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Title: The Wedding Day
The Service--The Marriage Certificate--Words of Counsel
Editor: John Fletcher Hurst
Release Date: January 5, 2008 [eBook #24171]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
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THE WEDDING DAY.
The Service--The Marriage Certificate--Words of Counsel.
Edited by
JOHN F. HURST, D.D., LL.D.
Buffalo:
H. H. Otis.
1889.
Copyright, 1888, by
H. H. OTIS
Buffalo, N. Y.
CONTENTS
Page
FORM FOR THE SOLEMNIZATION OF MATRIMONY, 5
CERTIFICATE, 13
WITNESSES, 14
THE NEW HOME, 15
THE HOME ALTAR, 21
THE HOME BEAUTIFUL, 28
GOOD READING AT HOME, 32
FORBEARANCE, 37
THE YESTERDAYS OF HOME, 44
FORM FOR THE SOLEMNIZATION OF MATRIMONY.
[THE PARTS IN BRACKETS THROUGHOUT MAY BE USED OR NOT, AT DISCRETION.]
_At the day and time appointed for the Solemnization of Matrimony, the
persons to be married--having been qualified according to law--standing
together, the Man on the right hand and the Woman on the left, the
Minister shall say:_
Dearly beloved: we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and
in the presence of these witnesses, to join together this man and this
woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted of God
in the time of man's innocency, signifying unto us the mystical union
that exists between Christ and his Church; which holy estate Christ
adorned and beautified with his presence, and first miracle that he
wrought in Cana of Galilee, and is commended of Saint Paul to be
honorable among all men; and therefore is not by any to be entered into
unadvisedly, but reverently, discreetly, and in the fear of God.
Into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined.
Therefore, if any can show just cause why they may not lawfully be
joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter forever hold his
peace.
[_And also, speaking unto the persons who are to be married, the
Minister shall say:_
I require and charge you both, that if either of you know any impediment
why you may not be lawfully joined together in Matrimony, you do now
confess it; for be ye well assured, that so many as are coupled together
otherwise than God's word doth allow are not joined together by God,
neither is their Matrimony lawful.]
_If no impediment be alleged, then shall the Minister say unto the Man:_
M. Wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together
after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love
her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health: and,
forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her so long as ye both shall
live?
_The Man shall answer:_
I will.
_Then shall the Minister say unto the Woman:_
N. Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together
after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love,
honor, and keep him, in sickness and in health: and, forsaking all
other, keep thee only unto him so long as ye both shall live?
_The Woman shall answer:_
I will.
[_Then the Minister shall cause the Man with his right hand to take the
Woman by her right hand, and to say after him as followeth:_
I _M._ take thee _N._ to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from
this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in
sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part,
according to God's holy ordinance: And thereto I plight thee my faith.
_Then shall they loose their hands, and the Woman with her right hand
taking the Man by his right hand shall likewise say after the Minister:_
I _N._ take thee _M._ to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from
this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in
sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part,
according to God's holy ordinance: and thereto I plight thee my faith.]
_Then shall the Minister Pray thus:_
O eternal God, Creator and Preserver of all mankind, Giver of all
spiritual grace, the Author of everlasting life: send thy blessing upon
these thy servants, this man and this woman, whom we bless in thy name;
that as Isaac and Rebecca lived faithfully together, so these persons
may surely perform and keep the vow and covenant between them made, and
may ever remain in perfect love and peace together, and live according
to thy laws, through Jesus Christ our Lord. _Amen._
[_If the parties desire it, the Man shall here hand a Ring to the
Minister, who shall return it to him, and direct him to place it on the
third finger of the Woman's left hand. And the Man shall say to the
Woman, repeating after the Minister:_
With this ring I thee wed, and with my worldly goods I thee endow, in
the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. _Amen._]
_Then shall the Minister join their right hands together, and say:_
Forasmuch as _M._ and _N._ have consented together in holy wedlock, and
have witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto have
pledged their faith either to other, and have declared the same by
joining of hands; I pronounce that they are husband and wife together,
in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Those
whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. _Amen._
_And the Minister shall add this blessing:_
God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, bless, preserve, and keep
you; the Lord mercifully with his favor look upon you, and so fill you
with all spiritual benediction and grace, that ye may so live together
in this life, that in the world to come ye may have life everlasting.
