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Title: Prime Difference
Author: Alan E. Nourse
Release Date: February 28, 2016 [EBook #51321]
Language: English
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PRIME DIFFERENCE ***
Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
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PRIME DIFFERENCE
By ALAN E. NOURSE
Illustrated by SCHOENHEER
[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
Galaxy Science Fiction June 1957.
Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
Being two men rolled out of one would solve
my problems--but which one would I be?
I suppose that every guy reaches a point once in his lifetime when he
gets one hundred and forty per cent fed up with his wife.
Understand now--I've got nothing against marriage or any thing
like that. Marriage is great. It's a good old red-blooded American
Institution. Except that it's got one defect in it big enough to throw
a cat through, especially when you happen to be married to a woman
like Marge--
It's so _permanent_.
Oh, I'd have divorced Marge in a minute if we'd been living in the
Blissful 'Fifties--but with the Family Solidarity Amendment of 1968,
and all the divorce taxes we have these days since the women got
their teeth into politics, to say nothing of the Aggrieved Spouse
Compensation Act, I'd have been a pauper for the rest of my life if
I'd tried it. That's aside from the social repercussions involved.
You can't really blame me for looking for another way out. But a man
has to be desperate to try to buy himself an Ego Prime.
So, all right, I was desperate. I'd spent eight years trying to keep
Marge happy, which was exactly seven and a half years too long.
Marge was a dream to look at, with her tawny hair and her sulky eyes
and a shape that could set your teeth chattering--but that was where
the dream stopped.
She had a tongue like a #10 wood rasp and a list of grievances long
enough to paper the bedroom wall. When she wasn't complaining, she was
crying, and when she wasn't crying, she was pointing out in chilling
detail exactly where George Faircloth fell short as a model husband,
which happened to be everywhere. Half of the time she had a "beastly
headache" (for which I was personally responsible) and the other half
she was sore about something, so ninety-nine per cent of the time we
got along like a couple of tomcats in a packing case.
* * * * *
Maybe we just weren't meant for each other. I don't know. I used to
envy guys like Harry Folsom at the office. His wife is no joy to live
with either, but at least he could take a spin down to Rio once in a
while with one of the stenographers and get away with it.
I knew better than to try. Marge was already so jealous that I couldn't
even smile at the company receptionist without a twinge of guilt. Give
Marge something real to howl about, and I'd be ready for the Rehab
Center in a week.
But I'd underestimated Marge. She didn't need anything real, as I found
out when Jeree came along.
Business was booming and the secretaries at the office got shuffled
around from time to time. Since I had an executive-type job, I got an
executive-type secretary. Her name was Jeree and she was gorgeous. As
a matter of fact, she was better than gorgeous. She was the sort of
secretary every businessman ought to have in his office. Not to do any
work--just to sit there.
Jeree was tall and dark, and she could convey more without saying
anything than I ever dreamed was possible. The first day she was
there, she conveyed to me very clearly that if I cared to supply the
opportunity, she'd be glad to supply the motive.
That night, I could tell that Marge had been thinking something over
during the day. She let me get the first bite of dinner halfway to my
mouth, and then she said, "I hear you got a new secretary today."
I muttered something into my coffee cup and pretended not to hear.
Marge turned on her Accusing Look #7. "I also hear that she's
five-foot-eight and tapes out at 38-25-36 and thinks you're handsome."
Marge had quite a spy system.
"She couldn't be much of a secretary," she added.
"She's a perfectly good secretary," I blurted, and kicked myself
mentally. I should have known Marge's traps by then.
Marge exploded. I didn't get any supper, and she was still going strong
at midnight. I tried to argue, but when Marge got going, there was no
stopping her. I had my ultimatum, as far as Jeree was concerned.
Harry Folsom administered the _coup de grace_ at coffee next morning.
"What you need is an Ego Prime," he said with a grin. "Solve all your
problems. I hear they work like a charm."
I set my coffee cup down. Bells were ringing in my ears. "Don't be
ridiculous. It's against the law. Anyway, I wouldn't think of such a
thing. It's--it's indecent."
