gospel of Christ.
Though I own, that in all things I have sinned exceedingly before the
Lord, yet I have peace, in that with much concern I aimed at leading
them to the Lord Jesus. Tell them, that I die rejoicing in the faith
and profession of what I often preached to them, under a low state of
body. Tell them, that the gospel I preached to them, if they receive it
not, will be a witness against them. We are, like our master, set for
the fall and rising again of many. And if we can do no more, yet if we
be faithful, they shall know, that a prophet hath been among them.”
*In the night-time he said, “This growing weakness of my eyes, is a
sign of a change approaching. If he shut my eyes he will open my eyes:
eyes no more to behold vanity. But I shall behold him in righteousness,
and when I awake, I shall be satisfied with his likeness!”
*Afterwards he said, “If this be the last day of my conflict, I would
humbly desire of the Lord, that he would condescend, to be tender to
one that loves his appearing: that as he has dealt wonderfully with me
hitherto, so he may deal tenderly with me even to the end, in loosing
the pins of my tabernacle, and helping me to honour him by a composed
resignation of myself into his hands.”
When one said, “Sir, I think you have need of rest:” He answered,
“I have no need of rest, were it not to put me in case, to finish my
course with joy. Lo, here the power of Christ’s death, and the efficacy
of his resurrection! I find the advantage of one at the right-hand of
God, who is able to save to the uttermost! That is the sight I long
for: he will but shut my eyes, and open them in glory. To have my soul
entirely submissive to him in all things, that is my desire. And, so
it will be shortly; then never will there be a reluctant thought, never
one more estranged thought from God!”
*To one who asked, if he was not faint, he answered, “I am not faint,
I am refreshed as with wine. O there is a sweet calm in my soul. My
desires are towards him, and the remembrance of his name. Remember him!
Why should not I remember him, that remembered me in my low condition?
He passed by and said, live! And when he says, he gives life.”
He then desired to have read the former part of the first chapter of
the second epistle to the _Corinthians_. And after the 9th and 10th
verses were read, _We had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we
should not trust in ourselves but in God which raiseth the dead: who
delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver, in whom we trust
that he will yet deliver us_. He said, “Now there ’tis all. God _hath_
delivered me, and I trust that he _will_ deliver me, and bruise Satan
shortly under my feet, and I shall get the victory over the cunning
world, and the deceitful heart. Many a weary day have I had with my
unbelief! If I had had faith to believe things not seen, to believe
that my happiness lay not in things temporal but eternal: if I had had
faith’s abiding impression realizing these things, I should not have
known how to abide out of heaven a moment.”
*When he was desired to sleep, he answered, “Those I am going to, sleep
not day nor night, but cry, Holy, holy, holy! They that wait on the
Lord shall renew their strength, and mount up with wings as of an eagle.
I cannot get my heart in a right tune, as I would have it; but it will
be so in a short time.” After he had lain still a little, one said,
“You have not slept.” He answered, “No; I had much work; but blessed be
God, pleasant work.”
Afterwards, when his wife asked how he was, he said, “My dear, I am
longing for the salvation of God, and hastening to it.” Then seeing her
very sad, he said, “My dear, encourage yourself; here is a body going
to clay, and a soul going to heaven; where I hope you are to come.”
*3. _Friday, September 19._ About five in the morning, when he was
desired to try if he could sleep, he answered, “No, no; should I lie
here altogether useless? Should not I spend the last of my strength,
to shew forth his glory?” He then held up his hands (which were much
swelled) and said, “Lame hands, and lame feet! But see a lame man
leaping and rejoicing!”
*Feeling some pain, he said, “This is one of the fore-runners of the
change, the great change. O when shall I be admitted to see the glory
of the higher house? Instead of that cloudy light of a created sun, to
see that clear and perfect glory!”
After some time’s silence, he took leave of his wife and children,
saluting and speaking to them all, one by one. Then he said, “A kind
and affectionate wife you have been to me. The Lord bless you, and he
shall bless you.” To a minister that came in, he said, “Brother, I am
upon a piece of trying work. I am parting with my wife and children.
I am resolved, I bless his name; though I have had one of the best of
wives, yet she is no more mine, but the Lord’s.”
*Then to his son he said, “God bless the lad, and let my name be named
upon him. But O, what is my name! Let the name of the Lord be named
upon him. Tell the generation following, how good God is, and hand down
this testimony.”
After that, he spoke to his servants and said, “My dear friends, make
religion your business. I charge you all, beware of graceless masters;
seek to be with them that fear the Lord.”
Then he said, “Here’s a demonstration of the reality of religion; and
that I a poor, weak, timorous man, once as much afraid of death as any:
I that have been many years under the terrors of death, come now, in
the mercy of God, and by the power of his grace, composedly and with
joy to look death in the face. I have seen it in its paleness, and in
all its circumstances of horror. I dare look it in the face in its most
ghastly shape, and hope within a while to have the victory.”
He then said to some ministers, “My brethren, I have been giving up my
wife and children to God. I am upon the wing for eternity; but glory to
God, I know in whom I have believed.”
*Then he said, “Dear brethren, will you speak a word to one that longs
to hear of him? O I love to hear the gospel, I love to preach it: ’Tis
a joyful sound, a sweet sound. I love to hear of his name. His name is
as ointment poured forth. I love to live preaching Christ; and I love
to die preaching Christ.”
After that he said, “Brethren, I take this opportunity to acknowledge
your tenderness to me, who am unworthy of it in many respects. I can
say, I desired to live in love with you, and bless God, there was
harmony among us. The Lord bless you and your labours: the Lord himself
multiply blessings on you and your families, and support you against
all discouragements.” Then to one of them he said, “My dear friend,
shew kindness to my dear wife, and children. I recommend her to your
care; she has been the friend of my bosom, the wife of my youth, a
faithful friend.” Afterward he said, “Let patience have its perfect
work. My soul longs more than they that wait for the morning. Lord
Jesus make haste, until the day break, and the shadows flee away!”
4. After this, at his desire, a paper was read over, which he had
dictated some days before. This he owned before several witnesses, and
desired them to attest it. The tenor whereof follows.
Having before so disposed of my worldly concerns, as I judged expedient
for my family; I thought myself bound, moreover, by this latter will,
to declare my sentiments as to religion; being through the mercy of God,
in the full and composed exercise of my reason, although very weak in
body.
_First_, then, I acknowledge, I came into the world a defiled branch
of apostate _Adam_, under the guilt of his sin, and tainted with the
pollution of sin derived from him; having a heart full of alienation
from, and enmity against God: in a word, a child of wrath, an heir of
hell. And long did I follow the bent of this corrupt nature, going on
from ill to worse: indeed I had ruined myself, and could do nothing
for my own recovery; and must have been everlastingly lost, if God in
tender mercy had not looked upon me.
I must, on the other hand, bless God who cast my lot in a land where
the gospel of Christ is revealed; who so ordered it, that I was born
of religious parents, and by them was seriously devoted to him. And
whereas I early subjected myself to other lords, I adore God, that by
his word and his spirit, he ceased not to strive with me, until in the
day of his power he made me chearfully return to the God of my fathers.
I bless God, that when I stood trembling under the terrors of his law,
he seasonably snatched me from despair, by discovering the blessed way
of salvation for self-destroyed sinners through a dying Saviour. ’Tis
he alone who must answer for me. Without him I am undone. On him the
efficacy of his sufferings, the power of his resurrection, and of his
whole mediation, as revealed in the gospel, do I build all my hope.
I bless God that ever he honoured such a sinful, unworthy worm, to
preach the glorious gospel of his Son. I confess I have but ill managed
this glorious trust, but have been a sinner in all I did exceedingly.
Yet so far as I know my own heart, it was the life of my life, to
preach Christ crucified; nor durst I deal coldly and indifferently in
a matter whereon I knew depended both my own and my hearers salvation.
And I must bear testimony to my master, that he never bid me go any
part of my warfare upon my own charges. If I was straitened, it was
_in my own bowels_; but when I freely gave what I had freely received,
I never wanted seed for sowing, and bread for the eater, nor (I hope)
a blessing.
I desire to join my insignificant testimony to that of the glorious
cloud of witnesses, that _the gospel is the power of God unto salvation,
to every one that believeth_; that the way of holiness is the way
of pleasantness and peace; and the ordinances of the gospel, are the
effectual means of communion and fellowship with the Father and the Son.
Indeed all in God’s way, and in his word, is glorious, honourable,
and like himself: he needs none of our testimonies; but it is the
least we can do to celebrate his praises. I therefore being in some
sense obliged, take this solemn occasion, before all the world, to
acknowledge these, among many other obligations, I have received from
him. And to bequeath, as my last legacy to my family, this advice, to
chuse the Lord for their God: for he hath been my father’s God, the
God both of my wife’s predecessors and mine. We hope he hath been our
God. And I recommend him to my children, solemnly charging them, as
they will answer it at the last day, to make it their first care, to
seek peace with God, and reconciliation through Christ crucified; and
being reconciled, to make it their perpetual study to please him in
all things. It is my repeated charge to you all, follow God; follow him
early, follow him fully. I have oft devoted you, as I could, to God;
and there is nothing I have so much at heart as to have this stand,
that ye may indeed be the Lord’s. O that God himself may determine your
tender hearts to seek him early, and he will be a good portion, and see
well to you.
As for my body, I commit it to the dust under the care of the keeper of
_Israel_; expecting and hoping that that quickning spirit, who is the
spirit of the head, and actuates all the members of his mystical body,
will in due time, quicken my mortal body: and for my spirit, I commit
it unto the Lord Jesus, with whom I have entrusted it long ago: and I
will end with _Stephen_, crying, Lord Jesus, _receive my spirit_.
THO. HALIBURTON.
3. Soon after he said, “I confess God has been beating me in a mortar
this long time; but he has been doing much work. My soul is even
as a weaned child. I am loosed from all my enjoyments. My heart is
disengaged even from my dearest wife and children, but I have put them
in a good hand.”
To a friend he said, “There is a sweet composure in the Lord. The beams
of the house are, as goodly cedar. I am laying down my tabernacle to
resume it again. O for grace to be faithful unto death! After we have
gone through many things, we have still need to wait on God till the
last. For _he that endureth to the end, the same shall be saved_.”
Then he said to the physician, “I fancy my feet are growing cold:
yea all the parts of this body are going to ruin. You may believe a
man stepping into eternity. I am not acting as a fool. I have weighed
eternity this night. I have looked on death in every circumstance that
is terrible to nature. And under the view of all these, I found, that
in the way of God there is not only a rational satisfaction, but a
power that engages and rejoices the heart. I have narrow thoughts: I
am like to be overwhelmed, and, I know not where I am, when I think on
what I am to be, and what I am to see. I have long desired and prayed
for it.”
*Some time after he said, “O sirs, I dread mightily, that a _rational_
sort of religion is coming in among us, a religion that consists wholly
in moral duties and ordinances, without _the power of godliness_, a way
of serving God which is mere deism, having no relation to Jesus Christ
and the Spirit of God.”
To a minister that came from _Edinburgh_, he said, “Come and see your
friend in the best case you ever saw him in, longing for a deliverance,
and hasting to the coming of the day of God. I sent for you, to
encourage you to preach the gospel in an ill world, and to stand by
Christ, who had been so good to me. This is the best pulpit that ever
I was in. I am now laid on this bed for this end, that I may commend my
Lord.”
6. _Saturday, September 20._ In the morning when a minister asked how
he was, he answered, “I am composed, waiting for him.” He replied, “You
see how kindly he deals with you: he gives you both heavenly exercise
and heavenly enjoyments: he deals so tenderly with you, that you have
little to do but to praise.” He answer’d, “I have reason to desire the
help of all to praise him. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is
within me, magnify his holy name!”
To some entering the room, he said, “You are all very welcome. I am
taking a little wine for refreshment. In awhile, I shall have new wine
in the kingdom of his glory. I dare scarce allow my thoughts to fix
directly upon it. I must look aside lest I be overwhelmed. But I must
speak of him who hath done wonderful things for me, and kept me in a
perfect calm. Verily, light is sown for the upright, and gladness for
the true of heart. O when shall I conceive aright of glory! I cannot
order my speech now, because of darkness! I long to behold it, but I
will wait till he comes. I have experienced much of his goodness since
I lay on this bed. I have found that tribulation worketh experience,
and experience patience, and patience hope. And I have found the love
of God shed abroad in my soul.” Then turning to his wife, he said, “My
dear, encourage yourself in the hope, that under the conduct of the
same captain of salvation, you will come thither also. Cast yourself
and your family upon the Lord. Encourage yourself; God liveth. Blessed
be my Redeemer, the rock of my salvation!”
*Then he said, “Who is like unto him? O, what has he allowed me this
night! I know now the meaning of that, Whatsoever ye shall ask in my
name, ye shall receive it. The Lord hath even allowed me to be very
minute in every circumstance. Many a day have I feared, how I should
get through the valley of the shadow of death: but now I fear not.
Blessed be God, who, since I laid down here, hath carried on a work of
sanctification far in my soul, that makes me meet for heaven! Young as
I am, I die old and satisfied with days. The child is going to die an
hundred years old. I am like a shock of corn, fully ripe. But, O, I
have been under a bright sun, in a day when the sun of righteousness
shone, and I have had glorious showers.”
After a little silence he said, “I have slept, and am refreshed. And
now what shall I say? I can say no more to commend the Lord; not for
want of matter, but of words. Well, Sirs, you’ll meet with difficulties;
but this may encourage you, you see God owns his servants own him, and
despise what his enemies can do against them?――God has kept my judgment
for the best piece of work I ever had. O what of God do I see! I never
saw any thing like it. The beginning and end of religion are wonderful
sweet.” One said, “God’s dealing with you has been very uncommon.”
He answered, “Very uncommon indeed, if you knew all that I know. But
therein is the excellency of his power seen, in that he maketh the weak
strong.”
A while after he said to those about him, “O this is the most
honourable pulpit I was ever in! I am preaching the same Christ,
the same holiness, the same happiness I did before. I have much
satisfaction in that. I am not ashamed of the gospel I have preached.
I was never ashamed of it in all my days; and I am not ashamed of it
at the last. Here am I, a weak man, in the hand of the king of terrors,
rejoicing in hope of the glory that shall be revealed; and that by
the death and resurrection of a despised Christ. When the beginning of
this trouble was upon me, I aim’d (as my strength would allow) at that,
_shew me some token for good_; and indeed I think, God hath shewed me a
token for good.”
Then perceiving his spirits faint, he said, “Come Lord Jesus, receive
my spirit, fluttering within my breast like a bird to be out of a
snare.――When shall I hear him say, The winter is past; arise my love
and come away? Come and take me by the hand, That I stumble not in the
dark valley of death!”
Then he desired a minister to pray; and after prayer said, “Lord, I
wait for thy salvation. I wait as the watchman watcheth for the morning.
I am weary with delays! O why are his chariot wheels so long a coming!
I am sick of love. I am faint with delay!”
Then he said, “draw the curtains about me, and let me see what he has a
mind to do with me:” And after a while, “Whence is this to me? There is
a strange change within this half hour. Ah, I am like to be shipwrecked
to health again? O what sort of providence is this? I was in hopes to
have been at my journey’s end: and now I am detained by a cross wind.
I desire to be patient under his hand; but he must open my heart to
glorify him. O pray for me; pray for me; that none who fear him may be
ashamed on my account.”
To the apothecary he said, “I thought to have been away, but I am come
back again. I was glad to be gone; yet I am not wearied. He has not
allowed a fretting thought. My pain is great; but I am enabled to bear
it. O I am a monument of the power of God. My great desire has been
these many years, to suffer for the truth of our religion. And now God
has given me the greatest honour to be a living witness to it. I am a
monument that we have not followed cunningly devised fables. I shall
be at heaven shortly, by the word of my testimony, and the blood of
the Lamb.” Then to a citizen he said, “There are but few names in this
place, that set their faces heavenward. But be you encouraged to go
on: you have been a kind neighbour; the Lord bless you and your family.
They that are planted in the house of the Lord, shall flourish in the
courts of our God. Here is an evidence of it. Last winter I thought I
was going to be cast out as a withered branch, and now the dead stock
that was cut has budded again, and grown a tall cedar in _Lebanon_.”
Then he said to the ministers, “I desire to hear the word read, the
word preached. Many times, when I thought on the worthies of old, I
said I was born out of due time: but now I think I am born in due time;
for I shall see Jesus! Jesus that delivers from the wrath to come. I
shall see _Elijah_ and _Moses_, the great old testament prophets. I
shall see the two great mediators, the type and the antitype. The three
disciples got a glorious sight of Christ in his transfiguration, to
confirm their faith against the objections of the unbelieving. Was he
despised as a mere man and his godhead disowned? Lo, here he appears
in divine majesty and glory! Did they say he was against the law? Lo,
here _Moses_, by whom the law was given, adoring him. Did they say,
he was not the Messiah foretold by the prophets? Lo, here _Elijah_ the
most zealous of them, owning and honouring him. Was he reproached as
a deceiver of the people? Lo, the voice from heaven saith, This is my
beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased: hear ye him. Yet this sight
was of short continuance. But in heaven we shall have an abiding sight.
We shall then behold his glory; and we shall be like unto him: for we
shall see him as he is.――
“O! I am full of matter! I know not where to begin or end. The Spirit
of the Lord, hath been mighty with me! O, the book of God is a strange
book! ’Tis written within and without. I never studied it to the half
of what I should: but now God hath given me much of it together.――Never
was I more uneasy in my life: and yet I was never more easy. All my
bones are ready to break; my hand is a burden to me; and yet all is
easy!”
*Then to his wife, he said, “O my sweet bird, are you there? I am no
more yours. I am the Lord’s. I remember on the day I took you by the
hand, I thought on parting with you. But I knew not how to get my heart
off of you again: yet now I have got it done. Will you not give me to
the Lord, my dear?” Then seeing her very sad, he said, “My dear, do not
weep: you should rather rejoice: rejoice with me, and let us exalt his
name together. I shall be in the same family with you: but you must
stay a little behind and take care of God’s children.”
*When wakened out of sleep, he said, “I am now hand in hand, grappling
with my last enemy: and I find, he is a conquerable enemy; Yea, I
am more than conqueror.” One said, “A strange champion indeed!” He
answered, “I? Not I, but the grace of God that is in me. By the grace
of God I am what I am; and the God of peace hath bruised Satan under
my feet. I have often wondered how the martyrs could clap their hands
in the fire: I do not wonder at it now. I could clap my hands, though
you held burning candles to them, and think it no hardship, though
the flames were going about them. And yet, were the Lord withdrawn,
I should cry and not be able to bear it, if you but touched my foot.”
_Sunday, September 21._ About three in the morning he said, “And is
it the sabbath then? This is the best sabbath I ever had. On a sabbath
night my _George_ went to his rest: I bestowed him on God: blessed
be his name; and he made me content. I would have given him all my
children that way; and I hope it shall be so: blessed be his name!”
*After a little pause he said, “Shall I forget _Sion_? Then let my
right-hand forget her cunning. O, to have God returning to his church,
and his work going on in the world! If every drop of my blood, every
atom of my body, every hair of my head, were men, they should all go
to the fire, to have this going on.”
*After that he said, “I could not believe that I could have borne, and
borne chearfully this rod so long. This is a miracle, pain without pain.
Blessed be God that ever I was born. I have a father, a mother, and ten
brethren and sisters in heaven, and I shall be the eleventh. O blessed
be the day that ever I was born! O if I were where he is! And yet for
all this, God’s withdrawing from me, would make me as weak as water.
All which I enjoy, though it be miracle upon miracle, would not make
me stand without new supplies from God. The thing I rejoice in is,
that God is altogether full, and that in Jesus Christ there is all the
fulness of the Godhead.”
Then to his wife he said, “O wait upon him; for he is a good God to all
that serve him. He never takes any thing from them, but he gives them
as good or better back again. My dear, we have had many a sweet day
together: we must part for a while; but we shall meet again, and shall
have one work, the praises of God, and the praises of the Lamb!”
*Then to some present he said, “Do you think that he will come and
receive the prisoner of hope to day? Whether he do it or no, he is
holy and righteous; yet, I confess, I long for it. I do not tire. But
the hireling longs for his wages. If in his adorable wisdom he try
me further, holy and reverend is his name; he is not wanting to me. I
desire only grace to be faithful unto death, until I come to the land
of praises, to thy gates, O _Jerusalem_, to give thanks to the name of
the God of _Jacob_.”
Then a minister asking, if he should pray? He answered, “Yea, yea, pray
for me.” And after prayer he said, “This night my skin has burned, my
heart has panted, my body has been bruised, and there is a sore upon
me, that is racking my spirit: and yet I cannot say, but the Lord still
holds me in health in the midst of all. If he should please to continue
me years in this case, I have no reason to complain.” One said, “No
hypocrite is able, in such a condition, to counterfeit such language.”
He answered, “’Tis as great a wonder to me, as to any about me. Brother,
I know not whether I may desire you to beg of the Lord, with respect
to this poor body to shorten my trial, if it be his will: the hireling
longs for his wages; but I have reason to do it with submission.
“I long for a deliverance from the body. But if God lengthen my trouble,
then why not! Righteous is his name. I know not what alteration may
be. I confess, I am like a bird on the wing: and I would fain be at
_Immanuel_’s land, where the tree of life is.
*“Well, all this is encouragement to you, to acquaint yourselves with
God. All these soft cloaths are like sackcloth to me; and yet I have
perfect ease of spirit. My breast and my stomach are drawn all together,
as it were with cords; and yet the mercy of God keeps me composed.
What is this? I could scarce have believed, even tho’ I had been told,
that I could have kept in the right exercise of my judgment, under this
racking pain. Whatever come of it, this is a demonstration that there
is a reality in religion; and I rejoice in this, that God hath honoured
a sinful worm, so as to be a demonstration of his grace. My dear
friends, while I live, I must preach the gospel. He has given me awhile
yet here, which ought to be reckoned precious, and so long as it lasts,
my work is still to commend him. The word speaks, providence speaks
in me; despise not the gospel under this new discovery. I am a sinner;
shame belongs to me: worthy is the Lamb to receive glory.”
To two ministers who stayed with him while the rest went to church, he
said, “If my head would bear it, I would fain hear singing. I do not
find any change, and God has in some measure taken away my inclination
to limit him, as to the hour.” He then joined in singing the latter
part of the 84th psalm; and after singing said, *“I always had a
mistuned voice, and which is worse, a mistuned heart: but when I
join the temple service above, there shall not be one string of the
affections out of tune.”
To some that came from church he said, “You have been in the assembly
of God’s people, wherein communion with the Father and Son may be
attained. These enjoyments are some of the most valuable to be had
here, and the way to the rest which remaineth for the people of God. O
how amiable are thy tabernacles even here! But how much more so above,
where there is the eagle’s eye, that can see the glorious light, even
the light of the Lord!”
*Then to the ministers he said, “When this trouble began, I expected no
smile from God. I thought if I could steal away, creeping with terrors,
to be plunged into eternity with a peradventure, it was fair. But he
hath taken me out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock. I am
nothing, less than nothing, a vile sinner; but mercy does all.”
In the night he caused the songs of degrees to be read, and said,
“These psalms are so called (say some) because they were sung on the
steps of the stairs that led up to the temple. And what fitter to be
read to a poor sinner, that aims at climbing up the hill of God, where
the great temple of God is?”
*8. _Monday, September 22._ At half an hour past two, he asked what
hour it was, and said, “Early in the morning my friends shall be
acquainted; for I expect this cough will hasten my deliverance. Well,
well; I shall get out of the dark cloud; within a little I shall be
in _Abraham_’s bosom; yes, in his, who carries the lambs in his bosom:
and I am sure of goodness and mercy to follow me. O how good is he to a
poor worm! Let us exalt his name together. It is the constant employ of
all above, day and night. They see and sing; they have a clear vision.
O when shall I see his face, who is fairer than the sons of men! Yea,
who is brighter than the sun in his strength!”
To a minister he said, “Could I have believed (but I am an unbeliever)
that I could have had this pleasure in this condition? Once or twice
Satan was assaulting my faith. I waked in a sort of carnal frame, and
I thought I had lost my jewel; but now he will stand by me to the end.
*What shall I render to him? My bones are riving through my skin; and
yet all my bones are praising him.”
After struggling with a defluction in his throat, he said: “This is a
messenger from God to hasten me home. The other day I would have gone
away without this glorious evidence of the grace of God. But this is
more for my advantage, that I am thus tried and comforted. I said, Why
are his chariot wheels so long a coming? But I will not say so any more.
Yet a little while, and he that shall come, will come, and will not
tarry.”
Then he said, “If I should say that I would speak no more in the
name of the Lord, it would be like a fire within my breast.” And some
looking at him as in amaze, he said, “Why look ye stedfastly on me, as
though by my might or power I were so? Not I, but the grace of God in
me. ’Tis the Spirit of God that supports me.”
To his wife he said, “Be not discouraged, my dear, at the unavoidable
consequences of nature. ’Tis an evidence that there is but a very
little time more, and death will be swallowed up in victory: the
body will be shaken in pieces, and yet, blessed be God, my head is
as composed as it was before my sickness.”
*Then to some present he said, “My moisture is much exhausted this
night, but the dew lies all night on my branches, the dew that waits
not for man, nor tarries for the sons of men. O what cannot grace do?
How have I formerly repined at the hundredth part of this trouble! O
study the power of religion! ’Tis the power of religion, and not the
name, will give the comfort I find. I have peace in the midst of pain.
And, O how much of that I have had for a time past! My peace has been
like a river, not a discomposed thought. There have been some little
suggestions, when my enemies joined in a league together, and made
their great assault upon me. I had then one assault, and I was like to
fall. But since the Lord rebuked them, there is not a discomposed
thought, but all is calm.”
To a gentlewoman he said, “You are come to see your old, dying friend;
a wonder indeed, but a wonder of mercy. I am preaching still, and I
would be so content to do, till these flesh and bones were wasted to
nothing. *The God of glory appeared to me, and the first sight I had
of him was such, as won my heart to him, so as it was ♦never loosed.
Many wandrings I have had, but I was never myself, till I went back
to my center again.” He then rattled a little in his throat, and said,
“This may be irksome to you; but every messenger of death is pleasant
to me, and I am only detained here, that I may trumpet forth his praise
a little longer.”
♦ “ver” replaced with “never”
*About noon he said, “I was just thinking on the pleasant spot of earth
I shall get to lie in, beside Mr. _Rutherford_, Mr. _Forrester_, and
Mr. _Anderson_. I shall come in as the little one among them, and I
shall get my pleasant _George_ in my hand; and O, we shall be a knot of
bonny dust.” Then he said, “It will not be all my sore bones, that will
make me weary yet (as long as God gives me judgment to conceive, and a
tongue to speak) to preach his gospel.”
Then with the utmost warmth he broke out, “Strange, this body is
sinking into corruption, and yet my intellectuals are so lively, that
I cannot say there is the least alteration, the least decay of judgment
or memory. Such vigorous actings of my spirit toward God, and things
that are not seen! But not unto us; not unto us; which I must have
still on my heart, lest cursed self steal the glory from God!”
Some time after he said, “Good is the will of the Lord. Every one of
these throws is good; and I must not want one of them: I must not fly
from my post, but stand as a centinel, for this is my particular work.
This would be hard work without Christ: but ’tis easy with him who is
the captain of my salvation.”
He mentioned the pain in his head, but said, “In a battle there must be
blood and dust. Every battle of the warrior is with confused noise, and
garments rolled in blood. ’Tis meet I should be so hard put to it, that
I may know to whom I owe my strength. O that I were at the throne above,
that my glimmering light were taken away, that this unsteady faith
might terminate in vision!”
Then he said, “If I am able, though I cannot speak, I’ll shew you a
sign of triumph, when I am near glory!”
To his wife he said, “My dear be not discouraged, though I should go
away in a fainting fit. The Lord’s way is the best way. I am composed.
Though my body be vexed, my spirit is untouched.”
*One said, “Now you are putting your seal to that truth, that godliness
is great gain. And I hope you are encouraging yourself in the Lord.” As
a sign of it, he lifted up his hands and clapped them. And in a little
time, about seven in the morning, he went to the land, where the weary
are at rest.
An EXTRACT of the LIFE of
Monsieur DE RENTY,
A late NOBLEMAN of FRANCE.
CHAPTER I.
_Of his birth, marriage, and general way of life._
1. MR. _De Renty_ descended from one of the most noble houses of
_Artois_. He was the only son of _Charles De Renty_, and was born
in the year 1611, at _Beny_ in _Low Normandy_. There he was brought
up till six or seven years of age, and then by his mother carried
to _Paris_, where he lived with her about two years, till he was put
into the college of _Navarre_; whence he was sent to _Caen_, till at
seventeen he was removed to an academy, or school of genteel exercises
at _Paris_. He was soon accomplished in all the exercises there taught:
But what then pleased him most was, the mathematics. For these he
slighted all sorts of diversions, till he understood them perfectly,
and composed some books therein.
2. About this time a stationer whom he used, presented him with _Kempis
of the imitation of_ Christ; and some time after pressed him to read it,
which he had no sooner done, than he felt new thoughts and affections,
and resolved seriously to pursue the one thing needful, the working out
his salvation. And ever after he so esteemed that book, that he always
carried it about him, and made use of it on all occasions.
3. At the age of twenty-two, he married _Elizabeth de Balsac_, daughter
of the Count of _Graville_, by whom he had five children, four of which
(two sons and two daughters) survived him.
4. Having lived to the age of twenty-seven years, it pleased God to
touch his heart more closely; and this time he marked as the beginning
of his entire change, and perfect consecration to God’s service: in
order whereto, he was well convinced of the necessity of a good guide;
and God provided him one, such as his need required, a person of deep
learning, of great piety, and well-experienced in the directions of
souls, who had the conduct of him for twelve years. By his advice
he withdrew altogether from court, he renounced all visits of pure
compliment, and all unnecessary employments to give himself up to those
which might glorify God, and help his neighbour.
5. Every day before dinner, and again in the evening, he made an
exact search into his smallest faults. He communicated three or four
times a week, having ever an incredible esteem of the holy Eucharist,
blessing and praising God for its institution, and exciting all men to
do the same. He was used to say, “That the great design of God in the
incarnation, life, death, and resurrection of his Son, was to convey
to us his Spirit, to be unto us life eternal. And in order to cause us
to die to ourselves, and live thereby, he gave him to us in this holy
sacrament, and with him all the blessings of grace, to dispose us for
those of glory.”
6. One day in a week he visited the poor sick people of the great
hospital _de Dieu_: another those of his own parish; a third the
prisoners; and in the rest he used to meet at assemblies of piety.
He assembled his own family every evening to prayers, and discoursed
to them every _Saturday_ on the gospel for the next day. And of his
children he took more special care, to engrave deeply in them the fear
of God, and to convince them that the customs and maxims of the world
were utterly irreconcilable to the gospel of Christ.
7. The order he kept in his journies was this: in the morning, before
setting out, they joined in prayer; after setting out, the first thing
done was, the saying the _itinerarium_; next was, the ♦singing the
_litanies of our Lord_; then followed some meditation, and after that a
part of the _divine office_. This being done he entertained the company
with some good discourse. Beholding the spacious extent of the country,
he would speak of the immensity of God. Upon the presenting of any
beautiful object, he would discourse of the beauty of God, and in so
lively a manner as to touch the very heart. Approaching near the place
where they were to dine, he began his self-examination: and being come
thither, as soon as out of his coach, he went to the church, and next,
if there were any in the place, to the hospital. Being at his inn, the
first thing he did in his chamber was, to cast himself on his knees,
and to pray with great affection for all persons that entered that
place, and for pardon of all disorders that had been there committed.
If he saw any thing offensive written on the walls or chimneys, he
defaced it, and in the place wrote something of instruction. And
always before his departure he endeavoured to give some good advice
to the servants of the house, or to such poor as he could meet with,
that so he might not pass through any place without doing some good
there. After dinner, when in his coach again, he took a little time
for recollection, then sung the _Vespers_; which done, he wished the
company to use some useful conversation. About four they sung the
evening psalms; afterward he applied himself to mental prayer; and
being come to his inn, his exercises were the same with those of the
morning.
♦ “signing” replaced with “singing”
*8. A fuller account of his general way of life he writ to his second
director, as follows:
“I have delayed some days after the command I had, to set down the
employing of my time, for the better discovering of some things
therein; but I find nothing there of strict order because all consists
in following the order of God, which causes in a manner continually
different things, though all upon the same foundation.
“For my outward behaviour, I usually rise at five (that is, after
part of the night spent in prayer.) At my awakening, I consider myself
as nothing, before the majesty of God. I unite me to his Son and
Spirit. Being risen, I cast myself down, and adore the blessing of
the incarnation, which gives us access to God; and deliver up myself
to the Holy Jesus, to be entered into his Spirit.
“Being cloathed, I go into the chapel, where I cast myself down, and
adore God, abasing me before him, and making me the most little, most
naked, most empty of myself that I can; and I hold me there by faith,
having recourse to his Son and to his Holy Spirit, that whatsoever is
his pleasure may be done by me.
“Between six and seven I read two chapters of the New Testament
bare-headed and on my knees. I then give place to my affairs; but if
there be no business urgent, I prostrate myself before God till I go
to church. There I stay till half an hour past eleven, except when we
dine some poor people, then I return at eleven. Before dinner I examine
myself, and use some prayers for the Church, and for the propagation
of the faith. I dine at twelve, and in the while have something read.
Half an hour past twelve I spend an hour with them that have business
with me. Then I go out whither the order of God shall direct. Some days
are assigned for certain exercises; others are not. But be it as it
will, I endeavour to spend about evening an hour in devotion. About
seven, after I have used some prayers, we go to supper. After supper
I instruct my children. At nine are family prayers, after which I
meditate till ten; and then going to my chamber, and recommending
myself to my God, after some short prayers, I endeavour to repose.
*“As to the order of my interior, I have not (as I may say) any; for
since I left my _Breviary_, all my forms have left me; and now instead
of serving me as means to go to God, they would only be hindrances. I
bear in me ordinarily an experimental verity, and a plenitude of the
♦presence of the most Holy Trinity, which elevates me to a simple view
of God; and with that I do all that his providence enjoins me, not
regarding any thing for their greatness or littleness, but only the
order of God, and the glory they may render him.
♦ “pesence” replaced with “presence”
“For the things done in community, I often cannot rest there: I perform
indeed the exterior for the keeping of order; but follow always my
interior, because when a man hath God, there is no need to search for
him elsewhere. And when he holds us in one manner, it is not for us to
take hold of him in another, and the soul knows well what unites it and
what multiplies and directs it.
“For the interior therefore, I follow his attractive; and for the
exterior I see the divine will, which I follow, with the discernment
of his spirit, in all simplicity; and so I possess by his grace, in
all things, silence of spirit, a profound reverence, and solid peace. I
communicate almost every day, perceiving myself strongly drawn thereto.
*I continually give up myself to God through Jesus Christ, worshipping
him in spirit and in truth, loving him with all my heart, with all my
soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength, and seeing in all
things the conduct of God, and adorning and following it. And this only
abiding in my soul, all things else are defaced and blotted out. I have
nothing of sensible in me, unless now and then some transitory touches:
But, if any dare to say it, when I sound my will, I find it so quick
and flaming, that it would devour me, if the same Lord who animates
it (though unworthy) did not restrain it. I enter into a heat and
into fire, and even to my fingers ends, feel that all within me speaks
for its God, and stretcheth itself forth in length and breadth in his
immensity, that it may there dissolve and there lose itself to glorify
him.”
CHAPTER II.
_His Humility._
1. ST. _Austin_ well observes, That poverty of spirit is nothing else
but humility: The truly humble knowing themselves to be nothing of
themselves but sin and misery, to have nothing, as being at best but
manifold receivers of the grace of God; to be able to do nothing,
having no power of themselves even to think a good thought, and to
deserve nothing but shame and contempt, but misery and punishment. And
they are willing, yea desirous, that all others should think of them as
they do of themselves.
2. M. _de Renty_ being well convinc’d that this is the foundation of
all virtue, and that it was the proper virtue of Jesus Christ, whom he
had proposed to himself as his pattern in all things, embraced it with
his whole affection, gave himself up to it with all his force, and
practised it in its utmost latitude.
3. He had so low an opinion of himself, as it would be a difficult
thing to express. The greatness of God, whenever he considered it,
humbled him to an immeasurable depth; “A mote, said he, in the sun is
very little, but I am far less in the presence of God, I am nothing.”
But correcting himself, he added, “Alas I am too much; I am a sinner,
an anathema through my crimes.” To the same person he wrote, “Methinks
I break myself in pieces before God: that I am spoken of, that I have
so much as a name is a strange thing.” I have seen him very often (says
one that knew him well) humble himself, as it were to the centre of the
earth, while he spoke to me of God; saying, “It was not for such a one
as him to speak of him, but that he ought rather to contain himself in
silence.”
*4. This exceeding low opinion he had of himself, made him more than
once say, with tears in his eyes, “That he was much astonished at
the goodness of men in suffering of him, and that he could not enough
wonder, why every where they threw not dirt at him, and that all the
creatures did not bandy against him.” And he was persuaded, it was
much boldness in him to speak, and that men shewed great patience in
enduring his conversation.
5. Nor was there any thing which did not serve to increase his humility.
He abased himself much in the consideration of the weakness of our
nature, of which as he exprest it, “It is important that a man have
experience, that he neither forget himself, nor the place he ought
to hold: that no flesh may glory in his sight; that being abased and
rendered as a thing that is not at all, Jesus Christ may be in him, the
life of grace and holiness, waiting for the time of our redemption.”
6. But much was he humbled by the consideration of his past sins; In
one of his letters to his director, he writes thus, “my faults are as
one great heap, which I feel in myself, obstructing the light from God.
I am strangely remiss and ungrateful, I find much in myself to confound
and humble me.” In another, “I am sensible of my fault, in mentioning,
that I had placed a servant in such a family. I had a motion within
me, not to have spoken it; and yet it escaped from me: of which I am
exceeding sensible. I should have been more faithful to the Spirit
of God.” And in another, “I am as blind (or rather more) in seeing my
faults as in other things. Only in general, I have a deep sense of my
misery: And I can say, I am not ignorant of my unworthiness, and the
deplorable corruption sin hath wrought in me. But lately I mentioned
the faults of a certain person to another that knew of them before,
to make him understand that he was in a better condition. But my
conscience reproached me, that I might have done this without: and I
confess I meddled too much in that affair. In sum, I am a straggler
from God, and a ground over run with thorns.”
7. He drew yet further matter of humiliation from his rank and
condition, and the secular advantages which it gave him. He not only
despised, but was ashamed of them; often groaning before the majesty
of God, and saying, “He was in the lowest condition according to the
Spirit of Jesus Christ, and that he had great confusion to see himself
in that estate.” Hence it was, that he solemnly renounced his nobility,
and gave it into the hands of our Lord; that he did not love even for
any one to call him _Monsieur_, and that he wholly declined the title
of Marquiss (which was proper to his house) and suffered only that of
Baron of _Renty_.
8. Even the gifts and graces of God made him more humble; thus
producing their true effect, which is, to abase and elevate the soul
both together, to raise it to God, and abase it to itself. In whatever
good was done by him he assumed no share at all, but referred all to
God the true source. And so in the management of all those talents, he
had always his hands clean, without touching what appertaineth to God.
Nor would he therefore that any one should consider him in what he said
or did, but regard God alone therein. And to one who much desired a
visit from him, he wrote thus, “I cannot bear the account you make of
my visits and society. Let us look much upon God; let us bind ourselves
strictly to Jesus Christ, that we may learn of him fully to renounce
ourselves. O, my God, when will it be that we shall eye ourselves no
more, when we shall speak no more of ourselves, and when all vanity
shall be destroyed!”
9. He likewise esteemed himself most unworthy of any of the grace or
favours of God. Of which he says to a friend, “The gifts of God are
sometimes so great, that they put us beyond ourselves. As among men
if a poor man receives a gift from a prince, according to the grandeur
of his own power, he is utterly overwhelmed, and can find no words to
express his acknowledgment: So God gives blessings that go beyond our
expectations or capacities, and which make us see how unworthy we are,
without daring to lift up our eyes; so doth their brightness dazzle,
and their greatness astonish us.”
10. The same opinion which he had of himself he was willing, yea
desirous that others likewise should have of him. “If I were to wish
any thing, said he, it should be, to be much humbled, and to be treated
as an off-scouring by men.” And hence he received contempt, when it
came, not with patience only, but with joy: of which he gave an evident
proof in his first journey to _Dijon_, whence he thus wrote to his
director;
“The reports here spread concerning me are, that I have nothing but
artifice and shews of devotion; and that I kept private, out of fear
by coming abroad of discovering what I was. Most, I find, even of those
from whom I expected quite the contrary, have sollicited against me.
And hereby God hath shewn me many favours. I have been with them, and
received humiliation with great joy. I have been very wary of opening
myself in any thing that might recommend me to them. I have only done
in my business what truth required; and for any thing else, I have made
it matter of confusion, as I ought. I shall be here, I believe as one
excommunicate, as the scape-goat of the old law, driven out into the
wilderness for my enormous sins. I desire only to love God, and condemn
myself.”
11. Nor was it only in his words but in his actions also, that the
humility of his heart appeared. Since his entire dedication of himself
to God, he would not suffer a cushion to be carried to church for him;
but to be there hid and disregarded, he often mingled himself among
mechanics and mean persons. He kept himself always as much as he could
at the lower end of the church; and frequently, if the door was shut,
said his prayers on the outside of it, that he “might not, as he said,
put any to the trouble of opening it to a poor sinner.”
*12. During the war at _Paris_, he went himself to buy bread for the
poor, and carried through the streets as much as his strength would
permit. At the same time offering to take into his care the church
plate of a monastery, he pressed them to let him carry it to his
lodging, (which was two miles thence) and on foot as he was, a very
large and weighty piece. And being desired that when he did them the
favour to visit them again, he would come in his coach, by reason of
the distance; he answered, “he did not love to make use of a coach,
he must endeavour to make himself in every thing very little.” He went
therefore thither on foot, and returned at five or six, in the shortest
days, sometimes in thawing weather. And being told of the pains he took,
he replied, “Our Lord took pains in a far other manner.”
13. When he was assisting with his own hand in the repairing of one of
his houses, he thus expressed himself:
“Blessed for ever be our great God, by Jesus Christ! I believe I ought
to labour in the lowest employments; and the time I spend therein, I
count very dear, regarding it as ordered by God. What makes me the more
to know it is his order, is this; that from time to time I feel more of
retribution from him in one instant, than the patience and humiliation
of a sinner could merit in all his life. He so opens himself to me,
that I am quite mollified, and melted into tears. My eyes are so full
of them, that often I have much ado to keep them in, pierced as I am
with love, with reverence, and with acknowledgment of his goodness
manifested by his enlightning presence, and of his inexplicable conduct.
I see, we are not, by a spirit of pride, under pretence of the glory
of God, to dispense with ourselves from labouring in things mean and
painful. It was a work very gross and mean for Jesus Christ to converse
with men, who had more of rudeness than these stones I deal with. O
that I may obtain a part in his obedience, and submission to the orders
of God his Father.”
14. Being one day to go to a person of great quality, in a business
that much concerned the glory of God, he would not use his coach, tho’
he was to traverse in a manner all _Paris_, and it poured down rain.
One moved, that at least his footman might carry a cloak, which he
might take when he came thither. But he yielded not. Only he consented
to throw the cloak over him: and in the nobleman’s house he laid aside
the wet cloak, and appeared in the other ordinary one of his own.
15. Behold another effect of his humility, of which he writ to his
director, _December 26, 1646_.
“The other day my Lord Chancellor’s lady sent me a packet of letters,
in which were some from the king, wherein I was made counsellor of
state. I sent her word, that I received what had the mark of the king
with all respect. But I most humbly begged she would be pleased to take
it in good part, if I did not accept those letters, but desired that
the business might sleep without noise. My disposition towards affairs
of this nature is, to have nothing at all to do with them. If they come
upon me perforce, without my seeking, our Lord will give me strength to
bear them.”
16. To the same person on another occasion, he wrote as follows:
“Walking one day through the streets of _Paris_, in a mean dress, I
deeply reflected on that of the apostle, _We are become as the filth
and off-scowering of the world_. I considered how much neatness and new
things, even in the most trifling instances, do hurt (if one take not
good heed) the simplicity and lowliness of a Christian spirit. And I
saw it was a great temptation for any, to think to preserve his outward
grandeur, in hopes thereby to have more weight and authority for the
service of God. This is a pretence, indeed, that the infirmity of most
Christians makes use of in the beginning: but experience draws them at
last to Jesus Christ, who was made the lowest of men.”
17. A further proof of his humility, was his carriage to the director.
He did nothing that concerned himself, without his conduct: to him he
proposed whatever he designed, either by speaking or writing, clearly
and punctually, desiring “his advice, his pleasure, and blessing upon
it;” and that with the utmost respect and submission: and without reply
or disputing, he simply and exactly followed his order. His director
having written to him, he answered in these terms; “I beseech you to
believe, that although I am most imperfect and a great sinner, yet if
you do me the favour to send me a word of what you know to be necessary
for me, I hope with God’s help to profit thereby. I pant not after
any thing but to find God and Jesus Christ, in simplicity and truth.
I pretend to nothing in this world but this; and beside this I desire
nothing.”
18. The last effect of his humility we shall mention, was his
extreme contempt of the world. He despised all which it could give or
promise; all its goods, pleasures, honours, dignities; counted all its
allurements as dung and dross, trampled under foot all its glories. He
beheld for this end our Lord for his pattern, who, from his very first
entrance into it, made an open profession of an absolute contempt of
it, “_Because he was not of the world_.”
*19. To animate a lady with the same spirit, he wrote to her thus:
“I wonder how a thing so little as man, drawn out of nothing in his
original, infected with his first parent’s sin, and the addition of
his own: when he is raised to so high a degree of honour, as to be one
with Christ the Son of God; can continue to esteem the world, or make
any account of its vanities! Shall the things of the earth waste the
little time we have to secure the treasures of heaven; things that will
all pass away like a dream: as we see our fathers are gone already,
and there is no more remembrance of them: their joys and griefs, their
pleasures and pains, are they not all vanished away? And are we not
sure they were out of their senses, if they considered any thing but
God in their ways? The same will befall us: Every thing else will pass
away, and God alone will abide.”
*The same lady, in another letter, he encourages thus: “Courage, all is
well! We must die to the world, and search out the hindrances it brings
to our perfection. We must live in the world as not living there;
possess it, as not possessing it. Let us drive out of our minds the
affection to our fine houses; let us ruin the delights of our gardens;
let us burn our groves; let us banish these vain images which we have
of our children; approving in them what we condemn in ourselves, the
show and glitter of the world.”
*I know there is a difference of conditions; but all ought to
reject those intailments on noble blood, (as men account them) those
principles of aspiring to the highest, and of bearing nothing. Let us
take from them this vanity of mind, this stateliness of behaviour. Let
us arm them against the pernicious examples of those grandees in story,
whose punishments are as eminent in hell, as their presumption was upon
earth.
*“My design is not, that you should demolish your walk, or let your
gardens run into a wilderness. The ruins I speak of must be made in
our own minds, not executed on things insensible. When I say, we must
set all on fire, my thoughts were, to follow that admirable spirit
of the apostle, who would that we have poverty amidst our riches, and
divestment in the midst of our possessions: he means, that our spirit
be thoroughly purified and separated from all creatures; because a
Christian does himself great wrong, if he entertains in his heart any
other inclinations than those of Jesus Christ, who saw all the world
without destroying it, but withal without cleaving to it.”