_Amen._
_Then shall the Minister offer the following Prayer:_
O God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of Jacob, bless this man and this
woman, and sow the seed of eternal life in their hearts, that whatsoever
in thy holy word they shall profitably learn, they may indeed fulfill
the same. Look, O Lord, mercifully on them from heaven, and bless them:
as thou didst send thy blessings upon Abraham and Sarah to their great
comfort, so vouchsafe to send thy blessings upon this man and this
woman, that they, obeying thy will, and always being in safety under thy
protection, may abide in thy love unto their lives' end, through Jesus
Christ our Lord.
Almighty God, who at the beginning didst create our first parents, Adam
and Eve, and didst sanctify and join them together in marriage, pour
upon these persons the riches of thy grace, sanctify and bless them,
that they may please thee both in body and soul, and live together in
holy love unto their lives' end. _Amen._
_Here the Minister may use extemporary Prayer._
_Then the Minister shall repeat the Lord's Prayer:_
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our
daily bread: and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that
trespass against us: and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us
from evil: for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory,
forever. _Amen._
[Illustration:
This Certifies
That ~Robert B. Lawrence~
of ~Olean~ State of ~N. Y.~
and ~Maude L. Harvey~
of ~Olean~ State of ~N. Y.~
WERE BY ME UNITED IN
+ HOLY MATRIMONY +
ACCORDING TO THE ORDINANCE OF GOD AND THE LAWS OF THE
STATE OF ~New York~
at ~Home of the bride Olean N. Y.~
on the ~Eleventh~ day of ~July-11-1900~
in the year of our Lord one thousand
~nine~ hundred ~1900~
~G. R. Harvey~
Minister of the Gospel.]
[Illustration:
WITNESSES:
~Arthur Wright~
~ ...~
~John S. Seivert~
~Jessie Seivert~
~Francis E. Selover,~
~Mr. & Mrs. A J Lawrence~]
THE NEW HOME.
The founding of a new home marks an important era in a human life.
Whether you be poor or wealthy, wise or ignorant, it is all the
same--you begin a new existence. The associations of childhood and youth
now undergo a total change. The familiar scenes disappear suddenly.
Longfellow, in his "Hanging of the Crane," writes the following touching
words on the eventful day:
"O fortunate, O happy day,
When a new household finds its place
Among the myriad homes of earth,
Like a new star sprung to birth,
And rolled on its harmonious way
Into the boundless realms of space!
.....
"For two alone, there in the hall,
Is spread the table round and small;
Upon the polished silver shine
The evening lamps; but, more divine,
The light of love shines over all;
Of love that says not mine and thine,
But ours, for ours is thine and mine.
.....
"They want no guests; they needs must be
Each other's own best company."
What sort of a home shall the new one be? Shall it be the abode of happy
hearts and pure and noble lives, or shall discontent and misery prevail?
Jane Welch Carlyle says truly: "If ever one is to pray--if ever one is
to feel grave and anxious--if ever one is to shrink from vain show and
vain babble--surely it is just on the occasion of two human beings
binding themselves to one another, for better and for worse, till death
part them."
Great is the difference in households. As one walks along a beautiful
street in a city there is nothing in the fronts of the houses to
indicate the kind of life which passes within doors. But an intimate
acquaintance, such as a faithful pastor gains in the course of his
labors, often reveals the fact that in some of the most magnificent
houses there is no peace or joy, while in some of the humblest cottages
there is a calm and loving spirit which continues and grows from year to
year.
The kind of a house, even the adornments which wealth and luxury bring,
do not determine the true home. The two people who establish the new
household decide its quality.