Harry shrugged. "Just joking, old man, just joking. Still, it's fun to
think about, eh? Freedom from wife. Absolutely safe and harmless. Not
even too expensive, if you've got the right contacts. And I've got a
friend who knows a guy--"
Just then, Jeree walked past us and flashed me a big smile. I gripped
my cup for dear life and still spilled coffee on my tie.
As I said, a guy gets fed up.
And maybe opportunity would only knock once.
And an Ego Prime would solve all my problems, as Harry had told me.
* * * * *
It was completely illegal, of course. The wonder was that Ego Prime,
Inc., ever got to put their product on the market at all, once the
nation's housewives got wind of just what their product was.
From the first, there was rigid Federal control and laws regulating the
use of Primes right down to the local level. You could get a license
for a Utility model Prime if you were a big business executive, or a
high public official, or a movie star, or something like that; but even
then his circuits had to be inspected every two months, and he had to
have a thousand built-in Paralyzers, and you had to specify in advance
exactly what you wanted your Prime to be able to do when, where, how,
why, and under what circumstances.
The law didn't leave a man much leeway.
But everybody knew that if you _really_ wanted a personal Prime with
all his circuits open and no questions asked, you could get one. Black
market prices were steep and you ran your own risk, but it could be
done.
Harry Folsom told his friend who knew a guy, and a few greenbacks got
lost somewhere, and I found myself looking at a greasy little man with
a black mustache and a bald spot, up in a dingy fourth-story warehouse
off lower Broadway.
"Ah, yes," the little man said. "Mr. Faircloth. We've been expecting
you."
* * * * *
I didn't like the looks of the guy any more than the looks of the
place. "I've been told you can supply me with a--"
He coughed. "Yes, yes. I understand. It might be possible." He fingered
his mustache and regarded me from pouchy eyes. "Busy executives often
come to us to avoid the--ah--unpleasantness of formal arrangements.
Naturally, we only act as agents, you might say. We never see the
merchandise ourselves--" He wiped his hands on his trousers. "Now were
you interested in the ordinary Utility model, Mr. Faircloth?"
I assumed he was just being polite. You didn't come to the back door
for Utility models.
"Or perhaps you'd require one of our Deluxe models. Very careful
workmanship. Only a few key Paralyzers in operation and practically
complete circuit duplication. Very useful for--ah--close contact work,
you know. Social engagements, conferences--"
I was shaking my head. "I want a _Super_ Deluxe model," I told him.
He grinned and winked. "Ah, indeed! You want perfect duplication.
Yes, indeed. Domestic situations can be--awkward, shall we say. Very
awkward--"
I gave him a cold stare. I couldn't see where my domestic problems were
any affairs of his. He got the idea and hurried me back to a storeroom.
"We keep a few blanks here for the basic measurement. You'll go to our
laboratory on 14th Street to have the minute impressions taken. But I
can assure you you'll be delighted, simply delighted."
The blanks weren't very impressive--clay and putty and steel, faceless,
brainless. He went over me like a tailor, checking measurements of all
sorts. He was thorough--embarrassingly thorough, in fact--but finally
he was finished. I went on to the laboratory.
And that was all there was to it.
* * * * *
Practical androids had been a pipe dream until Hunyadi invented the
Neuro-pantograph. Hunyadi had no idea in the world what to do with it
once he'd invented it, but a couple of enterprising engineers bought
him body and soul, sub-contracted the problems of anatomy, design,
artistry, audio and visio circuitry, and so forth, and ended up with
the modern Ego Primes we have today.
I spent a busy two hours under the NP microprobes; the artists worked
outside while the NP technicians worked inside. I came out of it pretty
woozy, but a shot of Happy-O set that straight. Then I waited in the
recovery room for another two hours, dreaming up ways to use my Prime
when I got him. Finally the door opened and the head technician walked
in, followed by a tall, sandy-haired man with worried blue eyes and a
tired look on his face.
"Meet George Faircloth Prime," the technician said, grinning at me like
a nursing mother.
