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Title: Widows grave and otherwise
Author: Various
Compiler: Cora D. Willmarth
Illustrator: A. F. Willmarth
Release date: July 20, 2023 [eBook #71235]
Language: English
Original publication: United States: Paul Elder and Company, 1903
Credits: The Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive)
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WIDOWS GRAVE AND OTHERWISE ***
[Illustration]
WIDOWS
GRAVE AND
OTHERWISE
“Widders are ’ceptions to ev’ry rule.”
—Dickens.
PURLOINED BY AN EX-WIDOW
AND PICTURED BY A VICTIM
PUBLISHED BY AN IMMUNE
[Illustration:
A creature not too bright or good
for human nature’s daily food.
—Wordsworth.]
[Illustration]
WIDOWS
GRAVE AND
OTHERWISE
COMPILED BY CORA D. WILLMARTH
ILLUSTRATED BY A. F. WILLMARTH
COPYRIGHT, 1903
BY PAUL ELDER AND COMPANY
PAUL ELDER AND COMPANY
PUBLISHERS, SAN FRANCISCO
Be to her virtues very kind;
Be to her faults a little blind.
—Prior.
[Illustration: TAURUS.]
January First
Widows, like ripe fruit, drop easily from their perch.
—Bruyere.
January Second
Wedlock’s like wine,—not properly judged of till the second glass.
—Douglas Jerrold.
January Third
The Spaniards have it that a buxom widow must be either married, buried,
or shut up in a convent.
—Haliburton.
January Fourth
Frailty, thy name is woman! a little month, or ere those shoes were old
with which she followed my poor father’s body, like Niobe, all tears:—why
she, even she, married with my uncle.
—Shakespeare.
January Fifth
To marry once is a duty, twice a folly, thrice is madness.
—Dutch Proverb.
January Sixth
Mrs. President has disposed of six husbands and is to take a seventh:
being of the opinion that there is as much virtue in the touch of a
seventh husband as of a seventh son.
—Addison.
January Seventh
I praise th’ saints I niver was married, though I had opportunities
enough when I was a young man, an’ even now I have to wear me hat low
whin I go down be Cologne Street, on account iv the widow Grogan.
—Mr. Dooley.
January Eighth
Tush! herself knows not what she shall do when she is transformed into a
widow.
—Chapman.
January Ninth
Widows are such a subtle generation of people they may be left to their
own conduct; if they make a false step, they are answerable for it to
nobody but themselves.
—Addison.
January Tenth
I have seen a widow that just before was seen pleasant enough, follow an
empty hearse and weep devoutly.
—Chapman.
January Eleventh
I’ faith, he’ll have a lusty widow now,
That shall be wooed and wedded in a day.
—Shakespeare.
January Twelfth
Here’s a small trifle of wives: alas,—eleven widows and nine maids, is a
simple coming in for one man.
—Shakespeare.
January Thirteenth
If for widows you die,
Learn to kiss, not to sigh.
—Charles Lever.
January Fourteenth
The widow Quick married within a fortnight after the death of her last
husband. Her weeds have served her twice and are still as good as new.
—Addison.
January Fifteenth
She was clever, witty, brilliant, and sparkling; but possessed of many
devils of malice and mischievousness; she could be nice, though, even to
her own sex.
—Kipling.
January Sixteenth
A rogue met a pretty young Mrs.,
A widow, and stole a few Krs.,
And the lady, though she was astounded,
Said she’d waive prosecution,
If he’d make restitution,
So the felony soon was compounded.
—Philadelphia Press.
January Seventeenth
“Yes, he’s going to marry that rich widow. His debts were looming up
dreadfully, and—”
“I see. His marriage will be the finished product of the loom.”
—San Francisco News Letter.
January Eighteenth
“Dear Joseph is dead. Loss fully covered by insurance.”
—(Telegram) Tit Bits.
January Nineteenth
“Why for your spouse this pompous fuss?
Was he not all his life your curse?”
“True, but at length one single action
Made up for each past malefaction.”
“Indeed! what was the action, pray?”
“Why, sir, it was,—he died one day.”
—Exchange.
January Twentieth
Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it
needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.
—Kipling.
January Twenty-first
But if the priest’s daughter be a widow, or divorced, and have no child,
and is returned unto her father’s house, as in her youth, she shall eat
of her father’s meat.
—Bible.
January Twenty-second
But every vow of a widow and of her that is divorced shall stand against
her.
—Numbers xx:11.
January Twenty-third
Le Fiance. “Why have you not introduced me to your mother, darling?”
La Fiancee. “Gerald, my mother is a widow, and I have lost two fiances to
widows already.”
—Life.
January Twenty-fourth
With all the experience of married life she has the sense of perfect
freedom and irresponsibility; consequently her flights in flirtation are
as daring as they are without fear or reproach.
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
January Twenty-fifth
“So DeWolff Hopper is divorced and married again?”
“Yes.”
“Well, now I suppose the question is, is his former wife a grass widow or
a grass Hopper?”
—Life.
January Twenty-sixth
’Tis safest in matrimony to begin with a little aversion.
—Sheridan.
January Twenty-seventh
It sometimes happens that when a man fails in doing anything else well,
he marries well.
—Atchison Globe.
January Twenty-eighth
Whatever Rome may strive to fix,
The sacraments are only six;
For surely of the seven, ’tis clear
Marriage and penance but one appear.
—Proverb.
January Twenty-ninth
Lady Catherine Swallow was a widow at eighteen, and has since buried a
second husband and two coachmen.
—Addison.
January Thirtieth
Jerry, dying intestate, his relatives claim’d
While his widow most vilely his mem’ry defam’d:
“That’s no wonder,” says one, “for ’tis very well known,
Since he married, poor man, he’d no will of his own!”
—Burns.
January Thirty-first
The wives of hen-peck’d husbands most alwus outliv ther victims, and I
hev known them to git marrid agin and git hold ov a man that time (_thank
the Lord!_) who understood all the hen-peck dodges.
—Josh Billings.
[Illustration: GEMINI.]
February First
Her mourning is all make believe:
’Tis plain there’s nothing in it:
With weepers she has tipp’d her sleeve,
The while she’s laughing in it.
—Burns.
February Second
The Lord will destroy the house of the proud: but he will establish the
border of the widow.
—Proverbs xv:25.
February Third
One said a rich widow was like the rubbish of the world, that helps only
to stop the breaches of decayed houses.
—Hazlitt.
February Fourth
Of course not every man who has been pursued by a widow was caught, and
there are a number of thrilling, if slightly apochryphal, narratives
of daring adventurers who have escaped the clutches of the dangerous
creatures at the last minute.