That the people who occupy a home decide its quality is beautifully
expressed by Nathaniel Cotton, a poet of the last century:
"If solid happiness we prize,
Within our breast this jewel lies;
And they are fools who roam:
The world has nothing to bestow;
From our own selves our joys must flow,
And that dear hut, our home."
If those who occupy the home resolve to be happy and contented, to avoid
envying persons of larger means and higher social position, to lead a
life of mutual confidence and esteem, and to serve God with trustful
love, their home will be to them a sacred place. I was once pastor of a
church in Fulton Street, Elizabeth, N. J., where the most of the members
were mechanics and laborers and on the railroad. Their circumstances
were limited, and they had but little power to adorn their houses. But
in some of those homes there reigned such beauty of spirit, such
contentment with the condition in life, such kindliness and sympathy,
such cheerfulness and patience, that it was a joy to cross the threshold
and commune with the members of the plain and unambitious families. The
memories of those visits are among the most delightful of my pastoral
experience.
Suppose, then, your new home is plain and homely. Remember, that marble
walls, and broad and polished halls, and masterpieces in painting on the
walls, and a daily fare of luxuries, and table service of silver and
gold, and a retinue of liveried servants do not constitute a home.
Though the new home consist of only a few rooms, if mutual love and
admiration reign within the narrow walls, no historical palace can be
half so beautiful or attractive.
"Home's not merely four square walls,
Though hung with pictures nicely gilded;
Home is where affection calls,
Filled with shrines the heart hath builded.
.....
"Home's not merely roof and room;
Home needs something to endear it;
Home is where the heart can bloom,
Where there's some kind heart to cheer it."
But for a home to be truly beautiful there must needs be, always, one
guest--the Saviour. There were many magnificent buildings in Jerusalem
when He walked its streets and performed his miraculous works of
healing. But in all the land, and in all the ages, there was never one
more charming than that little home in Bethany, where Lazarus and his
sisters Mary and Martha constituted the household. And why was that the
perfect home? Because our Lord was always the welcome Guest.
THE HOME ALTAR.
Every thing depends on the way you begin your new life in your own new
home. The household altar is a supreme necessity. No hesitation or
timidity should be allowed to prevent family worship. If both of you are
members of the Church, the holding of a brief family worship need not be
a serious trial. The difficulty will be when only one is a Christian,
and still greater will it be if neither is a Christian. What is to be
done under such circumstances? Must the having family worship be
postponed until the religious life be commenced? That is uncertain, and
it may be years before a household altar is established. The only safe
way is to begin at once by holding a short service. Simple it may be. It
was the daily custom of President Hayes, during his presidential term of
office, to convene his family for daily worship. The prayer consisted of
only the Lord's Prayer. But it was enough. The minds of the household
were directed toward spiritual things. The help of God was sought, to
bear whatever burdens the day might bring.
However great the embarrassment in the face of this great duty, let it
not prevent the brief domestic worship. Begin--begin immediately. A
short Scripture reading, followed by prayer, even only the Lord's
Prayer, will be sufficient. There are good forms of prayer, some of
which I have used to advantage. Fletcher's _Family Devotion_; Sturm's
_Family Devotions_; Morison's _Family Prayers_; Cumming's _Daily Family
Devotion_; _Family Worship_, by one hundred and eighty clergymen of the
Church of Scotland; Cassell's _Family Devotion_; Dale's _Domestic
Liturgy_; Thornton's _Family Prayers_; Thompson and Spurgeon's _Home
Worship and the Use of the Bible in the Home_; and Jay's _Morning and
Evening Exercises_, are good books for this purpose. The works of
Fletcher, Thornton, and the _Home Worship_ of Thompson and Spurgeon are
worthy of special commendation. Even when one is accustomed to
extemporaneous prayer, the use of one of the above books will,
nevertheless, be of great service in preventing stereotyped phrases and
trains of thought. I have often found that my own needs, and I believe
those of my family, have been better and more exactly described by
others than by myself. It is best, however, to get into no fixed form.
Let the extemporaneous prayer, or the printed form of prayer, be used
judiciously, as circumstances require.
