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Title: "Quite wild animals"
Author: Beatrice Curtis Brown
Release date: November 9, 2025 [eBook #77207]
Language: English
Original publication: New York: Dodd, Mead and Company, 1923
Credits: Charlene Taylor, Tom Trussel and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.)
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK "QUITE WILD ANIMALS" ***
“QUITE WILD ANIMALS”
BY
BEATRICE CURTIS BROWN
[Illustration: GORRIBLE]
NEW YORK
DODD, MEAD AND COMPANY
1923
COPYRIGHT, 1923,
BY DODD, MEAD & COMPANY, INC.
PRINTED IN U. S. A.
VAIL-BALLOU COMPANY
BINGHAMTON AND NEW YORK
TO
ENID
GROWP
[Illustration: GROWP]
GROWP
This is Growp. He is rather dangerous and can run faster than any one
else when he is angry, which he often is, so most people keep away from
him as much as possible.
If you look at the picture you will see that he has a beak and two
wings, but otherwise he is quite an ordinary animal, so for a long time
he did not know what to call himself, a beast or a bird. At last a
friend said to him, “Why don’t you call yourself a birst?” So that is
what he does now.
Growp lives in a large wet and muddy field all alone. He has built
himself a house out of old tins and broken saucers that people have
thrown at him. It is a most ugly house and has no windows, but he
thinks it is very beautiful and no one dares to contradict him.
He has hardly any friends and those he does have do not come to see him
very much, because he cannot taste anything, on account of his beak (no
one with a beak can, you know, and that is why they eat queer things
like worms), so he is very apt to eat his visitors. He says he is
getting lonely but I don’t believe him. I think he means he is getting
hungry.
DOOLYBOO
[Illustration: DOOLYBOO]
DOOLYBOO
Oh gaze on Doolyboo awhile,
Observe her sweet and winning smile,
Admire the way she lifts her feet,
And see how clean she is, and neat.
She’s always asked to tea or dine
Because her manners are so fine;
Where’er she drinks from glass or cup
She puts her little finger up:
She’s always clean of paw and face
And waves her tail in dainty grace.
She never shouts or stamps her feet,
She knows that would be indiscreet,
But always laughs when jokes are made,
And quite agrees with all that’s said.
She is the best beloved of all,
By each and every animal,
They like to have her come to play
They’re sorry when she goes away.
Oh, let us all then try to be
As sweet and rosy-cheeked as she.
BAWGUM
[Illustration: BAWGUM]
BAWGUM
This is Bawgum. In spite of his fierce expression, he is perfectly
safe and has the softest possible heart, but he likes to be thought
terrifying and dangerous. Unfortunately nobody really believes he is
after they have seen his tail which is most playful and undignified.
However, it hurts his feelings to be told that he has a playful tail,
so people generally pretend they don’t notice it.
Bawgum talks a good deal because he thinks he has rather a fine voice,
and the words he uses are so long that his friends always bring
dictionaries when they come to tea with him. Some one said that he
started a word one Sunday and was still saying it when they came to see
him next Sunday, but I think this must be a joke.
He is rather fat and the doctor has recently told him that he ought to
eat nothing but tadpoles for at least three months, but after Bawgum
had been eating tadpoles for three days there were no more left in
the country, so now he has gone back to his usual diet. I believe the
doctor has told him to try skipping every morning after breakfast (for
he is really anxious to get thin, he thinks it would make him look more
dignified). I am afraid he will find it rather difficult to skip, but
he is going to try it for he has asked two friends to come and turn the
skipping rope for him.
QUEEK
[Illustration: QUEEK]
QUEEK
This is Queek. He is the laziest of all the animals and every year he
is getting fatter and fatter, although his legs still remain weak and
wobbly because he never uses them.
Years ago, when he was young, Queek used to be quite active, and one
day he built himself a house. It was in the hot weather on a specially
hot day, so when he had finished it (all except the front door) he
sat down on the flower-bed outside his dining-room window and leaned
against the wall. He found it so comfortable sitting against the wall
of his house in the sun that he simply could not find the energy to get
up. He did not go to bed, neither did he get up for breakfast the next
morning. In fact to make a long story short, he has been sitting there
ever since.