20. It is to bring us to this spirit, that God permits us to meet so
many pains and troubles in the world; as when a man sets thorns in a
way, to make men take another. “God has his ends, says M. _De Renty_,
in all these contrarieties, _viz._ that those who are his, should be
yet more his, and despise more and more all that is in the world. By
these the confusion and vanity of the world are made known to them that
are not of it; who being in the spirit of death, wait for nothing more
there but death; bringing forth, in the mean while, the fruits of life
eternal.”
CHAPTER III.
_His self-denial and mortification._
1. AS it is absolutely necessary for every soldier of Christ, who would
not _so fight as one that beateth the air, to keep the body under, and
bring it into subjection_; M. _de Renty_ vigorously applied himself to
this work. He made but one meal a day for several years; till he was
injoined to take more nourishment, to be the better able to undergo the
great labours he undertook for his neighbour. He nevertheless eat but
little, and always of the worst. A person who observed him at dinner
one day, took notice, all he eat was some pears only, and that with
so great seriousness and recollection, that it was easy to discern his
mind was on God, and not upon his meat.
*2. When one of his friends entertained him one day at _Caen_, he was
much grieved (as he afterwards declared) that Christians should be
feasters; adding, _It was a torment to be where there was so much
superfluity_. Hereon his friends took no more thought about his diet,
knowing his best entertainment was the meanest fare, and that they
could not oblige him more, than by leaving him to his liberty. And
often at _Paris_, when he was so far from home, that he could not
return to dinner, he would step into a baker’s shop, and after a piece
of bread and a draught of water, chearfully go on with his business.
3. Nor did he deny himself only with regard to his taste, but to all
his other senses also. When he went into the country, and came in the
evening to his inn, after having dismissed his servants, he either
passed the night in a chair, or lay down in his cloaths and boots,
which was his custom till death. And when at _Amiens_, a lady, in
honour of his virtue and quality, had prepared him a rich bed in a
stately chamber, he made no use of it, but laid him down upon a bench,
and there slept till morning.
4. Being come to ♦_Pontois_ in winter, and lodging at the _Carmelite
Nuns_, he told them not to make a fire, or prepare a bed. He then went
to visit the prisoners (which he never forgot) and at his return, about
nine in the evening, finding them going to prayers, without taking any
thing to eat, he went into the church with them, where he continued
till eleven. And indeed at every time and every place, on every
occasion, even in the slightest and meanest things, he kept a watchful
eye over himself, that he might in no instance fulfil the desires of
the flesh, but daily inure himself to endure hardship.
♦ “Pointois” replaced with “Pontois”
*5. A short description of his mortification, or deadness to the world,
we have in his own words. “Since the time I gave up my liberty to God,
I was given to understand, to what a state the soul is brought, which
is capable of union with him. I saw my soul reduced into a small point,
contracted and shrunk up to nothing. At the same time I beheld myself
as encompassed with whatsoever the world loves, and as it were, a hand
removing all this far from me, and plunging it into the ocean. First,
I saw removed all outward things, kingdoms, great offices, stately
buildings, rich and elegant furniture, gold and silver, recreations,
pleasures: all which hinder the soul in her way to God, of which
therefore it is his pleasure she be divested, that she may arrive
at that death which will bring her into the possession of real life.
Secondly, all inward things, which are of a more delicate and precious
nature, as learning, reason, strength of memory and understanding; to
which likewise we are in a manner dead, if we are alive to God. And I
perceived that we must come like little infants, simple and innocent,
separated not only from evil, but even from our ordinary manner
of doing what is good. We are to undertake what things the divine
providence presents to us, by making our way by God to them, rather
than by them to God. A truly mortified soul sees nothing but God: not
so much (if I may so speak) as the things she does, of which nothing
stays in her, neither choice, nor joy, nor sorrow, for their greatness,
or for their littleness, for good or bad success; but only the good
pleasure and order of God, which ruleth in all things, and which
in all things contents the soul that adheres to him, and not to the
vicissitude of affairs, and is therefore constantly even, always the
same in the midst of all changes.”
6. As to the particulars of M. _de Renty_’s mortification, in the first
place, he was dead to riches. “I acknowledge before God (says he in a
letter to his director) his great mercy to me thro’ his Son, in freeing
me from the things of this world, and my constant thoughts are, that
if his order did not oblige me to do otherwise, I would quit all that
I have.” And to another, “All that can be imagined in this world is of
small concern, though it were the losing of all our goods. This poor
ant-hill is not worth a serious thought. Had we but a little faith and
a little love, how happy should we esteem ourselves in giving away all,
to attend on God only.”
*7. Thus entirely, even in the possession of riches, was his heart
engaged from them. And when the better part of his estate was in
danger of being lost, he said, without the least emotion, “Since God
hath committed this estate to me, I will do what shall behove me to
preserve it, and then ’tis all one to me what follows.” Yea, he often
expressed a kind of holy envy toward the poor, and a high esteem of
their condition, both as most advantageous for Christian perfection,
and because Christ himself had lived and died therein. “I avow to
you, (says he to a friend) the more of riches come to me, the more
do I discover of the malignity affixed to them. My heart is strongly
inclined to follow him who was the most poor and depressed among all
his followers. But that I know I may not put myself into that estate,
I should pant after it very much. What I infer from hence is this, that
not knowing the counsels of God, I cannot tell how he will dispose of
me for the future: but I offer myself up to whatsoever shall please him,
knowing that with him I can do all things.”
8. This inward temper appeared in a thousand outward effects. He parted
with several books, because richly bound: used no gloves in season;
wore no cloaths, but plain and close made; carried no silver about him,
but for works of charity. I have seen him at first in his coach, with
a page and footman; afterward, in his coach with a footman, without
a page; then with his footman only, without his coach; and in fine,
without either.
9. And as he was dead to riches, and to all the things of the world,
so he was, secondly, to the persons in it: having no affection for any,
but what was grounded upon, and subordinate to the love of God. This
was particularly observable, with regard to those who were engaged
to him by one of the tenderest ties, who depended upon him, and
used his counsel for the conduct of their souls. *To one of these he
wrote, “I cannot hear without trouble the great matter you make of my
conversation: let us breathe after God, and learn from Jesus Christ an
entire renunciation of our own affections.” And in another letter thus:
“Jesus Christ is ever the same, and his grace is continually advancing;
and as long as I am his, I shall be yours for his sake. He is not wont
to part souls by the separation of bodies: since his custom is, only to
take away what might be a hindrance to the perfect life of the spirit.”
*10. To a friend who had lost his director he wrote thus: “His remove
would doubtless be a great loss to you and all the country, if the
providence of God did not rather sanctify and establish, than destroy;
but by removing these visible supports, he often settles us more
firmly in our adherence to him through Christ, where we find all
power, and who is so near that he is even in the midst of us; and
when our dependence upon creatures is cut off by his providence, we
experimentally find, that we are not left destitute, but that supply
is made either by the spirit which dwelleth in us, or by his ministers
that remain; who the fewer they are, the more is the grace we receive
by them multiplied. Nor should we be further engaged to those who
assist us in our spiritual conduct, than as to God’s instruments,
whose help it is his will we should make use of, but no longer than
he pleaseth; and when it is his will to take them from us by death, or
otherwise, we ought not to lose our courage, but with submission and
gratitude resign all to him, who will again provide for us as seemeth
him best.”
11. He was, Thirdly, dead to all desire of every kind. Being one day
asked, “How he could be so quiet in such circumstances,” he answered,
“That through God’s mercy, he was indifferent to all things, and that
he no longer felt either fear or desire of any thing.” And writing to
his director, he says, “For the future I could wish, if there be any
thing left for me to wish, that I had nothing left me but my God: This
is the rich treasure of the heart, the sure replenishment of the soul.”
12. He had no eager desire even of sensible consolations; touching
which, he expressed himself thus, “Dryness, and other troubles of
spirit, are to be borne with upon any terms, and we must give up
ourselves as forlorn creatures, throwing ourselves wholly upon God.”
And again, “however dry your soul may be, when you endeavour to
place it in a state of reverence and affiance in the presence of God,
persevere still as much as you can, and keep yourself shut up in the
cabinet of your heart; suffer not the noise of all those tempests
without; be still, and mind them not. They have all their use; they
serve to purge the soul, and dispose it for the operation of God
upon it. Let then distractions, and all sorts of imaginations assault
you, as it pleaseth God, but let them not hinder you from that holy
exercise; diverting (as you are able) your mind from them, continue
your sacrifice, with full assurance you shall not wait long, before
your Lord come.” And when he found himself for a time, in such a
condition, he would cry out aloud, “I am thine, O God, in spite of all
these things, and so I will continue without reserve for ever.” And
sometimes he would write with his finger upon the ground, “I am content
with every thing that proceeds from the will of God: I ask nothing else
but what he appoints for me; I will never trouble myself to be freed
from dryness; my resolution is, to bless God at all times.”
*13. Lastly, He was dead to his own will, which he had perfectly
resigned, in conformity to the will of God. “Far be it from me, saith
he in one of his letters, to act in this by my own spirit; I would
have it wholly annihilated, that it might know no other language but
nothing, and continually nothing; to follow in all the footsteps of the
divine will, according to its measure and manner.” In another thus: “My
Saviour hath graciously brought me to such a state of indifferency for
every thing that I could be well contented, all my life, to be fix’d to
my bed, a paralytic, not able to stir, without making any reflection on
any service I might render to my neighbour, or that I could render him
no more: all things according to the will of God, being equal to me.”
And in a third: “Of late I have been busied in such employments as were
sufficient to have overwhelmed so weak a spirit as mine, had it not
been absolutely resigned to the will of God. It is on him alone I rest,
having renounced myself. I adore the decrees of his sacred will, who
holdeth all things in his own hands, to keep us subject unto him by his
justice, and to sanctify us by his love: happy, if we have the hearts
of children, the spirit of Christ Jesus, to sigh after him, and cry
continually, _Abba Father_.”
CHAPTER IV.
_His patience._
1. QUESTIONLESS the humble man is patient, because he knows he deserves
far more than he suffers: And whoever will search into the true cause
of his own impatience, will find it to be no other than pride. On the
contrary, M. _de Renty_ being most humble, was by consequence most
patient.
2. Persons who had lived a very long time with him, and carefully
studied all his actions, never heard him complain for any thing
whatever; neither for sickness, or loss, or any other occasion;
but they always observed in him a constancy immovable, continually
lifting up his heart to God, and offering all to him, without otherwise
dwelling on what was grievous; being glad that the work of God went on,
and receiving all in the spirit of sacrifice.
3. In his second journey to _Dijon_, with his lady and the Countess of
_Chatres_, he was seized with a violent rheumatism, which put him into
pain all over his body: and when he was obliged to take his bed, he
went thither quite stooping, supported by a staff, and by a person that
led him. *But notwithstanding the extremity of the pain, he made no
complaint, nor uttered one word. The ladies seeing him first quite pale
and wan, and in a moment all on fire, told him, “Surely he was very
ill;” He answered only by a discourse on the pain endured by Jesus
Christ, and the favour it was for a soul to suffer for God’s will; but
in terms so full of sweetness, and with so much of love and zeal, that
the company were affected with great devotion in hearing him.”
*4. When he was again asked, whether he was not in much pain, he at
length answered plainly, “My pains are great even to swooning; but
though I feel their extremity, yet through the grace of God, I yield
not up myself to them, but to him.” He said farther, that being led
into his chapel of _Citry_, and set down upon a bench by reason of
his illness, the bench broke without any visible cause, and that he
believed the evil spirit had broken it, in order to provoke him to
impatience, making him fall untowardly; “But by the mercy of God, said
he, though the pain that surprised me was sharp, I was no more moved
than you see me now.”
5. Nor was it only in sickness, but in all occurrences of life,
he carefully practised this virtue; so that whatsoever befel him,
though it shocked his whole nature, his body, spirit, judgment, will,
inclination, desires, designs, and those of the best sort, he possessed
his soul in patience and tranquillity, receiving all without any
alteration, without being either exalted or dejected by it.
*6. “Praying to God, says he in one of his prayers, before the holy
sacrament, a poor man came to me to beg an alms. In this instant it was
given me to understand, that if we were well enlightened, _we should
never imagine ourselves to be hindred, by any person or thing_: because
we should in all things regard the order of God, conducting all to our
advantage; we should see that both inward and outward distractions are
to be received with this same spirit; and that the uneasiness these
little accidents give us, springs purely from our want of mortification.
“We ought indeed, as far as we can, to shun the occasions. But when
they come, we must look upon them as ordered by God, and receive and
bear them with all sweetness, humility and reverence: and, though
they interrupt us, the order of God is not interrupted in us. And this
indeed is the great secret of the spiritual life; this is paradise upon
earth.
“In truth, nothing troubles us but thro’ our own fault: all the
vexation which we inwardly feel, or outwardly shew, when any one
crosses or hinders us from doing any thing, flows from the disorder of
our too much engaged spirit. For removing of which, and the keeping our
hearts in peace we must mark this well: _whoever hinders us from doing
one good work, thereby gives us the means of practising another_. *A
man suppose, interrupts your reading and prayer. But he gives you an
occasion of exercising patience, which at this time will please God,
and perfect you, more than all those employments. In them there was
something of your own will; but in this you wholly renounce yourself.
And the fulness of God is not, but in the emptiness of the creature.”
7. One great source of M. _de Renty_’s patience, was the high esteem
he had of sufferings, which sometimes made him ready to cry out with
that holy woman, “Either to die or suffer”! “I see says he, that in a
manner, every thing is unprofitable in this life but to suffer. Every
pleasure is a too hasty seizure of that recompence, which is not due to
criminals, who sojourn in this world only to be purged. Some pleasures
indeed may be sometimes necessary, in regard of our weakness, but even
they are apt to hinder the soul from attaining so high a degree of
perfection.”
8. “Though I dare not chuse or bring sufferings upon myself, (says
he in a letter to his director) yet having always before my eyes how
little I render to God for his favours, I am inflamed to suffer with
our Lord. In every other thing we are receivers from God. But in this
though we receive the grace to suffer, yet the suffering is that which
we can in a manner give to God, and which is the best gage and proof of
our love.” But he very wisely adds, “although I know this, yet I cease
not to know what I am: and amidst all my inclinations and desires,
I dare not to beg to suffer the least thing: Or, if I happen to do
so I revoke it afterwards, as having done foolishly. I have too much
experience of my weakness. I give myself only to my God for every thing
he pleases. By his order I will all: With him I can do all: and that
which is ordered by him is always accompanied by grace.”
9. The same spirit he earnestly recommended to all who were studious
of Christian perfection. To one of whom he said, “It is a great favour
to suffer; that is if you suffer in the spirit of Jesus Christ. But
there are very few that do so; very few that with a perfect resignment
to what God ordains concerning them; very few without some inquietude,
and dwelling in their thoughts upon their pressures: few that give
all events to the conduct of God, to employ themselves entirely in his
praise, and to give way by their acquiescence and submission, for him
to exercise all his rights and power ever them.”
*10. One that was in great pain he encouraged thus: “Many are called
Christians, but few have a Christian spirit. Many look up to heaven in
their prayers, but in their lives they are children of nature, looking
only upon the earth. If they do lift up their eyes to heaven, it is
only to complain; to pray God to condescend to their desires, not to
shew their acceptance of his. Or perhaps they will give some small
things to God; but not those on which they have fixed their affection.
If he separates them from them, it is a dismembring which he must make,
and to which they cannot consent. As though the life of Christians were
not a life of sacrifice, a continual imitation of a crucified Saviour.
*“God, who knows our wretchedness, takes from us for our good, the
cause of our evil, a parent, a child, a husband, that he may by another
evil, affliction, draw us to himself, and make us see that all these
ties to whatsoever it be that separates us from him, are so many
obstacles to our real happiness: and such obstacles that we shall one
day own in the face of all the creation, the greatest mercy he ever
did us was, to free us from them. But we must beware not to count this
mercy a chance or misfortune; for this would be to turn the remedy into
poison.
“Let us enter into the holy disposition which was in Christ, to suffer
willingly for the glory of God, and our salvation. Is it not strange,
that though the way he past through to glory, was ignominy, pain,
and the cross, yet they who call themselves his followers, desire
and expect another way for themselves to walk in? It is a shame for a
♦Christian to pass his days more at ease than Jesus Christ did. Let us
therefore go after him, and suffer with him. Blessed be sickness, the
loss of honour, riches, goods of the nearest things, and the separation
from all creatures, which hold us bowed towards the earth, if it set
us straight, and make us lift up our eyes to heaven, and enter into
the designs of God over us. Blessed be the plague, the war the famine,
all the scourges of God, which produce in us these effects of grace and
salvation!
♦ “Chirstian” replaced with “Christian”
11. The greatest exercise of patience he ever had was that which was
given to him by his mother. She had claimed a large share of what his
father had bequeathed to him; who with great submission and respect
gave her all that he believed her due, over and above. But she demanded
still more. Being advised by council, it could not be given without
wrong to his children; he ♦referred the whole business to arbitrators,
and agreed that his mother should choose them all. The day being
come for their giving sentence, his mother was in one chamber of the
house, and her son, with his lady and a friend in an other, where
his employment was, to pray to God for such an issue as might be for
his glory, and the procurement of peace. When the award was brought,
although it was not advantageous to him, and there was a large penalty
on whomsoever did not stand to it, he heard it with perfect calmness,
and immediately signed it without objection or dispute.
♦ “refered” replaced with “referred”
12. Believing now that his mother was fully satisfied, he was no
sooner returned home, than he caused _Te Deum_ to be sung, beginning it
himself, in thanksgiving for this happy conclusion. But God, to refine
and purify him the more, permitted the cross to continue upon him. For
his mother, not satisfied yet, found means to appeal from the award,
without incurring the penalty.
Her son did all that was possible for him to alter her design; after
earnest prayer, and extraordinary fasting, he went to her, cast himself
on his knees before her, and with the utmost reverence, humility and
submission, begged of her over and over, with abundance of tears,
“that she would please to take him and his family to herself; and after
that she might dispose as she pleased of all the goods his father had
left him.” But neither would she consent to this, but persisted in her
resolution, of suing him at the parliament of _Dijon_. This he might
have prevented, and never stirred out of _Paris_, but in respect to her,
he declined it, and determined to go to _Dijon_.
13. Being come thither, he found all mens minds fully prejudiced
against him, which he gladly endured, that he might be partaker of the
reproach, and honour the abasement of the Son of God. And when a person
of piety acquainted him with the strange reports which were spread
abroad concerning him, he with admirable calmness raised his heart to
God, and humbled himself before him. She asked, Whether it was true
that injurious papers had been put in against his mother? He answered,
“No; he had seen all the writings, and found them drawn with the
respect due to a parent.” *She asked further, “If he was not much
afflicted at her harsh manner of proceeding against him?” He said,
“No; because I so much adore the order of God over me, that I cannot
be afflicted at that which he permits to befal me. I am a great sinner,
and therefore not only my mother, but all the word have just cause to
take part against me.”
14. She adds in a memorial, that many ways were proposed for adjusting
the difference; but that it was the greatest difficulty in the world to
bring his mother to join in any: that in the midst of these delays, she
said to M. _de Renty_, “Sir, I shall willingly say the _Te Deum_, when
once your business is ended.” And that one day when they believed it
would be wholly concluded, he came to her with a chearful countenance,
and said, “It is now time to say the _Te Deum_, since you had the
goodness to promise it. And may I be so bold as to desire to say it
with you? O what a great and wise God have we! Who knows well, how
to do all things, as they ought and when they ought, not according
to our precipitation, but his order, which is our sanctification!”
Hereupon he said the _Te Deum_, with a spirit so elevated to God, as
gave sufficient evidence of his being wholly filled with him. And when
afterwards all was broken off, without hopes of making up again, he
said, *“It is well; though nothing be done, it was very fit to return
thanks to God, for doing his own will, and not that of a sinner,
unworthy to be heard or regarded.”
15. There passed many other things at _Dijon_, and since at _Paris_,
during these differences, even to the death of his mother. But I doubt
not, he who is now in the place of perfect charity, approves of my
passing over in silence the failings of her, to whom all his life he
bore so much love and respect.
CHAPTER V.
_His faith._
1. MR. _de Renty_ studied with a particular care a solid foundation in
this virtue, knowing how all other virtues depend upon it, as on their
root, their rule and measure. And he possessed it in so high a degree,
that he was more assured of the presence of God, and the truth of the
mysteries of Christianity, than of the shining of the sun. He truly
lived by faith: this was the path wherein he walked, working all by
the spirit thereof. He beheld things not with his bodily eyes, but
with those that pierced deeper. Considering them not according to
their present condition, or the order of nature; but according to
their future and eternal, their relation to grace and glory; regarding
nothing but as it was, or might be a means of his own or others
salvation.
2. Being fortified by this faith, he was wont to say, he felt no
difficulty at all, when (in his younger years) he was in a state
of dryness, wholly deprived of sensible comforts. To which purpose
he writes in one of his letters thus; “We seldom meet with persons
addicted to prayer, that behave themselves well under inward trials.
They have no patience to wait for comfort. They fret themselves, and
hurry this way and that, as if by their own means they could procure
it, seeking for another support than that of faith, which alone should
suffice any spiritual man. For _the just should live by faith_, and
on that foundation rest, in expectation of our Saviour, with patience;
knowing these joys are but supplements to the littleness, and cordials
for the faintings of our faith.”
3. Animated by this spirit, he relied not on any thing that came to
him in an extraordinary way; resting neither on visions, miracles,
revelations, nor inward motions, but solely on a pure and naked faith,
to carry him to God.
4. He knew our perfection consists in nothing else, but the renewal
of our soul in faith, hope, and charity: in performing to God the
sacrifices of a lively faith, a perfect hope, and fervent charity. To
cultivate and adorn his soul with these, was therefore his constant
care; to unite it more and more intimately with God, through faith
working by love, and to give himself up with all his strength to this
hidden and divine life.
5. Some years before his death, he was peculiarly employed in the
contemplation of the blessed Trinity. Wherefore he gave this account to
his spiritual guide; *“I carry about with me ordinarily an experimental
verify, and a plenitude of the presence of the Holy Trinity.” And again,
“I possess the sacred Trinity with a plenitude of truth and clearness;
and this in so pure and vigorous a manner, that my outward employment
creates me no diversion at all.” And another time he writ thus; “Jesus
Christ worketh the experience of his kingdom in my heart, and I find
him there my Lord and my Master, and myself wholly his. I discover
now a greater enlargement of my heart, but such as I am not able to
express; only thus, it is a simple but most real sight of the Trinity,
continually accompanied with praising, blessing, and offering all
homage thereto.”
CHAPTER VI.
_His Hope._
1. A STRONG faith cannot but produce a firm hope and charity. A true
belief in God, what he is in himself, and what he is to us, will work a
strong affiance in him, and ardent charity towards him; as appeared in
M. _de Renty_, who being grounded in faith, had also an undaunted hope,
and inflamed affections.
2. The experience of the power and mercy of God, and faith in the
infinite merits of our Redeemer, were the two pillars on which he built
his hope: and resting on these, he hoped all things. He used to say,
that when he looked at himself, there was nothing so little wherein he
apprehended not difficulty. But when he looked upon God, he could think
nothing difficult, much less impossible.
3. Accordingly in all affairs, he relied not upon his own prudence,
conduct, care, or any human strength or wisdom, but on God alone,
saying, “When we have done our duty with great diffidence in ourselves,
we ought to attend wholly on God, and wait his time.” And thus he writ
to a friend, “As for my children, I leave them in the hands of the holy
Jesus, without determining any thing concerning them, not knowing what
would befall to-morrow. He giveth me great confidence in his protection,
which renders me altogether blind, without wishing any thing, but being
ready for his will in every thing.”
4. Guarded with his perfect confidence, he feared nothing, but remained
firm and resolute against all encounters. He walked securely in all
places, at all times, in the streets, in the fields, by day and by
night; travelling through woods and forests, reputed dangerous, and
frequented by robbers, without any other defence than his trust in
God. A friend told him one day, he was afraid to walk in the evening
in the streets of _Paris_ without a sword, and desired his advice; who
told him, he had left off wearing a sword a long time, and advised him,
after he had commended the business to God by prayer, to trust in his
protection; assuring himself, that his protection over us, is according
to our reliance upon him.”
5. One day a scaffold on which he stood with his workmen fell down, and
hurt several of them: but it moved not him; his spirit remained in the
same evenness as if nothing had happened; being settled on him in whom
is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
6. Those words were found in one of his letters to his director. “My
soul being armed with confidence and love, fears neither the devil nor
hell, nor all the stratagems of man. Neither think I at all on heaven
or earth, but only how to fulfil the will of God in every thing.”
CHAPTER VII.
_His love of God._
1. THE sentiments M. _De Renty_ had of the love of God, he thus exprest
in a letter to his director; “In all I read in the scripture, I neither
understand nor find any thing but this Love. The very _end of the
commandment is love, out of a sincere heart_. And this is acquired by
faith in _Christ Jesus_, as the apostle observes in the following words.
Faith uniteth us to him, whereby we sacrifice our souls and bodies,
thro’ his spirit; which conducteth us to the compleat end of the law,
to deliver us up to God and bring him down to us in charity, and a
gracious inexplicable union; to whom be praise for ever! _Amen!_”
2. Writing to another, he says, “I thank our Lord, who hath disposed
you to a perfect self-denial. This is the way to love; and our love
of God is shewn, not so much in receiving gifts and graces from him,
as in forgetting ourselves, in renouncing all things, and suffering
constantly and courageously for him.”
3. So inflamed was M. _De Renty_ with this love, that all his thoughts,
words and works, were the fruits of it. All his virtues drew their
original from this: it was the beginning, and motive, and end of all.
“I cannot conceal from you, said he to a friend, that I have a fire in
my heart, which burns and consumes without ceasing.” And this divine
fire was so ardent in his soul, that the flames thereof often burst
forth into his exterior; and he hath owned, that whenever he pronounced
the name of God, he tasted such a sweetness as could not be exprest.
4. One of his friends assures us, “he has often seen him so inflamed
with love, that he appeared like one beside himself: and that he has
told him, when these transports were upon him, he was ready to cast
himself into the fire, to testify his love to God.” And one of his
letters he concludes thus: “I must now hold my peace; yet when I cease
to speak, the fire within that consumes me will not let me rest. Let
us burn then, and burn wholly and in every part for God. Since we have
no being but by him, why do we not live to him? I speak it aloud and it
would be my crown of glory, to seal it with my blood.”
*5. To another he writes thus: “I know not what your intent was,
in writing those words, ‘_My |God| and my all!_’ Only you incite me
thereby to return the same to you and to all creatures, ‘My God and my
all! My God and my all! My God and my all!’ Is your heart full of it,
and think you it possible I should be silent on such an invitation! Be
it known to you, that he is my God and my all; and if you doubt of it,
I shall speak it a hundred times over. I shall add no more, for any
thing else is superfluous to him that is truly penetrated with ‘My God
and my all’.”
*6. This love of God wrought in him an incredible zeal for his honour,
which he thus expresses to his director; “One day being transported
with an earnest desire to be all devoted to God, and all consumed for
him, I offered up to him all I could, yea, and all I could not. I would
willingly, if they had been mine, have made a deed of gift to him of
heaven and earth: and in another way, I would gladly have been the
lowest of all mankind. Yea, and if supported by his grace, I could
have been content, to advance his glory, to have suffered the pains
of the damn’d. In this disposition of a calm zeal, there is no sort of
martyrdom, no degree of greatness or littleness, honour or dishonour,
that passed not through my soul, and that I would not readily have
embraced for the advancement of his glory. It is impossible to express
one circumstance of what I felt. All I could do was, to give up my
liberty to God, writing the deed in paper and signing it with my blood.”
7. See here the zeal of a man all on fire with the love of God! And the
surest proof of love, conformity to his will. This intimate union of
his will with God’s, the object and end of all his actions, was indeed
one of his singular graces, as it is the sum of all perfection. He writ
thus to one concerning the Countess of _Chatres_, with whom he had the
strictest friendship; “I must own, that during my absence from her,
my heart was tenderly sensible of her pain. But my desire submits to
the will of God, and when that is signified, he gives me grace to obey.
I was not at _Paris_, but at _Citry_, when she departed; I was sent
for post but came two hours too late. Entering the town, I soon heard
the news of her death. Presently I fixt myself to the will of God;
whereupon I found no more alteration in my soul, than if she had been
alive. I see his order in this, that I assisted her not at her death,
and doubt not but he permitted it for her advantage.”
8. Another time he writ thus: “I have these three weeks had a fever,
with a defluxion, and an extreme weakness. My frame of mind during this
condition, has been a simple adherence to the will of God. I have a
heart willing and ready to receive any afflictions that can befall me.
I desire whatever is decreed from above, and beg it with all my heart.”
9. In the year 1641, one of his children, whom he tenderly loved died.
When the news was brought him, he spoke not one word, nor, shewed the
least sign of disturbance: his affection to the child yielding to his
absolute conformity with the will of God.
10. At the end of the year 1643, his lady fell desperately sick, so
that she was given over by her physicians, and left speechless and
without sense. This affected him in the most sensible manner; and he
broke out into these words:
“I cannot deny but my nature is deeply affected with the sense of so
great a loss. Yet my spirit is filled with so wonderful a joy, to see
myself in such a state, as to give up, and sacrifice to my God, a thing
so dear to me, that if decency did not forbid it, I would give some
open testimony of my readiness thereto.” Hereby he evidenced the will
of God to be so absolutely his, that he not only willed whatever God
willed, but also willed it as God doth, with pleasure and satisfaction.
But it pleased God to restore his lady to her health, with respect (as
we may believe) to the carriage of his faithful servant.
11. From this perfect subordination to the will of God, sprung his
admirable tranquillity. From this fountain flowed those rivers of peace
which he possessed in so great perfection, that on the most sudden
surprisals, his spirit was not altered, nor put into any disorder. So
that he could say from the abundance of his heart, “I comprehend not
that thing you call mortification. He who finds no resistance in his
spirit to any thing, is not capable of it. Whoso willeth whatsoever God
willeth, is pleased, whatsoever happens.”
12. With this Love of God was joined so deep a reverence of him, as
often cast him into trembling. And this unspeakable respect unto God’s
greatness caused him often to walk in the fields bare-headed, even
in rain, or the heat of the sun: and being asked by a friend, what
it was that kept him in that constant awe, and how he attained that
wonderful reverence he bore to God at all times, in all places, in all
employments, he answered, “The sight of his glorious majesty, which
continually seems present by me, keeps me in exceeding awe, with a deep
sense of his greatness and my own vileness. A mote in the sun is little,
but I am far less in the ♦presence of God.”
♦ “prescence” replaced with “presence”
*13. And sure it is, that this deep sense of his own vileness, before
the majesty of God, well becomes not only the greatest of sinners,
but the holiest of men upon earth. He that from a valley beholds the
sun when it rises, and appears on the point of a high mountain, may
think him that stands above to be near it, and almost able to reach it
with his hand. But the same man notwithstanding beholds it at a vast
distance above his head. And though in reality, he is nearer than the
other that stands in the valley, yet the proportion is so small as
scarce deserves to be named, in respect to the total distance.
14. This reverence of God occasioned in him a great reverence likewise
to whatsoever was devoted to him: as first to all holy places; at his
entrance into a church, his demeanor was highly modest and serious.
He never sat down there. He would remain in it as long as possibly he
could; sometimes seven or eight hours together. If any person spoke to
him in church, his answer was short; if a longer was required, he went
out and gave it.
15. He had great respect, secondly, to holy persons, especially to
priests, whom he highly honoured for their work sake. Whenever he met
them, he saluted them with profound humility, and in his travels would
alight off his horse to do it. When they visited him, he entertained
them with great respect; at their going, waiting on them to the gate:
And if any dined at his table, he gave them the upper hand, which
civility he observed to his own chaplain.
16. And as he had this reverence for them, so had he an earnest desire,
that they might live according to the dignity of their calling. When he
saw any that did not, he profest his heart melted into sorrow for them,
and that he prostrated himself before our Saviour, and begged with
tears some apostolical spirits. He often said, “Give us, O Lord, our
poor fishermen, men, simple in appearance, and vile in the eyes of men;
but great and holy within, and fit to convert souls by their sanctity,
prayers, and restless labours!” And herein I discover a great mistake
ordinary in the world, that outward greatness and pomp is the way to
keep up men’s credit, and make them more capable of doing good to their
neighbours. O, no! It is grace that hath power upon the souls, and an
holy and humble life that gaineth hearts!
CHAPTER VIII.
_His Love of man._
SECTION I.
_Of his love to man in general._
1. THE grand exercise of M. _de Renty_, was to apply and unite himself
to our Saviour, and from that union and example to derive all his
virtues and good works. To mould himself after him was his general
course, both in his inward tempers and outward behaviour. He never
took his eye off of this divine copy, but endeavoured to draw every
line exactly, to pencil his true likeness, and make him his native and
perfect original.
2. This was the scope of all his designs and cares, and particularly
that of his charity to his neighbour; for which he propounded our
Saviour as his grand exemplar, weighing the affection he shewed for
men; marking what _he_ had done, and what _he_ had suffered for them,
how _he_ sought after, and conversed with them; how _he_ instructed,
comforted, and encouraged them, sometimes reproving, sometimes bearing
with their infirmities; at all times carrying them in his bosom, yea,
in the most intimate inclosure of his heart.
3. He well weighed what Christ had delivered concerning this virtue:
that he had established it as the perfection of his law; that he had
termed this command peculiarly his own; that he had expressly and
solemnly bequeathed it to his followers, and enforced the execution of
it upon them by all the strongest and most endearing ties; that he had
made this virtue the distinctive character of those who were in reality
his disciples; and that he had charged us to love our neighbour,
according to the model, measure, and fashion that he had loved us. And
accordingly he determined, as far as he could, to love his neighbour
with the bent and spirit of his master. “I sigh (said he) after my
Saviour Jesus, desiring to imitate and follow him whither he pleaseth.
I beseech you, by your prayers, obtain for me his spirit, to be my life,
my whole life. Sigh and groan for me after my God, that I may be wholly
for him, in his Son, that I may follow him, and not live but by his
Spirit.”
4. Agreeably to this he endeavoured, in all the commerce he had with
men, to unite himself most intimately to our Saviour, giving himself
up as an instrument to be guided by his hand in the helping of others,
beseeching him to breathe upon him his spirit of love, recommended
so much in his word, but more in his actions, and to inflame him with
this sacred fire which he hath kindled in his church, that he might be
wholly consumed with it. He consulted him in all his doubts concerning
it, begging him to inspire what, and how, and when, he should speak and
act for the good of his neighbour; and that in him and by him it might
all be done.
*5. He looked upon men not according to their natural qualities,
their beauty, nobility, riches, or worldly distinctions, but according
to their more noble relations, and those common to all, _viz._ As
creatures divine, the lively images of God, formed to praise and love
him to all eternity; as purpled in the blood of Jesus, brothers and
co-heirs with him, his inheritance bought with the price of his life,
and a thousand pangs, and who therefore must be infinitely dear unto
him, and most tenderly beloved of him.
*In this capacity it was that he beheld men, and applied to their
necessities. And hereby as he was highly useful to his neighbour, so he
did not prejudice but greatly advantage himself. He looked upon God and
Christ in every man. He considered, it was they that demanded succour
of him. And while he was performing with all his might whatever was
necessary for the soul and body of the least of his brethren believed
verily it was God and Christ to whom he rendered that assistance.
And the same thought should all make use of, who would benefit their
neighbour, without prejudice to themselves, otherwise, a man shall
sooner lose his own soul, than lead another to God.
7. The charity of this man of God, built on these foundations, was so
enlarged, that it seemed to have no bounds; in that he loved not only
all Christians, but all men, without excepting any. _Thy commandment_,
says _David_, _is exceeding broad_; the same dimensions had his charity;
embracing the present and absent, domestics and strangers, friends
and enemies, good and bad; esteeming all according to their degree,
speaking (as he could) well of all, doing good to all, and ill to none.
8. There was not any considerable good work of a public nature, done at
_Paris_, or within a great distance of it, wherein he had not a great
share. There was no undertaking there, tending to the honour of God
or good of men, of which he was not either the author, or promoter,
or finisher, and very often all these together. He was one at all the
meetings of piety; and of many the very soul. He kept correspondence
throughout the whole kingdom, concerning works of charity, receiving
letters from all parts, desiring his advice in all difficulties that
occurred, in the erecting or perfecting hospitals, seminaries of
religion, and fraternities of virtuous persons, associating together
for the better applying themselves to their own and others salvation,
and the managing all sorts of good works.
9. From _Caen_ one writes of him thus: “M. _de Renty_ was our support
and refuge in the execution of all our designs, relating to the service
of God, the saving of souls, and the relief of the poor and distressed.
To him we continually wrote, and from him we received counsel and
succour on all occasions. Nor have we met with any since his death to
whom we could have the like recourse in the things of God.” Another
from _Dijon_ writes thus: “We cannot but acknowledge the great benefit
this province has received from M. _de Renty_. Wherever he came he hath
wonderfully advanced all works of piety. We may truly say, that his
days were filled with the fulness of God. Nor do we believe he lost one
minute of time, in which he did not either speak or act something for
his service.”
10. He applied himself to the necessities of the _English_, the _Irish_,
the captives in _Barbary_, and of the missions into the _Levant_; took
great pains for the support of the hospital at _Marseilles_; laboured
much for the relief of galley-slaves, and contributed much to the
advancing the affairs of _New France_ in _America_. He had a design
likewise to purge all trades and manufactures from the corruptions
which had grown upon them, so that men might live upon them like
Christians; which thing he begun and perfected in two of them.
11. The scripture he most studied, next the life of our blessed Saviour,
to qualify himself for all good works, was St. _Paul_’s description of
charity, in the 13th chapter of his first epistle to the _Corinthians_.
And whosoever is exercised in the virtues there described, will not run
in vain, nor labour in vain. *Indeed the more any one is animated with
this spirit, the more shall he advance holiness in others. Yea, though
his words be few and ordinary. For our words do not derive their force
from the mouth that speaks, but from the disposition of the heart, and
the power of the spirit that dwells there.
12. To qualify himself to be more extensively useful to his neighbour
M. _de Renty_, to the natural abilities God had given him, and to
the learning he had acquired in his youth, had by his industry added
several smaller parts of knowledge: and that not only for his own use,
but to teach them to others, whereby to help themselves. Yea, he abased
himself to learn the meanest skill, which might be any way useful
to his neighbour. One day in _Paris_ he carried a friend with him
to a poor man, who got his living by making wicker-baskets. He there
finished a basket which he had begun some days before, with design as
soon as he had learned it, to teach some poor people in the country to
make them, to help to get their living. He then left the basket with
the poor man, and a piece of money for teaching him.
13. Indeed he took upon him all shapes, transformed himself into all
figures, condescended to all things for the good of his neighbour:
all his thoughts, words and actions, being wholly cast in the mould of
charity: *Which made him say one day, “Methinks my soul is all charity,
and I am not able to express with what ardour and strange expansion my
heart is renewed in the divine life of my Saviour, burning in love to
all mankind.”
SECTION II.
_His charity to the poor._
*1. WITH regard to the poor, M. _de Renty_’s thoughts stayed not on
their habit or outward appearance; but passing further, he beheld under
these, with the eye of faith, Jesus Christ present and dwelling in them.
And as he burned with an ardent affection to our Lord, so he loved
them tenderly, succoured them with all his might, and left nothing
unattempted for their sakes. And with these eyes, not those of nature,
must every one behold the poor, that will love them indeed, and have
bowels of compassion for them.
2. From the year 1641, he invited to dinner two poor men twice a week,
on _Tuesdays_ and _Fridays_. But increase of business obliged him five
or six years after to reduce it to one day, commonly _Thursday_; when
he invited three; and willing to join spiritual alms to corporal, he
sought out such as seemed most to need instruction. To this end, while
at _Paris_, after his morning devotions, he went to St. _Anthony_’s
gate, and took such as were newly arrived, whom courteously saluting,
he brought home (in winter to the fire) made them sit down, and with
a cordial affection, which appeared in his whole behaviour, instructed
them in the chief points of Christianity. While they sat at table, he
served them himself, setting before them with his own hands the dishes
brought in by his servants and children. After dinner, he waited on
them himself to the gate, and dismissed them with an alms. This he
continued to his death, and when he could not do it in person, his lady
did the same to so many poor women.
3. Besides many other charities at his own house, he endeavoured the
general relief of all the poor in _Paris_, and the parts adjacent;
busied himself to understand their wants, studied ways of redress,
and carefully pursued them. What he could not accomplish himself,
he commended to others, spake for them, begged for them, bought
necessaries for them; laboured to establish settled courses of living
for men and children that were destitute, and when he could not at
present provide for them abroad, maintained them at his own house till
he could.
4. He was the first that motioned some relief for the poor _English_,
driven by persecution out their own country. He engaged persons of
quality in the purchasing of lands for their subsistence. When it was
done, himself undertook the charge of distributing one part of this
charity. This he performed, monthly, going to them a foot, and commonly
alone entering their chamber, he saluted them with all tenderness and
respect, and gave them their allowance wrapt up in a paper.
*5. In all his visits to the poor, after a general survey of their
wants, he examined in particular as well their spiritual as bodily
necessities; and endeavoured in the first place to mark their
inclinations, their passions, their ill habits; what vices were
predominant in them, and what were their chief infirmities: that like
a prudent physician he might apply fit remedies, and teach them how to
make the true use of their poverty.
6. As to their temporal necessities, he considered the capacity,
industry, trade or employment of each: for tradesmen, he considered
what tools or materials were necessary to set them to work. These he
provided, either redeeming their own, or buying new. He then gave them
provisions for two or three days, and provided them work not only for
themselves, but also for their wives and children. Afterwards he bought
some of their work, which he bestowed in alms upon others, and took
orders for the quick sale of the rest, coming to them from time ♦to
time to see if all went well, and encourage them to take pains.
♦ supplied missing word “to”
7. To these we may add, his charity to poor prisoners, whom he visited,
comforted, and relieved, and when he found it expedient for them,
(which he always first considered) used all means for their enlargement.
8. There was in _Low-Normandy_, one who had been a prisoner for several
years, and tho’ innocent, was in great extremity. Many had endeavoured
his release but without success, because of a powerful adversary. The
thing being commended to M. _de Renty_, after a just information of the
case, he committed the prosecution of it to his own advocate, made a
report of it to the council, and went frequently in person to sollicit
it.
9. But notwithstanding, perceiving the poor man’s cause to hang long,
he changed his purpose, and writ to his adversary, offering, if the
business might be referred to him, to take a journey into _Normandy_
immediately. When he came to the town, he went directly to the prison,
and after an exhortation to the prisoners, seconded by his alms, he
told the poor man his design, and exhorted him to pray to God for a
blessing on his endeavours, and to rest in hope that by some means or
other he should shortly be delivered.
10. He then went to the other’s house; whence he returned to the prison
for information on some difficulties that occurred. Finding all the
prisoners together at their usual devotions, he waited till they had
done. Having then received information, he went back to the other, with
whom he came to such an agreement, that this poor man, after a world of
misery, during nine years imprisonment, was at length set at liberty.
He maintained him eight days at his own house, advising and exhorting
him every evening: and at his departure persuaded him to go and see
his (former) adversary; whom he now found as tractable and friendly, as
before he had been severe.
SECTION III.
_His charity to the sick._
1. IF his charity to the poor was thus great, it was still greater to
such poor as were sick. He was not content to assist these in one or
two ways; but they found in him, and often in one visit, a benefactor,
a physician, apothecary, surgeon, a pastor, friend and servant.
2. In the year 1641, he learned to let blood, and several parts of
surgery. He acquainted himself likewise with the manner of making up
most sorts of medicines; and he consulted with a physician, by whom he
was instructed in the principal parts of the art of physic. Whenever he
went abroad, he had with him a surgeon’s box, and powders for the cure
of most ordinary diseases; which he used with great dexterity, and with
equal prudence, never advancing beyond his knowledge.
3. In his visits to the sick, he never ♦shunned any service necessary
for them, and in his power to perform; as making their beds, helping
them to bed, making their fire, setting in order their little
houshold-stuff; hoping thereby to win upon their affections, and draw
them to God with more facility.
♦ “shuned” replaced with “shunned”
4. In every family he took an opportunity to enquire whether God was
served there? And whether any quarrels or differences were among them,
which he took care to make up without delay. And he never left any
without providing for all their necessities, which he took notice of
with incredible diligence, sweetness, and respect; dispensing with
other business, that he might have time to hear all their complaints.
5. Neither did he only visit the sick, but they also sought him, and
would find him out wheresoever he came, if they were able to go abroad.
The sick, the weak, the lame, or otherwise infirm, flocked to him
from all quarters: he might often be seen encompassed with them; some
requesting his medicines, some his alms, some his counsel. He treated
all, as a true disciple of his great master, with the like diffusive
charity; and stood in the midst of them with the like goodness and
patience, endeavouring to do good, and to minister comfort to all.
6. Nor did his charity decline the care of those diseases which nature
cannot behold without horror and aversion. During his stay at _Dijon_,
he was informed of one, who having been among a company of soldiers,
was left by them in so noisome a condition, that none would come near
her, and the person where she lodged was going to turn her out of doors.
He went instantly to the house, perswaded them to keep her there, and
hired a woman to attend her. Then he provided her proper physic and
nourishment, which he brought her with his own hands: in the mean time,
reading to her every day, instructing and comforting her. By this means
he at length not only retrieved her from the jaws of death, but induced
her to spend the rest of her life in a virtuous and Christian manner.
SECTION IV.
_His zeal for the salvation of his neighbour._
1. M. _de Renty_ being continually inflamed with the love of God,
incessantly sought always, and used all means to make him more known
and loved by all men, both here and eternally. And this his zeal had
no bounds; it extended not only to all _France_, but to all the world;
insomuch that he said to an intimate friend, “I am ready to serve
all men, not excepting one, and to lay down my life for any one.” He
earnestly desired to enlighten with the knowledge of God, and inflame
with his love, the whole world; of which _Paris_ being as it were an
epitome, he went through all the quarters and streets of that vast city,
searching out what he could remove or bring in, for the glory of God,
and salvation of souls. And the same spirit which moved him hereto,
blest his endeavours to rectify what was amiss, and to strengthen what
was right. *This he did in so many several ways, as a man would think
it impossible: but what cannot a man do that is zealous, disinterested,
and full of God?
2. He performed what possibly he could in his own person, not sparing
any pains, nor losing one moment: and where his power fell short,
he engaged others: and in all places he laboured, as much as in him
lay, to induce such as desired to follow Christ, to join together, and
assist one another in working out both their own and their neighbour’s
salvation. Many such societies he established at _Caen_, at ♦_Amiens_,
at _Dijon_, and in several parts of _Burgundy_; whose endeavours being
animated by a true zeal for God, were blessed with unexpected success.
♦ “Amines” replaced with “Amiens”
3. To arm one who was thus engaged, against the difficulties he met
with, he writ to him thus:
“I am very sensible of the present storms that you endure; though there
is no reason why men should alarm you thus, seeing they have no cause
of reproach from your design, nor have you done any thing against
the gospel: yet I do not wonder at these crosses. ’Tis sufficient to
know that you desire to follow Jesus Christ: therefore you must reckon
contradiction to be your portion in these days of your flesh. Only be
firm in your confidence in our Lord, suffering none of these storms
to trouble you, or to obscure that light which hath moved you to, and
guarded you in this business. God deliver you from the reasonings of
flesh and blood, which at such times are apt to multiply upon us: be
assured, that if you hearken not to them, God will manifest himself
unto you; he will comfort and fortify you in faith, and in experience
of the gift of his holy Spirit.”
4. To another he writ thus: “Blessed for ever be the Holy Jesus, for
the good beginning of those you mention. If the other had a little
more courage to break her fetters, it would be a great step: and surely
there needs not so much deliberation to give up ourselves to him,
although he be to the _Jews_ a stumbling-block, and to the _Greeks_
foolishness. Not that God hath any need of our good parts or excellent
qualities, who commonly confounds the wisdom of the wise, by little
things which he chuseth. Blessed be that littleness which is accounted
weakness, and yet overthroweth all the power and prudence of the world.”
