The Project Gutenberg EBook of Bullet With His Name, by Fritz Leiber
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license
Title: Bullet With His Name
Author: Fritz Leiber
Release Date: March 13, 2016 [EBook #51436]
Language: English
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BULLET WITH HIS NAME ***
Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
Bullet With His Name
By FRITZ LEIBER
Illustrated By: DILLON
[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
Galaxy Science Fiction July 1958.
Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
Before passing judgment, just ask yourself
one question: Would you like answering for
humanity any better than Ernie Meeker did?
The Invisible Being shifted his anchorage a bit in Earth's
gravitational field, which felt like a push rather than a pull to him,
and said, "This featherless biped seems to satisfy Galaxy Center's
requirements. I'd say he's a suitable recipient for the Gifts."
His Coadjutor, equally invisible and negatively massed, chewed that
over. "Mature by his length and mass. Artificial plumage neither
overly gaudy nor utterly drab--indicating median social level,
which is confirmed by the size of his bachelor nest. Inward maps of
his environment not fantastically inaccurate. Feelings reasonably
meshed--at least neither volcanic nor frozen. Thoughts and values in
reasonable order. Yes, I agree, a satisfactory test subject. Except...."
"Except what?"
"Except we can never be sure of that 'reasonable' part."
"Of course not! Thank your stars _that's_ beyond the reach of Galaxy
Center's keenest telepathy, or even ours on the spot. Otherwise you and
I'd be out of a job."
"And have to scheme up some other excuse for free-touring the Cosmos
with backtracking permitted."
"Exactly!" The Being and his Coadjutor understood each other very well
and were the best of friends. "Well, how many Gifts would you suggest
for the test?"
"How about two Little and one Big?" the Coadjutor ventured.
"Umm ... statistically adequate but spiritually unsatisfying. Remember,
the fate of his race hangs on his reactions to them. I'd be inclined to
increase your suggestion by one each and add a Great."
"No--at least I question the last. After all, the Great Gifts aren't as
important, really, as the Big Gifts. Besides...."
"Besides what? Come on, spit it out!" The Invisible Being was the
bluff, blunt type.
"Well," said his less hearty but unswervingly honest companion, "I'm
always afraid that you'll use the granting of a Great Gift as an excuse
for some sardonic trick--that you'll put a sting in its tail."
"And why shouldn't I, if I want to? Snakes have stings in their tails
(or do they on this planet?) and I'm a sort of snake. If he fails the
test, he fails. And aren't both of us malicious, plaguing spirits,
eager to knock holes in the inward armor of provincial entities? It's
in the nature of our job. But we can argue about that in due course.
What Little Gifts would you suggest?"
"That's something I want to talk about. Many of the Little Gifts are
already well within his race's reach, if not his. After all, they've
already got atomic power."
"Which as you very well know scores them nothing one way or the other
on a Galaxy Center test. We're agreed on the nature and the number of
our Gifts--three Little, two Big, and one Great?"
"Yes," his Coadjutor responded resignedly.
"And we're agreed on our subject?"
"Yes to that too."
"All right, then, let's get started. This isn't the only solar system
we have to visit on this circuit."
* * * * *
Ernie Meeker--of Chicago, Illinois, U.S. of A., Occident, Terra, Sol,
Starswarm 37, Rim Sector, Milky Way Galaxy--rubbed his chin and slanted
across the street to a drugstore.
"Package of blades. Double edge. Five. Cheapest."
At one point during the transaction, the clerk lost sight of the tiny
packet he'd placed on the coin-whitened glass between them. He gave a
suspicious look, as if the customer had palmed them.
Ernie blinked. After a moment, he pointed toward the center of the
counter.
"There they are," he said, dropping a coin beside them.
The clerk's face didn't get any less suspicious. Customer who could
sneak something without your seeing could sneak it back the same way.
He rang up the sale and closed the register fast.
Ernie Meeker went home and shaved. Five days--and shaves--later, he
pushed the first blade, uncomfortably dull now, through the tiny slot
beside the bathroom mirror. He unwrapped the second blade from the
packet.
Five shaves later, he cut himself under the chin with the second blade,
although he was drawing it as gently through his soaped beard as if it
were only his second shave with it, or at most his third. He looked at
it sourly and checked the packet. Wouldn't have been the first time
he'd absentmindedly changed blades ahead of schedule.
But there were still three blades in their waxed wrappings.
Maybe, he thought, he'd still had one of the blades from the last
packet and shuffled it into this series.
Or maybe--although the manufacturers undoubtedly had inspectors to
prevent it from happening--he'd got a decent blade for once.
Two or three shaves later, it still seemed as sharp as ever, or almost
so.
"Funny thing," he remarked to Bill at lunch, "sometimes you get a blade
that shaves a lot better. Looks exactly like the others, but shaves
better. Or worse sometimes, of course."
"And sometimes," his office mate said, "you wear out a blade fast by
not soaking your beard enough. For me, one shave with a stiff beard and
the blade's through. On the other hand, if you're careful to soak your
beard real good--four, five minutes at least--have the water steaming
hot, get the soap really into it, one blade can last a long time."
"That's true, all right," Ernie agreed, trying to remember how well he
had been soaking his beard lately. Shaving was a good topic for light
conversation, warm and agreeable, like most bathroom and kitchen topics.
* * * * *
But next morning in the bathroom, looking at the reflection of his
unremarkable face, there was something chilly in his feelings that he
couldn't quite analyze. He flipped his razor open and suspiciously
studied the bright metal wafer, then flipped it closed with an
irritated shrug.
As he shaved, it occurred to him that a good detective-story murder
method would be to substitute a very sharp razor blade for one the
victim knew was extremely dull. He'd whip it across his throat, putting
a lot of muscle into the stroke to get through the tangle, and--_urrk_!
Ridiculous, of course. Wouldn't work except with a straight razor.
Wouldn't even work with a straight razor, unless ... oh, well.
He told himself the blade was noticeably duller today.
Next morning, he was still using the freak blade, but with a persistent
though very slight uneasiness. Things should behave as you expected
them to, in accordance with their flimsy souls, he told himself at the
barely conscious level. Men should die, hearts should break, girls
should tell, nations perish, curtains get dirty, milk sour ... and
razor blades grow dull. It was the comfortable, expected, reassuring
way.
He told himself the blade was duller still. Just a bit.
The third morning, face lathered, he flipped open the razor and lifted
it out.
"You're through," he said to it silently. "I've had the experience
before of getting bum shaves by trying to save a penny by pretending to
myself that a wornout blade was still sharp enough, when it obviously
couldn't be. Or maybe--" he grinned a little wryly--"maybe I'd almost
get one more shave out of you and then you'd fall to pieces like
the Wonderful One Horse Shay and leave me with a chin full of steel
porcupine quills. No, thanks."
So Ernie Meeker pushed through the little slot beside the mirror and
heard tinkle faintly down and away the first of the Little Gifts, the
Everlasting Razor Blade. One hundred and fifty thousand years later,
it turned up, bright and shining, in the midst of a small knob of red
iron oxide excavated by an archeological expedition of multi-brachs
from Antares Gamma. Those wise history-mad beings handed it about
wonderingly, from tentacle to impatient tentacle.
* * * * *
That day, Ernie felt a little sick, somehow. After dinner, he decided
it was the Thuringer sausage he'd eaten at lunch. He hurried up to the
bathroom with a spoon, but as he clutched the box of bicarbonate of
soda, preparatory to plunging the spoon into it, it seemed to him that
the box said distinctly, in a small inward-outward voice:
"No, no, no!"