So he has never been inside his little house that he built so carefully
that morning, and his cousin the Skutch cleans it out thoroughly every
month and also comes round at mealtimes and passes out Queek’s food to
him through the window.
His only worry is the front door, which he feels ought to be put on
because the dust blows in and makes the hall carpet so dirty. However,
every one else says they are much too busy to spend time on a house
that no one lives in, and Queek seems to think that he will never do
it, so he will probably go on worrying about it for a very long time.
And I think it serves him right.
It seems sad to think of him sitting there on the flower-bed all his
life, but he says he is perfectly happy and comfortable, specially
since his last birthday when the animals gave him a big umbrella to
keep him dry in the wet weather. So perhaps we don’t need to pity him.
GORRIBLE
[Illustration: GORRIBLE]
GORRIBLE
Gorrible is an extremely nice creature though not beautiful. He is
always tired, for his feet each weigh about as much as an omnibus with
three people inside, one on top, the driver and the conductor, and the
conductor’s little “ting” thing altogether. So it is a terrible effort
for him to walk. When he is asked out to tea he has to start several
days beforehand and take a little tent to sleep in at nights while he
is getting there, because his progress is so slow. After every five
steps (one with each foot and one jump) he has to sit down and rest.
Also he suffers terribly from flies in the summer. They will settle on
the middle of his back, and he has been trying to switch them off with
his tail for nearly thirty-seven years now. I don’t believe he will
ever succeed.
You would hardly think to look at him that he received a medal once for
rescuing some one. It was like this. One day Doolyboo, who has a bad
habit of not looking what her feet are doing, walked into a pond. She
cannot swim and her cries for help were pitiful to hear. Now it just
happened that Gorrible was on his way to a Garden Party at Queek’s and
was camping near the river so that he could have water with which to
make his morning tea. He heard Doolyboo cry out and without waiting
to put on his goloshes he rushed to the river. (When I say “rushed” I
mean he went as fast as _he_ could, he took six steps and two jumps
between each rest and got to the water’s edge in about ten minutes).
He plunged in and swam out to Doolyboo and said to her, “Catch hold of
my tail--only don’t pull too hard--and breathe outwards.” Then he swam
in and gave Doolyboo a nice hot drink and told her to look where she
was going next time. Now Sloot says this wasn’t anything to make a fuss
about because the water wasn’t deep anyway, and it is certainly true
that Doolyboo was only wet to the top of her ankles, but Sloot is a
mean, cowardly animal, and I think it was a perfectly splendid act of
bravery for Gorrible to perform.
THE BOLLA
[Illustration: THE BOLLA]
THE BOLLA
This is Bolla. He has had rather a sad life. To begin with, years ago,
he ate too much at a birthday party and was terribly ill for many
months. When he was better, he took a vow that he would never eat rich
food again, so now he feeds entirely on those light, airy feathers (one
for breakfast, two for dinner, and one for tea) that you sometimes see
floating about the room after the bed has been made up. So although he
looks bulgy he is quite empty and perfectly resembles a balloon. This
is a great trouble to him. He just cannot keep on the ground, but with
the slightest puff of wind he is taken up and has to float till the
breeze drops and he is allowed to alight gently on the ground probably
miles from where he started.
Many years ago, before the birthday party, when he was still a
young and handsome animal, he fell in love with a beautiful young
damsel-animal and the marriage was arranged to take place in the
spring. This was the autumn and between the engagement and the wedding
occurred the birthday party. So when the great day arrived, Bolla had
become the light airy creature he is now. However his bride loved him
so much she didn’t mind. But poor Bolla! Just as the wedding march
began, a breeze arose and he was borne aloft and wafted away, very
far away indeed, because the breeze became a hurricane, and lasted
for three days and he was set down in an entirely new country, and he
has never been able to find his way back to his bride since. He is
terribly miserable about this, and has never smiled since that day,
although he is very kind and still makes jokes in a melancholy way, so
that his friends won’t feel depressed when they are with him. He has
no fixed home, because he would not be able to settle down in one, but
he carries a clean white paper-bag with him to sleep in in case he is
wafted far away from any shelter and has to spend the night outdoors.