*5. We mentioned before his endeavour to reform trades from the abuses
and corruptions which, in process of time, they had contracted, and to
sanctify them, that some at least in each might live like the primitive
Christians, in common; deducting from their flock only their necessary
maintenance, and bestowing the rest on the poor. And, at length, he
in part effected it; so that there are now two companies in _Paris_,
one of taylors, the other of shoemakers, and of these in several
quarters of the city, (and the like there are at _Thoulouse_) who live
in community; rising, eating, working and praying together morning
and evening: calling each other brothers, and living together in the
strictest unity and concord.
6. Passing one day by the hospital of St. _Gervase_, and hearing it
was devoted to the lodging of poor travellers, he desired leave of the
superior to instruct them, in the evening when they ♦were met together.
And this he did from that time, every night, coming thither on foot,
and commonly alone, summer and winter. After instructing them, he
joined with them in prayer, which he concluded with his alms. And this
he continued many years, till some Churchmen, moved by his example,
undertook that work, which they continue to this day.
♦ “where” replaced with “were”
*7. His tenderness of heart to these poor people was exceeding great,
joined with such humility as cannot easily be expressed. When he met
any one at the hospital, he saluted him with great respect, put him
before him, and talked with him bare-headed. If any kneeled to him, he
did the like to them, and continued on his knees till they rose first.
One of them observing him diligently, and knowing him to be the Lord
of the place where he himself lived, was deeply affected at the sight,
and came and fell at his feet: M. _de Renty_ did the like to him, and
continued in that posture a long time, resolving not to rise before the
poor man.
*8. Going one day to visit the holy place of _Monmatre_, after his
prayers said in the church, he retired into a desolate part of the
mountain, near a little spring. There he kneeled down to prayer, and
that ended, dined on a piece of bread and a draught of water. After
dinner he took out his testament, and read a chapter on his knees,
bare-headed, with extraordinary reverence. Just then came a poor man,
saying his prayers. M. _de Renty_ rose up to salute him, and fell into
a discourse with him concerning God, and that so powerfully, that the
poor man striking his breast, fell down upon the ground to adore that
great God. Immediately after, came a poor maid to draw water at the
well, whom he asked, What she was? She answered, a servant, “But do you
know, said he, you are a Christian, and to what end you was created?”
Whence he took occasion so to instruct her, that confessing she had
never before thought of the end of her creation, she promised from
thenceforth deeply to consider, and seriously to pursue it.
9. In his first return from _Dijon_, he stopped three or four times in
the way, to instruct the poor passengers; and once went out of the road,
to shew some labourers in the field, how to sanctify the work they were
about.
10. A young maid in _Paris_, having been very cruelly used by her uncle,
fell into such a disorder, that in a fury she accused our Saviour as
the cause of her misery, for abandoning her to such a man. In this
horrible condition, she received the sacrament several times in a day;
on purpose to do despight to our Saviour, and provoke him to finish
her destruction. M. _de Renty_ was no sooner informed of this, than he
hasted to find her out; as he did, after eight days search, in the very
act of communicating. He immediately conveyed her thence, and took so
great care both of her soul and body, that she returned to herself, and
gave ample testimonies of her repentance.
11. As the design of advancing the salvation of men, is attended with
much doing and much suffering, it is necessary for him that undertakes
it, to fortify himself with courage and patience; and both these were
most eminently in M. _de Renty_, being, in the first place, full of
courage, resolute, and laborious; employing his body as if he had two
more in reserve when that was spent; dispatching more business in one
half-hour, than others did in many days. Very bold he was in entering
upon difficulties, and quick in extricating himself from them.
12. A lady who had left much to pious uses, made him her executor.
Being informed, her friends, men of eminent power, were much displeased,
he replied, “I never moved her to bestow any of her estate this way;
but since her piety has prompted her to it, I shall not be dismayed
with any power that shall oppose it: my care is to perform her will,
and for other things I take no thought.”
13. Seeing one day some gentlemen fighting, he threw himself between
their swords, laying hold on those who seemed most outrageous. At first
they quarrelled with him; but in a short time were friends, both with
him, and with one another.
*14. His zeal was accompanied, secondly, with unparalleled patience;
a virtue highly requisite for him that would save the souls of men;
seeing he must endeavour to win their hearts, at which he is to
make his first entrance; not following his own will or inclinations,
but theirs; becoming all things to all men; waiting long for their
conversion, and attending (without being tired and discouraged, though
by all his labour he should gain but little ground) the favourable
moments wherein they may yield to his motives. He must, like this holy
man, not only be willing to endure hunger, thirst, heat, cold, wet,
weariness and other outward pains, inseparably attendant on employments
of this nature; but also the importunities, complaints, passions,
the repulses, the contempts and injuries that are continually to be
expected in them.
15. While he was employed in instructing the poor travellers in the
hospital of St. _Gervase_, a man who was settled there, looking upon
it as an intrusion into his office, came to him, as he was in the midst
of the poor, and with many injurious and reproachful words, forbad him
to come any more. M. _de Renty_ having heard him without any emotion,
replied, “The poor people had much need of instruction; and since he
would not be at the pains of it himself, he prayed him not to hinder
one that would.” This did not satisfy him at all, but he came four days
together to drive out M. _de Renty_, interrupting him as soon as he
began; but he still received him with the same spirit, and at length
overcame evil with good.
16. One day he visited a person who, from a groundless suspicion, had
cruelly used his wife; who understanding his business, entertained him
very coarsely, giving him much opprobrious language, lifting up his
hand to strike him, and offering to thrust him out of doors. M. _de
Renty_ replied not one word, but after some time, drew near again,
embraced him, and accosted him with such soft language, that he was
perswaded, at length, to go to confession, which he had not done in
twelve years before, and to be fully reconciled to his wife; insomuch
that he lived and died a good Christian.
17. Another time, visiting a poor, old man that was sick, he began,
as usual, to speak of spiritual things. But the old man, instead
of listning, fell into a passion, telling him, he understood those
things better than he. M. _de Renty_ told him, he would be glad to be
instructed; and after a great deal of patience, and attention, taking
advantage from some things in that weak discourse, to convince and
inform him better, he proceeded so happily, that the rest of his days
he led a truly Christian life.
18. His patience in bearing with the faults and imperfections of others,
as it was truly exemplary, so it never took away, or weakened his
desire to correct them, for which he only waited a proper occasion.
When he intended to reprove another, he commonly first accused himself,
to prepare them by his example. Having such an intention, he began
a discourse of that openness with which Christians ought to tell one
another the truth; for want of which we grow grey in our vices, and
often carry them with us to our graves; saying, “He should hold himself
♦extremely obliged to any who would shew him that kindness. His friend
finding his heart exceedingly softened, besought him to deal freely and
plainly with him, in telling him whatsoever he saw amiss in him; which
thing then he did.”
♦ “extreamly” replaced with “extremely”
*19. But his patience did not in the least break in upon that fortitude,
which is often requisite in the things of God, for the good of our
neighbour, and for the worthy preserving of our just authority. He
knew severity must be used sometimes, especially when we have to do
with stubborn offenders; and accordingly advised a friend, concerning
a third person, “Take heed of humbling yourself before that man; the
abasing yourself in this case, would both prejudice him, and the cause
of God. Reprove him severely and roundly.”
20. And not in these instances only, but in all others, his zeal was
accompanied both with freedom and prudence. For though his humility
has concealed many of his inward graces and outward actions, yet many
likewise has his zeal brought to light, where he judged it necessary
for the glory of God, or the good of his neighbour: concerning which he
thus wrote to a virtuous lady:
“Give me leave to speak my thoughts of that liberty we ought to use, in
communicating freely the gifts of God bestowed upon us, to such persons
as may reap fruit from them; not stifling them in ourselves, whereby we
obstruct a second fruit, which God expects from his graces. *We should
consider ourselves set in the world as a chrystal, which, placed in
the middle of the universe, would give free passage to all the light
which it receives from above: so ought we to impart all the talents we
receive, and this without disguise, or the least claim of propriety.
*“Farther: as the chrystal, if several torches were set under it, would
transmit the beams of them all towards heaven: so whatever honours
or commendations we receive from below, should freely pass through us
up to God; for God hath therefore bestowed upon us such things as are
praise-worthy, not that the praise thereof should rest upon us, but
that it may pass through us to him, that he may ♦be blessed and praised
in all things.”
♦ inserted skipped word “be”
21. Yet his zeal, though free, was not so indiscreet, as to be its own
herald upon every appearance of doing good; but was very circumspect in
weighing all circumstances. Accordingly, in the same letter, he gives
this wise advice, touching the order and measure which are necessary
to be observed in this communication.
“To some, we must lay open our hearts freely and exactly; to others
more reservedly; to others we should be altogether locked up,
concealing from them what we see no disposition in them to make a
good use of.”
*22. Zeal indeed should be always attended with prudence, to consider
things well, and execute them in the best manner; to prevent mischiefs,
or redress them with as much of sweetness, and as little acrimony as
possible: and in desperate cases, or where the cure would prove worse
than the disease, to suffer and pass them over; some souls having
defects, as it were, incorrigible, which God permits to perfect them by
humility; and others likewise, that have an intercourse with them, by
patience and charity.
*23. One great point of prudence requisite in a zealous man, is,
neither to hurt his body by too much labour, nor his mind with too
much business. As to the latter of these, M. _de Renty_ took especial
care, so to manage all his works of charity, that his piety might
not be hindered but advanced thereby, indispensably performing all
his exercises of devotion; and while he conversed most with his
neighbour, reserving a considerable part, both of the day and night,
for conversing with God. As to the other, he thus expressed himself to
a clergyman, who had impaired his health by extreme labour:
“Give me leave, Sir, to tell you plainly, that you should not impose
too much upon yourself, lest for want of moderation, you render
yourself altogether unserviceable. The enemy usually takes no small
advantage of such free and well-disposed natures; you are not your own,
but a debtor to all men. Preserve yourself therefore, not by indulging
your body, but by laying upon it no more than it is able to bear.”
24. Being at _Citry_, in the latter end of the year 1642, he had a
strong impression upon his spirit, that at his return to _Paris_,
he should find a new employment about the poor, and be much taken up
therein. Accordingly, two days after his return thither, some persons
came to advise with him, about a course of relieving all such poor
in the city, as were ashamed to beg. He undertook to visit a fourth
part of them, and to assist them according to their necessities. An
employment sufficient to take up the whole time of one man, which yet
he performed, notwithstanding the multitude of his other occupations;
so that we must say, without a special assistance, he could not have
done and suffered what he did; but God, who hath limited our strength
of body, can increase it when and how he pleaseth.
25. Sometimes he received before-hand only a present impulse of
something to be done, without any particular discovery. As when he was
much pressed in spirit to go to _Pontois_, without understanding any
reason for it; yet, believing it to be the call of God, he immediately
undertook the journey; where unexpectedly he met with a nobleman of
great quality, who was come from a province far distant, on purpose to
be instructed by M. _de Renty_, how to serve God, which he had, till
then, little known, and less practised.
26. But though this great servant of God had an excellent faculty of
assisting all, yet was he more eminently assistant to some particular
persons, for the healing their souls, and leading them on apace in
the narrow way of perfection. I shall mention one only, the Countess
of _Chatres_, who being deep in the affections of the world, as are
most young ladies of her quality, it pleased God to inspire her with a
desire to ask advice of M. _de Renty_; this he gave her with so happy
success, that he himself was astonished at it. In less than a year,
she was so perfectly disengaged from all those little conveniences and
accommodations, which our ladies perswade themselves are absolutely
necessary, that one offering her something of this kind, which she was
formerly fond of, she answered, “I thank God, I have quitted this, and
many more things, for the love of God, and yet find no want at all.”
27. God gave him light to discern her proper way, how to renounce
herself, and advance in the paths of solid virtue, and to support her
in great inward afflictions. And she, on her part, resigned up herself
to his guidance, and forced herself to put his advice in execution:
a thing very requisite in those who would make use of the conduct of
others to good purpose.
*28. Though this happy intercourse, accompanied with such signal
blessings, had contracted a strict and perfect friendship between
them, yet he was very wary and reserved in his conversation with
her; visiting her only when the work of God required it, and neither
speaking nor staying with her any longer than was precisely necessary.
This she thought a little harsh, and complained of it to a friend, whom
she knew to have some power with him, saying, “M. _de Renty_ extremely
mortifies me with his civilities and reservedness. I have great need
to see him often, and yet cannot obtain it. Nay, when we are together,
he will not sit down, except when I am sick, or not able to stand any
longer; and always with his hat in his hand. I beg you to tell him,
what out of respect I dare not, what inquietude I suffer, to see his
behaviour such toward me, who ought to be continually under his feet.”
The person acquainting him with this, he answered, “I proceed in this
manner because my duty to God and to the Countess of _Chatres_ require
it. My Saviour obliges me to converse with her; but I must do no
more than what is necessary, and so retire, for which this posture is
most convenient. If we sat down, we should forget ourselves, and talk
more than is necessary, and perhaps pass on to things unprofitable:
therefore we ought both to stand upon our guard.”
29. Those who undertake the conduct of souls, ought seriously to
consider this answer; and to be fully persuaded, that the business does
not consist in speaking much to them, but in disposing them to speak to
God, and in making them fit for God to speak to them.
30. In the year 1647, having visited one afflicted with great pains, he
thus writ to his director:
“I have been with the person you know of, and have told her what I
thought suitable to her condition. I acquainted her how we ought to
lay this sure foundation, that we are nothing but weakness and misery
itself; and that God from this insufficiency of ourselves to all good,
means to extract humility and diffidence of ourselves, obliging us
thereby to fly to his Son, to find strength in Him, and a remedy for
all our miseries.
“As concerning myself, I have not much to say. Only I find within
myself, by the mercy of God, a great tranquility in his presence,
through the Spirit of Jesus Christ, and such an inward experience of
eternal life, as I am not able to express. Yet I find myself, so naked
and barren that I wonder at the condition I am in, and by which I
discourse. In my converse with this person, I begun my speech, not
knowing how to pursue it. After the second sentence I had not the least
foresight of what should be the third; and so of the rest. Not but
that I seem to have a perfect knowledge of the things I speak, in such
a manner as I am capable of it. But I only utter what is given me, and
in the same way as it is communicated, I communicate it to others.”
CHAPTER IX.
_His outward behaviour, and conduct of business._
1. M. _de Renty_ being sensible, that even our outward behaviour is
of great consequence in the service of our neighbour, being that which
makes the first impression upon them, did whatever he could for the
well composing his exterior, keeping his gestures, motions, looks, and
all parts of his conversation in such a harmony, as he judged fitted to
draw his neighbour to God.
*2. He was very modest, always calm and inviolably equal. “Among all
the things I observed in M. _de Renty_, (says one of his intimate
friends) what first affected me was, his rare modesty and great
evenness of behaviour. There was something in his looks which carried
so much reverence in it one might easily judge, he was always actually
in the presence of God.”
3. In every condition or employment whatsoever, he was the same in his
looks, gestures, words and actions, whether alone or in company, with
rich or poor, strangers or friends, before his children or servants,
yea even before his footman, in the country or town, at the table, and
every where.
4. And such a constant equality was the more observable, because of
his natural disposition, which was not slow, heavy and phlegmatick, but
cholerick, hot and active. But the exact and perpetual care he had over
himself, had wholly inverted his nature, and brought him to a behaviour,
as well as temper, directly opposite to those he took from his mother’s
womb.
5. Another of his friends writes of him thus: “That which pleased me
most in him was, His great recollection and intimate union with God:
attended with such a wonderful peace of mind, as shone forth in his
countenance, and begot ♦a kind of devotion in his beholders. This union,
methought, was ever the same, without any sign of distraction or levity,
or any word not necessary, no complaisance or human regard ever forcing
him to scatter his spirit. Not but he was full of civility; but still
so as to look more within himself than without.”
♦ duplicate word “a” removed
6. And indeed this continual presence of God, so wholly took up his
spirit, that no unusual accident or object, or any thing rare or
extraordinary could divert him. I never saw him admire any thing in the
world, nor fix his ♦eyes upon any curiosity whatever. And his gait in
the streets was so recollected, modest and equal, without gazing on any
thing, that a man might see Jesus Christ was his way, his employment,
and his all.
♦ “eys” replaced with “eyes”
7. In his speech he was very resolved, by choice as well as by nature.
In whatever company it concerned him to speak, he did so in his course,
with a composed demeanor, and words few, but material. He was never
known forward or eager to speak, or in speaking to do it with a higher
tone than ordinary. If he gave an account of any business, he did it so
briefly, and in words so pertinent, that it was a very hard matter to
find one that spoke better, and yet less than he.
8. Things that were unprofitable, or the news of the times, were never
the subject of his discourse: but always something pertaining to the
kingdom of God. And when the conversation was diverted to worldly
things, he either took leave of the company or stole away without.
9. And when he talked even of good things, it was with care and
moderation: saying, “There was much need of sparingness and sobriety,
when we speak even of the things of God, lest it turn to no good
account: and that it was a great trouble to him, when among serious
persons to hear them often spend precious time in talking of virtue
at large, and to find them departing from such conferences, with dry,
empty, and dissipated spirits.”
10. As to conduct of business, his method was, seriously to consider
things, before any resolution, and if after his own sense was given, he
found another’s to be better he readily quitted his own. After he had
resolved, he was prompt, firm, and constant in the execution of it. But
sometimes, when he had gone through the difficulties of a design, he
left it to a friend to finish; not out of inconstancy, but to gain time
for undertaking more, as well as to avoid the honour of it.
11. In all affairs that concerned the service of God, he had an
immoveable constancy. And besides the force of his words, there
appeared in his face an extraordinary assurance, (though his ordinary
deportment was always sweet and quiet) which particularly appeared in
all meetings, whereby he manifested such a spirit that those who beheld
him, felt themselves struck with awful regard. His proposals generally
carried so much light and force in them, that all were constrained to
acquiesce in his determination. But if any disputed his reasons he knew
how to enforce them; and if they chanced to make another reply, (which
was a thing that exceeding rarely happened) he said not one word more,
but his very silence, and the steadiness of his countenance, restrained
any further dispute. The meeting ended, he would go to that person and
ask his pardon; informing him, “That what he aimed at, was, not to make
good his opinion but to advance the cause of God; in all other things
he was ready to yield to every one.”
*12. But of all things he took care, not to overcharge himself
with business, to the prejudice of his piety. He knew that outward
employments, even the most holy, may be hindrances to inward holiness.
Wherefore he was careful not to overburden himself with them, and
very vigilant, that they should not distract and dissipate him, nor
secularize his soul, but serve only as means to elevate and unite him
more to God.
*13. And God so blessed him therein, that in the multitude of business,
he was still in a continual recollection. A familiar friend asking him,
Whether in that throng of employments, he observed his usual two hours
of prayer; he answered, “When I can, I keep three hours, sometimes four
or five; but when occasion offers to serve my neighbour, I easily quit
them, for God of his mercy hath given me the grace, to be inseparably
with him, even in the crowd of business.” To the same purpose he writ
to his director; “I continue my devotion out of the time and place
of prayer, even in the midst of converse and business: and I tell
you sincerely, tho’ I perform every thing so ill, yet I find little
difference of times for prayer, being recollected continually.” And the
same might be gathered (as was observed before) from his modesty and
composed countenance, clearly evidencing, that his soul was wholly and
constantly in application to God, from whom he drew light and strength,
for the conduct of all his business. Of which he thus wrote to his
director; “My recollection hinders no business at all, but furthers
it. Without it I should have a sollicitous desire of doing all myself:
whereas I now act in a most calm way, in which I have no share; for
it is our Lord that doth all.” In another letter thus; “Finding myself
one day much burthened with variety of businesses, I had a desire to
draw off my mind wholly; and at the same instant it was done. Since
that time they create me no trouble, and I dispatch them more readily
without thinking of them. This grace hath been often renewed in me,
(although in several manners) which I acknowledge to be very great,
because it preserves me disengaged, even in the multiplicity of
business.”
*14. If after he had done his part, any design miscarried, he rested
well satisfied. On such an occasion he thus writ to a friend; “We
may take up good designs, and God often inspires them; yet when he
is pleased to permit a contrary event, we must adore his secret will,
which brings more of mercy in the crossing of them, than if they had
succeeded. We should always be jealous over our spirit, that it fix not
upon any thing.” And again, “Our Lord has his designs, which he effects
by such means as we would not at all make choice of: The reason is,
because he would break our wills, and abate our dependencies upon earth.
Therefore he often crosses our best undertakings, being more jealous of
the sacrifice of our hearts, than any thing else, how specious so ever.”
15. I cannot better conclude this chapter, than with a letter writ to
his director on this subject:
“For these three or four months I have been, as it were, continually
employed in outward works; as removing from place to place, new
building a church, taking care of the sick, reconciling differences,
conferring with all sorts of people. Yesterday hearing those words of
the gospel read, ‘Thou art troubled about many things,’ it was said
to my heart, ‘Thou art not troubled about many things,’ giving me to
understand, that the things we are employed upon, according to the
will of God, do not create us that trouble; and that _Martha_ was
not reproved for doing the work, but for doing it too sollicitously.
Our Saviour intimating to her, that no business should be done with
inordinate agitation of spirit. Since our great business is, to hear
the eternal word, and act nothing with disturbance, but all in peace
by his Spirit.”
*“I received hereby a great support in the performance of these petty
exterior offices, and made no difficulty at all to yield myself up to
this holily disordered divine order. At the same time I enjoyed such a
sensible impression of God, yet excelling all sense, that if I had been
thrown like a bowl, I could never have lost the sight of my God. Our
Lord turns this bowl in a strange manner, even as it pleaseth him. And
these several turnings are all for the soul’s advantage, whereby she is
fashioned for every occasion, that she may do nothing for or by herself;
but all for God, and according to him.
“I see likewise that one whom God employs in these low affairs, if
he follow them with the same fidelity, is as acceptable to God, as
one that is employed in the most noble functions. Will nothing please
you but to convert worlds? You shall be content to carry stones;
and sometimes to sit still and do nothing. You are then to offer the
sacrifice of patience. And I believe it is a thousand times more rare,
to find a soul thus faithful in patience, and content to do no more
than God would have him, than faithful in actions that appear abroad.
“I have one word more to tell you; which is, that I am really ashamed
and confounded, that I do no more for God: which indeed, with the sense
of my unfitness for any thing that is good, would work me much torment,
did I not consider, He is all-sufficient, and doth with us as he
pleaseth.”
CHAPTER X.
_Of his death._
1. ON the 11th of _April_, 1649, he found himself very ill, and having
concealed his sickness five days, was then constrained to take his
bed. He endured great pains all over his body, with which his mind
too was so much affected, that he profest, if God had not assisted
him against the ravings of his imagination, he should have spoken more
extravagancies than any madman. “There was much, he said, in such a
condition to humble him. But it was the duty of a sinner to honour God,
in all conditions wherein he should place him.”
2. During these great pains and torments, and during the whole course
of his sickness, his ordinary employment consisted in affectionate
elevations of his soul to God, in thoughts and words of blessing,
praise, and submission to whatsoever was laid upon him, and of meekness
and perfect obedience to all that attended, and had the care of him,
with such a humble and contented spirit, that he thought all well done,
though sometimes it was otherwise.
3. His patience never gave way to any complaint. And when his keeper,
who was of the hospital of charity, with whom he had visited so many
poor and sick, importuned him to declare his pain, *“O sister, said he,
how does the love of God wipe away all pain? The servants of God suffer
nothing.” Another friend asking, if his pain was not great? He answered,
no. The other replied, “He thought it was.” “It is true, saith he, that
I am much clogged with my disease; but I feel it not, because I do not
think of it.”
4. Being urged to take some sweet things, he refused, saying, “These
make little for life or for death.” Yet he refused not physic, but
took it with a chearful countenance, though it was very bitter, and
he had a great difficulty in swallowing. Indeed when one told him of
another medicine which had done great cures, he answered, “Patience is
a sovereign remedy,” intimating his unwillingness to try it. Yet when
it was brought, he took it without any reluctance.
5. His sickness increasing more and more, yet he never called for any
thing to refresh him: and when they had forced clean sheets upon his
bed, and a pillow, which he had before refused, he said, “Lo! Here lies
a gentleman at his ease.”
*6. Feeling some joy arise in him, upon the sight of a person of
his acquaintance, with whom he had held a strict correspondence in
spiritual things, who came out of the country on purpose to visit him:
he immediately repeated thrice over, with great fervour, “I desire
nothing more but God.”
7. Reflecting on the poor, the constant objects of his tenderest care,
he said to his lady, “I recommend the poor to you. Will not you have
a great care of them? You will perform it better than I. Fear nothing:
what you give to them, will not lessen the rest.”
8. The greatest part of the first week of his illness, and some part of
the second likewise, was spent by him in works of mercy, appointing of
alms, and giving orders for letters to be writ into several provinces,
about business of charity wherewith he stood charged, and whereof he
gave an exact account.
9. Many persons of quality coming to visit him, he received them with
much civility, but not without some concern, because most of those
visits drew on discourse of worldly things. “They come hither, said
he, to talk philosophy; of which I have no need.” And another time his
expression was,
“A Christian should talk little.”
*10. A lady of great piety coming to visit him said, “Sir, I would
with all my heart lay down my life to save yours.” He replied with a
chearful look, and eyes lifted up to heaven, “To die is not to be lost.
Our conversation and union will hereafter be more near and intimate.”
She said, “But, Sir, if it pleased God to restore your health, and
continue you longer with us; do not you desire it? St. _Martin_
desired to live upon these terms.” He answered, “O Madam, there is no
comparison between a saint and a sinner! The will of God be done.”
11. The third day of his sickness he desired his director might be sent
for. And being asked, if he found himself worse? He answered, “No; but
in a business of this consequence, it is not safe to delay, for fear of
a surprizal, the judgment and memory being both so subject to decay.”
The next day he made his confession, the day after he confessed again,
and almost every day till his death.
12. The pastor of his parish having administered to him the Holy
Communion, and observing his deep silence, not speaking one word; but
only with profound humility, “My God, my God, pardon me; I am a great
sinner!” He asked him the reason, why he spake so little, and did not
apply himself to those who were well-pleased to hear him? “It is not
fitting, said he, to speak in the presence of him whom I have received,
nor take up any room in those hearts, which ought to be filled only
with God.” He added, *“My spirit is now applied to that joy, which
a creature ought to have, to see himself upon the point of being
re-united to his first principle, and his last end.”
13. The same day after dinner, one told him, “It was fit to use some
diversion from his serious thoughts; the physicians judging his disease
to have much of melancholy in it.” To whom he replied, “I never had any
joy comparable to that I have felt this day.” He asked him, for what
cause? “To think, said he, that I am going to be united with my God.”
He added earnestly, “I desire to be dissolved, and to be with Christ.
The Spirit and the bride say, Come; and let him that heareth say, Come.
And he that thirsteth, Let him come. Behold I come quickly. Amen; Come
Lord Jesus!”
*14. About noon, he desired his window might be set open, that he might
behold the brightness of the day: which being done, he cried out, “O
bright day of eternity! How this sun-shine chears me! Helping me to
meditate on that day, which shall never have night!”
*15. The more his sickness increased, the more he strove to unite
himself to God by prayer, imitating his master, who in the strength
of his agony, prayed the more earnestly. And when the violence of his
disease so opprest him, that he had need of greater straining, to keep
his mind fixed upon God, he cried out,
“Courage, courage! Eternity is at hand!”
16. Many such speeches he uttered with incredible fervor, tho’ he could
not pronounce them distinctly, by reason of the extreme dryness of his
throat, occasioned by the fever. At last, stopping his speech, he fixed
his eyes stedfastly on heaven, for a quarter of an hour together, with
a smiling look, and full of reverence, as if he saw some extraordinary
sight. After which gathering all his strength, he sat up in his bed,
took off his cap, and holding it in his hand, said, (with words half
stifled in his throat, as well by the ardor of his spirit, as the
weakness of his body)
“I adore you, I adore you.”
17. The curate having used the service of the church, to which he
attended with great devotion, answering to every prayer, asked him,
if he would not give a blessing to his children? He answered, “How
so, good Sir, shall I presume to give a blessing in your presence? I
should be happy to receive one from you.” But being urged thereto, and
told the church allowed it, he lifted up his hands and eyes to heaven,
saying,
“May it please God to bless you and to preserve you by his grace from
the malignity of the world, that you may have no part therein! And
above all, my children, may you live in the fear and love of God, and
yield due obedience to your mother!”
18. On _Saturday_, about half an hour past ten in the forenoon, ♦being
just recovered out of a violent convulsion, looking attentively on
those that were present, he made signs with his hands, head, and eyes,
with a pleasant countenance, for an intimate friend to come near him.
Which being done, he said,
♦ “been” replaced with “being”
“Sir, I have one word to say to you before I die:” (then pausing a
little to recover his strength, he testified his affection to him, but
in words that could not distinctly be understood. At length raising his
voice, and speaking more articulately, he went on) “The perfection of
a Christian life, is to be united to God by faith. Let us not entangle
ourselves in novelties. Let us adore his conduct over us, and continue
faithful to him unto the end. Let us adhere to that one God, crucified
for our salvation. Let us unite all our actions, and all that is in us
to his merits; hoping that if we continue faithful to him by his grace,
we shall be partakers of the glory of his Father. I hope we shall there
see one another one day, which shall never have an end.”
19. Some time after, fixing his eyes upon heaven, he said, “The
holy Jesus, where is he?” They brought him his picture, which he
affectionately kissed. Then turning himself he presently entered his
last agony; which held about a quarter of an hour, the greatest part
of which he spent in pronouncing the name of Jesus; making as well as
he could, acts of resignation, and commending his spirit to God: After
which he expired sweetly, and his holy soul departed to its place of
rest.
20. Thus lived and died M. _de Renty_, one of the most glorious lights
God hath bestowed upon his church in our age. He died at _Paris_, in
the 37th year of his age, the 24th of _April_ 1649, about noon. We have
great reason to admire the secret counsels of God, in taking out of
the world, in the flower of his age, a man so qualified to advance the
honour of God, and the good of his neighbour. But when we say, it was
the hand of God, all things are therein concluded. Hereby he is pleased
to let us know, that he hath no need of us for the advancing his glory;
and that when he does use us as instruments therein, we ought to behave
with all humility in his presence. He hath translated him to another
place, where he glorifies his majesty with greater perfection; and
where he waits for us to glorify and love, together with him, God the
Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, to all eternity! _Amen!_
An EXTRACT from the
LIFE and DEATH of
THOMAS WALSH.
THE INTRODUCTION.
THE exceeding riches of the grace of God our Saviour, and the effectual
working of his mighty power, have in all ages shone most conspicuously
in the holy lives and exemplary conversation of his eminent servants,
_the excellent of the earth_, with whom are his peculiar delights.
And although, strictly speaking, He only is _wise_ and _good_,
nevertheless, there is a sense in which goodness is with propriety
ascribed both to angels and to men. This consists in their resemblance
of him who is the source and model of all goodness, holiness, and
perfection; as proceeding from his fulness, whence life and blessedness
flow to every creature, whether in heaven or in earth.
Of this kind the scriptures furnish us with several examples, _Abraham_,
_Enoch_, _Noah_, _Daniel_ and _Job_, (beside many others) are described
in the Old Testament, as men walking before God, and perfect in their
generation. And the eleventh chapter to the _Hebrews_ contains little
else than an account of ancient worthies, eminently remarkable for
their faith, sufferings, patience, and glorious end; who considering
themselves as strangers and pilgrims in this world, sought _a city
which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is_ God. And God,
saith the apostle, _hath provided some better things for us, that they
without us should not be made perfect_.
The time would fail to mention particularly the names of all the
eminently faithful, who have lived and adorned their profession, since
life and immortality have been brought to light by the gospel. They are
an innumerable company. It is enough for us to know, that if _any one
loveth_ God, _the same is known of him_. Their _names are written in
the Lamb’s book of life_, and shall at last be numbered amongst his
jewels.
When names, and sects, and parties fall,
And thou, O Christ, art all in all!
Among the number of persons eminent for their usefulness and personal
holiness, which the present generation has produced, he, a part of
whose life is here related, may justly be considered as one; and his
example is one, which in some respects may be said to have its peculiar
excellencies.
A circumstantial detail of such things as often find a place in this
kind of writings, namely, family, childhood, education, stature,
complexion, and a variety of common occurrences, is judged, as well
tedious as foreign to the design of the work, which is to represent,
principally what passed between God and his soul in the progress of his
conversation and daily walking with God.
And yet neither is intelligence of this sort wholly omitted; he
has left a few particulars relative thereto, which will enable the
reader to form some idea, as well of the former as latter part of his
pilgrimage.
His prayer was, ‘That this little book (meaning what is here called
the _first part_, great part of which he wrote himself) may be made a
blessing to all who shall read it; that the Lord Jesus may make it a
means of kindling holy desire in their souls, and of stirring them up
to the fear and love of God.’
PART the FIRST.
CHAPTER I.
_Of his birth and education._
THOMAS WALSH, was born in the year of our Lord 1730, at a place
called _Bally Linn_, in the county, and within about ten miles of
the city of _Limerick_ in _Ireland_. His father, _Edmund Walsh_, was
by occupation a carpenter, a man of tolerable education, and strong
natural understanding. His mother’s name was _Helena Nougham_, born of
reputable parents. They were both members of, and entirely biggotted to
the church of _Rome_.
When about eight years old, he was put to school to learn English (his
mother tongue was _Irish_.) Afterwards he went to school to one of his
brothers (of whom he had several) by whom he was initiated into the
_Latin_ tongue. Having acquired its rudiments in some tolerable degree,
he went afterwards into the neighbouring county of _Clare_, with a
design to be put apprentice, his friends intending him to be of his
father’s trade.
But God in his adorable providence and unsearchable wisdom, had, as the
event shewed, other designs concerning him. Disappointed therefore in
this he returned to school, and proceeded in his pursuit of learning;
applying himself at present to the study of _Latin_, which he had but
lately intermitted.
After he had made some considerable progress in this, he applied
himself to the study of some parts of the _mathematicks_, for which he
thought he had a better genius than for languages. He soon acquired the
knowledge of arithmetic, both vulgar and decimal, measuring superficies
and solids, &c. And afterwards went to the city of _Limerick_ in order
to perfect himself in writing.
And now having continued at school till about the nineteenth year of
his age, and having acquired such branches of literature as fitted him
for being useful to others in the same way: he quitted school, and set
up one for himself, wanting neither scholars nor ability to instruct
them, which he did with success, during the time he continued his
school.
CHAPTER II.
_Of his religion, and the struggle which he found between
nature and grace, till the sixteenth year of his age._
HIS parents (being as has been observed) members of, and strongly
attached to the church of _Rome_, brought him up in the same principles
and communion, and took care that his mind should be early furnished
with the first and fundamental parts of what they judged his duty
towards God.
“When (says he) I was young I learned the Lord’s prayer, and _Ave
Maria_, in _Irish_, together with the hundred and thirtieth psalm
in _Latin_; with the Popish augmentation thereto. And now I began to
imbibe that uncharitable, anti-scriptural opinion, that all dissenters
from the church of _Rome_ were heretics, and in a state of damnation.
But, since the Lord hath enlightened my understanding, I am fully
convinced that therein I greatly erred, _not knowing the scriptures,
neither the power of God_.
“I cannot but lament the case of those parents, who alas! not knowing
what they do, endeavour to instill into the minds of their children
such pernicious principles: and I do earnestly intreat all children,
as soon as they come to years of discretion, to examine, and judge for
themselves.”
It pleased our Lord to work in his heart very early. He made him bear
the yoke in his youth, and by his terrors restrained him from excess,
and the great offence. “Even while I was young and ignorant (says he)
God was striving with me, and often terrified my heart: especially
whenever I thought of the day of judgment, and of eternity!
“At those times especially, I frequently repeated the prayers I had
learnt. But alas! to how little purpose? While I prayed neither with
the spirit, nor with understanding. My heart was hard and stubborn, and
my understanding was blind and foolish. I had no just conception either
of God, or of religion. Nay, so great was my ignorance, that when I
named our Saviour in _Irish_, I thought the name belonged to some woman
in heaven.
“While I was thus foolish, and blind (_even as a beast before thee!_)
my fallen nature began powerfully to discover itself. The seed of the
serpent working in my heart, broke forth in words and in deeds. Now
pride, anger, and self-will especially, reigned over me. But alas!
I then little knew that those accursed tempers proceeded from that
source of universal disorder, and all human miseries, _original sin_.
I believed that this had brought temporal death into the world, and
great disorder into the whole state of the visible creation: but of its
subjecting the soul to spiritual, and exposing it to eternal death, I
had no apprehension. I had, it is true, conviction whenever I did amiss;
told a lie, or fell into any other outward sin. But the Spirit of God,
and the holy scriptures alone, I now plainly see, could convince me
that my tempers deserved the damnation of hell. And hitherto I was
ignorant of both.
“When I was about eight years old, I began to love play, and divers
other silly pleasures, spending the time I was out of school in
catching of birds, playing at ball, and the like. My fondness for these
occasioned my frequently breaking the sabbath, which I usually spent
either in these vain amusements, or in reading some profane history,
or other unprofitable book; and indeed no one so much as told me, that
these kinds of employments were any violation of the Lord’s day: my
parents, like the rest of their neighbours, esteeming them innocent
diversions, harmless amusements.
“I did not then know that I ought not on this day _to do mine own
pleasure, to speak mine own words_, or think my own thoughts; that I
ought to spend it wholly in glorifying God, by praying to him, hearing
his word, and reading and meditating therein; _calling the sabbath a
delight, the holy of the Lord, honourable_.¹ O the curse of ignorance
and evil example! How many souls do these lead into the broad way of
destruction! How happy would it have been for my poor soul, if I had
known and _remembered my Creator in the days of my youth_! Had I been
_brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord_; had I _known
the scriptures from my childhood_!² How would it have contributed
to prevent my wrong conceptions, and to regulate, at least, in some
measure, my whole conduct.
¹ Isaiah lvii. 13.
² Ecclesiastes xii. 1. Ephesians vi. 4. 2 Timothy iii. 15.
“From the tenth to the fourteenth year of my age, my corruptions
increased, took deeper root, and more visibly appeared in my whole
conversation: and yet I was more regular and conscientious in
discharging my duty towards God. (So I was taught to call a dull form
of words, part of which only were addressed to God, and the greatest
part to saints and angels.) My parents according to custom brought me
at the usual times to the priest, who examined me concerning the _Pater
Noster_, _Ave Maria_, and _credo in Deum_, with some other rites of the
church of _Rome_. But alas! to how little purpose? It made me neither
wiser, nor better. Some part, it is true, of what he taught me, was
according to the word of God; but the greater part entirely repugnant
thereto, and to all truth and righteousness. But I knew not then how
to distinguish between the truths of God, and the traditions of men,
having had no knowledge of _the law and the testimony_, the only
infallible touchstone of doctrine and practice. He might therefore have
imposed whatever he pleased upon me; and the rather, as I was taught to
believe whatever he said, and to consider it as coming from the mouth
of God. Indeed I could not help observing even then, that several of
those reverend gentlemen frequently erred in practice: tho’ still I
thought they were infallible as to doctrine.
“After this catechising, I became more inquisitive, and began to
read books of devotion. These I found for the present had their use.
Whenever I read of the passion of our Saviour; the love of God to
sinners; the joys of heaven, or the miseries of the damned, my heart
became deeply affected; and much desire towards God enkindled in my
soul.” But alas! it soon died away again, becoming like the _morning
cloud_. The inconstancy and corruption of his heart, easily prevailing
over those divine, but transient impressions.
“From the fourteenth to the sixteenth year of my age, I had more of the
form, though less of the power of godliness, than even before. I now
attended the public worship (that is, went to mass) and every night
repeated my prayers, which were indeed no better than vain repetitions.
But still, pride, anger, self-will, and revenge more powerfully
prevailed over me than ever: and I added to these my former prevailing
abominations, lies and evil words. Indeed I had an entire aversion
to cursing and swearing in the gross sense; but abounded in petty
oaths and bad wishes. Of this sort there are legions in the _Irish_
language;” perhaps more, and more wickedly expressive than in any other
language. “Being at play, I remember one day, and provoked by one of
my play-fellows, I swore (horror to think!) by the glorious name of
Jehovah (to the best of my remembrance I never did so before, nor ever
since). In that instant I felt I had grievously sinned against God, and
deserved his wrath and heavy displeasure.”
“To the rest of my evils I joined disobedience to my parents. Indeed
I dared not shew it outwardly, to my father especially, whom I so
dreaded as often to tremble for fear of him. But my heart was hard and
stubborn.” One instance of this he mentions which wrought him many a
bitter reflection afterwards; for years he hardly ever thought of it
without being deeply affected with shame and sorrow. Having one day
thro’ his stubbornness greatly provoked his mother, and given her a
wicked and impertinent answer, she said to him “You have grieved me.”
“It went like an arrow through my heart. I knew the fifth commandment
(the fourth indeed I then called it according to the custom of the
church of _Rome_) strictly forbids disobedience to parents, and that to
honour them, is _the first commandment with promise_. Justly therefore
was I condemned. But, O God! How little is it to be wondered at, that I
did not rightly love, neither was obedient to my earthly parents, while
I knew neither love, nor obedience towards thee, my Father, who art in
heaven? Well do I know now (and praised be thy love for this knowledge)
that such as are froward towards thee, will, while they remain so,
never be truly a comfort to their parents.” They may indeed, pay an
outward compliance, and a seemingly dutiful subjection, as is often
seen even among professed worldlings; but cordially and disinterestedly
to love, honour and reverence our parents, can only be the effect of
subjection in heart and life to the _Father of spirits_. So universally
true is it, that “A foe to God, was ne’er _true_ friend to man.”
CHAPTER III.
_Giving a farther account of him; the corruptions he struggled
against, and the means he made use of to subdue them, from the
sixteenth to the eighteenth year of his age._
NOW, both his sins and convictions daily encreased upon him. The desire
of the flesh in particular raged in his nature, and it wanted not its
frequent and prevalent incitements. Now likewise he began to assume
the man, and kept more company than before, which not a little inflamed
his besetting sin. Temptations from without were multiplied, and there
wanted not opportunities and solicitations from the devil and nature to
defile himself before the Lord. But still the preventing grace of God
restrained him from sinning against him, in the actual transgression.
This indeed, tho’ it did not, could not, exempt from guilt, fear and
shame, considering the purity of the gospel law, nevertheless became
justly matter of his thanksgiving to God. “I do (says he) praise God
unfeignedly, for with-holding me from my own actual wickedness, and
preventing my leading others into the cursed and detestable abomination.
But I abhor and condemn myself for the concupiscence and wickedness
of my heart, which (with grief and horror God knoweth I speak it!)
discovered itself in other respects, such as it is a shame even to
mention. Of this no human eye could be a witness.” But God, his holy
angels, and his own conscience were more than ten thousand witnesses
against him.
And now, at length, his life became a burden to him, almost
insupportable. His true character at this time was, _O wretched man
that I am! who shall deliver me!_ He felt “indwelling sin, indwelling
hell,” and breathed in many a groan,
O what is life without my God?
A burden more than I can bear.
I struggle to throw of my load,
Me from myself I strive to tear!
“The Spirit of God (says he) deeply wounded me. _The arrows of the
almighty_ stuck fast in me, and my very bones trembled because of my
sin. I was persuaded in my heart that this commotion was conviction for
my sin; but had little conception that the Holy Spirit was the chief
agent in the work: for alas! So great was my ignorance that I did not
know there was _any Holy Ghost_ for _me_ to receive.”
“While I was thus in the midst of my extremity, I _confessed_ to the
priest according to the custom of the church of _Rome_. He advised me
to say many prayers (as he termed counting my beads) but alas! This did
not do: and indeed how should it? I was brought into captivity through
the power of _sin which reigned in my members_. And even my multiplied
prayers could be little else than an abomination to the Lord, while
neither the form, nor the matter of them was according to the will
of God. Many of them being little else than vain repetitions, and
babblings to physicians of no value, in this respect; which therefore
left me under the power of _sin and death_.”
Indeed how else should it be? While he was yet unthought of; at least
unapplied to, who alone could help him; even Jesus, whose name is
salvation: and beside which, in heaven or in earth, there is none other,
by which a sinner can be saved. He it is that invites, and he only can,
and doth, give the _weary_ and the _heavy laden_, to find rest to their
souls, and who at length did “allay his fever of desire, by sprinkling
him with his blood.”
Hearing the priest preach one Lord’s day, and declaim vehemently
against a variety of gross sins, the discourse, tho’ (as his words
are) “mixed with many falsities,” so deeply affected him, that in the
anguish of his spirit, he resolved never more to return to house or
home, till God should shew him mercy. This precipitate and unadvised
resolution was however of short continuance. In fact, the commotion and
disordered state of his soul ill admitted of any thing uniformly steady
whether right or wrong, either by purpose or in practice: it therefore
soon vanished away, and he again sought by various ways to procure some
alleviation of his distress.
“I strove (says he) to divert myself in the best manner I could,
seeking rest and peace in the miserable comforts of this world. But
my conscience was still restless, and a hell opened in my breast.
Not knowing what to do, nor which way to turn for rest, I at length
attempted to quiet the clamours of my troubled mind, by solemnly
resolving how soberly, righteously, and godly I would live the residue
of my life. Full of these good purposes, and strengthened as I thought
by vows and promises, I hoped all would be well; having all this
while no idea of the satisfaction by Christ and the all-sufficiency
♦of his merits; and therefore, resolving only in my own strength, my
resolutions proved as broken cisterns, which could hold no comfort; and
as broken reeds, which afforded no strength!”
♦ duplicate word “of” removed
Struggling on still in the dark, he added fasting to his prayers and
resolutions. But all this did not do. He still found himself bound as
in _affliction and iron_. He remained in sore bondage, doing the evil
he would not, and not doing the good, which he would have done, (Romans
♦vii.) His convictions became still sharper and his fear of hell more
deeply distressing. Endeavouring therefore by some means or other to
procure rest for his soul, he had recourse to his former shifts, and
says, “I repeated my resolutions and vows against sin; but especially
whenever I fell into any outward wickedness; and above all, the _sin
that did so easily beset me_. Then I was as on the rack, and thro’
extremity of anguish, have frequently struck myself against the ground,
tearing the hairs from off my head.”
♦ “7” replaced with “vii” for consistency
His light began now to encrease with his painful feeling. “About this
time (says he) by reading, and the help of the holy Spirit, I began to
have a still clearer notion concerning the nature and consequences of
sin, and particularly of those which by the church of _Rome_ are termed
mortal sins.”
This increase of knowledge did not however mend, much less heal his
heart. No,
The sudden ray of heavenly light,
Which dimly dawned upon his night,
But made his darkness visible,
And left him to a deeper hell.
And even in this respect he found it true, that _he that encreaseth
knowledge, encreaseth sorrow_; a proposition which is universally
true, with respect to all the pursuits of the soul after happiness:
the knowledge of Jesus Christ, _and him crucified_, alone excepted.
Struggling therefore in his chains, he resolved upon other measures.
And finding that his prayers, tears, resolutions, and vows did not
avail, he devised another expedient, and came to this determination,
solemnly to swear to the Lord, imagining that then it would not be
possible that he should break with him afterwards, has had been the
case, with all his former efforts.
Accordingly he bound himself by an oath, that for the time to come
he would abstain from, and utterly renounce all those sins which had
wrought him so much uneasiness. This procedure begot in him for the
present, rather some cessation from torment, than true peace, and left
him for a while in deep security. But alas! It was not long ere he
found this band likewise was altogether weak as the staff of a broken
reed. He fell into one of those very sins, against the commission of
which he had so sacredly bound himself; involving by this means his
enlightened conscience in the additional guilt of (what he called)
perjury, and thus rendered his anxiety and embarrassment great beyond
description.