Ernie sat down suddenly on the toilet seat. The spoon rattled against
the porcelain finish of the washbowl as he laid it down. He held the
box firmly in both hands and studied it.
Size, shape, materials, blue color, closure, etc., were exactly as they
should be. But the white lettering on the blue background read:
AQUEOUS FUEL CATALYST
Dissociates H_{2}O into hemi-quasi-stable H and O, furnishing a
serviceable fuel-and-oxydizer mix for most motorcycles,
automobiles, trucks, motorboats, airplanes, stationary motors,
torque-twisters, translators, and rockets (exhaust velocity up to
6000 meters per second). Operates safely within and outside of all
normal atmospheres. No special adaptor needed on
oxygenizer-atmosphere motors.
_Directions_: Place one pinch in fuel tank, fill with water. Add
water as needed.
A-F Catalyst should generally be renewed when objective tests show
fuel quality has deteriorated 50 per cent.
_U.S. and Foreign Patents Pending_
After reading that several times, with suitable mind-checking and
eye-testing in between, Ernie took up a little of the white powder on
the end of a nailfile. He had thought of tasting it, but had instantly
abandoned the notion and even refrained from sniffing the stuff--after
all, the human body is mostly water.
After reducing the quantity several times, he gingerly dumped at most
four or five grains on the flat edge of the washbowl and then used the
broad end of the nailfile to maneuver a large bead of water over to
the almost invisible white deposit. He closed the box, put it and the
nailfile carefully on the window ledge, lit a match and touched it to
the drop, at the last moment ducking his head a little below the level
of the washbowl.
Nothing happened. After a moment, he slowly withdrew the match,
shaking it out, and looked. There was nothing to see. He reached out to
touch the stupid squashed ovoid of water.
Ouch! He withdrew his fingers much faster than the match, shook them
more sharply. Something was there, all right. Heat. Heat enough to hurt.
* * * * *
He cautiously explored the boundaries of the heat. It became noticeable
about eighteen inches above the drop and almost an inch to each
side--an invisible slim vertical cylinder. Crouching close, eyes level
with the top of the washbowl, he could make out the flame--a thin
finger of crinkled light.
He noticed that a corner of the drop was seething--but only a corner,
as if the heat were sharply bounded in that direction and perhaps as if
the catalyst were only transforming the water to fuel a bit at a time.
He reached up and tugged off the light. Now he could see the
flame--ghostly, about four inches high, hardly thicker than a string,
and colored not blue but pale green. A spectral green needle. He blew
at it softly. It shimmied gracefully, but not, he thought, as much as
the flame of a match or candle. It had character.
He switched on the light. The drop was more than half gone now; the
part that was left was all seething. And the bathroom was markedly
warmer.
"Ernie! Are you going to be much longer?"
The knock hadn't been loud and his widowed sister's voice was more
apologetic than peremptory, but he jumped, of course.
"I am testing something," he started to say and changed it mid-way. It
came out, "I am be out in a minute."
He turned off the light again. The flame was a little shorter now and
it shrank as he watched, about a quarter inch a second. As soon as it
died, he switched on the light. The drop was gone.
He scrubbed off the spot with a dry washrag, on second thought put a
dab of vaseline on the washrag, scrubbed the spot again with that--he
didn't like to think of even a grain of the powder getting in the
drains or touching any water. He folded the washrag, tucked it in his
pocket, put the blue box--after a final check of the lettering--in his
other coat pocket, and opened the door.
"I was taking some bicarb," he told his sister. "Thuringer sausage at
lunch."
She nodded absently.
* * * * *
Sleep refused even to flirt with Ernie, his mind was full of so many
things, especially calculations involving the distance between his
car and the house and the length of the garden hose. In desperation,
as the white hours accumulated and his thoughts began to squirm, he
grabbed up the detective story he'd bought at the corner newsstand. He
had read thirty pages before he realized that he was turning them as
rapidly as he could focus just once on each facing page.
He jumped out of bed. My God, he thought, at that rate he'd finish the
book under three minutes and here it wasn't even two o'clock yet!
He selected the thickest book on the shelf, an overpoweringly dull
historical treatise in small print. He turned two pages, three, then
closed it with a clap and looked at the wall with frightened eyes.
Ernie Meeker had discovered, inside the birthday box that was himself,
the first of the Big Gifts.
The trouble was that in that wee-hour, lonely bedroom, it didn't
seem like a gift at all. How would he ever keep himself in books, he
wondered, if he read them so fast? And think how full to bursting his
mind would get--right now, the seven pages of fine-print history were
churning in it, vividly clear, along with the first chapters of the new
detective story. If he kept on absorbing information that fast, he'd
have to be revising all his opinions and beliefs every couple of days
at least--maybe every couple of hours.
It seemed a dreadful, literally maddening prospect--his mind would
ultimately become a universe of squirming macaroni. Even the wallpaper
he was staring at, which imitated the grain of wood, had in an instant
become so fully part of his consciousness that he felt he could turn
his back on it right now and draw a picture of it correct to the
tiniest detail. But who would ever want to do such a thing, or want to
be able to?
It was an abnormal, dangerous, temporary sensitivity, he told
himself, generated by the excitement of the crazy discovery he'd made
in the bathroom. Like the thoughts of a drowning man, riffling an
infinity-paneled adventure-comic of his life as he bolts his last rough
ration of air. Or like the feeling a psychotic must have that he's
on the verge of visualizing the whole universe, having its ultimate
secrets patter down into the palm of his outstretched hand--just before
the walls close in.
Ernie Meeker was not a drinking man, then. A pint had stood a week on
his closet shelf and only been diminished three shots. But now he did a
good job on the sturdy remainder.
Pretty soon the unbearable, edge-of-doom clarity in his mind faded,
the universe-macaroni cooked down to a thick white soup uniform as
fog, and the words of the detective story were sliding into his mind
individually, or at most in strings of three and four. Which, if it
wasn't as it ideally should be in an ambitious man's mind, was at least
darn comfortable.
He had not rejected the Big Gift of Page-at-a-Glance Reading. Not
quite. But he had dislocated for tonight at least the imposed nervous
field on which it depended.
* * * * *
For want of a better place, Ernie dropped the rubber tube from the
bathtub spray into the scrub bucket half full of odorous pink fluid and
stared doubtfully at the uncapped gas tank. The tank had been almost
empty when he'd last driven his car, he knew, because he'd been waiting
until payday to gas up. Now he had used the tube to siphon out what
he could of the remainder (he still could taste the stuff!) and he'd
emptied the fuel line and carburator, more or less.
Further than that, in the way of engine hygiene, Ernie's strictly
kitchen mechanics did not go, but he felt that a catalyst used in
pinches shouldn't be too particular about contaminants. Besides, the
directions on the box hadn't said anything about cleaning the fuel
tank, had they?
He hesitated. At his feet, the garden hose gurgled noisily over the
curb into the gutter; it had vindicated his midnight estimate, proving
just long enough. He looked uneasily up and down the dawning street
and was relieved to find it still empty. He wished fervently, not for
the first time this Saturday morning, that he had a garage. Then he
sighed, squared his shoulders a little, and lifted the box out of his
pocket.
Making to check the directions the umpteenth time, he received a body
blow. The white lettering on the box had disappeared. The box didn't
proclaim itself sodium bicarbonate again--there was just no lettering
at all, only blue background. He turned it over several times.
Right there died his tentative plan of eventually sharing his secret
with some friend who knew more than himself about motors (he hadn't
decided anyway who that would be). It would be just too silly to
approach anyone he knew with a more-than-wild story and featureless
blue box.