Care should be taken that the home worship may not be made tedious, and
thus become a burden. I have always found it best to use the Bible for
the Scripture selection rather than the selections made in the books
containing forms of prayer. It is well to read the Bible in course, and
to have _the same copy of the Bible_ from which to read brief
selections, without being governed by the divisions in chapters. Your
one and the same Bible, being used every day in family worship, becomes
very precious with the growing years. It will be associated with all the
tenderest memories of the home life. I have occasionally used a
different copy of the Bible in my own home for family worship, but none
is half so dear as the plain, old, and well-worn copy with which I
began, when I established my own home altar, far back in the years.
But, besides worship together at the family altar, there should be
private prayer. Every one should have a place where he can worship God
alone. Our Lord saw the necessity that each of his disciples should be
alone with him. Hence he said: "When thou prayest, enter into thy
closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in
secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly."
Begin the day by solitary communing with God. End the day in the same
way, by asking God for his forgiveness for the past, for his
preservation for the night, and for his care in all the time to come.
But some one may say: "Does not this attention to religious duties make
the new home gloomy?" Not at all. It is the way to make it bright and
cheerful. The wedding day soon passes by, and in time will come the
regular domestic life, with its monotony and cares. Leave this life to
God's ordering. He alone can make us strong for every hour's demands.
The German poet Schirmer says a wise word, which well applies to all who
begin life in the new home:
"Left to ourselves we shall but stray;
O, lead us in the narrow way:
With wisest counsel guide us,
And give us steadfastness, that we
May henceforth truly follow thee,
Whatever woes betide us.
.....
"O mighty Rock, O Source of life,
Let thy clear word, 'mid doubt and strife,
Be so within us burning,
That we be faithful unto death
In thy pure love and holy faith,
From thee true wisdom learning.
Lord, thy graces on us shower;
By thy power
Christ confessing
Let us win his grace and blessing."
Vinet here lays down the true principle of a thoroughly good life at
home: "Wherever we advance in the path of marriage and of life, with
eyes lifted up toward a Saviour we love, with a salvation we hope for,
with a spirit of prayer and supplication through which Jesus Christ
constantly intervenes by his Spirit between the husband and wife--there,
indeed, a marriage may be happy; nay, must be infallibly so. The union
between two converted hearts is necessarily sweet and unutterable;
without this there is no security." The new home consecrated by
prayer--daily prayer--will become what that beautiful home of Sir Thomas
More was--"a school and exercise of the Christian religion."
THE HOME BEAUTIFUL.
Great art is required in making beautiful the new home. The house need
not be large and stately in order to be attractive to the eye. More
attention has been paid of late in this country to the adornment of
homes than in former years. We Americans begin to see, as never before,
that the enjoyment of the occupants of a house is in some way connected
with the furnishing and general effect. Let every room be used. Let the
inner doors be kept wide open. In this way the atmosphere will be
uniform and of free circulation; the interior of the house will appear
to its full size, and the general effect will be more cheerful. Even
the humblest means need not prevent some simple hangings and a few
prints on the walls.
I would let the sunlight pour into the new home. The old dread that the
carpets will get faded and the curtains get spoiled is an abomination.
My own habit is, so soon as I get down stairs in the morning--and I am
an early riser--to draw aside the curtains, to let the shades fly up,
and to throw the sashes wide open. By and by, if from the street this
airy appearance is considered a little unfashionable, and those within
choose to shut out the sunlight in a measure, I rejoice that I have had
my unfashionable way, and the sun has had his golden way, for a while at
least. Gladness comes into the house with the blaze of the blessed sun.
Let all the rooms share the joy. I suppose a carpet somewhat faded will
wear as long as if the colors were fresh. But if the penalty for having
bright and sunny rooms is to be some faded carpets and window hangings,
let the full penalty be paid, and cheerfully, too. No price is too great
for a bright and sunny home.
The sight of a few flowers adds to the beauty of even the humblest home.