Who can conceive what his weary spirit now experienced! His
wretchedness and confusion exceeded all the powers of words to express.
Yea, he gave up hope; and became well nigh desperate. He knew not
whither to betake himself, or what should be his next step; reasoning
thus with himself in the bitterness of his soul, “Since I have perjured
myself in one instance, I may as well commit all my old sins over again.
Thus (adds he) I was driven by the devil, allured by sin and corruption,
and deceived by my own evil heart.”
About this time likewise, it pleased our Lord to visit him with a fit
of illness, by which his fears and misery were considerably increased.
He often bewailed himself in the uttermost anguish of spirit, with
weeping and lamentation, breathing out his soul in moans. “O the guilt
of sin; when charged home upon the conscience by the Spirit of God,
what an intolerable load! _A wounded spirit who can bear!_”
Thus, _being ignorant of God’s righteousness_; the way of becoming
righteous, or justified, which he hath appointed, he went _about to
establish_ his _own righteousness_, expecting to be justified _by the
works of the law_, and not _by the faith of Jesus Christ_.
He became _wearied in the multitude_ of his _counsels_, and seeking
not in God’s way it fared with him accordingly. For still, although
he sought for rest, he found it not, because he sought it not aright.
These were indeed the days of his invincible ignorance, at which
therefore the God of love graciously winked. He _knew_ not, because
as yet he had no one to _teach_ him. “How (as he says) could I do
otherwise? I had not the bible to instruct me; for I never had read
it, except a little at school, when I was about eleven years old. Woe
to you (he adds) ye blind guides (meaning the _Romish_ clergy) ye have
taken away the key of knowledge, that is, the word of God from the
people. It is this which unfolds the hidden treasures of his will, and
free grace towards mankind. While therefore I remained ignorant of this,
no wonder that I went on in error, and fought _as one that beateth the
air_.”
But now the true teacher began more powerfully to manifest himself to
him, although as yet he knew him not. _The spirit of truth proceeding
from the Father and the Son_, wrought in him daily, a still deeper
solicitude about his salvation. Among others of his reflections in
reference thereto, he began to think more seriously than ever, of the
doctrine of the church of _Rome_, and of his own connexions with her;
resolving that whatever might be the consequence, he would, both do,
and avoid, whatever appeared to him, nay in any measure contribute to
the true life of his soul. Thus, hitherto
“Drawn by a secret power he flew,
Nor stay’d to prop the papal throne,
The truth determined to pursue,
And panting for a God unknown;
By works of legal righteousness,
He blindly sought the grace t’obtain,
But could not find the paths of peace,
But labour’d thro’ the fire in vain.”
CHAPTER IV.
_Of his forsaking the church of_ Rome.
A VARIETY of incidents contributed to this part of his conduct. He was
first deeply concerned about the weighty affair of his own salvation;
and then began to think seriously of the influence which his religious
connexions might have thereon, which prepared him for attending to
whatever he at any time either read, or had spoken to him on this head.
That which outwardly contributed most thereto was the instance of his
brother, of whom he had learned _Latin_. “A man (to use his own words)
of tolerable learning, and designed for a Popish priest. But seeing
many errors among them, he renounced popery.”
About the eighteenth year of his age, while he was a strict observer
of the Romish church, this brother (whose relinquishing it was some
years before) began frequently to discourse with him concerning the
principles of the _Romanists_. But “I strenuously (says he) though
ignorantly withstood him; alledging in my defence the traditions and
canons of the church, while he, on the contrary, appealed _to the law,
and to the testimony_. He often said to me, My brother why do you not
read God’s word? Lay aside prejudice, and let us reason together.”
“To the same purpose spake another person in the neighbourhood, one
Mr. _Philip Geyer_, a Protestant, and well versed in controversy. Mr.
_Walsh_, you are a sober young man (so indeed I was generally thought
to be, though God knows I was drunk with enmity against him) and what
pity it is that you do not read the holy scriptures? Why will you
suffer yourself to be deceived by the _Pope_ and his fraternity.”
Reasonings of this kind, which were occasionally made use of
with him from time to time, together with hearing the scriptures
frequently read in his brother’s school, put him at length upon
a diligent consideration of both sides of the question. But as it
generally happens in like cases, an attachment to old sentiments,
the prejudices of education, shame, or fear of man, with a variety of
other considerations, kept him for some time in strong suspense. His
breast was moved with contrary, and therefore conflicting passions.
He revolved in his mind, and rejected many a thought on the head, and
again resumed and embraced them. Thus halting _between two opinions_,
he complains of the “Corruption of his heart and prejudice of his
education, which were as smoke upon his soul, so dimming his
understanding that he could see nothing clearly.”
“I had (continues he) a custom of repeating frequently as I walked
by the way, some prayers, or articles of faith which I had learned in
my childhood. And walking one day in _September, 1748_, in a pleasant
field, I was ruminating deeply on what my opponents urged against the
doctrine of the church of _Rome_. I said in my heart――Perhaps all is
not right. Peradventure I have been imposed upon. But then how shall I
know? How can I be certainly assured whether the priest has led me in
the right way?――Immediately it ♦occurred to my mind, that on God alone,
I could safely venture my salvation, and that without doubt, he would
lead me by his counsel, if I asked wisdom of him.”
♦ “occurrd” replaced with “occurred”
“Then I cried unto the Lord God, and said――All things are known to
thee, and thou seest that I want to worship thee aright. Shew me the
way wherein I ought to go, nor suffer me to be deceived by men.”
The Lord who apprehended, and instructed _Saul_, when he enquired of
him in astonishment, _What wilt thou have me to do?_¹ Attended to, and
answered his prayer; which he did not cease then, to pour out before
him. _The Father of lights_, and the giver of wisdom to all that ask
it, did, according to the adorable methods of his working, instruct and
determine his choice in this particular.
¹ Acts ix.
To this time and occasion may be referred what he has more than once
told me, determined him with respect to the Popish doctrine of merit,
and had much influence on his entirely renouncing the communion of that
church: namely, the deep impression on his mind of those words of St.
_Paul_, _If righteousness come by the law, then |Christ| is dead in
vain_. This passage he assured me he had not remembered ever to have
read, or heard; and that afterwards, when he met with it (Galatians
ii. 21.) it was to him like life from the dead. Truly, O God, _Thy
word is a light_, and by taking heed thereto, this _young man’s way
was cleansed_.
Soon after this, he resolved to stand no longer in desponding
hesitation, halting between two opinions. “Therefore, (says he) going
to my brother and the other persons who used to converse with me on
this head, and providentially meeting the two principal ones together,
I determined now, once for all, either to convince, or be convinced by
them; for I had an unfeigned desire to save my soul.”
“Proposing therefore my design, they desired me to bring a bible,
and with it _Nelson’s feasts, and fasts of the church of England_.
Accordingly, we began reading, and conversing, and continued together
till midnight.” The result of which was, he now determined no longer
to resist conviction. “I was (says he) constrained to give place to the
light of truth. It was so convincing that I had nothing more to say.
I at length confessed the weakness of my former reasonings, and the
strength of those which were opposed to me!”
“About one o’clock in the morning I retired to my lodging, and
according to my usual custom went to prayer: but now, only to the God
of heaven, I no more prayed to any angel or spirit. For I am deeply
persuaded that _there is ♦but one_ God, _and one Mediator between_ God
_and man, even the man Christ Jesus_. Therefore I resolved no longer
to suffer any man to beguile me in a voluntary humility, in worshiping
either saints or angels.¹ These latter I considered as they are
represented, _Ministring spirits sent forth to minister for them who
shall be heirs of salvation_.² But with regard to any worship being
paid to them, one of themselves said, _See thou do it not, worship_
God.³ God only.
♦ “b” replaced with “but”
¹ Colossians ii. 18.
² Hebrews i. 14.
³ Revelation xix. 10.
“All my sophisms on this head were entirely overthrown by a few hours
candid reading the holy scriptures, which now became as _a lantern
to my feet, and a lamp to my paths_, directing me in the way wherein
I should go. I could see no manner of authority either in the old
Testament or the new for invocating any saint, or apostle whatsoever.
God, the triune God, is, alone, the proper object of prayer, and of
all divine worship.” He is likewise _a jealous_ God (Exodus xx. 5.)
and will not give his glory to another, before his glorious Majesty
the hosts of heaven, _angels and authorities, principalities and
powers, thrones and dominions_, vailing their faces, fall down in
lowly prostrations, while they adore him (whom all should adore!) that
sitteth upon the throne, and the Lamb, that liveth for ever ♦and ever.”
♦ omitted word “and” supplied
Not many days after, he fell into discourse with his father on the head,
and informed him, that he was minded to forsake the church of _Rome_,
being clearly convinced she was not that infallible, or pure church he
once esteemed her, “but rather (to use his words) an harlot, who had
committed spiritual and vile adultery. My father (adds he) was much
provoked, and produced his strong reasons to overthrow all I had said.
I dared not but listen to him, which I did with much attention. But the
more he argued, the more was I confirmed in my former resolution.”
Being now fully satisfied, and deliberately determined, he resolved to
omit no becoming method of testifying the same. And accordingly (having
no temporal interest to serve thereby, as may be undeniably plain to
every one) he, without farther delay, publickly and in form, renounced
his former communion; abjured the errors of the church of _Rome_,
and thence forward regularly attended the service of the church of
_England_.
He was greatly delighted with the prayers. (As was, St. _Austin_ at his
first attendance, with the service of the Church in general. _Confess._,
book 9, chapter 6. His heart melted with divine sweetness, and his eyes
flowed down with tears of love.) A certain providence seemed to direct
the very matter of the first sermon which he heard there. “The first
text (says he) I heard preached on at church, was _He that believeth
and is baptized, shall be saved: but he that believeth not, shall be
damned_, (Mark xvi. 16.)
“Yet, alas! How little did I know of believing? Being taught, and
accustomed to call by the name of faith, the peculiar principles of the
church of _Rome_. But I have now learned a better lesson, and know that
_rightly_ to believe, is one of the greatest things in the world.”
“And now that I have left the church of _Rome_, I nevertheless declare
that I think there are many sincere souls among them. For I bear them
witness, that they have a zeal for God, tho’ not according to knowledge.
Many of them have justice, mercy, and truth; and may (notwithstanding
many errors in sentiment, and therefore in practice, thro’ invincible
ignorance) since as is God’s majesty, so is his mercy, be dealt with
accordingly.”
There have been doubtless, and still are among them, some burning and
shining lights; persons who (whatever their particular sentiments may
be) are devoted to the service of Jesus Christ, according as their
light and opportunities admit. And in reality, whatever _opinions_
people may hold, they are most approved of God, whose tempers and
behaviour correspond most with the model of his holy word. This however,
can be no justification of avowed unscriptural tenets, such, as has
been often proved, are many of those of the church of _Rome_.
“It may be asked then, ‘Why did I leave their communion, since I
thought so favourably of them:’ I answer, because I was abundantly
convinced, that _as a church_, they have erred from the _right way_,
and adulterated the truths of God with the inventions and traditions
of men; which the scriptures, and even celebrated writers of themselves
abundantly testify. God is my witness herein, that the sole motive
which induced me to leave them, was an unfeigned desire to know the
way of God more perfectly, in order to the salvation of my soul. For
altho’ I then felt, and do yet feel my heart to be as the prophet
speaks, _deceitful, and desperately wicked_ with regard to God; yet I
was sincere in my reformation, having from the holy Spirit an earnest
desire to save my soul, and prepare to meet my God.
“If it should be still asked, ‘But could I not be saved, supposing
I had never left the church of _Rome_?’ I answer, If I had never
known the truth of the scriptures concerning the way of salvation,
nor been convinced that their principles were anti-scriptural, then
I think I might have been saved in her communion, the merciful God
making allowance for my invincible ignorance. But now, since God hath
enlightened my mind, and given me to see _the truth as it is in_ Jesus,
if I had still continued a member of the church of _Rome_, I could not
have been saved.
“With regard to others, I say nothing. I know that _every man must
bear his own burden, and give an account of himself to_ God. To their
own master, both they and I must stand or fall. But love however, and
tender compassion for their souls, constrain me to pour out a prayer to
God in their behalf.
“All souls are thine, O Lord God, and thou willest _all_ to come to
the knowledge of the truth and be saved. For this end thou did give thy
only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him, might not perish,
but have everlasting life. I beseech thee therefore O eternal God, shew
thy tender mercies upon those poor souls who have been long deluded by
_the god of this_ world, the pope, and his _clergy_. Jesus, thou lover
of souls and friend of sinners, send to them thy light, and truth, that
they may lead them, and call those straying sheep, now perishing for
lack of knowledge, to the light of thy word, which is able to make them
wise to salvation through faith, which is in thee!”
CHAPTER V.
_Some further account of his progress in the way of life, with
other reasons of his conduct in regard of the church of Rome._
THE affair of renouncing communion with the Romish church, and
declaring himself a member of the church of _England_, being now
over, he set himself to read with much diligence the holy scriptures,
together with the writings of some of the most eminent Protestant
divines. And hereby he received further light every day, being more
and more persuaded that his conduct was right.
By this means he began likewise to see into the nature of the gospel,
and the one, only way which it points to life and blessedness, grace
and glory. ‘Now (says he) I begin to discern clearly that it is _the
blood of_ Christ alone which _cleanseth from sin_, and that _by one
offering_ of himself once for all, _he hath perfected for ever them
that are sanctified_.’¹――Perfectly accomplished, without any need of
other helps, or repetitions of the same, all that was necessary in
order to the justification and glorification of all believers.
¹ Hebrews x. 14.
“I likewise became now more clearly sensible of the errors which I
formerly held. As 1st, Thinking that my own works could merit something
from God. 2dly, vainly imagining that there is a place for the
purgation of sin after death. When at any time therefore I was asked
now, why I had left the church of _Rome_? I could answer upon good and
solid grounds: because I am well assured that the doctrines of merit
(to speak of no more) and works of supererogation, are contrary both to
reason and scripture.”――――To reason, it being absurd to suppose that a
creature, receiving life, and breath, and all things from its Creator,
should be able to love, adore, and obey him, more than is required of
him as his indispensable duty.――――To scripture; being flatly contrary
to the words of Christ, _When ye shall have done all these things which
are commanded you, say_, that is, take knowledge, _we are unprofitable
servants_.¹
¹ Luke xvii. 10.
“Beside, If _the blood of_ Christ, the merit of all he hath done and
suffered, _cleanseth from all sin_,¹ what imaginable need can there
be of the fire of purgatory? Surely when _all_ sin is cleansed, or
taken away, there can be _none_ remaining.” Alas for those who trust
for safety to such a staff of a broken reed! Deferring the _present_
opportunities and means of deliverance from sin and death, under the
pretence of some future purgation from sin in the invisible world.
¹ 1 John i. 7.
“If all the light of this world was to be _immediately_ at once
extinguished, _all human_ souls that were not in some real degree of
regeneration, would immediately find themselves but the rage of fire,
and horror of darkness.” O then thou poor sinner, whoever thou art,
repent, repent, and turn to God, whilst thou hast flesh upon thee; for
as long as that lasts the kingdom of God is _nigh at hand_: but if thou
diest without true conversion, better thou hadst never been born! For
then “black lakes, bottomless pits, ages of a gnawing worm, and a fire
that never ceases to burn, will stand between thee and the kingdom of
heaven for ever.”
His now encreasing knowledge in the things of God; his ability from the
holy scriptures to distinguish between truth and error, became daily
and justly matter of his thanksgiving to God. But yet his unregenerate
nature was not, could not be truly at rest. The word of God was now
indeed his study and delight. But it served likewise, by shewing him
how his heart and life must be, more deeply to distress him. _The
commandment_ in its spiritual and extensive meaning, still dissecting
his inward parts, slew him (_Romans vii. 8‒11._) so that he was clearly
and distressingly sensible of his death _in trespasses and sins_. His
convictions and anguish of spirit became therefore more afflictive than
ever.
The small cessation from pain which his relinquishing _popery_ afforded,
served now, only to augment his sorrow, to find that after all, the
_great affair_ was yet to do. And such was his present anxiety, that
he even forgot, or neglected to eat his bread. “My conscience (says he)
still condemned me, there was no rest in my bones by reason of sin.”
And yet meaning to make sure work, he desired to know the uttermost of
his evil and danger. To this end he read those passages, both divine
and human, which seemed most to condemn him: “For I was willing (adds
he) to know the worst of my condition: not indeed that this was always
the case. Sometimes the devil, and the corruption of my nature so far
prevailed as to hush my conscience, and drown my convictions, by a
variety of thoughts, and things.”
Thus far did he labour through the furnace of heart-tormenting conflict;
assaulted on the one hand by the _Romanists_, who still wrought him
all the trouble they could, both by calumny and contention: And on the
other, by _the ruler of the darkness of this world_; _Satan_ and his
emissaries, seeking to devour him. Our Lord’s words, _John xvi. 21._
were literally verified in him; as indeed they are more or less, in
every one that is truly _born again_. He travailed in birth, and was
in sorrow, and pain to be delivered. The agony of his heart frequently
extorted from him, complaints to this effect, _the sorrows of death
have compassed me about, and the pains of hell have got hold upon me_!
He found trouble and heaviness. In his distress he cried unto the Lord,
and said, _O Lord I beseech thee deliver my soul! I am oppressed,
undertake for me!_
And thus he remained for some time waiting, and longing for his God,
even as the thirsty ground for showers. His sorrow it is true was often
interspersed with gleams of sweetly reviving hope. That yet a little
while, and he whom he sought would come, and would not tarry, while his
very pulse still beat, _Make no long tarrying, O my God. Make haste my
beloved, and come away. Be thou like a roe, or a young hart upon the
mountains of Bether._ The Lord did indeed wait to be gracious to him,
and was exalted in having mercy upon him. He brought _to the birth_,
and gave _strength to bring forth_. For the spirit of heaviness, he
afterwards received the garments of praise, and for mourning the oil of
joy.
CHAPTER VI.
_Of some particulars previous to his conversion._
AFTER having made use of every means, which either men or books could
suggest, but without the desired effect, (being now in the nineteenth
year of his age) as he returned to his lodging one evening in the city
of _Limerick_, March 17, 1749, he saw an uncommonly large concourse
of people assembled in a place called the _Parade_ adjoining to the
main street. He turned aside to see what it meant; and perceiving a
man preaching to the people in the open air (a thing then quite new
in _Ireland_,) he eagerly stopped to know what he said. And hearing
him (Mr. R. S.) from _Matthew xi. 28._ affectionately, and earnestly
entreat all persons to _come to_ Jesus Christ, _that they might
find rest to their souls_: and withal exhorting them to search the
scriptures, and see for themselves if what he said was not true; it
filled him with wonder, and with desire to know more of this matter.
He had of a long time sorely felt the want of rest, that is, happiness
in his soul. And notwithstanding all his endeavours to obtain it, like
the poor woman in the gospel,¹ who _had spent all that she had upon
physicians and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse_, his case
became every day more insupportable. A pressing invitation therefore
to partake of, and an assurance of finding the very thing he so wanted,
could not fail of being acceptable to him.
¹ Mark v. 25.
So impenetrable is the abyss of God’s judgments! _Great things doth he,
which who can comprehend!_ He had prepared the soul of his servant to
receive with inexpressible joy, the gospel of peace, and sent it him in
a way which he least of all expected, and which the wisdom of man would
never have made choice of, Thus,
While yet he toil’d, a sudden cry
Proclaim’d th’ approaching multitude,
Who told of Jesus passing by,
Of free redemption in his blood:
Upstarted light, the beggar blind,
He sprang the healing touch to meet,
Cast all his filthy rags behind,
And groan’d for faith at Jesu’s feet.
“But here (says he) it may be needful, in order the better to
understand some particulars which will be hereafter related, to premise
♦a few things relative to this preacher, and the people to whom he
belonged, 1st, he was one of the people called _Methodists_, and a
member of the church of _England_. 2dly, This people began to preach
Christ, and justification thro’ his blood, about the year 1738, having
had their beginning at _Oxford_, in the Rev. Mr. _John_ and _Charles
Wesley_; the former a fellow of _Lincoln College_, and the latter,
student of _Christ Church_. These two brothers having obtained mercy
themselves, were called of God to publish his love to others likewise,
by preaching the gospel of the kingdom, to every creature that would
hear the _joyful sound_. Accordingly, out they go into the lanes
and highways, crying in the _voice of wisdom_ to the _sons of men_,
beseeching and compelling sinners to turn to God, to come to that
_feast of marrow and fat things_, which he hath prepared for all who
will but accept of life and salvation.”¹
♦ duplicate word “a” removed
¹ See Luke xiv. 16‒24. Proverbs viii. 1‒5. and compare with
Proverbs i. 24.
“After these servants of God had been thus employed for some time, it
pleased their divine Master, to send forth other labourers also into
his harvest, to assist in the same blessed work: not indeed such as
human wisdom would have appointed, the great or wise men of this world;
but quite the contrary: the poor (for the most part) and as St. _Paul_
says, the _base_ and _weak_, that thus, leaving no room for boasting or
glorying in man, _whoso glorieth might glory in the Lord_.”¹
¹ 1 Corinthians i. 25‒31.
“Some of these, after preaching the gospel in the streets and highways,
to their own countrymen, brought the _glad tidings_ to _Ireland_ also;
where, going about from place to place, thro’ cities and villages, they
freely declared, what they had so freely received, to every one that
would hear. And glory be to God, their labour of love was not in vain.
He that sent them, gave their word his blessing, so that many received
it gladly; and having felt its power, to this day bring forth fruit
with patience; the fruit of righteousness, to the glory of God.”
It was some weeks before he had opportunity of hearing them again,
being obliged to take care of his school in the country. On his next
return to _Limerick_ he heard another of them (Mr. _T. W._) and liked
their preaching still better. But his fondness for, and attachment
to the word of God, would not admit of his taking things of so high a
nature upon trust. He therefore compared their doctrine with the word
of God, and with the _articles_ and _homilies_ (which were now likewise
his secondary, standards of truth) of the church of _England_; and
“I found it, (says he) to be consonant with both. I became daily more
and more attached to them, and their manner of living encreased my
affection for them. They appeared to me to be true followers of Christ,
and his apostles, adorning the doctrine of God in all things.”
“When they had preached the gospel at _Limerick_ for some time, they
came over to _New-Market_, a village where I then resided, about eight
miles from thence. In a little time there was a society formed, (so
they called those who met weekly together, in order to sing the praises
of God, to pray to him, and to help each other on to heaven.) To these
I joined myself a member, _September 29, 1749_, in order to be more
fully instructed in the way of salvation.”
CHAPTER VII.
_Giving a farther account of the state of his soul,
particularly of his deep convictions._
GOD had, by this time, made plain his way before his face. His holy
word had fully informed his understanding, how a sinner can find
favour with God. His scruples were all removed, and he wanted only the
possession of what he saw as at a distance; to _know_, by experience,
_the certainty of those things wherein he had been instructed_.
His soul reached out with vehemency of desire to the _mark of the prize
of_ his _high calling_. But yet he could not _lay hold on the hope
set before_ him. He could not break the bondage of unbelief, of which
he was now deeply convinced, and under which he groaned continually.
In short, he felt what cannot be easily explained: the sorrows and
strugglings, as well as joys, of the truly regenerate, being of such
a nature, that strangers to that happy change can have very imperfect
conceptions of. (1 Chronicles ii. 11.)
*He particularly describes the manner, in which he perceived himself
wrought upon, as follows,
“1st. The Lord convinced me of my bosom sin, that which did most easily
beset me; representing the heinousness of it in various circumstances.”
“2dly. All my other abominations: sins in general, of omission, and
commission were set in array before me, as an army ready to devour me;
or, as so many devils ready to tear me in pieces. God wrote them down
in large characters, so that I might well say, _My sins were ever
before me_.”
“3dly. I was clearly convinced, that not only my sins, but likewise
what I called my duties, were an abomination unto the Lord. My
_righteousness_ appeared _as filthy rags_. The _corrupt tree could not
bring forth good fruit_.”
“4thly. The same spirit convinced me, that I was an unbeliever; that
I had not true faith, and therefore no part nor lot in the Lord Jesus
Christ. As an unbeliever I was _condemned already, and the wrath of God
abode upon_ me, (John iii.) I assented indeed to every thing revealed
in the bible; yet I now clearly perceived, I lacked the very true,
Christian faith. I learned from the _Methodists_, so called, and had
it confirmed to me by the New Testament, that whosoever has true faith,
has with it the remission of sins,¹ and is at peace with God. I read,
that _whosoever believeth, is born of_ God; and _he that is born of_
God _sinneth not_:² but I sinned, and thence inferred, I had not faith,
neither was _born of_ God.”
¹ ♦Romans iv. 5. and v. 1. and viii. 1. John iii. 18.
Acts. xiii. 39. 1 John v. 10.
² 1 John iii. 9. and v. 1.
♦ Arabic chapter numbers replaced with Roman numerals for
consistency.
“5thly. I was deeply convinced, that I could not help myself; that I
was utterly unable to work, either repentance, faith or holiness in my
own soul, and that it was by grace alone I could be saved.”
“6thly. I was without comfort, and miserable. My soul was grieved, and
my heart fainted within me. I found labour and sorrow beyond expression.
Worldly comforts availed nought. I had no rest night or day. When I
prayed I was troubled; when I heard a sermon, I was pierced as with
darts and arrows. Whenever I either read or conversed, still I was
broken and bruised in heart. Thus was I stripped of all, and wretched,
and blind and naked; having neither faith nor power, holiness nor
happiness. Truly there was no sound part in me. All was _wounds and
bruises, and putrifying sores_. Often I could neither sleep nor eat.
The affliction of my soul so affected my body, that at length I was
obliged to take to my bed.”
“7thly. I saw by the same light of the holy Spirit, the ground of all
this, namely, _Original sin_. This I felt was the source of all my
misery and helplessness. _By one man sin entered into the world, and
death by sin, and so death passed upon all, for that all have sinned._¹
Here I saw the root of all evil. Hence are we _children of wrath_;
banished from God, and the tree of life.”
¹ Romans v. 12.
This was his state about the year 1749. And in substance, I believe
(tho’ all do not so circumstantially attend to it) this agrees with the
experience of most of the children of God.
One would not however attempt to fix a determinate point: making the
progress of the work of God in one, or a thousand persons, a standard
by which to judge of the genuineness of the experience of others.
_There are diversities of operations by the same spirit. But it is the
same God, who worketh all in all._
With some souls, it pleaseth our Lord to deal more gently, than with
others; as (to mention no more examples) in the case of _Lydia_, and
the _jaylor_, (Acts xvi.) The latter, trembling and terrified, _fell
down_, prostrate, before _Paul_ and _Silas_, and said, in the utmost
consternation, _What must I do to be saved!_ While the former, without
any such previous terror, had her heart gently _opened to attend unto_,
and receive the words of eternal life, _which were spoken of Paul_. And
there are no doubt, thousands of resembling instances at this day.
But in general, it may be observed, that with regard to those, whom
God intends for the service of other souls, he gives them to feel,
as they are able to bear, the uttermost of their nature’s death; the
bitterness and desert of the sin that dwells in the heart, as well as
the wicked works of their life, before he shews them his salvation;
that being feelingly acquainted with the evil nature of sin, and the
wretchedness of an unregenerate state, they may be the better capable
of sympathizing with, and counselling others in like circumstances; and
be quickened in their endeavours of saving souls from death.
But in _all_ who are begetting again to newness of life, there is a
deep consciousness of want. And there never has been an instance of
true conversion among grown persons, where the soul did not previously
feel its poverty, guilt, or danger, in a greater or less degree. Our
Saviour heals none who have not a _feeling_ want, producing earnest
desires of being healed. It is the _weary_ and the _heavy laden_, whom
he calls to come to him, that they may find rest to their souls. He is
the _living bread_, and _the water of life_, for which, only awakened
souls hunger and thirst, and with which alone, they can be satisfied.
Having mentioned St. _Austin_, with reference to the usual manner of
our Lord’s dealing with souls, intended for the service of others; and
considering the resemblance, which in some parts of his experience,
there is, with the experience of him before us, I persuade myself it
will not be unacceptable to some readers, to subjoin a short account of
the travail of his soul, above fourteen hundred years ago, in his own
words.
“Thou, O Lord, didst turn me about towards myself; and tookest me from
behind my back, where I had placed me, whilst I had no mind to observe
myself, that I might see how deformed a thing I was; covered over with
scabs and ulcers: and I beheld, and abhorred.――But I, then a wretched
young man, had in the first dawning of my youth, begged of thee
chastity; and had said, _Give me chastity; but yet awhile do not give
it_. For I feared thou shouldst hear me too soon, and presently heal
me of that disease and concupiscence which I wished, rather might be
satiated than extinguished.――But now was the day come, in which I was
laid naked to myself, and my conscience began to reproach me.――――I was
inwardly corroded, and extremely confounded.”
“――Amidst this great controversy within, which I hotly disputed with my
soul, troubled as well in countenance as in mind,――my eyes, forehead,
cheeks, colour, the accent of my voice more spoke my passion than words
could.――There was a little garden belonging to my lodging, which I had
the use of. Thither this tumult in my breast carried me away, where
none might hinder the hot contention which was engaged within me, until
concluded in that issue, which thou already knewest, but not I. Only
I was in suffering a death that would beget life: well knowing what
evil I then was; not knowing what good, within a little while, I was to
be.――I fretted my spirit, whilst all my bones cried out.――――From whence
such a monster? Let thy mercy enlighten me, and let me enquire, Whence
such a monster? and how can this be?――――”
“Thus I was accusing myself much more severely than formerly, and
winding to and fro in my chain; a small piece only of which now held
me; yet held me still. And thou, O Lord, pressedst sore upon me in mine
inner parts, with a severe mercy, redoubling the lashes of fear and
shame.――And the point of time, in which I was to become another man, as
it approached nearer, struck me with more horror. Yet it did not make
me to recoil, or turn away; but only to stand in a suspense.”
*“Such was the contest acted within my heart.――But as soon as more
profound meditation had drawn out, from the very bottom of this
sink, and laid on an heap, all my misery before the view of my soul;
there arose in me a mighty tempest, bringing with it great showers of
tears.――I, under a certain fig-tree, threw down myself, I know not how,
and gave liberty to my tears; and the rivers of my eyes ran a-pace. And
I said, _Thou, Lord, how long? How long wilt thou be angry, for ever?
Remember not my former iniquities_, Psalms lxxix. 5, 8. For I well
perceived I was still possessed, and with-held by them, and therefore
cast out such miserable complaints, _How long? How long? To-morrow, and
to-morrow? Why not presently? Why not this very hour, an end to my
filthiness._”
*“These things I uttered as I wept with bitter contrition: and behold,
I heard a voice as from a neighbouring house, as of a boy or girl, in
a singing note, saying, and often repeating; _tolle, lege; tolle, lege;
take up and read; take up and read_. And presently my countenance being
altered, I began to consider, whether children were wont in any kind
of play to sing such words: nor could I call to mind that I any where
heard the like.”
“Whereupon, suppressing the course of my tears, I rose up, interpreting
it to be a divine admonition, that I should open the book, and read
the place I first light upon.――So getting up hastily, I returned to
the place where I had been sitting before, for there I had left St.
_Paul_’s epistles. I catched it up, opened it, read in silence the
piece of the chapter on which I first cast mine eyes; _not in rioting
and drunkenness; not in chambering and wantonness; not in strife and
envying: but put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision
for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof_. Romans xiii. 13.”
“I could read no farther, nor was there need: for at the end of those
lines, as it were with a new light of confidence streaming into my soul,
the darkness of all former doubting and hesitancy was dispelled.――――”
*“O Jesus Christ, my helper, and my Redeemer! How sweet on a sudden
became it to me, to submit my neck to thy easy yoke, and my shoulders,
unto thy light burden.――――And what before, it was my fear to lose,
how was it now my joy to dismiss! For thou the true, and the supreme
sweetness, didst expel them from me: thou expelledst them and thyself
enteredst into me instead of them: more delicious than all delights,
but not to flesh and blood: more bright and glorious than all light,
but to the inward hidden man, exalted above the heights of all honour,
but not to those who exalt themselves.――And now my infant tongue began
to converse with thee, my ambition, and my riches, and my salvation, my
Lord God!”
CHAPTER VIII.
_Of his finding rest to his soul._
ALTHOUGH the night had hitherto hung upon his soul, yet he frequently
saw the promise of deliverance at a distance. But now _the day-spring
from on high_ began to dawn upon him. The manner of which he describes
as follows,
“Having given an account of my convictions, I think it may not be
improper to relate likewise, how the promise was fulfilled in me. And
this also is the work of the Holy Ghost, convincing _of righteousness
as he_ doth of _sin_.
“1st. He kindled in my soul earnest desires towards God. There was
a tenderness in my heart. It began to warm and dissolve after it was
broken by the law, and scorched by the wrath of God; and to be a little
comforted and encouraged.
*“2dly. Light began to spring up in my mind. I saw at length, not
my guilt only, but likewise the all sufficiency of Christ, and his
atonement. I was convinced that he came _to seek and to save_ lost
sinners: that _he tasted death for every man_; that he _willeth all men
to be saved, and come to the knowledge of the truth_, in order thereto.
O what a glorious view had I of the mercy of God in giving his Son, and
of the unspeakable love and pity of Christ in dying for sinners. I was
constrained to cry out, Lord, _what manner of love is this_, wherewith
thou has loved us! What is man that thou shouldest be so mindful of
him! But I could not yet say that _I_ had _redemption in the blood of_
Christ, _the forgiveness of_ my _sins_. I did not experience the merit
of his death applied to _my_ soul.
“3dly. But I had strong hope that God would be merciful to my
unrighteousness, and blot out my sins for his name sake. I could
see the promise and pardon held forth to me, though as yet I was not
able to lay hold of them. At certain seasons indeed I could be almost
confident that there was _no condemnation_ to me; and could venture my
soul upon Christ, for life and salvation. But this soon vanished away,
which convinced me it was not justifying faith, else the witness would
be in my heart; for _he that believeth on the Son of |God| hath the
witness in himself.¹ And because ye are sons, |God| hath sent forth the
spirit of his Son into your heart crying, Abba, Father._²
¹ _1 John v. 10._
² _Galatians iv. 6._
“4thly. There was kindled in my soul a still more vehement thirst after
Christ. Nothing could now satisfy me short of the assured knowledge,
that I had an interest in his blood. My soul was sick with fervent
longings. I esteemed all things but dung and dross for the excellency
of the knowledge of Christ Jesus. He appeared altogether lovely to
me. I beheld all glory, all happiness, all riches, and honour in the
Saviour. I had no desire after other things: all relish for them was
gone, ‘Give me Christ, or else I die!’ Sin lost its power, so that
no sin had dominion over me. I was so taken up in beholding the Lord
Jesus, in reading and in prayer, that I had no desire of any thing else.
Neither _the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye_, nor _the pride
of life_, had any power over me. But yet I could not say, I was then a
believer. I had indeed an utter hatred to all sin, and power to forsake
every thing that I believed to be offensive to God, and contrary to the
holy will of my Lord Jesus, whom I sought and desired above all things
visible or invisible.
“5thly. And now, about four months after my most deep awakenings, and
joining the _Methodist_ society, the clear day began to shine and the
Lord, who _is rich in mercy_ visited me with his salvation. He brought
me out of the horrible pit, and miry clay, and set my feet upon the
rock Christ Jesus. The particular manner of which was as follows,
“Coming into the room where we were accustomed to meet together, to
hear the word of exhortation; before preaching began, I sat musing.
My soul was looking out and longing for Christ, as the watchman for
the morning. The congregation being assembled, the servant of God (Mr.
W. T.) poured out his soul in prayer. And as he prayed, the power of
the Lord came down in the midst of us. The _windows of heaven_ were
opened, and the _skies poured down righteousness_. My heart melted
like wax before the fire; especially at the mention of those words,
_Who is this that cometh from Edom, with dyed garments from Bozrah?
This that is glorious in his apparel travelling in the greatness of
his strength?_ And again, at the singing those words in the hymn.
“Behold the Saviour of mankind,
Nail’d to the shameful tree!
How vast the love that him inclin’d
To bleed, and die for thee!
’Tis done! the precious ransom’s paid;
Receive my soul he cries;
See, where he bows his sacred head!
He bows his head and dies.”
“The former words in the prayer, and these in the hymn, came with such
power to my heart that I was constrained to cry out, _Bless the |Lord|,
O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name; for he hath
forgiven all mine iniquity, and healed my diseases_.
“And now I was divinely assured that God, for Christ’s sake, had
forgiven me all my sins. The Spirit of God bore witness with my spirit
that I was a child of God. _Mercy and truth met together_ in my heart;
_righteousness and peace kissed each other_. Yea, so great was the
deliverance, and so strong the consolation, that I could not contain
myself. I broke out into tears of joy and love, having obtained such
mercy I could not but join with the angels to sing praises to _him that
sitteth upon the throne, and to the Lamb_, who so loved me, and washed
me from my sins, in his own blood. A new song was indeed put into my
mouth, even of thanksgiving unto my God.
*“I had often in private cried aloud to God, yet it was not till
now, that I did so in the congregation. But my wound being healed, a
necessity was laid upon me to declare what the Lord had done for my
soul. In the same hour another who sat next to me was filled with joy
and peace in believing. We both withdrew to another room, and gave
thanks and praise to God together.
“And now I felt of a truth that faith in Christ, is _the substance_ or
subsistance _of things hoped for_, and an _evidence of things not seen_.
God, and the things of the invisible world, of which I had only heard
before by _the hearing of the ear_, appeared now in their true light,
as substantial realities, and for him.
*“I could now lay hold on Christ, and the promises of God through him.
Faith in his blood brought heaven into my breast, and filled me with
_righteousness, and peace and joy in the Holy Ghost_. It gave me to
see a reconciled God, and an all sufficient Saviour. And thus was it
an _evidence_ to me. Through this faith I could say, Christ loved _me_,
and gave himself for _me_. O this is the gift of God! _Faith of the
operation of the Holy Ghost._”
CHAPTER IX.
_Of the confirmation of his soul in the grace of God, and the
happy effects which it produced in him._
HE lived now as in another world. _Behold God is my salvation_, went
through the whole of his heart and conduct. His soul was delighted with
those good things reserved for, and enjoyed only by such as love God.
He so _tasted_ that the Lord is gracious, as left no room, at present,
for evil reasonings, and engrossed his whole body and soul for God. The
overflowings of his joy corresponding with his former sorrow, rendered
him happy beyond all description.
And this, as may be observed in the experience of the faithful,
is commonly the case; the peace and joy of justified souls, being
usually proportionate to their previous distress; God in this respect
likewise, comforting them according to the time wherein he had shewed
them trouble. The grand enquiry is “Am I really converted? Am I _now_
at peace, and in fellowship with God my Saviour?” If so, is not the
precise _how_ immaterial? Such persons then as have been led by slow,
and gradual steps; who have by a comparatively easy transition passed
_from darkness to light_, Let them give glory to their deliverer, and
not, on this account, perplex themselves with scruples for having been
so gently dealt with. Let them live only for Him, and they shall be
finally approved, in the presence of God and of his holy angels.
His happiness now received daily increase from the undoubted assurances
which he received of the genuine change.
He observes, “the more I compare my experience with the word of God,
and with the experience of his children, I am the more confirmed
that it is no delusion, no fancy; but a real work of God, a saving
change wrought in my soul by the Spirit of God, through faith in the
Lord Jesus Christ. I am persuaded however that the _natural man_,
(_1 Corinthians ii. 14._) cannot receive the things of the Spirit of
God. He has neither eyes to see, nor a heart to understand them. A
stranger doth not intermeddle with this joy. It is _the hidden manna_,
and the _white stone_, and the _new name_ (of adoption) written thereon,
(_Revelation ii. 17._) which no man knoweth save he that receiveth it.
Glory, glory be to God on high!
“Now did I find the yoke of Christ to be easy indeed, and his burden
light. His thoughts and commandments were sweet to my soul, sweeter
than honey to my tongue. It was my comfort all the day long to praise
my Lord, and to walk in the ways which he set before me. He created me
unto good works, and I chearfully walked in them.”
The Love of God being thus shed abroad in his heart enabled him rightly
to love his brother also. His soul was drawn out in good will and
tender affection to every creature: neighbours and strangers, friends
and enemies. “I could (says he) unfeignedly love them that hated me,
and pray for them that despitefully used and persecuted me!” Thus truly
evidencing himself, to be a child of his Father in heaven.
*But he did not stop here. His soul thirsted more and more for all the
_mind that was in Christ Jesus_. He followed after, and longed for, an
entire renovation; for nearer and stronger union and communion with the
Lord Jesus: nor could he be at all easy, otherwise than in a free and
near access to him, and a sweet enjoyment of his gracious presence. His
constant cry was, “Make me holy. Fulfil in me all the good pleasure of
thy goodness, and the work of faith with power.” For this he struggled,
and pleaded much with God.
This was early his mark, and the glorious prize at which he aimed
throughout the residue of his christian race.
His enjoyments were hitherto, with scarce the smallest alloy, having
had, not so much as a doubt concerning the _reality_ of what had passed
in his soul. The fury of the oppressor was so restrained, and the
light of divine truth so abode with him, that he continually set to
his seal that God _is love_, and taketh pleasure in the prosperity of
his children. All fear of death and hell was removed from him; neither
had sin any dominion over him. “God (says he) gave me the victory thro’
our Lord Jesus Christ, whose righteousness was imputed to me for the
remission of my sins!”
“Therefore did I know that I was a child of God, _under grace_, because
sin did not reign in my mortal body, that I should obey it in the
desires thereof. If so much as an evil thought was at any time injected,
or the remains of the _old man_ began to stir in me, I had immediate
power to resist and overcome them!
“Tempted indeed I was; but in every temptation there was a way made
for my escape. Whenever the enemy came in upon me as a flood, Jesus
appointed _salvation for walls and bulwarks_ around me. He lifted up a
standard against him, and frustrated all his counsels: for _greater is
he that was in_ me, _than he that is in the world_.
*“I may say in few words, that the kingdom of God was _within me_.
I fed upon marrow and fatness, and with comfort drew water out of
the wells of salvation. Sin, and temptation, and pain fled before the
Lord Jesus, who _dwelt in my heart by faith_. I _walked_ and talked
_with_ God all the day long. Whatsoever I believed to be his will, I
did to the uttermost of my power, with my whole heart. Prayer, reading,
fasting, watching, communicating, and Christian fellowship, were the
joy of my soul. The commandments of God, and his holy laws, were my
delight. I not only rejoiced ever more, but prayed without ceasing, and
in every thing gave thanks, whether I eat or drank, or whatever I did,
it was indeed _in the name of the_ Lord Jesus, _and to the glory of_
God!”
CHAPTER X.
_His employment among his Christian brethren, and the
treatment he met with from the world._
*THE treasure of light and love, which God had put into the soul of
his servant, began now, to shine clearly to others. They could easily
discern an amazing change in his very aspect, as well as tempers, and
conduct in general. The calm, and at the same time, divine chearfulness
and serenity of his soul, rendered him a desirable, as well as useful
member of their religious meetings. And the loving zeal which he felt
for promoting the glory of his dying God, prompted him to exert himself
with much fervour in the service of his neighbour.
Thus with a heart set on fire, to pay, at least some small returns, for
all that ocean of mercy, and love which he had experienced in himself,
he sought opportunities, and embraced every occasion of imparting all
the good which he possibly could to others; till it seemed good to
those who directed their religious exercises to appoint him leader of
a class, (so called) that is, a little company of Christian friends,
mutually agreed to meet together weekly, in order to their furtherance
in the way of godliness: one person of which was stiled leader.
This was the little office assigned him at present, in which “My
business (says he) was, 1st. To see each person in my class once a
week, and if any were absent, to enquire into the cause. 2. Whenever
we met together, to sing psalms or hymns, and to pray with them. 3. To
examine how their souls prospered, and what progress they had made the
preceeding week in the way of the Lord?” Whether they were unanimously
determined to serve God with their whole heart? If any had fallen into
sin, they were reproved; if tempted, they were comforted and encouraged;
and those who ran well, adorning their profession in all things, were
exhorted still to press forward, and give glory to God.
After a faithful, and friendly examination of each other (between
which and the Popish _Auricular Confession_, with which some have
erroneously or unkindly ♦parallel’d it, there is scarce the most
distant resemblance) they concluded with praising God and prayers
suited to their several conditions.
♦ “parrallel’d” replaced with “parallel’d”
But besides this, he met with the whole society two or three times
a week, when with praises and prayers, there was always a word of
exhortation preached or read. And it pleased God, to testify his
approbation thereof, by the singular display of his presence amongst
them; by replenishing their souls with abundance of his grace and
heavenly benediction.
*And, “O (adds he) how wonderfully did we experience the power, and
love of God, whenever we made prayer and supplication to him! We had a
heaven among us; a paradise within us! The Lord poured such peace and
joy into our hearts, and we were often so happy that we did not know
how to part. We lived as brethren, and strove together for _the hope of
the gospel_. We were of one heart, and of one mind, in the presence of
God. And is not this the communion of Saints?”
So dear the tye, where souls agree
In Jesu’s dying love;
Then only can it closer be,
When all are join’d above!
Mean time, his hitherto undisturbed repose, began to be sorely
assaulted. His relations now took a second alarm. “They thought (says
he) That I was turned heretic altogether.” To forsake the church of
_Rome_, and declare himself a member of the church of _England_, was
bad enough, and with them matter of much displeasure; but to become a
_Methodist_ beside!¹ This they judged the very consummation of apostacy,
and gave him up as undone for ever. And it was not only his kindred,
who so judged of him, “But (adds he) my neighbours in general were
like-minded with my relations, and not only those of the church of
_Rome_; but several likewise who called themselves Protestants. They
were extremely angry that I should, as they called it, ‘change my
religion.’”
¹ In _reality_ this is no alteration of the case; it is in
this respect no more than a _name_: a true _Methodist_
(for _they are not all Israel who are called Israel_) being
no other than a true Churchman. They make not so much as
a pretence to be a distinct, independant body of people.
They are properly a _religious society_, (not a new thing
in _England_) consisting, for the most part of professed
members of the church of _England_; whose only design is
to promote among each other, and mankind in general, the
genuine religion of Jesus Christ.
“And now did I see plainly, that persons of every denomination, who
are yet in their sins, under the guilt and power of them, are at
enmity against Christ. And that Protestants, as well as Papists, have
_naturally_ a spirit of calumny and persecution.” Alas, names and
opinions, what are they? They do not, cannot alter the nature of men
or things; and experience abundantly shews, how little influence they
have over ♦the tempers and life of the generality of mankind. “Reformed
and unreformed (adds he) I found it to be just alike; and that many who
spoke against the _Pope_ and _Inquisition_ were themselves in reality
of the same spirit.”
♦ duplicate word “the” removed
“When I was first converted, I had no notion that people could hate,
and speak evil of me, for fearing God, and working righteousness.¹
But experience has taught me otherwise, I soon found the truth of the
apostle’s words, That _all who will live godly in Christ Jesus, shall
suffer persecution_, (2 Timothy iii. 12.) relations, acquaintance, and
neighbours, rich and poor, old and young, clergy and laity, were all
against me. Some said I was an hypocrite; others that I was mad; others,
judging more favourably, that I was deceived. Many that before thought
well; yea, highly of me, knew not how to harbour a good thought of me.”
¹ This is not indeed the _avowed_ reason of the opposition
which the world has in all ages made to the servants
of Christ. But that it is the _true_ one the scriptures
abundantly testify.
But when God speaks powerfully to the heart, the sentiments and words
of men, be they flattering or threatning, make but little impression.