For a moment, he came very close to dropping the box between the
wide-set bars of the street drain and pouring the pink gas back in the
tank. It had hit him, in a way for the first time, just how _crazy_
this all was, how jarringly implausible even on such hypotheses as
practical jokes, secret product perhaps military, or mad inventor
(except himself).
For how the devil should the stuff get into his bathroom disguised as
bicarb? That circumstance seemed beyond imagination. Green flames ...
vanishing letters ... "torque-twisters, translators" ... a box that
talked....
* * * * *
At that point, simple faith came to Ernie's rescue: in the same
bathroom, he _had_ seen the green flame; it had burned his fingers.
Quickly he dipped up a little of the white powder on the edge of a
fifty-cent piece, dumped it in the gas tank without quibbling as to
quantity, rapped the coin on the edge of the opening, closed and
pocketed the blue box, and picked up the spurting hose and jabbed it
into the round hole.
His heart was pounding and his breath was coming fast. That had taken
real effort. So he was slow in hearing the footsteps behind him.
His neighbor's gate was open and Mr. Jones stood open-mouthed a few
feet behind him, all ready for his day's work as streetcar motorman and
wearing the dark blue uniform that always made him look for a moment
unpleasantly like a policeman.
Ernie swung the hose around, flipping his thumb over the end to make
a spray, and nonchalantly began to water the little rectangle of lawn
between sidewalk and curb.
The first things he watered were the bottoms of Mr. Jones's pants legs.
Mr. Jones voiced no complaint. He backed off several steps, stared
intently at Ernie, rather palely, it seemed to the latter. Then he
turned and made off for the streetcar tracks at a very fast shuffle,
shaking his feet a little now and then and glancing back several times
over his shoulder without slowing down.
Ernie felt light-headed. He decided there was enough water in the gas
tank, capped it, and momentarily continued to water the lawn.
"Ernie! Come on in and have breakfast!"
He heeded his sister's call, telling himself it would be a good idea
"to give the stuff time to mix" before testing the engine.
He had divined her question and was ready with an answer.
"I've just found out that we're supposed to water our lawns only before
seven in the morning or after seven in the evenings. It's the law."
* * * * *
It was the day for their monthly drive out to Wheaton to visit Uncle
Fabius. On the whole, Ernie was glad his sister was in the car when he
turned the key in the starter--it forced him to be calm and collected,
though he didn't feel exactly right about exposing her to the danger
of being blown up without first explaining to her the risk. But the
motor started right up and began purring powerfully. Ernie's sister
commented on it favorably.
Then she went on to ask, "Did you remember to buy gas yesterday?"
"No," he said without thinking; then, realizing his mistake, quickly
added, "I'll buy some in Wheaton. There's enough to get us there."
"You didn't think so yesterday," she objected. "You said the tank was
nearly empty."
"I was wrong. Look, the gauge shows it's half full."
"But then how ... Ernie, didn't you once tell me the gauge doesn't
work?"
"Did I?"
"Yes. Look, there's a station. Why don't you buy gas now?"
"No, I'll wait for Wheaton--I know a place there I can get it cheaper,"
he insisted, rather lamely, he feared.
His sister looked at him steadily. He settled his head between his
shoulders and concentrated on driving. His feeling of excitement was
spoiled, but a few minutes of silence brought it back. He thought of
the blur of green flashes inside the purring motor. If the passing
drivers only knew!
Uncle Fabius, retired perhaps a few years too early and opinionated,
was a trial, but he did know something about the automobile industry.
Ernie chose a moment when his sister was out of the room to ask if
he'd ever heard of a white powder that would turn water into gasoline
or some usable fuel.
"Who's been getting at you?" Uncle Fabius demanded sharply, to Ernie's
surprise and embarrassment. "That's one of the oldest swindles.
They always tell this story about how this man had a white powder
or something and demonstrated it once with a pail of water and then
disappeared. You're supposed to believe that Detroit or the big oil
companies got rid of him. It's just another of those malicious legends,
concocted--by Russia, I imagine--to weaken your faith in American
Industry, like the everlasting battery or the razor blade that never
gets dull. You're looking pale, Ernie--don't tell me you've already put
money in this white powder? I suppose someone's approached you with a
proposition, though?"
* * * * *
With considerable difficulty, Ernie convinced his uncle that he had
"just heard the story from a friend."
"In that case," Uncle Fabius opined, "you can be sure some fuel-powder
swindler has been getting at _him_. When you see him--and be sure to
make that soon--tell him from me that--" and Uncle Fabius began an
impassioned ninety-minute defense of big business, small business,
prosperity, America, money, know-how, and a number of other
institutions that defended pretty easily, so that the situation was
wholly normal when Ernie's sister returned.
As soon as the car pulled away from the curb on their way back to
Chicago, she reminded him about the gas.
"Oh, I've already done that," he assured her. "Made a special trip so I
wouldn't forget. It was while you were out of the room. Didn't you hear
me?"
"No," she said, "I didn't," and she looked at him steadily, as she had
that morning. He similarly retreated to driving.
Stopping for a railroad crossing, he braked too hard and the car
stalled. His sister grabbed his arm. "I knew that was going to happen,"
she said. "I knew that for some reason you lied to me when--" The
motor, starting readily again, cut short her remark and Ernie didn't
press his small triumph by asking her what she was about to say.
To tell the truth, Ernie wasn't feeling as elated about today's
fifty-mile drive as he'd imagined he would. Now he thought he could put
his finger on the reason: It was the completely ... well, _arbitrary_
way in which the white powder had come into his possession.
If he'd concocted it himself, or been given it by a shady promoter, or
even seen the box fall out of the pocket of a suspicious-looking man
in a trenchcoat, _then_ he'd have felt more able to _do_ something
about it, whether in the general line of starting a fuel-powder company
or of going to the F.B.I.
But just having the stuff drop into his hands from the sky, so to
speak, as if in a crazy dream, and for that same reason not feeling
able to talk about it and assure himself he wasn't going crazy ... oh,
it is rough when you can't share things, really rough; not being able
to share depressing news corrodes the spirit, but not being able to
share exciting news can sometimes be even more corroding.
Maybe, he told himself, he could figure out someone to tell. But who?
And how? His mind shied away from the problem, rather decisively.
* * * * *
When he checked the blue box that night, the original sodium
bicarbonate lettering had returned with all its humdrum paragraphs. Not
one word about exhaust velocities.
From that moment, the fuel-powder became a trial to Ernie rather than a
secret glory. He'd wake in the middle of the night doubting that he had
ever really read the mind-dizzying lettering, ever really tested the
stuff--perhaps he'd bring from sleep the chilling notion that in the
dimness and excitement of Saturday morning he'd put the water in some
other car's gas tank, perhaps Mr. Jones's. He could usually argue such
ideas away, but they kept coming back. And yet he did no more bathroom
testing.
Of course the car still ran. He even fueled it once again with the
garden hose, sniffing the nozzle to make sure it hadn't somehow got
connected to the basement furnace oil-tank. He picked three o'clock in
the morning for the act, but nevertheless as he was returning indoors
he heard a window in Mr. Jones's house slam loudly. It unsettled him.
Coming home the next day, he caught his sister and Mr. Jones consulting
about something on the latter's doorsteps, which unsettled him further.
He couldn't decide on a safe place to keep the box and took to carrying
it around with him day and night. Bill spotted it once down at the
office and by an unhappy coincidence needed some bicarb just then for a
troubled stomach. Ernie explained on the spur of the moment that he was
using the box to carry plaster of Paris, which involved him in further
lies that he felt were quite unconvincing as well as making him appear
decidedly eccentric, even butter-brained. Bill took to calling him "the
sculptor."
