The Project Gutenberg EBook of Whiskaboom, by Alan Arkin
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license
Title: Whiskaboom
Author: Alan Arkin
Release Date: February 5, 2016 [EBook #51132]
Language: English
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHISKABOOM ***
Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
Whiskaboom
By ALAN ARKIN
Illustrated by DIEHL
[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
Galaxy Science Fiction August 1955.
Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
Jack's blunder was disastrous, but what he
worried about was: would Einstein have approved?
Dear Mr. Gretch:
Mrs. Burroughs and I are sending your son Jack to you because we do not
know what else to do with him. As you can see, we can't keep him with
us in his present condition.
Also, Jack owes us two weeks rent and, since Mrs. Burroughs and I are
retired, we would appreciate your sending the money. It has been a dry
year and our garden has done poorly.
The only reason we put up with your son in the first place was because
we are so hard-pressed.
He saw the sign on the porch, rang the bell and paid Mrs. Burroughs a
month's rent without even looking at the room. Then he ran out to his
car and commenced pulling out suitcases and boxes and dragging them
upstairs.
After the third trip, Mrs. Burroughs saw he was having trouble with
the stuff and he looked kind of worn out, so she offered to help.
He gave her a hard look, as she described it to me when I got home. He
said, "I don't want anyone touching anything. Please don't interfere."
"I didn't mean to interfere," my wife told him. "I only wanted to help."
"I don't want any help," he said quietly, but with a wild look in his
eye, and he staggered upstairs with the last of his baggage and locked
the door.
* * * * *
When I got home, Mrs. Burroughs told me she thought I ought to take
a look at the new boarder. I went up, thinking we'd have a little
chat and straighten things out. I could hear him inside, hammering on
something.
He didn't hear my first knock or the second. I got sore and nearly
banged the door down, at which time he decided to open up.
I charged in, ready to fight a bear. And there was this skinny
red-headed son of yours glaring at me.
"That's a lot of hammering you're doing, son," I said.
"That's the only way I can get these boxes open, and don't call me son."
"I don't like to disturb you, Mr. Gretch, but Mrs. Burroughs is a
little upset over the way you acted today. I think you ought to come
down for a cup of tea and get acquainted."
"I know I was rude," he said, looking a little ashamed, "but I have
waited for years for a chance to get to work on my own, with no
interference. I'll come down tomorrow, when I have got my equipment set
up, and apologize to Mrs. Burroughs then."
I asked him what he was working on, but he said he would explain later.
Before I got out of the door, he was hammering again. He worked till
after midnight.
We saw Jack at mealtimes for the next few days, but he didn't talk
much. We learned that he was twenty-six, in spite of his looking like a
boy in his teens, that he thought Prof. Einstein the greatest man ever,
and that he disliked being called son. Of his experiment, he didn't
have much to say then. He saw Mrs. Burroughs was a little nervous about
his experimenting in the guest room and he assured her it was not
dangerous.
Before the week was out, we started hearing the noises. The first one
was like a wire brush going around a barrel. It went _whisk, whisk_.
Then he rigged up something that went _skaboom_ every few seconds, like
a loud heartbeat. Once in a while, he got in a sound like a creaky
well pump, but mostly it was _skaboom_ and _whisk_, which eventually
settled down to a steady rhythm, _whiskaboom, whiskaboom_.
It was kind of pleasant.
* * * * *
Neither of us saw him for two days. The noises kept going on. Mrs.
Burroughs was alarmed because he did not answer her knock at mealtimes,
and one morning she charged upstairs and hollered at him through the
door.
"You stop your nonsense this minute and come down to breakfast!"
"I'm not hungry," he called back.
"You open this door!" she ordered and, by George, he did. "Your
_whiskaboom_ or whatever it is will keep till after breakfast."
He sat at the table, but he was a tired boy. He had a cold, his eyelids
kept batting, and I don't believe he could have lifted his coffee cup.
He tried to look awake, and then over he went with his face in the
oatmeal.
Mrs. Burroughs ran for the ammonia, but he was out cold, so we wiped
the oatmeal off his face and carried him upstairs.
My wife rubbed Jack's wrists with garlic and put wet towels on his
face, and presently he came to. He looked wildly about the room at his
machinery. It was all there, and strange-looking stuff, too.
"Please go away," he begged. "I've got work to do."
Mrs. Burroughs helped him blow his nose. "There'll be no work for you,
sonny. Not until you're well. We'll take care of you." He didn't seem
to mind being called sonny.
He was sick for a week and we tended him like one of our own. We got to
know him pretty well. And we also got to know you.
Now, Mr. Gretch, whatever you are doing in your laboratory is your own
business. You could be making atomic disintegrators, for all Jack told
us. But he does not like or approve of it and he told us about your
running battle with him to keep him working on your project instead of
his own.
Jack tried to explain his ideas for harnessing time and what he called
"the re-integration principle." It was all so much _whiskaboom_ to us,
so to speak, but he claimed it was for the good of mankind, which was
fine with us.