Even a sprig of arbutus or jessamine, or a lily of the valley, on the
table, will make every meal the sweeter. The Germans of the poorest
class, all over the Fatherland, never forget to have flowers in their
lowly homes. If the family occupy only a few rooms in a lofty story,
they will be sure to have beautiful plants on the window-ledge, and here
and there within the rooms. These are of such kind that the succession
of flowers is well kept up in all seasons. Throughout the year, when
there is no frost, these flowering plants at the German windows can be
seen from the street to the highest flat. The varied flowers and the
hanging vines form beautiful pictures in village and town.
Away with the thought that wealth is needed to make the home beautiful!
It is a question of taste, tact, and a desire to please another. On the
very street where I live there is a quiet little house, occupied by a
newly-married couple. It is inexpensive, and the furniture is not
costly. But there is so much taste in the furnishing and ornamentation,
and there is so much brightness in all the rooms, that the home is a
charming picture. I seldom pass it without thinking of the beautiful,
but not costly, interior.
GOOD READING AT HOME.
A home without books is a desert. In these days all the standard authors
can be bought at small price, and even the humblest home should be
adorned with the companionship of at least some of them. You may not
have a taste for reading; at any rate, you may think you have not. But
possibly you have made a mistake in the kind of books you have tried to
enjoy, and so imagined that you do not like any books. Try another
class, and you will likely be surprised to find that you can enjoy them.
Suppose you have not the experience to select proper books. Now, you
will have a pastor, of course, and a church home. Make a friend of that
pastor. He ought to be a good adviser in the matter of proper books. At
any rate, get some judicious friend to help you in the choice. Buy only
a very few books at a time, and let your little home-library grow
gradually. Never buy a book that you have your doubts about. Emerson's
advice to buy only a standard work, which has been out for years, has
its good and safe quality. Avoid too much fiction and a superabundance
of periodical literature. One popular magazine is enough. The money
which you have for reading-matter should be confined chiefly to books,
and they ought to be the world's masterpieces.
I am satisfied that in the average home there is too little reading.
History, biography, travel, with a fair share of religious books, can be
read in course at home, in the odd half hours, and the mind become
richly stored with facts. Is there any thing in the domestic life which
ought to interfere with this constant culture of the mind? Not at all.
The domestic life is highly favorable to mental discipline. The very
beginning of real intellectual improvement in many a mind has been in
the new home of persons just married. The reading aloud of an
interesting work, the one to the other, is a delightful entertainment,
and gives a new charm to life. Every effort must be employed to keep the
mind from becoming sluggish and barren. We need information, the
thoughts of the good and great and richly endowed, to make our own lives
richer.
It would be a wise arrangement if every man and woman, on establishing
their home, would set apart some time for intellectual improvement by
the reading of good books. I am acquainted with a young lady, who, on
entering her plain little house, found that her husband and herself were
so interrupted by visits and other claims on their time in the evening,
that they resolved to rise an hour earlier in the morning, and devote
the time to reading and study. They were thus free from interruption,
and had ample opportunity, before the regular duties of the day began,
to store their minds with useful knowledge. I think it probable that
they will carry this excellent custom with them through life.
Much of my time is spent in high-ways, and along the narrow by-ways of
life. My homes are many. But when my good fortune brings me at night to
occupy a room far from my own home, where a good book or two are to be
found, I can say with Milton, in his _Areopagitica_: "A good book is the
precious life-blood of a master-spirit embalmed and treasured up on
purpose to a life beyond;" and with Wordsworth, in his "Personal Talk":
"Dreams, books, are each a world; and books, we know,
Are a substantial world, both pure and good;
Round these, with tendrils strong as flesh and blood,
Our pastime and our happiness will grow."
I like a home where you can see the books. A choice book-case with glass
doors, and the doors locked, ought to be expelled from the home. Let the
books be where they can be seen and easily reached. Let them not be
confined to one room, but so distributed that nearly every room shall
have at least a few in sight. A few books here and there about the
house, and even in the bed-rooms, are worth more than a costly piece of
furniture. When we see books in our homes, and they are where we can
handle them without effort, we are apt to take them up, and get snatches
of good reading.