Meanwhile, besides the problem of the white powder, Ernie was having
other unsettling experiences, stemming (though of course he didn't
know that) from the other Gifts--and not just the Big Gift of
Page-at-a-Glance Reading, though that still returned from time to time
to shock his consciousness and send him hurrying for a few quick shots.
* * * * *
Like many another car-owning commuter, Ernie found the traffic and
parking problems a bit too much for comfort and so used the fast
electric train to carry him five times a week to the heart of the city.
During those brief, swift, crowded trips Ernie, generally looking
steadily out the window at the brown buildings and black stanchions
whipping past, enjoyed a kind of anonymity and privacy more refreshing
to his spirit than he realized. But now all that had been suddenly
changed. People had started to talk to him; total strangers struck up
conversations almost every morning and afternoon.
Ernie couldn't figure out the reason and wasn't at all sure he liked
it--except for Vivian.
She was the sort of girl Ernie dreamed about, improperly. Tall, blonde
and knowing, excitedly curved but armored in a black suit, friendly and
funny but given to making almost cruelly deflating remarks, as if the
neatly furled short umbrella dangling from her wrist might better be a
black dog whip.
She worked in an office too, a fancier one than Ernie's, as he found
out from their morning conversations. He hadn't got to the point of
asking her to lunch, but he was prodding himself.
Why such a girl should ever have asked him for a match in the first
place and then put up with his clumsy babblings on subsequent mornings
was a mystery to him. He finally asked her about it in what he hoped
was a joking way, though she seemed to know a lot more about joking
than he did.
"Don't you know?" she countered. "I mean what makes you attractive to
people?"
"Me attractive? No."
"Well, I'll tell you then, Ernie, and I've got to admit it's something
quite out of the ordinary. _I've_ never noticed it in anyone else.
Ernie, I'm sure your knowledge of romantic novels is shamefully
deficient, it's clear from your manners, but in the earlier ones--not
in style now--the hero is described as tall, manly, broad-shouldered,
Anglo-Saxon features, etcetera, etcetera, but there's one thing he
always has, something that sounds like poetic over-enthusiasm if you
stop to analyze it, a physical impossibility, but that I have to admit
you, Ernie, actually have. Flashing eyes."
"Flashing eyes? Me?"
She nodded solemnly. He thought her long straight lips trembled on
the verge of a grin, but he couldn't be sure.
"How do you mean, flashing eyes?" he protested. "How _can_ eyes flash,
except by reflecting light? In that case, I guess they'd seem to
'flash' more if a person opened them wide but kept blinking them a lot.
Is that what I do?"
"No, Ernie, though you're doing it now," she told him, shaking her
head. "No, Ernie, your eyes just give a tiny flash of their own about
every five seconds, like a lighthouse, but barely, _barely_ bright
enough for another person to notice. It makes you irresistible. Of
course I've never seen you in the dark; maybe they wouldn't flash in
the dark."
"You're joking."
Vivian frowned a little at that remark, as if she were puzzled herself.
"Well, maybe I am and maybe I'm not," she said. "In any case, don't get
conceited about your Flashing Eyes, because I'm sure you'll never know
how to take advantage of them."
When he parted from her downtown, pausing a moment to watch her walk
away with feline majesty, he muttered "Flashing Eyes!" with a shrug of
the shoulders and a skeptical growl. Just the same, he ducked his head
as he moved off and he pulled the brim of his hat down sharply.
* * * * *
Afternoons, hurtling home in the five o'clock rush, it was not Vivian
but Verna who frequently occupied the seat beside him, taking up rather
more space in it than the Panther Princess. Verna was another of his
newly acquired and not altogether welcome conversation-pals, along with
Jacob the barber, Mr. Willis the druggist and Herman the health-food
manufacturer, inventor of Soybean Mush--conquests of his Flashing Eyes
or whatever it was.
Verna was stocky, pasty-faced, voluble (with him), coy, and had bad
breath--he could see the tiny triangles of pale food between her
incisors and canines whenever her conversations became particularly
vehement and confidential, which was often. She always had a stack of
books hugged to her stomach. She worked in a fur-storage vault, she
said, and could snatch quite a bit of time for reading--rather heavy
reading, it seemed.
It wasn't very long before Verna was head-over-heels (fearful picture!)
infatuated with him. Somehow his friendliness had touched a hidden
spring in this ugly, friendless, clumsy girl and for once she had
lost her fear of the world's ridicule and opened her hulking heart
to another human being. It was touching but rather overpowering,
especially since she always opened her mouth too. He learned a great
deal about herself, her invalid father, Elizabethan and Restoration
poetry, paleontology, an organization known as the Working Girls'
Front, Mr. Abrusian, and a brassy Miss Minkin who sounded like a
fiendish caricature of Vivian.
He felt that deliberately avoiding Verna would be a dirtier trick
than he liked to think himself capable of. Nevertheless there were
times when he seriously wished he'd never acquired whatever power it
was--except for Vivian, of course. What the devil, he asked himself for
the _n_th time, could that power be?
That night, in the bathroom, the question came back to him and he
impulsively switched off the light and looked into the mirror. He
gasped and seemed on the point of shrieking out something, but he only
grasped the washbowl more tightly and stared into the mirror more
intently.
After about a minute, he tugged on the light again. He was pale. He had
convinced himself of the actual existence of the phenomenon that was in
reality the third of the Little Gifts: Flashing Eyes.
He couldn't notice anything in the light, but in the dark his eyes gave
off a faint blue flash about every five seconds, just as Vivian had
said, lighting up his cheeks and eyebrows like some comic-book vampire!
It might be attractive by day, when it just registered as an
impalpable hint, but it was damn sinister in the dark! It wasn't much,
but it was _there_--unless the flashes were inside his head and he was
projecting them ... blue ... something called the Purkinje effect? ...
but then Vivian had actually seen ... oh, damn!
* * * * *
Suddenly he wildly looked around, a little like a trapped animal. Why
did it always have to happen in the _bathroom_, he asked himself--the
bicarb, the flame, the blade (if that counted), and now this? Could
there be something wrong about the bathroom, something either in the
room itself or in his childhood associations?
But neither the bathroom walls nor his minutely searched memory
returned an answer.
It was dark in the hall outside and he almost bumped into his sister.
He recoiled, stared at her a moment, then threw his hand over his eyes,
darted into his bedroom and shut the door.
"Is there something wrong, Ernie?" she called after him.
"Wrong?"
The door muffled his voice. "How do you mean?"
"I mean about your eyes."
"My _eyes_?" It was almost a scream. "What about my eyes?"
"Don't shout, Ernie. I mean are they painful?"
"Painful? Why should they be painful?"
"I really don't know, Ernie." She was being very patient and calm.
"I mean did you _notice_ anything about them?" He was trying to be the
same without much success.
"Just that you put your hand up to them as if they hurt."
"Oh." Great relief. "Yes, they do smart a little. I guess I've been
using them too much. I'm putting some eye-drops in them now."
"Can I help you, Ernie? And shouldn't you see an
opto ... ocu ... optha ... I mean an eye doctor?"
Ernie answered "No" to both those questions, but of course it took a
lot more lying and improvising and general smoothing out before his
sister would even pretend to be satisfied and stop her general nagging
for the evening. She was getting uncomfortably cagy and curious lately,
addicted to asking such questions out of a blue sky as:
"Ernie, when we were visiting Uncle Fabius, did you actually believe
that you went out and bought gas?"
That one momentarily brought Ernie's stammer back, something which
hadn't troubled him for years.