I shook hands with myself. Good firm handshake, I thought admiringly.
Nothing flabby about it.
I slapped George Prime on the shoulder happily. "Come on, Brother," I
said. "You've got a job to do."
But, secretly, I was wondering what Jeree was doing that night.
George Prime had remote controls, as well as a completely recorded
neurological analogue of his boss, who was me. George Prime thought
what I thought about the same things I did in the same way I did. The
only difference was that what I told George Prime to do, George Prime
did.
If I told him to go to a business conference in San Francisco and make
the smallest possible concessions for the largest possible orders,
he would go there and do precisely that. His signature would be my
signature. It would hold up in court.
And if I told him that my wife Marge was really a sweet, good-hearted
girl and that he was to stay home and keep her quiet and happy any time
I chose, he'd do that, too.
George Prime was a duplicate of me right down to the sandy hairs on
the back of my hands. Our fingerprints were the same. We had the same
mannerisms and used the same figures of speech. The only physical
difference apparent even to an expert was the tiny finger-depression
buried in the hair above his ear. A little pressure there would stop
George Prime dead in his tracks.
He was so lifelike, even I kept forgetting that he was basically just a
pile of gears.
I'd planned very carefully how I meant to use him, of course.
Every man who's been married eight years has a sanctuary. He builds it
up and maintains it against assault in the very teeth of his wife's
natural instinct to clean, poke, pry and rearrange things. Sometimes
it takes him years of diligent work to establish his hideout and be
confident that it will stay inviolate, but if he starts early enough,
and sticks with it long enough, and is fierce enough and persistent
enough and crafty enough, he'll probably win in the end. The girls hate
him for it, but he'll win.
With some men, it's just a box on their dressers, or a desk, or a
corner of an unused back room. But I had set my sights high early in
the game. With me, it was the whole workshop in the garage.
* * * * *
At first, Marge tried open warfare. She had to clean the place up, she
said. I told her I didn't _want_ her to clean it up. She could clean
the whole house as often as she chose, but _I_ would clean up the
workshop.
After a couple of sharp engagements on that field, Marge staged a
strategic withdrawal and reorganized her attack. A little pile of wood
shavings would be on the workshop floor one night and be gone the next.
A wrench would be back on the rack--upside down, of course. An open
paint can would have a cover on it.
I always knew. I screamed loudly and bitterly. I ranted and raved. I
swore I'd rig up a booby-trap with a shotgun.
So she quit trying to clean in there and just went in once in a while
to take a look around. I fixed that with the old toothpick-in-the-door
routine. Every time she so much as set foot in that workshop, she had a
battle on her hands for the next week or so. She could count on it. It
was that predictable.
She never found out how I knew, and after seven years or so, it wore
her down. She didn't go into the workshop any more.
As I said, you've got to be persistent, but you'll win.
Eventually.
If you're _really_ persistent.
Now all my effort paid off. I got Marge out of the house for an hour
or two that day and had George Prime delivered and stored in the big
closet in the workshop. They hooked his controls up and left me a
manual of instructions for running him. When I got home that night,
there he was, just waiting to be put to work.
After supper, I went out to the workshop--to get the pipe I'd left
there, I said. I pushed George Prime's button, winked at him and
switched on the free-behavior circuits.
"Go to it, Brother," I said.
George Prime put my pipe in his mouth, lit it and walked back into the
house.
Five minutes later, I heard them fighting.
It sounded so familiar that I laughed out loud. Then I caught a cab on
the corner and headed uptown.
We had quite a night, Jeree and I. I got home just about time to start
for work, and sure enough, there was George Prime starting my car,
business suit on, briefcase under his arm.
I pushed the recall and George Prime got out of the car and walked into
the workshop. He stepped into his cradle in the closet. I turned him
off and then drove away in the car.
Bless his metallic soul, he'd even kissed Marge good-by for me!
* * * * *
Needless to say, the affairs of George Faircloth took on a new sparkle
with George Prime on hand to cover the home front.