FORBEARANCE.
The marriage bond is sacred. It lasts for life: "Until death do us
part." But it is probable that qualities of temperament and mind in each
one will develop which will surprise the other. Some of these may
produce an unfavorable impression. Others may prove most agreeable
surprises. Each person has come from a different class of associations,
and each has a different nature. Here comes in the great necessity of
accommodation and adaptation. Too early and too much criticism spoils
many a home. "One silent, both happy," is an old motto well worth
observing. But often a single appreciative word will brighten the whole
sky. One of Franklin's plain phrases has its wise lesson: "As we must
account for every idle word, so we must for every idle silence."
Frederika Bremer says: "Marriage has a morrow, and again a morrow." You
will need to bear with each other, and to so act, each to the other,
that every day may be made beautiful and happy, and the whole future one
of mutual and respectful forbearance.
"Foolish to think," says Dr. A. P. Peabody, "that the whole mutual life
can flow on like the early stream, without a ripple or eddy. Home is a
school, a discipline whereby husband and wife are to grow unto each
other, getting rid of their angularities, harmonizing their peculiar
characteristics, and more and more becoming one in thought, sympathy,
and life. The true blessedness of wedded souls is not insured by a
simple exchange of plighted faith. It comes through and after many a
self-denial, many a crucifixion of the will, many a scourging of the
resentment, anger, pride, vanity, and passions of the heart. It is true
here, as in other relations, that 'he who saveth his life shall lose it,
and he that loseth his life shall save it.'"
Do not forget, then, that the life at home has its severe tests. If it
is not an expected thing, it will be the unexpected which will try your
nature and make your burden heavy. You should remember, if there is
fault, that it is not all on one side. The unkind word may come to the
lips, but it should never be spoken.
"Words are mighty, words are living;
Serpents with their venomous stings,
Or bright angels, crowding round us,
With heaven's light upon their wings:
Every word has its own spirit,
True or false, that never dies;
Every word man's lips have uttered
Echoes in God's skies."
The graces of patience, sublime calmness, golden silence, should be
cultivated with delightful zeal. You may each have had your way, but now
the way of another must be respected. Besides, it may be a much better
and safer way than yours. John Angell James says: "Where both have
infirmities, and they are so constantly together, innumerable occasions
will be furnished, if we are eager, or even willing, to avail ourselves
of the opportunities for those contentions which, if they do not produce
a permanent suppression of love, lead to its temporary interruption.
Many things we should connive at, others we should pass by with an
unprovoked mind, and in all things most carefully avoid even what at
first may seem to be an innocent disputation."
The real basis of adaptation is mutual respect and love. Neither the
husband nor the wife must judge each other too critically. The
indiscreet word, or error of any kind, must never be allowed to cause a
doubt as to the heart's deep affection. Gentleness, patience, time, will
give ample opportunity for the full sunlight to break forth. Each heart
needs the other for true happiness. It must be a united life. In
"Hiawatha" we read the true relation:
"As unto the bow the cord is,
So unto the man is woman,
Though she bends him, she obeys him;
Though she draws him, yet she follows,
Useless each without the other."
The married life, to be supremely happy, must be thoroughly unselfish. I
was once on shipboard with a tourist who was accompanied by his wife,
but for whose opinion he seemed, even to other travelers, to show but
little respect. The voyage was a long one, and while the wife's bearing
was most gentle and kindly, his manner impressed me as thoroughly
selfish. I do not imagine that he was aware of the abrupt and strongly
personal quality of his bearing toward his refined and cultured wife.
With all his wealth he lacked that appearance of tenderness which is
more than gold or precious stones.
No effort must be spared by either husband or wife to contribute to the
other's happiness and comfort. It does not require a long time,
especially when living together, for one to see what will please
another. This desire to please, strengthening with the days and years,
revealing itself in a thousand kindly ways, will do more than any thing
else to make the home a paradise on earth.