—Dorothy Dix.
February Fifth
Mrs. Pepperday. “My first husband had a great deal more sense than you
have.”
Mr. Pepperday. “True enough, he died.”
—Harper’s Magazine.
February Sixth
“Take example by your father, my boy, and be wery careful o’ the widders
all your life.”
—Dickens.
February Seventh
Keep yourself from the tumult of the mob, from fools in a narrow way,
from a man that is marked, and from a widow that has been thrice married.
—Proverb.
February Eighth
Lawyer. “I can get a divorce without publicity for two hundred and fifty
dollars.”
Actress. “How much more will it cost with publicity?”
—Judge.
February Ninth
A man that marries a widow is bound to give up smoking and chewing. If
she gives up her weeds for him he should give up his weed for her.
—Louisville Journal.
February Tenth
There is but one good excuse for a marriage late in life, and that is a
second marriage.
—Josh Billings.
February Eleventh
For it is better to marry than to burn.
—I Cor. vii:9.
February Twelfth
“Ven you’re a married man, Samival, you’ll understand a good many things
as you don’t understand now: but vether it’s worth while goin’ through so
much to learn so little, as the charity boy said ven he got to the end of
the alphabet, is a matter o’ taste.”
—Dickens.
February Thirteenth
For as all widows love too well,
She liked upon the list to dwell,
And oft ripped up the old disasters.
—Hood.
February Fourteenth
Sir Simon, as snoring he lay in his bed,
Was awaked by the cry, “Sir, your lady is dead!”
He heard, and returning to slumber, quoth he,
“In the morn, when I wake, oh, how grieved I shall be!”
February Fifteenth
Thanks, my good friend, for the advice,
But marriage is a thing so nice,
That he who means to take a wife
Had better think on’t all his life.
February Sixteenth
Why are those tears, why droops your head?
Is then your other husband dead?
Or does a worse disgrace betide,
Hath no one since his death applied?
—Gay.
[Illustration: A rich widow is the only kind of second-hand goods that
will always sell at prime cost.
—Franklin.]
February Seventeenth
It pleased the Lord to take my spouse at last.
I tore my hair, I soil’d my locks with dust,
And beat my breasts—as wretched widows must:
Before my face my handkerchief I spread,
To hide the flood of tears I did—not shed.
—Pope.
February Eighteenth
She. “I think I should like a widower after all.”
He. “Very well; whom shall I marry first?”
—Life.
February Nineteenth
May widows wed as often as they can,
And ever for the better change their man;
And some devouring plague pursue their lives,
Who will not well be governed by their wives.
—Dryden.
February Twentieth
Whilst Adam slept, Eve from his side arose:
Strange! his first sleep should be his last repose!
—Anonymous.
February Twenty-first
A widow is more sought after than an old maid of the same age.
—Addison.
February Twenty-second
The widow is indigenous to all climes and wherever found is a source of
aggravation to women and of danger to men.
—Dorothy Dix.
February Twenty-third
Widows are indeed the great game of your fortune hunters.
—Addison.
February Twenty-fourth
“Some day I’m goin’ to let me temper r-run away with me, and get a comity
together, and go out an’ hang ivry dam widdy and orphan between the
rollin’ mills an’ th’ foundlin’s home. If it wasn’t for thim raypachious
crathers, they’d be no boodle annywheres.”
—Mr. Dooley.
February Twenty-fifth
The widow Cross, I should have told,
Had seen three husbands to the mould:
The dear, departed Mr. Cross,
Came in for nothing but his thirds.
—Hood.
February Twenty-sixth
“She knows how to look out for number one.”
“That is quite evident from the way she is looking out for number two.”
—Smart Set.
February Twenty-seventh
Sum marry the second time to get even and find it a gambling game: the
more they put down the less they take up.
—Josh Billings.
February Twenty-eighth
The wife is bound by the law as long as the husband liveth.
—I Cor. vii:39.
February Twenty-ninth
Remove thy way far from her and come not nigh the door of her house.
—Proverbs.
[Illustration: CANCER.]
March First
Woo the widow while she is in weeds.
—Proverb.
March Second
Indeed, we were once in great hopes of his recovery, upon a kind message
that was sent him from the widow lady whom he had made love to the last
forty years of his life: but this only proved a lightning before death.
—Addison.
March Third
One widow at a grave will sob
A little while and weep and sigh!
If two should meet on such a job,
They’ll have a gossip bye and bye.
—Hood.
March Fourth
“You are a marrid man, Mr. Young, I believe?” sed I.
“I hev eighty wives, Mr. Ward. I certainly am marrid.”
—Artemus Ward.
March Fifth
’Tis dangerous marrying a widow because she has cast her rider.
—Spanish Proverb.
March Sixth
“I _have_ heerd how many ord’nary women one widder’s equal to, in pint of
comin’ over you. I think it’s five-and-twenty, but I don’t rightly know
whether it an’t more.”
—Dickens.
March Seventh
“As for the widders, anny healthy widdy with street car stock ought to be
ashamed of hersilf if she’s a widdy long.”
—Mr. Dooley.
March Eighth
That is why little widows are so dangerous: they not only know their own
sex, but they know ours, too, and knowledge is power.
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
March Ninth
The basis of the contemporary matrimonial decline, as most writers
interpret it, is man. Man cannot very well be left out of marriage
altogether without defeating some of its more important ends and
impairing its results.
—Edward Stanton Martin.
March Tenth
Easy or frivolous divorce is condemned and deplored, but the easily
divorced are not excluded from the politest society.
—Edward Stanton Martin.
March Eleventh
Onions can make heirs and widows weep.
—Proverb.
March Twelfth
He who marries a widow will often have a dead man’s head thrown in his
dish.
—Proverb.
March Thirteenth
Divorce, with all its privileges and possibilities, must continue to be a
second-rate bliss by no means comparable to true marriage.
—Edward Stanton Martin.
March Fourteenth
“Mind that no widder gets a inklin’ of your fortun, or you’re done.”
—Dickens.
March Fifteenth
Mrs. Biffery Biff. “You should be happy. You have such a kind husband.”
Mrs. Quittem. “Yes; we are getting along splendidly, since we don’t live
together.”
—San Francisco Examiner.
March Sixteenth
A good occasion for courtship is when a widow returns from the funeral.
—Proverb.
March Seventeenth
Second marriages receive much less universal consideration because
comparatively few persons find themselves in a position where they have
to reach a decision as to their expediency.