For the first week, I was hardly home at all. I must say I felt a
little guilty, leaving poor old George Prime to cope with Marge all
the time--he looked and acted so human, it was easy to forget that
he literally couldn't care less. But I felt apologetic all the same
whenever I took him out of his closet.
"She's really a sweet girl underneath it all," I'd say. "You'll learn
to like her after a bit."
"Of course I like her," George Prime said. "You told me to, didn't you?
Stop worrying. She's really a sweet girl underneath it all."
He sounded convincing enough, but still it bothered me. "You're sure
you understand the exchange mechanism?" I asked. I didn't want any
foul-ups there, as you can imagine.
"Perfectly," said George Prime. "When you buzz the recall, I wait for
the first logical opportunity I can find to come out to the workshop,
and you take over."
"But you might get nervous. You might inadvertently tip her off."
George Prime looked pained. "Really, old man! I'm a Super Deluxe model,
remember? I don't have fourteen activated Hunyadi tubes up in this
cranial vault of mine just for nothing. You're the one that's nervous.
I'll take care of everything. Relax."
So I did.
Jeree made good all her tacit promises and then some. She had a very
cozy little apartment on 34th Street where we went to relax after
a hard day at the office. When we weren't doing the town, that is.
As long as Jeree didn't try too much conversation, everything was
wonderful.
And then, when Jeree got a little boring, there was Sybil in the
accounting department. Or Dorothy in promotion. Or Jane. Or Ingrid.
I could go on at some length, but I won't. I was building quite a
reputation for myself around the office.
Of course, it was like buying your first 3-V set. In a week or so, the
novelty wears off a little and you start eating on schedule again. It
took a little while, but I finally had things down to a reasonable
program.
Tuesday and Thursday nights, I was informally "out" while formally
"in." Sometimes I took Sunday nights "out" if things got too sticky
around the house over the weekend. The rest of the time, George Prime
cooled his heels in his closet. Locked up, of course. Can't completely
trust a wife to observe a taboo, no matter how well trained she is.
There, was an irreconcilable amount of risk. George Prime had to
quick-step some questions about my work at the office--there was no
way to supply him with current data until the time for his regular
two-month refill and pattern-accommodation at the laboratory. In the
meantime, George Prime had to make do with what he had.
But as he himself pointed out he was a Super Deluxe model.
* * * * *
Marge didn't suspect a thing. In fact, George Prime seemed to be having
a remarkable effect on her. I didn't notice anything at first--I was
hardly ever home. But one night I found my pipe and slippers laid out
for me, and the evening paper neatly folded on my chair, and it brought
me up short. Marge had been extremely docile lately. We hadn't had a
good fight in days. Weeks, come to think of it.
I thought it over and shrugged. Old age, I figured. She was bound to
mellow sometime.
But pretty soon I began to wonder if she wasn't mellowing a little too
much.
One night when I got home, she kissed me almost as though she really
meant it. There wasn't an unpleasant word all through dinner, which
happened to be steak with mushrooms, served in the dining room (!) by
candlelight (!!) with dinner music that Marge could never bear, chiefly
because I liked it.
We sat over coffee and cigarettes, and it seemed almost like old
times. _Very_ old times, in fact I even caught myself looking at Marge
again--really _looking_ at her, watching the light catch in her hair,
almost admiring the sparkle in her brown eyes. Sparkle, I said, not
glint.
As I mentioned before, Marge was always easy to look at. That night,
she was practically ravishing.
"What are you doing to her?" I asked George Prime later, out in the
workshop.
"Why, nothing," said George Prime, looking innocent. He couldn't fool
me with his look, though, because it was exactly the look I use when
I'm guilty and pretending to be innocent.
"There must be _something_."
George Prime shrugged. "Any woman will warm up if you spend enough time
telling her all the things she wants to hear and pay all the attention
to her that she wants paid to her. That's elemental psychology. I can
give you page references."
I ought to mention that George Prime had a complete set of basic texts
run into his circuits, at a slightly additional charge. Never can tell
when an odd bit of information will come in useful.
"Well, you must be doing quite a job," I said. _I'd_ never managed to
warm Marge up much.