Cowper gives the true secret of a beautiful and strengthening reciprocal
adaptation:
"The kindest and the happiest pair
Will have occasion to forbear;
And something every day they live
To pity, and perchance forgive.
The love that cheers life's latest stage,
Proof against sickness and old age,
Is gentle, delicate and kind:
To faults compassionate or blind,
And will with sympathy endure
Those evils it would gladly cure."
I believe the Germans excel all others in literature in their warm
tributes to the faithful love and devotion of their wives. Kerner, the
Suabian author, said this beautiful word in testimony of his wife after
their long years of happiness together: "She hath borne with me." Martin
Luther said of his wife, the devoted Catherine: "I would not exchange my
poverty with her for all the riches of Croesus without her." Bismarck,
the man of "blood and iron," says of his wife: "She it is who made me
what I am."
THE YESTERDAYS OF HOME.
Every day becomes a yesterday. Our conduct at home should be such that
the morrow will bring no regrets. Mrs. Sigourney thus describes the
changes that must come over the brightest home:
"Not for the summer's hour alone,
When skies resplendent shine
And youth and pleasure fill the throne,
Our hearts and hands we join.
"But for those stern and wintry days
Of sorrow, pain, and fear.
When Heaven's wise discipline doth make
Our earthly journey drear."
It is sad enough when either a man or his wife learns first, when one or
the other is taken away by death, that there has been a life-long want
of considerate tenderness.
Supposing the late Thomas Carlyle had been a little more attentive to
his brilliant and devoted wife during their long and lonely life in the
plain home in Cheyne Row, in Chelsea, London, such words as these, which
escaped her in a letter to a friend, could never have been said: "Those
little attentions which we women attach so much importance to he was
never in the habit of rendering to any one; his upbringing, and the
severe turn of mind he has from nature, had alike indisposed him toward
them."
But the grim old man saw his mistake at last. It was all too late,
however. It was only after all her sacrifices had been made, and he had
written his many works, and she lay in her grave, that he awoke to a
knowledge of his long neglect. Mr. Froude says that Carlyle often said,
when there was no more opportunity for a kind word to reach his wife: "O
if I could but see her for five minutes, to assure her that I really
cared for her throughout all that; but she never knew it, she never knew
it." It is no wonder that Mr. Froude was compelled to write of Carlyle
these sad words: "For many years after she had left him, when he passed
the spot where she was last seen alive he would bare his gray head in
the wind and rain, his features wrung with unavailing sorrow."
We are prone to take too many things for granted. You should not assume
that your thoughtless word, or harsh manner, or forgetfulness of little
and delicate attentions will have no effect, and will be duly passed by
as unmeaning. No such thing! Every word or look which is incompatible
with genuine love and respect weighs like a millstone. Gentle
attentions will be remembered, not only through the day, but through all
the days. Recently, while on a visit in Irvington-on-the-Hudson, the
widow of a celebrated publisher led me to the portrait of her lamented
husband, and stood in admiration before the magnificent painting. She
then said to me: "I esteem it the greatest honor that could be conferred
upon me to have been the wife of such a man." Could there be a grander
tribute to an attentive and devoted husband?
In that exquisite work, _Memorials of a Quiet Life_, Mrs. Hare pays this
beautiful tribute to her husband: "I never saw any body so easy to live
with, by whom the daily petty things of life were passed over so
lightly; and then there is a charm in the _refinement_ of feeling which
is not to be told in its influence upon trifles." Mrs. Stowe, in
describing the good qualities of the Duchess of Sutherland in her own
home in Scotland, says that she excelled in _considerateness_. Paul's
advice is as beautiful as it is true, and suits young married people
perfectly. In the Revised Version it reads thus: "In lowliness of mind
each counting other better than himself; not looking each of you to his
own things, but each of you also to the things of others." Another piece
of Pauline advice is of equally useful quality: "Let us therefore follow
after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may
edify another."
Happy are they whom death has not yet divided, and to whom it is still
granted to say such words and do such kindly acts as will prove
delightful memories when the Happy To-Days become only Yesterdays in the
Home.
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