—Edward Stanton Martin.
March Eighteenth
She was a little widow and was consequently a complete compendium of the
art of love.
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
March Nineteenth
She was a good lookin’ woman and had seen trouble. It stands to reason
she had, with four husbands. Good land!
—Josiah Allen’s Wife.
March Twentieth
Wooers and widows are never poor.
—Ralph Roister Doister (1566).
March Twenty-first
Do, but dally not: that’s the widow’s phrase.
—Barry.
March Twenty-second
“You know what counsel said, Sammy, as defended the gen’lem’n as beat his
wife, with the poker, venever he got jolly: ‘And arter all, my Lord,’
says he, ‘it’s a amiable weakness.’ So I says respectin’ widders.”
—Dickens.
March Twenty-third
Of course I wanted to marry the widow because she declared she would
never marry again.
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
March Twenty-fourth
The multi-widow. “A woman seldom finds that her husband is the same man
she married.”
—Brooklyn Eagle.
March Twenty-fifth
Why, if I had had two husbands, or even four, I should want to keep ’em
apart sittin’ up in high chairs on different sides of my heart.
—Josiah Allen’s Wife.
March Twenty-sixth
Disagreeable suspicions are usually the fruits of a second marriage.
—Racine.
March Twenty-seventh
“Have you made your will?” asked the lawyer of the old colored citizen.
“No, suh. I ain’ got nothin’ to leave ’cept one wife and de rheumatism.”
—Atlanta Constitution.
March Twenty-eighth
It is only a widow who is wise enough to know that a jolly laugh in a
woman is a bait to which a man will invariably rise as a trout to a fly.
—Dorothy Dix.
March Twenty-ninth
Get a wife who has learned how to keep house on your predecessor, and is
in no danger of giving you dyspepsia while she experiments with cooking
school recipes.
—Dorothy Dix.
March Thirtieth
“So they were divorced for incompatibility of temper?”
“Yes; you see he had the incompatibility and she had the temper.”
—Judge.
March Thirty-first
The shameless Chloe placed on the tombs of her seven husbands the
inscription, “The work of Chloe.”
—Martial.
[Illustration: LEO.]
April First
Few persons turn grey because their husbands die.
—Proverb.
April Second
He that’s married once may be pardoned his infirmity;
He that marries twice is mad;
But if you can find a fool
Marrying thrice, don’t spare the lad,
Flog him, flog him back to school.
—Garrick.
April Third
Oh! a maid is sometimes charming, but a widow all the while.
—Anonymous.
April Fourth
Disguise our bondage as we will,
’Tis woman, woman rules us still.
—Moore.
April Fifth
One husband is worth two good wives: for the scarcer things are, the more
they’re valued.
—Benjamin Franklin.
April Sixth
I, Dionysius of Tarsus, lie here at sixty, having never married; and
would that my father had not.
—Greek Epitaph.
April Seventh
Once you are married there is nothing left for you, not even suicide, but
to be good.
—Robert Louis Stevenson.
April Eighth
“Didn’t you do well by your second marriage?”
“Oh, yes indeed; the clothes of my wife’s first husband just fit me!”
—Danbury News Man.
April Ninth
The lachrymose widow is one of those clinging vines that always gets
there.
—Dorothy Dix.
April Tenth
“Of course I am a widow. Sure, that poor little insignificant crayther of
a husband is not worth mentioning.”
—Irish Life.
April Eleventh
Old friend—“Was your daughter’s marriage a success?”
Hostess—“Oh, a great success! She’s traveling in Europe on the alimony.”
—New York Weekly.
April Twelfth
“No other man can ever fill poor John’s place. I loved him from the
bottom of my heart.”
“Of course; but you know there is always room at the top.”
—Chicago Daily News.
April Thirteenth
A different cause, says Parson Sly,
The same effect may give.
Poor Lubin fears that he shall die,
His wife—that he may live.
—Poor Richard’s Almanac.
April Fourteenth
“There is more to be learned from one widow than from a whole Smithsonian
museum of anthropology.”
April Fifteenth
Fijjit—“The widow says that her marriage to Gobang was secret.”
Ijjit—“It must have been. Gobang himself did not mention a widow in his
will, so he could not have known of the wedding.”
—Life.
April Sixteenth
“Widows, gentlemen, are not usually timorous, as my uncle used to say.”
—Dickens.
April Seventeenth
The good widow’s sorrow is no storm, but a still rain.
—Fuller.
April Eighteenth
A woman deserted by one man has no remedy but to appeal to twelve.
—Jerrold.
April Nineteenth
At the prospect of a cosy separation society would reach at last the
condition of Rome as described by Seneca, when women computed their ages
by the number of their husbands instead of by the years they had lived.
—Matthews.
April Twentieth
“Jerome speaks of witnessing the funeral of a woman who was followed by
her twenty-second husband to the grave, she having been his twenty-first
wife.”
April Twenty-first
If you want a neat wife, choose her on a Saturday.
—Poor Richard’s Almanac.
April Twenty-second
She—“They are the most wonderful compositions in the language.”
He—“They don’t compare with Jack Harvey’s. Why, he wrote a letter of
condolence to a widow and she took off her mourning immediately.”
—Life.
April Twenty-third
Drying a widow’s tears is one of the most dangerous occupations known to
man.
—Dorothy Dix.
April Twenty-fourth
I told Martin when we’d first come to London, that I must see the Widder
Albert whilst I was there.
—Josiah Allen’s Wife
April Twenty-fifth
“Doctor, do you think my wife will recover?”
“Oh, yes! I told her I already had a wife picked out for you in case she
didn’t get well.”
—Life.
April Twenty-sixth
Keep your eyes open before marriage; half shut afterwards.
—Poor Richard’s Almanac.
April Twenty-seventh
Widow—“Yes, I have cremated three husbands.”
Old maid—“It seems unfair. Here I’ve lived all these years and never have
been able to get married to one man and you’ve had husbands to burn.”
—Chauncey M. Depew’s Story.
April Twenty-eighth
“Better to have loved extensively than never to have loved at all.”
April Twenty-ninth
Agent—“Isn’t this stone a trifle small for a man of your husband’s
prominence?”
Widow—“No, sir! If Thomas thought a stone like that was good enough for
his first wife, I guess it’s plenty good enough for Thomas.”
—Life.
April Thirtieth
You can’t talk to a remarried woman at a dinner party about her first
husband, especially if one of her subsequent husbands is present.
—Edward Stanton Martin.
[Illustration: VIRGO.]
May First
Divorce is the spice of life.
—Life.