He was therefore so far from being moved by this treatment, that it
became to him, rather a confirmation of the doctrine of the Son of God,
who says, expressly, _Wo unto you, when all men shall speak well of you;
and blessed are ye when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and
shall say all manner of evil of you falsely for my name-sake_.
“Of a truth the _world lieth in the wicked one_. And they who are after
the flesh, will hate and persecute them that are after the Spirit.
The devil hates Christ and his children. It is the Spirit of Christ in
his children, which that evil spirit in the _children of disobedience_
so violently opposes. The spirit of the world _lusteth to envy_. The
devil envied _Adam_; so did _Cain_ his brother _Abel_: and as it has
been of old time, so it is at this day. _Light can have no communion
with darkness, neither Christ with Belial._ In this respect, _there
is nothing new under the sun_; but _that which hath been, is the thing
that is_. The true worshippers of God, under the old Testament, and the
sincere disciples of Christ, under the new, have been evil treated by
those among whom they lived. They hated them, because their works were
righteous. And so it is even now.”
CHAPTER XI.
_His providential appointment to labour for the good of his
neighbour, by preaching the gospel._
HE had from his first thorough awakening, a love to, and concern for
the souls of others. The same cause which made him so solicitous for
his own salvation, produced in him a tender sympathy for the souls
of his neighbours, and the apprehensions he had of his own danger,
impelled him to warn others also. The hand of God was, no doubt, in
this, as well as in the whole series of his preceeding conversion. His
adorable wisdom, had appointed him an instrument of saving souls from
endless misery; having first prepared him for it (without his knowledge
of any such design) by the hell, and heaven, so to speak, of his own
experience.
Even before he had obtained mercy, he began to warn others, exhorting
all, with whom he had any sort of intercourse, to _flee from the wrath
to come_. Thus (as he observes) “while I was in unbelief myself, I
sometimes forgot my own condition through eagerness of desire for the
salvation of other souls.”
Mean time it was frequently impressed upon his mind, “You must preach
the gospel. Thou shalt bear public testimony to the truth of God,” by
openly declaring his loving kindness, in the redemption of the world.
But he often resisted the thought, urging the impossibility thereof,
from a variety of considerations, and saying in effect, _Send by whom
thou wilt send; but send not me_.
Indeed, though he might have never so much desired it, in submission to
the will of God; nevertheless, when the thought first presented itself
to him, being a conscious unbeliever, he might have justly said, and it
was the language of his heart,
“How shall I teach the world to praise?
Unchang’d my heart, unloos’d my tongue?
Give me the power of faith to prove,
And Jesus shall be all my song.”
Influenced by these kinds of considerations, he could not, while he
remained himself under the bondage, think of publishing peace and
liberty to others. But the case was, in some degree altered, after
he had tasted that the Lord is gracious. He was then drawn out more
abundantly with love to souls, and his conviction became still stronger,
that he must preach Christ Jesus to the people.
This put him upon earnest prayer, and frequent fastings, to know,
assuredly, the will of God, in a matter, which he rightly judged of
so great moment. “I prostrated myself before the Lord (says he) and
intreated him, to shew me his pleasure herein; to convince me by his
holy spirit, whether the thoughts of my heart were according to his
holy will, and, whether I ought to speak in his name; or if I was
under a delusion, to shew me this also, and deliver me from it. I could
appeal to the searcher of hearts, that I desired only to glorify him
and do his will in all things.” He conducted himself in it with all
possible secresy; being even then persuaded, that the affairs of God
are to be carried on without noise; and that no ostentation should be
used even in forsaking all to serve Christ, in this or any other way.
And yet to see him employed always for God, spending his time only in
reading, writing, exhorting others, and in profound meditation, it was
easy to imagine that he either projected something for God’s glory,
more than could be executed by him in private; or, at least, that
whether he had any such design, or not, God meant it concerning him.
He still kept the affair within his own breast having mentioned it to
no one person whatsoever; till from some words he occasionally dropped,
one day among his brethren, one of them gathered, that he had some
thoughts of that kind. At length it became matter of much and earnest
prayer, among the most serious of his Christian acquaintance, with whom,
afterwards, he held frequent conversations on the head; being fearful
of taking one step in a matter of so great importance, without the
clearest intimations of the divine good-pleasure.
He well knew that to engage in the endeavour of saving souls from death,
was to commence war with _Satan_, and all the sons of disobedience;
nevertheless, being at length persuaded of the will of God, and not
knowing how soon he might be in another world, the great concernment
of miserable souls, prevailed with him to engage in it; concluding that
if but one or two persons, might by his means be won to God, it would
recompense any treatment he might meet with in the world. He was fully
disposed to sacrifice his reputation, as well as life, to advance the
kingdom of the Son of God.
He judged that the knowledge of languages, and other branches of human
literature, are highly expedient, and in some cases necessary; but
that however, they are not absolutely so, in order to qualify a man
for preaching the gospel with success. He knew that he might understand
_sound doctrine_, and _hold fast a form of sound speech_, without the
knowledge of either _Latin_, _Greek_, or _Hebrew_. He nevertheless,
at no time spoke disrespectfully of learning: quite the contrary; but
yet perceived with adoration the truth of St. _Paul_’s words, with
reference to the divine œconomy, in the management of the affairs
of his kingdom: _After that in the wisdom of_ God; according to his
wise disposals, leaving them to make the trial, _the world_, whether
_Jewish_ or _Gentile_, _by_ all their boasted _Wisdom knew not_ God,
_it pleased_ God _by the foolishness of preaching to save them that
believe_. (1 Corinthians i. 21.)
He well knew by this time, that it is _the inspiration of the Almighty_,
giving heavenly understanding, which only, avails here; that the most
shining abilities, natural or acquired, without _the wisdom that is
from above_, and the anointing of the Holy Ghost, are, in the account
of God, in respect of _bringing sons to glory_, lighter than vanity;
nor better than _sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal_. In fact, that
the learning of the world, used otherwise, than in subservience to the
true interests of Jesus Christ, in teaching, and vindicating simplicity,
and purity of heart, and subjection in life to him, rather feeds the
pride of human understanding, and makes a person more like _Satan_ than
he would be without it: but that rightly used, it is a good gift of God,
and greatly conducive to his glory.
Indeed from his earliest days, he did not neglect any means which was
in his power, for the cultivating his understanding. But he now _set
himself_ to this point; impelled as it were thereto from his being more
abundantly pressed in spirit, concerning the matter which he had so
long in debate with himself; which was now, every day, more plain to
him. He therefore applied with all diligence to what he judged the most
suitable studies; in which he spent the greatest part of his waking
hours. The _word of life_ had however, the chief share of his attention.
He made this his one, favourite study and delight, from this time
especially, till he could work no longer.
He read it much upon his knees, in the spirit of prayer. The following
is a specimen only, of his continued practice, “Lord Jesus, I lay my
soul at thy feet to be taught and governed by thee. Take the veil from
the mystery, and shew me the truth as it is in thyself. Be thou my sun
and star, by day and by night!” This was the way in which he sought for
wisdom to win souls, and by which his profiting so visibly appeared to
all men.
His increasing knowledge in the things of God, was an additional
confirmation to him, of the divine appointment concerning him. The
hidden treasures, and depth of truth in God’s word; his mysterious
wisdom in the methods of salvation, were every day, more and more
clearly revealed to him. The sealed book was now opened, and thereby,
through the assistance of _the Spirit of truth_, his judgment grew
clearer, and stronger, in the fundamental doctrines of repentance,
justification and holiness. He professes that, if at any time he was
in doubt concerning any point of doctrine, or the sense of any passage
of scripture, his divine instructor convinced him, that either it
was not needful for him to know it then; or if it was, directed him,
either immediately by himself, through some divine impression, or the
providential provision of some person or book, whereby his doubts were
always solved.
The concern which he felt for the salvation of his neighbour still
increased upon him, and a burning desire that every body might be as
happy in the Lord Jesus, as he felt himself, engrossed all his thoughts.
“The Spirit of God (says he) now convinced me clearly, not only of
sin and of righteousness in my own soul, but likewise, how the work of
conversion is to be carried on in the souls of others. I was athirst
for divine knowledge. I desired to be ever in the school of Christ,
learning the lessons of his grace. The glory of the Lord often passed
before me in prayer, and the light of eternity shone upon my soul,
while my Lord fed me as with marrow and fatness!”
CHAPTER XII.
_He begins to preach._
WHAT he had done hitherto, with reference to the conversion of souls,
was only as necessity obliged him. The peace, and perfection of
his own soul, being his main object of concern, till providence,
having designed him for the ministry of the gospel, put him upon more
extensive measures for promoting the kingdom of Christ.
He began to consider more nearly, that souls having cost our Saviour
so dear, nothing could be done more acceptable to him than to prevent
their loss; and that the glory of God’s majesty, did most shine in
the salvation of sinners purchased with the blood of his Son. These
considerations kindled in him such love to mankind, that he could no
longer refrain from exhorting, first his Christian brethren, with all
fervour, to devote their hearts without reserve to God; and next, every
soul with whom he had any sort of intercourse. His heart bled for poor
careless sinners against God, and their own souls. The word of the
Lord was in him, so that he could not but speak. He knew not how to
forbear publishing as on the house top, that infinite love which dealt
so graciously with himself. “It is not enough that I serve our Lord:
all hearts must love him, and all tongues must praise him!”
God touched his heart in such a manner as to leave no doubt whether
this appointment was from heaven; and the concurrence of outward
providences confirmed his internal persuasion. Thus, freed from all
farther wavering and irresolution, he entered upon that employment,
which he verily believed, he would wish he had done at the hour of
death, and in the day of judgment.
Desirous therefore to exercise his Lord’s talent, and the time
affording a providential provision for it, even out of the ordinary way;
he took the opportunity of his present connexions, and without looking
farther, pursued the following measures. “I opened, (says he) my mind
to that man of God, the Rev. Mr. _John Wesley_. I spoke my thoughts
freely, and without disguise, desiring his advice on the occasion;
which he sweetly and humbly gave me: adding withal, that I might
write to him afterwards. I did so, giving him a brief account of my
conversion to God, and of what I experienced in my soul concerning
preaching. His answer was as follows,
“My dear brother,
“It is hard to judge what God has called you to, till trial is made.
Therefore when you have an opportunity, you may go to _Shronil_,
and spend two or three days with the people there. Speak to them in
_Irish_.”
_Shronil_ is a village in the county of _Tipperary_, distant from the
place he then resided at _New-Market_, about thirty _English_ miles.
The inhabitants, many of whom were Protestant Dissenters, had sometime
before gladly received the word of God from the _Methodists_. Thither
he went, accompanied by one of his own brothers, and another of his
Christian brethren; having been commended to the grace of our Lord
Jesus Christ, by the earnest prayers of several of the children of God.
“We walked it, (says he) and gave ourselves to prayer, conversing of
the things of the kingdom of heaven, and exhorting those we met with in
the way to fear the Lord, and depart from evil.”
They arrived there the next day, which was in _July 1750_. The brethren
received them kindly in the Lord, though they were unknown to them
by face. And having had knowledge of his errand, and informed their
neighbours, there assembled in the evening, a considerable congregation,
to whom, for the first time, he preached the word of God, choosing for
his text, the words of St. _Paul_, _Therefore we conclude that a man is
justified by faith without the deeds of the law_.
He did so again the next morning, on _Being justified by faith, we have
peace with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ_, (Romans v. 1.) and in
like manner, morning and evening, during the few days he stayed among
them.
And the Lord bore testimony to the word of his grace. For although some,
(as has always been the case,) contradicted and mocked, yet others were
deeply affected, and some were _turned to the Lord_, “So gracious was
God (as he adds) to own the labour of his poor creature, and to bless
the word of his weakest and meanest messenger. Not unto me, but unto
thy name be the glory! O God, thou hast done the work. Thou didst give
the word, and didst also apply it; for thou only canst turn the hearts
of the disobedient to the wisdom of the just. O my God, stand by me
still; and as hitherto thou hast helped me, never leave nor forsake me:
but keep my soul in peace, and give me a humble, and a meek spirit. Let
me labour diligently in thy _vineyard_, and spend my life and strength
in the labour of love. Amen, Lord Jesus!”
Thus have we brought to a conclusion what was proposed in this first
part; having seen him from his youth, through the various travels of
his soul, the whole process of his conversion, till his heart being at
liberty, he began to publish the _voice of_ wisdom to all around him.
It remains, to give some account of his labours, trials, and success
in the Lord’s work, together with the general tenor of his experience,
till God was pleased to call him hence.
PART II.
CHAPTER I.
_Of his entire application to preaching the gospel._
IT being now, no longer matter of doubt, what the will of God was
concerning him; trial having been made, and the fruit answering to
the design, he resolved to defer no longer, stirring up the gift of
God which was in him. Setting aside therefore every other concern,
and employment, he devoted himself entirely to the work of which he
believed God had assigned him. He set out with a resolution to give
himself up wholly to the dictates of the _Holy Ghost_, and to be
ready to go what way soever the voice of heaven should call him. And
that his understanding might not be dissipated, and scattered upon
divers objects, and so have less force to enter deep into the things
of God, he began his work with applying himself altogether to the
study of the holy scriptures, and to prayer. And the proficiency which
by those means he made daily, in _the wisdom that is from above_,
quickly appeared. He truly laboured in the word, and faithfully and
fervently enforced the divine truths he learned there from. His soul
became strangely enlarged in labours of love for the salvation of his
neighbour; while he imparted to them abundantly what God had so richly,
and so freely bestowed upon him.
The words of our Lord Jesus Christ were in general exceeding precious
to him; and from his first acquaintance with them, his whole delight
and his counsellors. The whole of his following conduct to his death,
seemed influenced by those words of Christ (applicable to all real
Christians) _Ye are the salt of the earth. Ye are the light of the
world. A city set upon an hill cannot be hid: neither do men_ (much
less God) _light a candle, to put it under a bushel_, that is, hide
it; _but on a candlestick_, that it may give light to all about it.
And now, the divine providence concurring with his convictions and
inclination, made his way clear, to put into execution what he had been
so long deliberating upon. Conferring therefore no longer with flesh
and blood, and resolving to deny himself, and take up his cross to
follow Jesus, he bid farewel to his kindred, and to his acquaintance
in general. Choosing the Lord for his sole portion, he literally left
all, and went out into the wide world, entirely unanxious about what
he should eat, or what he should drink, or wherewithal he should be
cloathed, being fully persuaded, that an entire reliance on God was
all things. He went to spend his life in beseeching sinners to be
reconciled to God. Thus,
“By Christ himself ordain’d and sent,
An herald of redeeming grace,
Eager to the highways he went,
And fill’d the land with Jesu’s praise!”
This was about the latter end of _August 1750_, when going from the
place of his nativity to _Limerick_, he had daily opportunity of
publishing those glad tidings, which he first heard in that city, and
which became the power of God to his salvation. At first, he commonly
expounded the scriptures every morning: and after a little while,
both evening and morning, with much earnestness exhorted and besought
multitudes, who attended his discourses, to _seek the_ Lord _while he
may be found_.
And it pleased God immediately to bear testimony to _the word of his
grace_ by him. Several persons who heard him, and who, till then,
had been careless and utterly unconcerned about the matter, became
seriously concerned for their salvation; while in the mean time others,
who had been deeply distressed with the guilt of sin, felt his word,
the power of God unto salvation.
He was about this time called to bear reproach for his work’s sake. The
minds of some persons became evil affected towards him. The interests
of _the God of this world_, had already suffered loss by his zeal, and
unwearied diligence, and they were in danger of suffering yet more.
_Satan_ therefore by every means endeavoured to prevent the fruit of
his labours.
His unpolished youth; his roughness both of address and dialect, owing
partly to natural temper, partly to having been brought up much in
the country, and partly to his having been formerly of the church of
_Rome_¹; but more than all, his being a native of that neighbourhood,
gave some persons occasion for being deeply offended at him, who
expressed it by their unkind, and uncivil treatment towards him. This
I had from some of the persons themselves, a considerable time after,
who mentioned it to their own reproach, that he, whom then they so
loved and honoured was nevertheless, once the object of their scorn.
¹ There is in some parts of _Ireland_ a very remarkable
difference between the _dialect_ of the _Protestants_, and
_Romanists_, even of the same county or parish. What is
called the _brogue_, in its excess is a sort of _Shibboleth_
for the latter; and among the younger sort of Protestants
especially, a term of reproach. I remember it was a very
common objection to him, when he preached first in the town
of my nativity.
But as he sought not his own things, neither strove to please man,
having in view only the glory of God, and the good of souls, this
did not in the least damp his fervour, or retard his progress. As
he saw daily the fruit of his labours, so he was not to be hindered,
or discouraged by any treatment of himself; rather he rejoiced in
_contempt_ for his master’s sake.
He had _put his hand to the plough_ (_Luke ix. 62._) and having counted
the cost, settled it in his heart not to look back. He waxed still
stronger, and grew every day more mighty in the scriptures, and in
conformity to our Lord, as well as more instrumental in bringing others
acquainted with _the only true_ God, and our Saviour Jesus Christ.
There are many instances of the good effects of these his first labours.
It plainly appeared that the word of God in his mouth was attended with
the power of the Holy Ghost. It was not an uncommon case, for persons
to be so penetrated by his fervent discourses, as to resolve not to
leave the place, till they should find rest in their souls, and the
instances were not a few, to whom the God of love condescended even
in this particular by sending then _the Spirit of adoption into their
hearts_, testifying _Thy sins are forgiven_; and enabling them _to cry
Abba Father_.
His time was now wholly taken up in searching, expounding, and
enforcing the scriptures, which he did both in public and in private;
and prayer, visiting the sick, and whatsoever other particular
employments occasional, or stated, had any relation to his one purpose
of spending, and being spent in the service of his master. And having
been thus employed at _Limerick_ for some time, it was judged expedient,
that he should go and preach the gospel in other places also.
CHAPTER II.
_He goes into the provinces of Leinster and Connought and
preaches the word there._
HIS way into those parts had, in some degree, been prepared before him:
many having received that gospel, which he preached from others of his
brethren. He followed them flaming with desire for the salvation of
souls, and with zeal for the glory of his master. By this stripling
many stout-hearted _Goliah’s_ were reduced to _the obedience of_ Christ.
His labours now, were greater than he had hitherto known; for beside
preaching always twice, and sometimes thrice a day, he often travelled
many miles between. But it was rendered pleasant to him, doing it
heartily as to the Lord. Where love is, there is no labour, and if
there be labour, the labour is loved. Yes, it carries a burden without
a burden. His endeavours were crown’d with much success. Multitudes of
people of all denominations attended his preaching, wherever he came;
so that in a little time he was generally known all around the country.
Now therefore did the God of this world stir up his emissaries. He has
been sometimes waylaid in his journey, and escaped their hands, only
by remarkable interpositions of divine providence. It may be tedious to
enumerate all the instances. The following I set down abridged from his
journal.
“_Thursday, January 4, 1750._ With much weakness of body, I preached
this morning, and soon after set out for _Rosgrea_. About a mile from
the town I met a large company armed with clubs. Seventy-eight men were
sworn upon the occasion. At the first sight of them I was a little
daunted; but I prayed to the Lord for direction, and was strengthened.
They compelled me to alight, saying, They would bring a minister of the
church of _England_ and a _Romish_ priest to talk with me. I let them
know, I preached not against any particular church, but against sin
and wickedness in _all_. I said, supposing three persons among you of
different denominations; it may be a Churchman, a Quaker, and Papist,
sitting down and drinking to excess, begin to dispute, each affirming,
that his was the best religion: where is the religion of all these men?
Surely they are without any, unless it be that of _Belial_. They are of
their father the devil, while his works they do.”
“After some further discourse on the design of my coming to preach
to them, and appealing to themselves concerning the necessity of it,
their rage seemed abated, and then told me, they would let me go on
condition that I would swear never more to come to _Rosgrea_. But
when I resolutely refused this, they consulted on rougher measures;
and after much debate, were determined to put me into a well, which
they had prepared for that purpose. They hurried me away into the
town, where I was surrounded as by so many human wolves. They held a
consultation again, and resolved either to make me swear, or to put
me into the well. But I refused either to swear or promise. Some then
cried vehemently ‘Put him in,’ but others as positively said, ‘They
should not.’
“After some time the parish minister came, who behaved well, and
desired I might be set at liberty. They consented, provided I would
go out of town immediately. From an inn, where they confined me, they
brought me out into the street, and it being market-day, I began to
preach to the people. But taking me by the back, they hurl’d me before
them out of town. At length I got on horseback, and taking off my hat,
I prayed for them some considerable time. I then called upon them in
the name of God, for Christ’s sake, to repent; and told them, as to
myself, in the cause of God, I feared neither devils nor men; that to
do their souls good was my sole motive of coming among them, and that
if God permitted, they might put me in the well, or stone me; be it how
it would, I was content.”
“I came off from them at length in peace of conscience, and serenity of
mind. From the first of it to the last, I was not the least disturbed,
nor stirred in anger or malice towards them. O God, it is thou alone
that hast wrought this deliverance for me.”
He abode in those parts for some months, and went through both evil
and good report. While going about daily, he endeavoured, by all means
the conversion of their souls. He often wanted proper necessaries
for his body, and much impaired his health, through the greatness of
his fatigues. But this by no means dampt the concern which he felt
for perishing sinners, great numbers of whom were present to his view
wherever he came. A desire of being instrumental towards opening their
eyes, and turning them to God, brought him among them; nor could any
personal inconveniences alter his purpose, till providence directed his
way elsewhere.
CHAPTER III.
_Some farther account of the trouble he met with on account of
preaching the gospel._
OUR Saviour, said of his kingdom, If it were of this world, then would
my servants fight, that I should not be delivered into your hands.
_Satan_ on the contrary, is said to be the prince, and _god of this
world_. And how numerous are his poor vassals! When therefore his
servants perceive their master’s kingdom in danger, they do fight, lest
it should be subjected to its rightful Lord.
And hence only can be accounted for that opposition, which this servant
of Christ, burning with desire to promote his kingdom, met with among
most denominations of Christians, so called, wherever he came. Some, it
is true, in almost every place, received the word gladly; while others
not only did not regard it, but treated him with unkindness, even to
abusive language, blows, or imprisonment.
The following instance, and which was the occasion of my first
knowledge of him, happened in the town of my nativity, about twenty
miles from the city of _Cork_.
At the repeated request of some of the inhabitants, he went thither
accompanied by a few friends from the town of _Bandon, June 11,
1752_. The magistrate, who was also rector of the parish, the Rev.
Mr. _William Ellis_, was applied to for the use of the market-house;
which being refused, it was proposed, that he should preach at a small
distance from the town. Thither he went accompanied by multitudes to
whom, under the canopy of heaven, near a spacious strand, and shaded by
a spreading tree, he affectionately declared the gospel of the grace of
God.
By the time he had got to the place appointed, the magistrate, had sent
his serjeants to forbid him preaching, “But being (to use his own words)
of the opinion, that it was better to obey God than man,” he stept up
upon a table prepared for that purpose, and immediately opening his
little bible read to them, _Job xxi. 3._ _Suffer me that I may speak,
and after that I have spoken, mock on._ The seasonable singularity of
the text, so excited their attention, that they permitted him to finish
quietly.
The word was with power. Several faces were turned to paleness and wet
with tears, while he urged it home upon the conscience, that _our_ sins
were the betrayers and murderers of the Son of God.
On his return into the town, he was seized by the officers, and brought
before the magistrate, followed by an astonished multitude. Being
asked many and various questions concerning _this way_, he answered
fully, and without fear. The conversation lasted near an hour, in
which he largely explained himself, giving the reasons of his conduct;
and alledging in its behalf, precedents both from scripture and from
antiquity.
But Mr. _Ellis_, having predetermined what he would do, was not to be
moved by arguments. He therefore let him know, that unless he would
promise to preach no more in _this way_, at least not in those parts,
he should be committed to prison without delay. He replied, “That as
he had been so earnestly importuned to come there, he could not, in
conscience, promise not to come;” and asked, “Are there no swearers,
drunkards, sabbath-breakers, and the like, in those parts?” Being
answered, “There are.” He added, that if after he had preached there
a few times, there appeared to be no reformation among them, he would
never come thither more. But this not satisfying, he was ordered to
prison. He went thither with all readiness, and esteemed it matter of
thanksgiving, that his Lord counted him worthy, to suffer reproach for
his name’s-sake.
Several persons accompanied him into the prison, where, he, with his
friends, sang praises to God, and exhorted the people. The street was
crouded, some saying one thing, and some another; in general however,
they were displeased at his confinement; and almost the whole town
seemed concerned in his behalf. He still (as far as his voice would
reach) preached to them thro’ the window.
The inhabitants shewed the utmost civility towards him; and not knowing
how long he might be confined, provided bedding and provision for him
and his companions. But it was not long before the magistrate sent to
let him go. Coming out, and seeing such a number of people, he would
fain, have preached to them; but was dissuaded by his friends. He then
went to a private room, and exhorted till ten o’clock, as many as came
to him.
He went thither twice afterwards, and tho’ with much contradiction,
preached to them that gospel, which is _the power of God unto
salvation_. His endeavours were not all lost. There are to this hour
some of the fruit of his labours in that place; persons to whom,
because of the blessing which God made him to their souls, his memory
will be ever precious.
The following instance happened in the north of _Ireland_, some time
after, at a place called _New-Town_, whether he went on the Lord’s day.
At the desire of several persons, he intended to have preached in a
place called the _Church Green_, where were assembled, a large company
to hear him. But while his hands were lifted up in prayer, there
came one Mr. _Mortimer_, a presbyterian, and with him several hundred
persons, who taking hold of him by the breast, pulled him with violence
to the ground. They hauled him thro’ the mob, and had well nigh choaked
him, when one Mr. _Biers_ freed him from the hands of him who held him.
But for this he was soon struck to the ground himself.
Being got free, it grieved him exceedingly to see such a willing
multitude disappointed; so he went to a place at some distance from the
former. But here likewise, by the time he had begun, the same persons
pursued him. Perceiving therefore that it was vain to attempt preaching,
he retired to a little house in a garden, at some small distance. But
neither here could he be at rest; the mob followed, and to avoid their
fury, he was obliged to wade thro’ wet meadows, and then climb over the
mountains, till ‘wet and weary, we (he had one person with him) came
to the house of one Mr. _Ambey_, who supplied us with all we wanted.’
His tender, broken constitution could not however, endure this fatigue,
without feeling its effects. He was obliged in a few days to take to
his bed, where a fever confined him for some time.
It need not be dissembled, that the authors of this outrage towards a
stranger, chargeable with no crime save that of endeavouring to save
souls from death, were a company of _Presbyterians_! But alas! what
are names? “Liberty of conscience, and right of private judgement,” are
good and specious words. But how reconcilable they are to such conduct
as this let all the world judge.
The state of his heart, on that occasion, he expresses thus. “In the
midst of it all, my mind was calm. I had no remarkable consolation, or
fear, or sorrow. I prayed for them, and do still pray God to forgive
them, and not lay this sin to their charge.”
I pass over a number of other instances of the opposition he met with,
of a private as well as public nature; and only mention these, as
a specimen of the malice which _Satan_ bears to God’s kingdom, and
servants.
CHAPTER IV.
_A short account of the endeavours of the Romish clergy, to
prevent his usefulness among their people. The means he made
use of to instruct them, and the success which he met with
therein._
NOTWITHSTANDING the strict laws which are in force, to prevent the
propagation of Popery in these kingdoms, and to restrain the attempts
of _Romish_ priests and jesuits; it is no secret, that both in
_Ireland_ and _England_, their endeavours, are as unwearied as ever.
They compass sea and land all round the globe, and hardly stick at any
thing that may contribute towards their making proselytes.
The endeavours of this servant of Christ, to convert to him members
of that communion, stirred up their clergy against him wherever he
came. His name was well known in all their churches; and in whatsoever
place there appeared but a probability of his coming, the priests took
care, to render him as obnoxious to the people as they possibly could;
insomuch, that they stuck at nothing, though never so false, to compass
their end. They however carefully avoided his having opportunity to
talk with themselves. I do not find that from the time of his leaving
their communion, he had ever any settled personal interviews with
them, although for the sake of their poor ignorant people, for whom he
had the tenderest compassion, he has frequently desired it; sometimes
even in public. One ♦occasional conversation only, with one of their
priests, on board a ship, in a passage from _England_ to _Dublin_,
he relates, as follows, “We discoursed on the following particulars.
1. The Pope’s infallibility. 2. Transubstantiation. 3. Invocation of
saints. 4. Purgatory. But he could not withstand the force of plain
scripture, and therefore withdrew. The company were greatly pleased to
find, how little the _Romish_ clergy have to say for themselves, when
opposed by arguments taken from scripture and reason.”
♦ “occcasional” replaced with “occasional”
In one place, (_C――――l_) the priest informed his congregation, (to such
low shifts were they driven) and industriously spread abroad, “that he
had been a servant boy to a certain priest, and that having stolen his
master’s books, he learned to preach by that means.”
The conduct of another of them at _Cork_, was still more extraordinary.
There was in that place a vast resort of _Catholics_ (so called) to his
sermons, which were often under the open firmament, as well as daily
within doors, both in _Irish_ and _English_; and among the _Romanists_,
who were happily stirred up thereby to a concern for their salvation,
there was one elderly woman, who had been in some religious office
among them. She entirely forsook their communion, constantly attended
his sermons, and thenceforward, received the Lord’s supper in the
church of _England_.
The _Romish_ priests became strangely irritated, and laboured
vehemently to stop the growing evil; to which end, one of them affirmed
to the people, that “As to that _Walsh_, who had some time before
turned heretic, and went about preaching, he had been dead long ago:
and that he, who then preached in this manner, was but the devil in his
shape.”
But their endeavours, proved in great measure ineffectual; for, however
a few persons might receive ill impressions from such insinuations; yet
several of their communion in many places heard him gladly, and would
not be hindered therefrom. Rather, the more the priests urged them,
they prevailed the less. His labours, and prayers, and tears, for their
poor straying souls, over whom his bowels so often yearned, had, on
many the desired effect; being thereby, not only reformed from Popery,
but really converted to God.
Of the common natives of _Ireland_, it has been frequently observed,
that of all the natives of the globe, there are none who exceed
them for hospitality, good nature, and susceptibility of religious
impressions. It might well therefore, occasion the ‘yearning of the
bowels’ of this lover of souls, to see such multitudes of them detained
in total ignorance by their priests, to whom they pay the most implicit
obedience.
*And hence it was, that from the beginning of the concern which he felt
for his own soul, he set himself, by all possible means _to turn them
from darkness to light_. And whither in the highways, at inns, in the
city or country, he let slip no probable means of instructing them.
One circumstance which is much more common in _Ireland_ than _England_,
I mean the number of street beggars, furnished him with frequent
opportunities of this kind.
His manner of addressing them was easy and familiar: talking to
them always in a stile suited to their capacity and prejudices.
He avoided entirely the difference of churches, and all matter of
dispute, speaking only of the dreadful evil of sin, the great affairs
of eternal life, and eternal death, of judgment, and of the sufferings
and sacrifice of the Son of God. And his discourses had often such
immediate effect, that falling on their knees, and smiting their
breasts, they have wept, and cried for mercy, in the open streets. He
always concluded his instructions with giving them money, if he had it,
which indeed was not always the case.
It would be tedious to enumerate all the conversations, and various
intercourses which he had with members of that communion, and the good
effects which were produced by them. Two or three only, may be related
from his own accounts.
“This day ―――― came to my room. I asked him, how he hoped to be saved?
And having talked together in _Irish_ for some time, he became greatly
affected, and said, ‘I have saved some money to leave to some _Priest_
or _Friar_ when I die, in order to procure me the forgiveness of my
sins, and I am willing to leave it to you, if you will accept of it.’ I
told him, that no man could forgive his sins; that the gift of God was
not to be purchased with money; and that only the blood of Christ, our
great _High-priest_, could cleanse from sin. He was deeply wounded, and
cried earnestly to God, to whom, after prayer I commended him.”
At another time he writes, “A poor woman, a papist, came to my room,
desirous of salvation. I prayed with her in _Irish_. She frequently
fell on her knees and cried for mercy, resolving no more to regard the
priest’s curses, but to seek her salvation according as the word of God
directs.”
Again, “Being on a journey, where I breakfasted (it was a Romanist’s) I
reproved the landlord for swearing, and talked to all who were present.
I exhorted likewise a woman at the door, to seek from God, repentance
and salvation. She cried with amaze! To the blessed Virgin, and to the
twelve apostles to help her. But I taught her to direct her prayers to
God the Father, through the Lord Jesus Christ.”
*Beside his frequent occasional conversations with them, he went to as
many of their own houses as he could get admittance, where he regarded
the children and servants, even as the masters and mistresses.
But what most of all contributed to the success of his attempts for
their good, was his public preaching, to which great numbers of them
frequently resorted, wherever he came; induced thereto, chiefly by
his preaching in _Irish_, and such things as they easily understood.
There is in the _Irish_ language a peculiarly affecting expressiveness,
particularly with respect to the things of God; which, being pressed
home upon the conscience, by his zealous and alarming way of preaching,
often left them bathed in tears. I saw a very remarkable instance of
this in the town of my nativity; preaching there on a market-day, many
of the country people running with surprize to hear him, smote their
breasts and wept, in such a manner as was entirely new to them, some
affirming, that they could go all over the world with him! It may be
truly said, he seldom preached a sermon in _Irish_, from which some
of them did not receive advantage. He briefly mentions a few instances
himself, as follows,
“After preaching both in _Irish_ and _English_, a poor papist woman
came to me, saying, ‘She came for instruction; for that as she was a
poor woman, she could not have it elsewhere, and she wanted to save her
soul.’ I told her, that all which was in my power, I would do for her
willingly. She wept, and I prayed with her, pointing her for all her
soul wanted, to Jesus, who alone is _the way, the truth, and the life_.”
*Again, “_January 4, 1751_. My soul was delighted to see with what
earnestness the poor _Irish_, (meaning the _Romanists_) received the
word, being in general deeply affected. O how did they weep, and cry
for mercy! May God hear their prayer. Surely this people will rise up
in judgment against Protestants, who having the light of the gospel,
either neglect or despise it. And also against the pastors of this
ignorant people, who hold them in error. O, what have the Romish clergy
to answer for before God!”
“_April, 1751._ Many of them professed after preaching, that they
received more benefit from that one sermon, than from all the _masses_
they had attended during their whole life.”
At another time preaching concerning the good _Samaritan_ (Luke x. 30.)
“Two members of the church of _Rome_ were deeply convinced of their
want of a Saviour, and thirty-four persons joined themselves together,
to seek and serve the Lord.”
“_Friday, May 8._ I conversed with a woman who was formerly of the
church of _England_, but had been seduced by the _Romish_ priests. She
was convinced of her error and returned. To God be the glory.”
“After preaching on _John i. 17._ Sinners cried out mightily. One came
confessing her deeds and said, She had lived an adultress, worse than
_Mary Magdalen_; she wept, trembled and roared aloud.”
The circumstance of his preaching and speaking in _Irish_, (a thing
that multitudes, at least of protestants in _Ireland_ cannot do) next
to the singular blessing of God upon his labours, contributed most to
the success of his endeavours. Though it is observable that when he
preached one day in _Irish_, on _Oxmon-Town-Green_ in _Dublin_, among
those who were affected by the discourse, there was one man cut to the
heart, although he did not, at all understand the language.
In a journey once between _Cork_ and _Bandon_, he fell into
conversation with a man who rode some miles with him, till as was his
constant manner, he began to apply something to his heart, concerning
the worth of his soul, and the way of salvation. But he favouring not
the things of God, became ♦grievously offended. “His prejudice in short
ran so high, that he declared, although he were shot for it, he would
have satisfaction; adding with an oath, thou shalt never deceive
another, for I am resolved to be the death of you just now.”
♦ “grievosly” replaced with “grievously”
“I was quiet in my mind, being persuaded that the God of _Daniel_ was
still the same, I did not feel the least anger, or rising of revenge
towards him; and still reproved him whenever he swore. In the midst
of his rage I reproved him in _Irish_. He was instantly amazed; and
replied, ‘Why did you not speak _so_ to me in the beginning?’ The lion
became a lamb, and I then let him know still speaking in _Irish_, what
Christ had done for sinners. He departed with a broken heart.”
When some of them once followed him after preaching, desirous of
instruction. “I told them (says he) as to religion that it was not
a bare profession that would avail any one.――That the true way, was
to forsake sin and follow Christ; and that in order thereto, it was
needful that a person should, 1st. Be poor in spirit; _feel_ that he is
a sinner. 2dly, Mourn on that account with a broken and contrite heart.
3dly, Forsake sin by applying to the Lord for strength. 4thly, Believe
in Christ, and him only for salvation; as it is his blood alone, that
cleanseth from all unrighteousness: and 5thly, Obey the gospel by
conforming to the rules there laid down; living _soberly, righteously,
and godly in the present world_.”
This was the sum of what he taught them from time to time, as the way
of salvation, which, explained and enforced by the holy scriptures, he
opposed to every other device, or tradition of men. And so zealously
concerned was he for enforcing these truths wherever he came, that
to one, amidst a great number of _Romanists_, whose attention some
endeavoured to hinder, he said, “If my doctrine be not according to the
word of God, stone me on the spot. Make a sacrifice of me: only hear
for yourselves.”
“O that God would call them to the knowledge of the gospel of peace,
and open to them a door of salvation. Open Lord the eyes of their
priests. Remember the purchase of thy blood, nor suffer those poor
souls to perish, for whom Christ hath died.”
CHAPTER V.
_He goes to England and labours there._
THE enlargement of soul, with which it pleased God to bless him, left
no bounds to his desires, of spreading the favour of the knowledge of
Jesus, in every place: and his providential connexions, afforded him
a large sphere of action. The people with whom he was more immediately
united, and who were, according to the divine disposals, the
instruments of his salvation, had now, through the blessing of heaven,
spread the _joyful sound_, well nigh all over _England_, and _Ireland_.
And hence arose a necessity for many labourers.
It was therefore judged expedient that, (having been successfully
employed between two and three years in his native country) he should
go to _England_ likewise: to which only the conviction of its being
the will of God, could have ♦reconciled him; feeling what was natural
on the occasion, “A struggle within himself on leaving his friends and
country.”
♦ “reciled” replaced with “reconciled”
_May 10. 1753._ He embarked at _Dublin_ with some other friends,
and the next day arrived at _Park-gate_. Concerning this voyage, and
his arrival in _England_, he writes as follows. “There were on board
several gentry, and officers, with a large number of cabbin passengers.
They cursed, swore, and blasphemed as though they were in hell. I
reproved them again and again; but they still persisted, and said I was
mad. O God, if there never was any other damnation in the world to come,
than the company of such wretches, who would not flee from it.”
_London_ was the place where he was appointed chiefly to labour. He
arrived there the 31st of _May 1753_, and preached his first sermon
from _1 John ii. 1._
And now did he, more vigourously than ever, apply himself, both in
public and in private, to the labour of his calling; resolving, in a
place of such dangers, to make the best use of both. He found himself
in the midst of a numerous and well instructed people, many of whom
were deeply experienced in the things of God. This was to him matter of
great joy, though at the same time of much carefulness, knowing, that
in order to be truly profitable to them, a superficial acquaintance
with things would but ill suffice. He therefore _laboured_ to be a
scribe _well instructed_; to be deeply and judiciously informed, in
things pertaining to the kingdom of God. It was his daily and nightly
study, how he might best contribute his part towards the feeding them
with the sincere milk of the word, and the building them up in their
most holy faith.
But neither did he here intermit his endeavours, for the salvation of
his poor ignorant countrymen, (of whom great numbers, of the lower sort
are constantly employed in _London_) still detained in that darkness,
from which he had so happily escaped himself. He therefore appointed
times for explaining to as many of them as would hear, the first
principles of the doctrine of Christ; and preached several times in
_Irish_, in _Moor-fields_, and elsewhere; endeavouring likewise, to
have as many private interviews with them as he possibly could.
It was here he first formed to himself a more exact plan for the
improvement of his time, with respect to his public and private
capacity, as a preacher, and a christian, assigning determinate
portions of it to certain employments, which unless when necessity
required otherwise, he punctually observed. He preached constantly
twice a day, and visited many people in their families; besides
frequent attendance on the sick, and dying; from some of whom, he
was rarely a day absent.
The abilities with which God had endowed him, and his faithful
improvement of them, considerably encreased his work; for it seemed
good to those, whom the divine wisdom had honoured, with the over sight,
of a multitude of persons here, in their absence, to intrust him with
that branch of their work. His exactness and submissive faithfulness
therein, appeared in many and various particulars, of which a part only
may be gathered from the following letter to the Rev. Mr. _John Wesley_.
“_Honoured Sir_,
“I Thank you for your letter. I longed exceedingly to hear from
you.――――Your account of the good woman in your Journal was refreshing
to my soul. What I have to say is as follows,”
1. “Mr. _Wesley_ is gone to _Bristol_. He met us on _Monday_ mornings,
and upon the whole, all was well. We parted much in love. 2. Mr.
_F――――_ goes on well. I converse with him when I can. 3. The Lord
is powerfully carrying on his work. Sinners are alarmed, and saints
edified. This day in visiting the sick, my soul was greatly comforted,
by hearing of God’s dealings with their souls.
“On _Monday_ I begin to change the tickets. God give me integrity,
wisdom, meekness, and love. I think, considering these particulars, I
cannot leave _London_ yet. It seems _providence_ keeps me here still.
“You have the prayers of your children. I don’t forget you. A son
honoureth his father, and a father loveth his son. Let it be so till
death, and the devil can get little advantage. Your preaching has been
often, and exceedingly blest to my soul. My heart’s desire, and prayer
to God is, that the Lord would make me partaker of his holiness.
“Dear Sir, I trust your soul will, in time, and in eternity, partake of
that great salvation, you have preached in the name of the Lord. O may
it please God, that we may meet full of holy and happy love! I feel my
soul this moment strongly drawn after God; but there is yet something
that keeps me out of perfect rest and liberty. Jesus, take my whole
heart! Confound, overpower me with thy grace. Requesting your prayers
and counsel, I remain,
“Your very affectionate son,
_Thomas Walsh_.”
_London, April 30._
His advancement in divine knowledge, and in the divine life, while he
remained here, became more and more visible. The fruit of his public
ministry was likewise still more discernible; and the general tenor of
his conduct was acceptable to the people. They had abundant evidence
of his devotedness to God, and of his truly serving as a son in the
gospel. He was generally blest to all kinds of hearers. His discourses
were always of an awakening nature, entering into the very heart; and
singularly calculated to assist, such as were ardently seeking after
_perfect love_, (_1 John iv. 17, 18._) and hereby, through the divine
blessing, he became instrumental to such a revival of the work of God,
as had not been known, as to its depth, from the first union of that
society. Nor are there a few in _London_, who bless God that ever they
heard his voice.
Thus did he spend the time of his abode in _England_, spreading the
favour of his good ointment all around him, and by his example, as well
as preaching, pressing every one to make sure work for eternity. He
perceived clearly, it was the good providence of God which prepared his
way, and directed him hither. He came from _Ireland_ to _London_, three
several times; the last of which the longest time of his continuing
there, (about two years,) and the most profitable both to himself
and to others. And here especially it was, that through his great
and incessant labours; his unwearied application to private study and
public ministrations, he laid the foundation of that disorder, which at
length, removed him to another world.
CHAPTER VI.
_His love to souls, and zeal for promoting the glory of God._
SOME account of his endeavours for the salvation of his neighbour,
has already been given. But this being so considerable a part of his
character, deserves a more full consideration: though it cannot be told,
of how many and various expedients he served himself for the conversion
of sinners.
He watched every opportunity; and was literally _instant in season, out
of season_; that is continually, at all times and places, seeking how
he might best accomplish the end, for which alone he desired to live.
The intenseness of his desire, and his application to this _one thing_,
kept him continually as on the wing, spending, and being spent in this
behalf; regarding neither reproach, pain, loss, nor death itself. “I
have, said he, but one life, and it is a hard case if I cannot readily
lose that for his sake, who gave his life a ransom for mine, and for
the life of the world. My heart bleeds for the world which lieth in the
wicked one.”
It was owing to this likewise, that he embraced every possible
opportunity of crying aloud, in the most conspicuous places of public
resort, and of enforcing the voice of wisdom, saying, _How long ye
simple ones will ye love simplicity, and scorners delight in scorning,
and fools hate knowledge! Turn ye at my reproof; behold I will pour out
my Spirit upon you, I will make known my words unto you._
*Mountains, market-places, highways, meadows, rooms, prisons, and
ships, were the frequent theatres of his publishing the gospel of
peace. And herein there appeared in him something next to marvellous,
being a living fire, continually burning in the love of God and man;
still mounting upwards, and kindling all that were capable about him;
as prone to fervour and activity, as some are to cold and indolence.
He was never weary of well-doing, nor ever spoke slightly, and with
indifferent affection of the great God, and of the things of religion;
but with a seriousness and reverence, becoming one who by faith saw the
Invisible, and looked to be shortly with him!
*He was in truth a mighty adversary to the devil’s kingdom, and took
every possible step, which he judged might, in any measure, promote the
honour of God, to whose sole glory he sacrificed himself, with all his
labours and studies. It is scarcely possible to enable a stranger to
him to conceive, the flow of his soul, and energy of his spirit and
expressions on these occasions; while he endeavoured by _all means_ to
save some. To this end, he truly imparted, not the gospel of God only,
but likewise his own soul. It was this noble object which raised him
above, even that attention to his body, which it required. It was truly
said of him,
He scorn’d his feeble flesh to spare,
Regardless of its swift decline;
His single aim, his ceaseless prayer
To spread the righteousness divine:
He truly triumphed in the cross,
Its prints as on his body shew’d,
Lavish of life for Jesu’s cause,
Whose blood for all so freely flow’d.
The fire which burned in his heart never said “It is enough.” And the
success with which it pleased our Lord to prosper his labours, was a
constant motive to his going forward. His designs of doing good were
without limits, esteeming himself a debtor to all, and embracing in
affection, not less than the whole world.
Riding through _Wales_ and finding that, in many places they did not
understand _English_, he felt great concern on the occasion, and formed
a resolution, if his life and health permitted, to learn the _Welch_
language.
And it was given him not only to believe, and therefore to speak
for God; but also to suffer for his cause. But he rejoiced in his
sufferings, and filled up that which is behind of the afflictions of
Christ in his flesh.
Meantime the _end_, which he still kept in view, together with his
frequent reflections, on the love of Jesus; the danger of sinners
dying without conversion; and the present salvation to which they are
entitled, thro’ the blood of the Lamb: made him more than superior to
every thing which, either men, or the malice of _Satan_ could invent
against, or inflict upon him.
His warm heart and fervent courage, feared no danger in the discharge
of his duty, being well assured that walking uprightly, he walked
surely. He dreaded not the faces of men, but where occasion offered,
boldly reproved what he saw amiss in every one. Wherever there appeared
any probability of his doing good, he was never hindered by the
prospect of danger.
In one place, having preached to a vast number of _Romanists_ and
others, and a prospect appearing of doing much good, he intended, to
go again: but a report prevailed that if he attempted it; a great man
would either have him stoned, or sent to jail. On this occasion “I
reflected (says he) what God had done in former times for those who
put their trust in him. And he gave me strength according to my day.
I found my faith in him greatly strengthened, and resolved, simply to
rely on his protection; not doubting but that he would stand by me. So
I went thither and preached in the name of the Lord.
“The fear of man prevented their giving me entrance into their houses
as before; so I stood on a chair in the street, and thanked God for the
privilege. They received the word without disturbance, and with joy. On
my return I prayed at two houses in the way, and the power of God was
greatly in the midst of us. Praised be God, and the Lamb for ever!”
His labours were indeed much beyond his strength; and his zeal would
not suffer him to stand still: so that his friends were obliged
sometimes (as _Origen_’s mother, to prevent her young son’s burning
with his father) to hide his cloaths, or lock him in his room in the
morning.