GOLOPHOS
[Illustration: GOLOPHOS]
GOLOPHOS
This is Golophos. He was meant to be a respectable size but his neck
forgot to stop growing and by the time it had reached the end he felt
he must have a head to suit it. So he does not quite fit himself.
He is not very much liked by the rest of the animals because he is so
proud and superior. He thinks that because he can see over all their
heads that he knows a great deal more than the rest of them. He always
wears this supercilious expression.
Now if he had chosen to be nice, he could have made a fortune by
letting little animals slide down his neck at five cents a slide. Their
parents would have been only too glad to give them a quarter to get
them out of the way. But Golophos felt it would be beneath his dignity
to let the little ones use him as a place of entertainment, so now he
has to go without sugar because he has no money to buy it with.
He lives in a beautiful house with electric lights and hot and cold
water, but there are only three walls to it. This is because he is too
big to get through a door so he had to have one wall taken down or he
could not have got into the house at all. Of course this means that
every one can see what he is doing inside, but he does not mind that
because he is sure that every one admires him so much. It is just like
him to have a name like that. He says it is Greek but it isn’t. He
won’t let people call him Phossy for short.
SQUILLY-WIGGLE
[Illustration: SQUILLY-WIGGLE]
SQUILLY-WIGGLE
The Squilly-wiggle has tried to make up for his lack of dignity by
putting a hyphen in the middle of his name. The rest of the animals
think it is very conceited of him and try to leave it out when they
write him letters, but he has had it put on his calling cards, so there
it is.
He is worried always because he never knows quite where his legs are
going to take him. He gives them directions every morning and they
always start out for the right place, but often just as they arrive at
the door of his destination, they turn round and go galloping off to
somewhere entirely different. He tries hard to control them but it is
very difficult for him, for he _is_ more leg than anything else, except
perhaps neck, and that is rather a hindrance than a help because it
makes his head so far off from his legs. His tail is entirely neutral
and does not help either way. The result of all this is that he is
very much aware if he should try and be too firm with his legs they
might refuse to work altogether. They have threatened to do this. So
he walks all day with his head turned round this way, backwards, so
that his legs will not take him somewhere by surprise. They (the legs)
are always indicating that they think he should buy a car, so that they
would not have to do any more work. They cannot speak in words but they
show this feeling by stopping and pointing at a car whenever they see
one. This often makes it very difficult for Squilly when he is crossing
the road in the crowded traffic, but they have no consideration for his
feelings.
Of course his friends say that he simply is not firm enough and that he
has no will power. “Just look at his chin,” they say. But personally I
sympathize with him and am going to get up a subscription to buy him a
motorcycle. I do not know how he will fit himself on to one. Perhaps he
can have a side car attached for his neck.
He lives in a bath tub that has been turned upside down. He has it
fitted up very comfortably with electric lights and cushions and he
warms himself on the hot tap.
SLOOT
[Illustration: SLOOT]
SLOOT
The Sloot, which is the name of this animal, is a really horrid
creature. His mother, I should add, calls him Bertie. He is not
supposed to get into this book at all, but as you can see if you look
at the picture, it is very difficult to tell whether he is going or
coming, and I made the mistake of thinking he was going, and he wasn’t
at all.
He is not even sincerely horrid like Growp so you cannot get any
enjoyment out of him by throwing broken saucers at him and then seeing
if you can get safely away, as you can with the other. He is shy and
soft spoken, in fact he has taken to speaking with a lisp of a peculiar
kind because he thinks it makes him sound innocent. He is trying hard
to get taken into society among the other animals and has learnt to
play the harp in the hope that people will ask him to entertain their
guests after dinner.
These are some of his bad habits. He does not wash, he only pretends
to, and sometimes just wets the parts that show; also he listens
behind keyholes and reads other people’s letters, and he treads on old
gentlemen’s toes for spite, and then tries to look as if some one else
had done it and says, “Really, how _can_ people be so rude!”
In fact he is no gentleman, and never will be. And just _look_ at his
tail.
BLUMPLEBY
[Illustration: BLUMPLEBY]
BLUMPLEBY
This is Blumpleby. His friends call him Peewit because it pleases
him. He is very old, no one can remember when he was young, it was so
long ago. He is not a very pleasant person because he has no manners.