May Second
“We hated to tell you, but your drowned husband’s body has been found and
it is covered with eels.”
“Well,” sighed the widow, drying her eyes, “set him again.”
—Chauncey M. Depew’s Story.
May Third
St. Peter (to first applicant)—“Were you married while on earth?”
First Applicant—“I was; twice.”
St. Peter—“Walk in. You deserve it.”
—The Wasp.
May Fourth
The turf has drunk a widow’s tear,
Three of her husbands slumber here.
—Epitaph at Staffordshire.
May Fifth
Behold I have commanded a widow woman there to sustain thee.
—I Kings xvii:9.
May Sixth
She—“Should you die, are you opposed to my remarrying?”
He—“No. Why should I be solicitous about the welfare of a fellow I’ll
never know?”
—Life.
May Seventh
“Why did he get a divorce from his wife?”
“She named the baby after the first husband.”
—Life.
May Eighth
I asked her (who had buried twelve husbands): “At what time of life do
you think the married state ceases to be preferable?”
She replied: “You must ask somebody older than I am.”
—Josh Billings.
May Ninth
A widow is like a frigate of which the first captain has been shipwrecked.
—Alphonse Karr.
May Tenth
Widowhood is true freedom.
—Mme. des Jardins.
May Eleventh
“So Mrs. Gaylord insists on a separation?”
“Yes. She didn’t mind his neglect, but whenever he was a little good to
her he was so very virtuous about it that she just couldn’t stand it.”
—Harper’s Bazar.
May Twelfth
Easy-crying widows take new husbands soonest; there is nothing like wet
weather for transplanting.
—Oliver Wendell Holmes.
May Thirteenth
Mrs. Henpeck—“Now, suppose I should die.”
Mr. Henpeck—“Good heavens! Is there any doubt about it?”
—Life.
May Fourteenth
There are four hundred and fifty Revolutionary widows left. Here is a
chance now for those men who pant for a wife of the good old days.
—Danbury News Man.
May Fifteenth
Never marry a widow unless her first husband was hanged.
—Proverb.
May Sixteenth
Widows secretly rejoice in the admiration of men, but indulge themselves
in no further consequences.
—Addison.
[Illustration: Widows are a study you will never be proficient in.
—Fielding.]
May Seventeenth
Women who have been happy in a first marriage are most apt to venture
upon a second.
—Addison.
May Eighteenth
Were I not resolved against the yoke
Of hapless marriage never to be curs’d
With second love, so fatal was the first,
To this one error I might yield again.
—Dryden.
May Nineteenth
How blessings brighten as they take their flight!
—Young.
May Twentieth
From thousands of our undone widows, one may derive some wit.
—Thomas Middleton.
May Twenty-first
For I have buried three husbands beside this man; and now I am no’ sure
of no nother husband; and therefore ye may be sure I have great cause to
be sad and heavy.
—Hazlitt.
May Twenty-second
Here lies my wife: here let her lie!
Now she’s at rest, and so am I.
—Dryden.
May Twenty-third
Her waist was ampler than her life, for life is but a span.
—O. W. Holmes.
May Twenty-fourth
Here’s to the maiden of bashful fifteen;
Here’s to the widow of fifty.
—Sheridan.
May Twenty-fifth
A Brookfield woman was completely unmanned by the loss of her husband.
—Danbury News Man.
May Twenty-sixth
Women have a special antipathy to the blond widow, and when one crosses
their path they sit down and throw up their hands and give up the game.
—Dorothy Dix.
May Twenty-seventh
Why is a garden’s wildered maze
Like a young widow, fresh and fair?
Because it wants some hand to raise
The weeds which have no business there.
—T. Moore.
May Twenty-eighth
Fortune is like a widow won,
And truckles to the bold alone.
—Somerville.
May Twenty-ninth
“Suppose,” said a friend who had been reading Enoch Arden, “that you went
away on a sea voyage and came back and found that your wife had married
another man?”
“That’s an absurd proposition. Henrietta would never be so careless as to
let me go away on a sea voyage.”
—Washington Star.
May Thirtieth
An Atchison girl will marry a widower with five hand-me-down children.
—Atchison Globe.
May Thirty-first
A widow is a woman who has buried her husband; a grass widow is one who
has simply mislaid hers.
—Will M. Clemens.
[Illustration: LIBRA.]
June First
Yet because this widow troubleth me, I will avenge her, lest by her
continual coming she weary me.
—Luke xviii:5.
June Second
Not even the immense labor of assimilating a new spouse’s relatives,
appalling as it is, should hinder second marriages.
—Edward Stanton Martin.
June Third
The rich widow cries with one eye and rejoices with the other.
—Cervantes.
June Fourth
“There is one thing about my first husband I shall always respect him
for,” she said.
“What is that?”
“He paid all the expenses of our divorce like a perfect gentleman.”
—Life.
June Fifth
He that marries a widow and three daughters has three back doors to his
house.
—Spanish Proverb.
June Sixth
He that wooes a maid must never come in sight,
But he that wooes a widow, must woo her day and night.
—English Proverb.
June Seventh
In appearance the widow is extremely attractive, being smooth and sleek,
of a jet black color, with snow white collar. It also possesses a most
melodious purr, and though it has extra sharp claws, these are seldom
visible.
—Dorothy Dix.
June Eighth
Mrs. Manhattan—“The thirteenth husband is sure to be unlucky.”
Mrs. Lakeside (pensively)—“I’ll have to skip that number and marry twins.”
—New York Herald.
June Ninth
Misfortunes never come single; sometimes they come married.
—Life.
June Tenth
“Doctor, I can’t get it out of my head that possibly my poor husband was
buried alive.”
“Nonsense,” snorted Dr. Peduncle, “didn’t I attend him myself in his last
illness?”
—Life.
June Eleventh
Scarcely less to be feared by the prudent, is the species of this
interesting animal, which is known as the domestic widow.
—Dorothy Dix.
June Twelfth
Little Clara (in an audible whisper)—“O nurse! I wish I had been born a
widow instead of an orphan!”
—Harper’s Monthly
June Thirteenth
Young widows are always charming.
—Stowe.
June Fourteenth
Surely any good man who has one wife already would stay at home till moss
accumulated on his scalp, rather than go gadding and take the chance of
running against his affinity.
—Edward Stanton Martin.
June Fifteenth
When a man is chased by a determined widow, it is a mere waste of shoe
leather to run away from it.
—Dorothy Dix.
June Sixteenth
You can’t imagine, sir, what ’tis to have to do with a widow.
—Addison.