And when she wasn't asking questions, her quiet studying of him for
long minutes was even more upsetting.
* * * * *
Next morning, on the way to the electric train, Ernie made a purchase
at the drugstore. When he sat down beside Vivian, she took one look at
him and gave a very deliberate-sounding hollow laugh.
"Black glasses!" she said. "I tell him he's attractive because he has
Flashing Eyes and within two days he's wearing black glasses. I suppose
I should have guessed it."
"But my eyes hurt," Ernie protested. "Sensitive to sunlight, I think."
He wished he could explain to her that he'd bought the glasses not only
in case he got caught out at night, but also to convince his sister he
hadn't been lying about sore eyes. He hadn't intended to wear them by
day and hardly knew why he'd put them on before joining Vivian.
"Spare me your rationalizations," she said. "Your motives are clear to
me, Ernie, and they happen to be very commonplace."
She leaned toward him and her voice, little more than a whisper, took
on an unexpectedly gloomy, chilling, hopeless tone.
"See these people all around us, Ernie? They're suicides, every one of
them. Day by day, in every way, they're killing themselves. People love
them, admire them, and it only makes them uneasy. They have abilities
and charms by the bushel--yes, they do, even that man with the wen on
his neck--and they only try to hide them. The spotlight turns their
way and they goof. They think they're running away from failure, but
actually they're running away from success."
Ernie looked at them, he couldn't help it, her voice made him, and the
ability of Page-at-a-Glance Reading chose that moment to come back to
him, only applied to faces instead of letters, and there seemed to be
another ability along with it, unclear as yet but frightening. He felt
like a very old detective scanning the lineup for the thousandth time.
The black glasses didn't interfere a bit--the dozens of faces in this
speeding electric car were suddenly as familiar as the court cards in
a deck--and he had the feeling that, like a bunch of pink pasteboards,
they were about to be hurled in his face.
My God, he asked himself, flinching, how could you go on living with
so many faces so close to you, so completely known?--each street you
turned into, each store you entered, each gathering you joined, another
deluge of unique features. Ugly, pretty, strong, weak--those words
didn't mean anything any more in this drenching of individuality he was
getting, and that showed no signs of stopping.
So he hardly heard Vivian saying, "And it's true of you, Ernie--in
spades, for your black glasses," and he hardly remembered parting from
her, and when he found himself alone he did something unprecedented for
him at that time of day--he went to a bar and drank two double whiskies.
* * * * *
The drinks brought the downtown landscape back to normal and stopped
the faces printing themselves on his mind, but they left him very
disturbed, and the suspiciousness with which he was treated at the
office didn't improve that, and Ernie began to wish for ordinariness
and commonplaceness in himself more than anything in the whole
world. If only, he silently implored, there were some way of junking
everything that had happened to him in the past few weeks--except maybe
Vivian.
Verna on the train home positively terrified him. She was unusually
talkative and engulfing this evening and he thought that if the
faces-forever feeling came to him just as she was baring her
food-triangles and all, he wouldn't be able to stand it. Somehow, it
didn't. Yet the very intensity of his distaste frightened him. Not for
the first time, the word "insanity" appeared in his mind, pulsing in
pale yellowish-green.
Half a block from home, passing his parked car (with an unconscious
little veer of avoidance), he spotted three figures in close conference
in front of his house: his sister, a man in dark blue--yes, Mr. Jones,
and ... a man in a white coat.
Almost before he knew it, he was in his car and driving away. He truly
didn't know what he was going to do, only that he was going to do it,
and found a trivial interest in trying to guess what it was going to
be. Whatever it was, it was going to dim that yellowish-green word,
decrease its type-size, make him a little more able to face the crisis
waiting him at home ... or somewhere.
He had a picture of himself getting on an airplane, another of renting
a room in a slum, another of stopping the car on a lonely, treeless
country road and getting out and looking up to the coldly glimmering
Milky Way--why?
That last picture was the most vivid, and when he realized he had
actually stopped his car, it was a moment before it would go away.
Then he saw he was parked in front of a demolished old apartment
building a few blocks from his home. Only yesterday he'd watched the
last wall going down. Now, just across the littered sidewalk from him,
the old cellar gaped, flimsily guarded in front by a makeshift rail
and surrounded on the other three sides by great hillocks of battered
bricks. Tomorrow probably (and in fact that was the way it happened) a
bulldozer would tumble them forward, filling the cellar with old bricks
and brick-dust, leveling the lot.
* * * * *
Now he knew what he was going to do. He unlatched the top over the
windshield and pushed the button. Slowly the top folded back over his
head, showing the smoke-dark sky, almost night. He hitched up a little
in the seat, reached inside his coat, pulled out the blue box he always
carried and pitched it into the dark pit across the sidewalk.
He was driving away almost before it landed. Yet through the hum of the
motor he thought he heard something call faintly, "Good-by."
The material of the filled-in cellar stayed fairly dry for many
years and the atom-bombing, when it finally came, created a partial
surface-seal of fused stone over that area. However, the bicarb box
fell apart in time; water reached it in little seepings and was
accumulated as a non-evaporating fuel-and-oxydizer mix. The amount of
this strange fluid grew and grew, eventually invading and filling a
now-blind section of the city's old sewer system.
Many tens of thousands of years after that, the buried pool was sensed
by the fuel-finders of a spaceship from up Polaris way, which had made
an emergency landing on the ruined planet. A well was drilled and the
mix pumped up and the centipedal Polarians, scuttling about the bleak
landscape, had a fine time trying to explain how such a sophisticated
fluid should occur in a seeming state of nature. However, they were
grateful to the Cosmic All-Father.
Long before that, Ernie had arrived home in something of a daze. He
told himself that he had cast off the most tangible element of his
"insanity," but he didn't feel any the better for it. In fact, he felt
distinctly apathetic when his sister confronted him and only with an
effort did he manage to brace himself for the trial he knew she had in
store for him.
"Ernie," she said hesitatingly, "I've come to a decision about
something--about a change in our arrangements here, to tell you the
truth--and I've gone ahead with it without consulting you. I do hope
you won't mind."
"No," he said heavily, "I guess I won't mind."
"I'm doing it partly on Mr. Jones's advice," she added slowly. "As a
matter of fact he suggested it."
Ernie nodded. "Yes, I've noticed the two of you conferring together."
"You have? Then maybe you know what I'm talking about."
"Oh, yes." Ernie nodded again and smiled grimly. "The man in white?"
She laughed. "Exactly, the man in white. For a long time, I've thought
it was just too much bother for either of us to carry the milk home,
and the eggs and my yogurt too. So I decided to have the milkman that
Mr. Jones uses make deliveries. Mr. Jones brought him over half an hour
ago and it's all arranged. Four quarts a week, one dozen eggs, and
yogurt Tuesdays and Fridays."
* * * * *
The Invisible Being and his Coadjutor, backtracking for a checkup,
summarized the situation.
The latter said, "So he's already thrown away the Everlasting Cosmetic
Knife and the Water Splitter; he seems to be trying to reject the third
Little Gift and the first Big One, while he still isn't even conscious
of the other two Gifts."
"Cheer up," said the Invisible Being. "It's his life and he's doing
what he thinks best."
"Yes," the Coadjutor said, "but he doesn't know he's making these
decisions for his race as well as himself. Sometimes I think Galaxy
Center makes it too hard for chaps like him. For instance, that trick
of having the images on the box fade back to the old ones."
"Nonsense! We have to take all reasonable precautions that our
activities remain secret. He knew that the powder worked. He should
have had faith."
"Sometimes it takes a lot of faith."
"You're right, it does." The Invisible Being smiled his Cheshire smile.