*His whole conversation was like fire, warming, refreshing, and
comforting all that were about him, and begetting in their souls a
measure of the same zeal for the glory of God, and the salvation of
sinners which burned in his own breast. It was not possible to be much
with him, and not to hear discourses which bred a detestation of sin,
and a love of holiness. To what purpose is it to live (seemed the motto
of his life) and not to live to some good purpose?
His endeavours to do good, extended to children also. He first,
introduced in many places the custom of meeting weekly, such of them
as could attend, in order to instruct them in such truths, as their
capacity admitted of. In doing this he desired their parents might be
present likewise, to whom his affecting manner of address was not less
serviceable, than to the children.
While in _London_, he had several interviews with the _Jews_,
frequently attending their synagogues, and reasoning with them out of
the _Hebrew_ scriptures. And altho’ I cannot say with certainty that
any of them were converted, yet, sure I am from eye witnesses, that
they were not able to gain-say the power by which he spoke.
*When at any time he met any of his Christian acquaintance, in the
street, or called at their houses passing by, he had always something
to say by way of watch-word, which he left upon their minds. Such as,
“Well, let us hold out a little longer! Are we pressing forward? Let us
hold fast faith, and a good conscience. Are we watching now unto prayer,
and pressing after perfect love?” I well remember one instance of the
good effects of this, which a person mentioned to me since his death.
“I shall never forget, says he, a word which Mr. _Walsh_, taking me
by the hand one day, spoke to me in my shop, _’Tis worse than death,
my |God| to love, and not my |God| alone_.” It was like a nail in a
sure place, and left a useful impression ever after. The gravity and
earnestness, with which he delivered these kinds of little memento’s
to his friends, carried them, by God’s help to the heart, and left them
there. So that I have heard several of his sayings, in this way, called
to remembrance, since his decease, by several of his acquaintance.
He did whatsoever he did for God, with all his might, spending his very
life in every action, even as tho’ he should merit heaven thereby, and
yet, at the same time despising himself as an unprofitable servant.
CHAPTER VII.
_His application to study, love to the holy scriptures, and
improvement in divine knowledge._
THE first materials of his learning, were not very considerable; he had
acquired some knowledge of _Latin_ in his childhood, but left it off
for the _Mathematics_: so that by the time he resumed his grammatical
studies, he had almost all to do again. However, the strength of
his natural capacity, and intense application to study, after his
conversion, soon recovered, what he had lost, with vast increase.
From the time of his first, deep concern about salvation, he read, as
has been intimated, the word of God, with unwearied application; and
every thing else, only as it had some reference to the truths contained
therein: and this practice he continued with increasing diligence, and
delight, till sickness disqualified him for all study. And to such a
degree of eminency did he arrive therein, that I believe, it may be
said with truth, he was scarce ever a moment waking, wherein he was
not either talking of, reading, or meditating on one truth or other
contained in holy scripture.
At first he read the _English_ bible chiefly; but his endeavours for
the good of many of his ignorant countrymen, induced him to read, and
get well acquainted with the New Testament in _Irish_ likewise.
He next set himself, to understand the scriptures, both of the Old
Testament and the New, in their original. It was not till after he
had acquired some tolerable knowledge of the _Greek_ Testament, that
he entered upon the study of _Hebrew_. This was at _London_, about
_December 1755_. He agreed with a _Jew_ to instruct him, at the rate
of a shilling an hour. A few lessons served all the ends he needed; and
being fully initiated into the genius of the language, he soon became
as it were swallowed up in it.
The matter of the study so endeared the language to him, that he
proceeded therein with incredible swiftness. He discovered every day,
such a depth of _hidden wisdom_, in the writings of _Moses_, and the
prophets, read in their own tongue, as he could hardly have conceived
from our translation, tho’ for the most part, deemed the best in the
world.
He ascribed it to a special assistance from heaven, that the study of
the tongue, became so easy and pleasant. And I have heard him mention
this very particular as an argument (at least to himself) of the regard
of heaven, to this _first_, most simple, and excellent of languages;¹
in assisting those who with upright minds enquire into it after the
mind of God. And to this purpose he writes as follows.
¹ “The _Hebrew_ (says archbishop _Usher_) is the first tongue
of the world, and the most orderly speech: in comparison of
which all other languages may be condemned for barbarous
confusion.”
“Sure I am (says an eminent writer) that it ought to be
the first language we are taught, after we have learned to
lisp our own: and were I worthy to advise, the _oriental
dialects_ should follow the _Hebrew_, the _Greek_ should
follow the _Arabic_, and the _Latin_ be acquired by
conversation and reading, in the same manner as the modern
languages of _Europe_ are acquired.”
“_December 20, 1756._ I spent the forenoon in my studies, in which God
has, and does greatly assist me. About this time twelve-month I could
not read a sentence of _Hebrew_ with any certainty, or construe a verse
with readiness. But now I can read my bible through, and understand it,
almost as well as _Latin_ or _English_. This hath God done, enabling me
to read his blessed word in the first and best of languages. O may all
my studies and talents be devoted to his glory!”
*His application was indeed prodigious. I have known him spend fourteen
hours, of the four and twenty, in this study, excepting only the
intervals of prayer, which he frequently poured out for his blessing,
whose inspiration alone teacheth man _true_ wisdom. He often intermixed
a verse of praise, or petition; and then, turning his face to the
wall, and lifting up his heart and countenance to heaven, with his arms
claspt about his breast, he would stand for some time before the Lord
in solemn recollection, and then return to his work.
*It was a rare thing ever to see him, but with a book in his hand, or
speaking of the things of God, or in meditation. When in travelling, he
at any time stopt at an inn, as soon as he was showed to his chamber,
to stay whether for an hour, or a night; he would take out his little
_Hebrew_ psalter (which was his favourite travelling companion) or some
other spiritual book, and fall immediately to his usual work; unless
the time was taken up in exhorting the landlord, or servants, or in
short, any he met with. Accommodations for his body were his smallest
care; and his attention to these, were always, as it were by the bye.
He, like the tortoise, had his house always with him, and seemed every
where, and yet no where at home, in this world. He pursued his work,
well nigh equally, at all times, and in all places, spontaneously
to tend to God. Even after preaching, he has immediately resumed his
studies, (having books always with him,) and this often, where several
persons have been talking, or otherwise employed, as their occasions
required round about him. He, still pursued his work, as tho’ he were
retired in a closet: proceeding on the sentiment, that he had no other
business in this world, than to pray, and preach, and study, and live
in every place, and in every thing, for God!
The frequency of his _stated_ times of prayer, were, at first
especially, much interrupted hereby. But he followed the light which
he then had; and intending all his acquirements for the glory of God,
in the interest of souls, he thought he might on some occasions, (as
one expresses it,) “leave God, for God.”
He was not, however, without frequent jealousies, lest his intense
application, even to this kind of employment, should in any wise,
divert his heart from what he most prized, namely, close attention to
Jesus. After a while therefore, having mastered the main difficulties
in his work, his application became much more moderate. He began to
“Learn well to know, how much need not be known.”
*One day he writes as follows. “I was all day closely employed at study.
But I fear I love my books too much. It is true my studies relate to
the word of God: but I often find my mind carried out in desire after
languages, arts and sciences; yet I see the vanity of every thing,
when separate from God: to be sure, I prize the knowledge of Christ
_crucified_ above all other knowledge. To imitate his wisdom, goodness,
meekness, patience and love: alas! what are _Hebrew_, _Greek_, _Latin_,
_Logic_, _Metaphysics_, every thing to this! What is any thing to the
love of Jesus! O that sweet peace of conscience, and contentment of
mind; which arise from redemption in his blood! O Lord, thou knowest
that I desire to be great in thy grace; to be armed with thy armour. My
soul longs to rise above these little, transitory things. I fain would
rest in thee! I thirst for the divine life. I pray for the spirit of
illumination. I cast my soul upon Jesus Christ, the God of glory, and
Redeemer of the world. I desire to be conformable unto him; his friend,
servant, disciple, and sacrifice! Come now my Jesus! See the longings
of my soul, and finish the work there.”
*From hence may be gathered both, what was the spirit of the man,
and the tendency of his studies. He desired to know: but it was God,
and the things of God, which he proposed to himself, as the sole
matter of his knowledge. For altho’ he read occasionally both logic
and metaphysics, history, and natural philosophy, yet it was all
with reference to his one grand point. Whatever treasures he gathered
from abroad in these, or in any other way; as the industrious bee,
collecting her sweets from different flowers, deposits all in one hive;
so he reduced, and made all his attainments subservient to, the word of
God, and acquaintance with Jesus, as his central point.
And his fear, lest in any thing he should deviate from this, had much
influence on the regulation of his studies. He well knew, that to have
a heart always at leisure for God, attentive to his teaching, and
obedient to his dictates, is the great thing to which every design must
give place; and that the heart is capable of being _overcharged_ with
things, in some respects, lawful and excellent, as with surfeiting and
drunkenness, or cares of this life; all of which are therefore, to be
as carefully guarded against.
And perhaps there are few things by which the spirit of darkness, so
serves himself, among the _thinking_ world, as by this very particular;
diverting the mind from proper application to the _one thing needful_,
not indeed by things sensual, or immoral, which they abhor, and would
perhaps be shocked at the thought of; but by things, in some respects
innocent, and plausible, if not necessary: it may be by curious
speculations on government, the works of nature or grace, and ideal
pursuits of various kinds.
*Bishop _Taylor_ mentions it as a saying of _Oegidius_, “an old,
and simple woman who loves Jesus, may be greater than was brother
_Bonadventure_.” And inasmuch as the giving our whole heart to God,
is that, without which, nothing in religion is available; if this be
not done, is it not the same thing, whether it be through gazing at
the stars, catching of butterflies, or committing adultery? The death
of the body is as fully affected by the prick of a lancet, as by the
stroke of a cannon-ball. And, to such alas, as procure the _loss_ of
their own soul, how little difference does it make, whether it was
done by the crimes, of the grossest kind, or, by what the flattery of
self-love, and a mistaken world call _little things_. He was throughly
sensible of his danger in this respect, and began to regulate himself
accordingly.
He found towards the conclusion of his studies in particular, that
more _true_ wisdom is obtained from God, by prayer and holy meditation
in one hour, than from the application of years to folio volumes; and
therefore esteemed one single sentiment, gained in this manner, of more
value than a thousand speculations acquired by mere dint of study in
the way of human science. He perceived well the difference which there
is between studying barely to instruct others, (which in its place,
is also right and necessary) and studying to perfect one’s self, to
produce that purity, and disengagement which is absolutely necessary to
receive the true light of the holy Spirit. “The secrets of the kingdom
of heaven are not understood thoroughly, but by the sons of the kingdom,
and by them, too in several degrees, God distributing to every one
severally as he willeth; but to such as know not God, the whole system
of this wisdom is insipid and flat, if not totally rejected, dull as
the foot of a rock, and unlearned as the elements of our mother tongue.
But so are mathematics to a Scythian boar, and music to a camel.”
*His settled manner now was, to assign the morning wholly to the
reading, first a chapter out of the Old Testament, and frequently
some of the psalms in _Hebrew_. Then he read, and digest some part
of his _Greek_ Testament. His manner of doing this, took him up great
part of the forenoon: and afterwards, he read, wrote, or was otherwise
employed as occasions directed. He frequently had some persons to visit
him for instruction in some point of learning; chiefly in _Hebrew_.
Two or three young men of _Cambridge_, at different times, being in
town, and knowing him, chose to be initiated by him in the _Hebrew_
tongue. He was constantly as communicative as receptive of instruction,
withholding nothing from any one, that he thought might be useful to
them.
He read the scriptures in order; beginning a book, and going thro’
with it regularly; fixing at the same time upon such parts, as had most
immediate reference to the doctrines and precepts of the gospel-state
of things; which he not only read most frequently, but likewise
committed to memory. *And the degree of perfection to which he arrived
in this particular, was really surprising. His acquaintance with
the letter of scripture, and his retentive memory, supplied him as
with a constant concordance. And I believe there was not a remarkable
passage, historical, doctrinal, or preceptive, from _Genesis_ to the
_Revelation_, which he could not, on the bare mention of, turn to
immediately.
“Thy word (says he) O Lord, I have for mine inheritance for ever. It is
the joy of my heart, and of more value to me than millions of worlds.
O God, give me understanding, that I may keep thy law! But let my whole
dependance be in Jesu’s merits. He is my advocate. Only by faith in him
I stand. He is my sure refuge, and portion, in the land of the living!”
Being at sea one time, and the weather becoming extremely tempestuous,
the mariners themselves were apprehensive of death. He in like manner
expected the same, and put into his bosom, a small bible which he had
with him, resolving that what he so loved in life, should not be parted
from him even in death. Such was his love to, and singular esteem for
the word of God.
In this manner it was, that he became in truth, a scribe, well
instructed to the kingdom of heaven, and brought out of the treasury of
his heart-experience, the old and new, and deep things of the word of
Jehovah. It was from this fountain he derived his ideas, sentiments and
expressions, on all occasions; explaining doctrines, enforcing duties
and resolving difficulties, well nigh, altogether in scripture words.
The _spirit of wisdom_ so rested upon him, that there was nothing of a
divine nature, which occurred to his own mind, or was proposed to him
by others, respecting doctrines, experience, or practice, of which he
could not speak with convincing clearness and satisfaction.
He had a singular faculty for throwing light upon doubtful cases;
and it was not unusual with him, by two or three words to set to
rights, and entirely quiet the minds of persons, perplexed before,
about points of doctrine, or experience. A most remarkable instance of
this I remember to have known in _Ireland_: a person who was greatly
embarrassed in his mind concerning a point in religion, which appeared
to him of great importance, and who had received no satisfaction from
all his former researches on the head, came to Mr. _Walsh_, and related
the matter to him; which having heard, he only asked one question,
requiring the person to answer. And whether it was, that God, just
then shone upon the man’s soul, and by his immediate light solved
the difficulty; or whether it was through mere rational conviction,
resulting from the arguments implied in his question, I know not; but
he was instantly satisfied, and being convinced of his former mistake,
had no further uneasiness on the head.
His insight into the invisible world, so realized to him things to come,
that he spake of them as one who both heard and saw them. And they had
their proportionable influence on the whole of his behaviour. He acted
as in the immediate presence of God; and thus went on reading and
meditating day and night, in the law of his God; and devouring, like
another _Ezekiel_, the whole divine volume.
CHAPTER VIII.
_His manner of preaching._
AT first his sermons consisted chiefly, of a number of well chosen
texts of scripture, suited to the particular subject on which he
treated, and which, he, for the most part, cited with both the chapter
and verse. He had in this manner formed, as it were, a body of divinity
in his head, which was a kind of store house of his sermons. Time and
experience however, brought him off from the custom of, so particularly
citing the places of the scriptures, he made use of; unless where he
judged it singularly useful, both for the conviction and satisfaction
of the hearers.
*A constant course of reading, much conversation with the children of
God, and the acquaintance, which a life of faith, meditation and prayer,
gave him with God, and with the motions of his own soul, greatly
extended his views into divine things in general; and furnished him
with variety of subjects for the edification and comfort of the church
of God: so that in the last two or three years of his course, his
sermons had in them depth, and solidity, far beyond those of his former
years.
The state of his own heart, had much influence on the particular
subjects of his sermons: as is surely the case with all, to whom
preaching is not a mere business of course: but on the contrary, an
affair of the weightiest importance in the world, requiring the deepest
attention and most circumspect walking. He knew that the words of an
_unfeeling_ heart, are but empty sounds; and that although they might
please for the present, they rarely profit the hearers. And it was
on this account, that attending constantly to the motions of his own
soul, he hardly ever preached a sermon, without conveying nearly the
like sensations to others, whether of deep contrition of spirit, holy
mourning, or spiritual joy, which he felt in his own soul.
“When, says he, I am in heaviness, I am led to speak chiefly of trials;
when lively and fervent, I am led to speak of the comforts of believers;
and when I am hungering and thirsting after righteousness, I press upon
others to cleanse themselves from all filthiness of flesh and spirit,
and to perfect holiness. And hence I learn, 1st. How needful it is
for a preacher to be in a right spirit himself, whenever he speaks to
others. And, 2dly, The wisdom of God, in so ordering, that every soul
might receive its portion of the _milk of the word_ in due season.”
*All his sermons might be truly said to be his own from God. He stole
not the word from his neighbour, nor catched at trivial incidents to
furnish him with an hour’s discourse. His heart was a treasury well
furnished, insomuch that he was never at a loss for something in season:
even sometimes when he has been so taken up with other parts of his
calling, as not to have the least time for _preparing_ to preach; yet
the pourings out of his feeling soul, evidenced themselves to waiting
hearts, to be of God.
*There was nothing whining, light, or trivial in his discourses;
nothing put on; nothing that could excite levity, much less laughter;
but rather, and which was commonly the case, groans and tears and cries.
His sermons had in them such a depth of divine truth, confirmed by
the word of God, with such a greatness and majesty as begot in the
hearers an awe and reverence, which removed far away, all petulancy
and thoughtless irreverence of spirit: and produced in many a solemnity
and attention of soul, becoming those who hear discourses for life, or
death eternal. To all of which, his grave and mortified countenance,
contributed not a little. In short his whole behaviour in the pulpit
was such, as became a messenger of God, put in trust with the ministry
of reconciliation.
His discourses were suited to give a portion to everyone, as their need
required; milk for babes, and for stronger men, stronger meat: though
still they had this tendency, with regard to all, to excite people’s
hearts to the pure love of God. *And although he preached _faith in
Christ_ as the only way, of obtaining all the good things of grace
and glory, yet he did it in such a manner as effectually to guard it
against the abuse of libertines, who turn the freeness of the grace of
God, into an occasion of wantonness; who while they promise liberty to
others, are, at the same time servants of corruption. Persons of this
character could not in the least serve themselves from his discourses;
in every one of which he so preached faith in Christ, as to _establish
the law_, in its true sense, that is, to secure all the interests
of genuine holiness, both in heart and life; all the fruits of
righteousness; the most rigorous regard to mens duty to God, their
neighbour, and themselves.
When he first began to preach, his chief talent seemed to be for
quickening such as were dead in trespasses and sins; for terrifying
careless sinners with the dread of God’s judgments, alarming them, as
it were, to flee from the wrath to come. It was ♦truly said of him,
“He fierce on the Philistines flies,
_Compels_ the captives to come in;
Spoils Satan of his lawful prize,
And tears them from the toils of sin.”
♦ “tuly” replaced with “truly”
His courage and resolution in this, were such as are rarely to be found.
He judged, that there was nothing more likely to pull down the strong
holds of Satan, than to lay the axe to the root of sin; and in all his
sermons, he ever used to discover its detestable nature, pressing upon
the conscience, an entire purgation from dead works. And he did it
in such a manner as often pierced the very joints and marrow of his
hearers.
It was easy to discover in him likewise, the utmost impartiality.
Knowing that he was to deliver his Lord’s message, he spared no man
from any human regards: but boldly detecting their sin, commended
himself to every man’s conscience in the _sight of God_.
And yet, his zeal was tempered with wisdom and discretion for
notwithstanding his pressing vehemently upon the conscience of his
hearers, in all his sermons, yet (although some were sometimes offended)
they were never able to resist the authority by which he spake.
But it was not as a _Boanerges_, a son of thunder only, that he
excelled. His own happy experience, of the forgiving, healing, and
comforting virtue of the blood of Jesus; together with his mighty
acquaintance with the promises of life in him, fitted him for
administring comfort, and much encouragement to the weary, and the
heavy-laden with sin; To such, he was in truth, a _son of consolation_;
his lips dropped sweetness to them, as the honey-comb.
*O God, how many a bleeding wound hast thou made him an instrument
of healing, by pouring into the hearts of the disconsolate, _the wine
and oil_ of the gospel, in a rich profusion of those precious, golden
promises, which being ratified to us by the holy blood of thy dear Son,
are all yea, and amen in him, to thine eternal glory! Yes,
“Refreshing, soft, as vernal showers,
His word, on weary sinners falls,
Or, like the rapid torrent pours,
While souls to Jesu’s blood he calls!”
*It was scarcely possible for the most icy, and rocky heart, to remain
long so under his moving and authoritative discourse, laid home to the
conscience, by the sword of the Spirit, which, like the flaming sword
in paradise, turned every way, to every heart. And accordingly, it was
a very rare thing for him ever to preach a sermon, without sending some
away, either broken-hearted, rejoicing in God, or increased more or
less, in the knowledge of the Crucified.
*Towards the latter part of his progress, the two last years of his
life especially, the whole bent of his soul, his reading, meditations,
prayer, conversation and preaching, tended altogether, to the _deep
things of God_, (1 Corinthians ii. 10.) the so perfectly loving him,
with _all_ the capacity of the soul and body, as the state of humanity
can admit. The entire salvation of God, from all sin, to all the mind
that was in Christ Jesus, was now his constant, and most beloved theme,
both in public and private. And he omitted nothing which might either
inform his judgment, or affect his own, or the hearts of others, in
reference to this most interesting concern of the children of God.
*His thoughts on the head became therefore thoroughly digested; so that
there was hardly an objection which either Satan, men, or the heart
of unbelief could bring against it, for which he had not a convincing
answer. His _own_ heart-acquaintance therewith, will be seen from a
subsequent account of his experience. The light which he had into the
nature, and his fervent manner of enforcing the worth, and necessity
of Christian holiness, was one great means of enkindling, in the hearts
of many, that _fire_ of pure love, to God and man, which has since his
death likewise, increased more abundantly, and still burns (O may it
ever burn!) amongst us, to the greater glory of God. Only such as were
experimental witnesses of it, having a true relish for things of so
high a nature, can rightly conceive of the abilities, with which God
endowed him, for this part of his work; of the manner in which, he,
With strength and utterance from above
Urg’d on the saints thro’ grace forgiven,
To scale the mount of holiest love,
To seize the brightest throne in heaven!
In all his discourses on the subject, he as much as may be, carefully
avoided _his own_ words, both in explaining, and enforcing its nature,
extent, and the means of attaining thereto. He did it in the words
which the Holy Ghost teacheth, explaining those spiritual things, with
spiritual words: (1 Corinthians ii. 13.) while in the mean time, his
fervent and affecting manner of urging them, and indeed every other
part of the doctrine of salvation, commanded,
―――“Audience and attention, still as night
Or summers noon-tide air.”
He had not, it must be acknowledged, at least he had but little made
use of, the _art_ of preaching: not indeed that he was ignorant of
such rules as, orators lay down for ordering, and conducting public
discourses. His knowledge both of _Logic_ and _Rhetoric_ was far
from being inconsiderable. He had both read, and in some good degree,
digested the principles of both. But the eagerness with which he
proceeded in his work; and the rapid flow of his soul, sending forth
its _good matter_, not like the distilling of a water-pot, but as a
plentiful shower from the heavens, watering deep and wide all around,
did not suffer him to attend, with exactness, to such niceties in
composition or delivery: nay, even prevented that moderation, as to
the length, and manner of delivering his discourses, which would have
been much more easy to himself, and to his audience, many of them being
often in pain for him.
*Yet afterwards, when the repeated advice of his friends, and the
necessity of his constitution, obliged him to a more slow, and
deliberate manner, some ascribed it to (what they called) his _want
of power_; such is the folly and weakness of many, in their sentiments
with regard to this particular! How common is it to imagine, that
the presence and power of the Spirit of God, and that influence by
which souls are awakened, justified, or built up in holiness, depends
upon the loudness of the preacher’s voice, or the swiftness of his
expression? In other words, upon the strength of a man’s lungs, and
it may be, the assurance of his gesture and utterance. A sentiment
not more strange to the truly wise, than it is common with many. As
though noise, and animal activity should be dignified with the names of
_spirit and power_, and the want of them ascribed to dryness, deadness
and formality! Strictly speaking indeed, there is no _necessary_ divine
power in any man’s _manner_ of speaking, whether loud or low, swiftly
or softly. _It is the Spirit that quickeneth_, and as he pleaseth; and
it may be questioned, whether effects that have been sometimes produced,
by a loud, vehement, and overbearing manner of speaking, were not in
great measure merely mechanical, if not of _Satan_ himself, to cast
an odium upon the work of God. In truth the most substantial, genuine
effects of the gospel ministry, arise from its delivery, not with noise
and human vehemence, (which often rather calls off the mind from the
inward life and communion with God:) but with distinct calmness, and
wise deliberation.
There may often be a strong wind, an earthquake, and fire; but the Lord
_is in the still, small voice_, (1 Kings xix. 11. 12.) and those are
only in order to this. His word, it is true, is a sword, and a hammer,
which wounds and breaks human hearts in pieces; and any one’s _manner_
of speaking contributes towards this so far as it is to be commended.
But considered independently of this (which is too often the case) the
loudness of a man’s voice is in reality no better than the blowing of a
trumpet, or the sound of a drum. _Not by might, or by power, but by my
Spirit, saith the Lord of hosts._ What is here intended, is nakedly to
represent a common mistake, in order to its removal.
His sermons were seldom less than an hour long; and yet, had in them
such an agreeable variety, that they were rarely, if ever tedious,
unless to such as wanted a savour for the things of God.
He was always at the conclusion, in a bath of sweat. And the place of
preaching being often at some distance from his lodging, his suddenly
growing cold again, was one reason of the frequency of the fevers which
he had from time to time, during his whole life of public labour.
He often resolved before he began to preach, to restrain the rapidity
of his spirit, but in vain: “The sword (as he once said to me) being
too keen for the scabbard.” The fervour of his soul broke through all
his resolutions, but wasted at the same time, the very springs of life,
which he felt immediately afterwards.
With regard to the manner of his preparing for sermons, he seemed
to keep between the two extremes, neglect of all actual, previous
preparation, and a dry scholastic composition of exact materials. To
have no regard to the matter, and manner of his discourses before hand,
under the pretence of dependance upon heaven, for immediate influence
and utterance, he judged to be rank enthusiasm; and often, a cloke for
a lazy, indolence of spirit; on account, of which, nonsense has been
too often dignified with the sacred names of _inspiration_ and power.
And yet, he judged it alike culpable, to seek after and trust to mere
dry human skill, in fixing upon heads, and taking such measures, as
to preach only ones self, independant as it were, on the quickening,
enlighting presence of the _Holy Ghost_, without which all preaching
and all hearing are vain.
*He prayed and studied, and studied and prayed again, going always
(unless necessity prevented) from his closet and off his knees, into
the pulpit. But when he came there, he gave himself up wholly into the
hands of God, to be actuated and used by him, in all respects, as might
be most for his glory. And it was glorious and wonderful, to see the
good effects, which were produced at those times, by the words of God
flowing from his lips, and entering into the heart, without indeed
the ornaments of studied eloquence, but in their native majesty and
simplicity; such as they are in themselves, and as he himself relished
them. One circumstance relating to his manner, was, that he almost
always begun, and in general concluded his sermons with a text of
scripture: but so judiciously chosen, as seldom failed to touch the
heart, and frequently to cast light on the whole subject.
One might easily gather from his way of preaching, how sensible he
was of a mistake in many preachers, who content themselves, supposing
there be but _demonstration_ in their sermons, that they have spoken
things which cannot be gainsay’d. Whereas if there be nothing more
than clearness of demonstration, it may indeed be said to the preacher,
_thou preachest well_; but what then? Who are quickened in their
pursuit of God and heaven? Who hates his sins? Or who loves God the
more for your discourse? Now where these are not to be found, may
not a sinner as well be hearkening to a mathematician demonstrating
_Euclid_’s elements, as to a preacher preaching thus?
It was far from satisfying him that his sermons had in them sufficient
demonstration. Still retaining in mind, What is the _end_ of preaching,
bringing souls acquainted with, and building them up in God; he rated
his sermons accordingly: and for the more effectual promotion of this,
studied to be well acquainted with all the motions of the human heart,
pointing his discourses there continually; laying hold, as it were of
its very inmost thoughts, and with the sinners own weapons, slaying the
enemies of his salvation. He applied to the conscience at every turn,
and after having at any time demonstrated a peculiarly interesting
truth of a general nature, he always took care to make it a personal
thing, by questioning the heart of every one concerning their part
therein. He frequently introduced, by way of comparison, many of the
incidental occurrences in life, things respecting callings, families,
and a thousand little matters, by which the great concerns of the soul
enter more deeply and sensibly into the minds of the common people. I
have heard a woman of known integrity say, that intending one evening
to have his judgment, after preaching on several particulars, which
were a weight to her mind; he so anticipated every objection, and
answered them in the sermon, that she needed no farther enquiry.
*It was usual with him in his sermons, to propose and answer divers
cases of conscience, which was an inexpressible satisfaction to many.
In describing of vices (for which he was eminently remarkable) he did
not so much dwell upon the vice itself abstractedly, as he shewed the
_persons_ to themselves, who were guilty thereof; and represented the
unavoidable danger of such as lived and died therein. It was not so
much _pride, envy, anger, lust, drunkenness, swearing_, and the like,
which he painted in their detestable nature, (though he did this also;)
but his drift at such times, was to describe the _proud_, the _envious_,
the _angry_, and the _lustful man_; to alarm the drunkard, and the
swearer, &c. as with the voice of thunder, to escape for their lives.
The most guilty person can sit and hear his vice described, with
composure enough; but the conscience of a sinner cannot so easily
escape, when the preacher speaking as it were to one person (though
without particularizing any) charges it home, _Thou art the man_. It
was in this way that his sermons were, by the grace of God, effectual
to the awakening and converting of so many.
His whole life being one series of holy living and mental improvement,
preserved his heart, like an ever-fresh, and overflowing fountain,
which on every occasion poured forth its fruitful streams of holy
doctrine, and persuasive exhortation. It was easy to discern, that
he _felt_ the things he delivered. He gave himself wholly to this one
thing; and, which was the crowning glory of all, was himself a pattern
of the truths he taught.
His own example strengthens all his laws;
He is himself the gracious saint he draws.
*Indeed this was first and last, his main concern, That while he
ministered to the wants of others, he might not sustain loss in his own
soul, nor have to take up that sad complaint, _They made me keeper of
the vineyards, but mine own vineyard have I not kept_.¹ It is a fearful
case for a preacher, to be only like a channel in a garden, through
which the water runs to cool and moisten the herbs and flowers, but
nothing for its own use; if not like the spoils of bevers, sheep and
silk-worms, designed to cloath others, which are made the occasion of
their own nakedness, if not the cause of their death. This indeed is
never the intention of God, concerning his servants; but men bring it
upon themselves through the abuse of his favours. What is this but to
build a fortune for others, upon the ruins of one’s own house, while
_after preaching to others, thou thyself dost become a castaway_.
¹ Canticles i. 6.
CHAPTER IX.
_Of his frequent sickness, the exercises of his mind therein,
and the improvement which he made thereof._
HIS original constitution was strong, and his make and stature such,
as, humanly speaking, indicated health and long life. He seemed free
from those incumbrances of constitution which some have to struggle
with well nigh all their days. His complexion tended rather to the
melancholic, although from his fervour of spirit, one would have
thought the contrary. But the grace of God, is powerful to alter, and
even invert the course of nature. However, the natural temperature of
his body seemed well calculated both for the service of God, and of his
neighbour.
But in fact, if his bones had been brass, and his flesh iron, they
must have yielded to the violence which his labours offered to his
constitution. He enjoyed good health till above nineteen, which was
the year of his conversion to God. But from the twentieth to the
twenty-eighth, his life may be said to have been a lingering death;
as he never was a day free from pain or weakness.
A slow fever, and pain at his stomach were, for the most part, his
companions, day and night. The manner of his preaching, intense
study, little rest, and frequent fatigues, broke the very frame of his
nature, and brought him in a short time to such a habit of body, as no
medicines were able to remove.
“It is, as he once expressed it, (speaking of his illness) in the work
of God, in the cause of Christ! Therefore I rejoice; for I count not my
life dear to myself, if I may but glorify my Lord God, and only Master,
Jesus Christ.” It is surprizing, that, considering his weakness and
habitual disorders, he could go thro’ such daily and nightly labours as
he did: nor can it be accounted for otherwise, than that the strength
of God was made perfect in his weakness. Sometimes (says he) when I
begin the labour of love, I am hardly able, either to walk or speak;
but after I have laboured a while, I find new strength, and am even
better than when I begun!”
As to the use which he always made of his illnesses, it will be best
gathered from his own words.
*“_Tuesday, January 18, 1751._ I preached on _Matthew v. 3._ but
could not finish; being seized with an ague. Immediately I went to
bed. I could rest in the will of God, being persuaded it was for the
better. True it is, that afflictions are not joyous, but grievous
while they last, though afterwards they yield the peaceable fruits
of righteousness. How great, O my God, are thy goodness, and tender
mercies towards me! If I had a thousand tongues, I could not praise
my God as he deserves. He remembers me in the time of my trouble, and
leaves not my soul comfortless. Lord, there is nothing good in me,
that thou shouldst regard, and so remember me. All is of thy free
grace, and undeserved mercy. O the ravishing joy that seizes my heart,
in meditating on the dying love of my Saviour! It raises me above all
human things, and carries my soul deep into the mysteries of godliness.”
Two things he then especially remarked,
1st. How sad an affair it is to leave the work of salvation to a time
of sickness? “Experience has strongly taught me, that if my peace
was not made before such an affliction (referring to a violent fever,
as this was) it would never have been made, distraction, and almost
madness would take up the time; and not repentance. Look O Jesus upon
those who are putting the evil day afar off.”
2dly. That before each of his illnesses; he had had remarkable displays
of the divine goodness towards him. Thus he says, “I cannot but remark
the exceeding goodness of God, for before my illnesses for some years
past, he always gives me a clear manifestation of his love.”
The following account was after a fever, which lasted nine and twenty
days, at a place called _Tirrelspass_ in _Ireland_.
1. “I had no joy for twenty days. The severity of my sickness and pain,
pressed down my soul. Neither divine light nor love shone into my heart;
yet I prayed often with freedom ♦and fervour.”
♦ duplicate word “and” removed
2. “I had no strong temptations; no fear of death, or hell: neither had
I any desire to die. On the thirteenth day, I had an assurance, that
I should not die in _Tirrelspass_. My greatest uneasiness arose from
the place where I lay, which was a narrow room, with a shop adjoining,
where was hurry and noise almost continually. This circumstance, thro’
the evil of my heart, often became a temptation to impatience. But I
cried unto the Lord, and he made every thing more easy to me every day.”
3. “About the twentieth day, my soul and body much revived. I could
after a night of heaviness rejoice in God. I experienced much of the
love of Christ. But yet I felt the old man. Alas! what an evil heart
have I! How hard is it to humble me, and wean my desires from earth?
Lord, Thou knowest my heart and reins. And is it not my desire to love
thee with all my soul, and serve thee with all my strength?”
“Is there a thing beneath the sun,
That strives with thee my heart to share?
Ah, tear it thence, and reign alone
The Lord of ev’ry motion there!”
4. “On the twenty-sixth day, early in the morning, the gracious Lord
replenished my soul with his love. He poured out his Spirit upon me.
The intercourse was open between heaven and my soul. I loved, and
could pray for all the world, as for myself. O how does Christ inlarge
the heart! What flames of divine charity does he kindle there! The
twenty-seventh day I had such a sense of the mercy of God as quite
overcame my soul. In the evening however, I felt a severe struggle: but
the blessed Spirit soon set my heart at liberty.”
“Lord, since it hath pleased thee, to spare me a little longer, make my
life useful. Let me be wholly given up to thee, and thy service, that
I may glorify thee, in all things, thro’ Jesus Christ, my dearest Lord
and Saviour. _Amen._”
“_Limerick, October 28, 1755._ I was seized with a fever, which
confined me to my room, till _Friday, November 7._ I remark the
following particulars,”
*“1st. I examined what might be the cause of this illness; but could
not discern any thing in particular. I saw indeed that many of my
tempers, words and actions were not truly holy. I was ashamed of my
best performances, I saw my best living as a mere blot: yet the guilt
of no particular sin lay upon my conscience.”
“2dly. I was more subject to temptation in this sickness than usual:
not indeed to think hard of God, or repine at my illness: but I
had spiritual conflicts, wrestlings against _principalities and
powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world; against
wicked spirits in high places_. The third day, which was _Thursday,
October 30_, I had the sorest conflict that ever I felt. I was suddenly
seized in body, and amazed in mind. I thought every moment would have
been my last. I had a vehement thirst. My tongue was dry and turgid.
And my soul was in an agony. I was overwhelmed with fear, sorrow, and
sore affliction.”
*“All the sins of my life passed before me, but especially those which
were since I had been enlightened, and since I preached the gospel. I
saw, and felt myself hell-deserving; that I was nothing, and could do
no good work before God. I was really poor, in such a manner and degree,
as I never felt before. I was stript, humbled, emptied, laid open,
confounded and afraid of God’s judgments; tho’ not afraid of the devil,
or hell. Nay, I all the while knew I had redemption in the blood of
Jesus, and that all my sins were forgiven. Who can understand? Only
such as have felt the same.”
“3dly, In the midst of my troubles, I had liberty in prayer. My
understanding and memory remained with me, and abundance of spiritual
matter was suggested to my mind. Even passages of scripture, that I
never used before, were brought to me in prayer. I was alarmed in every
part, and cried mightily to God. I cried to all about me to pray for me.
Surely they saw the bitterness of my soul. God remember them for good,
who then sympathized with me in my trouble.”
*“4thly, It left me gradually, and without any sensible joy. Peace and
confidence arose by degrees, in my spirit. The very extremity of the
combat, lasted about a quarter of an hour. It just then occurred to me,
that some days before, I heard Jesus, as it were, speak, and say to me,
_Satan hath desired to have thee, that he may sift you as wheat, but
I have prayed for thee, that thy faith may not fail_. And now I fully
understood it. In so many instances, are those words of our Lord true,
‘What I do, thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter.’”
“5thly, I felt, (and might it not be the design of God in the whole?)
That the name of Jesus alone could avail to bring me to God. I had
such a deep sense of this, as I never had before. I had besides,
extraordinary evidence of the eternal power and godhead of Christ Jesus.
In all my illnesses this truth has been wonderfully revealed to me,
both by the external evidence of holy writ, and the internal evidence
of the holy Spirit. None of the prayers which I made use of, so foiled
and drove away _Satan_, as ‘Jesus, Son of the living God, have mercy
upon, and save me from this hour.’ Likewise the fifty-third of _Isaiah_,
the twenty-third of _Jeremiah_, and the sixteenth of St. _Matthew_,
with much of the _Revelation_, came into my mind: and my prayers were
made up chiefly of passages from these places. I cried out, when I
thought I should speak no more, and said, Lord, I have trusted in thee,
and I believe thou wilt raise me up at the last day.”
“I had at the same time, most earnest desires, to be made holy. I saw
more clearly than ever the nature and necessity of perfect love; and
was fully persuaded of the necessity of preaching Christian perfection,
and of declaring, that all is of grace.”
“6thly, For four or five days, after it was over, I had much of the
presence of God, and of Christ. Many scripture truths revealed to me,
and strong assurances, that God would spare me a little longer, to
preach his gospel to the ignorant, and them that are out of the way,
and to help forward the faith of his children.”
*“I write this account _November 8, 1755_, being pretty free from
bodily pain, at peace with God, and all mankind, desirous, and
determined to live wholly to the glory of God; to be a servant of all,
giving my life, time, and strength, with every other talent intrusted
to me, to God, and the church, which my dear Jesus purchased with his
blood. To him with the Almighty Father, and eternal Spirit, be ascribed
the kingdom, power, and glory, for ever, and to eternity.”
The very day on which he wrote these reflections, and the first of his
going out, after this illness, it being a day appointed for fasting and
prayer, to avert the judgment of God, which seemed impending over these
nations; he was taken in a chair to the preaching-house, and preached
for a full hour, “having (as he expresses it) a deep sense of the
majesty of God, and joyful confidence, that he would defend the real
_Israelites_ from the impending evil.”
The frequent experience which he had of remarkable escapes from
confinement, by disorders which threatened him with a sudden removal
hence, and these in times of preaching especially, made it a frequent
and felt expression with him, “When I am weak, then I am strong.”
“When one knows (says he, on another of these occasions) that God is
for him, that he has redemption in the blood of Christ, then whether
he be rich, or poor, in sickness, or in health, he is happy, and can
rejoice. Have I recovered my strength? And am I freely forgiven my
former trespasses? Does the Spirit of God dwell in my heart? And can I
by faith behold a reconciled God, and interceding Saviour, at his right
hand? Well, then, welcome sickness, contempt, poverty, and death. If
I meet with worldly troubles, ’tis to make my crown the brighter. If
I suffer for Christ’s sake, happy am I. If I bear the cross, I shall
wear the crown. Is my body cold? I am warmed with the flames of sacred
love; naked? I have a covering of wrought gold, the righteousness of
my Saviour! Hungry? I have meat to eat the world knoweth not of, _the
hidden manna, and the bread of life_. Let me suffer then with Christ.
Men may kill my body; but it would only send me the sooner to heaven.”
The following instance, the last I shall mention on this head, is the
rather inserted, because in it may be seen a true picture of the man,
from the free pourings out of his own heart. It was at _Bristol_, after
recovering from a dangerous fever.
*“For three days last past, I had much converse with God, and vehement
desires to live wholly to his glory. I have enquired into the reason
of mine affliction, and think, God did it to humble me, that I should
not be puffed up with the praises of the people. They cannot indeed too
much admire the truths of God, nor be too thankful to him for them. But
the danger was, lest I should think myself somebody: yet I cannot lay
to my own charge the desire of applause, neither did I find it lift me
up: on the contrary, it often made me ashamed, knowing my own vileness,
and how little I either suffered or did for God.”
*“And truly I was never more sensible of my unprofitableness, than I am
at this hour. I blush to see and hear how others live, and have lived;
and at how low a rate I yet live. But above all, when I consider the
life of the holy Jesus, O how far short do I come! I am not entirely
dead to myself. I am not altogether free from affection to creatures.
I cannot rejoice equally to suffer, as to be comforted. I speak words
I ought not. I spend some minutes unprofitably. In short, I do not love
God, or my neighbour as I ought.”
*“O, was it not for free grace, and the blood of sprinkling, where
should I appear! But thou knowest my desire, or rather the desire of
thy spirit within me. Thou knowest that there hast never been a saint
upon earth whom I do not desire to resemble, in doing and suffering
thy whole will. I would walk with thee, my God, as _Enoch_ did. I would
follow thee to a land unknown, as _Abraham_ did. I would renounce all
for thee, as did _Moses_, and _Paul_. I would, as did _Stephen_, seal
thy truth with my blood!”
*“Is not this the desire of my soul, O my Saviour? O, give me power;
give grace and constancy. For unless thou helpest, all my longings and
praying will prove fruitless. But if thou waterest these plants, of
thine own right hand’s planting, this grain shall become a great tree,
and my soul shall be swallowed up in thee my Lord God!”
“Jesus was my comfort, and my joy, my life, and my strength. O, if
I had not Jesus for my help, I should be miserable. But since I have
thee I am happy in these my afflictions. The lovely smiles of thy
countenance, which shine with glory, revive and raise me. O, divine
love! What hast thou done for me, a poor sinner! Bless the Lord, O my
soul, and forget not his benefits.
“O that my soul was loosened from this body, that I might ascend the
holy hill of the Lord! My Jesus, when shall I behold Thee face to face!
O that this separate wall was broken down, this partition taken away,
and that I could even now enter into the celestial courts there to sing
everlasting hallelujah’s to my Lord, God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
_Amen_!”
CHAPTER X.
_Of his temptations, conflicts and various exercises of soul._
IT is a point of wisdom, well worthy our ♦pursuit, to know what in the
course of our experience we ought to ascribe to God, to angels, whether
good or evil, and to ourselves. How greatly would it contribute to
prevent many evil reasonings and self-tormenting consternations? And
it is a point of knowledge to which _the children of the kingdom_ do
actually attain through faith and prayer.
♦ “pusuit” replaced with “pursuit”
The following few particulars, in the course of the experience of this
man of God, which are ascribed to the agency of the power of darkness,
are (among an infinity of other instances in the world) sufficient
proofs of the attempts of those malicious spirits, to _steal and to
destroy_, to rob us of the grace of God, and to destroy our souls.
Concerning the variety of inward conflicts which he went through, he
often took notice that they were greatest on the Lord’s day; and says
on the occasion, “Lord I am more afflicted on thy day, than on any
other. Thou knowest the cause. If it be the enemy that afflicts me, do
thou rebuke him; let him have no power over my body or soul. And O give
me thy meek, and long-suffering mind to bear whatsoever burden thou
permittest to come upon me.”
He observes likewise, When I have most life and power in preaching,
then the devil and sin muster all their force, and thrust sore at me.
But hitherto God has preserved me both from the great offence, and from
misery and dejection.
The instances of the resistance he found in the time of preaching from
invisible powers, were highly remarkable. He has sometimes started
in amaze, at horrible injections, concerning God, or Christ, or some
fundamental article of the Christian religion; even then, while he
has been powerfully asserting, proving, and enforcing it. I have often
heard him say, there was not a single divine truth, in the which he
was then established, for which he had not fought, resisting as it were
unto blood. For he would take nothing upon trust; nor see with the eyes
of others. He derived his sentiments, from the fountain head. His best
things came from God in the way of _labour_ and _striving_.
He has been sometimes deprived of the use of some of his senses, during
the very time of preaching: once in particular, 1751. In the midst of
his discourse, he, in an instant lost his eye-sight and fell back in
the pulpit, yet retaining, during the whole time, the perfect use of
his understanding: he however, soon recovered, and finished his sermon.
He believed, ♦and was not confounded.
♦ duplicate word “and” removed
Often when he has been disturbed in the silence of the night in ways
more than natural, well knowing the cause, he has with much confidence,
in the name of Jesus commanded the adversary to be gone; and he found
it always according to his faith.
Riding one day with a friend, and talking as he was wont, of the
goodness of God, and of the confidence which he found in him.――――“Just
then, (says he) my horse on a plain place threw me over his head. As I
came to the ground, it was, as it were, sounded in my ears, ‘Will you
trust God now?’ Yes I said, for ever! Through the mercy of the Lord I
was not hurt. I saw an enemy had done it. I was thankful and felt no
contrary emotion in my heart.”
One particular which ought perhaps to be reduced to this head,
and which to some, no doubt, will appear singular, was a painful
apprehension, which he sometimes had of dying. And what renders it the
more observable is, that it was so even at those times, when he could
truly _triumph_ in Christ, knowing that he should be with him for ever.
Of this we have the following account from himself.
“_Saturday, December 1, 1753._ After preaching I studied closely till
ten. I found infinite sweetness in God; and much power breathed into
my soul after all _the mind of_ Christ. At present I am tempted chiefly
with the fear of death. I believe my pardon is sealed by the blood of
the covenant. I have no fear of hell, and yet I am sorely apprehensive
of death.” Again,
“_Monday 22d._ I was this day, as I have been frequently of late much
perplexed at the thought of dying. I believe my Redeemer liveth, and
that I have an interest in his blood, and yet, notwithstanding, I am
sore amazed at the thought of dissolution.”
And thus in reality it was with this servant of God; so that the
uncomfortable apprehensions which he sometimes felt, even till near
his end, in regard of dying must needs be ascribed, chiefly, to the
permission of God to Satan, to exercise him in this manner; and may be
considered as a _thorn_ in his _flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet
him_; perhaps partly for the easement of other tempted souls, and with
regard to himself, thereby more fully
“To prove him, and illustrate his high worth,
Whose constant perseverance overcame
Whatever _Satan’s_ malice could invent.”¹
¹ Milton.
He studied deeply the nature of the Christian warfare, and was well
practised in the use of its weapons. His thoughts on _the whole armour
of_ God,¹ ♦were the genuine result of his own experience. The combats
which he met with, needed not less than the whole; and he both tried,
and proved that every part thereof is indeed essential. Something very
different from the preceeding particulars he relates as follows,
¹ There is a sermon of his printed under this title.