June Seventeenth
What objections there are to second marriages are almost exclusively
sentimental.
—Edward Stanton Martin.
June Eighteenth
Miss Jones (to Mr. Brown who has survived three wives)—“They must get
kind o’ mixed up in heaven with so many Mrs. Browns about.”
Mr. Brown—“Oh, no, I calculate not! You see they’re all different shades
of Brown.”
—Life.
June Nineteenth
The chief characteristic of the widow is its skill in bringing down its
game.
—Dorothy Dix.
June Twentieth
“For patient resignation, that widow lying there a corpse could dance all
’round any woman living.”
—Danbury News Man.
June Twenty-first
By taking a second wife man pays the highest compliment to the first.
—Johnson.
June Twenty-second
For many persons who have lost their mates prematurely, it is far better
to find a new one, if that is possible, than to go through life alone.
—Edward Stanton Martin.
June Twenty-third
And I caused the widow’s heart to sing for joy.
—Job xxix:13.
June Twenty-fourth
If you are an unsophisticated widow—one whose husband is just dead—you
will find that you can remain in your own home sixty days without paying
rent.
—Stowe.
June Twenty-fifth
I don’t feel at all sentimental;
For women I care not a rap,
But give me a jolly and gentle
Rich widow in weeds and a cap.
—Strong.
June Twenty-sixth
When they deal directly with widows, they want a class that knows nothing
of business.
—Stowe.
June Twenty-seventh
Then let him write her a bill of divorcement and give it in her hand and
send her out of his house.
—Deut. xxiv:1.
June Twenty-eighth
“Ah, sweetest one, may I be your captain and guide your bark down the sea
of life?”
“No. But you can be my second mate.”
—Exchange.
June Twenty-ninth
One of the chief inducements to marry a widow is the conversation that
ought to result from her enlarged experience of life.
—Edward Stanton Martin.
June Thirtieth
“I celebrate June Thirtieth as Independence Day.”
“Isn’t that a trifle early?”
“It’s the day on which I secured my first divorce.”
—Judge.
[Illustration: SCORPIO.]
July First
“You say his wife’s a brunette? I thought he married a blonde.”
“He did, but she dyed.”
—Wrinkle.
July Second
A law by which a widow should not burn herself till she had conversed
privately with a young man. Since that time not a single woman hath
burned herself in Arabia.
—Voltaire.
July Third
To the diplomatic widow, man is simply an open book. She plays upon his
weaknesses as upon a harp with a thousand strings.
—Dorothy Dix.
July Fourth
Widows are dangerous animals to be at large.
—J. W. Stowe.
July Fifth
Wanted—A nice young girl of affectionate disposition willing to make a
good-looking bachelor happy. Previous experience not necessary.
—Wasp.
July Sixth
In buying a horse and taking a wife,
Shut your eyes and trust God for your life.
—Italian Proverb.
July Seventh
A Bunch of Cash, with figures not too Few,
A Mine of Gold, a Government Bond or Two,
And Youth and Beauty and Cupid ever near her,
A Widow’s lot is not so Worse, think You?
—Widow.
July Eighth
Drying a widow’s tears is an expensive luxury.
—Dorothy Dix.
July Ninth
Wake! for the Son that scatters into flight
The Sighs and Tears that make you such a fright,
Drives them along, away, forever, and
Knocks Your Widow’s mourning Higher than a Kite!
—Widow.
July Tenth
Love makes time pass and time makes love pass.
—Proverb.
July Eleventh
Divorce is necessary in advanced civilization.
—Montesquieu.
July Twelfth
Woman, by nature, is a thing of change.
—Petrarch.
July Thirteenth
They can show no mercy to the widow.
—Barnich.
July Fourteenth
God has to me sufficiently been kind,
To take my husband, and leave me here behind.
—Anonymous.
July Fifteenth
Whoso has married once and seeks a second wedding, is a shipwrecked man
who sails twice through a difficult gulf.
—Greek Epigramme.
July Sixteenth
A mistress I’ve lost, it is true;
But one comfort attends the disaster:
That had she my mistress remained,
I could not have called myself master.
—Epigrammes Old and New.
July Seventeenth
He that marries a widow and three children marries four thieves.
—Spanish Proverb.
July Eighteenth
Said Jan, twice wedded to a scolding wife,
“Church-going’s the greatest pleasure of my life;
’Tis strange and sweet to see a man, oh, rare!
Keep full five hundred women quiet there.”
—Dutch Epigramme.
July Nineteenth
The greatest merit of some men is their wife.
—Poincelot.
July Twentieth
There was a time when the ideal condition coveted by women who craved
unlimited freedom, was that of a widow with one child.
—Edward Stanton Martin.
July Twenty-first
Let no Mandalay in his effort to seize
The Widows Three, or just one if he please,
There are others, I know, quite Simla to these,
And the diff’rence not one man in Seven Seas.
—Widow.
July Twenty-second
Two consorts in heaven are not two, but one angel.
—Swedenborg.
July Twenty-third
“Please take the medicine, wife, and I’ll be hanged if it doesn’t cure
you.”
“Oh, I’LL take it, then, for it is sure to do good one way or another.”
July Twenty-fourth
Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner.
—Colton.
July Twenty-fifth
“It is never too late to wed.”
July Twenty-sixth
The cause of his death was a complication of diseases, madam.
Widow—Ah! that was so like him! He was always versatile in everything.
—The Wasp.
July Twenty-seventh
“You say Grace married into the smart set?”
“Gracious, no; she was divorced into it.”
—Baltimore Herald.
July Twenty-eighth
A young widow has established a pistol gallery. Her qualifications as a
teacher of the art of dueling are of course undoubted. Has she not killed
her man?
—Louisville Journal.
July Twenty-ninth
“I have here one divorce notice and one marriage announcement,” said the
editor’s assistant. “What caption shall I put on them?”
“Run them together and head them “Breaks and Couplings,” replied the
railway editor.
—Exchange.
July Thirtieth
But when he called on Sally Brown
To see how she got on,
He found she’d got another Ben
Whose Christian name was John.
—Thomas Hood.
July Thirty-first
Widowhood grows yearly less necessary.
—Edward Stanton Martin.
[Illustration: SAGITTARIUS.]
August First
The giddy widow is an ever-present danger.
—Dorothy Dix.
August Second
“Some men are awfully unfortunate. You remember Smith, whose wife died
last year?”
“Yes.”
“Well, he’s got married again.”
—The Wasp.
August Third
A daughter of Eve—for such was the widow Wadman—had better be fifty
leagues off than make a man the object of her attentions when the house
and all the furniture are her own.