"You feel a lot for these test subjects, don't you? That's fine, but
you've got to remember you can't accept the Gifts for them; that's one
thing they have to do themselves, however long they take about it.
Which reminds me, I think we ought to set up a recorder here to report
the final outcome of the test to Galaxy Center."
"Good idea."
"And cheer up, I say. This test isn't over yet and our featherless
biped isn't necessarily licked. If he thinks to link up the third
Little Gift with the two Big Ones, he has a pretty sweet setup for
making psychic progress--and his race will be Galactic Citizens in a
jiffy."
"You're right."
"Moreover, it stands to reason he's soon going to become aware of the
Great Gift, and that generally gives a person a jolt and makes him
think seriously about other things."
"True enough--though I still have the feeling you intend some sardonic
trick in conjunction with the Great Gift. Are you sure you're not
planning to leave some other setup here along with the recorder? I
notice you've got a spare Juxtaposer in the ship and it bothers me."
"That, dear Coadjutor, is my business. Whatever I do, it won't
interfere in any way with the fairness of the tests."
"Sometimes I think the tests are _too_ fair," the Coadjutor observed.
"I'd like to be able to ease them up a bit in special cases."
"Confidentially, my friend, so would I."
* * * * *
The Great Gift announced itself to Ernie next morning at 7:53 sharp,
when the Special slowed to forty miles an hour to swing past the
platform on which he was waiting for the Express.
One moment he was standing morning-weary on the thick wooden planks,
looking down through the quarter-inch gaps between them at the cinders
five feet below, vaguely conscious of a woman's white-polka-dotted
black skirt on one side of his field of vision and a man's brown shoes
and briefcase to the other.
Next moment he was in a small cab under which steel rails were
vanishing at an alarming speed, and way ahead he could just make out
the platform on which he was standing, and something was hurting his
head and he was slumping forward and everything was darkening and the
cab was leaping forward more swiftly still.
The third moment he was back on the platform, running furiously to get
off it. He didn't care who yelled at him or whom he bumped, so long as
it didn't slow him down. The people were just blurs anyway and soon
he was beyond them. He took in two strides the short flight of wooden
steps leading down off the platform proper and spurted the last sixty
feet to the stairs leading down to street level. There he stumbled,
recovered himself, and chanced a hasty backward look.
There was a tall man at his heels, hugging a briefcase and panting
hard. Then, beyond the tall man, he saw the platform rear up like a
wooden caterpillar, spilling people against the bright gray morning
sky. There was a cosmic crunch and the battered Special, still
coming strong, burst through the upreared platform in a blossoming
broken-matchstick crown of planks and beams--and big blue sparks where
a writhing power wire, snagged by the uprearing platform, was grounding
against the first car.
Ernie ducked his head and plunged down the steps ahead.
(That was how I came to meet Ernie Meeker. I was the tall man. As
you can imagine, it's quite strange to be standing in a huddle of
fresh-washed morning commuters and have the one beside you close
his eyes and slump a little and then take off like a bat out of
hell--without a word spoken or a thing happened to explain it. I
started to laugh, but then I got the funniest feeling of curiosity
and terror and I took off after him. It saved my life.
(Afterward, Ernie and I went back to help with the ghastliness, but
pretty soon there were more than enough trainmen, firemen, police, and
what not, and we got chased off. We had a couple of drinks together and
met a few times after and that's how I got some of this story. But my
chief sources of information I am not permitted to disclose.)
* * * * *
As the Invisible Being had predicted, Ernie's first brush with the
Great Gift gave him a considerable jolt, though he didn't suspect at
first that it was a permanent gift.
He analyzed what had happened, quite reasonably, I believe, as a case
of second sight. Somehow his mind had been projected into the brain
of the motorman of the Special just at the moment the latter had his
stroke (the final official explanation too) and blindly put on more
speed instead of reducing it for the approaching curve and station. His
second sight saved his life by getting him off the platform before the
Special jumped the tracks and ploughed through it.
It certainly gave a jolt to Ernie's habit patterns, as it temporarily
did of a great many other people. He started driving his car to work,
for one thing, and he took to drinking regularly in the evenings,
though not excessively as yet.
He also had the feeling, which he did not try to analyze, that his
miraculous escape marked the end of the "strange weeks" in his life,
when he'd had such odd illusions or been the victim of such odd
circumstances; and, true enough, that first week or so there were no
recurrences of his chillingly weird experiences.
* * * * *
But jolts have their infallible Law of Diminishing Effects.
After a few days, Ernie found the traffic and parking problems as
nervous and wearisome as ever and he grew envious of the snug commuters
meditating luxuriously in their electric coaches. Come the first
morning of the third week and he was standing on the rebuilt platform,
studying the new planks, ties and rails with a pleasantly morbid
interest.
Vivian was not in her accustomed seat nor on the train, as far as he
could tell, which did not surprise him, though it disappointed him
sharply; the Panther Princess had a stronger hold on his feelings, or
at least on his imagination, than he'd realized.
But Verna was on the train home all right; in fact, she gave a small
whoop of pleasure when she spotted him. And he had barely sat down
beside her when who should come prowling smoothly along but Vivian in a
charcoal version of her tailored black armor.
Ernie jumped up and blurted out introductions. Vivian accepted his
seat with a certain deliberateness and with a smile that seemed to
Ernie to say, "So I'm his morning light-badinage girl, but this
is the girl Mr. Meeker goes home with. It's another instance of
'black-glasses' behavior, don't you think? He puts her on whenever he
gets afraid he's getting attractive."
* * * * *
The two women started to chat easily enough, however, and shortly Ernie
got over his confusion and, smiling down at them from where he swayed
in his aisle with his hand lightly touching the back of the seat ahead,
was even thinking quite smugly that here in one seat, by gosh, were the
woman he wanted and the woman who wanted him. Very interesting to be
the man in the middle.
Just at that moment, the power came back to him that made everything
feverishly real, expanding his center of attention to his visual
horizons, and this time it was only a prelude, for a second gateway
opened behind the first--a window into all human hearts and minds, the
power of human insight fantastically sharpened and enlarged. He could
"read minds," or at least he knew the motives--the core of values and
consciousness--of any person he cared to look at. Most especially, he
knew the motives of Verna and Vivian almost as if he _were_ them.
The big thing about Vivian was her fear--no, her conviction, that she
wasn't attractive. Every glance her way knocked a hole in the armor of
artificial attractiveness she built around herself, and all the hours
she devoted to perfecting it, even the desperate worship she lavished
on her body, were all utterly lost. A simple relationship with another
human being was unthinkable; her armor got in the way and under her
armor she knew she was worthless. A man was sometimes attracted to her
armor--never to herself!--but as soon as he started to scrutinize it,
it began to tarnish and crumple.
She hoped that other people, men especially, had a trace of her own
weaknesses, and she sniped away at them constantly to get under the
armor to find out. Ernie was one in a long series of such men. She was
actually in love with him, but only as one loves a dream, not the real
Ernie at all. Physically he was disgusting to her, like most men.
* * * * *
Verna, on the other hand, had absolute confidence that she was
sufficiently attractive for all practical purposes. She wasn't in love
with Ernie at all. She wanted to make an intellectual conquest of him,
add him to her private Brain Trust, her cultured entourage that won Mr.
Abrusian's seldom-tendered admiration and broke Miss Minkin's heart,
and finally get Ernie to join the Working Boys' Front. He was one of
her projects. If it became tactically necessary during her campaign,
she knew that Ernie would be only too happy to jump in bed with her,
food-triangles and all.