"I try," said George Prime.
"Oh, I'm not complaining," I hastened to add, forgetting that a Prime's
feelings can't be hurt and that he was only acting like me because it
was in character. "I was just curious."
"Of course, George."
"I'm really delighted that you're doing so well."
"Thank you, George."
But the next night when I was with Dawn, who happens to be a gorgeous
redhead who could put Marge to shame on practically any field of battle
except maybe brains, I kept thinking about Marge all evening long, and
wondering if things weren't getting just a little out of hand.
* * * * *
The next evening I almost tripped over George Prime coming out of a
liquor store. I ducked quickly into an alley and flagged him. "_What
are you doing out on the street?_"
He gave me my martyred look. "Just buying some bourbon. You were out."
"But you're not supposed to be off the premises--"
"Marge asked me to come. I couldn't tell her I was sorry, but her
husband wouldn't let me, could I?"
"Well, certainly not--"
"You want me to keep her happy, don't you? You don't want her to get
suspicious."
"No, but suppose somebody saw us together! If she ever got a hint--"
"I'm sorry," George Prime said contritely. "It seemed the right thing
to do. _You_ would have done it. At least that's what my judgment
center maintained. We had quite an argument."
"Well, tell your judgment center to use a little sense," I snapped. "I
don't want it to happen again."
The next night, I stayed home, even though it was Tuesday night. I was
beginning to get worried. Of course, I did have complete control--I
could snap George Prime off any time I wanted, or even take him in for
a complete recircuiting--but it seemed a pity. He was doing such a nice
job.
Marge was docile as a kitten, even more so than before. She sympathized
with my hard day at the office and agreed heartily that the boss,
despite all appearances, was in reality a jabbering idiot. After
dinner, I suggested a movie, but Marge gave me an odd sort of look and
said she thought it would be much nicer to spend the evening at home by
the fire.
I'd just gotten settled with the paper when she came into the living
room and sat down beside me. She was wearing some sort of filmy affair
I'd never laid eyes on before, and I caught a whiff of my favorite
perfume.
"Georgie?" she said.
"Uh?"
"Do you still love me?"
I set the paper down and stared at her. "How's that? Of course I
still--"
"Well, sometimes you don't act much like it."
"Mm. I guess I've--uh--got an awful headache tonight." Damn that
perfume!
"Oh," said Marge.
"In fact, I thought I'd turn in early and get some sleep--"
"Sleep," said Marge. There was no mistaking the disappointment in her
voice. Now I knew that things were out of hand.
The next evening, I activated George Prime and caught the taxi at the
corner, but I called Ruby and broke my date with her. I took in an
early movie alone and was back by ten o'clock. I left the cab at the
corner and walked quietly up the path toward the garage.
Then I stopped. I could see Marge and George Prime through the living
room windows.
George Prime was kissing my wife the way I hadn't kissed her in eight
long years. It made my hair stand on end. And Marge wasn't exactly
fighting him off, either. She was coming back for more. After a little,
the lights went off.
George Prime was a Super Deluxe model, all right.
* * * * *
I dashed into the workshop and punched the recall button as hard as I
could, swearing under my breath. How long had this been going on? I
punched the button again, viciously, and waited.
George Prime didn't come out.
It was plenty cold out in the workshop that night and I didn't sleep
a wink. About dawn, out came George Prime, looking like a man with a
four-day hangover.
Our conversation got down to fundamentals. George Prime kept insisting
blandly that, according to my own directions, he was to pick the first
logical opportunity to come out when I buzzed, and that was exactly
what he'd done.
I was furious all the way to work. I'd take care of this nonsense, all
right. I'd have George Prime rewired from top to bottom as soon as the
laboratory could take him.
But I never phoned the laboratory. The bank was calling me when I got
to the office. They wanted to know what I planned to do about that
check of mine that had just bounced.
"What check?" I asked.
"The one you wrote to cash yesterday--five hundred dollars--against
your regular account, Mr. Faircloth."
The last I'd looked, I'd had about three thousand dollars in that
account. I told the man so rather bluntly.