—Sterne.
August Fourth
What is a first love worth, except
To prepare for a second?
What does a second love bring?
Only regret for the first.
—John Hay.
August Fifth
If once I loved him? Dear, I cannot say;
All things have changed to me since he was here;
I thought to die when first he went away,
And now I name his name without a tear.
—Anonymous.
August Sixth
Is it dyin’ ye’re shpakin’ of? What would I do,
An unmarried widda in mournin’ for you?
—David L. Proudfit.
August Seventh
It is better to have courage than a wife. A man can’t have both.
—Life.
August Eighth
The widow knows man as merely a fallible human institution and she works
him for all that he is worth.
—Dorothy Dix.
August Ninth
The instances that second marriage move
Are base respects of thrift and not of love.
—Shakespeare.
August Tenth
Faith, I thought him dead, not he!
There he loves with ten-fold glee;
And now this moment with his wings,
I feel him tickling my heart-strings.
—Cupid Swallowed.
August Eleventh
Court in haste but marry at leisure.
—Widow’s Maxim.
August Twelfth
As you may find, whene’er you like to find her,
One man alone at first her heart can move;
She then prefers him in the plural number,
Not finding that the additions much encumber.
—Byron.
August Thirteenth
Mrs. Morris—“Since I have been married I have had only one wish
ungratified.”
Mr. Morris—“And what is that, dear?”
Mrs. Morris—“That I were single again.”
—Life.
August Fourteenth
The pure one loved him to the day he died,
But when he died, his dearest friend she wed.
—James B. Bensal.
August Fifteenth
“There never was a nicer woman as a widder, than that ’ere second wentur
o’ mine,—a sweet cretur she was, Sammy; and all I can say on her now, is,
that as she was such an uncommon pleasant widder, it’s a great pity she
ever changed her condition.”
—Dickens.
August Sixteenth
Alas! you see of how slight metal widows’ vows are made.
—Chapman.
[Illustration: Widows are held in such esteem, that an artificial species
is cultivated, called straw, or grass widows, from their habit of making
hay while the sun shines.
—Dorothy Dix.]
August Seventeenth
It tells me how short lived widows’ tears are, that their weeping is in
truth but laughing under a mask, that they mourn in their gowns and laugh
in their sleeves.
—Chapman.
August Eighteenth
But few men who have gone out to console widows have returned unscathed.
—Dorothy Dix.
August Nineteenth
“Maids are either harmless, or will become so, but with a widow the sting
is never gone.”
August Twentieth
The widow about to remarry is the most unselfish of mortals. She seldom
thinks of number one.
—Life.
August Twenty-first
The head and the heart in the game of love
Must each play a separate part;
But we’ll pardon a girl with a cold in her head,
If she’ll only be warm in the heart.
—Life.
August Twenty-second
“Do you think old maids live longer than widows?”
Old maid—“It seems longer.”
August Twenty-third
That’s what a man wants in a wife, mostly: he wants to make sure o’ one
fool as ’ll tell him he’s wise.
—George Eliot.
August Twenty-fourth
Husbands are in heaven whose wives chide them not.
—Proverb.
August Twenty-fifth
“No man is a romantic hero to a widow.”
August Twenty-sixth
The chain of wedlock is so heavy that it takes two to carry it—sometimes
three.
—Alex. Dumas.
August Twenty-seventh
“And how long have you been a widow?”
“Oh, the year was up yesterday; but indeed you must give me at least a
month to get ready.”
When he got outside again, he murmured, “Now I know what old Weller
meant.”
—The Wasp.
August Twenty-eighth
It is mere folly for a man to underestimate the danger he runs from a
widow.
—Dorothy Dix.
August Twenty-ninth
Are you not ashamed to enforce a poor widow to so rough a course?
—Shakespeare.
August Thirtieth
Cupid has no trouble keeping Lent;
For since with flame his year is spent,
He must have lots of ashes.
—Puck.
August Thirty-first
After such years of dissension and strife,
Some wonder that Peter should weep for his wife;
But his tears on her grave are nothing surprising,
He’s laying her dust, for fear of its rising.
—Hood.
[Illustration: CAPRICORNUS.]
September First
Was never widow had so dear a loss!
—Shakespeare.
September Second
For she saith in her heart, I sit a queen, and am no widow and shall see
no sorrow.
—Rev. xviii:7.
September Third
“And so you are married—joined for life?”
“Oh, it’s hardly that bad!”
—Judge.
September Fourth
Parke—“Wiggson married a widow, didn’t he?”
Lane—“Yes.”
Parke—“I wonder how he likes her former husband?”
—Puck.
September Fifth
She had tasted the sweets of wedded life, but somehow single blessedness,
decked in the latest modes of widow’s weeds, offered her a more alluring
programme.
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
September Sixth
The dearest object to a married man should be his wife; but it is not
infrequently her clothes.
—Danbury News Man.
September Seventh
A little widow is a dangerous thing; but is there not always a
fascination in dangerous things?
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
September Eighth
Being a widow, rightly understood, gives a woman many privileges that no
other woman possesses.
—Dorothy Dix.
September Ninth
It does not matter whom you marry, for you will find next morning you
have married some one else.
—S. Rogers.
September Tenth
Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing.
—Proverbs.
September Eleventh
A young man in the West has written home: “Send me a wig.” And his fond
parents don’t know whether he is scalped or married.
—Danbury News Man.
September Twelfth
Heaven preserve you ever from that dull blessing, an obedient husband.
—John Tobin.
September Thirteenth
“By George! if I were in your place I would apply for a divorce.”
“I’d like to, but she won’t let me.”
—Indianapolis Journal.
September Fourteenth
George Washington was rejected by at least one young lady and finally had
to marry a mere widow.
—Judge.
September Fifteenth
Divorce Lawyer—“What’s the cause, madam?”
Client—“I have been married two years.”
—Puck.
September Sixteenth
One husband on earth is worth two underground.
—Widow.
September Seventeenth
A woman enjoys two days of happiness on earth: when she takes a husband
and when she buries him.
—Anonymous.
September Eighteenth
“Widows are witches, don’t you think?”
September Nineteenth
Widow Black—“Whad meks you fink he’s gwine to propose at last?”
Widow Grey—“Kase I kin tell from his hungry looks and his seediness dat
he cain’t suppo’t hisself much longer.”
—Harper’s Bazar.
September Twentieth
Many overhasty widows cut their years of mourning very short and within a
few weeks make post-speed to a second marriage.