Now in other circumstances (who really knows?), Ernie might have found
the courage to accept Vivian and Verna as they really were and work
on from there, ruthlessly discarding his false pictures of them--and
of himself. He might conceivably have found the strength to accept
all people not as shadowy projections of himself, fabricated targets
of his desires and aversions, puppets in his private chess games and
circuses, but as complete persons with inexhaustible surprises and
contradictions, each a microcosm, a universe-in-little with his or her
own earth and stars, spaceflight and crawling, heaven and hell.
But under the present circumstances, Ernie was confused. His knowledge
of the real Vivian spoiled completely the titillating picture of the
Panther Princess, who might submit to him contemptuously in the end--he
needed that sex idol more than he needed truth. As for Verna, her
stalwart self-reliance and her accurate appraisal of his own motives
and possible future behavior were both unbearably humiliating to him.
And the delight of really knowing people was completely outweighed, in
his tired spirit, by the thought of the lifetime of work that would be
involved in adjusting himself to this new knowledge. It was so much
more comfortable to work with stereotypes.
The Express was slowing for his station. Both girls were looking at him
puzzledly.
"Good-by, Verna. Good-by, Vivian," he said in a set sort of voice.
"This is where I get off."
He moved stiffly toward the door. They watched him go, and turned to
each other with a frown.
* * * * *
That evening marked the beginning of Ernie's serious drinking. He never
saw either of the V-girls again. He took his car or the bus to work;
then, for a short period, he took taxicabs, then he lost his job and
was working in another part of the city. He became mixed up with a
number of other women and crowds, but they are not part of this or any
story.
Among other things, his drinking eventually completely confused his
memories of abnormal personal powers with his entirely normal illusions
of alcoholic ones. And it also seemed to be blotting out the former.
Once, at a party, he bet twenty dollars that his eyes glowed in the
dark. Next morning he was relieved to discover, after making several
anxious phone calls, that he'd lost his bet.
When he finally pulled out of it, some five years later, because of a
growing aversion to liquor that he only understood later, the two Big
Gifts of Page-at-a-Glance and Mind Reading were gone forever.
The Great Gift had a more durable lodgment in him. From his alcoholic
years, he brought hazy memories of accidents avoided because of sudden
wrong-ended visions of onrushing cars, alley rollings missed because
he'd seen himself reeling along a block away through the eyes of
lounging hoodlums. Now, sober again, he had a clear confirmation of it
when he left a banquet on a trumped-up excuse because of a disturbing
vision of inexplicable rodlike shapes--and read the next day that a
hundred of the guests, of whom four finally died, had come down with
bacterial food poisoning. Another time, hiking in dry woods, he'd
smelled smoke that his companions couldn't--and persuaded them to turn
back, avoiding a disastrous flash fire that broke out soon afterward.
He had to admit to himself that he certainly seemed to have the gift of
second sight, warning him against threats to his life.
"All right," he told himself, "so forget it. Gifts are upsetting. Even
as a kid, you sweated more about your birthday presents than you ever
got fun out of them."
Our story has already jumped five years; now it must jump twenty.
Ernie is living with his sister again; while he was drinking, they
pulled apart, and now they've once more pulled together. They're having
dinner, have arrived at dessert, a big piece of chocolate cake each
with satiny thick creamy frosting and filling.
Ernie looks at his piece--and sees himself climbing stairs and
clutching at his heart. He thinks of warning his sister, but she's
already halfway through her piece. Then she goes on and eats Ernie's.
* * * * *
Ernie's sister didn't get food poisoning, she only got fat, but the
incident of the chocolate cake was for Ernie the beginning of a series
of peculiar food revulsions and diet experiments that eventually made
Ernie instead of his sister the family yogurt-fiend and a regular
customer of his old acquaintance, Herman, the health-food manufacturer.
Herman had to admit that Ernie had cooked himself up a pretty good
longevity diet for an amateur, though there were some items in it that
made the old man shake his head--and he always asserted that Ernie was
passing up a good thing in Soybean Mush.
Ernie got his diet tailored to fit his tastes and stuck to it. He had
a strong suspicion of what had happened, though he tried not to think
about it too often: that his gift of second sight had taken to warning
him of the longer-range dangers to his existence; after all, chocolate
cake can be as deadly as atomic bombs in the long run.
More years passed. Friends and relatives began to remark quietly to
each other that his sister was aging faster. Ernie, they had to admit,
was a remarkably well-preserved old gent. Ironic, considering what a
drunk he'd been and what strange junk he insisted on eating now.
One day Ernie's self-styled health diet began to pall on him. It didn't
revolt him; it merely left him unsatisfied, yet with no yearning for
any particular food he could think of. He lived with this yearning for
some weeks, meditating on it and trying to guess its nature. Finally he
had an inspiration. He headed for Mr. Willis' drugstore.
The bent, silvery-haired man greeted him eagerly; somehow there was a
special warmth about the friendships Ernie had made during the "strange
weeks" (Verna and Vivian excepted) that put them in a different class
from any other of his human relationships.
* * * * *
"Now what can I give you, Ernie?" Mr. Willis asked. "Anything in the
place within reason."
"I'll tell you, Bert I'd like to go back in your dispensary--you with
me, if you want--and just shop around."
"That's a sort of screwy idea, Ernie. I couldn't sell you any narcotics
or sleeping pills, of course--well, maybe a few sleeping pills."
"I wouldn't want any."
"What's the idea, Ernie? Getting interested in chemistry in your
old ... You know, Ernie, you just don't look your years."
"Secret of mine. Yes, in a way I've got interested in chemistry."
"Won't talk, eh? I remember, when I first met you, I tagged you for an
evening inventor. Well, come on back and shop around. Just don't ask me
for _elixer vitae_, _aurum potabile_, or ground philosophers' stone."
"Not unless I see 'em."
Afterward, Bert Willis used to say it was one of the most mystifying
experiences of his life. For a good half a day, Ernie Meeker studied
the rows of jars, canisters and glass-stoppered bottles, sometimes
lifting two down together and contemplating them, one in each hand, as
if he could weigh the difference. Often he'd take out a stopper and
sniff, and maybe, asking permission of Bert with a glance, take up a
dab of some powder and taste it.
"You know that game," Bert would say, "where someone goes out of the
room and you all decide on an object, or hide one, and he comes back
and tries to find it by telepathy or muscle-reading or something? That
was exactly the way Ernie was acting. Dog on a difficult scent."
A couple of times, especially when the customers came in, Bert wanted
to chase him out, except that Ernie was such a special friend and Bert
was so darn curious about it all himself.
In the end, Ernie made a good twenty purchases, including a mortar and
pestle and two poisons for which Bert made him sign, though the amounts
were less than a lethal dose.
"Actually none of the chemicals he bought were very dangerous," Bert
would say. "And none of them were terribly unusual. The thing about
them was that, put together, they just didn't make sense--as a medicine
or anything else. Let me see, there was sulphur, bismuth, a bit of
mercury, one of the sulfa drugs, a tiny packet of auric chloride,
and ... I had 'em all on a list once, but I've lost it."
After that, Ernie always mixed a little grayish paste in his cup of
yogurt at suppertime.
Ernie stopped aging altogether.
* * * * *
After his sister's coffin was lowered past the margins of green matting
into the ground, Ernie shook hands with the minister, walked Bert
Willis and Herman Schover to their car and told them he thought he'd
better drive home with some relatives who'd turned up. Actually he just
wanted to stay behind a while. It was a beautiful blue-and-white summer
day; the tidy suburban cemetery had caught his fancy, and now he felt
like a quiet stroll.