♦ “where” replaced with “were”
“_Friday, August 2, 1754._ I talked with one to-day, who was sorely
tempted, (how mysterious!) to kill me; and for no other reason than
because she was awakened under my preaching to feel herself a poor lost
sinner.” Again,
“_September 16._ After preaching, a young woman came to me, and said,
that some time before, she had brought a knife with her to preaching,
intending to kill me; but was so terrified under the last prayer, that
she durst not attempt it. The devil suggested, that if she did but take
away my life, the burden which she felt through my preaching, would
immediately depart.”
I shall conclude this chapter with a few other particulars, relating to
this head of trials, taken from his own words.
“This day I was sorely tempted. _Satan_ threw many of his _fiery darts_
at me. I never before felt such agony in resisting, what are commonly
called blasphemous thoughts. I cried unto the Lord, and he delivered
me!”
“In the evening (not of the same day) I was in great distress. My soul
was much weighed down. I felt grievous horror in my spirit, and yet I
was resolved, although the Lord should slay me, to trust in him. In the
very hour that I came to this resolution, my burden was removed; and
the Lord gave me to rejoice in spirit.”
“This day, (_April 1754_) I had conversation with some Christian
friends, concerning temptations, and the general experience of the
saints. And however _Satan_ may be permitted to trouble their body or
soul, I always believed, that God doth not hide his face, unless to
punish us for commission of sin, or omission of duty. And the more I
meditate upon this subject, the more abundantly I am confirmed in my
judgment.”
“_Thursday 21._ I had a miserable night. Sometime after I went to bed,
I was sorely assaulted of the devil. I attempted to compose myself,
but could not. I was suddenly seized with a weakness, and cold sweat.
My heart failed me. My soul was afflicted; my spirit was grieved,
and sore vexed. The eye of my faith was darkened; the sense of God’s
love departed; and the anger of the Lord seemed revealed towards me. I
could see nothing but thick darkness, and hear nothing but thundrings
from _Sinai_! It seemed to me, as though there was a struggle between
justice and mercy concerning me. But although I was in such confusion,
and perplexity, I saw that mercy got the victory, and triumphed over
judgment.”
*“My strength so failed me that it seemed as though I had not an hour
to live. I rose however, and dressed myself; but could scarcely pray
one word. I cried Mercy! Mercy! Mercy! I stretched myself upon the
floor, and could weep only a few tears. I had gone through sore trouble
and darkness before this time; but such a night as this, I never had
before (and O my God, may I never see such another.) After being for
some time on the floor, I got up and walked a little, about the room;
and then threw myself upon my knees. Being a little revived, I went to
bed again. During the little while I slept, I had before me the cause
of my trouble. I soon got up, and my head was now as water, and my eyes
a fountain of tears.
“My confidence returned, so that I could look up and believe that the
Lord was mine. I went and preached on _Zechariah iv. 7._ _Who art thou
O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel thou shalt become a plain; and he
shall bring forth the headstone thereof with shoutings, crying, grace,
grace unto it._ And my soul was humbled to the dust. My praying and
preaching was from my very heart. Let it be for ever remembered, to the
glory of the great God, and my Saviour Christ, that I was not suffered
to be long in this condition. In about half an hour, I received some
confidence, and in the morning my faith was increased.
“Let it be also remarked, that the scripture promises were of great
comfort to me, particularly _Hosea xiv. 1._ _John ii. 2, 3._ Glory,
honour, praise, worship, and dominion be ascribed unto thee, O Lord!
Ye angels of God, bless him on my behalf! Let all in heaven and all in
earth join to worship the triune God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!” The
following was some time after.
“_Tuesday, 21._ I had a sorrowful morning. My soul was in heaviness
through manifold temptations. The enemy came upon me in my sleep, and
grieved my soul. Although I had joy at night, yet sorrow attended me
in the morning. I had intended to have preached on the beatitudes; but
finding myself full of troubles and temptations, I changed my purpose
and preached from _Hebrews iv. 14‒16._ O my God, must I perish? Hast
thou brought me thus far and shall I be cast off? O, forbid it Saviour.
Forsake not the work of thine own hands. Come and destroy the work of
the devil! My God, my God, do not forsake me. Thou knowest that sin is
hateful to me. Have I not a love to righteousness? Do not my soul and
flesh cry out for the living God? Am I not willing to go even through
the fire, rather than offend Thee? Why then should the enemy prevail
against me?
“Jesus hast thou not bought my soul? Am not I thine? O that my head
were waters, O that I could even weep tears of blood: Lord God let not
thy loving kindness depart from me. Where art thou Jesus thou Son of
God! My great High-Priest, where is thy atoning blood? Where is he that
was tempted in all points like unto me? Is there no help for me in my
God? Why art thou cast down O my soul? O that I could yield my last
breath, if nothing else will end the strife! Oh! the languishments of
my soul for an absent God! How does my spirit faint within me! How do I
pine! O sun of righteousness, arise upon me with healing in thy wings.
Come Lord Jesus, O come, and save me for thy mercy’s sake. Where are
the soundings of thy bowels, Dost thou not see my labouring breast? Is
not my pain even worse than strangling? Return O Lord, see my gasping
longing, aching heart. Am I not an object of pity? Have I not need of
Thee! Now answer me by fire! Get thyself the victory! I want the seal
of thy Spirit, the earnest of my heaven!”
The Lord did hear his prayer. I find it therefore added soon after.
“O how plentifully did the Lord pour his love and consolation into my
soul! I am amazed at the goodness and long-suffering of God towards
me. And I observe in general, that after great heaviness and conflicts,
come extraordinary joy and consolation. O may I husband well this
precious gift of God!”
CHAPTER XI.
_His communion with God._
UNDER this head, is comprehended the whole of his conduct, and
experience, as a Christian, considered in his private capacity. And
for this especially, we are furnished with the most ample materials,
both from the general tenor of his conversation and from his diary.
He lived for this _one thing_. All his actions and employments had this
single tendency; and he considered every thing else, with reference
thereto: making his estimate of the good or evil of every intention,
action, exercise, and understanding, according as it tended to promote,
or hinder this best of pursuits, and noblest enjoyment of the human
soul.
Without regarding the inclinations of nature, he embraced, or rejected
every thing, with a view altogether to the promotion of the holy and
happy fellowship of his soul with the Father, and with his Son Jesus
Christ.
I am aware, how much more easy it is to _say_ great things on this head,
concerning one’s self, or others, than to say _nothing_ but the truth.
And it may be questioned, whether the greater part of the shining
accounts hereof which we have seen, are the simple truth: the writers
often shewing, rather what _they could say_, than what the persons whom
they describe, _really were_. It is a fruitless expectation to look for
more in men, than the state of humanity really admits.
The perfection of human kind is such a state of mind and body, as their
nature admits of, and as God has provided for them, in the ocean of
his love, and treasures of his grace. The sum of our perfection is,
that being saved from all our enemies, (that is sins, including all
wrong tempers, as well as words, and actions,) we love God with all
the powers of the soul, and serve him, with the whole capacity, of both
our soul and body. And whoever has attained to this (which whoso denies
the possibility of, rejects the counsel and word of God) is, a _perfect
man_, according to the scripture; manifold infirmities, necessarily
connected with a dying body notwithstanding.
*This servant of God had his infirmities, properly so called, which
often made him weep in secret places. And yet, so powerfully did the
grace of our Lord work in him, to the destruction of sin; and to such a
degree of victory did he attain over himself, the world and Satan, that,
to many, he seemed more than human; being in truth a man of another
world, in whom dwelt richly the Spirit of the living God.
To such as were witnesses of his fervent zeal, mighty prayer, steady
seriousness, and habitual heavenly-mindedness, I shall not wonder if
all that follows, seems far short of a full description of him. And yet,
I am aware on the other hand, that to many others, it may have all the
air of mere ideal flight, or enthusiastic folly; to persons, who, cold
themselves, think ardor comes from hell.
The deep, and genuine _acquaintance with God_, to which he attained,
was in truth beyond that which the generality of Christians arrive at;
although all are, without doubt, equally entitled thereto. He truly
_put off the old man with his deeds_, and became _renewed in the spirit
of_ his _mind_. He fully experienced the significancy of those words,
_Sin shall not have dominion over you_. And _he that hath suffered in
the flesh, hath ceased from sin_. As also, _ye are dead: and he that
is dead, is freed from sin_. And from hence it was, that there appeared
throughout his whole carriage, such fruit unto holiness. In him might
be seen, how great things God doth for his children, who simply follow
him, even in this world: no less than making them complete before him
in love.
My first acquaintance with him, begun soon after the mercy of God had
stirred me up, to seek his face. From a studious regard to the holy
scriptures, it was soon given me to understand, what manner of person
a Christian approved of God must be: and thenceforward, I both read,
conversed, and thought of little else. And in him I _saw_ clearly,
what till then I had only _conceived_: in him my conceptions were truly
exemplified. Much had been reported, both of the gifts and graces of Mr.
_Walsh_; yet, I found in him, much more, than I had either conceived or
heard. Nor did the long intimacy with him, with which I was afterwards
privileged, alter, in the least my sentiments.
It might perhaps be thought tedious, minutely to describe all the
particular graces, which adorned his life. And indeed to conceive of
the excellencies which appeared in him, they need not be attended to,
one by one; for neither so, could they be fully comprehended. But he
_walked before_ God, in such a manner, as abundantly included them all.
He was a person of a surprizing greatness of soul, for which the whole
circumference of created good, was far, far too little: he found in God.
“That something still, which prompts th’ eternal sigh,
For which we bear to live, nor fear to die.”
The love of Jesus, filled up in his soul, that mighty void, this whole
creation leaves in human hearts.
His exactness in all those particulars, which comprize men’s duty to
God, their neighbour and themselves, was such, and so well known, that
it would be easy to swell this chapter, by enlarging on each of them,
to an enormous size. But passing over the greater part of them, I shall
only point out a few particulars, relating chiefly to his internal
state, which were within my own notice: referring the reader, for
a larger, and more satisfactory picture of him, to the following
collection from his diary: in which are represented, those secret
transactions of God upon his soul, to which himself alone could be
privy.
The particulars I premise are,
I. _His Prayer._
From the earliest dawn of the grace of God in his soul, he was
singularly remarkable for constancy and importunity in prayer. He was
early a wrestler with God, and prevailed to the obtaining that eminency
in the knowledge of God, for which he was apprehended in Christ, and
which is here related in part. The more he got acquainted with divine
things, the more did he increase in this soul-enriching exercise. “He
that has never prayed, can never _conceive_; and he that has prayed, as
he ought, can never _forget_, how much is to be gained by prayer.”
Beside the daily, and often public pouring out of his soul, in general
intercession, and occasional addresses to God, in behalf of needy souls
(groaning under the guilt of sin, or body of corruption, or whatever
was the cause) who often came to him for that purpose; he had his own
stated times for approaching God in secret; in which it was far from
sufficing, barely to present himself, and wait, whether in silence, or
in discourse before the Lord. He accounted the work still to do, unless
he felt his spirit affected with sentiments suitable to his condition;
whether of holy mourning, self reprehension, recovery, or increase
of peace and joy in the Holy Ghost, or some establishment in faith,
meekness, patience, hope, or love.
_Praying with all prayer_, seemed the business of his life; for the
doing of which, he waited neither for postures, times, or places. An
heart so disposed, rendered holy to him, every thing of this kind,
which may be said of places.
*Prostrate upon his face, kneeling, standing, walking, eating; in
every posture, and in every place and condition, he was a man mighty
in prayer. In sleep itself, to my certain knowledge, his soul went on
(_Canticles v. 2._) in groans, and sighs, and tears to God. His heart
having attained such a habit of tendency to its Lord, could then only
give over, when it ceased to beat.
The enjoyments of the divine sweetness, which God imparted to him in
secret, and the nearness of access to the divine Majesty, with which he
was favoured, were indeed amazing. He has been sometimes, as it were,
lost in glorious absence, on his knees, with his face heavenward, and
arms clasped round his breast: in such composure, that scarce could one
hear him so much as breathe.
His soul seemed absorbed in God, and enjoyed a calmness and transport,
which can here, be well enough reconciled. From the serenity, and
something resembling splendor, which appeared on his countenance, and
in all his gestures afterwards, one might easily discover, what he had
been about.
*It was especially towards the conclusion of his Lord’s work, that
he was favoured with such near fellowship with him. He approached
the throne of grace with much of the reverential boldness of faith,
_believing_, that whatever he asked, he should have the petitions he
asked for; the holy Spirit making intercession in his heart, according
to the will of God. And to such a degree of confidence in him, did
he arrive by this means, that in the greatest straits of his life
(and he met with some things which came home to him, with the deepest
sensibility) he was more than kept up; so that he seemed to fear
nothing, even where, to all human apprehension, every thing was to
be feared. He so abandoned himself to God, in the discharge of his
duty, that his very friends were sometimes ready to charge him with
being a little rash or imprudent. Altho’ he endeavoured to use his
understanding as far as ever it would go; yet acting in view of _those
things which are not seen_, and from motives referring to eternity, he
was not, it is true, so attentive to the decorums among men, as mere
human prudence would have dictated. And in reality it is a truth, which
is learned from a series of experience, and confirmed by numberless
examples, that whoever would do much for God, should take care of being
(in a sense) too wise. There is reason to think, that if the apostles
themselves had consulted the directions of bare human reason, they
never had undertook the conversion of the world.
An habitual spirit of mortification served as wings to his prayer. And
perhaps the want of this, is, much more than is commonly thought, a
grand cause of that indisposedness to, and weariness in prayer, which
is so generally complained of among Christians; many of whom are often
even glad of a pretended occasion to avoid the duty. “Something is
amiss in us, and it wanted a name, till the Spirit of God, by enjoining
us the duty of mortification, hath taught us to know, that want of
mortification of spirit, is the case of all, at least of many of our
secret and spiritual indispositions. The excellencies of heaven cannot
be discerned but by a spirit disrelishing the low appetites of the
world. Unless our spirit be mortified, we neither love to pray, nor
does God love to hear us.” We find all the way thro’ our _heavenly_
journey, that to be _carnally minded_, in the least degree, is a
proportionable degree of death. And that a mind truly spiritual alone,
has true life and peace.
It is hard to say positively which he was most remarkable for, the
_spirit_ or the _gift_ of prayer, tho’ it need not be told which he
most esteemed. His public character, made it right and necessary for
him, to desire and endeavour after _spiritual gifts_. And the eminency
to which he arrived therein in general, is too well known to need a
particular relation. To hear him, on some occasions pour out his soul
to God, made one often think, whence hath a man these things? Such
a sluice of divine oratory ran thro’ the whole of his language on
religious subjects, as is rarely to be met with. His public addresses
to God, were commonly well nigh altogether, in the words of the Holy
Ghost. *It seemed as tho’ he turned the whole bible into words of
adoration, confession, petition, supplication, thanksgiving and glory:
while at the same time his expressions glowed with the love of God:
and all this with such ardour, intention, pertinency and faith, that
it has seemed sometimes (one time in particular was peculiarly noticed)
as tho’ the heavens were burst open, and God himself appeared in the
congregation. Something of that _Acts iv. 31._ was often conceived
while he prayed. But he made no account of this with regard to the
perfection of his own soul. He made it his chief aim to follow after
love, and to live in a momentary spirit of watchful prayer.
*He has sometimes had very remarkable answers to prayer. One only I
shall mention. A number of religious societies both in _England_ and
_Ireland_ appointed a public fast, for the imploring God, to restore to
health an eminent servant of the church, who had been some time under
languishment of body. Mr. _Walsh_ was then in _Dublin_, and pouring
out his soul about noon, he spoke aloud, in a manner which shewed it
not to be of himself, and said _he shall not die, but live, and declare
the works of the_ Lord. And, blessed be God, the event shewed the
prediction to be of God.
Towards the latter part of his progress, and before his last sickness
in particular, his prayer had less of labour in it than formerly; and
consisted for the most part, of a passive receiving the impressions
of the divine Spirit: God acting rather in him, than he acted himself.
And so still, and recollected did he frequently appear herein, that it
was as if God was visibly before him, and that he spoke to the divine
Majesty, with nearness of access, and child-like familiarity. Indeed
every object and occurrence, spoke to him of God: nor could there be
wanting to him, at any time or place, incentives to raise his heart in
prayer or praise to him whom his soul loved.
One particular which he learned in the course of his experience, was,
that altho’ the lights which are received from God in the way of prayer,
are, of all others, to be most faithfully attended to; yet nevertheless,
one ought not to _act_ upon every _appearance_ of this kind; that the
enemy of man’s salvation can, and often does, mimick the Spirit of
God; and as an _angel of light_, imposes upon the servants of God, by
representing as from him, that which is often no other than _Satan_’s
illusions, or our own imagination: on account of which, some persons
have in most ages, been led into grievous mistakes, and improprieties
of conduct. He perceived danger with regard to himself from this
quarter, and was therefore very sparing in mentioning much of what
he often felt. He weighed every thing by the word of God, avoided
precipitancy of conduct, and making haste; and at the same time,
laboured continually to abandon himself, as it were blindfold to the
teaching of the Spirit of truth, and of purity.
II. _Redeeming the time._
In order to do this effectually, his manner was to draw up a plan in
writing (till use made it familiar to him) of the manner, in which
he judged it most profitable to spend the day. He distributed it into
certain portions, and assigned to each its particular employment:
allowing only for occasional interruptions in the business of his
profession. Reading the scriptures, prayer, and visiting the sick, had
the grand places in this division. He could never find any leisure for
mere, ceremonious visits, or unnecessary conversation of any kind. Even
at meals, and indeed in every little incidental matter he ceased not to
pursue his main end of living: namely, to get, and to do good in his
generation.
*It was really surprizing, to see his thriftiness in this particular.
He even deprived himself of such indulgences as nature required, in
order to her performing the offices he imposed upon her: such, for
example, as abstaining from all study immediately after meals: when,
notwithstanding he eat exceeding sparingly, more relaxation would have
been better for his health: likewise, a sufficient quantity of proper
exercise; but most of all, a sufficiency of _sleep_.
He was often up late at study, and his general time of rising was
four o’clock, or a little after, sometimes between three and four.
He was often urged to take more rest. I remember once to have heard
a gentlewoman, compassionating the wasting, dying condition of his
body, saying, “Sure Mr. _Walsh_, you may at least, lie longer in bed
on Sunday morning, when the preaching is not so early.” To which he
replied with his usual zeal and abrupt plainness, ‘Should a man rob
God?’ He was commonly up earliest on the Lord’s-day, for which he had
the highest veneration. He has sometimes said, he thought there was
something peculiarly sacred in the very air, and the whole structure
of nature on this day.
*During the long intimacy I had with him, I do not remember to have
known him spend a minute in discourses about national occurrences,
politics, or worldly diversions. He knew that these were not _his_
affairs, and that his business was _One_. And the same may be said of
what is called free and pleasant conversation. So provident was he of
time, and so bent upon the pursuit of that “immense revenue which each
_moment_ pays,” that in whatsoever company he was, unless something
relative to the _one_ thing needful was discoursed of, he either took
out a book (impolite as it may seem) or continued in profound silence,
save when he answered a question. And if at any time any thing vain,
or tending to levity was spoken, so as to occasion the least appearance
of approbation in his looks or gesture, he severely reprehended himself
for it afterwards, and prayed for strength for the time to come.
And yet notwithstanding all his caution, care, and diligence, he
frequently lamented his not improving the time better, ‘I do not use
every moment to the best purposes,’ was a frequent reflection with him
against himself.
III. _Disengagement from the world._
Although what has been said of him already, implies his just contempt
of every earthly thing; yet his eminency therein, deserves to be taken
some farther notice of. His indifferency to this world was such, as
even bordered upon abhorrency; and the rather, as he could not but
observe, what a gulph to souls it is; and how many are lost for ever
through their undue attachment to it. He kept at the utmost distance
from what worldly men most ardently court, and earnestly sought what
they most abhor.
The vain things; riches, honours, and pleasures of this world, were too
poor, for so generous a heart: he shewed the greatness of his soul, by
despising all that was beneath it. He had the most generous contempt
of money; esteeming it (unless to bestow on the poor, or procure a book
sometimes) as the pebbles in the street.
He had a full reliance on the providence of God, and found a happiness
therein, which infinitely surpassed all the enjoyments and treasures of
the universe.
IV. _Recollection of spirit, and government of his thoughts._
*His carriage, aspect, words, and the whole of his behaviour, spoke
the solemnity and profound recollection of his soul. Nor can a
stranger better conceive of him, in regard to this particular, than by
forming to himself, an idea of a person returned from the happy dead,
conversing with men. And it was nearly in this manner that some have
expressed their surprize at him. A gentleman said to me one day, “I
met Mr. _Walsh_ in the street, and I declare he seemed to me like a
person returned from the other world.” So emaciated a countenance, such
fixedness of thought, and serenity of deportment, as appeared in him,
towards the conclusion of his race especially, were surprising in so
young a man; and discovered a something, very different from the busy
ways of men. One needed only to look on him to perceive that there was
something in him more than common. And if as the son of _Sirach_ says,
“A man may be known by his look, and one that has understanding may
be perceived by the marking of his countenance,” they must be indeed,
superficial observers, that could not discern in his very aspect
the excellencies that dwelt within him. An air of wisdom and piety
appeared in him continually. There seemed to be something peculiarly
distinguishing in the very features of his countenance. Some have taken
him to be little less than forty years of age, at the time he was but
about five and twenty.
*His uniform composure was the rather to be noticed, as his life
was not of the recluse, but of the popular kind. He had to do with
multitudes; and, unless on special occasions, was seldom above six
hours together out of company. It is true he seldom appeared in publick,
unless to speak of the things of eternity, in some respect or other.
But he was so shut in with God, that all places became alike to him;
and he retained the same attention to God in the most thronged streets
of _London_, as he could have had in the most sequestered wilderness.
Curious sights, elegant furniture in shops or houses, magnificent
buildings, fine shews, the ringing of bells, firing of guns, with every
thing of this kind; were no more to him than the chirping of a sparrow,
or the buzzing of a fly.
*To all which, the constant government which he had over his senses,
greatly contributed. The difference of tastes, harmony of sounds, and
whatever his eyes could behold, were as nothing to him. He was in this
respect truly crucified to the world, and the world to him. Even in
travelling through the most pleasant parts of the country, and in the
pleasantest seasons, when the stupendous beauties of the creation, the
spacious firmament, the verdure of the country, (nature’s loveliest
universal robe;) the music of the groves, and all the joint beauties of
nature, might have furnished him with delightful contemplation; yet he
seemed insensible to the whole, enjoying a
“Paradise within him happier far!”
*When he at any time adverted to the works of God in the creation, he
was delighted chiefly with the heavens, paved as it were, with those
living fires, the spangled stars. But the use which he made of every
thing, was to get more acquainted with God, and so
―――by this stupendous scaffolding
Creation’s golden steps to climb to him!
He was in truth loosed from earth’s inclosure, and from the contracted
circle of the sun, his heart was set at large. Christ, and the
scriptures, with things pertaining to them, were the only and uniform
objects of his attention, and every thing, place or person, which did
not serve to promote, in some degree, his knowledge and love of these,
had with him the estimate of trivial and insignificant.
*And hence it was, that the _presence_ of God became so exceeding
familiar to him. He could not be content a moment without it. And
hereby was he fitted likewise, for more glorious, and more frequent
divine communications; of which he had not a few, in the course of
his progress. Several times has he been quite lost to himself, and
insensible of every thing about him, being left in the visions of
God. Two instances in particular are related in his diary, in which
he seemed as though he was out of the body for sometime. One day I
remember going to visit a person who was ill, as soon he got to the
stair case, being in his usual composure, “Did you see that light?”
said he, with a sudden low voice. To which I answered partly with a
sigh, having seen nothing. He said no more. But it was easy to discern
in him the rest of that day and night, a very peculiar solemnity of
soul.
In places of publick worship, he hardly ever saw any body, so as to
distinguish them; and in every means of grace, his grand aim was, to
find more of God _within_ him. He waited for this in lively earnest
composure; and thus approaching the Lord’s table in particular, he
_ate the flesh and drank the blood of the Son of_ God indeed. “My heart
burned! Was in a flame! O what a fire of divine love was there!” were
the frequent memorials which he left in his diary, after communicating
those heavenly sweets, which often overflowed his soul at the altar,
and spread their inundation over every other part of his holy living.
His recollection carried itself into the midst of all his labours,
in which he was still preserved, without dissipation, notwithstanding
their multiplicity, and sometimes intricate nature. It was very usual
with him to express what he felt of God, by the simile of _fire_, to
which the operations of the _Holy Ghost_ are frequently compared in
scripture. He often felt in prayer, in preaching, and walking, a kind
of scorching within him, from the love of God. And from the abundance
of the heart, his mouth generally spoke. Words of life, and fire issued
as it were out of his lips, which were no other than the sparks of
a burning heart. And often he could hardly refrain from expressing
the holy raptures of his soul out aloud; as, _O holy_ God! _Glorious_
Jehovah! _Blessed_ Jesus! _Son of the living_ God! He used frequently
to stand up and sing,
O love, how chearing is thy ray!
All pain before thy presence flies!
Care, anguish, sorrow melt away,
Where’er thy healing beams arise;
O Jesu, nothing may I see,
Nothing hear, feel, or think but thee!
Give to my eyes refreshing tears,
Give to my heart chase hallow’d fires,
Give to my soul with filial fears,
The love that all heaven’s host inspires:
That all my powers with all their might
In thy sole glory may unite!
There was at first an eagerness in his spirit for the success of his
labours, but he in time became unanxious on the head, being taught
of God, that having done his part, he should think no more about the
matter, but still go on straight forward, keeping himself in repose
with God: in imitation of the angels, who continually watch over
the souls, which God hath given them in charge; but who lose nothing
of their tranquility or happiness, even when their utmost care is
unsuccessful.
And from hence partly, arose that extreme tenderness of conscience,
which was so remarkable in him, and which gave him a constant holy
jealousy over himself in every thing he did; so that not a word, motion,
or a look, could escape him, unexamined or uncensured, if it deserved
it; hence likewise it was, that he had so very peculiar a regard to
all his words; speaking either to the purpose, that is, when occasion
required him to speak, or not at all. And yet notwithstanding his
utmost circumspection, he was deeply conscious, how far short he still
came of that rectitude, and entire renovation becoming a person in
fellowship with the God of unspotted holiness.
CHAPTER ♦XII.
♦ “V.” replaced with “XII.”
_Some particulars relating to the head of his communion
with_ God.
V.
HIS great rule was to imitate our Lord Jesus Christ, in the most
perfect manner he could. The whole tenor of his conduct plainly
discovered, that he sought nothing but God. There was in the chastity
of his manners, a purity next to angelical; and a circumspection in
his every step, which declared, that to him _to live was_ Christ. He
kept at the utmost distance from sensual indulgences of every kind.
His senses were kept under the closest custody, and he examined his
conscience almost continually. Nor could it be observed at any time,
that he acted otherwise than within the rules of the utmost decency.
VI.
*He was a man of tears, and sighs, and groans. He wanted not indeed
the joy of a good conscience; and knowing continually in whom he
believed, he enjoyed the benefits resulting therefrom, and yet
this notwithstanding, the whole of his Christian pilgrimage, was
interspersed with much weeping. He seldom had a dry handkerchief
a whole day together; his eyes being for the most part, in private
especially, as opened fountains; and which did not cease to flow in
the night season. How often have I known him water his pillow with
those briny rivers! Sometimes lamenting his two great estrangement from
his beloved; sometimes mourning for the mourners; but oftener than all,
he was sick of love! Love to the Crucified!
To some indeed, there seemed in him something, at least bordering
upon, an unyielding austerity of spirit: and so much is true, that
with regard to men, and evil angels, he was undaunted, and courageous,
as a lion, in the cause of God, and of a good conscience: yet, in
other respects, he was a man of the keenest sensibility, and tenderest
affections. He was in the presence of his invisible observer, pliant as
melted wax, and cloathed with dove-like meekness. He was often, as it
were, deluged in tears, prostrate before the footstool of his Lord’s
majesty, and overwhelmed with a sense of his glory.
VII.
He was without affectation, a man of humility; not indeed so as
to disown, or not to make use of the gifts and graces, with which
God had endowed him: this would have been to lie against the truth;
but notwithstanding all that he had, yet taking knowledge whence it
came, he esteemed himself as nothing; but was truly diffident of,
and heartily despised himself. And the only use which he made of the
superior qualifications which God bestowed upon him, was to consider
himself as obliged thereby, to devote himself more abundantly to the
service of God, and of his neighbour. The praises of others served only
to abase him, at the sight of his own nothingness. ‘Lord, I am vile!
a worm! O deliver me from this evil man myself! Thou only art worthy,’
were the frequent expressions of his lips and pen. If any person,
at any time, gave him but the smallest hint, by way of reproof, he
received it either with silence, or thankfulness, according to the
manner and occasion thereof. And supposing it to be a matter in which
he was really without blame, yet the reproof was not lost upon him.
He thereby took occasion, to enter more deeply into himself, making
the strictest scrutiny into the whole of his tempers and behaviour.
He often said to God on these occasions, ‘Lord, though thou knowest
I am clear in this matter, yet, alas! How many things are there for
which I stand reproved before thee! My God, I adore thee in this, which
thou hast permitted.’ He often repeated as a lesson of instruction to
himself, those words of _Kempis_, “Thou dust, learn to obey. Thou earth
and clay, learn to demean thyself. Thou oughtest to be such a little
child, that every body might trample thee under their feet in the
streets.”
VIII.
There was the utmost steadiness in the whole of his religious conduct.
The course of the sun, and the seasons, is not more regular, than were
his successive exercises of prayer, meditation, preaching, and study;
so that from knowing how he spent one day, may be gathered, his manner
of spending whole months, or years; allowing only for the difference of
circumstances and occasions. Thus it was in things pertaining to God,
and his service; though at the same time, his attention to himself, his
ease and conveniencies, was such, that some have accounted it not less
than blame-worthy negligence: so truly did he live, not to himself, or
the will of man, but to God.
IX.
The _love of God_ was the fountain, whence issued forth those fruitful
streams, which rendered his soul flourishing as the garden of the Lord,
and extended their salutary influence all around, wherever he came. It
was to this he reduced every thing. All his works were done in love,
and therefore wrought in God. It was a debt he was ever paying, and
from which he was never to be discharged.
‘My God, let me love thee! Jesus, Son of the living God, thou knowest
that I love thee! O love divine, what hast thou done! O that all
the world did but know thee! How would they then love thee, thou
_altogether lovely_!’ To this effect he often breathed out the warm
emotions of his heart: so deeply was he penetrated with the love of
God his Saviour. He was always exceedingly pleased with, and frequently
repeated those lines,
“Eternity too short to speak thy praise!
Or fathom thy profound of love to man!”
And again, without regarding their connexion; but overwhelmed with the
thought of the dying love of Jesus, he would utter sometimes abruptly,
and with astonishment,
“Sensations _new_ in angel bosoms rise
Suspend their song; and make a pause in bliss.”
*Lastly, _By faith I stand!_ was his concluding point, after all that
God had done for him. And it was not unusual with him to say, on the
closest examination of all he was, and all he did, “If Christ forsook
me but for a moment, I should fall and perish after all.” Yes, it
was from _his fullness_ he received all his good things, and with the
dependent helplessness of an infant, he had recourse to him continually,
for light, and strength, and love: for every thing in short, which
he wanted. He could be happy only in conversation with him; delighted
peculiarly in those parts of scripture which describe and endear him;
and from the fulness of his whole soul, repeated often, _God forbid
that I should glory, save in the cross of my Lord Jesus Christ. To him
that hath loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood, to
him be the glory, both now and to eternity!_
*To sum up this head. He thought _prayer_ to be more his business
than any thing else in this world; and from the desire which he had
to redeem the time, he employed great part of the night, as well as
the day, in prayer, meditation, study, and labouring for the good of
his neighbour. He was profoundly serious, and always recollected at
home and abroad. He watched over every motion of his soul, keeping
his thoughts in subjection to Christ continually. He proposed to
himself _the man Christ Jesus_, as his great model and rule in every
thing; imitating him especially, in the purity of his body, and in the
chastity of his affections. Walking in deep humility before God, he was
patient of reproof, nor ever retorted any thing, with heat or prejudice.
There was a steadiness in his proceedings for God, and in reference
to eternity, which not all the powers of earth and hell were able to
interrupt. He ate but little, wept much, loved more, received all by
faith; and rarely opened his mouth, but about heavenly things.
PART III.
CHAPTER I.
_An extract from Mr. |Thomas Walsh|’s diary, relating chiefly,
to the experience of his own soul, in his course of
|walking with God|._
CONCERNING the extract which here follows, it may be premised,
1. That although there was the utmost uniformity in the whole series
of his progress; nevertheless, few persons were so sensible of various
alterations in spirit, with respect to the sensations of joy and sorrow;
delight in God, and complainings for the want of it: owing in great
measure to a singular tenderness of conscience; and the close attention
which he had to all the movements of his _inward man_; so that things
which some overlook, or entirely disregard, were esteemed by him, with
regard to himself at least, as capital defections, from the law of
perfect liberty and love.
His diary consists of the feeling of his own heart, through every
part of his Christian race, with scarce a single hour omitted. He
always wrote down reflections upon himself, as either the pressure,
or felicity of his soul at that time suggested; adding any spiritual
observation, or maxim, which his own experience confirmed to him.
2. It will be easily discerned, that the peculiarity of his writing,
is a certain sententious abruptness; owing in part to the genius of the
_Hebrew_ tongue, in which his latter studies wholly terminated. Though
what most contributed thereto, was the rapid flow of his soul, on the
subjects of which he either spoke or wrote, which raised him above
attending to that accuracy, which writings, at least of a public nature
require. In many places there is therefore a manifest deficiency, both
as to words, particles and stops; in short, like the writings of the
antients, without period or paragraph, in most places: so that liberty
has been necessarily taken to add, retrench, or alter, sometimes a word,
or sentence, to render the sense intelligible; though still retaining
his sense entire.
3. The inserting the precise date of every day’s experience, is judged
unnecessary. Moreover the experience of several days, sometimes distant
from each other, (tho’ rarely above a week) are thrown into the same
paragraph, for the sake of brevity. The series of particulars, as to
the order of time, is related as they occurred; and every paragraph
begins with the experience of a distant day.
The reader being advertised of these particulars, we proceed to the
extract itself.
“At the close of this last day of the year, (1750, the year in which
he began to preach) I examined myself how I had lived the past year?
And could only say, I had not wickedly departed from my God; but was
heartily ashamed that I had not glorified him better; resolving to
watch for the time to come.”
*“I prayed to God for quietness, and humility of mind; and found
assistance against ‘this evil man, myself.’ O for a heart constantly
fixed on God! I was reproved this day in spirit for an idle word.”
“The Lord was with me all this day. I desire to be with the Lord
continually, that my communion may be stronger with Jesus than ever.
O, it is heaven upon earth to have Christ in ones heart. It is the
beginning of the glory of God, to receive the lovely Jesus; and with
him, the joy of the _Holy Ghost_. O that I had the tongue of an angel
to praise my Lord! Hasten Lord the glad hour when I shall see thee as
thou art!”
“I preached this morning on the great and precious promises, Ezekiel
xxxvi. My soul aspired to have them accomplished; for I feel the evil
of my nature, and especially the evil heart of unbelief that is within
me.”
“_Friday, February 22._ I preached this morning on _Song of Solomon
ii. 8._ but was both dark and weak, having scarcely any power to
explain any thing. O what a grief it is for one to preach, when he is
left to himself, when the Lord is not his present strength and teacher!
To preach consolation to others, and feel none himself! This exposes
one to great temptation.”
“_Saturday 23._ My soul enjoyed sweet repose in the blood of the
Lamb, while my heart was engaged in meditation on his dying love. O,
where can we find an instance of such love, as that of God to men on
_Calvary_! When the innocent died for a guilty world, to bring them to
God!”
“_Wednesday 27._ I was not alive to God to-day. Unnecessary talk
brought deadness upon my soul.”
“Great part of this day I lived as in heaven. Heaven was within me.
God was in my soul. The influences of his Spirit wrought so powerfully
upon me, that my joy was beyond expression. O the length and breadth,
and height, of the love of God! Well may it be said to pass knowledge.
The spiritual man may discern it, but cannot set it forth in the manner
he feels it. Those words of Isaiah lxi. 10. lifted up my soul, as in a
fiery chariot, above the fabric of this world. _I will greatly rejoice
in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God, for he hath cloathed
me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe
of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ointments, and
as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels._ I could say, that the
Lord had so done for my soul. O what enemies are the children of men
to their own souls? They deprive themselves of happiness here, and of
eternal glory hereafter; imagining that earthly enjoyments are above
what religion can afford. But alas! it is because they know not this
religion which brings such happiness to the soul.”
*“O how sweet was Jesus to my soul. The _rose_ for sweetness; the
_lilly_ for whiteness; the _apple-tree_ for fruitfulness; what are they
all to thee! Entering into my closet, the moment I bowed my knee, the
Lord poured down a blessing into my soul. O what a heaven upon earth
did I experience for some moments! Tongue cannot express the goodness
of God to my soul. O where shall I find words to praise? How am I lost
in the ocean, of the immensity of thy mercy! Lord, I know not how to
give thee thanks. Where to begin, I cannot tell. O my soul, fall into
silent amazement! Let all I have, or am, drop into nothing!”
“_March, Friday 8._ This was a day of much temptation; but God, for my
support and confirmation, was pleased to give me fresh manifestations
of his love.”
“Reading and prayer to day, were of little comfort to me. If it were
not that I find the abiding witness of the Spirit in my soul, my
bondage would be very great. It is the goodness of God which preserves
me in the faith. The enemies of my salvation are thrusting sore at me
from day to day. Defend, and keep me, O my God, for Jesu’s sake.”
“In prayer, I saw the great difficulty of being a Christian in reality.
There are many who _eat their own bread, and wear their own apparel_,
and are willing to _be called by_ the name of Jesus, to take away
their reproach――The abomination of being called Heathens. But they love
notwithstanding, the ways of death, and darkness, rather than light;
and do what Heathens would not do. The ninety-first psalm was made a
great blessing to me, the ninth verse especially.”
“This morning the Lord gave me language that I knew not of, raising
my soul to him, in a wonderful manner. After preaching however in the
evening, at my return to my room, I felt little life in my soul, but
a Spirit of slothfulness. O what a poor creature! How incapable of
thinking a good thought, or doing a truly good action! Sinful dust and
ashes.”
_Friday 22._ In the morning I had an earnest desire to be dissolved,
and to be with Christ. I wanted to see Jesus, who bore and suffered so
much for _me_.”
“The 25th, my soul was very dull. I had a desire to pray, but could not,
through the deadness of my heart, and wandering of my thoughts. This is
a thing I have to complain of in general; namely, wandering in prayer,
want of earnestness and fervour.”
“The 29th, I cannot say, that till three o’clock I had true communion
with God. But then, the Lord clearly manifested himself to me.”
“_1751. April 6._ I had not much of the presence of God, nor of the
comfort of the Holy Ghost, yet my heart and my flesh cry out for the
living God!”
“O what an aversion I had this morning to study, and following _the
Lamb_! If it were not for promises which the gospel affords, I should
be often brought into bondage: very often is my soul cast down and my
spirit disquieted within me; so that I must needs utterly faint, if
it was not that I firmly hope I shall yet praise God for the health of
his countenance. I felt neither comfort nor power in preaching. O what
a poor creature am I when left to myself! How dark of conception; how
slow of heart and speech! It sometimes happens, that while I am thus
writing down my condition, the Lord appears to my help: so it is _now_;
for God has been pleased to manifest himself unto me! And O what a
welcome guest! At his coming my reins and my heart rejoice; my troubles
are done away; my soul is greatly refreshed; my faith strengthened; my
hope confirmed, and my love encreased. Glory be to God most high!”
“God and his ways were sweet to my soul this morning. Great was the
peace of my mind, and the joy which arose from considering what the
Lord had done for my soul. O how did I long to be altogether like him,
_in righteousness and true holiness_! Throughout the day, I enjoyed
sweet repose in the blood of _the Lamb_. In the evening I preached on
_1 Corinthians i. 30._ And God did indeed pour of his gracious spirit
into my soul. Truly we had a heaven upon earth! O that I had the tongue
of an angel to glorify thee for all thy benefits!”
“_Thursday May 23._ I was in great trouble, going to preaching this
morning. My temptations were sore, and my trials exceeding great;
occasioned partly, by the condition of some, who for a time _ran well_,
but are turned again to the flesh-pots of _Egypt_. While I preached
however, on _Psalms xxiii. 1._ my _Shepherd_ gave me to feed upon his
_hidden manna_.”
*“I found it hard work to be wholly set apart for God this day. I
preached comfort to others, but could lay hold on little of it myself.”
“I am often like a day in spring; the sun shining bright for a little
while, and soon withdrawing again. _The sun of righteousness_ often
shines upon me, with his bright beams; but alas! the light is soon
clouded, and the joy vanishes away. Yet still, blessed be God, my heart
stands fast believing in the Lord. For I take it for granted, that the
want of strong light and joy, no more argues want of faith, than the
absence of unclouded day, argues no sun in the firmament.”
“An unusual fondness for company, brought deadness upon my soul. The
vanities of the world importunately intruded upon me. If God were
not on my side, I should have been long ago _as Sodom_, and _like
unto Gomorrah_. Such vanities crouded in upon me at prayer, that even
I forgot what I was saying. I am a man sorely distressed with the
wandering of my heart. I arose from prayer and read, and prayed again.
The Lord at length met me, and instantly released me from my sorrow,
and gave me power to wait upon him without distraction.”
“_Saturday June 12._ Great was the comfort which I had in God. I had
the full assurance of faith, that God was _my_ God, and Christ _my_
Saviour. O the happiness of knowing this!”
“_Tuesday 28._ I was deeply convinced of my depravity. O my God, I see
the impurity of my heart in such a manner as frightens me. I know that
Christ can have no communion with _Belial_; neither _righteousness_
with _unrighteousness_. Lord break not the _bruised reed_, nor quench
the _smoaking flax_. Rather send down thy Holy Spirit, and set me free
from the power of indwelling sin. Consume it O God. Cast out the spirit
of uncleanness for Christ’s sake.”
“This afternoon I walked in the fields, and had a sweet meeting with my
Lord. He gave me his love.”
“_Sunday_ morning. I was so stupid, that I could scarcely pray.
Wandring thoughts crouded in upon me. O for an heart to pray. I find in
general, that under the most afflictive trials, when I can in fervent
prayer pour out my soul before the Lord, he gives me instant relief.
But when I cannot pray, O then is my life burthensome to me; I cannot
bear myself.”
“The word this morning, was sweet to the souls of the people. They
seemed to drink of the fountain of the water of life. I had a glorious
manifestation of the love of God to my soul. My delight surely is in
the Lord, and his Son Jesus Christ. Thou art my God, my love, my joy,
my help, my health, and my all in all! Blessed be thy name, _Amen_.”
“Too much given to talk; had not the usual longing after prayer and
meditation. Yet the Lord helps mine infirmity.”
“I had great joy in my soul, and longing desires to be with Christ. O
that even now, I could behold his lovely face, and amiable countenance!”
“_Friday, July 9th._ I had a lively sense of the Lord’s having blotted
out my former transgressions; and that he had promised to give me _a
clean heart_. I had great peace; my soul being filled with the love of
God.”
“_Saturday 10._ Exercised this morning by false accusations. My
only concern was, lest it should hinder the work of God. But in
consideration of his over-ruling power and providence, I rested
patiently on his will. My Jesus was made perfect through sufferings.
O that I may be enabled to follow my master, in the way of the cross!”
Walking in a garden this day, God made it an _Eden_ to my soul; pouring
his love into my heart. I partook of the water and the tree of life:
and the hidden manna was rained from heaven into my soul!
_Monday 19._ All the day, my soul thirsted for the living God.
I was transported, and exceedingly rejoiced in reading some divine
meditations. O my God, What shall I say? Angels cannot praise thee
worthily! What then shall I who am a worm of the earth do? O that I had
wings like a dove? Lovely Jesus, when shall I see thy face, joining the
rest of the redeemed, to celebrate the wonders of thy redeeming love!
O that this were the moment! My soul shall ere long take its flight to
the mansions, which I firmly believe my Saviour is preparing for me. O
my God, my Saviour, my all!
“_Thursday 25._ I had but little light or power. The Lord humbled, and
shewed me mine own weakness; but did not leave me to it. He shewed me
clearly, that it was neither to my graces, humblings, desires, doings,
or sufferings I must trust for happiness and salvation, but in Christ
_alone_.”
“Ah, Lord, who is sufficient for these things! O let me die, that I
may see thee! Whither is my beloved gone? Return Lord, return. I am a
feeble and helpless creature. Yet rejoice not against me, O mine enemy;
for though I fall into temptations, heaviness, and trials, I shall rise
again. O proud _Philistines_, deceitful _Delilahs_, inbred sin, pride
of heart, anger, and folly, who can remove you. Lord Jesus, thou canst,
and thou alone.”
“At the sacrament, O how did my soul banquet in Jesus! What divine
consolation did I feel in God my Saviour.”
“_Wednesday 23._ Tempted to laugh on my very knees, O Lord my God be my
rock. Hide me in thy wounds, and deliver me from myself. O Jesus I cry
out of the deeps, hear my prayer, and let my cry come up before thee!”
“Sure I am, that if my salvation depended on ought but the love of
_God my Saviour_, I never should see the Lord. Alas I am all weakness,
unbelief, disobedience, and darkness. My soul was weighed down with
inbred sin. But I no sooner began to complain, and bewail myself before
him, than he poured his love upon me, and gave me sweet access to him.”
“_1752. January 6._ I could hardly account to myself, how my thoughts
had been employed this day. O that they were every moment taken up in
the contemplation of thy wondrous love and compassion to me, and all
the fallen race; O for an humble, lowly, simple, pure, and perfect
mind! What shall I say to thee, thou delight of my heart? How much
fairer art thou than the sons of men!”
*“When I look back upon my life I can see nothing that does not need
to be washed with the blood of Christ. My best actions are imperfect I
have need to fly to my Saviour, that from him I might receive that robe,
which is pure and compleat. My whole desire is to be devoted to thee!”
“Ashamed, to lift my eyes up to heaven. I fell down before the Lord
my maker; and I may well say that he waited to be gracious; for before
I could utter many words his love filled my heart. I could then look
up with confidence, and saw my Father God, smile upon me, and my dear
Redeemer at his right hand full of grace and truth for _me_. O how
sweetly did the ever blessed Trinity join to bless me! Help me to
praise thee, O thou strength of _Israel_.”
“God was much with me in private. O what a heaven upon earth is it, to
commune with him in prayer, holy reading, and divine meditation. Jesus
is a well of life. How blessed is it to hold intimacy with him! This is
_paradise_ indeed.”
“_Sunday._ It was a glorious sabbath to my soul.”
“Part of this day was the happiest I ever yet saw. I could freely
depart to be with him whom my soul loveth. Truly I seemed to antedate
the sweetness of the celestial felicity, which the glorified spirits
enjoy above! My song was praises to my God.”
“Had calm repose in God. A day of sore temptation. I was kept, but
thro’ momentary watching unto prayer. O what am I! How weak, how blind,
how poor! As to _strength_, a bruised reed; for _love_ and _zeal_,
as the ♦smoaking flax. But thou, O God, art strong, and in thee is my
hope.”
♦ “somaking” replaced with “smoaking”
“Ill in body, dark in mind, dead in affections, and sorely troubled
with temptations. Yet I was preserved from inclining to iniquity with
my heart.”