—Fuller.
September Twenty-first
Handsome widows, after a twelvemonth, enjoy a latitude and longitude
without limit.
—Balzac.
September Twenty-second
Marriage: an institution where one person undertakes to provide happiness
for two.
—Mme. Roland.
September Twenty-third
It destroys one’s nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.
—Beaconsfield.
September Twenty-fourth
If a widower buys a new tie and it is of a bright color, his daughters
begin to grow suspicious.
—Atchison Globe.
September Twenty-fifth
“All the world loves a widow.”
September Twenty-sixth
“Do you think that was a fortunate marriage?” asked the minister’s wife.
“Oh, yes, very!” replied the reverend gentleman; “I needed the money.”
—Yonkers Statesman.
September Twenty-seventh
Mrs. Black—“They say he’s dreadfully henpecked.”
Mrs. Dash—“Henpecked! why the man does not even dare to get a divorce.”
—Harper’s Bazar.
September Twenty-eighth
A woman keeps her first love long if she happens not to take a second.
—Rochefoucauld.
September Twenty-ninth
“Yes, sir, it’s a fact: that married men live longer than single ones.”
“And do you know the reason, sir? The miserable wretches don’t dare die.”
—Harper’s Bazar.
September Thirtieth
First Soubrette—“What is the cause of the divorce?”
Second Soubrette—“Both intend to star next season.”
—Exchange.
[Illustration: AQUARIUS.]
October First
Maude—“Is she married?”
Mabel—“No, unmarried for the fourth time.”
—Harper’s Bazar.
October Second
Now, if you must marry, take care she is old;
A troop-sergeant’s widow’s the nicest, I’m told;
For beauty won’t help if your rations is cold,
Nor love ain’t enough for a soldier.
—Kipling.
October Third
Your spouse, who husbands dear hath buried seven,
Stands a bad chance to make the number even.
—Martial.
October Fourth
Marriage is a lottery; every wife does not become a widow.
—I. Zangwill.
October Fifth
Bachelors are providential beings; God created them for the consolation
of widows.
—J. de Finod.
October Sixth
A man without a wife is but half a man.
—Benjamin Franklin.
October Seventh
No wise man ever married; but for a fool it is the most ambrosial of all
possible future states.
—Byron.
October Eighth
Now a little widow is perilously fascinating; her very littleness
constitutes an element of danger, since it coaxingly compels sympathy.
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
October Ninth
“Sacred to the memory of my dearly beloved wife, Mary. Ditto Jane.”
—Epitaph.
October Tenth
It is but a shallow philosophy that underrates the married state; and he
who bids you avoid matrimony because he has tried it and failed, is a
fool for his pains.
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
October Eleventh
We would the widow wed; she’s old, say I,
But if she older were, I would comply.
—Martial.
October Twelfth
To be a widow is a mournful state;
Delia was wise and made one moon its date.
—Anonymous.
October Thirteenth
Your wise man will never marry his first love.
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
October Fourteenth
From your breast you may pluck
His dart, if you will,
But the place where it struck
Will be sensitive still.
—Life.
October Fifteenth
Star—“I have had my diamonds stolen three times and been married four.
Now what else can I do?”
Manager—“You might take lessons in acting.”
—Puck.
October Sixteenth
“A widow and her money are soon married.”
October Seventeenth
Widows differ; maids are all alike.
October Eighteenth
The law allows one husband to one wife,
But wives will seldom brook the straightened life;
They must have two; besides her Jack, each Jill,
In spite of law and gospel, weds her will.
—Exchange.
October Nineteenth
When one sympathizes with a widow, when one says, “Poor little woman”—one
is lost.
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
October Twentieth
She was so pious during Lent,
I thought it best to shun her,
So she’d have leisure to repent;
But in the forty days so spent,
My rival wooed and won her.
—Life.
October Twenty-first
“Needs must when the widow drives.”
October Twenty-second
“Are you going to sue him for breach of promise?”
“No. Dick always signed his letters ‘without recourse.’”
—Life.
October Twenty-third
Man flattering man not always can prevail,
But woman flattering man can never fail.
—Marriott.
October Twenty-fourth
A place under government was all that Paddy wanted;
He married soon a scolding wife, and his wish was granted.
—Anonymous.
October Twenty-fifth
Why should she be condemned to wear moral sackcloth and ashes all her
life because she is a widow and does not choose to marry again?
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
October Twenty-sixth
Though marriage by some folks be reckoned a curse,
Three wives did I marry, for better or worse;
The first for her person, the next for her purse,
The third for a warming pan, doctor and nurse.
—Thomas Bastard, of Oxford.
October Twenty-seventh
If you’d be married, first grow young,
Wear a mask and hold your tongue.
—Proverb.
October Twenty-eighth
And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house.
—I Tim. v:13.
October Twenty-ninth
There is a great charm in loving a woman who is versed in the lore of
love and who is practiced in all the sleight-of-heart tricks of it.
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
October Thirtieth
And there came a certain poor widow and she threw in two mites, which
make a farthing.
—Mark xii:42.
October Thirty-first
And not only idle, but tattlers also, and busybodies, speaking things
which they ought not.
—I Tim. v:13.
[Illustration: PISCES.]
November First
If a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live
no longer in monument than the bell rings and the widow weeps.
—Shakespeare.
November Second
Raillery! Raillery! madam, we’ve no animosity. We hit off a little wit
now and then, but no animosity.
—Congreve.
November Third
Not whom you marry, but how much you marry, is the real question.
—Whipple.
November Fourth
“They tell me, Daniel, you’ve had four wives.”
Daniel (proudly)—“Ess, zur, I ’ave—and what’s more, two of ’em was good
’uns!”
—San Francisco News Letter.
November Fifth
The little widow is experienced, accessible and free, and withal fatally
fascinating.
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
November Sixth
“Haven’t you lost your wife?” inquired the gravestone agent.
“Why, yes, I have,” said the man, “but no gravestone ain’t necessary; you
see the cussed critter ain’t dead. She’s scooted with another man.” The
agent retired.
—Danbury News Man.
November Seventh
Give unto mine hand, which am a widow, the power that I have conceived.
—Judith ix:9.
November Eighth
He (desperately in love)—“Don’t you think two can live as cheaply as one?”
Widow (reflectingly)—“Ya-as; but I’d rather be the one.”
—Puck.
November Ninth
Let us oppress the poor righteous man, let us not spare the widow.
—Wisdom of Solomon ii:10.
November Tenth
Do not the tears run down the widow’s cheeks, and is not her cry against
him that causeth them to fall?