But he said you would not let him work it out because there was less
money in it than in your project, and this is why he had to get away
and work and worry himself into a collapse.
When he got well, Mrs. Burroughs told him, "From now on, you're going
to have three meals a day and eight hours sleep, and in between you can
play on your _whiskaboom_ all you please."
The _whiskabooming_ became as familiar to us as our own voices.
Last Sunday, Mrs. Burroughs and I came home from church, about noon.
She went inside through the front door to fix dinner. I walked around
the house to look at the garden. And the moment I walked past the front
of the house, I got the shock of my life.
The house disappeared!
* * * * *
I was too surprised to stop walking, and a step later I was standing at
the back of the house, and it was all there. I took a step back and the
whole house vanished again. One more step and I was at the front.
It looked like a real house in front and in back, but there wasn't any
in-between. It was like one of those false-front saloons on a movie
lot, but thinner.
I thought of my wife, who had gone into the kitchen and, for all I
knew, was as thin as the house, and I went charging in the back door,
yelling.
"Are you all right?"
"Of course I'm all right," she said. "What's the matter with you?"
I grabbed her and she was all there, thank heavens. She giggled and
called me an old fool, but I dragged her outside and showed her what
had happened to our house.
She saw it, too, so I knew I didn't have sunstroke, but she couldn't
understand it any better than I.
Right about then, I detected a prominent absence of _whiskabooming_.
"Jack!" I hollered, and we hurried back into the house and upstairs.
Well, Mr. Gretch, it was so pitiful, I can't describe it. He was there,
but I never saw a more miserable human being. He was not only thin but
also flat, like a cartoon of a man who had been steamrollered. He was
lying on the bed, holding onto the covers, with no more substance to
him than a thin piece of paper. Less.
Mrs. Burroughs took one of his shoulders between her thumb and
forefinger, and I took the other, and we held him up. There was a
breeze coming through the window and Jack--well, he waved in the breeze.
We closed the window and laid him down again and he tried to explain
what had happened. "Professor Einstein wouldn't have liked this!" he
moaned. "Something went wrong," he cried, shuddering.
He went on gasping and mumbling, and we gathered that he had hooked up
a circuit the wrong way. "I didn't harness the fourth--I chopped off
the third dimension! Einstein wouldn't have approved!"
He was relieved to learn that the damage had been confined to himself
and the house, so far as we knew. Like the house, Jack had insides, but
we don't know where they are. We poured tea down him, and he can eat,
after a fashion, but there never is a sign of a lump anywhere.
* * * * *
That night, we pinned him to the bed with clothespins so he wouldn't
blow off the bed. Next morning, we rigged a line and pinned him to it
so he could sit up.
"I know what to do," he said, "but I would have to go back to the lab.
Dad would have to let me have his staff and all sorts of equipment. And
he won't do it."
"If he thinks more of his money than he does of his own son," Mrs.
Burroughs said, "then he's an unnatural father."
But Jack made us promise not to get in touch with you.
Still, people are beginning to talk. The man from the electric company
couldn't find the meter yesterday, because it is attached to the middle
of the outside wall and has vanished.
Mr. Gretch, we are parents and we feel that you will not hesitate a
moment to do whatever is necessary to get Jack back into shape. So,
despite our promise, we are sending Jack to you by registered parcel
post, air mail. He doesn't mind the cardboard mailing tube he is rolled
up in as he has been sleeping in it, finding it more comfortable than
being pinned to the sheets.
Jack is a fine boy, sir, and we hope to hear soon that he is back to
normal and doing the work he wants to do.
Very truly yours,
W. Burroughs
P.S. When Jack figures out the re-integration principle, we would
appreciate his fixing our house. We get along as usual, but it makes us
nervous to live in a house that, strictly speaking, has no insides. W.B.
End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Whiskaboom, by Alan Arkin
*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHISKABOOM ***
***** This file should be named 51132.txt or 51132.zip *****
This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/1/3/51132/
Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
will be renamed.
Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules,
set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project
Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you
do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is
subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
redistribution.
*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
http://gutenberg.org/license).
Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic works
1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be
used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works. See paragraph 1.E below.
1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the
collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an
individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in
a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check
the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning
the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
States.
1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
copied or distributed:
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license
1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
1.E.9.
1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked
to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
Gutenberg-tm License.
1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or
distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
that
- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is
owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments
must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License. You must require such a user to return or
destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
Project Gutenberg-tm works.
- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
of receipt of the work.
- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the
Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
1.F.
1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
your equipment.
1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
DAMAGE.
1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with
the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy
is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
opportunities to fix the problem.
1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any
provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists
because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
people in all walks of life.
Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
Foundation
The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at
809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
[email protected]. Email contact links and up to date contact
information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
page at http://pglaf.org
For additional contact information:
Dr. Gregory B. Newby
Chief Executive and Director
[email protected]
Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation
Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
status with the IRS.
The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To
SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
particular state visit http://pglaf.org
While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
approach us with offers to donate.
International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works.
Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily
keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
http://www.gutenberg.org
This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