"Oh, no, sir. That is, you _did_ until last week. But all these checks
you've been cashing have emptied the account."
He flashed the checks on the desk screen. My signature was on every one
of them.
"What about my special account?" I'd learned long before that an
account Marge didn't know about was sound rear-guard strategy.
"That's been closed out for two weeks."
I hadn't written a check against that account for over a year! I glared
at the ceiling and tried to think things through.
I came up with a horrible thought.
Marge had always had her heart set on a trip to Bermuda. Just to get
away from it all, she'd say. A second honeymoon.
I got a list of travel agencies from the business directory and started
down them. The third one I tried had a pleasant tenor voice. "No, sir,
not _Mrs._ Faircloth. _You_ bought two tickets. One way. Champagne
flight to Bermuda."
"When?" I choked out.
"Why, today, as a matter of fact. It leaves Idlewild at eleven
o'clock--"
I let him worry about my amnesia and started home fast. I didn't know
what they'd given that Prime for circuits, but there was no question
now that he was out of control--_way_ out of control. And poor Marge,
all worked up for a second honeymoon--
Then it struck me. Poor Marge? Poor sucker George! No Prime in his
right circuits would behave this way without some human guidance and
that meant only one thing: Marge had spotted him. It had happened
before. Couple of nasty court battles I'd read about. And she'd known
all about George Prime.
_For how long?_
* * * * *
When I got home, the house was empty. George Prime wasn't in his
closet. And Marge wasn't in the house.
They were gone.
I started to call the police, but caught myself just in time. I
couldn't very well complain to the cops that my wife had run off with
an android.
Worse yet, I could get twenty years for having an illegal Prime
wandering around.
I sat down and poured myself a stiff drink.
My own wife deserting me for a pile of bearings.
It was indecent.
Then I heard the front door open and there was Marge, her arms full of
grocery bundles. "Why, darling! You're home early!"
I just blinked for a moment. Then I said, "You're still here!"
"Of course. Where did you think I'd be?"
"But I thought--I mean the ticket office--"
She set down the bundles and kissed me and looked up into my eyes,
almost smiling, half reproachful. "You didn't really think I'd go
running off with something out of a lab, did you?"
"Then--you knew?"
"Certainly I knew, silly. You didn't do a very good job of instructing
him, either. You gave him far too much latitude. Let him have ideas of
his own and all that. And next thing I knew, he was trying to get me to
run off with him to Hawaii or someplace."
"Bermuda," I said.
And then Marge was in my arms, kissing me and snuggling her cheek
against my chest.
"Even though he looked like you, I knew he couldn't be," she said. "He
was like you, but he wasn't _you_, darling. And all I ever want is you.
I just never appreciated you before...."
I held her close and tried to keep my hands from shaking. George
Faircloth, Idiot, I thought. She'd never been more beautiful. "But what
did you do with him?"
"I sent him back to the factory, naturally. They said they could blot
him out and use him over again. But let's not talk about that any more.
We've got more interesting things to discuss."
Maybe we had, but we didn't waste a lot of time talking. It was the
Marge I'd once known and I was beginning to wonder how I could have
been so wrong about her. In fact unless my memory was getting awfully
porous, the old Marge was _never_ like this--
I kissed her tenderly and ran my hands through her hair, and felt
the depression with my fore-finger, and then I knew what had really
happened.
That Marge always had been a sly one.
I wondered how she was liking things in Bermuda.
* * * * *
Marge probably thought she'd really put me where I belonged, but the
laugh was on her, after all.
As I said, the old Marge was never like the new one. Marge Prime makes
Jeree and Sybil and Dorothy and Dawn and Jane and Ruby all look pretty
sad by comparison.
She cooks like a dream and she always brings me my pipe and slippers.
As they say, there's nothing a man likes more than to be appreciated.
A hundred per cent appreciated, with a factory guarantee to correct any
slippage, which would only be temporary, anyhow.
One of these days, we'll take that second honeymoon. But I think we'll
go to Hawaii.
End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Prime Difference, by Alan E. Nourse
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