—Ecclesiasticus xxxv:15.
November Eleventh
She is a dead shot with Cupid’s arrow, and never misses her mark.
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
November Twelfth
She was a woman without a past.
Who?
Eve.
—Life.
November Thirteenth
A little widow may be a dangerous thing, but the danger is harmless.
—Malcolm C. Salomon.
November Fourteenth
The remains of many eligible bachelors who have strayed away from their
clubs and been lost have been found by their anxious friends reposing by
the domestic widow’s fireside.
—Dorothy Dix.
November Fifteenth
He evil entreateth the barren that beareth not; and doest not good to the
widow.
—Job xxiv:21.
November Sixteenth
The barrel of meal shall not waste; neither shall the cruse of oil fail.
—I Kings xvii:14.
[Illustration:
Shall I woo the one or other?
Both attract me—more’s the pity;
Pretty is the widowed mother,
And the daughter, too, is pretty.
—Eugene Field.]
November Seventeenth
To the public eye the most attractive widow is the gay and frivolous one.
—Dorothy Dix.
November Eighteenth
Among all her lovers she hath none to comfort her.
—Lamentations i:2.
November Nineteenth
Finally, I will search for things that are little, avoiding all
torch-lite processions, wimmin’s rights conventions and grass widders
generally.
—Josh Billings.
November Twentieth
How is she become as a widow! she that was great among the nations!
—Lamentations i:1.
November Twenty-first
Neither shall they take for their wives a widow.
—Ezekiel xliv:22.
November Twenty-second
“I want some cards printed for ‘Mrs. Carrol.’”
“What’s her other name?”
“Ain’t got no other; her husband’s run away and left her.”
—Danbury News.
November Twenty-third
And all the widows stood by him weeping.
—Acts ix:39.
November Twenty-fourth
And now a widow I must mourn,
The pleasures that will ne’er return;
No comfort but a hearty can,
When I think on John Highlandman.
—Burns.
November Twenty-fifth
Where is the bill of your mother’s divorcement?
—Isaiah i:1.
November Twenty-sixth
“Ev’ybody knows there ain’ no happiness in married life till one of de
contractin’ parties done ’ceasted.”
—Harper’s Magazine.
November Twenty-seventh
Whoso shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement.
—Matthew v:31.
November Twenty-eighth
It has been found that the only way to head off a widow is to kill it.
—Dorothy Dix.
November Twenty-ninth
“If ever you’re attacked with the gout, sir, just you marry a widder as
has got a good loud woice, with a decent notion of using it.”
—Dickens.
November Thirtieth
Your seventh wife, Phileros, is now being buried in your field. No man’s
field yields him greater profit than yours, Phileros.
—Martial.
[Illustration: ARIES.]
December First
“It behooves a husband, if he would not be forgotten, to stay alive.”
December Second
The most common, and perhaps the most dangerous, is the weeping widow,
which may be easily distinguished by its long, flowing black veil and
pensive air of melancholy.
—Dorothy Dix.
December Third
“The widow can bake, the widow can brew,
The widow can shape and the widow can sew.”
December Fourth
Honor widows that are widows indeed.
—I Timothy v:3.
December Fifth
Now she that is a widow indeed and desolate, trusteth in God.
—I Timothy v:5.
December Sixth
“Take example by your father, my boy, and be very careful o’ the widders
all your life.”
—Dickens.
December Seventh
Mrs. Peachblow—“Why does your husband carry such a tremendous amount of
life insurance when he’s in such perfect health?”
Mrs. Flicker—“Oh, just to tantalize me! Men are naturally cruel.”
—Life.
December Eighth
She that is a widow is a lady.
—Kent.
December Ninth
The particular skill of the widow has ever been to inflame your wishes
and yet command respect.
—Addison.
December Tenth
Second marriage: “The triumph of hope over experience.”
—Johnson.
December Eleventh
Lawyer—“Incompatibility? How does this incompatibility manifest itself?”
Lady—“Why, I want to get a divorce and my husband doesn’t.”
December Twelfth
“Thou art not the first man a widow’s love hath sent to the barber shop.”
—Exchange.
December Thirteenth
These widows, sir, are the most perverse creatures in the world.
—Addison.
December Fourteenth
With his dying breath he bid me never marry again till his grave should
be dry, even though it should take up four days in drying.
—Oliver Goldsmith.
December Fifteenth
Lawyer—“But, Mrs. Smith, there is absolutely no ground for a divorce.”
Fair Client—“No cause? How long do you imagine it requires for one to
become thoroughly tired of the name of Smith?”
—Life.
December Sixteenth
Both here and hence, pursue me lasting strife,
If, once a widow, ever I be wife!
—Shakespeare.
December Seventeenth
None wed the second but who killed the first.
—Shakespeare.
December Eighteenth
If I have withheld the poor from their desire or have caused the eyes of
the widow to fail.
—Job xxxi:16.
December Nineteenth
“The Bible distinctly says, ‘Ye ask and ye receive not, because ye ask
amiss.’”
“Then ask a widow.”
December Twentieth
In proportion as his passion for the widow abated and old age came on,
he left off fox-hunting; but a hare is not yet safe that sits within ten
miles of his house.
—Addison.
December Twenty-first
Man proposes and the widow—accepts.
December Twenty-second
Come, Hurry up! Cause the widow’s heart to sing,
Seal Pledge and Vow and Pleading with a Ring;
Or, if Cupid’s dart has failed your Heart to flutter,
To Cupid She won’t do a Thing.
—Ex-Widow.
December Twenty-third
Are you mirthful? how her laughter,
Silver sounding, will ring out!
She can lure, and catch and play you,
As an angler does the trout.
—Anonymous.
December Twenty-fourth
How would you like to swap a ten-dollar pension for a five-dollar man?
—Kansas Suitor.
December Twenty-fifth
Men dying make their wills,
But wives escape a task so sad;
Why should they make what all their lives
The gentle dames have had?
—Dryden.
December Twenty-sixth
Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
—Heywood.
December Twenty-seventh
Of old women, widows are most woeful.
—Thomas Fuller.
December Twenty-eighth
The first moment the widow Wadman saw him she felt something stirring
within her in his favor,—something, something.
—Sterne.
December Twenty-ninth
But with a husband we demand
The coin that’s current in the land.
—Richard Realf.
December Thirtieth
In her first passion woman loves her lover; in all others, all she loves
is love.
—Byron.
December Thirty-first
“And when a widow’s in the case,
You know all other things give place.”
The Tomoyé Press
San Francisco, Cal.
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