He only says “Hey” when you speak to him, unless you are talking
about meals when he becomes very interested. His table manners are
disgusting. Once he tried to eat peas with his fingers and got into a
terrible mess because he had taken too much gravy on the same plate. If
you look at his hands you will see he ought never to use them if he can
use a fork instead, but he always does.
Some one said he had not had a bath for three years, eight months and
four days, but I hope this is not true.
He lives in a mud hut which has only one room and no furniture. He
used to have some chairs, but whenever he sat on them the seats fell
through, and the legs doubled up, so he has given up trying to sit on
anything except the floor.
He spends most of his time reading old newspapers which he eats when
he has read. He believes that if he eats enough he will soon know
everything in the world. He has been eating them for years, however,
and the only remark he ever makes is still “Hey,” so I don’t think his
plan is very successful.
I must tell you that he is very vain and all round the walls of his mud
hut are hung pictures of himself when he was young--at least _he_ says
they are, but as some of them are quite handsome most people do not
believe he is speaking the truth.
SKOONK
[Illustration: SKOONK]
SKOONK
The Skoonk has a very sad story. To begin with he only eats sea-shells
because he has a weak indigestion, and as a result he has become
terribly thin. He is nearly always cold too. But what is worst is that
he is hardly ever allowed to talk. Somehow the diet of sea-shells has
made his voice shrill and squeaky, like the sound of a knife scraped
on a plate. So whenever he starts to talk the rest of the animals say,
as politely as they can but very quickly, “Oh, _please_ stop!” And if
he goes on they are apt to throw things at him. This is not because
they do not love him, for he is gentle and well-bred, but they just
cannot bear his voice. So now he never talks, he writes hundreds of
letters. His friends have given him a typewriter, and he sits in his
house all day and writes to them, one after another. He tells them what
the weather is like, and if the water was hot for his bath, and what he
wants to have for his next birthday. Sometimes he gives a party and for
these occasions he puts up a big blackboard in the drawing-room with
“HOW DO YOU DO? I AM GLAD TO SEE YOU. HELP YOURSELF TO TEA,” written
on it. Then he does not have to say a word but just smiles and shakes
hands. Many people who can speak quite well have taken up the idea from
him because they think it saves so much trouble.
He lives in a little house of dark red brick with purple tiles which
his friends built for him because they felt sorry for him. (It was one
day after they had thrown a brick at him.)
On the whole he doesn’t have a bad time really. He looks pathetic in
the picture because it was taken on a day when the rest were all going
to sing at a concert. Of course he was not allowed to, and he _did_
want to so much. However he was allowed to sell programs and that made
him feel happy again.
PUFFTUFFIN
[Illustration: PUFFTUFFIN]
PUFFTUFFIN
This is a truly kindly animal. He is all soft except for his head, his
legs and his shirtfront, and people like to fall about on him when he
is near because he is so soft and comfortable to land on. In the winter
he earns his living as a sort of stove, people come and warm their
hands on him when it is cold and they have lost their gloves. He only
charges half-price to children.
He was unfortunately born without any legs and for many years he tried
to get about by rolling. But when it was wet his nice soft fuzz stuck
to the pavement and got dirty, besides making it difficult for him
to get along. So quite late in life he decided to grow some legs. He
took some Ambulatory Pills after meals every day for three weeks and
presently the legs began to appear. But when they had grown a few
inches he thought he noticed something queer about them. As he was not
accustomed to legs, he went around with them to a friend (it was to
Skutch because he had taken some pills to grow arms and had succeeded
very well). The friend looked at them and said,
“When did you take those pills?”
Pufftuffin said, “After meals every day.”
“Oh dear, what have you done?” said the friend, “They ought to have
been taken before meals. Now you will always be knock-kneed because
they will grow out the wrong way.”
And that is what happened. Pufftuffin tried taking all sorts of other
pills, eating them frantically _before_ meals, but it was too late.
All he could do was to make his feet turn out the right way, and as
they are the bottom of his legs, I hardly think it was an improvement.
However, they are perfectly good for walking with even on wet days.