“_Sunday._ My soul agonized to enter into the rest of the people of
God. I saw him by faith, and the promises were strongly brought to my
remembrance, especially, ‘Ask what you will, and it shall be done unto
you.’”
“_1753. March 7._ In the morning there was an open intercourse between
God and my soul, which for some hours remained undisturbed. About noon
I felt sore war between nature and grace; so that I was brought low.
Nature would have me manage for myself, grace was for casting all my
care upon God. O thou author of every good gift, send me help from thy
holy place to subdue the old man. Take away the perverseness of my own
natural will, and make me lowly and patient as thou my Lord art. Thou
art the source of grace and of goodness. In thee, O Lamb of God, is all
I want.”
“_Thursday 8._ Poured out my soul before the Lord, who gave me to feel
hearty contrition with earnest desires to be sanctified wholly. For
“O how wavering is my mind
Tost about with every wind?
O how quickly doth my heart
From the living God depart.”
“Son of God, set me free, and knit my soul to thyself!”
“_Saturday 10._ The Lord sweetly refreshed my spirit, I was strongly
moved to pour out my soul, for my enemies, and all that forget God.
There was a burning in my heart after all the life of God. Nothing
appeared so desirable as holiness. O God take the whole capacity of
my soul, and possess it by thy spirit.”
“_Sunday 25._ I have had a proof to day of the vanity and uncertainty
of human friendship. Some who loved and greatly esteemed me when I left
_Dublin_, about ten weeks ago, will now, at my return, hardly speak to
me. O that I may seek friendship and all good in God alone.”
*“Some words I heard this morning pierced me to the very soul. Enter
not into judgment with thy servant, O Lord. I fly to Jesus, the _just
one_, to hide me in his wounds. He is my sanctuary, the ark, the
covenant, and the true altar. Come my life, my treasure, and my God,
shine into this drooping heart. Have I not an interest in thy blood!
Am I not a child of thine, O God? Hast thou not said unto me, _live_?
O that thy powerful voice would now speak to my soul, and bless me, O
my Father!”
“How little do I know of God, or of myself? O what a mystery is man?
How difficult to find, and then to lose himself! Lord, I long to be
settled and fixed in thee! O how does this mortal body press down the
soul!”
“_Saturday April 21._ Strengthened in the hope of full redemption.
Jesus forsake me not, or I shall be of all men most miserable!”
“_Wednesday May 4._ Woke with the presence of God. Jesus was amiable,
and altogether lovely to my soul. My heart was carried out in praise to
him for redeeming me, and making me his own for ever, by the washing of
regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost.”
*“I earnestly longed after inward holiness: the image of God brought
into my soul. For then only shall I be truly happy, when self-love,
self-will, and all other roots of bitterness are rooted out of my heart,
and the pure love of God overflows my whole soul. When Jesus is the
supreme and sole governor, and all things within, are subdued by his
grace; then the heart rests in peace, and all things move in their
proper time and manner. The soul is retired, tho’ in the midst of hurry;
and sweet peace, and joy flow from Jehovah, their source. This is the
victory, the salvation, the liberty, the deliverance from sin, which
very few believe, and which no one can know, save he that receiveth
it. But it is the privilege of the children of God, and every one who
sincerely seeks and with all his might, strives for it, shall surely
attain, by the Spirit of the Lord; for the mouth of the Lord hath
spoken it.”
“_Friday 31._ After preaching, gave myself to my usual study. O freedom
of heart, and contempt of the world, how great blessings are ye?
Plentifully did the Lord shower his love into my soul this day, in our
public meeting. Verily thou art the pleasure of my soul, the hope and
desire of my heart.”
“This day God prepared me for a sore trial, by giving me sweet repose
in his love. I lived as it were in heaven. My soul was ravished with
his sweetness. So was I enabled to bear with calmness and patience,
the abusive language of one who came to my room, breathing out
threatenings against me. Alas, How many are there who are great friends
in profession, but not such in reality.”
“_Saturday August 29._ In the night I was grievously tempted of the
devil. He injected such blasphemies, and threw such fiery darts as I
never experienced before. I was sore amazed, and cried unto the Lord
Jesus. He heard my cry, bruised his head and delivered my soul from his
rage and fury. Lord, thou upholdest me, or I should fall! O stay with
me, till I arrive safe in thy kingdom!”
“_Sunday, September 1._ Was a day of feasting and rejoicing to my soul.
I had sweet converse with my Beloved, while I joyed in his salvation.
I proclaimed his name to thousands, from _Jeremiah vi. 10._ And never
felt more freedom to preach my Saviour. O my Lord, thou art precious to
my soul, and thy service is my reward!”
“_1754. Sunday, March._ At the Lord’s supper this morning, my soul
was dissolved with divine love. I could bless God that ever I was born
to so happy and glorious an end, as to love and praise and serve my
Redeemer. Yes, Jesus, thou art precious to my soul. Thy yoke is easy,
and thy commandments holy and just and good. I desire to keep them with
my whole heart.”
“The more I see of the world, the less happiness I can discern in it.
Happy are they who are well out of it. Let me die the death of the
righteous, and let my last end be like his.”
“I wept and rejoiced that God had given me a soul capable of loving him.
In reading and meditating in the open air, my soul tasted of the joys
in part, which those spirits enjoy who behold his face continually.”
“My soul vehemently groaned and longed for full redemption, while it
enjoyed sweet converse with my dear Lord Jesus.”
“_Saturday 23._ I had intercourse with heaven all day. I thirsted for
the salvation of all men, as for my own soul. I was also deeply humbled
before the Lord, seeing myself the most vile and unworthy of all his
creatures. He likewise made willing to be despised and evil spoken of.
And I cannot but admire the wisdom and goodness of God, in so preparing
me for what soon followed. One of my acquaintance, that went with me to
the house of God, laid to my charge things which I knew not. I sent for
him, but he could say nothing to my face. His mouth was stopped, and he
seemed quite ashamed. I felt much patience and pity towards him. Lord
Jesus, give him repentance, and take prejudice out of his heart.”
“_Friday, May 3._ I had a feeling sense of the treasures of grace and
glory, which are laid up for me, both here, and in heaven. O what a
heaven did I experience in being able to call God, _my_ God, and _my_
Father!”
CHAPTER II.
_The extract from his diary continued._
THE account of his experience, given in the preceding chapter, begins
with the first year of his conversion; in which likewise he began to
labour for the good of his neighbour. And it may be observed, that in
his progress, the experience of his heart, had its certain progressive
stages, resembling in some degree, that of the _shining light_, or
sun: a day suppose, whose early dawn is clear and promising, and whose
light and heat still increase ere long, is overcast with clouds, and
disturbed with tempest: the sun however keeps his course, and still
goes on to the _perfect day_. Such likewise is _the path of the just_,
and such was the experience of this servant of God.
The first display of the divine goodness to his soul in justification,
was so clear, and his joy thereupon was so exceeding strong, that
he had then no expectation of seeing war any more. And he was indeed
carried on sweetly, for some considerable time.
But whatever was the cause he afterwards felt otherwise; often groaning
under a body of sin and death; complaining of struggles, between nature
and grace; and of inconstancy and weakness in general: with ardent
pourings out of his soul to God, for complete deliverance. And his
thirst after it was considerably augmented, by the transient tastes,
with which it pleased God to favour him from time to time, of the
heaven of loving him _alone_, with all the powers of his soul.
The feeling of his heart in reference thereto; the methods which he
pursued in order to attain it, and the progress which by the grace of
God he made therein, are the subject of this chapter. Only for the sake
of some, who desire the fullest information concerning him, I shall
prefix a letter he sent me to _Bristol_, from _London_, in answer to
some enquiries which I made, occasioned by the following circumstance.
Some months before he left _London_, the last time, a report prevailed
that he professed to be _cleansed from all sin_. On my hearing this, I
wrote to know it from himself. He sent me the following answer.
_London, June 17, 1757._
“_My dear Brother._
“WHAT you mention concerning me, I answer thus. 1st. I feel the
constant witness of the Spirit of God, that I am forgiven; and that I
love God and my neighbour. 2dly. I do not feel any evil tempers. 3dly.
I firmly believe that God will eternally save my soul. But whether
_all sin_ is taken out of my heart, and the possibility of grieving
the Spirit of God, I do not determine; neither do I think that I love
either God, or my neighbour as I ought, or as I shall. I am helpless,
but God is my strength. I live by faith. I am ashamed. I have no wish,
that any one should believe I am saved from all sin. Indeed I ought to
justify every one that believes the contrary, supposing it was so. But
alas! If Christ did not pray for me, and keep me every moment, I should
go to the devil. Galatians ii. 19. is what I feel. Jesus Christ is all
in all.
“I have written simply, make the best use you can of it; but say
nothing of it to any one (this I request.¹) O let me be forgotten:
not of God, or of his children in prayer: but as I desire no good to
be said of me, I would not have any one sin against God in thinking, or
speaking the evil which my heart abhors. It is much to the glory of God,
to save a proud, angry, self-willed, fearful, and unbelieving sinner;
therefore I almost say, that I glory in mine infirmities, that the
strength, and grace of Christ, may rest upon me, and save me from them
all; and this he will do, as sure as he is faithful and true.
“I am, your affectionate brother,
_Thomas Walsh_.”
¹ And his request was then carefully observed. But the
present occasion, will be thought reason sufficient for
publishing it.
His struggles, sentiments, and attainments, partly before, and partly
after this letter, even to his death, are farther represented in the
following extracts.
*“_London, Sunday, June 2._ All this forenoon I was raised above
myself, and lost in God. Heaven as it were came down into my soul, and
I saw the glory of the world to come! I beheld all the glory of this
world, as the mire in the streets. But Oh, the views, which I had of
heaven, and the foretaste of those ravishing joys, that flow there, so
transported my soul, that I could bless God, that ever I was born.”
*“_Tuesday 4._ My soul was transported this day to such a degree, as
greatly affected even my body. I do not recollect, that I ever before
felt such a sense of the presence and glory of God. Surely if he should
manifest himself a few degrees more to me, I could not live in the
body!”
*“_Sunday 9._ I gave myself up to God. I heartily desire to give my
whole heart, chearfully, and without reserve to thee my love! Many
things would alienate it from thee. But O my Saviour, keep thou my
every desire. Knit me closely to thyself, and suffer no false fire
to abide in my heart. I acknowledge, O my God, that it is an amazing
instance of thy love, that thou hast made me a child of thine. Let I
beseech thee, thy goodness be the strongest tie to keep my heart stayed
upon thee.”
“_Tuesday 18._ I was so low in body, that I could hardly speak or think.
Oh, how does this corruptible body press down my soul! Yet I can praise
God for his dispensations towards me; he afflicts me, that I may be
partaker of his holiness.”
“At the Lord’s table I was in an agony for holiness. My soul, and even
my body, were ready to faint with desire, and longing for all the mind
that was in Christ Jesus.”
“_Saturday, July 20._ O how my soul laboured with God in secret prayer!
I said in my heart, if I am indeed a child of God, Why have I not
greater desires to depart, and to be with Christ? I prostrated myself
before the throne of grace, and cried to God to answer me as by fire:
and he soon silenced my despondences by answering in my heart, ‘My son,
thou art mine.’”
“_Wednesday, September 21._ God overpowered my whole frame, so that my
body fainted under the pouring out of the Spirit of Christ.”
*“_Saturday, September 26._ My heart was quite melted with a sense of
the goodness of God, and of my own vileness. I think I now begin to
repent; to have a godly sorrow for my sins. Of this I am well assured,
that thoughts which were in my mind a year ago, are now a grief to me.
The Spirit of God brings the sins of my whole life to my remembrance.
I read them all, but more especially, whatever has been wrong in
me, since I was converted. My spirit within me mourns, and my heart
feelingly says, ‘Oh that I had never sinned! O that my soul and body
had been always pure before thee! Oh that I had always the same light
and power that God has given me now!’ But altho’ I am vile, yet this,
blessed be God I know, there is now no condemnation to me: the blood of
Christ hath washed away all my sins. I have the Spirit of adoption, and
the peace of my God. I love him, and all his dear children; yea, and my
enemies likewise. I hunger and thirst after righteousness. I rejoice in
my God, and delight in doing his will. I know in whom I have believed.
My name is written in heaven. Hallelujah!”
“_Friday, November 22._ I enjoyed a fulness of God in my soul; and had
infinite sweetness in communion with my Saviour. Lord I am not worthy
of these manifestations: But I see all is of _free grace_. I receive
all through Christ the righteous. He drank the bitter cup, that I might
drink the cup of consolation. Lord I would love thee infinitely, if I
were able! My whole soul cries out for power to do thy will perfectly.”
“_Monday December 2._ I feel I am a mere nothing, and that if God
withdraw his grace from me but for a moment, I should do nothing but
sin.”
*“_Sunday 22._ All the day long my Lord was wonderfully present with
me in every ordinance. Truly my soul longed vehemently to be, and live
like my Saviour the holy Jesus. This indeed is the thing I aim at; and
I believe according to the sure word of promise, I shall attain. O what
depths and heights of holiness do I discern attainable in this world.”
*“I felt much shame before the Lord to day, for my unfaithfulness, and
unfruitfulness. O God enter not into judgment with me for my sins of
omission!”
*“_Sunday July 4._ I was troubled in my spirit because of lightness of
heart, and speaking _my own words_, (Isaiah lviii.) How many idle words
do I speak! It ill becomes a Christian, much more a preacher ever to
laugh.”
“_October 6._ I rose with much sorrow and concern; and with shame
and much brokenness of heart, bowed my soul before the Lord. My
heaviness endured as it were but a moment, and the divine light shone
transcendently bright upon my soul. Praying with a few friends, my joy
in the Lord overcame my feeble body. And it proved to be a preparation
for a trial, which came soon after. I had sweet communion with Jesus,
and three of his redeemed ones this day. In the evening I pressed upon
the people the necessity of _inward life_, from _Acts v. 20._”
“My soul was mightily encouraged while I expounded, _John xiv. 21‒23._
Inward and constant liberty is what I want; to be always recollected,
having my mind stayed upon God. I would live like an angel below. For
some moments indeed, I often love and rejoice in a wonderful manner:
but alas, ‘How soon it dies away.’ I become comparatively cold, and can
neither pray with freedom, nor rejoice with reverence.”
“Still, nature, the devil and grace, are striving with me: Christ
however has the upper-hand; but I want him ‘to live and reign, the Lord
of _every motion_ of my soul.’”
“I prayed with my kindred at taking my leave of them.¹ My brother
and sister were ill, and my mother weeping after me. I found a great
struggle, and believe I should have stayed, but for those scriptures,
_He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me_.
And, _Let the dead bury their dead; but go thou and preach the kingdom
of God_. My heart felt pain and sorrow: but I took up my cross, and
went immediately to _Bellygarane_ (where were a colony of _Germans_)
and preached that night. O what is needful for a minister of Jesus!
What faith, love, purity, divine light, life and strength to finish his
course with joy!”
¹ He was then going to _England_ the third, and which was the
last time.
“Meeting the penitents, I could hardly speak in the last prayer, I was
so overpowered with the presence and majesty of God.”
“I rose early this morning, after watering my pillow with my tears more
than ever I remember to have done before.”
“Throughout the various exercises of the day I had strong assurance,
that the Lord would eternally save me; especially as I sat at dinner,
conversing with my brethren of the things of God.”
“Having this evening to myself without preaching (a rare thing with
him) I shut myself up, and sought the Lord with prayers and tears. Shew
me, my Lord, thy glory, or let me die that I may see thee! If I cannot
perfectly love thee, and do thy will upon earth, send for me and take
my soul to heaven. But Lord, God, hast thou not spoken by _Moses_,
_Deuteronomy xxx. 6._ and by _Ezekiel xxxiv. 23‒32._ If these are thy
words and promises, I pray and plead, that they may be fulfilled in me,
according to their utmost extent, O come and baptize me with fire!”
“At prayer with some friends, the Lord applied powerfully to my heart,
‘Go and sin no more!’ Now the Lord has answered for himself. I believe
it is his will, that from this moment I should sin no more! and that
I should have such a faith, as never to depart from Christ in thought,
word, or deed; that so, being inseparably one with him I should walk in
the spirit, and sing and praise him evermore! Angels praise my Saviour!”
“_1757. Sunday._ All the day I was happy in my Lord, rejoicing in
confidence that he would save me eternally. I could pray, and love, and
weep.”
“It was a day of great blessing, and of great trials. I came home
through much snow and rain. But it was all sweet with Christ. I called
on the strong for strength; and after meditation, lay down in peace.”
“_Thursday._ I employed all the day in reading the _Hebrew_ and _Greek_
scriptures, save some time which I spent in endeavouring to convince a
man, that there is salvation for a person though he does not make use
of the church liturgy.”
“With a heart full of matter, I preached on _Ephesians vi. 11._ I could
truly say, that the law of thy mouth is dearer unto me, than thousands
of gold and silver.”
“At dinner my soul was sweetly drawn out after God, I felt such an
assurance of eternal salvation, as I never had before; not with such
clearness of evidence.”
“I felt great love to all mankind. My soul pleaded with God in their
behalf. O Jesus hasten thy kingdom. Come and put a period to sin and
misery! O my God, suffer not a vain thought to live in me. I never can
rest till Jesus has poured his humble, pure, and happy mind into my
soul. For some moments I did taste of the felicity of heaven; but thro’
pain and unbelief it was of short continuance.”
“_Friday._ It being the public fast. I preached on Isaiah lviii. 3.
It was a day of feasting to my soul. With great delight I rested in my
God. And it seemed to me, that the people of God were not yet to suffer.
Hereafter it will be; but at present, the grand controversy is with
antichrist.¹ Jesus will avenge the quarrel of his covenant.”
¹ For some considerable time before, and during great part
of his last sickness, his thoughts entered deeply, into the
prophecies of _Daniel_ and the _Revelation_. He calculated
the times with great exactness, and spared no labour and
pains, to be fully informed concerning the great things
which those passages teach still await the world. In short
he was rapt up in those future scenes, _hastening to the
coming of the Son of_ God, in his kingdom of grace and
glory. His opinion was, that great and amazing things were
at the door, and he has frequently said to a young man,
“My brother if you live to the years of a man (meaning
three score and ten) you shall see these things.”
“I seek perfection, and uninterrupted communion with the blessed God,
Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. True; I am not worthy of the crumbs under
thy table; yet I look thro’ thy rich grace, for all the precious and
eternal blessings of the new Covenant.”
“_Sunday._ This was a glorious day indeed. Great and marvellous were
the blessings which God bestowed upon me. He blesses me in every duty:
all is useful; all works together for my good. I go on my way singing
the hundred and thirty-eighth psalm, _They shall sing in the ways of
the Lord; for great is the glory of the Lord_.”
“Jesus was with me in all I did. He gave me light, love, help, joy,
peace, and strength in all. In his Spirit I went to rest.”
*“Wherever I was, and in whatsoever I did, my soul delighted in God:
never had I deeper, or more sweet manifestations of his gracious
presence. I could not but praise him, and thirst for more perfect union
with him! Surely this is the foretaste of glory! O if Christians did
but rightly understand the nature, power, and extent of _the kingdom
of God_ in the soul, I am persuaded they would not rest satisfied with
bare pardon of sin, and some joy and peace, when they may have perfect
and uninterrupted rest! If once sin be totally destroyed, and the
Spirit filled with the light, and love of God, it is then neither hurt
nor hindred, by any person or thing; but steddily goes on its heavenly
journey, united to Christ, more and more daily. _It does not yet appear
what we shall be_, even in this world.”
*“O Christ, What hast thou done for me! What shall I say of, or unto
thee? This I say, that I love thee! O let it be with all my heart, and
soul, and mind, and strength. At intercession, I felt such a degree of
the presence of God, as utterly amazed me. O glorious Lord, how shall
I bless thee!”
*“My heart continually rested in God, and drank of the living waters;
yea, my very body was supported by the joy wherewith my soul was
refreshed: so that after preaching three times to-day, beside visiting
the sick, and well; my strength was more than when I rose in the
morning.”
“_Friday._ A day of fasting (a frequent practice of his.) At prayer my
soul was greatly humbled before God. Entire resignation, without much
joy, was the state of my heart this day.”
“_Saturday, March 12, 1757._ Preparing for a short journey to-day,
and laying up my books, I felt some little distraction. I could bless
God however, that I had not money to lay up. Alas, for the rich of
this world: how are they to be pitied! How hardly can they be saved?
Jesus, make and keep me poor in spirit; nor suffer this world ever
to defile me. Suffer not my soul to cleave to the dust, but cause all
my affections to flow towards thyself. I would not live upon earth. I
desire, pray, and labour, that my heart may be in heaven, with Christ
my head.”
“_Sunday 13._ I conversed with one to-day, who told me, that for
fourteen years last past, she never found any unhappiness, but always
rejoiced in the love of God. Before and after sacrament, I found such
desire, as almost made my heart break. My soul and flesh cried, mourned
and wept for the perfect love of God. There is a beauty and excellence
in holiness, which has quite won my heart.”
“All day, both in reading, prayer, and conversation, I felt something
of that promise, John iv. 14. I look for religion to possess, and
entirely change me. I see and feel, that Christianity is something
divine, living, generous, powerful, and internal. It is _God dwelling
in the soul of man_, 2 Corinthians vi. 16.”
*“_Friday 18._ I prayed, and read till twelve. My body began then to
complain. It does not like fasting; but my soul did banquet on the
rich delicacies of the love and promises of God. I am in the way to
heaven; but I want a heavenly nature, heaven _within_ me. My soul can
be satisfied with nothing less than God. Jesus, my dear Jesus, let me
ever esteem thy blood, and righteousness above the whole world! Through
thee I come to God. By thee I enter heaven. Thou art heaven.”
“My heart was penetrated with the goodness and love of God. I see still
more clearly, that love is the fulfilling of the law――supreme, constant,
and perfect love of God, and pure benevolent love to the whole of human
kind.”
Happy soul, when once renew’d,
God in thee, and thou in God,
Only feel’st within thee move
Tenderness, compassion, love.
Love immense, and unconfin’d,
Love to all of human kind,
Love, which willeth all should live,
Love, which all to all would give,
Love, that over all prevails,
Love, that never, never fails:
Stand secure, for thou shalt prove
All th’ eternity of love.
“There is, there _can_ be no higher, no better, no sweeter divinity
than this, _My beloved is mine, and I am his_! O my soul rest in this!
Be satisfied, and safe in the protecting, sanctifying, and reviving
love of _Immanuel, God with me_.”
“The 33d chapter of _Exodus_ came in my course of reading to-day. And O
what pleading and communion between _Moses_ and his God. Happy man! who
conversed with the glorious Jehovah, face to face.¹ And yet St. _John_
seems to express something higher and sweeter than even this, 1st
Epistle i. 3. For certainly internal union with God, and a fulness of
his spirit, are more excellent than any external manifestation can be.”
¹ That is with a degree of familiarity and access, which was
not allowed to any of the other patriarchs or prophets.
For _strictly_ speaking, _no man hath seen God at any
time_.
“I retired a few minutes after five, to wait for the coming of Jesus.
My soul is all desire after Christ. I am resolved to love and serve
him so as I have never yet done. Come _Holy Ghost_, and kindle the fire
within my breast.”
*“From a quarter after four this morning till ten, spent in prayer, and
reading the scriptures, and such humiliation of soul, such a sense of
my vileness I hardly ever felt. It was genuine, godly sorrow indeed,
with a clear sight of the odiousness of sin. I believe the first time I
ever sinned, was brought to my remembrance. My head was as waters, and
my heart as wax before the fire. But all the time I had a clear sense
of the love of God; a witness that I was accepted in the beloved, and
all the day after, my soul delighted itself in the Lord.”
*“I ought to esteem myself unworthy of any comfort; my sins having
justly deserved damnation. The blood of Christ is of infinite value
and efficacy, otherwise I should never be saved. Infirmities, so
called, which once I passed over without much remorse, now appear
heinous, black, and damnable, and if God did not bear witness with my
spirit, that they are all forgiven, would sink me into misery. People
are seldom sufficiently sensible of the odiousness of pride, anger,
internal concupiscence, or an inordinate love of the creature; together
with the neglect of self-denial, and bearing the daily cross. These are
overlooked; yea, some even plead for, and attempt to justify them. Lord,
let me never be an advocate for the devil. Give me grace heartily to
love those who tell me of my faults. Search out my sin, till thou find
none. My whole trust is in the blood of Jesus. I have no other plea;
for this one is enough, it will, it doth prevail with God, and bring my
soul to glory.”
*“In my closet the former part of this day, it was made indeed a time
of love. I felt such sweetness, and divine felicity in my soul, and by
faith beheld the glory of God in such a manner as words cannot describe.
I saw and tasted God in all things. My Lord Jesus Christ appeared
_wonderful_ to me indeed, Isaiah ix. 6. Praise, blessing, honour,
glory, and thanksgiving be ascribed to the holy and adorable Trinity.
What could I have believed, what understood of thee, unless thou my
Lord hadst revealed it to me?¹ O love divine! O the wisdom, and power
of God! Human tongue cannot express, nor angel minds conceive, how
great and wonderful ye are in the saints; by whom God is glorified, and
in whom Christ is _justified_ by the Spirit, (1 Timothy iii. 16.) To
whom heaven is as it were let down, and whom eternal glory momentarily
awaits! They now drink of the rivers of pleasure; of the well of life:
and are warmed with the beams of the divine sun! They are delighted
with praises, allured by pleasures, cloathed with light, and filled
with God! Hallelujah! Amen.”
¹ He seems to refer to some particular communication from God
of his Triune Majesty.
CHAPTER III.
_The same subject continued._
THE continued advancement of his soul in the knowledge of God, is very
discernible in the preceding sketch of his experience: although in the
expression of it, and of what follows in particular, he seems often at
a loss for words; human language falling so far short of those things
of God, which can only be spiritually discerned. In these collections
we see a soul peculiarly remarkable for a daily, serious, steady,
exact and uniform course of walking inwardly with God, and attending
outwardly on all the precepts of the gospel. He poured out, simply his
thoughts from the standing treasury of his heart, for his own sole use;
for the more effectual promotion of his intercourse with God, and for
the better adjustment of all his spiritual concerns.
“_1757._ I was up before five, read and prayed till I went to chapel.
I felt much. The Lord knows what! In the evening we (the society)
met together in order to devote ourselves to God afresh, by renewing
our covenant with him. My soul was greatly humbled before God, and
felt that for my backslidings he might justly have cast me off: for
although I have not wickedly departed from my God, yet for my blots
and short-comings I was made to blush. Jesus however I know stands my
advocate, and because he lives I live also.”
*“I rose early, and after prayer and sermon communicated. The adorable
Saviour gave me a taste of his sweetness, and a sight of his glory. I
read, prayed, and conversed with Christian friends the rest of the day;
waiting for perfect love, and exhorting others earnestly to seek after
the same. Surely nothing is so desirable as this: God in us, and the
very perfection of gospel holiness. No man can be thoroughly blessed
till this unmixed love of God purifies his heart and fills his whole
soul.”
“In all I did all day, God was my life, my joy and my strength. His
love was as fire within me. I never felt such a burning in my heart
before. O Jesus, what hast thou done for me!”
*“I saw this day on a very triffling occasion, the necessity of having
supernatural light, and a witness from God in all things, even of the
common affairs of life, that I please him. Some things occur which
seem to be in equilibrio, so that one may reason for hours, and not be
able to turn the scale. O may I never want light from God, whereby I
may clearly discern what I ought to do, and what avoid! And O let me
have thy strength also, or the light that is in me will be turned to
darkness; for alas, I often see my way but am lame, or drag on heavily!”
“Happy the man who gives up all for Christ. Who having discovered,
that the favour and enjoyment of God is the _pearl of great price_,
sells all earthly loves, and longs that he may buy,――freely receive
the unspeakable gift of God.”
*“Soon after ten, I lay down but could not sleep, through a deep and
comfortable sense of the love of Christ. His Spirit rested upon me and
made my heart flame with love to _my God, and my all_. It never entered
into my heart to conceive the loving him with all the heart, till he
revealed it to me by his Spirit.”
“Throughout the whole of my progress, I feel that Satan is my enemy,
but Jesus is my friend. I fear not then: my Lord will save me from
every evil work, and preserve me to his heavenly kingdom.”
“The fire of divine love burned incessantly in my soul. Yet I perceive
I must still wear some of the marks of my captivity, namely sickness,
infirmity and death. My soul would fain fly up to God, but I am yet
detained. I conversed with some eminent Christians, and Jesus fulfilled
his word, being with us of a truth.”
“This day was as yesterday, and much more abundantly. Indeed I can
declare how greatly the Lord abased my soul, and broke me as it were
in pieces. I could not perceive, that any sin had place in me; but I
wait for a stronger evidence that I am made pure in heart. O God, shew
me what by grace I am. Shew me if there be pride, anger or unbelief
in my heart. Jesus, Son of the living God, send down the _Holy Ghost_
from the Father, to bear me witness, and to shine upon thine own
work. Humble and prove, but strengthen and comfort me too. I am thine.
There is not one doubt in my heart thou wilt save me for ever. I
sing praises! _Te Deum_ is sweet to me; so is _the Magnificate_, and
the _Nunc Dimittis_. O what has God wrought for me! Jesus thou art
my strength and righteousness! I am safe in thee, thou art my rock!
Salvation is unto me for walls and bulwarks.”
“Having preached on, _obtained promises_, and having met the society,
I retired about ten: it was a festal day to my soul. I do feel from
experience and scripture, that God has indeed changed my heart, and
destroyed the works of the devil. My heart cried for humility and love;
the whole mind of Christ.”
“The love of God still increased more abundantly than ever; the fire
burned vehemently within me. I saw more clearly, that God had confirmed
me in his favour; and that all was quietness and assurance for ever.
I am astonished at the gift of God, and am willing if it pleaseth him
to be hated of all nations for his name-sake. I will sing of mercy and
judgment.”
“This day I was sorely tempted. Lord Jesus, thou knowest what my
temptations are. I would rather die than deny thee by sinning against
thee. Thou seest my simple heart. O guard and cover my head. My enemies
are many, subtle, and powerful, and malicious; but thou art greater
than them all. O God, thou art my friend, and strong helper, I will
trust, and not be afraid.”
“I sensibly felt the Lord impressing his image on my soul. O perfect
love! ’Tis all in all in religion. I want it above every thing, even
this fulness of God in Christ.”
“The Lord gives me to drink of his love as out of a river. All things
work together for my good. May every one that is godly, praise him for
this, and trust in his name for ever!”
“I took to my bed through violence of pain in my head, and other
symptoms of a fever. I resigned myself to God, and was unmoved. I wept
with gratitude to my good God. My fever soon abated, and in the night
I got rest. So graciously does he deal with me!”
*“At the Lord’s table, I had not only a clear witness that all was
forgiven me; but likewise strong assurance, that God had purified my
heart by faith. My soul was deeply affected with his love. The blessed
Jesus is present with, and precious to me. O let my soul adore the
Lord, and tell of his works with gladness. Let this be written for the
generations to come.”
*“I wept with a sense of the goodness of God to me, and found all my
dependance is on Christ. Christ alone! He makes me to rejoice in his
salvation. His blood, and not my holiness, or usefulness is the only
cause of my acceptance, and final justification. O who can bear praise,
and rejoice in contempt? Only he that is fully crucified with Christ.
This is my aim, to burn and flame with pure love to God. Nothing less
than the full enjoyment of him shall ever satisfy me. Thy presence
makes my heaven. O praise the Lord ye servants of the Lord, all ye
that do his pleasure! Why am I not lost in astonishment and love! O
the goodness and condescension of the blessed Jesus!”
“I was this day extremely ill in body; there was a burning all over my
flesh. But God was the rest and life of my soul; who, notwithstanding
my sickness, enabled me to continue in prayer and reading his word;
yea, there was a burning of love in my heart. O may I sink into this
boundless sea, and lose myself in God!”
“This afternoon, taking a view of my whole life, from my infancy,
the manner of bringing me up, &c. I could not but admire and adore
with weeping, the goodness of God for his dealings with me. I was an
ignorant poor sinner; having no knowledge of God, and little of this
world. But the Lord looked upon me, and said unto me _live_! My soul
doth praise and magnify his name for ever! O for an enlarged heart!
Jesus thou art my strength.”
*“I believe great things are at hand for me. This was one of my best
days, nothing will satisfy me till _John xiv. 23._ is more fully than
ever fulfilled in me: _And my Father will love him, and we will come
unto him, and make our abode with him_. Jesus saith _I come quickly_.
Lord Jesus come! My soul burns with desire. I pant for the living God.
O strengthen me to do always the things that please Thee! I believe
thou wilt fully and finally save me.”
“O what a mystery is the love of Christ! How sweet a banquet! How
delicious a wine! Lord thou hast ravished me with thy love! Death is
now sweet to me; and eternity affords me a most blessed and glorious
hope. O what has God done for me! Holy Lord, accept of my heartiest
praise, and the most perfect love that I at present can give.”
*“Both my body and soul were affected, with the great power of God
resting upon me this Day. My whole nature bowed before the present
deity; and his high praises were in my mouth. He said unto my soul,
‘Thou art made whole.’ I replied, ‘Lord, I believe.’”
“In the midst of a variety of critical circumstances, my conscience was
kept pure. _He that walketh uprightly, walketh surely._ And _What can
harm you if ye be followers of that which is good?_”
*“My soul longs for fuller union with God; for more of the root and
fruit of holiness, faith, and love. O let me lean on thy breast, and
kiss thy feet. Keep me, my Lord, in thy bosom.”
“All day my cup ran over. I came to my room both wet and weary and
lay down happy. My spirit still magnifies the Lord. I rest in him. He
giveth his beloved rest.”
*“To rejoice evermore, is my portion under the sun. My heart dissolves
with the goodness of God. Truly thou art unto me _a place of broad
rivers_, Isaiah xxxiii. Blessed be the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost! A
stranger intermeddleth not with the happiness which I feel! The half
cannot be told. O, it is heaven upon earth! After several exercises of
faith, love and prayer, I lay down in peace. My heart is full; and yet
‘A point my good, a drop my store,
‘Eager I ask, and pant for more.’
“O how sweet is it to retire from the world; yea, even from converse
with the holiest Christians, to wait upon God alone; and to get closer
acquaintance with the blessed Jesus. Happy the man that can go to God
at any time, praying to him with faith and fervency. My God, all my
soul cries aloud for more of thy light and love. Manifest thyself more
fully within me!”
“Lord, I know not that there is any one living, that has greater
cause to love, and serve thee in truth, than myself; for thy ways of
love towards me, have been, and still are very wonderful. O how many
sins hast thou forgiven me? How many snares of the devil hast thou
broken, and delivered me from? How many pains and afflictions hast thou
supported me under? How many fears and sorrows hast thou from time to
time, banished from my heart? Thou hast given me also of thy gifts; and
with reverence I speak it, thou hast given me thy grace. Thou hast sent
me to preach thy word, and given me favour in the eyes of the people;
neither have I spent my strength in vain. I believe Lord thou hast
given me thyself, and that thou wilt give me in, and with thee, both
grace and glory!”
*“I retired to fast; and poured out my heart for my own soul, for the
church of God, and for mankind in general; that God would reform the
whole world. Days of fasting become sweet to me. I find more and more
delight in them. But by grace I am saved. Jesus is my righteousness.
Thro’ faith in his blood, I offer myself, and all I do to him. The
favour of God I obtained by his death; the image of God is stamped
upon my heart by his Spirit; and thro’ his intercession, I obtain
everlasting life. And yet will he reward every man according to his
works.”
“I was this day sensibly convinced of the danger of following impulses
of any kind, unless supported by the express authority of scripture.
Nature and _Satan_, suggest a variety of things, which having a shew of
truth and goodness, often lead persons into extravagance and error. It
seems however a sure rule, that whatsoever promotes or increases purity
and meekness, love towards God, and our neighbour, must be from heaven.
And whatsoever does not tend to this, ought to be rejected. But O what
need is there here, of spiritual discernment, to distinguish between
the real graces of the _Holy Ghost_, and the counterfeit appearances of
the devil, and self-love! God of truth, and of love, lead and establish
my soul in the paths of justice, mercy, truth, and humility. Make me
of a quick understanding in thy fear; nor leave me a moment to my own
wisdom, or strength. My help cometh from the Lord, who made heaven and
earth. Praise the Lord O my soul!”
“I adore thee, O my God, that thou hast made it lawful for me to pray
to thee. Oh, how great is thy condescension to regard such a poor
creature as me! I will extol thy goodness, O Lord, my king.”
“All day long my heart burned with the love of God. My desires were
unutterable; but he who knows the mind of the Spirit, will grant me
all my petitions.”
“I had close trials: but the consolations of God were so many, and so
strong, that I was borne above them. My body and soul were exceedingly
strengthened by the divine grace. The _baptism of fire_ I experience
more than ever. But still I am a poor creature.”
“O how soon will this dream of life be ended! Lord, I long to see thee
as thou art. Give me patience, gracious Lord.”
*“For about two hours in my room, I found such communion with God, as
my pen cannot write: no, it is beyond the power of words to describe
the happiness which I felt. Alas! that men should be so ungrateful to
God, and such enemies to their own soul, as not to seek happiness in
Jesus. O the delight of a soul fully united to God!”
“At his table, the Lord met me this day, in a wonderful manner. My
whole frame was so affected and overpowered, that I was ready to resign
my soul into his hands.”
“I was still more deeply sensible of God’s presence. My desire was so
strong, that it even pained my breast exceedingly. Indeed I cannot tell
what I then felt. It was the work of God; but he knows in what manner,
and degree. The fire spread; the light shined; and the power wrought:
in short, _God within me lived_! Sing a new song, O my soul; sing with
a mighty voice. Proclaim to angels and men, the goodness of the Lord.
Jesus help me to praise thee yet more and more!”
“I met with several trials to-day, but it was given me to bear them
chearfully, and to praise the Lord, who has given me integrity of heart,
and simplicity of intention, in all my ways. Lord I love thee. I will
praise thy name yet more, even for ever and ever!”
“O how plain is it, that God reveals to babes, those gracious things
which are hid from the wise and prudent; so doth he magnify his mercy,
and stain the pride of human glory. In my closet I wept much, that I
may be more filled with God than ever.”
“I thirsted and prayed this day to be with him. My whole soul was in a
flame for God. O for more faith, to see him continually!”
“Lord, I am sorely tempted, but thou comfortest me. I am happy in thy
love. Still open thy kingdom more fully and powerfully _within_ me.”
“In all things I come short; but I have the testimony of a good
conscience.”
*“I stand as in the presence of God. The awe of God I feel rests upon
my soul. O how dreadful, and yet how joyful is this place! Lord Jesu,
thou art _Immanuel_, God with _me_!”
“I mourned for the sins of the people, and found a willingness even
to lay down my life, if that would save them from hell. Many wept, and
trembled. O the depths of love in God!”
“I felt this day an ardent desire to suffer for his name-sake, tho’ I
am conscious of my own weakness.”
“Being much disturbed by dreams, I rose early, and called upon God.
I continued reading, praying, and weeping, till seven in the evening.
I was mollified, and deeply humbled. My soul adored _Immanuel_, and
desired to die, rather than offend him. O Holy Ghost, abide with, and
in me for ever! A short sentence which occurred this day in reading,
and which I made the subject of discourse, deeply affected me; namely.
‘אלהים אתה אלי’
“O God, thou art my God. Blessed be thy Majesty, and exalted be thy
name. Let the earth and heavens praise and proclaim thy greatness and
glory. Jesus, I love and adore thee! My soul’s delight is in thee!”
“I was told of some who talked evil of me. I prayed for myself, and for
them, and truly the love of God was as a mighty fire in my soul. O what
a heaven is this!”
“Altho’ love and joy lived and flowed in me, yet I wept and made
supplication, being strongly tempted by the devil. Ah Lord. Thou
knowest my state and trials. My desire is before thee, and my groanings
are not hid from thee. Hast not thou made me pure, and sealed me thine
for ever! Shine on thy work, and bear thy witness with my heart. Suffer
not thy servant to be of a doubtful mind.”
“I see, that I ought to be much in prayer for the _Holy Ghost_.
I plainly perceive that to be taught by him for one hour, is more
profitable to the soul than many days reading.”
“I spent several hours in private, begging of God to enable me to
fulfil the law of love. I feel so as I cannot write, the extent of
Christian obedience. How deep, how wide!”
“Deliver me O Lord from the strife of tongues, and from the ungodly,
who are a sword of thine. I found in retirement this day sore struggles,
and deep consolation.”
*“O how great is the profit of simple prayer, and diligent reading
of the holy scriptures? They are I find, of singular service to
me. My soul is calmed, sweetened, melted, invigorated, and sensibly
strengthened in the exercise of these holy duties. I weep and pray,
and give thanks: yet still, I want deeper repentance, and much more
humility. I would be penetrated with the sense of _my own_ helplessness;
and I do not find power equal to my will. I live however by faith, and
find God unspeakably, and continually present.”
“My soul was solidly happy, and longing for humility this day. I
desire to be simple, and filled more abundantly with love to God and
my neighbour.”
“I never felt such gratitude to God, as I did this day, for bringing
me from the idolatry of the _Romish_ church. My heart was grieved in
reading some of their horrid doctrines¹ about saints, and images. O God,
thou hast done this for me; and thou hast done many thousand things
beside for me; and now I beseech thee do this for me, give me an humble,
thankful and penitent heart.”
¹ He was about this time, employed partly in reading
Bishop _Usher_’s famous disputation with the _Jesuits_ in
_Ireland_. And of this book he says, ‘I cannot think that
a papist who has learning and the fear of God, can, after
reading it, remain in the errors of _Popery_.’
“This was a feast, and a fast day to my soul. All the ordinances of God
are exceeding precious and profitable to me.”
“I was all day deeply engaged with God: wept much, and prayed earnestly,
yet I had not much joy. I had a full and firm confidence that he would
fulfil his word of promise to my soul. My weakness can do nothing
without thy power. I lay hold on thy strength, and offer myself to thy
holy will. O let me glorify thee, as well by _suffering_ as by _doing_.”
“This morning I met with a woman where I breakfasted, who was exceeding
happy in God. A few weeks ago I met her in the same place, but she was
then utterly dead and careless. I then spoke plainly to her, and at
parting, after prayer, said ‘I pray God you may never rest till you
rest in Christ.’ The words were applied to her heart, and her burden
increased every day, so that she was brought almost to black despair,
when God revealed his love in her heart. She could now scarce tell it
thro’ weeping. O what a God is the God of the Christians!”
“_January 1758, Sunday 1._ We met at four, and after prayer I preached
on Psalms xc. 12. We had the good Mr. ―――― at the chapel, whose
humility and fervour, more than compensated for the irregularity of
his sermon. I have had much more happiness on other days, than on this
sabbath, tho’ not more sincerity and resignation. I feel my weakness
and confess my ignorance, and implore the wisdom and power of God.”
“After being some hours in my room, the fire from heaven went through
me, and I could praise the Lord continually, for his goodness to me. I
find such an impression of his power and love, as cannot be expressed
in words.”
*“This whole sabbath was both _a delight and honourable_ to me. Such
revelations of God’s goodness; such manifestations of his Spirit, and
such operations of his love, I never felt. My very outward man was
affected and refreshed. It cannot be declared what I then felt. Oh
there is much in these words, _Ye shall be baptised with the Holy Ghost
and with fire_. Whatsoever I did, the Lord made it to prosper. O holy
Father, let all the hosts of heaven praise and adore thy name!”
“God is love. This is the foundation of all my hopes. I feel much shame,
because of my infirmities; but I have also sweet consolations.”
“I was seized with a violent pain in my stomach, and was exceeding ill;
however by the mercy and power of God, I went through the duties of
the day with delight, and could thank God for pain, so as I never could
before.”
“As I read my _Greek_ testament this morning, my soul magnified the
Lord for the description, and progress of his work, contained in the
acts of the apostles. And while I am now writing, my soul is so cheared
with the _fire_ of love, as I cannot describe, unless to such as
experience the same.”
“Lord, I have not publickly preached for thee this day, but I have
had many blessings from thee, and mine heart has been in thy work. I
beseech thee bless the labours of thy more faithful servants, whom I
have heard.”
*“I have great cause to praise God, that I am free from worldly care.
Surely I was appointed to this work in which I am engaged. O that I may
obtain mercy of the Lord, to be found faithful! O Jesus, plead thou my
cause in the heavens, and fill me with thy grace here upon earth. All
my hope of heaven stands in thee! O shew me, if there be ought in me
which thou abhorrest? And let me hear thee say, ‘Thou art all fair, my
love, there is no spot in thee.’”
“O that I could love and obey, as fast as I learn. Truth appears to me
every day with new lustre: new springs are opened, and the best wine
kept until last.”
“_Sunday 19._ After asking help from God, I preached my farewel sermon
(farewel indeed; It was the last he preached in _London_, and the last
day of his being there) at the Foundery, from _Acts xx. 32._ _And now,
brethren I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is
able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among all them
which are sanctified._ And in the evening, I bid them farewel at the
chapel in _West-street_, from _Colossians ii. 6._ _As ye have therefore
received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him._ In all the duties
of the day, public and private, God was exceeding gracious to me. I
believe I never felt such strength of love. I was in truth _sick of
love_. I could not sufficiently praise him. All words come far short of
what I felt. Lord, thou hast given me much favour in the eyes of this
people. They shew it by words and deeds; yea prayers and tears! Reward
them a thousand fold. Bring me safe to _Bristol_, that there I may shew
forth the praises of the Lord, and declare thy righteousness, and thy
salvation. Amen, Lord Jesus.”
“_Monday 20._ After prayer with our family, I set out in the machine.
I read my _Hebrew psalter_, and _the Christian pattern_. I found great
tranquility of mind, and my spirit was refreshed with the goodness of
God. I conversed with three gentlemen, my companions in the coach, on
divine subjects. I prayed earnestly to God before I set out, that my
fellow travellers might not swear or curse, and the Lord heard me; for
so it was; they rather approved of scripture subjects and studies. O
the joy of a good conscience! And the rest which the soul finds in the
love of God. The Lord supplies the absence of friends, and all things
that are dear to us. His presence makes our paradise. It is not _where_
but what we are, which is the great matter.”
“_Thursday 23._ At _Bristol_, I met Mr. W. T. under whose preaching (as
has been related) God gave me the clear witness of his forgiving love.
Our meeting was for the better. _As iron sharpneth iron, so doth the
countenance of a man his friend._ We remembered the years of the right
hand of the most high; and how the Lord filled our mouths with laughter,
when he brought back our captivity. Lord bless this man, and make him
faithful in all things! And now that I am come to this city to preach
the gospel of the kingdom, and spend my life and strength in thy
service; assist me O Lord, and make thy goodness known to me. Give me
wisdom and strength, O help me Lord Jesus, to glorify thy name. Amen.”
“I read through to day, the epistle of St. James. And I do not wonder
that the proud, the sensual, and the lovers of the world, yea all the
ungodly of the earth, should find fault with it. In prayer with the
family, the spirit was poured out from on high upon us, and great grace
rested upon us all.”
“After prayer this morning, I began and read through, in _Greek_ and
_Latin_ the 2d. Epistle to _Timothy_, and found much instruction, and
reproof for my soul. O what a man ought a minister to be! How holy, and
how wise! What courage, zeal, patience and temperance, are necessary
for him in an especial manner in order to give account of himself and
others to God with joy.”
“Preaching on _1 John iv. 18._ My mind was more clearly enlightened
than ever, to see that _perfect love is Christian perfection_. By
simple, but powerful faith, I desire to attain it; and to live and
grow in this love, till my spirit returns to God.”
With such desires, and in such meditations as these did he spend his
days and nights, longing and sighing for the sight of God continually;
and in his prayers, the violence of his affections, did not a little
increase the weakness of his body.
The End of the _Eleventh_ VOLUME.
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