Ernie followed his little impulses these days. As he sometimes said, "I
figure I've got plenty of time. I just don't feel the pressure like I
used to."
The last car chugged away. Ernie stretched and started to stroll,
slowly, but not like an old man, now that he was alone. His hair had
grown whiter in the last few years and his face a little wrinkled, but
that was due to the very judicious use of silvering and theatrical
liner--people's comments about his youthfulness had gotten wearisome
and would, he knew, eventually become suspicious.
Keeping himself oriented by a white tower at the cemetery gate, he
arrived at an area that had no graves as yet, no trees either, just
lawn. He made his way to the center of it, where there was a gently
swelling hummock, and sat down in the warm crinkly grass, resting
his back against the slope. The sky was lovely, enough clouds to be
interesting, but a great oval of pure blue just overhead--a pear-shaped
gateway to space.
He felt no grief at his sister's death, only the desire to think a bit,
have a quiet look at his past and another at the great future.
Alone like this, he dared to face his fate for a moment and admit to
himself that, all wishful thinking aside, it really began to look as if
he were going to live forever, or at least for a very long time.
Live forever! That was a phrase to give you a chill, he told himself.
And what to do, he asked himself, with all that time?
Back in the "strange weeks," he'd have had little trouble in answering
that question--if only he'd known then what he did now and realized
what was being offered him. For, during his sober decades, Ernie had
gradually come to a shrewdly accurate estimate of what had happened to
him then. He thought of it in terms of having been offered six Gifts
and turned down five of them.
* * * * *
Back in the "strange weeks" and armed with the five rejected Gifts
(Page-at-a-Glance and Mind Reading were the only ones that counted,
though), he could easily have said, "Live forever by all means!
Increase your knowledge and understanding until your mind bursts or is
transfigured. Plunge forever into the unending variety of the Cosmos.
Open yourself to everything."
But now, equipped to travel only as a snail....
Still, even snails get somewhere. With forever to work with, even
four-words-at-a-glance gets you through many, many books. Patient
love and dispassionate thought give you human insight in the end, can
finally open the tightest shutter on the darkest human heart.
But that would take so very long and Ernie felt tired. Not old, just
tired, tired. Best simply to watch the soft clouds--the pear-shaped
gateway had become almost circular. To do anything but drift through
life, a stereotype among stereotypes, was simply ... too ... much ...
work....
At that very moment, as if his thought had summoned the experience
into being, another scene filmed over the blue sky and white clouds
above him. The sudden humming in his ears--a kind of "audible
silence"--informed him that his second sight was at work, warning him
of some deadly danger. But this was a more gentle instance of it,
for not all his consciousness jumped somewhere else. All through the
experience, he was still aware of himself leaning against the grassy
hummock, of the restful melancholy of the scene around him, and of the
sky overhead. The second scene only superimposed itself on the first.
He was poised many hundreds of miles above the Earth, a ghost-Ernie
immune to the airlessness and the Sun's untempered beams. At his back
was black night filled with stars. Below him stretched the granulated
dry brown of Earth's surface, tinged here and there with green, clumped
with white cloud, and everywhere faintly hazed with blue.
* * * * *
Up there in space with him, right at his elbow, so close that he could
reach out and touch it, was a tiny silver cylinder about as big as a
hazelnut, domed at one end, reflecting sunlight from one point in a way
that would have been blinding enough except that Ernie's ghost eyes
were immune to brightness.
As he reached out to examine it, the thing darted away from him as
if at some imperious summons, like a bit of iron jumping through a
magnetic field.
But in spite of its enormous acceleration, Ernie's ghost was able
to follow it in its downward plunge. It kept just ahead of his
outstretched fingertips.
The brown granules that were Earth's surface grew in size. The tiny
metal cylinder began to glow with more than reflected sunlight. It
turned red, orange, yellow and then blazing white as atmospheric
friction transformed it into a meteor.
Ernie's ghost, immune to friction and incandescence alike, followed it
as it dove toward its target--for even though Ernie had never heard of
a Juxtaposer and how it brought objects together, he had the feeling,
from the dizzy speed of the meteor's plunge, that it yearned for
something.
He knew most meteors vaporized or exploded, but this did not, even
when Earth's brown surface grew rivers and roads. Suddenly there was a
cloudbank ahead; then, in the white, there appeared an almost circular
hole toward the very center of which the meteorite plunged.
Everything was happening very fast now, but his ghost senses were able
to keep pace. As they plunged through the cloud-ring and the green
landscape below grew explosively, he saw the white tower, the trees,
the curving drives, and the clearing which was now the target.
There was still time to escape. Lying on the warm grass, with death
lancing down from the sky at miles a second, he had merely to roll over.
But it was simply ... too ... much ... work....
* * * * *
Elsewhere near Earth, a recorder sped toward Galaxy Center a message
which ended, "Six Gifts tendered, all finally refused. I will now sign
off and await pickup with one Juxtaposer."
A little later, a Receiver in Galaxy Center passed the message to a
Central Recorder, which filed it in the Starswarm 37 section with this
addition: "Spiritual immaturity of Terran bipeds indicated. Advise
against enlightenment and admission to Galactic citizenship. Test
subject humanely released."
* * * * *
Police, digging into the turf under Ernie's shattered head two days
later found the bright bullet, cold now, of course, and untarnished.
"Looks like silver!" one cop said, scratching his head. "Haven't I
heard somewhere that the Mafia use silver bullets? So bright, though."
Lieutenant Padilla, later on, lifting the bullet in his forceps to
re-examine it for rifling marks, had the same thought about its
brightness. By now, however, he knew it was not silver. (What alloy
was never satisfactorily determined. Actually it was made of the same
substance as the Everlasting Razor Blade.)
This time, although he still found no rifling marks, a tiny dull
stretch on the flat end of the cylinder caught his attention. He took
up a magnifier and examined it carefully.
A moment later, he put down the magnifier, snatched up the pocketbook
found on the dead man and rechecked some cards in it. The bullet
dropped from the forceps, rolled a few inches. The lieutenant sat back
in his chair, breathing a little hard.
"This is one for the books, all right!" he told himself. "I've heard
a lot of people, soldiers especially, talk about such bullets, but I
never expected to see one!"
For under the magnifying glass, finely engraved in very tiny letters,
he had read the words: ERNEST WENCESLAUS MEEKER.
End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Bullet With His Name, by Fritz Leiber
*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BULLET WITH HIS NAME ***
***** This file should be named 51436.txt or 51436.zip *****
This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/4/3/51436/
Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
will be renamed.
Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules,
set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project
Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you
do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is
subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
redistribution.
*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
http://gutenberg.org/license).
Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic works
1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be
used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works. See paragraph 1.E below.
1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the
collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an
individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in
a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check
the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning
the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
States.
1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
copied or distributed:
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license
1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
1.E.9.
1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked
to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
Gutenberg-tm License.
1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or
distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
that
- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is
owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments
must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License. You must require such a user to return or
destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
Project Gutenberg-tm works.
- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
of receipt of the work.
- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the
Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
1.F.
1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
your equipment.
1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
DAMAGE.
1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with
the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy
is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
opportunities to fix the problem.
1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any
provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists
because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
people in all walks of life.
Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
Foundation
The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at
809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
[email protected]. Email contact links and up to date contact
information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
page at http://pglaf.org
For additional contact information:
Dr. Gregory B. Newby
Chief Executive and Director
[email protected]
Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation
Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
status with the IRS.
The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To
SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
particular state visit http://pglaf.org
While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
approach us with offers to donate.
International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works.
Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily
keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
http://www.gutenberg.org
This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