SKUTCH
[Illustration: SKUTCH]
SKUTCH
This is usually called Skutch. He is hoping you will think him quite
grown-up and that is why he is standing in such a peculiar attitude. I
tried to persuade him to put both feet on the ground while he was being
drawn because he kept falling about when he was standing this way, but
he would not because he thought he looked more interesting this way.
People meeting him for the first time might think he was conceited but
he really isn’t--at least not much. He is always teased by his brothers
because he is so tall and that has made him rather shy and silent. His
great ambition is to be a coat-of-arms when he is grown up and he goes
to a studio to practise for this every day. You will see he has two
rather darling little hands in two pockets. Now none of the rest of his
family have hands--they never have--but he thought they were rather
smart things to have so he grew a pair and had some pockets made so
that he could put them inside, like this. He can’t use his hands for
anything except ornament.
He feeds on self-filling fountain pens with the tops on and unsharpened
pencils. He doesn’t like sharpened ones because the points stick in
his throat and if anything gets stuck in his throat there is no room
for anything to pass it. He has to be very careful about his diet. Once
some one made him swallow a box of golfballs for a joke. The lid of the
box came off just as it got half-way down his neck, and all the balls
came out at once. His appearance was completely altered for some days,
and his throat has been rather sore ever since.
SPINICUM
[Illustration: SPINICUM]
SPINICUM
A long time ago the Spinicum had two tails. It was his chief claim to
social distinction, which means that people invited him out to parties
and teas simply because he had two tails, and that started a cheerful
conversation when the guests were shy or the tea was late in coming up.
He wore his tails on either side of him instead of at the back, and
every Saturday he used to curl them with a hot toasting-fork so that he
would look smart on Sunday. I do not know why he used a toasting-fork
instead of ordinary curling irons, I think it was because he liked the
peculiar wave that the fork produced.
One day he was invited to a party and went up to his room to get ready
and curl his tails. He could not find the fork anywhere. He ran up and
down the house and looked in the cupboards and on the shelves and all
the time the clock went on ticking till there were only five minutes
left before the party began. Then he saw his nephew was in the garden
digging potatoes with it. By the time he had got hold of it and had
started to curl it was very late indeed. So he boldly cut off the right
hand tail because he did not have time to curl it, and put it on his
dressing-table, expecting to sew it on when he came home.
But he never saw his tail again. While he was gone his little nephew
took it out to play “dressing up” with it. He was having a lovely time
pretending he was his uncle, when a very noisy dog rushed up to him and
ran away with the tail in his teeth. Little nephew was too frightened
to run after the dog and it was never seen again.
So ever since that day, Spinicum always walks looking at the pavement,
hoping that the dog may have dropped the tail by now and that he will
find it sometime lying in the dust. Meanwhile he has grown a beard, or
has tried to, and hopes it will make up for the tail. But it doesn’t at
all.
SHIMMYHONK
[Illustration: SHIMMYHONK]
SHIMMYHONK
The Shimmyhonk is a lady as you can see by her smile and dainty steps.
She is rather vain and thinks a good deal of her appearance. She is not
very attractive, for one thing it is a matter of doubt whether she has
any body. Spiteful people have been heard to say that where she isn’t
neck she is leg, and vice versa, but I am glad to say that Shimmyhonk
has never heard anybody say this for it would hurt her feelings.
She gives music lessons to the younger animals on the piano and harp.
In fact she is the only animal who knows how to play any instrument
(except Sloot, who does not count), so she has to play for all the
parades and concerts that are given. She likes playing at concerts
because she has a most elegant bow that she is able to give on those
occasions.
Another thing she likes is having her photograph taken. She has one
done every week in a different pose; playing the piano, playing the
harp, playing both together, sitting in the garden with a basket of
flowers round her neck, reading a book by the open window, pouring tea
out of her silver tea-pot. She also collects picture-postcards, and
all the animals know her postcard album very well indeed, because she
always gets it out to show to them when they come to tea, before they
have been in the house five minutes, and the younger animals look at it
while they are waiting for their music lessons.
She is as yet a maiden lady, but it is said that Golophos is rather
fond of her, and thinks that she alone of all the animals is genteel
enough to be a good wife to him. However he has not said anything about
the matter to her yet, and I doubt if he does for a long time, because,
in spite of his pride, he is very poor and could not support a wife.
THE END
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